> Pets of Ponyville
>  by Gabriel LaVedier
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Grand Deception
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Carousel Boutique stood unusually silent and empty. Rarity was off at one of her luxuriantly long and intimate spa dates with Fluttershy. Sweetie Belle was also on a date with Scootaloo, and they had opted not to use the boutique for their activities, though there may have also been some mention of 'dire consequences' if they ruined anything in the shop, leading them to opt for a day out on the scooter.
That left the expansive shop good and empty, the perfect trysting spot for the most notorious and unashamed lovers in all of Ponyville's pet community. Opalescence lounged on one of the silk pillows left in the main room, looking utterly transported in bliss. Resting upon the feline's belly, looking winded but pleased, was her partner in lust and love, Angel.
Opal stretched out a bit and purred deeply in her chest, providing a pleasantly-massaging surface for her lover. “Angel, would to be a dear and get me some milk? It's just there in the kitchen. My bowl should be in there as well.”
“What are you talking about? You can get your milk. I'm a little... eh, spent.” Angel waved off the request, never once lifting his face from Opal's chest. “That pegasus tries to get me to do things all the time. I only do it when I feel like it. That's not likely to change.”
The cat gave a soft laugh behind a paw, gently lifting Angel off of her chest a bit. “Well, darling, that is because the dear mare prefers to almost exclusively deal in 'soft power.' I am far more flexible, and can freely deal in fair doses of 'hard power.'” So saying, she unsheathed her claws and held them up in Angel's face.
Angel leaped up and to the side, his face a mask of smug security. “I got yer 'hard power' right here, Opal.” Both paws came down and gripped between his rock-solid and powerful rabbit thighs, giving a shake.
Opal polished her claws on her chest, barely looking aside at Angel as he made his gesture. “Well now... how uncouth. And really, darling... were both paws REALLY necessary to cup and lift?”
Angel grabbed his belly and imitated a gasp, as if stricken. “Oh! Oh that is cold, dearie.” Angel laughed softly, hopping off to the kitchen. After a bit of clattering and rattling he returned with a dish of milk. “Here ya go. Drink up.”
“Ahh, Angel, you are a true gentlehare.” Opal leaned down to take a lick, but stopped just short. “Did you add anything to this?”
Angel gave a soft laugh and winked. “Anything I could add is already elsewhere. See me in fifteen minutes for some more.”
“Oh you! So vulgar. How delightful.” Opal lapped up a few mouthfuls of milk but considered one other matter. “There were no... 'dipping' related antics going on, were there?”
Angel slapped his knee and shook his head with a laugh. “Nah, I promise. But you can come and check if you like.”
“I trust you.” Another few laps followed, then a contented sigh. “Such a fine day. The mares are out for a date, and we have had a glorious time indeed. But... there is still so much time to fill.”
“Fifteen minutes. Come on, give me some credit...”
“No, I mean through the course of the day. It will be hours before they return. We must fill that time somehow, in a greater fashion than the carnal. I mean no offense to you, but that only carries so far.”
“Eh, none taken. You're right. After all, I don't want to let the specialness go out of it. Or, you know, overfill you.” With another laugh angel returned to the kitchen, coming back into the main room with a carrot. “So what's on your pretty mind?”
Opal languidly licked at her dish of milk, purring softly once more. “I was just considering... how fortunate it is that our caretakers are in a relationship. It is so wonderful to see them happy. Rarity has been a charming mare since she finally opened her eyes. And I would imagine your Fluttershy has been even more chipper. She has always been a perfectly sweet mare, but love does have its ways of improving even perfection.”
“She has her moments. But man, that mare is CRAZY sometimes. If things get out of paw she just start to lose it. And don't EVEN ask about 'New Fluttershy.' That was a misery.” Angel rolled his eyes and snuggled up beside Opal. “But I guess you're right. We got lucky that our mares got together. It certainly wouldn't work out well for the others. I don't really think Tank is Winona's type.”
“And I would hardly think Owlowiscious has all that much in common with Gummy... oh my...” A very feline smile crossed Opal's face, and she scratched her chin with a claw. “I do believe I'm had a most wickedly fun notion...”
“You're going to go through with my idea? I still have the princess dress, tongue depressors, bandit mask, firm cherries, twine...” Angel was grinning like a pervert, a thin drool stream coming from the corner of his mouth.
“No! Not at all!” Opal paused a beat and noted, “Not until this weekend so I may groom properly. But I mean, I believe I have a wonderful way to make this day far more interesting.”
“I'm game. I need a little entertainment besides the bunny bop. Oh you are GREAT, carrotcake, but there's more to life that a thigh workout. So talk away. I'll go right along.”
“Well, just mentioning out friends put me in mind of Winona. Our strong, hard-working herding friend. Surely not the swiftest paw on the cat, but she does well enough. Wouldn't it be amusing if we could convince her to look for her special somebeing? Or perhaps... influence her towards one of our other dear friends? There is much amusement to be found in romantic misadventures. Or so Rarity's movies would lead me to believe.”
Angel tapped his foot on the ground, considering it while he ate his carrot. “Well, sounds like it would be more fun that trying to get a straight answer out of Owlowiscious. Waffling feathery... anyhow, what poor sap do you have in mind for having to deal with the mad dog Winona?”
Opal made a motion with a claw, drawing in her lagomorph lover. “You shall go to Winona, as you live closer to her, and tell here there is to be a meeting between herself and a secret figure, this evening, under Celestia's statue as the sun sets. And meanwhile, as I am in town, I shall go to the other party. Let us see if we can turn this day into something very interesting.”


