I'll be blunt. I rated it as the second worst episode of the series; only episode I hated more was Spike at Your Service.  Now, the difference in the two episodes is that in SaYS, we only had a Spike that went full retard and basically terrible characterizations over all. The Timberwolves weren't enough to pull it out of a crater that dug to the core of the earth filled with shit I wanted to set on fire from pure hatred of the episode.

Magical Mystery Cure, which sounds like it's based off of some Beatles' album, brought a whole new level of suck to the table. It's the first episode I rage quitted from watching (my friend who I was chatting with did nearly the same thing) and the first episode where everything that happened I basically hated. Almost everything, at least.

The good things were few and far between. I mean, there was basically only three or four good things in the entire episode. Five if you count the appearance of Bubbly McBubblington Bubblebutts, best wall-eyed background pony ever made. Although she's not really a plus. She's pure fan pandering and adding her into the finale quite honestly annoyed me. I guess the only thing I'm happy about is that she's alive, as this should shut those moralDerpyfags up. Hopefully. Probably not, though.

I guess I should start explaining my reasoning behind my hatred. First thing was the music. I only managed to make it through six of the songs. I quit before the last one was played, but judging by how bad the songs were overall, I would've hated it. Guess I also missed the second one but I'm still gonna guess it sucked. Yes I hate things. Quite easily, in fact. Maybe it stems from the fact I'm into death metal and little pop songs don't make me release dopamine the same way I do when I hear Pekka Kokko shredding, or Herman Li playing some amazing guitar solo that makes me question how the universe hasn't been torn asunder.

However, I'm not just into metal. Some of the songs from the show I /have/ enjoyed and have taken the time to memorize both rhythm and lyrics. For fun. Smile Smile Smile in particular; This Day Aria was a fun one to learn; Winter Wrap Up is a must. The songs in the new episode, however?

The first song, with Twilight waking up and saying how everything was going to be a good day. I actually liked it. It was catchy, pretty cool, and I found myself laughing--and questioning a bunch of things--when Twilight started tap dancing on the table. Bipedal much? This does raise a bunch of questions, however. Since when did Twilight learn how to tap dance? I demand a fic where Twilight takes tap dancing lessons and she finds out she's some sort of prodigy. Another good thing about the song is that it lead into the problem. Rarity fucking up the weather 'cause apparently she's been cutie mark (destiny?) swapped into believing she's a weather pony.

The second one, as I previously stated, I missed. Because my laptop overheated and I REALLY didn't want to look back into this episode. Just going to assume it sucked because, as a friend stated when I gave my review of this episode to him, I'm a pessimistic lil' fuck. Whoops. :3

The third song (assuming it was 'What my Cutie Mark is Telling Me') was also quite good. Something about seeing how everyone is now trying to deal with their new forced destiny (we'll get to that later) was kinda cool. So, we have Rainbow Dash thinking she's Fluttershy; Fluttershy thinking she's Pinkie; Pinkie thinking she's Applejack; Applejack thinking she's Rarity; and Rarity thinking she's Rainbow Dash. The pentagram is complete between swapped destiny. All we need is a few candles, a ram's horn, maybe a hoof, and we'll get together for early morning Satanic rituals.

No one? At all?

Fine. Guess I'll summon something by myself.

All silliness aside, Pinkiejack was adorable. Everything she did was adorable. From the faceplant after she tried to move the plough, to the broken leg when she tried to buck a tree. Hell, even when a chicken laid an egg in her mane it was adorable. Applejackity just wasn't as good, but whatever. Pinkiejack has enough adorableness to back everyone else up.

Now, song four was shit. I can not stress this enough. Only positive thing was when Rainbow Dash was about to be vored. Should've went through with that. Now, the lyrics make me want to cringe. The simplicity of solving the entire episode's problem in a single song as well? Blah. Bad taste in my mouth rotten enough to make corned beef taste good. I /loathe/ corned beef. No, seriously, it's the only food to ever make me vomit. The lyrics are obviously aimed at a younger audience. I know what you're going to say. 'Oh, but this show was originally for little girls.' That's cute. Daniel Ingram promised 'epic' this season. Songs have been bad.

Another thing that I've heard. . . apparently MandoPony worked on some of the songs? That could explain why I didn't like most of the songs. As per much of the other 'famous' fandom musicians, I don't actually like any of them. Call me a heretic, call me a blasphemous scum, call me a Satanist that's still gathering supplies for my early morning Satanic summoning rituals--one of these days I'll summon Pinkie. Then the world will bow before my feet. Or hooves--but I really don't like them.

Getting back on track, the next song was the greatest moment of the show. Oh, the song sucked, but Celestia sang it. Lyrics were shallow. . . man, I can't even think of a proper analogy here. I'll post my headcanon here later in the blog, but the song sucked. Plain and simple.

And then Twilicorn happened and I rage quit. Not from the wings, but because of why it happened. Like I said, it brought a whole new level of suck to the table.

Let's get to it, shall we? Now, Celestia sent Twilight Starswirl's unfinished spell. It obviously wasn't completely unfinished, as it managed to swap the destinies of her friends. Except her 'cause fuck that, Hasbro needs a new money grabbing scheme. Does this  ring a bell with any other fanfic writers? Namely the 'Twilight fucks up a spell and the world fails.' Only good one is Scystorm's take on it. Simply because everything goes just fine when she casts a spell.

So Twilight, through a song, manages to push everyone to their rightful destiny, therefore fixing her own fuck-up. Also she adds a few lines to the book then does a dramatic dot then PEWPEWPEW she gets laser beamed.

The headcanon here is that she died. Would've made the  episode a LOT better, honestly. Now, the laser beam incinerated her. The next scene where she's in some sort of in-between  universe that looks like it was made by a Twifag stalker documenting her entire life for his own personal lustful needs. Now, this is the afterlife. Celestia couldn't bear to tell her student the truth, so she gave her an afterlife dream. This explains why the lyrics suck, Celestia's making up a song on the spot to try to make it seem like everything's normal. Everything else is a dream. A good dream, one that Twilight obviously wanted. Dead, body vaporized so thoroughly there's no strands of it left in the entire universe, Twilight's living in her dream as an alicorn. As the pretty pony princess she obviously (she didn't) deserved to be. Ponyville is left mourning; Celestia's going to refuse to take in another student for fear of her next one being torn apart from her like this one. The Lunar Republic and the other one rises because nothing makes sense anymore, and the world ends. Okay, last part is joking, but it totally makes sense. If you believe in the afterlife, that is.

Headcanon is a powerful thing, isn't it?

Now, ignoring headcanon and getting back to the show. Celestia’s song ends, and Twilight becomes an alicorn and a pretty pony princess and I quite honestly rage quit then and there. I saw nothing else, heard nothing else, and effectively gave up on the episode. The livestream tab was closed, and I never looked at anything dealing with the episode again. Until today when I had to look up the song names.

I have seen a lot of praise for this episode, and I guess people are welcome to their own opinions. But that also means I’m entitled to my own.

This episode earns a 1.5/10, the second lowest rating I've ever given an episode. I recommend not watching this ponified High School Musical, and instead doing better things with your life like doing the dishes.

Review over, let the flaming commence.

Looking forward to not replying to your comments,  

Carmine.

Take a good look at the featured box and the new stories list. What do you see? The same recycled stories you see every other week. Possibly the only exception is the HiE where two bronies turn into Pokemon and are sent into Equestria. Unique idea, but it's absolutely horrid.

I probably don't have room to speak; I've written recycled stories that seemed popular at the time in hopes that I'd gain a few new followers.  I'm guilty of this crime, but at least I came to my senses and deleted them. Hard drive they're on has been smashed with a hammer, burned to a crisp in an industrial strength incinerator, and the ashes have been scattered into the toilet bowl, flushed away to new areas I can only hope I'll some day see.

I just hope my stories don't end up destroying the entire ecosystem. They can't be that bad, can they? (Hint: they are. Whoop whoop, destruction of the entire world at the hands of mere words.)

Now, this doesn't mean I've stopped writing. Just because I can't stand to look at the featured box (anyone know how to work the HTML code of the site to hide it?) doesn't mean I'm still not doing stuff. 'Cause I am. At roughly a word a month. . . progress is progress, at least I'm doing something.

