Ghost Mike's UK PonyCon 2024 Report – Part 3: Open Up Your Eyes · 5:00pm October 25th
Don't worry Pipp. I looked worse and had scruffier bed mane following the rollercoaster that was Day 1 of UK PonyCon 2024. Though despite all the bizarre things there, quadruple vision wasn't one of them. 
Maybe consider a doctor, love?
Part 2 (of 4) can be read here. Where last we left off, Saturday had concluded with many UKPC standbys – Great Britannia Bake Off, Archer’s Pub Quiz, Cartoon Riff – providing a capstone to a jam-packed Saturday encompassing the generations all too fitting for the con’s 20th. Oh, and Hawthornbunny’s panel was a rip-roaring success too. Greatly energetic stuff to collapse into bed for another day of the same.
Sunday: Open Up Your Eyes
I always eat slower in the morning regardless of hunger levels (how the British consume a Full English on the regular, I don’t know…), finding it easier as the day goes by. That applies when unwell and even when struggling with a weak appetite, regardless of the general eb and flow from day-to-day. So that breakfast was more or less the same as yesterday, despite the day being well within easy management otherwise, was to be expected.
Less expected was that, when I took extra food and even a sausage off feeling up for it (what with these things in the past always getting better as the weekend goes on), I started to really feel it. I had the good sense to not push myself, and the end result was that while I came really close to returning the meal to the bog back upstairs. Evidently I was starting stronger but getting more wobbly as the weekend went on this year. But I stood strong, kept the bile down while it subsided for the next hour or two, then set off with Hawthorn.
Turns out I’d misremembered the first event starting at 10:45, when it was actually 10:30, but thankfully (predictably, really 
) it was running late enough that we arrived at 10:35 with no problem. Said event was last year’s Sunday opener, Britannia Master, a spoof of British game show Taskmaster. The two con staff participating alongside the VA guests were Ember and Reskell (last year it had been Ember and Amber) and more amusingly, Bexi and Laura were not just hosting, but had gone full Greg Davies and Alan Horne in tv show suits.
In actual Taskmaster – a show I've seen a decent shake of, my brother adores it – the tasks are all pre-recorded, and the humour comes from the guests seeing how others made a fool of them. This variant does a good job retooling it to all be live, and thematically fitting to the virtues of MLP. Don't worry, as a game show, there was enough snark to counterbalance the warmth.
I don’t think any round produced results as nutty as last year where Elley-Ray crawled around, put stickers on her face and hugged much of the crowd, or the teacup-throwing game, but it was a solid mix of goofy prompt interpretations all the same. Ashleigh won the first Arts and Crafts round with a paper fortune teller where the answers were all themed to the unity and love that weekend, eclipsing the others’ drawings (a coloured Britannia from Ember, tackling Mornings from Reskell, and scribbles of happy people met that weekend by AJ). Ember quickly got his revenge at the verbal abuse thus far and to come (honestly, I wouldn’t have put his drawing last myself), acing Round 2 where the guests had to stand after counting to forty in their head, with the most accurate winning. Though he was quickly brought back down by the phrase “Ember Smells”, now a thing apparently. They even had a pen with that written on. Though he got his revenge during Pony Kart finals on the main stage later.
No, even with my protoplasmic-enhanced vision, I could not make out what was on that paper fortune teller. I'm gifted, as much as most unicorns – levitation and telekinesis come with the package, darlings – but I'm not a superhero.
Round 3 was classic overthinking: presented with saying the happiest sentence, most chose tacks other than a heartfelt sincere sentiment, evidently figuring all would do that and it would be diluted. Thus, Ashleigh drew her happy place, Vancouver Island, with Rainbow Dash saying the con was 20% cooler than the rest. Ember went for goofy humour with “life’s like a Yorkshire pudding: sweet, crisp and better with gravy”, while Reskell wrote “Free plushies of best pony” tactfully leaving who was best pony up to the beholder. After all that, all AJ had to do was say she didn’t really know what self-love looked like before MLP, and she took the win. All I’ll say is, if that was made up, she’s a phenomenal actress.
