Drowning Her Sorrows
The bell above the door of a small cafe jingled as the door was pushed open. A white unicorn with a messy blue mane confidently entered, grinning as though she had no worries in the world. Looking around the cafe, it only took her a few moments to spot the pony she was looking for - a grey Earth pony with a dark mane sitting quietly by herself.
“Yo, Octavia!” she greeted as she trotted over. “Sorry I’m late, I slept in.” The unicorn sat down opposite the Earth pony.
“It’s no problem at all, Vinyl,” the Earth pony said in a dull tone. “It’s hardly the first time this has happened.”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” Vinyl laughed. She failed to notice Octavia’s unamused expression. “What’d you want to meet up for, anyway? We haven’t done something like this in aaaaages!”
“Well...” Octavia breathed slowly and deeply. “I hope you’re ready for this, because it is important.”
“Sure thing, babe,” Vinyl said casually. God, I love your eyes, Octavia, she thought, staring deeply into them. Her grin was still plastered all over her face.
“Well... it’s like this,” Octavia began, choosing her words cautiously. “We have been in a relationship for a few years now, have we not?”
“Sure have. Best few years of my life, if you ask me,” Vinyl replied cheerfully. She was only half-listening to what Octavia was saying, focusing more on checking Octavia out. How are you so beautiful, Tavi?
“...Good to hear,” Octavia answered, glancing aside awkwardly for a moment. “In spite of the fact that we’ve had a... happy... relationship, I have something important I would like to say to you. Something I’d like to get off my chest.”
“Go on, Tavi,” Vinyl said, still only half-listening. If she had been more focused, she would have realised that Octavia was stalling what she wanted to say.
“You see... these past few months, I’ve started to realise that I’m not entirely happy with the way our relationship has been going.”
“Uh-huh.”
“It just seems like - like you don’t care any more. You’re either late to our dates or just don’t show up, I have to organise everything these days... and... it feels as though you barely listen to a thing I say.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Vinyl was now focusing intently on Octavia’s mane. How do you get it so nice and smooth? I wish I could do that with my mane, rather than this messy crap.
“And so... even though I’m still not entirely sure that this is the best choice to make...”
“Yeah?”
“...I’m breaking up with you, Vinyl.”
Everything fell silent. At least, it seemed to to Vinyl. Although she had been focusing more on Octavia’s physical features than her words, the last few managed to get through to her. A shock of clarity hit Vinyl as she interpreted the words and realised what they meant.
“...W-w-what?” she said, her voice coming out more quietly than she meant it to. Her chest was feeling funny all of a sudden.
“I’m sorry, Vinyl, but... as I said, it just doesn’t feel like you care any more. Compare our relationship now to how it was when we first met, and tell me that there isn’t a noticeable difference.” Octavia was avoiding Vinyl’s gaze now, and speaking more to the floor than to the unicorn.
“But - but Tavi - we’ve been in a relationship for years now!” Vinyl was trying to control her voice, but it was coming out croakily. “Why are you dumping me now?”
Octavia sighed. A small part of Vinyl’s brain took a perverse pleasure in the cute way that Octavia did it, whilst another small part reminded the first part that this could easily be the last time Vinyl got to see one of Octavia’s cute sighs. “This is exactly why I’m dumping you, Vinyl. I just explained to you why, and yet you barely listened to me. I just really don’t feel like you appreciate me any more.”
“Yes I do!” Vinyl’s voice hit an unexpected high note, and she cleared her throat before continuing. “I care about you so much, Tavi - you know I do.”
Octavia turned to face Vinyl once more. For a split second, Vinyl thought that she was about to agree and apologise for her foalish thoughts about breaking up. But instead... “What instrument do I play, Vinyl?”
“A double bass,” Vinyl said confidently. Phew, I was worried for a second there. Almost as fast as the worry disappeared, it returned as Octavia looked away and didn’t answer. “...Tavi?”
“It’s a cello, Vinyl,” Octavia said quietly. She looked at Vinyl once more, and for the first time, there were small signs of anger expressed on her face. “I haven’t touched a double bass in my entire life, yet you think that I play one?!”
