I don't believe it. I can't believe it. And yet, they say it is so. I don't know how they found me, or why they chose me. They're taking me somewhere, but I can't see. Suddenly, the engine cuts out. We have arrived.
I don't believe it. I can't believe it. It shouldn't be possible. A lifetime of common sense tells me that. And yet, they say it is so.
I don't know how they found me. Hell, I don't know why they CHOSE me. ME. Of all people. To be given an opportunity like this? It's almost too good to be true. Men would kill to take my place.
They're taking me somewhere. The car is still running. I have a blindfold on; I can't see anything. Suddenly, the engine rumbles to a halt. We have arrived.
How do I know? It’s obvious, really. Why else would the car stop moving? Why else would the engine cut out? It’s strange. We depend so much on our sense of sight that when it is taken from us, our ability to connect with the world around us deepens. Why do we depend so much on sight? Why is it that we really notice our other senses when the most important one vanishes? Why am I asking all these questions?
It’s a waste of time, really. I’m always following one tangent or another in my mind. Especially when it helps pass the time. But honestly, I can’t help it. I do this all the time. Always asking questions. Always exploring the universe around me. I guess that’s what makes me good at what I do. Solving problems: the scientific way.
Maybe that’s why they chose me? I’m still rather disbelieving of the whole situation. This had better not be a dream. If it is, I must compliment my brain on being able to mimic the real world so convincingly. I doubt it, though. It still doesn’t reassure me that things aren’t about to get weird, and fast.
Honestly, it was probably just pure dumb luck. I happened to be walking through that particular alley in the middle of that particular city at that exact particular time where there just so happened to be two top-secret government agents waiting to grab the first guy that walked by. Okay, so they didn’t grab me. Still scared the crap out of me, though.
Imagine this: here I am just walking through the alley, an already shady proposition which I normally am disinclined to partake of but was particularly rushed at the time, and two guys taller than me wearing tuxedoes and sunglasses step out from two shadows on either side of the alley. And let me just say: I’m no shrimp. I’m six feet tall, and tend to be one of the taller people in the room. I’m used to that. That’s probably why I felt so strange in Japan.
Anyways, these two guys. I jumped at first and started to run, but thankfully my brain kicked in and decided to be rational. Since when did people get mugged by snazzy dudes in sunglasses? Usually muggers are wearing beanies and tattered, dirty, smelly sweaters and sweatpants. And like five coats. And reek of tobacco. That fact alone stayed my feet. That, and the fact that the guys weren’t carrying any visible weapons. Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure they both have a pistol somewhere in that tux jacket, but I didn’t see it.
Once they step a bit closer I notice one last distinguishing feature: both these dudes have what appears to be a radio attached to their ear. Yep, definitely government agents. Confirmed by countless years of stereotypical Hollywood films and corny comics and cartoons. Okay, so they weren’t going to hurt me. Probably. Citizens tend to voice displeasure when the government goes and beats someone up, especially without explanation. So why were they accosting me in an alley? Did I do something wrong? Was this the IRA? The CIA? The FBI? Have I accidentally committed a crime? Has someone stolen my identity and is using it to commit heinous crimes across the continental US? God, I hope not. I work hard for that money.
Oh well, it was soon too late to ask questions. The dudes were already standing on either side of me. They weren’t too close, but the way they flanked me clearly implied they didn’t want me to leave. Both of them had their arms folded behind their back in a very business-like demeanor. A rather frightening demeanor, actually. I felt like I was talking to members of the mob, not government officials. Maybe they were in disguise?
Ah! Someone just grabbed me and dragged me to my feet. So much for reminiscing, the present calls. That’s a shame. I like reflecting on the past. There’s no decisions to be made when living the past. Only analysis.
I hear the car door roll open and a hand gently pushes on the small of my back, guiding me. A gruff voice calls, “watch your step.” I gingerly feel around with my right foot and find that there’s a lack of solid material about a foot in front of me. Taking a leap of faith, I thrust my leg over the precipice and plunge it forward into the unknown. After about a second I hit solid ground.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite prepared for that and I stumble forward. Thankfully, whoever’s behind me is kind enough to grab my shoulder and prevent me from faceplanting into the cold, hard ground. “I said watch your step,” the voice said again with a hint of amusement. A second voice nearby chuckles slightly. Yeah, so I’m currently being led around by these same two dudes. And I’m blindfolded. I’d be lying if I said I knew what was going on.
The hand continues to guide me. I hear some mechanical hums that I can only assume are doors before the echoing sound of our footsteps ring out loud and clear. If I had to guess, we’re probably walking down some long, dim, well-polished hallway. The agents’ steps are perfectly timed with each other and clack with the same volume every step, while my clumsy shuffling gait disrupts the melodious noise with mistimed, scratchy sounds. Oh, well. They’re trained professionals and I’m not.
We turn a corner. I have no idea where we’re going and I have no intention of trying to keep track of it. I initially tried to trace our route when I got in the car, but these guys are smart. I’m pretty sure they took a non-optimal path with plenty of turns, loops, and backpedals to throw me off, and it worked. I’m well and truly lost now. So again, I have no idea where we’re going or how long it’s going to take. It’s time to return to my thoughts.
Back to the alley. Oh, the excitement. Now that the agents were standing right in front of me, and behind me, I was able to get a good look at them. The one in front of me was a tall, beefy, bald guy. His skin was dark, but not the darkest I’ve seen. Upon looking him over, I decided that if this was a Hollywood movie this was the cool black guy who gets five bad-ass scenes and then gets killed off for some reason. Frickin’ Hollywood. They’re probably all racist. I hate people like that. Unfortunately, what was shaping up to be a magnificent internal tirade against evil people of the world was abruptly brought to a halt as the dude began to speak.
“Good evening, sir. I am an agent of the E.R.D., a top-secret branch of the government. I’d like to ask you a few questions.” As the agent spoke, he withdrew a badge from his inner jacket and flashed it in front of my face. Seriously, the whole scene was just like in a movie. But now I was really getting worried. The E.R.D.? What the hell was that supposed to be? Confound these top-secret government groups. So much for ‘by the people, for the people.’ More like ‘screw the people, let’s develop superweapons and stuff.’ Sometimes, I wonder if anarchy is the way to go. I’ve found myself doing that a lot recently.
Anyways, the guy goes on while I’m busy trying to figure out who the hell he is, what the hell he wants, and how much trouble I’m about to be in. “My name is Agent Dash. This here is Agent Sparkle.” Wait, what the hell? Dash and Sparkle? I have to restrain the urge to laugh. Those are quite possibly the most ridiculous secret agent names I’ve ever heard, cheesy Hollywood movies included. Yeah, I don’t really like movies. Honestly I sometimes think I watch them less for the actual plot and more for additional things to make fun of later.
Anyways, while I’m giving myself the hiccups trying to remain silent he continues. “We would just like to ask one question. Does the word ‘Equestria’ mean anything to you?”
What. The. Hell.
Equestria? Was he kidding me? I mean yes, it means something to me, but why on earth are a couple of secret agents asking me about ponies? The government watches My Little Pony? Has it gotten that big? Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the show. I thought it would be girly and gross and lame, but it turned out to be cute, clever, funny, and genuinely well written and animated. I was really impressed. Besides, it was better than most of the other drivel television stations were airing in those days. I swear, whoever it was who wrote ‘Adventure Time’ HAD to be high. High as a kite. Yeah, I hated TV back then. I miss the good old cartoons. How long has it been since I got into ponies? I think the show first aired like ten years ago? Wow it’s been a while.
And the fandom’s still going strong. You wouldn’t believe how many ‘bronies,’ as we’re often called, have graduated from college and make full-length movies and stuff. There’s even the occasional brony concert. It’s honestly pretty sweet. Hasbro’s still a total scam though; no one watches the actual show anymore. It sucks now. But that’s okay because we’ve basically taken over. I myself still write the occasional fictional work, but for the most part just enjoy reading and being a part of the community.
Okay, way off topic. Back to these creepy guys who I’m beginning to worry might be bronies in disguise. Well this certainly explained the agent’s names. Sparkle and Dash, clearly referring to Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. At least they have good taste in the ponies they pick to be named after. I don’t think I could hold a straight face upon meeting ‘Agent Pie.’ So what government group are they a part of, then? Does the ‘E’ stand for Equestria? Probably. I made a mental note to ask in a moment. I have my rights, after all.
“…Yes,” I finally said slowly. It sure is strange getting pulled over in an alley and asked about Equestria. I reckon that’s not something that happens every day. Or even every year. Most of us aren’t creepy weirdos like that. Not anymore at least. All the more ‘hardcore’ fans, as we normal people so kindly call them, got hired by Hasbro. And were never heard from again.
“Is that so?” the agent behind me, Agent Sparkle, spoke up. “So you are familiar, then, with the animated series My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and the characters wherein?” I turned around to get a good luck at the other guy. He was also tall and beefy, but was undoubtedly Caucasian. I think his skin was even lighter than mine, and that’s saying something, although it was difficult to say in the gloomy shadows. He had shoulder-length blonde hair that was slightly curly, more of a wavy shape if I had to say. And boy was it blonde. It puts my own dirty blonde hair to shame.
“Yes, I’ve watched the show,” I reluctantly respond. I have no idea what’s going on. I also hope they’re nice enough to keep their mouths shut. I’m kind of a closet brony. I’ve hardly ever talked about ponies face-to-face with another person, and most of my family and close friends still have no idea. It’s honestly pretty funny how many references to the show I’ve dropped in casual conversation with zero repercussions. But yeah, I don’t do much besides watch the show and do some reading so it’s really easy to hide. I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea of being found out, but I fail to see a logical reason to expedite the process. “I have no idea how you knew, though. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone.”
If what I said registered with them, they didn’t show it. “Good,” Agent Dash continued. “We are members of the top-secret Equestrian Research Division.” What?? The Equestrian Research Division? Oh this is just great. Fantastic beyond belief. The government is now ‘researching’ My Little Pony. What the hell is that even supposed to mean?
