Empress Theresa: Chapter Twenty-Three Analyis · 6:15pm May 19th, 2023
Okay, the excitement of air travel is behind us. Theresa can now proceed to meet her parents unscathed.
What should be the description of an idyllic rural countryside is made ridiculously dull with probably the blandest description of a house you’ll ever read. But Theresa’s happy, because her parents are running out to greet her! But not her sister. I think it’s safe to say that Boutin has completely forgotten that Theresa’s older sister, Catherine, ever existed. Still, this should be a very emotional reunion, but the author appears to be very disconnected from it. I can only guess that this is because it’s an obstacle between praises for Theresa. Upon entering the home, Theresa’s favorite part about it is that she doesn’t have to be careful about breaking anything. She had never even come close to breaking anything in the Parker’s mansion. Why she is worried about it now is probably a pathetic attempt to be funny.
The conversation turns to praising Theresa for the adventure on the airplane. Apparently, President Stinson had heard about the people all going unconscious minutes after it happened? How? Maybe she’s psychic? Maybe she’s got a crystal ball in the oval office? Tarot cards? Who knows? There was an idea floated that a telephone be lowered out of a jet for Theresa to grab onto and use to communicate with a ground crew, but Stinson vetoed that idea. Frankly, that plan actually does sound like something directly from the movie ‘Airplane!’’ I almost wish that it was in the actual book, because it would make it at least somewhat interesting. Theresa also hears a rumor that she had contrived the whole incident to make herself look more heroic (It seems that when the last chapter was put onto author forums for pre-reading, other people agreed with my analysis of it and Boutin didn’t like that). Frankly, that’s exactly what happened, because that was the author’s intent. Naturally, the people who suggest that Theresa is anything but perfect and angelic are met with harsh criticism.
It can be guessed that Boutin doesn’t actually care about Theresa’s parents. Instead of staying around to visit with their daughter and son-in-law, the two of them decide that they’re going to go home to Boston. But not before they watch Theresa’s game against the army.
It was predicted to be bigger than the Superbowl. And that prediction was right. Entire baseball stadiums are empty, because even baseball fans want to watch this football game, just because Theresa’s in it. (Let’s be real, though. Baseball’s not such a big deal here in the States. Ever been invited to a World Series party? Ever heard of one being organized? Football’s America’s sport).
The rules for the game are altered so that points are only scored by touchdown. No field goals allowed. It turns out that Theresa’s super accuracy is a point of contention, but it’s still decided that she’ll play against amateurs. Since there are all amateurs playing, more experienced players are on the sidelines to coach each individual player. This is a problem, because several coaches yelling over each other just creates confusion for the players. Ask any little league team who’s had their dads yelling at them over the coach.
Finally, we get to the big game. The glitz, glamor and glory that comes from a visceral contact sport. Believe me when I tell you that this should be one of the most exciting parts of the story. ‘Should’ being the operant word there. Because in actuality, the entire game is skipped over and Theresa loses, just because the author wants to deflect criticism about Theresa being perfect. With all her amazing powers, Theresa should have easily won, even against professional players.
The next day, Theresa goes to her office at Central Park. She refers to herself as ‘we,’ but it’s vague as to who else is with her at the moment. We do know that she’s tailed by the paparazzi, which she despises, but he gets past them pretty quick. She gets to her building, and up to her office she goes, where she meets with Jan Struthers again. We go over a whole bunch of information that we already knew, and has no bearing on the plot. Once Theresa signs some papers, Jan requests some privacy.
Once everyone leaves, five men come into the room. They are the executives of the five largest companies in the US. And they want Theresa to buy them. That’s right. They want to go under. This is bad business. This is what would create a monopoly, which is not only illegal, but would quickly destabilize the economy that Theresa worked so hard to stabilize with all that extra gold and diamonds she got from space. It turns out that Steve was the one accompanying her, and he rightfully points this out. You would think that Jan, being Theresa’s personal financial and business manager, would know this. Theresa leaves in an indignant huff. Wave bye-bye to Jan now, because she’s never mentioned in the story again.
That entire scene was pointless, because these businessmen are never mentioned again. We are then pointlessly told about Theresa and Steve’s new apartment, which is not in a normal building. Why? Because living in a normal building would be disruptive to the tenants there. How? We can’t know, because we aren’t told. Based on what we’ve seen, life would be more disruptive for Theresa, because everyone would be flocking to meet her. After only an hour in the new apartment, Theresa and Steve go to the street with their security team.
