Friendship is Card Games: Just Because You Exist (Aragón Comics, Pt. 9)

We return to Aragón’s works this week, and perhaps his largest comic still on the docket. After all, this one had to be broken up across two blogs. But I’m still going to tackle the whole thing in one go; this isn’t the sort of story that should be interrupted midway through.

Just Because You Exist, Part One

Minimalism has no place in any Rarity’s place of business.

I do love the various ways Aragón shows which Rarity is younger. The shorter, less elaborate mane and tail, the gentler curves, the lighter color… All clear ways to show it without saying it outright. (He does say it outright, but that’s besides the point. )
Plus, I’m always a sucker for ponies interacting with their parallel universe counterparts.

Heh. I do appreciate the acknowledgement of the mythical etymology of narcissism, especially how it was acknowledged.

Since neither character is wearing clothes at the moment, I suppose a photo of them here and now would be a naked singu-Rarity.
I’m not sorry.

Panel 6 has aged depressingly well, not that it’s been that long.

“Equestria is synonymous with escapism!”
No notes.

Ah yes, that old joke. “Of course I’m talking to myself. I wanted some intellectual conversation for a change.”
And of course, the older Rarity immediately knows what her counterpart is going through. I dare not imagine the specifics of Lyra’s poetry.

Heh. The thing about this friend group is that they all think they’re the sane one. And depending on the context, they’re all right. Though it does lose something when they rehearsed the bit.

Rarity seeing her parallel self as a little sister is a delightful take on things. Especially when she’s still empty-nesting about Sweetie growing up.

“Ooh, what is this ‘European’ thing? It sounds insufferable.”
I am a sucker for self-deprecating humor.

I love all of the Scott Pilgrim-esque intro cards, but Vinyl and Octavia’s are especially great. (Also, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else use “Primadonna” for Octavia’s last name. The party line is “Melody,” and I’ve gone with “Philharmonica” in the past, but this is a new one.)
Also, I have several questions about “that time with Princess Celestia.”

I do love the fear in Vinyl’s eyes as Octavia very nearly dooms them both.

… Yeah, I can both see human Rarity breaking through her Applejack’s obliviousness with a cowboy hat and the pony not seeing that option.
And yes, we’ve seen that Aragón’s Octavia takes a much more… aggressive stance towards seduction.

You’d think Sci-Twi would’ve warned her Rarity about Equestria being a land of pastel trauma at some point.

I suppose Twilight might have prompted the musicians to expect another, younger Rarity (or they adapted to the idea over the last half-hour,) but it’s funnier to think that Octavia is just rolling with it.

The existence of Tartarus as a place ponies can walk to does have fascinating implications about the local afterlife.

“Every time the world is in dumb danger, Twilight Sparkle is involved.”
To be fair, you don’t cause the dumb danger at least half of the time.

I feel like distilling and exchanging love is something that can be done without demonic aid. But sadly, Cadence’s magic doesn’t work that way.
Also, kudos to Vinyl for the sane solution.

Holding the poses from Panel 71 to 72 is a great beat. Especially for Vinyl.

“Blghfg” is an appropriate sound for being tackled by your wife who probably outmasses you by a significant degree, yes.
And I do love how much Octavia appreciates Vinyl’s unwise exchange. I do love cute couples, all the more so when it’s about something this ridiculous.

Ah, the callback. It takes demonic help for Lyra’s poetry to become even remotely palatable.

Octavia and Vinyl being distracted by the former’s accidental acrobatics is great. They’re not really involved in this particular bit of soul baring and also they’re in love. I also appreciate Twilight’s quick bit of cultural translation and how human Rarity’s concerns mirror the bit of self-doubt that was her counterpart’s downfall in the Nightmare Rarity comics: Instead of her friends rejecting her gifts, they accept her abnegating generosity to the point where she feels more like a service provider. Genuinely great characterization all around here.

Great work resolving the situation your human counterpart started, Twilight.

There’s our title, and it’s an important message for everyone: “You deserve love just because you exist.” And that’s true for everyone. Yes, even the people who do everything in their power to stop deserving it, but that’s another discussion. (Love, after all, isn’t liking. Or tolerance.)

And so each Rarity gives the other exactly what she needs.

The actual summoning of the Triton is a great visual effect. As is its appearance. I do love a good application of the Rule of Threes.

Part Two

Yeah, you’d think covering the place in mannequins with rods driven through their centers of mass would be more of a deterrent for a fashion boutique.

“Still remembers a world without monsters” is an incredibly poignant description of someone who is effectively an urban fantasy protagonist.

