> Pandemic: Starting Over > by Halira > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1: Meeting the Foals > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've never been good at just doing nothing, particularly when I'm dreading something. Doing things gives me something to focus on, other than whatever my more significant worries may be. There is a comfort in accomplishing things, a sense of control when everything else seems out of control. When the demons in my closet are breaking down the door, I will focus on making sure the bed is nice and tidy because that's something I have power over. I've done a lot in my quest to ignore the walls caving in, but I'm unsure what any of that has ever amounted to. Now my figurative and literal house have finally fallen, and here I was, ready to lose myself in another task. The room in the American embassy in Japan was stately. Everything reeked of wealth and displayed the might of the United States. At one point, not long ago, I would have considered this my proper place in the world. That was before the Cataclysm, that was before I learned how much I had cost myself when I abandoned my slow and steady approach for more immediate results. Quick results earned praise; quick results gave a feeling of accomplishment; quick results can often hide the cesspool of corruption that led to them. At some point, the bill comes due, and in my case, the bill was everything.  For the thousandth time, on so many levels, I questioned why I was even here. There were a half-a-billion ponies more suited to what was being asked for than I was. I was sure there were some worse, as I had seen the worst of the worst that there could be, but that didn't take away from the fact that the vast majority of ponies would be better choices. I reminded myself that the vast majority of humans would be better as well. My prejudices towards humans had been one of my many failings, and one that I was actively trying to curb as I found such thoughts of habit creeping into my mind. A person can learn that they have broken or harmful ways of thinking, but it takes effort and time to change such long-standing patterns. It was at least a task I could focus on.  The answer to my question was, in part, always the same; because she asked me to do this. Why she asked me, I had no idea. What mattered was that she asked me, and I would not refuse her. I had cost her her life, so she could make any demand of me that she wished. She hadn't demanded it, but her smallest request carried no less weight for me.  My ears flicked as I heard the door open. I turned and watched as a pair of government agents shepherded five foals into the room. The oldest of them, a pegasus, was mother to the youngest, despite her being just a filly herself. They were an eclectic lot, two pegasi, a unicorn, an earth pony, and a night pony. The youngest pegasus looked to her mother for direction and followed her closely. The unicorn and earth pony colts seemed nervous, but we're trying to show bravery. The elder pegasus filly looked composed and ready for whatever may come. The night pony colt just looked exhausted. Five foals, how was I supposed to parent five foals at my age? I barely qualified as a passable parent to one child when I was younger.  "Here they are," one of the human agents said and then gestured at the teen mother (a light blue-furred pegasus with a jet black mane). "Lántiān is the only one of them that fully understands English. Some of the others know a few words, but not enough to have a conversation." I looked up at him in shock. "What? Why didn't someone cast a translation spell?" "We wanted to, but the colts have all been terrified and refusing to cooperate," the agent said apologetically. "I'm told their mother has been trying to soothe them, so they'll accept it, but no dice so far." I fluttered my lips in frustration. I'd have to take care of it myself. Casting a translation spell was within my capabilities, but it was a bigger spell than I typically did and would take a lot out of me for each cast. I only needed to do the three colts, but I'd need a few hours break to recover my strength between each casting. That was fine, I supposed. It wasn't like the foals and I weren't going to have plenty of time.  I turned to the older filly. "Your name is Lan Tin?" She shook her head. "No, guardian, it is Lántiān." I still couldn't quite get it. "Lan Teen?" She shook her head again. "Lántiān" I flicked my tail. "I apologize, but I think that might be a bit difficult for me, for right now. What are your siblings and daughter named?" The filly pointed to each of her brothers in turn with a wing, listing off their names as she went. I'd be damned if I could pronounce a single one of those names or be able to remember any of them. That was great, just taking custody and already struggling with only their names. The filly pointed to her daughter and said something just as incomprehensible, and I sighed. I ran a hoof over my face. "This is going to be a problem if I can't even remember your names or even say them. Do they have rough English translations? And would you be too offended if I used English translations?" "It would not be our names then," the filly replied. I couldn't tell if she was angry or offended because she kept such a perfect poker face. I'd have thought the eldest daughter of Yinyu Wu Yan would be more animated. Some compromise had to be worked out, and I could only think of one for the moment. "Fine then, I'll just cast a Chinese translation spell on myself for the time being, but they're still going to learn English." "We speak Mandarin," the filly corrected. "Chinese could refer to several different languages." Great, a know-it-all.  I beckoned her over. "Come on over here. It's easier for me to get the language from you if you're standing close. You don't have objections to me doing this, do you?" "No, guardian. I shall do whatever is asked of me," the filly replied. She then walked up to where she was only a few inches from me. I was able to get my first good look at her cutie mark, and it made me uneasy. It was a cloud with a Shimmerist sun behind it. Shimmerists and I had a complicated relationship as of late. The filly noticed my gaze. "Is there a problem, guardian?" My eyes stayed on the mark for a second or two more before I shook my head. "Nothing that needs to be addressed at this moment. Stop addressing me as guardian; use the term ma'am instead." "Yes, ma'am." I looked up at her face and still didn't see any signs of emotion in her features, but her eyes were not the eyes of a filly. There was tightly held anger in those eyes, and hurt, and many other associated emotions. There was also cold determination.  "Before I begin, let me make some things clear. You're living in the United States and will not be returning to China. With that in mind, you're to converse with me in English at all times. Your language is strictly for helping deal with your siblings. You're to help ensure they learn how to use English as well. It is part of my duties as your appointed guardian to see that you properly assimilate into your life here, which begins with language. Do I make myself clear?" Her eyes hardened even more. "Yes, ma'am." Well, at least her mother taught her good manners and how to keep her temper under tight control. I had to commend her for her control of her emotions. I was sure that I would not be doing half as well controlling mine if our positions were reversed.  There was time to learn more about my new charges later. Right now, I needed to be able to communicate with them. I lit my horn and focused on the appropriate spell. I had only cast this spell once before, so I could gain some mastery of Spanish. I had an excellent memory for spells, though, so doing it properly was not a problem. The issue was the power involved. It used to be I would be ashamed to admit my ability to channel lots of magic into one spell was substandard at best, but I'd recently made my peace with my mediocre magic channeling. I, along with well over a hundred thousand others,  had stood witness to one of the most epic workings of magic in history. In the face of such magic, we all understood how weak we truly were. There were gods among ponies, and the rest of us barely qualified as ants.  I touched a hoof to the filly and cast the spell. A tingling sensation ran through me, and I was sure a similar one ran through her as well. The next thing that ran through me was my energy, as it evacuated my body. I fell forward, and the filly gasped as she grabbed me with both her forelegs.  "Ma'am? Are you hurt?" The filly asked. There was legitimate concern in her voice. It was nice to hear some sort of emotion in her voice. It was even touching that it was for me. "Miss Blessing, do you need medical treatment?" One of the human agents asked.  I steadied myself on my hooves, and my eldest charge released me. "No, I'm fine. The spell took a lot out of me, but I need to take it easy with my magic for a few hours while it recovers." The filly's expression resumed its slate-like appearance. "Forgive me for asking, ma'am, but I was told you were a great and powerful mage. Is this not so?" That made me chuckle as I wondered how Trixie would feel about someone calling me great and powerful.  "I'm a mage, but not powerful. As for great, that depends on how you interpret that word and who you ask. I'm skilled and knowledgeable enough to do even more spectacular screw-ups than the average pony is capable of if they were trying to screw-up."  Who else could match my track record for such things? I turned a helpless woman into a monster. Drove a pony to attempt suicide. And let it never be forgotten that I'd inadvertently brought about the destruction of the city I spent years building, killing my spouse in the process. No, no average mage could have accomplished so much. It took someone with extra skill to mess-up so severely. Now the mother of these foals was turning to me to raise them. Perhaps there were bigger fools than me out there. Of course, here I was taking them in, knowing how unqualified I was. Foolish wasn't the word for that.  I turned my attention to the colts and tried out my new understanding of their language. "" I caught myself translating my name into Mandarin, with it coming out as Rìluò Zhùfú. " Sunset Blessing. " The two older colts looked at each other for direction. The youngest of the three, the night pony, just yawned.  The unicorn colt looked like he really could be my son since he had almost the exact shade of red fur and a purple mane that matched my own, minus the yellow streaks. I guessed his age to be around six. He took the lead and stepped forward. "" I quickly translated his name in my head to roughly Dawn's Light. I saw no cutie mark on his flank. None of them other than the eldest had a mark. The earth pony colt stepped forward. He looked to be around five or six as well, and was a muddy brown, with a bright blue mane. "" I quickly translated his name to roughly River Spirit.  I turned my attention to the youngest of the three, the night pony colt. He couldn't be more than two years old, maybe three, and was a midnight blue with a black mane that matched his sister's. He just sleepily stared at me as I waited for a response. Unfortunately, his energy seemed to finally deplete at that moment, and he fell asleep right where he was sitting.  The older filly hurried over. "That is Hǎo Mèng, ma'am. He has a very limited vocabulary and is up well past his bedtime." I could roughly translate his name to something along the lines of Nice Dream. I was pleased that she followed instructions and spoke to me in English. I glanced at her. "And can you repeat your name, now that I can better understand it?" She nodded. "Lántiān, ma'am." She pulled her little filly over to her, a perfect miniature of herself. "And this is Qīng Yǔ, ma'am." I translated the teen mother's name to Blue Sky and the filly to Gentle Rain. Qīng Yǔ was clearly around a year old. My best guess on Lántiān was she was around fifteen or sixteen, and the only one of the five who would have been born human.  One of the agents cleared his throat. "We should let you know. The Chinese government has been threatening sanctions against the United States if we don't return these foals to them. With Yinyu Wu Yan expressly saying she wants you to be the caregiver, there isn't much legal case for them to take them. However, there have been rumors that Shǔguāng's father is Qiánchéng De Érzi. If that can be proven, there could be trouble." My eyebrows narrowed. "Yinyu slept with the Chinese president?" "He wouldn't have been president at the time. They are just rumors, and he hasn't tried to claim he is the father, as of yet. It could be politically embarrassing to him if he did. We have to keep the possibility open that he will demand a test to see if he is the father and whether he can press to take back his son if it turns out to be true." Just great, I might be harboring the son of the head of the Chinese Shimmerists and the Chinese Communist Party. This just got better and better. It could drive a mare to drink.  The agent continued. "We have rooms for all of you here for tonight. A private plane back to the states will leave first thing in the morning. We'll leave you alone with the foals for another hour, then escort you all to your rooms. You cannot leave the embassy. Tensions are high with China right now, and Japan is not so far away from China that it isn't easy for a Chinese sniper to try to put a bullet in you." Assassins, great. Maybe I could order some alcohol for my room tonight. Why did I ever agree to this? > Chapter 2: Heart of Stone and Heart of Glass > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being left alone with the foals to get to know them started quietly. By quietly, I mean that we all sat around staring at each other without saying a word.  Shǔguāng and Hé Líng took up some interest in their surroundings and began to wander around the room, but thankfully touching nothing. Lántiān stared at me without showing any emotion. Qīng Yǔ stayed snuggled up close to her mother. Hǎo Mèng just slept and was welcome to stay that way until we took him to a proper bed.  It was Lántiān that finally broke the silence. "Do you have any questions or instructions for us, ma'am?"  Try as I might, I didn't have a good response to that question. "Have you all been fed?" "Yes, ma'am. Aside from Qīng Yǔ, who I have yet to feed." I looked down at the smaller blue pegasus filly. "Do you still nurse her on your teats? She seems old enough to eat solid food." "Yes, ma'am, I do. I also feed her solid food. She needs all the nutrition she can get at her age. I want her to be a strong flyer." Qīng Yǔ's parentage presented a question I hadn't thought of. "How much authority do I have over your daughter?" Lántiān snorted and gave a small whinny, the first open sign of displeasure I had seen from her. "We are all under your guardianship, ma'am. My daughter's life is in your hooves, and what authority I have over her is at your behest." I pursed my lips as I considered that. "How much care over your daughter did you have under your mother?" "I attended to the care of all my siblings, except Hǎo Mèng, as well as my daughter, ma'am," she said stiffly. "Our mother is of the night; we are of the day." "She was of the night," I corrected. I didn't want to rub in the fact Yinyu was dead, but it was best they accepted that fact. Lántiān leveled her icy glare on me. "Our mother is still of the night. She still visits us in our dreams, even if her body is gone, ma'am." That was another unique problem in this arrangement. Typically when dealing with orphans, you didn't have their dead parent able to sit down and have a chat with the deceased parent or have said parent be around to give input on how you were doing. I was positive Yinyu would have words with me regularly about how her foals were being treated and brought up. I was not looking forward to what would happen if a disagreement came up.  "What has she said about me?" It was a question worth asking. Best to figure out what preconceived notions she had filled their heads with. My understanding was Yinyu was never particularly fond of me, based on my deeds as a Shimmerist. That made her choice of me as a guardian ten times more befuddling.  Lántiān sat down and lost a little of her tension. "She has said that you are a great and powerful mage, ma'am. She has said that you will protect us. She has said that we are to listen to you and respect you as we would her. That is all she has said." Yinyu didn't give them many notions to go on. That was perhaps a good thing. It was odd that Yinyu had talked up my abilities, but this whole situation was bizarre. "I know of you from school, ma'am." I jerked my head up to look at the teenager.  Lántiān was gazing at me once again with her poker face, saying nothing. I narrowed my eyes at her. "They teach about me in Chinese schools? Me? What do they teach you about me?" Lántiān looked me in the eyes, and once again, I wondered how such a serious filly was the daughter of the Dreamwarden of sex. "Your Shimmerist teachings helped shape China's Shimmerist teachings, in contrast to the radicals who would destroy it with their recklessness. They are not exactly the same, but they are as much a foundation to Chinese Shimmerism as Karl Marx's work. You are like the Karl Marx of Shimmerism, ma'am." Great, add shaping Chinese policy to my list of sins. "And what have they taught you about me as of late?" It must have come as a shock to them when I publicly denounced Shimmerism.  She turned her head slightly. "Nothing has changed in our education. Is there a reason you asked me that question, ma'am?" China had apparently completely censored all my final speech or just suppressed knowledge it had even happened. It shouldn't surprise me. It was typical Chinese propaganda and control of the press. They wouldn't want word that a pony they put on a pedestal in their classrooms had renounced their ideals (even if they were possibly trying to kill me before I ever rejected those ideals. Nor had I been shy in condemning Chinese communists, even back then). She didn't know I renounced Shimmerism. Surely Yinyu had to have known. Why didn't Yinyu tell them? Did they even know about the Cataclysm of Riverview? It was best not to get too deep into that discussion without learning more about her, especially since her cutie mark screamed she was a Shimmerist. I didn't want to have her at odds with me, especially since I needed her help with her siblings. "We'll discuss it later, and I will appreciate all the help you can give with your siblings. Your daughter you may have full control over how she is raised, provided you stick to teaching her English, as I instructed. If you choose to teach her Chinese, it should be as a secondary language." She frowned at me. "What you ask of me will stunt her language development, ma'am. She may not yet speak, but she understands many things that are said to her. Starting over the process of having her learning words will set her back." "Having her unable to speak to others outside her family will set her back even further. Use Chinese where you need to, but focus on teaching her English. It should become her natural language." That didn't seem to sit well with her. "You seem determined to wash away our heritage, ma'am. My siblings and foal should not be made ashamed of where they come from. Our mother and I have our disagreements, and she stood in opposition to our leaders, but our mother loved and respected our heritage. She will not be pleased if you do all you can to suppress it." I sighed. "She and I will have that conversation soon enough. She is the one that put you in my care, and she will have to accept that I may not always do things she agrees with. You are welcome to teach them about Chinese history and culture, but that is to be secondary. They are here, and they will become part of this culture. Understood?" She gave another angry snort. "Understood, ma'am." I was at least getting a rise out of her, and the things that angered her told me much of what mattered to her.  I looked at her brothers, who had drifted off to the edge of the room, and we're looking at a painting of Washington crossing the Delaware. "How much do they know?" I whispered to their older sister. I didn't know why I was whispering. They didn't understand English. "Do they know what has happened to your mother? Do any of you know who your fathers are?" Her eyes followed mine, and her ears fell low. "They have been told, without detail about how, that our mother is dead, ma'am. They don't understand. She still visits us every time we sleep, as she always has. I am sure she is tending to little Mèng now. How can they understand she is dead under such circumstances? They expect her to come back, and that she is only on some trip." I noted that she referred to her youngest brother by only half his name and wondered if the same convention could be applied to the rest. It would save time saying their names and perhaps be more personable. It wasn't what was necessary at the moment. I saw what she was saying and wasn't sure if it was my place to break them of the illusion that Yinyu would return. That was probably best left to their undead mother to explain. "You didn't answer my second question." She bowed her head. "My apologies, ma'am, the first question took my full attention. I will try not to be distracted in the future. No, we do not know our fathers. Our mother was a courtesan; she slept with many ponies.  I know who my daughter's father is, a former classmate of mine, but her father does not." Courtesan? That was the word they wanted to apply to Yinyu's waking world profession? "No need to sugar coat what your mother did. My understanding was that she never did." Lántiān looked at me with one ear cocked. "Sugarcoat? Ma'am, I do not know what you mean by this expression." "Make it seem nicer than it really is," I explained. "I don't mean to disrespect your mother, but Yinyu was a whore and prostitute, and I heard she was never ashamed to admit it." The filly's gaze hardened again. "She disrespected herself by calling herself those things. I will preserve my mother's honor, even if she did not, ma'am." I should have been better, but I was not the best at controlling my temper, and her glares were starting to get on my nerves. "You got pregnant as a teen, and that foal won't even know who her other parent is. It seems that you follow the same paths as her." That was enough to get the filly to grit her teeth. "I am increasing the pony population, as our leaders have encouraged. Young mares should start producing foals as young as fourteen to help with our greater cause. This is not shameful in China; it is something to be honored, ma'am. We are making a better future for all by doing so."  Being treated as a breeding horse was something to be honored? What the hell were their leaders thinking? Why would the population even accept being treated that way? Did their mares have no self-respect? They were not stock to be bred; they were people. Damn communists, damn shimmerists, damn heathens! At least here, they'd be broken of such backward thinking. She looked away. "Mother objected as well. She had no objections to me having sex, for that is her nature, but she objected to my reasons. She, too, disagrees with me contributing to the greater cause. It is as if she doesn't want a better world." Her eyes started to water. "Now she has sent us far from home, into the care of foreigners. She chose to die rather than to let us live our lives in our home. I do not understand why she did such things. I will follow her wishes because I honor my mother, but I do not understand." "" I turned and saw Shǔguāng and Hé Líng had come, drawn by their sister's distress. She looked down at them and spread her wings wide. The two colts hurried into her embrace as she wrapped a wing around each of them. She then started openly sobbing. I thought Hǎo Mèng to be deep in sleep, but the sound of his sister sobbing must have triggered him awake. The sleepy colt had his ears erect as he turned to look at her, and he then flattened them as trailed his vision across the room. He gave me a long look, as if trying to determine if I was the one that hurt his sibling, then continued looking for a moment more. Unable to find the perpetrator, he stood up and walked over to his siblings before promptly falling right back to sleep at his sister's hooves. Qīng Yǔ took this opportunity to climb atop her youngest uncle and settled herself in on her new perch. Hǎo Mèng didn't stir a fraction of an inch, and I could hear him start to snore. As I watched this moment between the siblings, I too asked the same question. Why had Yinyu done this? What would drive her to such lengths? Again I questioned why she entrusted me to take care of her foals and lamented that I was helpless to give them any comfort in their time of need. All I could do is feel sorry for them and try not to feel sorry for myself. It was a more challenging task than it should have been not to feel sorry for myself, but recognizing that fact gave me even more sympathy for the foals that didn't deserve to be going through this.  > Chapter 3: Yinyu Wu Yan > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- We needed to go to bed early to catch an early plane back to the states. This ended up being more complicated than it needed to be. Aside from Lántiān and her daughter, every foal had issues that needed to be addressed.  Hǎo Mèng was asleep at the moment but would almost certainly going to be awake through the night. The staff assured me they had someone standing by to care for him, but Lántiān let it slip that her youngest brother almost always went straight to their mother upon waking up and would likely throw a fit when he couldn't find her. She said this was likely to happen even with his mother warning him that she wasn't going to be there when he woke up. He was just too young to understand his mother trying to explain. The staff took this warnings and said they'd be prepared for that too, but I knew that I was going to wake up to a very unhappy night pony colt.  His brothers had a different issue, one that truly caught me by surprise. I stared in disbelief at my oldest ward as she finished explaining their problem with going to bed. "The violin? Seriously? They need someone playing the violin for them to go to bed? How- why?" She closed her eyes and spoke slowly, like she was the one talking to a child. "Our mother always put them to bed by playing the violin, ma'am. What is the term? Lullaby?" I rolled my eyes. "Lullabies are sung, not played on instruments. I didn't even know Yinyu knew how to play an instrument. Did she just play some recording?" Lántiān shook her head. "No, ma'am. Our mother was very skilled with the violin, a concert-quality performer. She played it only for us, and only when putting us to bed. She did this even back when I was human. It was our normal ritual for when she was tucking us in bed." "Concert quality, you say?" I asked in disbelief. "Where did she even learn how to play the violin that well? It doesn't seem like something she ever needed for her… work." How did a night pony even properly manipulate the strings on a violin? They did have thumbs on their wings, but that was only one 'finger', and not even a proper finger at that. She likely did some combination of using her wing and a hoof, but it was hard to picture exactly how that would work.  The filly shrugged. "I do not know, ma'am. She must have learned it as a child, but our mother has always kept details of her childhood secret, even to me." If she was so great with the violin, why did she whore herself out? It was even more confusing that she'd do that if she was still that good after her transformation. A night pony that could play the violin well seemed like enough of a novelty that it could have led to a decent little entertainment career. At the very least, she could have made a career teaching other ponies how to do the same. The fact that she continued to play for her foals indicated this was something she enjoyed doing, so why didn't she? I couldn't imagine someone would willingly degrade themselves by doing sex work when they had readily available options for a better career doing something they loved.  That was yet another thing that wasn't important right now. Considering that she was now just a spirit in the dream realm, it would likely never be important. Yinyu could keep her secrets, but the colts needed to go to sleep.  I got the attention of a nearby staff member. "Hey! Is there anything in the rooms that can play music recordings?" The human staff member nodded. "There are computers in all the bedrooms. They have strong firewalls, but I know a few websites that they are allowed to access that might fit your needs." I gestured at Lántiān. "Can you assist her with getting some music playing for her brothers? I'm sure she knows better than anyone else what would appeal to them." The staff member nodded. "Of course, Miss Blessing." He then guided Lántiān away to the colts' room.  I headed to my room and silently cursed myself as I entered. I had forgotten to wish any of them a good night. It might seem silly to be mad at myself for forgetting that since I was not their mother, and it was highly doubtful any of them were expecting anything like that from me, but it was at least a general courtesy that I owed them. I might not be the right choice for a guardian, but that didn't mean I should slough off my duties as a caregiver. I had an obligation to at least attempt to show compassion and care for them. Way to go, Sunset; you're still screwing up.  I didn't even bother to look at my surroundings once I was in the bedroom. They were probably full of expensive furniture and art, but I couldn't be bothered to care. I identified where the bed was and where the private bathroom was; those were all I needed to worry about. It was time to go to sleep and face Yinyu. Jetlag made getting to sleep much easier than I thought it would be. I found myself on a flare marble slab surrounded by open space. It uncomfortably reminded me of the old coliseum that the Dreamwardens had crafted years before for the trial of my wife, not my happiest memory. She'd been found not guilty, but only after I'd been tricked onto doing their bidding. It was the biggest relief of my life when the verdict came in not guilty, but having Sha'am Maut's gambit against me succeed left a sour taste in my mouth. I hoped that Dreamwarden was burning in a special corner of hell.  It only took a moment for my host to appear. She looked like what might happen if a seapony and a dragon had a baby. She had two large fins where forelegs would typically be, her whole body was covered in multicolored scales that shifted color constantly, large leathery wings in the same rainbow hue adorned her back, she lacked any hind legs or hind fins, and her tail was a massive meaty extension of her body. The face that stared at me was ponylike but also draconic, and her sharp serrated teeth jutted out of her lips along her muzzle. I was told Yinyu considered this form whimsical; I disagreed.  I looked up at my charges' nightmarish mother. "Let's cut out the run around; you have free reign to speak and act on whatever you're reading in my mind." She stared down at me with an expression that matched her daughter's earlier one. "That does save time. It gets tiring, acting like I don't know what's going on in your head. Especially since I can't choose not to listen anymore." I leveled my finest glare I could manage. Dreamwardens didn't scare me. I had a daughter and a wife who were Dreamwardens, and I knew the rules they operated by. Failing to kiss Yinyu's undead rump didn't pose any risks. "Well? You know what I'm thinking. So, where are my answers?" Yinyu opened her mouth into a toothy grin. "Watch yourself, preacher. You're right that I won't hurt you, but I can choose to be uncooperative if you get rude with me."  I narrowed my eyes at her. "I'll take my chances. Now speak. You've got a lot of explaining to do." She coiled up in the air like a snake. "I suppose I do. Let me see; your most pressing question is why you were picked to have custody of my foals. The answer to that involves many factors. First, you are the most suitable option out of their surviving family, and I wanted to keep this in the family." "We're not even related!" Yinyu vanished and reappeared, placing her fin over my mouth. "Hush! You're close enough to family. I consider all the Dreamwardens my siblings, and that means you have two ties to us. That makes you family, in a roundabout way." I was about to ask why not some other 'family' member, but she was reading my mind and headed me off. "Out of the living family options, you were the one with the least on your current plate to deal with. Phobia is active in dealing with officials and raising her own family. Krik is contemplating retirement and is older than you by two decades. Psy is available, but much as I love him, I don't want my foals spending every minute of every day being psychoanalyzed; he also doesn't show emotion well, and they need someone who isn't so cold. Wild Growth was strongly considered, really strongly considered, but she has a misplaced sense of invincibility that I feared would put my foals at risk. The remaining options, the Middletons, haven't the resources to protect my offspring." She swam behind me. "The second reason for why you were chosen is your spouse made a case for you. She is watching us right now but has agreed to give us some illusion of privacy." She swam back in front of me, and she laid a fin on my shoulder, and there was sympathy and regret on her eyes when she held my gaze. "The final reason why you were chosen is that you and I are very much alike in one important way. You've let your passions lead you to some huge mistakes, mistakes that ended up getting everyone you care about hurt and costing you everything. I won't go onto the details, but I dealt with the same thing twenty years ago. You know what you have done and have taken responsibility for it, even more responsibility than is due in some cases. I know you will do everything in your power never to make mistakes like that again, and I trust you will do everything in your power to protect my foals as a result." She wrapped her massive fishtail around me and pulled me close to her. "Let's see, next question. Why'd I go and set myself on fire? Well, that wasn't my original plan. I had wanted to get me and my foals out of China. I had the perfect pony in your country lined up to train to be my replacement. I would spend a few years in your country training that pony; then, I was going to take my family and myself to Equestria for early retirement. But our escape was found out, and the only distraction that would allow my foals to get away safely was me." "Why run at all?" I asked, rushing to get the question out of my mouth before she could start answering it. I don't know why I felt the need to ask the question out loud. Perhaps it was just to make the conversation feel a little less one-sided. She released me, and her posture sagged As she drifted away from me. "As to why I was doing all that, it's simple. My government figured out that I happen to know a lot about alien tech, and the rules for keeping secrets didn't apply to how to make that tech. They wanted knowledge of weapons, and I wouldn't tell them." Her eyes started to water. "They knew it was useless to threaten me directly, so they threatened the lives of my foals instead. I had to protect them." She wiped her muzzle with a fin, then shook her head. "They don't even know they were threatened, though I'm going to be telling Lántiān about it shortly. She's so confused about so many things. They've filled her head with Shimmerist lies and convinced her that they're the good guys." I would have stepped forward, but there was a literal bottomless chasm right in front of me. "Yet you gave them to me, the world's premier Shimmerist." She chuckled dryly. "Former premier Shimmerist. I don't think you can apply the Shimmerist label to yourself anymore. You've seen through your lies. I'm sorry that it had to happen in such a traumatic way, but you now see the truth about Shimmerism. I'm hoping you can help undo the indoctrination they've done to my daughter." The Dreamwarden bared her teeth in a snarl. "I love her dearly, but she and I don't see eye to eye. I could deal with normal disagreements, but this is more than some simple disagreement, especially since those Shimmerists she admires so much threatened her to get to me. Perhaps she'll listen to you where she wouldn't listen to me." I turned away. "I tried to convince Shimmerists to abandon their speciest views. I got nothing but rebuke. I’m  The Apostate now, which I suppose is accurate if they didn't want to change along with me. I invested so much time forging them into what they are today. Now I'm forced to live with what I made." "She may yet listen to you, as may others," Yinyu replied. "Don't be discouraged because you have had some initial failures. You did not build Shimmerism in a day, and it will not be destroyed in one. Stick to your convictions and fight back against the monster you assisted in creating. That very well may be what my daughter needs to hear." I wasn't so convinced but wasn't going to argue the point. "What about the colts? We've said a lot about your daughter, but not much about them. Shǔguāng, in particular, we need to talk about." She nodded. "You've heard the rumors. To tell the truth, I don't know if his father is who they say. I did sleep with Érzi, that part isn't a rumor, but I slept with a lot of other stallions. I was the whore of Beijing and slept with thousands over the years. He does have a strong resemblance to Érzi and is a unicorn, but the same thing could be said of you, and no one is going to claim you're a relative." "Your daughter doesn't seem to approve of you calling yourself that," I observed. She laughed. "My daughter has some misguided ideas about what honor means. I hope you break her of them." "So what do I do about Shǔguāng if your old bed partner comes claiming to be the father?" She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't want Érzi to take him and will stand by that. I don't know how that will work in the courts since I'm dead, but there are special circumstances in my case." "And do you have any special guidance on what I should be doing with him, Hǎo Mèng, and Hé Líng? You gave me guidance on what you want to happen with Lántiān, but nothing about the other three." She shook her head again. "They are so young and malleable. Just give them love and kindness. They'll adjust, and bounce back, even if my death will always be painful. I'm going to try more to make them understand what has happened to me. You don't have to worry about being the one to have to explain it." She smirked at me. "And yes, you can call my two younger sons Líng and Mèng, and you won't upset anyone. I called them by those shortened versions, along with a variety of different nicknames. Lántiān is just trying to be defiant with you by insisting on their full names, and I'm calling her out about it as we speak. Shǔguāng and Lántiān you'll just have to accept their names as they are." "But no specific instructions about any of the colts?"  She shook her head. "Not much. Mèng I would invest in a human nanny to help him early on, rather than a night pony. I want him to get used to humans and see them in a positive light. You can have a night pony help with him when he gets older. Mèng hasn't reached his demon phase as of yet, so you'll be the one to figure out how to deal with that when it comes. Líng is very fond of water and enjoys boats and swimming. He also tends to get very muddy as a result, and it blends right into his fur. Always triple check him for mud; he loves to track it everywhere. Shǔguāng is a very bold little colt and tends to dominate over his brothers. He can lead them into some misadventures, so watch it if it gets a sly look in his eye. He doesn't like to do things alone, so separating him for periods can keep him out of trouble. I wouldn't recommend doing that too often though, as he and his brothers are very close, and it would hurt them to stay separated for extended periods." "Nothing else? Like them needing the violin playing when they go to sleep?" I asked, knowing she had to be leaving a lot out.  