Left Behind
An unshakable view of the setting sun gazes upon me as I begin my flight back to my cloud home. It should be beautiful. The setting rays, the pink and yellow, all blending together into an air of majesty. She would have told me it was beautiful, to enjoy it. But...I hate sunsets. A quick shake of my cerulean wings and I stick a fine, albeit rather painful, landing on the ground in a place where I can’t see that view. A view of better days past. A view of...not today.
My fetlock pops as I take a single step forward. Ouch. Something must have happened to it when I landed. I slump into the nearest tree and begin extracting things from my rather cluttered saddle bag that I always brought to training, hoping to find the small medicine kit and the bandages contained therein.
After leafing through what seemed like everything, I find the small roll of bandages and begin to sloppily roll them around my notably sore hoof, taking little notice at the bits of red liquid surrounding the cut that I had presumably gotten when I had made what definitely wasn’t my best landing. I could handle it. I’d seen a lot worse than that from some of the Wonderbolts. I stare down at the messy work before feeling the corners of my mouth lift up in a small smile. This never really was my thing, was it? It was always...hers.
A smell of forest and pines awaits me as I realize where I had landed. I glance away from my work at the deafening forest in front of me, before I make the mistake of turning my head. My pupils contract as I see an abandoned home on the edge of the forest. Had it really been that long?
A sigh escapes my lips.
I try not to think about poor little Fluttershy very much.
It wasn’t my fault that she had had this stupid little crush on me, or that she was so obsessed with me for absolutely no reason whatsoever. All I ever did was brag and boast about how I was so much better than everyone else. But every time I would look up from my tough training regime, I would always the burn of her eyes watching. No, not a burn. A comforting warmth. More like a mix of childish adoration and...something else...that both irritated and fascinated me.
And every time I would catch her glancing at me, she would immediately look away, as if eye contact was something alien to the poor yellow pegasus.
At first, I assumed that it had been some sort of hero syndrome. I been her ‘protector’ once, so long ago, helping her away from the bullies that had taken advantage of her shy personality. And I suppose that I had amazed her with my amazing Sonic Rainboom. And yet, none of this seemed like a solid basis for her aggravating obsession. I made the incorrect assumption that it would go away with time.
It didn’t.
I stand myself up against the rough bark, preparing for takeoff from the last place I would ever want to be. I know before I hit the ground that it won't work as well as I had planned.
A swear escapes my mouth as I finally realize that what wasn’t my best landing was probably one of my worst. I blame it on the stress. I look over my shoulders and find that my left wing definitely wasn’t looking right. It was there, which I assumed was better than nothing, but it didn’t look like it was bending in the right way for flight, either. I sigh. How was I going to get home now?
A memory intrudes upon my thought process, reminding me that Fluttershy had kept some books on wing injuries inside her house in case of this same disaster scenario. I hope they are still there.
One. Two. Three.
I count myself as I walk to be careful of my hoof. The pathway to Fluttershy’s is a lot dirtier than I remember from the last time I had found myself at her humble abode. How long ago was that? Two, three years? Before the funeral, that’s for sure.
The bridge up to her house makes a loud creak and I almost jump before I catch myself. It’s alright. I can take on anything, much less a broken bridge. Nevertheless, I go into a brisk trot until I am off the bridge and then some, before realizing that hey, I have a broken hoof, probably not good to walk on, and fall to the ground.
Buck. My expression forms into a tight grimace as I bring myself up with my three good limbs and take a quick, instinctual glance around.my nearby area and see Fluttershy’s old chicken coop, green ivy vines covering the rotted wood entrance.
I wonder what the animals did once Fluttershy was gone. They had come to rely on her for food and care, so what had happened after their only source for basic needs went away? Had their instinct melted away because of Fluttershy’s spoiling? I didn’t know. Honestly, I didn’t really want to know what had happened to the animals after Fluttershy’s passing.
I take quick steps past the chicken coop, or about as quick as I could, and find myself already on the path to walk into Fluttershy’s door. Oh, Celestia, help me, I think as my hooves come to a sudden halt on her doorstop.
I realize her house looks old, older than it should. The leaves that once coated the various roofs of the home were now overgrown and dangling off of the tops of the houses. Ivy vines grew wildly throughout the doors and windows.The many birdhouses that used to shine so vibrantly were now rotted and broken, wood shingles falling from the foundations. I shudder as I think of what could be inside, and hope that none of Fluttershy’s old animal friends had decided to make their final nest inside the doors of their late friend’s home.
I take the doorknob in hoof, ready to open, until something makes me stop. A note, on aged ivory paper, folded in half in the middle and taped to the door. On it is written two words, in a sort of careful calligraphy that only I would recognize as Fluttershy’s formal hoofwriting.
Rainbow Dash
A slight shiver emanates through me as I realize who had written the note. How could Fluttershy have put notes here? The house had been thoroughly cleaned of any possible valuables mentioned in her will soon after her passing. There was no way that the note could have been planted here beforehand.
