Story Reviews » Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCLXXIV – Extended · 6:53pm Dec 26th, 2024
Merry Christmas, everyone! I’m currently at my parents’ place entertaining family so I’ll keep this intro brief. I’m sorry to say I didn’t do anything special for the holiday season in regards to reviews, but at least you’re still getting an extended edition this week! Perhaps I’ll do a proper year-in-review next week when the house isn’t being swarmed by kids that are still high on Christmas loot.
Ah, the nieces and nephews are in need of attention. To be fair, I may have started something by introducing them to my dance pad. To the reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Daring Do and the Mystery of Eternal Ruins by Khampostel
Final Test by The Iguana Man
RSVP by Muramasa
You Can Lead a Horsegirl to Water... by marmalado
Hiraeth by Climaclysm
Rainbow Triumphant by Trinary
FlutterDoomshy by Estee
Iota Force Issue #1: Baptism by Fire by The Iguana Man
One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy by ARandomLonelyDude
Rise Again by Duck
Adagio by NaiadSagaIotaOar
The Ambiguous Colour of Saffron by evelili
An Equestrian Nativity by Freglz
Better Dig Two by Aquaman
Forget Me Not by Harmony Pie
Gotta Get Gustave by Compendium of Steve
Iridium by Odd_Sarge
Palimpsest by NorrisThePony
The Price For Luna by PoweredByTea
Punishment and Forgiveness by KnightMysterio
Total Word Count: 278,177
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 8
Worth It: 9
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
Daring Do and the Mystery of Eternal Ruins
4,286 Words
By Khampostel
When Daring Do was first starting out as an archaeologist, she journeyed to a place known as the Eternal Ruins. The expedition was a failure: she found no relics, artifacts, dungeons, traps, nothing. Now more experienced and informed, she returns to give the palace another look. It might have been fun had not some annoying local literally begged to be her guide.
The first thing to establish is that Khampostel is not a native English speaker, and the story was translated using a computer rather than a person. This leads to some very awkward wordplay, and sometimes it feels like the translation didn’t come out quite as Khampostel intended. Let’s try not to hold this against the author.
I get the feeling this story was inspired by Lovecraft, or perhaps by something that is itself Lovecraft-inspired. The story has Daring Do coming up with sudden ideas out of nowhere, as if they were being fed into her by an external force. The apparent villains are mysterious beings from beyond the planet that arrived “before the sun first rose” and seek to consume the “light of Equestria” or something, and they all take on weird forms. But the most Lovecraftian thing in the entire story is a point when Daring’s guide, Meg Tree, gains an expression that, quote, “would have made any other pony scream just by looking at it for an instant”. If that’s not a (frankly ridiculous) concept pulled straight out of a Lovecraft short, I don’t know what is.
In the end, we learn that this is a prologue to a series. In truth, I actually came here because I was interested in the sequel, Midnight Station. Apparently Daring Do is about to go recruit Equestria’s latest princess to help fight these four “dark gods”.
The idea, while nothing particularly new, is worth exploring. Alas, there are issues in the writing that go beyond translation errors. Take, for example, this:
Unlike the quiet daily life of most other ponies, Daring Do was a passionate adventurer who risked her life in constant treasure hunts and exploration of unknown places. However, she also found solace in quieter pastimes, like her "field investigations," where she acted as an archaeologist and scientist, distancing herself from the image of the 'out-of-control adventurer' assigned by her critics.
Furthermore, she enjoyed writing, an art she had perfected as much as her combat skills. Her books, narrating her adventures and experiences, often became big hits that generated additional income, funding her personal expeditions.
Khampostel, we all already know who Daring Do is. This is a MLP fan site, your audience is familiar with basic lore elements. So why in Equestria did you think you had to tell us (emphasis on the Tell) everything we already know?
Tell is one of this story’s greatest weaknesses. Much of the material that’s meant to be atmospheric – and in a few cases, creepy – fall flat due to a complete unwillingness to build up a given moment/scene. Take, for example, a moment when one of these “dark gods’” messengers arrives. Do we get a careful, elaborate description of what this moment is like, the mood, the emotional stakes, the ominous nature of things? No, we just get a direct, bland description of what it looked like, as if this alone is supposed to do all that work for us.
This is not a translation problem. This is a Tell problem.
There’s also the odd way things are revealed. For example, Daring Do didn’t come to this place on a whim, she came because she recently went on an expedition where she encountered a fake cult (scammers, essentially) that nonetheless provided her clues as to the nature of the ruins. You’d think this would be good to know from the start, but inexplicably Khampostel decides not to include it until the climax. I could understand this if the rest of the story seeded in clues and nudges that there was more going on than Daring was willing to admit to Meg Tree, but no, it comes out of nowhere. Daring spent this entire story studying the ruin and discussing its history, so there were plenty of opportunities to slip subtle clues in there.
Was this mistake an intentional decision, an attempt to make the twist all the more twisty? Did the need to build to the truth simply never cross the author’s mind? I have no idea, but whatever the reason is I cannot approve.
So yeah, lots of issues with this one, some of which I might consider fundamental in nature and none of them related to the translation process. These kinds of issues make me question if I want to read the sequel, especially considering it’s a Long Fic by my scheduling standards. The concept genuinely interests me, but the storytelling just doesn’t feel up to it.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Final Test
4,294 Words
By The Iguana Man
The girls are enjoying a relaxing evening at a nightclub when a bunch of sleazy guys start trying to corner Fluttershy. Before anyone else can do anything extreme, Sunset de-escalates the situation by challenging the boys’ leader to a race. If she loses, she has to go on a date with said leader. To the surprise of her friends, her girlfriend Sci-Twi is perfectly okay with this.
If you’re paying the tiniest iota of attention then you’ll know where this is going the instant you see Twilight’s reaction to the challenge and the stakes. The Iguana Man could have held up a flashing neon sign on the tallest building of a city in the middle of a blackout and it wouldn’t have been more obvious. So the real question to those of you wondering if this is a story worth reading is: do you want to see Sunset Shimmer three-way hustle a sleazebag with pathetic ease? If your answer is “yes”, you are this story’s audience.
There’s nothing particularly special here. It’s certainly not romantic, though it may pass for a comedy depending on how you interpret the term. It’s just Sci-Twi and Sunset combining their not-insubstantial talents in the name of mad science and defending Fluttershy.
Oh, and while it’s not directly stated, Rainbow Dash is going to be going to trial after this story for assault, a case she’ll probably lose barring some sort of highly unethical intervention. But while her actions were indisputably wrong, I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there who will be celebrating them. And that’s my long-winded way of saying that no, the twist ending (for a certain definition of “twist”) did not amuse or endear me.
Not a bad story, but nor is it anything memorable. If you feel like you’re the target audience then it’s not a bad way to blow some time.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Sci-Twi has decided not to go to the girls’ holiday party. She should answer her text, but… what would she even say? She’s perfectly content to leave things be and figure out an excuse later. That would be easier if Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy weren’t suddenly outside her front door.
Obvious premise is obvious: Sci-Twi is suffering from an inferiority complex, particularly in regards to her Equestrian counterpart, so Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie come by to cheer her up. It’s a Jinglemas story, but its only relation to the holidays is the fact that it happens to be set during them.
This one is simple and to-the-point. I personally didn’t find it all that interesting, but I don’t hold that against it. I’m fairly certain it’ll work fine for the average reader, at least in terms of content. There are only a couple issues:
...she felt herself start to chuckle herself.
That was the most egregious example (IMO), but there were others. Overall the writing isn’t bad, but neither is it great. Also:
It had been just a few months since the Friendship Games, since Midnight Sparkle, since she met her new friends. The Other One had known her group for years[...]
This can’t be right, can it? I’m pretty sure Equestria Girls and Rainbow Rocks took place in the same school year, especially considering Sunset was defeated during the Fall Formal and the whole summer break period of EqG happened after Sci-Twi joined the cast. I suppose there’s a chance that a whole summer vacation passed between the first movie and the third, but considering Sunset Shimmer made Fall Formal Princess three times and was competing for her fourth crown in the first movie, that would make her a high school senior wouldn’t it? Ah, but then she wouldn’t be in school anymore after the summer special, yet she clearly is in Holidays Unwrapped, so I guess she had to repeat a year? Maybe she was failed her senior year as a consequence of blowing up the front of the school.