- - -


“Winona! Winona! Where the rhizome are you? Winona!' Angel was out in the fields of Sweet Apple Acres, having rushed with all his capacity from the boutique and out to the reaches of the Ponyville municipal area. He was searching around the Apple family homestead, using his nose to try and find the herding dog.
“Angel! Angel! Angel! You're here! That's great! Hey did you know you smell like Opal's musk?” All of a sudden, she was there, the brown-and-white goofball with her perpetual happy smile and hanging tongue. “Were you trying to make kittens again? You know you can't have kittens with her.”
“Yea, yea, I know. That's kinda good for both of us. I wouldn't mind, but this way we can get to the fun as much as we want and not get interrupted by a litter. But that's REALLY none of your business. You really have got no tact, do you? Jeez, I'm a jerk and even I can hold back commentary like that. Living with that Element of Honesty really sapped your capacity to not mention when I've been doing the two-pet conga. That's not the point. I've got a message for you.”
“Oh yea? What is it? What is it? Tell me tell me tell me!” Winona bounced eagerly around Angel, filled with a sudden surge of energy. Not an unusual thing for her.
Angel thumped a foot on the ground and looked sternly at Winona. “Hey! Hey! Chill out! Dang... no need to go all crazy. I heard it from Opal who heard it right from the source that you have got a secret admirer.”
Winona gasped and went wide-eyed. She bounced wildly in place, like Pinkie Pie on a sugar high. “I do? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”
Angel shook his head and sighed. “Now you're sounding like your owner's marefriend. I guess that kind of thing can happen. Yea, you've got a secret admirer. She didn't give me any information, except to say that he wants to meet you. This evening. At Celestia's statue, as the sun is going down.”
“Oh wow... this is amazing! I'm going to meet a secret admirer! Oh my gosh! I need to roll in something nice and make sure I'm not at all wet! Thanks for telling me! Thank Opal too! And pounce her good!”
“What the? Hey! That's not..!” But it was too late. Winona was already off to another part of the farm. “Ugh... well, at least she's going for it. I hope Opal has as much luck.”


- - -


“Well then, I'm glad you let me meet with you. I understand you are often busy.” Opal paced slowly, bleeding off nervous energy. She loved it when a plan started to come together just right. “I thought it was important that you know this. According to Angel, who is out there and sees her often, Winona is very interested in meeting you.”
The one to whom she was speaking did not respond. He did not even move.
“And don't worry. You will, I am certain, look perfect for it. I know that Rarity has made outfits for you and they are still in your possession. And worry not. If you require accessories, there are more than enough at the boutique. Now, have you considered what you would care to wear? The meeting will be at sunset, at Celestia's statue.”
Again, there was no response and no motion save for a slow blink.
“Let me see your outfits and I shall pick something appropriate.” Opal moved to a small space, filled with small outfits. She pulled out a tuxedo jacket and a top hat with a toothy smile. “Here! This is it. And I know just the accessory that  will make it really shine. Trust me. This will be a wonderful evening.”
Gummy had no noticeable reaction to the comment. He only blinked again, one eye, then the other.
> The Grand Reveal
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	“You're kidding me. You really, REALLY had better be kidding me, babe!” Angel gave Opal an askance glance, arms crossed over his chest while he considered the cat.
“Come on, darling, do it! We want this little amusing prank of ours to be played absolutely to the hilt.” Opal smiled hopefully and held out a large pet brush. They were both standing beneath Celestia's statue, the sun just past its zenith.
“It's bad enough I need to help my roommate brush her mane. And she feeds me! I'm not going to try to get that psycho bitch to sit still long enough for me to brush her whole body! That walking hairball is huge!”
“Now, darling... she's a very NICE bitch. Merely very energetic. You would not call Pinkie Pie psycho, would you?”
Angel tapped his chin. “Well...”
“Would. You?” Opal unsheathed her claws, digging them into the wooden handle of the brush, sinking rather easily into it. She also glared daggers at her lover, eyes going slitted.
“N-no! Of course not. Hey, come on veggie bun... you know me.” Angel approached Opal and drew her into a tight embrace, quickly muttering, “But I'm still not going to do it.”
Opal rolled her eyes and shoved the brush into his hands. “Just do it! Or somebunny won't be eating cherries out of the bowl he was expecting this weekend.”
Angel snapped a smart salute and placed the brush over his shoulder, like a good soldier. “I'll figure out something. Leave it to me, my carrot stick.” He turned to leave but called back, “Anything else you need me to do?”
“If you could, get her to roll in something pleasant, such as some flowers or perhaps a patch of wild herbs. Bathing a dog is... not the best of ideas when there is limited time. Meanwhile, I shall do my best to prepare our little Casanova. Just make certain she is here on time and that she does not, under any circumstance, come into town before the appointed hour.”
Angel nodded and then gave a splutter of his lips. “This is gonna be one of those days. There's just too much pressure in my day.”
“Well, Angel dear, that is what the princess dress and tongue depressors are for. You need only... wait.” Opal gave a saucy wink and languidly turned towards Sugarcube Corner.
Angel was off like a shot, madly hopping through the sparsely-populated streets of Ponyville, out into the farmland. Winona was waiting for him, but only barely. She was by the barn, fidgeting and running herself in circles, constantly looking out for the white streak. “Angel! Angel! You're back! Why did I have to stay here? Where did you go? What do you have there? Hey! I smell Opal! Were you bouncing her again?”