I'd like to think I've scrapped many of the ideas I've had long ago because they didn't seem to 'entice' me anymore. Some of them seemed bland, some of them seemed like regurgitated filth. That's why I've been grinding the miniature gears in my head--apparently they weren't oiled and may have had a couple hundred spider generations go on in there. The webbing I had to get rid of was dreadful--for new ideas that piqued even my own interest.

Now, just because I've given up on fics on this site, doesn't mean I won't be uploading my own stories here. If I ever get around to writing them. I haven't given up on you guys, and I check my PMs/notifications every single day (logged onto like. . . thirty six the other day. Apparently someone plugged The Last Party on Facebook and it got a LOT of extra views.)

I should also tackle another issue while I'm actually writing this. The idea of Twilicorn.  This actually came up a few days ago, and I actually tried to describe the entirety of the show as an allusion to a great fanfic in as few words as possible:

I'd like to think of MLP:FiM as a giant fanfiction. You start off with an interesting character--Twilight, I guess. She's interesting enough as the personal protege of Celestia and one of her many students during Luna's absence--and you introduce a flaw. She studies so hard she has no friends, she doesn't need friends, she doesn't /WANT/ friends.

Now, after the first two chapters, she discovers that friendship is magic. (Lolcorny) And that she's better off with friends, so she requests to stay in this new area and go on many adventures with new ponefriends. This is where the author knew what they were doing. They did countless chapters fleshing out the characters, and everything was beautiful.

They ended the first arc in a beautiful way.

And then season two happened.

The second arc started off strong, but it started faltering mid-way through. It was evident the writer was starting to run out of ideas. . . but every now and then a chapter would be gold. Absolute, pure, billion bit worth gold.

But then the second arc was brought to an end with the addition of something that the initial arc contradicted. They stated that there was only two alicorns, and then suddenly there's a third one who's the princess of some strange place far away no one has ever heard of and she controls love and bullshit and she beats some love eating monster with love. Makes no sense, but whatever, it had good musical numbers.

And then the third arc. We don't like to talk about the third arc.

Now, this is where the writer completely ran out of ideas. But due to overwhelming popularity, they felt like they needed to continue this. And they looked at the comments. . . people had ideas. Good ideas, or so the writer thought, so he started writing chapters that the fans wanted. First you have the Crystal Empire. Oh, what's this? Suddenly you see another 'good' idea and you decide to mix it with the entire thing. (Twilicorn)

So they bullshit their way to the Crystal Empire, and then suddenly there's some giant smoke monster AND FLUGLEHORNS. Sombra was bullshit; there's no way you can look at that mess and say he's good. Every good villain has motives, Sombra was 'LOLFUCKYOUYOU'REMINE.' No motive, bad design, was illiterate/couldn't speak. Possibly both.

But the writer persisted. People somehow liked this shit, so he continued to do chapter after chapter. A chapter about Pinkie multiplying herself and becoming the most annoying fucker in the entire Equestrian region (Take it from someone who absolutely /LOVES/ that pink mare). A chapter where a previous villain came back, with some bullshit amulet, and ended up taking over Ponyville.

And then you have things like. . . you introduce new characters. Give them motives. The true 'good' chapters of the third arc. Babs Seed, Sleepless, Just for Sidekicks. And they were good, because they didn't involve characters being retards and going against whatever in-character shit the writer had made for them two arcs ago.

And then the moment of truth.

The writer came across the finale. For some reason, this fic was STILL popular so he had to end this arc in such a mind-blowing way that no one would be able to think straight for the next millennium. How would he do that? By turning the main character--someone that's already really way too powerful for their own good--into an alicorn.

This wasn't a good idea. It never was a good idea. Alicorns aren't good. They stated that there was /TWO/ alicorns. They can't play the 'Celestia's student must become an alicorn' because Celestia has had MANY students.  Protege? Oh please, she's not the only one. Don't forget Starswirl. (Headcanon, but we can't forget that he has an entire wing named after him. He must've been a prodigal student because of his AMAZING abilities.)

And then the discussion changed into something else which I think was pony butt. I don't really remember.

Tl;dr- I don't particularly enjoy the fact of Twilicorn becoming canon, but I've read this far--through the good and the bad--to unfavourite this fic.

I'll withhold any more judgement until after the episode airs. But that's about it for now, people who actually took the time to read through this entire thing.

Remember, this is entirely my opinion; you're allowed to think otherwise.

Signing off to procrastinate even more,

Carmine.

My head's slightly pounding, my stomach feels like it won't be able to hold any food down, yet I'm still happy. I guess I brought those symptoms upon myself when I decided to start drinking last night in celebration for my 19th birthday!

Now I can legally drink!... Not that I really cared.

Anyway, that's about the gist of this blogpost; so yay, happy birthday to me and whatnot.

ALSO EVERYONE SHOULD POST PINKIE 'CAUSE PINKIE IS BEST PONY.

I bet you guys are wondering what everyone's least favourite Pinkie lover is doing. I'm here to fill you guys in.

I have a number of things going on in the silly little world of pony fanfics, most of it planning with a few good friends I've made on the site (and raging at terrible fanfics.) Now, I have 3 major fics I'm going to be working on over the course of the next year, if not longer.

The first one is a collab between CYANIDE and I. Yes, the Cyanide who wrote Moonstone Cup. Expect crazy hijinks and strange characters.

Second one is Rictus, which I believe will be my sort of magnum opus in the 'dark' genre.

Third one is something I'd like to call 'The Colt in Grey,' a sort of psychological supernatural thriller of a fic. I have high expectations for it.

The latter most one is actually going to be lengthy. I'd say around 100k-150k words... and the best part is? I may turn it into original fiction.

And that's it for the quick update. Pony on, everyone.

Carmine, out.

(Long Skype conversation ahead featuring a ton of people)

Today was a long day, let me start by saying that. A day spent laying down on a couch, drinking root beer, and eating ketchup chips while getting my ass handed to me at Call of Duty. Unwinding on Skype is usually a good idea because sometimes I meet new people I've wanted to meet.

Today I got to do that.

The owner of the infamous 'Kinkie Pie' blog was in a group I was in today. Needless to say, I lost a lot of respect for her.

...She may have been drunk, or trying to maintain a certain type of 'behavior,' but I was actually disappointed.

Have the... rather  long chat log.

[10:24:36 PM] PinkieInPrivate: I am certain I am most Pinkie of us

[10:24:43 PM] PinkieInPrivate: PinkieInPrivate wiggles with the ducks

[10:24:43 PM] PinkiePie: Pinkie

[10:24:48 PM] PinkiePie: GAFSGHDASDFA

[10:24:52 PM] Carmine: People have said I can write Pinkie really well.

[10:24:53 PM] PinkiePie: *jumps on her*

[10:24:58 PM] Carmine: Carmine shrugs.

[10:25:00 PM] PinkiePie: rar

[10:25:22 PM] Kinkie Pie: im

[10:25:23 PM] Kinkie Pie: gona

[10:25:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: get

[10:25:25 PM] Carmine: Haven' really submitted anything where I've written as her in awhile.

[10:25:25 PM] Kinkie Pie: drunk

[10:25:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: tonight

[10:25:32 PM] Kinkie Pie: awwwyeahniggy

[10:25:37 PM] Carmine: Oh, join the club Kinkie.

[10:25:45 PM] Pinkie Pie: owo

[10:25:48 PM] Carmine: I may be able to get some rum tonight.

[10:25:51 PM] David: Drunk skypeing is best skypeing

[10:25:59 PM] Carmine: Then I gotta work on a collab fic.

[10:26:01 PM] Carmine: Carmine grumbles.

[10:26:11 PM] Kinkie Pie: fics

[10:26:13 PM] PinkiePie: ell what would happen if chocolate rain fell don and everyone loved it but then people got hurt cause they slipped cause it was slippery! JUST LIKE A SLIP-N-SLIDE! there really slippery but its good in summer cause it hot and u wanna be cold hot hot cold!

[10:26:14 PM] Kinkie Pie: are for sluts

[10:26:21 PM] Carmine: Guess I'm a slut.

[10:26:23 PM] PinkiePie: DO U GET IT?

[10:26:27 PM] Carmine: 'Cause I like writing pony fanfics.

[10:26:34 PM] Kinkie Pie: slut

[10:26:41 PM] Carmine: Mmhmm.

[10:26:48 PM] David: a-am I a slut ._.

[10:26:54 PM] PinkiePie: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA *HIC*

[10:26:55 PM] Carmine: Depends.

[10:27:01 PM] Carmine: How many followers do you have on fimfiction?

