Script had no choice but to be admitted to the psychiatric unit.
After Script's suicide attempt, her friends didn't have any other choice but to send her to the psychiatric unit. Script isn't too happy and doesn't want the help from doctors. Will she be able to recover and finally find a way to heal all her pain?
Based on true events. Ratted teen for suicidal thoughts and suicide recovery. I wrote this because I wanted to show people to not be scared to get help if they need it.
I lay awake as my friends Ellie and Flame Flare sit beside me in a horse-drawn carriage. I'm wrapped up in my blanket, refusing to say a word to anyone. This was their last resort to help me with my suicidal actions.
I felt Ellie gently stroke my mane. I only grunted in response as I pulled the blanket over my head. She sighed as she turned away.
I know they're just trying to help me, but this will do nothing to help me. The meds I've already been taking haven't really done much to help me, so what good will this do for me?
"We're here." the driver uttered.
Ellie helped me out of the carriage and thanked the stallion as we walked toward the hospital.
I stared at the ground, refusing to look at anyone as we grew closer to my isolation.
We walked in, greeted by nurse Red Heart. She looked up at us with a smile.
"Good morning, how many I help you today?" she asked.
Ellie explained the situation, saying I had attempted suicide, and I was transferred here to be admitted to the psychiatric ward.
Red Heart nodded her head as she went to go grab a wheelchair and had me sit in it. I reluctantly sat down as they took my belongings, placing them in a bag and placed it underneath the wheelchair.
I continued staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact as much as possible as they took me into the unit.
When we arrived, I was given a gown as they took my belongings to search through them. They told me which room I would be in and let me get dressed. Ellie walked in with me, helping me put on my gown.
I then crawled into my bed curling into a ball as Ellie sat down beside me. Tears began forming in my eyes as my body shook slightly.
"It's gonna be okay, Script..." Ellie uttered. "You'll be fine. You're going to get the help you need here."
She got up to leave the room, leaving me alone in my solitude.
I curled into a ball once I heard the door shut and sobbed. This was now my prison. I would be stuck here for Celestia knows how long and never be allowed out of my room.
My thoughts drifted over to hearing stories from ponies saying they treated you like a prisoner, not allowing you to do anything but stay in your room.
I looked around, taking in my surroundings once more.
I looked over to my left, finding a small desk with a chair. I noticed a bathroom door farther from the desk, but on the same side of the room. I then turned to my left finding an empty bookshelf. I was slightly confused as to why there weren't any chains or padded walls.
I then heard a knock on my door. I turned around, finding one of the nurses walk in. She had a light blue coat and a turquoise mane.
"Hi, Script?" she asked.
"Y-yeah?" I stuttered.
"Hi, my name is Tender Heart and I'm your nurse for today. How are you feeling?"
I couldn't take it anymore. I finally caved in as the realization hit me. I was locked up. I was stuck here with a bunch of strangers. I was alone. I didn't have any of my friends.
"I'm scared..." I sobbed. "I didn't wanna come here..."
"I understand this is hard for you, and I know you're not too happy about being here, but we need to make sure you'll be safe."
"I know... I just don't like being unprepared for the unknown..."
"I know, it can be scary not knowing what's going to happen, but trust me when I say we want to help you get better. Can I get you anything to get comfortable?"
"Could...I get my blanket back yet?" I asked. "It helps with my anxiety..."
"We still need to check your belongings, but I'll give it back to you as soon as possible. Are you okay if I perform a search on you?"
"What for?"
"Just to check for any injuries, things like that."
"Oh, okay... I guess."
She then proceeded to check me for any injuries. She pulled out a clipboard taking a few notes, probably for the scars on my hoof and my injury from my suicide attempt.
Afterward, she then asked me to perform a few physical tasks then asked me a few questions.
"Alright, we'll be having snack soon if you want to come to join us."
"Oh, I thought I wasn't supposed to leave my room," I said.
"No, you can pretty much come out and socialize whenever you feel like it as long as you stay on the unit. We also have group therapy and do activities if you want to participate in those as well."
"Oh, okay thanks. I'll be out in a minute then."
"If you need anything, just let us know."
She then left me alone once more shutting the door behind her. I laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to process what my visit might be like.
Maybe this won't be that bad after all... I think I to myself.
---
I finally came out of my room, finding everypony at a table eating some food. I sat down next to a light blue unicorn with a pink mane. She turned and smiled at me.
"Hey there, I'm Orchid. What's your name?" she asked.
"I'm Script." She held out her hoof so I shook it. "You kinda remind me of someone I know."
"Oh? What's her name? Maybe I know her."
"Rose Diamond."
Orchid thought for a moment tapping her chin. "I don't think so, but she sounds nice. You good friends with her?"
I hung my head as my ears dropped back slightly. "I guess you could say that..." I muttered softly.
"You don't wanna talk about it?" I shook my head. "Alright, I won't push you."
"Thanks..."
The thought of my friend popped up into my head. The memory of our fight played through my mind.