She looked me in the eyes again. "Lántiān can help you with the rest. She's aware of all their quirks. I was hoping you could get to know them on your own. I'll back your parenting decisions, even if I don't agree with all of them, as long as you are legitimately caring for my foals. If there's anything you do that I think is completely unacceptable, I'll be sure to let you know." Okay, so I didn't have to worry about fighting with Yinyu over how her foals were being raised, assuming I wasn't abusive or neglectful. I certainly had no intention of doing anything abusive, but neglecting some need was something I was anxious about. I'd turned a blind eye to certain things when raising Phobia, and that showed I was very capable of neglect. I'd give this my best effort, but I still thought I wasn't the best one for the job. Yinyu gave me another sympathetic look. "Don't be discouraged. You're not alone in this. Lántiān will help you, and you have your daughter and me to consult. Your wife will certainly be glad to give you advice, even though she doesn't have the same experience with foals." I also had Wild Growth, or at least, Wild Growth's money. She had me on a monthly allowance and letting me use a SPEC condo in Denver to live in. The condo was certainly big enough to accommodate all of us, but I would need to ask for a raise in my allowance, at least for this adjustment period. I'd need to find some way of earning income on my own eventually, and balancing that and giving time to five foals was going to be a struggle, but at least it was one that wasn't here yet. I didn't doubt that Wild would give me that extra money, considering the circumstances, but she'd be wanting to know how long she'd need to keep shelling out, or she'd get unhappy with me taking advantage of her generosity.  Yinyu drifted further away. "I'll leave you be. You aren't a dreamwalker, and non-dreamwalkers shouldn't spend too much time in these types of dreams. It will tire you out as if you haven't slept. If we need to spend too much time this way, you might consider me making you a dreamwalker so it won't tire you, but I know that you prefer not to be given that ability. Sleep well, Sunset Blessing, and do your best." > Chapter 4: Plane Trips > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The trip back home was to involve several flights. First would be the flight from Tokyo to Honolulu, the next would be from Honolulu to San Francisco, and the final stretch would be San Francisco to Denver. Adding in expected layover time, it would be nearly sixteen hours to get back to Denver.  On a positive note, the government paid for us to travel in private luxury aircraft for each leg of the trip. This wasn't so much to make us more comfortable, although it greatly helped with that, but because it was easier to keep us safe. There was the fear that some Chinese nationals would try something, but even before I took custody of the foals, there were some who'd have loved to put a bullet in my head. While most of the public didn't have a significant problem with me, and many even saw me in a positive light (to my complete and utter shock), there were still ponies that had an exceedingly deep hatred of me. I was not one to argue that I had earned that hate, but I did generally object to them trying to kill me, and some hated me enough to try. The flight from Tokyo to Honolulu had been mostly quiet. We'd left early enough that most of the foals had decided to go right back to sleep when getting on the plane. Hǎo Mèng was the exception. The young night pony had made quite the fuss about getting on the plane and continued to fuss for some time after. Even though his responses were mostly one or two words at a time, he made it very clear he wanted his mother, and he was very unhappy about being taken to yet another unfamiliar place. Thankfully, the crew and I finally managed to distract him with some cartoons. He stayed occupied watching Chip and Dale shorts well after his siblings woke up, and eventually passed out watching them. Shǔguāng and Hé Líng took up watching the same cartoons after waking and presented me with no trouble.  The layover in Honolulu didn't take much time at all. It was perhaps thirty minutes before we were back on board a plane heading to San Francisco (different plane, but still a private luxury craft). I had managed to get a quick call in to confirm that Wild Growth knew I was bringing five foals back to the condo and that security there wasn't going to try to block them. I didn't get much time to discuss my allowance on a short call, and my phone wouldn't work out over the ocean. The plane had Wi-Fi, but it was only for authorized devices, which mine wasn't.  To keep the two older colts occupied, I found some Disney movies and put them on autoplay for the trip, and they were both sitting on the floor right in front of the screen. The cabin had several couches set out in a semicircular pattern with the television centered on the wall where everyone could see it, and I was laying on one of the sofas to the right, watching cartoons along with the two older colts. Mèng had stayed asleep through the entire layover, and I'd been forced to carry him on my back from the last plane, to the airport, and back onto this plane. He was now resting peacefully on the couch next to me and hadn't stirred in the slightest. If it weren't for the signs he was breathing, I might have thought he was dead instead of dead tired.  Lántiān was on the couch opposite me and was finishing preening Qīng Yǔ. She had a few feathers set aside, but not many. They looked more like feather fluff than proper feathers, but that might be because they were coming off an extremely young filly, and she didn't have as many mature feathers. I really didn't have much experience with young pegasus foals, so I could only assume. The older filly, having finished preening, smiled down at her daughter and gave her a nuzzle. Qīng Yǔ gave a happy giggle in turn. Lántiān glanced over at me, and her smile slipped for a moment, but she then turned her attention back to her daughter and forced her smile back. "Say mother. I am mother." I raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you really want her calling you mother?" The older filly looked up at me and laid her ears back. "No, ma'am, but you told me to teach her English as her first language. I am doing as instructed." I grimaced. "That's not what I meant. The term mother feels so… formal to be teaching a young foal." Lántiān blinked, obviously not expecting that reply. "Is it not the correct word, ma'am?" There was no snark in her response, only honest confusion. "There are less stiff terms for a mother in English," I explained. "Maybe mom, or mama?" "Mama?" She asked, emphasizing the A's differently. "That is the Mandarin term I had been using previously. Is this acceptable to your standards, ma'am?" The way she said mama wasn't that different than English and would fit in with many accents perfectly fine. I realized now that the words were pretty much identical between the languages, although it hadn't occurred to me before needing to use the term in Mandarin. "That's acceptable. I guess familiar terms for mothers and fathers are fairly universal. If there was a primitive language all other languages came from, I'd assume that would be one of the few words in it." Lántiān didn't seem to want to speculate about theoretical prehistoric languages. I hadn't wanted to speculate either. I was just making conversation. She ignored me and turned her attention back to her daughter and began again. "Say mama. I am mama."  Well, that was an easy enough compromise. If every compromise went that easily this would be a breeze. I doubted there was any chance in hell of that happening, but I could hope.  The current movie was ending, and the colts were starting to stir as the credits rolled. I had spent most of our time learning about their sister, which was as good an opportunity as any to take some time to talk to them. We had several more hours before we were going to be done with these flights, and I was going to focus on being productive with that time.  I sat up on the couch while trying not to disturb the sleeping night pony. "" I mentally groaned at my Mandarin. It sounded even more formal and stiff than Lántiān's English. Maybe that was part of why she always sounded so stiff, other than she was understandably angry and upset about the entire situation. The two colts did as instructed with no fuss and with no hesitation. Other than Mèng, they all seemed extraordinarily obedient and never dragged their hooves about anything, nor put up any protest about anything they were told to do. Mèng was a toddler, and his temper tantrums were understandable in that light, but I was still surprised at how well behaved all the others were. It felt almost unnatural how well behaved they were. I was positive that Phobia hadn't been this well behaved at their age. She'd never been bad, but she wouldn't do things right away, and she'd protest anything she didn't want to do. It was just normal child behavior to do so. This strict obedience didn't feel natural.  The two were standing attentively in front of me. "" The two immediately plopped their rumps down on the floor. "" "" Shǔguāng asked.  I glanced over at the still rolling credits. It hadn't occurred to me they didn't understand a word of what was being said in the movies since they were in English. They still had devoted all their attention to them despite that. "" "" Shǔguāng answered. His little brother just mouthed the yes and nodded.  I considered the two of them. "" The two didn't seem very comfortable about having powerful magic cast on them. "" Shǔguāng asked.  I shook my head. "" Lántiān snorted loudly to get my attention. "You nearly fell when you cast this spell on yourself, ma'am. Will my brothers fall down? I do not want my brothers injured." "No," I answered. "That was just the strain on me casting the spell, not the impact of having the spell cast on me. My magic is not particularly strong, and a single spell that uses that much magic takes a lot out of me. Your brothers will be fine." She narrowed her eyes. "So, will you hurt yourself casting this spell, ma'am? I do not want the pony that is seeing to my brothers' care to be injured before we have even reached our new residence. We need you in this new country." It was nice to know where my health held importance to the filly. If I wasn't crucial to taking care of her family, she could care less if I collapsed from exhaustion or burnt myself out. "I'll be winded, but I'll be alright. I figured I could get Shǔguāng done today, and try to do Hé Líng tomorrow. Mèng can learn English on his own, since his vocabulary is already limited, and having the three of you help will make it easier to teach him." She nodded. "I have no objections, then, ma'am." She turned to her brothers. "" "" Hé Líng said with a small peep of a voice. Lántiān's expression softened to sympathy. ""  That was one way of saying dead. However, it might be the best way of describing Dreamwarden death. I wondered if it would soften the pain to think of Tonya that way, just sleeping forever. It wasn't likely to happen. I still loved her and longed for our time together, but the being she had become was a stranger in so many ways. I could tell she still loved me, but there was an alien nature to her now, something I would never be able to understand fully, and it hurt knowing that was between us. I wondered if these foals would feel similarly about their mother as time went on, and Yinyu moved further and further away from the mortal pony she'd been.  Shǔguāng lifted his head high, perhaps putting on a display of bravery for the sake of his brother. "" I nodded and gestured to the open spot on the couch to my left. I inched my rump in that direction so that there was more space between Mèng and me. "" I looked back over at his sister. "If I pass out, make sure that I am put back on the couch and that I didn't hit my head on anything. Knock on the door in the back to inform the staff what had happened. They have a doctor with them who will check me out." The filly blinked. "You just assured me that you would be well… ma'am." I chuckled. "Exhausting myself isn't going to hurt me seriously. I've exhausted myself plenty of times in the past few years. I might be able to wait to find a unicorn skilled enough to do the spell that I trust, but that will take time, and we need to start acclimating your family now. Just do as I say." She didn't look happy about it but nodded. "As you wish, ma'am." I was going to have to have a talk with her about how often she said ma'am. That was getting annoying hearing it every time she spoke to me. It was respectful, but it was still excessive. It made it sound like she was some indentured servant or something. The unicorn colt climbed up onto the couch with me. He really did look like he could have come from me due to his coloration. I could understand the rumors, as Qiánchéng De Érzi also had red fur and a purple mane and was also a unicorn. I'd like to think that our shared colors were all Érzi and I shared, but I knew that he and I had shared similar shimmerist philosophies. My days as a shimmerist were over, but I recognized how effective those philosophies were at gathering followers, and Érzi had done it on a scale that put what I had done to shame. Had he really based his methods directly on my own? Had I really inadvertently helped shape Shimmerist China? I prayed it wasn't so, but saw no reason for Lántiān to have made the claim if it wasn't true.  I shook my head, trying to banish the demons in my thoughts. There was work to do. ""  The colt nodded, and I gently touched a hoof to his head. My horn flared with its red-colored magic, and I began casting the spell. I didn't feel the tingling sensation this time; that would be for Shǔguāng to feel. I did, however, feel the strain, and sweat started to bead beneath the fur near my horn. The few seconds of casting the spell felt like an eternity, but I managed to complete it. I pulled my hoof back as my horn went dim. I was breathing heavily. "There, you should be able to-" I lost my ability to speak as the room seemed to be spinning. It suddenly felt like a good time for a nap, and everything else could wait. I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the cushions. > Chapter 5: My Angel > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I thought I had died and gone to heaven, seeing the angel standing before me, but I knew that was wrong. I didn’t deserve heaven, and a second look made me realize it was no angel; it was my wife.  She had her arms crossed, wings flared, and she was holding that infernal bronze staff in one hand. I had concluded that staff served one purpose and one purpose alone; to bonk people that displeased her on the head. The fact she was in her half-human half-pony angelic form meant she was pissed. She usually appeared as a pony to me when she wasn't mad about something.  "What were you thinking?" She demanded in a harsh voice. I sat up and looked at her towering form that was far larger than a normal human size. We were in an endless black expanse. "You might need to be a little clearer about what you are referencing." She bent down and glared at me, her imposing size making the motion far more intimidating. "Not even twenty-four hours after you exhaust yourself with a spell, you turn around and try to cast something even more exhausting. You know you need more time than that to recover. Again, what were you thinking?" I'd have teleported away if there was anywhere to teleport to, but this was a dream, and she was everywhere. "I, uh… it needed to be done. The colts need to be able to understand English." "It could have waited!" She shouted, and then stood up straight. "You're lucky you're as exhausted as you are, or else Yinyu would be here screaming at you too! I convinced her that I'd be better to yell at you." "I don't see what the big deal is," I mumbled.  She bashed the bottom of her staff against the non-existent ground. "The big deal is that you could have injured or killed yourself! What would Yinyu's foals or I do if you had that happen? You shouldn't be so reckless with your health." "Yinyu could find some better guardian, and you-" She scowled down at me, dangerously. "Think before you answer, Sunset." "Tonya, I-" "Don't Tonya me when I'm mad at you. When I'm angry at you, it's Arbiter, got it?" I gave her a sullen look. "Well, Arbiter, it's not like you need me anymore. It's not like you ever needed me. I was a mistake on your part. Chances are I'll end up getting those foals in the same state as you." Her fingers turned into claws as she gripped that staff tighter. "You do not get to say who I should or should not care about. Including me caring for you! It would break my heart if you died. You have so much left you can give the world, if you take care of yourself and stop wallowing around in self-pity." "I'm not-" "Are you saying the person that can see all your thoughts is wrong?" I turned away from her. "My thoughts are a confused mess! Who knows what you would pick out of them." A wing, a regular-sized wing, gently pulled my vision back to her. There she was, as she was in life; just an orange pegasus with a purple mane. She was looking at me with tears in her eyes. "Sunset. I know you're full of guilt. I'm not going to say your past was spotless, because it wasn't. I'm also not going to say that it may not come back to haunt you time and time again, because it may very well do so. What I will say is that you never had ill intent, even when you were wrong in your beliefs and methods. You aren't dead yet, and I hope you won't die for a long time yet. Just because you screwed up doesn't mean that you can't do good, or that you never did good. No one is perfect, my sunshine." "Some of us are farther from perfect than others," I replied. She smacked me with a wing.  "I didn't fall in love with you because you were perfect. I fell in love with you because of your passion and your strong desire to be better than you had been. Sure, you ended up going on a bad course with that, but the intent to be better than you were before was always a big part of your drive. You've got five little souls with you right now that are hurting just as much as you, and they need someone to help them. You can't take away their pain, but you can give them something more than just their pain to focus on, and you can protect them. You can be better if you can get your head out of your ass." I stepped away from her. "Look at everything I ever did. First, I got pregnant in college, had an abortion, and felt so guilty about it I got caught up in a radical and unChristian form of Christianity that made me a disgrace before God for years to come. I treated my child's needs as a defect to be fixed. When I became a pony, I turned my loathing on humans and heightened my bigotry. I did terrible things time and time again for what I perceived to be the greater good. I all but encouraged you to commit murder. I cut corners to get praise, corners that ended with the destruction of my city. Now I'm hearing I might be the mother of Chinese Shimmerism. What on God's green Earth have I ever done right?" "You admitted you were wrong, and that's a start," Tonya silently replied. "You fought for the rights of others. You brought prosperity to the ponies of the South. Even though you looked down on humans, you managed to forge strong bonds between them and ponies. You gave opportunities to many who might not otherwise have them. You might have been nasty about it, but you made the Equestrians realize that their magical development had stagnated, and they needed to understand that in order to change it. You wrote a scathing rebuke of Shimmerism that has fractured it in certain regions, and change is happening because of that. All the things you said are true, but all I just said is true too. You have a complicated legacy, but your story is not over." She walked over to me and touched a wing to my side. "You were also willing to put everything on the line to try to save me when I was in trouble. You're capable of being selfless, even if you see nothing in yourself but your selfishness. Stop thinking about all you've done wrong and focus on doing right. I'm asking you to think of the needs of others now, five little souls who need someone to care. They need you, don't abandon them by destroying yourself. Don't abandon me. I need you too." I looked down and took a deep breath. "I'll-I'll try, but I can't see this going well." She hugged me. "When you try, you always find a way. I have faith in you. I've kept you too long, and I'm going to let you get back to regular sleep now so you can recover. I love you, Sunset."  Then she was gone, and my mind drifted into unawareness. "She's waking up." I groaned, and blinked my eyes at the light around me. I tried to remember where I was and when I'd fallen asleep, but came up empty.  "Just relax. You're dealing with magical exhaustion. Don't try to use your magic for anything. You need time to recover." I turned towards the voice and saw a human man. "Where am I? What happened?" "You're on a plane from San Francisco to Denver. You passed out from magical exhaustion. I checked you over, and determined that you just needed rest; otherwise, we'd have you in a hospital bed back at the Mills-Peninsula Medical Center in San Francisco. You'll be alright with plenty of rest and laying off your magic for a few days. No levitation for at least the next two days, no spell casting beyond that for the week, no advanced spell casting at all for the duration, just rest. If you follow instructions, you should be fully recovered in about a week and a half."  "We transferred planes?" I asked, remembering we had been in route to San Francisco before.  "Yes, you were transferred by stretcher. The government had already set your course, and there was no need to delay it. We are getting you back home as planned. Wild Growth was contacted, and she has been informed of your condition. She says she will make arrangements for any extra care you need in the next few days." The place in Denver wasn't really home; it was just where I was staying. I didn't have a home anymore. Getting even more generosity from Wild in the form of extra care didn't sit well with me either. At least she'd be far away, and so I wouldn't have to face her and her magnanimous face directly. It was grating as it was knowing I was dependant on her for everything. I was as much her ward as Yinyu's foals were mine.  "Where are the foals?" I asked, after noticing them missing. There was just me, a few humans, and a crystal pony. We were in a smaller and less luxurious looking cabin than where I'd been. "In the main cabin. We have you separated to rest without disturbances. Did you want to see them?" I considered it. I didn't want to see them just now, but I'd need to say something. "If you could just send Lántiān in, that should suffice." He walked away, presumably to fetch my eldest charge. I just laid where I was. It felt like I'd just run a thirty-mile marathon without stopping, and I had a splitting headache centered right at the base of my horn. Some people thought unicorn horns were just a mass of bone, but they got blood flow and had a fragile layer of flesh and fur over them. Right at that moment, I felt every pulse of blood going through it. It took me a moment to realize Lántiān was standing right next to the small couch I was laying on. She hadn't done anything to announce herself, at least that I noticed, not that I was paying anything much attention at all at the moment. She was just sitting there, at attention like a little soldier. The little soldier had a smaller pegasus on her back. That was acceptable, as she couldn't be expected to leave her daughter unattended.  "So… " I began, and immediately lost what I was about to say. I tried to sit up slightly to better focus, but that turned out to be too much work.  "You frightened my siblings and daughter, ma'am," Lántiān deadpanned. I didn't need to hear emotion to hear the accusation behind those words. That gave me a spark of anger, and a spark of rage gave me some focus.  "I told everypony… excuse me… everyone all that it might happen," I snapped. I was now annoyed at myself for letting one of the terms that I had worked to purge from everyone's use escape my lips.  Lántiān gave me her flattest stare. "You must excuse them, ma'am. It has been explained to them that our mama has gone to sleep, and shall never awaken. Now they have seen their new guardian fall asleep, and would not wake up no matter how they shook her. You might understand why this upsets them." That did put a different spin on things. Now I felt guilty for snapping. "Tell them I'm alright. I didn't mean to scare them." Tonya was right. I was reckless. "It-it won't happen again." "As you say, ma'am." I hated her monotone. It was clear she didn't like me. She wasn't winning any charm awards from me either. If our time together stayed like this, it would be bearable, but I was sure at some point one of us was going to go off on the other. I couldn't blame her hostility. She'd been all but raising her siblings on her own before their mother died. It must have enraged her that she and they were left in the care of a stranger. A stranger who hadn't done much to instill confidence that things weren't going to continue to get worse for them. I had enough focus to at least continue this conversation. "So, did my spell work? Is Shǔguāng able to understand and speak English, or did I knock myself senseless for nothing?" One side of her mouth turned down. "Your spell worked, ma'am. My brother is quite impressed by what you did. At the moment, he is explaining the dialogue of the film they are watching to Hé Líng. Hé Líng has started to pick up a few words, with Shǔguāng's assistance. His favorite is one I am not familiar with. What does cowabunga mean?" I blinked. "Are they watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? If they are, it is like their battlecry or their cheer, depending on the situation." She nodded. "There are large human-shaped turtles, ma'am. They are wearing blindfolds with eyeholes, although I cannot determine a purpose for them doing that. I also see no ponies in the film, which further confuses me. I would say this is some human propaganda, but they make the heroes turtle people and a rat-man. American films make no sense." "It's just a harmless older cartoon from before ETS," I explained. "I even watched it when I was a child, at least the original version; they rebooted it like four or five times over the years. Don't you have things you watched from before ETS?" She shook her head. "No, ma'am. Film from before there were ponies is mostly banned by the culture ministry, with a few rare exceptions. They are human films, and therefore do not have proper quality and values." I wanted to facehoof, but that would take too much energy. Was I ever this bad when I was proclaiming the greatness of shimmerism? I was pretty sure I wasn't. Sure, I encouraged pony made films and reimaginings of classic stories, but I didn't outright ban the older versions. Even if I wanted to, that would cause a riot. China was more used to authoritarian regimes, I supposed, but I couldn't imagine this would have sat well with everyone over there. No one was going to just let the government outlaw large parts of their past culture without at least attempting to keep it preserved in secret. I guessed Lántiān kept blissfully unaware of anything but what her government told her. Staying in the US would do a lot to open her eyes.  That did remind me of something I hadn't gotten to ask yet. "I know this is an uncomfortable subject, but has your mother taken time to explain to you why she was trying to get you out of China?"  Lántiān visibly stiffened. "She told me what she believed. She must have been mistaken. Mama was not all-knowing, ma'am." This filly needed to accept the truth. "You think she was willing to die based on something she couldn't be certain was absolutely true? She might not know everything, but she knows a hell of a lot more than you or me. She is a Dreamwarden, one of the most powerful things in existence, and she was terrified of what might happen to you and your siblings. She would not have been terrified if she was not sure the threat was real." She bared her teeth. "I will not continue this discussion! Do you have any instructions to give me, or are you just going to try to delude me?" I stared at her for a moment. "You didn't say, ma'am." With a verbal growl, she turned and stormed back through the door, and slammed it shut behind her. I sat and stared at it for a moment.  "Way to go, Sunset," I said to myself. "You fucked that conversation up." I then laid back down, and let my weariness overtake me again.  > Chapter 6: A Sleepy Return to Denver > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I couldn't really say much about the flight from San Francisco to Denver, as I spent almost all of it asleep. I was told after I was roused that four of the five foals slept through most of that flight as well, with the notable exception of Méng.  Méng was wide awake through the entire final stretch but happily occupied by the antics of Tom and Jerry. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I was glad he was kept Out of trouble, but I'd always found Tom and Jerry cartoons to be particularly mean-spirited and violent. People liked to point to Tom as the villain of the series, but if you paid attention to Jerry, he was an instigator and terror in his own right. In fact, I was more sympathetic to Tom than I was Jerry, but then again, I'm a cat person. I supposed no harm was done, letting him watch the show. It wasn't like I hadn't watched it myself at his age, and it wasn't like I had gone and done anything abominable. Oh, wait… I seemed to recall a city blowing up along with a long list of other crimes. Tom and Jerry weren't going to stay on his playlist. They were going to be nice foals, who would only be exposed to violence in the case of heroes defeating villains. He could watch the turtles cartoon with his brothers. At least that wasn't mindless violence and back and forth vindictiveness.  I probably needed some extra advice on him, and Yinyu didn't seem forthcoming with it. To be fair to her, she was awake at the same times he was, so she likely would have had an easier time dealing with him. I had to be awake in the daytime, though. There was an obvious answer for who to ask advice from, my daughter, who had three night pony foals of her own, all older than Méng. She had plenty of experience dealing with toddler night ponies. I'd need to give her a call. Sadly, I likely needed more advice on the others just as much. Where was the book explaining how to deal with a teen mother and colt that might have the most politically powerful pony period as a father (he presided over a population more massive than the entire planet Celestia ruled)? Líng might be the easiest of the siblings to deal with; he just liked to get wet and muddy, and I could happily live with that… provided he didn't go and almost drown or something because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. Crap. I need to stop thinking about these things.  When we finally arrived in Denver they triple checked me to see if I could walk on my own. I could, as long as I didn't try to move too fast. It was fairly late when we arrived, and they had to rouse the foals from their sleep. We headed to get our shuttle back to the condo. There wasn't much talking, as everyone except Méng was exhausted. The little colt followed close by his sister's legs, and she regularly had to prod him to keep moving because he would stop to look at his surroundings.  When we got into the airport lobby I'd been dreading reporters waiting to jump on me for interviews. Luckily, we arrived so late that many of them must have gone home. There were only two or three of them left, and they looked almost as tired as we did.  "Miss Blessing. Do you have any comment on the death of Yinyu Wu Yan?"  I couldn't help myself. I let myself sneer at the reporter, and be damned with how that would be played on the news. "Are you seriously asking that right in front of all her foals? What the fucking hell is wrong with you!" "Miss Blessing, how are the foals doing after the dea-" I stomped a hoof, and almost fell over doing it. "Fuck off!" "Miss Blessing, do you have any comments about the group in Florida that are now calling themselves the Blessingists? Will you be giving an endorsement?" That brought me up short, and I just looked at the reporter like he was crazy. "What the hell is a Blessingist? No comment. I don't even know what happened." As we were hurried out towards the shuttle I overheard at least one reporter giving the report that I had been hostile and refused to answer questions. That would not go over well, but I was too tired and too angry to care. Once on the shuttle I turned to one of the agents. "What's a Blessingist?" The human spread his hands. "It's a group of Shimmerists in Florida that denounced the speciest views of Shimmerism and stated that their new mission was to bring magic to all and expand our magical knowledge, which doesn't necessarily require transformation of humans to ponies. That last part is where the break comes from. They were inspired by your final manifesto before your arrest." I tried to process this new information. "When the hell did they do that? I didn't hear anything about it?" "They officially broke with Shimmerism earlier today, but there had been arguments going on for weeks. You really didn't hear about the schism you put into Shimmerism? No one reached out to you asking for endorsement?" I'd actually been avoiding the news altogether and just trying to lock myself away from everything. Only certain people could even contact me by phone, and none of them mentioned anything. Most of my groceries were delivered to me. so I didn't even leave the condo much. I had done my best to live under a rock, and only got taken out from under it because Tonya had shown up in my dreams and told me Yinyu had appointed me guardian of her foals, and the next morning I had government agents at my door. It's kind of hard to ignore a Dreamwarden announcing something in my dreams and then having the government show up at my door, no matter how much I might want to.  "No, it must have slipped my attention," I said with a deadpan.  I looked at the foals. Lántiān was the only one aside from Méng who was awake. The night pony colt she was trying to keep moderately restrained from running all over the car by keeping a leg around him as he looked out the window. Shǔguāng and Hé Líng were cuddled up against one another with Qīng Yǔ making a bed atop the two of them.  They made a cute little pile. I wondered what it was like having such a tribally diverse family, but I supposed that I would find out soon enough. Hopefully no one would be dropping any crystal pony foal off at my doorstep to complete the full set.  The condo was part of a small private complex owned by SPEC. The condos were used to host and impress visitors that SPEC wanted to make contracts with. There were five fully furnished condos in the complex, each with large living rooms, large kitchens, and game rooms, in addition to three sizable bedrooms. I had one one these condos all to myself, even though there wasn't any financial value in SPEC housing me. I was a charity case. The complex was gated and walled, with security at the gate at all hours of all days. Our shuttle stopped at the gate, confirmed who I was, and informed the shuttle that they could let me and the foals off right there so we could walk in, rather than letting the shuttle drop us off at the door. "Why are you making us walk? Can't you see everyone is exhausted?" I protested. The guard on duty at the gate looked apologetic. "It's my job on the line if I let any unauthorized person through the gates after ten at night. After what happened in Riverview, Wild Growth put down additional security rules across the board. She also made it clear that failures to uphold those rules would not be tolerated. She said if things had been done as they should have been back in Riverview that the disaster wouldn't have happened." The fight went out of me. I knew exactly what was being referenced, and although that part I wasn't personally responsible for, my failure to run a tight enough operation could be held to blame. I had been lenient on those that had security lapses when I should have come down on them harshly. I thought I was being magnanimous, but it had led to a lot of people getting hurt or killed. At least I could take heart that Wild Growth had no intention of making the same mistakes. Lord knew she had plenty of work to do cleaning up my mistakes. "I understand," I wearily replied. I turned to my oldest charge. "Go ahead and rouse your brothers. Just one short walk and then they can get into a proper bed. We'll go over the house rules in the morning." Lántiān gave a pointed look at her youngest brother. "What about Hǎo Mèng, ma'am?" Crap, what was I going to do about him for tonight? He was going to be awake all night, and everyone else was in desperate need of sleep. Normally I'd say I'd just stay up and watch him, tiring as that may be, but Tonya would probably chew me out for that. It still might be the only option. If I'd been thinking I might have had something arranged, but now there was no time to do that.  "We'll figure that out once we're inside," I answered, dreading what I'd almost certainly have to do. "If I have to I'll stay up to watch him, and arrange for a sitter first thing in the morning. I'd try making arrangements tonight, but there's zero chance I could get someone approved to get by security at this hour. I apologize, it's my fault for not thinking ahead." The pegasus filly gave the pile of foals a hard nuzzle, and gave commands in Mandarin and English. "! Wake up! We are here." Shǔguāng yawned and rubbed his face. "" "Use English, like ma'am instructed," Lántiān scolded. I really needed to find some better way for them to refer to me.  The young unicorn huffed. "Mama was talking to me. I don't want to get up." "You'll be able to go back to sleep soon enough," I assured him. I then looked over at his little brother who was taking his time to stir. "" The earth pony rolled over, dislodging Qīng Yǔ from on top of him, and making the infant pegasus irritably squawk like a bird. She gave her uncle a harsh glare, and aggressively butted her head against him in rebuke. Lántiān put an end to that by grabbing her daughter up by the scruff of her neck, and Qīng Yǔ responded by just going limp in her mother's mouth. Líng took a look around him, and having gotten the idea, stood up. We exited the car and walked from the gate towards the appropriate condo. I spotted lights on in the next door condo, which was a small surprise. The condo I was in had been the only occupied one when I left for Japan; mine and the condo that served as a guard station and property office. It wasn't a concern, as long as whoever was there didn't make lots of noise. I'd left the front porch light on with my own, and hadn't bothered to lock the door. I found little use in locking doors. Any unicorn worth their salt could use magic to unlock any regular lock, and any earth pony could easily break down the door. If someone wanted to get in and had already gotten past the guards one little lock wasn't going to do much.  I turned the handle and pushed the door open, stepping inside first just long enough to flip the light switch. The foals followed in behind me, looking over their surroundings as they did. However, I stopped Hé Líng when he passed the threshold. "" I exclaimed, looking at the wet mud all over his hooves. I did a quick glance at my own and all the other foals', but none of us had a spec of mud on us.  He just stared up at me like a deer in the headlights. His two brothers I spotted already exploring the living room, and his niece came bounding over to them having been set free by her mother.  I groaned. "" The colt's expression visibly brightened at the word for bath. Yinyu had warned me about him, but I didn't think he was that adept at gathering mud; it couldn't have been more than a twenty-yard walk to the door. I didn't even remember a mud puddle along the way.  He wiped his hooves as instructed, giving them each a very thorough scrubbing against the doormat, and then stepped inside. I shook my head again in flabbergasted disbelief, before shutting the door. I started walking away from the door only to hear a loud knock on it. What now? "Who is it?" I called out.  The reply came back quickly and loudly. "The greatest and most powerful neighbor any friend could want!" It couldn't be.  I opened the door back up to see a grinning azure blue unicorn with a mane so light blue that it appeared almost white.  "Trixie?" She reached her hooves around me and gave me a big hug. "Hello, neighbor! The great and powerful Trixie has arrived!" > Chapter 7: The Great and Powerful Neighbor > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I tried to puzzle out why my unlikely Equestrian friend was standing at the door. She said she was my neighbor. Why was Trixie my neighbor? "Trixie- what- what are you doing here?" I asked the smiling mare.  