Joined December 2011
7,454 story views
2h, 39m ago

Crushric, n. — An egocentric mascochist, a Southern gentleman, and snarky smartass. If you're looking for someone to disappoint you, he won't disappoint you.

Wherein I monger my wares

  • The Lady Wore RedLike a stallion terrified of having children, they pulled me out of retirement. I was the best Special Agent they had, which was saying a lot, because I'm about as effective at my job as a mime having a stroke, and only half as hilarious.10,026 words ·958 views ·122 likes ·3 dislikes
  • JerichoIf you came to hear a story, I'm sorry to disappoint. I suspect this'll just end up as one big confession, really. Still, with enough wit, some Prussian ingenuity, a droll sense of humor, and wanton murder, I might just be able to survive.498,484 words ·6,496 views ·595 likes ·58 dislikes

Hail to you, stranger.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've not updated Jericho in an uncharacteristically long time. Why is this? Well, that's because I had a crazy idea and began working on a side project; that is, the writing of a full-length fantasy novel. It hight "Phoenix Fire", and some intrepid readers might recall me speaking thereof a while ago. See, it came into my hands as an idea and a world that I was fascinated by but that never reached the light of the day. Terribly incomplete, yet also with its own world and a history for me to mess with, I accepted stewardship over the world of Phoenix Fire, promising to give it the honor and respect it deserved in the form of a novel written in my tone of voice. It's a light fantasy novel (meaning not as magic-heavy as, say, Dungeons and Dragons) and is told from the point of view of the only character I know how to write, Jericho Amadeus Faust as he crosses the Glasslands and chases a dragon into the east. Have a sample of the work, which is how the story itself actually begins.


In short, without this most suicidal of feelings, no one would be so stupid as to see a mighty dragon flying eastwards and think, “Hey, I should totally follow that across this ash-and-glass-filled desert, because that makes sense.” But that was all okay, for I’d done stuff like this twice before, and it had only ended in tragedy twice. Of course, I’d never seen a dragon before, but when I saw that silvern behemoth tearing through the skies, spewing flames and roaring so loud it shook the very earth, I knew that I had to follow it.

It's written in the same style wherein I speak in real life.

Now, what does this mean for Jericho the worst story you ever laid eyes upon? Nothing, really. Amacita, my friend and editor, got me to agree that once I finished the first third of the book, I would return to finishing up this part of Jericho. And, after a few weeks of working thereat, I finished successfully the first third of Phoenix Fire, clocking out at just under 30k words. I'm quite proud thereof, but you can expect more Jericho in the coming weeks, because I love you guys, and you're all masochists who continuously read the crap I spew forth.

And remembers kids, don't do drugs. Or I'll find you...

Crushric · 129 views · Report

Wherein you yell at me for not including your OC into my story

#1123095 · 1d, 10h ago · · ·

>>1115117 I like your stories.  Hey want to check out my story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings?

#1115409 · 4d, 13h ago · · ·

>>1115117 Huh. That's a hell of a coincidence. Oh well, looks like I'm still the only one on the internet who likes Extreme.

#1115117 · 4d, 18h ago · · ·


Actually, the "three sides to every story" was a reference to my mother. It was a lesson she taught me once when I was younger, and I just never forgot it. Perhaps she was referring thereto, but elsewise no, I was just noting a lesson Momma taught her boy.

As for the later, I was actually quoting a Latin phrase, "Nihil novi sub sole", [there is] nothing new under the sun—plus a little addition.

So, sorry, despite the intense similarity, there's no real connection, just some odd happenstances.

#1114866 · 4d, 21h ago · · ·

Heya Crushric, I was re-reading some if the earlier chapters of Jericho today (because I have that kind of time), and I noticed a comment that I made about one of your references never did get confirmed or denied. Normally people tend to leave it be when others don't reply to their coments, but I'm abnormal, so I get away with it.

So it's like this: Jericho at some point says that (and I'm paraphrasing): "There are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth." Now, I suspect that you'd referenced a highly underrated Extreme album called "III Sides to Every Story", which as you may know, is divided into three 15 minute sections: yours, mine, and the truth. My suspicions were reinforced when he said (still paraphrasing) "There's nothing new under the sun for me and you" which is a direct quote from one of the songs, one of my favorites in fact.

So am I right about this reference, or am I just posting a meaningless wall of text on your user page?

#1078324 · 3w, 3d ago · · ·

Crushric is best Knight Inductor. 10/10

#1001934 · 9w, 2d ago · · ·

10/ten wood reeeed.

#1001895 · 9w, 2d ago · · ·


Well, I intend to go no closer than Jericho already is. It's a grimdark light fantasy world wherein Jericho is the narrator, thus making the horrible stuff (like dealing with an army of Spartan-esque rapists) less horrific that it actually is.


It is high as "Phoenix Fire" (Subtitle pending?). It takes its name from a fantasy project I was looking into that never actually saw the night of day, but nevertheless had an interesting foundation. I offered to pic it up in honor of my friends over there, and then I bastardized it by putting Jericho thereinto.

#997149 · 9w, 5d ago · · ·


Were I to describe what it's looking like so far, it's basically The Hitchhiker's Guide meets The Dark Tower, set in a hardcore realistic fantasy world with Jericho Amadeus Faust still out narrator, in name and everything, save for being basically like he is in the werekind world.

Sounds intriguing...

How close to HHGTTG do you plan to go? One thing that is interesting to realize is that once you look past the silly absurdities, that "trilogy" is incredibly dark and bleak.

Really the only difference between Lovecraft and Adams is that Adams gave the horror an extra helping of suck by making it absurd. In Lovecraft's universe, we exist in an ephemeral soap-bubble of a fool's paradise which could not hope to last and the horrible things that once ruled our planet would soon come again and exterminate us in an orgy of pain, corruption, and insanity. Adams is pretty much the same thing, except the god beings are pan-dimensional white mice looking for the question to 42.

#983430 · 10w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>967512 I say, that is how you open a fuckin' book. Besides the opening of Jericho.

But, anyway, yeah. Definitely would read your books.

Out of curiosity, what would the book series be called? Jericho? Or perhaps...Curiosity?

Whatever you call it, it'll be GRRRREAT. I want a super-adorable-depressed cards, I want Chapter 8 IN GREAT DETAIL, and I want so much Jericho that I burst.

Go forth, prophet of Jericho. Engage the unknown. Then kick it's sorry ass.

#968490 · 11w, 6d ago · · ·

>>967512  :pinkiehappy: Ha! Sounds like a really good way to capture someone's attention.

Keep it up, maestro...

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