So...I'm going to be unemployed for the next couple of months, what's up with you guys?I

As title says, there's this idea I've been kicking around.

Caramel's Bad Day... or Two AKA Stinkmeaner goes to Equestria.

A surly, angry sinner sat in the farthest, darkest reaches of the Pit. The spirit in question was currently breaking the leg of a demon unfortunate enough to be dueling him above a chasm of spikes. The tortured soul was currently battling to gain the favor of the prince of darkness himself. With a pained scream, the monstrosity fell into the abyss below ending in a horrible crunch. With that, magma poured from orifices in the walls, flowed into the spike pit, and illuminated the room, revealing the lord of the dead sitting on a throne made from the bones of the damned.

"Why have you asked my favor yet again sinner?" the devil asked as a smirk crossed his face.

"You know what I want bitch. Send me back to kill the Freeman family."

"I have already granted you such a request. You are denied." Finality echoed in the room as the final syllable died in the Beast's statement.

"What! Fuck you nigga. If you won't send me back, I'll beat the retarded out of you until you do. Now get ya balls nigga," the spirit demand as he adopted a fighting stance.

The Devil took this threat, and laughed it off.

"Leave now," came Satan's deep baritone, "before I lose my patience with you old man."

"Fuck your faggot-ass, bitch," was the soul's response as he launched himself at the Devil.

Before the spirit's blow could land, the prince of darkness waved a hand and caused a rift to open before him, catching the sinner, and spiriting him off to another world. As the damned flew through the darkness, Satan's voice echoed through the soul's mind.

"For your transgressions against me mortal, you shall be sent to a place of eternal torture, and pain with no hope of return." The Devil's mad cackle followed suit as the sinner was thrust through the void.

"Fuuuuuck youuuuuu bitch."

-----

Caramel had stayed up late last night, preparing for the day's festivities. It was the annual summer carnival, and as such most places had set up booths, stands, shops, and the like to peddle their wares this day. Caramel, was going to be offering his caramel coated apples, for a reasonable price of course. The day before, he had asked his cousin Applejack for fifty of her best apples for the day.

It seemed like today everypony was setting up something to celebrate the carnival. Especially Cherilee, the local schoolteacher had set up a small obstacle course for the children to sharpen their reflexes, as well as their minds.

He had been seeing the teacher for quite some time, and despite some rather forward advances by the mare, they had still not had 'relations'. Today, that was all going to change. Today Caramel was going to get to know her more intimately. The last few times his nerves had gotten thebetter of him, but today that was all going to change.

Before the day could end though, it had to begin, and have a middle of course. Both of which included selling his wares at the carnival. He had chosen the perfect spot to sell his apples. This spot was lovely, just past the ticket booth, and under a shady tree in case the selling took longer than anticipated.

As of now, he was hauling his pre-made delicacies in the early morning hours. Surely nopony would set up an hour before the carnival started, so he was going to have the best spot.

By the time he reached the town square, the sun had already broken the horizon, birds chipped softly in the distance, and a cloud moved lazily in the light breeze. He could see it now, his spot, he had even placed a little note on the tree to claim the spot in advance. Now he was simply a few measly feet away when an odd sound caught his attention.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Caramellllllllll," said a pink blur as it rushed past, "byyyyyyyyyyyyyye Caramellllllllll."

"Good morning to you too Pinkie!" he shouted before the party mare got out of range.

When he turned around however, he saw a cart in his spot. It was red with white stripes, or maybe white with red stripes he could never tell. The offending cart had a large glass case held within that contained a suspended metal pot, and an oddly colored lamp. He now recalled to whom the cart belonged, the Corn siblings. Corn Husk, Corn Silk, and Corn Hole.

Only two of the three siblings , Husk and Silk, ever came to social gatherings for some odd reason. Today however only the oldest of the Corns attended the cart, Corn Husk. Husk was a burly earth pony stallion that stood a full head above Caramel. His dark green coat clashed with his golden mane in the most unpleasant of ways.

"Hey man that was my spot!" Caramel shouted at the offending cart owner.

"Yeah whatever," replied Husk.

"It had my name on it, and everything."