Trixie cocked her head to the side. "Well, I saw you had finally come home, and since I'm still wide awake, and very very bored, I came to see you." I facehoofed. "I meant, what are you even doing here in Denver, in the SPEC condos at that?" Trixie waved a hoof. "Oh… that. Starlight had to come to Earth for some extended mission, and I wanted to come along." She paused and took a deep breath. "But… it seems as if the United States is still mad at me for this tiny little thing I did years ago-" "You mean smuggling in things from the group that wanted to set up an Equestria protectorate?" I deadpanned.  She gave a weak chuckle. "Oh, you- you heard about that?" I kept my expression flat. "I had everyone you smuggled information to, except Bob, arrested on treason charges." "Oh… that made this conversation very uncomfortable," Trixie replied slowly. "You didn't go after Bob though?" "No, I didn't." She sighed with relief. "That's good. I always liked Bob." I frowned. "I didn't because I had already been spying on him for some time before that. So I knew he wasn't really interested in any sort of revolution. I was also pissed when rogue members of the government used my information about him to try to assassinate him. And finally, his mother bribed me and it was too good a bribe to turn up." "Oh dear," Trixie whispered, then gave herself a shake. "Anyway, the princesses  don't want me at the Equestrian embassy, and the United States doesn't want me going anywhere unaccompanied, and they want me far from government installations. They worked out a compromise with Wild Growth where I could stay here when Starlight was off doing her important stuff, just as long as I didn't leave to go anywhere without her. I was going to turn them down, but then they mentioned you were staying here too, and I said that might make it better. I haven't seen you since Twilight invited me to that party, but we seemed to hit it off well." "Ma'am," Lántiān interjected from right behind me. "My brothers and daughter need to be put to bed. You said that Hé Líng needed a bath before bed, and a plan for Háo Mèng is needed. Are you going to assign us rooms? Are you going to take my brother to bathe? Tasks must be done, ma'am." "Who are all these foals?" Trixie asked, trotting past me without waiting for an invitation in.  I sighed and shut the door. "They are Yinyu's foals. I'm going to be taking care of them." Trixie flicked an ear and looked back at me. "Whose foals? Is that a close relative of yours?" I turned my eyes upward at the ceiling and did a silent prayer. Help me, Jesus! I then turned my attention back to my uninvited guest. "Yinyu Wu Yan. Are you telling me you haven't heard of Yinyu Wu Yan? Have you watched the news lately?" Trixie shook her head. "It sounds familiar, like a name I should know, but drawing a blank. Trixie doesn't watch the news, Trixie finds it boring." "Ma'am… my brothers," Lántiān said firmly.  Okay, things needed to happen. "Trixie, how awake are you?" "Trixie was bored, so she slept all day. Now Trixie is wide awake," the unicorn replied.  "Good," I replied, marching over to her. I scanned the living room with my eyes till I spotted Méng trying to figure out how the television turned on. ""  The night pony foal didn't do more than give me a twitch of his ear when he heard his name. I didn't actually know how much Mandarin he knew. I knew they said he couldn't say much. His brothers got the idea that I wanted him, and the two of them carefully guided him back towards me. I couldn't help but notice Líng was leaving flecks of dried up mud in his wake.  Once the toddler night pony was in front of me I gestured to him. "Trixie, this is Méng. I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'm exhausted. His siblings are exhausted. Méng is definitely not exhausted. I need a great and powerful favor; I need you to stay up and watch Méng for tonight. I wouldn't normally ask, but if I try to do it I'll end up falling asleep. Can you please help us, Trixie?" Trixie gave him an apprehensive look. "I don't know… Trixie didn't really plan on coming over here to foalsit." I decided to play on her sympathy. Was it dirty? Yes. But these were desperate times. I shifted my language to one none of the foals knew, but I was certain Trixie knew, Spanish. "" The showmare's eyes went wide and then she blinked as they started to water. "The great and sympathetic Trixie has decided she can foalsit for just this one night. I will give this foal the best show he has ever seen performed!" "Try not to be too loud. The rest of us will be sleeping," I reminded her, then smiled. "Thank you. I really do appreciate this. I didn't know how I was going to deal with him tonight. Just to let you know, he doesn't speak any English or Equestrian. His native language is Mandarin, but I don't know how much of that he even knows. Your tricks should keep him entertained though. You have full access to the kitchen if you need to feed him or eat." Trixie gave a relieved sigh. "That's good, because my other reason for coming over here was no one stocked the kitchen over at my place before they left me there. The great and powerful Trixie has a great and powerful rumble in her tummy." I laid one ear back as I looked at her. "You could have been open about wanting food. I wouldn't have let you go hungry. I suppose no harm was done though." I looked over at Hé Líng and then back to her. "By the way, do you know the spell to automatically teach someone a language?" "Do I?" Trixie laughed. "It's an easy spell. Back before I got into… anyway, I used to just sit there and cast that spell on ponies and humans over and over again, all day long. It was so boring. Just casting such a simple spell over and-" Both ears completely flattened. "Okay! You don't have to rub it in!" Trixie stared at me with both eyes wide. "Um, is this one of those times I'm being unintentionally insensitive about something, and have no clue what it is? Because I get the feeling it is. I'm told I have a problem with that sometimes." I looked down and muttered. "I magically exhausted myself earlier today, and earlier yesterday, just casting that spell once each time. I'm so exhausted I can't even levitate anything at the moment without potentially hurting myself. It is too powerful a spell for me." "Oh," the other unicorn replied. "Well, I suppose it is a great and powerful spell, but great and powerful spells just start to feel mundane when you are as great and powerful as the great and powerful Trixie!" I didn't even shake my head at her ego. I just turned to Lántiān. "The great and powerful Trixie will take care of casting the English translation spell on Hé Líng tomorrow, but that will be tomorrow. Right now I'm going to get him bathed and to bed." "With how long you have been talking to this clownmare I could have bathed my brother and gotten him to bed. If you had just told me where the bathroom and appropriate bedroom was, ma'am," Lántiān replied in deadpan. "Clownmare!" Trixie protested.  "Lántiān, please be polite," I said with a weary sigh, and decided to just list off instructions. "Trixie, you've got Méng. Lántiān, there are four bedrooms upstairs. The first one one the right is mine. You can put your brothers in the room directly across from it and take the one next to that for you and your daughter. There's only a single bed in each bedroom, but it is human sized, so sharing a bed shouldn't be an issue. The bathroom is at the end of the hall. You may enter my room and wake me if you need anything through the night. " I paused and tried to think of anything I might still be forgetting. "Have you all eaten?" "Yes, ma'am. We ate while you were sleeping on the plane." Trixie waved a hoof. "I haven't eaten!" I looked at her. "I was talking about the foals. I already told you that you're welcome to the food in the kitchen." "I thought it was an open question to everypony." I scolded. "Please, avoid using that word. I insist the foals learn the more inclusive term 'everyone'." I didn't wait for any further protests or discussion, I just started walking. "" The earth pony colt did as instructed, and followed me up the stairs. We marched to the end of the upstairs hall to the bathroom. My first instinct upon pushing the door open was to use my horn to flip the light switch, but that sent searing pain through my skull, and made me stumble for a moment. "" Líng whimpered from beside me.  I shook my head. "" I then forced myself up, and started to reach up the wall to flip the lights on before realizing I was being stupid, and stopped. "Alexa, turn bathroom lights on," I commanded. An instant later the lights for the bathroom flicked on. I had forgotten that many features of the condo were operated by smart devices.  The bathroom was spacious. With what would be considered a large tub by even human standards, and a separate freestanding shower with glass door. There were two separate sink areas, one set for ponies and one for humans, with three sinks a piece. A tall metal shelf sat against one wall that was filled with fluffy white towels and smaller cloths. There was a large mats made of some spongy material I couldn't identify directly outside both the tub and the shower. There were dryers on the walls near the sinks that could work as hand dryers for humans or fur dryers for ponies.  "" Líng stepped into the shower and I stood on the edge of it and pulled the door shut just enough so water wouldn't splash everywhere. Like most newer showers this one had faucet controls both high and low, and I adjusted the lower faucets to give a lukewarm flow of water. The mud colored earth pony colt hummed happily as the water started, and quickly drenched his blue mane. I grabbed a nearby scrub brush with my mouth and got to work scrubbing him.  "" Líng said contentedly as I was finishing the scrub golf his hooves.  I immediately dropped the scrub brush and quickly turned the water off. He seemed disappointed with the abrupt end to the shower, but put up no objections. I left him briefly to grab a towel, and tossed it on his back when I returned. I patted him down, trying to soak up as much water as I could, and then directed him out of the shower and towards the dryer on the wall.  "Alexa, dryer two, full power, one minute." Líng gave a startled jump when the hot air hit him, but settled back down. I could hear movement from down the hall, and assumed that would be Lántiān getting Shǔguāng settled in. It was best that the two colts were tucked in together. As soon as the dryer ended I checked him over. He wasn't perfectly dry, but he wasn't sopping wet either. He was dry enough that he wouldn't get his bed wet, and that was good enough.  "" I would be so glad after tomorrow when I didn't have to speak in this stiff Mandarin as much anymore. I'm sure it would loosen up with continued use, but I really didn't want to give it continued use. I decided to leave the lights on in the bathroom, just in case any of the foals needed to go to it over the course of the night. I didn't want them struggling around blindly in the dark.  "" Líng asked as he followed me out of the bathroom.  I paused. This was a habit that I'd need to break, as they needed to learn to sleep peacefully without a violin playing, but this was their first night in a new country. Plus, if they were stuck awake for too long that meant it was more likely I wouldn't get proper rest.  "Alexa, play Bach's Chaconne on the house speaker system." Líng cocked an ear as he listened to the music. "" I almost snapped that she was dead, and wouldn't be coming back, but I caught myself. I was determined not to be cruel. He needed to understand the truth, but I wasn't sure how to break that to him gently. The fact that his mother still came to him in his dreams might not help with him coming to terms with her death, although it could be helping for all I knew. I wasn't a foal psychologist. That was something I probably needed to hire, but I had no income of my own.  "" Lántiān was waiting out in the hall and placed a wing around her brother as we came up to her. "I can tuck him in, ma'am. My daughter is already asleep. You should get rest. You are still not well." I didn't detect anything in her tone or wording that I should take offense to. I just nodded, and mouthed my thanks, before retreating to my bedroom and blessed sleep.  > Chapter 8: Unwanted Encouragement > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I stretched as I woke. There had been no visits in my dreams this time around. The Dreamwardens seemed to have been serious that they wanted me to get proper rest. That was mostly fine. I would have liked to have seen Tonya, even if she was still mad at me, but could do without the almost certainly forthcoming commentary from Yinyu. I glanced at the clock and noted it was a quarter till six. That was early, even for me. My normal habit was to wake up and lay in bed thinking about my plans for the day for at least a half-hour or so, but I really needed to relieve Trixie of her foalsitting duties so she could leave and get some sleep. I also probably should call Phobia to get some parenting advice. Yeah, it is kind of ironic that I'd need to go to my own daughter for parenting advice, but she almost certainly knew more about parenting than me. Even if I hadn't been a lackluster parent at best, she would know more than me. My parenting experience was as a human taking care of a human. I had no experience with foals.  I almost lit my horn to remove the blanket covering me, but managed to catch myself in time to prevent another stabbing headache. With a sigh I just physically pushed it off of me and onto the floor. Maybe I could try doing some light levitation again tomorrow, but I wasn't going to attempt anything today. One of the odd benefits, if I wanted to call it that, of having weak magic was that it didn't take as long to recover from this sort of thing. A more powerful unicorn might have their magic out of commission for a week or more, but I'd be fine after two or three days. I take whatever benefits I can find from my circumstances. I always have.  My phone was still on my leg from the night before. Now my leg was sore from it rubbing against it in my sleep. I didn't take it off, since I had calls to make, but I really wanted to. Maybe I could take time for a bath in a little while if Lántiān was going to be watching her siblings. A bath would be wonderful.  The selfish thought that I could just dump all the parenting duties on Lántiān crossed my mind. She clearly would have prefered being the one parenting her siblings rather than me. She had experience with them that I didn't. I'd still need to be the one making sure they had food and shelter, but that could be done without getting too involved. I already was going to be depending on her to help me with them as it was, and it would be more her taking care of things despite me rather than with me in many of those cases. It wouldn't be hard to just let her do it.  Except Tonya wanted me to do this. I could care less what Yinyu wanted. If Tonya wanted something to happen I'd find a way to make it happen. If I had listened to her before…  Should have, would have, could have, those things weren't worth worrying over. I was going to listen to her now.  I slowly, not quite ready to be moving yet-but still doing so, walked out of my room and back towards the living room. As I reached the base of the stairs I walked straight into something and fell down against an unseen barrier.  "Sorry! I blocked that off so he wouldn't try going up the stairs. I really should have adjusted the spell to only block traffic from one direction." That was not Trixie's voice. I didn't immediately go on the defensive against an intruder (not that I could do much to fight one while magically exhausted), since something about the voice was familiar, and not familiar in a bad way. The fact that a unicorn that could put up a non-maintained magic barrier was in the living room was still something worth being concerned about. The forcefield that had been blocking the stairs abruptly vanished and I tumbled down the last step. It wasn't enough of a fall to seriously hurt me, but my snout connected hard with the floor. That was a new shot of pain to add to my steady stream of aches over the last day. I had previously rethought my theology about God where he took a more passive approach to events. I briefly reconsidered this belief, since it seemed like God was actively trying to punish me.  "Sorry again! I should have let you get back to your hooves before I took that shield down. Are you alright?" I pushed myself to my hooves then rubbed my nose. The pain was already fading from that. I did however have a new ache in my shoulder. There was probably a bruise under my fur, but that could be ignored. It would just be more of an annoyance than usual since I needed to use my legs to manipulate things while my horn was temporarily out of commission. I could suffer the inconvenience though.  Standing by the couch was none other than Starlight Glimmer. A quick visual scan of the room showed no sign of Trixie. Méng was in the middle of the room. He was chasing what looked like a soccer ball, except it was engulfed in a magic aura and trying to get away from him. Starlight's horn was lit, but she didn't seem to be actively paying attention to the ball she was manipulating. She seemed to be doing a good job of constantly keeping the ball just outside his reach. Where'd she even get the ball from? Did she bring it from the other condo? If so, why did she even have it? It wasn't a very important question, but it was one of those weird things that nagged at my mind. It was my nature to try to figure out how everything fit together or could fit together, and the soccer ball felt out of place.  I quickly put together what information I had before answering. "I'll be alright. I'm guessing you relieved Trixie sometime during the night?" Starlight nodded. "Yeah. Something you might want to know about Trixie is she gets bored easily. She wasn't going to stop watching the foal, but I could tell she was struggling to keep her eyes open. I sent her back to bed next door and took over." "When was this?" She shrugged. "Around three, I guess. I have a tracking spell on her just in case she decides to break her restriction. So I knew where she was as soon as I got back to the condo. She explained the situation to me, and I said I'd take care of it." I heard footsteps behind me that stopped abruptly halfway down the stairs. "Ma'am? What is she doing here? She's an enemy of all ponies on Earth. She should not be welcome into our home." I sighed. What a way for Lántiān to start off the morning. I turned around and saw her glaring daggers at Starlight. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if she actually tried to put a dagger into Starlight, if she had one.  "Lántiān, Starlight Glimmer is a guest, and you will mind your manners," I said firmly.  The filly gave me a look of disbelief. "Ma'am, she is one of the ponies that stopped ETS. If not for her we would be living in a world of ponies. She should not be trusted." "Manners, Lántiān!" I repeated harshly. "I understand your feelings. I used to feel the same way. I've moved past that, and now I consider her a friend. She is a friend and a guest, and you will not behave this way towards her. Do I make myself clear?" She gave Starlight one last withering glare before turning back to me. "I will do as you say, ma'am. Do you have any instructions for me this morning?" I sat and considered it for a few seconds. "You have free reign of the kitchen, and should prepare breakfast for yourself and the younger foals… I'm assuming you can do that." She gave me a stiff nod. "I can do that, ma'am." "Good," I replied. "It will be up to you to figure out where things are in the kitchen, but it should be simple enough. You don't need to wake your brothers up until whenever they normally get up. I have several calls to make, and I need to be undisturbed unless there is an emergency. Can I count on you to make sure of that?" She nodded again, but less stiffly this time. "Yes, ma'am. You can have faith in me. May I make a request?" I tried to figure out what she could be requesting, but came up empty. "Yes, what is it?" She scrunched her head back towards her body as if embarrassed. "Do you have paper and pencil that I may use, ma'am?" Did she need to make a list of something? I had no idea what she'd need to be writing. "Uh, yes. There's an office across from the kitchen. It has a big desk and a printer. You should be able to find some pens on the desk and some paper in the printer." "I would prefer pencils with erasers, ma' am." "There may be pencils in there as well. I don't really know. Are you trying to write a formal letter or something?" She shook her head. "I wish to draw, ma'am." That made me blink. I suppose having a hobby wasn't a bad thing though. "You're an artist?" For some reason this question made her scowl. I had thought I had figured out how this filly thought, but apparently I was wrong. She gave a quick flick of her tail like she was cracking a whip before answering. "No, I am not, ma'am. Something Mama said to me last night made me want to get better at drawing." Well, if Yinyu was encouraging her daughter to draw I wasn't going to complain. "That's fine. Although you should also make a list of things that you, your brothers, and your daughter are going to want, and especially anything that is needed. You can review it with me tonight. I need to figure out exactly what kind of budget we need. Can you do that for me?" "Yes, ma'am." She stood straighter as she answered.  I got the impression her ability to do what she was ordered to do came as some badge of pride for her. Many pegasi were like that, needing constant affirmation of how capable and talented they were. It wasn't strictly a pegasus trait, since I knew I sometimes was guilty of the same thing- to my detriment, and Tonya didn't really display that trait, but it was still very common in pegasi. If making peace with this filly meant stroking her pegasus ego then I'd happily stroke away.  "You're my most important resource when dealing with your brothers. I need to say ahead of time that I appreciate your assistance, and will listen to your input. I can't promise that I'll always go along with what you say, but I promise to listen. Thank you for stepping up. I'm sure your mother is proud." I was mainly trying to butter her up, but I wasn't lying.  Unfortunately, that didn't go over as well as I hoped, since she started scowling again. "I will not disappoint you, ma'am." She then turned and walked back up the stairs. I'd figure that filly out, sooner or later. I'd figured out how much more complicated individuals ticked.  With my grumpy charge taken care of I turned my attention back to Starlight. The powerful unicorn seemed unperturbed by being ignored during my conversation with Lántiān, and had gone back to playing with Méng. Right now she was levitating the ball at low altitude and letting Méng try to jump at it.  "Sorry for ignoring you, and sorry about Lántiān," I apologized. "That filly is a diehard Shimmerist." Starlight looked back at me with a raised eyebrow and then broke out into giggles. "A few short years ago you'd have treated me the same way. I have faith that ponies can learn to be friends." Her laughter stopped and she frowned. "But I do get a lot of that from Chinese ponies, and tend to avoid going to China if I can help it. It reminds me a lot of my trip to Riverview during that first year where everypony was glaring at me." I hung my head. "I'm sorry about that as well. You can tack on about a thousand nasty things I've said about Equestria on top of that for me to make apologies for." She walked over to me and gave me a light embrace. "One apology is good enough, if it is sincere. I did some bad things way back when that I needed to apologize for. I was lucky I ended up with a teacher who accepted my first one, and was ready to accept me as a friend after that. Trixie even badly betrayed my trust a few years ago, and we've since repaired our friendship. You don't need to keep apologizing to me." "You Equestrians are too forgiving," I mumbled.  She pulled back from me. "Hardly. I might have gotten forgiveness from others, but it took me a long time to forgive myself. I'm told Princess Luna went through the same thing, punishing herself long after everyone else had forgiven her for the whole Nightmare Moon thing. We can be pretty unforgiving to ourselves." "I empathize with that," I mumbled.  She laid a hoof on my shoulder (thankfully not the sore one). "You'll find ways of making peace with yourself in time. The key thing to remember is you aren't that same pony anymore. When you actually start believing that you'll feel better." She withdrew her hoof. "Now, even though I just said that, I did have reasons I wanted to talk to you before I ended up taking over foalsitting duties last night. Are you making some sort of shadow play to get back into politics?" My eyes went wide. "No! Why would you think that?" "Because your name has come up linked to two different major events in the last week," she replied. "The Dreamwardens assure me that they didn't get pressured by you to make you the guardian of these foals, but you have to admit, you're a pretty high profile and unusual pick to be chosen to do so. Then we have a large group of Southern Shimmerists declare themselves no longer Shimmerists, and they literally name their new group after you. You have a reputation as a behind the scenes manipulator, so I want answers. I'm not accusing you of any wrongdoing, but anyone looking sees the same things I do. We want to know what your goal is, so nopony can assume the worst." I stepped back. "I'm not trying anything. I was completely blindsided by Yinyu appointing me the guardian of her foals, and I didn't even hear about these Blessingists until last night. I still don't even know what the heck that group stands for. I've been trying to keep my head down and stay out of trouble. All I just want is to retire from public life, not get involved with any other organizations or philosophies." Starlight cocked her head. "But, I'm sure the Blessingists must have tried to get in contact with you. They quote off things from you like you're some sort of divine prophet." I shook my head in disbelief. "Great, let's keep a tally of wacko-groups I influenced: the Southern Shimmerists, the Chinese Shimmerists, and now this new group that slaps my name on themselves." "To be fair, the Blessingists don't have the same speciest tone of the Shimmerists," Starlight replied, as she wiggled her hoof in front of her. "They seem more focused on the things you said from a few days before Riverview blew up to after you were pardoned. They're all about responsibly advancing magical knowledge and making it so humans have equal use of magic. You kind of demonstrated there are ways of giving humans magic without making them permanent ponies, and that kind of undermines one of the big draws that Southern Shimmerism had for humans." I sighed. "Okay, so a somewhat less hateful group. I still just learned about them, and I'm not getting involved with them. Whatever they are doing they are doing it without me. I'm done with all that crap. I did nothing but harm, and I'm never going to mislead people like that again." Starlight frowned. "That's actually kind of disappointing." I did a double-take. "What? How is that disappointing? Were you hoping I'd go off and do something else that needed to be stopped. Are you sad that I refuse to be the villain of the week for better people to fight against?" "No, I'm disappointed because you aren't making any attempt to live up to your potential or use your talents for good. You're just giving up," Starlight replied in a quiet voice. "You're not an average pony, Sunset. You've influenced so many things on Earth since ETS. Yeah, some of it wasn't good, but a lot of it was. Your reasons might have been misguided, but you were one of the primary ponies that helped with bringing about peaceful relations between humans and ponies. You're an influencer, a leader, and a very brilliant mage, and it's sad seeing all that you could be doing going to waste." I shook my head dismissively. "I'm no brilliant mage. Everything I ever discovered or came up with was based on the work of others. I just tweaked it." "That's what makes you brilliant," Starlight said as she stepped next to me. "Those ponies dismissed all that work as failures, but you found applications and possibilities in their work that they never saw. It takes a special type of mage to do that. I should know, I adjusted Starswirl's time travel spell to be much more powerful, and had a habit of combining spells to create powerful effects the original creators never thought of. Even my cutie mark removal spell is based off of the 'failed' work of other ponies. You and I are alike, where others see failure we see possibility." "Well, it's time that someone else got a chance to build something better from my failures," I replied. "I've reinvented myself enough times. Each time has just highlighted how flawed I really am. I can't keep doing this; I've lost too much. If I accomplished anything worthwhile it should be someone less screwed up who should be taking advantage of that and building on it. As I said, I'm done." Starlight gazed unblinking at me. "You know, Twilight and Luna said you not being out there doing things would be a waste. Luna advocated for you with the hope you could help make a better world. You're free and walking around because others have faith in you. You were given a second chance, since when does Sunset Blessing not take advantage of whatever she has?" "Since I got my wife killed and hurt everyone I ever cared about!" I screamed, making her backpedal and fall over. "I don't want to discuss this anymore. Can you just let it go?" She looked at me with big eyes then got back to her hooves. "Okay. I need to go take a nap anyway. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I'm your friend, and I just want you to heal. Maybe you just need more time. I'm available if you ever need me." With that she teleported out of the room, and only then did I notice that I had started to cry.  "Um… ma' am?" Came a hesitant voice from the stairwell. I turned and looked up and saw all the foals gathered, including Méng who must have slipped by me at some point. They all looked upset, with the exception of Lántiān who still looked deeply concerned. "I was going to feed the others. Is it alright if we pass by you?" I nodded and stepped aside. The foals cautiously made their way down the stairs and gave me a wide breath as they reached the foot of the staircase. Lántiān was the last down, and she paused briefly in front of me with her ears and tail sagging. "I'll see to it that you are not disturbed, ma'am. I hope… I hope the rest of your day is less stressful." With that she quickly retreated to the kitchen with her siblings and daughter in tow. I stood alone, crying, and wondering why anyone thought this was a good idea.  > Chapter 9: Interrogation > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Work. When there was nothing but confusion and angst in my mind, there was always work to distract me. Unfortunately, my work and one of my primary  stresses melded together into one at the moment. My tasks were for the sole purpose of trying to provide care for these foals, and that fact I had to care for them was one of my great stresses. It at the very least let me escape thinking about her and my responsibility for what happened.  I took a deep breath and dialed one of the many people I needed to contact today. This one would be the hardest, and I wanted to get it out of the way first. From a practical standpoint it needed to come first anyway. I waited as the phone rang, hoping someone else would answer it than who I needed to talk to, just to buy me additional time.  The line picked up, and a voice came over the speakerphone. "Hello? Mom, is that you?" Crap, she picked up. She had two different bodyguards, a wife, three foals, and who knew how many random night pony mares that all but were attached to her house, but she was the one who picked up. So much for hoping for more time.  "Hi, Sweetie." I winced at my calling her Sweetie, as if I ever called her some pet name before. She'd know for sure I was calling just to get something after hearing that, but there was no point abandoning my planned out conversation. "I know I haven't called in a while, though I'm sure you've been watching me. How are you doing?" Phobia sighed. "Still exhausting myself dealing with many nightmares from last year, although they seem to be calming down some. Those that are still having daily nightmares are still often as vivid as when they started. It is exhausting to deal with those. Other than that, the foals are being privately tutored, Rosetta is taking a year off teaching to focus on her degree, and we are finally getting regular trash service again." I was a bit miffed she hadn't tended to my nightmares at all, but didn't complain. I continued on with the idle chatter even though she and I both knew I was stalling. "Oh? Well, I hope your wife does well with her degree, and very glad to hear about the trash service...I'd have hoped they'd have already had that back up and running a long time ago, but I suppose they may have been overworked and understaffed- all things considered. Anything else of note happening down there?" Phobia played along. "We got word from Rosetta's parents that she's going to be getting a new brother or sister- singular, no twins this time. She and the demons are going to take a little vacation over to Equestria to meet the new little one sometime next year, and we are fussing over passports for it. You'd be surprised how hard it is to get them portal crossing permission." "You aren't going with them?" I asked, slightly surprised. "You really should. I know you're busy, but family is family." "Mom, I'll only be making one trip to Equestria in my life, and it's going to be a one way trip," Phobia said flatly. "But you aren't calling about that. You want advice and some guidance on foalsitters, correct?" I hung my head. "Yes." "I've had reporters trying their darndest to get my opinions about you getting Yinyu's foals," Phobia groaned. "They've even tried coming to the house, despite the welcome wagon outside. Just to let you know, I had nothing to do with the decision for you to get them. That's all Yinyu and Arbiter." I didn't know if I should be happy about that or not. "I'm guessing you've been waiting on my call." "You have a night pony colt. Who else were you going to call for advice about dealing with him?" "You read me well," I replied with a half-smile, then frowned. "It's not that I haven't wanted to talk to you-" She cut me off. "It's okay, Mom, you don't need to explain yourself to me. I get it. I understand your pain. Are you still using the same private email you had before?" I nodded, and felt stupid for doing so. "Yes, although I haven't checked it in ages." "I'll send you a list of reputable foalsitters in your area for night ponies. Psychic drew it up for me, since he also anticipated you'd be calling me about it." "Thank you, and thank him for me," I said, not needing to fake my gratitude.  "Mom," Phobia said in a voice that said to listen to her closely. "I know why you chose there to run, even if you lie about the reason to everyone else. I don't need to look into your dreams to guess that either. I think it might be a good idea for you to actually follow through with why you're there." "I don't know what you're talking about," I said quickly. Was the air conditioner on? It was starting to feel hot in the room.  "Are you going to try to deny the truth to me?" "I- I d-don't have time for this right now," I stammered out. "Thank you for your help. I'll call again soon!" "Mo-" her voice died out as I abruptly hung up the line. I laid my head down on the desk. I had enough stress without her saying I should add that to the mix. Who did she think she was, trying to psychoanalyze me? Where had she picked up- Okay, dumb question.  Without lifting my head, because that was too much effort, I looked at my notebook that was gathering dust in the corner. A trip to Pony Hope and back would take a full day. That was if I made it short. I'd be more likely to be gone at least a day and a half. I couldn't take off and do that right now. Phobia was out of her mind. I wasn't even convinced that trip was worth making if I wasn't busy with other things.  I banged my head on the desk. "Lord, give me peace."  There was immediately a knock at the door to mock my prayers. I groaned, but lifted up my head. "Come in!" The door opened to reveal Lántiān holding a teacup on a saucer with her teeth. The teenaged filly brought the steaming cup over to the desk and set it down. "I brought you tea, ma'am. I hoped it would help calm you." I raised an eyebrow at her. I still hadn't figured this filly out. What did she want out of me that she was bringing me things to try to appease me? "Thank you, but it wasn't necessary. Are your brothers and daughter doing well this morning?" She looked back at the door. "They are feeling- confined, ma'am. I think they would like to be able to go outside. Ponies are not meant to be cramped up in buildings all day, especially young colts." I leaned back. "There's a fenced backyard to this place. They may go outside, as long as you supervise them. Is there anything else I can do for you, young lady?" She looked purposefully at the teacup. "You have not told me if you find the way I brewed you tea acceptable, ma'am." I looked at the steaming cup. The thought crossed my mind she might try poisoning me, but I dismissed that idea as paranoia. "I typically don't drink hot tea. I drink it chilled, with enough sugar in it to give an elephant diabetes." Her eyes went wide. "Ma'am, why would you do that to your tea?" A smirk formed on my face as I used my hoof to pull the teacup closer to myself. "It's a southern thing. I spent most of my life in the south, and picked up the majority of my habits there. I'm practically a southern native." I gave the steaming cup a sniff. It had a faint scent of ginger, not my normal cup of tea (pun intended), but not unpleasant. "I will try this after it cools a little. I'm not used to using my hooves for picking up hot items, and I am trying to avoid using my horn at all today." Her expression shifted from one form of mortified to another. "I apologize, ma'am. I was not thinking." I tilted my head and tried again to figure her out. I supposed it was time to just cut to the chase. "I'm assuming you are in need of something. What do you need?" She bit her lip and held her head high and defiant. The sudden shift in mood was puzzling. "I wish to know more about you, ma'am. Your angry words at that traitor to the pony race upset my brothers and daughter. We have a right to know more about our guardian." I looked at the computer, and thought about how I needed to be checking for that email, and using it to make calls. I also needed to call Wild Growth to make sure I could afford to pay a foalsitter. "I have tasks that need to be done," I said flatly. "If you have specific questions, ask them." Her expression shifted yet again, with her ears dropping. She sat down and looked to the floor. "You mentioned a spouse that you killed, ma'am. How?- I would like this explained." My brow furrowed and a sneer spread across my lips. "Have they taught you nothing?! I refuse to discuss it. The television has a connection to the internet, and you can do a basic search there. Search for information about the Cataclysm of Riverview." I forced a more neutral express. "It is best you keep your siblings from seeing any of it. The images can be disturbing." She shrank back slightly, but returned to her defiant look. "I have them distracted with your American cartoons and food right now. I will find the opportunity to do this search. I have more questions, ma'am." "Continue," I ordered in a half-growl.  