Scout goes to Equestria
"Sit down you wankers and let me tell you a story." The Red Sniper said
"Um you want to start with the story?" The Cameraman asked.
"Hold your bloody horses." The Red Sniper said.
"Oh god I knew we should have gotten the heavy to tell this damn story." The Cameraman said.
"Nothing personal mate I'm just better. Now just point your bloody camera at me." The Red Sniper said.
"It was a nice warm December and I was hunting for the legendary Smart Heavy they only have one in the world." The Red Sniper said.
"Cut....cut you idiot first off heavy's can't be smart, and we are not telling that story tell the damn story about the scout..." The Cameraman said.
"Bombs away!" The Red Sniper shouted throwing jarate at the camera man.
"D....di...did you really just throw piss at me!" The Cameraman shouted in disgust.
"Yes I did mate now sit down." The Red Sniper said.
"Alright it was last week and scout was trying to break the world record for the most bonk drunk." The Red Sniper said.
"Hey yo knuckleheads." The Red Scout said.
"Scout is spy!" The Red Heavy said.
"No now sit down and watch me make history you fat bastard." The Red Scout said.
"Gentlemen." The Red Spy said.
"No!" The Red Heavy shouted looking at that spy.
"Are you sure this is how it happened?" The Cameraman soaked in piss asked.
"Of course I am. You bloody moron now shut up." The Red Sniper said.
"Hey you wankers." The Red Sniper said.
"Cut why are you talking about your self in third person?" The Cameraman asked.
"It makes the story better mate." The Red Sniper said.
"Hey yo looks it's the sniper the best class ever." The Red Scout said.
"No there is no way, did he just get better?" The Red Spy asked.
"Cut....again is this how it happened?" The Cameraman asked.
"Of course it is..." The Red Sniper told the cameraman.
"Any way so while they were worshiping me." The Red Sniper said.
"Ok wait a second here you camper." The Red Scout said.
"What the bloody hell are you doing scout?" The Red Sniper asked.
"Hey yo what's up, I'm going to tell you the story the right way." The Red Scout said.
"Go scout go!" The others shouted.
"Would you shut up and put a dispenser here?" The Red Scout asked.
"Dispenser going up." The Red Engineer said.
"No over here! Need a dispenser here." The Red Scout told the less then brilliant engineer.
"One hundred...you broke the record for the most bonk ever drunk!" The Record book guy said.
"I don't know who to thank first....oh yea me!" The Red Scout shouted standing up.
"Look at me you can't hit what ain't there." The Red Scout shouted taking off.
"Is it me or is the little gremlin faster then before?" The Red Sniper asked.
"Sentry going up...." The Red Engineer said. The Red Scout ran faster then any one ever did barley being able to be seen.
"Look at me!" The Red Scout said he stopped in front of the red heavy.
"Hey yo chucklehead you want to run this fast, next time eat a salad." The Red Scout told the heavy running in circles.
"It's not possible!" The Red Heavy yelled. The Red Scout took off running again this time he went faster until he ran into a strange hole.
"Where the bloody hell is he?" The Red Sniper asked.
"Who knows that shit messes you up." The Red Scouts sister said.
"Yes!" The Red Heavy said eating his sandvich.
"Ah who da fuck!" The Red Scout said falling through the strange portal.
"Wait wait how did you even open the portal to where ever?" The Cameraman asked.
"I don't know, chucklehead I just went to fast I guess." The Red Scout said.
"Seems legit." The Director said.
"What the hell is this crap?" The Red Scout said looking around. The Red Scout started to walk around to see where the hell he was.
"It was right here girls." A voice said.
"Who the hell is that?" The Red Scout asked.
"Right around the corner." The Voice said closer.
"Ah crap!" The Red Scout shouted freezing in place trying to not be seen.
"Um Twilight what the hay is that thing?" The blue pony asked.
"I have no idea what it is or who it is." Twilight said.
