Story Reviews » Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCLXXXVII · 10:00pm June 12th
So the quotes thing didn't work for folks. That's fine, I got rid of 'em! But I'm keeping the dates, people seem to like those.
A/C issues have also been resolved. My wallet is sitting in the corner crying like a newborn baby, but it didn't need that arm or that leg!
I've also finally reached that bottleneck I'd been worrying about for months now. Fortunately I managed to twist and squeeze my blog wodcounts such that I can get through it without any extra reading, albeit only barely. The next trick is going to be re-building enough of a lead that I can do both my Halloween-themed blog and my 300th Blog in the same way. The Halloween one will be the trickier of the two owing to another bottleneck happening right before it, but I think I'm in the clear for the 300th anniversary one.
In the best news, I have managed to meet my weekly writing goals seven weeks in a row! I'm on a roll and doing what I can to keep it up. The ultimate goal is to hit an annual average of 1,000 words/day. This might be tricky considering I blew the first quarter of the year almost entirely, but I've run the numbers and it's definitely doable. My current project is the next BPH, although I've got a small side-project going on too that I may or may not finish depending on if I can think up exactly how to get to the ending I want without the characters taking it off the rails.
Alright, that's enough out of me. Let's get to the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Mother Knows Best by slep
On an Empty Stomach by Lil Penpusher
Her Shimmering Sunset by Soufriere
The Blueblood Papers: Old Blood by Raleigh
Princess Celestia Hates Tea by Skywriter
Home Is Where the Hearts Are by Violet CLM
Meat and Bone, Sinew and Bile by RB_
Moonlight by JasonTheHuman
The taste of karma, pure and uncooked by Element of Malice
Time and Yuletide by Darkstarling
Total Word Count: 302,824
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Mother Knows Best
23,680 Words
By slep
Published January-February 2024
Alternate Title: Not Your Mother’s Anon Fic
Fluttershy has been pining for Anonymous for two years now. Again and again, she approaches him, using different methods every time. Again and again, he rejects her advances. This morning’s rejection leaves her feeling worse than usual. Desperate for a solution, Fluttershy turns to what might be considered a last resort.
This is an Anonymous fic. It’s also in Second Person. Under normal circumstances, that would mean “you” are Anonymous. slep decides to go for a different angle with this one: “you” are Fluttershy. Occasionally “you” are also Anonymous, done to give him a bit of character for the approaching finale, but for the most part this is a Flutterstory, and a very different one from what you might expect.
Fluttershy decides she needs to get some relationship advice, and who better to ask than somepony already in a successful relationship? At first she tries to go see her mother in Cloudsdale, but when she bumps into Windy Whistles along the way she finds herself changing course to visit the parents of all the Mane Six looking for sage advice. It leads to some… weird directions.
When this starts, it goes in a blatantly perverted direction. Windy Whistles and Bow Hothoof, for example, are voyeurs who get their kicks spying on other, unawares couples, and have no problem whatsoever sharing juicy details with Fluttershy, who is apparently a bit of a voyeur herself. Then we get to Cookie Crumbles and Hondo Flanks, who are literally having sex in the middle of a crowded hoofball stadium when Fluttershy catches up to them (which eventually transitions into a stadium-wide orgy that Fluttershy is quick to escape from lest she become collateral damage). I really started to worry that this would be little more than a listing of the wild kinks of the Mane Six’s parents, despite the lack of a porn tag.
Then things start to calm down a bit. Fluttershy meets Twilight Velvet and Night Light plus Cadance and Shining Armor, who have some genuinely good advice to give. The Pie family are interesting in their own right, if not very helpful for poor Fluttershy’s purposes. Of course AJ’s parents can’t provide input, but Granny Smith can and certainly does offer up some solid words of wisdom. Then we finally get to Mr. and Mrs. Shy, who offer such help as only a pony’s real parents can.
In the midst of all of this are a very few scenes starring Anonymous himself. Anon has gotten accustomed to Fluttershy coming to his house every morning to try and court him. So when she doesn’t show up one morning, he can’t help but be concerned. And so Anon goes out looking for Fluttershy, which for the first time forces him to really confront his own feelings and just why he's been rejecting her all this time.
It all concludes with a pleasantly touching scene in which Fluttershy finally finds a way to tell Anon how she feels in a manner that is honest and true to herself. Anon takes the opportunity to get his own feelings off his chest, with a surprising but welcome reminder that Anon has been dealing with certain traumas. Unlike most versions of HiE or Anon stories you might be familiar with, these aren’t traumas from his time on Earth but rather are traumas brought up by his being in Equestria.
One you get past the silly sex and kinks of the first few chapters, this opens up to be an unexpectedly touching story. It’s a tale of self-discovery with a touch of “no man (or pony) is an island” with a healthy dose of parental affection. The sex bits are largely there for the sake of humor, which some readers may find distracting or detracting, if not both, but don’t overshadow the primary point of the story once you get past the first couple chapters. I greatly appreciate how slep handled Fluttershy as a character, and more so how Anonymous was made into his own unique identity instead of a reader-insert or, perhaps worse, a self-insert.