Nevertheless, I take it as my duty as a friend to read the contents contained therein. With one shaky hoof and help from my muzzle, I manage to extract the tape from the note, sending it flying into my free, albeit bandaged, front hoof. I open it and scan the contents.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Feel free to come inside.
Your Friend,
Fluttershy
The note ended with a small signature and a butterfly, a characteristic of her friend’s formal letters. I wonder why Fluttershy would go to the trouble to come back from the dead or whatever just to give a one sentence note. But...it couldn’t have been that she came back. She was dead. Even they had never found the body, even if I never told them where to look, I knew.
I knew because I had watched her die. I knew because I had failed to save her.
I knew because I had buried her.
It was supposed to be just a dinner picnic. Fluttershy had invited me to take a break from my biweekly two mile dash routine to enjoy some food with her, and I just couldn’t say no to those bright blue eyes. So she took me to the prettiest place in the Everfree Forest: Sunset Cliff.
It was just getting to be dark out, causing the form of light called a sunset on the cliff. I remember smiling at the irony. So I took out the blanket from my saddlebag and spread it across the cliff in a small square as Fluttershy began setting out the food. Hay fries, daisy sandwiches, carnation sundaes, my friend had thought of it all. My mouth had watered as I glanced down to the food. But...wait. My ears pricked up as I heard the first ring of thunder, with momentary light flooding my eyes. No. Not here, not now.
I flew up into the sky while Fluttershy lay with the food, telling her that I would be right back as soon as I cleared enough clouds to have a decent picnic. I wasn’t gonna let this storm ruin a meal. Not on my watch.
I sigh. I had regretted that decision so soon afterwards.
By the time I had cleared a dozen clouds in the circular radius of the blanket, I flew back down only to find that the sounds of lightning that had filled my ears beneath me had taken out enough of the nearby mountain to send an avalanche through Sunset Cliff.
Fluttershy was just sitting there. She didn’t know. My eyes had become wide as I flew as fast as I could, hoping to save Fluttershy without even breaking a sweat. I took it as a challenge: how fast could I save a life? I watched the beginnings of a cone appear in front of me, the resistance growing. I had to make it.
But...I couldn’t. It propelled me backwards, and it was at that moment that Fluttershy gazed skywards as she saw a failed sonic rainboom. She had smiled like it was just another trick, like it wasn’t her life on the line. She had waved, pointed at the base of the cliff where the basket was laying. What was she doing? What in the world would cause her to put the basket in what looked like the only safe place on Sunset Cliff and not stay there?
My vision had blurred when I finally regained my balance in the sky, a good minute’s speed flight from the ground. I can’t risk it again. I took my flight at a slightly slower pace. I closed my eyes as I felt the white clouds pass me by that signified that I had passed the cloud layer. I was so close. I had to make it.
I opened my eyes to find a mound of rocks covering the checkered red and white of the now much dustier picnic blanket. No. No. Where was Fluttershy? I gasped as I see the faint movement of a yellow hoof at the bottom of the cliff. With one final swoop of my cerulean wings I change the direction of my flight from the cliff to the bottom. I land soon after and see wisps of pale pink hair connected to a more red than yellow pegasus body near the pile of rocks. No...it can’t be like this.
I ran over to the other side of the body and check her pulse on her neck. It was still there, but faint. She opens her eyes halfway and smiled, uttering a few silent words.
“What?” I inquired in a shaky voice.
“...Not your...fault...” she said in an almost silent voice.“...get...basket...”
Fluttershy let her eyes droop, a final smile left on her features as the last breath of life left her system into the cool air around her.
“What? What do you mean? Fluttershy?! No! You can’t leave me like this! You promised you’d never leave me behind! Promised!”
I kicked a nearby tree with my left front hoof, causing it to bleed. I didn’t care. If I hadn’t made it about myself, Fluttershy would still be alive and breathing. I could have saved her! If I hadn’t taken it as just another stupid challenge, she would still be here with me. I might as well have been the boulder that had killed Fluttershy, because I sure as hell felt like it.
I stifled a cry as I take her lifeless body in my arms. I had to do her one last service. She deserved it after what I had done. I bring her aside to the nearby clearing and set her down gently. I began to scratch at the dirt with my hooves, pushing it to one side as I make my makeshift pegasus-shaped outline into a hole in the ground.
It seemed like hours until I made it into my mental minimum of what looked like six feet into the ground. I pull Fluttershy’s gentle body and slowly bring it down into the hole, climbing out soon afterwards and hastily putting the dirt I had dug up back into the hole. I didn’t want to see her any more than I had to. On top of the mound, I took out my pen and notepad and write in the neatest possible letters.
Fluttershy.
Caretaker,
Element,
Friend.
I took a piece of tape and pinned it onto a nearby rock that I had pushed over to serve as a headstone. I leave a few carnations that Fluttershy had previously given me on the grave as I turned around and walked away.