---
Script Singer stared into her friend's eyes as she saw the anger inside her boiling.
"Did you make this all up?" Rose Diamond asked, glaring.
"...I...-" Script muttered.
"Did you?!"
Script Singer hung her head as tears fell down her cheeks, her voice shaking. "I never wanted to hurt anypony..."
"I was scared for you! I thought I was going to lose you!"
Script just stared into her friend's eyes with tears. She couldn't seem to think of anything to say but; "Rose, I'm so sorry!"
Rose only screamed and cursed at her before she turned away with tears in her eyes. Script fell to the ground as she sobbed loudly.
"What have I done...?" she muttered to herself. "Why can't I do anything right...? I only seem to hurt ponies... They're better off with me dead..."
An idea popped into her head. She then grabbed a piece of paper and began writing a letter to her friends.
I wake to a nurse coming into my room, bringing in a cart to take my pulse and other tests. I pull my mane in front of my face, refusing to look at her. She asked me a few questions about how I was feeling and how well I slept. Stuff like that. I didn’t really answer.
Once she left, I only pulled the covers over my head and tried to go back to sleep.
I didn’t sleep very well last night due to the memories. I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing while I was locked away. I wondered if she could ever forgive me for my mistakes.
I let out a sigh, giving up on trying to fall back asleep. I might as well go ahead and get up. I shuck off by blankets, and drag myself out of the uncomfortable bed and walked over to my bathroom, picked up my toothbrush, and began brushing my teeth. I stared at myself in the mirror, hating the image I saw before me. I tried to ignore it, failed but it’s the thought that counts, right?. I toss down my toothbrush and rinse, probably more harshly than needed, but whatever. I probably need a shower, I look around but there are no towels in my bathroom. Oh right, I need to tell the nurses when I’m in the shower, for “safety” or whatever. I do so and hop in.
My mind began to wander as I let the hot water run down my mane. What would my friends do with me once I came home? Would they forgive me for what I did? Would they even still consider me a friend?
"Script?"
I shook my head as I snapped back into reality.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Are you in the shower?"
"Yeah, I just got in."
I heard my bathroom door open as the nurse walked inside.
"Could you poke your head out so I can make sure you're in there?"
"Oh, yeah sure," I said as I popped my head out of the shower curtain.
She thanked me then left me alone in my room once more.
Afterward, I walked out of my room for breakfast. I sat next to Orchid and waited for the nurses to call my name.
“Hey Script!” Orchid greeted. “You sleep well?”
I let out a yawn as I shook my head.
“Oh, sorry to hear that.”
“It’s fine,” I say. “I’m used to it. So, what’s the schedule around here like anyway?”
Orchid looked over at the whiteboard. “Well, it looks like we’ve got group after breakfast.”
I looked over to where she was looking, finding a full schedule written down. “Huh, well that’s good to know.”
The nurses then called up my name and I got up to go see what was for breakfast. Omelets and hash browns. I’ve never tried them before but I figured I might as well considering I wouldn’t be allowed to eat again for a few hours.
I dished up and sat back down next to Orchid and poked at my food.
“It’s not as bad as it looks.” She whispered. “It’s actually quite good, just give it a shot.”
I stared at my food, deciding to try it out. I picked up my spork and took a bit out of my omelet and hashbrowns.
“They’re not half bad actually,” I said taking another bite.
After everypony finished their breakfast, one of the nurses walked in and escorted us to where the group was being held. Once that was over, we had some free time so I decided to go ahead and take some time to journal. After a while, we did the rest of the stuff on the agenda, and then visiting hours came.
I was in my room, just throwing a ball at the ceiling when I heard a knock on my door. I turned to see my friends Ellie and Lotus Moon. I didn’t really pay any attention to them, I just resented them for bringing me here. I know they were just trying to help me and do what was best for me, but I didn’t want any help. It would be better for everypony if they just let me go.
Visiting hours came to a close and my friends said goodbye and I went to bed.
---
"No, please! Just leave me alone!" I screamed.
A dark figure chased me down the streets of Ponyville. I panted hard as my hooves slammed on the ground.
"Get away from me!" I could hear the echoing chuckles behind me, but I didn't dare look back.
I tripped over a rock but quickly got back up. Adrenalin filled my veins.
I looked around frantically, finding the next turn I could, taking it. But I should have gone in a different direction.
I found myself trapped in a corner. I skidded to a halt as I frantically looked around for an exit as the voice grew closer. I slowly looked behind me, finding the creature of darkness, Shadow Mane.
"I plea for mercy, My Master..." I whimpered.
Shadow only let out a chuckle as he grew closer, pinning me against the wall. I squinted my eyes and turned away as my body shook in fear.
"Such a beautiful flower..." he growled as he began licking his lips. I felt his breath down my neck as he grew closer and began licking my neck slowly, smacking his lips.
I only whimpered more as he whispered things in my ear. I felt him pinning me harder against the wall.
