Coming this Spring...

Read the story that critics are calling “interesting by sheer virtue of steering far clear of typical ponyfic cliché”, “hats off, that's amazing”, “There's no way EQD would have a problem with your technical fails”; and about whose humor they say, “either way, riff on that joke more. It's no good to make it once and then drop it”.

“Nearly two decades ago a foal was born to two ponies, and these two ponies never knew that their baby had been born eternally damned. This colt, by virtue of him being an infant, never knew that his damnation was to grow up into being me, who, despite all the evidence to the contrary, was most certainly an idiot.”

Rewritten from the ground up and now coming to a fanfiction site near you!

“You like asking questions, don’t you?”

“A very bad habit, but one I find hard to break,” I replied in a cool tone of voice, recomposing myself.

The OC from Teutschland is coming back.

“In my experience,” I said in a calm voice, attempting to get a hold on my finer grasp of Equestrian, “such rude behavior can often end up being quite detrimental to your health.”

Jericho: he's back, he's funnier than ever, more devious, more eloquent, and he's ready to kick some flank!

On Fimfic soon-ish. (Depends on the thoughts of the most recently asked reviewer.)

Upon a more serious note, I'm downright to a point where I'm almost rather happy with Jericho's current status, even though what I've been working on are just two new chapters for a brand new intro, wherein the mane six won't even appear for the first act, and so Jericho's narration and entertainment value must be better than ever. After Azusa's review comes back, and I fix the inevitable tide of errors there, I'll be sending the story off to the pits of Hell the EQD.

I've worked hard to make myself better, and to make the story better. I hope it shows. And it's been a while since I updated this, and just wanted to let y'all know I wasn't dead, and that Jericho was marching on. Will it be the new “Fallout: Equestria” just because it gets onto that site? Probably not, but I've gotta vindicate myself before the EQD's altar, since once there, I'll be pumping out chapters like the old days, probably.

Ah, and any thoughts on the new summary and logo (pictured above)?

Auf Ewig Dein,

— Crushric

That's right, I'm back, and I've got news!

Let us all stands for an unofficial national anthem to that great Kingdom in the East: Die Wacht am Rhein

(Just, uh, pretend that the lines are slightly different. And that “der Rhein” is actually a river marking the border between Prussia and the land of daemons).

So, with that jazz outta my way, I have real reports. Recall that review I was scheduled to get from the Training Grounds? Well, thanks to the great word of CartoonGeld, I got it. And, by Heaven, was it an amazing review. That's not to say it was 100% positive, oh no. That's to say that he went hard on Jericho, as I'd asked him to. It's great insight and stellar advice was just those, and so have I gone to work, like a beaver. A beaver with a typewriter. Come to think of it, that's not really a beaver, is it?

Anyways, a major comment of Geld's was:

As a general overview for [the section with Lyra], this was my favourite part of the story. Lyra is a well-developed character, and Bonbon seems pretty good so far. Most importantly, Jericho seems much more realistic in this section. His acerbic personality still comes through from his internal monologue, but it feels much more genuine since he's less overly confident and he no longer seems like he is posturing and trying to outdo the other ponies, but instead is just trying to do his best to fit in with the culture, which is exactly what a foreign character, who is interested in the new country, would do.

My suggestion for a complete rewrite would be to start the story as close to here as possible... [et cetera].

So, I took that to heart. I rewrote Jericho literally from the ground up. You know how Jericho is currently about 36,000 words long? What if I told you that currently, as it appears on the Skunkworks (that is, not officially uploaded), Jericho is now only 9,000 words long? A third of its prior length, and with only two chapters; 100% less cliché; and now making heavy use of subtly to convey Jericho's character, rather than boisterous displays as was before.

And, in my opinion, it's incredibly better for it. Hay, since Jericho doesn't even meet the mane six in this version, the whole course of how he gets wrapped up in the plot are gonna get changed!

Be ye ready? I think this version might, after fixing it of all the errors I know lie in hiding within, be the one. Ha! If I keep working hard on it, one day Jericho will shine high upon vaunted pedestals!

Avec toi!

Excerpt from the Prologue of “I, Viktor” (original title: “Ich, Viktor”), the autobiography of King Viktor Pendergast, uncensored version.

I learned a new sound today—one more horrible than paltry words can paint. It was the thud of a speeding, living body on a stone sidewalk.