“Gaaaaaaah! Tact! Tact! Even I have it!” Angel dropped the brush, clawed his fingers and groaned to the sky. He then cleared his throat, slicking back his ears and picking the brush up again. “Ahem. I mean, no. I was there to get a brush and some tips on how to make this meeting go right. She wants me to groom you. And get you to roll in some flowers or some herbs or something.”
“Oh! Herbs! There are lots of those around the farm! Plenty of them. My owner has plenty of nice-smelling things growing everywhere.”
“Well, there's no surprise. But you need to roll in something before I can give you a brushing. And I can't believe that I, in my life, am saying this to anybody. I have spiraled out of control somewhere.” Angel slapped himself on the forehead and looked like he was getting a migraine.
“Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! I can take you to Applebloom's special herbs!” Winona snapped her head up and looked off into a distant part of the farm.
“”Special herbs”? Really?” Angel looked up incredulously and tilted his head at the dog. But it was too late, she was already running off. “Hey! Urrrrgh! Opal was wrong! I mean...” He glanced around wildly, looking a little fearful as he chased his fellow animal.
Winona ducked into a stand of trees that revealed a huge spread of plants, in neatly arranged rows. The dog sniffed slowly at the rows, tail wagging rapidly as she began to gingerly pick the plants from the ends and lay them slowly in a pile. “Here! Here! These special herbs.”
“Huh. You know, for a second I thought these would be a totally different sort of special herbs. I don't know why. Anyhow, just what kind of herbs are these and why are they tucked in here?”
“These are the herbs Applebloom got from Zecora. One of her tests for herbalism is to raise them. Mostly it's the cure for Poison Joke, plus a few more. She sends the Poison Joke cure to places, like Canterlot and a few little towns, wherever Applejack tells her. I guess it makes them some money.” Winona threw herself onto the pile, grinding her back solidly against the plants, working them into her fur, using the solidity of the hard-packed earth outside of the cultivated area.
Angel took a sniff of the ground mixture, wiggling his nose a little bit as the warm aroma swam around his his olfactory region. “Mmm, nice. Guess I can see why they use this junk in the spa. I prefer cat fur and carrots, but that's just me. Get on with it a little faster. I've got a LOT of brushing to do. And I'm only one rabbit. So let me get to it.”
“There's time! It doesn't take that long to brush me out. Fluttershy can do it pretty fast. She's really good at it. Didn't she teach you about that?” Winona looked across at the rabbit, seeming slightly incredulous.
“Hey! Come on, look at me! Yea, I'm HUGE when it comes to giving Opal the old buck-bounce, but I'm about as big as this stupid brush. It's not going to be very easy to get the job done. Wow. Never thought I'd be saying that either. This IS a weird day.”

- - -

“Now... I have brought you the one accessory piece that I believe will give you the proper appearance and draw together all your attire. You will be a Canterlot-ready classy gentlereptile.” Opal smiled, holding a monocle in her paw, letting it dangle from its chain.
Gummy stood before her, silent and inscrutable, occasionally giving a blink in his usual one-eye-then-the-other manner. He was beside his little tuxedo, which looked to have been pressed and cleaned, with a small top hat beside it. He opened his mouth and just let out a noise, the word, “Nice.”
“My word. You certainly are talkative today. That is excellent! No one likes a silent date. And Winona is a chatty bitch, much like your own Pinkie Pie. You must sweep her off her paws and win her heart with the force of your mighty personality and suavity.”
The little alligator glanced off, almost in two directions at once, in some semblance of the town mailmare. He opened his maw again and said, “Winona.”
“Yes indeed! That is the spirit, darling! Follow that feeling, cultivate those talkative instincts! Latch on tight and let it guide you. You can do this. You must! You must! You cannot disappoint the fair Winona, can you? Of course you cannot.” Opal's small burst of histrionics ended as she moved to the tuxedo. “Now, to dress. There may be much time remaining but if living with Rarity has taught me anything, it is that to properly dress a being requires endless fuss and focus.”
Gummy appeared to have no opinion on the matter, just standing and staring at nothing for a long, long moment. Then he scooted quickly over to Opal and stood up, bracing himself on his tail and his spread rear legs.
“Oh! My... yes. You CAN move rather quickly when the mood strikes you, can you not? Perhaps that should be part of your strategy of wooing? Prove you can match her manic energy and great lust for life! Surely that will impress the energized beauty.” Opal quickly moved in with a measuring tape, comparing marks made from measuring the attire to Gummy's body. “As ever, perfect. Rarity certainly knows her business.”
Gummy stood still for the measurement, as was his wont. His head was up, looking vaguely in the direction of the ceiling of Pinkie's garret. “Nice fit.”
“Of course. Now, hold those legs out and I'll get this wonderful piece of couture upon you to begin the process.” Opal took up the white shirt and slipped it around Gummy's body, sliding his legs through the sleeves and letting him get comfortable with it before she did up the small fasteners that held it on. “There. How is that? I don't want to to bind or twist under the jacket.”
“Perfect.” The reply was sincere, though the lack of expression on his face drained it of some of that sincerity.
“Wonderful!” Then came the tuxedo jacket, carefully slipped on and buttoned it up, adding the tie immediately afterward. Her deft paws were quite expert, making up the tie perfectly, resting it against the lowest part of his reptilian throat. “You look like a postcard.”
