Time To Face Reality (Angst Ahoy) · 6:28pm
I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. It's a release of some sort, I guess.
The truth is that my life is horrible right now. My job is ten times harder than it used to be. The dog is slowly driving my wife and I completely insane with her NEVER-FUCKING-ENDING health issues. My best friend's son was just born with health defects that will make him need care for the rest of his life. Two other groups of friends are going through terrible breakups. Both my grandmother and grandfather (different sides of the family) are dying. I could go on, but let's just assume you've gotten the point.
What it all boils down to is that this year has been a tsunami of terribleness that just seems to have no end in sight. One of the other issues is that I just do not have time for anything fun or creative. Anytime I try to sit down to write or draw or do some kind of music, a disaster of some variety happens. I can't ever relax, and I'm starting to crack. My performance at work has taken a nose dive. My relationship with my wife is strained. I never see any of my friends.
So things have to give, and this place is one of them. I've been angry at this site for a while. I'm sure it has to do with how angry I am inside, but every time I try to read someone's reviews, or go look through forum threads or read a story, I just feel like every little thing sets me off. I don't want to feel that way. I used to come to brony sites because of the relentless positivity of it all. I'm not sure if it's gone, or if I'm just that far on the negativity scale, but it's doing nothing but upsetting me now.
I'm fairly close to finishing a story. I'm going to try to get that out soon, and then I'll probably be gone. Hopefully just for a while, but maybe for good. What's the point of being here when it just winds me up? I don't have any good Cheerilee ideas. I'm not feeling funny. I don't want to write horrible, ugly stories because I feel horrible and ugly inside. I'm tired of feeling like I've really accomplished something when I manage to scrape together five fucking hundred words in a week.
Just a moment ago, I finished cleaning up the broken pieces of the mug that I just tossed at the wall. It's been a while since I felt totally out of control and that I had to break things and scream to get by. I'm getting there again, and that means that I need to step away and refocus myself. I want to say that I'll be back when that happens, but if not, I've tried my best to entertain you. I truly appreciate all the support and education you all have given to me. Good luck with your own stories.
See you, Space Cowboy.