Thud. Dead.

Thud. Dead.

Thud. Dead.

Thud. Dead.

Sixty-two thud-deads. I think of them like that, because the sound and the thought of death came to me each time, at the same instant. There was plenty of chance to watch them as they came down. The height was twenty-four and a half meters, about eighty feet.

The rest of the excerpt.

Howdy. That was a brief part of a short section from my notes. In the meanwhile between waiting for the reviews to come in, I told you that I was dawdling on those notes, and here's a sample. This brings me to why I came here.

See, in addition to adding a lot of new notes and details of the Perditian continent as I try to make it far more mystical yet down-to-earth. I was trying to nail in the point that Prussia was built on the destruction of a wide, wide variety of cultures from a mystical land, then evolved into the modern military powerhouse rightly feared yet dually respected by all who know of it. Heck, I honestly have a huge section dedicated to the Prussian Constitution, how their Federal Government operates, and the allocation of political power.

I was curious if you had any interest in occasionally peeking into my notes, if I think they're interesting; I wouldn't publish every last section of their Constitution. This would more-or-less be supplementary material to Jericho, like Viktor's experience above. Or, like the details of the Equestrian trade with the Viscounty of (name needed), the only place in the East capable and willing to trade with Equestria, but also the dark, sinister purpose that Equestria's money is used for by the Viscount.

All of this would be explained to you though firsthand documents and tiny, tiny short stories, as well as bits of narration.

It'd all be stuff that wouldn't exactly be needed to understand the world outside of Equestria, and the really important to know stuff will be in the story, but this goes into the more nitty-gritty stuff. Just as well, it would be nothing too spoilery. So, what say you? Any interest in my occasionally doing something like this? Or even your thoughts on Viktor's excerpt?

Just be warned: the world outside of Equestria is not a nice place, evidenced even by the titular narrator.

...is to persuade you he does not exist.

— Charles Pierre Baudelaire, “The Generous Gambler”, 7/2/1864

Ah, how've you been, my lovelies? I've been silent for near to a month, but never have I been still. But what have I been doing, you might idly wonder. Well, let's find out!

A huge part of what I've been doing involves streamlining the lore and backstory, while still taking care to never violate show canon. A lot of this amounts to me editing my little lore bible (think Tolkien's “Simarillion”), creating a fleshed-out explanation for everything. For example, Jericho is carrying amount a book called Ich Bin Skantarios [“I am Skantarios”], and so I needed to devote a lot of explanation to the book's in-universe factual story, like who this Skantarios guy was, why he was important, important quotes from the book that Jericho himself is quite fond of, and so forth. It's probably beyond unnecessary, but I like to destroy any holes in the story's lore and logic before they can even be thought of. But there's a ton of new stuff getting adding, too, so fear that not. Oh, and all references to Jericho's last name have been scrapped, because of future use for the Rule of Drama.

I've also had as many people combing Jericho for errors as possible, and I've found many things to change up regarding errors and questionable logic. So, everything should flow nicer, I hope. Seriously, by the time I'm done with these edits, Jericho is going to be so polished and shiny and clean that you could eat off it. But till then, there's still a ways to trudge.

Oh, and lastly yet perhaps most importantly, there's been a terminology overhaul. What does this mean? It means that a lot of terms have been altered and change, but these don't expressly affect the story or anything, just how things are worded. For one major example, the made-up word Preutsch has been given the axe, replaced by the less-silly-but-still-made-up word Teutsch, complete with all the German declensions and versions of the word [teutscher, teutsches, ein Teutscher, eine Teutsche, die Teutschen, et cetera], but Preußen still exists. And that old order of knights? Yeah, that's just gonna be called the Ordo Teutonicus instead of the original pun I had.

Along with that, the pun “Hensch” is gone, going back to the standard German Mensch. There's a bit of lore to go with that, involving how I'm going to use Mann and Männer [Man & Men] as acceptable Prussian terms for stallions, relating to the history of those words with the Equestrian ones being utterly different.

To those of you who can remember any names of Prussian characters, a good bunch of those are getting shifted. Thema is going to be Hellsing, for example. And most importantly, Adolphus is now Alphonse, even though that's a French name. Bismarck is staying as it is, though.

