Friendship is Card Games: Two Best Sisters Play, Pt. 4 · 1:50pm January 12th
This week, we close out 2Snacks’s animated saga of silly alicorns playing silly games. As before, expect considerably higher levels of profanity in the source material than the average for pony content.
Two Best Sisters Play - Friday the 13th
It’s funny what concepts in this series have since been covered in actual Magic sets: Implacable killers, befriendable monsters, literally Fallout and Assassin's Creed…
“Friday the 13th, one of Atlus’s best games.”
… Oh, they actually were the developer for this. Huh.
Honestly, invading sasquatches would be far from the worst thing to happen at Camp Crystal Lake.
“Are you a Dream Warrior now?”
Wrong franchise, Tia.
For those wondering, the actual Jason combat in the game isn’t nearly so smoothly animated. And it takes place in cabins rather than the actual Punch-Out ring. Shocking and disappointing, I know.
Luna gradually transitioning to the Angry Video Game Nerd is a great sequential cutaway gag.
Seeing the children count steadily tick down is both deeply ominous and kind of funny. Jason is impressively regular in his kills.
The pixelated Powerpuff-esque Crusaders are adorable. Strangely, so is Jason’s sad-eyed hockey mask, though that may say more about my personal sense of aesthetics.
Ah, Ghanaian movie posters. Always fun, frequently bloody. At least this time it’s appropriate.
Yes, because if there’s one thing that definitely doesn’t provoke the ire of Jason Voorhees, it’s teens having relations.
The Rolling Horse bottles’ labels are fantastically done.
The shift to Ninja Gaiden is fantastic. And the fact that it’s Applejack, proud scion of the Mutsu Clan, makes it even better.
Dash and Jason as Little Mac are Doc Louis is truly superb.
“Horse People Land” is one of the clumsier names for the human world, but it works.
I feel like decapitation goes beyond a technical knockout. The 8-bit Queen remix is delightful though.
… Wait, is the gorgon head meant to be Jason’s mother? That’s somewhere between ghoulish and hilarious.
Yes, yes it is.
Ooh, good use of Bojack Horseman in the epilogue.
And the last moments foreshadow the next episode! (Pun not originally intended, but I’m definitely keeping it in now that I noticed it.)
Super Best Sisters Play - Shadow the Hedgehog
And sure enough, we have Twilight, Cadence, and a marked absence of Celestia. Continuity!
Funny how Cadence is the only one with wings in the opening doodle.
I could genuinely see Twilight and Cadence bonding over Crush 40 songs. It’s the same level of “we are cringe and we are free” as the ladybug chant.
Cadence having Chrysalis’s eye glow on “Black-hearted evil” is a great touch.
Look, we’re getting a Spongebob Secret Lair later this year. I am not touching the fanart montage.
It’s kind of nice how the low expectations for the first Sonic movie have aged poorly.
Black Doom really is just a bunch of generically malevolent shapes, colors, and words mashed together in lieu of an actual character design.
Yeah, I see nothing wrong with these representations of Sonic characters.
Calling GUN “the good side” is… dubious. But compared to Black Doom I suppose anyone is.
… Hmm. Now I have to think about the taxonomy of Chaos. (The impressionable little blobs.)
I am deliberately glossing over some of the aspects of this digression, but I do appreciate the cross-Sega tie-ins.
Vector still being the unrelated crocodile clip art is a great touch.
I admit, my lack of familiarity with the Sonic franchise is coming to bear. I recognize maybe half of the assembled villains.
The crash was indeed in the original video.
… I also admit, it will be a relief to wrap up decidedly more vulgar content. (I can’t call it “adult” or “mature” with a straight face.)
Two Best Sisters Play - Red Dead Redemption 2
Well now we’re getting into recursive territory. Also an excuse to use Thunder Junction mechanics.
The cut from “more interactive and detailed than ever” to PS1-era graphics is a great bit.
Oh, this is just pure demake comedy. I am here for it.
And the Grand Theft Auto jokes keep coming.
I do love the wobbling towers of buffalo. And how both the horses and the immortal rabbit are having a grand old time with Celestia as Luna waits to die.
The completely unrelated visual upscaling as they exit out of the menu is great, to say nothing of the 1998 release date and being available for both PlayStation and N64.
Do check out the Unity learning curve video for this one. This kind of thing is one of many reasons why I’ve never gotten into animation. (Though goodness knows I’ve had similar if far lesser headaches wrestling with JavaScript.)
Super Best Sisters Play - Final Fantasy 7
And the final installment is for an upcoming set. I’m tempted to wait on this one, but the Final Fantasy set isn’t coming out until mid-June. Also, the video’s less than two minutes long, which is why I’m tackling all of these at once. If I stopped at Shadow, I’d be left with less than eight minutes of footage to work with for the next fan animation card blog. It just isn’t a viable option. And so we turn to Midgar…
Ah yes. Spoilers for an almost thirty-year old game.
Heh. As the source notes, the audio’s coming from an FF8 video.
Using Aerith’s body as the table is a beautifully cruel bit of insult to the injury.
