Writer's Block
I was up late, trying to finish my story. I was so close.
If I could just read through it without correcting every other mistake in the blasted thing. But, there you go.
I’m a Brony. Sad, right? I should be trying to find a job, or even sending in stories to actual publishing companies. And here I am, writing about the adventures of chromatically-confused equines in a kids’ TV show, which has spread far beyond its original demographic.
Over the past few days, I’d been writing up my first chapter. This fanfic was gonna be gold. I had the characters, a relatively solid plot, and it wound elements from other MLP fanfics all into one thing. It had something for everyone! Relationships would be forged, enemies would be defeated, and unresolved problems would become… uh… resolved.
Ooohhkaaaay, maybe a little more work.
I glanced up at the clock.
3:00 am
Yup, six straight hours of writing and I was almost there. I was at the point where the multiple sub-plots would come together.
And that’s when Twilight Sparkle appeared in my room.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. First, you’re reading what appears to be some dude’s diary entry, and then he goes all fantasy on you. And in answer to any suspicions, no, I did not get whisked away to Equestria to have a bunch of adventures. And no, she wasn’t magically stuck here, with me being the only person who could get her back home. And NO! I wasn’t really the Magical Puppet-Master Doohicky of Whateversville that could alter the universe to my liking.
That would be awesome, but in case you haven’t heard me: NO.
Anyway…
Three in the morning, drinking my third can of redbull, writing a story that isn’t even officially mine, and Twilight sparkle pops in for a visit.
For those of you less hardcore My Little Pony fans, Twilight Sparkle is the Purple unicorn with the big brain, the kind heart, and the smart mouth. That’s it! I’m done. I’m fed up with breaking the fourth wall. Go find something else to break.
Me. Brony. Room. Writing. Nerd. Twilight Sparkle.
There.
“Alright, what are you doing,” she asked.
Now, if answering “I’m narrating my interpretation of your universe for a bunch of guys ages 17-55 because I have no social life” isn’t rude, then I honestly don’t know what is.
Instead, I said, “Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh… why are you here?”
She rolled her eyes. “Magical interdimensional reality teleportation spell.”
My brain began going into shock. “You mean… You’re REAL?”
She gave me a look that seemed to ask if I was for real. “Let’s see: You haven’t gotten any sleep yesterday or today, you’ve been binging on redbull and coffee, you’re writing a fanfiction for a kid’s TV show, and now you’re talking to a magical purple unicorn. Sure, why not. I’m real.”
Okay, so my brain decided not to go into shock. I wasn’t so buzzed as to miss sarcasm.
“So, you’re a hallucination?”
Again, eye roll. “I’m a manifestation of your grossly abused subconscious, but I guess ‘hallucination’ counts too.”
I frowned. “I didn’t know my sub-conscious had an attitude.”
"And I didn’t know the guy who’s subconscious I’m manifested by could be so slow!”
"Hmph! It’s not like you’re self-aware, or anything.”
“And how would you know if I was?”
“So you are self-aware?”
“Hey, don’t look at me, this is your idea.”
…
No matter how hard you can try, there really just isn’t an answer to that, is there?
I took my hands away from my laptop, and swiveled in my stylish… swivel… chair. Aw forget it!
“Alright, fine, ‘Jacob Marly,’ which three ghosts are visiting me tonight?”
She sat down, an annoyed expression on her face. "Just me, for the moment. I’ll ask again: What are you doing?”
“You just said it a moment ago: I’m writing a fanfic.”
"Whose?”
“Excuse me?”
“Whose fanfic?”
“Mine.”
"Really?”
"Yes!”
"I seriously doubt that.”
I took a moment to bang my head on my desk. "What the heck are you talking about?”
Without actually moving, she was somehow on my desk, looking over my shoulder at the chapter I’d written. She raised a very irritated eyebrow.
“Spike out-growing his home in Ponyville? Humans are real? Fluttershy and Macintosh pairing up? Applejack and Rarity? Me, with Celestia? And Luna? And Trixie? Which one of these is actually your idea?”
I was about to point out the idea of a love quadrangle with Her, Trixie, Luna and Celestia technically was my idea, but I somehow doubt this would’ve helped my case. Regardless, she kept reading.
"Oh, look. It’s a crossover: With Halo, Fable, Final-Fantasy, Star Wars, Star Trek, Lost planet, Gears of War, Warhammer, Warhammer 40,000, Fallout, all of the Elder Scrolls, Transformers, Harry Potter, Eragon, Lord of The Rings…”
She gave me a very odd look.
“Remind me, precisely who is Luke’s father?”
I snatched the laptop away. “Hey! I like what I read!”
She moved to the bed. "Really? Like what?”
“Well… MLP fanfics?”
“Oh. Are they good?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you, and others, enjoy reading them?”
“Yes!”
“Is that why you’re putting every single popular My Little Pony fanfic element into one story so it can be really popular?”
“Yes! No… Waitaminute!”
“So you’re not blending them to be popular?”
“No! Well, yes…”
“You don’t want it to be popular?”
“No, wait what?”
“Then, you’re not blending…”
“WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF! YOU’RE MAKING ME SOUND LIKE AN INSANE PERSON!”
“This coming from the guy having an argument with himself?”
I don’t think I’d ever wanted to strangle my subconscious more than I did right then.
“Look, I like all of them!”