All stuff generally not as crazy as last year, but the final round brought it back there, with people tasked to pick a word from a tiny hat, make up an acceptance speech using that word, and they passed if the judges couldn’t guess the word. Great test of how to use red herrings, and other than Ember failing to disguise his word (spicy), everyone passed: Reskell’s speech about the greatness of the 2009 Sherlock Holmes and its soundtrack being the GOAT used a double fake-out to hide “discombobulated”, Ashleigh did a speech about the tiny hat the words had been plucked from and successfully hid that it was “hat”, and AJ called back to Ember Smells by accepting for Least Smelly, hiding that the answer was “wounded”. Overall, AJ won, with Ashleigh, Reskell and Ember in the remaining spots.
[gestures to the judges on the right] That, everypony, is the kind of constipated look you have when someone's devised a brainteaser you can't parse the solution to and don't want to admit it. Neat to see Pipp's VA Pipp being logically crafty and bamboozling with her mind, not her fans, phone or social reach. 
At this point, I was a little personally frustrated that I’d bought two things all weekend, but little was leaping out at me. Following inquiries where the few plushies I might have gotten were already bought, just on display, I eventually got a Critter Control Izzy, with all her gear, for just £4, more to have a cheap-and-cheerful Pony figure for putting on tables then anything (I could have gotten her for £2, but my collector OCD prefers having all original accessories she came with for resale value down the line, just in case). All that killed time until the Charity Auction, which had been moved up three hours to 11:45, off criticism the last two years that winners got stuck picking up their lots afterwards and missed some of the closing ceremonies. Also it means people’s budgets are less diminished. Smart play, especially with this one having a record 123 lots (really 125, with two bonus ones along the way).
Izzy: “Ooh, auction time, eh? You reckon we could pick up any gadgets and gizmos for some unicycling?”
[Applejack and I share a look that effortlessly communicates “It’s gonna be a long auction, innit?”]
With funds going, as always, to the RDA (Riding for the Disabled Association), many of the lots were the sort of things you’d expect. Con banners and the originals of much art made for the con; a few items from Griffish Isles earlier this year they didn’t manage to offload; ordinary official MLP merch (comics, toys still boxed, etc.), both signed and unsigned (bizarrely, a Chinese boxed Pipp signed by AJ only went for £100 while a regular Western one matched it); and the usual array of vendors donating their own self-made stuff.
I would say there were less wholly unique items than some prior years. Unique trends, sure, like the one guy who donated nearly a dozen blind box lots (an annoyance of mine, alongside various others from the same person that should have been pooled together), or several small lots of £5 motorway service station items – sets of markers, a basic train set, mixture of practical and toy trinkets from kiosks at the pit-stop stations, basically (I later found out this originated during a roadtrip to a con, where folks had to get something under £5 from a service station while on a con commute, and whichever sold for the most won; Bexi won with a squeaky dog bone that said “Bobby”, the mascot, at Griffish Isles). One fandom artist had even written a fantasy novel and donated a hardback cover of it, that was neat. But while many items were going for strong prices, it was blurring together.
That was later, though: my Batannia actually popped up quite early at No. 10, right after Roku’s donated MLP Junior Monopoly (unneeded with the normal edition, but always a cool sign it exists – it shows your franchise made it!). Whether intentionally or not, the photo angle hid her misaligned flanks and asymmetrical wings, and the title made no reference to that aspect either. Bexi was quick to remark how many of these they had in storage last year to get rid of. 
Yep, totally gonna peak at £30, maybe £50 with the auction tax.
By the time it hit £100, I was already the creamy white of old porridge, and shrinking back through my seat. Okay, fair, it came early, when people are more flush with cash and riding the excitement, I could get that. But that was just a warm-up: by the time it hit £200, down to just two bidders, even my friends, all pre-informed of what it was by me, were shocked (with delight? It was hard to tell through my shrivelling up). And the whole hall was truly engrossed in this most inexplicable episode.