The only real issue I had with the overarching story was in the writing; slep could use a proofreader. They also need to learn that when dialogue goes across multiple paragraphs you do not close the quotation. The author clearly missed that day in English class. Still, if a little bit of proofing is the only issue, I’d say slep is doing a decent job. I must note again that the sexual bits may come off as unnecessary for some, but that’s going to depend on the individual reader’s taste more than anything.
Overall, I enjoyed this one, especially towards the latter half when it starts taking its purported purpose more seriously. It’s certainly one of the more unusual Anon concepts I’ve yet to see, not least since Anon isn’t really the point of it, and it’s an extremely rare demonstration of second person used well. Definitely give it a go, provided you’re fine with the NSFW parts.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
On an Empty Stomach
2,546 Words
By Lil Penpusher
Published February 2023
All Sci-Twi wanted to do was get some lunch. That’s not so easy when she’s confronted by her old bullies from Crystal Prep. Yet they don’t seem all that interested in the whole ‘bullying’ thing anymore, oddly enough.
Obvious premise is obvious: the Crystal Prep girls realize they were shitty to Sci-Twi during her time at their school and so have come to apologize. Problem is, they’re all rather bad at apologizing. Much of the story is the Shadowbolts sniping at one another while Twilight tries to grasp what they’re up to.
I think the main thing you’ll need to get through this one is an appreciation of the Shadowbolts’ individual quirks, because they take up a huge chunk of the material. Well, the ones that have quirks at least. I find it odd how Twilight can’t seem to grasp what they’re trying to do even though they spell it out at least three times by the end, but she is commonly depicted as clueless so I guess I can let that slide as mere annoyance. Lil Penpusher also seemed to enjoy the word “dazzled”, using it two or three times and in ways that are correct in only the most technical sense.
I had trouble getting into this one, but I think it’ll work well for those looking for more Shadowbolts fics.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Her Shimmering Sunset
5,600 Words
By Soufriere
Sequel to Grand Unified Theory Of Sunset Shimmer
Published November 2018
Rarity is in love with Sunset Shimmer. Sunset Shimmer knows this. Individually, they wonder what should be done about this situation.
After far more stories than I am currently willing to count, we finally come to this. Throughout this long-running series of shorts we've watched Sunset undergo horrible bouts with depression, her slow but steady route to recovery guided along by an ever-present Rarity. At some point during this long journey, Rarity fell for Sunset, but Sunset was too dense to notice. But now she has, mostly because of Flash Sentry dropping countless non-subtle hints.
The story is set in three parts. The first is Rarity getting a pep talk from Sweetie Belle regarding the need to finally just come out and admit her interest to Sunset. The second is Sunset writing to Princess Twilight for advice on what to do about the whole 'Rarity is crushing on me' thing. The final part is the actual confession (at last).
This was sweet. More to the point, it's long overdue. Soufriere played an extremely long game with this one. Was it worth it? Eh, I'll leave that up to the audience. What I will say is that the story shows Soufriere's traditional tendency towards avoiding telling traditional stories in favor of more realistic slants. I for one enjoyed it, and feel like the final bit of genuine romance is well-earned. That being said, it might be worthwhile to binge-read the series in order to get a better grasp of the big picture. It's far too easy to forget the pertinent details of individual events over so many disparate short stories, so reading it as a single big one may be more beneficial.
Still, it's a pleasant ending that's been a long time coming. Now I wonder what else I could read by this author.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sasha — Pretty Good
Night Of Faded Sun — Pretty Good
Grand Unified Theory Of Sunset Shimmer — Pretty Good
The Rejected — Pretty Good
Lows And Highs — Worth It
The Blueblood Papers: Old Blood
66,652 Words
Raleigh failed to provide cover art.
Sequel to The Blueblood Papers: Bound By Blood
Published January-September 2024
As we all should know by now, this manuscript about Lord Commissar Prince Blueblood’s time during the Changeling War is shared strictly on a need-to-know basis, with severe penalties to be rendered upon anypony who shares them. This we have established from the very start of this analysis of my nephew’s memoirs. That being said, this particular part of the manuscript is above confidential. If you are reading them and not supposed to be, expect a visit from S.M.I.L.E. in the near future and the punishment of petrification if you are lucky. If you do have permission, expect all the same and worse if these documents are shared and it is found that you are the one responsible for it.
— Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia, Sol Invicta
Oh, look, this one is less than 70k words! How nice it is for me not to have to wait a year or more between entries.
For those of you not caught up, The Blueblood Papers is a series of stories in which Prince Blueblood finds himself thrust into the forefront of the great war between Equestria and the Changelings that began immediately after the events of A Canterlot Wedding. The stories are told as though they were Blueblood’s personal memoirs written long after the war’s end and being shared among a select group of scholars after his passing, with notes added in by Celestia herself to provide a broader context when necessary (Blueblood, being far more concerned with his own wellbeing, tended to gloss over matters that didn’t directly involve him). At this point the war is going clearly in Equestria’s favor and the changelings are getting more and more desperate for a definitive counterstrike that might turn the tide.
