> The Breaking Straw
>  by Shinzakura
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> And Now a Word from Our Sponsors
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The camera panned in to reveal the set of a news broadcast, with two global maps in the back as well as several banks of monitors showing television feeds from around the world.  An announcer calls out, “This is Reuters’ Behind the Headlines: our weekly look at the issues facing both worlds today.  And now, your wonderful hosts, James Blackwell and Newsflash!”  

The camera pans in to show a human male with dark brown hair and an impeccable suit, looking at a laptop.  Next to him, a cream-colored pegasus mare with a perfectly-coiffed mane of blue and green and wearing a suit as well sits, looking at a tablet.

The man looks up and smiles for the camera.  “Hello, and welcome to Behind the Headlines, your weekly look at what’s more than just page one of your daily newsfeed.  I’m James Blackwell.”

The pegasus pipes up.  “And I’m Newsflash.”  She then continues to look at the camera as an icon floats to her top right.  “This week’s top news story: major shakeups rock Equestria.  Long known for its stability on Alter-Earth, the government of Equestria has been a rock-solid foundation upon which the order of Alter-Earth has rested.  But two major announcements this week have sent shockwaves through Equestriani society, and possibly even both worlds.”

The icon floating above Newsflash’s shoulder changes to a picture of Princess Celestia.  “The first is the news that Princess Celestia, in the wake of the attacks on three Equestriani cities, including the capital itself, has declared war on the Changeling Empire and invoked Article 5 of the North Atlantic Treaty.  This puts the potential of the mobilization of the Equestria Armed Forces, as well as those of other NATO members such as the United States, the United Kingdom and Griffonica, as all but a certainty.”

Blackwell then spoke up.  “But the news coming out of Belgium may not be what the Equestriani Crown wants to hear.  We go now to our correspondent, Eyan Campbell.”





The screen switches to a man with sandy blonde hair, standing outside a large building.  “Thanks, James.  I’m reporting here from just outside NATO’s Supreme Headquarters, Allied Powers Europe, also known as SHAPE, where a major meeting was just conducted between the NATO Secretary-General Georg Döbeln and the various ministers of defense of the forty-two member nations.”  Campbell nodded off-screen, then added, “Fortunately, I’ve been joined by US Army General Perry Wolfram, NATO Supreme Allied Commander, Europe, as well as Commander of the US European Command.  General, thanks for joining us.”

Wolfram nodded genially.  “Glad to be here.”

“What can you tell us about the meeting?”

Wolfram sighed.  “Well, the nations of NATO stick together – we are an alliance, after all – but it’s interesting that the first nation to declare Article 5 of the Treaty is one of the Alliance’s newest members, as well as the superpower of their world.  For years, Equestria has kept the peace there on Alter-Earth, and now with this new threat, it’s up to the nations of the Alliance to assist our friends in need.”

“General, you mentioned Article 5.  Can you tell our viewers what that is?”

“Of course.  Article 5 of the North Atlantic Treaty, recently amended in 2031, commits each member state to band together in defense of one another.  In short, an attack on one is an attack on all.  Now, in recent history, it was almost invoked in 2016 during the Ukrainian Crisis; and 2032, during the Turkey-Syria Conflict.  Basically, any NATO member state bordering the north Atlantic or Ethopic oceans, is entitled to the defense of the Alliance if so invoked.”

“Any issues that you may foresee?”

“Well, I can’t talk to actual military action, as that would have to be decided on by the Secretary-General and the Council – but I can assure your viewers that even if the Alliance takes no action – and the chances of that are unlikely – individual nations can contribute to the aid of the requesting nation.  It’s no secret that the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, the Netherlands, and Griffonica have already agreed to assist Equestria should the worst occur.”  Wolfram chuckled.  “The Equestriani Minister of Defense, Gen. Rainbow Dash?  Oh, she’s been a firebrand and very eloquent about her nation’s needs.  Off the record, I wouldn’t be surprised if she swayed more than a few other nations.”

“I see.  Anything else you can tell us, General?”

“Yes, I’d like to speak to your Equestriani viewers.”  The general looked directly at the camera.  “You all have been through a rough time, and we here on Human-Earth understand that.  We know those bad times, too.  But you can rest safe, because you have friends here.  There’s a saying in Equestriani English: ‘friendship is magic’.  Well, if I may, friendship is firepower, too.”

“I’m sure they’re glad to hear that, General.  Thanks for your time.”

“Glad to help.”  The general walked off-camera, and it refocused on Campbell.  “Well, that’s the current situation here in SHAPE.  Reporting from Belgium, I’m Eyan Campbell for Reuters News.  Back to you in the studio, James.”





“Thanks, Eyan.  We’re back in the studio, with another perspective on the military issues facing Equestria.  We now have in our studio Dr. Douglas Nicol, Director of the Biplanetary Institute for Military Studies, and he’s also the author of Damn Ponies: How the Superpower Status of Alter-Earth Affects the Current Hyperpower Status on Human-Earth.”

The camera then pans to a different set, where Newsflash and Nicol are seated at a table.  “Dr. Nicol, thanks for joining us,” Newsflash tells him.  “What made you decide to write Damn Ponies?”

Nicol chuckled.  “Provocative title aside, it’s actually a sort of sequel to a book I wrote a few decades back called Damn Yanks: How the Hyperpower Status of the United States Affects the Geopolitical Status of the World.  Of course, that book was relevant to when we only knew about this world, so an update was in order.”

“I see.  Would you care to tell us more about your book?”

“Of course.  During the period of the Cold War, which ran from the late 1940s to the 1990s, we had two superpowers, the US and the USSR.  This of course changed in the 1970s and 1980s with the two wars between the USSR and the People’s Republic of China.  For the rest of humanity, we know the rest: the wars caused the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1990 and decades of economic depression and civil unrest in China.  By the time Alter-Earth appeared on the scene, the US was the undisputed military and economic powerhouse of the world, and now both Russia and China are climbing out of their respective situations and may yet again change the political landscape.

“However, it is interesting that on Alter-Earth, there are three nations that can be considered superpowers.  Of course there is Equestria, which is the one that most people on Human-Earth know about, but there are two others: the Republic of Donkonia, and the Empire of Inari.  But here’s the thing: AE’s superpowers cooperate.  HE’s superpowers have always been pitted against one another: from Carthage and Rome to Britain and France to the Cold War, human powers have always struggled against themselves.”

Newsflash raised a brow.  “How so?”

“Well, it’s been theorized that had the wars between China and the Soviet Union not happened, the US would have had to build up their military forces to counter the USSR.  While the USSR would’ve had fallen in any scenario, that would’ve prepared for the rise of China, with some theorists even believing that war between the US and China would have occurred in the 2050s.  Thankfully, that never happened.  But the point is that Human-Earth’s hyperpower could stand to learn from the Alter-Earth superpowers, and vice versa.  By learning, we keep the peace and ensure prosperity for all.”

“I see.  And you think that Human-Earth could stand to learn a little more friendliness and cooperation, Dr. Nicol?”

“I do.  And I also believe that Alter-Earth could stand to learn to prepare for the worst in ways that many cannot imagine.  It is one thing to prepare for a parasprite infestation ransacking your crops and national food supply, but with the current concerns of Equestria militarywise, I dare say that they have yet to learn a level approaching the military prowess of a nation like New Zealand, much less the United States.”

Newsflash nodded, leaning forward.  “We’re almost out of time, Doctor.  Is there anything else you would like to contribute?”

He nodded.  “I was born and raised in the Falklands and I remember the Falkland Islands War clearly.  Oftentimes we do not like to prepare for war, and we’d much prefer to go the peaceful route, as you ponies have.  But, with all due respect, with three of your cities attacked, your weather systems in ruins and countless lives lost, well, to use an American phrase, ‘it’s time to drop the hammer.’”

“Well, thank you for your time, Dr. Nicol.”

“It’s been a pleasure, Ms. Newsflash.”

Newsflash turned to the camera and said, “We’ll be right back after this quick word from our sponsor.”





Ever want that pick-me-up during the day but don’t want to deal with the calories?  Are you craving sweets, but don’t want all that sugar intake?

Well, now you don’t have to worry – introducing Magisnax, from Kellogg’s!  Created in Equestria with our partners at Sugarcube Corner Bakeries, these snacks are fortified with magic, so you get all the taste and none of the calories!

A woman, jogging down the street stops and reaches into her fanny pack, pulling out a garish wrapper and pulling it apart to reveal a large chocolate bar.  The woman takes a bite and looks as if she’s in ecstasy.

Magisnax come in three flavors: Triple Chocolate Fantastariffic, Cookies and Cream Extravastupendous and Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!  These are sure to provide a pick-me-up just when you need it!

A mare, typing away at a computer in an office, unwraps one and pops it in her mouth.  At once she seems to perk up and starts working faster.

New Magisnax, from Kellogg’s!  Available at your local grocer.  Don’t wait – try one today!





70s funk starts playing in the background as the screen begins to show a run-down section of an Equestriani city.

Detrot.  It’s a dirty town.  Salt dealers, gangbangers and the Sheriff’s Office is on the take.  All but one.

Scene of a dark brown pegasus walking down the street with shades, an open-collar purple shirt and holstering a couple of pistols and a sawed-off shotgun.

Somepony’s got to clean up this Tartarushole and he’s just the stallion to do it.

The music rises towards a crescendo, accompanied by wah-wah pedals and a deep bassline.

After all, he’s a bad motherbu—

Shut yo mouth!

Scenes of the stallion bucking various villains and firing his weapons.  Explosions abound and in a final shot, the stallion walks away bipedally, his shotgun slung over one foreleg, as a massive fireball lights up the sky.

He’s the pony none will mess with.  He’s got a way with the mares.  And he don’t put up with nothin’.

Tough Cookie is…GEARSHAFT.  Coming to theaters this October.





The screen fizzled in on a black and white earth pony stallion wearing a suit standing in the middle of a Canterlot park.

“Interspecies relationships. They’re becoming more and more common, but sometimes the biological gap is just too big to bridge,” the stallion said in a warm and calm voice as he walked past a gryphon male and donkey female sitting on a park bench.  The camera changed to show a young pegasus stallion with slicked back hair wearing a leather jacket looking longingly at something behind the point of view.

