Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Pt. 12 · 12:26pm Mar 12th, 2023
The biweekly trickle has finally filled the figurative reservoir enough for another Tell Your Tale blog. Let’s see what I can make of the ongoing shenanigans. I get the feeling it won’t be quite as heartfelt as last week.
And, having said that, we begin with a Valentine’s Day short. Funny how that works. 
Though it’ll be interesting to see how they handle this given how the pegasi call the winter festival “Wishentine’s Day.”
I do like the googly-eyed sleeping mask.
So… does Izzy’s alarm clock always spray confetti, or does she only load it for holidays? Either way, interesting variation of party cannon technology.
Oh! It’s still Hearts and Hooves Day! Fascinating that that survived unchanged. Makes me wonder how much of a hoof Cadence had in preserving it for however long she could. I suppose a day of love is easier to maintain than a festival commemorating the unity of three tribes during a period of tribal disunity. Ponies are still going to fall for one another, after all.
“I am okay!”
Can we really ever say that about Izzy? The mare’s basically a few decades of social isolation-induced trauma with a candy coating.
Credit to Zipp for moving the eyedropper away from the bud rather than falling prey to the “adding way too much reagent in your shock” gag… though shame on Izzy for failing to register the delicacy of the situation. (There’s also the question of how squeeze-bulb eyedroppers even work with hooves, but that way lies madness.)
Ooh, using this generation’s heart-shaped frogs as part of wishing a happy Hearts and Hooves Day is a very nice touch. Though “Will you be my palentine?” raises questions of its own. Mostly etymological ones.
A screaming butterfly is concerning on a number of levels. There are multiple anatomical reasons why it shouldn’t be able to do that. I blame Discord.
Respect your friends’ preferences, Izzy.
“I can picture it now…”
Oh boy. She’s really setting herself for disappointment.
Huh. It’s a little hard to tell given this art style, but I’m pretty sure that’s an all-male thruple in the foreground. Izzy may have gone for a Platonic approach with Zipp, but she does seem to recognize the romantic elements of the holiday, and even she doesn’t, the animators certainly do. Either way, it’s a nice touch.
… Okay, the foal and the raccoon less so. Going a bit overboard there, Moonbow.
I’m going to guess that irate stallion hasn’t had his mark-indicated coffee. As such, heart on cloth must die. Still, not sure what’s gotten bugs up everypony else’s butts, though I’m not too surprised that the holiday isn’t seen more fondly in Maretime Bay. If ever there were a town in G5 to commercialize it past the point of tolerability, this is the one.
And Posey resets the counter yet again.
Izzy, a musical montage of shoving the holiday down everypony’s throats isn’t going to help. Especially not when you manage to peeve Posey twice in a matter of hours.
Okay, this was mostly insufferable, but a depressed Izzy walking past Opaline berating Misty and not even noticing the villainous plotting was legitimately amusing. Especially Misty appreciating it.
“This is awful!”
You have a balloon tied around your fetlock, dude. It’s not the end of the world.
Izzy really shouldn’t need to learn that friendships grow with time and care… but given how all of hers began through serendipity, I can see her being fuzzy on getting things started.
Oh no, we’ve got a shipper. Settle in, Zipp, it’l take a while to dislodge the idea now that’s it’s jammed in her brain.
Poor Izzy really is stuck in the same place as Pinkie before her. It’s hard to write the “wacky” character well. (Also, given Hitch continually trying to flag her down for civic code violations, she may end up spending the next short in the sheriff office’s cell.) And t would’ve been nice to know why Hearts and Hooves Day is met with indifference, if not outright hostility, but I suppose that unanswered question does offer some interesting storytelling possibilities.
Yes, that’s how the episode’s title is written. Three hyphens, surely a sign of madness…
Starting off splashily. Apparently Mardi Gras is a thing in Maretime Bay. (It is a port town.)
“Not to uni my own corn” is a stretch, but I’ll accept it.