[10:27:03 PM] PinkiePie: what the? *Hic*

[10:27:13 PM] David: like three ._.

[10:27:15 PM] PinkiePie: *HIC HIC HIC HIC IC HIC HIC*

[10:27:18 PM] Kinkie Pie: wtf is a fimfictironc

[10:27:25 PM] Carmine: It's a pony fanfiction sit.

[10:27:28 PM] Carmine: I have...

[10:27:29 PM] Carmine: 283.

[10:27:30 PM] Carmine: Carmine shrugs.

[10:27:35 PM] Kinkie Pie: a site for sluts?

[10:27:36 PM] Kinkie Pie: yeah

[10:27:38 PM] Kinkie Pie: its for sluts

[10:27:44 PM] Carmine: Surprised I haven't lost all of them.

[10:27:50 PM] Carmine: Haven't written anything in a few months.

[10:28:22 PM] Kinkie Pie: 5,400 followers naked

[10:28:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: and counting

[10:28:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: unless i dont count

[10:28:35 PM] Kinkie Pie: that one

[10:28:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: which if it was

[10:28:40 PM] Kinkie Pie: then it wouldnt be

[10:28:42 PM] Carmine: Admittedly, it's easier to get followers on tumblr.

[10:28:46 PM] Kinkie Pie: it would be a little of a lot more

[10:28:48 PM] Kinkie Pie: um

[10:28:51 PM] Kinkie Pie: ...excuse me?

[10:28:55 PM] Carmine: Trust me.

[10:29:02 PM] Kinkie Pie: who are you again?

[10:29:08 PM] Carmine: THe most followed slut on fimfiction only has...

[10:29:11 PM] Carmine: I'd say 1.8k followers.

[10:29:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: and?

[10:29:17 PM] Kinkie Pie: i dont write

[10:29:19 PM] Kinkie Pie: im an artist

[10:29:26 PM] Kinkie Pie: i suck dicks for money

[10:29:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: duh

[10:29:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: duhhhhhhhhhhhh

[10:29:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[10:29:34 PM] Kinkie Pie: DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[10:29:35 PM] Carmine: ...I know.

[10:29:37 PM] shadow fire: lol

[10:29:37 PM] David: and I thought I was the only one .~.

[10:29:38 PM] Kinkie Pie: no you dont

[10:29:44 PM] Kinkie Pie: i would know

[10:29:44 PM] Carmine: I follow your blog.

[10:29:49 PM] Kinkie Pie: cuz im

[10:29:51 PM] Kinkie Pie: asain

[10:29:54 PM] Kinkie Pie: asianan

[10:29:58 PM] Kinkie Pie: asianana fruit

[10:30:06 PM] David: I LOVE ASISANANANANANANA

[10:30:11 PM] Carmine: ...Yeah, alright.

[10:30:14 PM] Kinkie Pie: no

[10:30:16 PM] Kinkie Pie: go die

[10:30:22 PM] David: sorry ._.

[10:30:22 PM] Carmine: No.

[10:30:22 PM] Kinkie Pie: like in the rest of the gears of whore

[10:30:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: you stupid bitch

[10:30:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: you stupid fucking bitch carmine

[10:30:31 PM] Carmine: >Implying I've ever played GoW

[10:30:35 PM] Kinkie Pie: whut is wrong with you

[10:30:39 PM] Kinkie Pie: wut the fudge

[10:30:42 PM] David: im so confsued

[10:30:42 PM] Kinkie Pie: WUT THE FUDGE

[10:30:43 PM] Kinkie Pie: WHY

[10:30:47 PM] Kinkie Pie: YPOU DONT SNIPER

[10:30:49 PM] Carmine: I'm not, David.

[10:30:50 PM] Kinkie Pie: YOU CANT SNIPER

[10:30:53 PM] Kinkie Pie: YER CARMINE

[10:30:57 PM] Kinkie Pie: WUT WERE YOYU THINKING

[10:31:05 PM] Kinkie Pie: FUKifnggf f bitchchch

[10:31:10 PM] Kinkie Pie: you

[10:31:12 PM] David: W-WHAT WUT??

[10:31:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: nered to take a seat

[10:31:17 PM] David: WUT ABOUT ME ._.

[10:31:20 PM] Kinkie Pie: take a seat

[10:31:20 PM] shadow fire: i don't even know what going now

[10:31:23 PM] Kinkie Pie: take a fucking seat

[10:31:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: kay?

[10:31:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: kay

[10:31:29 PM] Carmine: I'll pass.

[10:31:31 PM] David: y-yes ma'am

[10:31:32 PM] Kinkie Pie: nbo

[10:31:34 PM] Kinkie Pie: yer

[10:31:36 PM] Kinkie Pie: taking a seat

[10:31:39 PM] Kinkie Pie: you little bitch

[10:31:49 PM] Kinkie Pie: sit down...

[10:31:49 PM] Carmine: Make me.

[10:31:53 PM] Kinkie Pie: no

[10:31:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: you cant

[10:32:01 PM] Kinkie Pie: yer not even cats

[10:32:09 PM] Kinkie Pie: get out carmine

[10:32:11 PM] David: im scurd ._.

[10:32:13 PM] Kinkie Pie: go on yer halo 7

[10:32:19 PM] Carmine: >Implying I play Halo

[10:32:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: pucking fuck

[10:32:30 PM] Kinkie Pie: i could eat yer fucking face with my whole vagina

[10:32:35 PM] Carmine: That's nice.

[10:32:36 PM] Pinkie Pie: o_o

[10:32:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: youd die

[10:32:39 PM] Pinkie Pie: o3o

[10:32:41 PM] Kinkie Pie: yer whole face

[10:32:43 PM] Kinkie Pie: would die

[10:32:48 PM] Kinkie Pie: cuz yer a sliut

[10:32:50 PM] Carmine: Again: that's nice.

[10:32:52 PM] Kinkie Pie: who writes pony

[10:32:56 PM] Kinkie Pie: with paper

[10:32:58 PM] Kinkie Pie: and im like

[10:33:02 PM] Kinkie Pie: WHO WOULD DO THAT

[10:33:08 PM] Kinkie Pie: and then you tell me about homestuck

[10:33:13 PM] Kinkie Pie: 'and im like who the fuck

[10:33:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: is the demon

[10:33:16 PM] Kinkie Pie: girl

[10:33:18 PM] Kinkie Pie: with the shades

[10:33:22 PM] Carmine: >Implying I read/watch whatever the fuck people do with Homestuck

[10:33:28 PM] Kinkie Pie: and idk

[10:33:30 PM] Kinkie Pie: yer ;ioke

[10:33:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: >

[10:33:32 PM] Kinkie Pie: >

[10:33:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: >

[10:33:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: >

[10:33:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: WUT THE FUCkkdjdhdf

[10:33:43 PM] Kinkie Pie: this isnt math class :(

[10:33:51 PM] Kinkie Pie: this is meth class

[10:33:54 PM] Carmine: K.

[10:33:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: which you must be on meth

[10:33:57 PM] David: I LOVE METH!!!

[10:33:58 PM] Kinkie Pie: because yer like

[10:33:59 PM] Kinkie Pie: carmine

[10:34:02 PM] David: wait....

[10:34:02 PM] Kinkie Pie: who cant snipe

[10:34:03 PM] David: um

[10:34:04 PM] Kinkie Pie: playing halo 7

[10:34:12 PM] Kinkie Pie: when yer not even an alchemist

[10:34:17 PM] Carmine: Yes. Because I named myself after a shade of 'red' I must be into meth.

[10:34:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: yes

[10:34:30 PM] Kinkie Pie: you are

[10:34:31 PM] Carmine: Your logic.

[10:34:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: meth is carmine

[10:34:38 PM] Carmine: It changes my entire perspective of life.

[10:34:40 PM] Kinkie Pie: Your idiocracy

[10:34:48 PM] Kinkie Pie: you cant carmine

[10:34:50 PM] Kinkie Pie: you just cant

[10:35:01 PM] Kinkie Pie: learn how to surf mom

[10:35:10 PM] Kinkie Pie: yer the worst mom ever

[10:35:12 PM] Kinkie Pie: cant even

[10:35:14 PM] Kinkie Pie: surf

[10:35:15 PM] Carmine: >Implying I'm a female

[10:35:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: who is?

[10:35:27 PM] David: ._.

