Hello friends! · 5:15am
Sadly, I'm in a hurry. I can't say much, they might be watching, so I'll just say it's for one of three reasons.
1. I met an old wizard. He tipped his hat to me and greeted me warmly, but so stunned was I by his appearance that I didn't respond, and he cursed me. I am currently typing this with my proboscis, as I am now a lowly butterfly. I have learned my lesson. I miss my family.
2. I fell through a portal into an adjacent yet parallel world in which everyone communicates through confusing yet strangely elegant interpretive dance. Words are illegal. The secret police are incredibly strict. I cannot stay long. I am typing this on a black market computer for which I had to do unspeakable things to a smuggler, who communicated his price to me in fluid motions of willowy, mesmerizing dance. Unspeakable things. I must remain strong for mother.
3. My tablet is dying and I have to type fast and I already wasted a bitchton of time typing up the first 2 options. This is highly unlikely though, so take that with a grain of salt. Being gullible is a sin.
If I theoretically had more time, I would hug you each and pat your heads lovingly for not leaving me after the last post with the sexy dancing skeleton. Believe it or not, I was and am completely sober. You know those girls who whisper about how weird they are to their Starbucks green tea frappe in their Forever 21 attire? I bet they never wrote anything about sexy dancing skeletons. Basic bitches.
Also, if I theoretically had even more time, I would tell you all about my story, which I owe you guys, that I'm writing for the holidays. It's going to be cute, really cute. Brace yourselves. Deadly cute. Get your inhalers ready. Choke on the cuteness. Let it envelop you. Make sweet love to the cuteness as it covers you with its warm holiday cheer.
If I had even MORE time, I'd say that I'm going on vacay for the holidays, and will be hard to reach, but please, find me (and follow me, ehehehe shameless self promotion) HERE (I'm funny sometimes, real good wit, very funny) or add me on Skype as 'talcextraordinaire,' the most ridiculous Skype name in the history of flesh and bone, don't ask. Find me on both, chant in Latin, leave cookies and milk out, and when you go home, I will be under your bed.
Now I must run. I can hear them approaching. Goodbye friends. Goodb-