But this entry isn’t about the Changeling War. Instead, Blueblood finds himself happily diverted from that subject when it is uncovered that none other than A.K. Yearling herself is coming to the front on a morale-boosting tour. Blueblood practically grew up on Daring Do stories and, being somewhat responsible for troop morale anyway, gleefully takes it upon himself to be in charge of her visit. But A.K. isn’t just here to motivate the troops with readings of her latest, as-yet unpublished book; she’s also accompanying a team of Crystal Empire archaeologists. It turns out that King Sombra had a research laboratory hidden under Fort Nowhere – now Divisional HQ for the Equestrian Army – and these brainiacs have come to study it.
Fort Nowhere, as readers with better memory skills than myself may recall, was a centerpiece in the second book of this series. Blueblood was directly involved in the battle to capture the place from the changelings. That battle remains one of the bloodiest, most nightmare-inducing of the war. But also brought up was that the fort has a long and storied history, including the presence of a number of underground facilities that the army blocked off due to the changelings’ rather frustrating habit of using them to stage deadly attacks. Now Daring Do and the crystal pony archaeologists want to undo those barriers and study what’s down there. Blueblood is willing to help, if only because it gives him the opportunity to spend time with the creator of his foalhood hero.
In summation: this is a Daring Do story from Prince Blueblood’s perspective. Yes, it does involve underground lairs with dangerous guardians, long-lost relics, and (to Blueblood’s amusement) structural collapse at exactly the wrong moments, to say nothing of backstabbings and big revelations about both the past and present. No snakes, but there will be whips and swinging from said whips to deal surprisingly high damage. Alas, Blueblood finds that being part of the adventure isn’t nearly as fun as his foalhood fantasties would suggest. And all of that is before he discovers that he and A.K. Yearling have a lot more in common than he ever could have imagined.
This was a lot of fun, as all these stories tend to be. It’s impossible to miss how different this series has become over the years. The first story, while inescapably interesting, was also an unrepentant slow burn that plodded through events between the much more exciting battles, held aloft almost entirely by Blueblood’s ceaselessly fascinating, self-demeaning character and a witty prose. Yet every story since has been shorter, snappier, and more engrossing than its predecessor. This story feels like the culmination of that evolution, as once the initial setup is past Raleigh wastes no time getting to the point and tossing Blueblood kicking and screaming into the inevitable (and inevitably bloody) conflict the story is purportedly about. Part of this is owed to how Raleigh wanted this to be a deviation from the primary events of the series – a break for the reader of sorts, if most certainly not one for poor Blueblood.
One must also consider that the events of this story don’t require in-depth knowledge of a broader world. The main series is all about the Changeling War, and thus involves such things as logistics, meeting the various important figures, plans and panicking reacting when those plans ultimately collapse, politics back in Equestria, (much needed) military reforms, so on and so forth. This? It’s Blueblood and Daring Do going on an adventure together. That’s it. There was no need to make it more complicated than that and, to their merit, Raleigh took full advantage of that. I fully expect the next story (which is ongoing as of this writing) to go back to the intricate intricacies of a continent-spanning conflict.
So long as Blueblood continues to be his witty, endearing, self-deprecating self, I will keep following along.
While this story is simpler in overall concept and execution, it’s still rooted in the world of The Blueblood Files and manages to do some expanding on that world’s lore. We are reminded that the events of the show are still ongoing. Perhaps more importantly, we finally get to learn a little about the Crystal Empire in this setting, a subject that has been largely ignored for much of the series so far. Cadance and Shining Armor even get a (rather embarrassing) cameo towards the end. This is also the first time I can recall that S.M.I.L.E. makes an appearance in the series. Seeing Daring Do was nice too, and I love the angle Raleigh took with her in relation to Blueblood, which is one I can say with confidence I’ve never seen before. Perhaps someday Raleigh will give us more stories of these two collaborating, which is directly stated to happen in the AU’s future.
All-in-all, this was great. It’s different from its predecessors in scope and pacing, but in ways that aren’t better or worse than the original series’s focus. The writing as from Blueblood’s perspective is as entertaining as ever, the threats are no less serious than anything he’s faced in the past (Blueblood has an unfortunate tendency to be seriously hurt in ways his comrades regularly escape in these stories), and his malodorous aid Cannon Fodder gets a very welcome opportunity to shine (which I hope happens more often in the future). Raleigh’s franchise continues to please.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Blueblood: Hero of Equestria — WHYRTY?
The Blueblood Papers: Royal Blood — WHYRTY?
The Blueblood Papers: Bound By Blood — WHYRTY?
Princess Celestia Hates Tea
8,536 Words
By Skywriter
Requested by Skywriter
Published October-August 2012
If only she could tell anypony about it without completely toppling modern Equestrian society in the process.