I’m not sure how to feel about literally every pegasus being a climate change denier. On multiple levels. Mostly a blend of clashing headcanons and depressing parallels to reality, but I also have to wonder how all that ecological devastation was making money. Presumably factories, but it’s never actually said. The elder Primadonna was apparently a Captain Planet villain, just running her pollution machine and making money for it. (I know I’m overthinking this, but it still feels tonally dissonant… which is arguably appropriate, given the Triton.)
That said, I do appreciate how pony Rarity visibly ages a decade or two in Panel 14.

I also have questions about human Rarity taking bullets, but she is the one with shield magic.

Telling Twilight she will fail hits differently after G5. But I have my own stance there.

Fantastic expression work on the Tritone as it monologues. There’s a wonderful catharsis by proxy in watching this kind of gleeful malice. All the more so when it gets immediately deflated.

Funnily enough, this isn’t the first pony fanwork I’ve seen that posits that humans are soulless.

… Yeah, I can see Sunset choosing demons over therapists.

Rarity’s surprisingly adept at texting with a hooftip. Also, I do appreciate how Sunset, Twilight, and Applejack all immediately conclude that an existential crisis means Rarity’s in Equestria.

A human being the Triton’s blind spot continues to be great. And yes, it’s a very human solution. This is why it’s important to listen to villain monologues. They often contain the elements of their own downfall.
That said, driving a spike through the master of temptation’s mouth might be a good idea.

The bit about the Tree of Harmony’s Twilight avatar being a unicorn is demonstrably false, but this is what AU tags are for.

And we have the big reveal about the nature of the afterlife… assuming you can believe a word that comes out of the Triton’s mouth. Though to be fair, it hasn’t actually lied when discussing objective facts. If anything, it’s honest to a fault.
Also, I do appreciate the twisted echo of the title. “Just because you exist, you’re destined to suffer.” Between the two, it really captures the duality of life. Nature’s an uncaring bitch, but we can make it better for one another.

Ah yes. Twilight “Can copy any spell she sees” Sparkle in action. Love to see it.

Each world being a balance on the other is great. If one goes rogue, we have a backup.

And friendship saves the day, as it should. One of the best remedies for crippling self-doubt is an outside perspective, even if it’s one of the hardest to administer. Since, you know, crippling self-doubt.

I said the Triton never lied. I never said it was right.

The meaning of life marrying chaos and frivolity incarnate does have some fascinating ramifications, yes.

Destroying Hell, up to and including forcibly reincarnating archdemons, may be one of the coolest concepts I’ve seen. And really, it’s not that different from what the Triton wanted. Souls are released from Hell. It just doesn’t get what it wants out of the deal.

“Better than to keep an objectively HORRIFYING system out of cowardice.”
Gosh, I wonder if that’s a metaphor for something.

Ah, revolution and a happy ending for everyone, whether they like it or not. I may have had a few nits to pick in the fine details, but this was still a delightful read.
Also, this is the first blog I’ve posted since the Final Fantasy mechanics article went up, so everything mentioned therein is fair game. An unusual combination, but not an unworkable one.

Bear the Brunt W
Instant
Kicker 3 (You may pay an additional 3 as you cast this spell.)
Put a shield counter on target creature you control. If this spell was kicked, all damage that would be dealt this turn to you and permanents you control is dealt to that creature instead. (If it would be dealt damage or destroyed, remove a shield counter from it instead.)

Demagogue’s Thesis 1W
Artifact — Equipment
Job select (When this Equipment enters, create a colorless 1/1 Hero creature token, then attach this Equipment to it.)
Equipped creature gets +1/+1, is an Advisor in addition to its other types, and has “Whenever this creature attacks, organize Ponies 1.”
Equip 3

Communal Praxis 2WW
Instant
Organize Ponies 3. If another player is the monarch, draw a card. (To organize Ponies 3, put three +1/+1 counters on a Worker you control. It’s also a Pony. If you don’t control a Worker, create a 0/0 white Pony Worker creature token with ward 2 first.)
No princess reigns forever.

Direct Solution 5W
Sorcery
Affinity for Humans (This spell costs 1 less to cast for each Human you control.)
Exile target nonland permanent.
“Violence is not the answer. It’s the question. The answer is ‘More often than you’d think.’”
—Sunset Shimmer

Otherworldly Escape 1U
Instant
Exile target nonland permanent you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control.
Whenever a player planeswalks, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
Sometimes you really need to get away from it all.