Gummy dropped back down onto all fours, blinking his eyes one by one. “Charming.” He dipped his head lightly, showing off the top.
“Oh! Of course! Your fine little hat.” She took up the tall top hat and settled it gingerly on Gummy's head. She brushed the top off and fell back onto her haunches with a smile. “Do you not look like a proper little canine-heart-breaker? Of course you do. Ahh, Winona will be wholly unable to resist your charm.”
“Monocle.”
“Pardon?”
“Monocle.” Gummy repeated, head turning just slightly to look at the lone accessory sitting off to the side.
“Of course. How careless of me.” Opal picked it up and clipped the end of the chain to the small pocket on Gummy's jacket. She settled the gold-circled lens over his right eye, slowly turning it left and right, to achieve just the right angle on the connection point of the chain.
Gummy stood there, attired like a proper gentlecolt, as often seen in the fashion magazines and other media. He did not seem overly impressed but then, he seldom did. He waddled his way over to a mirror to admire himself. In some sense. He mostly looked on the mirror in a manner functionally identical to his usual blank, glassy stare.
Opal came up behind him and adjusted the angle of his hat just slightly, adjusting it into a slightly more rakish tilt, a smile spreading on her face as she looked into the mirror. She hid her disappointment at the alligator's lack of response very well. “Yes. This is it. I'm almost disappointed it was so easy. Oh but that was mostly you. Seldom have I see such a wonderfully patient client. And didn't it all come together wonderfully?”
Gummy blinked in his usual way before responding, “Quite.”

- - -

Angel and Opal did their best to keep Winona and Gummy in place. It was easy to do with Winona. Angel had not been exaggerating about the difficulty of brushing the full-sized canine. He was operating under Opal's very specific instructions, requiring him to brush the rolled-in herbs, before he could even get to actually pulling the knots from the working dog's coat. And that was a complicated process given the difficult nature of her normal job. Even after that, there was the matter of actually brushing out the fur into a clean, properly-directed waving.
It was... unusual for Gummy. Gummy typically moved on his own schedule and in his own time. He could spend all day staring at a single point on the wall, if not moved around by Pinkie. He could also spend his day skittering about oddly, into all the nooks and crannies of Ponyville and near environs. His motivations were a complete mystery. That made Opal's job more difficult. She had to subtly move into his path, and keep him inside the garret.
At last, however, the hour was at paw. The sun slowly began to dip in the sky, prompting Opal to let Gummy out into the square. He needed very little prompting to skitter out through the bakery and out the front door, directly across to the square and to the great statue of Celestia. Opal was behind him to whole time, minding his outfit and making certain nothing spoiled the look of it.
She needn't have worried, however. Gummy was surprisingly agile and quick while walking about slightly elevated  just on his feet, belly held up from the ground to not dirty the tuxedo in the slightest. He just scrambled up to the statue, climbed the base and stood beneath Celestia's rearing form.
They did nto have to wait there for very long. The barking was audible long before the annoyed ponies started leaping out of the way of the rushing ball of fur and slobber that charged through town, with a white streak charging behind her with desperate bounds. Winona was yapping her head off and burning out her natural energy with the power of her dash. “It's time! It's time! It's time! I'm coming! Here I am! Here I am!”
“Hey! Slow down! Slow down! I'm a rabbit, not Pinkie Pie! Get back here!” Angel was proving his stamina, not panting yet, despite not being quite as fast as his crazy charge. Still, he was pushing himself to the limit, using Winona's wake to keep himself from getting trod upon.
“Darling, no need to guard her any longer. The time is right.” Opal casually strolled away from the statue, slinking her way to a respectful distance and sitting down with a cheery smile.
Angel leaped away from Winona's wake and bounces his way over to Opal, grinning and pressing up against her. “Alright. Let the awkwardness begin.”
Winona galloped up to the statue and cast her eyes all around, eagerly panting. She looked high up, and around, until she finally looked down and to the center. “Oh hey Gummy! Have you seen him? Have you? Have you?”
The little alligator's response was to turn his head and rather lucidly inquire, “Whom?”
“My secret admirer! I had to come down and tell him it's really, really sweet. But that I can't really return his feelings.”
“What?!” The cat and rabbit cried out simultaneously, eyes going wide and fur puffing out.
Gummy's head went back to proper position, and he adjusted his tie. “I think I am your secret admirer.”
Opal went slack-jawed at that, pointing disbelievingly. “Since when could he speak so well?”
“Since when could he speak that much?” Angel asked, blinking rapidly and shaking his head.
Winona suddenly looked to the two, as if suddenly realizing they were there. “What? You didn't know Gummy is a genius?”
“A what now? Genius? Uhhh...” Angel looked disbelievingly on the blank stare Gummy was giving, as well as the slight sway in his tail “I'm gonna call “not possible” on that one.”
“No, really it's true!” Winona brought her head right beside Gummy's and gave it a little nudge. “Did you ever wonder why he's always staring like that? He's always thinking really, REALLY deeply.”
“My intellectual hobbies include calculus, theoretical thaumaturgy, logic puzzles and attempting to understand Pinkie Pie. I am afraid that may meet with failure.”
“Wait, wait, wait a moment...” Opal held up a paw, taking a deep breath and releasing it as a sigh. “I may be willing to believe that Gummy is some sort of hidden genius. Stranger things have happened. But... you two? In a relationship? Impossible. I would have known. You cannot simply hide such things from prying, romantic eyes such as mine.”