But overall, these names amount to little more than semantics, but they might confuse you if they weren't mentioned here, which is why they're important.

That's what I've been up to, not sleeping but working from the shadows. Now, let's wait to see if the season 3 finale gives our canon a huge shift. If it does, you can get Jericho's going to account for those too.

Bonus: For being such a patient and good reader, I present to you something of an apology. Thought not posted to Fimfic because of future EQD reasons, the next chapter, Omnes Relinquite Spes, is on Google Drive. Feel free to glance through her and toss me an opinion on it. Oh, and comments are enabled, so if you see an error and wish to help, then my all means have at it.

Until we meet again, convince yourself not that I do not exist, for that too is my most dangerous trick.

As Jericho himself says, “[being alive is what] probably contributed a great deal to making me the psychological mess I am today.”

Greetings, comrades-in-arms! ’Tis I, here to regale you with more of my random exploits. Thought you I was off, eh? Well, The machine has been hamming away, and I've got news. Within the interim of when we spoke last and now, I've been doing a few things: drawing up plots for Jericho, working with a great background even that took place nearly 180 before the events of Jericho, getting new ideas by researching my Tolkien lore, and finding new ways to generally improve the story.

Oh, and in the last few weeks, I've been working with my editors to create the next chapter of Jericho. So, let's dig on down into the details of this affair –  Omnes relinquite spes, o vos intrantes! [All hope abandon, ye who enter here.]

“I don't know all that might be coming, but be it what it will, I'll go to it laughin’.” – Jericho.

Though I'm hesitant to give specific details, I'll say that we start off with Jericho and the other presence discussing plans, seriously changing the course from the original versions as he sets course for the “Black Morass”, a dark swamp to the north that, according to Jericho, “[has a name that] is just so needlessly dramatic.” As they plan, Jericho takes full advantage of his knowledge of how to game the universe: “And near the Black Morass is a little town with a railroad connection to Ponyville. How much do you want to bet that there's going to be a train going there that leaves tomorrow morning?”

Jericho, in response: “Well, the universe is just capricious enough to do that. But you know that if the universe does give me an inch, it'll want its tributary pound of flesh, right?”

And that's just the very first scene. Let's not get to the part where Jericho finds .  The chapter's length is about 10,839, so it's got no shortage of words, either. It got adventure to new lands, an eldritch abomination against nature and all that is holy, fighting, that guy in Jericho's mind, more magic and the like (the kind like that seen at the start of chapter 4), trains, alcohol, face punches, elephants as big a castle, Jericho being clever, and a dame who's got spunk. So, sound of any interest to you?

Bonus: I did a review for the Training Ground. So, you know, that's a thing. After Minty reviews Jericho, and then the Training Ground does, I'll submit this to the EQD, and after that shall I post this chapter whose name is a total toss up.

Hey, kids! Are you hungry‽ Did you just eat a shoe‽ Well, then come on down to–

Get that thing outta here.

*Clears Throat* The NEW chapter of Jericho is out! Chapter 6 – Nemawashi! Now packed with all your favorite Jericho action:

Psychopathic tendencies!

Rainbow Dash!

The plot – “Trouble on the Frontier” and “Steel Leviathan”.

A certain hominid wearing a trenchcoat!

Lyra and Bonbon!

The Machine Spirit!

Exposition on how the Perditians view cutie marks!

The word “nein”.

So come on down and give her a good read, folks! She's utterly changed, utterly beautiful, and utterly insane! Read her, critique her, and comment on her, and give me some feedback, that I might make future chapters all the better for it.

Also, thank the Machine Spirit for The Lord Siffer (I now know who he is, though my mental image of him is that of a Viking kitty). He read the whole of the original Jericho in *only* two weeks – and did so without an account. Then he assisted me with finding typos and other errors, thus making this story 120% better. Now – and only now – he has a Fimfic account. Thanks, Milord, for helping me get rid of any and all errors in chapter “Nemawashi”. As well, he expressed an interest in helping me out with further chapters. So, dear readers, give a round of thanks to The Lord Siffer, the newest edition to the team bringing you Jericho!

Now, beloved children, pay attention. I am the voice from the pillow, and I have brought you something. Have brought you a wish for Merry Christmas.

