Or, "Equine Misadventures in the Glorious Democratic People's Republic"

Remember kids, friendship is absolutely mandatory.

Why not take a seat. Yes, yes, I'm sure the bartender won't mind. Now, are you comfortable? Good, good. Care for a drink? Applejack Daniels, you say? Not the most refined of tastes, but we all have our vices.

So you wanted to hear the tale?  Well I did lure you into this rather decrepit establishment with promises of a tale and strong liquor, so I shall oblige and hopefully sate your curiosity. You have already heard of the muffin killer, I suspect? I thought so. A highly publicized case, and one of the strangest of my long career in the force. It all began one rainy afternoon, in a small farmhouse just outside Ponyville, wherein we were responding to an emergency call by a rather distressed unicorn.....

(Everyone who writes constructive criticism will find a muffin under their bed at the stroke of midnight.)