[10:35:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: moms can be male

[10:35:35 PM] Kinkie Pie: i can tell

[10:35:43 PM] Carmine: >Implying I'm old enough to even want a kid.

[10:35:45 PM] Kinkie Pie: because yer a little bitch D=<

[10:35:54 PM] Carmine: Sorry, I'm not a female dog in heat.

[10:35:59 PM] Kinkie Pie: >How to look like a douchebag.com

[10:36:03 PM] Carmine: May wanna learn your terminology before using it.

[10:36:09 PM] Kinkie Pie: >Green text

[10:36:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: >Green text everyday

[10:36:18 PM] *** Missed conference call. ***

[10:36:23 PM] Kinkie Pie: >implying you have several vaginas

[10:36:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: your logic is inhumane

[10:36:30 PM] Carmine: Sorry. People around. Can't join the call.

[10:36:42 PM] Kinkie Pie: >Obviously is masturbating

[10:36:52 PM] Albino Pie: Wut shu want?

[10:36:54 PM] Carmine: I save that for when people aren't here.

[10:37:00 PM] Carmine: Hello, Albino.

[10:37:10 PM] Kinkie Pie: its the peopple like thids

[10:37:12 PM] Kinkie Pie: sober

[10:37:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: that make me sick

[10:37:18 PM] Kinkie Pie: sober makes me sick

[10:37:22 PM] Kinkie Pie: thanks

[10:37:23 PM] Kinkie Pie: a lot

[10:37:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: mom

[10:37:33 PM] Carmine: Uh huh...

[10:37:43 PM] shadow fire: right will um no idea

[10:37:50 PM] Ask ShutterShade: kink david is obsessed with you

[10:37:57 PM] David: NUUUUUU

[10:38:00 PM] Pinkie Pie: he is

[10:38:05 PM] Kinkie Pie: i knmow ists okay

[10:38:15 PM] Kinkie Pie: yu cant haz my vagina

[10:38:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: butt you can haz my bewbs

[10:38:24 PM] David: >///<

[10:38:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: no

[10:38:25 PM] Kinkie Pie: wait

[10:38:28 PM] Kinkie Pie: ...hmm

[10:38:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: carmine

[10:38:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: why is

[10:38:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: carmine

[10:38:35 PM] Kinkie Pie: like

[10:38:36 PM] Kinkie Pie: such a

[10:38:38 PM] Kinkie Pie: banana

[10:38:41 PM] Carmine: ...

[10:38:46 PM] Carmine: I really have no reply to that.

[10:38:46 PM] *** Ask ShutterShade removed David from this conversation. ***

[10:38:53 PM] Kinkie Pie: :(

[10:39:03 PM] Kinkie Pie: why you do dis to me :(

[10:39:15 PM] Pinkie Pie: it's okay Kinkie

[10:39:18 PM] Pinkie Pie: Pinkie Pie hugs you

[10:40:00 PM] Carmine: o-O

[10:40:01 PM] *** Missed conference call. ***

[10:40:20 PM] *** Ask ShutterShade removed shadow fire from this conversation. ***

[10:41:46 PM] Kinkie Pie: wut

[10:41:47 PM] Kinkie Pie: why

[10:41:48 PM] Kinkie Pie: is he

[10:41:49 PM] Kinkie Pie: like

[10:41:50 PM] Kinkie Pie: removing

[10:41:53 PM] Kinkie Pie: everyones

[10:41:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: sketti

[10:41:56 PM] Kinkie Pie: :(\

[10:42:01 PM] Ask ShutterShade: only faqers

[10:42:06 PM] Kinkie Pie: butt

[10:42:10 PM] Kinkie Pie: david isnt a fagger

[10:42:13 PM] Ask ShutterShade: kink no butts

[10:42:19 PM] Kinkie Pie: :(

[10:42:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: why not

[10:42:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: butts are best

[10:42:25 PM] Ask ShutterShade: only ass

[10:42:34 PM] Carmine: Wut.

[10:42:58 PM] Ask ShutterShade: kink imma call your butt

[10:43:01 PM] Kinkie Pie: whuh why

[10:43:02 PM] Kinkie Pie: i can

[10:43:04 PM] Kinkie Pie: cant

[10:43:17 PM] Albino Pie: Hey Kinkie, are you mlp horror =3?

[10:43:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: no

[10:43:32 PM] Pinkie Pie: whatisthisIdon'teven.jpg

[10:43:34 PM] Kinkie Pie: im just a whore

[10:43:42 PM] Ask ShutterShade: no ur notttt'

[10:43:45 PM] Kinkie Pie: yes

[10:43:48 PM] Kinkie Pie: i am

[10:43:48 PM] Carmine: I'm still trying to figure that out, Pinkie.

[10:43:52 PM] Kinkie Pie: if i got money for sex

[10:43:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: then i get

[10:43:57 PM] Kinkie Pie: money

[10:43:58 PM] Kinkie Pie: for sex

[10:43:58 PM] Pinkie Pie: Pinkie Pie bounces around the room

[10:44:02 PM | Edited 10:44:07 PM] Ask ShutterShade: so is PiP

[10:44:04 PM] Kinkie Pie: which is how i live

[10:44:06 PM] Kinkie Pie: no he isnt

[10:44:14 PM] Ask ShutterShade: jk

[10:44:16 PM] Ask ShutterShade: bro

[10:44:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: maybe his silly little pony

[10:44:23 PM] *** Albino Pie added akihitokenjiro ***

[10:44:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: no

[10:44:30 PM] Kinkie Pie: dont invite my mom

[10:44:31 PM] Kinkie Pie: :(

[10:44:43 PM] Ask ShutterShade: ?

[10:44:43 PM] Carmine: Does PiP do commissions?

[10:44:51 PM] Kinkie Pie: uhhhhhhhhhhh

[10:44:57 PM] Kinkie Pie: dont know

[10:45:00 PM] Kinkie Pie: es not a whore

[10:45:04 PM] Ask ShutterShade: 2 pinkie pies?

[10:45:13 PM] Kinkie Pie: who?

[10:45:17 PM] PhoKingAZN (Space Shock): might as well go into space CL

[10:45:19 PM] Carmine: Yeah... there's a lot of Pinkies in here.

[10:45:23 PM] Kinkie Pie: whos

[10:45:25 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Pinkie

[10:45:25 PM] Kinkie Pie: pinkie?

[10:45:27 PM] PinkieInPrivate: everywhere

[10:45:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: wut

[10:45:34 PM] Kinkie Pie: Pinkie nowhere

[10:45:35 PM] Carmine: Being as how she's my favourite pony, I thought I'd be having a lot more fun.

[10:45:38 PM] Ask ShutterShade: lol thats sexual

[10:45:45 PM] Kinkie Pie: Carmine was wrong

[10:45:51 PM] Carmine: Sadly I was.

[10:45:54 PM] *** Pinkie Pie added David, shadow fire ***

[10:46:00 PM] Kinkie Pie: you got into a group

[10:46:01 PM] Kinkie Pie: with

[10:46:03 PM] Kinkie Pie: neckbeards

[10:46:04 PM] Pinkie Pie: owo

[10:46:07 PM] Carmine: Woohoo.

[10:46:07 PM] Kinkie Pie: and there is no way out

[10:46:08 PM] Pinkie Pie: lol X3

[10:46:10 PM] *** Ask ShutterShade removed shadow fire from this conversation. ***

[10:46:17 PM] Ask ShutterShade: Not shadw fire

[10:46:19 PM] Pinkie Pie: Hi Pinkie :D

[10:46:19 PM] *** David has left ***

[10:46:25 PM] Kinkie Pie: how did i even get here

[10:46:28 PM] Kinkie Pie: and wtf is happening

[10:46:31 PM] PinkieInPrivate: god knows

[10:46:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: why am i drunk

[10:46:35 PM] PhoKingAZN (Space Shock): ah geez

[10:46:36 PM] Kinkie Pie: who did this

[10:46:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: why

[10:46:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: when

[10:46:38 PM] PinkieInPrivate: but I'm calling it a night

[10:46:39 PM] Kinkie Pie: fuck

[10:46:39 PM] Carmine: Hey, PiP. Do you do commissions?

[10:46:48 PM] PinkieInPrivate: you are drunk because Kinkie

[10:46:49 PM] Kinkie Pie: Peepee

[10:46:56 PM] Kinkie Pie: Pee pee do you do cummissions

[10:47:03 PM] PinkieInPrivate: I am getting my lazy plot off the ground and opening soon I hope

[10:47:04 PM] Ask ShutterShade: Hey mr privates u in a call?