When Skywriter asked me to review this, I was surprised. Princess Celestia Hates Tea might as well be the story that put them on the FIMFiction map, and I was so certain that I’d read it before. The very idea that it had slipped through the cracks might be considered a crime in some regions. But sure enough, somehow it had. Well, now we’re here to correct that, and one more of FIMFiction’s legendary tales gets added to my archive.
Princess Celestia Hates Tea opens with the titular princess finally telling this truth to her faithful student. The problem is that the lie has been perpetuated for over a thousand years and with such absolute perfection that it has become a fundamental part of Equestrian culture. Every pony knows from foalhood that Princess Celestia loves tea, to the point that it might be considered theological canon. And Twilight’s response?
Well, clearly this is Queen Chrysalis trying to take over Equestria again. That’s just the start of Celestia’s woes.
Oh, but this was entertaining. Combining situational absurdity, political satire, and a silly lesson on the danger (and perhaps necessity) of false appearances, this story is a tour de force of humor. Skywriter’s ever-witty narrative style shines through every sentence, allowing this one to ooze nonstop personality and charm. That fact that it does so while bringing about the potential doom of Equestria as we know it makes it all the better.
Perfectly paced and highly entertaining, this is early-season FIMFiction comedy at its finest. If you somehow haven’t read it yet, it is in your best interest to do so ASAP. I lament my decade-long ignorance. Don’t be like me. Don’t be ignorant.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth — WHYRTY?
Wassail, Wassail! — WHYRTY?
A Princess by Any Other Name — WHYRTY?
Martial Bliss — Pretty Good
Home Is Where the Hearts Are
27,398 Words
By Violet CLM
Published April-September 2012
Rainbow Dash has an epiphany: she's in love with Pinkie Pie. She's so excited about this, she just has to tell her best friend! Imagine her shock when the first thing Fluttershy says to her the next time they meet is "I'm dating Pinkie Pie."
Seeing that, you're probably thinking this is going to be about some sort of tragic love triangle. That's not exactly what this is. Pinkie is the type of pony perfectly willing to spread love indiscriminately, so when it's revealed that Rainbow's got a thing for Pinkie too she and Fluttershy decide to invite her into the group. Which isn't to say that the three are dating each other in a triangle, but that Pinkie Pie is dating both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy at the same time, with no romantic tie between the other two. If monogamous relationships are pretty tricky to navigate, imagine how complicated a polyamorous one is.
Told (almost) entirely from Rainbow Dash's perspective, the story follows different stages of Rainbow's relationships with Pinkie and Fluttershy – with a heavy emphasis on Fluttershy. Every chapter sees Rainbow have a conversation with one of her friends about the ongoing situation. She talks to Applejack about how she's in love with Pinkie but Fluttershy beat her to it, then later to Rarity about the complications of dating both at once, and so on. Unlike most stories of the "talk to each of the M6" sub-genre, this doesn't happen over the course of a few hours but instead over several months, with each conversation happening at a critical juncture of the overarching polyamorous relationship.
Eventually we reach the real point of it all, which is how Fluttershy and Rainbow are losing touch with one another while dating the same mare. This leads to a deep dive into their relationship. I greatly appreciated how Violet CLM approached this, utilizing scenes from the show big and small for both characters as highlights while also bringing up new, non-canon stuff set after the show's events (note those publication dates). It was remarkably effective, demonstrating a delightful comprehension of their relationship, including how they could fall apart and what it might take to rescue their floundering friendship, all while Pinkie is caught in the middle.
Speaking of, that's the story's one major weakness. As well-characterized as she is, Pinkie sort of takes a back seat in this story. We don't really get the chance to see how hers and Shy's relationship works. For that matter, her relationship with Rainbow Dash is itself little-explored, largely existing just because. Rainbow even acknowledges this early in the story; she doesn't know why she loves Pinkie, just that she does. I would have loved to have seen this element explored a bit. Maybe in the sequel? Aside from that, the entire story is really centered on Rainbow and Fluttershy trying to save their friendship, and Pinkie's just a barely present referee.
Even so, this will be a delight for anyone who wants to explore Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy friendshipping. It has aged remarkably well, even with the deviations from canon. I love the way Violet CLM took time to explore the bond between these two using in-show evidence, coming to conclusions based on little things I imagine a lot of people just took as one-off gags. That they used the past, canon histories of the rest of the M6 to help with that is icing on the cake.
This was solid from start to finish, and I'm very happy I took the time to give it a go. I look forward to the sequel!
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Death and the Dazzlings — WHYRTY?
Magic on the Rocks — WHYRTY?
The Parable of the Dead Lizards — Pretty Good
The Years of Ar and S — Worth It
Meat and Bone, Sinew and Bile
5,032 Words
By RB_
Published November 2022
No alicorn has ever died before. As such, no alicorn has ever been dissected before. In the name of science, Twilight Sparkle calls upon Equestria's foremost mortician to perform such a task on the recently deceased Princess Luna. It's not something Dr. Liver Mortis ever imagined doing, nor is she comfortable with it. But somepony has to.