I feel like the animators had to struggle to make Sunny struggle with her costume. Just walk forward and the cape will stop getting tangled in your hind legs.
Dare I ask what Zipp’s costume is made of if it’s making her itch like that?
“If Hitch can rehearse around all his peacekeeping and sheriff… ing”
From what we’ve seen, that doesn’t appear to take up much of his day.
I see Hitch is embracing his capabilities as a Pokémon trainer.
Okay, I admit it, Sparky imitating his father is genuinely cute.
I can’t help but respect Opaline fully embracing her nature as a Saturday morning cartoon villain. Yes, she’s a shallow antagonist barely able to stay on top of the overwhelming demands of her addiction, but she owns that shallowness. Plus, the blazeberry is an interesting addition to the Equestrian… well, not bestiary. Herbiary? In any case, its associations with fire and destructive rage makes me wonder if Opaline had anything to do with its creation.
Misty trying to imitate Opaline’s accent is the cherry on top.
Ah. Given the coloration, it wouldn’t surprise me if blazeberries were the fruit of the dragonsneeze tree. At the very least, I could see the two being closely related.
Interesting how the blazeberries don’t seem to affect ponies. We’ve seen that the critters are on par with ponies in terms of intelligence. Maybe body mass is the deciding factor; there’s just not enough of a dose in this aerosolized form to impact full-grown equines. Or ponies are naturally immune. Hard to say.
Every day, Misty realizes just how horrible her mistress really is. But the sunk cost fallacy wouldn’t be a fallacy if it were easy to stop.
I’ve seen worse understudies than Señor Butterscotch.
Hmm. She was scratching her neck, sure, but I can’t imagine the feather treatments on Zipp’s wings are any more comfortable.
“If you care, I care!”
To a degree, anyway. The bond between siblings comes with some terms and conditions.
I assume Zipp’s scan visor has wireless Internet. (Don’t ask me how Samus’s works. That’s outside the scope of the discussion. )
Have they just let the Canterlogic building molder, or did the berserk animals cause this decrepitude?
Seagulls will fight God for half a bagel. They’ll certainly go after a dragon for half a donut.
Hitch, that was your chance to run.
The cobwebs definitely suggest that everypony’s just pretending the former economic core of the town doesn’t exist. Bizarre.
Again, if Misty weren’t so determined to get that cutie mark and convinced that Opaline was the only one who could give it to her, she’d have left the alicorn behind long ago.
Good to see Equestria’s drama-sensitive tumbleweeds are still thriving.
Ponies could certainly help with fixing the decorations, but sure, make the snails do the work.
One of the better showings for Hitch in Tell Your Tale… though he still doesn’t deal well when things deviate from the schedule. But hey, at least when Opaline gets involved, none of the main cast has to hold the Idiot Ball in order to get the plot moving.
Oh no! Anyway…
Okay, yeah, uncontrolled flaming belches are everyone’s problem.
Sparky is suffering, Pipp.
Poor Elderflower. Right up there with Granny Smith in terms of “names you hate to have if you’re under sixty.”
You know, I can understand the fear of a parent who doesn’t know how to help their sick child, and going to the hospital—assuming Maretime Bay has one—runs into an even worse problem of nopony knowing anything about dragons than in G4. After all, as far as we know, Sparky is the only dragon currently alive (though that could change.) But it would still be nice to see Hitch show a little initiative on his own. I miss pony Javert from the movie.
“A few high-octane stunts will shock the hiccuburps right out of you!”
Oh, this is some Dash-tier logic right here. Also, ponies have enough of a petrochemical industry to use octane-rich fuel. I suppose Izzy’s crafting scooter has to run on something, to say nothing of those bygone airships.
The “Danger Zone”-esque riffs during Zipp’s flight sequence are a nice touch.
Hitch keeping up with them is downright impressive. Never underestimate the power of a nervous parent.
And much like Rainbow Dash before her, Zipp is still working on the art of midair braking.
After all of his shenanigans, it’s hard not to feel like Sparky deserves at least some of his current suffering.