Where did it end up? Well… I’ll let this extract from someone’s con vlog sum it up (skip to 9:32, timestamps don’t work when embedding videos):
Yes, folks, your eyes and ears do not deceive you. This factory-made, lower-quality con plush, one I bought for seventeen pounds and fifty pence two years ago (about £19.30 now)… sold for £1,350. One thousand, three hundred and fifty pounds. Leaving the hall equal parts amazed and unbelieving (the vlogger above and the Fursuit guy were far from the only ones going “why?”), my friends delighted and beaming, and me a translucent pile of protoplasmic goo. 
Words utterly fail. This unbelievable event came up in multiple con vlogs (like this one, timestamped this time). Batannia fetching that price did the rounds in gossip for the rest of the con and well into the aftermath on its Discord server. In our private one, it’s still a talking point now. Suffice to say, no others got anywhere close to this one. And yes, as records go, it’s peanuts compared to most “hardcore” Brony cons (a custom viking Fluttershy by MePlushYou fetched €12,500 at PonyCon Holland two weeks later), but a landslide record for this more “casual” con.
I’m thankful for my friends congratulating me, clapping me through the back, the works, because in the moment, the second-hand embarrassment was so high it took great will to reform and become partially visible again. But I knew, even then, that I would never forget what just happened for a long, long time.
Those two are not alone. Every £50 or so, someone else whipped out their phone or camera to record this unbelievable historic event. Me? Well, as said, I melted by the end, as you can already see starting by the light refraction here. Much thanks to Roku for having the foresight to snap one in-action photo on my camera.
Moving past that… episode, if there was a criticism to be had, it’s that yet again, the auction went on so long. Possibly off the 20th anniversary hullabaloo, many items got an even higher auction tax than usual. Good for the charity, less so for the time spent. It was enough that Hawthorn actually left for the Don’t Dub A Cartoon Horse With Your Mouth panel, and that wrapped in time for him to poke back in at the end! He wasn’t the only friend to go either. It went over the 90-min timeslot by a whole hour, and tired Bexi out enough that someone else subbed in as auctioneer twice. When Bexi did return, she switched to speed auctioneering, which would have helped had it been done from the start. Some friends felt they should have started at more predictive prices akin to some other Pony cons (they did to a degree, but never above £50, not even for the con banners).
In the end, I didn’t get anything: a few things caught my eye, but not to excessive values, and the one “I really want this” thing, an Applejack cushion signed by Ashleigh Ball, I held to £100, before Roku got it for £140. Stu in our group (uploader of the AJ Bridel concert footage earlier 
) also won original Reskell painted art of Britannia, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pipp, which as he’d also bought a print of such, made him very happy. He was less happy when he got stuck in the pickup queue for an hour and change. I did warn our group to dash once the auction ended…
It turned out one in our group actually knew the Batannia winner, who’d also won a similar 2019 Seapony Britannia in another bidding war against the same opponent (for a “cheap” £700, though I’m pretty sure that was normal factory quality). My friend Juniper happily introduced me to the winner, who’s MO turned out to be being new to the con and wanting to collect old Britannias. Okay, fair, but even if the con’s not selling unsold stock that old, surely there are cheaper ways to get it? But he assured me money wasn’t an issue, and seemed happy despite coughing up two grand for the pair. So that eased me a bit.
The meme is undying…
[Breadtannia came about during a UKPonyConOnline panel back in the Dark Times. She's still popping up and doing her thing four years later, ponies! 