[10:47:08 PM] Carmine: Alright.

[10:47:09 PM] PinkieInPrivate: nope

[10:47:09 PM] Pinkie Pie: Pinkie Pie hugs everyone

[10:47:12 PM] Carmine: I may hit you up shortly.

[10:47:13 PM] Ask ShutterShade: call?

[10:47:14 PM] Kinkie Pie: well im not paying

[10:47:14 PM] PinkieInPrivate: but goin to bed now so

[10:47:17 PM] Ask ShutterShade: oh

[10:47:20 PM] Kinkie Pie: IM NOT PAYING FOR YER SHIT]

[10:47:21 PM] Pinkie Pie: night PIP

[10:47:21 PM] Kinkie Pie: YOU

[10:47:24 PM] Kinkie Pie: PUNKJ

[10:47:25 PM] Kinkie Pie: fucking

[10:47:25 PM] Carmine: Well, one of my friends may hit you up.

[10:47:27 PM] Kinkie Pie: bitch 'd

[10:47:28 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Kinkie just bends me over for shur

[10:47:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: yesh

[10:47:35 PM] Carmine: Birthday soon, may get my friend to commission me some NSFW Pinkie.

[10:47:37 PM] Kinkie Pie: yesh indeedy

[10:47:38 PM] Pinkie Pie: lol

[10:47:52 PM] PinkieInPrivate: so many anons requesting Kinkie x PiP

[10:47:55 PM] PinkieInPrivate: whai

[10:48:01 PM] PinkieInPrivate: stop them kinkie

[10:48:05 PM] Ask ShutterShade: all of them are me

[10:48:17 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Well "ask" isnt more explaining really

[10:48:18 PM] Kinkie Pie: xD

[10:48:33 PM] Kinkie Pie: it happens :3

[10:48:34 PM | Edited 10:48:52 PM] Ask ShutterShade: Fishnets + Laytex = SWEET JESUS

[10:48:40 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Latex*

[10:48:43 PM] Kinkie Pie: ...................

[10:48:44 PM] *** Albino Pie has left ***

[10:48:46 PM] Pinkie Pie: XD

[10:48:47 PM] Kinkie Pie: ...............................................................

[10:48:49 PM] PinkieInPrivate: gotta get them socks righ

[10:48:51 PM] Carmine: Awwww.

[10:48:52 PM] Kinkie Pie: ....................................................................................

[10:48:53 PM] Pinkie Pie: ........

[10:48:55 PM] Pinkie Pie: ..............

[10:48:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: fOR

[10:48:57 PM] Kinkie Pie: THE LAST

[10:48:58 PM] Kinkie Pie: FUCKING

[10:49:00 PM] Kinkie Pie: GAWD DAMN

[10:49:00 PM] Kinkie Pie: TIME

[10:49:03 PM] Kinkie Pie: ITS LATEX

[10:49:04 PM] Pinkie Pie: ...........................................................

[10:49:05 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Kinkie is apparently on it's period

[10:49:05 PM] Kinkie Pie: HOLY POOP

[10:49:07 PM] Pinkie Pie: :c

[10:49:09 PM] PinkieInPrivate: by the looks of things

[10:49:12 PM] PinkieInPrivate: ..................................

[10:49:12 PM] Kinkie Pie: hay

[10:49:16 PM] Kinkie Pie: im not anymore :(

[10:49:19 PM] Kinkie Pie: i swear

[10:49:23 PM] Ask ShutterShade: hey kinkie

[10:49:26 PM] Kinkie Pie: i made sure of it

[10:49:29 PM] Kinkie Pie: \yes mom?

[10:49:37 PM] Ask ShutterShade: nice leather..

[10:49:39 PM] PinkieInPrivate: alrighty good night

[10:49:44 PM] Kinkie Pie: nuuuu

[10:49:45 PM] *** PhoKingAZN (Space Shock) has left ***

[10:49:45 PM] Kinkie Pie: don t leave

[10:49:46 PM] Kinkie Pie: me

[10:49:50 PM] PinkieInPrivate: Kinkie

[10:49:51 PM] PinkieInPrivate: I must

[10:49:52 PM] PinkieInPrivate: sleep

[10:49:54 PM] Kinkie Pie: pip..

[10:49:55 PM] Kinkie Pie: butt

[10:49:56 PM] PinkieInPrivate: like a regular pony being

[10:50:01 PM] Kinkie Pie: i lurv you :(

[10:50:06 PM] PinkieInPrivate: I knuw

[10:50:07 PM] Pinkie Pie: love you guys

[10:50:14 PM] Kinkie Pie: lurv you grills

[10:50:19 PM] Pinkie Pie: besides Shutter

[10:50:21 PM | Edited 10:50:35 PM] Ask ShutterShade: ermergerd shr lurvs yurrr

[10:50:22 PM] PinkieInPrivate: I cru everytume I go to bed bcause I lub u 5evers

[10:50:32 PM] PinkieInPrivate: and yes

[10:50:34 PM] PinkieInPrivate: lube you, not love you

[10:50:36 PM] Kinkie Pie: i cri ... ;(

[10:50:40 PM] Carmine: ...K.

[10:50:41 PM] Kinkie Pie: i lube you

She left the group right after. Anyway, apparently all of you guys are sluts! Enjoy the title.

And another thing, she states she's an artist. She can't even draw an anus anatomically correct. I'd know; I've seen enough real horse porn (BLAME ECMAJOR FOR THAT) to know how that part and the genitalia are supposed to be placed.

Carmine, out.

So, today I went out for around an hour. Things were looking good. Really good. I said goodbye to my friends on the IRC, I managed to get an underage kid silenced by me being an asshole, and I got to talk to my brother. Went to the store, picked up some sushi, had a nice little dinner, and everything was going beautifully. Then I came home and looked at the featured box...

Reminder: I RARELY read, but when I do, I'm interested in the premise or I want to see how badly it's executed.

This fic.

...Oh... looks like we got Pinkie back.

Anyway, remember that rant I did a few months back about how I hate this site? Consider this part two. Except not as long.

WHY THE FUCK DO MOST OF YOU GUYS LIKE SHITTY FANFICS? Seriously. I read this. Not skimmed it, I actually READ IT. And I tore it apart in the #fimfiction IRC, ask anyone there. There's a myriad of errors in this fic.

Wanna know what I can re-count off the top of my head?

Religion, calling Spike a she, Applejack giving Spike a thermos of cider (remember, he's dead), saying that Changelings have a toxin that Equines are immune to but animals (or dragons) aren't, calling Spike an infant in one paragraph, then an adolescent later (how fast do dead dragons age?) and a ton of awkward sentences.

Guess what? There's probably more. A lot more. There's so many fucking errors in it, I even called it a COMEDY because I have never laughed so hard at a fic failing the 'sad' category before. And you know what I hate even more? People are actually crying and bringing MLD into it.

Now, you know why this is featured?

It's a sadfic cliche.

I, as well, am guilty of these. The Last Party and One Final Day are both cliche'd fics and I hate myself for writing them, which is why I'm not continuing/editing them.

Now, for some fucking reason, people are drawn to these like moths to flame. And you know what? I hope everyone who says this is a good fic gets third degree burns all over their bodies (not literally, that would be mean).

...Thank you once again, Pinkie.

This has been an ongoing problem that will never stop, sadly. People get drawn to terrible fics, get said terrible fics featured, then other people complain--like myself--and the cycle continues. I know what you people are going to comment.

'Oh, but if you don't like it you shouldn't have read it! You're no better than an anti-brony--I'm still laughing at the idiot who said that--'cause you hate things! Let people enjoy what they want 'cause it doesn't affect you!'

For once, I agree with you, Pinkie.

Guess what asswipes? It does affect me. Featured box should be for fics of decent quality. Instead, I have to look at these terrible fics getting featured DAILY. Only ones I'd willingly read on the current list? Grinding Gears (based on a friend's recommendation) and that Device Heretic fic.

Everything else? Meh. That's all I'll say about them.

And, like my previous rant, will I ever say I'm a great writer? No, I will not. But people tell me that 'cause in contrast to most of the shit on this site I apparently am a great writer. That's how bad it is.

Now, the main reason for this rant? The writer on that shitfic that got featured deleted my comment. I was a bit harsh in it, sure, but instead of listening to what I said they DELETED IT. Besides, it's my job to be an asshole. I don't get paid for it, but if I get my comments deleted, that just means I'm doing it correctly.

