So the test is done….. · 5:36am Apr 18th, 2023
Well…I did it. That’s all I can honestly say without lying to myself. Today’s just been a long day, so I apologize for not updating y’all immediately once I got home at 3, but I’ve just been so exhausted, letting all the pressure out. Everything is riding on this exam and I’m already contemplating backups in case I bomb again (such as using my YouTube channel as a full time gig for income despite knowing absolutely nothing about how to hit 1k in a timely manner for monetization). My parents say that they’ll continue to look for ways to get me into a 4-year as long as I continue to work hard, but let’s face it. If I get below a C, I’m toast. Even with a C, that implies I have to do nearly perfect on everything else and let’s be honest, Calculus 1 is harder than Precalculus and it’s unrealistic to expect an A in the class come next semester no matter how much I keep lying to myself.
Nonetheless, as I await the result, I want you guys to know that I don’t think I did horribly. I certainly know I’m not going to get another 47% on this test (that’s real by the way, I calculated. There’s a reason why I initially didn’t want you guys to know the grade last time), yet I also don’t trust myself to get an A. If that does happen by some Luna-given miracle, then hooray I did it! But I have also never gotten a high A on a Math test in what seems like my entire life. I just may be the worst studier of Math in the whole entire universe. I never practiced more than an hour, never gave a flying feather about understanding the material for most of my life, only caring to get it done. I’ve always cared more about other subjects and also my downtime. I’ve always cared about these stories, MLP, DC, Marvel, Star Wars, Avatar, what have you, far more than I ever cared about my academics, and it’s a miracle that I’ve even gotten this far.
Then two weeks ago, I woke up and started putting my gosh darn hardest into this test, finally realizing it was make or break with this one. I studied night and day, doing the homework over and over and over again, spending less and less time on this site to the point where spiders123 legit thought I was ghosting him (see my previous blog post for more information on that) and focusing solely on my academics, specifically Math. I spent hours in the Math Success Center (free tutoring center for students at SCC) and basically memorized the homework so much to the point of if you asked me to devote an entire blog post to just redoing all homework sheets from A5-B2, I would literally be able to do that for you. Tell you what. If I score at least average on this test, I will literally devote my next blog post to redoing one of my hardest problems from the homework. Want to see me do that? Better hope I get at least a B-. I studied so much and my brain could think of nothing but Math. Forget thinking about the culmination of Misty’s arc in Redeemed. All my brain could think about was how to find the sin(330), Horizontal Asymptotes vs Vertical Asymptotes.
Safe to say, after years of my Mom constantly trying to get me to wake up, I finally woke up. Even this morning, I was studying every last element of the homework like there was no tomorrow! I was in a good mood because I actually felt confident on Math for once and it seemed like everything was going well…
Then my brain blanked about 45-50 minutes in. I had until 2:15 per DSPS accommodation whereas most students had to finish at 1:00 or turn in the test unfinished like I did last time. My brain started to buckle under the pressure and I forgot how to do problems that I was so confident in just the previous night!! I managed to refocus myself and fix a couple problems using my memory from accurately doing the homeworks to fact-check myself for any mistakes. It’s an effective strategy to say the least and it certainly stopped me from possibly making more silly mistakes. But I’m sure there are still quite a couple that I bombed on hard. I could not for the life of me figure out whether my professor wanted me to actually solve for the cos(90) or just show the process of doing so without a calculator and since I was taking the test in the DSPS office and not the classroom, I couldn’t ask him.
Sooooooooo…I think I did fine? We’ll see as this day was just tumultuous and turbulent mentally. I finished at 1:50 with 20 minutes left to spare. As of writing this blog post, the test is done and the DSPS administrator assured me that the test was going to be delivered. So at least I finished it, which is more than I could say for the last attempt. Since my professor isn’t inundated with meetings and committee boards, I’ll most likely know the test results much sooner than last time. Just know, if you don’t get a grade update by Sunday, it either means he probably hasn’t graded it or I’ve sunk into a clinical depression and require intense emotional therapy. The latter probably won’t happen as again, my parents are committed to helping me get into a 4 year college, even if I have to take it out of state, and relying on YouTube full time is my Plan C, so we’ll see what happens with that. I’m aware it doesn’t pay as much as a real job, even if I crack the 1k subscriber mark, which is a big iffy considering I’m not taking the popular opinion and instead choosing an overwhelmingly positive stance on G5 as my first video, so it may be hard to get fast traction at first. Plus, I’d rather get a real job rather than rely on a flaky system and doing YouTube full time is a last resort at worst. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still extremely passionate about the channel and the big G5 defense video. I just don’t think pony content can pay my bills full time, let’s be honest. YouTube is a hobby and it should remain as such. Despite this, I’m so grateful to all of you for sticking by me and I am extremely thankful every single day that I have a supportive audience in you guys, which is all I ever wanted as a hardcore Brony.
I’ll continue to keep you guys posted on what happens and who knows? Maybe I’ll actually score high. But I’m not counting on it. I guess all that is left to do now is wait and hope. In the meantime, I’m going back to the MSC tomorrow to prep for Exam 3 and I’ll try to post more often here as I continue to work on The Fall of Opaline amongst my academics. Just know that once I do finish the story, don’t expect my postings to be as frequent as it used to. Between the G5 defense video and me putting a much higher emphasis on my studies, my activity here might slow down a bit in the coming month as I prepare for the end of yet another semester, whether that be for better or worse. All I know is: During the summer, providing I don’t have pesky summer school weighing me down, I’ll have a lot more time to write, post, and grow my community both here and on YouTube. And I’m looking forward to it.
With that being said, I will see you all hopefully soon. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyee!!!!!
Fingers crossed 🤞
Just know that whatever happens, your not alone. Believe me, I've been in your situation time and time again, so I know what it's like. But as long as you keep trying, things will eventually work out in one way or another.
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Thanks. I really appreciate that. :)
Not really advise on hitting 1000 quickly, but it seems like practical advice for a YouTuber just getting started if you're interested.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=dOE1fynUpD0