Her defiant look didn't drop. "You mention the South, ma'am. Is the South different than here? What is this region referred to then? Is the southern region referring to Texas? I have heard of Texas." My hostility came up short. It made sense she didn't know much about US geography. I would certainly fail any geography test focused on China, so I couldn't be upset about it. "The South is in reference to the southeastern part of America, and Texas is usually included in that, but is only a portion. I've never lived in Texas. I lived in South Carolina, Florida, and Arkansas out of the southern states, but there are more southern states than those four. They share some history and culture, and are often grouped together." She nodded. "I understand now, ma'am. You also said things that seem to mean you are not from there." I frowned. "I practically am from there, as I only spent perhaps a year or two outside the south, but no, I wasn't born there. The hospital I was born in closed back in the nineties, but it wasn't far from where we are now- in a suburb town called Aurora. Returning to Denver is, in a sense, really starting over at the beginning for me. This is considered the Rocky Mountain region, named for the mountains you can see in the distance when you are outside. I'll see that you get learning materials about US geography and history. Do you have any further questions for the moment?" She refused to take the hint that I was ready for her to leave me in peace. "You were just speaking to some mare that called you mom. Do you have foals of your own, ma'am?" "They really left you ignorant," I grumbled, but she didn't shirk away. I sighed. "That was Phobia Remedy, a Dreamwarden like your mother, and she is my only daughter. My wife was Ton- is Arbiter, the newest Dreamwarden." That made her step back in shock. "So… you are our aunt then, ma'am?" "I'm the person put in charge of your care, no more and no less," I replied in the neutral tone. "I have things I must attend to in order to make sure you get proper care. You seem to be just throwing whatever random question comes into your head at me, and I don't have time for it. If you have more questions, compile an organized list of them, and we can address them later. Right now you are an unneeded distraction. Go attend to your siblings and daughter, and let me work." For the first time I thought I saw something that might have passed for hurt appear across her face, but it came and went so fast I could have been imagining it. She stood and stiffened her posture. "As you wish, ma'am."  I watched her walk out and shut the door. I told her I didn't want to be disturbed. So she shouldn't be upset at being told to leave. My work was for their sake, so she should be grateful. Wild Growth was next on my list to contact. I found her number in my contact book and carefully dialed it on the desk phone with my hoof (it was extremely annoying having to be doing things without my magic). A moment later the speaker phone started ringing, and I waited patiently for her to pick up the line. "Hello? Is this Sunset, Starlight, or Trixie? If it is Trixie, then no, for the last time, you cannot perform any firework shows on that property. It is against city ordinances there." I wondered how many times Trixie had asked. She'd only been here a day or two. "It's Sunset." "Oh!" Wild Growth all but growled over the line. "Well, I needed to talk to you anyway. I had debated just calling federal authorities and having you hauled off for questioning, but I wanted to give you a chance to explain first." For the life of me I couldn't imagine what she was going on about. "Explain myself about what?!" I heard stomping and things being thrown around on the other end of the line. She was pissed, beyond pissed. I hoped she wasn't near any walls, or she might bring whatever building she was in down. She might be magically burnt out, but she was still stronger than any living creature had a right to be.  "I just completed a tour of one of your secret labs. This one is in Nevada. You abruptly shut it down a few years ago, ring any bells?" She snarled over the line.  I only knew of one lab that had been in Nevada that I shut down. "I'm familiar with it. I shut it down because it's researchers had gone radical Harmonist on me, and started attempting to use our work in temporary transformation research to try to make an alicorn. They didn't get very far, obviously, but I couldn't allow that to operate." "I see that you cleared everything out, but what about the thing they were keeping in the underground cave!?" "Underground cave? The whole lab was underground. What are you talking about?" The ruckus stopped on the other side of the line. "You don't know?" "If I knew about anything else there I'd say so. What underground cave? What did you find? That place should have been stripped of anything of value." I heard her taking a long breath. "You really don't know, do you? I suppose you could be lying, but I don't see why you would deny it to me. Where can I find the contact information for any of the researchers who were here? I need to find them. They need to be charged with crimes against intelligent species." Crimes against intelligent species? "Did you find some sort of test subject? I promise you, I never knew of any such thing. If I had, they would have been arrested, not fired. I shut them down before they could start testing." "Yeah, there's definitely a test subject, and she definitely ain't an alicorn," Wild grumbled. "I'll be sending someone to question you still, and I will be getting the feds and Equestrians involved in this, so don't be surprised if they show up at your door. I'm not having my tenure as head of SPEC tainted by these kinds of projects. If you're truly innocent you don't have anything to worry about, but I'm going to see that justice is done." I suppressed my curiosity. Whatever this was, it was from a part of my life that was over. "I was just calling about my allowance. I need to hire a foalsitter for Méng for overnights. I also need to pay for tutors, toys, food, and probably half a dozen things that I'm not thinking about at this moment." She snorted. "Just send me an email with your budgetary needs and I'll see that they are taken care of expediently. I understand you looking for work was going to be hard as it was, given your notoriety, and it just became harder. I'm not going to leave those foals lacking basic needs because of that. I don't want you to stop looking for your own independent source of income, but I'll make sure everyone is taken care of in the meantime." I sighed with relief. "Thank you and bless you, Wild. Your generosity is unmatched." "Save your honeyed words for the foals. I'm just doing the right thing. Now, let me go, because I have a huge shitty mess you left me to clean up." The phone line clicked, and left me wondering when I would have federal investigators showing up at my door to question me about what went on at that lab. I honestly didn't know what I was going to tell them; the truth as far as I knew it, but that might not be enough to satisfy them. I hadn't even gotten to tell her that the head there was Doctor Rossman, and they'd need to question him about it- although I had no idea what rock he scurried under after I shut him down. I suppose that could be included in my email to her. Calling her back right this second wasn't a good idea.  I turned my attention to the computer, and tried to remember my old email password. There were still things that needed to be done, and I could worry about being arrested for things I wasn't aware I even did later. > Chapter 10: Mistakes Repeated > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had accomplished all the work I could come up with to do alone. Wild had replied to my email with a dramatic increase of my credit line, I'd made some calls and found a sitter who would be available to start tonight, and I'd forwarded the foalsitter's information to the guards at the gate. Everything I immediately needed to take care of was done. I glanced at my neglected notebook in the corner and immediately turned away from it. That wasn't on my list of things to do, and I wasn't sure if it would ever be something to do.  The tea turned out to be reasonably good, even if it would have been better hot. That was no fault of the filly who prepared it, though. After finishing that, I gave another look around the office. I supposed I could research those so-called Blessingists while I had the time, or research potential sources of income, but my heart just wasn't in either of those things at the moment. That left me with doing the thing I was putting off, check on the foals.  I walked out of the office, and as soon as I did, I heard my own voice coming from the living room.  "-from this moment on, I renounce my association with the philosophy of Shimmerism. It is a fundamentally speciesist philosophy, and it's filthy for being so. There is no room in a loving society for such hate. Those hit hardest by the tragedy in Riverview were the ponies, and the ones who were there giving help and aid with kindness and compassion were humans. I tried to reach out and lead the other Shimmerists to a better course, but they won't let their hatred go. To anyone listening to this who was ever inspired to take up the flag of Shimmerism by my words, I want to tell you right now I was wrong!" I recognized the speech; it was part of the final one I ever gave. I continued out and saw Lántiān positioned where she could look out the glass doors towards the backyard while still watching my speech on the television. At the moment, her attention was more focused on the television, although she kept making glances out towards the back to monitor her brothers. Qīng Yǔ was laying on the ground beside her, watching in fascination as Lántiān's tail flipped about in a catlike manner.  "I see you took my advice," I said aloud. The filly jumped with a start, and her daughter scrambled not to be trampled accidentally. Lántiān immediately checked her daughter over to make sure she hadn't been hurt and did another quick glance at the outside before turning back to me.  The teen gestured towards the television with a wing and a look of disgust on her face. "How could you say these things, ma'am? They are slander! Shimmerists do not hate humans; we pity them for their disability and wish to help them better themselves." I raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry no one told you sooner, but many actually do hate humans, and those Shimmerists that don't hate humans still look down upon them as lesser creatures. This isn't right, and it took me a long time to realize that I was still unjustly prejudiced, even if I didn't hate humans. I was treating them as less worthy than myself, less capable, unequal, like they were a problem to be solved, and it was wrong." She glared at me. "They are unequal and less capable, ma'am!" I walked over beside her and looked out into the back yard. The two older colts were doing short sprint races back and forth from one side of the yard to the other and back again. Méng had huddled up between the shadow of the wooden fence and the shade of a bush looking unhappily at the bright sky. "Why do you say that? What makes them unequal and less capable?" "They don't have the magic to shape and change the world, ma'am," she replied in a boastful tone. "Some humans have magic; some of them have awe-inspiring magic," I countered. "They are exceptions which should have been ponies, ma'am. They gave up their true gift of magic for a lesser and weaker form." "So, you believe that magical strength determines worth?" I asked. "How about me? I'm magically weak, yet others constantly remind me about how much I have influenced the world. There are ponies such as Wild Growth, Sunrise Storm, Starlight Glimmer, Sapphire Sky, El Capitan, and more that have magic levels that make the rest of ours look like nothing, not to mention the alicorns in Equestria. Are we all less deserving than they are?" "No, because we are all ponies, and you forgot Qiánchéng De Érzi on your list, ma'am." "Oh yes, Érzi," I said with a shake of my head. "He is strong, not in the same league as those others I named, but I guess your country needed to find some willing poster-pony since none of the truly powerful will have anything to do with what they promote. Érzi was almost certainly the pony that gave the order to blackmail your mother with your lives; I'd bet every hair in my tail on it. If that is what someone does with their magical power, I think I'd rather deal with the magicless humans. Take it from someone who once did similar despicable things in the name of the greater good." She didn't seem pleased with me putting her glorious leader down or pointing out how that glorious leader had led to her current predicament. "Humans have ruined this planet; they pervert nature purely for their greed; they are violent and cruel, ma'am." I had to laugh. "Isn't magic by definition perverting natural law? Our magic, our very bodies, are not even supposed to exist in this reality. I also thought you said humans were incapable of shaping the world, but now you say they are capable of ruining it? Ponies are more than capable of being violent and cruel; I can name Sha'am Maut, your president's little pet Subutai, and Érzi himself as examples of violent and cruel ponies. You may not have heard in those news reports as of yet, but there was also a particularly nasty one by the name of Poly Glot, who I still have nightmares about. Are you saying there aren't good and kind humans? No humans that help make the world a better place?" The filly snorted and flapped her wings in frustration as she shuffled her legs, her foal cutely trying to mimic her mother like it was a game. "Shimmerists wish to make the humans like us, so we can all work together. Our leaders will someday find the magic to change humans to ponies, and the humans shall be happy and grateful for it once they realize the gift they’ve been given." "You forgot to say ma'am that time around," I observed. "Little filly, I already know that magic, and I will do anything to stand in the way of anyone who tries to do what you suggest." She stared at me with a dumbfounded look. "You're- you're lying. You cannot know that spell, ma'am." "I know it. It was confirmed by Twilight Sparkle herself that I wasn't bluffing after I made that claim," I said with a satisfied grin. "No one will be learning it from me. They had the Dreamwardens block me- with my blessing- from ever communicating or helping to disseminate how to do it, and I am too weak to cast it myself. I will remain the only pony from Earth that knows that spell for a long time, hopefully, generations." The filly shook her head in disbelief. "It is the right of humans to have that spell used, ma'am."   "Humans have rights now? My, you are inconsistent," I mockingly replied. "They have a right to self-determination, a right that forcing transformations denies, and China would force it- just like Sunset Shimmer did. You also forget there are plenty of ponies who have used that right to be turned back to humans. Your arguments are not very good, the products of systematic propaganda that requires you not to think. Your mother must be so embarrassed." I'd have said the devastated expression on Lántiān's face was one of a child who'd been told that Santa Claus wasn't real, but it was more as if it was a child that had just been told that Santa Claus personally hated them. Perhaps I had gone too far in pulling her mother into it. It was certainly a low blow, but I was not going to candy-coat things for her. This filly needed some tough love. "Your mother died protecting you from ponies that were willing to murder you in order to get what they wanted from her," I growled. "How must she feel hearing you defend them so fervently? Perhaps you should have been the one threatening your brothers on your government's behalf to try to force the mare that gave you life to do what they wanted. You could have threatened to slice your brothers' throats, or crush your daughter's skull beneath your self righteo-" The next thing I knew, I was smashed back against the wall and then crumpled on the ground. My head hurt like hell. She'd somehow gotten me in both the nose and the horn, at least it felt like it. It had happened so fast I only had the pain to go by. I was reasonably sure it was a hoof that had connected; she had a strong buck.  I looked up at her. Her wings were spread, and she was crouched aggressively. She was breathing hard through her nose with gritted teeth. I saw her daughter had fled over to a corner, and the tiny filly was now wailing in distress. I wondered if the colts outside had noticed. If they hadn't, they would notice something was up soon enough. I pulled myself slowly to my hooves with a pained groan. I needed to stop doing stupid things to get myself hurt.  "Well," I said as my breath returned, but paused as I blew some blood from my nose out onto the hardwood floor. "My point is made, proving ponies can be violent. I probably deserved that, though." Lántiān settled back slightly on her haunches but still looked ready to pounce at any second. "I'll take whatever punishment you give me, as I should not have struck my guardian, but I will not apologize, ma'am." I shook my head slowly, partially to clear it, partly to say her apology was unnecessary. "I don't expect you to apologize. Go soothe your daughter. She just watched you attack another pony in rage, and she's terrified." She looked at her crying filly and her entire posture transformed into one of worry. She immediately went over to the filly and then looked like someone struck her harder than she struck me when her daughter flinched away from her.  "I think seeing your daughter do that is adequate punishment," I said through the pain. "Remember, filly, ponies are just as capable of violence as humans, and everyone being ponies wouldn't make us all get along. It would be best if you reflected on that. You're not a sheltered princess anymore, and it's time you abandon your fantasies." She glared back at me. "You're a cruel pony, ma'am." I nodded. "I don't want to be, but sometimes it's needed,” I closed my eyes and took a breath. “I have a task for you, once your daughter is calmed down. I was hoping you could help me compile a list of what I need to get each of you. My budget has been expanded, and we will be taking a trip into town within a few days to shop. Foods you all enjoy, toys for the younger foals, items to help you care for your daughter, you said you desired art supplies, more personalized bedding, those kinds of things." She looked at me in shock. "You will still give me the art supplies after I struck you, ma'am? Why?" "Even if it hurt like hell, I still have a responsibility to be as good a guardian as I can," I said with a snort and watched as even more blood-splattered from my nose onto the floor. Damn it; she got me good. "You need to find things that bring you satisfaction and enjoyment. I have no intention of treating you just as the help, even if I rely heavily upon you. I may be cruel, as you said, but I want to be better than that, even if I don't always succeed." I touched a hoof to my nose and felt the blood all over it. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go put some pressure on this thing before I bleed out. Your tea was good, by the way, thank you for it." I started to walk away, but she called out to me. "Ma'am! I have a favor to ask, in regards to my needs." "What is it?" I asked impatiently over my shoulder.  "I have been stuck on the ground for days, ma'am. I need a few hours of extended flight after I have settled Qīng Yǔ. It is not healthy for me to remain out of the air for so long." Which meant her flying off who knew where right after she had a significant argument with me. That would usually have 'attempting to run away' written all over it, but I knew she wasn't, not when her brothers and daughter were here. "Very well. Let me take care of this bleeding, and then I will take over watching your brothers and your daughter. Please keep to the air as much as you can, don't go landing on random houses or buildings when you don't know who will mind it, and don't talk to strangers. You'll have two hours, and then I expect you back here. Does that satisfy your needs?" She nodded at me. "Yes, ma'am." "Good. Perhaps we can make it a scheduled daily routine if you can be punctual in your returns. Now I need to take care of my nose." I made my way back to the stairs, and I reflected on the conversation. I should have perhaps been a little kinder, and I wondered why I was so nasty to her. The filly was trying her best in an extremely stressful situation, and I wasn't making things easy for her. It was the Shimmerism at issue and my anger at myself for my past beliefs. I couldn't lash out at myself, so I lashed out at her. I always did this crap, and the cycle never stopped. My becoming a Shimmerist in a first place was a product of me lashing out at how horrible a human I had been. Lord knew I always directed my self-hate at the wrong targets. Maybe I needed a psychiatrist. I'd add that to my list of things to find, but first, I needed to find an ice pack for my nose.  > Chapter 11: Eviction Notice > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My bloody nose wasn’t actually that bad so it didn’t take all that long to get under control so I could take over watching the younger foals. Lántiān didn’t waste any time going for her flight, and truth be told, I was glad to have a break away from her. I was sure she was just as happy to have some freedom away from me, and from having to play adult to her younger siblings and daughter. She was still a young mare and shouldn’t have to deal with so much responsibility. I wished I could have a break from playing adult for a while, my aches and pains reminded me that I was definitely no little filly. Even though ponies aged more gracefully than humans I had still caught and removed several grey strands of hair from my mane and tail in the past few months. I felt silly worrying about grey hairs, such an outdated human concept. Ponies mane colors came in all different shades and colors; why should I be concerned that mine was changing again? I sat on my haunches, staring out the door the same way Lántiān had earlier. Qīng Yǔ was quietly laying next to me, not really showing much in the way of foalish energy. I wondered if she was always this calm and mellow. She certainly had been upset earlier when I had been struck, but that was an understandable reaction to seeing violence. She was too young to actually have a conversation with, and I was unsure what she possessed for a vocabulary. I had yet to hear her use any of it, if there was any. Méng had finally had enough sun, and was fast asleep on the couch. I had considered taking him up to a proper bed, but decided that it was just easier to watch him when he was on the couch. I didn't really think he was going to get up and get into any trouble, but I hadn't learned his habits as of yet, and wasn't going to risk him being too far out of my sight. I remembered being told once by my daughter that night ponies could notoriously sleep through any noise around them, but preferred to sleep in the dark- even though bright sunlight made them sleepy. We didn't really have any dark rooms though, short of stuffing him in a closet. I made a mental note to add some blackout curtains to the list of things to buy.  The other two colts were starting to slow down outside, and it didn't seem to be because they were tired. No, the expressions on their faces said the culprit was boredom. The small backyard really didn't present much to do, and they had done what they could in that confined space. There were a few small bushes around the edges, a small unadorned patio, and an open grassy area, and nothing else- not even a tree. I needed to find something to occupy them before they got too restless.  My ears twitched as I heard my phone ringing. I had left it in my room and really didn't feel like running up stairs to answer it. It could go to voicemail or if it was really important they could try again on the landline. After about a minute of incessant ringing it stopped. A few seconds of silence followed before the landline started ringing. I sighed and stood up, startling Qīng Yǔ for a moment, but she got up and followed me as I walked over to the phone. I hit the speakerphone button. "Hello, Sunset Blessing speaking. Who is it?" "Good, I was afraid I'd have to track you down when you didn't answer your phone," Wild Growth answered over the line. "I've made a decision. By the end of the week I'm moving you out of there." That was sudden. "May I ask why, and where to?" "You aren’t going to be living on SPEC's money anymore. I've determined it is best if the organization distances itself from you," Wild replied briskly. "However, I’m not going to just throw you out on the street. I have a privately owned property in that area which I can move you to. It is a unique historic property that I felt was worth purchasing now, before the property market finally makes a full recovery in Colorado- which Number advises me should happen soon. Long-term, I'm considering maybe giving it as a gift to one of my nieces or my nephew, once they grow up." My eyebrows shot up. "You bought a historic house for my grandfoals? How big a house is this?" "Technically, I don't know for sure who I'm gifting it to yet, or if I'm gifting it at all," Wild corrected. "My little brothers are eventually going to get married and have families too. As for the size, I'm not exactly sure about the square footage, but it's a big mansion- fifteen bedrooms I think, at least if I remember correctly." "Good God… that's excessive," I breathed out. I heard the smugness in her voice as she continued. "Perhaps, but I got it at a good price. I'm also heavily considering flipping it in ten to fifteen years when the property market is more likely to be booming, and using the profits to buy all my family more modest, but pleasant homes. I did learn some things from you and Number about how to seize opportunities that will grow my fortune over time. I may be magicly crippled, but that won’t stop me from growing my wealth so I can use it. I will not be powerless." "Ten to fifteen years is a long time to just sit on a property." "Yeah, but I've been told by multiple experts that I am going to be very long-lived, and that saps my urgency for immediate returns," she answered somberly. "My brothers' and sister's grandchildren and grandfoals are likely to pass away of old age before I go completely grey in the mane, and that is a very sobering thought for me. Forgive me if I wish to indulge them while I can." I wiped a tear from my eye as I thought of my young wife, dead far too soon. What would I have done for her if I knew that I wouldn't have been the first to go? Once again I cursed myself for living while she died. She might persist in the dream realm, but she had become something else- something that shared only the echo of who she once was. I should have done things differently. If I had... Wild's tone hardened, and it brought me out of my misery. "For right now it is a place that I can send you that is on my dime and not SPEC's. I’ll pay you to be the groundskeeper for however long you want to stay or until I decide what to do with it. That way I can point to you and say you're doing a job for me instead of just getting handouts whenever anyone starts asking." "You're prepping for a further scandal that might involve me," I said in a lower voice.  "Correct you are," Wild said with a tired sigh. "I don't know if I can keep a lid on news getting out about this lab in Nevada, and I'm terrified I’ll find worse in some other secret lab of yours. There are at least one or two of the labs that are cooperating fully with my investigations of them, but there are several that I'm going to just have to show up unannounced to with a security force in order to demand answers. I wish you would be forthcoming with me about what went on or is still going on in each of these labs. I don't want to have to treat you like a villain." "I honestly don't know for sure in many cases," I replied. "I had certain projects that I required secrecy on, and in exchange for their absolute silence they got materials, funding, and land for their own projects-- technically they were still owned by me, but with them free to experiment as they pleased outside their assigned projects. I'm not always sure what projects they did on their own with these resources." "I need more information, Sunset," Wild growled. "If you really want to turn over a new leaf you should be open and honest with me, instead of having me have to root these things out myself." I shook my head. "I'll send you an encrypted email with as much information as I can disclose, but there's many things I can't. I'm under compulsion for secrecy in some cases. I can't break those kinds of contracts." "And I'm assuming you can't tell me who demanded compulsion agreements? Those things are really fishy, and still being debated on whether they should remain legal." "I'm sorry, but client confidentiality is part of the agreement," I said dejectedly. "It's not that I don't want to be open with you, but I made deals I literally can't break." I heard her letting off a frustrated groan. "Damn it, I hate all this damn secretive crap. I'm putting an organizational ban on such agreements going forward. They're too legally questionable. It might cost SPEC some contracts, but I'm not getting entangled with anything like that going forward. Things will not be run under me as they were under you." "How bad is what you found in Nevada?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.  "I've got a large creature that resembles nothing else on Earth or Equestria. From what I can tell she used to be human, but her memory is a complete mess. She's extremely hostile to ponies, and I think it's because of who made her and continued to experiment on her afterward. I'm trying to gain her trust, but she's already slammed me around more than once. If it had been any other pony she attacked like that they'd be dead; me, I just get a nasty headache from it." "Slammed you around?" "Have you ever seen the first Avengers movie?" "Yes." "Remember the scene where the Hulk slammed Loki repeatedly around? Well, she was the Hulk in this case and I was Loki," Wild explained.  That sounded painful. I knew Wild was as close to as invincible as they came, but… damn. "Doctor Rossman was the pony in charge there. You should be able to pull up his information under the old contractor database. That's all I can really give you, since I didn't even know about this. I'm sorry, Wild." "It isn't for me to forgive you," Wild replied in a tired voice. "Since this was tied to the temporary transformation research I'll be dealing with investigators as well. It was my money going into this after all. I've already notified the government, and you should be expecting a visit before the day is out- so don't go anywhere until you speak with them." Qīng Yǔ started to butt her head against me and whine. My best guess was she was hungry. All the foals except Méng could use some lunch, and I could too.  "I have some hungry foals to feed," I informed my benefactor. "Thank you, Wild. I really do appreciate everything you've been doing for me. I admit, I didn't think you'd be willing to give me aid after… well, you know." "You can thank Twilight Sparkle for advocating for you," Wild replied. "I have every reason to hate you after Riverview, but she seems sure that taking care of you will pay off in the long run, and that you aren't the same person you were before the Bastion exploded. Don't disappoint her or make me feel like a fool for giving you a chance. I'm generous, but I'm not gullible. This is the only second chance you're getting." My ears sagged. "I understand. I still thank you, and hope the Lord blesses you." "I have been blessed more than most. Save your prayers for you and those foals," Wild said stiffly. "I will let you know when I'm ready to move you, just stay out of trouble. Good bye, Sunset." The call ended perhaps a little too late. I flattened my ears as the tiny pegasus filly beside me decided that she had enough of being ignored and turned on her full waterworks and siren. So much for being calm and mellow.  I pushed the glass door open and shouted over the noisy filly. "Shǔguāng! Bring your brother with you and come inside. It is time for lunch!" "" Hé Líng yelled back in Mandarin. Shǔguāng turned to his brother. "" "" He Líng complained. "When can I learn strange words?>" "" I shouted. "" I wondered if Trixie was awake yet so she could deal with that issue. I would love to not have to be talking in two different languages to get things done. Shǔguāng turned to his little brother with a grin. "" And the colt took off ahead without giving Hé Líng any warning. The earth pony didn't seem to care. He just immediately started running. "Cowwabungga!" Well, he had at least one strange word down at least.  Qīng Yǔ stopped crying to flap her wings and let off a birdlike squawk as her uncles came hurtling towards her. I pulled the filly aside as they came running through the door almost neck and neck, despite Shǔguāng's early lead.  "" I scolded them.  The two colts looked suitably abashed for nearly running over the filly, and Hé Líng walked over and gave Qīng Yǔ a nuzzle with his nose. The attention and show of affection seemed to be enough to appease the tiny filly, and she let off a happy squeal as she grabbed his face with her wings.  I watched this exchange impassively, and wondered: how different were they from me? It wasn't just that they were Chinese either, although that was a big difference. With the exception of their older sister all these foals had been born ponies. It seemed at times as if I had always been a pony, and it was hard to imagine that my forty-third birthday had been the first that I had celebrated as a pony- with my fifty-first birthday only a month away now. Shǔguāng's life as a pony and my own weren't that different in lengths. Was I pony enough to do right by them? Could I truly understand them?  I turned and headed towards the kitchen. ""  > Chapter 12: Dealing With Challenges > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some days the world laughed at me.  There are things that people can take for granted when they've done them a certain way so long. One thing I took for granted was how much I used my horn for everyday tasks.  The foals all sat behind me in the kitchen, as I stared up at the cabinets that had the necessary food in them. Oh, there were a few things in the refrigerator, but all the dry goods were kept high. It might seem silly, being a pony and keeping essential goods in cabinets that weren't easy to reach, but with my ability to just grab what I wanted with my magic I never had a problem with it. It was a holdover from how I stored things when I was a human that I never stopped doing. In my old house back in Riverview I'd even done it this way, since Ton- since my wife could just fly up and grab what she wanted as well. I now had a new appreciation for what earth ponies endured.  "Why are they so high?" Shǔguāng asked, staring up at the cabinets.  I scolded. "Because that's where I keep things." "But why even put cabinets that high for ponies?" He asked. "They should be lower." "Because this place is for hosting people with lots of money that SPEC wants to impress, and most of those people are humans." "Why do they want to impress the humans?" "So the humans will give money to SPEC." "What's SPEC?" "Something I'm not explaining right now." "Why do they have stuff high?" "Because humans are taller than us, and it isn't a problem for them." "Why not make it all low, since they can reach stuff low easier than we can reach stuff that's high?" "Because we want to be accommodating to them." "But why is there pony stuff in other places in the house and not here?" "Because it just is," I snapped, not remarking that there were cabinets lower than these and I just failed to utilize them. "Can you stop asking questions?" "But why-" I spun around and glared, and whatever he was going to ask died on his lips.  Hé Líng decided to start immediately after I was done silencing his brother "" I groaned. I had earlier cursed about the fact the items were out of reach, but had done it in English. Apparently Hé Líng didn't pick up on what was going on, and I didn't feel like another round of questions in Mandarin.  "" I replied in a gruff tone that I hoped would cut off any more questions. "" Rather than worry about whether Qīng Yǔ would be able to keep up, or would even understand she needed to follow me, I simply bit down on the scruff of her neck and transferred her to my back. Thankfully, she put up no protest about it, and she simply gripped onto me. I then led the two brothers out of the kitchen and out the front door of the house. It was summer, and that meant it was hot outside, although not as hot as the summer days in South Carolina, plus it was a dry heat rather than a humid one. The mountains were visible on the western horizon, and a red brick wall surrounded the mostly vacant condo complex. There was an unmarked van that either paparazzi or government agents parked just across the street from the gate. I didn't see any signs of reporters out by the gate, and smiled that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I spotted Hé Líng eagerly eying the complex's swimming pool, and decided that might be a good distraction for the colts that required me to only to supervise- if they knew how to swim. "" I instructed, and led them all to the condo next door.  I gave the front door of the neighboring condo a few knocks and then patiently waited. After less than half a minute the door opened to reveal Trixie standing with a bathrobe on and a steaming cup of coffee hovering beside her. Trixie yawned wide and looked at them sleepily. "The great and powerful Trixie doesn't do magic shows until at least an hour after noon." I smiled pleasantly at her. "Hi Trixie, I was wondering if you could give us some assistance. My horn is still on the fritz, and I have all the food I need for lunch out of my physical reach." She arched an eyebrow. "Do I get included in lunch if I help? All we have here is a dozen varieties of coffee and twice as many types of alcohol." "Of course," I replied.  Trixie's mouth curved into a big grin as she set her coffee mug down somewhere out of sight. "Then the great and magnanimous Trixie will be more than happy to help you with your tasks as you wait to overcome your distressing temporary disability! No one is as helpful and as caring for those in need as the great and helpful Trixie!" I gestured at Hé Líng. "I'd also appreciate it if you could cast the spell so he can understand English." Trixie whipped back her mane dramatically. "Once Trixie has been given dessert in addition to lunch." I rolled my eyes. "Dessert it is. Bless you, Trixie." She turned to me and blinked. "Why'd you say that? I didn't sneeze." "It's a way of saying thank you in addition to what is said after a sneeze," I explained.  She grimaced and flicked her tail. "Earth languages and expressions are weird." The sound of the gate opening caught my ear, and I turned to see a black car driving in. They were here much quicker than I thought they'd be. So much for having lunch. "You can just go next door with the foals and make yourself at home in the kitchen. I think I'm going to be busy for a little while." Trixie looked out at the car and frowned. "Right." She turned to the foals. "Come along, and let's get some chow." I transferred the filly from my back to Trixie's and stepped away, and started walking out towards the car as it parked. The car doors opened and I saw that the agents consisted of a human man, a pitch black earth pony mare, and a dull brown unicorn stallion. I took a second look at the earth pony mare and realized she wasn't an earth pony at all, but instead a crystal pony. I only knew of one crystal pony that was pitch black, and I didn't know if I should be more honored or worried that they thought she was necessary for dealing with me. Any regular crystal pony would have been more than enough for dealing with me, even if I wasn't dealing with magical exhaustion. Having her here was overkill. "Sunset Blessing," the man greeted as he stepped towards me. "I'm Anthony Heller, here on behalf of the US government. We would like to ask you a few questions in regards to an investigation." I stopped a few feet from them and sat down as he was pulling out his identification. "No need for the ID, Agent Heller. We've never met, but I've followed your career since ETS. I'm a little surprised such a high profile inquisition came out to meet me." I pointed a leg at the crystal mare. "Don't you think she is more than a little excessive? In case you haven't heard, I'm currently suffering magic exhaustion, and I'm not exactly the strongest magic user when at my best." "There is something to be said about how skill is normally more important than raw power with a mage, and your reputation suggests that you could be quite formidable in that regard. We want the best when dealing with you," Heller replied. "But to clarify, procedure says when questioning any pony in regards to potential federal crimes we are required to have sufficient enough crystal pony backup in case of trouble. I think she counts as being sufficient, and she also just happened to be close by when the call to come question you came in." I had no way of being sure if he was being honest about her just happening to be the closest available crystal pony, but decided not to press the issue. "Well then, ask your questions. I don't have access to my old files, so I can only answer them as best I can from memory." He nodded. "Understood and noted. Before we begin, there are some other matters that I feel need to be addressed, off the record." I cocked an eyebrow. "Such as?" "Your decision to move to this area is of some concern to members in my department," Heller explained. "It seems you are deliberately putting yourself at risk, and we would like to better understand why. Especially if we have to come out and try to save you at some point." At risk? "What are you talking about? Why am I endangering myself by living in Denver?" Heller frowned at me. "Surely you know, there are radical Shimmerist elements in the region that very much want you dead." "Is that all?" I asked with a dismissive laugh. "There are always people that want me dead. I was told that- that abomination of a pony that attacked my wife was there for that very purpose." Things might have been better if he had easy access to me and killed me. Maybe everything wouldn't have gone to hell in Riverview if he had. "These Shimmerists are in connection to a particular lab you shut down- a different lab than the one we need to question you about," Heller further explained. "This one had the ponies arrested in regards to treason against the United States. Does this ring any bells?" "I remember that one," I said slowly. "What I seized from them ended up being critical in my own research. I don't see where they are a threat though, unless you let those treasonous fools out of jail." Heller shook his head. "Those researchers had families who weren't arrested, and they've gone to ground after making it very clear they intend vengeance. These aren't reasonable people. They may well attack you and the Dreamwarden's foals without care for their own safety. In their mind you ruined their lives and took their loved ones away from them." "It doesn't matter where I go, Agent Heller. I am no more at risk on their doorstep than in New York, Paris, or Tokyo. If they want me so badly they will find me," I replied wearily. "Colorado is one of the few places I have ties to that don't involve me dominating its local politics. I needed to get away from all of it. That's the whole reason I'm here, no more and no less. Please, just get on with your questioning." "As you wish," he replied gruffly. He then signaled the unicorn agent and the stallion pulled out a recording device.  