“How’s it hanging, champ?” the earth pony stallion said as he walked into view. “Got your eye on some sweet young mare?”

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, I do.  At least if you don't mind about getting the grammar wrong,” the pegasus said as he motioned with his hoof.  The camera changed to show a young human woman of Indian subcontinental descent wearing a white hat and sundress reading a book beneath a cherry blossom tree.  “She’s the most wonderful girl in the worlds. Sweet, kind, smart, and gams for days.”

The camera switched back to the two stallions.  “But there’s a problem, isn’t there, sport?”

The pegasus stallion got depressed and his hoof dropped.  “It’s nothing big, it's just….”

“Every time you get close to her your appetite dies, and when it seems like you’ve made a real connection you have to hold back the urge to throw up in her lap, right?” the suited pony finished.

“Yeah, you got it, Mac.  But I’m not worried, I’ve got a solution,” the pegasus said before pulling out a heavy book. He put it out in front of himself and was about to slam it into his muzzle before the earth pony stopped him with a hoof.

“Whoa there, scamp!  Before you go trying any dangerous ‘traditional remedies’ why don’t you try this?”  The earth pony reached into his suit and brought out a bottle of pills.

“Golly gee.  What is it?” the pegasus asked, dropping the book and picking up the pill bottle.

“Dr. Silver Sutures’ Patented Acute Acetic Acid Blocker!  It prevents you from smelling the acetic acid pheromone that human females give out without the nasty side effects of previous cures such as the boot to the head and book to the face, and it lasts for twelve hours too,” the earth pony stallion explained.

“Wowzers! It sounds incredible. No side effects?” the pegasus asked excitedly.

“Ask your doctor,” the earth pony corrected in a voice that clearly sounded overdubbed.

“A small price to pay for love!” the pegasus declared, popping a pill and then jumping into the air.  “Science is so amazing!”  The pegasus flew off towards his girl and the earth pony stallion chuckled.

“Indeed it is, champ. The future is now, thanks to science,” and then the stallion turned to the camera.  “And if you too have issues of the olfactory variety, try Dr. Silver Sutures’ Patented Acute Acetic Acid Blocker today.  Don’t let your nose get in the way of your future.”





The scene changes once more to the news studio, where Newsflash is at the desk.  “We’re back and you’re watching Reuters’ Behind the Headlines.  I’m Newsflash.”

She turns to a different camera and to her side is an image – an unflattering picture of Princess Luna.  “While in our last segment we discussed the military situation facing Equestria, our second segment touches on something a little closer to the heart of the Equestriani government: Princess Luna’s recent public admission of a hidden love child that she had with a human man and of her intentions to wed the man and make him her prince consort.”

The image changed to that of a human male.  “While the Palace has not released further information, unnamed sources state that the man in question is Robert “Robin” Kirkland, the head of the Kirkland Corporation, one of the largest corporations in the US and indeed on Human-Earth.  Further suspicion falls upon Kirkland’s only child, a girl by the name of…Luna Kirkland.  While we do not have a picture of Ms. Kirkland, sources further state that there were some questions regarding her birth, including a contested divorce between Robin Kirkland and his first wife, who at the time was believed to be Luna Kirkland’s mother.

“We now take you to our correspondent at Canterlot Palace, Brute Strength.  Brutus, can you fill us in on any recent developments?”





The view shifts to the well-manicured grounds of the Canterlot palace complex; in the background, construction can be seen as the city begins rebuilding.  In the foreground, there is a light brown minotaur with black horns and a thin, almost-human build.  He’s wearing a gray suit with a red tie, and expensive eyeglasses.  He then speaks into a microphone, but there’s no sound.

The view quickly shifts back to Newsflash.  “Our apologies, we seem to be having connection issues with our crew in Canterlot at the moment.”  She looks off-stage and then back to the camera.  “Our director just informed me that we’ve reestablished a connection.  Brutus, can you hear us?”

The camera shifts once more to Brute Strength, who’s holding a hand to his earpiece and speaking into the microphone once more.  “Newsie, can you hear me?”

Off camera, Newsflash declares, “Yes, we can hear you now, Brutus.  What developments do you have for us?”

Strength looked at the camera.  “Yes, we have some recent developments.  The first actually comes from the United States, in the State of California for the Superior Court of Ventura County.  Robin Kirkland’s first wife has filed a civil suit against him, Princess Luna, and the Crown of Equestria to the tune of 19.6 billion dollars, or 21.8 billion bits.  The woman, Saffron LaMontagne, claims that she was impregnated by her then-husband with Princess Luna’s fertilized egg, and while much of this was apparently brought up during the initial divorce, Luna’s admission to being the mother of Luna Kirkland has, according to the suit, ‘brought credence to the fact that Ms. LaMontagne was illegally used as a surrogate mother.’”

Now shown in a small box in the lower left of the screen, Newsflash’s face shows visible surprise.  “Forgive me, Brutus but…$19.6 billion? Ƀ21.8 billion?”

“That’s the price tag for a modern divorce nowadays.  For the record, I’m told this beats the 2036 divorce between casino magnate Donald Trump Jr. and his wife, which adjusted for inflation would be $17.1 billion today, and this is on top of the $682 million Ms. LaMontagne received at the initial divorce proceedings.”  He gave a smile and chuckled.  “This is just a reminder why I’m not planning to divorce my wife anytime ever.”

“No kidding.  Anything else you can tell us?”

“Officially, there’s not much coming out of the palace right now, other than information regarding the military effort.  However, unnamed sources have stated that Princesses Celestia and Luna are somewhat at odds right now, with Princess Cadance having to play a peacekeeper role.  But media experts point out that Princess Cadance’s own position is somewhat compromised with the recent announcement of her adoption of what some have called a ‘changeling’.  Further, it has been rumored that Duchess Twilight Sparkle herself has also adopted a changeling as well.”

“I’m sorry…changeling?”

“Yes, and there’s been rumors swirling about a breakaway faction of the changelings who not only wish to side with Equestria, but that their queen was raised as a pony.  We have no confirmed information of this, but a press conference on the supposed issue is scheduled for tomorrow.”

“Any last bits of info, Brutus?”

“Yes, the Canterlot Times-Herald conducted its annual poll on the Royal Family’s popularity and…the results have been shocking.  For the first time since the Times-Herald has run these polls in nearly two hundred years, dissatisfaction with the Royal Family has reached an all-time high of five percent.  Lowest in the polls of the family as individuals were specifically Princess Luna, Princess Cadance and Duchess Twilight, all of whose poll numbers threatened to sink below ninety-five percent due to their recent public actions.  As a bit of a corollary, Prince Blueblood and his wife Princess Champagne Dreams has scored exceptionally high amongst the Royal Family, a move that royal-watchers are saying has done much to rehabilitate the prince’s image from his earlier ‘wild foal’ days.”

“Well, they have said that Princess Champagne has done wonders for her husband, and it shows.”

Brutus nodded.  “In fact, I’d had a chance to talk informally with our camerapony about that and his words were, ‘That mare’s so popular they should clone her and give one to each member of the Royal Family – maybe she’d fix their problems, too.’”  Strength smiled and said, “But I’m afraid that’s all we have for now on our end, so we’re signing off.  Reporting live from the Canterlot Palace Complex, this is Brute Strength for Reuters News.  Back to you, Newsie.”





“Thanks, Brutus.  We’re back in the studio, and with us now is the recently-appointed Equestriani Ambassador to the United Nations, Margrave Spike.”

The camera returns to the side table set, where Blackwell and a large purple dragon sit at the table. The dragon is dressed in an expensive-cut suit with a tie that seemed to glitter like diamonds.  Blackwell looks at him and gives him a smile.  “Your grace, thank you for taking the time to join us here at Behind the Headlines.”

The dragon gives an affable grin, the easy rictus of someone who comes to it naturally.  “Glad to be here.”

“Ambassador, what can you tell us about the situation in your homeland?”

Spike shrugged.  “What is there to tell?  Luna found out she had a daughter and decided that she needed to be a mother, especially since as I understand it she’d still held a torch for her daughter’s father all this time.  Trust me, having two parents is better than nothing, especially since it’s something I know well.”

“And so you have no problem with a pony adopting a human?”

“No, especially since Luna’s not adopting, she’s taking in her natural child.  And even if her daughter was adopted, I still don’t see the problem.  I mean, c’mon, I’m a dragon, but I was raised by two loving unicorns who didn’t care what I was.  My parents loved me just as much as they did my brother and sister, and I am the drake I am today because of that.  I should add that goes for my sister and my sister-in-law’s recent adoptions of their foals.”

“But their foals are changelings.  Given the fact that Princess Celestia has declared war on the Changeling Kingdom, isn’t that a concern?”

“No, Mr. Blackwell, I don’t see it as such.  Take, for example, the flutters – the breakaway changelings who have allied themselves with Equestria.  As I understand it, Queen Imago is the direct descendant – I suppose you could say daughter – of the rogue queen Chrysalis, and yet Imago chose to side with ponies.  Blood was thicker than water and yet Imago chose peace for her flutters.  Since it’s been mentioned that Queen Imago was raised by ponies since she was a nymph, there’s another powerful case that it’s about the parents, not the species.”

“And as to the possibility of a human prince consort in the halls of Equestriani power?”

“It wouldn’t matter, because it wouldn’t be the first time that we’ve had that kind of non-pony influence in the government.  I’m the most obvious exception, but there are others: about three hundred years ago, one of the minor princes who had served as Princess Celestia’s right-hoof pony married a Griffonican princess as part of an agreement between our two nations.  History states that even though they had no offspring, Prince Caliber and Princess Gemstone were as happy as could be, and Gemstone even became a national hero due to her repeatedly leading guard troops against Pawcho Villa and his jaguar brigands.  Even today, Princess Gemstone is remembered as a role model for both the Royal Equestriani Guard and the Equestria Armed Forces.  The Princess Gemstone Academy in Cirrusburg is viewed as the elite school for pegasi.  And to Equestriani gryphons, she is considered to be the pinnacle of what it means to be a gryphon and an Equestriani citizen.”  Spike leaned forward and added, “So if Robin Kirkland becomes a prince, I hope to be the first there to welcome him to the family, because that’s where it all begins.”  