So, what's Jericho been up to? Well, in light of naming issues, the new chapter is to be called “Nemawashi”. Why that? Well, Nemawashi (根回し) in Japanese means an informal process of quietly laying the foundation for some proposed change or project, by talking to the people concerned, gathering support and feedback, and so forth. It is considered an important element in any major change, before any formal steps are taken, and successful nemawashi enables changes to be carried out with the consent of all sides. Nemawashi literally translates as “going around the roots”, from 根 (ne, root) and 回す (mawasu, to go around [something]). Its original meaning was literal: digging around the roots of a tree, to prepare it for a transplant. In Jericho, however, I've bastardized it into a Perditian loanword, now spelt “Nemawaschi” because the C needs to be there for reasons of German grammar, and forced it into being a verb by spelling it “Nemawaschien” (Ich nemawaschie, du nemawaschist, er/es/sie nemawaschit, and so on).

Now, what the hay's gone through my mind to put Japanese, of all things, in a story with emphasis on pseudo-German culture clashing with an Anglo-American-like culture? Why, because I didn't think there was a better world to describe what this chapter does: lays the groundwork for the real meat of the story's plot. Here, we see Jericho is perhaps less-than sane and sees a certain bald biped, we get a glimpse trouble of the frontier (with a deeper cause, eh, Mephistopheles) and why Luna goes to where she'll be and why, and we hear rumors of a mythical Steel Leviathan prowling the Equestrian shelf. There's also a between-the-lines mini story of events going on between Lyra and Bonbon. So, fun! Jericho himself, though, only has one “funny” line in particular, and apparently it's so strange that when my editor read it, he paused, paused some more, then repeated it to me before going back to editor-ing. And it was Jericho's more psychopathic side slipping through the cracks of his annoyance. Oh yeah, and this chapter's utterly different from how it ever was, so that new read ought be worth it; for instance, it begins with Jericho getting into another fight with Dash, wherein he spouts said baffling line.

The chapter is currently “done”, and so I'm going through editing hoops where I hand it to my editor while I obsessively recheck it for errors but never find them all because I'm blind or something. You know, the more and more I work with this new Jericho (the pony, that is, who is the guy from the new drafts), the more and more of a complete lunatic he seems to get, but only when he's annoyed. I'm convinced he's going to snap at some point. Probably in Canterlot. With Celestia. Using carrier pigeons. Or Vinci repeaters. Do you recall how he got arrested last time in Canterlot? Because that's totally not what's going to happen this time around. Two words: Frère Jacques.

But in the mean time, who's up for Jericho meeting Lightning Dust? I might not be a very good writer (mediocre at best), but I'll do what can! And as always, your thoughts and opinions are highly valued. Any questions or concerns, too, I'd be happy to respond to. After all, I can't improve without being told what I'm doing wrong! Y'all take care, now, ya hear?

Howdy. So, Christmas season is in full swing. ’Round where I live, though, there's not much in the way of snow. What have I been up to, you probably didn't ask? Well, between working like all hells to touch up “Kein Mitleid”, I've also been reforging the current sixth chapter. Once the sixth chapter is forged anew, all I've have to do is prowl back on through the muck of other chapters for errors and general ugliness.

Chapter Six, currently known as “Kane”, is getting a major plot overhaul, so when I update it, it'll be worth a second gander, I can safely say. It's up-and-coming working title is “The Girl with the Lyre Tattoo”.

Why that name? Well, aside from the obvious allusion, the chapter now revolves around Lyra, not the original Twilight. This change in the plot was caused by, in all seriousness, the flip of a coin. In the original run-through, whether or not Twilight offered Jericho her basement was based on a coin's flip. This time around, the flip sided against Jericho. As a result, the early progression of what happened and why it did so changed.

Luna won't be in Ponyville as Celestia keeping an eye on a potential Prussian threat; rather, she's there because she's as part of a diplomatic envoy for Chief Thunderhooves, since Chiefs Standing Bull and Crazy Horns has been stirring up a huge fuss on the western frontier. This action is a direct allegory to how the United States invited the Sioux Chief Red Cloud to tour the United States, which was a Yankee attempt to show him the raw power of their nation. When he returned, Chief Red Cloud was so awed by Yankee power that he knew that fighting them was suicide, so he oped to peacefully have he and his tribe put onto a reservation, and urged all other Sioux Indians to do so too. There's also hints that a certain steel-borne dreadnaught might be patrolling the Equestria shelf.

