Dear Celestia,

Today I've learned that happiness can harm you as much as depression can. It's not been three days since I swapped my mind once more. You know that I tend to do that time to time, and so you know that this was my farthest reach into the world of your sun. And what happened to me in that short time span is utterly terrifying. In just one bright Friday I rammed a knife into my face by accident, two fingers of my right hand are bleeding, my glasses are broken, and I damaged the side of my car when I tried to get into my garage with four strangers blocking half of the road with their parked cars, leaving me near to no space to actually get in my garage. But now the sun has set and I ate a brunch of grapes that were supposed to cover my need for fruits at least until monday. I'm glad the moon is shining through my windows now. It never fails to ease my pain.

Carpe noctem,

--Chaodiurn.

It's the question that made me start writing.

Ha, I got so focused on becoming better, getting a tighter grasp on the English language, that I managed to forget that. What happens if a mind, unworldly and lunatic, stops hiding behind the curtains of denial? Perhaps the last thing I am afraid of. Darkness and lies are my finest allies, how could I turn them down? Anger, hatred, solitude. Sweet companions. The self-preservation instincts keep working while the individual fulfillment-instinct stopped working long ago. Nothing to lose, still afraid of acting.

This is going to be a terrifying weekend...

One more word, one more word, one more word...

Once in a while even I tend to update my stories. Of Law and Friendship in this case. The very first chapter of the storyline went online just a minute ago (at least I hope so). As you may know already, this is getting us back to the last day of Twilight in Ponyville, and was supposed to give a clean, nice SoL-view of her life. But as I am Chaodiurn, that is not the full truth. Actually, I finally found a way what to make out of this little writing, that I created for this universe months ago. If you fly off to read the chapter now, you may will notice that the word count is a little higher than I originally announced it to be. 24k instead of 5k. The simple answer to this is that I had an extremely hard time to connect a clean SoL-part believable with the happenings of 'Circumstances'. This, however, doesn't change anything for the planned chapter-count. I didn't developed the plot further than I wanted, I just had to alter the way it took place a little to get some nice connections for the end and the sequel.

But enough of that now. Go and read!

Carpe noctem,

--Chaodiurn

Hey there.

It had been a while since the past era started, 20 years to be exact. Today, 2nd April arrived, and what shall I say. It's my birthday again! Don't jump up to congratulate me now, I still hate that. The reason why I actually use my time to inform FiMFiction of this, is what comes with it.

But let's not rush it.

My favorite book is "Also sprach Zarathustra", written by Friedrich Nietzsche in the years 1883 to 1885. That's 130 years in the past, walking over two world wars and multiple commercial depressions. After I was born in 1993 and learned reading and everything, this particular book made the past years of my life feel like the whole world was created and suddenly evolving into something really, really big. A book, written 130 years ago, made three years feel like twenty and even gave twenty years the sound of eternity. It's a quiet amazing fact, but also a fact that goes along with years of personal depressions, suicidal tendencies and a time of world-enraptured emotions and thoughts. I searched for answers, and when I found them, I didn't accept them. Because an answer never can contain the same eternal, sticking feeling of a question. Life felt like a short pain before entering the eternal realms of death, where pure beauty waited for those who were foolish enough to live.

In the past months, where I entered this website as a mayor part of becoming an active writer myself, this changed. While life is fragile, it's one thing that stands against all the beauties of death: it's colourful. Despite of what people complain about, life with all his wonders contains such a joy in creation, in creating, that it only can be the most enjoyable thing to suffer. I felt how thoughts can rip the earth apart with their creative energy. There's another reason to today's atheism than resignation. Life itself is such a pulsating beauty, such a high value, that no day can be wasted to longing for eternal relief, as there is nothing to be relieved from.

In the past era, my childhood and my early youth, I was growing, learning the basic principles of this world. It all began with unquestioned happiness and moved slowly into a time of careless living, what finally ended in this dark time, where bad things happened, as my family was torn apart more or less, and everything went black. With writing, I began to find another path to follow, without abandoning myself.

Thoughts and words carry all the energy to create and destruct worlds, and that energy contained in the beauty of life, with the birds sitting outside my window, the cool air blowing across my face when I'm out with my dog, and which mystically still is below zero degree Celsius in April, and with the sun rays slowly rising at the horizon, I can't see myself enjoying anything more than forming my ideas into words. This feeling shall introduce a new era to my life, an era of life and joy. Although this was a slow process, all it needs now execute this change is to change certain habits, to adjust my life. Because this is another point of my changed view. Life is fragile, sure, but the time we have is so little, that every second should be used to gain the maximum amount of joy, active or by supporting further happenings. And when writing achieves that, why should I listen to music, watch TV or visit pointless websites? It's senseless.

With that, I come to the reason why I am posting this. First off, I know that I'm delaying the next chapter of 'Luna's Thoughts' since felt years. I'm feel sorry for it, as I want to continue it myself, but I'm actually writing 'Of Law and Friendship', what needs to be finished. The problem is not that I'm writing too less to achieve that, judging by my calculated word-count I'm in time. But I didn't stick to the plan, and that threw everything around.