I decideded that I might as well do what I could to clean up, flying up to what remained of Sunset Cliff and picking up the basket Fluttershy had hid and flying back home. What was I going to tell my friends? I didn’t know.
I looked down onto the basket as I'm flying, ready to peer inside. On it is a name written in curly text.
Twilight Sparkle
---
I take the note and pack it into my already cluttered saddle bags as I turn the doorknob and walk into the home, half expecting a wild bear to jump at me and start mauling me.
The first thing I notice when I walk in is how pink it is. I don’t remember it being this color. Fluttershy was one to like more neutral tones, like brown, blue, or even a light green, much less pink. Instead, the wallpaper was evenly cut as a bright magenta and the windows, among other things, all colored a soft pink.
The next thing I notice is how clean it is. A stark contrast to the outside, I think. Fluttershy probably had it in her will to have somebody take care of her house while she was gone. Oh, it must have been Pinkie. Leave it to Pinkie Pie to take cleaning the her ‘interior’ so literally to go and completely forget about the outside, much less plate everything in sight in a gross amount of pink. Somehow, I am not surprised.
And still, as I look around, I notice small notes littered across of everything, in the same faded black on ivory paper. On the fridge: From where you used to eat. On the couch: From where you used to sleep. The notes were everywhere, all addressed to a certain ‘you’ that I could only assume meant me. Maybe Pinkie had wrote and planted all of the notes? No. That was impossible. There was no way that Pinkie could know all of the quirks of Fluttershy’s hoofwriting well enough to be able to forge it so easily.
And I still had a book to find. I take another glance past my withers. Oh Celestia, now it was getting purple. I had to find that book, and fast, before I find out first hand what kind of thing I accidentally did to my wing.
Using the instinctual mental map I had formed through spending so many days with Fluttershy in the past, I manage to find my way through the pink maze of death to her bedroom in just a few minutes. I look at the bookshelf next to her desk nervously and find relief in the fact that the injury section on wings was still there. I pull out the first book I see and carry it to her old bed, leafing through it for any picture that looked even relatively like what my wing looked like right now.
A few books later, I've pretty much exhausted Fluttershy’s medicinal book fund, and still to no avail. I yawn a bit as I look out the window only to find that it’s already dark. Great. I know I had spent too much time fruitlessly looking for a picture. I'd have to take this to Twilight. I should head to her house to spend the night. Just before I leave, I spot another piece of worn ivory paper on the bed. How could I have possibly missed that? I had no idea.
I walk over to it and see that unlike the rest of the paper found in the house, this one was specifically addressed to me. I open it and find another sheet of paper that slips out of the confines of the original note. I decide to read that one first.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
If Twilight does what I’m going to tell her to do and if you come into my home soon enough like I expect, then this note is in your hooves right now.
Now, I’m writing this fully aware that there is an avalanche coming my way. I only wrote my will one year ago and it’s already going to be active. It turns out that Twilight’s persistent persuasion really did help me out.
I knew I was going to die, but I honestly didn’t expect this.
I know that you will blame yourself for my death. I just saw you propel yourself into the sky trying to save me. And that’s not true, and you know it.
So, I’d like to say goodbye. Everything else has already been stated in the letter I wrote last week that I’m sure you’ve already read.
I love you, Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy.
Without stopping to breathe, I open up the other letter.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
If you are reading this, than I’m most likely either dead or dying.
No matter the circumstances of my death, I would like to state the messages contained you all the same.
First of all, I’d like to thank you for all of the things that you’ve done for me in the past few years. You helped me out of my shell, even though honestly I’d say I’m still in there. You helped my head come out. Without you, I wouldn’t have any of the four other friends I have right now. To that, I owe to you whatever life I have left.
Because, Rainbow, I’m dying. Do you remember when I had to stand you up on our Wonderbolts concert that I promised that I’d go to? It was because the doctor told me to come to his office rather abruptly.
I’m writing this letter because last week I was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
I’m going to tell Twilight to give you this letter after I die. She’ll know what to do with it.
Second of all, I’d like some advice.
See, there’s this pony. I really, really love this pony. She’s very strong and fast, and she puts herself before her friends, no matter how much she’d deny it. She told me once that she was a terrible pony, that something was wrong with her that made others not like her, but I know that she’s wrong.
See, even though she’s always yelling and bragging and boasting to others, she cares about her friends more than life itself. And that’s a quality that I’ve always wanted to have. But I’m selfish. If I wasn’t so selfish, maybe this pony would already know how I feel.
So I’d like your advice on how to tell this pony I love her.
Because Rainbow Dash?
That pony is you.
And I’m so, so sorry to leave you behind.
It’s in that moment where I find myself performing the forbidden action that didn’t even happen on Sunset Cliff, the action that I promised to myself in fillyhood that I would never do again.
It’s that moment that I begin to cry.