This was weird, but in a very good way. The story is exactly what you think it is: a vivid description of the good doctor's work dissecting Luna. RB_ goes into intense detail with this, making sure we see every step of the process. The squeamish need not apply.
There is, of course, a twist towards the end. If you don't see the twist coming very early on, I will be surprised. RB_ clearly wasn't making any attempt to hide that the twist was coming. Rather, the big question mark was exactly how said twist would happen. Hint: that horror tag is well-earned.
This was one I wanted to read the moment it came out, and I'm glad I finally got around to it. Some readers may find it uncomfortably detailed. Some may watch the climax and be justifiably disturbed. Some may actually like the clinical aspect of it, i.e. the study of alicorn anatomy (giving Luna a set weight, which has its own significant implications, was a nice touch). I especially appreciate the opener, which subtly lets you know where this is going from the start, and the conclusion, which tied neatly with the opener.
All in all, this was a solid read. The only caveat is that you need to be ready to see what a pony's insides look like, in realistic and graphic detail. It bears reiterating: the squeamish need not apply.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Daring Adventure of Dentist and Bookworm — Pretty Good
Moonlight
115,776 Words
By JasonTheHuman
Published August 2013 - June 2014
A curse has begun spreading across Equestria, sending foals into a seemingly eternal slumber. Much to Scootaloo's surprise, Princess Luna chooses her to help resolve this. Now she finds herself descending into the nightmares of her friends, even if she's not sure that she's the right pony for the job.
This one has a simple surface but a surprising depth. The story opens with Scootaloo tasked to enter the nightmares of her fellow Crusaders and help them overcome their fears so that they can awaken from the curse set upon them. As the story progresses and things grow more severe, the nightmares begin to invade the minds of adult ponies too.
I was miffed by that fact at the start. There are so many foals available to choose from, you'd think JasonTheHuman would like to explore them here. Heck, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are prime candidates for this treatment. But no, the author takes the unimaginative route to do just the CMC and them move on to – who else? – the Mane Six. Because apparently these are the only ponies in all of Ponyville Scootaloo is allowed to interact with. Boo.
Still, what we get is very strong, the subjects of the characters' fears very fitting for all of them. For example, Fluttershy feeling as though she's dragging Rainbow Dash down and Pinkie's suspicion that all her friends are only 'putting up' with her instead of genuinely liking her. Applejack's was my favorite by far.
In the midst of it all is Scootaloo, who steadily grows more confident in herself and her suitability for this job. Over time she (or perhaps Luna) recruits Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to help out with the nightmares, but she remains the leader from start to finish and it's great to watch her steadily build confidence. Also notable is how JasonTheHuman reveals without ever outright stating it that Scoots is clearly a natural at dream logic, able to understand the nature of the dream world instinctively without ever seeming to realize it. But she's not immune to the curse, having her own issues to worry about, and I love how Rainbow Dash's nightmare was directly linked to Scootaloo's growing problems.
Indeed, Scootaloo's relationship with Rainbow Dash plays a significant role in this one from start to finish. This was a delightful showcase of what their sibling bond means to the both of them.
One significant curiosity is Scootaloo's home situation: it's clear as mud. Bear in mind this was written in 2013 so her canon situation was unknown. Basically, Scootaloo... has a house. There's no mention of her having parents, or guardians, or any adult figure to care for her in life. It's regularly stated that she has a home of her own, but not whether she lives alone. It could be a hovel or a mansion or an orphanage, there's absolutely no way to know. It feels like JasonTheHuman was taking great care not to confirm or deny anything in order to keep this as canon as possible. Which actually kind of works considering that, indeed, nothing about Scootaloo's living situation breaks canon in any way. Still, one has to wonder where her money comes from, or house maintenance and cooking and so on. Scootaloo's entire home life appears to be summed up as "she went upstairs to her room and went to bed." It's a very curious, hand-wavy element.
There were a couple things that I took issue with. The resolution for Apple Bloom's nightmare felt unearned, coming way too quickly considering how much time was devoted to figuring out what it was in the first place. Rarity's nightmare leaves her exact 'fear' unspecified and vague, making it feel distinct from the others in its lack of clarity. Twilight's nightmare is practically skipped.
There's also the question of why Luna only recruited Scootaloo to help. She claims that she can't handle all the nightmares on her own, but Scootaloo is only doing work on the residents of Ponyville, and even then only a select handful we already know. So what, Luna can help all of Equestria except Ponyville? Something's not right here.
On top of that, there's this one scene where Scootaloo references Luna as having taught her a lot about dreams and being almost like another surrogate sister. Yeah, not buying that. Luna hasn't really taught Scootaloo much of anything about dreams beyond a few cryptic statements. Heck, most of what Scootaloo figures out about dream logic she either gets intuitively or figures out through trial and error. Although Luna appears frequently, these appearances are always brief and very little actual bonding happens between the two of them. Worse, Luna exclusively only shows up when she needs the CMC to enter a dream, otherwise she's completely absent from the story. Some sister figure. I'm perfectly willing to accept the idea that Luna eventually accepts Scootaloo as her full-time apprentice, but this whole 'sibling bond' thing stretches the imagination.