And now Sunny’s channeling Twilight… and, arguably, Pinkie Pie. Recipe research falls into a fuzzy area, especially when she appears to be making a cure for a hangover rather than hiccups. The toothpaste is especially concerning.
It is nice to see the Hitch/Sunny friendship chant. And that they’ve been using it sparingly enough that it’s still nice to see. Getting cut off midway is the icing on the cake.
And Izzy goes for the other end of the Pinkie approach, bizarre folk wisdom that’s equally likely to work perfectly or go horribly awry. Though involving black pepper in a hiccup cure just seems like it will introduce new problems. That said, I do like the circle of candles and crystals. One of my favorite things about G5 is the mysticism unicorns developed in lieu of actual magic.
D’aww. I’m clearly a sucker for toddler imitation. Also, this may be one of Pipp’s most helpful and constructive moments in the series thus far, especially if we don’t include her summoning legions of fans to throw at the problem. I know it won’t help, but still.
Yeah, this is some of the best entertainment Influencer Horse has given me over the course of her existence.
Oh my. You know it’s bad when Opaline can feel the surges from her castle. And, junkie that she is, she needs to know as much as possible about the phenomenon.
“Not today, pretzels.” I don’t why that got an actual laugh out of me, but it did.
It’s a shame the various G5 media diverged as much as they have. Discord would probably get a big kick out of this.
“I wish you could tell me how to help you.”
This must be especially frustrating for Hitch. He can communicate with virtually everything except his son. And given this franchise’s track record with babies, I’m not sure if they’ll ever let Sparky age enough to get out his first words.
Huh. This actually makes sense. Sparky’s magic creating the cure to his ailment is a lot like getting cravings for certain foods when your body is deficient in those foods’ nutrients. The subconscious knows what it needs and tries to get the consciousness to supply it.
Well, the smoothie’s glowing golden. That’s probably a good sign.
… You know, I was genuinely enjoying this short. And then they resolved it with another fart joke. Keeping tabs on this franchise can be an exercise in frustration sometimes. At least this supplied a good rationale for why nopony saw Misty try to snatch Sparky. Ducking and covering when you think a dragon’s about to explode is an entirely reasonable reaction.
After last time, you’d think Opaline would’ve turned off the communication pendant’s smell-o-vision.
Once more, I have to wonder how much humiliation it will take for Misty to buck Opaline’s yoke. And once more, I feel confident in saying that nothing less than the alicorn admitting she can’t give her minion a cutie mark will do.
… Huh. This is a surreal moment to open on. Dream sequence or underpaid smoothie booth mascots?
Oh. Oh. It’s a public access-tier commercial. It’s a thing of horrific beauty. Also, bold stance for Sunny to only use GM ingredients (green-mana modified.)
I see Pipp is a big believer in the all-digital school of VFX. Though I’m sure Izzy would be more than happy to whip up practical costumes. (Well, “practical” in the sense of physically existing, anyway.)
Ah, the perils of getting people to break from their usual. This could be seen as a lesser iteration of Sunny’s struggle to reunite the tribes. She’s trying her best to break cultural inertia despite nopony else caring.
Free samples or using an influencer friend’s reaction to promote the new flavors are both good ways to get the word out for the newest item on the menu. Why do I get the feeling that Sunny won’t go for either?
Very interesting to see Misty just hanging out with the main cast. Did we skip a major plot development, or did Izzy run into her and drag her along? I could see it going either way.
I can’t tell whether Sunny said there were over three million or three billion new flavor combinations for her smoothies. Either way, I deeply wish the writers would learn what those numbers actually mean.
… Oh. Okay, good news, it was million. Bad news, they directly acknowledge we’re talking about seven digits worth of smoothie combinations. When Izzy finds something outlandish, that’s warning.
… Oh no. The cardboard robot can speak. There is no way this will end well.
“We know what we like. It’s risky to try anything else.”