"Whoa what the hell talking ponies I think the doc slipped something in his medi-gun." The Red Scout said.
"Ah it talks!" The yellow pony shrieked hiding behind the blue one.
"Of course I talk you moron, how are you talking are you those robots from Gray Mann?" The Red Scout asked.
"Robots? Hey no one talks to Fluttershy like that you...!" Rainbow Dash shouted.
"Well well, look at this you think you can talk to me! Do you know who I am?" The Red Scout said.
"No but I know you have a big ego." Twilight said.
"You're kidding you don't know who I am?" The Red Scout asked.
"No we don't, so then who are you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Um...I don't even know where to start with you......I mean do you even know who you're talking to. Do you have any idea any idea of who I am? Basically kind of a big deal. Ah man that's beautiful." The Red Scout said flexing his arm.
"Are you listening okay, grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and, brudda I hurt people. I'm a force of nature. If you were from were I was from you'd be fucking dead." The Red Scout said spinning his bat around.
"I still don't know who you are." Rainbow Dash said confused. She rolled her eyes at the Red Scout.
"Ah geez you suck! I'm the Red Scout!" The Red Scout shouted.
"Ok then Red Scout do you know who I am?" Rainbow asked.
"Yea robot not I'm gonna bat your head in." The Red Scout said taking a crack at Rainbows face.
(Insert scout laugh here.)
"Ouch what the hay." Rainbow said blood dripping out of her nose.
"Oh what the hell!" The Red Scout said.
"I don't go around hitting stuff with baseball bats. But I might start with you." Rainbow threatened wiping the blood off her face.
"Can't hit what you can't see." The Red Scout said drinking more bonk.
"Wait cut again...why the hell did you hit a talking pony for?" The Cameraman asked.
"I thought they were robots, I don't know you tell me." The Red Scout said.
"So any way I took off. Then this strange freaky shit happened." The Red Scout said.
"I was lifted then that purple pony lifted me over to her." The Red Scout said.
"Ok here then Red Scout why did you hit Rainbow?" Twilight asked levitating the Red Scout direct in front of her.
"I thought you were freakin robots how hard is it to understand?" The Red Scout asked trying to break free of what ever was holding him in place.
"Ok then how did you even get here?" Twilight asked.
"I don't know I was running and then boom I landed where ever the hell this place is..." The Red Scout said.
"What planet are you from?" Twilight asked.
"Earth you moron the only planet with life." The Red Scout said.
"Earth I've heard of that planet before are you a human by any chance?" Twilight asked.
"Well no way you figured out the worlds greatest mystery." The Red Scout said sarcastically.
"He sure is rude and his appearance is terrible." Rarity said. "Twilight you have a good hold of him with your magic right?" Rarity asked frightened. Twilight nodded in response.
"Wait cut." The cameraman said.
"Oh for fucks sakes that's it I'm gonna bat your heads in." The Red Scout said
"Hey tough guy you want some too?" The Red Scout asked the director.
"No I'm good." The director said packing up his stuff and leaving.
"So any way what happened then mate?" The Red Sniper asked.
"So then the white one came and said my clothes looked terrible, if anything she should get a look at the doc that crazy German and his sense of fashion.." The Red Scout said.
"Hey let me go and I won't bad your heads it." The Red Scout said.
"I need to do research on you." Twilight said ignoring the Red Scout.
"No..what you need to do is leave me the hell alone before I shoot you." The Red Scout.
"Please you can't even move in there." Twilight said.
"I'm going to get you for this." Rainbow said.
"Now now Rainbow wait till I dissect him." Twilight said.
"Wait what the hell did you just say?" The Red Scout asked.
"Well we've never seen a human here and I could use some research notes." Twilight said.
(Must drink the bonk....) The Red Scout said.
"See ya but I'm out of here." The Red Scout said kicking up his bonk to his hand.
"He just drunk something and broke out of my magic what the..." Twilight stammered out. The Red Scout kept running through the town and found a tree house.