Despite the bumps in the road, I greatly enjoyed this. The nightmare sequences were all interesting and approached the fears of the CMC and Mane Six in mostly unexpected ways. The story hints at the true villain from the very beginning, yet I didn't connect the dots until it was nearly halfway over. The characters are all delightfully voiced, Scootaloo's growth felt realistic and well-earned, and the background atmosphere (in this case somewhat literally) do a great job of gradually building up the seriousness and scope of events.
This one's not perfect, but it is most certainly a strong longfic. If you're dreaming of something starring Best Filly, this isn't a bad place to look. That it also heavily features Best Pony is just a bonus.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Anthropology — Pretty Good
The Haunting in Ponyville — Pretty Good
Applejack Goes to Magic School for Some Reason — Worth It
The taste of karma, pure and uncooked
2,149 Words
Element of Malice failed to provide cover art.
Published March 2022
Silver Spoon is late. Which is highly unusual for her, and it's starting to annoy Diamond Tiara. She needs somebody to vent to after that loser attempted to befriend her online. Sure, Diamond put her in her place, but it would be nice to be able to tell Silver all about it. Might be worth a good laugh, at least.
Where the hell is Silver Spoon, anyway?
Long story short, this is about cyberbullying. The ideas goes that Silver Spoon never bothered with social media but, at Diamond Tiara's insistence, finally decided to try it out. But circumstances prevented her from telling Diamond about this, so when Silver tries to connect with her on EqG Facebook, Diamond assumes it's some stranger and blasts her with vitriol... which leads to Silver committing suicide.
What, spoilers? The suicide tag's right there.
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel that the build up and the steady reveal of how hideously toxic Diamond is (while unironically referring to others as such) were very well done. I like how Diamond is completely incapable of self-reflection until the truth comes around to slap her in the face.
On the other hand, this is meant to be the result of Silver Spoon's very first attempt at social media interaction. One step into the ring and she commits suicide? Not buying it. Perhaps if this kind of thing had been going on for months – maybe weeks – but a single negative encounter just isn't convincing to me. I feel like a better route would have been, for example, to have the victim be Sweetie Belle and then have Silver confront Diamond about it in explosive, friendship-ending fashion.
Also, I wish EoM hadn't outright Told us the point of the story in the final sentences. Diamond's reaction alone was more than enough, we didn't need the facts slapped in our faces as though we're too stupid to get the message otherwise.
It's great when people try to write stories with an intended purpose or point, but I also expect that to be done in a way that feels realistic. When you write in extreme, nonsensical elements such as this story presents, it does the opposite of help; it makes the author come off as unreasonable or unhinged. I'm not saying EoM is unreasonable or unhinged – far from it – I'm just saying that how we present our points is important to making said points stick.
But really, the one and only issue I take with this story is the rapidity of Silver Spoon's demise, which felt a little ridiculous and spoils what was otherwise developing into a worthwhile story. Though it was a bit expositiony, the buildup was great overall. Had the author just managed to stick the landing this would have fallen into one of my higher bookshelves with ease. As is?
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Plastic Smiles and the Strength They Hide — Pretty Good
Hollow Insides — Pretty Good
Time and Yuletide
5,263 Words
By Darkstarling
Published December 2018
It's not a date. No no no, not at all. Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer are just... y'know, hanging out. Together. Alone. At night. In candlelight, on a comfy sofa and reading a good book. At least, that's what they would have been doing if alicorn Sunset Shimmer from the future hadn't just time-traveled into the room to alert them to some nightmare future and oh, also, what the heck is this random mare doing with her Twilight-waifu?
Told entirely from a lovesick Starlight's perspective, we get to watch her steadily break down upon discovering that she and Twilight will not end up together in the future after all. It's not exactly the best emotional state to deal with imminent genocidal disaster with a tight deadline. As if that weren't bad enough, alicorn Sunset Shimmer doesn't remember her at all and is dead set on keeping this pessimistic purple prodigy as far away from her perky purple princess as possible.
Then you get the climax, which turns the entire situation on its head.
I had fun with this one. The twist should have been obvious, but Darkstarling did a solid job misdirecting me. Maybe it'll work on others as well. The story does move a little quickly for its wordcount, but I don't think that's a bad thing in this case. My only regret is that I feel the speed of it all makes it harder to really get into Starlight's situation, but Darkstarling did well enough with what they had.
Short and sweet (in a manner of speaking), with an unexpectedly positive conclusion. Give it a go if you're interested in the GlimTwi (TwiGlim? StarTwi? TwiStar?) ship.