"Look Candy Apple," the eldest Corn sibling said as he got up from behind the cart, "I don't care now get out of here bitch."

Caramel could feel bile rise in his throat, foam pile in his mouth, and then it felt as though somepony else  took control.

"What did you say nigga."

"Bitch, I didn't stutter. Why don't you piss off and go someplace else."

"I didn't hear you nigga come closer."

"I SAID-" *CRACK* the possessed Caramel had spun around, and landed a buck straight into the head of the oldest Corn sibling which ended in an agonizing crunch. As Husk hobbled back, his head reeling, he reached behind the cart for a blunt object to strike Caramel with, but instead found the stallion rushing him.

"Fuck your cart nigga. FUCK! YOUR! CART!" Caramel emphasized each word with a stomp on the vehicle's table.

------

And that's all I've got so far I don't know. For those of you who don't know, I'm ripping off the boondocks.  

What do you guys think.

As title says, there's this idea I've been kicking around.

Caramel's Bad Day... or Two AKA Stinkmeaner goes to Equestria.

A surly, angry sinner sat in the farthest, darkest reaches of the Pit. The spirit in question was currently breaking the leg of a demon unfortunate enough to be dueling him above a chasm of spikes. The tortured soul was currently battling to gain the favor of the prince of darkness himself. With a pained scream, the monstrosity fell into the abyss below ending in a horrible crunch. With that, magma poured from orifices in the walls, flowed into the spike pit, and illuminated the room, revealing the lord of the dead sitting on a throne made from the bones of the damned.

"Why have you asked my favor yet again sinner?" the devil asked as a smirk crossed his face.

"You know what I want bitch. Send me back to kill the Freeman family."

"I have already granted you such a request. You are denied." Finality echoed in the room as the final syllable died in the Beast's statement.

"What! Fuck you nigga. If you won't send me back, I'll beat the retarded out of you until you do. Now get ya balls nigga," the spirit demand as he adopted a fighting stance.

The Devil took this threat, and laughed it off.

"Leave now," came Satan's deep baritone, "before I lose my patience with you old man."

"Fuck your faggot-ass, bitch," was the soul's response as he launched himself at the Devil.

Before the spirit's blow could land, the prince of darkness waved a hand and caused a rift to open before him, catching the sinner, and spiriting him off to another world. As the damned flew through the darkness, Satan's voice echoed through the soul's mind.

"For your transgressions against me mortal, you shall be sent to a place of eternal torture, and pain with no hope of return." The Devil's mad cackle followed suit as the sinner was thrust through the void.

"Fuuuuuck youuuuuu bitch."

-----

Caramel had stayed up late last night, preparing for the day's festivities. It was the annual summer carnival, and as such most places had set up booths, stands, shops, and the like to peddle their wares this day. Caramel, was going to be offering his caramel coated apples, for a reasonable price of course. The day before, he had asked his cousin Applejack for fifty of her best apples for the day.

It seemed like today everypony was setting up something to celebrate the carnival. Especially Cherilee, the local schoolteacher had set up a small obstacle course for the children to sharpen their reflexes, as well as their minds.

He had been seeing the teacher for quite some time, and despite some rather forward advances by the mare, they had still not had 'relations'. Today, that was all going to change. Today Caramel was going to get to know her more intimately. The last few times his nerves had gotten thebetter of him, but today that was all going to change.

Before the day could end though, it had to begin, and have a middle of course. Both of which included selling his wares at the carnival. He had chosen the perfect spot to sell his apples. This spot was lovely, just past the ticket booth, and under a shady tree in case the selling took longer than anticipated.

As of now, he was hauling his pre-made delicacies in the early morning hours. Surely nopony would set up an hour before the carnival started, so he was going to have the best spot.

By the time he reached the town square, the sun had already broken the horizon, birds chipped softly in the distance, and a cloud moved lazily in the light breeze. He could see it now, his spot, he had even placed a little note on the tree to claim the spot in advance. Now he was simply a few measly feet away when an odd sound caught his attention.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Caramellllllllll," said a pink blur as it rushed past, "byyyyyyyyyyyyyye Caramellllllllll."