The Singurarity 1UU
Legendary Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature you control
Whenever an opponent casts a spell with a single target, change the target to enchanted creature if able and draw a card.
Fabulosity 3 (3: If this Aura isn’t fabulous, put a gem counter on it and it becomes fabulous.)
As long as The Singurarity is fabulous, it and enchanted creature have ward 3.

Algorithmic Echo 2UU
Enchantment
Each player reveals the first card they draw each turn. Whenever a player reveals a permanent card this way, you may have this permanent become a copy of that card, except it has this ability.
One unwary click can forever warp your browsing experience.

Classical Studies 3U
Sorcery
Scry X, where X is the number of historic permanents you control, then draw two cards. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
“History may be the most important subject that nopony ever studies.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle

Mounting Despair B
Sorcery
Tiered (Choose one additional cost.)
Give Up — 0 — Target player discards a card.
Grow Up — 2 — Target player discards a card and sacrifices an enchantment of their choice.
Do as You’re Told — 6B — Target player sacrifices an enchantment of your choice. You control that player during their next turn. Exile Mounting Despair.

Hellbound Bloodline 1B
Legendary Enchantment — Background
Commander creatures you own have “At the beginning of your end step, create a Treasure token” and “When this creature leaves the battlefield, you lose 3 life.” (A Treasure is an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Most sins don’t carry across generations, but your family has always been exceptional.

Final Reincarnation 3BB
Enchantment
Whenever a creature dies, return it to the battlefield under its owner’s control with a finality counter on it. (If a creature with a finality counter on it would die, exile it instead.)
“See you soon.”
—The Triton, Lord of Corruption

Soul Brokerage 4B
Enchantment
Once during each of your turns, you may cast a spell by paying life equal to its mana value rather than paying its mana cost.
“It’s so cute when they think they’re being clever. Sure, sell just a sliver. I’ll get the rest in time.”
—The Triton, Lord of Corruption

Ecological Exploitation 1RR
Sorcery
Sacrifice any number of lands. Draw that many cards.
Nopony’s even sure what the Primadonnas did to earn their fortune. But the cost is all too obvious.

Courteous Hellspawn 3R
Creature — Devil
Trample
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, exile the top card of that player’s library. Until the end of your next turn, the player whose turn it is can play that card and mana of any type can be spent to cast it.
4/4

Octavia Primadonna 4R
Legendary Creature — Pony Bard
When Octavia enters, gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gains haste until end of turn.
Whenever an opponent gains control of a permanent from you, Octavia deals 3 damage to that player.
Choose a Background (You can have a Background as a second commander.)
3/3

Assault Authority XRR
Sorcery
Assault Authority deals X damage to target creature or planeswalker. Organize Ponies X.
Making a fair and equitable society, one stab at a time.

Perfect Landing G
Instant
Untap target creature. That creature gains indestructible and reach until end of turn.
Sometimes it’s natural talent. Sometimes it’s trained technique. Whatever the case, it’s always a breathtaking display of acrobatic skill.

Flesh Automaton 2G
Creature — Human
This creature enters with a finality counter on it.
1G: Target modified creature you control gains hexproof until end of turn. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)
3/3

Natural Brutality 2GG
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, choose a creature you control. When you do, if that creature has the greatest power or is tied for the greatest power, it fights up to one target creature you don’t control. (Each deals damage equal to its power to the other.)

Planned Entrance
(G) Sorcery
You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.
Suspend 2—1GG (Rather than cast this card from your hand, pay 1GG and exile it with two time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, you may cast it without paying its mana cost.)

Absolve the Infernal 1(gw)(gw)
Sorcery
You gain life equal to the total number of creature cards in all graveyards. Each player shuffles their graveyard into their library.
“If I’m going to release souls from eternal torment, I’m not negotiating with the tormentors to do it.”
—Princess Twilight Sparkle

Triton’s Command 1UBR
Instant
Choose two —
• Tap three target permanents.
• Distribute three -1/-1 counters among one, two, or three target creatures.
• Target player loses 3 life and you gain 3 life.
• Triton’s Command deals 3 damage to any target.