“What we are about to tell you is top secret. I don’t think we need to inform you of the…consequences of not being discreet, mister…?” As Agent Dash spoke, he leaned forward, lowered his sunglasses, and looked me straight in the eyes. As I stared into those inky brown depths there was not a shred of doubt in my mind that this man would kill me in a heartbeat should I do anything to compromise their mission. It was horrifying.
“You can call me Shane,” I managed to say. In hindsight, I probably should’ve tried to make up a name but I was too afraid to think of that at the time. The brain works in funny ways. Or rather, completely predictable ways in this case.
“Very well, Mr. Shane,” Agent Sparkle continued. I have to say, these guys definitely know how things are done. The whole back and forth thing worked wonders to keep me on my toes and more than a little unsettled. “We have an offer for you. Our research team has recently developed a new technology, one that may be of great interest to you.” Pony technology? What could that possibly mean? The ability to use magic? The ability to fly? The ability to eat hay? The ability to manipulate the weather? Don’t get me wrong, all of those things sound awesome. Except eating hay, that just sounds dumb. And I’m allergic to the stuff so bad plan anyways. Suffice to say, however, I was most intrigued.
“Go on,” I said, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. I turned back to Agent Dash, expecting him to speak again. Nope, the clever bastards tricked me. The responding voice once again emanated from behind me.
“Mr. Shane. We are offering you a chance to pass through an experimental portal and explore Equestria firsthand.”
Oh my god…
I stood stock-still, rooted to the spot. My breathing slowed to a crawl while my heartbeat skyrocketed. My eyes probably went wider than they ever have before. A chance to go to Equestria? How is that even possible? Equestria’s not even real!
…Right?
Have they designed an Equestria-like land? They’ve had ten years or so to do it. Or has it actually existed this entire time? I like to think that I’m a smart guy, but when it comes to figuring out the big questions of the universe I prefer to follow in the footsteps of the greats. Logically, the best way to deal with such an outlandish statement is to take it with a grain of salt. Okay, maybe a boulder. “That sounds like a loud of bull,” I finally managed to say.
Agent Sparkle smiled, reminding me of a wolf sizing up a particularly juicy sheep. “I must admit, we also had some difficulty accepting the truth of this statement.” He then lowered his sunglasses and stared right into my gaze, not unlike his partner a moment ago. Cold blue eyes met concerned blue eyes. “But seeing is believing.” …Damn these guys were good. Creepy as all hell, but good.
I paused again, shuffling my feet slightly. What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? What would others do in a situation like this? By now I’m fairly convinced these guys are real government officials. And I must confess: by this point I was really, REALLY curious. But I’m still standing in an alleyway with a couple of shady dudes. “What do you want me to do?” I asked tentatively.
“Simple,” Agent Dash replied. “We will take you to our headquarters. And you will enter the portal.” Woah, woah, woah. Hold the phone. Take me where now? That’s one hell of a red flag. Next they’re going to ask me to get into a windowless van.
“Hang on a minute. You don’t last long in the city accepting joyrides from everyone who jumps you in an alley and offers you one. How do I know you guys are the real deal and not just gangsters or something?”
Both agents smiled in a more than slightly sinister manner. Seriously, these guys were giving me the creeps. Either they were totally gangsters or they were screwing around with me because they’re the government and they do that sort of stuff. Cheeky bastards. “We had a feeling you would say that,” Agent Sparkle said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Didn’t you see these?” he asked, waving his badge around once again.
I leaned in and gave the badge a closer inspection. It looked fancy and official enough, but I’ve never even heard of a branch as ridiculous as the E.R.D. “It looks nice and all, but how do I know that’s not an engraving that a bunch of goons whipped up? No one I’ve ever talked to mentioned an E.R.D. When was your division created?”
Agent Dash grimaced slightly. “Sorry, but that’s classified. However, we had a feeling you would ask something like that. Which is why I am allowed to show you something. I’m sure I need not mention that what I’m about to show you is top. Secret,” Agent Dash intoned, placing an unsettling amount of emphasis on the final two words. Normally I’d be concerned about guys showing me things in an alley, but this was so strange curiosity got the better of me.
“Alright. Let’s see this…top secret thingy.” Dash smiled that creepy smile again and reached into his jacket pocket. When he withdrew his hand he was clutching…a rock. No I’m serious, it was a rock. Suffice to say, my lack of enthusiasm with this whole situation was so tangible I could’ve beaten someone with it. “A rock? Seriously?” I deadpanned, thoroughly unimpressed.
There’s that damned smile again. “Why don’t you just hold it for a moment, Mr. Shane.” I rolled my eyes, but extended my hand to take the rock anyways.
“Fine. I’ll hold the damn thing, but I seriously doubt-”
Woah!!
What the hell was with this rock? I had to suppress the urge to drop it as soon as I made contact with it. I was so surprised I never even completed my sentence, which would’ve been a grand epitome of sarcasm and disbelief had I finished. But seriously, this rock! It…tingled. I couldn’t explain it. It was like the rock was infused with some sort of mysterious energy. How was this possible? The logical part of my brain took over as I tried to rationalize this phenomenon.
Okay, rocks can easily hold thermal energy. Hot coals are testament enough to that. But this rock didn’t feel hot. It actually felt quite cool to the touch. Very smooth, too. That rules that option out. Honestly, the more I felt the rock the more I was reminded of electrical energy. It felt rather similar to that tingly feeling that follows upon shocking someone. But an electrical rock? That’s not even possible!
…Right?
Maybe it had silicon particulates in it, making it somewhat conductive. Maybe there was a circuit embedded in it, with a battery and whatnot. But even so, that couldn’t possibly account for the amount of raw energy I was feeling. It didn’t add up. It made no sense. Rocks are NOT conductors. It was almost like it was, dare I say it…magic.
The agents said nothing as I stood there and gaped at that rock. That scientific impossibility. Finally, I managed to stutter out a sentence. “What…what is this thing?”
Agent Sparkle smirked. “That, Mr. Shane, is an Equestrian rock.” What? No way! Not possible!
“Horse crap.”
Sparkle raised an eyebrow but continued nonetheless. “Oh no, we kid you not. This is more or less the extent of what we’ve managed to retrieve through the portal thus far, but it should be possible to send a human being through. As I’m sure you are aware, Equestria is a magical land. This simple rock has been infused with the magic of the very earth itself. It’s an energy unlike anything in our known universe.”
My mind raced as I processed what the agent was saying. A new energy source? This could be the solution to world energy! Think of the possibilities! Nanoprocessors! Space travel! Cold fusion! All our modern hopes and dreams rendered impossible by energy constraints and heat buildup given life once again!
…Whoops. Tangents again. Focusing now. I was pretty excited for a moment or two, though. Think of a kid in a candy factory who’s suddenly holding powdered peanut butter or some similarly previously unheard-of invention with the capacity to make everything instantly twenty percent better.
Anyways, Dash held out his hand for the rock and I reluctantly handed it back to him. As soon as I relinquished my touch on the rock, the tingling feeling faded and I was left feeling strangely empty. I had just been touched by something…otherworldly. And I wanted to experience it again. However, I had one more question. “If I accept your offer to go with you, how will we get there?”
Dash jerked his head to his left. I looked, and had to resist the urge to facepalm. Well what do you know about that. A plain black SUV with tinted windows and false license plates. At least, I was pretty sure. The only thing it was missing was a machine gun turret on the roof. The whole ‘secret agents’ gig was becoming more convincing by the minute. “All right, fine. Can you promise that I’ll be alright though?”
Sparkle smiled deviously. “If you enter the portal, then no. But if you turn this opportunity down and keep your mouth shut, you’ll be fine. Pinkie promise.” …What. I had to do a double take at that. I’m pretty sure they were just screwing with me by now but it was still awfully weird to hear a secret agent say that. I guess they really were the ‘Equestrian Research Division.’
So what was I supposed to do in that situation? It’s not every day the government walks up to you and offers to show off top secret stuff. If these guys were legit, then I had the potential to see some mind-blowingly amazing things. Equestria or no, whatever they did to that rock was enough to get me very, very curious. However, if they were gangsters I could get myself really hurt, or worse. Still, if worst came to worst I’m pretty well off and so is my family, so maybe I could bribe my way out. And this is only IF they turned out to be bad guys. Which at this point seemed pretty unlikely.
I let out a long sigh, blowing upwards and ruffling a tuft of my hair as I am sometimes wont to do. “Ok. I’ll go with you.”
Both agents smiled. Again, really, really creepily. I was beginning to wonder if I had made a mistake. It quickly became too late though, as Agent Sparkle whipped a black sack over my head, glasses and all. Hey, come on! I’m making these guys pay if they scratched my lenses. “Hey! What gives?” I frantically asked.
“We apologize for this inconvenience, but it is of the utmost importance that you remain unaware of our headquarters’ location,” Agent Dash smoothly apologized. “Just follow us. We’ll lead you to the car.” Sure enough, I was guided through the alley and lifted into the seat of the SUV. One of the agents sat down on my left, Sparkle I think. The other, Dash, probably sat shotgun, as I was fairly certain there had been a driver sitting here the entire time.
It was about this point that I noticed my sack was made of some pretty funky material. As we started to drive, I literally couldn’t see anything. Normally you can at least detect changes in light intensity through cloth, but not this stuff. These guys sure did have some weird tricks up their sleeves. So between the complete lack of light and the purposely misleading path, I found myself well and truly lost. And now here I am, walking through a hallway with the same guy. Still blindfolded. Life can be really crazy sometimes.
Suddenly, I hear the creak of a door opening and we pause for a moment. I’m gruffly guided inside and pushed into a chair, but not violently so. Still, it’s one of those classic metal chairs and it’s not particularly comfortable. The bag over my head is suddenly whipped off by an unseen hand, skewing my glasses and mussing my hair. I blink my eyes open and see…nothing.