“Oh... well... sorry to tell you like this but... we've been together for a long time. I think we've been together longer than you and Angel! We're just really quiet about it.”
“Discretion, and propriety, are, after all, the soul of the true gentlereptile. And as my attire would indicate, I am thus, to the hilt, as it were.” Gummy continued to deliver his words with the same bizarre lack of attitude change.
“So then...” Opal looked all around, doing everything in her power to not look embarassed.
“Oh! This was very nice of you! It's not quite what you probably had in mind, I guess a blind date because you thought I was lonely. But it's still great! Another date with Gummy! And you even got him into his tuxedo! I love his tuxedo. He looks so... citified and handsome.” Winona nuzzled in at Gummy's neck, dipping little licks ever few nuzzles.
“I was quite aware of the nature of your game when first you mentioned Winona's name. You truly are a decadent pair. But such is a part of your ineffable charms. I do not hold it against you. It is only your way.” Gummy turned his head just slightly, rubbing gently against Winona. “And now my dear... we may enjoy time together.”
“Oh yes! This is so great! Thank you guys so much! I love a good date with him.” Winona went to town, locking the uncovered parts of Gummy's face, her tail wagging a mile a minute.
Opal looked on the touching scene while leaning against her love. Then, to break the silence between them asked, “How... how do you suppose they..?”
“Don't.” The rabbit lightly placed a paw on Opal's lips. “I've reached my maximum capacity for weirdness for the day. The next time I want to see anything weird it'll involve a bandit mask and twine.”
Opal nudged Angel softly and grinned. “And cherries, tongue depressors and my beautiful princess dress...”
> Day of Silence
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Every two weeks, for one day, Owlowiscious altered his regular schedule. He stayed awake during the day, and the following night, returning to a nocturnal schedule afterward. That was why he did it so infrequently. It took such a toll on him. But if he did not, it would weigh on him, being disconnected from the others in the town. He felt it was his duty to be available during the day at least sometimes. He owed it to Twilight and the others to be an actual part of life.
The problem was he often spent his day doing the things he did at night. He arranged books and papers or straightened up. In times before that would have agitated his fellow library assistant, Spike. But since he had gained some height and muscle definition he felt more inclined to take advantage of opportunities to relax and go out on the town. It worked out well for the dragon, but left Owlowiscious alone more often than not. He could not even always count on the presence of his young charge, Peewee the phoenix. Spike took him very often, as some sort of living accessory.
It was during one of those daytime working periods that Owlowiscious found himself alone, arranging some papers on the large desk Twilight used for research. A sound behind him made his head spin all the way to the back. “Who?”
The door to the library opened slowly, almost grandly, as though preparing to admit a regal figure. Rather what was revealed was the slow-moving Tank the tortoise. His head pushed slowly but steadily on the door that was enormous from his perspective. He then slowly made his way in, one foot in front of them other while looking up to his noctual friend.
“Ahh, Tank. Your timing is most propitious. This day has been terribly slow and difficult. I have screeched for help often but received no assistance from Spike nor Peewee. You are, ever, a steady and reliable friend and helper in these endeavors. And I would be forever in your debt if you would aid me.”
Tank made his way steadily into the room, not throwing all his effort into it, using more of a casual slow walk that didn't unduly strain his body. He looked up with his usual large eyes to Owlowiscious and seemed prepared to speak.
The owl cut him off with a slight whoo and sudden smile. “Thank you! No need to speak, my friend. Your actions speak louder than your words, as they say. You make me proud to call you friend, Tank. You are so very faithful, just as your caretaker. Have you your aerialist accoutrements?”
Tank ducked his head and limbs into his shell, a slight clattering coming from within before all the extremities popped out, each pushing out some piece of the thaumatomechanical system that allowed him to fly. He slowly began to move the parts into place around himself, mouth slowly starting to open, to tell something to Owlowiscious.
“Save your words, my dear friend. I understand you clearly. Allow me to assist you, as you will be assisting me.” The owl swooped down to his tortoise friend, nimble talons taking each enchanted part in turn and putting it where it needed to be, swiftly assembling the system, connecting the enchanted batteries and even gingerly placing Tank's goggles onto his face. “And there, perfect. Now you may assist unencumbered by the cruel bonds of gravity.”
Tank looked himself over, checking strap tightness, goggle position and everything else, finding them all exactly as he liked them. He gave a slow but broad smile, and slowly inhaled, as if to speak.
“Thank me another time, my loyal friend. Come, we must begin. As ever, my dear companion Twilight has left a bit of a chaotic state and Spike has taken my young charge to attempt to attract mares once more. Well, at least I am left with some measure of consistency. It helps to make the monotony seem noble. Come then, friend. Off to the stacks, to labor as we may and set to right what life has tumbled about.” With a powerful flap of his wings Owlowiscious was up and away, Tank hovering close behind.
Their attention first went to the obvious book piles in the entrance area, the tossed-about tomes at least placed in piles of similar size and thickness. Order in the chaos, which was the heart of Twilight Sparkle's nature. Tank set to task right away, zipping in and pulling the books up and arranging them on the ground in neat stacks, arranging them by subject. This made it easier for Owlowiscious to flap in and grab books two at a time, flying over to the appropriate sections and sliding them into their places.
They worked in necessary silence. Words were completely unnecessary, as both had a kind of mechanical precision about their activity, both meshing together so that when Owlowiscious reached into the third stack from the right he was grasping something from Pony History, because he and Tank had previously worked out an efficient system. It all went along smoothly, bringing a rare smile to the owl's beak. He was not, by nature, a dour creature. But he seldom found a reason to smile. But efficient cleaning was something to celebrate. It meant he could have more time to enjoy the day once he was finished.