Other than that, Jericho himself really only has one really funny line, I think, which he says for no real reason other than to end the argument he's in. All in all, he's actually rather quiet in this chapter, considering how loud he usually is.

Work is currently at about 85%. I have to finish up the last scene, make sure everything makes sense and is plausible, spellcheck it all, then unleash those who edit upon it.

Well, that it for this brief update. Thine opinions, suggestions, and threats are always welcome in the comments section of yon. And who knows, maybe a brilliant idea from thy head will strike my fancy.

First of all, thanks to "The Lord Siffer", whoever you are, for helping me spot various errors in the the story and for helping me fix them. Seriously, though, I don't know who you are, exactly. But his corrections give me that extra "spit 'n' polish" feeling that I felt I needed. So now chapters four and five, the new and much sexier versions, are now live.

Major Changes:

I've really already listed everything of note; however, now Jericho hasn't mentioned his last name to the girls, which I did for some vague reason.

Then there's that other thing I did, since I'm like that: Kein Mitleid (Because, by Job, pretentious titles in a foreign language are always hip with the the kids!)

This isn't really much of note, just that I once again overhauled the first chapter, cleaned up errors, and am now wondering if I should chop the the references to "Der Erlkönig", which is why the first chapter's name would be changed to "Kein Mitleid" (No Compassion/Mercy). So far, the very intro is changed to be much better and is, in the words of my editor, "The story actually sounded something like a legend (folklore perhaps?), which is kind of hard to do. It kind of just makes you more interested when you read it." The changes were inspired by, of all possible things, a story I read about Santa Claus.

But most of the chapter remains unchanged, with the most notable other changed being the "white light" poem in the middle, which has been changed to: "As I trudged, the little voice singsonged to me, speaking in my native tongue. ‘Where is your God, so great and almighty. When will His kingdom come? Cold and noble. So start praying and shut up. No mercy. No time. Kein Mitleid.’

The thing is, I wanted to hear an outside opinion or two as to whether or not I should chop the "Der Erlkönig" scene in chapter one, while keeping the rest in tact, and so changing the chapter's name to "Kein Mitleid". Personally, I'm all for it, and was planning it already, but doesn't wanted an other's thought. I'm doing everything in my abilities as a writer, however mediocre I may be, to make this as interesting and unique a story as humanly possible. And do please let me know what you thing of the new intro (2.25 Gdoc pages) to Jericho, if it's any neater or whatnot. Goodbye–

Oh! And I almost forget – here's the teaser of the new story description:

I come from a land far to the east, a place called Preußen, a nation of proud stallions. Who I am doesn't matter. What does matter, however, is the cultural dissonance between our two peoples, those of Equestria and those of my homeland. What matters more is how I, by virtue of being at the wrong place at the right time, am now entirely at the mercy of these naked Equestrian savages. I am by no means the hero of this tale, and this is hardly even my story. I'm just a nopony thrust into the Equestrian world, with their strange customs and way of thinking. To them, I guess, I'm just as alien, with my so-called barbaric language, strange God, and cultural need to wear pants. Oh, and let's not forget how the Prince of Darkness and the Biblical Kane are waging a war for the fate of the whole universe, and how I get forced along by sheer virtue of me being able to translate from my language into Equestrian. This is the story of culture, language, and six annoying yet special girls with their lunatic princess saving the world. Oh, and I guess I'm along for the ride, too, since I'm the narrator.

Thoughts? Until next we meet, take good care of yourself. (And Jericho now has 80 likes! Hells yeah!)

Hey there, procrastinators! It's me, that dangerous lunatic who lives on the Moon and has the odd habit of learning odd things. On top of learning how to read the Greek alphabet (because I can), I've got some neat news for y'all. But first of all, thanks to my pre-readers, Ogopogo and Slaanesh; they have stories of thier own, so pay them patronage, for they've been great help.

I present to you, dear friends, the updated works of chapters 3, 4 and 5, now ( and still) titled "Teeth",  "Should the Psycho Say So", and "Die Durch die Hölle Gehen", are all ready, almost. Chapter three is posted already, but I'm holding back on chapters 4 and 5, trying to check them for any errors.