Seriously, it’s just more darkness. Awesome. I reach up to readjust my glasses and wave my hand in front of my face. I can just barely see it. A loud, echoing click suddenly rings out as a pair of floodlights practically blind me. I groan and cover my eyes with my hands. What the hell, guys? I thought I was volunteering, not being interrogated! “Hey! Turn that down, I can’t see!” I cry feebly.
“You’ll adjust,” Agent Sparkle says smoothly as he strides into my field of view. “Set power level to fifty percent,” he continues, but it was clear he wasn’t talking to me. Well then who was he talking to…?
More clicks. More lights. And my jaw is now missing. Turns out we were sitting in a HUGE room. Myself and the two agents are on some sort of raised balcony on one side of the room. Below us is a massive circular indentation in the floor. I can’t tell what it’s supposed to be though, it just looks like a simple metallic floor. Maybe a containment pool of some sort? Beyond that are rows and rows of desks, computers, and equipment, along with roughly thirty people wearing white labcoats busily scurrying about. Seriously though, the equipment they had consisted of huge consoles and strange constructs I don’t have a hope of guessing the purposes of. It was very expensive-looking too. What kind of budget did these guys have?
A low hum begins to thread its way into my consciousness. “What is this place?” I ask, slightly nervous. It’s clear that something big is about to go down.
“This,” Agent Dash says, gesturing to the grand room. “Is the gateway nexus. It is where we open the portal to Equestria. It’s how we have studied the world, and how we obtained this rock,” he elaborates, tossing the rock in his hand as he does so. I think my eyes were unconsciously following its movement, because he suddenly smiles and puts it away. “Theoretically, it should be possible to use this construct to observe any alternate universe, but as of right now this is the only frequency we’ve managed to properly document.”
“And…you want me to go through?” I timidly inquire.
“Indeed we do. So what do you say?” Dash asks innocently enough, that easy smile still playing over his features. I…I don’t know. What do I say?
The hum is getting louder. It’s getting a bit difficult to think. Yeah, they are DEFINITELY doing something weird. I hope it’s safe, you never know when the government gets involved. “How do I get back?” Might as well start with the obvious questions.
“We will bring you back once you’ve spent a year in Equestria.” What? A year? Was he serious?
“A year?” I echo, my voice raising a bit to be heard over the steadily increasing hum. “How am I supposed to just walk away from my life for a year? I have family, friends, and a job!”
Dash smirks knowingly. “What will seem like a year to you will only be five minutes for us.”
…What. Okay, we have officially blasted through the fabric of what I previously accepted to be reality and we have now entered the wonderful realm of science fiction where apparently anything is possible. And I practically piss myself in a strange combination of excitement, fear, and bewilderment. “Are you kidding me? I’m going to traveling through space AND time? How is that possible? And how will you find me once my ‘year’ is up?”
Still with the creepy smile. “We’ve spent five years developing this theory. We are ninety-eight percent sure it is correct. As for tracking you, we will do so with this.” Dash holds up a small black disk, roughly half an inch in diameter. What on earth was that? This place is officially starting to scare me. My fear increases as Agent Sparkle speaks up to my right.
“Status report!” he calls into a handheld radio. The hum is quite loud now, about the same volume as having the window down on the highway.
“Containment field holding! Energy fluctuations are confirmed stable with only five percent influx. Gradual trans-dimensional breaching proceeding smoothly,” the radio crackled back. Influx? Containment field? Trans-dimensional breaching? Okay, I’m a smart guy being an engineer and whatnot, but this is clearly way over my head. I have no idea what I’ve just gotten myself into.
“Good! Increase to seventy-five percent!” The scientists below seem to scurry faster.
“Is this safe?” I yell. Dash is grinning fiercely now. I think my fear is amusing him.
“Like I said, ninety-eight percent sure! Just think about it! A whole world to explore, and you’ll be the first to do it! You will be compensated handsomely if you return!”
“IF I return?” I scream.
“We can’t guarantee anything. We have no idea what you may find, and that’s what this is for,” he yells, motioning to the disk again. “It will record what you see, hear, smell, and touch so we can analyze it!”
“For a whole year?”
“Pretty impressive, huh?” I’ll say. It was downright scary how advanced in technology this group was. And I thought I was on the cutting-edge of technology. Haha, how quaint. Clearly not. Damn that hum is loud now. It’s more like a howling scream, not unlike standing next to a railroad and having a train blaze past.
“Power input at seventy-five percent! Energy reactors fusing normally. Fuel appears to be safe from paramagnetic fluctuations. Target dimensionality located. Rift leyline stabilizers on standby!” the radio flares again. Sparkle turns to me and motions for me to join him by the handrail.
“Good! Open the portal and proceed to full power! Activate phase shields and scan for high-intensity gamma surges. Maintain containment field at strength of 2.25 quanta!” I have to say, I'm downright overwhelmed by the whole situation. I don't much like having zero understanding of a scientific situation. Usually I'm able to grasp at least the basics. I unsteadily rise to my feet and follow Dash to the handrail. Is it just me, or is there some force pushing me back? It's hard to tell over this damned humming.
I reach the handrail and look down. What I see nearly takes my breath away. In the circular indentation, the floor is…moving. That's the only word I have for it. Shimmering, almost. Then, before my very eyes, a bright speck of light appears in the center and begins to spread outwards. Slowly, a ring of light begins to open up, seemingly eating away at the solid metal floor. The edges of the ring shine every color of the rainbow, and never stop moving and shimmering. Through the portal I can see a vivid image of…a sunrise?
I gape as the ring spread until it's completely occupying the indentation. The ring is big, too. If I had to guess, I would say about ten meters in diameter. The humming is extremely loud now. It's like standing next to a jet engine on the tarmac.
“Well, Mr. Shane?” Agent Sparkle screams as loudly as he can, yet even then I can only barely hear him. “It’s now or never! Dare you go where no man has gone before? Dare you to explore the unknown of Equestria?” I…I don’t know! Dare I??
“Quantum tunneling process complete! Power levels are stable, fluctuations normal. Average energy output reading in at about two terajoules. Wait! What did you say?!” The radio suddenly cuts out. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. The two agents look equally concerned.
“Dr. Walter? Report in! Status!” Sparkle yells, spittle flying from his mouth.
“Containment is failing! The deflection gratings are deteriorating too rapidly! We will only be able to safely sustain the portal for another minute! You must hurry!” the radio hurriedly answers, the voice getting increasingly distorted by static. “Quickly! Deploy the neutron beams! Maintain power output at ninety percent! Distort gamma flux with…” the voice is cut off as Agent Sparkle angrily chucks the radio over his shoulder.
“Well, Mr. Shane? It’s now or never! You must decide!” he shouts intensely. I know I have to decide! Stop pressuring me! I just…I can’t…what do I do?
The logical part of my brain tells me this was crazy. I have a good life. I have a great income, a comfortable home, a caring family, and several enthusiastic friends and coworkers. I don’t need this nonsense adventure. I might not even come back!
But then again…Equestria. I can’t even believe it’s possible. I think anyone who’s watched the show has wished at least once to visit that magical utopia. It would be a dream come true. Besides, I'm apparently going to be back in five minutes. How hard can it be to survive Equestria, of all places? If I pass this chance up now, I’ll probably regret it for the rest of my life. Not knowing the truth…that’s one of the worst tortures imaginable in my mind. No, my desires will not be denied.
“Ok, I’ll do it!” I scream. Agent Sparkle smiles and nods to Dash, who's standing behind me. Suddenly, there's a hand around my neck. “Hey! Urgh, what gives?” I scream in a panic. There's a pressure on the back of my neck. A slight tickling sensation. “Let me-AUGH!!”
There is a quite painful pinching, and I scream in pain. Agent Dash releases me however, and I spin around to face him. “The hell was that?”
“Sorry, Mr. Shane, but the implant had to graft to your skin. It’s now embedded in your spinal cord and will record your experience. Now, hurry! Follow me! We have only thirty seconds left!” I quickly realize that Agent Dash apparently ‘grafted’ the small disk to the back of my neck. Huh. He forgot to mention that part, unsurprisingly. I start to run after Dash, some mysterious force still making it difficult to move towards the portal. Inquisitively, I reach a hand to the back of my head to feel for it, but Agent Sparkle slaps it away.
“Don’t touch it for at least five minutes! Trust me,” he finishes with a grin.
“Is it safe?” I call back over my shoulder, still following Dash.
“Dash and I have had one for five years. No side effects yet!” he responds cheerily.
“Well that’s reassuring!” I reply, grating to a halt behind Dash. He gestures to a long plank that extends out over the portal. Where did that come from? And what is it…oh god. He wants me to walk out there. And jump into the crazy, screaming portal. God damn it…
Is it just me, or is there some crazy wind coming from somewhere? My jeans and sweatshirt are whipping around me, hugging to my right side. Seriously, what the hell is going on here? “Well? What are you waiting for?” Dash screams.
I shake my head nervously, my slight fear of heights adding to my already significant levels of terror. “You want me to go out there? Are you crazy?”
Agent Sparkle sure is, because he suddenly grabs me from behind and literally shoves me out onto the plank. I don’t really try to fight it, paralyzed by fear as I am, but he continues to push me out as he steadily follows. All too soon, I’m standing on the edge of a railing-free plank, suspended over a crazy portal as this wacko wind buffets me ferociously. My mind immediately flashes to that one scene from Star Wars with Luke Skywalker and the Sarlaac.
I immediately feel quite a bit worse. “Well? Are you gonna jump? Only ten seconds left!” Agent Sparkle screams in my ear. Okay, Shane. You can do this. You said you were going to. Don’t do something you’ll regret. Or something that will tear this base apart.
“Ok, I’m gonna jump!” I scream. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready…
Suddenly, Agent Sparkle is hovering next to me, his lips a rather disturbing distance from my right ear. “Are you ready for this?” he whispers deviously.
Ignoring his intrusion of my personal space, I determinedly nod my head and tense my legs for a jump.
“No you’re not.”