Well hell, now I don’t know what’s right anymore. Stupid Hasbro and its self-contradictory canon. But at the very least I find it hard to believe that Princess Twilight knew the other girls for years, plural, before Sci-Twi came into the picture.
Rambling aside, this one is definitely a middling piece, but it may work for those who A) really like Sci-Twi and/or Sci-Twi angst, or B) like to see Fluttershy and Pinkie teaming up for anything (and who wouldn't?).
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
You Can Lead a Horsegirl to Water...
1,139 Words
By marmalado
Rarity and Applejack are on a drive to do some errands when Rarity gets it into her head for a romantic detour on the lake. Applejack don’t have no time for that, harvest season’s right around the corner! Alas, Rarity is not the kind to take a simple, direct “no” for an answer.
This story exists for only one reason: to show how RariJack would work on a regular basis. By which I mean endless arguing. The dialogue-only story pits straightforward practicality against marshmelodrama and lets us watch the (seemingly endless) fireworks, with hints of extreme PDA in the near future.
A simple, short slice-of-life. Amusing if you’re into RariJack or general shipping, as all decent people are.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Hiraeth
2,910 Words
By Climaclysm
Sequel to Starry Darling
It’s Starlight’s birthday. Again. All the signs are there, not that Starlight cares. Her first priority is deciding whether or not it is worth going through her father’s inevitable “surprise”.
Set during Starlight’s teenage goth phase, this brief story attempts to get into her head through her conversations with her father. She’s very much in “rebellious teen” mode here, answering her father’s queries and pokes with clipped, sometimes outright rude answers and looking upon his efforts with what might be disdain. Underneath her biting bitterness is the clear insinuation, never stated openly, that she’s still hurting from the loss of her mother and Starburst. She is cementing her negative views of cutie marks and, as a direct result of them, outright forbidding herself from doing the one thing that would probably have helped her recover.
It’s simple, but also a little complex. It would be easy to dismiss the story as a basic depiction of Starlight being an ungrateful brat. Which she’s clearly being, but it’s deeper than that. Plus there’s the fact that her father’s manner is grating, even when he’s not trying to press her on the topic of cutie marks and her future. As can be picked up in canon, he seems to struggle with the fact that she’s not six anymore.
This is, overall, a character piece about a young Starlight who is just starting to put together the philosophies that would lead to Our Town. As with the last story, it is simple on the surface but layered with extra elements for the more observant readers to pick up on. It can be read separate from its predecessor with zero consequences, but reading them side-by-side may provide some extra insights. It is that extremely rare sequel that manages to stand as an equal with what came before.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Starry Darling — Pretty Good
Rainbow Triumphant
39,235 Words
By Trinary
Sequel to Rainbooms and Royalty
Rainbow Dash was more than a little intimidated by the coming Best Young Flyers competition. But then she shows up in Cloudsdale to discover that everypony there – everypony – is rooting for her as the city's favorite daughter. With so many ponies telling her she's the best... Well, obviously it must be so, right? Even the competition knows it.
Rainbooms and Royalty was a re-imagining of the first two episodes of the show with Rainbow switching roles with Twilight. It also included Ditzy Do and Cloud Kicker as Rainbow's foalhood best friends (alongside Fluttershy, of course) and Dinky as her goddaughter. Rainbow Triumphant is a direct sequel that serves to combine Sonic Rainboom's setting with The Mysterious Mare Do Well's theme. So instead of Rarity getting wings and competing in the competition, the dominant conflict is Rainbow's ego and how her fame is ruining the competition for her fellow contestants.
A handful of issues return in this one. The most prominent is how long-winded some scenes are and all the extra time stolen from the story's point. For example, there's this one scene where the story is waylaid by a long tangent devoted strictly to describing Rainbow's foalhood pictures and the Mane Six's (plus Derpy's and Cloud's) reactions to them. It was cute at first, but then we're on the third picture and I'm wondering when Trinary's going to get to why we're here.
Some conversations are also a bit long-winded. There are times when you think that the topic of discussion is complete, but the characters keep talking about it. And then there's the occasional plot hole, such as the one time Firefly declared that Twilight and she had a conversation that morning. Except that we got to witness said morning and Firefly didn't even get mentioned during those events so when the heck did that happen? And no, Twilight teleporting away for five seconds isn't an answer; you can't tell me that Twilight and Firefly had such an important conversation that quickly, especially when all the conversations Trinary writes are longer than they need to be.
All that being said, there's still a solid story under there. Rainbow's solution to the competition problem is as good as could be and shows great character development on her part. I really like Trinary's approach in regards to using Sonic Rainboom as the setting for the ego/gloating issues brought up in The Mysterious Mare Do Well, resolving issues from both episodes in a complimentary way. Also appreciated is how potential relationship issues between the cast is set up but left unresolved so that they can be further developed in later stories (which I will be getting to in time).
All in all, the good and the bad balance one another out in this story. Great character work and development are set side-by-side with some overlong writing and a noticeable number of typos, forcing me to keep this on the middle ground. Still, if you want to see some genuinely good development for Rainbow, this isn't a bad place to get it.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Friendship is Empathy — Pretty Good
Rainbooms and Royalty — Pretty Good
FlutterDoomshy
7,791 Words
By Estee
Requested by JudgementalHat
Fluttershy was having a most unusually calm, relaxing day. Then a strange, heavily armored creature knocked on her door. He wants a rabbit. One rabbit in particular, and said rabbit is not inclined to refuse.
I ignored this one when it first came out purely because I know next to nothing about the Doom series outside its base premise. Also, I tend to avoid crossovers as a rule unless they’re specifically recommended to me, because I find the majority of them are… not very good. Fortunately, this one is by notably capable author Estee, and that went a long way to making me not dread this reading.
The story follows Fluttershy and DoomGuy in something that might be called a custody battle for Angel Bunny. The idea goes that DoomGuy once had a pet bunny named Daisy whom he loved more than anything, and Angel Bunny is that rabbit’s reincarnation, so now he’s come to take his pet back.
If you’re expecting blood and such… Well, it is there, but not between Fluttershy and DoomGuy. It turns out that, wanton violence and The Stare notwithstanding, they’re both extremely gentle souls who are perfectly willing to talk this out (inasmuch as a mute can talk). They try various things to settle the matter, including a match of the Quiet Game and an investigation into the Mirror Pool, but at no point does the conflict turn heated, occasional explosions notwithstanding.
Despite not having the comedy tag, there’s absolutely some comedic elements to this story by sheer absurdity. DoomGuy regularly passes over to Hell to grab something he needs in the ensuing conversations, and Fluttershy’s reactions to these acquisitions are amusing in their own right. The end result of the Mirror Pool test was particularly entertaining. Yet at the core of all of this is the sense of empathy these two feel for one another and their genuine effort to resolve the issue with all three parties content. It’s an emotional story, which would be surprising given DoomGuy’s presence but not so much when we realize Estee’s involved.
I only have one question: Is DoomGuy owning a rabbit canon to the Doom franchise? Seriously, I have no idea and my very brief search for info turned up nothing.
An all-around excellent crossover in which Fluttershy and DoomGuy resolve their differences with delightfully unexpected reasonableness and mutual empathy. My thanks to JudgementalHat for forcing my hand with the reading. I could recommend it purely for its complete disconnect from expectations, but it being a great character piece with hints of situational comedy doesn’t hurt.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilight Sparkle Vs. The Equestrian Cutie Mark Constellation Registry — WHYRTY?
Donuts Not Of This World — WHYRTY?
Pinkie Pie vs. The Soufflé — WHYRTY?
Bitter/Sweet — Pretty Good
The Bounce Test — Pretty Good
Iota Force Issue #1: Baptism by Fire
18,385 Words
By The Iguana Man
Requested by The Iguana Man
NOTE: I didn’t even realize I had two stories by this author coming in the same blog, else one of them wouldn’t have shown up today. Oh well, sometimes people get lucky.
Pegasus Icy Flight has just moved to Ponyville from the frozen landscape of Flanchorage. Everyone knows the place is a hotbed of weird and crazy activity, but they also know there are safeguards in place (a princess, the Elements, the Royal Guard…) to handle such things. What Icy didn’t know is that there’s a group of pint-sized superheroes dealing with equally pint-sized problems.
