Fic recs, November 3rd: Project Get! #19 · 2:50pm November 3rd
Aha! This wasn't what I was expecting to publish next, but here we are! Once again, I've taken my RIL, sorted it by views, and taken the bottom 10 stories (that are not sequels or related to AUs I'm not familiar with, and only one per author) for this review. Let's see if we can't get more eyes on these underappreciated gems!
I have to say, I'm a tad mortified that I've not even done 20 of these in over a decade of fanfiction reviewing. ._. Also, I've been reviewing pony fanfics for over a decade, and I don't like that either! :'D
H: 1 R: 3 C: 4 V: 1 N: 1
Bleachers/Cherrytown/Too Late by The Red Parade
Genre: Sad Romance
When she was young, Daring Do had a sudden realization that she wasn't like other ponies.
Weird story, this. On the one hand, it's an excellent look at a world where Daring Do and Cheerilee met in high school and became friends, and spends a good bit of its story building up Daring as this enigmatic and nuanced character. On the other hand, it feels a tad brief all over, and just kind of chucks a definition for an asexuality spectrum term in there for the sake of the contest it was written for. The reader is supposed to be learning alongside Daring about herself, but I felt like that aspect was geared more for the reader's sake. On the third hand (Ahuizotl?!), there's a little bit of an ARG element dropped at the very end, and it doesn't seem anyone's gotten past it yet, so who knows what awaits in the final chapter? :O
Recommended
The Fire: Campfire Tales by abrony-mouse
Genre: G1 Slice of Life (G3 Crossover? G4 Crossover??)
The little ponies and their human friends spend a night camped in the woods, and tell each other stories to pass the time.
I'm afraid I have to be mean to a fellow fanfiction reviewer. :( I don't like doing it, the whole point here is to get eyes on these low-view stories, but I found this to be terribly dull. It has some other issues that might affect other readers, but this effectively captures the feel of what I found to be the least interesting parts of G1. Again, I hate having to say this, because this is only the second G1 fic I've ever reviewed? Like, it's cool that anyone wrote this and put it on Fimfiction; I even appreciate the addition of characters from other generations, even if their appearances don't add a whole lot to the story. Which brings me to my first point: oh my god, there's so many characters. The first chapter is just line after line introducing and describing dozens of ponies. And given that most of them canonically do not have strong personalities, they start blending together in a big way when a lot of them are in one scene. This also becomes a problem in the second chapter, which has the only instance of what I would consider 'action' or 'conflict', and which is thus spread out over several scenes of various interchangeable characters discovering what the problem is but not advancing the story in any meaningful way. Again, it's not the author's fault the ponies are interchangeable characters, that comes straight from the source material; it was a choice, however, to use so many, and it seems new characters never cease to pop up as the story continues. Another choice was to make all the chapters stand-alone stories. Which… I can't say really worked? I mean, the only reason it can be said in the first place is that there's an author's note at the start of each past the first, informing you of what's happened up to that point. So you absolutely can jump into any chapter and know what's been going on (it helps that the answer is 'not much'), but if you read them from start to finish, those notes are intensely redundant and come off as the author having no faith in the reader being able to remember the contents of the chapter they just finished reading. And it's also weird simply because, taken all together, this is a whole story, with no time passing between each chapter, so again, I question the approach. Also, once we finally get to the titular campfire tale-telling, the first tale isn't told to us! It's… well, I mean, it's told told, we don't get to read the words the teller used is what I'm getting at. And it's Whizzer recounting the story of Pokemon? c_c; Which isn't to say it's all bad, I actually really liked Posey's "Jane Austen but plants" story, though there's so much cross-chatter from other characters and so many false starts as she tries to choose her words carefully that it was kind of hard to follow. I really do not want to belabor the point, but I was also amused by the epilogue, where it turns out there's something else going on and I'm not the only one who was bored. <_< But if your own character is bored by your story, there might be something wrong with your approach. In the end, I can't say I got very much out of the amount of time I invested into reading this. At least it gave me a lot to talk about! Hopefully the next one is better.