With a sudden push to my back, I pitch forward and begin my rapid descent into the churning, howling vortex. I’m proud to say I don’t scream, but I do squeeze my eyes shut and let my limbs go limp. This is the end, I'm sure…at least I will die for science…
Suddenly, the tingling sensation I felt from the rock engulfs my entire body. Oooh, that felt quite nice actually. The howling and screaming immediately cuts out. The air around me grows pleasantly warmer. The crazy wind is still going, but oh well. I timidly open my eyes. Purple. Everything is very purple. Huh.
I experimentally flex my limbs and fingers. Everything seems to be just fine. As I look to my right hand, my eye catches a sudden splash of reds and oranges. I look, and there right before me is the beautiful sunrise I saw earlier. Wow…an Equestrian sunrise. It’s more beautiful than I ever imagined.
I have to admit though, something feels a bit off about the whole situation. I feel…weightless. And that crazy wind is STILL going! Maybe something went wrong. I turn my head further to the right and the colors shift abruptly to verdant greens and deep browns. Yet something feels off about them. For some reason they’re blurred and distant. I reach up and check to see if my glasses are still on my face. That’s an affirmative, command. So then what is…
…Oh god. Those greens and browns are the ground. About one thousand feet below me. Which I am currently hurtling towards at terminal velocity.
***** Oh, well fancy that. That would be the ground about one thousand feet below me. Which I am currently hurtling towards at terminal velocity. After being unceremoniously tossed into some completely wacked-out portal doohickey to Equestria. By some cheeky bastard named ‘Agent Sparkle’ of all damn things.
Sons of…
Suffice to say, I decided to embrace my upcoming demise with the utmost dignity and honor. And by that, I of course mean that I’m currently screaming like a seven-year-old girl.
“MMMOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!”
Well, this is it then. Isn’t this just great. The wonderful land of Equestria, they said! YOLO, they said! At least I get to see the place I’ve occasionally dreamed about for roughly, oh I’d say five minutes or so? Grand. Just grand. Some reflection upon the events that led up to this unfortunate situation leads me to believe that this was pretty much unavoidable.
I mean, come on. I’m in EQUESTRIA. How could I possibly have resisted a chance to see the scientifically impossible? I mean really, this whole place shouldn’t even be scientifically possible! I’m not scientifically possible! Haha! And I’m in Equestria! Any brony who’s anybrony would be totally jealous. Aside from the whole dead part, I would imagine.
It was a trap. From the very beginning. As soon as those two goons set their eyes on me I was done for. They knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do, and exactly how to suck me in. Well played, government freaks. Well played.
I wonder what’s going to happen back on Earth in the next five minutes. Those smarmy agents will be sitting there with those smug expressions, and Agent Sparkle will nonchalantly call out, “okay, bring him back now!” And what are they gonna get? Just the damn disk. With like five minutes of footage detailing my untimely plummet to a grisly demise. I hope they enjoy that. And by enjoy, I mean get sick, learn to actually consider morals for a change, and then all get fired. Hmph. Knowing my luck, that probably isn’t going to happen by a longshot.
What’s going to become of me then? Well, I’m about to die. And then I apparently have a year of time to spend here in Equestria. So I guess I’ll be a pile of bones by the time they get their damn disk back. Heh. I bet Twilight would have a blast with that. A pile of bones from a completely unknown species? Oh, she’d totally flip. I wish I could actually have a chance to meet her…
“AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAUGGGGHHH!!”
Oh, and yeah. Still screaming. My throat hurts but I don’t really care. If I’m gonna go out, might as well scare the living daylights out of any creature in a two mile radius. I briefly take a moment to survey the ground beneath me. Maybe there are settlements nearby? Or perhaps a lake I can “swim” to? Heck, I’d even settle for a haystack right about now. It would hurt A LOT, but maybe, just maybe, if I could hit a large body of water I MIGHT just live. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any blue for miles around. Or cute little squares indicating some form of organized life.
The ground is getting closer now, and I can start to see individual trees. I appear to be plummeting towards a large forest. A rather dense and foreboding forest, too. Oh god I hope it’s not the Everfree. I REALLY hope it’s not the Everfree. However, as a final flaunting taunt from the universe, the more I stare the more I get the sinking feeling that it’s actually the Everfree. Great. Just great. Now not only am I going to die horribly, I’m also going to be eaten by scavengers or whatever the hell it is that lurks in those woods. Even if, by some miracle, I HAPPEN to survive, I’m still royally screwed.
Royally. Heh. Takes on a whole new meaning here in Equestria. Man! Just think of all the jokes that could be made. I could be having a GREAT time right now if the stupid portal had just worked right. But no. Instead I’m going to be a stain on the verdant green carpet in about two minutes. What a way to go. Oh, the humanity…
I think back on my life. Did I really have to do this? I finally had things going my way. I had a nice place. I had a stable income that would make your average Joe quite jealous. I had a loving family and good friends. I had it all, and then I just blew it by following some random government officials and getting WAY too far over my head in crazy future technology. What the hell was I even thinking? Oh, right. Ponies. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em…
But they sure as hell can live without me.
My eyes begin to blur as I consider my family and my life. I can’t tell if the tears are from me crying or the wind streaming straight into my face. After all, real men don’t cry.
Oh, who am I kidding. I’m bawling my eyes out.
I mutter a quick and sorrowful goodbye before preparing myself mentally for my imminent doom. Death has never really scared me. It’s always been the reactions of others that frightened me more. Just thinking about my family at my funeral is enough to draw more tears. Oh crap! How are they going to find out what happened to me? Those government bastards better at least give them some sort of compensation… Oh jeez…I don’t actually think I’m ready for this. There’s still one more thing that needs to be done…
Directing my anger towards the sick bastard who dragged me into this position, I transition my senseless screaming into a stream of verbal abuses concerning a certain ‘Agent Sparkle’ so colorful and fierce even the Tourette’s guy would have soiled himself. Good thing I’m all alone.
Oh man did that feel good. Yes, I think I’m done. I’m ready now. I’ve said goodbye to those I loved and gave a gigantic middle finger to the man who can be blamed for my current predicament. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that footage soon enough. And hey. At least I know my death will be for science. Truly, there is no higher honor imaginable.
I mean, come on. For country? Pfft. They don’t actually care about you. The ERD is an excellent example of that. For honor? That’s kinda a lame excuse. Get a hold of yourself. For religion? No. Just no. For the lolz? …Goodness, I hope not. But at least I’ll let those hooligans know that they SERIOUSLY done goofed, and hopefully ensure that the next hapless victim they pull from the streets will at least get the adventure he deserves.
I turn my gaze southward for the final time. Wow it’s a lot closer now. I can just barely make out branches on the trees. At least…at least I’ll die in a truly beautiful place. I sigh contentedly as I study the broad expanse beneath me. The browns are rich and earthy. The greens are full of life. The amorphous gray is a point of strength in an otherwise unchanging sea.
Wait…gray?
I focus harder. Surely my eyes must be deceiving me! …No, that’s definitely a rather odd gray shape below me. And it’s…moving? Oh god, it’s alive! And it’s getting closer!
“HEEEELLLPP MEEEEE!!!” I scream obnoxiously as I continue to plummet to my doom. I have no idea if the blob could understand me or not, but if it can I have every intention of informing it of my rather dire situation.
“Hang on! I’m coming!” a voice shouts back. Yes! It’s alive! It will help me!
…And wow. I swear I’ve heard that voice somewhere before. Déjà vu.
“Please hurry! I’m going to die!” I shout desperately. The shape appears to acknowledge that comment and starts to move faster. As it grows closer, I finally am able to discern what exactly it is. And I can’t help but gape in awe.
Wow. The shape flying towards me is a real live pegasus. No joke. Four legs. Two wings. Gray fur. Yellow mane. Cute little snout. Huge eyes squeezed shut in concentration and exertion. And wow, it even looks cartoony. Sure I can see the individual hairs on its coat, but the shape still seems like a vector drawing and it still has a bit of a discolored outline. Wasn’t expecting that. Not in the slightest.
I was suddenly struck by a thought. This thought went a little something like this: oh crap we are about to slam into each other mid-air…
Yup. Sure enough, the pegasus was too busy focusing on flying hard to notice that I’m only a few feet away. “Watch out!” I scream.
“Yikes!” the pegasus manages to get out before I plow straight into it. WHAM!! Ouch, that actually hurt quite a bit. I hope it’s okay… Suddenly, there is a very unfamiliar feeling of forelegs wrapping around my abdomen and securing themselves beneath my belly. Is it…holding me?
I look up at what will hopefully be my savior and see that yes, indeed, the pegasus is holding on to me and flapping its wings as hard as it can. Its eyes are screwed shut and its mouth creased in a grimace of exertion. I can actually see beads of sweat on its forehead.
“Ow…” I groan in pain. “Are…are you okay?”
The pegasus nods once curtly. “I’m…fine…gotta…slow…down…sheesh, you’re heavy…” it says in between pants.
Ouch. Hey, I’m not fat! Sure I could probably stand to lose ten pounds or so but I’m definitely a far cry from fat. Then again, maybe these ponies don’t weigh all that much. Hmm, wouldn’t actually be that surprising. They are pretty short, after all. And very trim. I twist my neck around to get a better view at my savior. My eyes suddenly alight on its flank, and they widen as I take it in. There, on its flank, is a cute little picture of a group of bubbles.
Suddenly it all clicks into place. I know why that voice sounds so familiar. Oh my god…
I look back to the ground, and audibly yelp when I see how close we are. “Oh crap! The ground isn’t too far away! We’re still falling too fast!” I shout in a panic. Sure I’m now moving significantly slower than I was before, but if I hit the ground at this velocity it could still be potentially fatal.
The pegasus’s eyes open and look down. They also widen in a panic as she, since I’m now convinced it is indeed a she, realizes how much trouble we’re in. “I’m sorry!” she gasps. “I…just can’t stop you! Too…heavy!”