"Good morning to you too Pinkie!" he shouted before the party mare got out of range.

When he turned around however, he saw a cart in his spot. It was red with white stripes, or maybe white with red stripes he could never tell. The offending cart had a large glass case held within that contained a suspended metal pot, and an oddly colored lamp. He now recalled to whom the cart belonged, the Corn siblings. Corn Husk, Corn Silk, and Corn Hole.

Only two of the three siblings , Husk and Silk, ever came to social gatherings for some odd reason. Today however only the oldest of the Corns attended the cart, Corn Husk. Husk was a burly earth pony stallion that stood a full head above Caramel. His dark green coat clashed with his golden mane in the most unpleasant of ways.

"Hey man that was my spot!" Caramel shouted at the offending cart owner.

"Yeah whatever," replied Husk.

"It had my name on it, and everything."

"Look Candy Apple," the eldest Corn sibling said as he got up from behind the cart, "I don't care now get out of here bitch."

Caramel could feel bile rise in his throat, foam pile in his mouth, and then it felt as though somepony else  took control.

"What did you say nigga."

"Bitch, I didn't stutter. Why don't you piss off and go someplace else."

"I didn't hear you nigga come closer."

"I SAID-" *CRACK* the possessed Caramel had spun around, and landed a buck straight into the head of the oldest Corn sibling which ended in an agonizing crunch. As Husk hobbled back, his head reeling, he reached behind the cart for a blunt object to strike Caramel with, but instead found the stallion rushing him.

"Fuck your cart nigga. FUCK! YOUR! CART!" Caramel emphasized each word with a stomp on the vehicle's table.

------

And that's all I've got so far I don't know. For those of you who don't know, I'm ripping off the boondocks.  

What do you guys think.

I got my phone back just fyi this means that I can go back to updating during those two hour drives to and from work.

as the title says, i have hit a bit of a hiccup in my writing. by which i mean my phone fell in the toilet.

laugh it up you pricks.

and what does this mean to you people. it means that my primary form of typing is gone.

i can already hear you guys complaining too.

"but someguy how are you tossing up this crappy blog post?"

i have a laptop, and by some miracle i have an internet connection too. the reason i don't type on my computer is that i cant really type on this thing quickly it also means that a preliminary draft of the next next chapter is gone along with it. thankfully i wasn't that far along, and can recreate it with some effort. and also on the plus side, i ordered my new phone and it should arrive by Tuesday. so ya-ay. pray that god doesn't decide to shaft me again in the meantime. also what would be a realistic amount of days between updates now that i have a chapter to spare.

Considering the fact that I'm a friggin idiot, and my brain is a complete asshole. I have nearly completed two chapters for Cappy. On the downside they're two and four chapters into the future, and my brain won't let me get back to work untill I finisg the chapter I'm working on. What I'm asking for is an idea to fill (insert badass line here), but it has to fit the context. My prereader, and I use the term loosely (and that's being generous), has zero suggestions, ajd my friends suggestions didn't really fit. So can I have some help.

Captain only responded with a whimper. Before Twilight could begin dabbing a swab with alcohol, Captain grabbed the bottle and poured it on the open wound. For a second he only felt the cooling relief of water. That was easily forgotten in the wave of burning that followed. By now an indentation of Captain's teeth was easily visible on the handle of the tool. Twilight lifted some cotton pads out of the first-aid kit, and firmly pressed them against the lacerations on Captain's shoulder. Gently she surrounded the injury in gauze, and then bandaged to hold it tightly in place.

"I treated the laceration as best I could, so as long as you don't move around too much, you should be good," said Twilight before flaring her horn, and treating the wounds of the other mares. Twilight was panting heavily, the strain from casting such a spell, after a battled was quite a feat.

"We need to get back to the airship," said Captain, "and no arguing it isn't safe here. We'll bring backup and finish the mission later."

"This isn't just about you Captain. I agree that it isn't safe, but we have to keep moving. It's our home that's in danger too, we have the right to voice our opinions on the matter. And I say we keep looking we may never get another chance to be this close to the emerald again, and the sooner this storm's out of the way then the faster we can send you home. Right girls?"