“Well... Tavi... they are kinda similar...” Vinyl said quietly. The reality of the situation was starting to hit her. There was a small, logical voice at the back of her head telling her that this was beyond repair and that she should go home before things worsened, but she ignored it.
“I know everything about your stupid music! I could tell you when the appropriate time for a bass drop is, or what the difference between dance and electronic music is, yet you don’t even know what bloody instrument I play!” Octavia’s voice gradually raised in volume until she was shouting. A few other ponies in the cafe looked over at her, but most knew better than to get involved in a lovers’ spat.
Vinyl knew that by now she was skating on very thin ice. The voice at the back of her head reminded her how less hectic things were back home, but once more she ignored it. “That’s true, Tavi, but -”
“Oh, shut up, Vinyl! You probably wouldn’t even know what my cutie mark is if it weren’t on my arse! Just- just go home!” Vinyl hesitated, prompting Octavia to add, “Now!”
Finally, Vinyl got up from the table and walked back to the cafe door, her head low to the ground. I won’t look back. I won’t look back. I won’t look -
Vinyl turned around for a glance back at Octavia only to be greeted by a deathly stare. She winced and exited the cafe, wondering whether it was possible for Octavia to hate her more than she hated herself at that moment.
Twenty minutes later, Vinyl was back home. It was a good thing she lived so close to the cafe. She didn’t think that she could have spent much longer outside in the sunshine, surrounded by happy ponies who didn’t have a care in the world.
“I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry,” she muttered to herself as she walked through the door of her apartment. Her chest had an oddly hollow feel to it. “Just because I’ll probably never kiss her again, or - no, Vinyl. Don’t think about it.”
Sighing, Vinyl entered her room and collapsed onto her bed. As usual, it hadn’t been made, and was in the same messy state that it had been when Vinyl had left the apartment that morning. In fact, now that I think about it, the only times the bed’s been made is when Octavia came ov- no! Don’t think about it!
Vinyl rolled over onto her stomach and examined the mattress. There was still a slight imprint in it from where she had been sleeping that morning. “Celestia’s mane, what I would give to go back to this morning,” Vinyl sighed. Back when everything was good and simple. How did my life get so bucked up in less than an hour?
“It’s okay though,” Vinyl said out loud, trying to assert herself. “I can get through this. I’m not going to cry.” She got up off the bed, thinking to herself, In fact, I’ll go have some food now. I’m perfectly fine!
As she was about to leave the room, Vinyl caught a look of herself in a mirror next to the door. Physically, she looked no worse than normal - her mane may have been a bit messier, and her eyes looked a little more bloodshot than usual, but other than that she looked exactly as she always did.
Vinyl sighed once more and was going to leave the room and get herself some food, when something at the edge of the mirror caught her eye. It was a photo of her and Octavia.
Knowing that she would regret it, Vinyl picked up the photo and took a good look at it. It had been taken a few weeks into their relationship. She was sticking her tongue out at the camera, and whilst Octavia was rolling her eyes, her small smile betrayed what she really felt about the moment. Thinking back to the night, Vinyl’s lip started to wobble slightly.
“I’m not going to cry,” Vinyl said, her lip still wobbling as she continued to stare at the photo. Although she was trying not to, Vinyl recalled what Octavia had said that night about her.
“Oh, Vinyl, you may be a silly mare, but at least you’re my silly mare.”
She finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. Taking a step or two back to her bed, Vinyl collapsed into it as hot tears started streaming down her cheeks. She buried her face in the bedcovers, making a fruitless attempt to quieten the sound of her crying and stop the tears flowing.
“Damn it, Tavi,” Vinyl sobbed a few minutes later as she pulled her head out of the covers to view the photo once more, “why did you have to dump me? I loved you so much!” She returned her face to the covers once more in despair, not even trying to fight the tears anymore.
The next day
Octavia studied the sheet music in front of her as she adjusted the position of her bow on her cello. “Hmm... I definitely foresee myself making some mistakes at this part... but the rest of it should be easy enough,” she thought out loud. She was just about to begin playing when there was a loud knock at the door.