She cocked her head to one side. "Like? Like how?”
“Well I… um…”
I thought for a moment, then gave the lavender librarian a look.
“Oh come on! I just like them.” I instinctively scrolled to one of my favorites.
“I mean, look at this! A pony who believes humans exist! This is brilliant.”
I moved on to another one, which I always kept on an open page.
“And this one! A story of Spike growing up. Some people love him, some hate him, and Twilight…”
I looked up awkwardly.
“Uh… you, I guess?”
She shrugged. “Meh. Your choice.”
“Ummm… Ok. Anyway, it’s good!”
Another flick on the keyboard.
“And here! And this! That!”
I sat back in my chair.
“These are all amazing. All of them have four to five stars, upwards of a thousand views. And… and…”
(Oh jeez, here we go. This is the part where some emotion gets put into it. Ugh! Alright, y’know what? Forget it! I’m not going to put it in!)
…
(No. No! Do NOT give me that look! Oh… Fine.)
A single tear (Of Frustration!) rolled down my cheek.
“It’s just that, you know… I guess I just wanted to be part of those stories. Write my own take on them. Add my own characters, my own twists.”
There was a long silence. Then, without moving, she was at my side.
“I think I know what your problem is,” she said in a hushed voice.
“What?”
She gave me a smile. Not sardonic, or arrogant… not even pitying. Just a smile.
“You’ve been reading too many My Little Pony fanfictions.”
And now, the brain goes into shock. “Ah, wazziwa?”
There was a sigh of exasperation. From behind me. I turned, and there, standing in the middle of my room, was none other than Princess Celestia.
Greeeeaaaaat! Fantastic! What’s next? Applejack? Rainbow Dash? Rarity?
…Pinkie Pie?
Oh dear lord let this end soon!
The white mare looked at me. With both wings and a unocorn’s horn, she was technically an Alicorn. And no, I don’t know why. By the by, she was a full horse-head taller than me when I was standing. I wasn’t, so she pretty much towered over me.
Yeah, I’m praising a cartoon unicorn with wings, whom is more than likely a figment of my imagination. And you’re sitting there reading this, so who’s the bigger Brony?
Well, I don’t mean to brag, but…
Anyway…
“What my student has been trying to tell you is that your work has not been based upon the stories of Equestria. You’ve been concentrating so much on the work of others, you’ve begun to weave your stories around their perspectives instead.”
What? What was she talking about? Of course I was writing about Equestria! The mane six! The Princesses, the dragons!
The Elder scrolls, Star Wars, Applejack and Rarity…
Oooooooohhhhhhhh...
Facepalm!
The Princess smile. “I see you understand my point.”
It was official. My world had officially fractured. And the fact that it was only fractured by my perspective was all the more devastating.
I wanted to cry. I almost did…
“B-but… Those stories! These people, they do it so well. How can I just ignore their work? How can I take something done so well, and then cast it aside?”
This time, it was Twilight who spoke. “That’s not what you need to do.” She slowly walked towards Celestia. “But there’s something you can try.”
I admit that at this point, I was so pathetically desperate that I didn’t even have the gumption to argue. All I could manage was to nod of the head, eyes fixed on the floor.
“Just watch My Little Pony episodes more often.”
…
“Sorry?” Of all the solutions I had imagined, that wasn’t one of them. Celestia simply nodded in agreement.
“A fanfiction is based upon your perspective of characters and setting, what might be, and what might not have been. But every author writes the story a little differently. If you base your characters off of reflections, you will have nothing more than shadows of what they might be.”
(I attributed this sappy line to my own, groggy state of mind.)
“See what the characters are supposed to be, and give your reflection, not your opinion of another’s.”
I was quiet for a long time. I sat there, kneeling on the floor for I don’t know how long. After what seemed like an age, I looked up.
They were all there, now. Twilight and Celestia, of course, but also Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Spike.
There were even more. Big Macintosh. Princess Luna. Apple Bloom. Zecora.
And more…
All these ponies, many of whose names I didn’t know, or couldn’t remember.
Even Ditzy Doo was there, giving me a kind look with her off-kilter eyes.
They were all smiling at me. They were all silently supporting me, knowing that whatever I did, I couldn’t be wrong, so long as I believed I was being true to myself.
Scrunching my eyes closed, I cried. I didn’t have a choice in the matter. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know what to think.
It was perfect.
And when I opened my eyes, they were gone. I was in my room, kneeling on the floor.
Tonight, I would sleep. Tomorrow, I would start fresh. First, I’d re-watch episode 1.
A new story perhaps? A visitor to Equestria maybe…?
It didn’t matter how long I took. For now, I was alone with my thoughts.
And my friends.
A/N
Weird as this might sound, this actually happened.
Yup. Up at three in the morning, writing stuff, and had the weirdest waking dream any Brony could have. But, it helped.
For those of you wondering, the story I had been working on happens to by my Silent Knight project. Chapter 2 should be up soon. (And no, there’s no love quadrangle! Promise!)
I’m sorry if this is sappy, or worse, predictable, but in my defense, I did base this off personal experience.
And few things are stranger than reality.
And many thanks to my brother, Brony Z-Ro, for not laughing at me after reading this :)
Hope you Enjoyed
Brony 2-Ma-Ro
P.S. Ever since that snide comment I made about Jacob Marly, I’ve been thinking:
Could Charles Dickens have been a Brony?