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AbsoluteAnonymous 213073

Joined October 2011
1,711 followers

    AbsoluteAnonymous's Stories (21)

    • The Light Goes Out
      Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia's final conversation together.

      3,014 words · 13,528 views · 1,436 likes · 20 dislikes
    • Pinkie Watches Paint Dry
      Pinkie Pie has an existential crisis about paint.
      2,500 words · 32,076 views · 2,832 likes · 50 dislikes
    • Transdimensional Zoology
      A story about an alternate universe where the pets of the mane six are actual ponies.
      3,811 words · 10,008 views · 1,091 likes · 22 dislikes
    • Shipping Goggles
      Rarity ships her friends. Hilarity ensues.
      2,778 words · 20,884 views · 1,299 likes · 28 dislikes
    • A Million Things to Do
      6,046 words · 7,125 views · 587 likes · 10 dislikes
    • Diamond in the Rough
      2,961 words · 7,485 views · 500 likes · 8 dislikes
    • The Cold Light of the Stars
      4,919 words · 3,189 views · 452 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Ambition
      4,714 words · 3,194 views · 304 likes · 5 dislikes
    • The Games We Play
      137,602 words · 18,473 views · 1,610 likes · 48 dislikes
    • Magical Pony Ultrasounds
      5,456 words · 14,655 views · 1,080 likes · 33 dislikes
    Dec
    31st
    2012

    Guys

    Guys seriously

    I have never accepted requests

    I've never wanted requests, either

    And I have no obligation to write things just because you want me to

    The only suggestions for fics  I've ever accepted were offered to me by close personal friends, and I didn't write the stories just because they wanted me to

    I wrote the stories because my friends had story ideas I liked

    I wouldn't have written the fics if I'd hated the ideas

    And come on, I'm not even writing ponyfic any more

    Seriously, it's not a secret or anything

    My retirement was fairly public, all things considering

    If you're still following me you should have known that already

    Details can be found here if you somehow missed it the first time around

    So to reiterate

    I do not want to hear your "awesome" idea

    I do not care how much you flatter me about how I'm the best person for the job or the first writer you thought of

    I will not write you a story

    I do not want you to send me your requests

    No exceptions.

    Find someone else.

    I don't care if I should feel flattered by your requests

    What I care about is the fact that it is extremely annoying and kind of stressful and I am getting tired of having to think of polite ways to say "no"

    Okay?

    Okay.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 1,101 views · Edited 20w, 1d ago
    Nov
    18th
    2012

    I'm done

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 362 views
    Sep
    15th
    2012

    I figured I might as well make it official, so … yeah. I don’t wanna write ponyfics anymore.  

    Now, before you get your panties in a bunch, I want to make something clear. So just hear me out.

    I am not leaving the fandom. I still love MLP, I’m still looking forward to season three, I’m still following Equestria Daily. There’s no great and tragic reason for this. Nobody drove me to do it. Hell, I actually think it’s a positive thing. I just wanted to make that clear before my few (and baffling, seeing as how I’m not exactly sure what I did to garner their wrath in the first place) enemies start smugly congratulating themselves on finally ridding their precious fandom of the nuisance known as AbsoluteAnonymous.

    This has nothing to do with anyone at all. Nobody did anything. I have not “given up” or “given” in or any of that depressingly hopeless stuff that occasionally drives people to quit things. Nor am I suddenly too stressed or overworked to possibly continue writing.

    That all make sense to you? Good. Now let me tell you a story.

    Once upon a time, I was very unhappy. That’s because my dad got arrested and I haven’t seen him in nearly a year, and it royally fucked me up. I’d go into greater detail, but that’s basically it and the rest is all boring anyway. Like I said, that happened nearly a year ago.

    Fun fact: I’ve always loved writing and always will. Therefore, writing seemed like a natural outlet for me during that time. I was angry and hurt and grieving and all those horrible things that people feel when they hate the world and themselves, and I needed a way to vent. I’d only recently become a brony, but I’d been dabbling in fanfiction for about a year already; so of course I took to writing ponyfics.  

    I used writing as a means to express myself in a safe, comforting world with a pure, innocent setting. I felt safe writing ponyfics. With them, I was able to deal with all the shit I was going through at the time; therefore, I wrote a lot, churning out a new chapter or story once a week or so.

    Yet a year has gone by, and, well … I don’t really require that kind of safety anymore. I’m happy. I actually like my life and look forward to each day. I’m smiling more. Hecjm I’m even laughing more. (I, like, never laugh. Seriously. This is a real thing.)

    Ponyfics were like my therapy, but I don’t think I need the help they provide anymore. See, I used to get real therapy, and though it was a relief at first, there came a time when it wasn’t doing anything for me any longer and I realized I was done.

    So there you have it. I’m done for now. I’m going to move on to other kinds of writing instead. Stories for other fandoms, maybe, or even some original fiction.

    I’ll still be using the site, though. Like I said, I’m not actually leaving the fandom. I’m just done writing for it. For now, at least. I may continue posting fics later on. A oneshot or two, perhaps. But I don’t want to force myself to work unless I actually want to, so I don’t want anyone expecting anything that’s not going to happen.

    My first project now is going to be answering all those fucking PMs that have built up over the past few weeks. But after that, who knows? I’ll probably still be hanging out in #fimfiction all hours of the night, so you can always find me there if you wanna chat and if I’m in the mood. I want to get caught up on my Read Later list, too, and maybe leave the occasional real review.