"Right!" Replied the three still conscious mares.

"Alright but first... lets...," Captain trailed off, as a small pile of twigs began to glow green and float away.

Before their very eyes the fallen corpses of the wolves began to reassemble themselves into a single amalgamated beast. Bits and pieces floated into place with startling precision, and soon enough a distinct outline began to take shape.

Glowing green eyes, jagged broken fangs glistening with fresh resin, thick stumps of legs, and a deep guttural growls confirmed that this was indeed a goliath timberwolf.

Captain stood on a pair of uneasy legs, threw his hatchet deep into the loamy soil, and shouted up to the half-formed beast. "Fuck it I quit!"

"What!?" Asked a bewildered Twilight.

"I quit I'm not gonna fight that thing. It's fucking huge. One of its legs is probably bigger than I am."

"Please Captain, we need your help," Twilight said behind a pair of tear filled eyes. "If you quit now then everypony will die," the mare finished with a small sob.

"I can't believe that I'm actually going to fight a giant friggin' wood-monster thing," he mumbled. "Fine if I'm going to fight that thing I'm going to need a super soaker, some gasoline, a lighter, and an ass-load of tape."

"I got the super soaker," yelled out Pinkie as she pulled a water gun out from behind her.

"Do I even want to know where you were keeping that thing?" Asked the man.

"I'll tell ya if you want," the pink mare replied as she pointed her rump in his general direction.

"On second thought, I really don't want to know."

"What," she asked as she reached a hoof into her tail, "my tail's got a lot of storage space."

"Ooookay. Now back to the task at hand," stated Captain loudly.

"Hoof,"offered Pinkie.

"Hoof?"

"Yeah, task at hoof."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"WOULD YOU TWO QUIT DICKING AROUND," shouted Rainbow Dash, "THERE'S A GIANT ASS TREE-WOLF MONSTER THING REGENERATING LITERALLY NOT TEN FUCKING FEET FROM WHERE YOU'RE STANDING, AND YOU'RE ARGUING SEMANTICS."

"You're right Rainbow. Pinkie I don't suppose you have any gasoline stashed in your ass-fro do you?"

"That Cappy, I cannot say I have."

"Alright we'll have to improvise then. Twilight, how much alcohol do we have left?"

"About one and a half."

"Great toss 'em both at me. Rainbow Dash,I'm going to need you to keep big birch over there occupied while I douse it in alcohol," he said as he poured the bottles of alcohol into the container.

"Got it," replied the mare.

"Pinkie, AJ I'm going to need you two to carry Fluttershy and Rarity to safety in case this dumb ass idea of mine doesn't work."

"You betcha."

"You got it partner."

"Twilight what's the most powerful flame spell you have."

"I can do a pretty advanced fire blast, but it's going to take a while to charge."

"Start it up now so it'll be ready by the time we're ready," he said as he screwed the cap onto the water gun.

"Okay."

"Alright break. (insert bad-ass catchphrase)," he said as he cocked the super soaker a few times.

So yeah stumped with captain for the moment. Is it wiered that I'm stuck at 666 words. And as a treat to all three of you that read these things.

Captain rubbed his right eye as a familiar twitch ran through it. "Ugh," he grunted

."Are you alright Captain?" Asked Twilight.

"Yeah my eye's just acting up."

"What does that mean?"

"It means my idiot sense is tingling."

I'll be honest here I've no fucking idea where to go next any suggestions.

So I have a new story up which wouldn't stop bugging me until I got it out in the open which can be found here. Still no Alpha unfortunately, but on the bright side new captain is just awaiting editing by me. Also you people can look forward to several other stories including SHINY'S LAST BREATH, THE CHANGELING HIVE(GORE), WHAT STALLIONS WANT(a what women want rip off), and SPIKES LITTLE PROBLEM. Ront expect any of these anytime soon though.

So yeah due to circumstances outside of my control I haven't been able to finish the next chapter of alpha. But on the plus side the new ch. Of captain is only needing some light editing and it will be out the door. Plus check out this other thing I've cobbled together  most likely wont be the last so look forward to more irrelevant oneshots.