“Let’s change tracks a bit, Ambassador, if you don’t mind. What do you think about this recent lawsuit by Mr. Kirkland’s first wife?”

Spike was silent for a few seconds.  “Okay, I’m not going to get into the particulars, because I’m not a lawyer…well, okay, technically I am, but I don’t practice law.  But what I can say, and I don’t doubt that Luna or her beau would disagree, is that the woman in question—”

“Saffron LaMontagne,” Blackwell supplied.

“—yes, her, thanks.  Anyway, Ms. LaMontagne has probably had a tough life.  22 billion bits’ worth of tough?  I don’t know and I don’t feel I’m qualified to say.  But I…I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, because no matter what?  She has to live with whatever humiliation and headaches she’s had, and I’m sure many of them have been unfair.  Frankly, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“I see.  Well, I’m afraid we’ve run out of time.  Thank you for joining us, Ambassador.”

Spike gave a toothy grin.  “Anytime, Mr. Blackwell, anytime.”

Blackwell turned to the camera.  “And that’s it for this edition of Behind the Headlines.  I’m James Blackwell, and on behalf of my partner Newsflash and the rest of the staff, have a wonderful evening and remember: an informed mind is an engaged mind.  Good night.”
> Worth It in the End
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A black unicorn stallion with aqua eyes and an electric-blue mane looked at his subordinate, a unicorn mare with a lemon-chiffon coat, deep purple eyes and a mane of amaranth, purple and violet.  Both wore stylish suits, and in the case of the mare, expensive eyeglasses imported from Italy.

And at the moment, neither looked happy.

“So, that’s what the Princess wants,” Masquerade Protocol, Director of the Clandestine Operations Duty Executive, spoke to his subordinate, Moondancer, Deputy Director for CODE Operations.  “That’s what she gets.”

Moondancer took off her glasses, rubbing them against her suit; while she knew it was going to clear up her vision, she doubted it would the comprehension, because what her boss was telling her was simply that – incomprehensible.  “Masq?  How familiar are you with everyday human gadgets?”

“Don’t bother with them unless I have to,” he growled.  “I’m an old stallion who still likes to do things the SMILE way, you know that.  Tartarus, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to look at some of the classified material on this computer, I’d completely ignore it.  Gimme a magiscreen any day.”

“Well, you might do that, but Patch and I are far more familiar with human tech.  And what you’re talking about?  It’s impossible.  If we were talking Zebrababwe, sure.  Griffonica?  Okay.  Here, Inari or Donkonia?  Yeah, it’d be a stretch, but we could do it.  But you’re talking about the United States – the most wired of all the countries on a whole Faustdamn wired planet!”  She waved a foreleg around for emphasis.  “You’re better off asking Archmagus Sparkle which particular thaumion she uses when she uses her magic!”

“That’s nice.  Now, if you want to convince Princess Luna that it is impossible to keep her daughter’s picture off the interwebs—”

“Internet, Masq, not interwebs.  And we don’t know what Princess Luna the Younger’s human form looks like!”  She groaned, rubbing the base of her horn; that headache was really kicking in now.

“What’s that phrase our CIA liaison keeps saying?  Oh yeah – ‘not my monkeys, not my circus’.  This is your problem now, Moony.  You take care of it.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting at 10AM with Baroness Riwoche regarding research documents.  You’re dismissed.”


Moondancer walked out of his office, past his secretary and into the open hallway before she said in a mocking tone, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting at 10AM with Baroness Riwoche regarding research documents.  Heh, like you’re fooling anyone, you old coot – wonder how bad the divorce will be when your wife finds out.”  She shook her head and sighed.  She had other things to do, like heading to the palace complex.

As she headed toward the building’s front door, she ran into a streak of luck.  Coming through the door, the anti-changeling detectors and the other safety scanners – and carrying a bag of donuts and carafe of coffee from Donut Joe’s – was her counterpart, Patch In, the Deputy Director for CODE Intelligence.  A sky-blue stallion with a white-and-orange mane and yellow eyes, he had been a construction stallion in the days pre-humanity, and to be honest, he still looked out of place in a suit.  But it had been his personal interest in gadgets and human technology that had brought him to the attention of FROWN, and when CODE was created, he worked his way up the ladder quickly.

“Hey Patch, what’s up?” Moondancer asked.

“Eh, running late,” he told her.  “Had to drop the kids off at school since the wife had early plans.  Why, what’s up?”

“Your schedule free today?”

“Pretty much – I’ve got a meeting with some reps from British and American intelligence.  They wanted to see if they could recreate the changeling detector devices using technology.  I’m guessing you want me to let a subordinate handle it?”

“I have a meeting with BXI in an hour in Geneva, but our boss just did a wonder blunder and I was wondering if you could cover for me.  I need to go argue with Princess Luna and clean up his mess.”  She then explained her meeting with Masquerade, and when she was done, the stallion was wincing.

“Yeah, better you than me.  Sure, I can do the meeting – I know the BXI director personally anyway, so it’d be nice to see him again.  You go do what you gotta do, mare.”

She gave him a smile.  “Thanks.”  With that, she teleported off towards her destination.





Moondancer looked at Raven Quill.  “What do you mean Princess Luna is unavailable?”

Raven adjusted her own glasses.  “Exactly that, Director Moondancer.  She has taken a week off to spend time on Human-Earth with her fiancé and daughter.  In fact, she gave most of her office the week off, and I’m pulling double-duty for her secretary.”

Headache rising… she moaned inwardly.  “Okay, then is Princess Celestia available?”

Raven shook her head.  “No, the Princess has taken the day off as well for personal reasons.  Frankly, I wasn’t about to ask.”

“Princess Cadance?”

“She might be in, but given that her son is a newborn colt, I suspect she and Prince Dusk are at home.  If you’d like, I could contact her office and see if she’s there.”

“No, no, that’s fine,” Moondancer groaned.  “I guess I’ll come back later.  Right now I need to go find the infirmary.”

“The infirmary?  Whatever for?”

“I need an analgesic spell for my headache and I can’t remember how to cast one!”  She then walked out of the office and groaned, “Does anypony actually do any work here?”


“I’ve often wondered that myself,” a familiar voice chuckled and Moondancer turned around.

“Twily!  Hey cuz, what are you doing here?” Moondancer asked.  She tried not to feel a little jealousy at seeing her cousin’s youth restored by the Elements; Moondancer was actually six months younger than Twilight and now Twilight looked as if she were in her mid-twenties once more.

“I was just dropping off some paperwork at Cadance’s office,” Twilight Sparkle replied.  “She’s the acting regent this week and I don’t need the documents signed anytime soon, or else I’d take them to her place.  Anyway, what’s up with you?”

“My boss is an idiot, Luna is being unrealistic and I’ve got a splitting headache,” she groaned.  “And I haven’t had any coffee this morning.”  She then felt a soothing sensation in her head as Twilight’s horn glowed a gentle green.  “Thanks,” Moondancer said.  “I can never remember that spell.”

“Hey, what’s family for?” Twilight commented, and it was at this point that Moondancer noticed the unusual teenage filly next to her.  She was white with a mane similar in cut to both Twilight and Moondancer’s, but in tones of indigo, fire-orange and magenta.  She also wore a necklace that had three stars on it, which Moondancer recognized as her aunt Velvet’s cutie mark.

Then Moondancer noticed the purple saddle carapace and diaphanous wings.

“Oh, that’s right!” Twilight chirped.  “You two haven’t met yet!  Moony, this is my daughter, Dawn.”  She then turned to the teen.  “Shining Dawn, this is my cousin, Moondancer.”

Dawn bowed.  “A pleasure to meet you.”

“So you’re the pepsis that gave us the information,” Moondancer said.

“Yes, but I prefer to be called a flutterpony instead.  That’s what Princess Rosedust of the Flutter Protectorate is called, and since she and I are pretty much the same, I think it’s a better term than a reminder of a changeling queen that nearly destroyed the world millennia ago.”

“That works for me,” Moondancer stated as her stomach growled.  “Well, I guess I skipped breakfast, too.”

Twilight laughed.  “C’mon, I was just about to take my filly out to lunch to celebrate.   You’re welcome to join us.”

Dawn blushed.  “Mom, it was no big deal, really!”

“Sure,” Moondancer replied.  “Don’t mind if I do.”





“…and so that’s the issue,” Moondancer said as she took a sip of an interesting Sumatran coffee blend imported from Human-Earth.  “Luna wants us to sanction trying to censor the entire internet on both worlds to prevent Luna the Younger’s image getting out there, but we don’t know what her human form looks like and even if we did, all it will take is for some media outlet to get a picture of hers from a friend’s Facebook account and that defeats the whole purpose!”

“I don’t think Luna meant to take it that far, Moony,” Twilight told her.  “I suspect she just asked for Sterling’s image to be kept out of the media as much as practicable, and even that’s a tough job.  I suspect Protocol just told her yes without thinking about anything she said.”

Moondancer sighed.  “Now that you mention it, that does sound like something Masq would do.  Well, I’ll talk to my folks and Patch’s folks and we’ll figure something out just in time for the boss to take credit.”

“Told you, you should’ve stayed in the Guild.  You’d be more appreciated there.”

“Yeah, but I like field work.  Whether monster hunting when I was with SMILE or catching Iranian spies now, it’s fun work and I wouldn’t trade my life for anything.  Besides, being an officer’s wife isn’t for me, though I love Flash and our children.  Speaking of which, did I tell you Cottonfluff just gave birth?  Being a grandmother has its benefits.”

“Must be nice,” Twilight replied.

“Mom, I’m only a few weeks old, could we please not focus on that?” Dawn asked, blushing.

“Wait – a few weeks old?”  Moondancer wasn’t sure if she’d heard that right – Twilight’s daughter looked too big even by changeling standards to be under a few years at minimum.