]
Due to the auction running over, some events got pushed back. Thankfully, that included the side event of Pony Kart, which I‘d missed yesterday as it clashed with the Fan Animation panel. Basically replacing the old side room standby of Rainbow Dash Attack (reportedly still running in the room, though I didn’t see it), it’s a Mario Kart 64 mod that subs in the Mane 6 (plus Derpy and Trixie) as characters, and swaps some visual assets to be pony-themed. Players did three-way races on Royal Raceway, they record your times, and the Top Four would play before the Closing Ceremonies. I harboured no qualifying delusions – it’ll be sacrilege to all you who’ve lived this classic party game, but Mario Kart 64 is the only one in the series I don’t own. Playing it at parties and events over the years isn’t enough to have the muscle memory to truly excel. Still, I felt like giving it a fun go.
After observing enough races to get an idea of what I should do best (and mapping the character selection screen boxes to determine who corresponded to the lightweight characters Toad, Peach and Yoshi – Pinkie, Dash and Derpy – though races did seem to indicate the heavyweight equivalents weren’t as useless as they are in the actual game), I took my turn and selected Pinkie. We all went off to a rough start, and I quickly gathered that attempting to drift like it’s a time trial without the grip muscle memory was a big mistake. I switched to only doing minimal drifts and not going for the boosts, and that paid off: the other two tumbled offroad every now and then, and in the end, I pulled a come-from-behind victory against the Dash player. Knew I wouldn’t place for the main stage, but it was a great, fun feeling to have aced this race.
Dash on the character selection screen had no idea what was in store for her. She really should have, given the way Pinkie caught her in "Party of One". Meanwhile, Trixie lagged all race like the phony showpony full of baloney that she is.
This brought us to 15:30, the final autograph session approaching in a half-hour (the prior two had been during the Charity Auction and the first two panels yesterday). While waiting for Pony Kart, I worked out with Hawthorn a plan of attack; he agreed to mind my stuff and Applejack while in the Guess the Pony Quiz panel (not to my taste, did MLP Fever’s take on the concept last year), and I scarpered back to the hotel to grab the JowyB art from yesterday, passing AJ and Ashleigh coming in as I left (they gave nice smiles, which was heart-warming). Wore my protoplasmic muscles out from the power-floating, but saved a few minutes both ways, reclaimed my stuff and getting to the queue a few minutes before four.
Nearly had a scare when it turned out the Ashleigh queue was so big, they were having to turn away anyone who didn’t already have a token or was in the queue when it terminated earlier. Meaning, as a Standard ticket buyer, even if I paid now, I wouldn’t have been able to queue for Ashleigh. 
Except… I did have an autograph token. Hawthorn has two as a silver sponsor, and gave me one earlier once he learned of my plan (and was disinterested in it himself enough that he dropped the other one at the Freebie table 
). I offered to pay, but he wasn’t having any of it. And now, that silver-level token ended up being my ticket past the barrier
Have I mentioned he’s an absolute diamond? AJ Bridel just got some stiff competition for being an absolute sweetheart this weekend. Can’t thank the champ enough.
AJ Bridel had already impressed me greatly. Little did I know the best was yet to come where she was concerned…
Next time, in Part 4 (of 4): A mammoth autograph queue for the special guests plummets into some unpleasant results, turning out not at all like I’d planned. The Closing Ceremony has several big bombshells (of the pleasant kind – mostly 
). And I reflect on how much this con has meant to me.
I was unaware Pony Kart was even a thing. If I can get my hands on it then I shall make sure Trixie has her much-deserved revenge.
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I recall Ember saying that the various patches can be a little finicky to apply, just off being a correct match, but that there is, recently enough, a pre-patched version circulating and findable out there.
Yeah, its existence surprised me too!
If the weight classes from Mario 64 do still apply here, good luck.
The heavyweights do not fare well in this game at all. Least, not at a high level of play.
Lots of fun to read once again, Mike! It's a pity this is the only time in the year we meet in person/pony/ghost, but I think you make the most of your UKPC weekend!
I imagine that line was in for effect, but for any readers truly wondering this: we don't, on the whole. Actually UKPC weekend is the only time in a typical year I eat a fried breakfast more than one day running. Normally I have cereal or toast.