Wanna know what my comment basically said? 'This fic is so terrible, you should've labeled it a comedy.' Of course, I added a few points to it, but the message still remains.

Pinkie... what are you even doing out of your cage? And why is your mane straight... and why'd you get so big? Yes, we get it. You hate most of the users on this site as much as I do, but there's no need to be feeding--and getting huge--on butthurt. Unless it's from writers who can't take harsh criticism.

Now, back into your cage.

...Why'd your mane go poofy again? Anyways, see? You guys made me make Pinkie sad. You should feel ashamed. This is all because you guys like shitty fanfics.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I need to console a psychotic pony with borderline personality disorder.

Carmine, out.

I get clopfics written about my OC.

No, seriously. I have this friend. Good guy and all, name's Deathtap. He writes and whatnot. Apparently he wrote a CarPie clopfic 'cause why the fuck not? Sure, it came as a surprise and he can't really upload it to the site because of that dastardly little 'circle jerking' rule that's in place on the site.

Anyway, without any further waiting, I'm going to post it here. Yes, there is clop. Yes, this is NSFW. Yes, this deals with Futapie fucking my OC. Deal with it.

Carmine was on his way home from Sweet Apple Acres humming a tune, when suddenly he was tackled by a pink ball. The ball unfolded itself to reveal everybody's favorite party animal.

"Carmy!" Pinkie squealed, "Where've you been?"

"Oh. Hello, Pinkie. I've been around. You know. Doing what I do..." Carmine picked himself up, and looked at the Element of Laughter, trying very hard not to stare. Every time he was near Pinkie, his heart would beat faster and faster. Sometimes it would beat so hard and so fast, he'd actually feel very lightheaded and clumsy.

Pinkie Pie bounced around Carmine, "You never play with me anymore, Carmine. Why?"

Because I think I love you and I can't say it out loud because I'm too scared. Carmine thought in his head, "I've been very busy lately."

Pinkie folded her hooves in front of her chest and pouted, "No fair."

"Please, Pinkie, I promise you I'm not doing it on purpose, but I got to earn money and eat. It's not everyday I get a job, and I've managed to get some regular work over at the farm." Carmine smiled to himself, "Anyway, I've got to get home..."

But at that moment, Pinkie was no longer in front of Carmine. Instead she was now standing next to him, standing next to him peering into his eyes. Carmine was a taken aback by this and stumbled backwards, his face felt hot. Pinkie, seeing this, leaned forwards again, making the stallion back up again. They kept doing this for a while. Pinkie would take a step forwards, while Carmine would scramble back -- but not too far. No, he couldn't even if he wanted to. Not from Pinkie.

"You're acting awfully." Pinkie giggled.

Carmine tilted his head to one side. "Strange? You mean, right? I'm acting awfully strange."

"Nope," Pinkie bounced around Carmine, "that's not what I meant at all. Your acting sucks."

"What do you mean?" Carmine asked, rotating his head to follow her as best he could.

Pinkie managed to stop bouncing in mid-air and magically appear next to Carmine on the opposite side of where he was looking. To other ponies, this would've caused them to scream in terror, flee in confusion, or faint out of raw terror. But not Carmine. Carmine loved that about Pinkie. Loved the way she just... was. Laws of physics and magic be damned, this was Pinkie Pie.

"You're a real bad actor, Carmy. Your Cutie Mark wasn't for acting, that's for sure." Pinkie laughed as she touched Carmine's flank, stroking his mark with her hoof gently.

Carmine gasped quietly, and moved away from Pinkie, fighting the sudden urge between his legs. He could not get hard now. He must not get hard now. Think of Granny Smith in the shower, think of Granny Smith in the shower... Carmine was relieved to see it was working; no problem at all.

"What do you mean, Pinkie?"

She looked at him dryly for a moment before smiling sweetly at him. Carmine felt his heart melt. He was putty in her hooves, he'd do anything and everything she wanted. So why couldn't he just tell her how he felt?

"Carmy, can I ask you a question, and promise me you'll answer honestly?" Pinkie asked.

"Uh... sure..."

"Promise?"

"Okay, I promise."

"Pinkie Promise."

Carmine nodded, "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Carmine, do you love me?"

Carmine stared into Pinkie's eyes, he felt the sweat dripping off his brow. What could he say? What should he say? He knew how much she meant to him. She was everything to him. He loved her so much it hurt. Yet, he could not say it. He wanted to. Every inch of his being was screaming the one word he wanted so much to say to her: yes. Yes, by all the stars in Luna's sky, he loved her.

And yet, he couldn't say it. He wanted to, but he couldn't. Yet, he also knew that he could not break a Pinkie Promise.

Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise.

Nopony.

"What?" Carmine asked lamely.

Pinkie just looked at Carmine without changing that wonderful expression on her face. That sweet smile. Those inviting lips. Everything about her was perfect. The way her mane sat so wonderfully on her head, the way her eyes had that sparkle behind them, like stars on a perfect night.

"Do you love me?" she asked again.

"I... wha-"

"Cut the bullshit, Carmy. I know you love me. You think I'm dumb?"

"N-n-no!" Carmine was shocked. "I-I-I just... I didn't think you'd..."

"Shut up and kiss me," Pinkie cut him off, planting her lips on his.

Carmine's eyes shot open in shock. Was he dreaming? Was this a figment of his imagination? Did he hit his head on a rock when Pinkie tackled him?

A sharp pain in his lip snapped him out of his reverie as Pinkie bit down and sucked on his lower lip, pulling it into her mouth and letting her tongue explore it. She then pushed forwards and Carmine opened welcomed the intruder into his mouth, where their tongues commenced in a duel of heavenly bliss. Oh sweet, sweet Celestia. Please don't let this end.

Almost immediately after he thought that, the kiss ended.

Pinkie was panting, her mouth a little open, her lips moist, and her eyes narrow. She leaned in once more and pulled Carmine's head towards hers, turning it to the side and whispering in his ear, "Let's go to your place." She licked his ear, sliding her tongue along his pinna, right up to the tip, where she bit it gently and tugged on it, shaking her head lightly, imitating a hungry predator.

"Okay." Carmine's mind was numb. If Pinkie had told him to jump off the tallest tower in Canterlot over the cliff, he would've done so without question. He was hers, and he didn't care.

It was hard for either of them to look natural. Carmine found it hard to walk with his erection between his legs, and Pinkie could barely stop her juices from leaking onto the road. Luckily for the both of them, it wasn't long before Carmine opened the front door to his home. He didn't even get a chance to put his keys down when Pinkie launched herself at him.

Backing their way through the kitchen and into the living room, Pinkie shoved Carmine onto his sofa, his penis standing at full attention.

Tracing her tongue along the shaft, she followed the underside down from the tip, right to the top of his scrotum. She licked around the base of his penis, all the while he clenched his legs tight, way Pinkie moved her was incredible.

"No fair. I want to feel good too," Pinkie said, pushing Carmine's head so that he was now laying down.

Climbing onto the sofa with him, she turned her body around and forced Carmine's face between her legs. "Lick."

He didn't need to be told twice. Gently, he caressed her thighs first, allowing his tongue to explore every inch of her. Then, he pulled her one leg up, holding it with his hoof and allowing his tongue to climb its way up towards her slit.

Pinkie gasped when he breezed over her womanhood, shuddering from the wave of pleasure that literally wafted over her nether regions. She moaned, and gently bit his penis on the side before wrapping her lips around the tip and suckling on it, rolling her tongue over his sensitive bit.

It was Carmine's turn to gasp, as he could no longer take the ecstasy. He pulled Pinkie's labia apart, exposing her clitoris. Gently, he caressed it with his tongue, massaging it with expert precision. The pleasure was too much, and Pinkie pushed Carmine's head away, unable to take any more.

In response to him, Pinkie pushed her head down along his shaft. Carmine threw his head back and shoved his groin forwards in reflex, causing Pinkie to choke. Yet, she held his flank and pulled him even further inside her, sucking his member as hard as she could.

"Pinkie... that's too much... I cant'..."

The feeling of his warm, cum shot down her throat, and Pinkie drank every last drop, sucking his balls dry.

"That... that was amazing, Pinkie... I..."

Pinkie kissed him, rolling her cum-soaked tongue into his mouth. He welcomed it. It was disgusting, but he was okay with that. He would never say no to this mare. Ever.