“That was even faster than last week, I do suspect. We do make for quite a pair when left alone together, do we not, friend Tank?”
Tank slowly nodded his head and pulled a slow smile, preparing to comment.
“But of course we do. And just imagine what we may do when our task is once finished. With the books put away, we may, as ever, move to the miscellaneous paper messes. Twilight has been... prolific in her making of lists this week, leaving a trailing notice of the same in her wake. Such is life with a scholar. Come along then, I shall take the ink and quill pieces, you take the scraps and bits of paper.”
Tank nodded slowly, not bothering to try and speak. His mouth only opened to take some paper into his mouth, more of it gathered up between his limbs. It was easy enough to hover up and bear it all away into the paper pulper Twilight kept in the kitchen. An ingenious little piece of magical technology that needed only water and time to turn scrap paper back into usable paper.
Owlowiscious, meanwhile, swept broken pieces of quill up with his wings, somewhat aware of the strangeness of gathering up broken feathers with his whole feathers. They were then gathered up and taken to the trash receptacle, leaving him to handle ink spots. Thankfully, Twilight had formulated an effective surface cleaner which worked perfectly on ink, without any harsh effects on his talons. She had had to adjust her various cleaning formulae when she got an assistant without effectively-indestructible skin.
Between the two working together in niches which suited them they finished up quickly. “We have been quite efficient. So much faster than alone, at night. I do not say it often enough, Tank friend, but I appreciate your company and your loyal dedication. I could do this without you. But never as fast, and certainly not half as enjoyably. Your presence is a treat and a treasure.”
Tank hovered back into the main room, a light blush tinting his cheeks as he was complimented so much. “I...” He began.
“Man! Almost had it! Almost had it!” The door suddenly burst open, revealing Spike, looking taller and slimmer than he had been in younger days, with Peewee the phoenix chick on his shoulder and a thin mustache on his upper lip. “That pegasus was TOTALLY into me. And Peewee, you were really working that magic. But then... big, long, thick mustaches only... I need to get Twilight to bump it up! Like she does when the guys are in town.” He finally noticed that he was not alone with his pet. “Oh hey Tank, Owlowiscious. Thanks for picking up the slack. The place looks great! Less work for me.”
Owlowiscious gave Spike his usual big-eyed look. “Whoo.”
“Who's the bird? You're the bird!” Spike grinned at gave a double-finger point with a wink. “Oh, and Tank, you're the... terra... terra... you're the reptile. Guess I'll just kick back with a snack and a movie. AJ's cousin sent me the latest crop of turquoise. It tastes great even without aging.”
After Spike had wandered upstairs, saying something about golden dawn or similar, Peewee turned his attention to Owlowiscious. “Hey! Hey! Hey! I was helping him again! He said that the mares love me because I'm tiny and cute and rare. Isn't that cool? I get to be useful! I get all the mares!” The little bird smiled brightly for a moment then asked, “What does that mean?”
Owlowiscious gave a hooting chuckle and shoot his head. “Hooo my. It would appear I must instruct my young charge on the ways of world while skirting the particulars. My occupation has become truly unique and interesting. My great apologies, Tank. With the arrival of Peewee I must assume my mentoring role once more. Such a tragedy. Another time, my dear friend. Another day.”
Tank gave a slow nod of his head, his feelings hidden behind his heavy flight goggles. He hovered up and to the door. Before he could open it, Owlowiscious was there, holding it open for him with a cheerful smile. That was the image that Tank took with him as he zipped along the paths of Ponyville, watching the ponies pass beneath. At long last he was able to speak, and say what had been stifled all day. “I love you, Owlowiscious...”
> Contemplative Mania
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Owlowiscious used his occasional daylight waking hours to good effect. He frolicked with the ponies and their pets at the playdates, he studied any books that caught his fancy, cleaned, and observed the ways and habits of the population of Ponyville. And he also had to handle...
“Hey! Hey! What's going on? What's happening? What's up, filly? Spike says that! He says that a lot and sometimes they don't get mad at him! Why do the mares get mad? Why don't they want to go with Spike? He wants to take them to eat! Eating is great. I love eating. Fish and stuff is super good and there's always some. Can we get fish?” Peewee the phoenix chick. A thousand terathaums of energy in a package barely bigger than the egg that had held him.
“Peewee. How do you manage to contain such exuberant energy within such a diminutive frame? And how is it that you were found to be such a match with Spike? One would almost suspect you were Pinkie Pie in phoenix form.” Owlowiscious shook his head and contemplated his young ward.
“I dunno! I'm just really, really fired up all the time! At least that's what Spike says. And he knows. He's a dragon.” Peewee beamed up at the older bird, his giant head making the smile even more adorable.
“Indeed... indeed. Well, Peewee, I can tell you this much: Spike is attempting to get to know these mares. Very well. He desires a... relationship with one. At least I hope it is with one. And the only way to meet new folk is to make contact. But all my study has shown that this is often an inexact science. There are a multitude of ways one may be joined. And while not all are ideal they suffice for they that experience them.”
Peewee flitted about around Owlowiscious, looking as though he hadn't heard a word the owl had said. “You use big words a lot! Was that an answer? I didn't get it. Why is Spike always talking to mares that don't like him when he wants them to like him?”