Oh crap. I’m still going to die, and now one of my favorite ponies of all time is probably going to die too because she’s trying to save me. A sudden stillness settles over my heart. I realize what I have to do. It is my responsibility and privilege as the male to sacrifice myself for her. I don’t know why, but I’ve always imagined the best part of me emerging in life or death situations. Now my death will be both noble and for science…
“Let me go,” I say firmly.
Her eyes grow even wider as she looks down at me in shock. Yup. Sure enough, bright golden eyes. I’m surprised to see that they’re actually both focusing on my face right now, however. Interesting. If I wasn’t about to die, I would surely run some experiments to see how bad her vision actually is. “What?! Are you crazy? You’ll be hurt or worse!”
I nod solemnly. “Yes, but if you don’t let go you will be hurt too! I can’t allow that to happen! Thank you for trying, but you have to let me go!”
Her gaze hardened. “No! I’d never abandon somepony in need!” Heh. ‘Somepony.’ Damn, it would’ve been fun to use that lingo and not look like a crazy person.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t allow that!” I shout as I kick her off. I hear her scream in surprise and fear as she loses her grip on me. I slowly turn over and see the ground is about ten feet away. I close my eyes and say my final words. Those glorious words that I will be immortalized in time for. And of course, I choose something completely ridiculous.
“Ouch time.”
I don’t really know what’s happening. There’s a horrible crunching noise and a blinding, searing pain, and then I’m airborne again. Did I just…bounce? Hehe. That’s an amusing thought. If I could see myself right now I’d probably be laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation is.
More crunches. More pain. I can’t quite be sure due to how my brain is currently screaming in agony dealing with the massive pain overload, but I’m pretty sure I keep hearing these weird noises.
SPROING!!
BANG! WHAM BAM POW! CRASH!
CHINGLE DINGLE CLINK!
RRREEEAAAOOOWW!!
BONG PONG BOOM!
PEEEOOWWUWOWUWOW!
CLUNK DOING SLAM!
I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. The pain is overwhelming. The world won’t stop spinning. The weird noises continue unabated.
I…I guess this is the end, then. I guess I die now. Goodbye life, it’s been a good run.
Warm…it’s so warm…the sun is wonderfully warm right now. I can just lie here forever, basking in this wonderful, glorious warmth…
Mmm…
The grass beneath me is cool and soft. There’s a light breeze blowing, gently stirring my hair and clothing. I slowly but surely blink my eyes open. Immediately, I squeeze them shut again as the suddenly blinding sun enters my vision. Slowly but surely, I manage to ease my eyes open once again, and after a few moments I manage to adjust to the bright midday sun. Squinting up at the large golden orb, I guess it’s about noon or so. Maybe a bit before.
I stare straight up in the air. It’s a beautiful day today. The warm sun bathes everything around me in a gentle glow. The sky is crystal clear blue, with small patches of white drifting lazily across its vast expanse…
Or are they being pushed…?
I suddenly realize that my glasses are no longer present on my face. Huh. Where did they go? I mean, I’m not TOTALLY helpless without them like some poor folks, but losing them certainly inhibits my ability to make out details at distances larger than about ten feet or so. Oh well, I’ll deal with that in a minute. I squint once again at the distant clouds, and sure enough it seems to me that there are small colorful patches pushing the clouds around…odd.
Then it hits me like a sack of bricks: I’m supposed to be in Equestria right now. Obviously, those clouds are being pushed around by pegasus ponies. No duh. One mystery solved. Then I remember the harrowing plummet to Earth (or Equestria now?) that just so happens to be the last thing I remember. So…am I dead? If I died, I highly doubt I’d still be in Equestria.
So I’m alive. Good…I think. But there’s NO WAY I could’ve survived a fall like that without sustaining some sort of injury. I try to sense my body without moving, attempting to discern any sources of pain. I get no sensory input from my arms, torso, or legs whatsoever. …Okay. Not sure if good or bad. Only one way to find out if I’m okay, I suppose.
Slowly but surely, I raise my right arm to a vertical position. Okay, so far so good. I experimentally swish it about and flex the fingers. As my arm undergoes a particularly complicated motion, I release an involuntary hiss of pain.
Ow! What was that? It came from…my forearm. A couple more flexes and hisses of pain confirm that yes, indeed, there is something wrong with my forearm. Probably broken. Not surprising, really, considered what I just experienced. Okay, well…I can live with that. I’ve never actually had broken bones before, so I am a bit disappointed that my perfect streak has to end, but I can certainly survive and heal from an injury like this. So far so…decent. Time for the left arm…
“AAAAUUUUGGGHH!!” I scream in pain as I try to move my left arm. It doesn’t move, and it hurts like HELL. A single tear escapes my eyes as I turn my head to look at my arm. I gasp in shock as I behold the contorted position it is lying in. That…that shouldn’t be possible.
Not good.
I take a moment to recover from the pain and examine my situation. It would appear…that my arm is dislocated at the shoulder. I gingerly lift my right arm and manage to pull my left into a more…normal position. I gently, so as to not disturb my injured right forearm, prod at different parts of my left arm to check for further injury. Fortunately, my left arm seems to be fine…except for the fact that I can’t move it whatsoever.
Steeling my nerves, I know what I have to do. If I’m to get out of here and get to help somehow, I probably need a fully-functional arm. At least, it would certainly raise my odds of survival. I slowly align my left arm in as normal a position as possible, which would be lying parallel to my torso. I wrap my right arm around my left, settling the left arm into the crook of my right, careful not to jostle my injured forearm. Taking a deep breath, I begin to squeeze my left arm into my torso.
“AaaaaaAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!” My cries of sheer agony echo around the nearby surroundings. Oh god, it HURTS! I continue to scream like a crazed madman very loudly and vehemently, but I refuse to let up. I squeeze tighter and tighter. My left shoulder is literally on fire. My right forearm aches. I can’t stop screaming in agony…
*POP!* “YYEEAAARRGGHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!” With a sudden popping, crunchy noise that made me feel sick, my left arm re-socketed itself. Very, VERY painfully. I arch my back in pain, but that only hurt EVEN MORE, causing me to cry out in further agony. I collapse back on the ground, letting my arms fall limp at my sides, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath and just recover.
The fact that moving my torso caused more pain is NOT a good sign. Yeah, I am probably very seriously hurt. As that thought sinks in, I smile grimly. Well at least I have a working arm. I tenderly start to move my left arm, rotating it about. I’m very pleased to find that no major lances of pain ensue, but there is definitely still a throbbing ache in my shoulder. But hey, I’ll take that over dislocation any day.
Now that I have a fully functioning arm, I’m able to assess the full damage to my right. Yeah, the forearm is DEFINITELY broken. I can feel the smaller bone in two pieces, but the larger seems to be intact. So what did I break? The…ulna I think? I don’t know. I don’t care, learning the names of all the bones in your body isn’t important to most people, myself included.
As another jolt of pain shoots through my brain, I let my right arm fall back to the ground. My vision is swimming. I suddenly have a thought: do I have any head injuries? Better find out. I raise my shaking left arm and feel my collar and neck. …All normal, it would seem. Good. Reaching up to my scalp, I feel about the top and back of my cranium. There’s quite a bit of blood, and…there. A rather large gash.
I withdraw my arm with a sigh. Great. I probably have a minor concussion, too. This just keeps getting better. I turn my thoughts to the pain in my torso I felt a moment ago. I lift my left arm again and probe the right side of my torso. …Everything seems fine. Now to test the left…
“Agh!” I gasp in pain and quickly withdraw my extended digits. Carefully, I gently probe my left side again, eliciting a hiss of pain. Okay, great. I have some broken ribs too. At least two. How could this possibly get any…wait, no, screw you universe. I ain’t saying it. Go to hell. With a groan of sheer agony, and leaning HEAVILY on my left arm, I manage to sit upright. My head throbs with pain as I steady myself.
Shaking my head once or twice, I blink my eyes back open, which I had shut in pain. I stare down at my legs. They…SEEMED normal, but if experience told me anything, it’s that looks can be deceiving. I quickly test my waist and hips by rotating my torso slightly. That wasn’t too bad… I test my pelvis with my left hand. It seems intact, although my right hip aches when I push on it. Maybe it’s bruised.
Now it’s time for the ultimate question: can I walk? I gently test both my thighs. They seem okay. The right knee seems alright. The left… I hiss in pain yet again as I touch the left knee. For some reason, pressing down on it hurts. I must have screwed up the kneecap somehow. Can I walk through an injury like this? Don’t know yet.
Gently, I roll over so that I am on all fours, like a dog or something, careful not to put weight on my left knee or right forearm. I quickly place my left leg beneath me and begin to rise. It seems to support my weight as long as I keep the knee mostly straight. With one final push, I rise to my full height, balanced on my left leg alone. I keep my knee locked straight in order to minimize the pain.
Alright! I can stand! Time to start walking…
“Yeeoooww!” Oops. Forgot to test the right leg. Big mistake. As soon as I take a single step, my right ankle buckles and I crash to the ground once again, landing rather painfully on my bruised right hip.
“Ow ow ow ow! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I mutter angrily to myself as I fight down the pain. Pain is just weakness leaving the body, right? Yeah, right. Currently it’s the herald of my imminent death.
Okay, then. Status report: I have a minor concussion, my right forearm is broken, my left arm was dislocated, two or more of my left ribs are broken, my right hip is bruised, there’s something wrong with my left kneecap, and my right ankle is…something. Probably fractured, considering how it can’t support even a tiny bit of my weight.
Great. Juuust great. Here I am, stuck in the middle of god-knows-where, totally incapable of fending off the forces of the wilderness that will inevitably find me, just waiting for the first hungry monster to come wandering along. If something…malicious were to find me right now, I’m as good as dead.
Suddenly I had another thought: whatever happened to my savior? After all, if it weren’t for her efforts to slow me down, I would DEFINITELY be no more than a pink and red stain on the ground. I’ve certainly screamed enough to draw attention, why hasn’t she been drawn to my cries yet? Did she get angry that I kicked her off and leave? …Unlikely. She refused to let me go even when she might have gotten hurt because of it!
