Hanging up My Coat for a While. · 8:22pm
Hey everyone. Today I come with some not-so-good news. It's been a long time coming, but I've decided to take a leave from writing for a while. I know some of you must be thinking "But you haven't done anything in forever anyways!" To which I say, I actually have. I have a fair bit written out for Colors, my one shot and Researcher Twilight (Which I'll get to here in a moment.)
I feel very disappointed in myself and my inability to deliver in the past year and a half. A lot has happened in my life in this time that has really rocked my boat and left me bailing to keep my life afloat. Prior to this time line I lived pretty much in a constant, comfortable state for 6 years. Lived in a great place, was in a solid relationship and was overall very happy with my general state of affairs. However as everyone knows, life has a way of hitting you hard when you are the most comfortable.
The past 2 years has taken a ratehr heavy toll on me. I'm a very emotional person who is very much a homebody, so with two break up and three moves. (One being the end of a 6 year relationship) it has been extremely difficult to get myself back on my feet. Every time I think I have gained a foot hold and beginning to get back up, something has come along and knocked me right back down again. During this time, I've turned to soem escapes to help me get back and try to wait everything out emotionally.
For some people, writing is a form of escape that they can dive into and forget about everything else. Unfortunately, that is not the case for me. As much as I love writing, I have found it progressively more difficult to write the worse things get, and the longer I go without writing. This has left me with a sense of horrible guilt. Guilt that has gotten too heavy to ignore anymore. Seeing as I cannot force myself to pick up my slack and write again, I've decided to just shelf it for now and focus on myself and my living situation and overall mental health. I think without the stress and guilt of knowing I should be writing and I have people waiting for something form me, it should be a large burden and weight off my mind.
What frustrates me the greatest, is knowing that I've tripped right at the finish line. Colors of the Heart only has a handful of chapters left until it's conclusion, but even knowing that I cannot push myself to finish it at this time. To make matters worse, I picked up Researcher Twilight with a sense of motivation and a sight that life had been quite stable there for a while and looked as if I could handle it and get started again. Though once again I was proven wrong.
With all that said I'll be putting Colors of the Heart on Hiatus for the foreseeable future and until I can pick myself up and actually stay up for a while.
Researcher Twilight is a bit more Tricky though. From what I am aware, NATOstrike is doing a lot better. (in fact he wrote a sizable chunk of the next chapter, which still sits finished and unproofed.) While I haven't talked to him about it yet, I'll see what he has in mind. I'm not about to let a great story sink down with me. So something will happen, I just dunno what at the moment.
This whole experience has left me defeated and feeling like a total failure as a writer. However there comes a time where you have to swallow you pride and do what needs to be done to take care of yourself, and for me it has reached that time. This isn't goodbye for good, but I'd like to thank those who are here now and especially those who have remained since the beginning. To which I must say I am sorry. Hopefully in time I will be doing better and be able continue my story. At which time when I come back it will be with the rest of the story finished, as I am so close to that now.
So once again sorry, and hope to see you all again soon.