“Perhaps it would benefit if I were to take you around the town and show you what I mean. An educational experience; like a sort of field trip. It would do us both a world of good. I should get out of the library now and then. Fresh air is most beneficial. Come along, Peewee.” Owlowiscious flapped over to the window, unlatching it and flying out, with Peewee in quick but adorably-awkward pursuit.
They winged their way across Ponyville, looking down on the bustling and active community as it flew past beneath them. None of the ponies ever looked up, though they saw Angel and Opal lounging out in post-coital delight on the roof of Carousel Boutique, and they both waved, in a slightly distant and vacant fashion. Owlowiscious declined to comment on them; while romance was the heart of their relationship, lust formed the woody sheath around that heart, and such carnality was not for Peewee's ears quite yet.
They alit on an overgrown tree branch that reached out towards a metal-meshed window with decorative wrought ironwork on the outside, sufficient to prevent using the window as a way of getting in or out of the room into which the window was set, even if it was open. That room was a bland, bare white space with walls and floor made of cloth, containing a bed and nothing much else, save for a pair of figures.
One was a mare, a grayish and older figure with mussed mane, wearing two pairs of slippers and a white robe. She was panting, not unlike Winona did on hot days, and occasionally made little canine-like vocalizations that did not actually mean anything. She was pressed up against the other figure in the room, a tall, strong-looking brown stallion with a tight, close-cropped mane. He had a belt loaded with equipment suitable for constable work, and wore a blue shirt with buttons. The two earth ponies looked very close.
The stallion spoke, softly, as though believing he was under observation from figures that were not avian in nature. “I know you like when I come here. But I... I can't do this. I don't... I don't want you to get too used to me. I want to be here for you. But you're... here. And it's wrong for me to feel this way about you. Not because you act like a dog. But because you're a pony. And can't tell me you want me with you.”
“Hoo. How unexpected. I find at this time of day that that guard is usually quieter and merely lets that mare be his companion. Now he seems to be backing away because she cannot respond.”
“But why are we here? What does this have to do with anything? I asked about Spike and mares, not about the crazy barking pony lady.”
“This in an aspect of affection, a facet of the relationship between others. Here is a tragedy. That guard fell in love with that mare. She has not the guile to put on airs and affectations like other mares. She is what she is. As you say, a crazy, barking pony. Her affection is pure. Too pure. It is all implied. No one may be in a relationship with a pony or other thinking being judged insane. On other days he only sat and thought, while she leaped about him and occasionally gave canine-kisses. It has gone on as long as I have been aware, since the first time I sat upon this branch and looked in on their lives.”
Peewee actually slowed his energetic flying, looking thoughtful as all the words were digested. “So... does Spike have to try and find a crazy mare? Because Twilight and Pinkie are crazy.”
“My caretaker and Pinkie are both bonded so tightly no force on Equestria or beyond could ever cast them asunder.  But that is not the point. My young charge, I mean that Spike is trying to meet someone whom he can trust, as that guileless mare. But he must take care that he finds a mare the law will not restrict from him.” Owlowiscious looked down on the scene again, his normally-inscrutable eyes clouding a touch. “Come along, Peewee. Let us leave them. Tragedy should never be shared without consent.”
The two avians flew over Ponyville once more, noting the slightly-more-populated streets as the sun passed its zenith and midday chores gave way to afternoon loitering and playdates after foals had gotten out of school.
Owlowiscious came down on Celestia's statue, perching on the princess' head, while Peewee chose her horn. They were looking at the various passing ponies and on a knot of six that were there to stay for a while. They were all female, an unsurprising collection; four mares and two fillies. The four mares laid on two adjacent benches, looking at the two fillies playing. On one, the farmer Carrot Top, with her wife Ditzy the mailmare pressed up close beside her. On the other bench local orthodontist with her wife Berry Punch. The two couples watched over their foals, the unicorns Dinky Doo and Berry Pinch.
“Love, with the damaged. Not profoundly. Not impossible to overcome. But with harm to one side. See there, Ditzy Doo. She has lived all her life with a wild talent, born with a natural magical skill unsuited to her race. Pinkie has the same, she detects mana trace that is translated by her earth pony body into twitches that tell of local conditions. Ditzy reads interpersonal traces the same way, her eyes affected by the lack of a horn to properly route the mana flow.” Owlowiscious swept his wing from Ditzy to Berry. “An alcoholic. Born with a deadly thirst deep in her body. She fought as hard as she could, and now is winning the fight with the aid of her family.”
“Wow! You're even better at gossip than Rarity is! How do you know so much stuff? Know anything else? What about them? Do they have secrets? Do they? Huh? Gossip with me!”
“Peewee.” Owlowiscious sternly fluffed his feathers and took on a commanding tone. “I am a gentlebird. I am endeavoring to educate and edify that you may, in the fullness of time, be the same for the long period of your life and rebirths, avoiding the ways of Philomina. Princesses' phoenix though she may be she is still a poor role model. Now, pay attention please. I was explaining something important.”
Peewee shot up straighter, even if his chunky body made that hard to notice. “Alright. I'll listen.”
“The hurt, the battered, the damaged need a special kind of love and understanding. A combination of gentleness and rigidity. Not coddled, not ignored. The greatest, clearest show of the great balancing act that is love. Spike must balance his flexibility with a certain firmness. He may not wish a mare of that sort. But if he finds one and finds he fancies her he will need guidance to walk the narrow middle lane.”
