---

User ID: 19,808
Registered: 17th Mar 2012
Last Seen: 2d, 3h ago
Story views: 5,443

---

It is our duty as bronies to fight injustice, hatred, and cruelty. We are not to stand by and wait to be transported to Equestria, but to make our own world in its image. I ask you not to just listen to my words, but to take them to heart and carry them to battle.

Now on to me; I am a gunsmith that works for Smith & Wesson. I've worked on everything from .22s to LMGs and I love every minute of it. Being a gunsmith isn't as glamorous as you would think. I have a lot of down time between projects that allows me to work on my stories quite often.

Interests: Guns (handguns mostly), Xbox 360, cars (God, I want a Dodge Challenger in the worst way.), Warhammer 40k, MLP, and (attempting to) make music.

Favorite music: Deadmau5, Flux Pavilion, Bassnectar, Excision, Swedish House Mafia, Doctor P, Wolfgang Gratner, Avicii, Knife Party, and Nero

---

Rules for writing HiEs:

1. Self-inserts. Just don't do it. Trust me.

2. A manticore is so over used, I feel insulted whenever one makes an appearance. Bonus anger if one shows up in the first fuckin' chapter.

3. Try to skim over the awkward meet n' greet scene that all these stories have. No one wants to hear about how bad our world is for 7 paragraphs.

4. Don't have a mane 6 instantly fall for your character or if you do, give them a fucking reason.

5. "Is that grass?" Fuck. No. (EDIT: Allow me to clear this up for the denser lot of you; Quit making your MC wake up and go "Oh, I am laying on grass. How odd?". This line is over over used to the point of making me want to commit violent acts against my own eyes.)

6. Cell phone. Again, fuck no. (EDIT: Refer to the edit of rule 5 but insert 'slitting wrists' instead of eye gouging.)

7. "I am going to save the world!" bonus anger if the MC has magical powers that he pulls out of his ass.

8. "I instantly love this world and would never hurt a fly in it." This makes me want to cough up blood.

9. "I will adopt Scootaloo." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

10. A mary sue. There is a special place in Hell for authors that make these.

11. Spelling. You don't want to sound like an idiot to your readers.

12. Grammar. Refer to rule 11.

13. Format your story properly.

14. No. more. FUCKING. pilots.

15. Don't give your character a small arsenal right in the beginning.

16. Don't make your character an incompetent tit. I have no sympathy for tools.

17. Human turns pony upon arrival for no good reason.  Bonus points for somehow immediately adopting to walking on four legs and manages to not look so awkward while stumbling upon Ponyville. Extreme anger if your OC is a MOTHERFUCKING ALICORN.

18. Adding "fanon" ponies into the story, especially Lyra, Bon-bon, and Derpy.  Bonus points for turning Lyra into a socially-awkward pony who craves everything human related and some more.

19. Falling into unconsciousness for stupid and arbitrary reasons (i.e., Applejack/Rainbow Dash bucking the protagonist, hitting head into a tree root, etc.)

20. Extremely wangsty teenager who hates their life, family, society, and everything else.  Bonus points if the teenager either: a) falls in love with Fluttershy, b) wants to live in Equestria forever and disregards planet Earth for good, c) wangst how Earth is a shitty planet full of war, chaos, economic disparity, etc., d) all of the above.

21. Don't kill off canon characters. This is a good way to end up on the business end of an angry mob.

22. Pace your story. DETAILS BITCH. USE THEM!

23. Don't make the reason your human is in Equestria a fucking portal. Can you try and ring some originality out of your skull or do I have to beat it out of you?

24. No more fucking car crash entries. Refer to rule 23.

25. Amnesia. Don't do it you lazy bastard. Give your character a face, name, and backstory or else he is just another douche off of the street that we could careless about if he ends up in a dumpster or with a bullet in his head.

26. Brony in Equestria. 'Nuff said.

27. Quit ripping off My Little Dashie. I will find you and I will kill you.

28. Don't make your character a combat god. Even special forces get their asses kicked from time to time.

29. Keep your chapters above 2,000 words. Not much to be said about this one.

30. This one goes out to Conversion Bureau writers: I highly fucking doubt that ponies in a Victorian  age can bring down a civilization with nukes, tanks, fully automatic weapons, and the will to use them. This has to stop.

31. How the Hell does Celestia know about humans when only one (your MC) or two humans have ever been there? Stop this. It just makes no sense.

(17-20 are courtesy of Slavikcc)

(17 details are courtesy of moviemaster8510)

(31 credit goes to Alex Wadegrove)