This is a story based heavily on superhero comics. Which might seem obvious, but I don’t mean it in the most obvious sense. Comic books, as you may know if you’ve read any of them, are obligated to move at a certain speed thanks to the medium. It can seem like events are moving very quickly, which in turn can make the stories appear more simple than they are. In that, The Iguana Man (are there those who call him… T.I.M.?) matched the manner of comic books just about perfectly.
Whether that’s a good thing will be up to individual taste.
Our story follows Icy as she meets and participates in this “Iota Force's" battles, which are currently against regular raids by a group of foal-sized lava ponies. Icy herself is absent-minded, klutzy, has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever, and is woefully inobservant. Which explains why she’s completely unaware of her own ice-based superpowers despite using them repeatedly.
In some ways, that’s the worst part of the story. Over and over and over Icy uses her powers. Over and over and over she acts like she has no idea that this means she has powers. I get it the first time, but by the third (and fourth (and fifth)) time it’s starting to make her look unrealistically stupid. There’s being scatterbrained and then there’s… whatever this is.
Anyway, The Iguana Man went out of their way to try and make the lineup as original as possible, at least in terms of who he chose out of the potential foals of Ponyville. You might expect the CMC and perhaps Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, but of these obvious five only Scootaloo is present, her power being scooter-centric super-speed. We’ve got a Dinky who can slow down or speed up time and a Truffle Shuffle who is essentially Marvel’s The Blob. Less known characters include halfbreed changeling Animatia Erroria (or “Alula”), who I’ve not seen in a fanfic since my own No Heroes franchise, an eternally laid-back archer extraordinaire named… uh… Archer, and a fencing pony named Lancer. For those of you wondering, no, none of them are OCs. We’ve also got Pipsqueak who appears to be serving as they’re Lucius Fox and a thus-far unnamed nurse filly.
It should surprise nopony that this group was put together by Princess Luna. Why? Well because she’s the most popular princess, of course! Oh, wait, you mean “why did Princess Luna make the Iota Force”. Right. From what I get from Luna’s brief explanation near the end of the story, it’s because most adults wouldn’t bring themselves to actually hurt children despite the fact that children can be every bit as dangerous as the worst adults, but other children have no issue beating one another up. Also, because she thought a bunch of foals running around in superhero costumes was adorable.
But make no mistake, the threats are serious. This story only deals with these lava ponies, yet makes it clear that these things are legit deadly. Sure, nopony actually dies, but the possibility is brought up time and time again.
I liked the story overall. Icy’s blatant inability to see the obvious and the way the story seems to speed through its plot are both issues to me, but the narrative is appropriately witty, the character lineup is refreshingly unexpected, and it lasts just long enough to not overstay its welcome. Not a bad start to the series, I’d say.
I think I’ll take a look at that sequel. I don’t see the Mane-iac near enough, so her presence alone warrants some attention.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy
1,549 Words
By ARandomLonelyDude
Requested by ARandomLonelyDude
Celestia decides to take a break for a day. The location she chose to hang out, by random coincidence, happens to be the mountain of Sisyphus. His actions puzzle Celestia, who decides to investigate.
ARandomLonelyDude does a good job summarizing the Greek myth of Sisyphus in-story, but to summarize the summary: Sisyphus was a Greek king who got punished by the gods to eternally roll a boulder up a mountain, mostly for being a smartass. Celestia finds him a million years later still rolling his boulder and can’t help but ask: if it’s been a million years and the Greek gods are no longer around to enforce the punishment, why not stop? Sisyphus’s response: “Because I’m happy here.”
The story ends up a simplified philosophy piece about how all of life is just a repeat of the same actions. Regardless of your calling in life, every day you wake up, do whatever it is you do with your life, go to bed, and do it again the next day. In this sense, how is Sisyphus’s punishment any better or worse than everyday life, and why should he feel any desire to do something different?
I imagine a lot of people will find the topic relatable. I certainly did.
This one is short and sweet, doing exactly what it needed to do while being neither too fast or outliving its purpose. I’m curious to see how the sequel goes and whether it will build upon this concept or simply shift perspectives and be totally different. Either would be appropriate when you think about it.
Not a bad start, ARandomLonelyDude. Not a bad start at all.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Rise Again
59,750 Words (Incomplete)
By Duck
Requested by LH45
Two weeks ago, Sunset Shimmer fell off the roof of Canterlot High. Was it murder? An accident? Suicide? There’s only one thing for certain: Sunset is dead. She’s also out and about town. People have feelings about this.
This one opens with Sunset Shimmer waking up in her own coffin and, in a moment of confused panic, teleporting herself out. She finds herself in a cemetery and is helped out by the grave digger, Flint. Things get even more complicated from there.
One of my favorite elements is the nature of Sunset’s undeath. Unlike so many stories, Sunset isn’t just up and walking around like everything is normal. Sunset is dead, and her body knows it even if her brain doesn’t. She can’t move properly, often needing help just to stand up, to say nothing for walking. She doesn’t need to breathe, but if she doesn’t suck in air she can’t talk, which means she has to suck in gasps every time she wants to say something, and even then sheee c-can’sh shpeak n-normaaally. Duck goes to great lengths to maintain this, which in turn keeps the fact that Sunset is a very literal corpse at the forefront of the story.
Sunset is also suffering from amnesia. She doesn’t recall how she died at first, and even when she pieces it together she can’t recall why. Thus we get to her primary motivation: figuring out who she was (with an added, very strong subconscious desire to make friends). This eventually leads her to the library, where she meets Sci-Twi. This is set before the Friendship Games, so Sci-Twi has no idea who Sunset is. Luckily, Sci-Twi comes to believe that Sunset’s strangeness is due to some sort of brain-damaging accident rather than the truth and, being the Good Girl she is, becomes determined to help. This would be a lot easier if Shining Armor hadn’t been one of the officers who responded to Sunset’s death.
Which brings us to the second and arguably most important element of the story. Let’s rip the bandaid off now: this is an Anon-A-Miss story, and it eventually becomes clear that Sunset committed suicide. For those of you tired of anything and everything Anon-A-Miss, this may be a dealbreaker. Normally it would be for me as well, but Duck does such a fantastic job with the overall concept that I’m more than willing to forgive.
Anyway, again, Sunset committed suicide. And since this is an Anon-A-Miss story, you know why (even if Sunset herself doesn’t). And since Corpset Shambler is wandering Canterville and meeting people, news eventually starts to get out. This starts off with a background character freaking out (most appropriately), but it really gets into gear when Rainbow Dash shows up for her daily visit to Sunset’s grave and finds all the stuff that had been buried with Sunset suddenly not buried anymore. This leads her to an investigation and a confrontation in Joe’s Diner.
It is intense.
Then the panicked, scared-out-of-her-wits Rainbow calls on the rest of the girls, and that’s a whole mess of its own. Then there’s Rarity, who responded to Sunset’s death via isolation until Pinkie rouses her to deal with Sweetie Belle who is clearly in a lot of pain and still hasn’t admitted to being Anon-A-Miss yet. Then Shining Armor brings Sunset to his home, because where else is he gonna bring a (crawl on me, sink into me, die for me) living dead girl, and now we’ve got Cadance in the mix.
I’ll grant that some people out there might consider everything here to be too dramatic. The reactions in this story are extreme, lots of thrashing and wailing and tension. But y’know, we are talking about a dear but wronged friend coming back from the dead, and in a way that makes it very clear to almost everyone that she is dead. I’d say that warrants an extreme reaction. In particular, I really like how Rainbow’s reaction to Sunset’s death in the first place is an ongoing, obsessive hunt for a alleged murderer due to an unwillingness to acknowledge that Sunset committed suicide because of her. All the girls’ reactions felt realistic to me, even the ones of such an intense emotional nature.
This has all the makings of becoming an all-around excellent sadfic with a touch of creepiness owing to Sunset’s condition. Alas, we’ll never know where it’s going, because Duck disappeared from the fandom in August 2023, which was already three years after the most recent chapter of this was posted. The story is officially dead, no pun intended. That should be a federal crime owing to how good this has been thus far. It’s also unfortunate that we’ll never get answers, particularly to why Sunset’s been revived. This is a story that deserved to be finished.
