Shadow of Myself Taking a Break Until After New Year · 3:42am Dec 19th, 2022
The story,Shadow of Myself, isn't going on an extended hiatus, but won't be getting an update until January. I'm not going to be going without updates. Expect there to be another update to Marshmallow Dreams in the short future. I'm also planning another chapter of Money, Murder, and Marzipan before the new year. I'm swamped with work at my from now till then, so going to be conservative and only promise those two updates before New Year's, but I'm hoping to do more.
As a bonus to tide people over; I am going to include a chapter from a story I chose not to write, primarily because I have too many projects as is and trying to draw back from the Pandemic universe after the current stories. Keep in mind, it is unedited and was not the first chapter.
One day down, who knows how many to go? Jessica thought to herself as she walked to her car, purse at her side.
"Woooohooo! Shake that tail, babe!"
She stopped in her tracks and turned to see who had called out to her. She spotted three men, in their early twenties, probably students, standing next to an expensive-looking black sports car. It was obvious which one had spoken because he was giving her a lecherous leer. The other two of them seemed aghast at his behavior. He looked like the type that was the life of frat parties. The kind that's priorities were set by what was between his legs instead of what was between his ears. If a student, the car indicated wealthy parents, a trust fund baby who was used to always getting his way. Honestly, she was attracted to both macho types and prissy types, but she was not attracted to entitled jerks.
She turned and continued walking to her car. There was no need to give him the satisfaction of a response— damn pervert.
"Hey! I was talking to you!"
Her ears flattened, but she didn't turn to look. Engaging him served no purpose, and she'd be able to hear if he tried chasing after her.
"Stupid partial freak!"
A sound barrier went up halfway between him and her, so she didn't have to listen to him. Again, she'd be able to hear if he crossed it.
People fetishizing her and treating her like trash was old news. She was Doctor Jessica Middleton, the greatest mathematician living and the foremost expert on thaumic physics. She had defined the interaction and relationship between thaumic energy and wave energy at the age of six-and-a-half. She was the most brilliant scientist of the age and had no need to stoop to their level, and if anyone called her a coward, they had best remember why she wasn't still an earth pony.
Some days, I wish I had taken the chance on prosthetics and stayed an earth pony, or Princess Twilight had been better prepared to try to rehumanize me when she did. she thought bitterly before immediately shaking her head to chase away the thought.
In truth, she didn't hate her body, despite everyone else's reactions. No matter how often they called her a freak, she didn't see that when she looked in the mirror. Heck, her primary regret about it was there weren't more like her. Partials were rare, especially in the USA. There were supposedly significant numbers of partials in some areas overseas, places that had been isolated when the end of ETS came and didn't get rehumanization teams out to them until years after the fact or still hadn't. She'd never met any of them, only a stray person here and there with less prominent pony features that lingered after their rehumanization.
It would be nice to meet someone who was like her that she was genetically compatible to have kids with, but that was a one-in-a-million chance. She wasn't a partial because she had pony features; she was a partial because she was genetically neither human or pony. Most people with a stray pony feature or two were still genetically human. She wasn't genetically compatible with humans. Partials were rarely ever even compatible with other partials, each their own genetically unique entity with multiple chromosomes that couldn't find a pairing with their partner's, leading to failed fertilization or stillbirths. She hated the day she'd been told that. It was never fun for anyone being told they can't have kids, or an astronomically low chance, anyway.
Not that she had time for relationships and childrearing. The end of the world wouldn't slow its advance for her to invest time in that sort of thing.
Finally, she had reached her car, a personally refurbished red ninteen-fifty-three Corvette. She already had her keys in her hand and was quick to get her door unlocked. Her mother taught her that; always have her keys out or phone out when walking out to the car. It dissuaded people from jumping her. She was strong enough to fight off most humans, but it was inviting trouble. A person could jump her, and then sue her for assault if she defended herself with near earth pony strength. Courts always favored humans, and partials were even lower on the totem pole than ponies— way below. It wasn't fair, but it was how it was. It was best to avoid the conflict.
Deep breath, start the engine, lower the hood, and take a leisurely drive to the sanctuary of her home.
Back to suburbia in Aurora. She sat in her car and looked at her house… no, her parents' house. It wouldn't be long till she was out on her own. She'd physically matured too young and was left forever waiting for her legal age to catch up to her physical age. She technically was still too young to do a number of things, and she couldn't deny she'd more than once broken some age-restricted rules in acts of childish rebellion, but now she was legally old enough to get her own place. She should be excited; it was something she'd been dreaming of for a long time, but thinking about it made her nerves go on edge.
