• Member Since 11th Dec, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Nines


Very divisible.

More Blog Posts445

  • 1 week
    2025 Housekeeping

    Hiyo. How ya'll doing? Just wanted to check in with stuff. Felt like time for an update. I touch base on my latest writing and social media and stuff. Get it after the jump!

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    7 comments · 53 views
  • 7 weeks
    New story, neurodivergence, help find someone online, fun vids and other recommendations

    (I'm struggling with the blog titles, can you tell?)
    (If you want to skip the navel-gazing, at the end of the post I have lighter topics and someone I need help to find online!)

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    5 comments · 115 views
  • 9 weeks
    36

    Tomorrow is my birthday, and I turn 36. I keep trying to wrap my head around my age only to give up. I thought I'd "feel" like an adult by now, but every day I still feel like I'm just figuring it out. Is this how my parents felt? Or did they just trick themselves into thinking they had all the answers? Previous generations certainly presented themselves as capable adults, at any rate.

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    8 comments · 99 views
  • 12 weeks
    RariTwi Love & Accepting Fic Requests

    The new RariTwi fic is out! This is a direct sequel to All The Little Rings. It's not super necessary to read the first story, but I think you'd enjoy the new story more if you did. If you read the story, please consider leaving a like and comment!

    TAll The Little Rings
    Rarity is in the grips of an existential depression when Twilight comes calling... Love sprouts in the gloom.
    Nines · 27k words  ·  140  6 · 2.6k views

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    0 comments · 46 views
  • 13 weeks
    Here we are. Again.

    I didn't really want my comeback blog post to be about the election. And for the most part, it won't be, but to say I'm feeling chipper or optimistic would be a lie. I feel like crap. I've cried a lot today. I feel pain in my heart for my little three-year-old girl. I feel like our generation, I feel like I've failed her. The repercussions of this election will be felt for (literally) decades.

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    12 comments · 222 views
Dec
16th
2024

New story, neurodivergence, help find someone online, fun vids and other recommendations · 4:18pm Dec 16th, 2024

(I'm struggling with the blog titles, can you tell?)
(If you want to skip the navel-gazing, at the end of the post I have lighter topics and someone I need help to find online!)

Yesterday I put out my latest fic, Lessons in Bondage, which was a fic idea suggested by Dusk Melody way back in August. When I opened my fic requests, I thought it would be a good time to try and give the idea a shot. I liked it at first blush, and when I started working on it in earnest, it basically took my mind over. What should have been a one-shot insisted on being more. I felt quite excited about it, but I tried to remind myself it was a humanized rare pair, so it may not get the kind of reception I'd normally hope for with some other fics.

[Adult story embed hidden]

Somehow it still managed to fall below those expectations, which of course gets me in my feels, and I'd be lying if I said a few tears weren't shed, but the core of my being was balmed by the fact that Dusk Melody thoroughly enjoyed the fic, as did a couple of people I shared it with in private. I'm confident this wasn't a rejection on a technical level, but more a conceptual one. I realize there was a controversial element or two that might have had people quick to judge, but what were the individual reasons behind each dislike? I have no idea.

The temptation is there to do the kind of forensic autopsy (read: obsessive hand-wringing) that I used to do when I first joined this site. It's so funny how in hindsight, the initial reception of What They Expect to Give, which I used to think was such a disaster, turned out to be not that bad. I do still have some hope (however dim) that things could turn around for Lessons, and I did start a draft for the third chapter. I'll certainly try to get that done within the next month or two. Maybe it'll pick up by then, but at the moment I have other things to prioritize, both for my own stories and other requested fics.

Rather than the angsty ramblings of a writer and her spurned work, I wanna talk about my neurodivergence and how it's exacerbating the situation. And y'know, my whole life. After a long journey of denial, education, acceptance, and medical hoop-jumping, I've been recently diagnosed with ADHD, inattentive type. (The specificity on my medical notes had me wondering what other types there were...?) Now, I have to preface this with the usual hand-waving: everyone's life journey is unique, and that's particularly true about neurodivergence. So if you also have ADHD or know people with it and my trials and tribulations sound nothing like yours/theirs, it's because of that. My husband and son also have ADHD, but they have different fixations and sensitivities from me.

Apparently, there's a curious difference between men and women and how ADHD affects them. The "inattentive" part of my diagnosis is from me constantly, almost obsessively, thinking about whatever I'm hyperfixated on. It could be anything, but usually, I'm drawn to anything with emotional story beats for me to daydream endlessly about. The dark side of hyperfixation? Sometimes I get stuck on negative events and self-criticism. When I lost my home two years ago, I went through a solid year thinking about all the things that went wrong and how much of it was my fault. Like many neurodivergent people, I'm sensitive to rejection, and the way my brain is wired, I try to think about how to "fix it". Cue the self-loathing and feelings of isolation. No one is spinning on this like I do, and no one is hurt like I am. It's made the experience of art and writing challenging, but like a moth to a flame, I keep coming back.