Twilight nodded.  “When Chrysalis hatched Dawn’s clutch, she speed-grew them because she needed the troops.  Even though she’s actually just six weeks old, I’ve had her legally declared thirteen years old, so she can have a normal life.”

“A life I’ll have without Chrysalis,” Dawn commented.  “And I hope I’ll never see her again.”

“You won’t have to,” Moondancer intoned.   “She’s dead.”  Twilight and Dawn looked at her in shock and said, “We haven’t made the information public yet, but a team of Destriers hit the Badlands with the intent to take her out.  They found the gored remains of a queen – the exoskeleton was mangled, but it matched the colors of Chrysalis’ hive.  We’re pending other methods of identification before we make the announcement.  We also want to find out who is in charge of the Changeling Empire now if this turns out to be true.”

“I’ll be happy to offer a blood sample or anything I can,” Dawn offered.

“I’d rather you didn’t, dear,” Twilight told her.

“But Mom, it’s what Dad would’ve done.”  Seeing the look on Moondancer’s face, Dawn explained.  “Technically Mom is my paternal aunt.  Biologically I’m the foal of Chrysalis and Shining Armor.”

“I see.  Well, don’t worry about it, Dawn,” Moondancer assured her.  “We have enough samples from changelings dating back to the First Battle of Canterlot.  We’ll identify her that way.”

“Once that’s done, will you bury the changeling remains?” Dawn asked.  “They didn’t ask to be the spawn of a tyrant.  I don’t want them to suffer.”

Moondancer looked at her cousin’s daughter with a newfound respect.  “You’re a changeling princess as well, aren’t you?”

“Technically all pepsis and flutterponies are.  Why?”

“Because you act like one – noble and caring,” Moondancer said gently.  “Once the identification is done, I’ll see what we can do.  I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do what I can.”

“Thank you.”  Moondancer saw Dawn flicker her wings slightly, which she assumed was a changeling gesture of respect.

“Well, enough of that,” Twilight replied.  “Let’s talk about my filly’s accomplishment!”

“Mom!”

“No, sweetie, I’m proud of you!  You aced the entire pre-mark curriculum graduation test!  Now you can enroll in post-mark studies!”  A thoughtful look came over the lavender unicorn’s face.  “Now I just need to enroll you in school in time for the fall.  I’m wondering if I should enroll you in Gold Standard’s School for Gifted Unicorn Excellence.  I could also enroll you in the Princess Gemstone Academy in Cirrusburg, but then you’d have to board and I want you home at night – call me a selfish mom.”  Another thought crossed her mind.  “What about the Magic Academy?”

“Can’t I go to school in Ponyville?  You said it’s a wonderful place.”

“It is, but I want my little filly to have the best education she can.  It worked out for me.”

“Twily, you and I were taught to be brainiacs by your mom,” Moondancer reminded her.  “That’s why we aced every test in the Academy, you know.  Besides, I’m not sure you’d want Dawn attending the School – the students there are the foals of spoiled Canterlot brats, i.e the nobility.  And as you said, Cirrusberg is too far.  Imagine if she had to attend the Rolling Stone Institute for Earth Ponies in Manehattan.  Now that’s far.”

“I guess I’ll have to think on it, then.  I suppose we have plenty of time.”

Moondancer was about to say something when her cellphone went off.  Floating it to her ear, she answered.  “This is Moondancer.”  A barely-audible voice chattered on and she nodded.  “Okay, okay.  I’ll be there.  My day’s shot as is.”  She then hung up the phone and looked at Twilight.  “Sorry, but I gotta go.  They’re about to do confirmation tests on the exoskeleton.”  She then turned to Dawn.  “Any requests if turns out to be her?”

“Yes,” the teenager said in a hard voice.  “Launch it into the sun and let ponydom know that she doesn’t deserve the respect she never gave her own brood.”





Twenty minutes later, Moondancer arrived at the subterranean test center.  “Here, brought you your favorite, Doc.”  She set a box of Mildbon’s Premium Chocolates on the table, then grabbed one of the labcoats hanging on the wall.  “Now, what’ve we got?”

A black and gray gryphon approached her: Dr. Grady Gearbox, one of CODE’s best forensic scientists.  “Thanks, Moony.  What would I do without you?”

“Leave your lab and force yourself to endure sunlight and other unspeakable horrors?”

He laughed.  “Same old Moondancer.  How’s Flash doing?  And the kids?”

“He’s in Vegas, on Human-Earth, testing out the new fighter we’re building.  I’ll let him know you said hi.  And Cottonfluff just gave birth, so I have more grandkids to play with.  How’s the dating life?”

Grady shook his head.  “Eh, you know me, I’m horrible at socializing.  Fortunately, I think Gavra’s a keeper – she’s a gorgeous gryphoness.”  He pawed her over a pair of goggles.  “Well, time to get down to business.”

She slid them on while he did the same and walked over to a set of magical devices.  She then focused on the pile of armor-like chitin in the glass encasement.  “You sure this is going to work?”

“Are you kidding?  This is cutting-edge Derptech gear.  Had Hazy Jane out here yesterday working on making sure everything was up to spec.”  He reached over and pulled a switch.  “She’s obsessed with technology working like it’s supposed to.  And believe me, I know obsessed.”

“Oh really,” she deadpanned while she watched a giant crystal fire a beam of rainbow magic at two smaller glass enclosures with changeling cadavers in them.  The rainbows split in two, then focused on the larger glass enclosure.  The two beams passed through, then surrounded the remains, lifting them into place until the equivalent of a skeleton stood there.  The beams turned green and began to holographically fill in the rest until a glowing green simulacrum of Chrysalis stood there.

Grady looked at Moondancer.  “Tests confirmed, boss: it’s her.”

“Then she was ousted in a coup,” Moondancer said aloud, “and somepony else is in charge of the Changeling Empire.  That means a new unknown, and a potentially dangerous one.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah – there were changelings that did the assassination attempt in Singapore a few months back,” she told him.  “That wasn’t Chrysalis’ MO.  Which means we have a new player, and one who has a new rulebook.”

It was then that the remains of Chrysalis did something unexpected: the exoskeleton pointed its head down, and fired a thin beam of light at the ground outside the enclosure.  The beam coalesced into a hologram of a changeling princess, looking terrified but still speaking: “Gre…greetings inferior beings!  My name i-is Gaster and I speak on behalf of his Greatness, the…the Changeling Emperor, He of whose name you are n-not yet worthy to know.”

Grady and Moondancer looked at each other with surprise.  A male, in charge of the Empire?

“He…he says that you will know him soon enough, and when you do, you will beg for mercy.  But until th-that day, cower in fear for his greatness.”  The image of Gaster looked at the camera, and thus Moondancer and Grady, with a gaze of both fear and sympathy.  “He w-w-will let you know when it…is time.”  She looked off camera, then back with a look that said run now!  “He also said to let you know…Queen Chrysalis prepared a deadmare’s spell in case she was ever caught, dead or alive.”

“Oh, colt of a harridelle,” Moondancer groaned.

A strange laughter began.  Both turned to see the empty exoskeleton that was Chrysalis, laughing at them with a macabre, ghostly laugh.  At the same time, a green star began to form in the center of the chitin, and as the laughter got louder the point grew brighter.

“CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES!” Moondancer shouted and Grady moved into action, rushing around the lab, pulling switches.  Thick steel doors began to lower from the wall, but there was no guarantee they were going to lower in time.

“Let’s get out of here!” she shouted, grabbing her friend in her magic field, then teleporting away, out of the building.  They both barely managed to pull out of teleport safely across the street before they saw the ground crack open, spilling out burning green witchfire while a blast of deadly emerald light tore into the sky, accompanied by Chrysalis’ dying laughter of revenge.

Grady ripped off his goggles and spat, “Crap!”

“What’s wrong?” Moondancer asked him.

“The chocolates were still down there!” he moaned.  “Now I’m going to have to go out and actually buy some!”





After a long day of paperwork and making sure her subordinates were okay, Moondancer stumbled into her home far later than she’d have liked.  She already knew that Flash wasn’t going to be home, so she’d have to sleep alone; right now she could use the comfort.

“Hi, Mom.”  The unicorn turned to see a white pegasus with a flowing light blue mane and pink eyes.  In her forelegs, she carried a foal in swaddling.  “Thought I’d bring Nightdreamer to see Grandma.”

Suddenly the weight of the day vanished.  “Cotton, honey, you could’ve just gone home.”

“I know, but it’s a couple of days flight to Horseshoe Mountain and Highflight says everything’s going okay, so I could spend some time with you.  Besides,” the mare said with a smile, “that way he gets to know his grandmother.”  As Moondancer approached, Cotton passed her son to her mother.  “Have you eaten yet?”

“No, I was just going to order a pizza and call it that.”

“Nonsense – I’ll cook.  You just take care of that little bundle of joy,” Cotton said, slipping into the kitchen.

Moondancer looked at her grandson and his little blue face as he dozed.  “You know what, Dreamer?” she told him softly.  “Your Grandpa and I do a lot of dangerous things, but we do it all because of you.  And you make it all worthwhile, little one.”  She nuzzled him gently and he cooed softly.

Moondancer was as asleep as her grandson when Cotton came out of the kitchen to let her know dinner was ready.
> Sky High
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Adm. Sentry?  Col. Scootaloo?”  The two ponies stepped off the REN CMV-22D Osprey, looking at the desert expanse of Nevada’s Joint Aviation Center Groom Lake, better known to the public as Area 51.  An older human, a woman in the uniform of a senior US Air Force officer, hustled to meet them.  “I’m Brigadier General Ashley Limon, Commanding General of Area 51,” she said to the senior REN officer.

Flash Sentry offered his hoof to bump, as saluting was not in effect on this base.  “Nice to meet you, General.  I take it you’re here as part of the final tests on the JHMSF Project?”

“JHMSF?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yes, Colonel.  The Joint High-Maneuverability Strike Fighter,” Limon told her. “The fighter intended to replace the F-32 and F-35s in service around the world.”

Scootaloo gave the woman a smile.  “Sorry, ma’am.  I was thinking about the JAD/SF program.”

