No, not some guy with his dick up a tailpipe.

I found a doc that has the stats for a large number (There are still many, many missing I think.) of shipping stories on Fimfiction and EQD.

A link for those who are interested.

Now besides telling me that this fandom will ship anything that fits (and still shipping things that don't... I'm looking at you kitchen sink), it also revealed some some interesting figures.

N.B. I'm obviously bias towards some ships over others. Take a look at the stuff I write if you don't get it. Some sarcasm may also be involved.

*Rainbow Pride Awards: highest percentage of same-sex ships

6: Rainbow Dash, 88.2%

Coming sixth in your own award? How awful. I'll get Charlie Chaplin to send you some flowers or something.

Braeburn didn't even pop up in the top 20 so I guess everyone being gay for Braeburn is a horrible, horrible lie.

Battlefleet Awards: most number of ships, total

1: Rainbow Dash, 1291

2: Twilight Sparkle, 1008

Well no surprise there, RD is shipped with everything. How does this compare to my favourite character?

13: Soarin, 180

...oh.

Battleship Awards: most popular ships

1: Applejack with Rainbow Dash (276)

Derp.

2: Twilight Sparkle with Rainbow Dash (253)

Derp.

3: Fluttershy with Rainbow Dash (242)

Derp.

I think we need some more originality with our top ships guys.

By contrast...

11: Soarin with Rainbow Dash (85)

Oh hey, at least we're beating Trixie and Twilight! You know, if it was a competition. Gosh I should really try and turn these stats around. Everyone knows that Soarin and Rainbow Dash is true master ship of ships... and if they don't, they must be stupid! Alright, lets do some maths... If I could write a good story a month (Which I can't), it would overtake the top ship in what... 201 months. Wow, that's only 16.75 years!

No, wait. Oh... And there'd still be more Applejack And Rainbow Dash stories being added... umm... Oh.

Shit.

Well scrap that, I guess that's a bit too hard to manage.

Also:

20: Spike with Twilight Sparkle (53)

Wat.

Props to whatever story there is that also managed to ship Tank and Princess Celestia. Great job. Now I have a benchmark to compare to in 'watness'

TL;DR:

Who really gives a fuck?

Plank x Tom is best pairing

Well that turned out to be one of the biggest lies I've ever told... Looks like when I say a few weeks, it means a few months.

So the beginning of the sequel has now been posted so go read it and tell me how bad it is. Conversely go read it ad tell me how good it is, that'll make me feel warm and fuzzy.

But seriously, go read it.

Link for the lazy: Click me!

So yeah, Happy Valentines day you lucky people. I hope you get heaps of cheap, shitty chocolate, flowers and other assorted gifts.

Or, You know, be like me and be here writing this little blog post. Alone.

Anyway, to celebrate the occasion I am proud to announce that Friends have Benefits is having a sequel written. Huzzah. It may not see the light of day for another few weeks but the first chapter is well under way. While I'm still deliberating titles at the moment I'm running with 'Friends have Issues.'

A brief synopsis follows

“Rainbow Dash sighed and nuzzled her face against Soarin’s back. While normally not one for public displays of affection, she couldn’t resist not showing him a little love while they were alone. “I’ve just been thinking…”

“That can’t be good…” Soarin said prophetically.

“Oi!”

“I’m kidding, but seriously anytime you come with some idea it just always seems to get me balls deep in trouble.”

Rainbow giggled quietly. “Funny choice of words.”

Soarin’s face adopted a panicked look. “Don’t even think about doing…”

“No, not that.” She said quickly. “I’ve just been thinking.”

“About what?” Soarin insisted. “Don’t just tell me you've been thinking and then trail off.”

“Just… well…” She stammered. “It'll sound really stupid.”

“Dashie, you can talk to me about anything. Problem at the academy? What is it?”

She looked him squarely in the eyes. “Soarin, I’m really not sure if this is normal… and I don’t want to sound stupid… But…”

Just because you're friends doesn't mean everything works out all fine and dandy. What happens when a new thought puts a new strain on Soarin and Rainbow Dash's relationship?  A new mare with only the eyes for a certain blue flier enters town? An early and unexpected meeting with a certain parental figure?

Issues, that's what.

Yes, I've been a dick and removed the last line just to create suspense and undue amounts of rage. Ha ha ha.