I wanted to write the first three chapters of it (as it is a fragment), each containing 3000 to 5000 words. But right now, the first chapter counts 13000 words itself, still rising. Suddenly, my worst enemy isn't action itself anymore, or life or the sun (well, the sun still is... that's a complicated topic), but time. I'll try to cut down my non-productive time as well as possible, so that I can spend more time in getting down the words.

Sadly, all of this didn't allow me to shed a tear for knighty. Prank or not, time will tell. My words, however, aren't in the sign of this year's Fool's Day.

Carpe noctem,

--Chaodiurn

Fifteen flat hours or twenty effective hours remaining.

Some of you may or may not have seen me struggling with my last nerves.

I got too deep inside too soon, but the moment finally is approaching, the moment that lets time outrun me.

I made the decision to live, and soon I will be born.

But this time, Janus has his eyes upon it. This birth comes with pain, suffering, and death.

I've prepared myself in the last weeks, months. But I don't feel like it.

Seeing the end, I don't trust myself anymore.

I don't want this anymore.

I'm afraid.

I'm weak.

Fear.

Hey there!

I was surfing through the darkest depths of the internet, when suddenly those lines hit my eyes.

The fourth season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic has been confirmed with not less than 26 episodes.

What I have to say for this: AWESOMENESS!

And because I'm a serious blogger: Source

And yes, I know this news is 6 days old. I don't care for time, deal with it.

Write you fool! Write! You aren't a timelord and won't survive 900 years until getting things started.

Protocol:

-Working (not editing) on 'Of Law and Friendship'

-Planning its sequel (Oh, this will be awesome)

-Getting the next chapter of 'Luna's Thoughts' out after finishing 'Of Law and Friendship'

-->What will take FOREVER when I write only a page outlining a day.

Hey there!

A week passed since anypony heard anything from me. The reason for this was, as I announced in a super-short sentence, a trip to France. Skiing once a year had been an important 'hobby' to me since years and this year wasn't an exception.

I don't think that anypony cares for this trip except myself, so here is one sentence to describe it: it was awesome!

Meanwhile, my new-year's special to "Luna's Thought's" had nearly the same period of time (since it was approved incredibly fast, judging by the time-stamp of the pm)  to settle down in the wide ocean of FiMFiction. The result is rather pleasing for me, since I am not an attention-grappy person at all, and even when no reader left a single word in the comments (being attention grappy is too exhausting for me) the positive rating and fav-stats speak by themselves. Just remember the rating of my first release... I certainly AM improving! And it even caught me a new follower! How awesome!

As we all know, the sun settles down early in the high spheres of the Alps what leaves a quiet nice window for writing. Hey, skiing in the dark is dangerous! But, unfortunately, I did not write a single creative word. However, the focus lies clearly on creative. Of course I was prepared to this and picked my grammar and style-books for some further research in English grammar. Did you ever wonder why the auxiliary 'dummy'-verb "be" is that often used? There, again!

Maybe I'll give an introduction to "verbs" later - Chaodiurn style. But right now, I'm too tired.

Enough of asking about the past! What happens in the non-past events?

Ha. Well. I. Ehm.

Grammar, style and editing for the lulz! My plans for "Of Law and Friendship" would fit perfectly into this unit. Then again, they do not fit at all. Really, I tried multiple times to get down the first chapter properly, but what's in my head requires skill of writing colourful SoL, and let's be honest: I do not have the skill to write such a thing. What will most likely happen is that I will make further editings of the current chapters - what I fear a lot because I feel so close to it - and set the whole thing not into an all-peaceful theme as it was planned first.

Thinking of it, this is a GREAT chance on practicing outlining. Reject everything that just had been said about this story - I will edit and outline the whole thing again!

Yeah, that should be enough for a month. As usually (wait..what?) I will properly end this unit with another work of "Luna's Thoughts". It will be most likely another chapter of comparable length.

Escapism and loss of reality are closer related than one should think. I want to explore this (blurred?) border.

Hey there!

The first chapter of a new year's special to my series Luna's Thought's got submitted!

I decided to write a little special for this project to start the new year and, well.. that escalated quickly.

All I have to say about it is.. I hate dialogues. That's it. They are a pain to write!

Also, if you come here as an interested reader of my newest work (likely story mister), you can find its two predecessors here and here

Note: The second was written before the project started, but somehow gave me the inspiration for it.

And now I'm packing. I'm going to conquer France on my own and that means no Internet for a week. Weee!

See you guys soon!

Happy 2013!

If you would ask me what my expectations for 2013 are, I would answer:

- increased effectivity in writing

- be dead on time

- relentless positivity.

And of course I would ask you about your expectations, too. So post me your list down here as an answer if you wish to do so.

The reality, however, looks a bit different. I just returned from sending two batteries of firework up into night-sky, my tribute is paid and now I'm back on writing another Luna's thoughts in a new year's-edition. If you wonder what I'm doing besides this, I'm working on that Discord fiction called Another fine Selection of Cruelest Nightmares and also I'm working through a bunch of grammar, style and punctuation-books to get things look a bit better then the first chapter of Of Law and Friendship did. (What is still on my list to work at, just for the case you ask).

And the feeling I carry in my chest is, oh wonder, I don't care. Then it's another year, so what, let me carry on with my stuff.

What I wonder is, however, what I will think about this thinking in a half year. I bet I will say something like, "Why did I bothered with such a question at all?"

Okay, that's it. Dismissed.