People smile and wave at Theresa, and offer her unconditional praises. However, Theresa simply ignores them, and says that they had better get used to the idea that she just wants to be left alone. The funny thing about fame is that whether you like it or not, people are going to want you to know how much they like you. And you had better be nice to these people, because they are the reason that you got to where you are. Wave back. Answer their questions. Reply to their comments. Be sure to maintain boundaries. And do it all respectfully. They deserve it. But since Theresa’s not doing anything interesting, public admiration for her runs dry fairly quickly. The whole point of their outing is to get tickets to a play for the next night, and then to the Met (the opera house, not the baseball team) the night after that. As for that very night? She and Steve are just going to stay home and channel surf. Somebody call Henry Rollins! TV party tonight!
It must have been a very dull party, because we skipped over that completely. Same with that play and the opera. But something very strange happens on her fifth day back in the US. She crosses paths with a group of Asian men who are all holding pictures of Theresa. The moment they see her, they begin crying. Theresa wants to know why, but she can’t understand the language that they speak.
Theresa and Steve eat at a restaurant, then return home. They pass by those Asian men again, and they begin crying when they see Theresa once more. It’s like Theresa is some kind of on/off switch for them. They see her, they cry. She goes away, they stop. It’s almost a funny image. The next morning, Theresa and Steve leave to get more food, and that same crowd begins crying when they see her again. They then go to the Met (the museum this time, not the opera house or the baseball team. New York has a lot of ‘Mets’). Back home, and there are the crying Asian men again. This is becoming almost scary at this point. It seems like all Theresa does is meander pointlessly around New York and make Asians cry.
A government agent who accompanies the men explains that they are escapees from North Korea, and a newcomer among them is from South Korea. This South Korean man speaks english. Then why the hell did there need to be a government agent there to explain this!?
The South Korean man offers Theresa a tape that he says will explain everything. The tape shows the funeral procession of the North Korean leader, which is attended by people who are crying in the same way as the men Theresa’s been encountering. And then she sees all of the other propaganda that’s been set up by the North Korean government, as well as the prison camps. Suddenly, without any provocation or suggestion, Theresa decides that she’s going to do something about it. Like what?
Well, she goes up to her apartment and gets on the phone to ask the operator for the New York Times. The editor-in-chief obliges the call when he learns who is calling, and agrees to give Theresa all the information she could possibly want about North Korea.
Theresa’s final thoughts in the chapter are that God must allow evil to exist in the world, but she doesn’t have to. As it stands, this is the most blasphemous thing she’s said yet. Believing herself to be greater than God would put her close to the center of Hell for such a sin. She then says that literature shows that evil is a product of desire fulfilled by illegitimate means. But she has everything that she wants, so she can never be evil.
This is a childishly black and white idea of the nature of evil. Evil can also be very simple, and take the form of somebody harming other people for their own profit, or just for their own amusement. Just like Theresa did to that lawyer from a few chapters ago. Theresa has committed countless acts that an evil person would do, and all without a hint of conscience or awareness.
Not one event in this chapter related to anything else that happened within itself. Nothing even tied into the overarching story. Not even the North Koreans. That part with the businessmen, the part where Theresa very briefly reunites with her family, and the very brief mention of the football game all seemed like they were just more flies for the author to swat then forget about. It’s like he just sat at his keyboard and thought of ways to very quickly tie up those loose ends, then create more loose ends to tie up with the arrival of the businessmen.
How the events of this book operate seem to be that Boutin thinks of something that may happen when everyone knows you have amazing superpowers, and it is then taken care of very quickly and never brought up again just so the character can have an easy life. Why would someone want their character to have it so easy? Simple. They’re a self-insert. I know that I’ve said before that Theresa is Boutin’s ideal woman who he never had the guts to ask out and that Steve is his image of what a good man is, but you cannot deny that a good deal of Boutin’s ego is projected through Theresa. If any of you have been paying attention, this is not the way that you should write a story. Ever.
This entire chapter was just a confused mess in an already confused story. There are only five chapters to go after this, so stick around.
The North Korea nonsense only demonstrates how naive Theresa is, as this is the first she's heard of the plight of NK's citizens-which is pretty common knowledge.
The crying part sounds like something out of a Monty Python sketch.