In other good news, I've stopped being lazy and virtually finished another chapter for Tales of Angrish and Sins. Huzzah.

Anyway, that's it from me for now. Enjoy your Valentines day while I resist the urge to crash tackle every happy couple I see.

Until next time

Killbles

P.S. Have a gif that probably reflects most of my reader's attitudes towards me.

Just a quick update for anyone who reads these things. I've written down a list for my updates, priorities etc.

First: Another chapter o 'Sins' is next on the list. I enjoyed writing it so... yeah... Soon I hope. I've got a half a chapter waiting to be finished

Second: I'd like to get Tales of Angrish finished... Again. Easy enough as I can pump out a chapter in a day or two, helps  if I'm tired and irrational.

Third: I've got a new (long) project to look forward too, pretty epic stuff. I've got half the first chapter done and most of the story planned out. (Wow, me planning ahead and not just making shit up as I go along? Amazing!)

Other stuff: Fight or Flight is on hold, I have no motivation to work on it and although I have chapter two finished, I'm in no mood to publish or proof read it.

Derpy 262: I want to write more... but lazy and unmotivated. Once I get Sins or Tales of Angrish done, this will be my next priority.

On a Wing and a Rainbow: God, the number of times I get asked to finish it... Incredible. Honestly though I could do a lot better with it and I'm really tempted to bin it and start again. For too moment it's in the too hard basket.

In other news.

I've entered a weekly short story contest, so until I'm eliminated expect a short story every week. What they'll be about, no idea, guy running it makes themes up as he goes along.

I've also published the first one, 'Scoot scoot, Scootaloo'. Have a read if you're interested. I quite enjoyed writing it and I reckon it turned out better than I imagined it would.

Anyway that's it from me. If you have any questions, queries or quibbles, leave or a comment or yell at me through a PM.

Until next time

Killbles

P.S. Have a gif that explains my day in a nutshell.

The story is done, all is put to rest and I can finally sleep peacefully. (Besides the loud cries for a sequel...)

Or is it?

Nope! After I finished the story, much to my surprise, I received a message from some bloke in the south of England (A.K.A KhaosSparkz)  asking if I was cool with him doing a read through.

How odd. I thought. I mean who would want to read this aloud for the world to hear?

How bad could it be? I asked myself. Oh only shaming myself over the whole of Youtube and sending this poor man's channel down into the charnel pits of Hades.

Anyway I said yes and I'll stop wasting your time and let the strange British man do the talking for me.

After mustering up the courage to actually listen to it, (Odd, I know but it felt quite strange (and embarrassing) hearing what I've written read aloud by someone else.) I found that I quite liked it.

Anyway, check it out for yourself if you have some time, I found it quite enjoyable. Then again, that statement may have  a little bias so I'll let you be the judge of that,

And a quick update for Fight or flight.... Still trying to work out a few kinks but I should (Hopefully...) have something done before Christmas and New Years at the latest.

Well I suppose that my new project now actually has name is a fairly good start no?

I've got the first chapter mostly finished although I'm unhappy with it as it seems to be too much like I've just copy pasta-ed it from the original inspiration (Which I haven't just for the record, it just seems like I'm borrowing far too many ideas from another author.)

Anyway, since I suck at descriptions, here's the opening bit that I'm somewhat happy with.

Fight or Flight

...

One thing I learnt in my time as an agent of Her Majesty is that ponies are never pleased to see you; something that no longer concerns me, of course, as my glorious and undeserved reputation always seems to precede me wherever I go. It was a good rule I had made in my younger days but by that point I’d never faced death in the eyes of the very troops I was assigned to look after. In my long and glorious career I have faced down (or more accurately, run away screaming in terror) Hrud, Griffons, Watts and Shrikes, just to pick out a few highlights, but nothing ever seemed quite to compare to that experience of bowel-clenching terror I faced in that rec hall.

The first sign of trouble should have been the regiment’s new CO smiling at me as I arrived on board the troopship ‘Celestia’s Grace’  That alone should have set off the alarm bells in my head. While I had every reason to assume the worst, based on the briefing paper I had read on the train to Baltimare; this miserable assignment, hilariously, seemed he best way of keeping my precious skin intact. For now at least.

You see, the root of my problem that my four year term with the Wonderbolts had ended. This, coupled with the fact that my apparent heroism had grown to such ludicrous proportions, meant that rather than my term being reinstated and me being happily sent back to fly some more stunts like the good stuntpony I had feigned being, my superiors finally realised my heroic skills could be put to better use elsewhere rather than being wasted in the comparatively safe flight demonstration unit I had hoped to serve the rest of my career in. This unfortunately meant I had been plucked from my unit and dropped into a Overseer position at division headquarters. Fun. While it seemed like a fairly good compromise at first, as my duties merely included shuffling files and occasionally listening to some nasal general to make sure he was doing whatever it was he was supposed to be doing. Of course I hadn’t expected my unwanted reputation for heroism to exacerbate things more so.

The problem I find with being a hero is that everypony assumes, for some reason, you like being in mortal danger.

So naturally, for reasons I am yet to discover, the General’s staff seemed to always drum up missions and find excuses to put me in mortal peril time and time again. In the two years I served there, I was seconded to units on high risk missions, sent to protect towns from invading forces and perform recon deep into enemy territory amongst other things which weren't particularly good for my health, dozens of times. Every time I returned, against all odds alive, HQ would give me a pat on the head and a shiny new medal before trying to come up with some new creative idea to get me killed.

...

Jumps around a bit, but it'll make perfect sense when it's published. Promise.

And if anyone gets which character I'm shamelessly stealing borrowing, you get a bonus point.

While you probably can't gleam much from what I've given you, what do you think?

...

Because I'm strange like that, have the bad news first.

Most probably I won't get the last(?) chapter up this week. My valued pre-reader has suggested I split what I had written into two chapters and expand on a bit at the beginning.

I took his advice as the last chapter was already about 6.6k words long so...

Yeah.

Last chapter is now last two chapters. The bummer is the bit that doesn't need work is the end so I am still without a publishable product. Who knows, if I get a stroke of inspiration I might finish it by the weekend buuuut.... probably not.

I also had some neat ideas run around my head for future ideas with this story arc. Nothing concrete yet but I have the confidence I could write a sequel for this if I wanted to. (Which I probably will at some point if there is enough interest.)

Lastly, I wrote a tiny (>1300 words) one shot today so if that sort thing appeals to you go check it out here.

Until next time

Adios

Killbles

P.S. Have a random .gif

Good news everyone! After a recent shot of inspiration I finished off chapter 11 of Friends have Benefits!

And then there was much rejoicing.

The bad news is that this will be the last chapter that I write for it. I'm happy where I've ended the story and that's final. I'm of the opinion that anything beyond that you can work out for yourselves/put your own interpretation on.

The positive spin on that is that I can get onto some other things I've been dying to write.

So yes, keep an eye out for that in the next week or so.

Until next time

Killbles

Oh this looks neat, a blog post. I wonder if anyone will read this...

Anyway, onto important things before I get distracted by something shiny.

Friends have benefits: Chapter 10 is still in production. I've had a lot on my plate recently: Last Uni exam, a one-shot I wanted to write and a new story idea (More below) that wouldn't leave my poor, poor head alone.

I do apologise for the inconvenience... but deal with it punks.

Tales of Angrish: Same as above. I'm more working on this as a relief from 'Friends have benefits' as it is a 'nice' (I use the term loosely, given the context...) change.

In other news, I wrote a short one-short 'Mr Mysterious' instead of working on 'Tales' or 'Friends'... So go me... It's been up for a little while and was surprisingly successful. Thanks to anyone who read it and enjoyed it, nice to know my shit work is being appreciated.

I've also had the insane idea of writing another crossover, this time into the world of 'Sins of a solar Empire'. I've written a chapter for it but I'm still in the late editing phase and to be honest, I'm unsure if I will publish it.

Thoughts?

LASTLY

For a long time I have been without a editor. (As you can probably tell!) and frankly, I'm too lazy and such to go look for one... so if anyone is interested shoot me a message. I know someone already did this a while ago and I didn't really follow through with that (Sorry!)... Just be aware that if you do ask to proof read stuff you'll probably have to drag me kicking and screaming to actually send you stuff BEFORE I publish it. I'm a terrible person when it comes to that... But I can't put off not having a proof reader any more.

Anyway, that's it from the dark realms of my writing desk/ mind.

Ooo shiny...

Adios amigos