Stop being stupid and go inside. Mom is inside, dying to hear how your day went. Don't keep her in suspense. The sooner you deal with her the sooner you can work. You still need to make a show of progress on finding whatever in deep space before you go to bed. Damn Dreamwardens get more demanding by the day.
She sighed and got out of the car. Shutting the door gently behind her. As she approached the front door she stopped. There was a purple crayon laying on the front porch in front of the door. Her mother never used crayons with her art, and her little brother certainly didn't use them for anything, at least, she didn't think he did. She picked it up before anyone stepped on it and tripped.
"Mom? I'm home! Are you here?" she called out as stepped through the door.
Her mom came out to meet her. "Jessie, keep your voice down. Your brother, sister-in-law, and niece are asleep in the guest room."
Jessica blinked and listened. There were three distinct sets of heartbeats and breathing up in the guest room. The only other sets of breathing and heartbeats were hers and her mom's, not counting her little brother's gerbil.
"When did they get here?" Jessica asked as she shut the door, subconsciously insulating sound so she wouldn't wake anyone. "Where are Dusk and Dad? Shouldn't they already be home?"
Her mom gestured for her to sit on the couch. "Dusk is hanging out with some friends, and your father called and said he'd be running late. Your brother and his family arrived about an hour after you left for work. Nightscape says she is here researching for a new building project, but I know they wanted to help you with your move."
Jessica set the crayon down on the coffee table. "I guess little Eve dropped this on her way in. Bet she wants to draw like her parents and grandma. Probably already has more art talent than me."
Her mom chuckled as she headed for the kitchen. "Maybe not yet; she's only two. I think you can outdraw her for a few years yet. I'll brew us some coffee and you can tell me all about your first day teaching. I've been waiting all day to hear about it."
"Coffee sounds great, Mom. I'll take mine black," Jessica said as she sat down.
Her mom was already putting the pot on. "I know, I know. I don't understand your need to drink it that way. How did you ever develop a dislike of sugar in your coffee when you used to be a pony?"
Jessica shrugged, though her mom wouldn't be able to see her from the kitchen. "Was always in a hurry and didn't have time to add sugar, cream, or milk, and just got in the habit of drinking it that way. Now it doesn't taste right if you add anything."
She heard her mom take a deep breath. "Always in such a hurry. That's the story of your life. I worry about you. It seems like it has been getting worse these last few years. You need to take time for friends and maybe a little romance, hmmm?"
She leaned back and hung her head over the back of the couch. "Mom! I don't have time for that! There's not going to be anything like that for years yet."
The coffee finished brewing and her mom was fixing her own coffee. "Jessica, I say this as a concerned mother—"
Jessica rolled her eyes. She already knew what was coming.
Her mom came back into the living room and handed her a cup of coffee. "— you're going to get old before you should. I don't want you to lose the best years of your life only focused on work."
She took a sip before answering. "I only lost six years of my life, Mom. You act like I'll be old and grey in ten years."
"The way you work yourself, you might be," her mom said as she sat down. "Would it really kill you to make some friends with the other faculty, go out for a few drinks—"
"I'm nineteen. I'm not legal drinking age," Jessica injected quickly.
Her mom looked at her unconvinced. "I happen to know you came back drunk off your ass from a party at fifteen. I'm pretty sure you were high too, based on the strong smell of weed about you that night. You tried to play it off as you just had the flu, but your father and I weren't born yesterday. We never said anything because we were more relieved that you had actually gone out and done something semi-normal for a college girl. You're physically in your mid-twenties, having a drink or two with friends won't kill you. Having a drink or two on a date—"
Jessica crossed her arms. "That definitely isn't happening."
"Why not? You're a highly respected scientist. That makes you an extremely eligible bachelorette. Heck, you even are wide open on partner choices. You could have a special man, special woman, special mare or stallion. You know I don't mind the fact that you make no preference between gender or species. I have friends with grown kids. I could help arrange a meetup. I know your preferences that you find most appealing. I just want you to have a special someone in your life."
Jessica set her coffee cup down and glared. "I'm not going to have my mother trying to help me get laid. I can't believe we're even having this conversation. I may pursue something once my work is done, but not before. I don't have time."
Her mom frowned. "Your work...you're not talking about teaching. You're talking about whatever that is that the Dreamwardens have you doing, aren't you? Three of them are immortals, and they've had you working since you were a kid. They don't think about time like we do. When is it ever going to be enough for them? When will they be done with you? Haven't they claimed enough of your life?"
Tick-tock, tick-tock, the end was marching closer. The Dreamwardens were searching for a solution, NASA was watching and trying to determine the timetable, governments around the world were in either denial or panic mode, and the public didn't have a clue. Every other civilization in the history of the universe had been destroyed by the foe they were up against. Many of those civilizations had been far more advanced, others had been practically stone-aged, but advanced or primitive, they had been unprepared for what was coming. That was the one advantage Earth had going for it; there was a chance to try to prepare, a chance to fight.