Bookshelf[: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sunset Shimmer in the Land of Enchantment — Pretty Good
Bonus Review: The Ghost Brigades
304 Pages
By John Scalzi
Sequel to Old Man's War
Published 2006
Everyone thought esteemed scientist Charles Boutin had died by suicide after the death of his daughter. After a raid on an Eneshan science outpost, the Colonial Defense Force now knows otherwise: Charles Boutin is a traitor to humanity. Worse, he’s somehow managed to get the Obin, the Eneshans, and the Rraey to forge an alliance against humans. Since there’s no way to grab Boutin, they’ll have to settle for the next best thing. Enter Jared Dirac.
First, before I say anything else, a look at John Scalzi’s sense of humor:
First off, to everyone who thinks writing a sequel should be easy because you’ve already created the universe: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Heh. No.
Even my personal pet peeve can’t stop me from grinning at that one.
As you may recall from my prior review of Old Man’s War, this series is set in a distant future in which humanity has colonized the stars and is at war with almost every other sapient species that exists. The original story served as our introduction to this interstellar world and involved protagonist John Perry joining the Colonial Defense Forces and his meteoric rise as a hero of the service. Given that, you might think that Perry would return as the MC of the sequel.
You’d be wrong.
This story introduces us to Jared Dirac of the Ghost Brigades. The Ghost Brigades are the CDF’s special forces, men and women biologically built from the ground up to be better than your standard human in every conceivable way. Your average soldier of the CDF has had their mind transplanted into clones of themselves that are biologically enhanced, from strength to speed to eyesight, and then go through a six month training course. Ghost Brigade soldiers get vastly better bodies and undergo the same training and more in just two weeks. To add to it, they aren’t minds transferred into new bodies: Ghost Brigade soldiers are created from scratch and are born as adults, their bodied being the clones of deceased donators.
Jared Dirac is unique even by Ghost Brigade standards. Unlike all the other special forces officers, he wasn’t brought to life with no mental template, to grow and evolve and become his own human. Rather, he is the result of an experimental procedure, an attempt to recreate the traitor Charles Boutin. The upper echelons of Command are hoping that he’ll be able to regain Boutin’s memories in time and thus help them determine just what Boutin is planning and why. But memories can’t be turned off or on like flipping a switch. Dirac must first live a little and develop his own personality and character and then, maybe if Command is lucky, he’ll start to recall things.
For Jared, this is like an axe hanging above his head. If he can’t remember anything at all, he’ll be stuck as a special forces soldier, wading through constant warfare until he’s killed like the expendable piece of meat he is. That’s bad enough, but if he does start remembering things, he’ll have all eyes on him, waiting not only for any information he might recall about Boutin, but also waiting to see if he’ll follow in Boutin’s footsteps and need to be put down.
Needless to say, it’s a lot to take in for a guy who has been alive for less than an hour.
This was every bit as fun as its predecessor. I think my favorite aspect is how creative Scalzi gets with the science fiction. He takes all sorts of inventive routes trying to figure out how certain things might work, avoiding common tropes while also developing what might be considered plausible solutions. Examples include using nanobots to accommodate one-man atmospheric re-entry, ancient hacking techniques to trick state-of-the-art computers, and (my personal favorite) diverting meteors for the sake of subterfuge. This element was common in the last story too, but I was so focused on the other aspects I neglected to mention it. Either way, it’s fun and inventive and I greatly enjoy it.
Next to that is the worldbuilding. We got a bit of this in the prior story, but Scalzi expands greatly upon what we knew then. Now we’re getting to hear a bit about the wider universe and how they differ from humanity. We get to see the culture (or lack thereof) of the Obin up close, witness a bit of life on a space station, and view the world through the lives of superhumans.
Then we of course have the fun writing style, in which Scalzi can’t help adding a touch of humor to everything even when it’s serious. Considering some of the dreadfully heavy shit that’s going on – recall that plot armor isn’t a guarantee in this universe – it pays dividends in keeping the story from becoming “too dark to handle”. Considering the story’s villain is a genocidal maniac with absolute faith in the end justifying the means and you’ll really be glad that Dirac is a smartass.
I would be remiss if I neglected Scalzi’s awareness and regular use of Chekhov's Gun. On numerous occasions we’ll see things pop up, usually in inconsequential ways. Some of them get reiterated later and some don't, but towards the end of the story a lot of those things come back as critical tools in our heroes’ toolbelts. It’s a great example of the Chechov’s Gun concept in action.