“I understand – the two programs can get mixed up often, but the Joint Air Dominance/Strike Fighter is being handled over at NAS Fallon, though they often come here and share experiences.  JAD/SF still hasn’t decided on whether the YF-39 or the YF-40 will be the final design.  Personally, I’m leaning towards the YF-40 Manta Ray; the -39 is really just an upgrade of the old F-19 design and I don’t think it will cut it for modern stealth purposes.”  She smiled and gestured to the car.  “The YF-37, on the other hand, has the six testing models already airborne.”

The trio got into the car while they were driven off towards temporary officer housing.  “Six models?” Flash asked.

“Yes, sir: 37A, which is CESTOL; 37B, which is SVTOL; 37C, which is CATOBAR; and 37D through F, which have the same types of landing setup as the first three, but have the SixAxis cockpits installed—”

Scootaloo’s eyes lit up.  “SixAxis?  They finally got that working?”  She realized she’d interrupted a senior officer and blurted a quick, “Sorry, ma’am.”

“It’s okay,” Limon laughed.  “I only put on my stars just a couple of months ago, so I’m still in that colonel mindset too.  And you should’ve seen the REAF, REN, RGAF and RGN pilots the moment it was announced that the SixAxis system was being installed.  I’ve never seen such a group of pegasi and gryphons act like kids in a candy store.”

“Are there any drawbacks so far to the system?” Flash asked her.

“Yes, but not what you’d expect, sir: the way the SixAxis pilots have been putting their aircraft through the paces, well, it’s put some serious strain on the Pratt & Whitney F158 engines.  We had some engineers from P&W take a look at them and said they may have to be seriously rebuilt.”

“How long will that take?”

“I don’t know.  I’m not in charge of the JHMSF Program, just the base.  You would have to ask Gen. Benson, sir – he’s the head of the overall JHMSF project.  Actually, as I understand it, Gen. Benson will be here tomorrow for the big demonstration.”  The car pulled up before the guest officer quarters.  “And here we are, sir.  I’ll have a staffer come by later to see how you two are set up.”

Flash and Scootaloo got out of the car, then waved as Limon and her driver went off.  “She seems a little spacy, if you ask me,” Scootaloo told him.

“Probably all the desert air, Colonel,” the stallion said with a chuckle.  “Shall we go get checked in?”





Thirty minutes later, the two were sitting and having drinks on the patio of Flash’s bungalow, watching as a trio of F-22s raced into the sky.  “So, Scootaloo, penny for your thoughts.”

Scootaloo took a drink of her cider.  “What would that be, sir?”

Flash laughed.  “You can drop the ‘sir’.  We’ve known each other for years, haven’t we?”

Scootaloo nodded.  “Yes, but that was when we were both a lot younger and more naïve about the world, Flash.  Back when I wondered what the strange cutie mark I got was and why it didn’t make sense.”  She gave a soft grin.  “If I had only known what jets were back then….”

“You’re telling me.  I’m a guard from a small mountain town and then after the guard was reorganized I’m asked by Shining to take over as a naval officer?  I didn’t know the first thing about being a sailor, much less a naval officer.  Had to spend two weeks with the old airship fleet and then another two with the old combat squadrons before I could attend the special Officer Modernization Program that the American Navy set up for us.”  He laughed.  “And I’d just started dating Moondancer back then – oh, she was not happy that I all but vanished for six months, but she forgave me in time.  After all, her own job requires her to disappear from time to time.”  He leaned back in his chair, looking at the clear Nevada sky.  “I guess we’ve had a lot to adjust to these past years, haven’t we?”

“Yeah.  Another world, another way of life, and so much of what defined us as ponies just evaporated as if it didn’t matter,” Scootaloo said philosophically.  “Then again, Featherweight told me that technology changes so fast here on Human-Earth that sometimes even the humans can’t completely keep up.  They went from old-fashioned typewriters to electric typewriters to computers designed to do typewriter work to just plain typewriter software in a matter of decades, and a lot of companies went out of business as a result, while others grew.”  She smiled.  “When he attended a journalist conference in Milan a couple of years back, he purchased an old Olivetti typewriter as artwork for the house.  We put it next to his old Hoofwriter 2000.  Both of them now nothing more than junk or artwork, depending on how you look at it.”

“That sounds interesting enough.  Well, after today, we’ll see what the future has in store for us.”  He smirked.  “Hopefully no old typewriters, though.”  He held a cider bottle out in a toast and she clinked it, with the two just relaxing and enjoying their lone slow day here at the base.





The following morning, the two officers were escorted down to the flight line.  It was a busy day on the base, with personnel everywhere, equipment being shuttled to and fro and just the general sense of quiet urgency that permeated the storied military facility.  Aircraft of various types roared above, bulleting through the blue sky in various maneuvers.  In the distance, an aged Equestriani airbarque that once belonged to the old Fleet floated above, its hull now bristling with various magical and technological sensors and recording devices.  The base was a blend of the old and the new, the arcane and the sophisticated, magic and technology, and in itself a microcosm of the two worlds.

Having been driven to the flight line – due to drone tests, there was a no-flight restriction on most of the base for the winged personnel – the pair finally reached their destination, a high-tech hangar by itself.  Both ponies could feel the anti-magic fields around the facility, designed to prevent mystical spying; it was enough to make both pegasi feel a buzz in their wings, but nothing more.  In a circle in front of the building were the flags of the twenty nations participating in the JHMSF program: the US, the UK, Equestria, Australia, Canada, Griffonica, Poland, Turkey, Japan, Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia, the Netherlands, Singapore, Denmark, Norway, Italy, Spain, Andorra, Greece and Inari.

Once the driver opened the door, both ponies stepped out, thanked the airman, then proceeded into the building where several humans, gryphons, ponies and kitsune were standing around, watching the large monitor against the wall.



The screen showed a gryphon in a suit, looking at the camera, while to his side, an image of Chrysalis floated onscreen.

“Thanks for tuning in and you’re watching CNN.  I’m Gilead Grammarsmith and you’re tuning in at the top of the hour and the amazing news that has just come out of Equestria: internationally wanted terrorist and queen of the Changeling Empire, Chrysalis, has been confirmed dead by Equestriani officials.  A spokespony stated that while they had sent in military forces into the Badlands region of Equestria, they had found the remains of the queen already dead.  We take you now to our reporter in Canterlot.  What's the latest word, Smarty?”

The screen changed to what appeared to be a press room in a building.  The majority of the seats in the background were pony-sized, with ingress in the back set for larger sapients.  Facing the camera was a statuesque unicorn mare wearing a blouse and skirt.  She had a soft pink coat, a mane of gray and blue and expressive apple-green eyes.  She held her microphone in a silvery field of magic.  She smiled for the camera and spoke.  “Well, Gil, the best answer I can give you is, quite honestly, one of shock.  Many of my fellow journalists here were alive when the capital was attacked the first time fifty years ago, and they simply cannot believe the changeling queen is dead, let alone apparently by the hooves of her own brood.  Some are even insistent, despite the queen’s horn being brought in, that this is nothing more than a trick by the Changeling Empire to catch Canterlot off-guard just as they did just the other day.”

Grammarsmith leaned on the desk as he spoke.  “But isn’t a broken horn a sign of instant death?”

“Normally, yes – but so little is known about changelings that there’s no guarantee that condition applies.  Even CODE director Masquerade Protocol had this to say.”

The image changed to two unicorns at the lectern: Protocol, as well as an unidentified stallion holding Chrysalis’ horn in his telekinetic field.  As he did, the CODE spymaster spoke: “We are certain that we have the remains of Queen Chrysalis in our possession – why, I equinally did the verification tests myself.  However, we cannot be sure that this means the end of the changeling threat.”

The camera returned to the mare from earlier.  “There are unconfirmed reports that a changeling stallion now leads the Empire, and if true, this is unprecedented.  However, officials do not intend to release further details until they have more information.”  The reporter then signed off with, “And that’s all we have right now.  Reporting live from CODE headquarters in Canterlot, this is Smart Questions for CNN.”



As the pilots broke away from the screen, Scootaloo and Flash looked at each other in surprise.  “Flash, do you think it’s real?” Scootaloo said, temporarily forgetting protocol.

“I nearly lost my life that day,” he told her.  “I was a basic trooper in the Guard and I was hopelessly overwhelmed by changelings.  If it hadn’t been for Shining’s shield strike, I would’ve been killed.  So yes, I hope she’s been taken down, and I hope that we put the fear of the alicorns right back into them!”

At last someone noticed the pair, someone shouted called to attention.  “At ease, folks.  Just here to take a look at the new toys,” Flash told them, giving them all a smile.  He could see pilots from the various nations, a group of warriors of the sky, ready to do their jobs for their countries.



“Ah, Admiral, pleasure to see you!”  A tall, thin black man strode up to him with a smile on his face and a fist ready to bump.  “Hope your trip didn’t take too long.  George Benson, Director of the JHMSF program.  Pleasure to meet you.”

“Flash Sentry, pleasure to meet you as well, General.”

“Eh, just call me George.  And you’re Flash?”

“Exactly.  This is my attaché, Col. Scootaloo.”  The two bumped fists and Benson ushered them towards a door.  “Right this way; we’ve got the units being looked over by the aircrews in preparation for tomorrow’s soiree.”

“Soiree?”

Benson nodded, the grin still on his face.  “Fallon is sending over three of their adversary squadrons to engage us in mock combat.  The Navy’s Adversary Squadrons are some of the best out there, almost even as good as our Air Force ones,” he said with a chuckle.  He turned to the colonel at his side.  “We get any info from Fallon?”

The colonel looked at a pad.  “According to the email I got from Captain Jaspers, they’re sending over VFC-12, VFC-161, and VFC-305.”

Flash and Scootaloo both looked at Benson oddly.  “Adversary?”

The Inarijin kitsune poked her head into the conversation.  “General?” she asked.  “May I?”

“Please, Lt. Nikkō, be my guest,” Benson said, gesturing with his hand.

The five-tailed kitsune looked at both ponies.  “Human aviation has this interesting idea where they train some of their own squadrons to act as if they’re the enemy and do practice dogfights against their own in order to bolster performance.  They fly modified, older generational aircraft tuned to simulate enemy aircraft.  For example, VFC-12 flies old American F-14Ds, painted and modified to act like the Iranian Air Force F-14i.  It’s pretty fascinating, sir.”

