//------------------------------//
// The Klutz and the Dork 
// Story: Romance for Dummies and the Otherwise Evolutionarily Hopeless 
// by J3sterking 
//------------------------------//

Flash Sentry sat in a cafe, tapping one foot impatiently. In front of him was a coffee, still steaming but as of yet untouched; his phone, displaying a message from Sunset Shimmer; and a rock.

He'd intended to ask Sunset Shimmer out on a date, but once again, the world needed saving. So instead of the gorgeous, flame-haired best-friend-ever, he had a small, lumpy rock.

I suppose it's technically a gem, he thought to himself. A ruby...or maybe a garnet? Regardless, he couldn't appreciate its beauty knowing that it had been about to explode less than five minutes ago.

Flash checked his phone, but he had not received a new message since Sunset's last one.

SunShim: OK we seem to be far enough apart so that the gems aren't about to explode anytime soon. I'm going to disarm mine, and then Rainbow, you can come back from Las Pegasus.

RainDash: That's great bc I left my wallet and am getting weird looks.

Flash sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

The creak of leather and the clink of china interrupted his brooding. Derpy Hooves, alternatively called Ditzy Doo, Muffins, or even "Bubbles" by the other kids at school, sat down opposite him with her own cup of coffee. "Hi, Flash!"

"Hey, Derpy," he said morosely.

"It didn't go well, I take it?" she asked.

"Well, as usual, something came up before I could ask," Flash said, resting his head on one hand. "But this time, I offered to help."

"Well, that's good!"

"She told me to take this rock, and keep driving as far as possible while she ran the other direction." He spun the ruby around on the table, watching as light reflected off of it.

"Oh." Derpy stared at her coffee.

"Maybe...maybe I should just give up," Flash said. "I think it's pretty clear by now that she's not into me, or she'd have said something. I'm not even sure she's noticed what I've been trying to say." He took a sip of his coffee. 

"Well..." Derpy said slowly. "If you're sure..."

"You know what? I am sure!" Flash slammed his fist into the table, bouncing the gem up into the air. "Enough of this moping around. I need to do something. Go somewhere. Be...with someone else."

Derpy shook her coffee. "Well, I could..."

"Like, seriously," Flash continued, oblivious. "To have not noticed me all this time...she's got to be blind! How absolutely thick do you have to be--"

"Flash--"

"--to not notice someone trying so desperately to get your attention--"

"Uh, Flash--"

"--when all they want is for you to notice them!" Flash finished.

"Don't say such things about yourself!" Derpy shouted, slamming her fists on the table.

Flash blinked, reeling back. Derpy glared at him, then realized what she'd said. She leaned back, face turning pink, then let her head fall onto the table, wrapping it in her arms. "Can we...forget I said that?"

"I feel like a jerk," Flash said, running a hand through his hair. "You...like me?"

"I mean...kinda? I don't know," Derpy mumbled to table. "I wanted you to be happy, so...I was trying to help you with Sunset. But..."

"That's...gotta be the most selfless thing I've ever heard of," Flash said. "Helping the guy you like...well, try to get together with another girl." He reached out, taking her hand. Derpy looked up, meeting his eyes...or, one of them, anyway. He had no idea where her other eye was looking.

"So, maybe...we could try," he stumbled. "I mean, if you wanted to, we could just...go out on a--"

The ruby on the table began to glow brightly.

Both of them looked down at it, as it vibrated ominously, before exploding in a brilliant flash of fire. Flash blinked, looking into Derpy's soot-stained face, her hair blown back, and then up to his own similar face and hair.

His phone rang, and he picked it up.

"I disarmed the gem!" Sunset said in a chipper tone. "It should no longer explode!"

"Yeah, great, thanks," he said.

"You can come back whenever," Sunset said. "Thanks, Flash. You made this way easier."

"Glad to help," he said. 

"I'll let you go, now," Sunset said. "You take it easy, now."

"Sounds like you need to take it easy," Flash said. "Goodbye."

"Thanks, bye."

Flash put down the phone, looking to Derpy, patiently sipping her coffee.

"Want to go out? Together?"

Derpy spat out her coffee--which wiped the soot off Flash's face, but it was quite hot.  He cried out, as Derpy panicked, reaching for the napkins and trying to shove them in his face. She, unfortunately, forgot to get up first, and only succeeded in uprooting the diner's table, crashing it into Flash's stomach, as she gasped, the table ramming into her side.

After a moment, she fell back into her seat, the table wobbling back into its place.

Flash wiped coffee from his face, rubbing at the aggravated skin with a napkin.

Derpy chuckled awkwardly, blushing. "Yes," she said, "I'd love to go out with you."

"Probably at a different diner," Flash said, looking to the other patrons and the disapproving waitress. 

"I know this great place!" Derpy said, clapping her hands together excitedly. "I'll pick you up. Wednesday?"

"Sure," Flash said. "Wednesday."





It had been a while since Flash had gone on a date. But this was a casual one. Two friends, trying to see if it would work. No reason to get fancy.

Of course, that meant that he should have been anywhere but Carousel Boutique. But there he was, browsing the men's wear. 

At really, really fancy suits.

"Hello! Welcome to Carousel--oh, hi, Flash," Rarity said, adjusting her 'work' spectacles. "What brings you by?"

"I just need...a suit," Flash said. "No, not--not a 'suit' suit. Just...something a little nicer than my school wear."

Rarity stared at him. "I probably have something like that around here," she mused. "Need a new Sunday shirt? I could get you something like that..."

"More of a da--" He clamped his mouth shut, but Rarity's eyes snapped towards him like a hawk. "Yeah, just a Sunday shirt," he lied.

"Are you," she said, "going...on a date?"

He looked to one side, where Lyra and Bon-bon were watching him. He looked to the other, where Trixie was pretending not to watch him. Flash sighed. "Yeah."

"With...Sunset?"

"Uh, no," he said. "Look, maybe I'll just--"

"With Derpy?" Rarity cried. "YES! YOU GO, GIRL!" She punched a fist excitedly into the air. "Hear that, Lyra? Derpy finally asked him!"

"We hear ya!" Lyra shouted. "I'll find something for her to wear!" She rushed past Bon-Bon, bowling over her friend.

"Trixie cries out--finally!" 

"How long have you guys been waiting for this?" Flash asked hesitantly.

"Why, since the Friendship Games!" Rarity said. "Darling, you have no idea how painful it's been watching you three."

"Three...?"

"Derpy, and the endlessly blind Flash Sentry, and Sunset Shimmer," Rarity said slowly. "Ugh. Some people were making bets on whether you'd ask out Sunset first, or Derpy would ask you. Which means..."

"Trixie is calling Thunderlane," Trixie said. "She will have her peanut butter crackers!"

"Wait, don't--" Flash called out, wincing as Trixie, predictably, ignored him. "Please, guys, no reason to make a big deal out of this. I asked her on an impulse, it's just...casual."

"For now, darling," Rarity said. 

"Rarity, for the love of God," Flash said, "I just need a nice shirt. I want to go out with a friend, and see if it works out."

"Of course, darling, we can find something like that," Rarity said. "Ooh! Lyra, what do you think their children will be named?"

Flash sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was going to be a long day.