Fear not my children, I am not dead or senile. I have been protecting your freedoms privileges from the draft dodging liberals. Just yesterday Princess Celestia sent me a letter through Glenn Becks anus (It would have come out of his mouth but it crammed full of Roger Ailes' love meat). It confirmed what I already know. O'Bama is in fact a Jew. Celestia knows these things because she's an Illuminati. But that is not the extent of the problems the American race faces. Just last week I let Mike Huckabee borrow my Kenny Loggins CD and he still hasn't returned it yet, I desperately need it so I can go dance to Footloose on Patrick Swayze's grave. I decided to get it back myself so I broke into his house. I couldn't find my CD but he left all of his blindbag pony figures on his bedroom floor so I took them. I would have felt bad but it's his own fault for not putting his toys away when he's done with them, and besides he ships Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash like an asshat so I don't. I like them because they fit in my pocket so I have something to play with when my producers start saying things. On the bright side I have saved you all the trouble of nominating me for an award so I went ahead and gave myself the Pulitzer Prize. Until I have time to write more excellence continue to reread all my old stories or go to hell. I have to go now, I agreed to meet Bristol Palin at a 7-11 and sell her a bunch of Xanax bars I took from Huckabee's medicine cabinet.