As they broke, a thread of cum-saliva formed between their lips, but Pinkie wasn't done, and shoved her pussy into Carmine's face. He began to lick her as she rubbed against his snout.

"I'm not done." Pinkie hopped down and pulled out a vial from... somewhere. Who cares. She opened it up, the dark purple liquid glowed once the cork on the top was popped. She drank the contents and smiled. "I've got a present for you."

Pinkie's clitoris suddenly started to convulse and spasm. Carmine watched as it started to grow until it was as long and as thick as his cock. She walked over to Carmine, and stood up on her hind legs. She put her hoof and pulled his face up so that he looked into her eyes.

"You're going to suck me until I tell you to stop, understood?"

Carmine nodded.

"Open your mouth."

Carmine did.

Pinkie slipped her clit-cock into his mouth and began to pull his head in much the same way he had done to her just moments before. He kept going, ignoring the gag reflex, and rolling his tongue over it. It tasted like cotton-candy, which made him suck hard. She moaned and started rocking her hips, which excited Carmine even more, his penis began to show signs of life once again.

Suddenly, she pulled herself out of Carmine's mouth, making a loud sucking noise as she did.

"I'm going to fuck your ass. Bend over."

Carmine didn't argue. He turned around and lifted his tail and spread his ass open. Pinkie didn't need any lube, as Carmine's spittle was enough, and she pushed herself into him easily. Both ponies let out a long sigh as Pinkie pushed deeper and deeper inside him. She gripped his sides and pulled him towards her as she pushed forward as far as she could. Carmine could feel her deep inside him. In and out she went, and he enjoyed every strong, every push, each one sending a pulse through his body, his flaccid penis rubbing against the sofa started to feel real good.

"Turn around," Pinkie demanded.

Carmine sat down and looked up at Pinkie who took his erection. She pulled open her labia and slipped his cock into her. "Now, suck me while fucking me."

He did as he was told, leaning forwards and taking Pinkie's tip into his mouth as she bounced on his cock. He moaned in pleasure as Pinkie's soft, moist insides tightened around him. It was too much and he pulled Pinkie down on his cock at she same time she pushed his head down on her clit-cock and both of them climaxed at the same time. Pinkie felt another flood of Carmine's cum soak the insides of her vagina, while Carmine tasted the tangy, salty juices. He drank every drop, fucking the last few drops out of her by bobbing his head up and down with his mouth.

They both collapsed onto one another on the floor.

"Yes," Carmine stated after catching his breath.

"Huh?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes, Pinkie." He turned to look at her with a warm, heartfelt smile on his face.

Pinkie smiled back, but still wasn't sure what he was talking about. "What do you mean by 'yes', Carmy?"

Carmine held her head, pushing a lock of mane out of her face. It had become straight from her sweat, and drooped over her eye. He held her there for a long moment before leaning in and kissing her lips gently, "Yes, Pinkie, I do love you."

Pinkie woke up later and looked at Carmine nuzzled in her chest. His sleeping face looked so calm, so serene.

Unable to resist, she reached into her secret place and pulled out another vial, drinking it all in one gulp. The effect was instant, and she watched her clit-cock reform. Then she pushed Carmine onto his back and shook him gently.

"Wha-? Hi, my love," Carmine said, kissing Pinkie on the lips, "Is it morning?"

"Shut up. Prepare your anus."

"Again? But we've already done it ten times!"

And despite his protests, Carmine didn't stop her, nor did he wipe that silly grin off his face.

Don't ask, just clop.

Heeyo, Carmine here with your least favourite sub-blog of a not so famous blog. Today, on Kongregate, I had the greatest thing happen to me. It's one of those things you can't explain, but you have to see for yourself.

liamdude1: heyho

liamdude1: people

dog2432: hi

bombroad5017: ._.

liamdude1: who's online

liamdude1: hi

liamdude1: what game u playin

bombroad5017: My everyday game. ._.

liamdude1: what

liamdude1: whats ur every day game

liamdude1: bombroad

MrPHOENIX134: Go on his ****ing profile, you stupid shit

dog2432: lol

bombroad5017: My everyday game is playing with dolls.

bombroad5017: ...Now BRB.

liamdude1: playin whith dolls huh wierd

MrPHOENIX134: liamdude1 are you like, 10?

liamdude1: 9

MrPHOENIX134: Oh, wow.

MrPHOENIX134: You shouldn't be on the site

dog2432: ya true dat

liamdude1: playing with dolls isnt a game

MrPHOENIX134: You're stupid.

dog2432: holly crap your a sheltered kid

liamdude1: no im not

liamdude1: u cow

dog2432: ya u are

liamdude1: no im not

liamdude1: i have a home

liamdude1: a very nice one

buggieboy: Sure youo do.

buggieboy: *You

buggieboy: You're also underage.

buggieboy: Which means I get to report you.

liamdude1: oh well

MrPHOENIX134: Beat ya to it buggie

MrPHOENIX134: huehuehuehue

buggieboy: Also, Liam.

buggieboy: Ponies.

MrPHOENIX134: I saw that too.

buggieboy: Well look at what we got here brother of mine it's the same in every room!

buggieboy: *Nudges Phoenix*

buggieboy: Sing.

MrPHOENIX134: *cough*

MrPHOENIX134: I'm listening to Queen.

MrPHOENIX134: Gimme a minute

buggieboy: We should really work this out next time.

buggieboy: Until then, we can't go into business.

MrPHOENIX134: We should

MrPHOENIX134: Also, how am I going to translate that to this situation?

buggieboy: Change ponies to hater and insult the **** out of them.

MrPHOENIX134: Ah.

buggieboy: That's how it always works.

MrPHOENIX134: apologies

liamdude1: do u like reporting

MrPHOENIX134: do u like the dick

liamdude1: i will report u for swearing

MrPHOENIX134: lol

buggieboy: HAHA.

buggieboy: That's hilarious.

MrPHOENIX134: lrn2rules

buggieboy: You're pathetic.

To MrPhoenix134: Inb4obligatorybronyremark

MrPHOENIX134: Buggie I think I'm ready now

buggieboy: Alright.

MrPHOENIX134: Start us off

liamdude1: now i will report buggie boy

buggieboy: Well look at what we got here, brother of mine. It's the same in every room!

MrPHOENIX134: Haters with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of anger to be found!

buggieboy: Maybe they're not aware, that there's really no need for their retard despair!

liamdude1: more swears

MrPHOENIX134: That the key that they need to solve this sad trolling shortage you and I will share!

buggieboy: WELL WE GOT OPPORTUNITY IN THIS VERY COMMUNITY

MrPHOENIX134: HE'S FLIM

buggieboy: HE'S FLAM wait what.

MrPHOENIX134: Wait

MrPHOENIX134: wat

buggieboy: I thought I was buggie.

MrPHOENIX134: I thought I was Phoenix

buggieboy: ...

MrPHOENIX134: ...

buggieboy: Let's re-do this.

MrPHOENIX134: Shit.

MrPHOENIX134: Lets

buggieboy: Alright, again.

MrPHOENIX134: All right.

buggieboy: WELL WE GOT OPPORTUNITY IN THIS VERY COMMUNITY.

MrPHOENIX134: HE'S BUGGIE

buggieboy: HE'S PHOENIX

MrPHOENIX134: that doesn't quite roll off the tongue very well

buggieboy: I know.

buggieboy: But do it for the sake of enjoyment.

buggieboy: WE'RE THE WORLD FAMOUS BUGGIE PHOENIX BROOOOTHERS

MrPHOENIX134: I think the guy has lost interest

buggieboy: I haven't.

liamdude1: no

MrPHOENIX134: Did he leave?

MrPHOENIX134: Ah

liamdude1: no

buggieboy: Apparently not.

buggieboy: The retard's still here.

liamdude1: more swears

liamdude1: a

MrPHOENIX134: more swears lol wat

buggieboy: Hey, Hiperson.

buggieboy: Guess how old this kid is.

liamdude1: the more u swear the longer i stay

buggieboy: And 'retard' isn't swearing.

buggieboy: it's an insult.

MrPHOENIX134: liamdude, that's no very intimidating

MrPHOENIX134: not*

buggieboy: Then again, can't expect your six year old brain to understand.

buggieboy: TRAVELING ASSHOOOLES NONPARIELLLLL

MrPHOENIX134: I suppose by now you're wondering 'bout our peculiar mode of insult

buggieboy: I thought I was flim.

