• Member Since 4th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 12th, 2019

Journeyman


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  • 162 weeks
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Jan
24th
2013

At the End Commentary: Chapter 18 · 10:48pm Jan 24th, 2013

This entry contains spoilers for its corresponding chapter of At the End. Be warned...

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<--Previous Chapter Commentary *-* Next Chapter Commentary -->
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This was a little bit of interaction and dialog for you all. This chapter was to 'break the ice' to use a figure of speech. That's not to say nothing happens here.

When I first wrote this in my head, chapters 18, 17, 16, and 15 were all set in one single chapter. Jesus, that would have turned out to be one massive, bloated chapter. That's over 33,000 words. I am very glad I chopped this up into more digestible pieces, my fubar with the 15 and 16 split aside.

For starters, Barricade is showing signs of remembering Brimstone's meeting on a subconscious level. She remembers being absolutely pissed for no reason, and she keeps rubbing her shoulder, soothing a wound that is not actually there. In the comments, I received an objection as to why Brimstone would think Barricade would trust him/it after forcing her to watch Fluttershy die. That was Brimstone thinking ahead a little too far for Barricade's comfort. The exact reason - an expanded reason would be a better term - will be touched on once we see Brimstone again. By my count, we see him at least 3 more times before the fic's end. For reference, I put At the End's progression to be about 45%. Give or take a little. I'm not too sure. I do know for certain that the next two ponies that encounter Brimstone will [REDACTED]. One will [REDACTED] [REDACTED], and one will [REDACTED].

I'm really not up to date on military procedure and protocol. In fact, I have no idea what military procedure is. I'm just doing what i think I would do in that situation if I, by chance, had the power and resources of a military power. I'm trying to be as careful and methodical as possible, despite having no knowledge about what they would do. That's why Barricade and Stormcloud keep barking orders and they finally try to move the Crafter offsite. They didn't have the resources or personnel to do so just yet. Corporal Shade's scene with Barricade was pretty much written stream of consciousness with this in mind.

Stormcloud plays a little bigger part than what we see in this chapter, but not something too much bigger. I just needed a pony who outranked Barricade. There's really not much more to him just yet, but the Crafter's terror at seeing a Royal Guardpony will come into play later, especially when we see his POV in chapter 20.

Speaking of him, the scars was a good idea. If he's survived for so long in the Overworld and Nether, of course he's going to get wounded. That's a place where even sand can kill you. If you don't watch your step in the Nether, you can fall to your death in an instant. The Crafter, despite his wounds scarring over with his regenerative abilities (which I'll go into more detail later), would have dozens, if not hundreds, of scars.

So we see the ponies freak the hell out when he tries to grow his own food, I try to use big, fancy words for writing a doctor, and the ponies finally know what they are dealing with underground. They finally got a description and basic power scheme of that dastardly Endermen, who we will totally not see do something very soon and who will totally not make an appearance ever again. :trollestia:

It's really hard to try to write a scene when one character does absolutely no talking whatsoever. I never anticipated this when I started this fic. I didn't anticipate anything really, even acknowledgement. This is awesome. It was a little tricky to convey meaning and actions through nothing more than movements. Let's outline this. I'm using a literary medium to express a conversation about fictional characters, one of which does not vocalize. I think I did okay. O.o

Then comes the scene Brimstone predicted. The ponies know that someone is being very naughty, and now it's just a matter of time until either they figure out who scared him, or Brimstone kills Jetstream. It's a race against time to see who wins. Keep in mind, Brimstone wants to keep as low of a profile as possible. I got some complaints as to why Brimstone doesn't just force Barricade into killing herself. One, despite Brimstone being evil, he ascribes to a very specific kind of evil. He's not some mad, murder crazy lunatic, he's a careful planner. He won't kill simply because someone inconveniences him. Two, that draws a lot of attention. Barricade has an exemplary record. Why would she sudden kill somepony out of the blue? That draws attention, attention Brimstone most certainly does not want.

Doctor Hemos, although not having much of a role in this chapter, I really liked. When thinking of his in character personality, I think of along the lines of Doctor House, save for when he actually has work to do. Mostly I just used House as a springboard for creating a new character. Besides taking care of Barricade, he was there to describe the Crafter's physical state. I wanted more than just "He's fine and obviously not a pony," I wanted something more analytical. I wanted something along the lines of what humans would do if they ever discovered some kind of extraordinary or extraterrestrial life form. Without the dissection and anal probes, of course. I really wanted to get down the military efficiency in this fanfiction.

And the final scene. Is that really Era'doth lurking in the darkness of the night? I wonder, what's he up to? I know. Of course, I've dropped like a half dozen hints already.:pinkiesmile:


As for closing thoughts, I will be conducting a poll until the posting of chapter 19. You can vote on the Crafter's name, or even suggest a name of your own. Click on this link to cast a vote or suggest a name.

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Comments ( 7 )

I love House.

Almost dying changes nothing. Death changes everything.

749304
I like Hemos. He's a snarky bastard who I have plans for. If someone's not canon fodder, they do serve a use, even if it's canon fodder for later.

Fetus Hemos, just your average fangjob....

751667
If you were a vampire, a doctor is probably the best job you could ask for.

753177
Thanks to you, I just punched a hole through my computer screen. Nice one.

753211 well, at least it's not out a 10th story window. Don't need to send out the cleanup crews with a spatula and a garbage bag.

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