Another good use of Chrysalis’s mask slipping during the tear licking.
Jenova dancing along with the song is exquisitely dumb.
The confluence of different card games in that last image provides a beautiful segue into my own designs. This has been a fun bit of nostalgia, even if some sections were more awkward to sit through than others. Still, plenty to enjoy and plenty to work with. Let’s get to it:
Egg Enforcer 1W
Artifact Creature — Robot Soldier
W, T: Tap target nonartifact creature.
“Is it so wrong to want to bring order, structure and reason to a land of anarchy? To bring the surety of steel to untamed wilderness? They’ll thank me in the end. They’ll be programmed to.”
—Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik
2/2
Lucid Combat 1W
Enchantment — Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 as long as it’s tapped.
As long as enchanted creature is tapped, it can block as though it were untapped.
Living nightmares stalk through Duskmourn. Some sleepers stalk back.
Victorious Anthem 1WW
Enchantment
Creatures you control have renown 1. (Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, if that creature isn’t renowned, put a +1/+1 counter on it and it becomes renowned.)
Modified creatures you control get +1/+1. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)
Ainok Sharpshooter 3W
Creature — Dog Soldier
T: This creature deals 2 damage to target creature an opponent controls for each crime that player committed against you this turn. (Targeting opponents, anything they control, and/or cards in their graveyards is a crime.)
His bark is as bad as your bite.
2/2
Scholastic Survivor 2U
Creature — Human Survivor
Survival — At the beginning of your second main phase, if this creature is tapped, scry X, where X is the number of tapped creatures you control.
“It’s a horrific existence on the edge of death, but we can still learn from it.”
2/3
Storm the Ark 2UU
Instant
Counter target spell. If that spell was historic, create two 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens. (Artifacts, legendaries, and Sagas are historic.)
The Robotnik family’s ambitions have long been stymied by short-sighted fools.
Chaos Control 4UU
Sorcery
Affinity for artifacts. (This spell costs 1 less to cast for each artifact you control.)
Target creature you control can’t be blocked this turn. Until end of turn, that creature gains hexproof and “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw that many cards.”
Proportion Distortion XU
Instant
All creatures get -X/+X until end of turn.
“To achieve peace, first assume a spherical army.”
—Imbraham, Quandrix dean
Mutsu-Clan Exorcist 1B
Creature — Pony Ninja
Ninjutsu 1B (1B, Return an unblocked attacker you control to hand: Put this card onto the battlefield from your hand tapped and attacking.)
Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, exile target card from that player’s graveyard. You gain life equal to that card’s mana value.
2/1
Shot in the Street 2B
Instant
Destroy target creature. If that creature was an outlaw, you gain 2 life. Otherwise, you lose 2 life. (Assassins, Mercenaries, Pirates, Rogues, and Warlocks are outlaws.)
Putting down someone who needed killing is less a crime and more community service.
Black Arms Emissary 3B
Creature — Alien
Flying
When this creature enters, each player discards a card. If you discarded a card this way, draw a card.
Those who Black Doom cannot control directly receive warped whispers to influence them according to his design.
2/2
Sasquatch Revenant 4B
Creature — Zombie Yeti
Eerie — When an enchantment you control enters or you fully unlock a Room, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
Killed by Jason during the off-season, the locals have no intention of leaving their ancestral home.
5/4
Bahamut's Fury 1R
Sorcery
Megaflare — Multikicker 2R
Gigaflare — Bahamut's Fury deals X damage to any target, where X is 3 doubled for each time this spell was kicked.
Teraflare — If this spell was kicked three or more times, it also deals X damage to each other creature, planeswalker, and opponent.
Boxing Coach 3R
Creature — Human Warrior
Mentor (Whenever this creature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature with lesser power.)
Whenever this creature mentors a creature, you may have that creature fight target creature defending player controls.
“Got you a new bout, kid.”
3/3
Saddlejacker 3R
Creature — Human Rogue
When this creature enters, gain control of target creature with power 2 or less, Mount, or Vehicle an opponent controls. Untap that permanent. It gains haste until end of turn.
“Howdy. Going my way?”
3/2
Ifrit, the World Ablaze 4RR
Legendary Creature — Elemental Avatar
Trample, haste
Hellfire — When Ifrit enters, it deals 4 damage to each other creature and planeswalker.
Evoke — Exile two red cards from your hand. (You may cast this spell for its evoke cost. If you do, it’s sacrificed when it enters.)
6/5
Impervious Coney 1G
Creature — Rabbit
Sacrifice a noncreature token: This creature gains indestructible until end of turn. Tap it.
Compared to surviving in near-barren wilderness, an angry outlaw with a thunder blaster is kit’s play.
3/1
Recursive Cavalry 2GG
Creature — Pony Knight
When this creature dies, create a 3/3 green Horse creature token.
“I assure you,” Celestia said to her mount, “I find this just as bizarre as you do.”
3/3
Campers’ Bane 3G
Creature — Bear
You may cast this card as though it had flash if you forage as you cast it. (To forage, exile three cards from your graveyard or sacrifice a Food.)
