> One of Those Days
>  by Bespectacled Brony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Methodical Mares
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Introduction: Well, it had to happen sooner or later.  But to make the long story short, this brony was prompted to attempt a "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" fanfic!  This being my first MLP tail-er...tale (but certainly not my first story ever), I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  

Disclaimer: Not much to say here, except that I don't own this show, or anything officially connected to it.  That honor goes to Lauren Faust, for creating a new breed of pony for the masses to cherish.  Thanks for bringing such an entertaining show to us!

Synopsis: Clashing over the proper way to get a date for the evening, Rainbow Dash and Rarity try out their respective tactics on a single subject...which conclude with very unexpected results.


My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic - One of Those Days







Chapter 1 - Methodical Mares


Ah, the colorful, charismatic community of Ponyville!  Home to a large population of ponies, varying in personalities, plans and professions.  Activities and adventures as well as perils and pleasures (big and small) are always abound.  Lots more could be said about this quaint little town, but one would only need to set a single hoof into the area to appeciate its numerous splendors, candy for one's eyes and ears...

Oh...can you feel it?  The birds' cheerful chirping, the busy bees buzzing and the prancing, playful, precocious pack of ponies, pausing to ponder the potential, positive, precise pearls of solution for their plethora of perplexing predicaments, pleasurably perceptively permeating answers into a particular percentage of pestering problems and putting them in their place with perfect, pinpoint precision.

To preferably paraphrase...it's all purely part of the processed, periodic package.

It's panacea, not a placebo.

Understand, my little ponies?

Me neither.

Anyway...

Indeed...such an exhilarating atmosphere was interlaced with Ponyville, amplified by a wonderful spring day spread across the kingdom of Equestria.  Nothing unusual was occurring, but that hardly warranted a reason to go looking for trouble.  The common traits of such a day should be hard at work at right now.  Are the birds chirping?  Were the bees buzzing?  Is that the sound of ponies playing?

Yes to all.  Yes, yes, yes-

"NO, NO, NO!"

"Aw, c'mon!  Pleeeeease?"

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, a trio of fillies known to most as the Cutie Mark Crusaders were repeatedly requesting permission for pet sitting...sort of.

In their latest attempt to gain their cutie marks - the glorious symbols upon ponies' flanks, representing their special talents - the youngsters were asking a longtime friend of theirs if they could borrow her pet for...heavens, who knows what?  

Unfortunately, they didn't even get a chance to explain or plead their case before a solid wall of opposition got in their way.

The sky-blue, multi-colored haired pegasus called Rainbow Dash was the one countering the requests with refusals.

Now, she normally had a reputation for being eternally loyal to her friends, possessing an unquenchable thirst for adventure, an undeniable need for ultimate speed...and for simply being an all-around, heckuva great gal.

But when it came to matters concerning her pet, Tank the tortoise, Rainbow Dash's mindset became rather protective, and her agreeable mannerisms ran the risk of taking a nosedive.

"I've said it before.  Questions we all know the answers to..."

"...we don't need to ask," they solemnly replied in unison, sighing.

"Hey, I know you guys wanna get your cutie marks badly, but whatever you're thinking of doing with Tank - pet sitting or otherwise - I just can't allow.  Besides...remember what happened last month when you tried to look after those insects?"

Scootaloo's expression turned sour while adding her two bits to the mix.

"Geez, some fillies accidentally let a bunch of fire ants loose on Ponyville and they pay for it with the rest of their lives!"

"Look at the bright side!" Sweetie Belle happily squeaked.  "Nopony got seriously burned!"

"And ev'rypony's manes grew BACK, didn't they?" Apple Bloom pointed out.

"Doesn't change what you did," Rainbow Dash firmly.  "That 'Littlest Pet Shop' project of yours?  Forget it!  Not a great plan!  Leave that weird idea to some other group of colorful characters!"

The Crusaders knew that the older pony was speaking the truth.  Still, one last effort was worth a try...specifically, in the form of a very big-

"BUT...!"

"Sorry, but you're gonna have to find another way to reach your goal."

Dejected and defeated, the youngsters turned to go.  Rainbow certainly didn't mean to sound so harsh (if that's how her behavior had been interpreted), so she decided to end this encounter on a (hopefully) positive note.

"Hang on!"

The group turned their heads to hear what the pegasus had to say now.  Rainbow had what looked like tickets in her mouth.  She leaned her neck downward and dropped them on the ground for the girls to see.

"I won these in a contest.  They're special 'Wild Card' movie tickets that'll letcha see any flick you want.  I used of one of 'em earlier today, but you can have the other three."

"No way!  Really?" asked an excited Scootaloo.

"Really.  You've worked hard...y'know, aiming for those cutie marks and all.  Why doncha take a break from all the crusading for a bit and see a free movie together?"

"THANKS!" Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom exclaimed, each taking a ticket into their mouth.

Scootaloo did the same, but not before quickly hugging her idol.

"You're the best, Rainbow Dash!" 

"Heh, heh...well, I try," she said, slightly embarrassed and nervously scratching the back of her head.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders eagerly ran off to reap the benefits of their gift, but not without being tossed a few obligatory words of caution...

"Enjoy yourselves...but 'Pit Pony' is off limits!  It's not for kids!"

It couldn't be assured that the fillies had actually heard her words.  Or it could've been that they deliberately blocked them out.  Neither possibility would be surprising.

"Now...back to more important matters!" Rainbow Dash grinned.

She flipped three balanced bits off the tip of her right wing into the air.  Sticking out her front left hoof, the coins landed in a neat stack atop it.  Whether or not that was the intended result was anypony's guess.

"My taste buds have a date with a tall smoothie, and they don't wanna be late!"





Sitting at a small round table outside of a juice bar, Rainbow Dash took a long, satisfying sip of her fruit smoothie through a straw.  She already knew it would taste as great as it looked; brightly colored, cooled and healthy bearing no artificial sweeteners or effervescence. 

"Mmm..." she said, licking her lips and savoring the delicious taste.  "Chilled to perfection and as smooth as a mountain's stream!  It doesn't get much better than this!"

"Well, somepony looks as happy as a clam!" chirped a familiar voice.

Rainbow averted her gaze upward up from her drink and saw Rarity, a white unicorn with elegant looks matching her equally elegant voice, supplemented by a cutie mark depicting a trio of diamonds.  The curls in her purple mane (and tail) seemed to have a mind of their own, lightly bouncing with every step taken, further complimenting the lovely atmosphere she emitted.

Rarity was an extremely skilled fashion designer, always creating and selling sensational works of art - that came in the form of well-crafted clothes - by the tons.  The Carousel Boutique was both her home and base of operations.  If somepony needed a suit or dress, Rarity's products were the best.

And if Rarity didn't have what you were looking for...then she'd take it upon herself to create it completely from scratch.

When it came to personalities, features and interests, she and Rainbow Dash were practically polar opposites.  Regardless of that, they still employed fundamental similarities in their hearts that made an unlikely friendship between them very possible...and lasting.

"Fay faf agemf?" Rainbow asked, lifting her head (and probably not realizing that the straw was still in her mouth). 

Rarity shot her friend a brief disapproving expression and sighed.

"I said that you appeared rather pleased with yourself!"

Rainbow's common sense kicked in this time, causing her to release the straw back into her glass before responding.

"You better believe it!  Not that anypony needs a reason to be cheerful, but it never hurts!  I got my weather duties done ahead of schedule, took a relaxing nap, saw a movie, averted a possible disaster by the Cutie Mark Crusaders...eh, I think...and I'm topping it all off with a smoothie!"

"Sounds like the makings of a productive day," Rarity agreed, taking a seat.  "What movie did you see?"

"Um, I saw...'There Must Be a Pony'...yeah, that was it."

"Oh, I've been meaning to see that one!  Any good?"

"Ah, it was okay...I guess."

"You know, considering what I saw in the trailer, it didn't look like the type of movie you'd go for."

"Hey, you're always telling me to 'expand my horizons' or whatever so I thought I'd give it a chance!   But I probably woulda had a better time seeing 'Pit Pony'...starring that musician-turned-actress Method Mare!  She's awesome!  Just like me!"

Rarity smiled but couldn't help rolling her eyes as well.

"Besides, I didn't have much of a choice, since 'Iron Mare 3' doesn't come out 'til next week."

"To each their own, darling."

"The only other movies playing were 'Frontier Pony Express Rider' and 'Princess and the Pony' which-"

"Wait...if memory serves, isn't there at least one more film currently in rotation at the theater?"

"If you're talking about that flick 'Nothing Human'...which is CRAZY in my opinion...!"

Rarity recoiled a bit at Rainbow Dash's exclamation.

"Look, there's nothing wrong with all this abstract, new-age, visionary, thought-provoking stuff...but those 'human' creatures in the film just didn't...kinda...uh, to make the long story short...they were SCARY.  There were some major creepy concepts in there.  I keep wondering what was going through the director's melon when he made that!"

"Are you sure?"

"Trust me, sister.  You're seeing it at your own risk!"

Rarity gave a "Hmm..." while she stroked her chin with her hoof, indicating that she was reconsidering the amount of interest she had in seeing that picture.

"But I'm rambling!" Rainbow said, halting her criticism of the movie.  "How's your day been?"

"Equally rewarding!  I finished yet another difficult wardrobe order for an out-of-town client!  A most taxing endeavor, I must say!  Then I paid a visit to Fluttershy at her cottage, and we had a few peaceful minutes over a cup of tea.  Afterwards, we headed over to the spa!"

"The spa?" Rainbow asked, clearly starting to lose interest in the new subject matter.

Rarity's smiled widened a bit and nodded vigorously.

"Mm-hm!  It's our weekly get-together, after all!"

Now it was Rainbow's turn to roll her eyes.

"Here we go..." she muttered.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it!" stated Rarity.

The description that escaped the unicorn's lips was one which Rainbow Dash had heard too many times.  So much so that every subsequent time she heard it, it was (usually) the same sentences, word for word.

Rainbow put on an overly cheerful (and fake) smile and silently mouthed Rarity's words as they were spoken.  

"There's absolutely nothing in this world like the feeling of having your horned filed, slapping on a mud mask, and receiving the best back massages!  They do wonders for the mind and body!"

It was evident that Rainbow had long since memorized that speech (although not of her own accord).

"That's a snoozer if I ever heard one!  First off, I don't have a horn to file!  Second, willingly smudging sludge all over my face doesn't sound very useful!  Finally, a massage might damage my wings!  I couldn't stand to live without these babies!"

Rainbow Dash expanded her wings and quickly flapped them in demonstration, although she didn't proceed to fly off.

"So...basically, going to the spa doesn't rank high on my 'To Do' list!" she concluded.

It was clear that Rainbow's assumptions about the spa were unjust and/or unwarranted, but Rarity decided not to (intentionally) escalate such a debate for fear of starting an argument.

"You clearly need to give the place more credit, darling.  Sprucing up your appearance has a number of benefits!" Rarity noted.

"Zat so?" Rainbow asked, sitting back down.

"Quite so!  You end up looking devastatingly gorgeous-"

"This conversation is devastating enough!"

"You also feel good about yourself-"

"Hey, I got plenty of self-esteem!  Confidence comin' out the ears!"

"So I've noticed.  And perhaps, most importantly, a makeover can be the key factor in attracting...a mate."

"Excuse me?"

"A mate.  You know, what we call the-"

"I know what you mean!  I just don't get why that should matter to me!"

Rarity sighed, fearing that this talk probably wouldn't end favorably.  Nevertheless, she was determined to make a point while Rainbow Dash (who still failed to see where this discussion was going) took another long sip from her smoothie.

"Come now, you don't plan on being single forever...do you?" Rarity gently teased.

"Hey, this gal flies solo!" assured Rainbow, lightly thumping her chest once.  "I'm perfectly cool winging it alone!  The stallion who can keep up with me hasn't been born yet!  And that's the minimum of what it would take to even get my attention!"

"Oh, please!  I could understand if you're not looking for a very special somepony on purpose...but it does make one think..."

Rainbow could tell that Rarity's wheels were turning, prompting her to jump in before the fashionista's thoughts could go any further.

"I could get a guy if I wanted!" Rainbow Dash announced, a bit too defensively.

"Hmm...you, asking out a stallion?" Rarity inquired, still teasing her a little.  "That's a miracle I'd love to witness!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Back up right there!  Let's get one thing straight!  Rainbow Dash does not 'ask out' somepony on a date!  When she sees a dude worth hangin' out with...she demands their company!  In short...Rainbow Dash conquers!"

"Uh-huh."

"I do not go out with them...they go out with me!  Those are my methods, end of story!  Hey, that rhymes!"

And they say I'm the drama queen, Rarity thought.  

"You certainly talk a good game, darling...but I've still yet to see you take any action to support the validity of your...'methods'...as you call them."

"Hey, are you doubting my techniques?  Is that a challenge I'm hearin'?"

Rarity squeezed her eyes shut and pulled a facehoof.

"No and no."

"Ha!  A double negative!  That means yes!"

"If you absolutely must pursue this desire for self-humiliation, then by all means...dazzle me."

"This'll be a cinch!  Ain't no thing but a pegasus wing!"

"Whatever that means.  Anyway, seek out one of your so-called 'dudes'...and conquer him!"

"Already on it!"

With a flap of her wings, Rainbow Dash zoomed upward into the air in a perfect vertical line, without a single tilt in angle.  She squinted her eyes, glancing far and wide for a promising candidate.  Ponies were naturally spotted here and there going about their business, but they were all female.  Rainbow was just about to look elsewhere when she spied a single stallion not too far away.

He was gradually (albeit unintentionally) heading towards them.  Rainbow immediately lowered herself back down to the table she had been sitting at.  She turned her head to make sure the guy was still walking in their direction.  She rubbed her front hooves together in anticipation.

"Ah!  The perfect victim at 3 o'clock!"