Nice reminder that Hitch is the order to Sunny’s chaos. I do appreciate that dynamic.
Huh. Well, at least the disaster happened because of user error and not the AI rebelling.
I don’t know what a “smoothie meltdown” entails, and I’m afraid to find out. I can only hope none of the crystals in Bridlewood are radioactive.
Misty following the others with a look of concern on her face. We definitely may have missed something.
That bunnicorn has seen things.
Oh. Oh no. If Haven’s new manedo is ruined, heads will roll.
Zipp may have come close to breaking the sound barrier there. (Though it’s a good thing she didn’t. A point-blank sonic boom wouldn’t do Haven’s new style any favors either.)
Okay, that is definitely the Super Mario Bros. coin sound effect.
A rare case of Posey’s day getting improved by the main cast.
Okay, Izzy and Misty working together definitely says we’re post-Opaline. I have a number of questions.
It’s threatening Sparky. With food. Come on. 
Well, I said I wanted to see Hitch show some intiative. I guess this counts.
“If Sparky likes it…”
I can only assume Hitch was so focused on blocking every drop that he never bothered to taste any of it on the way down.
Ooh, the metasmoothie. Truly a taste sensation.
“It is made out of the best bits of everything. Why not call it the Alicorn Special?”
That’s legitimately sweet of Hitch… and raises even more questions about Opaline’s status as of this short.
Huh. This got a cutie mark reaction out of Sunny. I wonder if part of her talent is bringing new experiences to the masses, much in the same way shooting stars are omens of great change. (Usually calamity, but we already covered that part for this short. 
)
Ah, how quickly the new normal concretizes. Alas for the innovator.
All told, this batch improved with each successive one, and even the first had some intriguing world building hints behind Izzy’s aggravating obliviousness. Definitely some good parts to enjoy here, though that’s not to say they were flawless.
In any case, let’s see what the latest missive from Maretime Bay has to offer in card form:
Apostle of Cadence 1W
Creature — Unicorn Cleric
Soulbond (You may pair this creature with another unpaired creature when either enters the battlefield. They remain paired for as long as you control both of them.)
Each paired creature you control has ward 1. (Whenever it becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays 1.)
3/1
Circle of Superstition 1W
Enchantment
Flash
As Circle of Superstition enters the battlefield, choose a card name.
1: The next time a source of your choice with the chosen name would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
1W: Return Circle of Superstition to its owner’s hand.
Comfort of Routine 1W
Enchantment
As Comfort of Routine enters the battlefield, choose a card type.
At the beginning of each end step, if you cast a spell of the chosen type this turn, you gain 3 life.
Most ponies are happy to stick with the known and familiar.
Commanding Packbonder 2W
Creature — Pony Warrior
Creatures you control with counters on them get +1/+1.
1W, T: Put a vigilance counter on another target creature you control.
A connection with the wild is potent. The ability to organize it is nearly unstoppable.
2/3
Katabatize 1U
Sorcery
Tap and put two stun counters on target creature you don’t control. (If a permanent with a stun counter would become untapped, remove one from it instead.)
Overload 4UU (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change its text by replacing all instances of “target” with “each.”)
Vocal Exercise 1U
Instant
Untap up to two target permanents you control. Activated abilities of creatures you control cost 2 less to activate this turn. This effect can’t reduce the mana in that cost to less than one mana.
“Warmups aren’t just for the gym.”
—Princess Pipp Petals
Arcanometry 2U
Enchantment
Whenever an opponent casts a spell with mana value greater than the number of research counters on Arcanometry, draw a card and put a research counter on Arcanometry.
As magical understanding regrew, Opaline narrowed her focus to the greatest surges.
Ditzy’s Mask 2U
Artifact — Equipment
Equipped creature has hexproof and vigilance.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.
Equip 1U
“Keep it close, Dinky. This will take a while.”
—Ditzy Doo, last known words
Evidence Sweeper 1B
Creature — Raccoon Unicorn Rogue
Whenever Evidence Sweeper attacks, exile target card from defending player’s graveyard.