I missed this panel last year as you know, but I'd like to have seen that game! I heard all about Elley-Ray's hugs, but less so the teacups.
Yeah. It'll be interesting to see what they choose to do next year, since something's going to have to give. Possibly the "going once, going twice" stuff, which took up a lot of time. Also it not being 30 degrees in there would help...
I must admit, from where I was sitting a few seats away, your face was quite a picture! But it really was wonderful to see the end result, especially once we discovered for sure that the buyer was happy.
I don't know, but I suspect it won't be next year. I'll miss it a bit, but it's obvious that Pony Kart was very popular and doesn't have the Flash issues of RDA, even if the latter does have highly suitable initials for UKPC! Sadly I can't drive with a controller for toffee (honestly, I'm better with a keyboard, let alone a wheel) otherwise I might have been slightly tempted.
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I did later find out that most English only go for them on slow weekend morning and the like, which does fit with when I do have a fry-up for brekkie at home, at like 11am, usually if a parent or siblings is doing it. So it was a slight exaggeration. Still, honestly, even when I'm well, I could not have it on a hotel morning: partially alongside cereal and toast, sure, but not the whole shebang.
I'm sure there are recordings of it up somewhere, every main stage panel this year has one around.
I would say that the fact the con will surely drop a little in attendance levels next year, plus not have the higher auction tax of interest the 20th anniversary & Ashleigh Ball brought this year, will help. But I have been wrong before.
Myself, I think if they do speed auctioneering from the start, plus just acknowledge on the schedule that it'll need 2 hours (they gave it an hour-and-a-half time slot here, it took an hour more), it should be better sorted. Though the temperature would help too, aye, even if that wasn't much of a deal for me.
Good thing you caught a glimpse before I went fully invisible. 👻
Took me a moment to get that.
As I missed the earlier Pony Kart session and only got time for one go the second go-round, I do hope very much that it does come back. At least, so that I can see the finale on the main stage this year (spoiler alert! 
)
Honestly, the driving's all in good fun, and enough people are basically fumbling their way along the tracks, that you might still like a casual go, you never know. At least, you can drive Fluttershy in a kart, that's gotta be a little tempting, no?
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Took me no time at all to find a playable browser version. I skipped the N64 version of Mario Kart, but the Pony Kart 64 I found still played a whole lot like the original SNES version I grew up with (#IAmOld), complete with drifts and starter acceleration boosts. It was even compatible with my Logitech controller. Like riding a bike.
And yes, Trixie did take her rightful place in the winner's circle. But I get the impression the version I got wasn't balanced for weight classes. The way you described her, I was expecting her to handle like Bowser: crummy acceleration, high top speed and a lot of heft. I didn't get that feel for her at all, so I'm guessing it was an early version.
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While I obviously didn't play it at the time (the game came out before I was born
), I actually got really into that when I got a second-hand SNES in 2014. Provides quite a different experience to later ones, and I can see why most today aren't for it, but I did really gel with it myself. Of course, I am a Time Trial kind of player, so getting razor-sharp time in that mode more than kept me busy.
I should explain, In Mario Kart 64, the distribution of stats is not at all like it is in other games. Other games follow a system where the lighter a character is, the faster their acceleration and the lower their top speed, making them good for newcomers who keep getting knocked over. Meanwhile, heavy characters, with their low acceleration but high top speed, are optimal if you're skilled enough to maintain that speed going around corners and such. Mario Kart 64 totally breaks that, with the bonus the heavyweights get being so small there's no reason to ever not just play as a lightweight (or if they're all taken, Mario or Luigi). In any case, it's still perfectly possible to win with heavyweights, this is more something for the top level of play.
It's just as likely this mod, as said above, streamlines the weight classes the original version had. Whether that means they have identical stats or are more like the proper balance of other MK games, I don't know. I only played it once.
It was even funnier because you'd shown me, and lamented, the wonkiness of this Battania the night before XD
Noooooo, I cannot compete with AJ, she was amazing ^^