"Mom...it is very important work," Jessica said slowly. "I wish I could tell you how important, but there's so many levels of classification and secrecy on this it would blow your mind. It is worth every moment of my life if that is what it takes."
"What good are you to them if you break down doing whatever this is?" her mom demanded. "You need to take care of yourself. You need to have some joy in your life. When you were a foal, I worried you might throw away your future by getting into social situations you weren't prepared for because you were always in such a hurry to grow up. I miss those days because now I worry you're going to not let yourself have a life."
"I'm fine, Mom. You know I make time for friends here and there. I went all the way back to Skytree over the summer for Jordan's eighteenth birthday. I keep up with everybody on social media. I don't avoid people because I don't want a social life. I do it because I'm busy."
Technically, that was like three-quarters true. She was very particular about who she tried to engage in any socializing with. Being a partial made her wary of people in general. In terms of relationships, she was unsure if she could ever trust someone to be into her for her and not having some objectifying fetish for partials that never extended to seeing her as a person.
Her mom looked like she wanted to argue more, but shook her head. "Maybe I'm being too pushy. I'm sorry. I know I wouldn't behave this way with your brothers. We all endure difficulties with our social lives because of...you know, but you're the one of us who actually has some celebrity status that should have people eager to associate with you, yet you're the one who seems to struggle the most in getting out there. I don't want you to look back at this point in your life twenty years from now and feel regret."
Jessica looked down at her coffee. "Robby always resented how much attention you devoted to me and not him. I'm surprised Dusk doesn't have a chip on his shoulder as well."
"Dusk does, just not to you or us," her mom said in a tired voice. "He's a smart boy. He knows none of us are responsible for what he has to go through. He sees what the rest of us endure."
"He's a good kid," Jessica said. "I guess I'm the lucky one. People can forget who my aunts are when dealing with me."
Her mother clicked her tongue. "Believe me, I envy you for that, but I'm also happy for you. Much as you have to put up with, at least you get spared something."
Jessica's ears twitched. "Robby and the others are stirring upstairs. I think we need to end this conversation. They'll be down shortly."
Her mom looked embarrassed. "I guess we got too loud."
"No, Mom. I've been controlling the volume the entire time. They didn't hear a thing."
Her mom half-smiled. "Of course you did. I don't know why I never remember you do stuff like that without saying anything. Tell me about your first day teaching. It is nice to know there's another teacher in the family again. I miss doing it."
Jessica looked down to avoid her mom's eyes. "I'm sorry you had to retire. It wasn't fair."
Her mom waved it away. "No fault of yours. Stupid school board just overreacted to what happened with your auntie. It's given me time to focus on family and my own art, but I want to hear about your day."
"Well, I got in trouble with the dean for muting students, and was told in no uncertain terms that my office needed to be moved off campus," Jessica replied.
Her mom frowned. "Okay… I hope that doesn't become an issue. What else?"
"A student in the parking lot decided to be both a bigot and a misogynist towards me. I didn't escalate the situation by doing anything to him or confronting him, I just ignored him," Jessica continued.
Her mom's frown shifted to sadness. "I'm sorry that happened."
Jessica shrugged and pulled her jacket so she covered more of her bust. She also tucked her tail closer to her to make it less visible. "What's new? There's always going to be someone around like that, and every once and a while, there'll be ones like him that decide to make themselves loud and obnoxious. But hey, on the bright side, I'm all grown up, and they aren't going that to an underaged girl anymore. I guess that makes it all okay. Sure makes me feel better about the idea of getting in a relationship with someone who finds me attractive."
Her mom looked like she was searching for a reassuring word to say and struggling. "I'm very sorry they make you feel that way. It breaks my heart. You know there are plenty of people not like that, who will treat you with respect, right?"
Jessica sunk back against the couch cushion, still drawn in on herself. "I know."
"What about the actual class? Did they seem excited to have you teaching? Did you enjoy it?" her mom asked, forcing a smile and leaving the subject behind.
"They seemed excited when I started talking about internships," Jessica answered. "I'm not you though, Mom. Teaching isn't really my thing. I'm there because I'm looking for help in those different organizations, not because I get tons of joy out of watching young minds blossom.This is just a part-time job with an agenda."
Her mom looked away and then stood up. "I see. Well, I won't trouble you any more about it. I'm going to start fixing dinner early since we have three extra mouths to feed. I hope you'll spare some time to spend with your older brother and your niece."
Jessica realized she should have tried to sound more upbeat about teaching. Her mom always wanted something to bond over. Here they had a chance to have something, and Jessica had practically spat on it. Real genius move.