My interrogation went on for most of an hour. There wasn't much in the way of surprise questions. I detailed as best I could what I knew about the staff at the Nevada lab- which wasn't much since I was only familiar with their lead, Doctor Rossman. I explained the circumstances that led to my severing ties with them, which involved a staff member who wasn't in agreement with the rest of the staff leaking to me plans Rossman had been making for experiments in trying to create an alicorn. Denying that I knew of any experiments which had taken place, and confirming I believed I dismissed them before any such thing could happen. Explaining that I had not reported anything as I thought I had stopped it before any crime could happen, and didn't think they could continue without SPEC resources, and not wishing to have people prosecuted for crimes that they may have intended, but ultimately did not do.  There was also a line of questions that I had been expecting and dreading, ones related to the projects Wild had been grilling me on. It wasn't like I didn't want to answer, or want to instruct them to just go ask the Dreamwardens because I had no earthly idea what on God's green Earth I was contracted to make. Compelled contracts were ironclad, and I could not break them. I'd myself tried in vain to find out what I'd been doing, but both Phobia and Tonya both flatly refused to discuss it with me. It hurt, especially in regards to Tonya, having them refuse to be open with me about it, but there wasn't much I could do about it.  "I think that is enough for now," Heller finally said. "If we have any more questions we will follow up at a later date. Currently you aren't being charged with anything, and are simply a person of interest in this investigation." "Anthony!" A voice called out from somewhere behind me. I turned and saw Starlight trotting out of her condo towards us with a big smile on her face.  Heller smiled in turn. "Starlight, it is good to see you. I was not aware you would be here." Starlight came to a stop beside me, still beaming at Heller. "Wild Growth is giving me and Trixie somewhere to stay away from the main hustle and bustle. It's great to see you too. I only ever seem to see you when there's some crisis happening." She paused and looked at me, then to the crystal pony, then back to Heller, then frowned. "Okay… what is she in trouble for, and should I be concerned the world is going to blow up or something?" I laid my ears back at her. "Starlight! A little faith, please." She gave me an embarrassed look. "Sorry, but I'm a reformed villain and I am friends with several reformed villains. I know nopony is perfect, and old habits sometimes die hard." The onyx crystal mare looked ill and Starlight redirected her attention to her. "Something wrong?" The mare shook her head. "My fault for trying to read your magic. You top elite level powers always feel a little overwhelming, even for me. You'd have to be a crystal pony to really appreciate the difference between an average pony's magic and a pony like you, Wild Growth, or an alicorn." Starlight blinked. "Oh… um, sorry about that. I hope you feel better," She turned back to Heller. "You were saying about my friend here?" "As far as I know at this time there has been no wrongdoing on Miss Blessing's part, and if there was, it was not something she did recently," Heller explained. "I wish I could stay and chat, but we really must be going. Have a pleasant day." "Okay…goodbye," Starlight said in a disappointed voice. She then turned to me. "I just woke up a few minutes ago. I hadn't planned on being awake all night watching your foal." I watched as the agents got back in the car and it slowly left the area. "Thank you for doing that. I've arranged for a foalsitter for him going forward, at least for the time being. Wild is moving me, and I need to see if the same person will be available there. I'm not even sure where I'm going yet, other than it's some historic mansion." "Mansion? Well, at least it's an upgrade in accommodations," Starlight replied with a grin.  I frowned. "If it is a historic mansion I doubt it will have much in it that will be easy for ponies to use. It shouldn't be too much trouble for me personally, and probably not Lántiān, but the younger foals might need extra help with things there. I suppose we'll work it out though. It isn't as if we have much choice." "I'm sure Wild Growth will give you leeway to make changes where needed," Starlight said.  I nodded. "Yeah, she said she was considering giving it to one of my grandfoals when they're older. That assumes that it has been made pony ready, and that means someone has to actually do the remodelling before then. I guess I'm her handymare." Starlight looked down towards the ground. "About earlier… I didn't mean to come off as insensitive to what you're going through and push you to do things you aren't ready to do yet." "And may never be," I added in, then sighed. "But I understand what you were trying to say. Wild told me she was helping me in part because Twilight Sparkle said she thought I could do good. I remember Princess Luna also seemed to think I could as well. Luna even has an open invitation for me to call upon her in my dreams when she is on Earth. She wants to mentor me." Starlight's head shot up and she stared at me wide-eyed. "Luna wants you as a personal student? And you didn't say yes?" "I didn't say yes or no. I told her I just wanted to be away from everything right now," I said quietly. "I thought I was doing a good job of that, but my wife and Yinyu decided to force me out of my personal seclusion. I still don't understand why they thought I'd be a good caregiver." Starlight glanced back at the house then back at me. "Those foals have just gone through a major loss of the most important family member in their life, while at the same time trying to cope with the idea that family member is now a permanent spirit in the dream realm and likely becoming more alien to them by the day. Tell me, does that sound familiar? Is there any other pony other than you who can fully emphasize with what they're going through?" "They haven't really talked about it much," I replied.  "But you know they are thinking about it," Starlight stressed. "I doubt you've done much talking about your own loss, based on your outburst, but I can tell it's been constantly on your mind. Just because they aren't talking about it doesn't mean much. It's only a matter of time before they are having their own outbursts." I shook my head. "I'm not a psychologist." She stomped and I involuntarily flinched. "Horsefeathers! I learned a lot about you on my own back when Twilight suggested I try getting to know you and help you. I know you would study the psych profiles of everyone you were going to try to influence so you would know what to say to them. You're also a public speaker who spends time reading the crowd and a politician who reads situations and plans accordingly. You might not be a psychologist in a traditional sense, but you have always employed those skills. I am your friend, and part of a friend's job is reminding their friends how capable they really are." I didn't reply, afraid that if I did I would fire off another angry retort. Starlight watched me for a moment then laid a hoof on my shoulder. "Look, I can't understand what you are going through right now, much as I want to, but those foals might. Right now you're the friend they need, because you're the only one who can possibly understand what they're going through. Maybe in time they can be the friends you need for the same reason. I think that might be why Yinyu and your wife pushed for you to be the guardian. Just consider that, okay?" "I'll consider it," I answered, although she neglected to think about how those foals had no reason to feel responsibility for their mother's death, while I had every reason to feel responsibility for my wife's. "I guess I should be getting inside. Trixie is watching the foals at the moment, and it isn't that I don't trust her, but-" "But she's Trixie," Starlight finished for me. "I'll come with you. I'm only needed on business a few sporadic days over the next two weeks, and today isn't one of them. It's part of the reason I wanted to get housed away from things while I was on this current trip. I could be on-world in case anyone here needed to get in contact with me quickly- if there was something that happened on a day I wasn't working that I needed to know about, but I could treat this as a mini-vacation on the days I wasn't needed." I smiled. "I appreciate it. I need all the help I can get." My smile instantly fell as I saw Lántiān coming in for a landing. I had told her that she needed to be back before two hours were up, and it had been over an hour. It was just that I had wanted time to appreciate the respite from her. Hopefully she at least enjoyed her time away from me.  I forced my smile back on for Starlight. "Go on in and I'll be behind you in a minute. I just need to check on Lántiān before we join you." Starlight looked over at the filly and her ears sagged. "I'll do that. By the way, I stand by what I said about them needing you as a friend, but I think she especially needs you even more than her siblings do. Good luck with her." I groaned internally. She might need me, but I needed an aspirin every time I was around her.  > Chapter 13: Get Away > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lántiān landed in the grass near me, and I walked over to meet her. "Thank you for being punctual. Did you enjoy your flight?" She finished a quick stretch of her wings before doing a quick flap of them before returning them back to her side's. "Yes, ma'am. Where are my brothers and my daughter?" I gestured with my head towards the house. "They're inside. Trixie is watching them, and Starlight just joined them." Her brow narrowed. "The clownmare and the traitor?" "My friends, and you need to try to be a little more respectful towards them," I stressed. It seemed giving her time away hadn't cooled her off that much.  She gave an agitated flap of her wings and a flick of her tail. "Yes, ma'am. I won't call the clownmare or the traitor what they are to their faces- or would it be more respectful for me to only address them directly that way instead of describing them that way in private?" I slapped a hoof to my face. Of all the disrespectful… "You will not use those terms at all, or any other disparaging names." I poked her with my leg. ”You don't have to like them, but you will not be rude." She glared at me. "Very well, ma'am." Try to be nice. How hard can it be to be nice to her? "So… where did you fly to? Did you see anything you thought was interesting?" "I don't know the names of any locations around here, and you forbade me from talking to anyone, ma'am. I didn't even land anywhere because I was unsure what was allowed in this country," she said in a short tone.  "You flew the entire time you were gone?" I asked in surprise.  "Yes, there weren't any strong winds to wear me out, ma'am. Did you think I'm a weak flyer?"  "Well, no. I just assumed since you were young that it might be harder to stay in the air that long," I explained.  That earned me a flat look. "How much do you even know about foals and teenagers, ma'am?" I glanced downward. "Admitably, not much. My own daughter was full grown when ETS happened, and I never really foalsat for her. I showed up for my grandfoals' births, birthday parties, holidays, and an occasional just drop in, but I was never really involved with them." She visibly groaned. "I was required as a prospective mother to learn everything there is to know about pony growth and development, ma'am. It would seem I know more than you. It's unfair that my siblings and I are in your care instead of them being all under mine." I snorted. "Complain to your mother about it. I didn't ask to take care of you. Your mother and my wife forced this on me." Lántiān stomped a hoof and turned away from me. "She shouldn't have even killed herself!" The sudden fervor in her voice out of nowhere took me off guard and I took a few steps back. "So what if the authorities wanted knowledge?" she continued to growl and hiss. "Was that knowledge more important than all of us? Were we not important enough for her? She could have given it to them and stayed with us! She could have said we mattered more than whatever her duties were for once. Instead she was selfish and tossed us to some stranger." The filly broke then into sobs and tears. "She could have cared." I had never been the comforting type, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do here. She just went from annoyed at me to sobbing about her mother at a drop of a pin. How was I supposed to respond to that?  "She died so you could get away," I said as soothingly as I could manage. "I don't know much about your relationship, but I know she loved you enough to die to protect you." She rounded on me. "She could have just told them what they wanted to know and everything would have been good! We would be together, back home, treated well, and safe!" My eyebrows narrowed. "And the entire rest of the world would have suffered for your sake. Does that not matter to you? You selfish little filly!" "The world outside of China," she growled.  I advanced on her quickly and slapped her across the face. "So, it's okay for me, my daughter, my grandfoals, and all the people living in this country and elsewhere to suffer and die so you can have your precious little life kept the same?! Your mother and I have never been fond of one another, but I can tell you one thing; your mother had an impossible choice to make, and she did the best she fucking could! Have some God-damned respect for the mare who not only gave you life, but gave her own to make sure you had one that wasn't stained with the blood of millions- if not billions of lives!" She sneered at me. "And do me and my brothers not matter?" I sneered right back. "If you didn't matter to her she could have just let them do whatever they wanted to you and told them it didn't matter. Don't you get it? You were her breaking point. If they had hurt you she would have cracked under the pressure. She'd have traded the world for you, and that's why she died making sure you'd be safe." The filly sat there snorting and breathing heavily. I was half expecting her to pound me in the face again. After all, I had just struck her. She surprised me by forcing herself to attention and holding my gaze. "May I be excused to go attend to my brothers and daughter, ma'am?" I waved a hoof dismissively. "Go on. I don't think there is any point in carrying on this conversation any further at the moment. You'd probably beat the crap out of me if we did, and there wouldn't be much I could do to stop you. I still expect you to compile that list I asked for, but we both need time to cool our tempers." "Agreed, ma'am," she said through gritted teeth. She then turned and marched back into the condo, shoving Starlight aside as the unicorn stepped out onto the patio.  Starlight glanced back at the filly then walked out to meet me. "I'm guessing your talk with her didn't go that great." "That's an understatement," I replied.  "Want to talk about it?" "She's an ungrateful, disrespectful, selfish brat!" I declared, stomping a hoof with each word. Starlight frowned. "I might not be a parent, but my experience with teens is they can be a little headstrong, and she's got a lot to be upset about." "I understand she has reasons to be upset. She has every reason to be upset," I explained with outrage. "But she blames all the wrong people for what happened, and she doesn't seem to care about anyone but herself." "I've done that in the past, and so have you," Starlight replied. "I'm not sure you've stopped doing that, if you want me to be honest with you." I grimaced. "I'd rather you not." She sighed. "Fine, but you are a parent. You dealt with Phobia as a teen. Surely she had her moments where she behaved similarly." I shook my head. "Not really. Phobia was always very quiet, and kept mostly to herself. The only real major beef she and I had was she had a best friend I didn't agree with her having, but I have since learned I was wrong about that, and I ended up marrying that friend. Otherwise, she didn't give me much trouble as a teen." "Marrying your daughter's best friend seems a little creepy," Starlight said slowly, and took a step back when I glared at her. "Not that I'm passing any sort of moral judgement. How about your experiences with your own parents? My mom died when I was really young, but I know I wanted nothing more than to get away from my overprotective dad and gave him a hard time." "I don't know, maybe I could've been a pain sometimes when I was a teen. My parents and I haven't spoken in decades," I said quickly. "We had a falling out that had been building through my college years and blew up shortly after Phobia was born." Her ears fell. "I'm sorry to hear that. I know I avoided my dad when I was finally away from home- and still do a little, but I know how much he loves me and I love him. I started talking to him again a few years ago. He's really not so bad, in limited doses. At least now that he sees me as a grown mare and not his little filly to protect. Are your parents still alive? Believe me, it hurts knowing you never got to say things to a parent who passed away. There's so much I'd like to say to my mom that I'll never get a chance to. Maybe they can even give you some advice, since Lántiān seems to share a similar temperament with you."  I gave her the stink eye, but she was unphased. "Oh please, you know you have a temper as well. She and you are very similar from what little I've seen. Or at least she's more like you than Phobia was. So I think asking your parents for advice might be a good idea… if they're alive." I looked out towards the mountains in the west. "They're alive… I recently researched what became of them- which wasn't easy. They're a pair of earth ponies living in Pony Hope." Starlight blinked. "Pony Hope, really? That isn't far from here at all. You haven't reached out to them yet?" I shook my head. "There were some really hurtful things said last time we spoke. I didn't even know if they were alive still until recently. Also, my previous human identity isn't something most people know unless they really dig for it. So while they almost certainly have heard of Sunset Blessing, they probably don't know I'm their daughter." Starlight came and sat down beside me. "I've got a spot in Pony Hope I'm authorized to teleport to at any point, provided I let them know to make sure it is clear. I could take you to Pony Hope and you could just call me when you're ready to come back. Trixie and I can watch the foals. You could use a few hours away from Lántiān." "Do you realize just how much she detests both of you?" I asked. "I'm not sure leaving you two with her is a great idea." Starlight rolled her eyes. "Trixie and I have faced far bigger challenges than an angry filly and a few younger colts. We can deal with them for a few hours without the house burning down, and you need the break from each other. I don't think you two getting ready to tussle in the grass is a sign that you're doing great with her." "I'm not sure talking to my parents would exactly cool me off," I objected. "I told you, we stopped talking because we had a major falling out." "And does whatever happened that many years ago still matter, even after everything your world has gone through since then?"  I looked down. "I don't know." "What was the fight about?" I snorted. "Politics." She raised an eyebrow at me. "Politics? Seriously?" "Politics in the US can get very heated," I said with a hint of shame. "I started off like my parents, what conservatives in the US call far-left. It wasn't really that far left to tell the truth, at least in the scheme of world politics, but it is in regards to the far-right, if that makes any sense to you." She shook her head. "Not really, but I'm guessing that it changed." I nodded. "In college my views shifted to the far-right and friction started between us. It got progressively worse, and after I married and had a baby we had one particularly nasty argument and I just cut them off.  "Were you or they in politics back then?" Starlight asked in confusion.  "No, but that doesn't mean much," I replied.  "Okay…" Starlight said as she shook her head in bewilderment. "I'm glad it's Twilight and not me who does most of the political stuff, because I don't get it. Regardless of that, all that stuff was at least twenty-five or more years ago, right? Even if everything hadn't changed with ETS that seems like a lot of time to get new perspectives. You aren't the same person you were back then, in more ways than one." I exhaled slowly. "I am in some ways, but you're right that a lot has changed. I guess I'm just afraid of meeting them again after all this time. I mean, it's an old hurt." We both jumped in fright as Lántiān came storming out of the house, throwing the door back so hard I wondered if it was going to come off its hinges. "Ma'am, that clow- that- that pony in there has filled my brothers' heads with Equestrian words! I demand you tell her to undo it!" "Come again?" I asked while blinking.  She huffed. "That blue unicorn has used her spell to make my brothers able to understand and speak Equestrian. I know this was not something you requested, ma'am. I also don't like it!" "Urgh! Trixie!" I groaned. "Now I'm going to have to learn yet another language so those two can't have a conversation I don't understand behind my back." "She needs to just undo it, ma'am!" Lántiān raged.  Starlight shook her head. "Undoing something like that is a lot more complicated than doing it in the first place. It's better if we just do the same to you two so you can understand what they are saying." The filly spat. "I am not learning their filthy tongue!" I rubbed my head. "Did she at least use the spell to teach Hé Líng English like I asked?" "She did that before I walked out here," Starlight replied.  I continued to rub my head for a moment then stopped and looked at Lántiān. "You'll be learning Equestrian, we both will. You don't have to actually speak it, but you need to know it in case your brothers try to use it to hide conversations from us." The filly looked like I'd just slapped her again. "We can just forbid it be spoken, ma'am." "Yeah, like that will work," I replied dryly. "We're just going to have to adapt to the situation. And to make it clear, any forbidding of anything is done by me, it is not a joint decision with you.. Starlight, can you kindly tell Trixie to not do things like that without asking my permission?" "You can tell her that yourself, ya know," Starlight replied. I shook my head. "Fine. Lántiān is right, what Trixie did was out of line, no matter if she was just trying to be nice. Lántiān, do your brothers know how to swim? "They do, ma'am," the filly replied, seeming a little calmer now that I was agreeing with her about Trixie. "Great, then Starlight and Trixie can take them to the pool and supervise them there. That should keep them from getting too bored," I asserted. "Make sure they are dry before they come back inside." "What will you be doing?" Lántiān asked, sounding almost hurt that I would be leaving so quickly after finally taking her side on an issue, or perhaps just hurt that she wasn't given some supervising authority. "I'm taking Starlight up on her offer," I answered. "As soon as I'm done explaining at length to Trixie that she is never to cast such an invasive spell on a minor without a parent or guardian's permission, and if she tries it again I'll make her the pathetic and bald Trixie, I'd like to go to Pony Hope." > Chapter 14: Sunrise and Sunset > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pony Hope was a jarring hodgepodge of building styles. There were plenty of residences and businesses that looked as if they were taken straight out of Equestria. However, sprinkled among these were buildings that would not look out of place in any small town or even major city from before ETS. The building Starlight had teleported me to looked like a simple one-story office building, aside from the fact someone had taken the time and effort to paint elaborate murals of ponies and humans on the side of the building. The streets were mostly dirt roads still, but there was at least one major paved road that ran through town and built within a depression that allowed for the residents to build walkways over it for safe crossing. This was not too dissimilar to how roads for cars were handled back in Riverview- or at least had been. The city (using the term lightly, since less than ten thousand people lived here) was still a major public works project in progress. Most streets had crews working on them laying powerlines, putting in sewer drains, and more. However, there wasn't much heavy machinery being put into use in those projects. There was an occasional construction vehicle here or there, but most of the work seemed to be done by hoof, hand, and horn. While the streets followed a nice gridlike pattern (or as much of one as was possible with uneven terrain), there didn't seem to be much in the way of ordering districts. There were shops right next to residential houses. It was chaos by my sense of organization, since I preferred a place for everything and everything in its place; clearly defining where to find living residences, businesses, and other types of buildings. I was glad I was living in Denver instead of here. Walking down the street was causing quite the silent buzz. Not a single pony came and greeted me, which would be an oddity for most people visiting these western towns. Eyes followed me, though, and conversations went quiet as I neared ponies. I'd only visited this town once before, and that had been years ago, but everyone knew my distinctive appearance and cutie mark from the news.  The Shimmerists around were easy to pick out of the crowds, since I could see them trying to hide their sneers at me (although a few didn't bother even to try to hide them). Whether they had seen me in person or not before, all of them knew my face. All of them were no doubt wondering what brought Sunset Blessing to their town. The fact it was effectively just a small town suited me just fine at the moment. Considering they didn't have anything resembling public transportation, I'd need to walk to where I was going. Unfortunately, that was going to be a different type of pain. Most mapping applications didn't give directions for where to go in Pony Hope. It was a place where you either had to know your way already or ask directions. I had a feeling most ponies I attempted to get directions from would flee, and those that didn't would be obstinate Shimmerists who would much rather pick a fight with her. At least there were some humans here. It was kind of ironic I was in Pony Hope and was going to be counting on the humans and not the ponies to be helpful. I tried approaching a human who was talking with a group of ponies. The ponies all gave me nervous glances and started backing away. The human picked up on his companions' anxiety and joined them, giving me an accusing glare- like I had done something to them or something. I sighed and continued down the dirt road until I found another human, but she quickly ducked into her house. Alright, it seemed the humans weren't going to be much better than the ponies. It confirmed my worst fears, that I was so associated with the Cataclysm that these people likely expected the worst to happen if I was here.  I started approaching another group, and right away, I saw them getting flighty. "Hey! I'm just looking for directions. I'm not trying to steal your firstborn or anything!" A shape came down abruptly in between the group I'd been approaching and me. It hit the dirt hard enough that it stirred up a cloud of dust, and I had to turn my head and cough. A moment later, I heard the beating of wings and the dust cloud cleared from the air.  I turned to see a yellow pegasus with a curly orange mane, hovering a few feet in the air, and my eyes narrowed upon recognition that it was Sunrise Storm The newcomer turned to the group I had been approaching. "Don't worry; I'll make sure everything is alright. She's not going to cause any problems." They nodded and did a collection of various words of thanks, but still backed a few more feet away. She didn't seem to take any issue with this, and still hovering in the air, turned back to me. "I’ll walk with you to make sure you get where you need to go." That was enough to make me smirk. "My understanding was you don't do much walking if you can help it. You don't even have your hooves on the ground right now. I'm going to get a crick in my neck, staring up at you." "Sorry, a force of habit, but I know that makes some ponies uncomfortable.” She did me the courtesy of landing. “Speaking of making ponies uncomfortable, I noticed you were scarring my friends and neighbors." And my smirk was gone. "I'm sorry. I don’t know what I did to make them all so skittish. I was trying to get some directions since there's no good map of this place. There's no need for Sunrise Storm swooping in to save the poor citizens of Pony Hope from my dastardly plans." She fluffed her wings. "I’m not here to save anypony or thought you had any dastardly plans. But I try to talk things out and defuse trouble where I can. I'd been watching you a few minutes from up above. There seems to be a lot of ponies that are either scared of you or really don't like you. When you started yelling, I could see that some of the ponies I know are Shimmerists started looking like they might do more than just glare at you; that’s when I figured it was time to intervene. Ponies around here normally feel better if I get involved before something happens." "Well, if you can just give me some directions, I won't be bothering anyone else," I replied. "At least I can count on you not to act like a frightened foal." "Or how about I just walk with you to wherever you’re going," Sunrise suggested. "I’m not sure how much you noticed, but all your old buddies seem to have it out for you. I rarely see ponies getting ready for violence without at least being provoked, but you seem to have a special effect on them." I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I'm looking for an elderly earth pony couple that lives on Applejack Street." She raised her eyebrows. "You don’t mean Dry Soil and Hook Line?" "You know them?" “I get around,” she gestured around her with her wings. "I know most ponies that have been here for a while. Hook Line teaches some classes on installing electrical wiring into houses, and I've dropped into a few of them to tell everypony how great a job they are doing. They like hearing the encouragement." "Regular cheerleader," I muttered. She shrugged. "Why do you want to see Dry Soil and Hook Line? A flower pony and an old electrician don't seem to be anypony you'd care about." I looked down with a quick sigh. "They're my parents." That caused her to do a double-take. "That nice old couple are your parents?" "What? Did you expect my parents to be psychopaths or something?" I asked, growing annoyed again.  She shook her head. "No- not really. They just never mentioned you." My ears dropped. "They might not even know I'm their daughter; we hadn't spoken in nearly eighteen years before ETS. People can find out my human name if they go digging for it, but they typically don't." "Well, around here, it's considered bad manners to do that," she replied, matter-of-factly. "Sure, I can take you that way. They should both be home. Dry Soil typically spends most of her time in her garden at their house, and Hook Line doesn't teach classes today. It should only take a few minutes on hoof." "Can you stand to be on the ground that long?" I asked snidely.  She harumphed. "I can make the sacrifice." Sunny started leading me away, and we walked in silence for several minutes across dirt and grass. Ponies still stopped and stared, but her presence did seem to make them less nervous than they had been earlier. Not that I cared, now that I didn't need directions.  "You um— have my condolences," Sunrise said, quietly breaking the silence.  I didn't need to ask what she was talking about. I just gave a stiff nod rather than discuss that. I punctuated my desire not to have the conversation go that way by directing it elsewhere. "You seem to be handling leadership well." "I was never given a lot of choice about it," she replied with a dry laugh. "But I've adapted to it. I've chosen to make it my own, and I think I've managed to do some good things. I actually should be thanking you." I looked at her out of the sides of my eyes. "For what?" "I didn't know much of what was going on outside of my region after ETS, but you got the southern ponies to integrate back into something closer to their old human lives early on. If you hadn't done that, I'd never have decided or been able to get ponies here to bring things back that they'd thought unnecessary." "Well, it was foolish and stupid for ponies to be tossing all that stuff away to live like medieval serfs," I grumbled.  "And you were right- about that much," she replied.  "It seems I was right to think of you as a leader as well," I countered. "Not the leader that you wanted," she said in a neutral tone.  I hung my head. "I'm glad you didn't listen to me back then. The smartest thing you ever did was not getting involved with us. Shimmerism is a plague that needs to be wiped out." She turned and raised an eyebrow at me. "Jenny said she met you, and that her voice thing told her that you weren't the same anymore," Sunrise continued. "I know the Shimmerists around here despise you, to put it extremely lightly, but I'm a little surprised to see that the feeling is so mutual. I didn't think I'd ever see the day Sunset Blessing became rabidly anti-Shimmerist." "The most passionate of voices are of the convert and the disillusioned," I replied, and then decided I'd rather not talk about Shimmerists anymore. It would put me in a bad mood. "I didn't spend much time talking to your sister. She wasn't in Riverview long, and she was there to visit my niece instead of me. I do remember her chasing Phobia all-around Wild Growth's mansion demanding a fee waiver." Sunrise stopped in her tracks and stared at me. "My sister chased a Dreamwarden around a house demanding a fee waiver?" I stopped and chuckled. "She sure did. I didn't even know my daughter could move that fast before that- and while wearing a dress!" She broke down laughing. "And to think she used to be terrified of Dreamwardens, and all she had to do to scare them in return is be a dissatisfied customer!" My mood fell again. "I'm told she gets along well with my wife." Sunrise realized that the subject matter was drifting into the wrong territory and stopped laughing. We resumed our walk, and it was another minute or so before she started talking again. "So, how is your niece? I heard the stories about what happened to her. She's a very brave little filly." "She's not a filly; she's a girl," I tersely corrected. "Not great, to tell the truth. Her parents tell me she started having magic surges recently. They've been painful for her and everyone else in the household. They've called in some experts, along with some crystal ponies, to try to get them under control as well as try to figure out what the hell she's even doing- something with sound, but they haven't figured out quite what it is yet. Add to that she just began having human menstrual periods, and she's an unhappy young lady right now. Poor girl, no eight-year-old should have to be going through that, especially after all she's already gone through." She nodded. "Jenny told me your niece is physically and mentally advanced for her age. My memories of human puberty are kind of spotty. They weren't exactly ones I eagerly tried to keep fresh in my head, but I remember human puberty is rough. Add to that magic surges, and that's just an all-around bad time. She has my sympathies." She paused. "I did want to ask you about something." "What?" "My mother has recently taken a lot of interest in these Blessingists. It's the first real group she's ever shown this kind of interest and backing for. I try to keep myself a relatively neutral party to all these groups, but I figured the best pony to tell me more about them would be the one they are named after." "You probably know more about them than me if Sarah is talking all about them," I answered. "I just heard about them the other day, and I haven't even bothered to research them yet. I'm not involved with that kind of stuff anymore. Your mother isn't stupid, and she's a good mare, so they can't be that bad. I'm just a simple unicorn, trying to get by. Trying to deal with the five foals I was given custody of, and I just need to worry about myself and them. I feel like my time spent in the larger arena was a waste, and I did far more harm than good." She stopped and gave me a surprised look. "You actually mean that, don't you?" I stopped as well. "Every word of it." She looked at me curiously then extended out a hoof at me. It took me a moment to even realize what she was doing, and then I touched hooves with her. After we set our legs back down, she smiled at me. "I think we can start being friends now. Jenny's right; you aren't the same. I just needed to see it for myself." "I'm not sure that makes me better," I replied glumly. "You're trying to find yourself, and I can support that," she said with a gentle smile. She then gestured at a small wooden house. "We're here. I'll keep an eye out above when you're leaving. Good luck with your reunion. They're good ponies." I looked at the door of the house and took a deep breath. Were my legs shaking? Sunrise walked over and touched a wing to my side. "It will be okay. It's a fresh start. If you're serious about mending fences, you'll do fine." I nodded, and after taking one final breath, I marched up to the front door, ready to get this done.  > Chapter 15: Mom and Dad > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The house I was standing in front of didn't look remarkable at first glance. It was a simple wooden structure with the boards running diagonally along the walls. Each board was painted either white or red, making the entire building resemble a peppermint. There was a simple roofed porch which had a porch swing and a few daisies in planters. There was a larger garden off to the side with a broader array of flowers growing, although no one was tending them. There were large square windows that had gaudy looking curtains in amber-yellow with lemon-yellow smiling suns upon them. The porch light was electric, and there was a simple welcome mat with the word welcome written on it. It was the kind of gaudy design that ponies who idolized Equestria thought looked good. It took me several seconds, puzzling over what felt off about the house, before it finally came to me. This was literally the first house I had ever visited that was not built to accommodate humans at all. The roof was too low; the front door would require a human to squat down low to their knees to get through. Most houses I was familiar with were either built with humans in mind and given some additional accommodations to make usable for ponies, or were built with ponies in mind but with the idea that humans might be entering them regularly. This was a strictly pony house. I took one final deep breath and knocked on the door.  "I'll get it!" Came a voice that didn't belong to someone around seventy years old, more like seven. The door opened, and I found myself staring down at a blue earth pony colt with an orange mane. He grinned broadly up at me. "Hi, there! Who are you?" Maybe Sunrise had been wrong about which house was theirs. "I might be in the wrong place. I'm looking for some ponies named Dry Soil and Hook Line." "That's my mom and dad!" He said excitedly and turned around.  What did he mean that was his mom and dad?! "Mom! Dad! There's a funny lookin unicorn at the door looking for you!" My breath seized up in my lungs. Maybe I had made a mistake and had identified the wrong ponies as my parents? They couldn't have had another foal. Not at their age. This had to be a mistake.  "I made an error," I said. "I'll just be leav-" An elderly brown earth pony mare with a bleach white mane came to the door, and I knew I'd made no mistake. She gasped as she saw me. "Sinker, go to your room and play." "But, Mom-" She shook her head, and her eyes darted around the neighborhood as if looking for something. "No arguing. Just go to your room for a little while." She quickly turned her head to look back into the house. "Hook! We've got a guest. It's that unicorn from TV- the one the President pardoned." "Well, get her inside, before Morning Flower notices her," called out a stallion from somewhere inside. "You know how that mare is!" Sinker walked off in a huff, and the pony I assumed to be my mother quickly motioned me inside, still darting her eyes around the neighborhood like a mob was hiding in all the bushes waiting to jump out and make a rush for the house. As soon as I got inside, she shut the door quickly behind me, almost slamming it.  She gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry about that. Our neighbor is normally a very nice pony- at least with other ponies, but she tends to rant at length about you and says some very shocking unponylike things about what she'd do if she ever saw you." I didn't respond. I just kept staring at her with a dumbfounded expression. She blinked and looked me over. "Are you alright? The Shimmerists didn't give you a fright, did they? Don't worry, you don't need to worry about any of that from my husband or me; we're Lunites, and we have no quarrels with you. We saw you on television. That was a courageous speech you gave, but what brings you here?" "I have a brother?!" I blurted out in disbelief. Maybe I yelled it. I really didn't know. She stepped back. "What? Who are you-" Her eyes went wide, and her lip trembled. "Charlotte… is- is that you?!" I started tearing up. "Mom-" She leaped forward and wrapped her forelegs around me, pulling me into a tighter hug than someone her age had a right to do. She laid her head down on my shoulder, and I could hear her take a huge sniff of me before she broke down crying.  A blue earth pony stallion with equally white mane came walking in. "Dry, what's wrong? What's going on?" My mom kept a hold of me as if she was afraid I'd vanish if she released me. "It's Charlotte! She's come back to us!" My dad was now the one staring with his mouth agape. "Is- is it true? Is that you- Charlotte?" I nodded as best I could with my mother gripped tightly onto me. "It's me, Dad. I'm sorry I-" I didn't get to finish before he joined my mother in grabbing me into a hug. I broke down sobbing at this point. After all this time, all the cruel and harsh words that were said, and all the things they knew about Sunset Blessing from the media, all they cared about was I was home. I didn't even get to say my apologies yet. It was several minutes of hugging, but it needed to come to an end. I started to pull away. "I hate to end this, but if I don't, you two are going to crush me to death with your earth pony strength." They reluctantly released me and stepped back just outside my personal space. "Sorry, baby," my mom began. Then she shook her head. "Well, not really my little baby filly anymore. I always knew that you were capable of big things. I'm glad you didn't end up just wasting yourself as a housewife." At a different time, that comment might have been the start of an argument, but things had changed, and somewhere along the line, I had come to agree with her on that. Although, as of late, I wasn't so sure I shouldn't have just stayed a housewife. "We've all changed. You two are looking very hardy for ponies your age." Dad chuckled. "Maybe not as hardy as I look. I'm not up to doing all the work I used to do." Mom nuzzled up next to him. "He's right. If we didn't get help building this place, I swear your father would have dropped dead from the work that went into building it. He still insisted on being the one to put in all the wiring." He snorted. "I wanted it done right. You never know with these younger ponies if they'll end up doing it correctly." I chewed on my lip. "And you both seem to be doing well enough in other ways. Was that my literal brother, or just some colt you adopted?" "Sinker?" Mom asked. "Oh, he came out of me. I don't think I was half as surprised to find out I was turning into a pony years ago as I was when the doctor told me I was pregnant again- at my age! I should be visiting grandfoals, or even great-grandfoals, not having another one." "But he has been a little blessing," Dad added in, then looked at me and laughed. "No pun intended on you." Mom gave him a jab with her foreleg. "Yeah, right. You were probably spending that whole time hugging her, just trying to think of some way to make a play on her name." "So… you two aren't afraid of me?" I asked quietly.  They stopped their jovial back and forth. "Why would we be afraid of you?" Mom asked. I shrugged and rubbed the back of my head. "Well- I was kind of at fault for a city blowing up, and all the people in this town seem ready to run whenever they see me." Mom came up and put her hoof on me. "My baby filly, you've been reading the town wrong. Those ponies aren't scared of you, they're scared for you. We have ponies of all walks and creeds here, and we all know some Shimmerists. This past year it has become like a national pastime for the Shimmerists to talk about how much they hate you. The conversations go like this; Hi, how was your day? How are your foals doing? Did you hear about whatever mischief so-and-so got up to? Also, have you heard about how much I hate Sunset Blessing? Let me tell you about it again, just in case you forgot. Really, it would get boring if it weren't so shocking the things they say. A lot of us have started avoiding them when we can. I mean, I've never heard anypony hate another pony like that." Dad nodded. "When the average pony sees you, they aren't thinking of you doing anything wrong; they're thinking about all those Shimmerists, and they know that trouble is getting ready to happen. As for the city blowing up- the president himself said you weren't to blame. I trust him more than the Shimmerists." "Frankly, I'm surprised you were able to even get to our house without causing a riot," Mom added in. "Sunrise Storm escorted me here. She said it would help put ponies at ease," I explained.  Mom grinned. "She's such a nice young mare and so talented! It was good of her to do that. The Shimmerists wouldn't dare do anything to you with her right beside you." I frowned. "She failed to mention I had a little brother." "Maybe she was just trying to let it be a surprise," Dad suggested. "Or maybe she thought you knew. Don't be mad at her for such a little thing. Especially since she kept you safe through town." "Speaking of colts," Mom cut in. "What about Matthew, and that husband of yours?" "Uh...hmm. How do I put this," I replied. Trying to figure out the easiest way to go over these details. "I'm guessing you didn't listen to my whole speech." "We'd been hearing stuff about the Cataclysm on the news nonstop for weeks before that," Dad explained. "It was like 9-11 all over again. Lots of ponies and humans had gotten up and made speeches about things to that point." Mom rolled her eyes. "They still are." "We mainly remembered the parts about condemning Shimmerism and the part about you getting pardoned since we have a neighbor who doesn't want to shut her trap about it," Dad finished explaining.  Mom rubbed her head. "If she didn't help me so much with my garden, I'd probably avoid her for that. I don't like hearing ponies talking about anypony that way. It's just not right!" I sighed. "Okay, where to begin- Matthew is Phobia Remedy." They stared blankly at me for a moment. I was afraid now I'd have to explain who the Dreamwardens were because they didn't keep up with things.  "But isn't Phobia Remedy a mare?" Dad finally asked.  I nodded. "Phobia, my one and only foal, is a mare." "So she's one of those ones," Mom said in understanding. "We know somepony like that, don't we, dear? His name is Victory Bird, he's a stallion, a big massive brute of a pegasus that could probably wrestle most earth ponies, but he'd been a woman as a human. Not many ponies like that, and you tend to forget those details when dealing with them. I mean, who cares what they used to be? I don't look at Victory and think about how he used to be a human woman. I look at him and think- how much does that lunkhead work out? Those muscles are obscenely big!" "I always do forget Victory switched sexes," Dad replied and then frowned. "So our granddaughter is the Warden of Fear? That's a lot to take in." "How did you and your husband take that?" Mom asked hesitantly. I knew why she was hesitant. "It changed my worldviews about some things, changed Tom's as well," I answered. "And Tom and I divorced, right after ETS. We still talk, mainly because of Phobia. He's remarried and has two nice young daughters- a pegasus and a unicorn." I took a deep breath. "I remarried too." "Well, good for you!" Mom exclaimed. "I never liked Tom. Who's your new husband? What's he do? When will we get to meet him?" Awkward… I hung my head. "My wife can't really visit. She's kinda dead. She died in the Cataclysm." Mom's eyes went wide again, and I saw her mouthing the word 'wife' in astonishment. She didn't linger on that long, though, before I found myself pulled into another hug. "My poor baby! I'm so sorry to hear that." "She's also sorta alive," I added in. Mom broke away from me and stared in confusion. Dad echoed her expression. I took a deep breath and explained. "She's a Dreamwarden too. She's Arbiter, although she'll always be Tonya to me." Dad blinked. "I never knew we were so well connected to famous and powerful ponies." Mom jabbed him again. "Hook! Don't be saying things like that! Can't you see she's upset about the loss of her wife? I don't know how the whole dead-not dead thing works, but it's clearly still some form of dead." I gritted my teeth. "Thank you, but can we just not talk about that anymore? It's a painful subject." Mom brought a hoof up to her mouth in embarrassment. "Of course! Why don't we go to the living room, and we can talk about other things. It's rude of us to have kept you standing here by the door for so long. Maybe we could let your little brother meet and talk to his big sister he didn't even know he had." It was my turn to gape. "You never told him about me?" Mom and Dad looked at each other, then me with their ears hung low. "Well… you kinda made it clear you didn't want us in your life anymore, last time we spoke," Dad answered timidly. "We figured it might be better just not to tell him, rather than rip open an old wound. We hadn't spoken to you in over twenty years when he was born." "But you're here now!" Mom added in, giving me a bright smile. "And I'm proud you have become such a notable pony. You know, your aunt is a pretty big figure in local politics. I guess politics is just in the family blood. I could introduce you to her. She's a unicorn now that goes by the name Gold-" "I'd rather not, Mom," I said quickly. "I'm done with politics. Let's just go to the living room. We can talk about other things and catch up. I also wanted to ask you for some advice." Mom gave me another confused look. "Advice from us? About what? We're just simple ponies. I'm sure whatever your problem is, you know tons of experts in whatever it is." I sighed. "I just became acting guardian to five foals, and the oldest of them is a teenager that I can't stop butting heads with. Phobia was never this kind of problem. I need some parenting advice." My parents gaped at me again. I was afraid at this point that I was going to get their faces frozen like that.  Mom broke out of her stupor first. "Let's go sit down, and you can tell us all about it. Come on." > Chapter 16: Anchors > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My little brother had finished circling me and now sat examining me, trying to make sense of the elder sister he never knew he had. I did much the same, still trying to reconcile in my brain that he existed.  "You're my sister?" He finally questioned, not seemingly able to believe it. I wasn't sure I fully believed it yet. I nodded. "It would seem so." He kept gazing at me another few seconds. "You're old." "You're young," I countered. "You're like grandmare old." I smirked. "I am a grandmare, which makes you a great-uncle." Mom let off a massive squeal in response to this, and both me and my sibling turned to look at her. She was grinning ear to ear. "You didn't tell me I'm a great-grandmare! You have to tell us all about them!" "Dry, we're supposed to be letting Sinker get to know his sister," Dad said, placing a hoof on Mom's flank. "We'll have time to hear about them later." Sinker turned his attention back to me. "Nuh-uh, I can't have a sister so much older than me." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why not? It might be a little strange, but it's the truth." "That would make Mom and Dad grandparents too. They aren't that old if they're my mom and dad," Sinker reasoned.  I pointed at them in disbelief. "What?! I think you can tell by looking at them that they're older than me." I gave my parents a sheepish smile. "No offense, you two look great." I turned back to my brother. "I have a daughter old enough to be your mother. How old are you anyway?" He stuck his muzzle up in the air. "Six. How old are you? Like six-hundred?" "Fifty-one, and a very young fifty-one it is," I replied. "And I do have grandfoals, three of them, and they're all older than you.  They're all seven years old." "Triplets!" Mom blurted out again in excitement. Dad jabbed her in the side and put a hoof over her mouth to quiet her down.  I sighed. "Not actually triplets. The fillies are twins, but Alfonso is a month younger and- it's a long story." "Alfonso is a funny pony name," my brother continued.  I smiled. "So is Sinker. How did you end up with that name?" Our Dad spread his forelegs wide "Hook Line and…" He kept his legs spread wide and waited for me to complete the phrase with a big stupid grin spread across his muzzle.  I gave my parents a flat look. "You've got to be kidding me." Mom shrugged. "Pony naming conventions are still kind of new to all of us. There's no wrong way to name your foal." Of all the ridiculous- it didn't matter. I turned back towards my brother. "Well, my daughter and her spouse decided that if their foals were going to have pony names, that could choose them for themselves after they got their cutie marks. Most adult ponies used to be humans, and we all had human names before. Mine was Charlotte. One of my granddaughters is named after me. Mom and Dad had human names too." Sinker flicked an ear and seemed to be considering this. "So if you turned into a pony, can I turn into a human?" I blinked. "Um- technically... yes, it is possible. My niece did that after being a pony for most of her life. She isn't much older than you. Do you want to be human?" He shook his head. "Not really; I want to be an electrician, like Dad." "That's not exactly what I- never mind," I shook my head again. Why did I keep asking questions I was going to get these kinds of answers for? "I'll just take that as a no." "What do you do?" Sinker asked. My ears folded. "Me? I used to be a preacher, a mayor, a mage, a businessmare, a researcher, and a pretty cruddy philosopher." Sinker went wide-eyed. "That's six things! You can be more than one thing?" I gave him a soft smile. "There's nothing stopping you from pursuing many goals. Never let the world tell you that you have to be something, or tell you that you can't change your mind about what you want to be." "So, I can be an electrician and a big hero like Wild Growth?" Sinker asked in wonder. I raised an eyebrow. "Wild Growth, huh? That's a pretty lofty goal. I'm actually friends with Wild Growth." He frowned. "Are you fibbing? Do you really know Wild Growth?" I chuckled. "I definitely know Wild Growth. She used to be someone I worked with. She's my daughter-in-law's sister. She's also my current landlord. I'm kinda surprised she hasn't called me while I was here so she could yell at me. She's been calling a lot to yell at me." He tilted his head. "Why would Wild Growth yell at you? She's a hero, like Sunrise Storm. An even bigger hero than Sunrise Storm because she's an earth pony, and she makes plants grow like FWIP FWIP!" He stomped each of his forehooves with each FWIP. "Like what?" "Like FWIP FWIP! That's the sound plants make when they grow real fast!" he sat and repeatedly threw each forehoof into the air like plants were sprouting around him. I didn't have the heart to tell him Wild Growth couldn't do that anymore. I wanted my brother to have his heroes. "She yells at me because she keeps finding things in my old secret labs." He gaped at me. "So, you're like an evil mad scientist!" I rubbed my hooves together in embarrassment. "I wouldn't put it quite that way…" I might not have brought it up if not for the fact it might end up on the news anyway.  "Can I be your evil minion sidekick!" I sat still and blinked. "What- why- what? No! Definitely not! I'm not even an evil mad scientist. I'm retired!" “But you were,” Sinker looked disappointed. "Aww! Why'd ya quit? That sounds like a great job. Now I want to be a hero, an electrician, and an evil mad scientist." Mom gave a light cough from the couch to get our attention. "Sinker, how about you go to your room and draw a picture of you doing all those things for your big sister. All the grown-ups need to talk about boring grown-up stuff now. We'll tell you when the coast is clear. If you stay in your room and be good, you can have some ice cream later on." His ears perked up. "Chocolate?" She nodded. "Three whole scoops." The little colt got up and started dashing out of the room. "I'll be good!" He yelled as he went.  "We'll talk to him about not saying anything about you," Dad said wearily. "Maybe we can tell him that you being here is part of a top-secret mission, and he has to do his part to protect you." Mom gave a sad nod. "If he goes around saying you're his sister, it might cause trouble. Some foal with a Shimmerist parent will say something, and the next thing you know…" I flinched, then lowered my head. "I didn't mean to cause you any trouble. Maybe coming here was a mistake." "No, it wasn't," Mom replied. "You coming here has healed something we didn't think would ever be healed. Don't worry; we can take care of ourselves. You said you wanted some advice from us, and we want to hear all about what you have been doing all these years." That was a very tall and dangerous order. "How about we start with you two," I suggested. "I was able to track you down with government records, but that doesn't tell me anything about your lives that I missed." "There isn't much to say about us," Dad replied. "Your mother and I were living in Telluride for most of the time. I did some basic electrician work; your mother worked at the local convenience store. It more or less was just that for years." "We thought on and off about trying to reach out to you," Mom added in, then sniffled. "But you had been so angry with us. We figured that if you wanted to talk to us that you'd take the first step. We kept waiting, but it never came." "Then, about a year before ETS, they diagnosed your mother with lung cancer," Dad continued.  "Pack a day finally caught up to me," Mom whispered. "I spent so much time getting treatments after that." Dad nodded. "It seemed hopeless. I was at the point I was going to try to contact you to tell you that your mother wasn't going to have much time left." He lowered his head and started to cry. "I kept putting it off. It wasn't even really about you. It was about having to admit that it was hopeless. I didn't want to do that." Mom snuggled up closer to him on their flannel couch. "But then ETS happened. I thought that flu would do me in, but imagine my shock when I started to feel better, and the doctors came back to tell me the cancer was miraculously all gone." "After the changes started, and we learned the truth about ETS, we just took it as a chance for a fresh start," Dad said. "Your mother was being given a new lease on life, and if the price of that was getting turned into a colorful pony- well, it seemed like a fair enough trade to us." Mom gave a dry laugh. "When we found out they were building this place, we just up and left Telluride to come here. We did manage to get the house sold for a fraction of what it was worth. We used part of that money for some things here, but most of it we use to keep a storage space rented with all the sentimental stuff we gathered over the years. About a year later, the doctors told me I was pregnant." Dad wiped his nose then pulled Mom in closer against him. "And that's pretty much it. Nothing that exciting, really." My gut clenched up. My mom had almost died, and I wouldn't even have known about it. I didn't even blame them for not contacting me to let me know. I knew how hard that had to be after everything that had been said.  "And what about you?" Mom asked. "You've seemed to have had a much more eventful life than us." I took a deep breath and started talking.  I don't know what prompted me, but I didn't hold anything back- save the stuff I was under compulsion never to speak about. Confession is good for the soul, and I had a lot to confess to. I started before the break with them, telling them something I'd never told anyone but my poor wife. I told them about the unplanned pregnancy and abortion in college that started me on the path that drove a wedge between us. I told them about my life as a housewife and Sunday school teacher. I told them about all the high and low moments of Phobia growing up, along with information about her family. I told them about the first days after ETS and my rapid rise to power with my fanatical commitment to bring about a pony world for the glory of God. I told them about Tonya and how much I loved her. I told them about many of the dealings I had through the years. I told them about the final days of Riverview. And I finally told them about how I was now the acting guardian of Yinyu's foals. I'm not sure how long I talked; it felt like hours. My parents sat silently through the entire thing, just listening intently as I told them all about my follies and the harm I had done. They kept their expressions neutral most of the time, but sometimes inhaled in shock. They didn't interrupt me, even in the most shocking moments. I saw my mother cry at a few points- Phobia's rape, the death of Tonya, Luna visiting me, and asking me what I would do if set free. It went quiet for a minute after I finished recounting my life. My parents needed time to process all of this, and I wasn't going to rush them. "That's… quite a story," Dad finally said. "Some of the things you say you've done, I can hardly believe. If it weren't for the fact we've seen so many astonishing things in the past decade, I'd think you were pulling our tails." "Like a character in a fantasy novel," Mom breathed.  I laid down and put my head down between my forelegs. "The villain in a novel." "No!" Mom objected. "Maybe somepony who was misguided at times, but never the villain." "Doesn't every villain see themselves as the hero of the story?" I asked and then sat back up. "I know I've done so much wrong, caused so much pain and suffering, and my actions continue to have negative impacts around the globe. I might not have been a ha-ha evil villain, but that doesn't make me a good person." Mom hopped down from the couch. "So you made a few mistakes, maybe more than a few, but you always had the best of intentions, and you now recognize and regret the actions that turned out to be not so great. You always drew lines you felt you should not cross. You always had some sense of right and wrong, and did your best to be on the right side, even if it didn't always work out." I looked away and shut my eyes. "What do my intentions matter if their guiding concepts were warped, or if the results ended up being so disastrous? I'm indefensible. Please, don't try to absolve me of my guilt." Mom looked pleadingly at Dad, and he got down from the couch as well. "Honey, nopony is going to say you didn't do some wrong things, but you're your own harshest critic. If half of what you did is true, then you have so much to offer the world." Urgh! First Starlight and now them! "Can we just drop the subject?" They looked disappointed, but they nodded. "Alright, we're just glad you're back," Mom answered. She then brightened up again. "So when do I get to meet my great-grandfoals?" I looked at my phone and saw I had a signal here. "I can try calling them." Mom hugged Dad and started bouncing and squealing on two legs like a foal. He just accepted being used as a brace and smiled.  I hit a few quick keys, and the phone started ringing. It didn't take long to get answered. "Hello? Who is it?" I stared at my leg in puzzlement for a second. "Jordan? Why are you picking up the phone?" "Because it was ringing. Is this Auntie Sunset?" Ask a stupid question- "Yes, it's Auntie Sunset.  What I meant was where is your sister, or Rosetta, or Crystal?" "Hi, Auntie Sunset! Jackie is getting yelled at by Crystal. Phobia and Miss Rosetta are sleeping, and Crystal's yelling at Jackie." "Okay, I see. Can you-" "Auntie Sunset, Auntie Sunset!" Jordan interrupted. "I found out that both Phobia and Jackie are both my half-sisters. So cause they’re half, does that mean I only have one sister?" "That means you have two sisters, dear. Why would you think you have only one?" "Because, the other day at school, we were learning about fractions, and they said two halfsies equal one." "That doesn't apply with sisters, Jordan- and the term is halves." "Really? Math is confusing." Foals were going to be the death of me. "So, is everyone asleep still?" "Yeah," Jordan answered. "Mom and Dad said they are having a date night, which means they are doing icky kissy stuff, so Jackie and I are sleeping over here." "Who is that?" Mom asked.  "She's one of Tom's daughters," I answered. "Jordan, can you tell Crystal to tell Phobia when she wakes up that her grandparents would like to talk to her? Can you do that for me?" "I can do that!" Jordan declared excitedly. "Auntie Sunset, I moved a rock with my horn today! I was trying to make it float, but I still moved it- a little. It gave me a headache." "That's very good," I replied. "Don't push yourself too hard. You'll be casting spells before you know it. I need to get going. Remember to pass that message along, okay?" "I will. Bye-bye, Auntie Sunset." "Bye-bye, Jordan." I ended the call and saw my Mom looking ready to have another happy outburst for some reason. "What is it? Are you excited that Phobia will be contacting you?" "Well, I am excited about that, but also excited because that filly seemed to adore you," Mom said with a massive grin. "Sinker did too. I don't see where you would be having much trouble with foals. They all seem to love you." I rolled my eyes. "I honestly don't understand why. I'm not sure yet how I get along with Yinyu's younger foals, to tell the truth. I spend all my time fussing with the oldest- who definitely doesn't adore me." "Is she disobedient?" Dad asked.  I shook my head. "No, she's extremely obedient—one of the most obedient kids I have ever seen. What we do is argue. For starters, she's a Shimmerist. She is also a teen mother, and she acted as a kind of surrogate mother for her siblings. I can't tell half the time if she loves her mother or hates her. She's insistent on her mother being respected by others, but at the same time tries to discredit her mother's reasons for doing things and badmouths her. Arguments between the two of us have gotten bad, and we've only had to deal with each other a few days- so bad we've both struck one another." Mom looked aghast. "You struck her?" I should have figured that she'd be upset about that. My parents were always against physically disciplining a child, and I could only imagine becoming ponies had only reinforced that. "I slapped her," I clarified. "She was mouthing off about how her mother didn't love her enough to endanger the world, and I lost my temper. It wasn't my proudest moment." "You shouldn't be doing that," Dad agreed but seemed less upset about it. "She sounds just like a confused teen going through a very confusing time. She also sounds like she's had to shoulder far more responsibility than any teen should have to, and she's been doing that for a while." "And I understand that," I replied. "If I didn't understand that, we might be getting into it even worse than we are now. It's just that she's so disrespectful. I had Starlight Glimmer over, and she was calling Starlight a traitor to ponies because she helped stop ETS. She said things about how it was okay if China got alien weapons as long as it didn't disrupt her life. I just can't deal with the things that come out of her mouth!" "Maybe because so much of what she says reminds you of things you might have once believed?" Dad suggested. "Maybe you aren't angry at her, but angry at yourself. It's obvious you're carrying around a ton of guilt. Can I say something I observe about you without you getting angry with me?" I scowled. "I can't promise that, but I can say I'll try not to get angry and that I'll understand you are only expressing an opinion. It's probably right, if it's something negative." He sighed. "You're very… reactionary against yourself. You get upset about things that you've done, and you go full force against everything you were when you did them." I sat up and crossed my forelegs like a human would cross their arms. "Well, I should be completely against what I stood for as a Shimmerist. Are you saying I should be okay with any of that?" "I'm saying it isn't the first time you have turned on yourself," Dad answered. "You did it in college when you felt guilty about the abortion. You did it again when you turned into a pony, and you're doing it again now. You see the entire paradigm of your life as either right or wrong, and once you see it as wrong, you do everything you can to rip it all down, regardless of whether there were elements of that weren't bad." "If that filly had been from here and content with our country getting those kinds of weapons, so long as it didn't disrupt her life, would the old you have had any disagreement with her?" Mom asked.  I wanted to argue that of course I would, but hesitated. Maybe they had a point. "So what? I've seen where that kind of thinking is wrong." "You still see yourself in her, though, and just like yourself, you don't have any mercy for what she does," Dad concluded. "You may be harsher on her than she deserves. She's desperately clutching to what she understood to be true, as well as trying to make sense of a major loss, and she needs you to guide her, not condemn her." Mom touched a leg to me. "And the same could be said of you. You want everyone to condemn you, and in your mind, they might be, but that isn't what you need. You need to find your new truth, just like that filly does." I laid my ears back. "My truth?" "Your anchor; what you believe in," Dad clarified. "Good or bad, right or wrong, you've always anchored yourself to something, even when you were a child, you had a guiding view of what you perceived to be right. Right now, you don't have that." "And all you can do with that filly is tell her how wrong she is because you can't guide her to something you believe is right," Mom finished. "You're right; you don't have anything to offer the world at the moment because right now, you don't know who you are or what you believe in. You need to find that again." My brow narrowed, and I snarled. "And how well has that ever worked out for me?! I kicked you out of my life because I thought I found a truth that was better than yours. I spread Shimmerism far and wide because I thought humans are inferior, and that was a great truth to believe in. Tell me what I'm supposed to believe in because I clearly can't judge truth." Mom looked again to Dad for him to say something, and he stepped forward. "We can't tell you what to believe in. We're just simple ponies. I'm not sure there's anypony that can tell you what to believe in. That's something you have to find for yourself. I do have a suggestion, though." I glared at him with tears in my eyes. "What?" He sat down. "You said Princess Luna wanted to take you under her wing. If you're looking for somepony with some wisdom, you could do worse for yourself than a thousand-year-old demigod. Maybe she won't be able to help you, but you never know if you don't give her a chance. She wouldn't have offered to do so if she didn't think there was hope for you." Mom hugged me. "We want you to be happy, baby. You can't be happy like this. You can't make peace with that filly like this. Do you want her growing up feeling like you do now?" I sagged in her grip. "No- I don't want that for anyone." "Then figure out what matters to you, so you can give her guidance," Mom whispered. "What matters to me is that you know I love you, and I never stopped hoping you would come back to us. I'm so happy you came, and I want to keep seeing you, but I want to see you happy again before I die." I snuggled against her. "I'll do my best." > Chapter 17: Time to Go Home > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It might surprise some people, given that I had been a Shimmerist, but I had always found Lunites to be rather narrow-minded. That isn't saying that Lunites are bad people, far from it, but I found their views to make little sense. Lunites believed in ponies and humans each having their specific place in the overall order of things. Ponies could manage the weather, grow food, and do feats of magic. Humans controlled things like heavy industry, electrical power, transportation, and commerce beyond the small towns. There was no need to focus on a greater philosophical harmony, like the Harmonists, but there was a view that every creature contributed something unique to their tribe or species to the overall good. I always questioned Lunites on why ponies couldn't do the same jobs that humans did, and they always seemed to counter by asking why would they want to do that? You might as well be asking unicorns to try to control the weather as ask ponies to work like humans.  My dad was an earth pony electrician and a Lunite, which seemed contradictory to me. As we sat talking, I asked him how being an electrician reconciled with his Lunite beliefs. He stated that he didn't provide the electric power or make the wiring; he only helped ponies utilize what humans provided. Lunitism just seemed like lunacy to me, Shimmerism I had learned to be the evil that it was, and Harmonism felt like some far-eastern religion that tried to encroach on Christian beliefs. The major three pony philosophies all seemed to fail me. Regardless of whatever those Blessingists believed, I wasn't getting myself mixed up in some organization that wanted to put me on a pedestal. Sunrise Storm might have had the right idea not to take sides (aside from the fact she needed to be harder on Shimmerists), but it didn't give me any guidance on what I should believe. However, my parents were right; I couldn't just live my life condemning without defining what I felt was right. My Christian beliefs were a start, but only a start, and my warped mind had twisted those in the past. I needed more.  My parents, being Lunites, enjoyed living with other ponies, building a pony community while still appreciating humanity. In this case, their appreciation of humanity meant they appreciated the fact humans provided them with satellite television and internet- with my mom having an almost religious love of game shows, something that hadn't changed much since I was a child. I endured the latest iteration of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire with calm grace. I didn't understand what she saw in this show, since she didn't even care about money. The only thing a contestant could do was weigh when it was time to cut and run with what they had- deciding when they had enough risk. I didn't like that there was no way of determining beyond simple statistics whether the risks were worth it. Statistically, most people couldn't win a million even if they had the best guesses in the world. A person should be given the agency to reach the best outcome.  We ate ice cream as a family, and Sinker made himself a chocolatey mess with his promised three scoops. I couldn't complain, as I was quite embarrassed by my efforts at using a spoon in a pony strap. I was just so used to using my horn for everything. That, of course, led to the uncomfortable admission to my parents that I was dealing with magical exhaustion and then having to deal with them insisting I spend the night to recover more, rather than try to walk through town again with no means to defend myself from Shimmerist hoodlums. I made clear that spending the night was not an option, as I had five foals at home that needed me to return. Not to mention that the government would be peeved if they misconstrued that I was on the run from them.  We also discussed the rest of the family. My parents regretfully did not know what had become of my sisters, Andrea and Kristin, who I had failed to locate in my research as well. I had tracked them up to where they were before ETS, but they'd dropped off the map after ETS- as if they never were. My parents were grateful for what news I did provide, and hoped that one day they'd return home as well. Most of my aunt's and uncles were deceased, save my mother's youngest sister, who was only a few years older than me. The identity of that one had been shocking to me, as I knew of her as a pony, but without realizing she was my aunt. I quickly decided I preferred not to contact her, as I recognized she would just try to use me for her political advantage. I had no intention of being part of her games. Mom was disappointed, but agreed to keep me secret from my aunt. For all I knew, my aunt already knew she was the aunt of Sunset Blessing and was holding that as a card to play at some point later- I wasn't the only person who could do research.  The time came for me to go. We exchanged emails and phone numbers so we could keep in contact with one another, and my mother couldn't contain her tears. We were alike in that. We were both very emotional individuals. It was just different emotions that were dominant- she was full of sentimental feelings and excitement while I often found myself at the mercy of my rage.  I was saying my final goodbyes when my phone began ringing. I lifted my leg and gave the phone a quick tap. "Hello, Sunset Blessing speaking." "Sunset, where are you! I'm at the condo, and you aren't here." Demanded the voice on the other end of the line.  "Hello, Wild Growth," I replied, just to impress my brother. "I'm visiting my parents in Pony Hope. Starlight should have told you that if you're there." Then I narrowed my brow. "Starlight is there with the foals, correct?" Wild's voice relaxed. "She and the eldest one of them are in the middle of a shouting match- something about how rice should be prepared. Neither of them is willing to break from the argument to talk to me, and Trixie is no help. She's busy hiding in the closet." I gave my phone a dumbfounded stare. "Where are the rest of the foals? Why is Trixie hiding in the closet?" "They're all huddled together behind me at the front door," Wild explained. "And Trixie is hiding in the closet because she's terrified of who's swimming around in the pool." "Who's swimming in the pool?" "Bursa, you know, the person your scientists twisted into something monstrous and mistreated," Wild said casually.  