"That late already?" Rarity asked, looking at her pocket watch.

Rainbow groaned as she pointed with her hoof.  Rarity's eyes widened a bit and her mouth curled into a smile.  He was a young-looking male with a grayish amber coat, brown mane, light blue eyes and his cutie mark was that of an hourglass.  Maybe he wasn't the most dashing and/or handsome pony around, but his physical attributes were enough to grab Rarity's attention.  She stared for quite a moment, possibly unwilling or unable to look elsewhere.

Not even a cyan hoof being waved in front of her provided a sufficient distraction.

"Hellooooo?  Earth to Rarity!" Rainbow Dash hollered.

"Oh...sorry, dear," Rarity said, tearing her eyes away at last.  "Just admiring the view...if you catch my drift."

"Say what?"

Rarity softly jerked her head at Rainbow's "victim" as she explained.

"While I'm still skeptical that you'd be able to court a partner, I'll admit that you do have reasonable taste."

"Yeah, yeah...but it's time to get to work!  Heh, heh!  I'll have that poor schmoe wrapped around my hoof in no time!"

"This ought to be good."

"Watch and learn."

Rainbow leaned against a nearby tree (not too far from where she had been sitting), draping one hind leg over the other (as well as crossing her forelegs) and flashed a small - but confident - smile.

The stallion in question quietly hummed to himself making his way to the juice bar.  Although he wasn't too far away from the tree as he passed by, he took no notice of Rainbow Dash...at least, not until he heard a loud, beckoning whistle coming from her location, as well as a very loud-

"Yo!"

The male turned his head her way and locked eyes with the mare.  He looked right and left, unsure if he was the one being called out to.  Seeing nopony else nearby, his eyes widened slightly, and he pointed towards himself, effectively making a silent - but obvious - inquiry.

"Yeah, you!  C'mere!" Rainbow Dash hollered.

The target hesitantly approached her, while the pegasus decided to make her move just the way she preferred lots of things in life to be...short and speedy.

"What's up, doc?" she quipped.

"What's cookin', good lookin'?" he unenthusiastically replied.

"You!  Me!  Dance club!  Tonight!  Seven!  Whaddya say?"

"I'd say you need to work on your sentence structures...ma'am.  Now if you'll excuse me..."

With that, the stallion swiftly turned around and resumed his course towards the beverage stand.

Needless to say, Rainbow was aghast at her complete and utter failure to score a date, leaving her at a loss for words...

"Wha...I...ju...hol...she...and...be...fu...you...!"

...although she was not incapable of vocalizing a few jumbled syllables.

Her "poor schmoe" turned his head and shot back a much more direct and coherent reply. 

"And the name's Time Turner."

Rainbow Dash received a bit of a glare from the (former) dating candidate.  Now she was speechless.  If her jaw had been any lower, it would've hit the dirt beneath her hooves.

Supplementing the already awkward scene was the sound of somepony's hooves slowly clapping in a mock display of applause.

"Smashing, Rainbow Dash.  Simply...smashing..."

That was all Rarity could get out before she started snickering.

"Okay, so I'm a little rusty in the dating game!  It could happen to anypony!" R.D. grumbled (with a shrug and a scowl).

"Not anypony, darling..." bragged Rarity.  "Step back and let a real lady show you how it's done!"

Rainbow just slumped back down at the table and took another slurp of her smoothie.  For some reason, it didn't taste as good now. 

"Hmph.  What does HE know?  Miserable, stinking, rotten, wisecracking, snot-nosed, dirty, insulting, no good, smart-mouthed, little-"

"Dear, please!  Keep that kind of language in check!  It's inappropriate, even when mumbled."

"Fine, whatever.  So, what're you gonna do?"

"Something simple.  I'll just shove a little beauty in his face, throw a bit of charm his way...and he'll be putty in my hooves!  That unsuspecting stallion will be mine!  ALL MINE!  AH, HA, HA, HA-"

"Come again?"

Rarity froze in place, realizing that she was thinking out loud (partially, anyway).  She gave a nervous, sheepish grin while her cheeks briefly turned red.

"Aheh!  Pardon me...a little bit of phlegm there," she said in a jittery voice.

"Yech!" Rainbow went, sticking her tongue out.

With Rarity admitting herself as a participant into this unofficial competition, the score between the two mares was zero to zero...a number which she was determined to increase by one point (in her favor).

"Rainbow Dash...the proper way to request somepony for a date is as such; you must be cognizant of your behavior!  It's all about attitude!  You must be richly ravishing!  Excessively elegant!  Cunningly charming!  Dastardly daring!  Painfully prissy!  Stunningly sublime!"

As Rarity explained her "lesson" in superabundant (and unnecessary) detail, she gently spun around on one (hind) hoof and made her usual overdramatic gestures.  Her winged adversary stared at her, very bored.  

Sensing her friend's mindset, Rarity turned her head and saw that Rainbow's eyes were only half-open, and she was exhaling into her straw, blowing bubbles into her drink, all the while steadily tapping her hoof on the table.

"Um, Rainbow...am I making any sense?"

"NO."

"Fine.  No matter...I'll show you.  And when you see how successful I am, you'll be begging me for advice on how to win a date!"

Rarity beamed while Rainbow eyed her blankly.

"I'm shaking in my horseshoes."

"I'll see to it that you do!  Observe!"

Not wanting to waste any more time (and for fear of losing her "prey"), the unicorn hurried over to where the stallion had gone.  A small line of customers had been established at the juice bar and Time Turner was at its end.  Her eyebrows "jumped" twice as she gazed at his blue eyes with genuine attraction in her own equally colored peepers.

"Hello there, you excruciatingly handsome stallion, you!" Rarity cooed.

Time Turner was feeling as uneasy as when Rainbow Dash came onto him, if not more.  Rarity slowly advanced towards him wielding all the allure she could muster.

"I noticed that you seem to be sorely lacking in the relationship department!  Thankfully, this customer is interested in purchasing the right to fill that empty slot!  Rarity, expert on both fashion and features, is just the mare to put a spring in your step and improve your day monumentally!  How fortunate that she's chosen an unbelievably lucky individual such as yourself to treat her to an irresistibly romantic extravaganza that would make the Grand Galloping Gala look like a mere trot through the park!"

The annual event that was being referred to required little to no help in advertising its dull nature, but it served its purpose of helping to make dating Rarity sound like a good idea.

Rarity batted her eyelashes and nuzzled her head (unrelentingly) against Time's Turner's neck as she spoke.  But as (bad) luck would have it, she didn't see the annoyance and frown that had taken up residence on his face.

"Uh, miss...I'd like to retain what little personal space I have left...IF you don't mind...!" Time Turner grunted, struggling to free himself of the lady's adhesiveness.

Even as his hoof was slowly prying her face off his neck and lightly pushing it away, Rarity (oblivious to the impending dismissal of her premature affections) wasn't finished yet.

"So, blue eyes...how about it?" she asked, whipping back the long lock of hair that partially covered the side of her face.

"Eh?"

"Care to escort a mare out for a lovely night on the town?"

To say that Time Turner was irritated with Rarity's flirting would be putting it mildly.

"No thanks...you're not my type."

On the surface, Rarity took his refusal rather well at first, remaining calm and pokerfaced.

But how was she coping on the inside?

Well...





At that moment, a very, very, very...VERY...loud sound echoed throughout Ponyville.  One might dare even say it spread across all of Equestria.  For years to come, there would be rumors abound that the land's ruler, the great Princess Celestia herself could hear it even in her faraway castle.

Some of the first ponies who heard the noise were in Ponyville's movie theater.

Apple Bloom tore her attention away from the big screen and stopped munching on her popcorn as her ears twitched in response to what sounded like a dull boom, yet it had a certain something to it that couldn't be easily described.

"Whoa, didja hear that?" she asked.  "Sounded like a snap."

"I thought it was a crackle..." Sweetie Belle commented, while chewing on a chocolate bar.

"Nah, pretty sure it was a pop..." Scootaloo assumed, looking up from her soda.  "But, on the other hoof-"

"HEY, DOWN IN FRONT!"

That day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were reminded that one should NEVER talk during a movie.





Back outside the theater, the boom (which, by strange coincidence, occurred right after Rarity's rejection) was immediately followed by a nasty screech similar to that of an unbearable scratching along a chalkboard.  This sound, however, was identified...as Rarity's teeth grinding back and forth.

She found that it was all she could do as Time Turner (wisely) decided to forego waiting in line for his desired beverage and vacate the premises.

Inadvertently true to her word, Rarity had succeeded in stunning Rainbow Dash.  She'd failed in winning over a stallion, but the breakdown of her mindset was indeed a spectacle to behold.

Just as her competitor had previously done, Rarity began stammering pieces of different sentences.  Rainbow did her best to console her pal.

"Wha...Rainbow...you...I mean, he...you saw how-"

"I did."

"Suddenly...then...he went and-"

"I know."

"And...and...did you hear what...!"

"I heard."

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before repeating the insult that had been tossed Rarity's way.

"You're not his type."

Rarity's face vibrated furiously, turning a brilliant shade of crimson.  All she could do was let out a ferocious (but surprisingly cute)- 

"MMMMMRRRRRGGGGG!!!"

She watched Time Turner calmly walk away.  In her own private universe, he was doing it quite smugly, too.

"Not his type?  Not his type?  Not his TYPE?!?  WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BRUSHING ME OFF SO CASUALLY?  I HOPE YOU REALIZE THE MAGNITUDE OF WHAT YOU JUST PASSED UP, YOU LOUSY, LONESOME LOUT!  YOU WOULDN'T KNOW A PRETTY MARE IF SHE SNUCK UP FROM BEHIND AND BIT OFF YOUR-"

Rainbow Dash frantically wrapped her hooves around Rarity's mouth before the next few words spilt out, which could surely surpass the approval rating for all appropriate audiences.

All anypony might hear now was-

"RRRL RRRN RERREDDDY HMMPHRRR!  ERMM AHH IFFORR AFFA MMRAHAFFOR AHF AFFEEEM!"

Tempting as it seemed to decipher the poor girl's venting, it was a given that quite a bit would (deliberately) become lost in the translation.

"Rarity!  Who was it again that said to watch the language?" Rainbow asked, stunned at the unexpected outburst. 

The wild flailing of her hooves had died down and R.D. took it as a sign that she could let go.

Rarity's purple mare was in disarray, and she was breathing in and out heavily.  Her teeth still displayed a hint of grinding, though.

"Chillax, girl!  Take it easy!"

She lightly rubbed her hoof against the back of Rarity's neck, trying to dissipate her anger and frustration.

The huffing and puffing were the first things to die down.

"That's it...just be cool now..."

Expending a huge slice of energy belting out her proclamations of hatred (and other specific acts of potentially hideous violence), Rarity let out one final sharp exhale as her ears drooped and her body dropped to the ground.

"Forget about him, Rare...he's not worth it.  If he were about...mmm, maybe twenty percent cooler...then it'd be different, but-"

"I...you're absolutely right, Rainbow Dash.  There are plenty of better things in this world to get excited over."

The light blue pony flashed a relieved smile.

"Well...so be it," Rarity continued.  "If 'Mr. High-and-Mighty' wants to deny himself the company of two beautiful ladies, then it's his loss."

"Two?"

"Why, yes!  You and me."

Rainbow was not usually one to let her soft side show, but the fact that the word 'beautiful ' had been used to describe her was - quite frankly - shocking, to say the least.  Self-esteem was not a quality she had in short supply, but even so, an adjective such as the one Rarity quoted wasn't one R.D. regularly associated herself with.

"You....really think I'm beautiful?" she asked.

"Of course I do," Rarity confirmed, smiling warmly and sincerely.

Try as she might to resist, Rainbow couldn't stop the sappy smile from creeping into her own lips...or the blush from permeating her cheeks. 

"I've never really thought about how I look...but still...that means a lot coming from you, Rarity."

Rarity stepped forward, gleefully and gently nuzzling her head against her friend's.

"What do you say we forget this silly little competition and call it a draw?" she suggested.

"I can live with that!" Rainbow agreed.  "Lemme treat ya to a tall smoothie!"

Rarity nodded...and with that, the following score was: Rainbow Dash - 0, Rarity - 0.  

But before the pair could even take five steps to the juice stand, they heard a loud voice...originating from above.

"WHOOOAAA!  LOOK OUT BELOW!"

Many ponies glanced upwards and saw a grey pegasus with a blonde mane zigzagging downwards at a frightening velocity, causing some of the townsfolk to take cover.  Neither Rainbow Dash nor Rarity knew what to make of the said individual coincidentally crashing into Time Turner, kicking up a huge cloud of dust from the collision.  The duo couldn't take their eyes off of what had just transpired.

As the pegasus sat up, she whipped her head right and left at near-lightning speed, panicking that all of the mail she was to deliver had fallen out of her saddlebags and were spread all over the ground.  On top of that, she had a couple of minor scratches on her body as well as some leaves and twigs entangled in her mane.

"My word!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yep...that's Derpy for ya," confirmed Rainbow.  "Whatcha saw was about par for the course...for her, anyway."

Her sudden appearance on the scene may not have been the most graceful or dramatic of entrances, but it was still difficult to ignore.

From the balcony of the Golden Oak Library, the unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle saw the accident through her telescope.

At the same time, the door of Sugarcube Corner was wide open and an energetic pink pony, who had a yellow pegasus in a headlock, observed the scenario with little to no concern.

"See?  Aside from that mailpony, everything's fine!  I'd say everything's gravy, but that'd be a big, fat lie...obviously!"

"Uh...obviously."

Satisfied with the outcome of the situation, the pink pony retreated back into the bakery, slamming the door shut.

Meanwhile, Time Turner was on his back trying to hold his head level with one hoof.  But that didn't cause the stars spinning around his head to dissipate any faster.  (It should be noted that due to his reaction to their advances, Rarity and Rainbow Dash weren't offering much sympathy.)