Robby came down the stairs and spotted her. "Hey, sis. How's my favorite plow horse?"
She gave him a cross look. "That insult wasn't a good one when I was still a pony, bat brain. Nightscape trying to give Eve a bath right now?"
He nodded. "I'm sure you hear it. How's it going?"
"I think more water is getting on your wife and floor than on your kid," Jessica answered.
Robby came over and climbed on the couch beside her, not bothering to jump or flap his wings. "Sounds about right. How did I get this old?"
"Well, typically we only age in one direction, so your answer is self explanatory," she replied dryly. "You aren't that old. We're physically about the same age."
"And my baby sister is teaching at a college and moving out to her own place. It was just yesterday that you were a tiny filly crawling on my back," Robby said wistfully. "Next thing you know, Eve will be moving out too."
"I think you have got plenty of time yet for that," she replied with a smirk.
He looked up at her. "You know, you aren't the only eavesdropper in the family. I blame you for being a bad influence. I was listening from the stairs before I came down."
She nodded. "I heard your heart and breathing, and a lot of bodily functions I won't go into."
"My stomach is growling," Robby agreed. "Anyway, is everything okay with you and Mom?"
She shrugged. "You heard it. She was needlessly pushy, and I was insensitive, and no, she can't hear us talking."
"Of course not. Thanks for not muting the earlier conversation to me," Robby replied. "It will be okay. Mom has always worried about you more than she needed, and I am not resentful anymore; I'll have you know."
"So you have forgiven her for her sins at your decrepit old age of twenty-five?" Jessica asked with a smirk.
He shrugged again. "Worrying about my little filly puts some things in perspective. I told you, I'm getting old."
She sighed. "Think you can go help Mom in the kitchen and patch things up for me? You two can talk about art stuff or whatever."
"Only if you go help my wife with our screeching bundle of joy who is averse to water. You've got hands, they're useful for that kind of thing. Just watch out, she bites."
"I think I can deal with a filly's teeth," Jessica said as she stood up.
"Oh, yeah, Eve too. Definitely watch Eve's mouth too," Robby smirked.
She gave her brother a very light pop in his side, careful to watch her strength. "That is not a nice thing to say about your wife!"
Robby spread his wings defensively, grinning broadly. "I didn't say I minded."
She rolled her eyes. "Just smooth things over with Mom for me. You're better at that kind of thing."
He climbed down from the couch. He didn't reach her shorts while standing at full height. "I've got it. What are big brothers for?"
"Thanks, Robby."
He touched a hoof to her leg. "And I need to let you in on a secret. You can tell the Dreamwardens to shove it every once in a while and give you a break for a day or two. I've told Phobia off more than once. She'll glare at you, give you a dirty look, and then calmly leave you be for a while."
Her eyebrows climbed as high as they could go, perhaps reaching new records. "You've told off Phobia? For what?"
He flapped his wings slightly. "She gets overbearing at times. Sometimes you have to tell her to back off for the sake of your mental health. They have access to knowing you need a break, but that doesn't mean they're paying attention, or maybe they're just waiting for you to say something. You know how their weird privacy rules work."
"And you get away with that with no consequences?" Jessica asked, skeptical.
He shuffled his hooves. "With her, yeah, but I avoid Tempest for a while afterwards. I value my life."
Mention of Phobia's humanized bodyguard made her tail subconsciously start to raise before she caught what she was doing and forced it down. Stupid tail.
Robby caught sight of it and smirked at her. "She's way too old for you and you aren't her type."
"I know that!" she said in a loud whisper. "It doesn't mean I can't think she's attractive. I'm not immune to that sort of stuff just because I have no time for it. Don't tell Mom about it or I'll make you hear nothing but nails against a chalkboard for the rest of the day."
Robby chuckled. "Mom already knows about how you look at Tempest. Your tail betrays you every time. How do you think she figured out your type? Anyway, I know you understand she isn't worth pursuing, but it's always so cute when you get hot and bothered and then watching you try to hide it. I'm your big brother; I get to pick on you about that stuff."
She playfully scoffed at him. "You look little to me, pony."
"You're just big for even a human," he replied with a wave of his wing. "You know, Nightscape thought about buying you a pair of high heels for Christmas. She thought it would make you look more professional or something."
She groaned. "You talked her out of that, right? I don't need to add any more inches to my height or draw any more attention to my legs."
He shrugged. "Who can say?"
"Bat brain!" she yelled at him as she headed for the stairs.
The chapter is definitely interesting, would it be considered ‘canon’ to the rest of your pandemic works?
5703987
Yeah, it is more or less canon. I wrote three chapters for this and decided I just had too much to take care of already.