“If you say so,” Flash replied.  “Honestly, I’d like to see this myself.”

“Well, that won’t be a problem,” Benson assured him, “because tomorrow, we’re taking them out for a spin.”





Tired, Flash looked at his salad and the glistening black test flight suit.  Most of it was covered in solid-state flexicircuits and relays, intended to send information from his muscle movements to data recorders back on the ground.  He had just read over the Order of Battle for the next day: Benson would be flying the F-37A, paired up with Scootaloo for the 37D; LT Fujiwara of the JMSDF and his 37B would be paired up with RGAF Maj. Graystreak’s 37E; and lastly, USMC Cpt. Kerala and Flash himself would launch their 37C and 37F from the simulated catapult systems that had been built on the elevated runway.  They would in turn act in pairs, engaging against VFC-12 and their IRIAF air tactics; then VFC-161 and their mixture of F-15Ns designed to simulate Russian-built aircraft and EA-18s simulating Syrian tactics.

But it was going up against the recently activated Composite Adversary Squadron THREE ZERO FIVE that would be the most important: VFC-305 would be flying modified F-14Ds based on the information they had so far about the mysterious fighter that had attacked Canterlot, which had since been given the NATO Reporting name of “Fruitbat”.  What little was known about them was that they were of a swing-wing design with apparently magical-based stealth rather than conventional, that it had extreme range unheard of fighter aircraft and that the shot down wreckage was extremely hard to recover, as it was magically burning the moment Equestriani recovery teams attempted to retrieve them.  In the report attached to the OOB, a detailed analysis done by the US Air Force indicated that while it shared some basic designs with the F-14 (and thus could be of Iranian origin), there were also some Russian properties to the aircraft as well.  Russia firmly denied being involved with it, but Britain’s MI-6 uncovered that over the past decade, dozens of aircraft engineers, designers and other experts had vanished, with their last known location being in a city within one hundred miles of a Gate to Alter-Earth.  Lastly, the German BND uncovered recent purchases of QF-16 targeting drones, ostensibly purchased for Equestriani military use, but vanished shortly after crossing the dimensional divide.

Flash rubbed his head, feeling every bit of his sixty-four years.  Had it been over four decades since he had been just a basic trooper on his first real day as a fully-fledged guardspony, nearly losing his life in the changeling invasion.  And so much had happened since, over the years: his falling in love with Twilight Sparkle.  Her subsequent rejection of his heart, because – and he didn’t know it at the time – she had been betrayed by a pegasus stallion that had been part of the terrorist group attacking during Rarity’s wedding.  His time volunteering with Project SANDALWOOD, followed by his injury on one of the human worlds, only to recuperate back in Canterlot and meet an alluring mare who was almost the spitting image of Twilight.  Eventually he found out that she was Twilight’s cousin, but by then he’d learned to appreciate her for who she was.  A whirlwind wedding, followed by wedded bliss with Moondancer and a very…interesting…honeymoon in Donkonia.  The fact that they made their marriage work despite her demands at SMILE and his demands as he became a more senior guardspony – and then the whole thing magnified as she grew into the CODE structure and he was designated a naval officer.  Raising three children, two fillies and a colt, one from each tribe.  That had been his life in the past forty-two years and even with days like these, he couldn’t imagine them any other way.

He opened his laptop and meant to call home, but he was too tired.  Instead, he wrote Moondancer a loving email and promised he would pick up something for her from Vegas before he returned to Canterlot.  Closing the laptop then, he crawled into his bed, intending to sleep the slumber of the battle-weary.





In the bungalow two doors down, Scootaloo yawned, flexed her wings and continued to read the reports.  She remembered when she was so young and rambunctious and couldn’t wait to get airborne like her sister or other pegasi.  And when she did, it was great – she felt as though she had gained something that she had missed for all her life.

She just wasn’t expecting to gain so much more.  Accepted into a flight squadron.  Flight leader.  Squadron leader.  Then came the humans and the revolutionizing of the way war was fought.  She was immediately promoted to Captain once the REAF spun up, then adjusted to the human way of war.  Now, she was a colonel with the chance of being promoted to brigadier general in the near future; it would probably end her flying days save for qualifications and other, similar reasons, just as Rainbow and Soarin’ experienced.  Of course, that was to be expected: she was getting on in years, and no one who didn’t have a horn and wings or an elemental jewel stayed young forever.

It was times like this that she wished she and Featherweight had children, but after Applebloom’s stillbirth, they both had unspoken fears about it.  Maybe if we weren’t at war, I could retire and work on a family while I still had the chance.  But that was a new fear: the possibility of raising a family in the middle of a war.

She resolved to talk with Fluttershy about it.  There were plenty of foals that needed families, and she had adopted.  Perhaps it was time for Scootaloo and her husband to consider it, too.





Morning came and the flight briefing came from SQNLDR Zhang, RHKAF.  It would be a survival situation, and the adversary squadrons would literally throw everything they had at the six fighters.  For the first half, the SixAxis fighters would take the lead, giving the magical compensators time to build their charges so the conventional fighters could perform the same maneuvers without injury to their pilots.  The six fighters would be carrying modified ordnance and rounds tweaked by REAF and REN aircrews; upon a successful takedown, the enemy fighter would change to a bright day-glo green that would last until the aircrews washed the color off.

The rest of the talk was filled with dry, Power Point Ranger-style droning that represented a new challenge: staying awake during the whole tedious representation, from the “estimated” information about the maneuverability and the weapons, to the weather conditions in the engagement area, to the limits of the box that they would be flying in, and all the other variables, rules of engagement and conditions that pilots only cared about insofar as they had to hear them at least once.

Furthermore, the rest of the test pilots would be watching, including SQNLDR Zhang himself.  It would be interesting to see how pilots who had never been behind the stick of the F-37 would fare against adversary pilots who were trained in how to fly like the enemy flies.  In particular, the modified F-14 designed to mimic the Fruitbat, so the rumor went, would be able to actually cobrahead, something that was unthinkable in a swing-wing fighter during the F-14s prime.

And when it was all said and done and the bagels and coffee had been consumed and jokes made, the six pilots headed off towards their aircraft.  For the sake of simplicity, the pilots had all been assigned callsigns of Air One and Two, Hover One and Two, and Navy One and Two.  The B and E models would take off once they taxied out onto Runway One, while Scootaloo and her counterpart would take off from Runway Two.  Flash and his wingman were shuttled out to Catapult One, a raised runway purpose-built to replicate the catapult launch.

In separate locations, Scootaloo and Flash stepped onto their points of entry, not aircraft ladders, but instead elevator jacks; the plane captain told them that this would be the standard boarding/debarking setup for the SixAxis models, and that in the field, there might be situations where they would have to directly fly into their cockpits.  The two pegasi nodded and looked at the cockpit for the first time in person.  It looked very similar at first to conventional cockpits, save that the screens and other necessary information was lowered to a height more in line with a natural flyer.  Weapons controls and functions not necessary for flight were moved to a series of hoofpads (or clawpads, in the case of RGAF and RGN models) in the front, while the throttle and afterburner functions were set to the after hoofpads/pawpads.  Both pilots were told that although the fighter could be modified to set some controls to the tails, that was not yet planned.  But the big deal were the wingslips: large glove-like coverings that slipped over their wings and as they did, blew a soft gust of air in order to register all the wings’ feathers in preparation for absolute control via the wings.  The pinnacle of the SixAxis system had been in design for the past ten years and was an incredible marriage of science and magic, an almost perfect union.

Both Flash and Scootaloo were given a few minutes to test out how their wings and feathers’ movements controlled the elevator and rudders and would ultimately be responsible for the movement on the eponymous six axes that the fighter would be able to move along.  At first, it felt odd; Flash would later tell the test pilots that it felt like wearing two pairs of wing covers over his wings, while Scootaloo would later admit that at first it felt like her days as a filly when she couldn’t really fly because of her stunted wings that had taken forever to grow out.  But after a few more minutes, the two quickly got a hold of the situation and began taxiing to their positions.

Both pilots heard a voice over the comms.  “All units this is the Tower; you are clear for launch.  We have bandits inbound southwest of the facility, current reading is coming in from the northwest at angels six.  You may go when ready.”



On Runway One, ventral and dorsal ports opened, exposing the giant turbofans that lifted the fighters, as their engines kicked in.  After a few minutes, the silvery arrows moved forward and the vents closed as the fighters accelerated to cruising speed.

On Runway Two, Scootaloo called out, “Air One, launching!” and kicked her throttle into gear, boosting the fighter’s speed as it rocketed down the runway.  After a few seconds, she shifted her wings and the wingslips complied, pulling the fighter into the air as she toggled the switch to retract the landing gear before she lanced into the blue, off to join her counterparts.

On Catapult One, the RN catapult officer signaled to the pilots that they were good to go.  From his perch, Flash gave the officer a nod – saluting, like in the old days, wouldn’t be possible in this configuration, and he boosted the engines to maximum running.  A second later he felt the inexorable pull forward as the EMALS dragged the aircraft towards the flight deck terminus, throwing 70,000 pounds of metal, crystal, weapons and pegasus into the air.  Flash pulled up with his wings and the wingslips processed the orders, and within seconds he was rocketing directly vertical before levelling out in order to give his wingman time to catch up.  Cpt. Kerala soon did, and with that, the two were off to join their counterparts.
> Concerning Matters of the Heart
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, that should be the last of them.  Can I close the portal?” Twilight asked.

DJ looked at her aunt.  “Sure.  I’ll have to go over tomorrow to drop off the keys with the Base Housing Office, but I can probably get Cadance to clear that for me through the Equestriani embassy, right?”

“DJ, you’re an Equestriani subject and part of the Royal Family.  You can go anytime you’d like – the family doesn’t need clearance,” Twilight explained.

“Yes, but I’m also an American citizen, which means that when I cross over, I’ll be in a third-party embassy with my SOFA status no longer counting in Japan.  Fortunately, I have a few more days to accomplish that, so I’m not too worried, but getting a driver from the Embassy is going to be hard, especially since they can’t go on base without authorization.”