    In closing: thanks for all your support, everyone. My first real foray into actual writing proved to be an overwhelming success. It was fun, even though this is probably the worst fandom I’ve ever been in. No offense, but you guys can be real dicks sometimes.

    (I still love you, though.)

    And now, please accept the happiest song in the world as a token of my appreciation and also as an indication of the kind mood I now so often find myself in.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 765 views
    Sep
    8th
    2012

    Drawn by me on MS Paint.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 103 views
    Sep
    1st
    2012

    ERMAHGERD · 4:01am

    ERTS MAH ERNTERVERW FER DA VERLT

    Okay, I'll stop doing that now. But yeah! RBDash47 posted my Vault interview for The Games We Play on the site today!

    Whoooooooooo!

    Everyone should go read it who hasn't already. That way, y'all can learn more about me and what shaped me as a person.

    And here. Because I'm in a good mood, everyone gets a free giraffe.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 77 views
    Aug
    28th
    2012

    Yes, this is a real book.

    No, I have not read it.

    And yes, I totally want to.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 123 views
    Aug
    23rd
    2012

    Tell Me Something · 1:20am

    Tell me. Why do any of us bother?

    With writing fanfiction, I mean.

    Seriously, what’s the point?

    Some people say we write fanfiction as practice for “real” writing, but few authors even bother to do as much as proofread their stories before publishing them online. They aren't even trying.

    Those same authors tend to become inordinately offended by any criticism they receive, refusing to improve in any way.

    So you can't exactly call it "practice."

    Heck, sometimes fanfiction can actually ruin a potential author’s ability to write creatively. They may start relying too much on preconceived ideas and stop being able to come up with original ones on their own.

    It’s lazy, too. It’s like we’re cheating.

    We claim to want to be writers, but we can’t be bothered to come up with our own characters or settings. Instead, we’re reduced to stealing from professionals. Sometimes we’re even reduced to stealing from each others. We’re hacks, every one of us.

    It’s not even worth it, is it?

    I know very few fanfiction writers who are satisfied with what they do. They rarely like their own stories. They constantly complain about never having the time or motivation to actually write them.

    Neither the process nor product of writing stories makes them happy.

    There’s obviously no kind of compensation to be had, given that we do this online for free.

    And it seems that the more popular a story is, the more negative feedback it begins to receive.

    Some people hate fics simply because the fic in question is popular. They have this bullshit hipster idea that as an anticomformist rebel they’re obligated to do the opposite of whatever the majority is doing.

    Do you have any idea how often I see people get praised for being exciting, refreshing truth-tellers when they rip into fics like My Little Dashie or Past Sins for no apparent reason other than the fact they’re well-known?

    Meaning you don’t even have the positive attention to look forward to. Unless you strive for mediocrity at best. If you get too well-known, people will turn on you.

    So tell me.

    Why do we do this?

    What’s the point?

    What do any of us have to gain?

    And why don't we stop?

    Go ahead.

    Tell me.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 103 views
    Aug
    16th
    2012

    Or, "Definitive Proof that Rainbow Dash is Best Pony"

    It's beautiful...

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 59 views
    Aug
    13th
    2012

    First-Person Perspective

    Subjective Case

    I, we

    Objective Case

    me, us

    Possessive Case

    my/mine, our/ours

    "I am going to take grandpa to be stuffed tomorrow."

    Second-Person Perspective

    Subjective Case

    you

    Objective Case

    you

    Possessive Case

    your/yours

    "You look down and realize that you have stepped straight into a lake of acid, dunce."

    Third-Person Perspective

    Subjective Case

    he (masculine)

    she (feminine)

    it (neuter)

    Objective Case

    him (masculine)

    her (feminine)

    it (neuter)

    Possessive Case

    his/his (masculine)

    her/hers (feminine)

    its/its (neuter)

    "He/she/it was never able to figure out his/her/its actual gender, as he/she/it was born without genitalia of any kind."

    Fourth-Person Perspective

    Um ...

    "I have this friend who knew this guy..."

    Or, no. Wait.

    I dunno. Help me out here. What would fourth-person perspective look like?

    And yes, I'm perfectly aware that fourth-person perspective isn't actually considered a valid literary perspective and technically doesn't exist. Let's just play make-believe for a little while. Use your imaginations!

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 57 views
    Aug
    8th
    2012

    Whoa, look at that!

    And so the saga of "uuuuuuuurrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh I don't really like the new banner cuz it ships a ship I don't ship c'moooooooon change it pleeeeeeeease" has finally come to a close. I can now look at Pinkiedash all day long should I so choose. Naturally I approve.

    Also, apparently there's some bullshit rumour floating around about how I'm not writing ponyfics anymore. Yeah, that's pretty much bullshit. I thought I'd explained all that in this blog post, but maybe there was some confusion. So to clarify:

    1. I am not leaving FIMFiction.net.

    2. The reason I haven't written anything for a while is because I've been busy with summer school.

    3. Summer school is now over, which means I can go back to writing.

    4. I am, in fact, in the middle of writing a new story. It's just taking a while, since I've been exhausted lately and keep randomly falling asleep. This does not mean I've left the site for good, it just means that I'm incapable of writing while I'm unconscious. I'm sure there are people out there who can pull off such an incredible feat, but unfortunately, I am not one of them.

    Hopefully that clears things up for those amongst you who've been a little confused.

    AbsoluteAnonymous · 40 views