Blitz 1B (If you cast this spell for its blitz cost, it gains haste and “When this creature dies, draw a card.” Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)
2/2
Resounding Apathy 2B
Instant
Target player sacrifices a creature.
Cycling 5WBG (5WBG, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
When you cycle Resounding Apathy, target player sacrifices two creatures.
A thousand voices rise up and cry “Meh.”
Haven’s Executioner 2BB
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Exploit (When this creature enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice a creature.)
Morbid — When Haven’s Executioner enters the battlefield, if a creature died this turn, each opponent sacrifices a creature.
“You have disrupted the queen’s flow.”
3/1
Mephitic Backblast 3B
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, pay X life.
Distribute X -1/-1 counters among any number of target creatures.
The only thing more dangerous than a dragon with digestive issues is curing them.
Reactor Meltdown 1RR
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, sacrifice an artifact.
Reactor Meltdown deals damage equal the sacrificed artifact’s mana value to each creature, player, and planeswalker.
“Plutonium is not your friend.”
—Twilight’s Guide to Humantech
Torrent of Flame 2RR
Sorcery
Add seven R. If you don’t control a Dragon, spend that mana only to cast Dragon spells.
Uncontrolled bursts of raw mana drew Opaline’s attention and made the clawing need in her stomach bite all the harder.
Belching Whelp 3R
Creature — Dragon
Whenever a creature you control dies, if it was dealt damage by a source you controlled this turn, reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a creature card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.
Whenever Belching Whelp attacks, you may have it deal 1 damage to each other creature.
3/2
Blazeberry Mist XXR
Sorcery
Gain control of all creatures with power X or less until end of turn. Untap those creatures. They gain haste until end of turn.
All the victims recall is a sweet scent on the breeze, then waking up exhausted in a pile of battered bodies.
Chocoblossom 1G
Creature — Plant Mutant
Evolve (Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under your control, if that creature has greater power or toughness than this creature, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.)
G, Remove two +1/+1 counters from among creatures you control: Create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
0/2
Noodle Web 2G
Artifact Creature — Food Wall
Defender, reach
2, T, Sacrifice Noodle Web: You gain 3 life.
When Noodle Web dies during combat, it deals 5 damage to each creature with flying it blocked this combat.
Sparky’s creations are as bizarre as they are humiliating.
1/3
Canopy Phytohydra 2GG
Creature — Plant Hydra
Vigilance, reach
Canopy Phytohydra enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each creature with flying your opponents control.
Whenever a creature with flying enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, put a +1/+1 counter on Canopy Phytohydra.
2/2
Fungal Synthesis 3G
Instant
Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Create X 1/1 green Saproling creature tokens, where X is that permanent’s mana value.
Like Opaline, the spores hunger for magic that they can repurpose to their own ends.
The Alicorn Special 1
Legendary Artifact — Food
2, T, Sacrifice The Alicorn Special: You gain 3 life. Draw a card.
Hoofcraft — You may cast The Alicorn Special from your graveyard as long as you control three or more Ponies, Pegasi, and/or Unicorns.
Every flavor blended in harmony.
Mystery Block 2
Artifact
Mystery Block enters the battlefield with three brick counters on it.
T, Remove a brick counter from Mystery Block: Create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
2, T, Remove a brick counter from Mystery Block: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.
5, T, Remove a brick counter from Mystery Block: Mystery Block deals 3 damage to target creature or planeswalker.
Jester’s Regalia 3
Artifact — Equipment
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, exile that many cards from the top of that player’s library.
2, Sacrifice Jester’s Regalia: Choose target player. For each nonbasic card exiled with Jester’s Regalia, search that player’s library for all cards with the same name as that card and exile them. Then that player shuffles.
Equip 1
Flavor Error (wu)
Instant
Choose target spell or ability that targets a permanent you control. Then ask a person outside the game if the story of what will happen makes sense. If they say no, counter that spell or ability. Otherwise, return Flavor Error to its owner’s hand and that spell or ability can’t be countered.
