How To Be A Popular Brony: A Simple Guide · 11:17pm Feb 8th, 2013

Hello, friends and neigh-bors. I have written this guide in hopes that it will enlighten the populous. Please enjoy.

As you may know, the pony fandom has many recognizable names. Among them are MandoPony, the musician, HotDiggetyDemon, the animator, and Skipsy, whom I believe is currently Prime Minister.

You may look at these "famous bronies" and ask yourself, "Hey, what do they have that I don't? Talent? Dedication to their craft? A large circle of mindless fans who'd like anything they did, regardless of actual quality delivered? Do I really need all that crap?" Well, friends, let me tell you: No. Anypony can be popular. Just look at Rarity; she became popular by bruising some stallion's shoulder or something; I honestly don't pay attention to those Rarity episodes, anyway.

But, like I was saying, popularity is easier than you may think. If it wasn't, why would I say it was?

If you would like to become the next WoodenToaster or Shortskirtsandexplosions, you will require the following materials:

-A black crayon
-Three gallons of limeade (Minute-Maid brand will NOT work here)
-A Twilight Sparkle toy, unbrushed
-A copy of FL Studio XXL 9 (Pirated copies work better)
-Four to six "brony" T-shirts (Try to find ones with overused catchphrases like "20% Cooler" or Fluttershy saying "yay")
-A favorite Wonderbolt (Hint: It's probably Spitfire)
-A sense of shame (Optional)

Instructions:

1. Acquire a copy of whatever Skrillex's album is called (pirated copies work better). While you're at it, download every pony song (yes, that includes BBBFF; no exceptions).
2. Open FL Studio. Import any pony song into the project, If the song you chose was Winter Wrap-Up, return to Step 1.
3. Lay any Skrillex song over top of BBBFF, or whichever pony song you have chosen. Do not apply any EQ or compression.
4. Chop up the pony song using FL Slicer. The less it sounds like English words and the more it sounds like actual horses, the better.
5. Export the song into 128kbps MP3. Try to place it in a folder where you can find it easily. I'd suggest not putting it in the same folder you store your guro and drawings of Rainbow Dash rubbing her vagina.
6. Grab the crayon and draw the Eye Of Horus on your forehead. Face East and hum the first three bars of Love Me Cheerilee over and over again, eyes closed. If you do this correctly, you should begin to feel the spirits of John de Lancie and Tara Strong enter your soul.
7. With this new feeling of spiritual harmony, upload the song onto YouTube. Ensure that you do not credit whichever artist you steal the Vinyl Scratch fanart from.
8. Now that you have the "output" part of the equation fulfilled, it is now time to work on the "input". If you performed Step 6 correctly, the Illumarenati has already begun "word of mouth" advertisement of your song. Your next move is to come off as being "personable" and "cool". An easy way to do this is to declare Trixie your favorite pony and to claim you've seen more than one episode of Gravity Falls.
9. Now it is time for the Livestream. Set up your webcam, put on a brony shirt and put the Twilight Sparkle toy on the bookshelf in the background. Here is where a lot of bronies may falter and fall from grace. The most important thing here is to keep in mind that you do not work to show yourself doing anything creative. We're going for the "personable" angle, remember. Dump the limeade over your head and repeat your favorite Family Guy joke. If your viewer count does not go over 100, return to Step 6.
10. There should be a knock at your door. It's Sethisto. Open the door for him, and give him an Eskimo kiss; he likes that. He will ask to see your popular brony license. This is code for money. Slip a $50 into his right palm and talk to him as if he's the pizza guy. Big Brother never sleeps.
11. Close the door, turn around and say out loud, "That Applejack sure is underrated!" Repeat Step 1 onwards until the show i canceled or they all become alicorns.

With a lot of practice, these 11 steps will be your key to fame and around three dollars in Youtube ad revenue. If you have any questions about any of the steps, feel free to ask. Good luck, and stay magical.

Report GreyCapstan · 405 views ·

Comments ( 1 )