Twilight, Reluctant Princess 2WU
Legendary Creature — Noble Wizard
Alicorn (This card is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying, ward 2
When Twilight enters, you become the monarch.
Whenever an opponent draws their second card each turn, put a reform counter on Twilight. Then if it has four or more reform counters on it, remove them and transform it.
3/3
Twilight, Reigning Revolutionary
(WU) Legendary Creature — Rebel Wizard
Alicorn
Flying, hexproof, vigilance
As long as you’re the monarch, spells you cast cost 1 less to cast. Otherwise, spells the monarch casts cost 1 more to cast.
“If Celestia didn’t want me changing things, she’d have stayed on the throne.”
5/5

Summon: Triton 3UBR
Enchantment Creature — Saga Demon
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.)
I, II — Each player may draw a card. Each opponent who does loses 3 life.
III — Any number of target players’ life totals become the lowest life total among all players.
Flying, double strike, lifelink
3/6

Burn in Hell XBR
Sorcery
Burn in Hell deals X damage to each creature. Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies this turn, that player loses 1 life.
Death isn’t the end of pain. It’s just a brief intermission.

Carousel Boutique
Plane — Ungula
Modified creatures get +1/+1 and have ward 1.
Whenever chaos ensues, create a colorless Equipment artifact token named Hat with “Equipped creature gets +0/+1” and equip 1.

Comments

[Ghost Mike]

Started reading this blog – based on a comic I've read more than once before, enough to actually remember the broad story hook (in comics where the humour tends to stick well and beyond above the actual plot), went "hm, might want to open the comic in another tab just for context on all the bits FoME's throwing at the wall here."

x minutes later, I looked up from having read all 270+ panels, and went "well, that happened".

I've tossed out a lot of praise for Aragon's writing before, but here's another one: he's very adept at making awfully long comics that are overwhelmingly talking heads (talking heads with adept use of differing poses and facial expressions to sell the bits, absolutely, but still talking heads) fly by, despite how little "happens" in them. AND, without making them feel like random jokes stung after one another: no, they're based in character, with a solid flow, the works. Not news, to me or anyone else, but this two-parter is an especially adept example of that. Hay, FoME's recap is short for 270+ panels, showing how less story there is and how many of the beats therein are so refined they largely don't need commentary. But it suffers not at all from it.

Do I wish the humour and characterisation was less overwhelmingly narcissistic (as FoME notes with the climate change bit, sometimes even ripping at the world building beyond the justification for a joke), often to the point of diluting the well-planned, multi-layered and otherwise-sweet takeaways at the end? And, that a certain overrated EqG ship doesn't always poke itself into every comic, even when it has no story relevance? Of course: there's plenty of demonstration these things can still be just as funny and probing with going that cynical. But those choices are staples of these comics, and given all the other strengths, they're more than weatherable. Wouldn't still be reading and rereading them otherwise, sure!

Truly entered Aragon's busy period where his output slows way down due to other obligations, in any case. Only two (jumbo) comics left to go now for you! Wonder if the next one will be out by the time you cover those two and get to the next slot for one of his…

[iisaw]

"Panel 6 has aged depressingly well, not that it’s been that long."

Long enough that it now feels like an understatement as opposed to hyperbole.

I am entirely in agreement with the situation as described in Princess Twilight's intro card. I love Aragon's work so much because he understands so much.

And ghodz does he know how to land a joke out of nowhere. I offer panel 34 as an example of a joke superhero landing.

And panel 35? This is my absolute, unshakeable headcanon now. All of it.

Part Two, Panel 77; bad optics be damned, right? *laughs in Pirate Twilight*

"Ah yes. Twilight 'Can copy any spell she sees' Sparkle in action. Love to see it."

Yep. I also love how restrained Rarity is while being absolutely horrified in that panel.

I'm not going to lie, I got a bit misty-eyed at Twilight's solution to the Triton Problem in panel 146.

"Gosh, I wonder if that’s a metaphor for something. "

Or a bit of very direct advice?

5845807

"x minutes later, I looked up from having read all 270+ panels, and went 'well, that happened'. "

Me too, pal!

[BarelyCoherent]

Honestly the idea of humans being philisophical zombies to ponies is fascinating, especially because that implies ponies have Deluxe Sapience. It's probably something to do with Cutie Marks.

[The Iguana Man]

You know, as much as it goes unquestioned in both the comic and the comments section, I'd argue that, even here, we don't know for certain that Triton's correct about humans not having souls. Obviously, as noted elsewhere, they may think they're telling the truth, but... well, riddle me this: how exactly can they know that said souls don't exist, rather than that an Equestrian demon, fundamentally tied into the fabric of the Equestrian universe, simply can't see non-Equestrian souls. This may well be a Rot Lop Fan situation of him simply being unable to sense and/or comprehend a different kind of soul, so just assuming it doesn't exist.

Yes, I am fully aware that that is not remotely the author's intent but, well, as established, I'm a fan of comic books. Which means I have extensive experience coming up with esoteric headcanons to deal with horrifying plot beats. Call it a reflex of mine.