My mouth dropped. "What?! You brought that thing with you!" "Bursa is not a thing; she's a person," Wild said firmly.  "Semantics. You told me she was swinging you around like a ragdoll, and now you have her within a mile of the foals! Are you insane!" "She was swinging me around like a ragdoll because I wasn't fighting her, and was trying to gain her trust," Wild replied. "And I'm continuing to gain her trust by not locking her away somewhere like she was. As for the foals, I'm between them and Bursa, and if she were to try to hurt them, I would fight her, and things would go very differently. I'm monitoring the situation. She seems quite content to swim and enjoy actual daylight." "Why are you and that thi- that person at the condo?" I asked, more than a little flustered. "If you have a monster with you, then you should be going somewhere a little more secure, with less vulnerable people." "It's a pit stop on the way to such a place," Wild replied. "I'm stopping here because I want you to apologize for what was done to her." "Me?! I had nothing to do with it!" "Who employed those ponies?" Wild questioned. "Who gave them the knowledge and means to do this to her?" I shook my head. "I never intended them to do that to her. If you want me to say that to your pet monster, then fine. Are you going to protect me if she decides that's worth ripping my head off for?" "I doubt she'll try, but I'll protect you if she does," Wild assured me. "And I apologized already for my part in her creation. It isn't like I'm without guilt. I'm going to get her trusting again, and that means giving her some freedom and making sure everything is being done to get her justice. I know you didn't intend this, but that doesn't mean you don't owe her an apology." I stomped my other foreleg. "Fine! I'll do it, but I'll never forgive you if she rips one of my legs off or so much as breathes hard on one of those foals." "Well, hurry up and get back here," Wild ordered. "I intended to make this trip an in and out affair. How much longer will you be?" I didn't like being rushed. "I'm getting ready to return to the place Starlight has marked for teleports and will contact her to come to get me when I arrive there. It should be less than an hour. Pony Hope isn't that big." "I'll see you then," Wild replied, then hung up on me.  Sinker bounced on the edge of his hooves. "That was Wild Growth!" I nodded. "Sure was. I told you she liked to call and yell at me." "Wild Growth has a pet monster?" Sinker asked eagerly. "Apparently she does now," I replied warily. "Hopefully, her pet monster doesn't eat me." "I'm sure it can't be bad if Starlight Glimmer thinks cooking rice is more important," Dad assured me.  I sighed. "Good point. Trixie is probably just being dramatic. I trust Starlight’s judgment. If she's not worried, then I won't be worried. I do need to get going, though." Mom grabbed me into another hug. "You better keep in touch, don't forget that we're here for you. I love you, baby." I squeezed her back. "I love you too, and I'll keep in touch." She released me, and Dad immediately grabbed me instead. "You be careful on your way back. I don't trust the Shimmerists. Have your phone at the ready to call for help if anything happens." "I can take care of myself, too, don't worry," I replied.  Sinker just hugged me without saying much else. I gave him a good squeeze, then turned and exited the house.  Luckily, whoever their neighbor was, she wasn't out in her garden. There didn't seem to be any pony out on this section of the street. That suited me just fine. It meant it was less likely that anyone would tie my parents to me, and they wouldn't face any harassment because of me. I glanced upwards, and while I saw some pegasi up in the sky, it was impossible for me to tell if any of them were Sunrise Storm. They were just too high up to make out the details. Again, this was fine. If they were too high up for me to tell anything, they likely couldn't identify me from the height either.  I started walking back the way I came, and it didn't take long to begin seeing ponies once again. Things went just as they had earlier—lots of staring, lots of hushed conversations, and the telltale stares of Shimmerists. This time around, I had no reason to engage anyone in conversation, and I just kept towards the middle of the dirt road. I had yet to see a car on any of these dirt paths, so I had no fear of being run over. It made me more visible, but it also gave ponies the most opportunity to put space between them and me. A less significant benefit was that if anyone wanted to jump me and drag me behind a house would find it more challenging if I wasn't near any houses.  The walk seemed longer without a companion. I glanced up again at the sky, hoping to see Sunrise. She wasn't someone I would be eager to see usually, but she was a face that didn't have fear or hate for me. Her joining me for the return walk wouldn't be entirely unpleasant. I was more aloof than many ponies, but that didn't mean I enjoyed the isolation and shunning any more than the rest- I just cried about it less.  When I was about halfway back to where I needed to be, I noted that I had picked up a shadow. It didn't take long for that shadow to gain some companions. Ponies seemed more eager to get away when they saw me now. I glanced down at my leg. Should I stop to call for help, or at least prepare it to be ready to call? Stopping gave my slow-moving pursuers time to close the gap further. No, stopping wasn't an option just yet. I looked to the skies again as I walked. Where was Sunrise? The situation was starting to make me nervous. I kept walking, keeping to the center of the street as best I could. If anyone started anything, I needed to be visible.  A group of three unicorns—a mare and two stallions, stepped out into the street in front of me and looked at me menacingly. Crap, this was bad. Sunrise needed to get her flank down on the ground, and she needed to do it now. I was no match for three unicorns even when healthy, and right now, my magic was still primarily exhausted. I might manage some little things, but not a shield or anything to defend myself. Maybe flicking some dust up in their eyes, and even that was questionable.  One of the stallions stepped forward, a giant beefy white unicorn with a purple mane. "If you're looking for Sunset Shimmer's forsaken protegé to come save you, save yourself the trouble. She got called away on other business, and it should keep her busy for a while." This was coordinated then. I quickly lifted my phone but immediately felt a searing pain in my leg as the phone burst into flames. With a burst of adrenaline, I was able to light my horn and remove the phone from my leg. I winced and looked at my leg. It seemed I'd been quick enough to avoid any severe damage, but it was still a nasty burn that hurt like hell and would hamper any attempt to run.  "Poor little Apostate," the stallion mocked as he stepped closer. "Nopony is going to help you this time. It was foolish to come around here and not bring any of your human friends to protect you. Did you think we had forgotten or forgiven your betrayal?" No Sunrise Storm, no police, no magic- that only left me with my tongue. I looked the stallion in the eyes. "Ganging up on an old mare? I thought you believed ponies were better than humans. You’re behaving worse than a human street gang." He sneered. "Even ponies in Equestria have to rally themselves against villains from time to time. You've proven yourself to be the enemy of all ponies time and time again. You're no better than those Humanity First humans, in fact, you're worse." I arched my brow at him. "Because I denounced Shimmerism in front of the whole nation? Please! I was not the first, and I certainly won't be the last. I'm not even the first prominent Shimmerist to do so. Go cry me a river over how I said mean things about you, colt." His sneer turned into a snarl. "That was just what you did to top it all off! For years you worked as an agent for those humans to arrest honorable ponies who were just trying to make a better world. You took the secrets of transformation magic, and you perverted it so that even a pony with a mark could be turned into a human. You even bragged about how you knew how to recreate Sunset Shimmer's spell and that you'd keep that knowledge to yourself rather than help save the world. You even gave humans access to chaotic and unnatural forms of magic. You had my wife arrested for treason! You're a traitor to your species a hundred times over, and you need to face the consequences!" So much for being reasonable and shaming them about being violent. This was a personal vendetta if I'd had his wife arrested. I was in deep shit.  "Hey! Leave that mare alone!" I turned and saw an earth pony stallion had stepped out from a group hiding on the side of a building. The rest of the ponies in his group seemed terrified.  The unicorn I assumed was the leader of my lynching committee leveled a glare at the other stallion. "This doesn't concern you, Brookstone. Be about your business and look away. We don't want to hurt anypony except her, but if you get in the way,” he left the threat hanging. I jumped on my chance. "Now you're threatening your neighbors for trying to be decent ponies? You don't seem so righteous to me." The unicorn gave me a deadpan look. "Stow it, Apostate. You won't confuse the issue." "I don't think she's confusing anything!" A new voice rang out. I turned to see a pegasus land down in the street between him and me. She was quickly joined by two more between the ponies behind me and me. None of them were Sunrise Storm, but I wasn't going to complain about any aid. "Yeah! You aren't acting the way ponies should!" Another voice called out. This time it was one of the first one's friends, who seemed to have grown a little backbone with the arrival of the pegasi. He stepped out of hiding, and a moment later, the remainder of that group stepped out as well. I suppressed the urge to smile as I looked at the unicorn. "Are you ready to mow down all these ponies to get to me? Are you ready to turn this street into a battleground of pony against pony? Turn and leave. There doesn't need to be any violence here." The stallion's two companions looked around uneasily, and I knew they were on the verge of bolting. I didn't look behind me, but I could only imagine those ones were as well. He still stared defiantly at me, though, with burning hatred in his eyes.  There were a few more seconds of tense silence before he relaxed his posture. "Another day. We will have justice, Sunset the Apostate!" He then turned and marched away as if there wasn't a large group of ponies here who had just been gearing to fight him. Just then, the mare I had been hoping would be there the whole time came flying down from the sky in a rush. She brought herself to a hover a few feet above the ground as she surveyed the area.  After she seemed satisfied that nothing had happened, she turned back towards me. "I'm so very sorry. Somepony deliberately set fire to an old barn, and I was helping deal with the fire and find out what happened. It took time for me to realize that it was meant to divert me away. Are you alright? Did anypony get hurt?" I lifted my leg. "Only slightly singed. I got lucky. It seems that your friends aren't as skittish as I accused them of being." I looked around. "You all have my thanks. I'd be dead without you. I wish I could repay your kindness." "Ponies should never have to stand alone," the first stallion that had come to my aid declared in a very Harmonist way. A sentiment I could agree with at the moment.  One of the pegasi walked hesitantly over to me. "Are the things they say about you true?" I frowned. "About how I betrayed ponies time and time again?" She rapidly shook her head. "No! About how you learned how to bring magic to the humans. Is it true? My brother never transformed, but he dreams of having his own magic." I sighed. "Giving a human magic is no guarantee that they'll ever be able to use it." She gasped. "But you do know how, don't you? It isn't just a rumor." I looked away. "It's something that better people than me need time to study and understand. I gave them the foundation and clues about how to go about it. Maybe someday they'll know how to safely and effectively use that knowledge. I'm done with all that. It brought me nothing but misery." She didn't seem to be dissuaded. "But-" “Everypony,” Sunrise flew in front of her. "Sunset Blessing has just had a very trying experience, and she needs to have her leg looked at. I think everypony needs to give her some space and try not to stress her." The mare looked disappointed but backed off. "Of course, you're right, Sunny." She brightened up. "Hey, could we call her Sunny too?" "Not on your life!" I barked.  Sunrise chuckled. "I think she made herself clear about how she feels about that. Thanks, everypony. I'll take care of her from here." The crowd dispersed, and Sunrise gave me a concerned look. "Let’s go get you to our local doctor to take a look at that leg." I shook my head. "I'll be fine. I just have to take it slow. No worse than touching a hot pan. Getting home as soon as possible is all I care about. I hope that someone at that office Starlight teleported me to knows how to contact her. My phone is fried, literally." "I might be able to get you a replacement," Sunrise offered. "I feel awful that I let this happen." "Not your fault," I replied. "I’ll just get Wild Growth to pony up the money for a new phone. If only because she needs me to have a phone if she's going to call me up regularly to tell me how much of a screw up I am." Sunrise pouted. "That's not very friendly of her." I waved my sore leg dismissively and instantly regretted it. I didn't let her see me flinch, though. "She can do so if she wants. She pays my bills and has more right to be angry at me than most people. I need to get back home so she can feed me to her monster." "So she can what?!" Sunrise exclaimed in shock.  "She's got a new pet monster," I replied. "I'm exaggerating; she probably won't feed me to it. I just need to tell it I'm sorry and hope it doesn't dismember me before she can tackle it." She still stared at me in disbelief. "A literal monster? Where did she find a monster?" I looked down. "She found it while digging the skeletons out of my closet. I'll be alright. Wild isn't going to let anything happen to me. She wouldn't have anyone left she felt justified yelling at." Sunrise still didn't seem like she was content with hearing that but didn't push the issue. "Well, I'll still escort you. Are you ready, or do you need a few minutes to rest?" I took a few steps to prove I could walk. Each step gave me a jolt of discomfort, but it was bearable. "Let's get going, and please land, so I don't have to keep staring up at you!" She rolled her eyes and landed. "As you wish. But tell me if you need to take a break." "I’m not made of glass," I snapped. She just accepted my attitude with grace. "Of course, Sunset." > Chapter 18: Home Again > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The office did indeed have a way of contacting Starlight Glimmer, and it didn't take long for the powerful unicorn to arrive.  Starlight gave me a discerning examination. "What happened to you? Is that a burn on your leg?" I pulled my leg back to conceal it partially from view. "Walking around by myself might have been a little too brazen. I'll be fine. I just want to get back home and deal with Wild's monster." "Her name is Bursa," Starlight corrected. "She's- a fascinating looking creature. She certainly seems to enjoy the pool." "Is she dangerous?" Starlight shrugged. "She hasn't done anything threatening. I know better than to try to judge a creature based on appearances. Wild Growth has at least a dozen guards armed with tranquilizer guns standing around, so I doubt she would be able to cause much trouble. Even if they weren't enough to deal with her, both Wild Growth and I are nearby, and between her strength and my magic, there's not much she could do that the two of us couldn't stop. There's a huge truck blocking the entrance to the complex, so reporters can't get a view." "I heard you were arguing with Lántiān," I said with a smirk.  Starlight huffed. "That filly needs to understand there's more than one way to cook rice. She can stand to be open to something different." That made me laugh, which shook my leg, which ended the laughter abruptly as the pain flared up. "I agree with you, but I'm inclined to let her cook rice however she pleases at the moment. She knows her siblings' tastes better than anyone, and they are going through enough adjustments as it stands." Starlight frowned. "I suppose it was a little inconsiderate of me to try to force her to try something new right now. I'm guessing the actual visit to your parents went well since you're being more considerate." I sighed. "It's like a load I didn't know I was carrying has been taken off my shoulders. Thank you for insisting I do this; I needed it. I also found out I have a little brother around the same age as Shǔguāng. Wonders never cease." She smiled at me. "I'm thrilled to hear that." I paused. "Before we go back, I need to ask you something. Forgive me if this is a sore subject. After you were defeated by Twilight Sparkle twice, how did you find something new to believe in?" Starlight blinked. "I can't say. I wanted to prove I was worthy of the opportunity I was given, and early on, was put into a situation where I saw a chance to make a positive difference during a crisis. It wasn't all smooth sailing; I had a few embarrassingly bad mistakes I still made after that. It takes time to break bad habits. What I knew was that I wanted friendship and that I couldn't stand by and let bad things happen to others. That was all I needed to know and believe. I always cared about others, but I learned a better way of caring." I frowned. I'd hoped for some greater insight.  She touched a hoof to mine. "Hey, we aren't so different in that way. You have always cared about others too. That's a great foundation that you can build on. You'll probably make some mistakes, but if you surround yourself with good friends and listen to them, they can help you recognize those mistakes and do better. My friends had to be very patient and understanding with me early on." I wasn't sure how many friends I could surround myself with. Starlight and Trixie were just visiting for a few weeks, so they weren't a constant presence. Wild Growth had every reason to hate me, and she was busy elsewhere most of the time anyway. Tonya and Yinyu were only there when I slept. Looking at my interests, I wasn't sure who to talk to either. I suppose I could join a church to try to reconnect with others about faith. My other primary interest was magic, and I had a love-hate relationship with it. I'd caused a lot of misery with my magical research. Still, at the same time, others seemed to want me to continue with it, and I had an affinity for finding new possibilities with magic that few others could match- even if I rarely could cast the spells I came up with. The problem was very few unicorns I was on speaking terms with were as knowledgeable about the intricacies of magic as I was, aside from Starlight.  Maybe I should take Luna up on her mentoring offer. She'd be just as infrequently available as Starlight and Trixie, but if I got enough friends who were only there sometimes, then maybe that would lead to at least one of them being available when I needed one. She'd also been the first to try to reach out to me when I was at my lowest point. Thinking back to my first encounter with her years before, I realized she had faith I was capable of good even back then. I owed it to the ones who always wanted to help me be a better person to try. The visit to my parents had changed something in me. Their faith and forgiveness for me, even after all the hurt that I'd done to them, made the possibility I could be better seem more likely than it did before.  "I'm ready to go back home and see Bursa," I announced.  Starlight nodded and directed me to the center of the room. The room itself was empty and windowless, with only the two of us and a door. I went where directed, and Starlight lit her horn up. After a brief flash, I found we were now standing on the back patio of the condo.  "By the way, how's your magic doing?" She asked me.  I frowned. "I managed a brief use of telekinesis earlier without it causing pain, although I was hyped on adrenalin at the time. I'll try doing some light use of my horn again, starting tomorrow; move some small objects, use a spoon, that kind of thing." "Just don't overdo it. You don't want to set your recovery back," Starlight cautioned.  "I'll be careful. I have no intention of relapsing. I miss my magic too much, " I replied.  "I had to go without magic for most of a day once," Starlight said as if recalling something miserable. "I felt utterly helpless. It didn't help that I was in a dangerous situation on top of that, but the fact I had a few good friends with me made it better." "I don't know how Wild stands it," I said, then my ears sagged as I realized I was about to go talk with Wild, and I was a big part of the reason Wild didn't have her magic anymore. Starlight picked up on what I was thinking. "It wasn't all your fault. Twilight says that Wild Growth blames herself more than anyone else. She might not talk about it, but she's still hurting just as much as you are. She lost more than her magic that day." "Yet she threw herself right back into doing things again while I withdrew from the world," I replied bitterly.  Starlight gave me a sad look. "I think you more than anyone else could understand the desire to bury yourself in work to avoid thinking about other things." I grunted. I couldn't argue that point, because she was entirely right. It made me feel more sorrow for Wild, though.  We walked back inside, and I had barely made it four steps before I had a wing with a mug of some drink stretched out in front of me. "Cold tea with lots of sugar," Lántiān announced in a deadpan. "You said that you preferred it prepared this way, ma'am." I was thirsty so I sat down and carefully grabbed the mug with my forehooves and took a sip. "Is this ginseng?" "Do you not wish it to be ginseng, ma'am?" Lántiān questioned in the same deadpan. I pursed my lips then lifted the mug again to them for a long sip. I finished most of the cup and then set it down on a small table near the door. "I'm just not used to ginseng tea being used for sweet tea. It is perfect, better than normal sweet tea. Thank you for that, Lántiān. I'll finish it in a few minutes." The ghost of a smile appeared for just a second at the edges of her mouth but was quickly gone. "I am happy you found it appealing, ma'am." "And now you want her to chase us out of the house, right?" Starlight asked the filly.  Lántiān kept her face blank. "I will not say that, Miss Glimmer. I also finished preparing dinner, properly, while you were away. I am sure Ma'am will approve." Starlight frowned. "So, you undid all my hard work?" Lántiān arched a brow. "Miss Glimmer, I just corrected your errors. You cannot help you come from an uncultured, uncivilized world that doesn't understand how to cook rice, while I come from a highly civilized nation that was mastering the art of cooking rice before Celestia's grandmare was even conceived." Starlight gave her an incredulous look, and I stifled a laugh. Starlight then turned back to me with a raised eyebrow. "You two are incredibly similar. I'm confident that you'll eventually work things out with her." I blinked. "What?" She frowned. "You know what. I could have sworn I was dealing with you from two years past just a second ago with her." I wanted to object, and even opened my mouth to do so, but then reconsidered. Yeah, that insult sounded like something I'd say. It actually sounded eerily similar to something I'd say. I might still say things like that sometimes, although not directed at Equestria.  There was no point boding on that—other things needed to be done. "I'll be sending the colts back in to eat if they are still at the front door. I'm sure dinner will be excellent." I wasn't sure, but I needed to do what I could to butter my combative filly up. "Lántiān, I need to take care of the situation outside, please get your siblings ready for dinner. It shouldn't be too long, but I honestly don't know. Starlight, I would feel safer if you could keep an eye on me while I'm out there." I glanced around. "Where's the youngest two?" "Napping on the couch, ma'am," Lántiān answered. "My daughter enjoys using her uncle as a pillow. I'd be jealous if it weren't so cute." That might have been the most conversational thing she'd said to date. It was enough to make me feel a tiny amount of hope things might work out, and I let myself smile, even if I might be eaten alive in a few minutes. "You go to see the pony who's chi is blocked," Lántiān said slowly. "Good luck, ma'am." Chi was blocked? I heard the term before, but didn't understand it, and didn't have time to get a lesson on it. I instead took a deep breath, stood up, and marched to the front of the house. Starlight followed behind, saying nothing. The front door was standing wide open, and I could see Wild Growth sitting outside with her back to the door. The two colts we're peeking around the door from inside. When I got close, they both jumped in startlement.  "!" Shǔguāng exclaimed in awe.  I looked down at him. "In English, Shǔguāng." "There's a monster outside- ma'am," he repeated, this time in English. The ma'am felt tacked on. I didn't recall telling anyone but Lántiān to call me ma'am, so he must have heard her doing it.  I decided I needed to be less formal with the foals. I ignored his concern about the monster, which I hoped would be a sign to him not to worry. "You don't have to call me ma'am. You can call me Auntie Sunset." He didn't get a chance to respond before Wild called out to me. "Auntie Sunset needs to get her wrinkled old flank out here. I've been very patient, but I have a schedule to keep." "Yell cowabunga if you're scared, Auntie Sunset. It will make you not so scared," Shǔguāng instructed me, then ducked back into hiding.  "I'll keep that in mind," I replied. "You two go see your sister. She has dinner for you." "You're coming back?" Hé Líng asked in a trembling voice. "You aren't going away like Mama?" I gave him a soft smile. "Of course I'm coming back. Don't worry. Now, go to your sister for dinner." They hurried away towards the kitchen, and I walked outside to join Wild, while Starlight remained at the door, staring at the pool with an unreadable expression. There was a vast white semi-truck with a SPEC logo blocking the gate, and several dark cars parked out in the grass. Several human members of the SPEC security forces were standing in a perimeter, with rifles at the ready. I could see the pool, and something was moving around under the water, but I couldn't tell what, only that it was big.  Wild finally looked at me. "Glad you finally joined us. Are you ready? I want to be on my way soon." "Ready as I'll ever be," I answered.  She nodded. "Follow behind me. Don't come up beside me or step ahead of me. If Bursa decides to do something, I prefer to have myself between you and her. The guards have tranquilizers, but I have no clue how much it will take to bring her down." That wasn't very reassuring.  She started walking, and I followed. She stopped a short distance from the pool and called out to it. "Bursa! There's someone here to talk to you. I need you to come out of the water." Whatever was in the water ignored her, and Wild stomped. Even with no magic, the force of her stomp was still enough to shake the immediate area and make the water splash. "Bursa! Don't make me come in there and pull you out. We need to get going soon anyway. I'm going to take you somewhere with an even bigger pool, and fewer people, but I need you to cooperate with me." The thing stopped moving, and an inhuman face emerged from the water. It looked vaguely human, but the eyes and mouth were far too big. Each eye was as big as a pony eye, but on a human head, both eyes were a sickly yellow. The mouth stretched from one side of her bald head to the other, and I could imagine her opening it and tilting the entire top of her head back like some oversized Pez dispenser. The fact that her nose and ears were almost entirely human in size and placement only added more to the uncanny valley. It growled at Wild. "Don't want to come out and talk." Wild growled right back. It was like watching two beasts trying to show dominance. "This pony hired those mages that hurt you. She needs to see what they did so that she can understand that she owes you an apology." Bursa's enormous eyes clicked to me, and I saw the rage in them.  "You can't hurt her!" Wild ordered.  "I can hurt any pony I want!" Bursa yelled back, loud enough that I had to restrain myself from taking off into the house. I stood my ground, though.  "You may not hurt her!" Wild yelled in clarification. "If you hurt her, the guards will have to use their guns on you. You need to prove you aren't a monster." Bursa gave a bestial scream. "I am a monster! Ponies made me a monster!" Wild stared at the thing. "Only if you allow yourself to be. I have faith you don't want to be a monster. Get out of the pool and face her like a person instead of an animal." The thing growled again and locked eyes with Wild. Wild didn't flinch away from that gaze. I was amazed at how the broken earth pony could stand her ground like that. Yes, she was still strong, but that thing was unnatural.  Bursa was the first to break her eyes away, unable to match Wild's strength of will. The beast then moved to the side of the pool and reached a nightmarish clawed arm over the side, which was quickly followed by a reptilian leg, and then another leg, and then a tail, and then...another tail? What the hell was I even looking at? The thing pulled its massive bulk out of the pool and then began to stand. I gasped and took an involuntary step back as it did. It did indeed have two tails, and four reptilian legs that were arranged around her in a way that no living creature had legs; with one to her left, one to her right, one in front of her, and one in back that the two almost tentacle-like tails flanked. I had no idea how that thing was even supposed to walk with that configuration of legs. Her entire upper body was covered in coarse brown fur, and her arms, though they lined up with how human arms were placed, looked more akin to something found on a gorilla- aside from the sharp three-fingered claws that each ended in. At her full height, she towered at least eight feet tall, perhaps more. I'd expected a monster, but this was a horror. "Cowabunga," I whispered.  > Chapter 19: Bursa > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The great beast turned its head towards me, and even with the guards, Starlight, and Wild all there to stop it, I still wanted to turn and run. This was no creature of God, but some demon from Hell. Bursa tried to take a step towards me and then collapsed down to the ground in a heap. I heard the monster cry out in pain. What? Had someone shot it?  Wild didn't move, but her posture relaxed. "Bursa, are you hurt?" The thing sobbed. "Always hurt. I want to go back in the water. Pony cruel to make me walk." "I'm sorry, " Wild said mournfully. "Sunset needed to see." Confusion overrode fear as I looked at Wild. "What happened? Did one of your guards shoot it?" "Her, not it," Wild corrected in a growl. "No, they didn't. She can't walk well at all. Her body and skeleton aren't made to move around. She has learned how to swim, and that takes some of the strain off her. If you look closely at her, you'll see she has tumorous lumps all over her.  I'm going to get doctors to try to do what they can to treat them, and I hope that will further reduce the pain she continually endures. First, I have to convince her to let anyone get close enough to treat her without her trying to dismember them." I looked at Bursa again, more closely than I had before. Now that the initial shock of seeing her had worn off, I could see the lumps that Wild was talking about. The fur on her upper body hid many of them, but they were legion. There was even one that was visible outside the coat that looked like some massive pimple, and it seemed the fall had caused it to leak pus and blood into the grass. Those legs I could now see were not of even length, and her reptilian feet didn't all face the way they should. Her arms were indeed muscular, but I now saw that many gnarls in them were not muscles. Bursa's body convulsed as she sobbed where she lay. My breath caught. "This is horrible."  Wild nodded. "You see a monster, but I see a victim. Her resonance is broken and unstable. I would say it's a miracle that she's still alive after all this time, but saying miracle might indicate there's something good about this. She's dying; her body is falling apart at the molecular level." I continued to stare in horror, but not the same kind of horror I had earlier. "You described her as dangerous. You act like she is dangerous." Wild nodded. "Don't underestimate her. She is still powerful and angry. If she can grab you, it would probably be all over for you. She's still capable of doing a surprise lurch at someone, even if it causes her agonizing pain to do it. She'd have been a significant threat to any creature when she was first shaped, before the deterioration started." I continued to stare. "How long does she have?" Wild shook her head. "I don't know. A few years at most, but it could only be months. The normal Equestrian mages say there is no hope. Twilight Sparkle is going to see what she can do for her, if there is anything to do for her. That's where you come in." I whipped my gaze back towards Wild. "Me? What do you mean where I come in?" She looked back at me. "Twilight Sparkle is the greatest mage there is. However, you know almost as much or just as much about transformation magic as she does. You also have a talent for seeing possibilities in things where others don't. You might not be working directly on Bursa, but Twilight is going to be sharing her notes and ideas with you to see if you can see something she doesn't." I shook my head in denial. "I- I can't; I swore off doing anything else with transformation magic. I've hurt too many people. I almost killed my grandfoals. I almost caused a greater disaster than the one that happened. I got my wife killed." The earth pony turned and fixed her rock-hard gaze on me.  "You're right, about the things you're guilty of, and you can add what has happened to Bursa to the list of your crimes. However, you don't bear the sole responsibility in any of that. I helped enable you, and others more twisted than you abused our work. Bursa is still suffering, and by God, the two of us are going to do what we can to fix our mistakes. I'm going to give her shelter, safety, medical care, and I hope justice. You're going to put your talents towards something good, with no ulterior motive for once than to help one person who is suffering." I stepped back. I wanted to run again, but not from a monster I could get away from. I had considered getting back into magic, but this- "Everyone tells me I need to give you a chance to prove you can be a better person," Wild said in a dead tone. "I wanted you to rot in a cell for the rest of your life. I still have a big part of me that wishes you were still behind bars. Instead, here I am, trying to give you your chance against my better judgment. In the end, it isn't just me that you need to prove yourself too." That gave me pause. "I don't know." She snorted. "Tell her you will help do everything you will to make this right. I won't blame you if you and Twilight fail. I will blame you if you don't even try. Step-up or step-out, Sunset, if you don't agree to try, then I'm done with you." Having a figurative gun put to my head didn't seem like the best way to get a heartfelt attempt from me. Still, she was right. I needed to fix my mistakes. If there was anything I could do that could make this better, then I should be doing it. It would be Twilight Sparkle directing things, not me, so I didn't need to fear my bad judgment.  I turned back to Bursa and forced myself to take a step forward. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I gave Rossman the knowledge to do this, and he twisted it into this. I knew there might be some questionable things about him, but I thought I needed his mind. I saw a means to an end, and that allowed this to happen. I'll assist in any way I can to help make you well. I swear this to God and you." "Rossman-" Bursa hissed with hate. "- I remember. I remember Rossman. He- he did things…" Wild stepped forward. "And I'm going to bring Director Rossman to justice. I'm going to find whatever hole he's hiding in and see that he never hurts anyone like this again. I promise you that. Even if we can't fix you, we can make sure that happens." Bursa gave Wild a stern glare. "Why should I trust ponies?" Wild again didn't flinch away. "I got you out of that cave and back into the sunlight; I'm going to get you medical help, so you don't hurt so much, and I'm going to bring you somewhere you can be safe and comfortable. You trusted me enough to bring you this far. Have I done anything to betray that trust?" Bursa turned her head and looked at the armed guards. "You have them to hurt me." "I have them to discourage you from hurting anyone," Wild corrected. "If you hurt someone, you'd be treated like a monster. There would be calls to put you down." Bursa turned back towards Wild. "Maybe I want to die and stop hurting." "You'd not live to see justice done then, and you'd sacrifice your chance to be fixed, " Wild replied. "You'd also die a monster in people's eyes. You've had enough taken from you as it is, but you are the one who controls whether you are a monster or a person. Don't give what you have left away." Bursa glared silently for a few seconds before she gave a long blink. "I will trust you for now." Wild let out a long breath in relief. "I'm happy to hear that. I'm also sorry that we must get moving, and that means you need to get back on the truck. You aren't safe here, and you deserve far more space than some community pool. Do you need my help getting back into the truck, or do you want to do it yourself?" Bursa hissed. "Myself! Don't want a pony near me!" She then began to pull herself along the grass with her arms towards the semi. Wild watched Bursa's progress for a moment before turning back towards me. "Thank you for agreeing to try." "You're right; I need to do this for myself. I need to prove to myself I'm capable of being a better person," I replied, then sighed. "Although, that feels selfish. How do you do it?" The earth pony blinked. "Do what?" "Be so damn selfless and righteous all the time," I answered. "Even when I'm trying to do something for someone else, I'm still stuck thinking of myself." Wild didn't answer right away. Instead, she walked over to a saddle bag that I hadn't previously noticed. She must have removed it and set it there at some point earlier when she was concerned she might need to jump in front of Bursa. She opened it up and fished out an old smoking pipe and carefully lit it, before turning back to me. "I don't have an answer for you, Sunset. I am who I am, and I can't imagine thinking any other way," she answered. The earth pony took a draw from the pipe then continued. "It's good that you ask the question. It means that you don't want to be selfish. I think that has to be an excellent place to start." I scrunched up my nose at the smell of tobacco. "I thought you quit that." She shrugged. "I keep it out of the public eye, but I take what little stress reliefs and distractions from the pain I can. It's not like it's even hurting me. I heal whatever it does to my lungs as fast as it damages them. My magic hurts." I tilted back an ear in confusion. "What do you mean your magic hurts? You're burnt out." She closed her eyes. "It's all still there," she said in a pained voice. "I can't channel it into the earth anymore, and it has nowhere to go. It's like a storm inside me that never stops. It heals me, makes me strong, and it does those things to even greater extents than it did before because that's all it can do. Do you remember how it ruptured my body before? It is still doing that, only now it heals itself as fast as it can destroy, and it hurts like hell. I take pain medication and have mages who try to dull things, and this tobacco is spiked with more painkillers. It isn't so bad right now, and there are plenty of times the pain retreats to a dull ache, but there are other times I need to retreat to my room and tremble." "Have you talked to Twilight Sparkle about it?" I asked.  She nodded. "She says she's never seen anything like it. Then again, there's never been a pony as powerful as I who burnt themselves out. It's like all that channeling I did that day never stopped, but it can't go anywhere but me anymore. No one I have gone to for answers has come up with anything to fix it." This was another thing that was my fault. If I hadn't been so negligent and determined to push ahead with my great legacy, she'd never have had to be in the position she needed to save Riverview. She had so many reasons to hate me.  I made a silent decision. If I did see things that others might dismiss, I needed to use that to help her. I'd ask Twilight Sparkle for the notes she had about Wild's condition. Maybe I'd find something that others had missed. Perhaps I could undo another crime I'd done to someone. I wouldn't tell Wild about it. I didn't want to get her hoping for something I might not be able to do. I also didn't want her to have any reason to forgive me if I did figure something out. I deserved her ire.  Bursa was still trying to make her way up the ramp onto the truck and was struggling with it. I watched her struggles and let the shame flow. I had a lot to make up for.  "I need to attend to the foals," I said at last. "I trust you don't need anything else from me." She shook her head. "I'll be on my way as soon as Bursa manages to get up that ramp. If she takes much longer, I'm going to insist on helping her. She can claw and try to crush me all she wants, but I'm not going to leave her futilely struggling. I'll let her try to do it on her own for a few more minutes, but she needs to get used to accepting help, even if she doesn't like it." I nodded and turned to walk back into the house. Starlight had left the front door at some point in the past few minutes, and I could hear her trying to coax Trixie out of the closet. I'd completely forgotten that Trixie was even in the house.  "Oh, I'm not sure if I need to say this or not, but please keep your foals out of the pool and the area Bursa was in for the remainder of the day," Wild instructed from behind me. "I'll be paying for cleaning crews to come to clean up, and paying them to arrive by tonight, but she's been bleeding and leaking pus into the pool and grass. I don't think you want them getting into that." That was disgusting and unsanitary. I didn't verbally reply, only gave a nod, before walking back into the house. I had foals to take care of and friends to thank. I had no intention of neglecting all of them just because I had other things I'd soon be dealing with alongside them. Work kept the fretful mind at ease, and God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, had given me many opportunities to work. > Chapter 20: Chi and Rice > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "No, Trixie is not coming out!" Starlight sighed as she watched me walk in and close the door. She was standing next to the closet and seemed to be on her last nerve. I wouldn't be surprised if she just dragged Trixie out with her magic. She had a lot more patience than me.  "Bursa is out of the pool and getting back on the truck. She'll be gone shortly," I announced.  Starlight nodded. "I came back inside when Wild Growth asked her to get back on the truck. That poor creature." "Have you examined her?" I asked.  She nodded. "Yeah, her resonance is a mess. My understanding is that once they break down, there isn't much that can be done. I'm not going to discourage you and Twilight from doing everything you can to help, and I'll be investigating it as well, but this is not my regular magical fare." My ears sagged. "But you don't have much hope." "I don't put anything past Twilight," Starlight said firmly. "If anypony can come up with an answer, it's her. I also know that if she gets on the right track and doesn't realize it, there's a good chance you can spot it. That's what you do, isn't it? You don't come up with stuff yourself, you look at what others came up with and see things in their failures they didn't." "I figure out how to use other's leavings, that's about right," I agreed. "My brilliance is overrated. I'm a glorified refurbisher of second-hand magic. I just hope your friend gives me something good to work with. I don't know how to fix this either without something from her." She gave me a small smile. "There are different types of genius. Don't discredit yours because it relies on others. It's why we need you out in the world again to be useful; you're nothing by yourself, but you're a powerful force when combined with others. I think there might be a friendship lesson in that." I looked back at the door as I heard the engine of the truck start, followed by several car engines. "Have you examined Wild too, and her problem?" Starlight closed her eyes and gave a sad nod. "Yeah, I have. Twilight noticed it early on when Wild Growth healed so fast after burning herself out. That's not a natural thing. She spent a long time examining her, and I did too after I arrived. I've never seen or read about anything like it." "And did you two just give up on fixing it?" I demanded.  She opened her eyes and shook her head. "We still look into it when we have time. There's always a lot to do, and as much as we want to help, it isn't a crisis. We've already spent a lot of time on it." I bit my lip and glanced back at the door for a second. "I want your notes and Twilight Sparkle's. It's my fault this happened to her." "Are you sure?" Starlight questioned while arching an eyebrow at me. "Bursa is one thing, you're pretty adept at transformation magic already, but this is something else entirely. You may be out of your depth." "I don't care," I spat. "I've learned plenty of things in the past few years; I can understand more if I apply myself. I've got to undo this." Starlight walked over to me and touched a hoof to my side. "It's great that you want to fix your mistakes, and I understand where you're coming from, but you've got plenty to take care of already between the foals and helping with Bursa. You can't give both of those the attention they deserve if you take on too many extra projects. Especially ones you need to familiarize yourself with so much new material. How many things did you have your hooves in when the Cataclysm happened? Don't you think you might not have made some of the mistakes you made if you had been more focused and given each the proper attention it needed?" I looked down at her leg that was touching me. "You think I'm falling into the same old traps." "I told you that old habits die hard," Starlight reminded. "And you should count on your friends' advice to help stop you from making those old mistakes. I'm your friend. I'm trying to look out for you." I chewed it over in my mind. I didn't want to let this go. "If Bursa gets help, with or without my aid, will you share your notes on Wild with me? That's me keeping focused on just one project at a time other than the foals- who are a task that isn't going to go away." She sighed and held an outstretched hoof in the air. "Okay, that's fair. You've got a deal. As soon as Bursa is taken care of, if she's able to be taken care of, I'll be happy to have you help us with Wild Growth." I touched hooves with her, and we shook in it. As we were shaking, Trixie stuck her head out of the closet. "The monster is gone?" "Bursa's gone, " I confirmed.  "And we need to be on our way as well," Starlight announced. "I do have work I'm supposed to be doing, and I'll need to go out again tomorrow." "Trixie is going to be left here again with no food or entertainment," the showmare grumbled.  "Which is why we need to get going," Starlight said with a chuckle. "I figured while Sunset gets to spend some quality time with the foals, you and I can go out and enjoy ourselves for a little while and buy some food to stock the fridge. I'll do my work tonight when we get back." The showmare grinned. "Trixie would enjoy getting away from this place for a few hours." The two Equestrians hugged as I watched. When they broke their hug, Starlight gave Trixie a big smile and motioned with her head to go. "Come on, let's leave Sunset in peace." I smiled at them as they walked by me towards the door. "Thank you both for all the help you've been with the foals. I feel like I've been imposing on you." Trixie stopped and smiled. "The great and powerful Trixie always enjoys a young audience. Young foals are the most dazzled by my acts of prestidigitation." Her smile dropped. "That oldest one though-" I hung my head. "I'm sorry about her. I'll be talking to her tonight. I can't promise things will immediately get better, but I'm going to try some different methods of dealing with her. Shouting at her and getting into slap fights certainly isn't working." "Good luck, we're rooting for you," Starlight said encouragingly as she opened the door. "Twilight might have encouraged us to get to know you, but that's because we've been through our points where we needed to turn our lives around. We empathize with you, and that's an excellent place to start a friendship. It's how Trixie and I became friends. Show that filly some empathy, and maybe you can make another friend. I can already tell she wants your approval." I frowned. "Hard to tell from my perspective. Especially when she's boxing me and being a little snot." Starlight chuckled. "Not so hard to tell from the perspective of somepony watching. I had to listen to her telling me about what Ma'am would or would not approve of while we were making dinner and her fretting over making sure you had tea ready when you arrived home. I also caught her smile when you complimented her and agreed with her. Believe me; she wants your approval." I snorted. "I only have so much I can approve of with her right now, but my parents gave me some advice, and I'm going to see if it helps. Thank you both again." We said our final goodbyes, and they finally left. I turned and walked back towards the dining area, ready to see if I could start fresh with the foals.  They were all seated around the dining table, which was an impressive feat, considering it was a human dining table. The colts all had to stand up on their hind legs with their forehooves on the table even to eat. Lántiān was tall enough she could sit normally, and had her daughter in the chair with her. The colts, including the now awake Mèng, all forgoed any silverware and had their faces right in their bowls of rice. Lántiān had found a large wooden spoon she cradled in a wing and was using it to feed Qīng Yǔ small bites of food. There was an empty chair with a bowl of rice in front of it. Lántiān had even remembered to set out both a spoon and pony strap for me, along with my now refilled cup of tea. I had to admit; she did try to do her best to be dutiful.  I walked in without a word. I could see Lántiān watching me out of the corner of her eye, but she said nothing. The colts were all so engrossed in their food that I'd be amazed if they even noticed me. I carefully climbed up into the vacant chair and looked over the still steaming bowl of rice. I then put my legs together on the table and bowed my head.  "Lord and Savior, thank you for this food and the nourishment it brings. Please, forgive me for my sins, for they are many, and protect the foals under my care. In your precious and holy name, I pray, amen." I lifted my head to see everyone had stopped eating and were now staring at me.  "Auntie Sunset, who were you talking to?" Shǔguāng asked in confusion. "." Líng chimed in.  "English, please," I said as I began working on getting the pony strap on. "And I want to thank you as well, Lántiān. This looks very good." "But who were you talking to?" Shǔguāng persisted.  I finished getting the strap on and started working on getting the spoon strapped into it. "I was speaking to God. It is called saying grace. I do it before every meal." "Do we need to say grace too?" Líng asked, looking around as if he wasn't sure he had done something wrong. I could see Lántiān watching me suspiciously. I shook my head. "No, it is part of my religion, not yours. It would be wrong of me to ask you to participate in that if it is not your beliefs. I once tried to force others to do so, and I think I may have done more harm than good. If you wish to learn more about my faith, we may discuss that later, but please, enjoy your food." Lántiān visibly relaxed after I said this, and I knew exactly what she had feared. That was one set of mistakes I wasn't going to make. Faith and religion were something personal, not to be dictated, and I would not dictate them to these foals if they didn't ask me to teach them.  "You were expecting me to force them to adopt my beliefs, " I said to her, and then scooped up a bite of rice and tried it. It wasn't bad at all.  The filly looked down. "I would not presume to know your intent, ma'am." "It's alright. You don't have to hide your concerns," I assured her. "However, if they do choose to inquire more about it, I will teach them. Does that bother you?" She shifted in her seat, looking uncomfortable. "Yes, ma'am. You have already insisted on them changing their language." I nodded. "I will not force them to learn any more than they want to in regards to faith. It will be their choice if they do or do not adopt my religion. Would you deny them their free choice?" She licked her lips. "Never, ma'am." "We understand one another then," I replied. I took another bite of food, and after I swallowed, I decided to continue the conversation. "I confess, I am not very familiar with whether you have religious beliefs of your own. You had said something to me earlier about chi. Can you tell me more about your beliefs? I wish to know more about you." "I am a Taoist, ma'am, although I am not very devout," the filly answered. "Our mother taught me some of it, but she is not very devout either." "What is chi?" I asked, then reached and picked up the tea to take a sip.  The filly looked at a loss for words. "I do not know how to explain chi, ma'am. It is just chi. It is life, spirit, energy; I do not have the word other than chi." "Magic?" I asked. She shook her head. "I do not know, ma'am. I am not devout and do not understand these things well. I am sorry I have disappointed you." I needed to head that off right away. "You didn't disappoint me. I was only curious because I wanted to know more about you, and because you said earlier that Wild Growth had her chi blocked. How could you tell she couldn't channel magic? Was it because you've been researching?" She shook her head again. "I know nothing about that pony's magic, ma'am. I did not know she could not channel magic. I just know her chi is badly blocked." I arched an eyebrow. "Okay, so how can you tell?" Lántiān sat silently as if struggling for an explanation. She shook her head once more. "It is how she moves and carries herself, ma'am. I can tell that something is not right with her chi." "You can tell by just watching her?" She nodded. "Yes, ma'am." "And how is my chi?" She looked uncomfortable again. "It is also blocked, but not as badly, ma'am." I frowned, considering this information and trying to make sense of it. "Is your chi blocked?" "I do not know, ma'am. I cannot observe myself the same way." At least it was an honest answer. I tried to think of another way of approaching this. "What is your cutie mark for again?" "For cloud clearing, ma'am." "Are you certain of that?" She sat up straight as if offended. "I am sure. I received my cutie mark on a day that I cleared away grey clouds and brought out the sun. My classmates were sad. They did not say so, but I could tell that the extended grey and gloom that we had for days was depressing them. I went up to the clouds and cleared away some to bring out some sun. They weren't so sad anymore, and I got my cutie mark, ma'am." I believed she might be misinterpreting what she got her cutie mark for if that was true, but I wasn't going to correct her.  "Ma'am, may I express a concern?" I blinked. "Is it about my chi?" She shook her head. "No, ma'am. It is about your religion, and you might teach my brothers." "You don't want me doing it." She laid her ears back. "You are our guardian, ma'am, and it can be hard to tell what should be done to earn your approval, or what your unsaid expectations may be. My brothers may seek to learn solely for your approval and because they think you expect them to, not because they would otherwise want to. Is this their free choice then?" I would indeed be disappointed if none of them wanted to learn about my faith. Spreading my faith was tantamount to my Christian beliefs. However, she might have a point that this could be a concern. As me being a concerned Christian, this could mean false conversions, which was worse than no conversion.  "And how would you propose I deal with it if they ask to learn?" "Delay it, ma'am," she answered quickly. "Tell them you will teach them when they are older if they are still interested. They are too young to grasp these concepts anyway." "Very well," I said slowly. "That's agreeable. I'm glad we can discuss this calmly and without fighting. You may call me Auntie Sunset as well if you wish. You don't have to keep calling me ma'am." I was surprised when she shook her head. "I prefer not to, ma'am." I wanted to tell her that it got tiring hearing her go ma'am ma'am ma'am all the time, but decided to let it drop. It was respectful. What was I supposed to do? Tell her to disrespect me? The colts had finished eating and had scurried away at some point. Qīng Yǔ had decided to move onto her mother's teat since she wasn't being given any more spoonfuls of food. I was primarily done with my food, but I noted my eldest charge had barely touched her own. Perhaps she had not eaten anything yet since she had been giving some of hers to her filly.  She noticed me looking at the food. "I will eat and then clean up, ma'am. I only wished to make sure everyone else had a chance to eat first." I nodded. "I would help you clean up, but I'm not going to work my horn any until tomorrow. I'm sorry that you've had to take on so many duties while my horn has been on the fritz." She sat up straight again. "I am proud to do these things, ma'am." I believed her and still didn't understand why she was so insistent on doing all of this. It was a mystery for another time. "Alright. Well, your meal was delicious. I'm going to speak to the colts. I feel as if I have been ignoring them." She looked a bit disappointed but nodded back. "I have no objections, ma'am." Well, getting through an entire conversation with the filly without an argument, growling, or snide remarks, I could count as a victory.  I'd even managed to learn a little more about her. I doubted every conversation would go so smoothly, but at least we'd demonstrated it could be done. I still needed to get her to abandon her Shimmerism, but for right now, I would take a night of peace. Tomorrow I would try again to make progress with her, and maybe little by little, we could both become better people.  > Chapter 21: The Hawk and The Hen > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was looking forward to spending time with the colts. Actually, I was looking forward to dealing with anyone but Lántiān for a few minutes. It wasn't like I hadn't already had breaks from her; it was just that I hadn't had enough breaks from her. Perhaps if we could avoid one another for a decade, I'd be more up to it. Not that I would ever get that. Still, I went out to see the colts with enthusiasm.  The foals were all out in the living room. Shǔguāng and Líng were facing one another while hopping back and forth. Mèng and Qīng Yǔ were both standing in a line behind Shǔguāng, with Mèng biting Shǔguāng's tail, and Qīng Yǔ biting Mèng's tail. Líng seemed to be trying to get by his older brother to reach the younger two foals. The two younger foals had to beat their wings to balance themselves when Shǔguāng took too big a hop for their smaller legs to keep up with, although it seemed like Qīng Yǔ did it at times just because Mèng had done it first. There was a great deal of giggling going on from all the foals; except Qīng Yǔ, who seemed focused entirely on mimicking her youngest uncle's actions. I took a seat on the couch as the game progressed. It was clearly a simple game for young foals, and the rules didn't seem hard to figure out from mere observation. I watched as Líng paused and considered new ways of getting around his older brother after having no previous luck.  The little earth pony smirked slyly, and suddenly charged straight forward, as if trying to go under Shǔguāng. There was no physical way another pony was fitting under Shǔguāng's stubby little legs. He might have been the oldest colt, but he wasn't old enough to have that kind of size difference. Líng's action was enough to throw him off balance, though, and he stumbled to the side, dragging the two youngest along with him. Líng was down on the ground and took quick advantage of his brother's fall to clutch and bite down on Qīng Yǔ. The tiny pegasus let off a muffled squeak, but she didn't release Mèng's tail.  ", " Shǔguāng explained in Mandarin. Líng reached his hooves forward and tried to loosen her grip on Mèng. "!" "English, please," I called out as a reminder.  Shǔguāng turned to me with his ears tilted back. "But Mèng and Yǔ don't know English. They didn't have the spell cast on them." "I'm not sure if they know much Mandarin either," I replied calmly. "I've yet to hear Yǔ say a word, and Mèng has only uttered the word Mama. They can learn English instead of Mandarin. I'm not having that spell cast on foals that don't understand even one language yet." "They know words," Líng said defensively. He patted Yǔ. "Zǔmǔ." Whatever Zǔmǔ meant, it didn't translate correctly in my brain, but it got an immediate reaction from both the youngest foals. They released their bites and looked around expectantly. "Mama?" Mèng said in what seemed a very hopeful tone.  Yǔ looked around. "Zǔmǔ?" Shǔguāng got up angrily and boxed Líng's shoulder. The earth pony colt didn't respond in anger, like I thought he would. He instead went wide-eyed as he realized he had just made a grave mistake.  The two youngest continued to look around, crying out the respective terms. Their search became more frantic as they got no response back, and the two older colts looked at them mournfully. I didn't need to have Zǔmǔ translated for me. I now understood exactly who the young filly was looking for and failing to find.  It didn't take long for their failed search to turn into crying and wailing. Lántiān flew into the room in a blur, landed, and grabbed both of them up into a hug. She then gave me a resentful look like it was my fault. Shǔguāng came to my defense before my squabble with the filly could resume. He pointed at his earth pony brother. "His fault." Líng looked downcast at the floor, and gave a barely perceptible nod. "My fault." Lántiān turned her disapproving glare at her little brother for a second, then went back to trying to soothe the two toddlers. The two older colts and I watched in silence as she hugged and kissed them. When they seemed to be calming down a little, she picked Mèng up and deposited him on her back and put her daughter on alongside him an instant after.  She then stood up and gave Líng one last glare. "Don't do that again." She looked at me and nodded in acknowledgment of my presence. "Ma'am." She then marched out of the room.  Líng looked pitifully at me and then his older brother, who was still staring at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to." Shǔguāng snorted and whinnied. "Stupid!" "Don't call your brother that," I ordered.  The unicorn colt shook his head and walked away towards the back door, and sat down, staring outside with his back to us. Líng continued to look miserable as he turned towards me with tears streaming down his face. "I didn't mean to. I miss Mama too. When is Mama coming back?" God, help me. I didn't want to lie to the colt, but I couldn't find the will to tell those tear-filled eyes that she never would. I could be heartlessly blunt to any adult, or even his older sister. I'd been direct and to the point with children as a Sunday school teacher, bordering on cruel- not that I was proud of that. However, seeing him looking to me like that, I just didn't have it in me.  "Did we do something wrong?" He asked, near sobbing. I sighed. I had to say something. "Come up next to me. Let's talk." The colt stood up and wiped his nose with one of his legs, before climbing on the couch next to me. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not, but I wrapped a leg around him and pulled him closer to me.  I gently wiped his eyes. "You did nothing wrong. Your mama loves you and your siblings more than anything else in the world." "So, why'd she send us away?" That was a far more loaded question than the colt knew. "She isn't back at your old home. She had to go away too… just to a different place." "Why?" I chewed on my lip. I glanced over at his brother and saw the other colt still had his back turned to us, but his ear was cocked as if listening intently.  I turned my attention back to the colt in my grasp. "There were some bad people that wanted to hurt you and your siblings. Your mama had to make a choice. She could go away and only be in dreams, or she could let them hurt you. Your mama would never let anyone hurt you, and she did what she had to do." Líng laid his head down on my flank. "I don't understand." I did some more chewing on my lip. I didn't want to try to explain this to someone so young. "Imagine if someone wanted to do something terrible to all your family. Something so terrible they would never get better. Imagine you had a choice. You could never be in the same room with your family again, or your family could be hurt like that, and you'd still never see them again. What would you do?" He flattened his ears. "That's not fair!" "I hate to say this, because it is said far too often, but life's not fair sometimes," I replied. "That was the kind of choice your mama had to make, and she took the only option she could. You didn't have those terrible things happen to you because she would do anything to protect you. Even if it meant she could only visit you in dreams from now on." "But, I miss Mama." I smiled. "That just means you love her, just like she loves you. You're lucky. A lot of foals don't get to see parents that go away at all anymore. You still have her in your dreams." He snorted and got wet snot all over my flank. I did my best not to look disgusted. Snot from a runny nose was easier to clean up easier than emotions.  "I had a wife, and she had to make that kind of choice," I said slowly. He looked up at me, and I forced myself to continue. "There was a bad person who was going to hurt everyone. She had to make a choice, she could go away, forever into dreams, or she could let him hurt people." Tonya had less of a choice. He would have killed her, no matter what. I wish he could have lived so that I could murder him. I wanted to make him suffer. Dying so quickly that he didn't even get a chance to feel anything was too much a mercy for him. Hell was too good for him. "She didn't want everyone to get hurt, so she made the only choice she could," I continued, and I felt pressure in my eyes as tears threatened to break free. "I still see her in my dreams, but it isn't the same. I m-miss her so much." He rubbed a hoof against me. "Auntie Sunset, don't cry." I took a few seconds to recompose myself, and then forced myself to smile at him. "But I think that might be why I'm the one she chose to take care of you, or so others tell me. I understand what you are feeling right now. It doesn't feel alright. It doesn't feel fair. You had someone precious taken away from you, no matter if anyone claims you haven't really lost her, and nothing makes that any better." He started to cry again, and I touched a hoof to him to still his crying. "But you still have your brothers, your sister, and your niece. They are still there, and they love you just like your mama does. Your mama went away so you could still have them. You have a long life left to live. One that will let you meet lots of people who will be important to you. Don't ever forget the precious people you still have and have yet to meet. They're your mama's gift to you, and you're her gift to them." That sounded like it encouraged arrogant and self-centered thinking, but I was an arrogant and self-centered pony, and that was the best way I could word it.  He sniffled. "I still want Mama." I hugged him. "I know you do. I still want Tonya. We just have to grieve and try to accept it. It isn't going to get easier, but I think it is unfair to them if it did get easier. We should never stop loving and missing them just as much as we did when we first realized they were gone. At least we have our dreams; that's more than most people get. Tonight, when you dream, make sure you tell your mama how much you love her, okay?" He nodded weakly. "Okay." I released him and gave him a little nudge. "Now, go wash up. You've made yourself a mess. You can ask your sister to run you a bath. Tell her I asked her to." His ears perked up at the word bath. If that colt didn't get some water-related cutie mark, I might die of shock. He got down from the couch in a hurry and ran towards the kitchen. "Sister! Auntie Sunset says I need a bath!" I almost felt bad for dumping more work on Lántiān, almost. Running him a bath wasn't that much work, and she probably wanted to give the two toddlers one as well anyway. I had other things to do. There was still one colt in the room. One who had been eerily silent through the entire exchange.  I left the couch and walked towards the back door, before sitting down beside Shǔguāng. The young unicorn was making a show of not looking at me, instead staring forward at the glass door as if it held all the world's secrets.  "She didn't just go away, did she?" he asked, still staring forward, expressionless.  I shook my head. "No, she didn't just go away." "She's dead, " he said, still a face of stone. So young to have an expression like that.  "She is," I confirmed. He still didn't bat an eye or flex any feature of his face. "Why didn't you tell him?" "Why haven't you told him?" I contested. "I don't think you just realized it." He finally broke his gaze outside to turn his face away from me. He stayed silent.  I took a deep breath. "I think it is because you're afraid of hurting him. You don't want him to stop believing she's out there." "It's because it's our fault." I jerked my head and stared. "You shouldn't think that!" "But it's true," he replied, not turning around. He wouldn't face me, but I could hear him crying.  I put a hoof on his back. "No, it's not. It's the people who threatened you. It's their fault. Don't you ever blame yourself for her sacrifice." "She's dead, and we aren't!" I shook my head. "Better than the other way around, and she agrees with me. Are you going to disagree with your mother?" He wiped his face and turned to look at me. He had red irises, but the whites of his eyes were red as well from crying. "Are you our replacement mama?" I shook my head. "I'm not replacing anyone. I'm here to take care of you, and make sure nothing bad happens to you. Your mother is still your mother, and nothing will ever change about that." He turned away again. Yeah, these colts might still play and watch cartoons, but these weren't issues they were just thinking about now.  "You're not like your brother; you get angry when you get hurt, don't you?" I asked.  His ears wilted. "I don't mean to. It just happens." "Don't apologize for getting angry, " I snapped. "I get angry too. So does your sister. Some people go and cry in a corner when bad things happen; some get angry- some of us do both. What matters is what you do with your anger." He looked at me again. "What do you mean?" I looked out the backdoor now as I spoke. "Your first instinct is to lash out at everyone, but then you realize that is wrong, so you try to bottle it up. That never works. Sooner or later, it comes out. The next thing most people tend to do is redirect that anger at someone. It could be towards whoever made them angry, or to yourself, or to someone that doesn't deserve it. I admit I have a problem because I tend to do those things. It isn't what you should do." He blinked in confusion. "What should I do?" I turned and looked him in the eyes. "You take whatever made you angry. Whatever injustice was done to you. You take that thing, and you say you will make it so that it doesn't happen again. You're angry because you lost a loved one. Look at your brothers and your sister, look at them and say to yourself; no one will take any more of my loved ones away. Then you make sure no one does." "What if I can't figure out why I'm angry?" I leaned in closer. "Then make sure figuring out why you're angry is what you do before you take action. Make sure you know good and well. Also, make sure you have a right to be angry. Spend a lot of time thinking about that, because if you don't have a right to be angry, nothing good can come of your anger." "Do I have a right to be angry now?" "You have every right to be angry at the people who threatened you and your family," I replied. "Make sure you guard and look out for your siblings, let that rage remind you of what you have to lose. But look out for their happiness too, don't forget why you care about them." He stared at me. "Mama told me things like that. Only she said, don't let my emotions get the better of me." I frowned. "She's not wrong. There's a balance to it. I wish I could tell you how to figure that balance out, but I'm not sure I understand it." "But… you're a grownup." I shook my head. "Grownups don't always know everything, kid. If you figure it out, take time to tell me how to do it." We both just stare out the glass in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't that great a view, but we weren't really looking at it.  "I'll protect them. I promise," he said after the silence had stretched on. Saying it like a pony two or three times his age. "I'll protect them and you." I chuckled. "Thanks, but it's my job to protect you." He didn't stop coldly staring forward. "I'm not going to lose another mama." > Chapter 22: A Little Mèng Before Bed > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Violin music played over the house's audio system as I settled down on the couch. Lántiān was upstairs, tucking her siblings into bed, and would be going to bed herself within minutes. I had done my best to avoid Shǔguāng since our talk earlier. Despite my objections, I was his new mama, right alongside Yinyu, and he refused to take no for an answer. I had been adopted, and I didn't get a say in the matter. Lántiān was not pleased with the development, but had said nothing. When I had questioned her about it, she said if her brother deemed me part of his family, then I was. She wasn't going to take another loved one away from him.  At least I would have some peace for the evening- CRASH -if Mèng's foalsitter would ever arrive. I got up from the couch to investigate the noise. Mèng was huddled under the dining room table, and three of the chairs were knocked over. How he managed to get three at once might be a mystery for the ages, as I saw no practical way he could have done it. The crash had spooked him, though, and he was whimpering.  I bent down low and locked eyes with him. "How in the world did you manage to knock three chairs down at once?" Mèng didn't know English, and his understanding of Mandarin was likely fuzzy, so I didn't expect an answer, nor was I given one.  I gestured for him to come to me. "Come on out. I can find something to distract you and keep you busy till your foalsitter gets here." He didn't budge. I sighed and decided I could budge a little on the Mandarin. "." He stopped whimpering, and his ears perked. "?" My God, he did know more than just one word. We now had two! One of them was in the wrong language, but it was progress. ", " I confirmed, then decided to repeat it in English so he could start learning the word. "Play. ." I was sure I sounded like an idiot.  He got up and cautiously walked out into the open, before looking to me expectantly. Great, now I was expected to play with him. I didn't know how to play with a three-year-old colt. I had no idea what games I could do that could keep him entertained. I wasn't ready to use my horn yet either, so I wasn't going to be able to pull the same tricks I'd seen Starlight doing.  My cluelessness about how to play was becoming quickly apparent to him, and I could see the demon in him ready to start acting out. I needed advice, quickly. It was laughable, but even though I was the adult in the house, I had a sudden fear of Lántiān hurrying downstairs to the sound of her brother's wails, and looking at me disapprovingly. It was an irrational fear, but I still was determined to avoid it happening. I hurried over to the landline phone and dialed up the number for my daughter. When in doubt, ask an expert. There was no shame in running to someone else who knew more about the subject.  After a few rings, the line was picked up. "Dreamwarden's residence, this is a recorded line. All prank callers will be hunted down mercilessly." I rolled my eyes at Crystal's greeting. "It's Sunset Blessing." "Oh! Hiya, Sunset," Crystal replied. "We never get together and talk. Remember that time I kicked you so hard that you had to be hospitalized? Good times." I wasn't going to let her get a rise out of me. "Is my daughter available to speak?" "Nope, meeting with some people, doing important- stuff. Nothing too Earth-shattering. She and Tempest are talking with some officials about Tempest's plan for applying for citizenship. I tell you, it's crazy seeing Tempest as a human. I didn't think she'd go through with it." Mèng had followed me to the phone, perhaps thinking I would do something fun, but he seemed to be under the impression he was being ignored, and his eyes were starting to water. I couldn't spend a long time on the phone talking with my daughter's buffoon bodyguard.  "That is all fascinating, and I will pray all goes well, but I need help." I was sure I'd regret this next question. "Is Rosetta available?" "Uhhhh- are you sure you want to talk to her? I'm pretty certain she hasn't fully gotten over you turning her mother into a monster, one that put her into a brief coma and tried to eat all the magic out of her foals. She was pretty pissed off about all that for some reason, can't imagine why. It's not like little mistakes don't happen." I didn't have time for this. "Okay, maybe you can help me since you're a glorified foalsitter. How do I occupy a three-year-old night pony colt?" "Just one colt?" Crystal asked.  "Yeah, just one." "They like to chase things, explore, fight with other foals; you can distract them with short cartoons too- just make sure they are short cartoons, they haven't got an attention span for a movie. Also, they aren't quite at an age for climbing correctly yet, but that doesn't mean they won't try their darndest. Really, think of night pony foals like little kittens instead of ponies, because they act more like cats than equines. Little cats with bat wings instead of claws. You like cats, right? You left us this wonderful ball of fluff that you had the foresight to name Satan." "I don't intend to treat him like a pet cat, " I snapped. "I told him I would play with him." "So, why haven't you asked him what he wants to play?" "Because he has said two different words in the three nights I've had him." "Oh, he's just quiet. You're too used to Phobia, Rosetta, and the twins. The fillies will yak your ear off, normally with a lot of snark. The colts tend to be quieter. Alfie tends to keep quiet while his sisters do all the talking; even Robby is kind of quiet. I promise you that colt knows a lot more words than what he's saying. Probably a few hundred words, if he's three." I looked down at Mèng. That little devil had been holding out on me! I wondered about the other one. "Side question, how much should a one-year-old know?" "Eh, not much. They might recognize two dozen words or so, but only be able to say two or three, if that. It can vary. I'm told that Jessie was talking in short sentences by the time she was one, and just starting to read those Little Golden Books, but then again, she's a super genius." "That's good to know," I replied. Mèng or his niece might not be geniuses, but I'd still been underestimating the average intelligence of a foal. "You've been a great help. I need to get going, though. God bless." "Same to you."  I turned my full attention to the distraught night pony colt as I disconnected the call. "