Ah well, it is what it is. I normally don’t rate incompletes, but given this one’s clearly never coming back I think I’ll make an exception. There’s a good chance that had this been completed it would have landed on my top bookshelf, but Duck’s failure to do so forces me to drop it down a rating. Still, if you’d like to see Anon-A-Miss approached from a very different direction in a way that is as creepy as it is intensely emotional, you’ll not want to miss this one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Adagio
71,605 Words
By NaiadSagaIotaOar
Life stinks for a siren without her powers. True, Adagio’s still the hottest thing in the room, but that alone isn’t enough. She wants more. She wants… Whatever it is she wants. Glory? Fame? Adoration? She’s always been guided to things she’s believed she deserved, but now she’s not sure whose idea such things ever were in the first place. There’s one thing she does know for sure, though: that stupid human doppleganger of her is a lump of coal in comparison and she wants nothing to do with her.
Going solely by that cover art, you probably have a specific expectation for what this will be about. You are at once completely wrong and entirely correct. I grant that is confusing, but I stand by it. In some ways, the advertising is lying through its teeth, because what the cover art implies is nothing at all like what this story is actually about. At the same time, that is a scene from the story, it does involve Adagio meeting her double, but there’s so much more going on and it gets waaaay deeper than the art suggests. I don’t know if it’s perfect or flagrant. Perfectly flagrant?
At any rate, I can’t get in the weeds regarding what this is about, mostly because it is not a story to be spoiled. I keep trying to think of how much I can talk about only to realize that if I mention this or that I’m leaving implications that themselves could serve as spoilers. It’s one of those stories where there’s so much happening and you can’t talk about any of it if you want the readers to get the full effect.
What I can say is that, as the title implies,this is a story about Adagio: who she is, her interests, her worries, et cetera. Also seeded in there is Siren history (which is very new and unexpected and I like it). And this is a Naiad fic, so you know it’s all going to be thoroughly and emotionally presented. The story’s got a wide range of elements, from action scenes to character and relationship growth to even world-saving implications.
I think my favorite part is the uncertainty of the Siren’s relationship with each other. At times it feels like they hate each other. At others they are as close as beloved siblings can be. Regardless of the moment, there is always a clear friction, a sense that they want things to be better but don’t know how to get there. Somehow Naiad manages to weave this in such a way that feels natural, and I applaud them for it.
There are a handful of issues. Naiad suffered a crisis of confidence and sort of abandoned the work, so the last few chapters are unpolished draft copies, and that leads to a few issues. Once again, I can’t go into specifics for spoilers, but there’s a clear shift in overall quality once you get to them. Granted, there’s lots of great moments in there, and it doesn’t diminish the overarching story. I love where it went and how it concluded (the romantic subplot, which you get no hint of in the cover or the tags, was an unexpected but nice touch). But there are certainly some confusing moments, things that happen without a thorough explanation, or the feeling that we skipped something important. Like I said, unpolished.
Overall, I thoroughly appreciated this one. Which is wonderful, because from the moment it first released I really wanted to read it. Nice to have my expectations be met, y’know? It’s a complicated story with numerous twists both large and small, but at its core it’s a story about Adagio and it does everything it needs to in that regard. I enjoyed it, and I look forward to the day Naiad regains their confidence and returns to us with more (probably Siren-oriented) stories.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lost in Paradise — WHYRTY?
Who We Are in the Dark — WHYRTY?
To Walk Unseen — WHYRTY?
Requiem — Pretty Good
For Eelsies — Pretty Good
The Ambiguous Colour of Saffron
3,573 Words
By evelili
Fresh off the disastrous Fall Formal, Sunset has spent the last six Wednesdays doing community service at a local soup kitchen. She’s vaguely gotten to know the kitchen’s proprietors, Coriander and Saffron Marsala. One night she overhears yet again a quiet argument between the two about Saffron’s “extra” dishes and finally decides to ask the woman about it.
This one was curious to me, particularly in terms of setting. Saffron Marsala spends money out of her own pocket to make traditional Indian food for the soup kitchen in addition to the usual stuff, but nobody ever eats it. This is weird to me. I mean, I know some people who refuse to eat anything beyond their standard fare – my brother-in-law being a prime example – but surely at least someone using the soup kitchen would want to give something new a try. I mean, if you’re in a position where you need to use a soup kitchen in the first place and Saffron’s traditional Indian cuisine is always put away as leftovers, why not give it a taste? I would think someone in need would be appalled at the idea of wasting food like that. And of course, once that one curious soul tries it word would inevitably spread, leading to more people trying it, right?
So yeah, I don’t buy this idea that no one is eating Saffron’s food. Not even remotely.
Ignoring that, what we have here is a semi-casual talk between Saffron and a still-feeling-the-guilt Sunset. This conversation connects food to feelings of displacement and longings for home, whether that be on the other side of the world or another world entirely. Saffron, here depicted as a middle-aged woman who immigrated to Canterlot as a child, longs for the mother she’s not seen since and uses the food of her culture to maintain that connection for as long as possible. Sunset misses home but dreads the idea that she would never be welcome there after her decisions of the past two years.
It’s a surprisingly emotional and complex conversation, with a lot of nice little details in how the shifting directions stick to a definite theme. I get the feeling that if I read the story again I’d notice things I missed the first time, but that’s only a hunch at this point.
If you’re interested in seeing Saffron Marsala interpreted in a different way (or at all, given she’s not a common character in fanfiction), this is your story. Or if you want to see these two cannon-exclusive characters interact, I suppose. Either way, this is worth the brief time investment.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Something About Midnights — WHYRTY?
The Twilight Effect — WHYRTY?
To Thaw a Frozen Heart — Pretty Good
An Equestrian Nativity
3,845 Words
By Freglz
After months of preparation and planning, the royal family of the Crystal Empire are finally getting a chance to sit down and enjoy a Hearth’s Warming dinner together. No guests, no guards, no duties, just the three of them enjoying one another’s company for the holidays. At least until Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer and Trixie Lulamoon burst in with warnings about a prophecy.
This was a silly story, and didn’t intend to be anything but. The humor comes in two parts, one being Cadance’s and Shining Armor’s utter frustration at this interruption of their (so very rarely found) private time and the second being their three home invaders guests disagreeing on the meaning of the Starswirl prophecy they just discovered.
I would love to see a sequel in which they all realize they could just, y’know, ask Starswirl himself about it. There’s also the humorous asides with leading insinuations, such as how Shining may have a better relationship with a certain Changeling Queen than we know (and Cadance actually might not mind). Trixie’s casual and continuous display of illusion mastery while also being a total jerk is a particularly nice touch. Also, Flurry’s first word! Makes you wanna pinch her widdle cheek.
This was a goofy comedy and needed to be nothing more. If you feel like having some fun at Cadance’s and Shining’s expense, there’s no reason not to try it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Nothing Left to Lose — Pretty Good
A Sweet and Seemly Thing — WHYRTY?
Better Dig Two
2,347 Words
By Aquaman
Bright Mac and Pear Butter find themselves stuck in a saloon that is surrounded by goons. He’s already wounded, and they both know there’s no getting out of this one. Before they make their final stand, they have a letter to write.
Let me just open this one with the confession that I’m struggling to accept the setting. As one who has written about gunslinging heroes in the Wild West with notable relevance to Applejack’s parents, I’m in no position to tell anyone that Applejack’s parents can’t be depicted as having left their children to be gunslinging heroes in the Wild West. The problem I have is that there’s no setup for the scenario; we’re told this is how it is and are expected to believe it, just like that. I don’t know about you, but canon depictions of both these characters do little to imply they’d ever want to do this. If they’re going to be in this situation, I’d appreciate a proper exploration of why.
Having gotten that out of the way: The setting is largely irrelevant to the point, which is Pear Butter’s last words to her children before she and Bright Mac bite the bullet (possibly literally in this case). From that standpoint it works very well, even if it’s serving only as the emotional climax of a story we never got to see. Is it emotional? Absolutely. That’s more because of our pre-existing emotional attachments than anything, but Aquaman did well with the tools at their disposal.
If you want to see the long-lost Apple Parents’ last stand in a Wild West setting, then this will probably do it for you. Just try not to think about the details too much.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Far From The Tree — WHYRTY?
Button Gnash — Pretty Good
Language Barrier — Pretty Good
Detachable — Worth It
Forget Me Not
5,981 Words
By Harmony Pie
Rarity has a powerful crush on Princess Twilight Sparkle, and nopony can read into that quite as well as Applejack. Looking to give the mare an extra push, AJ brings Rarity to a little hill absolutely covered in flowers. A hopeless romantic will have a pretty good idea of what to do with those...