"Hmm well I hope no one is home." The Red Scout said bashing down the door.
"Who are you!?" Spike asked startled by the sudden strange creature busting through the door.
"Boink!" The Red Scout shouted hitting the baby dragon in the face knocking him out.
(Insert scout laugh again.)
"Well that's strange my library door is open..." Twilight said.
"Hey yo what's up?" The Red Scout asked eating some of Twilight's food on top of Spike.
"Get off my dragon." Twilight said.
"Nah, he is a pretty good chair you ever think of that?" The Red Scout asked.
"No he is not a chair he is a friend." Twilight said.
"I don't know he makes a pretty good chair any way losers I'm out." The Red Scout said hitting every pony in the face besides Rainbow Dash.
"You want some of this?" The Red Scout asked.
"If you can touch me." Rainbow said hovering above him. The Red Scout pulled out his force of nature and did a triple jump and grabbed Rainbow Dash and hit her in the face.
"And the crowd goes wild." The Red Scout said sitting on Rainbow Dash.
"Hmm it's night all ready well I guess this place has to have a bed." The Red Scout said.
"First to get rid of these freaks." The Red Scout mumbled until he spotted a door and opened it. He dragged the bodies in there and threw them in the strange room.
"Hmm no bed here." The Red Scout said. He walked up stairs and found the bed and put his weapons on the tables next to him he jumped on the bed and passed out.
"Such a beautiful morning maybe I'll go bat in some fat bald bastards head today." The Red Scout said. He looked and saw he was in the same bed.
"The hell this ain't a dream." The Scout said looking at him self.
He heard muffled banging and screaming coming from down stairs. He walked into Twilight's kitchen and got a bowl of cereal and then walked out to Twilight's living room and sat down.
"Hey knuckleheads what's up?" The Red Scout said.
"Let us out!" Twilight shouted.
"Nah I think I'm fine." The Red Scout told Twilight.
"Oh that's fine wait till the princesses come and see what you're doing." Twilight threatened.
"Princesses hmm more heads to bat in." The Red Scout said.
"Look outside they are all ready here." Twilight said.
"Hmm nice chariots I might have to steal those." The Red Scout said. A knock came at the door. The Red Scout sat there, he looked at the door and laughed.
"That's it we are coming in." Celestia said. Celestia knocked down the door with a swift kick.
"Come on I just re put that door up!" The scout shouted looking at the door. "Oh hey what's up royal horse faces." The Red Scout said having a few baseballs by him, quickly getting over the fact of the hard work he put on the door.
"So you're the human who has been causing so much trouble." Celestia said.
"Yea I'm good at that, but I'm good at hurting people." The Red Scout told Celestia hitting her in the face with a base ball.
"
Sister!" Luna shouted.
"Don't worry I got one for you." The Red Scout said hitting her in face and the two guards. He dragged their bodies into the vault room throwing them at the seven who sat there waiting for help but instead got knocked down the stairs.
"So then that's when I got bored of there and came back." The Red Scout said.
"Hmm that means they are still locked in the room?" The Red Sniper asked.
"I guess so." The Red Scout said but was stopped by a bright flash and saw a hoof step out.
"You didn't see me." The Red Scout said taking off. Out walked nine ponies from the portal.
"Um, hello we are looking for some one called the red scout have you seen him?" Twilight asked.
"That way mate." The Red Sniper said pointing to where the scout took off.
"Thank you I don't know how we could ever repay you." Twilight said.
"No worries mate!" The Red Sniper said sitting in his chair.
The ponies took off and found the Red Scout hiding in a corner.
"Ah come on." The Red Scout said as he was being picked up. "What the hell man?" The Red Scout asked.
"That's for messing up my shot you little mongrel." The Red Sniper said as the Red Scout diapered with the ponies.
"Well that's all for today I hope you enjoyed our story." The Red Sniper said."For the lesson was, be kind to your snipers and don't mess up their shots or ponies will take you away." The Red Sniper said closing his book.