“No, don’t worry - it’s not as though I am about to practice playing music,” she muttered under her breath as she headed for the door. To the unknown visitor, she called out, “Coming!”
Octavia opened the door of her house to greet the visitor, and was met with the last sight she thought she’d see. “Vinyl? What are you doing here?”
“Just- just in the area, and I thought I’d drop in for a visit!” Vinyl answered. She was swaying slightly, but aside from that, seemed to be perfectly fine. She even had her trademark grin plastered over her face. For a moment, Octavia was perplexed by Vinyl’s apparent happiness, before she realised what had happened.
“Have you been drinking, Vinyl?” she asked with a stern undertone to her words.
Shit! She’s onto me! Vinyl thought. “N-no, I’ve just been - been... walking! That’s why I’m here!” Good save, Vinyl! she congratulated herself. Now she’ll never guess I’m secretly drunk!
“I know you’ve been drinking, Vinyl,” Octavia sighed. “Please, for both of our sakes, don’t embarrass yourself like this.”
“I’m not drunk!” Vinyl protested, nearly falling over as she did so. “Do you even have any - any proof, Tavi? Because if not, you can’t prove that I’m drinking! I mean, drunk!”
“You smell strongly of alcohol, you’ve spilled something horrible looking all over yourself, you’re barely standing up, and I think that I can see vomit around your mouth,” Octavia pointed out.
Wow, she’s good! Vinyl thought. “Well... maybe I am drunk!” she said. “But that doesn’t matter, does it? Can I come in?”
“No,” Octavia said coldly. She was already getting sick of Vinyl, and began to close the door.
“Wait! Wait, Tavi! I have something to tell you!” Vinyl shouted, attempting to hold the door open with her telekinesis but failing thanks to her intoxication. Octavia opened the door slightly.
“What is it?”
“...I’m not actually drunk!” Vinyl said. Ha! Maybe she’ll let me in now!
“Yes you are, Vinyl. Now, did you have anything important to say, or shall I resume playing my cello?” Octavia asked. Vinyl struggled to remember what she wanted to ask Octavia.
“...Will you be my marefriend again?” she asked. Staring drunkenly at Octavia, she thought, You’re really pretty, Tavi. Did I ever tell you that?
Octavia sighed. “Vinyl, I shall be happy to be friends with you once more if you clean yourself up and don’t show up at my house drunk. Until then, goodbye.” She closed the door, emphasising her words by slamming it slightly louder than she needed to.
Vinyl stared at the door, hoping that Octavia would open it again. She had just remembered something else she wanted to say to Octavia, but Octavia wasn’t coming back. Buck it, Vinyl thought, I’ll just shout it out. Tavi’s a smart pony, she’ll hear me. “Yo! Tavi! Can you hear me?!”
Inside her house, Octavia had just been about to start playing the cello once more when she heard Vinyl. “Don’t make me call the royal guard on you, Vinyl,” she growled.
“I... I love you, Tavi!” Vinyl shouted out, truly meaning it in spite of her intoxicated state. She waited a moment, hoping that Octavia would open the door. Nothing happened. “I... I really mean it!” she added. Still no response.
“Bye Octavia!” Vinyl added as she started to head back home. I - I really hope she heard that, Vinyl thought. I wish we were still going out.
Inside her house, Octavia had put down her bow and had temporarily given up on playing the cello. She was now sitting down on a couch, and was examining a photo of her and Vinyl from several years ago. It was a copy of the same photo Vinyl had.
“Damn it, Vinyl,” she said sadly, “why can’t you just move on?”
Six days later
For the seventh morning in a row, Vinyl woke up with a hangover. As always, she squinted her eyes in pain, trying to fight past the effects. Damn it, she thought wearily, why do I keep doing it? Why do I drink and drink until I pass out? She looked to the side of her bed, which was empty as usual. Oh. Now I remember.
