Snipping for Love
Snips was walking down the town square, taking in the curious vibe. It was a bright sunny day, colorful and busy as the ponies assembled outside to talk and play, eat and drink, sit and stand.
But Snips was most interested in the strange behavior of a few of the ponies getting very close to each other. Some were holding hooves, while others rested their hooves lovingly around their backs. Every so often, a few would peck each other on the cheeks, or even lock lips for a few seconds with a small *smack*. Why did they do this?
And this is was why he was here! It was a quest! A quest to find out why!
The mighty hunter Snips sought out a victim to satisfy his curiosity. He spotted one! A green unicorn sitting alone, leaning back into a comfy wooden chair at a dining table, sipping noisily on a straw. Snips approached her, readying a line she couldn't resist.
"Hey!" he shouted out, getting her attention as she choked a bit on her drink. For a moment she looked at him, staring at his dorky smile. Snips looked into her repulsed eyes, trying to see love and attraction. Was he doing this right?
"So, uh...you wanna go make love or something later? I'm free at 3:00!"
The unicorn's eyes went wide as her lip twitched, utterly horrified. A moment later she was gone, blasting away into the distance.
Snips stood there curiously. Perhaps this was normal? Maybe she would come back and answer his question later.
"CALL ME!" he shouted.
He looked around some more and noticed a pair of pegasus ponies rolling around on the ground. Wrestling? Perhaps. It looked like fun! Maybe he should try again, just in case that nice unicorn never got back to him.
Searching again, his eyes seeking out another potential lover, he found one. A lone yellow pegasus lying peacefully in the grass on her stomach. She looked like she would be nice to roll around with! Snips trotted up, putting on his biggest most alluring smile and got her attention.
"Hello, miss pegasus lady!" he said, watching as she turned her head and see who was speaking to her. "I notice you're just lying here on the grass! Wouldn't it be more fun to have someone else on the grass with you? We could roll around together and hold hooves, and I think that would be very nice!"
The pegasus pony frowned slightly. Was this a sexy frown? Was she being seductive? He couldn't tell.
"Oh...um...I really don't think..." she started.
She must have been playing with him now. This must have been that "playful banter" Snails had talked about. What a pickup line!
"Yeah", he said, trying to respond in an equally playful way, "I really don't think either. In fact, I hardly think at all, most of the time"
He put on his biggest smile again, staring at her as he awaited the next fun line of banter.
"Oh, um..."
She was curling up now, pulling her head down towards her hooves. A readying position of passion, perhaps? She wasn't saying anything now. She must really like him! This must be how love works! Say a few lines of banter, and see if they retreat and let you in!
"Oh, boy!" he said. "I'm so excited! This is going to be so much fun! We're going to go holding hooves, and rolling around together, and putting our mouths on our faces, and...and..."
The pegasus pony was now inching away from him on the grass, letting small squeeks are she went. Then, turning rapidly, she ran off, jumping a bit with her wings spread as she went, as if trying and failing to fly.
"Huh..." Snips said to himself, his smile faltering. "Was that supposed to happen?"
Perhaps he needed a different approach. Maybe he wasn't being straight forward enough. He was confusing his potential mates. They must not have known what he wanted.
He found another unicorn, white with brilliantly flowing purple hair. She was sitting at a table busy talking to a brown pony wearing a leather cowboy hat. They weren't touching, so they must just be friends. He trotted through the grass, preparing his lines.
"Hello, miss beautiful!" he said.
Neither pony moved, apparently entranced with their own conversation. Perhaps he wasn't loud enough?
He cleared his throat and tried again.
"HELLO, MISS BEAUTIFUL!!!" he screamed at the table.
He must have done something right this time, because both of the ponies were giving him their full undivided attention. A feeling of accomplishment flowed through him for a moment before he turned toward the white unicorn.
"Hello again, and may I introduce myself. My name is Snips, and I am looking for a girlfriend! Would you like to be my girlfriend? You look like you would be a nice girlfriend!"
Why did every pony he asked have to have that strained repulsed look on their face? Was is something they ate? Maybe something smelled bad...
"Well, congratulations Rarity!" said the brown earth pony sitting across from her. "You've found yourself a mate! A fine...er...pig?"
She put her hooves to her to mouth as she suppressed an outburst of whooping laughter. The white pony continued watching him with that same horrified face. Snips smiled widely, hoping that this time he was being very clear about what he wanted!
Seconds passed, and Snips started to find himself getting confused again. Was it still his turn to talk? Did he need to follow through with another line?
"Uh..." he thought, "...I think this is the part where you give me your number", he said, just in case she had forgotten what to do next.
Rarity turned back toward the other pony, who had given up trying to stifle her laughter, and was now leaning into the table slamming her hoof down as if trying to break it. Snips watched as the white pony lowered her head onto the table, sinking her face into her hooves. The part of her face Snips could still see was going very red.
Wasn't she going to say something? He couldn't possibly have been more clear! He waited a few more seconds, but both ponies simply kept their heads buried in the surface of the table. Snips finally gave up, turning in utter confusion now.
"This dating thing is hard!" he thought out loud. "Maybe I need some advice! I think I'll go ask some pony!"
Looking around he spotted a nice-looking gray pegasus with yellow hair. She was alone, and for a moment he considered hitting on her. But then he remembered his failed attempts, and simply asked a question.
"Hey", he said walking up to her. "Can I ask you a question?"
The gray pony looked around, spotting him with...wait, could she see him with those eyes? They were pointing off into space in strange directions...
"Hey!", she said crazily, her mouth now wide with excitement. "Pony!"
Snips was so happy that some pony finally responded in to him in a nice way.
"Hey pony", he said again, wording his question right, "Do you know how to ask someone for love?"
The gray pony stuck her tongue out and to the side for a moment, apparently pondering very hard.
"Love?" she said, repeating his question.
"Yeah!" Snipe said, feeling much better. Finally he was getting a response he understood!
"Oh!" she said, smiling big. "I know love! It's like this!"
And next thing he knew, she was bolting into his face, slopping her lips onto his and licking his own tongue with hers. It tasted...good? He couldn't really think of a food it tasted like. Did ponies really have flavors?
She parted from him and giggled, tongue still dangling out, eyes swiveling slightly in their sockets.
"That was fuuuuuun!" she said, trying and failing to focus her eyes on him. "I like you! You're cute!"
Snips was shocked! Had he done it? Had he finally gotten the right pickup line? Maybe he should have just asked how to ask for love in the first place!
"Hey" he asked her, almost giggling himself. "Wanna roll in the grass together?"
She pondered for a moment, her mouth getting wider from excitement as she thought.
"WOULD I!" she shouted, toppling over onto her back.
Snips watched as she started rolling onto her stomach and continued onto her back again. Snips followed suit, rolling around with her. He ran into her a few times, and each time she would glance at him with a wide goofy smile.
Snips looked up at the sky, starting to realize how great this was. He finally had someone to explore love with!
The last thing he remembered from that day was her hoof touching his as they lay on the grass together. Their hooves never parted for the rest of that day.