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thatcanadiandude thatcanadiandude
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Registered: 27th Jun 2012
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Trauma Team: Equestrian Chronicles

What if Equestrian Medical technology was more reliant on technology then on magic?

What if the the Mane 6 had all become medical professionals?

Pinkie Pie is the new residential surgeon of one of the biggest, most well respected hospitals in Equestria. She graduated medical school with marks as some kind of surgical wunderkind, but many still ask; how is the bouncy, bubbly Pinkie Pie so calm and controlled during surgery?

Dr. Appelisa "AppleJack" Jackson is the Chief of Orthopaedics, and a down home family pony at heart. Leaving her family farm in her brother's hooves to pursue her dream of helping ponies, few will go as far in their job to help as her. But how far is too far, and at what point does risking ourselves become the problem?

Rainbow "Dash" Dashfeld is the Head Paramedic and First Response Operative. She's brash and arrogant, but has the skill and speed to back it up. Her speed may end up being her downfall, however. Will the memories of her glorious past cause her to lose what she has in the here and now?

Dr. Twilight Sparkle is the hospitals primary Diagnostician. A recent transfery from the well respected Equestrian Center for Disease Research and Control, her medical knowledge is almost unparalled. But the question remains; why would somepony with a promising career at a prime medical research institute end up working a 9-5 job in a regional hospital?

Rarity Demond, MD, is the Ponyville mortician, a pony who believes that, even in death, a pony deserves to be beautiful. On the side, she occasionally assists the Ponyville police in solving crimes using her deductive reasoning and knack for finding hidden evidence. But will her obsession with the dead ruin her ties with the still living?

Dr. Fluttershy Kindred is the hospitals Senior Surgeon, and a master of the endoscope. Sickly as a child, the hospital has become a second home to her, and she works hard to see all her patients recover. However, is there a point when you become too emotionally involved, to the detriment of all else?

These 6 find themselves embroiled in a medical disaster that threatens the very wellbeing of all of Equestria. They must overcome their problems and work together if they want to see this through to the end.

This is Trauma Team: Equestrian Chronicles.

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16,769 words ( 5 chapters ) · 381 views  ·  14  ·  2 · gore  · 

Comments

#221976 · 24w, 15h ago · · ·
Reply 

Hey~ <3

#83735 · 43w, 1d ago · · ·
Reply 

I should probably be posting this on your fic instead of your page, but I'll do it here anyway.

Personally I really like your Trauma Team fic and how you're treating the characters. However I feel the narration is a bit of an issue. It doesn't pain an image of there surroundings very well at all, leaving me to have to picture it like my own local hospital (johns Hopskins). Secondly the actions while handled better seem to either be redundant, or not give enough detail. Like you tell what Pinkie did during surgery but didn't bother to actually go into detail about the action or what it looked like. This makes it a lot harder to actually get into the story.

Lastly there's the issue with there being not to enough Narration between dialogue. There's lines but there isn't any narration of what they are doing with their body, face or their tone.While there's some there's definitely isn't enough.

I don't know whether you have an editor/proofreader to help you or not, but if you don't I'd recommend you seek one. There is a really interesting story here.

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