After a futile hour alternating between trying to get back to sleep and trying to find some way to get drunk without leaving bed, Vinyl slowly got up out of bed. For the past week, she had done nothing but get drunk and mope around the house. Some of her friends had dropped in, hoping to cheer her up after hearing the news about her and Octavia, but each time she had just drunkenly yelled at them to leave. She didn’t want to see anypony now except for Octavia.
Knocking over several empty bottles on her way to the fridge, Vinyl opened it to find that she was well and truly out of food. She sighed. Who the hay cares about food? That’s not what I want right now... Time for the next best thing, then. Vinyl went over to her pantry and opened it, only to find that she was also out of alcohol.
Part of Vinyl was pissed off at the fact that she was now out of alcohol, but for the most part she just didn’t care. She hadn’t really found herself caring about much these past few days. To her, the world felt so... insubstantial without Octavia in it. And to tell the truth, she knew that getting drunk wouldn’t get Octavia back.
Vinyl looked around her kitchen. There were bottles everywhere, the dishes hadn’t been done, and there was a pile of vomit on the floor that was several days old. Overall, the place was just a gigantic mess. “Dammit,” Vinyl muttered. “This place is such a dump. And it’s all Octavia’s faul-”
She stopped mid-sentence. She was hung over, but that didn’t mean that she was a complete idiot. “It’s all my fault,” she sighed. “I should clean all of this up, but... without Octavia, what’s the point?”
Saying Octavia’s name twice in as many minutes was making Vinyl feel even worse. I should go buy some more booze, she thought, glancing into the pantry once more to confirm that there wasn’t anything else hidden in there. But then again... she thought, ... drinking won’t really bring Octavia back, will it?
Vinyl sunk into a chair and dropped her head onto the kitchen table. “Of course it damn won’t,” she said out loud. “Nothing’s gonna bring Octavia back. Face it, Vinyl - you had the world’s most beautiful mare, and you blew it.”
Still... what is there to do if I’m not drinking? Vinyl wondered. All I want to do is see Octavia. But she won’t want to see me... unless... I am sober right now...
Octavia was in the middle of making breakfast when there was a quiet, polite knock at her door. “I wonder whom that is this early?” she wondered, getting up to answer the door. She opened it to find Vinyl Scratch standing there, looking tired and broken down. “...Hello, Vinyl,” she said slowly.
“Hey, Octavia,” Vinyl said dully. “Can I come in?” Although she was pleased that she was seeing Octavia once more, a large part of her knew that nothing was going to happen. There was no way that Octavia would go back to being her marefriend.
“What for?” Octavia asked curtly.
“I - I just want to talk, okay?” Vinyl said. “I - the last few days haven’t been very good for me.”
“I’ll say,” Octavia said. “You still haven’t cleaned up your coat from the other day.”
“Shit, haven’t I?” Vinyl asked, giving her body a quick look over. “Okay- granted, I’m not in the best condition, but I’m not drunk this time. That’s gotta count for something, yeah?”
Octavia stared into Vinyl’s eyes, trying to gauge her current state. “Alright, you can come in,” she said, opening the door wider, “but we’re just talking, okay?”
“Fine by me,” Vinyl said dully, entering the house.
Goodness, what’s happened to you? Octavia wondered as she led Vinyl into the kitchen. Vinyl had always been so cheerful and optimistic, even at the worst of times. Heck, the other day when she had turned up drunk she had at least been putting on a brave face, but this? Vinyl broken down emotionally, unable to speak in anything other than a monotone? This was just depressing.
“So,” Octavia said as the two of them sat at the table, “what would you like to talk about?”
“Um, well, - how have you been?” Vinyl asked. She’d been wearing a sad expression since she arrived at the house, and it didn’t look like it would be going anytime soon.
“As well as one could expect,” Octavia replied, eating a slice of toast as she said so. “I’ve got a concert in a week, and I have to practice for it. How about yourself?”
“Uh, yeah...I’m, um, okay,” Vinyl answered, avoiding Octavia’s gaze.
“Okay?”