“Hadn’t thought about that.  Must be the problems of being a dual citizen,” Twilight admitted.  “So what now?”

“Well, I can either get back to work before my editor takes a plane here to hunt me down, or I can take my favorite aunt out to lunch as thanks and use her as a shield in case said editor hunts me down?”

“Gee, thanks,” Twilight drawled.

DJ hugged her.  “C’mon, you know what I mean.”

Twilight returned the hug.  “What, can’t take your own sarcasm, niece of mine?”

“Why, Twilight Sparkle!  I’m shocked, I say, shocked!” DJ snarked.

A huge white minotaur bull came through the portal, carrying a sofa.  “Where do you want this?” the bull said in a scratchy, teenage voice.

“Um…over there,” DJ commented.  “That’s really going to break my brain.”

The bull set the sofa down before changing back into Shining Dawn.  “Sorry, figured it was easier to deal with it that way than hope I don’t drop it mid-portal and break it.”

“Well, I appreciate that, Dawn,” the humanized pony said, ruffling her younger cousin’s mane.  “So, any suggestion where we should go?”


There was a knock at the front door, just seconds before it burst open, revealing Rarity.  “Hello, all!  I have arrived!”

DJ immediately started looking at the boxes.  “Now, which one had the alcohol in it?  May as well start now….”

Rarity went over and hugged her sister royal, then her niece before stopping short at DJ: “And a pleasure to see you, dear Twilight, and my, you grow so beautiful, Dawn!  Keep it up.  Oh, and hello, you.”

DJ just looked at her, then back at the box.  “Where did I put the Jose Cuervo?”

“Hi, Aunt Rarity!” Dawn chirped, immediately sensing she needed to do something before DJ and Rarity went at each other’s throats; while she hadn’t been told the full story, being part changeling, she could feel the barely-disguised looks of irritation between the unicorn and the upright earth mare.  “What are you doing here?”

A very haggard Elusive stepped in the door a second later.  “Trying to stop a disaster in the making,” he gasped.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Elusive, dear,” Rarity tut-tutted her son.  “I’m only trying to perform a civic duty.  It is my responsibility as the Knight of Generosity to do so, correct?”

“Mother, I’m not sure—”

“Please, darling, just leave it to me, okay?”  She gave her son a sunny smile and turned to DJ.  “Where is your…ahem…other…er, ‘brother’?  I have to speak to him at once.”

DJ crossed her arms and looked at the white unicorn, realizing that she was neither a nightmare nor going away.  “Oh, hi, Rarity.  What hell on Earth are you trying to cause this time?”

Rarity looked at her estranged daughter.  “Please, can’t we be civilized for once, Sandalwood?  Or at least pretend to be, in your case?  I know you’re capable of it.”

“I am, you’re right,” DJ admitted, “save that you don’t deserve any.”  She then turned to her brother.  “Luse, what’s she trying to do now?”

“Well, it involves Sam, and….”

“Ay, Dios mio,” DJ groaned.  “Seriously?  Are you still trying this shit?”

Rarity looked at Twilight.  “Please, note for the record that I did try, Twilight.”  She then looked at DJ.  “Sandalwood, if you’re going to be uncouth, then all the reason why your, ahem, ‘brother’—”

“Anyone else practically hear quotation marks around that?” DJ argued.  “Seriously?  Sam is my kid brother.  I don’t give a shit what you think, but he is my brother, just as much as Luse is.  So please, if you want to be civilized, don’t be such a specist bitch, okay?”

Rarity hmphed.  “Now that was just uncalled for.”

“Pot, kettle, hex code 000000.”

“Whatever that means.  In any case, I have noticed that young Samuel is in need of a paramour.  And I know just the young lady for him!”

“What, not a mare?” DJ was actually surprised by this.

“No, while I would think he would prefer that, I realize that humans would probably find it more favorable to be with their own kind than mares.”  DJ’s response was to explode into laughter.  “What, praytell, is so funny?”

“Okay, clearly you don’t read any edition of Cosmo, not that I do either, but I remember seeing them at the Navy Exchange.  Are you so dense that you don’t realize that men are actually starting to prefer to date mares because of the natural aphrodisiacs they create?  Hell, do you know what the number one perfume in most western countries is right now?  It’s ‘Mare’s Desire’, and it’s made not by Chanel or any of those other companies – it’s made by Nestlé!  A Goddamn chocolate company!”  DJ continued to gasp, laughing until her sides hurt and she had to plop on the sofa for respite.  “Anthropologists are now worried that if it wasn’t for overall global population growth, then humanity’s demographics would be as skewed as the pony one within a few decades!”

Twilight looked at her niece.  “You do know that’s just an urban legend, right, DJ?”

“Whatever!”

Shrugging, Twilight turned to Rarity, figuring somepony had to get to the bottom of this.  “So you’re trying to set up Sam with a mare?”

“No, Twilight, dear, I’m trying to set him up with Cerise.  She has the grace and poise of an alicorn, the pure soul of a mare and the dedication of being one of the first naturalized Equestriani subjects.”

“In other words, she went so native they just gave her the whole Tarzan suit and called it a day?” DJ snarked.

“I have no idea what that means, but I’ll just chalk it up to your uncouth human standards.  Anyway, I have seen Samuel and he seems to be as gallant a stallion as my dear Elusive or my husband, so he is definitely worthy of being tied to dear Cerise.  After all, I see her as a daughter figure.”  She looked at DJ again.  “Unlike some others in this room.”

“Thank you and please burn in Hell.”

“And to think your older sisters died so you could be an ungrateful harridelle.  I weep for Sparkler and Firecracker – they’re practically spinning in their graves right now.”

“Wow, that was a low blow even for you.  Get the hell out of my house, you caustic bitch.”  DJ got right up to her again.  “I never knew them, but I know Father would be pissed to see you treat them like pawns in your little mindgame.”

Rarity’s eyes narrowed.  “You eohippus!  I loved them both!  They were as much mine as you once were, or Minty or your brother!  I would never, ever—”

“Except that you just did.”  They all turned to look at Twilight.  “Sorry, Rarity, but you were out of line.”

Rarity looked as though she’d been slapped.  “I….”  She looked as if wounded.  “I understand, Twilight.  Come, Elusive, we won’t find any assistance here.”  Nothing else to say, the unicorn departed.

“Luse, keep an eye on her.  I don’t trust her, but I trust you,” DJ asked him.

“I’ll work on damage control, DJ.  You have my word,” he assured her before he followed Rarity out the door.

“I can see this is going to be one of those pleasant episodes in our lives,” Twilight groaned.  “DJ, please promise me that you won’t lose your temper over this.”

“Of course not, Twi.  I won’t lose my temper at all.  I’ll go nuclear and kick her ass back to the stone age, but I promise I won’t lose my temper,” DJ said with a false smile.

Dawn looked at her cousin then back to her mother.  “Is our family always like this?”

“No, dear, sometimes it’s worse.”





The pony receptionist looked up at the woman with a curious frown as she approached.  She figured he must’ve thought her little black dress seemed unnecessarily provocative, but she didn’t care; she was a woman on a mission!

“Is there something I can help you with, miss?” the stallion asked warily.

The lady leaned against the desk, as if to share a conspiracy.  “I’m looking for Director Martinez?” she asked, not quite an answer, but a question in its own right.

“He’s not here.  May I ask who’s calling?”

“Yes, Cerise.”

“Cerise….”  The pony trailed off as if waiting for an answer.

“Just Cerise.  I don’t bother with a surname anymore.  I’m not even sure I recall what it is.”  A delicate finger went up to her lips.  “Is it Summers?  Or Sanders?  Something with an S, I’m sure of that much.”

The stallion looked at her with disbelief.  “You don’t recall your last name.”

“Well, it’s not like I need it here in Equestria, you know!  And I’m an Equestriani citizen! ”

Except for probably at tax time, the stallion thought.  “Mononyms aren’t common with humans,” he pointed out.

“Sure they are!  Beck, Gliceé, Cassandra….”

“As I recall, those are stage names, not their official names,” the pony replied.  “And your ID should say what your name is.”

She fished out her Crown Service ID, which identified her simply as CERISE.  “Hmph!  And what’s your name?”

The pony looked at her blandly.  “North Shores.”

“North Shores?  That sounds like a human name.”

Shores rolled his eyes.  “My mother’s name is True North.  My father’s is Sandy Shores.  They weren’t exactly the best at coming up with names.  Heck, my sister’s name is Truesand.”

“So, will you tell him I came looking for him?”  She handed Shores her card.  “Let him know I’m available anytime.”  With that, she walked out the door and away from the REAL temporary headquarters.

A few seconds later, another pony came out.  “Hey, North, you okay?  You look kinda green.”

Shores looked at the other pony.  “You didn’t smell that, Chasedown?  That mare, er, woman was in heat!  Oh Celestia, the stench!”

Chasedown sniffed the air, and his nose wrinkled.  He shuddered.  “I can just smell the afterscent.  Stallion, I can’t imagine you getting a full whiff of that.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Can you cover for me?  I’m going to go to the restroom and bow to the porcelain alicorn.”

“Sure thing.  Wonder why she was in heat?”

“Apparently she has a thing for the boss,” Shores said before he galloped off towards the stallion’s room.

Chasedown facewinged.  “Someone’s got it bad for the boss?  I feel sorry for that woman.  I don’t think that man has any interest other than doing his job.”





In the bedroom of their home, a man and a woman collapsed after exerting themselves.  “I thought this was supposed to be just a lunch break,” Sam gasped, out of breath.

Celestia threw her hair back, her body glistening from the sweat of their lovemaking.  “It was.  You got to enjoy the hottest dish in town,” she said, collapsing onto him and snuggling against his body.

“Oh, I’m supposed to have a meeting with Luna in ten minutes.”

“I’ll tell her I kept you detained.”  She kissed him passionately.  “Is that enough detention?”

“You know, Cel, you are one horny alicorn.”

“Sex-starved,” she giggled.  “Fortunately, I have the cure right here,” she said, patting his cheek.