Peewee turned his head curiously, his manic energy seeming to melt away under the pall of confusion. “What? What do you mean?”
Rather than answer, Owlowiscious flapped away, his face unusually stern and set. He led the way from the central area of Ponyville out into the fertile farmland just outside of it. Along the way they encountered Winona in a free moment. She appeared, at first, to be alone, but careful observation showed a green figure clinging to her back. Gummy noted his own observation and waved his tail. His canine lover did not notice, her crazed energy allowing her to see only what was ahead.
They made it to the barn area of Sweet Apple Acres, which was occupied at that time. There was a large table set up in front of the barn, containing a twisted collection of pipes and glassware, along with several small burners and many, many containers of plant matter, discarded animal bits and oddly-colored liquids. At the table were Applebloom and Zecora, both wearing lab coats and goggles.
“See, Zecora? Ah borrowed all this stuff from missus Cheerilee so's ah could show ya that ah knew how ta make that tooth potion too. It ain't the way ya showed me but ah think it still works.”
Zecora chuckled pleasantly and ruffled Applebloom's mane. “I do not down that this is true;/ It's not the equipment, it is you.”
Applebloom beamed proudly in her usual way, hooves twisting various knobs and pouring concoctions into the connected and heated containers. “Ah'm doin' mah best. Ah've gotta learn all the stuff in school PLUS what y'all 're teachin' me. Granny says ah may not need ta go ta college 'cause ah'm gonna have a big ol' head stuffed with all this leanin'.”
“Oh no my love, you must be college-bound./ Do not let yourself be shackled to this ground.”
“Ah dunno... ah thought ah could stay here, get mah reputation fer farmin' and herbs 'n' such an' jes live here 'r in the forest with ya once we get ourselves hitched.”
“But Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are aiming at the university./ Why let them go off on their own just on account of me?”
“Ah can't think of anywheres else ah'd rather be than by yer side once ah have that chance.” Applebloom blushed a bit, and nuzzled at Zecora's throat. “We can be good 'n' happy here, an' still make a good livin' together.”
“Spike... is a teenager. A teenager of about her age if not more. That is why he finds it so desperate and necessary to try and court a mare. His body is screaming for him to find a target for affection. That is not the proper response. He must not seek mere slaking, like the movies he pretends he does not own or in the books he says he does not read.  He must seek a love that has the warmth of affection, a spark of passion, but a coolness that will let it persist for many a year. He will last longer than any mare he may find, especially as he seeks one now, in his teens. He must ensure it will last every second allotted.” Owlowiscious spoke to the air, looking at the heartwarming scene rather than at Peewee.
“Why are you telling me this? I really don't get it.” Peewee hopped around his mentor, looking up at him and blinking in confusion.
“I was there. I saw nothing. I did nothing. I guided no one.” Owlowiscious stared past the scene before him. “When Twilight was so confused, when she did not know that Pinkie was her one, true love, she resorted to... something terrible. In the end she did not. But she could have. I did nothing at all to stop her. And it haunts me to this day.” He turned his head nearly all the way around, his eyes moist with tears. “I do not want the mistakes of the past to meet the new generation. You have some subtle control of Spike. You may direct his attention, affect his mood, and do all you may to make certain he walks the right path.”
The energetic little phoenix's mind was forever making connections between the airiest subjects, often seeming to be missing the point, when he was already a hundred topics ahead. “What about you? Don't you have anyone? You're always all alone at night.”
“I... think the lesson is over. You understand the wisdom I wished to impart. Spike must be directed carefully. Led away from bad mares, led to the good. Those suited to him. Now... be on your way as you will. I have someplace I must be.” Owlowiscious took off with a tremendous flap of wings, attracting the notice of the filly and mare.
Because of the current state of interpersonal relationships around Ponyville, it was a very short flight from the farm to Rainbow Dash's cloud manor. Owlowiscious dodged around the rainbow waterfall, which emptied into a tank for collection and recycling into the manor's reservoir. Rainbow Dash herself was out, either helping her fiancee with applebucking, competing with her, or playing their usual game of “Which tree is that blasted pegasus sleeping in this time?” But the home was not unoccupied.
Within the open living room, lounging on a fluffy cloud ottoman, was Tank, in his aeronaut gear. His carapace and plastron had been enchanted with a long-acting version of the cloud-walking spell, regularly reapplied to keep it strong and present. Owlowiscious, being a bird, did not require such. He simply flew down to the cloud couch and perched, looking at Tank's goggled face. “Do you know, how it is you never get a word in?”
Tank's head turned slowly towards the owl interrogating him. He then gave a slow shake, not wanting to chance his luck with speech.
“Because I know what you will say. I know all too well. Oh yes. I have always known. You are as transparent as your carapace is opaque.” His feathery face fell, his wings drooping. “And I, well... I am as cowardly as the night is cold and the day is glaring. What fiend would I be, to make an ectotherm such as you suffer ever under the chilling light of the moon. Even full there is no warmth to pull you from torpidity. I know how cold the night may be. I would not drag you into it. And I... two weeks to prepare for a single day in the sun. What would I be, but a shadow in your way?”
Tank activated his propeller and zipped from the ottoman to the couch, landing with a soft fluff of the material. He turned off the device and settled in comfortably. At long last, he had a chance to speak. “You talk too much.”
Owlowiscious said nothing, finally struck silent by the laconic statement. He had no proper response, save to take to the wing and land shortly after, perching atop Tank's talon-proof shell with a truly contented, 'whoo.'