My heart warmed a bit as I thought of her selfless action. Or at least, attempted selfless action. Me, being the noble and chivalrous man I am, would have none of that nonsense. Women and children first, right? Or I guess, mares and foals…ah, screw it. I’ll find pony civilization first, THEN I’ll switch my terminology as appropriate.
Anyways, back to the matter at hand. No, not hoof, I’m still human at least. I unsteadily, and quite painfully, manage to stand again. Okay, so far so good. Looking around, I see that I’m in some sort of natural divot. Taking an awkward step forward with my locked left leg, I’m delighted when it doesn’t immediately give out. I shuffle my right foot forward, placing my weight on it for only a second, before thrusting forward with my locked left leg again.
Success! I took a couple of steps! Grinning with grim determination, I begin my unsteady hobble up the slight incline. I must look completely ridiculous right now, what with the way that I am both limping and constantly bent to my right due to my left leg being locked stiff as a board. But, hey! It’s progress! Rather…painful progress.
As I reach the crest of the slight hill, I pause for breath and look around. My breath catches in my throat as I finally take in the Equestrian landscape.
…Beautiful. It’s the only word I have for it. Fields of the richest, most vibrant green stretch off into the distance, the strands of grass gently flowing in the soft breeze. Behind me, a grand tree line stands, the leaves dark, rich green and the trunks a lively, earthy brown. In the far-off distance, a range of majestic purple, snow-capped mountains stand guard, ancient sentinels over this serene land. As I close my eyes and listen, the sounds of vibrant life resonant around me. Birds chirp merrily, squirrels chatter in a lively manner, and leaves rustle in the wind. I can even hear a small brook babbling its way along somewhere.
Equestria. It’s everything I ever dreamed of, and even more.
Hmm…water would be nice. But that can wait for a moment. Where is that gray pegasus pony? Seeing another rise a short distance away, I once again begin my unsteady hobble. Cresting that hill, I look about once again. “Hello?” I call unsteadily. I do a double-take at my own voice. I sound horrible! My voice is all raspy and dry-sounding. Guess I was out for a while. A slight disturbance in the serene backdrop reaches my ears. I turn towards the source. What I see takes my breath away yet again.
But for completely different reasons.
What I see…is something I swear right here and now I hope I never see again. In all my long years of watching the show, the thought always lingered in the back of my mind that situations like this remained a possibility. But it was the type of thought that we as a community agreed we never wanted to see. Only the most twisted of minds would take joy from a sight such as this, or indeed attempt to create such a visual. Yet here it was…just feet away from my own eyes. Eyes which I suddenly found difficult to see though due to the tears that sprang to them, unbidden.
Lying about ten feet away from me was a small gray and red pile.
I cursed rather loudly and began to hobble down the slope. “Derpy!” I rasped, the concern evident in my voice despite its horrid sound. “Derpy, are you alright?”
No response.
“Damn it, damn it, damn it…” I mutter as I finally reach her and, carefully, drop to my knees at her side. “Derpy…” I say sadly. “Come on, speak to me. Are you okay? Say something! Anything!” Desperate, I wrap my arms around her shoulders and neck and shake her slightly.
“Come on! Derpy, please…please…I’m so sorry…please be okay…” I can’t keep talking. A sob wells up in my chest and breaks free, my ability to fight it no longer prevalent. I begin to moan in desperation, tears now flowing freely from my eyes. I watch as a few of my tears fall on her gray and slightly reddened coat.
I still am unable to talk, simply holding the pony who saved my life moments ago and rocking gently, sobbing uncontrollably all the while. How did this happen? She’s a pegasus! How did…suddenly it hits me. I just kicked the clumsiest pegasus on the show in midair. Clearly, she was unable to recover and also slammed into the ground.
I killed Derpy.
My anguish soars to new levels upon this realization. A pained, agonized wail escapes my lips, echoing around the clearing. I’m a monster! I just killed my favorite background pony after being in Equestria for, what, five minutes? How? How could I have been so stupid? How did this happen? Why can’t I do anything right EVER? WHY?
“WHYYYY??” I scream in horrible anguish as the tears continue to flow. Time seems to blur as I simply sit there, crying, holding the unmoving form close to my chest. Eventually, I run out of tears to shed and my wails die down into gentle sobs. Suddenly, I feel something on my cheek. My eyes shoot open and a wave of relief washes over me as I behold something truly wonderful.
My gaze locks with a pair of bright golden orbs. There are tears flowing from them as well. I flick my eyes to the left and see a gray hoof resting on my cheek. Without hesitation, I pull the gray pony into a gentle embrace. “I’m sorry,” I whisper gently in her ear. “I thought I killed you.”
A soft chuckle is my response. “Nope…still alive…” she mumbled quietly.
I release her and stare back down at her. “But for how long? You look dreadful…” I trail off.
She smiles gently once again, but I can tell how forced it is. “Heh. You’re one t’talk…” I look down at myself and notice for the first time the bloodstains on my clothing, both old and fresh. It seems that the probing of my left side opened up some barely-healed wounds.
“Well,” I say quietly. “At least we’re both alive, huh? If it weren’t for you, I definitely wouldn’t be. Thank you,” I say sincerely. “Thank you so much. But…why did you let this happen to yourself? You should’ve just let go…”
A shake of her head silences me. “No…never leave a pony in need…” she mumbles quietly. I watch as she closes her eyes and heaves a pained sigh. Suddenly, she starts to cough violently, turning her head to the side. I cringe when I see blood spew from her mouth, painting the delightfully green grass a sickly red. “Ow…” My heart very nearly gives out from that one word. To see one of my beloved characters in such pain…it burns my very soul. I swear I’m going to go to hell for this.
I turn my gaze from her face and look over her body, trying to discern her injuries. Her limbs were splayed out in every which-way, some of them at very bad angles. “Derpy…” I say softly. “Where does it hurt?”
“Hurts ev’rywhere…hurts bad…” She screws up her face in pain. Another tear slips down my cheek. “Wings hurt most…” she manages to continue.
Uh oh. I gently roll her onto her side and begin to very, VERY carefully probe her wings. She whimpers softly in pain but says nothing. As for me, I’m resisting the strong urge to vomit. I have NO idea how wing anatomy really works, but there’s probably some sort of bone. But these…these ‘extremities’ simply flop about as if they have no internal structure whatsoever. If there are indeed bones in here, they are badly broken in multiple places. She probably landed right on them…
Suddenly, an inexplicable pain wells up in my own chest. I try to resist, but I can’t. I begin to cough violently as well. Screwing my eyes shut, I turn my head to the side and hack until the pain recedes. Ow…that wasn’t fun…
Opening my eyes, I’m shocked to see the grass I was facing is also stained red. Red with my own blood. Sure enough, a distinct metallic taste now fills my mouth. Turning back to Derpy, I meet her concerned gaze. She saw the whole thing. The glance we share speaks more than words ever could. It’s a stare that says ‘I’ve only just met you and now we’re both going to die.’
…No. No, I can’t let that happen.
My heart threatens to give out, but I soldier on. For her. I’ve never been too great with blood and stuff, but I force myself to remain calm. For her. As gently as I can, I fold her wings against her body in as natural a manner I can manage. She groans in agony, but we both know it has to be done. My will turns to iron as I look down once more at her quivering, shaking form. It’s time to take action. Time to redeem myself. Time to do the impossible.
For her.
“Derpy,” I plead, shaking her slightly. One eye cracks open in acknowledgement. “I need you to tell me where the nearest settlement is. We both need help, and lots of it.” She opens her eyes fully and squints up at the sky, but even I can see how unfocused her vision is. I’m surprised she can see anything through pain like that.
“Where…where’s th’ sun?” she mumbles. I point off to my left. She studies my arm for a moment, her vision actually focusing for a second or two, before pointing shakily to my right. “Ponyville’s that way…not too far I think…”
“Alright then,” I say, confidence gradually working its way into my voice. “Then that’s where we’re going!”
Derpy shuts her eyes again and trembles slightly. “Can’t move…go quick…”
I raise an eyebrow. “Oh, no. You’re coming with me!”
Her eyes widen in a panic. “But-”
“No buts!” I shout proudly, unsteadily rising to my feet over her. “You saved my life, and now it’s my turn to do the same! Come on, now!” I proclaim as I gently pick her up and hug her close to my chest, careful not to disturb her wings. She’s not that heavy, really, but my injured forearm and shoulder immediately scream in agony. I completely ignore them, though. I AM going to save her! I AM! “I’m going to get you help!”
“Th-thank you…” she murmurs quietly before closing her eyes once again.
“You just hang on, okay? Don’t you DARE die on me! We’re both gonna be fine!” Setting my gaze forward, I gulped once before taking my first hobbling step. There was another hill to climb, this one quite a bit higher than the others, but nothing, NOTHING could stop me now!
‘Time to be a man, Shane…’ I think grimly as I begin my long, painful trek towards Ponyville, precious cargo nestled unsteadily in my shaking arms.
*****
“You must be swift as a coursing river…” I mutter under my breath. The same song has been playing in my head for the past…however long it’s been, but I don’t mind at all. It’s actually been quite invigorating. Nothing like some epic music to inspire one to do the near-impossible. By now I’m almost at the top of the hill. That’s the good news.
The bad news? I think I’m going to die. Both of my legs burn in agony. My ankle is swollen and throbbing, and my sock is stained with fresh blood. My left leg is stiff and sore. The left side of my shirt is soaked red. My shoulder and right forearm feel ready to give out from the exertion I’m forcing upon them. My breath is ragged and my vision constantly swims in and out of focus.
But I have to keep going! I have to!
For her.
Cresting the hill at last, I pause to catch my breath and survey the idyllic surroundings. I release a sigh of relief as I take in the sight of a quaint little town a short ways away from the base of the hill. As my eyes pan over the gentle landscape and the homely buildings, a release yet another gentle sigh of relief and astonishment.
Ponyville, in all its glory. Exactly like one would imagine.