This is a perfectly typical "pining" romance. The majority of the story has Rarity sending white and purple flowers anonymously to Twilight with little notes of affection. Naturally, Twilight is oblivious to the source. Hopefully delivery mare Ditzy can keep her cool and not blab.
If you've read any traditional romances, then you know what's going to happen with this one from the start. Harmony Pie brings no surprises, nor do they get particularly creative or witty about it. That doesn't make the story bad by any means. Indeed, for the hopeless romantics this will be everything they're hoping for. But that's the catch: you need be go into this with the genre in mind, otherwise you probably won't get much out of it.
A great story for the shippers among us. I imagine it'll be hit or miss for everyone else.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stitches — Pretty Good
The One That Stayed Behind — Worth It
Gotta Get Gustave
9,526 Words
By Compendium of Steve
Moondancer, Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts and Lyra all get together for a mare's night out one Friday. Their conversation lands on one Gustave le Grand. Who, they all suddenly realize, is quite the pleasant example of a male griffon...
This is random (without the tag) and really sort of a crack fic. It gradually gets more and more absurd, opening with our five leading ladies criticizing Gustave for his everything and ending in a massive brawl in a Canterlot market involving apparently all of Canterlot's population. I would love to describe how ridiculous this story is, but I don't need to. Compendium of Steve did that for us on the cover page:
This fic will include: five very thirsty mares, public disturbances, blatant disregard for the law, street rumbles, destruction of property, shameless Prench accent, a literal cat fight, obvious references, ten banana creme pies, a bevvy of bad decisions, voyeuristic intentions, child endangerment, irresponsible royalty, a poor attempt at replicating a Brooklyn accent, societal breakdown, a shoehorned lesson, and one inexplicably irresistible cat-bird.
Everything promised is, in some way, granted. And even then, you really don't understand how crazy it all gets. It needs to be read to be believed. The best part about it all is that despite the events being notably chaotic, it really does all have a cause-and-effect flow to it. Kinda. Sorta.
The only real letdown? Somehow, there's no Princess of Love anywhere to be found. I mean, seriously, the one character who would have the most stake in what is happening here (well, aside from a certain Bug Queen), and she didn't even get a mention!
This was silly, random, and a ton of fun, complete with an endearingly witty writing style. Just the sort of thing I needed during a boring day at the office. If you're looking to be entertained at (an understandably perturbed) Gustave's expense, you can't go wrong here.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Death by Dragon — Pretty Good
They find a unicorn. They help her. They don’t expect her to help them.
This is set either immediately after the Unification or perhaps a generation after, depending upon how you take the whole “of the noble House Platinum” line. This is a narration-as-dialoue story, as in all the narration is dialogue but not punctuated as such. There’s no need to when there’s nothing but the dialogue in the first place, and even then from only one character.
This dialogue belongs to an unnamed earth pony healer in a caravan headed for (literally) greener pastures, trying to find a place not yet ravaged by the windigos. They find the unicorn Lady Iridium, who has been hideously injured in battle. In keeping with the newfound desire to end conflict between the tribes, the caravan takes her in, and our narrator is assigned to her personal care.
Minimalist in nature, the story avoids giving us details. Odd_Sarge instead allows the implications to do most of the work for us. And there are a lot of implications to be had. Why was Lady Iridium hurt? It’s strongly hinted at, though with exceedingly few words. Why is the caravan having to turn West? Also in there. This is something that the story excels at.
Ultimately, it is a tale of friendship, and how the narrator and Lady Iridium demonstrate to these taciturn earth ponies that, yes, it is possible for friendship to thrive among the three tribes. Or, to be succinct, it’s a “Fire of Friendship” story.
As far as “1,000 word stories” go, this is a strong one. It does everything it needs to do, giving us the idea of an entire journey in an amazingly short span of time and even manages to make it an emotional one. Definitely worthy of all the praise it has thus far garnered.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Cypress Zero — Pretty Good
The Vulture's Coinflip — Pretty Good
For the Star Swan — Worth It
Palimpsest
8,362 Words
By NorrisThePony
The elements of Harmony used Twilight Sparkle as a filter to remove the corruption from Luna. The problem with filters is that they eventually get dirty and need cleansing. Celestia has decided it’s time to clean up. The process for doing so is not pleasant for either of them.
Set some time after Starlight joins the club, this story reveals the idea that Twilight Sparkle has a small piece of Nightmare Moon in her thanks to how the Elements function. This corruption is steadily affecting Twilight and by now it is very noticeable. To fix this, Celestia prepares a ritual that will sweep out the rest of the corruption from her former student over the course of a single night. In order for it to work, however, Twilight has to allow Nightmare Moon to take control for the duration.
I see people already asking two questions. First: Why is Celestia leading this when Luna is clearly more qualified? To their credit, NorrisThePony addresses this. The answer comes down to “because Celestia is characteristically reckless”, but hey, at least there is an answer. Unlike question number two: If the Elements are a filter, why didn’t they do anything similar to Twilight when used against, say, Discord?
Actually, there’s a perfectly reasonable answer to this if you think about it. Nightmare Moon was, as interpreted here, a corruption of the original Luna, something alien to her that had to be siphoned away. Discord was never corrupted, he’s just Discord. Thus the Elements didn’t need to filter anything and Twilight felt no similar aftereffects. I am perfectly fine with this, even if I had to come up with the explanation entirely on my own rather than through the story.
Regarding why Celestia doesn’t also have the corruption – she did use the Elements on NMM first, after all – that can be readily explained away by the fact that the Elements didn’t cure Luna that first time, merely banished her, so Celestia herself never got used as a filter like Twilight was. Again, there’s no statement towards this in-story, but it makes sense if you just think about it for a moment.
But I’m on a tangent. Back to the story itself, which centers on the conversation Twilight and Celestia have while this whole cleansing ritual is happening. Much of it is Twilight losing her filters and thus voicing all her issues with Celestia that she never could as the goody-four-hooves student and Princess of Friendship. We’ve all seen stories do this before, although this one gives the best catalyst for the behavior I can recall. It address the common topics, such as Celestia’s willingness to risk Twilight and her friends – and in several cases, the entirety of Equestria too – on a gamble, or how she turned Twilight into an alicorn without ever considering how Twilight might feel about the change. In that regard, there’s nothing particularly new here.
Even so, NorrisThePony does well with the familiar territory. By reframing the entire conversation around Nightmare Moon’s corruption and the need to purge it, the concept doesn’t feel as forced or OOC as it normally would. This allows the concept to feel a lot more serious than normal, not least when the calm, debatably rational conversation turns to magical blows.
While it doesn’t tread any new ground, I found myself enjoying this one a lot more than the typical “Twilight airs her grievances at Celestia” story. If you’re willing to give that particular sub-genre a try, this is probably the best one you could hope for.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dusk Falls — WHYRTY?
You Could Feel the Sky — Pretty Good
Synthetic Bottled Sunlight — Pretty Good
Nightmare's Reign — Worth It
Constants — Worth It
The Price For Luna
26,028 Words
By PoweredByTea
Nightmare Moon is coming. Celestia knows, and she has prepared for it. The plan has been devised, the right ponies are informed, and the battle will be waged. Except… Is battle really the right course of action? Can Celestia bring herself to banish Luna again, or worse? There must be another option.
This is, put at its simplest, a depiction of what Celestia was doing during the events of Friendship is Magic. The story opens with the revelation that Celestia has been preparing a large-scale plan of action including bringing in the army and dueling her sister directly. But as confident as she is that this is the right decision, her heart begs her to find a way to save Luna instead. After visiting an old frenemy to discuss the situation, Celestia decides to abandon the old plan in favor of a new one: find a group of ponies to take charge of the elements from her and, hopefully, bring forth the hidden Element that even she is unaware of.
Celestia tries to go all chessmaster on the problem, going so far as to pick a potential Element of Loyalty from among her guards then go to Ponyville to personally identify the rest. It becomes very apparent very early that things are going to go wildly awry from her schemes when you realize who she’s picking. Her almost flippant denial of Rainbow Dash and Rarity as candidates is telling enough, to say nothing of her complete ignorance of who Fluttershy even is. Ultimately, it winds up being a story about how Celestia is woefully unprepared for Luna’s return in multiple ways.
I love how Twilight is consistently three steps ahead of her. One of Celestia’s consistent flaws is that she doesn’t trust Twilight to figure things out and do what is necessary on her own, despite the fact that A) she’s consistently underestimated her student and reminds herself of it regularly, and B) the frequent evidence that Twilight’s rapidly figuring everything out without having ever been informed by Celestia of the true plan. It’s practically a running gag, such that by the end of the story when Celestia tries to apologize to Twilight for treating her like a pawn Twilight gives Celestia a lesson in magic.
An aside: Twilight’s first appearance and her last show a marked difference, demonstrating well just how much she’s grown as an individual through her experiences. One can argue this may not be truly earned given how she was largely peripheral to the story’s main events and what we know from the show, but I still thought it was a nice touch.
There are some issues. The first is the regular grammatical irregularities. PoweredByTea sometimes uses incorrect words or forgets to write some words entirely, and I spotted one or two instances of poor punctuation. The problem isn’t egregious, but it’s just frequent enough to be distracting.
There’s also some storytelling oddities. For example, at one point Celestia has to face off against the story’s “final boss”, the star Thuban. PoweredByTea wants us to believe this was foreshadowed, and technically it was, but the foreshadowing was poor at best. Yes, we knew something weird was going on, but even so there was exactly zero chance that you could have predicted that a literal star would show up. We’re given hints that something was coming without any of those hints giving any insinuation as to what that something was, and worse, we’re supposed to believe that this giant dragon-star thing was sneaky and subtle enough to mask its presence among trained ponies and steal files, because this is apparently something that stars do in their off time?
I get that PoweredByTea wanted to make us of the whole “the stars shall aid in her escape” bit, but this felt a little forced. Especially when we watch as this living star dragon uses a portfolio. I mean, it’s a star dragon with complete loyalty to Luna. What does it care about portfolios? It doesn’t need written evidence to know Celestia is the enemy, it has past experience and the presence of a military force. Having this epic star-god thing fling papers and reports in Celestia’s face like some self-righteous bureaucrat in a courtroom was surreal at best and silly at worst. Should not the stellar representation of dragons be itself a stellar representation of dragons? And what non-pony-raised dragon with any self respect is busying themselves reading forms and military logistics reports when they could be burninating the ponies who wrote the reports?
There are other weird plot elements, such as how Pinkie is inexplicably Celestia’s contact/spy in Ponyville. Why does Celestia need a spy telling her all the ins and outs of the local population? Does she have one of these in every Equestrian town, no matter how small? Has she no spymaster to delegate such things to? And if Pinkie is Celestia’s spy in Ponyville, shouldn’t this have come to light at some point in the show?
I digress. Suffice to say PoweredByTea makes some very strange decisions regarding the events of this story. Ultimately, the good, the bad, and the weird balance one another out enough for me to say this is a story worth a soft recommendation. Not amazing, not bad, I’m sure it has its audience. At the very least, it gets points for being atypical of the whole chessmaster Celestia and “What X was doing during Episode Y’s events” tropes
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Wrong Fork — Pretty Good
Punishment and Forgiveness
3,625 Words
KnightMysterio failed to provide cover art.
The Noble Court is opening an inquiry into Celestia, namely due to her regular pardoning of Equestria’s greatest villains. Blueblood wishes they’d start such things over something that actually matters.
I always like to see stories in which Blueblood is depicted as one of the more reasonable characters in the room. At any rate, this inquiry is started by the pegasi’s chief representative, Lord Frilled Shirt, who is certain he can convince the court to go against Celestia on the matter of villain reformation. The fact that Celestia walks into the courtroom bearing a giant kangaroo plushie is a nice touch. I kinda wish someone would do that before the United States Congress.
My one major issue with this story is that it has no bearing on the truths of politics. Celestia is in total control of the court from the moment she is “allowed” in (that last part being laughable at best). It’s obvious that every single one of the nobles is terrified of her and it’s highly questionable that this court holds any power over her in the first place. Come to think of it, what kind of power does this court even have? This could have been alleviated if we had some idea of how the Equestrian Government works in this setting, but alas, KnightMysterio sees no need to offer specifics.
With this in mind, I found the entire setting absurd. We’ve got a politician – an entire group of politicians – who are confident enough to hold this inquiry in the first place and have the audacity to think they can summon Celestia. If that’s truly the case, then these wouldn’t be the spineless pushovers depicted in-story. They’d be interrupting Celestia with counterpoints, pulling out “evidence” (potentially fabricated), they’d be engaging in misleading wordplay, they’d be making short speeches, they’d be fighting for the right to speak! And when it’s over, the inquiry would most certainly not end, oh no, they’d “discover” reasons why it’s all the more important to keep going!
KnightMysterio paints this entire story as “Celestia gives her reasoning, everypony is cowed.” That isn’t remotely how such an event would go.
I’m sure the author intended this to be some big “gotcha” story in which a misguided politician gets smacked down by a confident and far-wiser Celestia. Going by the upvote ratio, I imagine many people will see it that way. But there are a lot of issues with how the situation is presented that ruined my ability to accept things as-is. Celestia saying “this is why I did this” isn’t enough, because there are clear and obvious arguments that could be used against her reasoning and there will, inescapably, be ponies that adamantly refuse to accept her philosophies. Celestia didn’t “win” anything here, her political opponents are just too cowed by her display of raw magical might to voice any potential objections.
Speaking of: Celestia assaulted a publicly elected official. That she can do this openly and with exactly zero objections from anyone in the room implies that this court doesn’t hold any power over her whatsoever, so why is she even entertaining this farce?
I digress. Understanding what Knight Mysterio intended, I cannot recommend this one. The entire setup is just wrong, and that ruins the story’s believability from the start.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Royal Review — Worth It
Bonus Review: Every Heart a Doorway
368 Pages
By Seanan McGuire
Published 2016
Once, Nancy Whitman walked through a Door to a place where pomegranates grow wild, screams were the norm and nothing to be alarmed about, and stillness was perfection. She learned to be still herself, so much so that her heart beat but once a minute, and the King of the Dead adored her. But then he sends her back home, “to be sure”. Life hasn’t been kind ever since. Her parents are convinced to send her to a boarding school where, hopefully, she can be cured of her delusions. It is not the school they thought it would be.
Holy crap, I loved this.
My first taste of the Wayward Children series came, unintentionally, from the seventh book in the series, Where the Drowned Girls Go. That story was about a wannabe mermaid girl who thought Eleanor’s School for Wayward Children wasn’t giving her what she needed. It was a little creepy at times and had a fascinating overarching setting. I liked it enough to want to see how the series got its start. That’s how I wound up here, and damn, this is not what I was expecting.
Here we are introduced to the base idea of this series: there are Doors to other worlds, fantastic places that wildly vary in nature. They tend to appear before children who feel out of place or like they don’t belong in the world they were born in. Sometimes the children can stay in those worlds for the rest of their lives, happy that they’ve found a place that accepts them as they are. Other times they find their way back home – on purpose or not. These kids have it hard, because nobody in the ‘real’ world ever believes their stories of fantastic journeys, and finding their Door isn’t as simple as retracing their steps; sometimes they never find their Door again.
Enter Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children. Eleanor went through a Door as a child. She knows the struggle these ‘returned’ children are going through: parents who don’t believe them, who think there’s something ‘wrong’ with them, that feeling of being an outcast. Her boarding school was created to give these children a place where they can feel accepted as they are, maybe find their Doors again and, if not, at least learn to live in the ‘real’ world as happily as possible.
Our MC Nancy went to an ‘Underworld’, a place where a general sense of morbidity is the norm. She adapted to life there, to such a degree that she can almost literally become ‘still as death’. Indeed, stillness is natural for her. But every day she remains in the ‘real’ world, it becomes a little bit harder to maintain that stillness she adores. Her parents love her dearly but are convinced she was kidnapped and that her odd behavior is a result of trauma, and so smother her with their well-intended efforts to ‘normalize’ her life. At Eleanor’s, she at least has a chance of nobody trying to ‘fix’ what isn’t wrong.
One of my favorite moments in the story is early on when Eleanor introduces Nancy to the rest of the school. And I quote:
”Good evening, everyone. By now, some of you have doubtlessly heard that we have a new student with us. This is Nancy. She’ll be rooming with Sumi until one of them attempts to murder the other. If you’d like to place a bet on who kills who, please talk to Kade.”
This is the moment I realized I was going to have a fun time.