"Oww...that hurt...a lot..." he groaned.

"Oops!  Sorry, doc!" apologized Derpy.  "I just don't know what went wrong!"

"We all make mistakes.  No real harm was done...I think."

The two had been friends for a long time, which was perhaps the main reason he didn't get too upset over his injury.  The stallion helped gather everything up, placing all the scattered envelopes and parcels back into the mare's saddlebags.  He then nodded, letting her know that everything was all right.

As he resumed his walking, Derpy's mind mulled over something she'd been thinking about for a while.  Since Time Turner was here and all...then maybe...just...maybe...?

"Uh...em, wait!" she blurted out.

"Huh?"

Derpy flapped her wings nervously, causing her to float (roughly) a foot from the ground.  Her cheeks were flushed as she slightly turned her head away and ran her right hoof over her left foreleg, sugarcoated with a sheepish smile.

A great example of embarrassment in all its glory.

"What's on your mind?" the stallion asked.

The title of the world's most shy, timid and meekest pony would undoubtedly and unanimously be awarded to another pegasus known as Fluttershy, a girl in Ponyville who truly lived up to her name on a daily basis.

But Derpy's behavior at this very moment would designate herself as a ranked contender.

"Umm...w-well, er...if, uh...you're not doing anything later...y'wanna maybe...g-get some dinner...tonight?  Y'know...wi...with me?"

Time Turner was amused at her bashfulness and smiled.

"Sure.  Sounds great."

"Wha...!  R-really?"

"Absolutely!  It's a date!  Why don't we meet up here around, say...seven?"

"O-okay!  Uh...deal!"

Time Turner nodded again and waved to her before leaving.

"See you then!" Derpy excitedly called out.

Still airborne, the clumsy pony squeezed her eyes shut and stabbed her (front) hooves outward and upward.

"YES!  Yes, yes, yes!" she happily hissed.

"GACK!"

Derpy's ears perked up at the odd sound, which came from Rarity and Rainbow Dash, who had observed everything.

EVERYTHING.

The two ponies' eyes were as large as dinner plates and their jaws were lower than a snake's arches.  But despite all that, their powers of speech hadn't diminished any.

"I can't believe it..." Rainbow uttered.

"I refuse to believe it!" Rarity declared.  "After ignoring you and casting me aside-"

"That jerkfaced moron chose..."

The two mares looked at each other before simultaneously finishing the sentence.

"DERPY?"

"Somepony call me?"

The accident-prone pegasus floated over to the other two girls and watched them with her usual cross-eyed stare.  Derpy's handling of Time Turner was nothing short of incredible.

Rarity struggled (with what available strength she had left) to conjure up the only question that was on her mind.  Rainbow Dash helped to finish it for her.

"How in the world-"

"Did you DO that?"

Derpy thought for a moment, putting her hoof to her chin.  Her scrunched-up nose, crooked lips and pupils (which slowly spun in opposite directions once) was a sure sign that she was trying hard to offer a valid answer.

"Do what?"

That oblivious response was what did it.  Having wasted their time and energy trying to win over a guy, only to lose to a klutz such as Derpy caused Rainbow and Rarity to stare at each other one more time and both go...

"UGH!"

With that doubly loud groan, Rainbow's eyes automatically shut as she fell face forward into the dirt.  Rarity put her foreleg to the side of her head and fainted, dropping backwards onto the ground.  Derpy looked down at them, somewhat confused.

"Y'okay, Rainbow Dash?" she asked.

Neither of the half-conscious girls responded.  They failed to even twitch. 

With these unusual and most unexpected turn of events, the final results of the imaginary scoreboard were as follows: Rainbow Dash - 0, Rarity - 0...

...and Derpy - 1.

Still worried, the blonde pony wracked her brain to offer any verbal semblance of comfort.

"Uhhhh...my bad?"

Not at all, Derpy...not at all.

And that was not a double negative.

Or was it?


THE END (OF THIS FIASCO!)

> Apples & Bananas
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: As previously noted in the first chapter, all hail Lauren Faust for her "MLP" creation and showing us that friendship is indeed magic!  Now...on with the story!

Synopsis: A simple word mispronunciation causes a minor misunderstanding to erupt into a full-blown argument between a certain farmhoof and fashionista...


My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic - One of Those Days









Chapter 2 - Apples & Bananas


Looking for a lovely little location to live?  Searching for someplace serene where you can sample its succulent splendor or bask and bathe in its bountiful beauty?  Well, let me be the first to tell you that your journey is over!

One needn't look any further than Ponyville!  It has virtually anything and everything you could want!

Need a gorgeous gown for a romantic night on the town?  The Carousel Boutique is the place to be!  In the mood to rot both your teeth and mind at breakneck speeds?  For the right amount of money, Sugarcube Corner will let you name your own sugar rush!  Feel like expanding your education or reading up on obviously obscure observations?  The Golden Oak Library's book collection has all and tells all!  (And its inhabitant definitely thinks she knows all, too.)

If you're as hungry as a timberwolf (one that's strayed from its usual corresponding diet), the town's marketplace sells a variety of fruits, vegetables and other assortments of nutrition.  One of the big, popular winners are the scrumdiddlyumptious apples!

Provided by the hard-working Apple family, these ponies go to great measures to ensure their produce are of the best quality they can offer.

On the beginning of this lovely spring day, the smiling earth pony Applejack straightened her Stetson hat and took a deep breath, wasting no words as she left the house and tended to the apple bucking on her orchard which made up the bulk of the area known to all as Sweet Apple Acres.

As numerous and taxing as her mandatory tasks were, the inevitable realization of accomplishment - combined with the prospect of making a decent profit from the fruits of her family's labors - never failed to override any physical stress or mental exhaustion she endured on an almost daily basis.  Instead, her heart always concluded the day's work with feelings of pride and satisfaction.







BAM!

Yet another bucket had been filled to the brim with brightly colored apples.  Applejack was giving her legs their usual workout, as they kicked each individual apple tree with equal force.

The loud smacking noise generated by the bucking of the trees is what probably masked the matching volume of a dull boom that came from somewhere in town.  (Rumors would later circulate that Rarity had something to do with it.)  Whatever the reason, Applejack didn't seem to notice it.

"Whew!" she exclaimed, slightly fatigued.

It was now a little past noon by the time the freckled mare finished most of her apple bucking.  Granted, there remained a small number of trees that had yet to be cleared, but with her strong, older (and taller) brother Big McIntosh sharing the workload, the job wouldn't take too long to complete.  This allowed Applejack to move on to other chores that needed tending.

Wiping a few beads of sweat from her brow, something noticeably bearing a little more weight suddenly pelted the top of her head; rather, a few "somethings" fell from above.  Quickly recognizing the objects as envelopes, A.J.'s brain put it all together.

"Gosh darn it, Derpy!" she complained.  "Watch where yer droppin' that stuff, wouldja?"

Indeed, the said grey pregasus (who's penchant for clumsiness was the stuff of legend) was floating a few feet from above, flashing her trademark oblivious smile.

"Mail's here!" Derpy announced, a bit after the fact.

"Uh, yeah...so I gathered," Applejack sarcastically noted.

"See ya later, Apple-gator!"

"Wha...?"

As Derpy waved goodbye, the Applejack tried to make sense of what the mailpony had just said.  But those thoughts were put on hold when she saw what Derpy didn't, due to the fact that her head was still pointed in the direction of the farm.

Flying backwards may not have been the best choice.

"Hey!  Watch out for that-"

CRASH!

"...tree."

The pegasus spent the next few seconds struggling free of the branches and leaves, some of which got caught in her blonde mane and tail.  Aside from a few minor scratches, Derpy's body seemed to be no worse for the wear, so she flew off once again, resuming her course towards Ponyville.  She began to pour on the speed to make up for lost time and it was quite the daring feat, considering that a pair of apples got stuck to her eyes, completely obscuring her vision.

Derpy lightly smacked the back of her head, causing the fruits to dislodge and fall to the ground.  Unfortunately, these set of circumstances (starting with the crashing into the tree) happened so fast, that she initially couldn't make sense of the direction she was now heading in.

Which is probably why she initially failed to notice that she was zigzagging downward at a frightening velocity, causing some of the townsfolk to take cover.  Her shouts of warning came a litttle too late, unfortunately...

"WHOOOAAA!  LOOK OUT BELOW!"

By strange coincidence, the only casualty of her inevitable crash was a longtime friend of hers, a stallion named Time Turner.  The collision kicked up a huge cloud of dust and dirt.

Derpy's accident was witnessed by many nearby, including a fellow pegasus  by the name of Rainbow Dash and her unicorn friend Rarity.  The two couldn't take their eyes off of what had just transpired.

"My word!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yep...that's Derpy for ya," confirmed Rainbow.  "Whatcha saw was about par for the course...for her, anyway."

From the balcony of the Golden Oak Library, the unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle saw the accident through her telescope.

At the same time, the door of Sugarcube Corner was wide open and an energetic pink pony, who had a yellow pegasus in a headlock, observed the scenario with little to no concern.

"See?  Aside from that mailpony, everything's fine!  I'd say everything's gravy, but that'd be a big, fat lie...obviously!"

"Uh...obviously."

Satisfied with the outcome of the situation, the pink pony retreated back into the bakery, slamming the door shut.







Applejack shook her head after witnessing Derpy's unenviable method of descent.

"I swear, that gal's really gotta get her act together," she said to herself.  "Otherwise, she's gonna find herself in a wagonload a' sticky situations!"

Getting back to her duties, A.J. (and her brother) made remarkable progress regarding the amount of farm work that needed to be done in just over an hour.

Since things were rolling ahead of schedule, she decided to fulfill a promise to a friend of hers.

The fashion designer Rarity had recently assisted Applejack with the apple sorting, a crucial stage in the harvesting process, separating the juicy, rich apples from the bad, rotten ones.  Granny Smith often had the situation well in hoof, but she'd fallen ill at the time.

But being the meticulous individual that she was, Rarity had a keen, sharp eye for what was beautiful and what wasn't, and the status of the apple trees' offerings were no exception. 

Applejack was extremely grateful for the help and made it a point a pay her back.  Both girls often assured each other that such favors needn't be reciprocated, but every once in a blue moon, she felt compelled to break her own personal rule and do it anyway.

She strapped on her saddlebags with each side holding a medium-sized jug of cider, arguably the Apple family's most treasured and sought-after beverage.  (Justification for such a claim could be easily supplied by one freaky and fanatical Rainbow Dash.)  Of course, the package wouldn't be complete without a basket of some of the freshest apples collected on this fine day.

Now all that needed to be done was to trot on over to the Carousel Boutique and-

"That movie was wicked cool!"

Applejack's eyes moved on their own and they spotted her younger sister; an adorable, spunky little girl by the name of Apple Bloom, accompanied by her friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.  The latter of the three was the voice that A.J. heard and recognized.  This trio was known to most as the-

"Cutie Mark Crusaders!" greeted Applejack enthusiastically.  "Welcome back!"

"Heya, sis!" Apple Bloom chirped.

"So...what kinda mischief have ya'll gotten mixed up in t'day, hmmm?"

"No more than usual," Sweetie Belle said.

Half of Applejack's mind insisted that those words were purely innocent, while the other half didn't feel reassured by Sweetie's answer in the slightest.  She squinted her eyes, bombarding the fillies with a look of suspicion.  Scootaloo noticed the uneasy sweat trickling down the farm pony's forehead.

"Chill, A.J.!" Scootaloo quipped.  "We caught a flick, that's all!  Rainbow Dash gave us free tickets!"

The blonde mare sighed in relief before speaking again.

"Shucks, that was mighty nice of her!  Say...you didn't see 'Pit Pony' now, didja?  That one ain't fer kids!"

"Of course not, big sister a' mine!" claimed Apple Bloom in an overly innocent voice.

Her two cohorts snickered, leading Applejack to believe that her easement was premature.  As much as she would've liked to continue the conversation, she had a delivery to make.  Suddenly her ears picked up something of interest; the sound of three ponies singing a song she'd never heard.

Specifically, it was an arrangement of words that went a little something like this...

"I like to eat, eat, eat...apples and bananas!  I like to ate, ate, ate...ay-ples and ba-nay-nays!  I like to eet, eet, eet...ee-ples and bee-nee-nees!  I like to ite, ite, ite...i-ples and bi-ni-nis!  I like to ote, ote, ote...oh-ples and bo-no-nos!  I like to oot, oot, oot...oo-ples and-"

"Now see here!" Applejack interrupted.  "What's all this hooey 'bout oh-ples and bikinis and whatnot?'

The girls naturally laughed at her confused state.

"No, no, no..." Sweetie Belle replied, shaking her head.  "It's a song where you switch the vowels for other ones, making the song sound all silly!"

"Huh...well, that's gotta be the strangest ditty I've ever heard!"

"Wouldn't be much of a song, otherwise!" Scootaloo pointed out.

She then turned to the other two Crudsaders and grinned.

"But enough yakkin'!  Let's make like Rainbow and DASH!  Onward to the clubhouse!"

"YEAH!" the other two Crusaders cheered.

Applejack's ears twitched as the fillies' odd song resumed while they took their leave.

"I like to ote, ote, ote...oh-ples and bo-no-nos!  I like to..."

A.J. stroked her chin and tried hard to validate the lyrical nonsense.







The distance between Sweet Apple Acres and the Carousel Boutique wasn't very far, although Applejack's journey took longer than usual, what with her saddlebags full and the basket she carried in her mouth.  Her slow movement was also due to her thoughts dwelling on that weird song Sweetie Belle had mentioned.  The words were still swirling around in her head and their meaning was as perplexing as ever.