Not Recommended
Daring Dark by TheDriderPony
Genre: Sad/Horror
Daring can't recall how she got here, but she's ready for anything.
Oh damn, I was not expecting this to be one of those stories. :( New character to undergo this treatment, and it definitely snuck up on me. That said, the reveal is also the halfway point of this very short story, and the rest, rather than dwelling on the sadness inherent in its theme, shows us the true horror that lies in having lived a double life. The second scene is so mundane, and that's what got me. Dang.
Recommended
Somewhere on Eastern Seas by PaulAsaran
Genre: Adventure
A diplomatic mission turns disastrous.
I've complained a lot about fics that focus entirely on flying. It turns out this is because the pegasi and griffins of those flight fics are never flying through storms. That is where the real action is at, and that is where this story begins, with a daring at-sea rescue that quickly turns deadly. Along with generating exciting action, it turns out this is also a quick and easy way to get me invested in a story about a character I generally don't give two shits about. :V But perhaps I state the obvious. Paul's always been a good writer, and this is some of his best work. Presented to us non-chronologically, it's quite the thrill to piece together what's happening between the calm diplomacy scenes and the much more intense disaster movie ones. When you see something like Gallus refusing to hand over a stone to a drowning sailor, only to learn in the following scene just why that stone was important and why he didn't do anything to save the guy, it just hits a lot harder than learning the reasoning at the start of the story and having to remember it. This also includes some unexpected and very interesting world-building for a species I won't spoil; it took a minute for me to realize who they even were once we're introduced to their leader, and that was quite a joy. :D (Though I think the Japanese could use some work.) Gallus has to make some hard choices that also require trusting people when he could be saving them, and it makes for solid internal conflict and character development. Is that sufficient praise to include you to read this? Because you absolutely should.
Highly Recommended
The Wall by Dafaddah
Genre: Slice of Life
To save the tree, he built a wall.
Okay, so the pony's name is Jim. That definitely confused me at first, but there's no Human tag, so… Anyway, this is a very brief look at a farming family's lineage. Despite the brevity, I think the gaps are very easy to fill in. I was honestly a tad nonplussed overall, just because we're not given enough time to really build up a care for the family, but the ending nicely mirrors what happens in the middle of the story, and I appreciated that.
Recommended as Light Reading
Stop Waiting for It by Avellana
Genre: Philosophical Drama
Monsoon sees his therapist after the breakup.
I think this is the second story I've read in the last two weeks dealing with the question "What is love?" And I'm not gonna make the joke this time, either. :P This is pretty good, runs through several aspects of what this character (and, likely, the author) feels love can be, and I like where it ends. It's almost like the buildup to a comedy punchline. Punctuation has a few issues, but nothing major. Decent story!
Recommended If You Like Thinking About Stuff
Cleaning Up by Loganberry
Genre: Dark Comedy
It's a tough job, keeping Ponyville clean, but someone's gotta do it.
This took a minute to get going, though to be fair, I felt like I was missing the joke from the very start. (I was not.) The main premise is actually quite funny, and the ending is… Not quite a feghoot? Or maybe it is, and cross-Atlantic static is interfering. Either way, this isn't bad, but either it lacks punch or I'm just too thick to recognize it.
Recommended for Laughs
Tarnished Silver Spoon by Acologic
Genre: Sad
Why am I like this?
Feel like reading a thousand words of Silver Spoon self-recriminating? It's kind of depressing, ngl, and the emotions expressed on the page ring quite true, not to mention relatable. But, as some commenters point out, she doesn't quite sound like a child; this is a fully emotionally mature person dealing with roiling self-hate. Plus, it's just kind of really depressing and offers nothing besides. I'm not sure who this is going to appeal to.
Vaguely Recommended
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by Zontan
Genre: Friendshipping
Inky Rose doesn't usually interact with ponies at shows. But this one surprised her, in more ways than one.