Turns out that whole ‘murder’ thing was unintentionally prophetic, because one of the students at the school does wind up dead. Then another. Then a member of the faculty. This ends up being the story’s primary plot: somebody at the school is a killer, and Nancy – the new student who happens to come from an Underworld where death was viewed with a kind of worshipful dignity – is inevitably going to be a prime suspect. It is thus in her best interest to find the killer ASAP.
Helping her out are a cast of colorful individuals. Seanan McGuire remembered that most people (and kids) run in cliques though, so most of Nancy’s friend group are the ones that share her morbid tendencies. The first and easily least compatible is Onishi Sumi, Nancy’s roommate who went to a High Nonsense world and thus tends to behave in ways that don’t make logical sense to everyone else. You can think of her as Wayward Children’s Pinkie Pie. Then there’s Christopher Flores, who went to a world where skeletons danced and he fell in love with a Skeleton Girl. He keeps a bone flute inaudible to the human ear but which allows him to animate and speak to bones.
Then there’s Kade Bronson, who has an unexpected backstory. You see, Kade was brought to a High Logic fantasy world, one inhabited by Fae. There Kade went on to become a hero and, ultimately, the ‘Goblin King’ (I strongly suspect his backstory is based on the movie Labyrinth). But there was a problem: in this High Logic fae world, only girls are allowed to become heroes. The fae who accepted Kade thought they’d taken in a tomboyish girl, but then it came out that Kade was actually a transgender male. He was promptly kicked back to the ‘real’ world and forbidden from coming back. Which is a great twist, because in doing so the fae accepted Kade’s self-identity. This is the first time I’ve seen a story in which having a trans identity wholly accepted is the problem. (It should be noted that Nancy is really into Kade, despite being asexual herself.)
Then there’s Jack and Jill Wolcott, real names Jacqueline and Jillian. Identical twins, these two went to a Gothic Horror world, where Jill became the willing slave of a vampire lord (the ‘Master’) and dresses in gothic lolita fashion while Jack became the apprentice of a Frankenstein-esque mad scientist named Dr. Bleak. Just gonna admit it now: Jack was my favorite character by far. Still self-identifying as a mad scientist, she has a private laboratory in the basement where she keeps such things as an autopsy table and a vat of acid. She once vivisected one of her co-student’s pet hamsters only to be perplexed when her offer to put him back together was refused. Dr. Bleak once told her to fetch him a ‘perfect dog’, but since a perfect dog doesn’t exist she went around collecting the, *ahem*, ‘appropriate parts’ from various living specimens. Needless to say, Jack is weird with a capital W, a prime suspect for the murders, and easily identifiable as innocent due to such an answer being too obvious.
Unrelated: FiM and its fandom have effectively ruined the names “Jack” and “Jacqueline” for me. I couldn’t help hearing Jack’s voice with Applejack’s accent. Jack doesn’t have this accent, but I can’t help it; I see the name and the accent comes. To complicate matters, Jack and Jill are blonde and freckled with a tendency for blunt honesty and pragmatism. So yeah, minus the accent (which I can’t stop imagining Jack as having anyway), they’re Mad Scientist and Gothic Lolita Applejack, respectively. Rarity would swoon in appreciation of their respective clothing tastes.
Ignoring this personal habit of mine, I loved Jack and I really look forward to seeing more of her in future stories.
As for the murder case(s), who the killer is becomes very obvious very quickly. I’m honestly not sure Seanan was trying to disguise it, because if you have any sense for storytelling and plot development you’ll see it coming from a mile away. That doesn’t detract from the story for me though, because it seems clear that this book wasn’t about the mystery so much as it was meant to serve as a base introduction to the series and its concepts. These concepts are easy to grasp but may be complex to master, as there is apparently a whole mess of different ‘directions’ and world ‘types’ that even the supposed in-story experts are struggling to understand. Still, the base story within is simple and does exactly what it needs to do as an introduction to the world(s) of Wayward Children.
Overall, this was a fantastic opening to the series in multiple ways, especially if you’re like me and appreciate quirky and/or morbid characters. The base plot is simple but the overarching concepts explored are wonderful, with the promise of more to come that make this into a potentially complicated universe. Heavily themed on alienation and the desire of belonging, it might also be viewed as a love note to those who themselves are viewed by the normies as odd. I greatly enjoyed this opening step into the Wayward Children franchise and have every intention of reading more.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Stories for Next Time:
Clean Up by ThatplantthatIhate
It's Not A Dream If It's Real by JWR
Moving on: Silver Spoon's story by Hollyfern
White Out by the dobermans
Lazy River by Estee
My Little Investigations: Marehunter by Metool Bard
Rekindled Embers: Mercury's Journal by applezombi
Phase Two by Sephora
Survival Against All Odds by Thesupernile
That New Magic: The Origin of Love by Hope
(The wind that pushes destiny) by xXRED1234
A Drink Between Friends by KorenCZ11
In His Image by daOtterGuy
Interesting Times by Rambling Writer
Losing Her Marbles by Jhoira
Ponyfinder: The Lost Flowers by David Silver
The Princess of Friendship... With Benefits? by Spyder27
A Riddle or Twelve by Idsertian
Times Have Changed by Maddiepink5
You Can't Eat Gold by QueenMoriarty
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Reading Progress:
Mortal Coil
69.30% (327,489 / 472,539)
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Need some editing done? Working on a story and not sure how it’s shaping up? I’m now doing editing and critique commissions! Check here for more information and PM me if interested.
Wonderful to see the positive reception for Adagio, I always felt that one received some unfairly negative feedback and went underappreciated as Naiad's magnum opus.
Thank you for reviewing RSVP! I really appreciate it.
That one graf you mention is a failure on my part to convey the subjects correctly — Princess Twilight Sparkle had known HER Mane 6 for years, not Sci-Twi’s own human Mane 6, and Sci-Twi is lamenting being new to her friend group as opposed to Princess Twilight, who has known these same people in another universe for years.
Regardless, I’ll go over it again and fix the other things you mentioned and I’m happy to have been featured here!
Merry Christmas, man! Hope all is well with the families and the kids running all over the place.
I think there's some irony to be mined from the one WHYRTY? this week being a one-shot Doom crossover, but I'm too knackered to do so myself right now. Though I guess Estee would be the one who could get such a fic that high.
Hireath may not be an exceptional fic, by any stretch, but I think it's essential reading for anyone even a little bit curious of what Starlight would have been like between losing Sunburst and establishing her village. Which Starry Darling already did, yeah, but this jumps ahead enough years to have more of the pieces fall into place. Really glad to see it here.
The Ambiguous Colour of Saffron is the one fic of evelili's I've read. It's good enough to make me feel guilty that the rest of her content doesn't appeal to me, especially with her being a friend and an absolute sweetheart.
But I can still appreciate her art as much as the next guy! 
As for the fic, possibly I might have had the conceptual exception you had if I'd had any experience with actual soup kitchens, but lacking that, I really enjoyed the subtle and complex character probing here.
Finally, read An Equestrian Nativity when it was new, rated it Really Good, don't remember much of anything about it. Doubt it would hold up to that now, but you never know.
Merry Christmas!
Insanely? Yes. Her name is Daisy. She has her own entry on the Doom wiki.
Some excellent selections this time around. Always happy to see Iota Force get some time in the spotlight. And yes, demons killing Doomguy's pet bunny is, in fact, the canonical reason for his continuing rampage after the first game.
Admittedly I avoid the Doom franchise like the plague, but I can at least confirm that DoomGuy owning and adoring a rabbit is canon. Daisy's death, from what I understand, is what sets off his undying hatred for the monsters he fights.
The fact that Rise Again will, in all likelihood, never come back from death is one of the great injustices of fanfiction.
Okay, that was overly dramatic... but it's a damn good, intense read. Sunset's wheezing and stammering is a great detail, and remarkably it never gets annoying or excessive. And there are plenty of other excellent bits, like Pinkie going in mourning for Sunset and wearing black. It's surprising, but also immensely in character, when you think about it.
I do so love when I write a fic that unexpectedly takes off out of nowhere, then the snowball going down the hill picks up readings, reviews, and people doing DiCaprio points at the obscure niche references I make. (And some I never intended to make.)
Very happy that You Can Lead a Horsegirl to Water appealed to you, especially since it's my first time writing in a dialogue-only format and I've only ever written a singular Rarity-Applejack fluff piece before. Thank you very much for reviewing it! It may not have placed in the contest, but I'm glad people continue to enjoy it.
Oh, and Merry Christmas!