Honestly...oh-ples and bo-no-nos?  OH-PLES AND BO-NO-NOS!?  Who made up this dang hogwash?  If I'd used the word 'oh-ple' all the time when I was Oh-ple Bloom's age, Granny Smith woulda never let me git away with it!  All mah oh-ple buckin' duties would be revoked!  Oh-ples, oh-ples, oh-ples...oh, that's it!  I can't think straight no more!  It's driving me nutty...I gotta focus on the task at hoof!  I promised Rarity some a' this here prized oh-ple cider and that just what I'm gonna give 'er...or mah name ain't Oh-plejack!

When one's mind is permitted to wander, the heights it can potentially reach are eerie.  Applejack's thinking finally got to the point where she was seriously considering looking up books in the town's library to research the song's origin.  But an even better notion was to check out the-

"AHH!  No way!"  she half-panicked.

A.J. certainly had nothing against reading, but that didn't mean she was obligated to execute a study session on every single random thought that didn't add up.

Like some ponies she knew...

It was then that Applejack realized she was passing by the Golden Oak Library, where her friend Twilight Sparkle resided.  Despite A.J.'s mentality, paying her a quick visit didn't feel like the worst idea in the world today.

A longtime and faithful student of Princess Celestia, the great ruler of Equestria, Twilight was sent to Ponyville to learn about the magic of friendship.  After a rocky start, she eventually warmed up to its citizens and before long, she'd become one of Applejack's most trusted and closest friends.

Even with the handle of the basket in her mouth, Applejack managed a smile as she reached for the library's front door and-

FWASH!!

"Whoa, Nelly!  What the hay!?" she yelled, dropping the basket and retracting her hoof in response to the loud sound.

At the same time, bright, multicolored rays of light shot through the treehouse's numerous windows followed by some yelps and shouts coming from inside.

"Good grief, that Twilight must be runnin' one of her dang 'experiments' again," she said to herself.  "I think I'll say hello later...I don't feel up to bein' on the receiving end of that horn."

A.J. immediately picked up the basket and continued walking towards Rarity's home, albeit at a much faster pace.







Upon arriving at the Carousel Boutique, Applejack saw a "CLOSED" sign attached to the establishment's front door.  Curtains were also in place, preventing anypony from peeking in.  Still, it didn't necessarily mean that Rarity was out to lunch, just that she was currently unavailable.

Applejack decided to investigate further and knocked on the door loudly enough that anypony inside could've heard.

No answer.  She gently jiggled on the handle, half-surprised to find that the door was unlocked.  Now that it was open a tiny crack, A.J. leaned her head towards it and...

"Ev'rypony decent?" she called out.  "I'm comin' in!"

Entering Rarity's home, the farm pony's eyes widened at what she saw.  Her friend was indeed present, but she was as immersed with her work as Twilight was anytime she was paired up with a nice, thick book.

Removing her saddlebags and putting down the basket, A.J.'s peepers darted right, left, up, down and every which way noticing glittery ribbons, threads, yarn and lots of other things moving through the air; more accurately, being levitated about by Rarity's glowing horn.

Hanging on a nearby rack were ten elaborate (and completed) gowns, although Applejack noticed that they all bore a variety of dark colors.  The white unicorn was undoubtedly composing an eleventh installment.

The notion of approaching Rarity didn't sound so wonderful anymore.  Nevertheless...

"Uh...'scuse me?"

"WHAT!?"

"Ahhhh!"

Applejack jumped not only at Rarity's outburst, but from her appearance.  The curls in her purple mane and tail had wilted considerably, there were bags under her eyes and an ugly scowl had taken the place of the smile she normally displayed.

"Um...I stopped by to deliver some stuff...but you seem t'be...uh, that is...em, uh...well, by any chance...there anythin' you wanna talk about?"

"I'm hardly in the mood for chit-chat, Applejack...but if you must know...!  Earlier today, a rather unpleasant encounter with a pompous stallion left me...somewhat, eh..."

"Yeeeah?"

"Ahem...testy."

"Mind givin' me a little more than that?"

"Simply put, I gave him an opportunity to escort yours truly on a date tonight...and he had the unmitigated gall to presume that I wasn't his...type!  Honestly!  I ask you, what could've gotten into his head to suggest that Little Miss Rarity wasn't worth his time!?"

"Gee, I can't imagine..." A.J. said, not sounding very convincing.

"Exactly!" Rarity shot back.  "But the negative experience wasn't without its payoff!  The imbecile's...refusal...inspired me to create...and create...and CREATE!"

"Yup, I saw them dresses when I came in!  And all I can say is...wow!  Gotta hoof it t'ya, Rarity!  Stitchin' and sewin' creations like these...you've really outdone yerself!"

"I'd thank you, but the credit should truly go to a little thing called adrenaline...and as for the lineup in front of you, I call it...THE DARK STORM COMETH!"

Applejack meekly and softly clapped her hooves to be polite.

"Not a bad name, sugarcube!  It's very...imaginative."

Satisfied with that response, Rarity finally calmed down and did her best to put on a happy face.

"Glad you think so.  Oh, be a dear and close the door while I tidy up."

Distracted by Rarity's behavior, Applejack embarrassingly realized that she'd forgotten all about it.

"Oh, yeah...sure thing!  Sorry 'bout that...heh, heh..." she nervously chuckled, turning around to comply with her friend's wishes.

Rarity held up her hoof, signifying that it was no big deal.  Inserting some magic into the room, much of the leftover materials and tools strewn across the floor were either placed back on their respective shelves or stacked neatly into a recognizable order.

Her decorated Persian cat, Opalescence, began to swipe her paw at the various items moving through the air.

"Opal!  Stop that!" scolded Rarity.

The cat was ignorant and let out an apathetic, yet defiant yawn.

Fluttershy was the only one Rarity knew of who could handle Opalescence with extreme ease.  Unfortunately, she was busy today assisting Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner.  So, Rarity did her best to deal with her pet alone by delivering a nasty glare.  Being already wound up, it wasn't very difficult to get her point across.

"You know I love you dearly...but my patience is wearing thin today and your attempts to hinder my work performance will not be tolerated!" she growled.

Opal's eyes went wide, and she quickly put her paw down.

"I trust we understand each other, then?" 

The cat nodded furiously, as if her life depended on it.  She then wisely left the room, with her owner watching carefully.

"My apologies," Rarity sighed.  "Anyway...you, uh...had something for me?"

"Sure do!" Applejack replied, beaming.

She picked up the basket she'd left by the door and dropped it at Rarity's feet.

"What's all this?"

"I always make good on mah promises, so I brought ya a bunch of the freshest fruit from the family orchard!  One bite of oh-ple should make you feel as right as rain!"

Maybe it was the extreme stress she'd been enduring, but the dark demeanor Rarity previously radiated would threaten to show its ugly mug again after that last sentence.

"Beg your pardon, but did you say...Opal?" she asked cautiously, wanting to verify the words that had entered her ears.

"You got it!" Applejack answered, good-naturedly.

"And I would eat Opal because...why?"

"Uhh...'cuz just about everypony in Ponyville does...?"

"Well, I'm not everypony...am I?  In case your memory and eyes aren't in perfect working order, I'm Rarity!"

The cowpony began to get annoyed...and those who knew Applejack well enough were aware that if pushed - either physically or verbally - she'd push back just as hard...if not harder.

"Mah noggin and mah peepers are workin' jus' fine!  And of course I know you're Rarity!  Ya never fail to point it out every which way y'go!"

"Many a pony benefit from a reputation that proceeds them!  I'm immensly fortunate to fall into such a category!  But that doesn't change that fact that...I...won't...eat...OPAL!"

"Listen, you little picky eater...I ain't forcin' the goods down yer throat!  If oh-ples don't suit ya...then don't eat 'em!"

"I just said that!  Don't you ever listen, you uncouth, stubborn, inflexible farmhoof!?"

"Not like I had muchuva choice, y'prim, proper, finicky fashion fanatic!  I've listened to ev'ry last syllable spillin' outta that big mouth a' yours!"

"BIG MOUTH?!?  Look who's talking!  Just because your family provides a significant amount of food for the community doesn't give you the authority to dictate what I can or can't eat!"

"I ain't ta blame here!  I was bein' a regular, neighborly pony, payin' you a visit and generously offerin' some a' these here oh-ples!  But like always, Lil' Miss Rarity's gotta go and make a big deal outta nothin'!  That's a mighty fine way of thankin' me for my kind gesture!"

"I'm making a big deal because you're seriously suggesting I should eat Opal!  An act I find utterly repulsive!"

Applejack was really angry now.  What ponies chose to eat was their own decision.  But when  somepony had the nerve to insult the very product that supported the Apple family, they'd just uncovered a method to immediately summon disaster.

"Oh, no you DIDN'T!" she bellowed.  "I know you weren't just talkin' trash about oh-ples!"

"The last time I checked, I was entitled to my own opinion...including my standpoints regarding both you and Opal!"

"Oh-ples are oh-ples!  They're natural, healthy and delicious!  Also, when I eat my oh-ple-"

"That's another thing!  When did you take into that thick head that Opal was yours!?"

"Uh...because it IS!  Always has been!"

"Have that brain examined!  Working too many hours on a farm has made you delusional!"

"How would you know?  All you do is hide yerself away in this joint, obsessively thinkin' about them jewel-laced wardrobes!"

"You're the one who doesn't know what they're talking about!  You could never hope to fathom what my work entails!

"Oh, really?  Let's see here..."

Removing her hat, Applejack grabbed a medium-sized piece of fabric off of the floor (one of the few that Rarity failed to pick up), draped it over her head and tied the corners under her chin like a headscarf.

"Ohh!  Lookie me!" she squeaked in a high-pitched voice.

Rarity stared at the sight in front of her, clearly not amused.

"I'm the BEE-YOO-TEE-FOOL Queen Rarity, worshipper of silky, smooth, frou-frou dresses and I can't help but scream my head off at the sight of dust, puffy eyes, and OH-PLE!"

The frown on the unicorn's face transformed into a smirk as her mind formulated up the perfect countermeasure.

"Ha!  Very chic, Applejack...but I do believe it's my turn now!"

Rarity promptly retrieved the Stetson hat that had been left on the floor and placed it on her own head.

"Ahem...well, fry mah hide!  I'm yer friendly, neighborhood Applejack!  This gal's main talent involves kickin' thangs like trees and anypony that gets in mah way!  Pardon these muddy hooves and disgustin' sweat of mine!  I'm just takin' the heat somethin' awful tonight!"

"Mud and sweat builds character!  It's all part a' livin' on a farm full of oh-ples!" Applejack retorted, removing the scarf.

Rarity tossed her (borrowed) headwear onto a nearby table.  She was so infuriated that she didn't even bother to use her magic.

"Since we're back on the subject, I wish to state for the record that Opal never makes me scream!  I wouldn't eat Opal for all the money in the world!  Not even if my life depended on it!"

"Is that so?"

"Absolutely so!  I care far too much for Opal to stuff such a darling little thing into my belly!"

"Now wait just an oh-ple-pickin minute!  First you go on a rant about how ya hate oh-ple, but now yer sayin' ya care more for oh-ple than life itself!?"

The argument had finally reached its boiling point with both ponies narrowing their eyes at their opponent, readying for the last round of bickering and bantering.

"Has this discussion been going in circles?  I SAID I SHAN'T EAT OPAL!"

"Wouldn't matter if we were jabbering in squares!  I SAID YA AIN'T GOTTA EAT OH-PLE!"

"I WON'T!  BUT IF YOU'RE SO OBSESSED, GET YOUR OWN PRECIOUS OPAL AND EAT TO YOUR HEART'S CONENT!"

"I WILL!  I'LL EAT OH-PLE UNTIL THE END A' TIME IF I WANNA, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"I INSIST, THANK YOU!"

"NO, THANK YOU!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

Rarity and Applejack squeezed their eyes shut and swiftly whipped their heads away from the sight of each other and ended the conversation with a simultaneous- 

"HMPH!"

For the next twenty to thirty seconds, all was quiet in the Carousel Boutique.  Neither mare dared to move a single muscle.

The uncomfortable silence came to a close as the girls slowly turned to face each other with an equal expression of uncertainty.

Applejack blinked once.  Rarity did the same.

The former was the first to reignite her powers of speech.

"Uh...wait a sec...what in tarnation were we screamin' about again?"

"You know...I'm not sure anymore."

Applejack frowned and scuffed her hoof against the carpeted floor.  Rarity was pouting a bit, looking rather ashamed of her outburst.

"Land sakes...even though mah little sis ain't here...I'm supposed to be settin' a good example for her.  I...can't believe I let m'fool pie hole run off like that..."

"I'm as much to blame," admitted a solemn, sighing Rarity.  "My already agitated condition certainly didn't help things...but that's no excuse for the horrible things I said."

"I'm real...real sorry  for...well...whatever was or...wasn't worth barkin' back and forth over."

"As am I, Applejack."

"Truce?"

"Truce."

The two friends exchanged inevitable, apologetic smiles and hugged each other firmly and happily.  Rarity magically lifted Applejack's hat, returning it to its place of origin.

"Then it's a done deal!  I say we both drop the dumb hissy fit, sugarcube!  What say we grab some grub?"

"Capital idea!  I haven't had much to eat today."

As the two of them left the boutique, Rarity asked...

"So, what are you in the mood for?"

"Hmm..."

Good question.

Although glad that the notorious debate was over and done with, Applejack decided it'd be best to turn her attention away from the fruit growing on her farm back home, lest another confusing argument arise.

She couldn't put her hoof on it, but a stray thought (perhaps a subconscious one) began to make its way to the surface.  For the next couple of hours, an odd craving for a different food would dance inside her head and A.J. was destined to face much difficulty in eating anything else.

It was driving her bo-no-nos.

But an establishment like Sugarcube Corner could provide a sweet snack to help her think.  Something like a bo-no-no flavored shake or a bo-no-no split might do the trick.  Anypony would be game for something like that, right?

"Tell me somethin', Rarity...y'like bo-no-nos?"