Teeth – chapter trois

Excerpt from this chapter:

“Anyways, the daemonic priest – who is also apparently a paladin – yells at me. ‘On your knees!’.”

I widened my eyes. “And I said, ‘I'm not your mother last night!’ ”

After flashing her a toothy smirk, I said calmly, “And they took exception to that.”

I shook my head and stood up. “No. Too much time to do; I have too little time for stuff. Gotta continue on.”

“You really shouldn't head out in your current state.”

“At this point, who's gonna stop me? S'pose you'll get that guy who can stop me. What was his name... Micheal McDoesn'tExist?”

“How did you heal me? My wounds were severe, but, all in all, I feel dandy as of now.”

A little smirk danced across her face as she leaned back. “Water, 9.2 gallons. Carbon, 44.1 pounds. Ammonia, 1.05 gallons. Lime, 3.3 pounds. Phosphorous, 22.2 ounces. Salt, 8.8 ounces. Saltpeter, 3.5 ounces. Sulfur, 2.8 ounces. Fluorine, .26. Iron, .17. Silicon, .1. And trace amounts of fifteen other elements.”

“Excuse me?”

“Those are the ingredients of the average adult equine body, down to the last bit of protein in your coat – all off the top of my head. They can all be bough on a foal’s allowance, given time.”

Changes to the overall background and events:

A lot less worldbuilding is done, preferring to stay with characters. While it is there, it's been neutered notably. Also, Jericho seems to have gone a little nuts this chapter, as seen with the above two excerpts. There's also a lot more "between-the-lines" stuff here, so to speak. In fact, a lot of this redone version is like that; in the words of one MLPchan reviewer, "Wow, you packed *a lot* in there." I'm currently editing it to get rid of more excess bits, but more on that later.

Should the Psycho Say So – the fourth chapter.

Excerpts from this chapter:

I cocked a brow. “And for that declaration, you've won the gold medal at the fifty meter ‘No Shit, Sherlock’ event, at the Olympics.”

And I asked, ‘Like what, Sir?’ ‘Well, for starters, all female officers will be required to wear… tiny miniskirts!’

Then I sighed, shaking my head. “I was once concerned about things, like being offensive. But then I just stopped caring – it's really worked wonders for my blood pressure.”

Die Durch die Hölle Gehen – chapter the fifth

Excerpts from this chapter:

“Ah.” He shook his head. “Look, I know you're not from here, and you're probably more than just a lil' lost. So, I'll tell ya what. You come downtown with me, and I'll help you jack this situation, help you come out on top.” He took a sip of coffee.

“Are you...” I narrowed an eye. “Are you asking me out?”

Jericho: “I mean, you're not even doing it right. Your etiquette needs work. It's polite, you know, to ask first.”

“Wha-wha’?”

“First, you walk up to them and ask, ‘Are you gay?’. And then you ask, ‘Are you single?’. And then you take it from there. It's the homoerotic etiquette – the homoerotiquette.” I turned my head to the girls. “Right, ladies?”

Changes to the overall background and events:

Rather than the CMC scene, instead Jericho gets dragged into a café and talks with a buck called "Choobee Scoots". The locals girls are apparently (and annoyingly) fascinated by Jericho, and for no other reason than that he's a foreigner (a minor plot point that makes fun on Yankee girls who easily swoon for foreign guys). Also, I changed the rules of Prussian to be more in line with IRL German, meaning they capitalize their nouns too; originally I didn't do that to show the relationship of the tongues, but I seriously love how Germans capitalize their nouns (an opinion I realized when I reading the newspaper in Spanish one day).

Final Notes:

The reason I'm speaking about this before I post them is simple, I suppose I'm asking for any assistance in them. You're free to look through them, since they've both been so radically altered. Thou, yes, thou, might help me here, help me to find any errors, any gaps in logic, anything OOC, anything boring, anything unnecessary, anything anything! This be thy shot, one ought suppose, to help a comrade out. Comments are enabled on all three docs, and I'll thank you kindly for helping me. I'm trying damn hard here, folks, hopefully it'll pay off. Otherwise, just stop by and give me your honest-to-*insert deity here* opinion, if you liked or hated it, what was funny and what was lame.

Oh, and I'm working (again) on a new description, one which emphasized a focus on culture and language, and then gets into the epic adventure.

Take care of yourselves now, ya hear?