Greetings, ponies. Having just finished imbibing my morning drink, I think it is time to post the featured story of the week. Shall we?
Yes. We shall.
Ponies in Simcity (Chapter 1)
Our six protagonists wake up and find themselves in a world not like their own. What could go wrong?
For one thing, and I don't mean to be harsh, the tense. The story constantly flips back and forth between past and present tenses. It makes for a disorienting read. Also, there needs to be a lot less 'said's. Questioned, exclaimed, muttered, proclaimed, and many more words are at your disposal. Don't fall into the 'he said, she said' trap.
The days are growing shorter (which makes little sense, wouldn't they shrink shorter?) and the temperatures are cooling. Winter is coming.