“Y-yeah.” Vinyl faced Octavia and gave a very unconvincing smile, to which Octavia raised an eyebrow in response. “Okay, fine, you got me. I’ve been feeling horrible and depressed and drinking just for something to do to keep my mind off you. Happy?”
Octavia sighed. “Vinyl, you do realise that I didn’t mean to hurt you, don’t you? I do still care about you - as a friend - and I feel horrible that I’m to blame for your current state. But I made my choice, and I’m sticking to it.”
“Yeah, I know,” Vinyl said, speaking more to the table than to her ex-marefriend. “And I mean... in retrospect, I can see that you’re right. I was a pretty selfish marefriend, and I took you for granted. But... I still have strong feelings for you, and I wish I could show you that I’m ready to be a better marefriend. To make a better attempt at a relationship.” As she spoke, Vinyl’s ears drooped.
“Yes Vinyl, but the problem is that if I hadn’t dumped you, you wouldn’t have realised that you were selfish,” Octavia pointed out. “You may have had those same strong feelings for me now as you did then, but you didn’t realise that you could show me those feelings until I dumped you.”
Vinyl shrugged. “What can I say? I’ve matured over the past week.”
Octavia snorted in response. “Getting drunk for a week matures you?”
“H-hey! I’m trying to make a point here!”
“My apologies,” Octavia said sincerely. “Now, you say that you wish to show me that you could be a better marefriend... how do you propose doing that?”
It took Vinyl a few moments to realise what Octavia was suggesting. “Wait... you’re saying that you will give me a second chance?”
“...I’ll consider it.”
“Well, uh, how about you come around to my place tonight?” Vinyl suggested. “I’ll cook dinner and show you that... that I can take a relationship a lot more seriously than before.” Don’t blow this, Vinyl, she thought to herself.
Octavia shrugged. “Eight o’clock?”
“Sure!” For the first time in a week, Vinyl’s trademark grin was back, even if it was slightly more shaky and nervous than previously.
Vinyl paced back and forth in front of her apartment door. Octavia was going to be arriving in five minutes. Vinyl had gotten rid of all of the bottles and rubbish, cleaned the vomit from the floor, and done all of the dishes. She’d given herself a very long shower, and even though she hated doing so, had combed her mane neatly and tied it back for Octavia. To complete the effect, she’d put on a tie which Octavia had bought her several months ago. She’d never worn it prior to tonight.
“Okay, okay... dinner at quarter past eight, talk for a bit after that, and maybe a glass or two of wine before Tavi leaves,” Vinyl muttered to herself, still pacing. “Remember to ask her about herself, don’t be too pushy, and listen when she speaks.” Vinyl looked up at a clock. One minute to eight. “Oh Celestia, please make this go well,” Vinyl moaned.
A minute passed. There was no sign of Octavia. Even though Vinyl knew that it was silly to panic, she still felt herself starting to sweat with worry. Ten minutes later, when there was still no sign of Octavia, she wondered whether it was still a silly idea to panic. To busy herself, Vinyl went and checked to make sure that everything was set up. The bottle of wine she’d bought earlier that day - still in the pantry. Dinner - coming along nicely. Dishes all dried and put away. Vinyl looked back at the clock. “Come on, Octavia. Hurry up!”
By half past eight, Vinyl was starting to panic. There was still no sign of Octavia. Vinyl found herself repeatedly going over the conversation they’d had that morning in her head. It was definitely tonight that they’d agreed on, and definitely eight o’clock. “Maybe Octavia lost track of time,” Vinyl suggested to herself weakly.
Much later, Vinyl looked at the clock. It was now quarter past nine, and there was no sign of Octavia. Vinyl had tried to deny it, tried to think of some excuse for Octavia’s absence, but there was no way in which she could ignore it now - Octavia had stood her up. She’d never intended on coming over.
Vinyl sunk into her couch, feeling the worst she had all week. “Dammit, Tavi,” she said sadly. “I was going to prove to you that I could take our relationship seriously... I was going to show you that I really do love you.”
Sighing, Vinyl headed back to the kitchen. It was a good thing that she had bought the bottle of wine earlier that day.
THE END