---
I woke up gasping in fear, trembling. I looked at my surroundings, finding myself safe in my room. I curled up in my blanket as I began rocking myself as fear overwhelmed my body.
I noticed a bright light flash through my window, startling me. "Script, you alright?"
It was only a dream... Nothing bad can happen to me here... I'm safe... It's just a dream...
"Yeah, I'm okay," I said, trying to hide my fear.
The nurse just walked away to check on the next pony. I let myself silently sob as I tried to get the image out of my head but to no avail.
My mind flashes back to when I first had that nightmare. When I told my friends what really happened and that I was going to kill myself because of it, let’s just say they weren’t happy when they found out the truth...
Why...? Why did I make up those stupid lies? Look where it has gotten me... Broken friendships and a failed suicide attempt... Why couldn't I have gotten a sharper blade...? Why couldn't I kill myself right...? Why am I still alive...?
Why... was I given a second chance...?
Was it to continue this torture? Or was it something else? I know my friends need me, but I'm not that important... Am I...?
How were they able to save me?
Why were they so determined to help me after I gave up all hope? Why did they put me in here?
Was I actually gone...?
Finally, my exhaustion took over me as I settled back into bed.
I woke up to the same routine as yesterday. A nurse came into my room, took my vitals, performed some exercises, and asked a few questions. showered and got ready for the day then waited for my breakfast.
I sat next to Orchid as I waited for the nurse to call my name for my food.
“They said I might be able to go home today.” She admitted, suddenly.
“Oh really?” I asked. “I thought you just got here.”
“No, I’ve been here for around 5 days but the usual stay time is around 3-7 days here.”
“Do you feel like you're ready to go home?”
“Well, I’m a bit nervous, yeah, but I feel like I’m ready.”
“What are you nervous about?”
“Well, I didn’t really feel safe in my home. I’ve had a bunch of family issues with my parents.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, my father has a history of drinking and he physically abused my mother and me. He’s taking time to work on himself though so we can have a more healthy relationship!”
“That’s good, I guess.”
“Well I shared, what are you in for?”
“I… tried to kill myself,” I said as my ears dropped back.
“Oh,” Orchid said, “That sucks, why? If you're comfortable talking about it.”
“It’s a long story… Besides, I don’t wanna trigger you.”
“I’ve got thicker skin than all that. Don’t worry about me, it’ll help to talk about it.”
“Alright, if you say so,” I mumbled. So I told her. I told her everything. It took probably around 10-15 minutes.
“Wow,” Orchid sighs, “Buck, I heard about some strange stallion passing through the North of Ponyville, but nopony came forward about being attacked. I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s alright, I don’t think anypony would know what to say.”
“It’s alright, I don’t think anypony would know what to say.”
“I wanna give you a hug.”
I smiled slightly and opened up my arms for an embrace. The hug was incredibly quick but felt like the best hug I’ve ever had. I felt tears stream down my face. “Thank you.” I cried.
Orchid smiled. “You’re welcome, Script.”
---
I sit in an uncomfortable chair, resting my chin on my hoof. We were in a movie room watching the latest hot movie that I wasn’t really interested in.
I heard one of the nurses calling my name so I got up from my seat to see what she wanted.
“The doctor said he wanted to talk to you, is that alright?” She asked. I just shrugged a reply.
She walked me into the small office of a brown earth pony with a short graying mane. I took a seat.
“Good afternoon, Script. I’m Doctor Cheval. How are you feeling today?” He asked.
“Not too different from when I first got here,” I grumbled.
“Well, do you want to get better?”
I just rubbed my neck and shrugged. “I don’t really know anymore… My head just keeps screaming at me to die, but I still wanna be able to experience life. It’s like I don’t really wanna die, but I don’t wanna live.”
Doctor Cheval nodded his head. “I can understand that. I think I know what the problem is.”
I looked up perking up slightly. “What is it?”
“You don’t have the will to exist.”
I tilted my head in confusion. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“Why don’t you start from the very beginning, why do you have depression?”
I saw images flash through my mind as I started trembling.
“It’s alright, nothing can hurt you here. This is a safe space where you can open up.”
“Alright, but I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to open up…” I said, taking a deep breath.
“That’s okay.”
So I started at the beginning. The very beginning. The reason why I didn’t speak up about my depression before. It felt like I spent hours explaining what happened to me and I cried. A lot. I just let myself let it out, I had to if I wanted to get any better.
“Thank you for sharing all of that with me, Script. That must have been really hard for you.”
I let out a sniff as I nodded my head, taking another tissue.
“The more you open up, the more I can help you.”
“I know, it’s just hard for me to open up about all of this…”
“I understand that, I know it’s hard."
A sudden sound of a timer brought us back to reality. “It appears that is all the time we have for today, thank you for meeting with me today.”
I nodded my head and shook his hoof and went back out to the movie area. By the time I got back, it looked like they were still watching the movie so I decided to just go back to my room and take a nap.
I walked into my room and to my bed pulling the covers over me and drifted off to sleep.