"BO-WHAT-NOW!?"

Indeed, Rarity.

Indeed.


THE END (YEAH, RIGHT!)

> Parallel Predicaments
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: Ooh-kay, you should all know how this segment goes!  I don't own "My Little Pony" and, uh...that's not to say I'm in ownership of a pony which I don't actually...own...but...I mean, Lauren Faust does!  Wait a minute...I'm not saying...she owns a pony of mine, it just...that the ownership rights...belong to...ah, no...that's not right, either!  I, er, umm...well, y'see...I...actually don't, uh...OH, JUST SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!  STOP POINTING AND LAUGHING AT ME AND JUST SHUT UP!

Synopsis: Twilight argues against Spike's belief in the existence of parallel universes.  However, the crash-landing of incredible dramatic proof may deem her wrong...


My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic - One of Those Days







Chapter 3 - Parallel Predicaments


In Ponyville, today was...ah...well, to make the long story short...

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood, not to mention a beautiful day for a neighbor.

Would you be mine?

Anyway, that beautiful day was a visual treat that nopony could ignore...with the exception of a single resident of Ponyville.

A gigantic treehouse known as the Golden Oak Library acted as a monument of knowledge for the townsfolk.  The thirst for information, education and enlightenment was an attribute amplified by its inhabitant; a brainy and extremely talented lavender unicorn named Twilight Sparkle!

Previously residing in Canterlot as a loyal student of the land's ruler, Princess Celestia, Twilight switched locations to the library in Ponyville under the alicorn's order to explore and study the magic of friendship.

Unfortunately, Twilight used to have a habit of reading, studying and analyzing a little too much.  She'd unintentionally block the outside world from grabbing her attention, which sometimes made for an awkward atmosphere between her and anypony else attempting to communicate with her.

And old habits die hard.

There were few things that could break the poor girl out of her concentration, but a loud yell from outside was sufficient enough to catch the attention of her ears.

"WHOOOAAA!  LOOK OUT BELOW!"

An equally loud crash succeeded the yell.

Twilight's eyes tore themselves away from the book in front of her, switching to observe an unfortunate scenario unfolding on the ground.  She immediately grabbed her nearby telescope and focused in on whatever was going on.

A thick ball of dust and dirt had been kicked up, large enough for anypony to notice from far away.  

Derpy, a clumsy grey pegasus, had evidently lost control of her flight abilities and smashed into a stallion...hence, the noise.

As the accident-prone mare sat up, she whipped her head right and left at near-lightning speed, realizing that the contents of her saddlebags had been scattered everywhere.  This wasn't a good position to find oneself in, but as Derpy was a mailpony, this was especially so.  Panicking, she feverishly scrambled to recover all of the envelopes and packages that had fallen out.  Additionally, she had a couple of minor scratches on her body and some leaves and twigs had become entangled in her mane.

Her appearance on the scene may not have been the most graceful or dramatic of entrances, but it was still difficult to ignore.

Twilight let out a small giggle before going back to her book.  Had she stayed to look through her telescope a few seconds longer, she would've seen that two of her best friends - speedy athlete Rainbow Dash and fashion designer Rarity - were present at the scene of the nasty collision that had just occurred.

"My word!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yep...that's Derpy for ya," confirmed Rainbow.  "Whatcha saw was about par for the course...for her, anyway."

Meanwhile, the door of Sugarcube Corner was wide open and an energetic pink pony, who had a yellow pegasus in a headlock, observed the scenario with little to no concern.

"See?  Aside from that mailpony, everything's fine!  I'd say everything's gravy, but that'd be a big, fat lie...obviously!"

"Uh...obviously."

Satisfied with the outcome of the situation, the pink pony retreated back into the bakery, slamming the door shut.





An hour had passed.  Surely Princess Celestia's most prized pupil could've extended her work for a much longer period of time...but every now and then, even the most studious of mares needed a break.

As the unicorn headed downstairs to grab a snack, she saw her longtime friend, the purple baby dragon Spike, sitting on the bottom step and immersed in a book himself.

"Enjoying the view?" she inquired.

"Huh?" he responded, turning his head.

"The view of the story you're undoubtedly imagining in your head...as you're reading, that is."

"Uh, yeah...I am, I guess.  Although this book's print is kinda weird.  The letters are all-"

"Letter!  Oh!  How could I have forgotten everything that happened this morning?  Spike, grab a blank scroll and an inked feather!  Ahem...Dear Princess Celestia...today, I-"

Twilight glanced at her aide, astonished to find that he was still reading intently.

Although annoyed that he wasn't jotting down her words at top speed like he usually would, the raising of her voice was purely to get his attention.  For a split second, Twilight realized how others must've felt when she'd block them out.

Nevertheless...

"SPIKE!"

"Ahh!"

The dragon jumped a bit at the outburst, but his sense of duty instinctively activated, and he quickly readied himself to record the recited information.  Failing to comply with Twilight's wishes was never a healthy practice.  As she would remind him...

"You!  Letter!  Write!  Now!  Hop to!  Chop-chop!"

For the next solid minute or so, the only sound echoing throughout the treehouse (besides a loquacious librarian) was the furious scribbling of a well-prepared pen against parchment.

Until finally...

"...but as long as you don't lose faith and keep pushing for the intended goal, your friends can be trusted to help you slide past all hazards and show you the way home.  Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Spike attempted to roll up the letter, but Twilight held her hoof out to stop him.

"Wait, I almost forgot!  I need you add one last thing..." 

"I'm listening."

Twilight stroked her chin for a moment as she formulated the proper words in her head.

"And as Pinkie Pie so concretely demonstrated, a little therapeutic swamp sludge applied to just the right places on the body can make a world of difference!"

Spike shuddered as he recalled an incident that occurred earlier (in the morning) that Twilight was referring to.  While she felt the postscript was necessary, it was not her  intention to dwell over the uncomfortable experience any more than she had to...nor was it Spike's.

"I'll say!" he agreed, finishing the letter.  "When Pinkie went to work on me, I ended up getting slimed in places I didn't even know I had!"

"Just send it off, please."

Spike took a deep breath and smoothly exhaled his green, fiery breath onto the rolled-up letter.  It burned into ashes and was magically teleported to Princess Celestia's castle (where it would subsequently reform).

With the task completed, Spike opened up his book again and resumed reading.

"Hey, I just noticed...I'm taking a break from reading, yet you can't put that book down!  Hmm, what's wrong with this picture?" joked Twilight.

"I'm as surprised as you are!" Spike shot back.  "But with this big selection of books in this library, I was bound to find something I liked sooner or later!"

"Which brings up the next question...what piece of literature would have the power to completely divert the attention of my number one assistant?"

Spike handed over his rather thick book and Twilight's eyes darted back and forth repeatedly over the cover.

"The Chronicles of Equestria: The Dragon, the Alicorn and the Wardrobe...what the...?"

The mare turned the book over and read the story's synopsis on the back cover, resulting in a somewhat disapproving look on her face.  Not satisfied with a brief description, she quickly skimmed the first few pages, but not to the point where she missed out on the specific information that required a triple check...which gave her a solid confirmation.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Twilight said, obviously making a complaint.

Her companion knew that this objection would be the first of many.

"In less than a minute, you found something wrong already?" Spike (sarcastically) wondered aloud.  "I think that's a new record!"

"This isn't at all how the founding of Equestria commenced!  The proceedings which took place are the same in every history book you can find!  At least the ones I've studied all say the same things!"

"Yeah, but I'm not reading a history book!  This is fiction!  It's a set of different historical circumstances so the plot can mesh with it!"

"So, essentially...it's a rewrite of history?"

"Geez, does everything hafta meet your approval?"

"What's stopping the author from offering a faithful portrayal of Equestria's creation and then-"

"Twilight, you're missing the point!  If the author wanted to do something like that, he woulda been a historian or something!"

Before the unicorn could debate further, her stomach growled, letting her know that there were more immediate - and urgent - matters to attend to first.  She opened the door of the nearby refrigerator, scanning its contents.  The idea of a sandwich was appealing, so she magically levitated a loaf of bread, some vegetables and various condiments from the fridge through use of a practiced horn.

"Look, Spike...just because...oh, would you care for a sandwich?" she asked, offering to make one for him.

"You bet!" he replied, licking his lips in anticipation.  "I'll even eat it, too!"

Twilight chuckled as she gathered all of the ingredients onto a round table while Spike set two plates down.  Cutting up a tomato, Twilight decided to continue the conversation as she assembled their meal.  

"As I was saying, I don't see why it's necessary to change crucial details like that!"

"So, every book that involves historical events has to be accurate?"

"I don't have a problem with fiction, mind you...but ultimately, I lean more towards fact and truth."

"Look, I'm not usually one to talk so much about books...but this 'changing history' stuff is interesting!  It gives the reader a chance to imagine what the things would be like if it'd all gone down differently!  Even the tiniest change in detail could have affected the entire outcome of the world's development!"

This kind of talk was originating from a side of Spike that Twilight had never seen before.  He sounded more intelligent and knowledgeable than usual.  It was a set of characteristics that she found very commendable.  However, that didn't mean she would back down and give up on making her point clear.

"That's irrelevant!  Replacement timelines and alternate histories aren't real!  We've one continuity of time and that's it!"

Spike shook his head and grabbed an assortment of different snacks from the cupboards and drawers.  He placed cheese, cookies, pretzels, crackers and potato chips in a tidy arrangement on a wide plate in the middle of the table.

"C'mon, Twilight!  Haven't you ever been curious about what the world would be like if pegasi never managed the weather, or if the country was run by means other than royalty, or if an army of, say...some rather good-looking dragons roamed the entire planet since the dawn of time?  Or even better, a perfect life where the lovely Rarity and I...were married."

That final suggestion was laced with a happy sigh.

"I'd say that's little more than wishful thinking, buddy...or a pipe dream..." answered Twilight, rolling her eyes.  (Her last four words were muttered.)

"What'd be even cooler is if we could actually visit those other worlds!"

"VISIT?  Spike, you're acting like those hypothetical scenarios are actually real!  You said it yourself, it's just fiction!"

"Well, who's to say it isn't?  For all we know, there could be...like...a dragon-dwelling version of Equestria on some other plane of existence at this very moment!"

"All I know is that there's a single universe existing where a unicorn's taking part in a very strange conversation!  Don't get me wrong, I admire your sense of imagination...but this theory of the multiverse doesn't exactly warrant an investigation!  It does bring one thing to mind, though..."

"Which is?"

"There's no reason to believe that the exploration of other universes would be fruitful or exciting!  They could be almost exactly like our own, with only minor differences!  How would you even know you left home?"

"Uh...don't have an answer for that one, but...that...that...that doesn't mean I'm wrong!  More importantly...for my sandwich, less mayo and more gem shavings, if you please."

There was a slight note of playfulness in Spike's voice, and it triggered a smile from Twilight.

"Pour us some juice, will you?" she requested with a laugh, spreading a smidge of mayonnaise on her own culinary creation.

"Can do!" he cheerfully quipped, grabbing a pitcher of fruit punch from the fridge.

Twilight levitated a pair of glasses from a cupboard and placed them on the table.  As Spike poured, she decided to bring this discussion to a close.

"Something else to consider, as well!  If the ability to freely jump from one Earth to the next were possible, I definitely would've known about it!" the mare stated coolly, positioning both sandwiches on opposite ends of the table.

She was still smiling, but her expression now contained a tiny sliver of smugness.

"Why do you say that?" Spike asked, sitting down.

"Because if anypony were to create the means to travel between dimensions, it would've undoubtedly been me!"

"Now who's doing the wishful thinking?"

Twilight paused to take a small bite out of her sandwich.  As expected, it tasted as great as it looked and was clearly worth taking the time to put together.  If a pony with high standards regarding manners like Rarity were present, she'd tell her friend not to talk with her mouth full.

But when Twilight had something important to say, there were few things capable of stopping her.

"Feel free to let your mind ponder the possibilities that never were!  In the meantime, I'll keep my head in the here and now!"

Spike did his best to reply, even though he had more food in his mouth than his colleague did.

"Foo oo ahfowootwee 'ay 'at weer oh fwalfwoowahwahwah-"

"Hey, uh...Spike?  You might wanna slow down...the chewing factor saves lives, y'know."

The makeshift glutton did as he was told, then took a big gulp of his drink to wash the food down.

"Ahh!  Thanks!  Anyway, I was gonna say that you absolutely think that there's no possibility of other universes out there...as in, none at all?"

"I never close the book entirely on any one subject, but until some concrete evidence stares me in face, I'll keep believing that truth is stranger than fiction!"

"Really?"

"Yes, and that there's one - and only one - universe consisting of one Earth, one Equestria, one Spike...and positively one Twilight Sparkle!"

Before Spike could add anything onto her conclusion, a brief crackling sound echoed through the library.  He ceased eating and his eyes went wide.

"What was THAT?" he asked.

"I'm not really..."

Suddenly the lights inside flickered and died.  The household was without power for about five to ten seconds.

"...sure."

Everything spontaneously switched back on at once, leaving the library's occupants quite confused...and maybe a bit spooked, too.

"Why're the lights acting all funny?"

"I don't know.  I should check to see if-"

The conversation was interrupted again by a faint rumbling.  Twilight and Spike got up from the table to see if they could pinpoint the source, but the noise seemed to originate from all sides...and it was increasing in volume.

"Now what?" Twilight wondered.

"Earthquake?" Spike panicked.

"Unlikely.  Nothing's shaking..."

Accompanying the rumbling was a popping sound, coupled with a small flash of light from the center of the room.  Twilight's own sense of dread kicked in.  Even more so as the situation worsened from a whirlwind that oddly only came from inside the treehouse, like everything else. 

The force of the wind knocked the table they were sitting at on its side, spilling their lunch onto the floor.  Despite their inability to explain what was happening or how dangerous this crisis could become, the duo fled behind it and clutched onto each other for (possibly) dear life.