The mosh pit of a goth club (in a version of Equestria that has a dark web) is about the most unlikely setting for a "don't judge a book by its cover" story I've ever seen, and yet that's what makes this work. It's simple and straightforward, but does a very good job of explaining why these two very different ponies would ever encounter one another. I hope they become good friends. :)
Recommended
Never Stop Running by ImScaredofPeople
Mature: Gore, Violence, Death, Profanity
Genre: Post-Apocalyptic Horror
The bodies die, but they still move.
So this comes in two parts. The first is a frenetic chase through the forest as Rainbow Dash runs from something infected by "The Parasite", something that's hungry and relentless, not to mention quite unexpected when we get to see what it actually is. The second part gives us a glance at how the remaining ponies are living, and what exactly it was that Rainbow Dash had to make a huge sacrifice for. And I have to say, the first chapter provides distinctly more than the second does. The action is great, the visceral now-ness keeps your attention hooked, and it's where most of the world-building happens. And if the second chapter is a poor followup… Well, it's just the inherent gravity of having stopped all that action, but also there's the fact that it doesn't feel like the end of the story? It's marked complete, but it doesn't come to any real conclusion, just "so that's how it is now". It really feels like there's a missing third chapter, if not more. I mean, it's definitely worth reading for the first chapter if that's your thing, at the very least.
Recommended for Horror Fans
Man, people took to Somewhere far better than I anticipated. When I submitted it I was actually disappointed in the result! So glad to see so much love for the story, and to get the much-desired H-rating here.
And congrats on netting 2k followers!
Yeah, it just is a bit depressing. Who's it for? I don't know. Sometimes writing is compulsive. Ta for taking a look and reviewing, though. I always enjoy reading your thoughts.
Tbh a C is perhaps a little more than Cleaning Up deserves. It really does show that it was speed written, and I couldn't really have quibbled with a V. I do still like the setup, but the execution was lacking.
5813364
ah, that's fine then!
5813377
it's a fun idea, honestly? I don't think I've ever seen that premise tackled before, so you at least broke new ground :)
5813382
Well, anyone who wants to take that idea and run with it is very welcome! One day I may even try it myself.
oooh! you have a new loganberry *notes it down to review*
and PaulAsaran - never read one of his, and that sounds good (hey, I like Gall :P )
and driderpony - already recced one of theirs, and this sounds to be another goodun.
and me!
*read read*
thanks for the long review - I also find sometimes that stories I am less happy with prompt more in review, so at least it gave a bit of food for thought, and glad you did like some moments, like Posey's tale
I probably shouldn't have suggested this after the G3 fic you read as it's another very long slice of life and even Peace Petal who loves G1 was critical of the approach to the characters. I came across something recently which basically said "don't do fantasy by starting by introducing a load of characters - blend them into the narrative naturally" and that makes a lot of sense when I think about other fantasy stories and fanfic I enjoy on here. I'm writing the sequel right now and one of the fundamental ideas in the rewrite is to have the chaps from the perspective of a limited number of characters to help each character pop a bit more to the reader (and also try to limit the range of chars, although that is tough!)
I started the plan for this years ago and wrote it up on a forum (which is why it had the little intros). Originally, it was meant to be just a paragraph with the ponies all enjoying a pleasant day out before the action, but being me...
While I agree/understand with 90% of your criticisms - I don't fully understand the one about each chap being a new story as it's all part of the one day - they are sort of mini scenes, though (with the last scene being them telling tales)
anyhoof! thanks for the detailed comments, next time you see one of mine (mebbe the sequel) hopefully you will finally like one
5813539
I may have misinterpreted the description, but that still means that the author's notes at the start of each chapter felt like you had no faith in the reader to remember what they had read c_c;;
I would actually like to read the next part in this trilogy, once you've finished it :) I'm interested to see where you go with it
5813601
aah, I see - it was the notes that gave that impression. I understand now - and I agree that they're not needed for a complete story when you've literally just read the previous chap
Thanks for reviewing The Wall! It was an experimental piece and a challenge to squeeze into the exactly 1000 words required by the contest it was written for. I’m particularly pleased that you noticed the resonance I tried to establish in the narrative structure to give the story more emotional depth!
5813914
I do that sometimes c: