Two years! · 5:28am
Two years of being on Fimfiction. I joined a little over five months after becoming a brony. I never check EqD regularly, but by chance I came across a fanfic update post. The fic that caught my eye? The First Light of Dawn by Cold in Gardez. Quite an excellent piece of work, and I highly recommend checking it out. I did, and that's what led me here. It's been quite a crazy ride since then, especially now that I'm finally producing stories of my own.
That leads into my problem, though: I'm not producing nearly as much as I should. While the combination of work, class, living alone, and trying to maintain a social life is part to blame, there's an internal component I'm starting to understand. From what I gather, the average person tends to feel satisfaction upon reaching milestones in an incomplete project. To me, 3/4 finished feels the same as 1/2, or 1/10. A grade of 95% should feel great, but not only do I focus on the 5% like it's 50%, but it can completely invalidate the good. All I see is what fell short. It's a blessing on the small scale, but I'm stuck in near-permanent writer's block.
At this point I'm getting sick of the perfectionism-induced apathy. I have multitudes of ideas that won't go away, that demand to be written. Four in the works, to be precise, with easily a dozen more lurking in the background. In the future, at least three novels. I no longer have the time or patience for trying to be perfect, especially - and I don't mean to belittle the praise for my work - when I get so little in return. I write for free, when I could be getting paid. Two years ago, an essay of mine was accepted in an annual literary journal. That was free, too, but you can walk into a store and buy a dead-tree book with my words in it. I am a published author. I could do it again if I set my mind to it, and learning to effectively self-motivate is my current personal goal.
I want my stories to be finished so you all (and many others, I hope) can enjoy them. Eventually, I want to be a novelist - ideally, one with enough success to make an income out of it. I can't do these things while trying to be perfect, because even when I get anything done, I only fall short. So, I'm going to dial back my standards. They will still remain high, and I have an editor and several pre-readers to catch whatever slips through, but they need to go down. All quality and no quantity is a failing prospect. Hopefully I can make it up to you in the coming weeks and months.
I'll end this on a high note: thank you all for following me. As of this blog, the follower count is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It's also as many as six 7s, and that's amazing. All of you are awesome, and you should feel awesome. Pay no attention to any change in avatar. My lack of writing is not causing Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome, and I am most certainly not turning into a wicked stallion of wordsmithy as a result. There's no such thing as Nightmare Prose.
Seriously, I'm fine...
Ṱ̦̹͆͒̏ͅi͚̝̻͚ͮm̮̥̊͑͒ͭ̊e̬̟͓̞͍̠͂ ̫͗͌́̚ṯ̱͕̱ͬͥ̑̂̀ͅo̭̺̗͇̩͛̂ͪ̔̇̊ ͉̯̣ͤͅw̳͌ͥr̬̜̀̂i͎ͪͦt̔ͭ̋̆e͇̖̞͔͓͇ ̗͙̓̀ͦ̄̈́ͦṣ͕̰͈̜̮̦ͦ̈́̐̉̉ȍ̖̹͍͎̝̫̥m̅̾̏̉e̠̳̺̗̳͔͆͑ ̼̾͆̍͋s̬̱̩̖͒̎̾̎t̯̪͔̞́o͚͙͌͛́͛r̞̭̣i̫̿e͍̪͓ͤ͛s̳̫͖̅͛̍̈.͂̄͒͊̈ͧ̍