The flashes of light were also growing in size.  All the way to the point where the flashes were roughly the same height as the main entrance to the barn from Sweet Apple Acres.  The family running it was an extremely hard-working group, and one of its main apple buckers was the farmpony Applejack.

Not only was she one of Twilight's best buddies, but she also just happened to be nearby.  Applejack was delivering a basket of apples and some of her family's prized cider to their mutual friend Rarity, but seeing as her route passed by the library, paying Twilight and Spike a quick visit didn't feel like the worst idea in the world today.

Even with the handle of the basket in her mouth, Applejack managed a smile as she reached for the library's front door and-

FWASH!!

"Whoa, Nelly!  What the hay!?" she yelled, dropping the basket and retracting her hoof in response to the loud sound.

At the same time, bright, multicolored rays of light shot through the treehouse's numerous windows (followed by some yelps and shouts coming from inside).

"Good grief, that Twilight must be runnin' one of her dang 'experiments' again," she said to herself.  "I think I'll say hello later...I don't feel up to bein' on the receiving end of that horn."

A.J. immediately picked up the basket and continued walking towards Rarity's home, albeit at a much faster pace.





Any feelings of hesitation ponies had about entering the treehouse (at this current moment) would've been well founded.  Even with chaos abound, Twilight and Spike timidly poked their heads around the edge of the table to catch a glimpse of something that they'd remember for the rest of their lives.

The flashes finally ceased, but now a huge energy-based tunnel had appeared in its place.  A vortex had opened...and out of it spilled contents the likes of which were completely unexpected.

A quartet of figures jumped (or were thrown) from within the portal, but due to its bright light, their features were silhouetted.  However, the voices they emitted sounded eerily familiar.  (Two of them in particular.)  One was a deep voice of a female and the other was that of a stallion.  The third and forth belonged to a higher pitched mare and a noticeably younger sounding individual, respectively.

"Aah!"

"Oof!"

"Whoa!"

"Ow!"

After another round of crackling and rumbling, the giant, circular, floating hole in the air shrunk into nothingness.  And with the lighting returning to normal, Twilight and Spike got a good look at the group that had literally dropped in.

One of them turned out to be a grayish amber Earth pony whose cutie mark was an hourglass.  Twilight scratched her head, as she could've sworn she'd seen that same guy through her telescope about an hour ago.  The second uninvited guest was instantly recognizable...because there was only one neighboring zebra that wore large gold hoop earrings and neck rings.

"Zecora?" Twilight whispered.  "Where'd she come from?"

"Better yet, where did they come from?" Spike added.

The four slowly got up and began to inspect their present location.  It was only at this point where things got even weirder. 

Especially since the other two strangers were exact doubles of Twilight and Spike!

The former rubbed her noggin...and was the first to speak.

"Ooh, my head...Spike, Time Turner, Zecora...everypony all right?"

"Hey...look where we are!" the other Spike excitedly announced, drinking in the surroundings.

"Those bookshelves!  That horsehead statue!  This is the Golden Oak Library...which means we've returned to Ponyville!" Time Turner confirmed.  "But...does that mean..."

"With all the places we would roam, could we truly have uncovered home?" Zecora asked.

"It certainly looks like the treehouse to me.  Maybe...maybe we really are back," Twilight's twin suggested.

"But the question still remains...is it our version of Equestria...or somepony else's?" the stallion wondered.

Spike let out a small gasp as he saw his counterpart and a "second" Twilight cautiously walk out from behind the overturned table.

"Uh, gang...I think the answer is right there," he said, pointing in their direction.

The other three travelers were stunned into silence as the reality of the situation sunk in, although it would be brief.

"Oh, no...awkward," Twilight said, locking her eyes onto the pair looking back with their jaws hanging open.  Spike's eyes, however, had locked onto something arguably more important.

"Food!" he cried, running over to the tray of snacks his double had assembled.

Oddly enough, it had somehow managed to avoid being spilled amidst the craziness.  Spike carried it over to the others, who looked half-guilty as they partook of somepony else's snack.  However, their young friend had no such emotions holding him back.

"Mmm...haven't...munch...eaten in...crunch, crunch....two days!" he said with a mouth full of food.

"Hey, uh...Spike?  You might wanna slow down...the chewing factor saves lives, y'know," scolded Twilight, munching on a pretzel.

Time Turner noticed the amount of disarray the inside of the library depicted, caused by the force of the vortex.

"Sorry for the mess," he apologized.  "We'll gladly clean it up if you want."

"It's commendable to clear up dirt and grime...but regrettably, we may not have the time," Zecora pointed out.

"Time...time!?  Geez, I almost forgot!  Spike, how much time is left?"

Spike checked the device he was holding.  It was small and rectangular, similar to a remote control.  Above the various buttons, it bore a digital readout indicating its unknown function was going to activate very soon.

"Yikes!  27 seconds!"

"Whew!  Glad we've deduced where we are...er, aren't...before opening the slide window!" noted a relieved Time Turner, wiping a few beads of sweat off his forehead.

"Even without the proof staring us in the face..." Twilight said, pointing to her identical counterpart (and Spike's), "...I had a feeling we weren't back."

Zecora stared at her friend with a suspicious eye.

"While you are quite perceptive, Twilight...what additional evidence will prove you're right?"

"For starters...see that row of books in the middle shelf?  They're off to the left by a painfully obvious 2.6 millimeters!"

"HEY!  I resent that!" the twin unicorn argued.  "I keep my books in perfect alignment!  Why, if I weren't the-"

"Uh, Twilight?" Spike asked.

"WHAT!?" the two Twilight Sparkles simultaneously shouted, turning their heads towards Spike.

"We gotta go."

The dragon held up the timer gadget, almost at zero.

"If you'd care to do the honors, little guy?" asked Time Turner.

"Can do!"

Spike held up the device, pointed it forward, and pressed one of the buttons.  An energy beam shot out and caused another huge, circular vortex to appear as quickly as the first one did.  He glanced at the other Twilight and his double one last time and prepared to jump into the portal, but not before saying goodbye to them.

"Don't study too hard, Twi!  And...later, handsome!" Spike yelled.

"Uh...have a nice day!" Time Turner nervously exclaimed, racing after his compatriot.

"Things should be further explained to you!  Unfortunately, I must now say adieu!" Zecora said, waving as she left.

The unicorn's look-alike was the only one left.  She stepped towards Twilight, who could only vocalize incoherently.

"Wha...how...and...when....you...?"

"Sorry, it's a long story...and I don't have the time to tell it!" the double said with a smile.  "Nice meeting you, though!"

Twilight's counterpart approached the giant hole in the air but stopped to turn her head.

"By the way...to answer your unspoken question, the multiverse definitely exists!  Don't let anypony tell you otherwise!  Oh, and one other thing!  If you happen to figure out the coordinates for Equestria Prime...find a way to let me know!"

Twilight suppressed a need to giggle as her two onlookers had gone back to simple open-mouthed staring.

"Take care!"

The lavender pony excitedly galloped towards the vortex and made a terrific leap through it.  About five seconds later, it crackled, rumbled, shrunk and finally closed up.

And once again, all was silent inside the Golden Oak Library.

For roughly another five seconds, anyway.

Finally, the reality of what had just transpired sunk in, causing the library's residents to react rationally...sort of.

Spike blinked.

Twilight Sparkle blinked...and breathed in and out rapidly to the point of potential hyperventilation.

"Uh, Twilight...just take it easy, all right?" Spike asked, sweating a little.

"What the HAY was that?" Twilight stammered.

"If I hadda guess...I'd say it was concrete evidence staring you in the face, supporting the belief that truth really is stranger than fiction."

The librarian was left quite frazzled from the abrupt incident, but her disheveled mane and tail (caused by the intense wind blown by the two wormholes) amplified that mentality outwards.

After all was said and done...her scaly companion was right?  Twilight Sparkle had always been a big enough mare to admit when she was wrong, but this conceivably took the cake!  An identical Twilight from an alternate universe was out there somewhere, sliding from parallel Earth to parallel Earth like a trained pet jumping through hoops?  It was almost too much to believe!

Twilight's astonishment began to get the best of her.  The brain in her head might as well have been doing backflips.  She crouched and waved her forelegs wildly.

"You...her with the...storm inside!  Blew out...lights!  Big hole...in...space!  Everything...and...and...and...ALL THAT!" she babbled.

"Calm down!  Um...getting upset would only-"

"Mr. Dragon, sir!  I need, write, uh...cesspool, NO, uh...letter to cesspool, I mean...Princess Letter goes to Celeste in the cesspool...with the...ooh, number of cups of sugar and spice to...to...get to the Nightmare Moon with everything nice...!"

"Are you saying you wanna write to the princess?"

"¡Si, Señor Spike!"

The unicorn's little assistant was sweating profusely now.

"I'm not so sure if that's a good-"

"RKRPXZKRMTFRZ!"

"YAH-YAH-YAH-YES, MA'AM!"





In the city of Canterlot, resided the tall, proud and ever so elegant royal castle.  And of the numerous rooms in the ever so elegant royal castle, the throne room was one the biggest.  And ruling from the throne was the graceful alicorn, Princess Celestia.  Her impressive height, slender body and flowing, multicolored mane (and tail) made her a magnificent sight to behold.  It was a safe bet that ponies would be in awe of such a noble creature even if she weren't of royal stature.  Wise, gold-hearted and absolutely beautiful in every possible way, she ruled over all of Equestria not only with kind eyes and gentle words, but also a firm hoof.

Quietly and contentedly sipping a cup of tea, her serene moment of pleasure was interrupted by the arrival of something she was very familiar with.  Materializing right in front of her was a rolled-up piece of parchment that faintly glowed.  And the flicker of bright green sparks that preceded its entrance was a sure giveaway regarding its point of origin.

The princess smiled warmly, simultaneously using her magic to lower her teacup and levitating the scroll.  She had already received a message from her Twilight less than twenty minutes ago, but she was always glad to hear from her faithful student, no matter how little or far apart her letters were sent.

"My, twice in the same day!" she softly spoke as she unrolled the paper.  "Twilight Sparkle must really have something important on her mind if she took th-"

Princess Celestia stopped speaking and her smile froze in place while her eyeballs automatically performed a wonderful medley of dance steps, both new and old, as she tried to read the scroll.  What was supposed to be writing (she guessed) ended up as some kind of bizarre combination of bad cursive, ink blot tests, secret codes, words and language appropriate for children, words and language not appropriate for children, slang terms and she couldn't be sure, but it seemed as if a few foreign sentences were interlaced into the message, too.

The color would've drained from her face if it hadn't been white to begin with.

All the good alicorn could say was-

"WHAT IN THE WORLD!?"





"BUUUR-UUURRP!"

Ponies familiar with Spike's unique nature knew that a loud belch with a certain amount of force and green light did not originate from an overindulgence of food or beverage.  Only a response (and usually a very punctual one) from the great Celestia herself would escape his body in such a manner.

And in this case, her said response would take the form of another scroll.

Spike prepared to alert Twilight, but she was still crazed, walking in circles and prattling gibberish to herself.  Instead, he unrolled the letter and cleared his throat...loudly.

"AHA-AHA-AHEM!"

Twilight ceased her movements and speech, standing as still as a statue while her ears adjusted to Spike's voice.  She had a long, lasting and extremely beneficial relationship with Princess Celestia ever since she was little.  One dose of sage advice was about to reach and reinitialize Twilight's resolve and all would be right within Equestria again.

"My faithful student Twilight Sparkle, I've analyzed your predicament.  After conducting thorough consideration and weighing the inevitable risks involved, I have come to but a single conclusion.  There exists a countermeasure whose potency will be parallel to extent of the problem you've described.  Please respect my wishes and administer the following treatment to yourself..."

Twilight held her breath.

"Switch to decaf."

She immediately turned about face and repeatedly ran her hoof over her bottom lip, going-

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b..."

With all the unrelenting pacing and muttering Twilight was exhibiting, she appeared ripe for a straitjacket, complete with a complementary padded room.  Spike crossed his arms, shook his head, sighed...and whipped out another parchment.

"I think I'll write back," he said, glancing at his friend.

Increasingly creeped out, Spike decided to hasten his writing.

"Okaaaaay, now...Dear Princess Celestia, this is Spike...your advice for Twilight seems to be working already.  I'm pleased to report that she's limiting her crazy talk to one letter of the alphabet...but just to be safe, you may wanna reserve a room at the Canterlot Psychiatric Ward for a very special patient."

The lesson to be learned (with which one unicorn in particular was still struggling with) was that the multiverse is indeed real.  Contrary to previously established statements, there was more than one Twilight Sparkle.  But even more relevant was that only one of her was present...and judging from her current behavior, that was more than this one world could handle.


THE END (BUT NOT IN THIS UNIVERSE!)

> Double-Talk, Double Time!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I don't own "My Little Pony" and...meh, life goes on.

Synopsis: Pinkie Pie takes a short break from work to do one of the things she does best...crazy talk!  But a talent such as hers would naturally involve confusing the heck out of her friend, Fluttershy.


My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic - One of Those Days







Chapter 4 - Double-Talk, Double Time!


It was a SICKENINGLY lovely day in Ponyville and...oh, for crying out-

Look, any and all available details regarding this cute little town can be found in the appropriate travel brochure!  So, if you're that curious about it, LOOK IT UP!

What, I gotta explain everything around here?

Anyway, one of the attractions described in this brochure was the spa, just one of many locations on the list that made up Ponyville's roster of amenities.

The gorgeous unicorn Rarity, expert fashion designer, exited the building accompanied by the cute and kind (albeit timid) pegasus Fluttershy.  The latter's yellow coat never looked smoother, and her light pink mane waved elegantly from a slow, serene breeze of wind.

