First, I'd like to start off by thanking all of you for a total of one hundred favourites so far!
...Okay I admit I cheated. I favourited my own story to reach three digits (and have an excuse to write this update).
Then, I would like to apologize for having you wait for... SEVEN WEEKS!?!?! I'm sorry! Quick, Apple Bloom, show them how sorry I am.
Ah, that's it.
To my defense, life has been hectic lately. School has upped the ante, I have been busy trying to get my driver's license (which I did the day before yesterday), my parents are abroad so I'm taking care of the place and my sister by myself, and my country's equivalent of the SAT test was a few days ago. Plus, both Dishonored and X-COM: Enemy Unknown came out the on the same day...
Things should hopefully calm down now, though, and I'll have more time to put into writing. That said, I haven't been completely idle. Due to a number of feedbacks, I decided to rewrite the beginning of the story. I'll go into details of what I've changed, and why.
The first, and most significant part, is the prologue. It's gone. Some of you might be sad to see it go, or maybe most of you feel it's for the better, but me, the author--who put his blood, sweat, and tears into that chapter--is very sad to see it go.
The reason is because its importance was dubious. It had little to tie it directly into the immediate story of Twilight and, while it did give the reader a way to understand the different pony societies a little bit better, there are certainly less ham-fisted ways to do it. Besides, you want to hook your readers right away, and long legal talks may not be the way to do it. And writing scenes with six characters in the same room is a b*tch!
The first chapter has, among other things, a different beginning. Nothing major, just another way to open it. It is epigraph-less for the moment, however. I'll see if that lasts or not later.
The flashback with Twilight's father is gone too. Someone brought up that it was kind of out-of-place there and that I hadn't instilled enough curiosity in the reader to warrant a flashback. And they were absolutely right. So, that's gone. Maybe I'll put the same information in chapter two.
The ending is in another place as well. I moved the ending of the chapter, with Twilight receiving the letter from her parents, from the end of the first chapter to the beginning of the second. That is something I would like some feedback on, however. I did it to make a more focused main conflict for the chapter (the rising of the sun), but I also felt the old ending made readers more anticipated for the next, and opened up a new main conflict. What do you think?
The old versions can be found here (for those who are interested):