Oct
26th
2014

Personal ramblings · 4:40am

I am depressed. Let me make that abundantly clear. I still feel happiness on occasion, but for me, the good times never seem to last. And my happy mask seems to fool just about everyone. Sometimes, I even fool myself. But It's always there, waiting in the corner. And before you ask, no I don't take meds for it, nor will I ever willingly do so.

I am anxious all the time. There's always something over my head, dangling from a frayed rope. Academic work, personal problems, social anxiety, and the list goes on. There's a fine line between stressed out and panic attack, and I jump rope with it on a regular basis. And before you ask, no I don't take meds for it, nor will I ever willingly do so.

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I am in so much pain that I haven't stopped crying in three hours. It hurts so much that I can no longer eat, even though I'm hungry enough to devour anything equal in size or smaller than the average four-year-old child. I can feel my heart writhing in pain, and it takes me ten minutes just to coax myself into standing. I can't bring myself to play piano, which is my usual therapeutic activity. I can't get myself to write and escape the pain. I can't get myself running.

I am broken right now. I'm trying so hard to pick up the pieces of myself and make something of it, but I can't do that now. And I apologize to all of you, because broken me means no chance of updates for a long time. It's already been forever, and I'm sorry.

I'm just…

I'm not okay.

</3 DarqFox

DarqFox · 6 views · Report

What I've been up to.

  • T Forced Hooves

    Nightmares aren't necessarily evil, and light isn't always good.  · DarqFox
    1,009 words · 192 views  ·  15  ·  2
  • T A Permanent State

    Dusk Shine has been trying to catch Fluttershy's attention for a long while, but she hasn't been seeing it. Dusk finally decides to go all-in, and risks everything for a shot with her.  · DarqFox
    1,289 words · 550 views  ·  31  ·  6
  • T I Remember

    Inspired by "I Remember" by Tristam. Vinyl comes across a very simple melody tucked away in a book in the Canterlot Archive. Seeing it as a huge break, she brings it, and the memories it stores, to the forefront of Equestrian music and hist  · DarqFox
    6,782 words · 196 views  ·  18  ·  0 · gore
  • T Bittersweet

    Reeling from the loss of her brother, Twilight has slipped into depression. Her marefriend of four years, Fluttershy, has gotten more and more worried as the days passed. Perhaps she has a sweet surprise for our depressed unicorn.  · DarqFox
    2,122 words · 1,443 views  ·  63  ·  5
  • E DarqFox's TwiShy Shorts

    < 1000 word stories with reader suggested prompts.  · DarqFox
    3,922 words · 566 views  ·  39  ·  3
  • E Sing It Out

    Short story I wrote for the TwiShy group contest. Twilight has been noticing her marefriend of four years start acting a bit shifty. What could our favorite adorable pegasus be hiding?  · DarqFox
    2,085 words · 1,010 views  ·  75  ·  2
  • T Blind

    What's it like to be blind, you ask? Well, it's a little something like this...  · DarqFox
    14,252 words · 2,494 views  ·  219  ·  13
  • T Time and Warmth

    Fluttershy and Twilight have been depressed for a very long time.  · DarqFox
    4,158 words · 786 views  ·  49  ·  3
  • E Facing Fears

    Fluttershy takes three months to make her move on Twilight, but what a great move it is.  · DarqFox
    2,240 words · 1,255 views  ·  82  ·  3
  • T The Frozen North

    The Frozen North. A beautiful yet unforgiving place. The perfect place to share warmth.  · DarqFox
    19,039 words · 1,158 views  ·  80  ·  2 · sex

Stalking

131 members follow DarqFox

DarqFox follows 28 members

Talk to me. :3

#1274178 · 14w, 2d ago · · ·

Thanks for the fave and the comment on Their First Time! Glad you liked it :twilightsmile:

#1078751 · 29w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1077926

I've been trying to think of what to do with Blind. Of course, I want to write more, but with school and all, I can't do as much as I wish I could.

I might get time the week after next, when Spring Break arrives.

<3 DarqFox

Spacecowboy
Story Approver
#1077926 · 29w, 5d ago · · ·

Looks like you're still writing somewhat, any plans for Blind? Just going through and culling favorites, so some stories are popping out at me after some time since last seeing them.

#979514 · 37w, 3d ago · · ·

Darq? Where have you gone?

#898616 · 43w, 4d ago · · ·

Awesome stuff! I see that you have your distinctive style. I was reading through the Twishy gtoup, and I suddenly made the connection between two fics that I liked. Therefore, followed!

(The connection was "twisting around like a ferret". Soon therafter, the use of the word 'debris' when describing a preening session confirmed my susupicions.)

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Stories I'm most proud of.

  • The Frozen North The Frozen North. A beautiful yet unforgiving place. The perfect place to share warmth. by DarqFox 19,039 words · 1,158 views · 80 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Pony Poetry Vol. 1 A compilation of shorts written in verse, with a translation to prose to accompany it. Volume 1: Deaths of the Mane 6 by DarqFox 7,406 words · 378 views · 20 likes · 4 dislikes
  • Facing Fears Fluttershy takes three months to make her move on Twilight, but what a great move it is. by DarqFox 2,240 words · 1,255 views · 82 likes · 3 dislikes

Contests/Challenges

Awaiting results for the August Dual Contest... :applecry: Nervous.