Malfunctioning Vendor 1RW
Artifact Creature — Robot
Lifelink
T: Malfunctioning Vendor deals 2 damage to any target chosen at random.
The damages were estimated at over twelve million calories.
0/2
Palentine, All-Loving Saint 2WBG
Legendary Creature — Unicorn Cleric
Soulbond
Whenever Palentine enters the battlefield or attacks, you may return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield paired with Palentine. If you do, that creature gains “When this creature is unpaired, exile it.” (Any other creature paired with Palentine becomes unpaired.)
4/5
I feel like I've probably made this observation already, but the fortnightly release schedule just makes both these shorts and G5 as a whole right now often fade from the mind in-between releases. Doesn't help that, Winter Wishday special excepted, we're now almost six months since the last episodes, and still waiting on a release date announcement for the next episode (knowing Netflix, it'll come in press releases for the given month of content followed by a trailer). Not quite on the levels of the gaps between Seasons Three-Four and Four-Five, but they had EqG movies and a far more active fandom, comics people liked, and so forth, so…
As for these shorts… I guess, fart joke closer notwithstanding, they did get a bit better as they went, and Pipp was largely at her less-sufferable. Even if the one-note manner of how they present Opaline and Misty's relationship (basically Gothel and Rapunzel, but poorly written) is grating fast.
And yes, we are absolutely missing out on plot developments from future MYM episodes. Considering Izzy's crafts vehicle first showed up in TYT #15 (or it might have been #16 – who's to say at this stage?) and it wasn't until #29 that MYM showed her actually getting it… well, let's hope it doesn't take that long for the continuity to catch up again!
I've observed before that the continuity and timeline of the two shows is actually impossible to reconcile, what with the short where Izzy gives Zipp her visor that is seen in the background of the first special (so, a prequel to it) also saying it's after the Maretime Bay day in dialogue. That said, I am sure, when G5 is all over, some clever folks bothered to do so will construct a as-chronological-as-possible viewing timeline.
I think it's also telling that by the Sunny smoothie short here, even the writers are evidently bored of the same "teamwork/moral" framework they've doled out over and over, because this short basically abandons that once the robot goes haywire. Or, at least, they don't foreground it thereafter.
…I dunno. What with these shorts just blending together into a mesh the longer they go on, and the original batch of 70 likely already finished (possibly the last chunk are still in animation or post), they really do feel like an afterthought more and more. We'll see how the next chunk fares across Spring and Summer 2023, I suppose.
Seagulls are the voracious spawn of satan and will steal a cheeto right out of your hand.
Inside Baseball Alert: Mystery Block feels like it ought to have a 1-Up Mushroom effect to round out the original set of powerups.
Flavor Error is amazing
5717823
Inside Baseball Alert: It's literally just Flavor Judge's ability.
And while I'm here, Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Malfunctioning Vendor's lifelink does work on its activated ability, so it won't usually be able to directly kill you (not even if you're at 2 or less life, because lifelink isn't a triggered ability so it the game won't notice you dipped below 0). And of course, it'll eventually self-destruct by targeting itself because there isn't anything saying that it can't (if you tried to override it with Flavor Error, and that's allowed because even random targets are decided early enough to respond IIRC, most people will say that a malfunctioning robot destroying itself makes all the sense
).
I'm not so sure. Misty is still wearing Opaline's communication pendant, which I think she'd be rid of once she undergoes the expected eventual allegiance change. I'm guessing that these shorts aren't getting a high level of overarching narrative scrutiny, and the writer of this one decided that because undercover Misty has interacted with the gang in a friendly capacity before, she's fair game for slice-of-life stories.
Not much to say about these -- four more shorts that I likely won't remember tomorrow (in the case of the fart joke, it will be because my memory repressed it). It probably isn't great that the two characters I'm most excited to see when they show up are, in order, Misty and Señor Butterscotch.