More broadly speaking, my diagnosis really explains the history of my work as a writer, both in how I've got multiple on-going stories and very inconsistent updates. I'd like to harness my skills and interests. "Harness the wind" if you will. I think ADHD medication could help with that, but I have to wait till Christmas Eve to see someone at my primary care clinic about it. Until then, ya'll will just have to mess with my jumbled brain.

In the case of Lessons, I don't think there's anything to fix. I worked really hard to write a story that centers on love, safety, and communication. (I mean, if you think I'm wrong, by all means, tell me what you think.) Still it's hard to put the thoughts down. I can (and do) appeal to anyone who has enjoyed Her Collar, Her Love to give Lessons a shot. (This is why HCHL is tagged to this post. I have the next chapter draft started, btw!) Obviously, give the story description a thorough look so that you know what you're getting into. I think I'll chat more about this whole situation on my website's blog. I've always had limited success in journaling, but there's something about externalizing one's feelings that brings me some relief, however brief. I'd just rather not whine too much here.

I may be a bit emotionally off for the next few days. I'm hoping that won't slow me down too much creatively, but if I can get that endorphin bump later, that'll be great. I've got a mature SciSet story that is next up in the queue, and with luck, that will have a better reception. There's always a risk with fic requests and fic exchanges when a story idea you get might not have success, either because you became obligated to write something you wouldn't normally want to write (which absolutely wasn't the case here) or because your skills and style weren't a good fit for the idea. Personally? I'd like to think that stripped of the MLP themes and specifics, this would have done better with literary kinksters. That's something I keep trying to tell myself. Maybe even tons better. But who knows? Who knows.

Tethered-Angel has gotten me deep into The Wandering Inn, so maybe I'll try and distract myself with that. I'm nine volumes deep, and despite reading it for an entire year I still haven't caught up. This series is monstrously huge, but if you like lit RPGs or D&D, you'll probably love this story. Another thing I may turn to for distraction is The Guy She Was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All, aka TGSWIIWAGAA, aka The Green Yuri. (It's not really a yuri, tho, more like shoujo-ai, but this is what the fans have taken to calling it.) The artwork is really good. The story is a (very) slow burn, but there are plenty of sweet moments that I feel fairly satisfied. Back when I was a teenager, this was the most I could hope for much of the time. These days? Sapphics are spoiled. You whippersnappers have no idea how us older gays had to get by purely off of subtext. It sucked! Heh, but y'know, maybe that can give some understanding as to why I prefer to write slower romance stories like What They Expect to Give. :rainbowwild:

Anyway, I have a question for you all. While I was at Ponyville Ciderfest this year, a person left these mysterious cassette tapes in the hotel lobby, just outside of the elevators. I snagged one as I love obsolete media and I earnestly adore lo-fi.

Who is this person?? (EDIT: Mystery solved! It was "Jimm.horse", which was a complete URL. I had no idea you could use horse as a domain name?! For some reason the dot between Jimm and Horse looked like an i to me. I kept saying "Jimmi" :rainbowlaugh: ) They put together a really catchy and fun music mix that was basically one long love letter to Derpy. I listened to this on repeat, I enjoyed it that much. But I can't find this person online. I tried typing in the URL as I understood it, but it doesn't work. I tried adding .com, .net, .html... Nothing worked. I did various Google searches, but still got nada. I can try and see if identifying the songs might help, but for all I know the music didn't belong to the person (though I'd be very surprised given the level of production). I just wanna say thank you for the mixtape. I didn't think I'd get to add a pony-related tape to my cassette collection, but there we go! I can die happy, lol.

Last thing: have you guys seen GatorGoatJohnny's latest video?? It was such a fun collaboration with tons of artists showing their love of G5. I'll still always prefer G4, but I was sorry to hear G5 was ending. This feels like such a sweet love letter to it, I just had to signal boost it.

I'm feeling mildly better after having typed all of this up. I'm still a bit sensitive, and for all I know my mood will tank again. Right now though, I'm sort of chuckling over being able to point at a story in my fic list and say, "See? They can't all be winners." Sometimes it's good to be humbled. Anyway, in case I don't post again before the holidays, I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a happy New Year! :heart:

Comments ( 5 )

5821458
Oh thank you so much, I never would have figured that out 😆

Honestly, in retrospect I wonder why I ever liked the downvote option here. I don't think there's really any place for that kind of thing in a creative space. And hinestly since the end of g4 is feels like this space has gotten taken over by some sort of morality watchdogs that downvote anything kink related as soon as it drops. It's really demoralizing.

5821495
Yeah, I've had some thoughts about the downvote option, lol. It's why in some ways I prefer AO3. Let the work survive on the merits of its writing, I say. Forget the artwork, even. Comments, kudos, and bookmarks give a more nuanced measurement of the quality of a work at a glance. But y'know, god forbid people READ anything. :derpytongue2: It's really hard to say why things shook out the way they did. It's doing marginally better from when I first posted the blog at least.

5821500
In general, I'm kind of over anonymous interaction in general haha. Again, at least on art. Also, even more than reading, people need to learn to just move on if they don't like something. Thats what the tags are for.

And uuuggg yeah the coverart. I don't miss having to deal with THAT for every new fic.

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