50 questions, 2024 edition · 4:56am Oct 19th, 2024
It’s been a rough week. 
But per tradition, I’m making a new 50-questions blog on the same day every year as an open journal for how my life has changed over the years. Previous 50-questions: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020.
1. What is your first name?
You can call me Mica. (Mee-ka or Mai-ka. Take your pick)
2. How old are you? 24
3. What country are you from?
United States
4. What do you really look like?
“I’m hot, but also, I hate how I look?” –Chipflake
Like, I’m handsome. In the sense that I tick most all the boxes for Asian twink male beauty. But…it’s like something doesn’t feel right, being considered attractive as a man. When I do dress feminine, put on makeup, and I still see a boy in a dress in the mirror, that also feels…upsetting. At my most femme, I’d say I look like a fruity K-pop boy band member.
5. What do you wish you looked like?
The transfem stereotype might be “I want to be a cute anime girl”. And hey, that would be nice. 
But really, I just want to be…me. I want to have a body that I’m happy with.
There aren’t a lot of East Asian transgender people for role models…maybe if I could look like Azul Crescent.
6. How did you come across My Little Pony?
YouTube videos. It got me through an even darker time in my life in college in 2019. Now what will get me out of this dark time, I’m not sure.
7. What is your favorite ship in My Little Pony and why?
Zipp x Hitch. I love a ship with some nice gender-role nonconformity. 
8. What is your least favorite ship and why?
Comet x Izzy. I see them more as besties.
(With Misty being an adorable third wheel)
9. Have you admitted to anyone outside of Fimfiction that you love MLP?
Select family and friends. My colleagues can see the Rarity figurine at my desk, and my Fluttershy water bottle.
10. Were they a family member? Yep.
11. Favorite MLP Episode?
I’ve only watched G5 recently, among those I liked Ali-conned.
12. Who is your favorite superhero?
IDK, Twilight Sparkle’s quite the superhero.
13. Who is your favorite anti-hero?
I guess I’ll stick with Misty.
14. Favorite supervillain?
*golly* crazy glue *golly*
15. Favorite anti-villain?
Maybe Allura? I wish we could know more about that big kitty, but alas…
16. What was the last book you read?
I’ve been reading a lot of manga (in print but mostly online). I liked Azumanga Daioh, which I read in print.
17. Last movie you watched?
I watched this short film with my mom about an older Chinese-American lady who tries online dating. It’s rather amusing yet sad at the same time.
18. What is your favorite song at the moment? I’m listening to “Lost in Your Eyes” by Debbie Gibson.
19. What song do you always come back to? “Tower of Flower”, the ending song of the anime Lycoris Recoil. Especially since the singer, Sayuri, passed away recently.
20. What is your current job?
Waterproofing/building enclosure engineer.
21. If this is not your final job what job do you want in the future?
I like my current job. Maybe I’ll be like one of the senior principals in my office, who’s only worked in one place for 30+ years straight out of college.
22. What is your dream job?
I’m still interested in doing YouTube/VTubing for fun.
23. At this moment in your life, what is your greatest achievement? I’ll still say, my gender journey—dare I say "transition"? 
I’m not out to most people, but I now wear women’s clothing (albeit androgynous styles) the majority of the time in public. To the point that people who meet me for the first time seem to second-guess my gender/pronouns. There have been setbacks and brainworms, but like my mom says, I can’t forget how far I’ve come.
24. At this moment in your life, what is your greatest failure? My failure to take risks.
25. Do you have any pets? Now I have 14 plush toys!
26. What is your dream pet? I think I have enough plushies.
27. Do you own any weapons? Pepper spray, which I’ve never had to use.
28. Is there a gun you really want?
I can only trust myself with a Pez gun.
29. What Religion are you?
New Age. I follow the Law of Attraction.
30. If you could hang out with one person in all of history who would it be?
I wish I could have talked more with the queer people I met in high school. Growing up in Alabama (albeit at a wealthy private school with a fairly liberal student body), it was risky to be openly gay or queer. At the time, I was traditionally masculine and hung out with mainly other boys. I suppressed the thoughts I had of “crossdressing.” Because of that, I was protected from a lot of the bullying that the queer people at our school probably faced. I wish I had spoken up more. I wish I had been braver to be who I am. I wish I could go back and tell those queer people I saw at school, that I want to be their friend.
But perhaps it was for the best that I kept quiet for my safety. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten all the academic opportunities that led me to today.
31. If you could bring back one person from the dead for one day who would it be?
My uncle who lived in Singapore. He was psychotic and mentally ill for most of his life, and never got the help he needed due to the Asian stigma on mental illness. I was never allowed to speak with him or even see him for my safety. I would bring him back from the dead and talk with him. To try to understand what exactly was going on in his head. My mom told me that at one time he “thought he was a woman.” I sometimes wonder if I inherited some of his (her?) neurodivergence.
32. Are you political?
I’m generally left-leaning but am more moderate on some issues. Although for obvious reasons, I cannot support any candidate or party who will restrict transgender people’s rights and freedoms.
33. Are you married? No.
34. Do you have a special somepony? No. My mom keeps saying I should join a dating app though.
35. Have a crush on anyone? No.
36. Care to explain? No.
37. Do you consider yourself attractive?
Objectively, I think I am. But…DysphoriaTM. 
See my response on #4.
38. If you could spend one day with someone still alive who would it be?
My mom probably.
39. Who is your favorite pony?
As of now, I think I’m a Zipp ‘n Pipp simp 
Source: Maren
40. Any embarrassing secrets you would like to share?
I once unironically called my male colleague onii-chan at work. I still cringe to this day.
41. If you have done any stories/art what is your favorite piece(s)?
Out of all that I’ve written on this site, I think my favorite story is just cozy glow.
I really hope I can start publishing fanfic again. I have a bunch of unfinished one shots I’ve been working on recently. Depression and lack of motivation holds me back from finishing them.
42. Are you a virgin? Yes. Still riding the unicorn into the sunset.
43. What is the craziest thing you have done in your life that you have no regrets about?
Probably my gender journey.
44. What is the craziest thing you have done in your life that you have regrets about? Probably Fanime 2024.
45. Do you have a fetish of any kind?
Video, not embedded for spoilers (CONTENT WARNING: SUGGESTIVE)
Sometimes I wonder if I’m trans or a chaser. 
Also my femme voice goal is Sansin (the VTuber in the video)
46. Do you regret saying this fetish? Hai, hazukashii~
47. What are some of your favorite FiM stories?
I don’t read much anymore. My screen-dependent brain has rotted to the point I have the attention span of a five-year-old when it comes to reading. (*Which is incredibly ironic because I learned to read when I was 2)
48. Favorite Quote?
I think Chipflake’s quote: “I’m hot, but also, I hate how I look?” See #4.
49. Did you ever hurt someone’s feelings just to hurt them?
I feel guilty if I do.
50. Did you answer these questions honestly? Yes.
Here’s to happier days. See you at next year's 50 Questions.
Wow, this is quite different from the other ones you've done it's pretty cool.
I love Azul Crescent! Didn't know you were aware of her.
I feel like every trans girl I've met likes that manga/anime. Maybe I should watch it.
You pass better than I do.SameI mean what.Here's to hoping for better days on the horizon. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress in your life and journeys and I'm hoping that continues. I don't really have much else to add, I can really only say keep at it.
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Thanks for your comments.