For many onlookers, it was indeed a sight for sore eyes.  (And even if they weren't sore, the two ladies were still quite the eye candy.)  Both girls sighed in unison.

"There's absolutely nothing on this earth that compares to an afternoon of pleasurable pampering!" Rarity declared.

"Mm-hm!" Fluttershy happily agreed.  "It makes a pony feel wonderful, inside and out!"

"After the massive workload I had to contend with earlier today, a session at the spa was exactly what I needed!"

Rarity closed her eyes and took a whiff of the fresh air surrounding her.  The elements and makings of a good day were clearly in place.

"Fluttershy, darling...are you hungry?  I know I certainly am!  Why don't we get something to eat?" she asked.

"Oh, Rarity...I...I'm sorry...I promised Pinkie Pie and the Cakes that I'd help them out at Sugarcube Corner today!"

The nervous, jittery tone Fluttershy let out was normal for her.  Most ponies who knew her were used to it and never let it bother them.  (Or they tried not to let it, at least.)

"There's no need to apologize!  If you've already made plans, you must keep them!  A promise is a promise, after all."

"Thanks...I'll see you later, okay?"

"Definitely!"

The two close friends gave each other a gentle nuzzle then went their separate ways.  Still hungry (and thirsty), Rarity made her way to a nearby juice bar.  She immediately spied Rainbow Dash sitting at a small round table, taking a long, satisfying sip of her fruit smoothie through a straw. 

"Mmm..." she said, licking her lips and savoring the delicious taste.  "Chilled to perfection and as smooth as a mountain's stream!  It doesn't get much better than this!"

"Well, somepony looks as happy as a clam!" Rarity chirped.

Rainbow averted her gaze upward from her drink to see her unicorn friend.  The curls in her purple mane and tail seemed to have a mind of their own, lightly bouncing with every step taken, further complimenting the lovely atmosphere she emitted, no doubt a result from her spa treatments.

"Fay faf agemph?" Rainbow asked, lifting her head (and probably not realizing that the straw was still in her mouth). 

Rarity shot her friend a brief disapproving expression and exhaled slowly.

"I said that you appeared rather pleased with yourself!"





"I'm sure everypony will be pleased with themselves after they try my concoction!" Fluttershy thought out loud.

Before journeying to Sugarcube Corner, Fluttershy stopped by her cottage to pick up a crucial item.  Rummaging through a small pile of loose papers on a small desk in her bedroom, she found the one she was looking for and securely tucked it under her wing.

As she locked the front door of her home, she heard a most familiar - and loud - voice.

"HEY, FLUTTERS!"

With little to no warning, a blur of pink surrounded Fluttershy.  This blur was jumping, running, flipping and exhibiting half a dozen other physical maneuvers that she couldn't identify.  But what was truly amazing was the fact that all of these various actions were being performed simultaneously.

The seemingly endless supply of energy permeated the blur's voice.

"Hiya, Fluttershy!  Wazzup?  Thought you were gonna be at the shop today!  Y'know, that place where sugar freaks get down with their sugar rushes?  What's with the delay?  Are you coming or not?  Huh, huh, HUH?"

On that last word, the blur came to a halt and a pink pony with hot pink curly mane took its place.  Equipped with wide eyes and an eerily wider smile that was perhaps a bit too crazy for her own good (or anypony's good, for that matter), the appropriately named Pinkie Pie always knew how to make an entrance...and throw the wildest of parties.

Sometimes it was for a birthday, anniversary or cute-ceañera...and MANY other times, it was for the most obscure purposes.  Although Pinkie's hosting of a celebration for simply the sake of doing so was usually a good enough reason in itself.  In addition, she always made sure to have fun in the process, sparing no expense with the intention of promising that each and every party of hers were equal in terms of the proverbial bells and whistles.

In her mind, it was the law.

As far as a pony's nature goes, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie existed on opposite ends of the spectrum.  The latter was a bundle of excitement with so much exuberance, one might think that a party was continually going on inside her mind.  (And it probably was.)

Fluttershy, on the other hoof, was a timid, nervous pegasus.  So much so it was almost beyond belief.  Her daily duties consisted of assisting nature's creatures of all shapes and sizes who required her services.  If there was one thing in all the world she didn't shy away from, it was an animal friend in need...with the exception of frightening, fully grown, fire-breathing, ferocious dragons.  (Thankfully, her amount of exposure to such terrifying creatures was minimal.)

It puzzled the mind as to how these mares operated as good friends, but they both managed it very well...although the occasional and unintentional scare from Pinkie didn't quite mesh with her winged companion.

"Oh, my...Pinkie Pie...y-you-"

"No, no, wait!  Lemme guess!  Did I...startle, humiliate, scare, mortify, surprise, petrify, dazzle or shock you?"

Fluttershy couldn't help but let out a small smile and tiny giggle in amusement.

"All...all of the above, I think," she confirmed.

"I thought so!" Pinkie declared with conviction.

"Anyway, I was just getting the recipe...see?"

Pinkie's eyes saw the folded piece of paper under her friend's right wing.

"Yes!  Exactly what we needed!"

Suddenly, her expression turned serious and her head started whipping up, down, right and left frantically.  The movement finally ceased when a dull buzz began to echo through her ears and brain, producing a sharp gasp.

"My Pinkie-Sense is tingling!  Danger!"

"D-d-danger?"

"Oopsie!  False alarm!  It's only-"

"SPIKE!"

The duo turned their attention to the source of the voice and saw a small purple baby dragon caked with mud and some nasty scratch marks emerge from a field of tall grass not too far away from Fluttershy's home, followed by a lavender unicorn equally covered in sludge and scrapes.  Her annoyed look made it clear that she was the one who called out the dragon's name.

"And Twilight Sparkle!" Pinkie excitedly added.

"That's the last time I take a shortcut of yours!" Spike complained.

"I told you we needed a map!" Twilight retorted.  "Then we wouldn't have needed to take that many shortcuts!"

"Twilight, you've been living in Ponyville for...how long now?  You shouldn't need a map at all!"

The unicorn and her little assistant glared at each other.  Fluttershy was obviously worried that the argument might evolve into something worse.  If Pinkie was feeling the same, she wasn't showing it.

"Come on, you two...don't fight," she said as gently as possible.  "Now, what happened?"

The dragon inhaled, preparing to explain himself in a single breath.  Spike's story wasn't going to be long, but he felt it was best to just get it out of the way, lest Twilight overcomplicate things with potentially unnecessary, nitpicking details.

"It was a beautiful morning, Twilight and I decided to take an extended stroll through town, we took a few wrong turns and then somehow got lost!  Twilight tried a shortcut...and didn't see the swamp!"

"Excuse me!  It looked like an overly sized mud puddle!  I thought we could jump it!"

"That 'mud puddle' of yours was bubbling!  Who knows what things-"

"Wait, isn't that swamp right near a huge...thorn bush?" Fluttershy asked.

Twilight looked at herself and then at Fluttershy, although she kept her mouth shut as she didn't want to accidentally let out an insensitive remark.  Spike, on the other hoof, couldn't help but further indicate the shortcut's inadequacies.

"Yeah...she missed that, too..." he quipped.  "And thanks to that stupid bush, we're in a lotta pain right-"

"I dunno, you look like you're having fun!" Pinkie interrupted.

"Like fun we are!" Twilight hissed.

"Maybe I can help!  That bubbly swamp has 'feel better' properties that can do wonders for the body!"

"Feel better?"

"I'm great and thanks for asking!  But this about you, silly!"

Everypony else began to sweat as Pinkie slowly approached the injured, dirty duo...but then paused to quickly warn her quiet companion of something that had crossed her mind.

"Oh...Fluttershy?  Y'might not wanna watch this," she advised.

The mare did as instructed as Pinkie began her unspoken task.  But even with closed eyes, her ears picked up sounds that registered as unpleasant.

"Umm...Pinkie, do you have ANY idea of what you're attempting?"

"No...at least, not entirely."

"OUCH!  Careful of the-YEOW!  You'd think a...AHH!  Get your hoof outta there!"

"Next?"

"WHOA!  Look out for the scales!  Hey, HEY!  Not too much of the-YEEK!  That tickles...!"

Fluttershy wasn't sure what to make of the yells, and even less so of the cracking, stretching and mud-splashing noises, causing her to cringe and turn away.

Once the excruciating orchestra that her ears were being subjected to had ceased, she opened her peepers a sliver.

"Don't worry, I have a gentle touch!" Pinkie Pie said, dusting off her front hooves.

"That's up for debate!" Twilight responded.

"Toldja I didn't know what I was doing!"

Fluttershy noticed that the grime all over Spike and Twilight had (mostly) been converted to small blotches relocated to their cheeks, foreheads, noses, knees and some of their joints.

"Isn't that the pretty picture, Flutters?" Pinkie asked sweetly, not expecting an answer.

"Again...debatable!" Twilight almost roared.

"Aw, does it still hurt?"

Twilight paused and let her eccentric friend's words sink in.  The scratches on her body remained, but the pain had vanished without a trace once Pinkie went to work on her.

"Actually...I feel great!" she announced, quite stunned.  "Even better than before I got dirty!"

"No thanks are necessary!" assured Pinkie.  "Just get yourselves home, hose each other down and that'll be the end of it!"

"Will do!" Spike said.

As the friends waved goodbye to each other (with Twilight offering an awkward, half-hearted one), Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief, glad that things hadn't gotten too out of control.  One thing still left her puzzled, though.

"Pinkie...how did you know that the mud could...do...what it did?"

"That's simple, it was no ordinary mud!  Contrary to popular belief, I'm smarter than the average pony!  I know almost everything around these parts!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

As the two girls set out for town, Fluttershy gave another thought to the events that had transpired.  At first glance, most might've thought Pinkie was bragging about her credentials.  Yet those who knew that pony well made an effort to accept everything she was and everything she did as parts of a much bigger package.  

Unfortunately, understanding Pinkie was a completely different matter...and an impossible feat.





"Fluttershy, I can't thank you enough for your help!"

The said pony smiled and bowed her head.  At Sugarcube Corner, customers were in abundance, but the newest supplement to the shop's menu was a special pastry recently provided by Fluttershy.  Mrs. Cake, one of the owners, was the one who requested her presence today.

"Oh, it's my pleasure!" she replied.  "But I'm more than a little surprised that the recipe for my pet Angel's carrot cake was such a huge hit!"

"It sold in an instant!" Mrs. Cake exclaimed.  "The customers positively loved it!  I tried to make some more, but I couldn't get it quite right!  So-"

"That's why we needed your list of specific ingredients...aaaaand your personal touch!" Pinkie chirped, jumping in.

The smile on Fluttershy's face didn't falter.

"All right, then...let's do this!" she said with confidence.

As before, Pinkie spontaneously froze in place.  Fluttershy took notice of the jittery tail, which was the only part of her buddy's body in motion.

"Oh, dear!  A tail twitch!" she said, starting to panic.

"And you know what that means!" quipped Pinkie, unaffected at the prospect of imminent danger.

"Should we duck for cover?"

"Nah, no worries!  Whatever's coming down, we're a safe distance from it!"

"How do you know?"

Pinkie grabbed Fluttershy in a headlock, flung open the entrance to the bakery and pulled out a stopwatch (from nowhere, no less) to count down the seconds...

"Five, four, three, two, AND-"

"WHOOOAAA!  LOOK OUT BELOW!" bellowed a voice coming from high up.

Pinkie's instincts were right on the money as she and Fluttershy looked out the door just in time to witness a grey pegasus with a blonde mane zigzagging downwards at a frightening velocity, causing some of the townsfolk to take cover.

She crashed into a stallion (and the dirt), causing a huge cloud of dust to kick up from the collision.

Quickly sitting up, she whipped her head right and left at near-lightning speed, panicking that all of the mail she was to deliver had fallen out of her saddlebags and was spread all over the ground.  On top of that, she had a couple of minor scratches on her body and some leaves and twigs had become entangled in her mane.

Her appearance on the scene may not have been the most graceful or dramatic of entrances, but it was still difficult to ignore...especially for Rainbow Dash and Rarity, who were nearby.  They couldn't take their eyes off what had transpired.

"My word!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yep...that's Derpy for ya," confirmed Rainbow.  "Whatcha saw was about par for the course...for her, anyway."

From the balcony of the Golden Oak Library, Twilight Sparkle (now clean) observed the accident through her telescope.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy could do nothing but stare at the mess that had been made (thanks to the headlock she was still in), while Pinkie attempted to relieve her friend of all worry.

"See?  Aside from that mailpony, everything's fine!  I'd say everything's gravy, but that'd be a big, fat lie...obviously!"

"Uh...obviously."

With that, Pinkie slammed the door shut and resumed her usual smile.

Mrs. Cake, who also saw the whole fiasco, verbally jumped in.

"Pardon me, but now that the show is over...could we all get back to business here?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Pinkie said, giving her boss a mock salute.

"Er...P-P-Pinkie?" Fluttershy rasped.

"Yeah?"

"B-before we start baking...c-c-could you let...g-go of my head first?"





And so, the three ladies immediately went to work constructing a small number of carrot cakes.  Under Fluttershy's guidance (as well as little tips here and there which weren't written down on the recipe), the desired effect would definitely be achieved.

For the next hour or so, things were reasonably quiet at the shop (based on the testimony of Mrs. Cake's husband who had been working the front counter), but the hope would be that ponies would gather by the ton once the carrot cakes were put up for sale the next day.

"Whew!" Mrs. Cake went, wiping a bit of sweat off her forehead.  "Okay...two more of those, and I think that'll be enough for tomorrow's sale!"

Dabbing the goods with a few last drops of decorative icing, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy looked at each other and shared a congratulatory smile.

"Listen, Fluttershy..." she continued.  "I believe I've gotten the hang of how you specifically handle this...so why don't you let me wrap up these last ones while you and Pinkie take a well-deserved break?"

"Are you sure?" Fluttershy asked.

