>>218643218643

Yes, awesome. You know this is the best piece of advice you have given so far. I never knew that, and always wondered what makes a good story good. I have read MLD twice now. Still couldn't figure it out. I also didn't notice the sentence fragments. I thought for sure Microsoft Word would have notified me of that.

>>218450218450

They are an improvement but still need work. You over use "I" and a lot of your sentences are fragments. Your pacing is off and your characters lack development.

Princess Luna’s castle was built at the foot of surrounding mountains. So the sunlight doesn’t really reach her castle. Therefore, I couldn’t see the sun. I only knew it was day time because the sky was blue. I decided to make my way back to Canterlot. I got there and went to the castle to see if Twilight and her friends were still around.

notice how   "So the sunlight doesn't really reach her castle." and " Therefore, I couldn't see the sun." are not only sentence fragments but both say the exact same thing. Also, when your writing a story make sure it feels like a story. Don't list out actions done by your character like its a bullet-ed ledger, make it smooth flowing and diverse in its terminology. To put it in simple terms, your story lacks flavor, its bland to read and feels like someones uninteresting diary. So add flavor too it with colorful descriptions and juicy character developments. And remember to give us a reason to care about each action done. Ask yourself, "Does the audience really need to know this to progress the story?" while you read it.

>>216485216485

Wait, really? I know that the first few chapters are bad. That's why the first two are down, but I haven't gotten to the third or fourth one yet. I thought for sure though that the later chapters were much better though.

ok dude, my last post was over 4 months ago so there is no need to reply to it. Since your notification brought me back here i went ahead and checked out your story. its still bad and needs alot of work. Get an editor, there are plenty on this site.

>>8808988089

Um, it's looking like I may just have to rewrite the whole thing like you said. I guess I have learned a lot since I first started this because I went to fix the first chapter and ended up just deleting the whole thing except for the first paragraph. I didn't realize just how much doing that would affect the other chapters. I went and read through the second chapter before finishing the first one and found that there was already so much that didn't connect. So I have had do delete much of the second chapter too. I am hoping that that won't be the same case for the other chapters, but I doubt it. Looks like I have much to do before I continue this story.

I am so close to being done, and yet so far.

>>8808988089

My friends all say that they absolutely love my story. I have been telling them all about the comments I am getting here on this website and they are calling you all trolls. I don't know what to think anymore. I'll just finish the story and be done with it.

>>8775587755

why not just delete the story and remake it, since your rewriting it. Maybe get a friend to read and edit it before you actually post it so you can get the obvious problems out of the way.

pic related.

>>8133081330

I see how writing while I was in an incredibly over excited state made me sound like a novice writer. I am better than this. Even if that is true, it is kinda hard to make a comeback when you screw up at first introducing a story. Even if you do fix it, people just look at the ratings and move on. Seams as though I had one chance and I blew it.

Cant reply to your comment on the page so gonna do it here. A helpful way to write is to have just a scrap page(irl or on comp) and write down the general plot, the characters and their traits, notes on scenes and places you want to include (i.e. climax, ending, events..etc) and anything you want to remind yourself about for later use(if you hint at something early in and need a reminder to reveal it later). This makes it easier to focus your ideas and make them more fluid. Takes longer to write and usually changes a lot as your story and ideas progress but is worth the extra effort to keep yourself organized. Just some tips to get started, you can find other methods used by authors online if you dont like this one.