Almost forgot: the story isn’t totally removed from John Perry’s adventure in the previous book. This one is set some two years later, and while Perry never makes an appearance he does get mentioned a time or two, most notably in relation to the now-famous Battle of Coral. But the biggest link is Jane Sagan, John Perry’s love interest and an officer in the special forces. Jane is in many ways the secondary protagonist of the story, serving as Jared Dirac’s commanding officer and constantly keeping a wary eye on him in case he turns rogue. This was an excellent decision on Scalzi’s part, providing an indelible link to past events while also creating yet another tightrope for one of our MCs to walk.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this one. It felt a lot shorter than it is and I always looked forward to getting back to it. While I wouldn’t call it better than its predecessor, I would easily say that it’s on the same level. That alone is pretty uncommon, so I’d consider it high praise for a sequel.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Old Man's War — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Time:
Forward by Dconstructed Reconstruct
Jade's Adventure by Ni-kun
Maid Up by Some Leech
Tarnished Silver by HamGravy
Urban Wilds by Rambling Writer
The Autobiography of Spring Twister by SpringyTwist
Fall into Nightmare by Math Spook
Lady Singularity by Monochromatic
She Dap by Carapace
Sugar and Spice by TheLegendaryBillCipher
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With the story being from both in her mindset and her POV I'll take that as a compliment. To her it was a never before felt experience.
Additionally at the time I wrote this I was admittedly bit agitated from a recent-at-the-time similar situation.
Don't worry, none of us writing this ship know what to call it either
Why Hadn't You Read This Yet?
Also, there's a wonderful comic adaptation of the story by Mister Saugrenu!
Oh hey, Princess Celestia Hates Tea! Only got to that myself late last year, and like yourself I found it a very strong example of early-fandom comedy. And seconding Hawthorn, the comic adaption's a fun way to read the story, even in all its "fan comic made with vectors" vibes.
Meat and Bone, Sinew and Bile is a fic that did the recommendation spread through several reviewers (I got it off Present Perfect, and Loganberry off me). Neat to see it get to another one. No qualms about the quality of its effectiveness plus that it doesn't rely on hiding a pretty-deductible twist for its effectiveness. And coming from someone who reads very little horror or gore, yes, I think it works well enough for those also not into such things too.
Glad your AC is back in order and sorry that it cost so much. At this point I'm just going to assume the extra reading will continue until morale improves.
I have had this goal for years now and only last year did I get within earshot of that big 365K. It's very easy to believe you can do it when you have momentum, but the problem with creative projects is that they do, eventually, end. For the end of last year, I managed to overshoot my word count by 20K. That of course doesn't make up for the very much lack of it in several months prior, all of which happened to be during the starting and ending part of projects. I got a big wind of inspiration recently so that should propel me through June, but if it doesn't ignite properly afterward, the fire will, of course, die out. At this point I already need an entire month's worth of writing to be done on top of meeting the normal goals, so I have little hope for making the finish line myself.
I hope you the best and I believe you can do it. Good luck, fellow traveler.
5853230
I "apparently" hadn't read this one either (at least online) and the comic adaptation has a delightfully silly sequel starring Pinkie.
yo, it's Princess Celestia Hates Tea time! :D
and isn't Meat and Bone just so fucking good? omg, very glad you enjoyed it
Props to you if you can do it. I struggle sometimes with getting 200-300 words in a given day, and I've sometimes wondered how people can keep the imagination going long enough to get 1K or more.
5853230
Oh? This is news to me. I'll have to investigate, thanks!
5853235
I would have read Meat and Bone, Sinew and Bile ages ago, but alas, my "one story per author" rule held me back. Glad to finally get around to it.
I'll definitely be giving the comic version of Princess Celestia Hates Tea a look in time. It just screams for a visual medium.
5853255
Alas, there was a time when hitting 1k/year was easy for me. I have the opposite problem: too many ideas. So many, in fact, I tend to find myself struggling to focus on any one. There's also the fact that not all of them are good ideas, so sometimes I waste writing time on stories that I only realize a few thousand words in don't need to exist. The past decade has added an entirely different threat: sometimes I just run out of steam/motivation and spend a few months barely writing anything. The ideas are still there, the desire is still there, but at those times I just can't ring myself to do the work. This new bout of productivity is me coming off one of those slumps.
5853307
Listens to the fangirling, haughtily sips his hot chocolate, primly nods
I wholeheartedly agree.
5853616
There was a time, about a decade ago, when 1,000 words/year was a joke of a goal. Heck, there was a time when I was completing NaNoWriMo goals regularly, regardless of whether it was November. When I first joined this site I was a writing machine.
Longing for the days when I had that kind of drive, I am still pleased that I can achieve even this much every now and then.
5853708
I certainly hit the mark back when I was in college probably for a couple years in a row. It's only now that I actually count that I can never seem to make it. I definitely suffer from the motivation thing too, but that usually only gets me in the starting of a story. I have to sit and peck at it for a while before I can actually get into it. 'a while' is usually a month or two, which sucks.
Belated thank you for the review; I've been a bit inactive on fimfic recently on account of I'm writing a non-pony book right now (I had to skip the 1k contest this year, too, much to my displeasure). Meat represented a bit of a turning point in my writing journey, so I'm always happy to see it get some recognition. And I see I've graduated to an exclamation point in the checks notes six years since you last reviewed something of mine! Progress!
Good luck on your wordcount goal, by the way—I also aim for 1k a day, though I try not to hold myself to it too strictly. Remember that it's okay to be flexible if you need to be.
Thank you again! I'll get that WHYRTY one of these days...!