"I'm sure.  Take a load off, you've earned it."

"Thank you so much!"

Fluttershy took a seat at one of the empty tables with Pinkie, who brought along a pair of milkshakes; vanilla for Fluttershy and a strawberry-flavored one for herself.

"Here ya go!" she said, just as energetic as she was when the day started (which brought a interesting topic of discussion to Fluttershy's mind).

The pegasus watched in wonder as Pinkie appeared to be consuming her beverage in a rather calm fashion.

"Um, Pinkie?"

"Yo!"

"Not that I'm complaining...well, not really...but what I mean is...uh, how come you're sipping that drink so...slowly?"

"Oh, was that bad?"

"Not at all!  It's just that you usually put so much force and effort into everything you do...so, I was expecting more of the same."

"Nice observation!  But turbo-slurping cold stuff like this is a BIG no-no!"

"It is?"

"Yuh-huh!  Does the phrase 'brain freeze' mean anything to you?  Nopony wants that!"

Pinkie's antics had the occasional tendency to irritate others, a trait that had long since become the stuff of legend.

Fluttershy knew that even if she kept quiet, Pinkie would carry both sides of the conversation, guaranteed to result in the strangest of talks.  But she took a deep breath, doing her best to prepare herself for the inevitable.

"Nopony, huh?"'

"Nuh-uh!  Don't get me wrong, the sugar rushes you can get from these drinks aren't like anything you've ever experienced on this planet!  But if my brain gets left out in the cold, so does my vast knowledge of Ponyville and everything that happens around here!"

"Like how you knew that crash outside was going to happen?"

"That and then some!"

"Then what?"

"Hey!  Don't question my 'what' when I clearly know what's what!"

"Why not?"

"And don't poke around the 'why' when you're still challenging my what!"

"But, uh...who's poking?"

"Maybe you could tell me that!  Y'know...since you enjoy stealing my 'why' and 'what' on a regular basis!"

"Oh, no...w-was I...stealing?  Does that make me a crook?"

Pinkie crossed her forelegs and eyed the pegasus suspiciously.

"I dunno!  Could be, Fluttershy...cooooould be!  You certainly cook like a rook!"

"No, I don't!  I...I cook like Fluttershy!"

"Give me one reason to believe you!"

"Because I am Fluttershy!"

"Don't try to weasel outta this with a technicality, you weasel!  You gotta get up WAAAAAY early in the morning to pull a fast one on ol' Pinkie Pie!"

"B-b-but I'm not fast at all!  I'm...n-n-n-nice and slow!"

Pinkie's small frown evaporated, making way for her trademark smile.

"Well, of course you are!  Everypony knows that!  You're incredibly nice and incredibly slow!"

"I'm grateful for...wait, what?"

"And I wouldn't have ya any other way!  Cuz then you wouldn't be you!"

"Phew!  That's a relief!  I doubt I'd be able to cope being locked up!"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

"Yeah, the 'behind bars' look doesn't suit you!  Neither would the black and white stripes!  Heard they can make a pony look fat...although Zecora sure seems to make it work..."

Fluttershy hesitated before (cautiously) asking her next couple of questions.

"So...I'm fine, then?  I'm...not a criminal after all?"

"Hey, only YOU'D know that!"

"Well, I'm pretty sure my track record is spotless...I certainly don't think I'm a criminal-"

"Such uncertainty!  But let's be honest...do any of us really know who we are?  For all we know, there could be a genius of a pony inside that yellow head of yours, just itching to get out and plan her next helping of heinous, hideous, horrific, hazardous hordes of hackwork...on a hunch that it all could be hindered by a heroic act of heroism that happened by a happy, helpful heroine!"

There was a point (and strange, certain logic) to Pinkie's babbling, even if nopony could figure it out right away.  The safest thing for Fluttershy to do was to go with the flow...even if she had absolutely NO idea what Pinkie Pie was going on about.

"But, hey...I know it's a hayful to handle!  Heck, if you can't habitually hack it, I won't hold it against you for hardly hopping to it, you horizontal horsey!"

"You won't?"

"Nope, not even a smidge!  After all...you're no Angel!"

"I'm not?  B-b-but I provide love and care for all woodland creatures!  I'm very kindhearted!"

"Nopony's denying that!"

"So, wait...I mean, you just said-"

"That you're no Angel!"

"Then...?"

"Whoops!  I'm sensing a potential misunderstanding here!"

Preparing to explain her previous statement, Pinkie took a second to clear her throat...and take another slow slurp of her milkshake.

"I was talking about Angel, your cutie-patootie bunny!" she clarified.

"Oh!" realized Fluttershy, her eyes widening.  "I thought you meant...well, you know."

"Ha, ha!  Yeah, that could've been REALLY bad!  Wouldn't wanna end up like Applejack and Rarity!"

"Why, what happened to them?"

"When I got up this morning, my good ol', trusty Pinkie Sense was going off like a fireworks display!  It was the zaniest, craziest, outragiest...wait, is that even a word?  Anyway, it was the dooziest doozy in the history of dooziest doozies ever!"

"Honestly?"

"More or less.  Give or take a few centimeters."

Pinkie's rambling was on a rampage, but Fluttershy sipped her beverage, awaiting the inevitable conclusion that was right around the corner.

"I had no idea what to make of it then, but now I do!  And much, much more!  Just like the savory, sickly sweet taste of apple cider, it's a moment in time that'll never come again!  I guess my one-shot, one in a million, once in a lifetime moment is a one-hit wonder!  Until we were finishing up the last few cakes, that is!  At that point, I sensed it a second time!"

"Are you serious?"

"Seriously serious!  But I kept it on the down low so nopony would worry."

"That's very...considerate and all, but how does that relate to our friends?"

"I'm glad you asked!  To put it simply...Rainbow's been pestering Derpy endlessly for advice on how to get a date, the mispronunciation of a word caused Rarity to think that A.J. wanted to eat her cat, and Twilight and Spike got an incredible visit by their doubles from a parallel universe!"

Fluttershy stared at her pink pal blankly and blinked.

"Gosh...I don't know how I could've missed it," she slowly said with doubt.

"And all in the course of a single day, too!" Pinkie added.  "Just thinking about the whole shebang makes my face hurt!" 

"It does?"

"Oh, yeah!  It'd hurt you too if you're face went 'WPRIGHSKENGXJHZAW!" every time you considered the overdose of insanity your buddies were involved in!"

It should be noted that the act of "WPRIGHSKENGXJHZAW-ing" prompts an individual to stretch, shake and twist their face into near-impossible proportions.  (Extreme caution is prudent.)  However, Pinkie Pie is an experienced pony in such matters and is quite capable of making it work to her satisfaction.

Five seconds passed and Fluttershy's closed mouth trembled until a brief series of giggles escaped her lips.

"Hee, hee!  Pinkie, you're too much!  That's something I adore...you know how to make me laugh."

"Yuppers!  Make no mistake, I'm one funny gal!  It's a tough job paired with an occasional tough crowd, but somepony's gotta do it!"

The two ponies shared a laugh and nuzzled each other's cheeks, but it was interrupted by a recognizable rumble emanating from Fluttershy's stomach.

"A belching belly!" Pinkie announced.  "Somepony's got a major craving for major munchies!"

Fluttershy recalled the day's events up to now and realized that she hadn't really eaten much. 

"I guess I do.  I think I'll go out and buy a sandwich.  How about you?  Feel like coming along?"

"Count me in!"

The duo got up from the table and headed for the door.  Pinkie suddenly stopped and turned her head back towards Mr. Cake who was cleaning the counter with a rag.

"Hey, Mr. Boss!" she hollered.  "We're heading out to stuff our faces!  Y'want us to bring you back anything?"

"Uh, I'm fine..." he answered, stealing a glance at his wife in the kitchen.  "Honey, do you...?"

Mrs. Cake smiled and shook her head.  Mr. Cake turned back to Pinkie, offering his own reassuring smile.

"We're golden."

"And I'm pink!"

"Huh?"

"Oh...and she's bright yellow, m'kay?  Let's move, buddy!"

Fluttershy nodded and exited Sugarcube Corner with Pinkie casually (and contentedly) bouncing alongside her.

"I know a great deli that makes the best sandwiches.  We should head th-"

"Just don't try to swipe one without paying for it, Fluttershy!  IF that's your real name!" warned Pinkie.

"You know it is," the pegasus flatly replied.

Everypony knew that Pinkie had a unique mindset and was known for jumping from random topic to random topic...but Fluttershy was starting to get annoyed at the continuous accusations of wrongdoing.

"Doesn't change the fact that your criminal mind could spring into action at any given moment!"

"I don't believe you're truly suspicious of me, Pinkie."

"What makes you say that?"

"You're smiling."

"Haven't you ever seen a suspicious smile before?"

Pinkie pointed at her own face while Fluttershy concentrated hard and scanned it with her eyes.  Try as she might, she only saw Pinkie's usual energetic and cheerful grin.

"Not like yours...and you're bouncing, as well."

"That's my suspicious bounce!  Patent pending!"

"And I guess you're going to start up a suspicious giggle, too?"

"Now in both hardcover and trade paperback!"

Even taking into account all the time they'd known each other, Pinkie's puerile mentality never ceased to amaze Fluttershy, accustomed as she was to such erratic behavior.

"Regardless, you'll slip up eventually!  And when you do...I'll be there to pounce!  Sooooo, watch yourself carefully, Flutters!  No funny business or you'll find yourself in the slammer!"

"Do we really have to go there again?"

"I'm pretty sure I don't remember us going there a first time!  But rest assured, if I was a policemare, I'd make sure of it!  But since I'm not, that means...oh, no!  That means I'm helping a fugitive get a sandwich!  Which means there's sand in it!  And that means I'm a criminal, too!  But even in prison, I bet I could make something positive outta those black and white striped digs!  Like cookies!  Black and white cookies!  Hmmm...then again, it might flop!  Whoever heard of cookies like that?  Nopony at all, of course, of course!  And nopony can talk to a horse, of course, unless that horse is the famous-"

Fluttershy closed her eyes, slowly shook her head and sighed.  This was going to be a LONG walk.





Although the trip to the deli only took about five minutes, the persistent gurgling from Fluttershy's tummy - and Pinkie Pie's masterful pestering - was already getting worse.  But a delicious lettuce, hay and tomato sandwich would surely fix things.  As she and Pinkie got close to their destination, they heard a loud noise nearby which sounded like three arguments from three separate parties going on simultaneously.

"What's all the commotion?" Fluttershy wondered.

"Just a buncha fruitcakes doing the smartest thing to do...practice their insanity!" Pinkie said, as if it was something habitual.

"Uh...fruitcakes?"

"And not the ones we can eat, darn it!"

The "fruitcakes" in question were a group all too familiar to them.

"I'm getting a feeling that it's a bit more than that."

"If you absolutely and positively must know...THIS is the doozy I was blah-blah-blahing about earlier!"

Firstly, Derpy was walking in frantic circles trying to get away from Rainbow Dash, who was in the air following her.  She held what looked like a small notepad in her hooves and a pencil was sticking out of her mouth.

"I just asked him out!  That's all there is to it!"

"Wait, wait, wait!  Just lemme ask ya three more questions!"

"Aw, c'mon!  Enough's enough!  I don't have all day!"

"Ok, just two!  So...when you ask a stallion out, do you say 'please' or 'thank you' before-"

"Rainbow Dash, I don't have time for this!  At this rate, I'll miss my date with Time Turner!"

Meanwhile, Applejack and Rarity seemed to be arguing, with the latter's mane and tail resembling soggy noodles.  Such a sight suggested that Rarity had been working much harder than usual.

"Watcha mean ya ain't got no idea what bo-no-no shakes are?  Ev'rypony knows a bo-no-no shake when they see one!"

"For the one thousand, three hundred and seventy-eighth time, I...DO...NOT!"

"How could you ain't never hear of bo-no-nos?"

"That stallion at the counter didn't even know what you were gibbering about!"

"Well, any joint with no concept of oh-ples or bo-no-nos don't rank very high in my book!"

The final pair on the premises had been encountered a little over an hour ago, and their predicament was far from perfect.  The young dragon Spike was present, attempting to calm an edgy Twilight Sparkle who was mumbling incoherently.  Her hair was in an even worse state of disarray than Rarity's.

"It'll be all right...right, Spike!?  I...I just need to click my hooves three times and repeatedly tell myself that there are NOOOO parallel universes out there!  None at all!  Zilch!  Nada!  Zip!  JUST ONE!  THIS ONE!"

"Look, lemme buy you a cold drink.  That should set you..."

"Ha!  That's what you think!  But no!  Oh, no, no, no, NO!  I know better!  In another version of Equestria, Spike is doing everything possible to console and comfort his corresponding Twilight Sparkle before she does something rash!  LIKE THE ONE ON MY BACK THAT'S ITCHING LIKE CRAZY!"

"Wonder if there's a way I can catch up with those interdimensional travelers...'cause right now, a real change of universes would be great!"

An uncomfortable silence passed through Fluttershy's being, so much so that she forgot to blink.  Her brain scrambled to assemble these jigsaw puzzle pieces that originated from different corners of the big picture.

"They're all acting...loony!" she managed to stammer after several seconds.

"Sure are!" Pinkie agreed.

The pink, perky, pony's constant smiled widened.  Maybe it was due to merely being in the company of mares that meant more than the world to her.  Perhaps it was because they were acting as wild as she usually did.  Or maybe Pinkie didn't need a reason to be happy.

And every now and then...that was the best justification of all for an upbeat attitude.

Spreading a good mood around was an added bonus.

"Still, they're our friends...and I wouldn't have 'em any other way!" Pinkie said, approaching the others.

Fluttershy followed in her hoofsteps literally and emotionally.  Equipped with a warm, genuine smile, she concluded...

"You know what?  Me neither."


THE END (FINALLY!)