And, more importantly, Ponyville General Hospital is now just a few hundred feet away. Releasing a groan of agony and shifting my grip on Derpy, who has grown frighteningly still since I found her, I begin to stagger down the hill towards the town. However, it is quite difficult to walk down a steep incline, still slick with morning dew, with two injured legs and a rather significant weight in one’s arms.
Thus, the inevitable occurs. Releasing a cry of alarm as my right foot hits a particularly slick patch, it of course buckles completely and I lose my balance. Quickly twisting myself about, I land hard on my back and proceed to slide down the rest of the hill, screaming the whole time in pain and alarm. I feel my back get cut open by a couple of stray rocks that I rather painfully run over.
“Aaaaaahhh!”
I eventually slide to a stop with a groan of pain. My back and butt hurt…a lot. That hill wasn’t exactly a cushion of pure grass. Looking up, however, I see that I actually traveled quite a distance rather quickly. In the grand scheme of things, I should probably be thankful that happened. I doubt I could have gotten down the hill faster.
I turn my gaze back to the gray pegasus. To my great relief, her eyes are open and regarding me with evident concern. “What…happened? Y’okay?”
I nod. “Yeah…just slipped. Sorry.” She blinks once in response. The sluggishness with which she does so is rather concerning. “Listen, Ponyville’s just a short ways away. I’m going to try to stand and keep going.” A barely imperceptible nod in response. Come on, Derpy, just hang on…
I slowly roll over, placing most of my weight on my good right knee. Locking my left leg, I slowly and shakily begin to rise. The pain in my legs and arms burns fiercely, and my side feels about to explode, but I force myself to stand.
For her.
“With all the force of a great typhoon…” Aw, yeah. That’s the spirit. Unsteadily, I begin my slow unwieldy hobble once again, eager to reach the safety of Ponyville.
*****
I…where am I? Oh, right. Equestria. Near Ponyville. How…how did I get here? …I don’t remember. Not important. Probably hurt myself, though. I mean, I’m in pretty bad shape. EVERYTHING hurts. Hell, I can’t even see straight! This is sooo great! Never been better! Heehee!
…I think I’m losing it. Why is it so hot? Why is my throat so dry? Why is that colorful blob over there screaming and running away? I dunno. Who cares.
Seriously, heat. Go away. You’re not helping. I’m in the middle of doing something…important. I don’t know what yet, but I know it’s important. Having you make me feel like collapsing doesn’t help. At all.
How far have I walked? …Dunno. How long? …Don’t know that either. Time flies when I’m having fun, right? Or rather, undergoing the worst suffering in my life. I can’t…really…feel my legs anymore. They used to hurt. Now they’re just…kinda numb. Is that bad? Might be. I dunno.
Who cares, right?
…Why am I carrying this…thing? Hmm…doesn’t look so good. Awfully bloody. Guess it’s hurt too. Ooh, maybe I can find some medicine here! I would love to ASK if all these stupid colorful blobs would stop running and screaming for ten seconds!
Guess it can’t hurt to try right? …Why can’t I talk? All I can do is make this funny rasping noise. Don’t think that helps. Pretty sure I heard at least a few more screams just now. A nearby pink blob just fell over. That’s odd. It was really busy shouting ‘the horror’ just a moment ago. …Why does that seem familiar?
Dunno. Who cares.
Pain…pain sucks. It is all-consuming. When one is in pain, all you can do is think about it. I think it’s driving me crazy. My arms feel about to fall off. I’m pretty sure I’m spilling my guts out my left side it’s so wet. My head is pounding. Why…why won’t the path stay straight? It keeps wavering and…and…
Whoof. Okay, break time. Can’t keep walking. Too difficult. Why am I carrying this…thing again? It’s sooo heavy, maybe I can just…set it down and take a short breather. I can do that, right? Right? …Why do I get the nagging feeling that’s not a good idea? I don’t understand anymore. I’m just hot…and hurting…and tired…and thirsty…and…and really, REALLY dizzy…
Oh look, more blobs! One of them is even purple! Heehee, I love purple! And it’s standing right in front of me. And…they aren’t running? Oh good, maybe I can finally get some…whatever it is I wanted to get. Suddenly, a voice rings out. “You! Stop right there!”
Stop? …Okay, I know how to do that. I slowly stop shuffling my feet and stand still under that hot, hot sun. Seriously, I’m baking here! My legs also still hurt like hell. Or are they numb? …I can’t really tell. It doesn’t matter. Can I sit down, maybe? I should ask. “Ha…hack…” Hmm, nope still just that annoying raspy noise. Seriously, not being able to talk sucks. Like, big time.
The blobs seem to step back a pace. “I…” the voice from before speaks again, but it seems to be wavering. “I have no idea what you are, or what you did to Derpy, but if you just put her down we can…” The rest of what the voice is saying fades away as I concentrate on the words. Derpy? What’s that? Who’s that? Why does it seem so…familiar?
Then it clicks. Oh yeah, Derpy is the thing in my arms. She needs…stuff…too. That’s why I’m here in Pomegranatetown, right? Wait, no…was it…Pawnington? Prancy City? I don’t remember. Not important. That’s why I’m here. Right here where I stand. For stuff. Definitely.
What…what was I doing again?
“Hey!” The voice, which definitely sounds female, snaps me back to reality. …Kinda. Still hot. Still blobby. Still wanna sit down. “Were you even listening? Put her down right now, or I’ll make you!”
Uh oh. Now I’m being threatened by blobs. Who knows what freaky powers they might have? Better do as Her Blobbiness commands. Wait…no…I can’t put her down. There’s a reason for that. I know there is. Just…what is it?
Suddenly it hits me. I remember it all. The fall. The crash. Finding her…things are bad. REALLY bad. We need help. I have to tell the blobs! I cough repeatedly trying to clear my throat, desperate to manage a single sentence. “Ha…harrgh…help…” Success! A word! “Help…us…”
There…did it…why aren’t the blobs saying anything? They’re just standing there. Hello? Time for round two, I gue-
“Take THIS ya freak!” a brash voice suddenly rings out.
Oh, dear.
The impact to the back of my head is swift, brutal, completely unexpected, and very, very painful. My vision goes black as I cry out in pain. All I can see is stars as I screw my face up in pain. I feel myself pitching forward. I’m going to faceplant right into the ground…great…
Wait…I can’t fall on Derpy! No no no no no! Without wasting a second, I thrust my arms out before me.
*THUD.*
I hit the ground. HARD. It doesn’t hurt, though. At least, not when compared to the pain I’ve been experiencing for the last…however long it’s been. Eternity for all I care. Derpy, however, cries out with a shriek of agony. My heart twists in on itself at the sound. I suck a deep breath in, but immediately start coughing from the amount of dust I pulled in. Yeah, these roads sure are dusty. It’s all over the right side of my face now. It’s in my mouth and nose, too. Yumm.
That seemed to do the trick at least. The blobs suddenly spring into action, their panicked voices mingling with their multitude of frenzied hoofsteps. The bright sun above me is blocked out, presumable by bodies huddled over us.
Above all the commotion, though, one voice rings out quite loudly: “RAINBOW DASH!! Of ALL the stupid, thoughtless, boneheaded…whamby pooofy moooormboooo…”
Hehehe. She sounds funny. In fact, everything sounds funny. It’s like listening to a song or movie in slow motion. Slooooow moooootiooooon…heehee! This is fun! Everyone sounds so silly! I don’t know why, but it’s certainly amusing.
There are hooves touching my arms now. Pretty sure it’s not intentional, though. They obviously just want to check on Derpy. That’s fine, she probably needs…the thing more than I do. Man, I wish I could think straight right now. It would be nice. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing something. But…I can't. I definitely can’t. My body hurts all over. I feel like I’m breaking apart. I am literally incapable of moving anything…I should just lie here and fall asleep…
Even with my eyes closed, I can make out a soft purple glow nearby. I wonder what that is? I can’t open my eyes, though. They refuse. My hearing does start functioning enough to pick up a few snippets of conversation, though: “…injured badly…immediate medical attention…team from Ponyville Hospital immediately!”
There’s several vibrations in the ground as several of the blobs hurry off. Well, I guess they’re not really blobs, are they? I am in Ponyville, after all. They’re probably ponies. Galloping off to…do pony stuff I guess. Wait, no…they’re going to get help. Help! That’s right. That’s what we need. Good…mission accomplished, now I can sleep…
*****
I slowly feel myself returning to consciousness. There are more voices now. Most of them are very serious, shouting short orders to each other. Suddenly, the weight on my arms is gently lifted away. I instinctively reach my arms up after her.
No! Derpy! They can’t take her from me! I had to do something! She needs me for…something! I release a groan of anguish and try to push myself up to look around for her. I blink my eyes open but the blinding sun immediately sends me reeling. Shielding my eyes with my left arm was a bad idea, too. Immediately my right arm buckles and I collapse once again to the dirt, crying out in pain.
Well, this is it then…I failed her. Sorry, Derpy, I tried…I really did…
There’s a gentle pressure on my right side. The pressure increases, and I feel no need to resist. Slowly, I’m rolled over onto my back. Suddenly, there’s a cool rag being pressed into my face. It slowly but surely works its way around my forehead, cheeks, and chin, carefully wiping away all the dust, grime, and sweat that accumulated there.
What I feel next can only be described as heavenly.
Something cool and smooth is pressed against my lips. Instinctively I part them, and am rewarded with a soft trickle of ice-cold water entering my parched mouth. I gently swish it around and swallow. “That’s it, drink up dear,” a voice softly soothes.
The next few minutes are spent gulping down small mouthfuls of delightfully cool and crisp water. Eventually my thirst is slated considerably. Flexing my now dampened throat muscles and clearing my throat, I manage to speak. “Thank…thank you…needed that…”
“You’re very welcome. You were most dehydrated,” the voice says again. I don’t quite recognize the voice, though. I want to see who is responsible for such acts of kindness!
“Can…can I open my eyes?” I mumble.