Sometimes you left food out. Sometimes the bear’s just having a bad day.
4/3
Slasher’s Pack 3G
Creature — Fox Dog Assassin
When this creature enters or is turned face up, it fights up to one target creature you don’t control.
Maniac’s best friends.
3/3
Impressionable Chao 2
Creature — Faerie Shapeshifter
1: If W was spent to activate this ability, this creature gains lifelink until end of turn. The same is true for U and flying, B and deathtouch, R and first strike, and G and vigilance. Activate only once each turn.
A newly hatched Chao is potential incarnate.
2/2
Chaos Emerald 3
Artifact
T: Add one mana of any color
6, T: Target creature you control gets +7/+7 and gains flying and indestructible until end of turn. Spend only mana produced by artifacts to activate this ability.
A deck can have up to seven cards named Chaos Emerald.
Practical Desecration 1BG
Sorcery
Exile target creature card from a graveyard. When you do, return target permanent card with equal or lesser mana value from your graveyard to the battlefield.
“She’s in a better place now. No sense letting the old one go to waste. Pass me that femur.”
Lilith, Progenitrix 2WWBB
Legendary Creature — Alien Angel Horror
Defender
At the beginning of each upkeep, create a Blood token.
If one or more tokens would be created, those tokens plus a 1/1 white Human creature token are created instead.
Sacrifice ten other artifacts and/or creatures: Exile Lilith. You may cast it transformed without paying its mana cost.
6/6
Third Impact
(WB) Legendary Sorcery
(You may cast a legendary sorcery only if you control a legendary creature or planeswalker.)
Destroy all Humans. Create Mankind Reunited, a 0/0 legendary red Ooze creature token with trample, then put a +1/+1 counter on it for each permanent put into a graveyard this turn.
Midgar Slum 1B//Undercity Chapel 2W
Enchantment — Room
(You may cast either half. That door unlocks on the battlefield. As a sorcery, you may pay the mana cost of a locked door to unlock it.)
Midgar Slum: When you unlock this door, each opponent loses 2 life and you gain 2 life.
Undercity Chapel: Whenever you gain life, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control.
Hidden Woods
Land
Ninjutsu 1G
This land enters tapped. As it enters during combat, it becomes a 3/2 green Ninja creature with deathtouch until end of turn. It’s still a land.
T: Add G.
2G: This land becomes a 3/2 green Ninja creature with deathtouch until end of turn. It’s still a land.
IIRC, "technical knockout" is used in for multiple situations where they hand you the loss without even attempting a 10-count because of how obvious it is that you aren't going to win. I don't know if dismemberment without disqualification has ever happened in a real ring, but I suspect the rules cover it.
Smell of the Game, the main theme of Guilty Gear Strive, goes even further and makes this actual subtext of the lyrics. The shouted part of the chorus is "bullshit blazing" and the actual title is that, and the entire game plays it all straight.
There's a reason the real-time fandub just made him Satan. It's the level of subtlety the rest of the character deserves, and Shadow would be far from the first edgelord with that particular lineage.
They're like dogs: all the same species no matter how little sense that makes, and we have the receipts to prove it. (In dogs' case, it's less that they start out looking similar and more that we have plentiful evidence that crossbreeding is possible)
I still hate that this sort of thing is what those words are now used to mean with regards to entertainment. On the other hand, stuff like MLP probably wouldn't have gotten nearly as big if the average "mature content" contained any actual maturity.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Doubling is in fact multiplicative. The "Teraflare" ability on Bahamut's Fury is therefore relegated to trinket text, as by that point you're already dealing more damage than the normal starting life total.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Mana is only ever one color at a time. Unless you can scrounge up some kind of "activated abilities cost more to activate" (and I don't feel like looking but I'm pretty sure it exists), Impressionable Chao isn't getting both first strike and deathtouch from its own ability. It also won't get anything from colorless mana, because it doesn't say it does.
5825768
I meant to mention Da Devil from Da Bible at some point and never found a good point for it.
Also, yes, Teraflare is usually overkill in a one-on-one game. In a beautiful bit I only realized after the fact, instantly winning a game of Commander with Bahamut requires fourteen mana. I'm pretty sure 48 damage to everything qualifies as the Seventh Umbral Calamity.
As for the Chao, Suppression Field is the first card that comes to mind to get more keywords at once.
Weirdly, the Red Dead Redemption of these was by far my favourite even though it's the franchise I have the least association with. the Punch Out angle of the Friday the 13th one left me confused, and the jokes in the Shadow one kinda lost me. I suppose graphical fidelity in-jokes is something I'm all here for. And thanks for linking the in-progress one; having worked in Unity, that was hilarious in a sobering way.
I don't think I'll be sad to see the end of these, my enjoyment level of such vulgarity-heavy content isn't high, but I'm glad I saw this series. So cheers for covering it, bud.
The Unity learning curve video caused me flashbacks and physical pain. IK + gimbal lock = a squashed-bug character
2Snacks and the Zaibuttsu
HECK YEAH