ETA: Just realized I misspelled my own fic's name. Now, children, the moral here is that you should get enough sleep. Tired brain is a no-good brain.
Not the author, but I take issue with this. While the particular exposition could be done in a less-clunky fashion (and if the info is not pertinent to the plot, it should be cut), if one is attempting to write something to seem like a stand-alone story, especially a short one, a brief background is helpful--stories will have this information and it is helpful to avoid jargon shortcuts.... E.g. in 10 years will some g6 readers have any idea who this 'daring do' might be?
That cover art with Sunset and Twilight on a motorcycle... Sunset's head is huge. They both look a bit chibi anyway, but Twilight's face is a much more reasonable size.
hell yeah
It's worth noting Seanan is a huge MLP Fan. she's more into G1, but I wouldn't be surprised if she did lean a little bit on G4 AJ for Jack and Jacqueline.
Can someone tell me what the hell Anon-A-Miss is and where I can find the original story? I always see people referencing it but I can never find the original story, please help.
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It was an Equestria Girls non-canon supplementary thing, a comic I think, released at a time when there was very little EQG content so lots of people read it. I imagine there the whole thing is online somewhere. I've not read it myself, but have seen enough summaries to offer my own:
Someone called 'Anon-a-Miss' starts posting secrets about various CHS pupils online, secrets that only someone very close would know. Because she's only recently reformed, suspicion falls on Sunset, who is ostracised from her friends. It's actually revealed to be the CMCs, who are jealous of the attention Sunset is getting as the new friend. The main issue around the comic is that it was created to be aired after EQG1, when fan opinion on Sunset was not positive and she'd only been redeemed on-screen for five minutes. Unfortunately the comic wasn't actually published until after Rainbow Rocks, by which time Sunset being good was properly established, she'd fought to defend CHS and her friends from the sirens, and fan opinion of her was very positive. Hence lots of people having very strong feelings about her friends turning on her when she's implicated.
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It's called the "My Little Pony: Equestria Girls - Holiday Special". And yeah, it's a comic.
Honestly thanks a ton for reading/reviewing (this review actually jumpscared me, I thought it'd be coming much later hah). It's really nice knowing Hiraeth/Starry Darling were capable of delivering well-enough on essentially everything I wanted to convey in both of them. Hiraeth, especially, I'm happy you believe is able to stand so well as both a stand-alone read and also a sequel. Thank you again. (And to you as well for your reviews, 5822989, GM!)
ayy thanks for the review! im glad u enjoyed the story :D ill admit that i dont have much experience with soup kitchens, but for inspiration on the premise i did draw from a cultural fair i helped run where unfortunately the curries went untouched
in a realistic scenario tho yeah i cant see someone turning down a meal if they really needed it 
lots of cool stuff to check out this week; i know nothing about doom but the fic sounds compelling, and the zombie sunset premise juuuust might be stronger than my personal aversion to incompletes. hope you had a good holiday, and looking forward to ur blogs in the new year!
Sounds like quite the busy holidays for you! Glad my nutty little story was able to perk you up. Best regards! (The story being localized in Canterlot, it never occurred to me to get Cadance involved. Might've made for a twisted lesson on admiration and love >:) )
...right. Okay, T.I.M, let's see if you've got this straight: you ask the good Mr. Asaran to take a look at the first of your main series, then spend half a year realizing that, while in theory a good place to start, that story is also by far the weakest of them and had elements and aspects that you are... not proud of, to say the least. Then, shortly before the review is posted, you hit a particularly low point in your ever-shifting mood and seratonin levels (something you have no excuse not seeing coming), just in time to see that not only is he reviewing that story but, in the same blog, he's also unintentionally doing you an extra favour by looking at another story... specifically, the stupid story you only wrote to get a dumb idea out of your head and posted out a sense of obligation when a number of other things got screwed up, fully aware of how silly and shallow it is.
Is that all correct? Does it just about cover everything? Yes? Good. Now that that's settled, let's get on with business, shall we:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/2/6/1955291.gif
In all seriousness, pretty much every issue you pointed out with both stories is pretty much spot-on, as far as I can see. As I said, I knew Final Test was pretty dumb and substanceless both when I wrote it intending to never publish it, and when I did out of a sense of obligation when an alternate story couldn't be done (not that I was in any way obligated, it's just the way my mind works, much as I detest it and wish it didn't).
As for the first Iota Force story... well, I don't know if it's really that elucidating, but I first wrote it around 2014, when I was in a different place mentally, a good 4-5 years before it was eventually published (thanks to a combination of a need for editing, general dithering and my aforementioned unreliable mental state), so there were a few elements that... I think may have been a little more emblematic of the fandom at the time, but given that, right now, I can barely remember how I felt at the time, I'm not prepared to say that for certain.
If it helps, future stories are a small-to-massive amount longer... though given how I think that's because, somewhere along the line, I lost the bit of my brain that lets me recognize word limits as anything but a passing blur, I'm not all that confident it's an improvement.
Still, happy you enjoyed it at least a little and look forward to having you for however long you want to stick with the series.
5822987
There are other Naiad stories I liked more, but that might not have been the case if Adagio had gotten that final bit of polish. A pity Naiad's taking a break right now, but at least I can be assured that I haven't read their entire library yet!
5822988
Huh. That does make a lot more sense. It's also an unusual and interesting angle I never would have considered. It would also qualify as a "Twilight freaks out over nothing" moment, but then again, that kind of thing is perfectly in-character.
5822989
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too!
I think Estee's Doom crossover landed where it did in part because of the audacity of taking such a crossover seriously and pulling it off. I think most authors would have bombed something like that (no pun intended).
I'm coming to really like evelili's library and consistently looking forward to the next entry. I'd like to commission them for cover art someday too, because their covers are always spot on.
5822992
Merry Christmas to you too!
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5822997
So what you're saying is DoomGuy pulled a John Wick before John Wick did? That's awesome.
5822999
It doesn't have to be. It's entirely possible for a fic to become undead, as under the right conditions a new author can pick up another's story to continue/complete it. Couldn't say what the rules are around that, but I'm pretty sure it's a thing that can happen. In fact I have a longstanding invitation from one long-gone author to finish one of their works someday should I ever deign to do so.
5823001
Some day I'll get to something else in your library; I always do.
What can I say? RariJack is the OTP and your story looked amusing.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too!
5823006
Considering that a few comments after yours someone appeared who somehow didn't know what Anon-A-Miss is, I'll concede that particular long-standing issue. I still don't like to see it, but at least I can acknowledge that the older the show gets the less likely some people are to know even staple elements of G4 like Daring Do.
5823007
Huh. I didn't even notice.
5823019
I doubt it, mostly because while Jack may share several of AJ's physical features it would be a real leap to go from apple farmer to mad scientist. On the other hand, I know for a fact that there will later be a character named "Regan" whose Door leads to a world of talking equines, which has got to be a MLP nod.
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I had no idea the Anon-A-Miss comic was a holiday special, or that it was originally meant to be released before Rainbow Rocks. What I did know was that the behavior of all the non-Sunset characters was wildly OoC owing to how they all dropped her like a hot potato at the very first opportunity they got. Changing when the comic is set would have alleviated a lot of that. But eh, that Hasbro for you.
5823034
At any rate, if you bother to look you'll find a ton of fanfiction relating to Anon-A-Miss, usually (but not always) changing things so that the consequences of it are far worse than what the comics gave us. It's become a trope and stopped being original about fifteen minutes after the comic released. To be fair, some of them have been good regardless of the dated topic (see Rise Again above).
Ey, thanks for the review as always, Paul. Glad you liked my little waltz in and around formula.
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I've never been to a soup kitchen either. It just seems to me that having to go to a soup kitchen at all implies a need to forgo such things as pickiness. Still, it was a great overall story. Happy New Year and Happy Holidays!
5823123
As a general rule, I always read stories in order, even when someone requests I read a later story instead, because I prefer to have the whole history known as I go along. You are by no means the first person to lament this. But no worries, I have every intention of continuing the series.
As to Final Test, I grabbed it on a whim because I like both the SunsetSparkle ship and the idea of Twilight riding the back of Sunset's motorcycle, so it hit all the right buttons on first inspection. I'm not sure whether I grabbed it before or after your review request. Probably before.
5823148
Thank you.
And, thank you for the interesting write-ups.
I come bearing good news! Duck has not left the fandom. He is simply a butthead. Perhaps this was the final needed push 🙏