A pause. “I don’t see why not. Here, I’ll block out the sun for you.” The light threatening to pierce my closed eyelids darkens. Hesitantly, I blink open my eyes. It takes a moment or two to adjust, but sure enough a form of a pony is standing between my eyes and the bright sun. I can’t see its face, though. With the sun behind it all I can see is a dark blur.
Suddenly, the pony beckons to something off in the distance. “Yes, over here! Put that cloud right there if you would please, Cloudchaser. Yes, that’s perfect thank you.” The pony steps to the side, revealing a dark gray semi-bright disk where the sun used to be, and I can finally see who she is. I gasp in recognition. White fur. Pink mane done up in a bun. Gentle blue eyes laced with care and concern. White cap with a red cross adorning it perched on her head.
Nurse Redheart.
Wow…I really am in Equestria. I really am in Ponyville. Unbelievable. I just…I can’t…wow. Just…wow. I want to tell her I know who she is. But as I open my mouth to speak, I pause. On second thought, it might be a bad idea to tell every pony I meet that I already basically know who they are. How creepy would that be? It would lead to questions. Lots of questions. Probably from a particular purple unicorn I just so happen to know lives in these parts. Better to avoid that whole situation altogether.
“Thank…thank you. For everything.” She simply smiles. “Who…who are you?”
“My name is Nurse Redheart, dear,” she replies gently. “Don’t you worry none, you’re in good hooves.”
“And…Derpy?” I mumble.
A look of distress crosses her face at the mention of that name. “She…she’s being rushed to Ponyville Hospital as we speak. She’s hurt badly.”
I nod sadly. “I know…I know. I…might be the cause of that…” I say.
A dark look envelops her features. Oops. Might not have wanted to say that. “You didn’t do that on purpose, right?” she asks in a suddenly cold voice, struggling to maintain what was obviously anger.
I feel my face pale. I am hasty in my response. “No! No…no no no…of course not.” I breathe a sigh of relief as her face melts once again into an expression of care and gentleness. “I couldn’t…I wouldn’t ever…”
She reaches to the side and picks up the rag again, wringing it out slightly. “Of course not. I’m sorry I ever thought you would,” she says softly as she begins to gently wipe my face again.
“It’s…okay,” I respond. “Totally understandable, really.” She regards me with a thoughtful expression before simply nodding and returning to her work. “Is…she gonna make it?”
Redheart frowns slightly. “I can’t say for sure, but she’s with some of the best doctors in Equestria right now. If anypony can save her, it’s them.” Seeing my troubled expression, she smiles gently. “Oh, don’t worry hon. I’m pretty sure she’ll turn out alright.”
I release a shaky breath and smile softly. “Good…good. She saved my life, you know. I can only hope…I returned the favor…”
Redheart raises an eyebrow questioningly. “She did now? How?”
“I was falling,” I explain between pants. Is it just me, or is it getting harder to breathe? “She slowed me down, but couldn’t stop our fall. So I…I kicked her off. Didn’t want her to get hurt.” I feel a tear roll down my cheek. “You saw how that worked out…”
The cool rag gently brushes the tear away. “Don’t you worry, dear. She’ll be fine. I’m not surprised she wouldn’t let go, she’s such a sweetheart.” I nod in agreement but say nothing. “And that’s how she got hurt?” Another nod. “You as well?” Right again. “And then you carried her here, despite your injuries?”
“That’s…that’s right,” I gasp.
She seems to notice my strained response and frowns slightly. “Well. You have nothing to be ashamed of, dear. I think you just made the difference in her battle for survival.” I simply nod, too busy gasping for air to respond. Why is it so hard to breathe? “Now, I want you to tell me everything you can about your injuries.”
Right…my injuries…oh, how they hurt. “Okay…let’s see…” I look her straight in her caring blue gaze and find the strength to speak. “Alright. I think…have a minor concussion…” She nods once, slowly walking over to my head to examine it. “Right forearm…broken…”
“I realized that,” she affirms.
“Left shoulder was dislocated…left ribs broken…”
“Yes, that looks rather serious,” she mulls to herself, noticing the rather large bloodstain in my T-shirt that used to be blue. “Rather handy that you already had some clothes on, though. Useful for soaking up the blood. What else?”
“Uhh…right hip…bruised I think? Not sure…” I hiss in pain as she prods it experimentally, her forehead creased in thought. “Right ankle…really messed up…fractured probably…” She nods again, glancing worriedly at my right leg.
“And…something wrong…with my left knee…kneecap, probably…”
She frowns yet again. “Kneecap? …Here you say?” I nod in affirmation, and then groan slightly when she presses on my knee. “Hmm…and yet you could walk…”
“Barely,” I respond. Why, oh WHY can’t I breathe properly?
“Nurse Redheart!” a new voice calls out. Suddenly a purple pony I immediately recognize enters my field of view. “The medical staff is almost done fashioning a new stretcher. They should be here in ten minutes or so.”
Redheart nods. “Thank you, Twilight.” Turning back to me with a rueful smile, she speaks again. “I’m afraid our current facilities are unequipped to deal with species of your size,” she explains. “We’re having to improvise on the spot.”
I simply nod. “S’alright…makes sense ‘n all…” Twilight seems to notice my strained response as well and looks down at me with concern.
“Nurse Redheart…is it okay?”
“Its condition seems to be deteriorating,” she replies worriedly.
“I’m…a he…thank you very much…”
“Oh,” Twilight responds, blushing slightly. “Do you have a name?” she asks curiously. Oh boy, here come the questions.
“Twilight…” Redheart began in a warning tone.
“My name…you can…call me Shane…” I stutter out.
“Nice to meet you, Shane,” she replies politely. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, proprietor of Ponyville Library and personal student of Princess Celestia of Equestria. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise…” I gasp.
“Um, but if you don’t mind me asking…what exactly are you?” she asks curiously, bending down to examine me closer. “I’ve never seen anything even remotely like you, or read about anything in my books remotely resembling-”
“Twilight,” Redheart says again.
I decide, perhaps unwisely, to answer her question anyways. “I’m a…human…”
“Human?” Twilight says uncertainly, screwing her face up in concentration. “Human…human…can’t say I’ve ever heard of those. Maybe if I sent a letter to the-Shane!”
I don’t hear anything past that. I’m too busy coughing horribly. I squeeze my eyes shut, turn my head to my right, and cough like there’s no tomorrow. And oh god, does it hurt too. Even worse than my first coughing fit. I think I hear Redheart calling out worried instructions in the background. At some point, a pair of hooves picks up my right hand and cradles it gently. I won’t lie, the simple touch was quite comforting.
As the last painful cough dies away, I groan in discomfort and open my eyes. I’m quite dismayed to see a rather large red stain on the dirt path before my face. That can’t be good… Looking back up at Redheart and Twilight I grin sheepishly. Both of them look very worried though.
“S-sorry…I-”
“Shh,” Redheart cuts me off. “Don’t be sorry. You’re clearly hurt quite badly. Just lie still.”
I nod, but panic begins to well in my chest as I realize I can just barely breathe. “R-red…help…c-can’t…breathe…” I gasp between short, stuttering breaths. This is it, then. I’m going to die here. Awesome.
Both ponies’ eyes widen in a panic. “Oh no! Redheart, what’s wrong with him? Why can’t he breathe? What should I do?” Twilight’s mouth is running a mile a minute in worry. I can almost see the nervous breakdown coming on with the way she’s practically hopping in place with anxiety.
“I don’t know,” Redheart quickly replies, peeking at my bloody side. Suddenly her eyes go wide. “Oh dear…I think he may have a punctured lung.”
“Sounds…’bout…right…” I gasp, feeling the need to offer my own paltry medical experience.
Redheart shoots me a glare. “No talking. Lie still and just try to breathe,” she orders as she wets the rag again and gently tries to dab at my side. I hiss in pain. “Sorry,” she apologizes before resuming her work.
Twilight suddenly looks away, and an expression of relief washes over her face. “Redheart! The medical team is here!”
“Oh, thank Celestia,” she breathes.
Suddenly I’m surrounded by ponies, noise, and movement. I feel myself lift gently into the air, probably by magic, before settling into what feels like a soft bed. Although, it’s not quite long enough seeing as my legs dangle over the edge by a few inches or so. Redheart’s voice rings out in the background, evidently explaining my injuries as quickly as she can. All the while, it’s all I can do to keep sucking down short, painful gasps of air. Normally I’d be ecstatic to see magic in action, but right now…I’m a bit distracted.
Redheart’s face reenters my vision to my left. “Hold on, dear. We’re running you to the hospital now.”
A gruff voice from somewhere calls out: “alright ponies, let’s MOVE! Get out of our way! Emergency!” There’s a sudden thundering of hooves, and I feel my support start to move, taking me with it. Redheart moves along with me, although it’s pretty obvious she’s running. I simply stare at her face, focusing on the caring expression there.
But…wait…wasn’t there another pony? Where is she? “T…Twi…”
A worried expression crosses over Redheart’s face and she beckons to something behind her. In a purple flash, Twilight is on my right, also running next to me. “What? What is it? Is he okay?”
“He’s traumatized,” Redheart replies quickly. “Best to keep some familiar faces in view.” Turning her attention to me, she speaks again. “Focus on my voice, Shane. Focus on breathing. Think of a happy place. Of your home.”
“Wherever that is…” I hear Twilight mumble.
“Home…Earth…” I gasp out.
I grin when I see Twilight’s ears perk up. “Earth? Where’s that?”
“Far…away…”
“How’d you get here then?” Redheart looks about to shoot a warning glare at Twilight, but seems to realize that I like answering her questions. Which I do. As for getting here? Hah. Funny story, that. I fell through a hole in the sky, of course.
“Fell…through a ho-”
OW! OH GOD! PAIN! PAAAIIN! PAIN LIKE I’VE NEVER FELT BEFORE! SEARING THROUGH MY VERY CONSCIOUS! COURSING THROUGH MY BODY! IT’S LIKE A BOLT OF FIERY LIGHTNING! OH GOD, IT BURNS!!