MrPHOENIX134: Well I thought you were buggie

buggieboy: Huh. I thought Liam was smart.

buggieboy: Guess we were all wrong!

buggieboy: I say, our mode of locomootion.

MrPHOENIX134: And I suppose by now you're wondering, where is this promised anger

buggieboy: Any asshole can make a claim and any retard can do the same!

To hiperson134: You gotta admit, this is hilarious.

MrPHOENIX134: But my brother and I have something most unique and superb!

hiperson134: >implying I'm paying attention to chat  (reply)

hiperson134: phoenix, I like your numbers

MrPHOENIX134: I like yours too, sir

buggieboy: Blah, got called away.

buggieboy: Unseen at any time in this great new world!

To hiperson134: We're bashing a pony hater. WITH A SONG.

MrPHOENIX134: And that's opportunity!

To hiperson134: How often do you see that?

buggieboy: Folks, the one and only!

MrPHOENIX134: We kinda started to switch again

buggieboy: Just go with it.

MrPHOENIX134: Fine.

MrPHOENIX134: the biggest and the best

buggieboy: The unbelievable!

MrPHOENIX134: Unimpeachable!

buggieboy: Indispensible!

bombroad5017: I'm back after eating a sandwich. ._.

MrPHOENIX134: I can't believe-able!

buggieboy: We need a name for our machine.

liamdude1: bom

liamdude1: bombroad

liamdude1: hi

bombroad5017: Wut

bombroad5017: ...

bombroad5017: That's all you are gonna say?

liamdude1: what u playin

buggieboy: Join us in song, bomb.

bombroad5017: What song.

MrPHOENIX134: Buggie Phoenix brothers' Super Speedy Anger Dicks 6000!

buggieboy: Good enough.

bombroad5017: lawl.

MrPHOENIX134: 9000+! sorry

buggieboy: SO WHAT D'YOU SAY, RETARD?

liamdude1: get your ****ing ass out of here  (reply)

MrPHOENIX134: sorry I went to make coffee

buggieboy: Young idiot, I would be ever so honored if you might see fit to let my brother and I borrow some of your delicious, and might I add spell-bindingly fragrant hate for our little demonstration here!

buggieboy: liamdude1: get your ****ing ass out of here (reply)

buggieboy: Why thank you!

MrPHOENIX134: i got exactly the same message

liamdude1: never u asshole

buggieboy: READY PHOENIX?

liamdude1: whatever

buggieboy: The funny thing, Liam.

buggieboy: Is that you think you're more important than me in this room.

MrPHOENIX134: Heh.

buggieboy: Phoenix...

buggieboy: Singgggg.

MrPHOENIX134: Reppin' 2008 mofo

To hiperson134: I'm fucking dying.

MrPHOENIX134: But I don't wanna

bombroad5017: ...

buggieboy: But we're almost done!

MrPHOENIX134: ngghhh

MrPHOENIX134: Fine where were we?

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: Hello o.o

buggieboy: The bing bang zam part.

buggieboy: Where we call each others' names.

buggieboy: Toasty, we're singing.

liamdude1: hey

buggieboy: READY PHOENIX

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: wut

MrPHOENIX134: YUH

buggieboy: Good enough.

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: oh ****, it's you e_e

buggieboy: LET'S BING BANG ZAM!

MrPHOENIX134: LET'S BING BANG ZAM

bombroad5017: ..

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: wat

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: o.o

liamdude1: guess what ur as is too big too fit in your house so u live in hell where people hate u u retard person   (reply)

buggieboy: And show this glorious room a world of delectable hate!

MrPHOENIX134: And show these thirsty haters a world of delectable butthurt!

MrPHOENIX134: mine was better

To liamdude1: ...Is that the best you have

liamdude1: no

To liamdude1: You give idiots a bad name. I hope you know that.

buggieboy: Yeah, it was.

MrPHOENIX134: You don't have an opinion, be quiet

buggieboy: You're worthless in this room, Liam.

buggieboy: Watch closely my friends!

buggieboy: THE FUN BEGIIIIIINS

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L70Nca5MvM8

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: <3

buggieboy: Damnit Toasty, we're trying to sing.

bombroad5017: I'm playing a different game.

buggieboy: Not sure Phoenix wants to anymore, though.

MrPHOENIX134: Now, here's where the magic happens, right here in this heaving roiling anger press boiling guts of the very machine, those blobs of mad plucked fresh are right now as we speak being turned into grade-A top-notch five-star blow-your-horseshoes-off…

MrPHOENIX134: BUTTHURT

buggieboy: Genius.

MrPHOENIX134: I was typing man, it's long

buggieboy: We're definitely becoming traveling salesmen.

buggieboy: I'll be the looker, you just sing.

MrPHOENIX134: Definitely. I also got a message off mr liam

buggieboy: Same here.

MrPHOENIX134: liamdude1: guess what ur as is too big too fit in your house so u live in hell where people hate u u retard person now get out u ****ing bich cause ur barkin up the wrong tree (reply)

buggieboy: Apparently I have a big butt.

buggieboy: That only fits in hell.

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: The **** is this

MrPHOENIX134: guess what ur as is too big too fit in your house so u live in hell where people hate u u retard person x2 ****er (reply)

buggieboy: The funny thing is I'm atheist!

MrPHOENIX134: and that

MrPHOENIX134: And I'm homosexual!

buggieboy: Well Liam I'm glad you brought that up, I say that I am glad you brought that up. See that we are very picky when it comes to butthurt if you'd kindly try a cup!

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: the grammar, it burns e_e

buggieboy: Would you like to taste some deicious butthurt, Toasty?

buggieboy: Comes right from Liam's raging!

buggieboy: Fresh squeezed, and prepared today.

MrPHOENIX134: Yes, sir, yes ma'am this great machine lets just the very best

liamdude1: 走出房間，你笨蛋 trans late it  (reply)

buggieboy: So what d'you say there, Liam, care to step into the real world and put the Super Speedy Angry Dicks 9000+ to the testtttt!

MrPHOENIX134: Okay are we done now?

buggieboy: Sure.

ToAsTyPaNcAkEs: yesterday I found out, some lady commited suicide at Holiday World once... I thought it was the untouched park.. apparently not ;-;

MrPHOENIX134: Nice.

buggieboy: That was fun.

MrPHOENIX134: I think that was a bonding moment, for us Buggie

To liamdude1: I'd rather not. 'Cause you're still an idiot.

buggieboy: It was.

buggieboy: I'm posting this on my blog.

buggieboy: This was the greatest brony moment I've ever been in.

Sheds a tear that was truly amazing. I have no witty follow up because that was the greatest thing ever.

Carmine, out.

So, in the next hour or so a new story will be up. It's called 'The Magic of Writing' and it will be where I store all my entries for Thirty Minute Ponies or random scenes I want to write. I don't think the first few chapters will be that great quality wise. Quite honestly, I'm not really used to have a time limit on my writing, and, as said in my previous blog, it stresses me out.

So far, though? I only have one entry, clocking in at a huge whooping 1125 or so words. Apparently it's decent, but I think the beginning and ending are WEAK; and for that I apologize. Now, for some big news that you guys will want to hear:

I'm going to the cottage tomorrow! Three hours stuck in a car with a sweaty bulldog that puts Pepe Le Pew to shame in terms of smell! ...You guys probably don't care about that. Bigger news? Last time I was at the cottage, internet was slower than molasses going uphill in February in Alaska. This means I _may_ not have any internet until Sunday. Hopefully I do, I want to write, but if... you know, I don't... well. You won't have to put up with my random blogs for the next few days.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. TIME FOR MANDATORY PINKIE.

I swear, isn't she just so fucking adorable? No matter what she does, Pinkie's adorable. That is a fact.

Anyway... CARMINE, OUT!

If you've been following this blog, you'll have seen that I actually submitted a fic. Hopefully the first of many.

Now, I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon and submit this story and any other I manage to write for this blog... but yeah, I don't expect it to attract much attention, but at least I _wrote_ something. Hopefully, at this rate, I can continue submitting stories and getting into the swing of writing. If I do this, I can start working on the stories I have planned... some of which I'm sure you guys are really going to enjoy.

Fair reminder: the submission on the blog wasn't that good in terms of quality. I've never tried doing timed writing before so I got a little bit stressed and messed up a few things. But... I wrote!

Now, let's celebrate with some mandatory Pinkie:

Carmine, out!