He was about to respond, when his phone went off.  Giving his girlfriend an apologetic look, he answered it.  “Yeah, this is Sam.”

“Sam, it’s DJ. We need to talk.”

“Oh, hey, sis, what’s up?” he said and Celestia got the message.  One spell cleaned them off; a second one got them dressed a second later, and the third made the bed with new sheets.

“You busy?”

“Yeah, I’m…uh…in a meeting with Celestia.  Some law enforcement issues, you know?”  The alicorn-as-human bit off a laugh and shook her head in amusement.

“Can you come by for dinner?  We really need to talk, little brother.”

Sam knew that turn of phrase whenever DJ used it; it was shorthand for her being a little overprotective.  “Dee, what’s going on?”

“Just come on over for dinner tonight, okay?  Besides, Mike and the kids would love to see you again.  And yes, I know it’s been just a week since they saw you last.  But just trust me, okay?  Please?”

“Okay, okay.  I had a dinner meeting for tonight, but I’ll see if I can reschedule.”  He gave Celestia an apologetic look and she nodded; she could hardly fault him for spending time with family.

“Okay, see you around seven.  Love ya, little bro.”

“Love you too, sis.  Later.”  He hung up and looked at Celestia.  “Sorry, dinner’s going to be a wash.”

“It’s not a problem; I’ll call the restaurant and cancel.”  She then changed back into her natural form.  “As it is, I have a budget meeting at 1:30 that I need to get ready for, or else Blueblood will try to sneak something past me, I’m sure.”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”  He kissed her on the muzzle.

“You already do that just by being in my life,” she said with a fillyish blush.





Cerise leaned on her desk and sighed.

“Cerise, dear, are you okay?”  She looked up to see Rarity, dressed in her formal attire as Duchess Lipizzan and Knight of Generosity.

“I’m fine,” she said softly.  “Just…a bit heartsick, you know.”

Rarity smiled.  “Dear, I know what it’s like to be in love, and although he’s a human, he’s a rare example of what your species should be: strong and brave and charming.  Why, were I human, I would consider him myself!”  She saw the frown on Cerise’s face and patted her on the shoulder.  “Don’t worry, he will come to you in time.  You are a heart amongst hearts, and if you truly care about him, you will see him in your forelegs someday, utterly smitten.”

“You mean that?”

“As sure as Cadance herself wills it!”  A thought came across her features.  “In fact, if you’d like, I will ask Cadance on your behalf to make an intercession.”

“You would do that for me?” Cerise asked, looking at Rarity as if she were an alicorn.

“Yes, of course I would for you, Cerise!  You are like the daughter I never had!  And I would never want to see you with anything less than the best in life!  So I will contact Cadance for you and I’ll give you the details later.  Now, I need to be off.”

Cerise remembered her duties.  “I have already sent the flowers off to the bereaved family.”

“Thank you,” Rarity intoned sadly.  “To think I would have to bury another Campolina.”  Rarity wiped her eyes.  “To think that changelings would just brutally murder poor Orange Box because they lost their chance to capture Canterlot – and then to find out they desecrated her body!  Those brutes!”

“Justice will be done for Mrs. Box, I’m sure,” Cerise told Rarity.

“I hope so; her husband, as I understand it, is utterly disconsolate in his grief.  And I can’t imagine what it’s doing to Autumn and Ditzy, but I will be there for them.  In any case, I don’t think I’ll be back before business hours are done, so please, just lock up when you’re done for the day.”

“Will do.”





The funeral had been somber, with both Rarity and Cadence in attendance on behalf of the royal family.  Additionally, another individual was there that the white unicorn hasn't expected: her foalhood friend, Bon-Bon.  The remainder were ponies she never knew, the exceptions being Orange’s distraught husband, as well as Autumn and Ditzy and their family.  She remembered a series of funerals decades ago and then the ones that should’ve taken place months ago, ones that now never would.

Rarity felt a wing drape around her side.  “I feel it too,” Cadance said, and Rarity looked up to see the alicorn crying.  “I miss him every day and my son will grow up without a father.  And then I think of what you went through and my heart just rips again.”

Rarity let the tears flow.  “It’s been one thing after another, hasn’t it?  Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra…just one after another after another.  We nearly died at your wedding.  My husband was foalnapped at mine.”  She looked at the ground sadly.  “When do we get that Happily Ever After that we’re all supposed to deserve by now?”

“Sometimes I wonder if we even deserve it,” Cadance admitted. “That we did something wrong and maybe there’s a parallel universe where we’re all happy and nothing goes wrong that can’t be fixed within minutes.”

Rarity gave a bitter chuckle.  “I’d love to see that world.  I’d probably still be a fashion designer, full-time.”

Cadance laughed and brushed away her tears.  “Yes, and Shining and I would’ve probably had an alicorn filly who was too much of a hassle during her magic spurts.”  The two mares laughed, tears still rolling down their cheeks and more than a few stared at first, but understood the hell the two had gone through.

After calming down, Rarity saw Bon-Bon approaching her.  “Your grace,” she said politely before briefly bowing before Cadance.  “Your highness.  It’s good to see you both, though I wish it was under better circumstances.”

“BB,” Rarity began, “regardless of the situation, it’s good to see you nonetheless.  Although, you needn’t have bowed to us.”

“It’s a formal situation, Rity.  Plus, I’ve never had the opportunity to meet her highness.”  She then turned to Cadance.  “I’m Bon-Bon.  An old friend of Rarity’s.”

“I don’t know if you recall, but we’ve met before,” Cadance told her.  “You’re Lyra’s ex-wife, aren’t you?”

Bon-Bon nodded.  “It took me a long time to get over my depression and sometimes I’m not entirely sure I have,” the mare admitted.  “I know it’s affected my memory quite a bit, and if it wasn’t for my current wife, I’d be lost.”

Rarity hugged Bon-Bon.  “You’re not lost, so long as you have me, BB.  So, I wasn’t aware you knew Orange.”

“Not that well.  We were business partners and not much else.  Still, I thought it important to pay my respects and promise her husband I’ll do what I can to help keep their business afloat.  Usually companies don’t often survive the passing of the founder, and the Orange Box Baking Co. deserves to survive.  Besides, it’s good for business, not that such is my primary concern.”

Rarity gave Bon-Bon a smile.  “That’s so like you, BB.  The world’s lucky it has somepony as wonderful as you.”

Bon-Bon shrugged.  “Sometimes, I have my doubts, Rity, but that’s just life,” she said in a somber tone.





Sam, DJ and Mike sat on the balcony of the new house, mainly because it was one of the few places in the home where there weren’t moving boxes strewn all over.  The grill was cooling down, and the trio were relaxing and looking at the night sky, accompanied by a fourth individual.

“Hey, thanks for inviting me over, DJ,” Sunset Shimmer told her.  She chuckled and added, “Believe me, I was just as surprised as you were when I found out you’re my next-door neighbor.”

“Hey, you’re welcome, Sunset,” the humanized pony told her.  “As it is, I’ll probably have you over more than once just to help me hang stuff.”

“Yeah, because clearly hanging pictures is all unicorns are good for,” the amber mare drolled.

“You said it, not me.”

Sunset laughed.  “Well, I’d love to stay and chat some more, but I have to get up early tomorrow.  I’ve been asked to head out to Yakyakistan and discuss the latest issue Prince Rathburne has with bringing his yaks into the modern century.”  She shook her head and laughed.  “I swear, if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re a protectorate, we’d probably just ignore them.”  She then realized what she said, and quickly added, “I’m sorry; that was insensitive of me.  I don’t want to come off as a specist – we have enough of that in this world, and sometimes it seems like Canterlot is the epicenter of it.”

Sam spoke for them.  “Don’t worry about it; we’ve all heard much worse.”

“Still, if the palace is going to assign me diplomatic duties, it’s best that I don’t blow it, you know?”  She got up and hoof/fistbumped the others.  “Thanks for having me over, folks.  We should do this again sometime.”

Mike got up.  “C’mon, I’ll show you out.”

“Thanks!”  With that, Mike and Sunset headed back into the house.

“Well, she seems like a nice enough mare,” Sam commented to his sister.  “I hope you weren’t trying to fix me up with her.”

“Naaaah, she actually does live next door.  Besides, I don’t get involved in your personal life, Sam.”

“So then why did you invite me over?  Granted, sis, I love seeing you guys, but it’s not like I live whole time zones away anymore.”  His brown eyes locked into her purple ones as he asked, “So you want to level with me about what’s going on?”

She looked at him with frustration.  “Someone wants to mess in your love life…and that someone isn’t me.”  DJ then explained her run-in earlier that day with Rarity and the results of that debacle.

“And she seriously wants to fix me up with this Cerise girl?”  When his sister nodded, he frowned.  “Why me?  Seriously, why me?”

“Well, we could go with the obvious, which is that she wants to piss me off.  Or maybe she thinks getting you with Cerise will symbolically steal you from our family, since with Rarity turnabout is apparently fair play….”  DJ then chuckled.  “Wouldn’t it be just laughable if she did this as a compliment?  Think about it: Cerise is her secretary, so that means she’s trying to do something nice for a human.”

Sam slumped in the seat as Mike returned.  “Yeah, because my girlfriend is going to take that so well.”

Mike raised an eyebrow in mild surprise.  “You haven’t even finished moving here yet and you’re already dating?  That’s fast, bro.”

DJ, as expected, was all smiles.  “So, what’s she like?  Mare or other?  When do we get to meet her?”

An uncomfortable look came over the younger man’s face.  “I’d…rather not give details yet.  We’ve only been together for a few weeks and I want to make absolutely sure this relationship doesn’t crash and burn like my last two.  You remember the hell I went through the last time.”

“Okay, fair enough.  But as soon as you are sure….”

“Yes, then I’ll bring her over so you can do your overprotective big sister shtick.”

DJ leaned into her husband and giggled.  “He knows me well.”





Tired after staying at his sister’s place until midnight, Sam tapped the doorknob to his home.  It flicked a bright green and once again he was amazed by magical locks, something that was commonplace here and a luxury back on his Earth.  Perhaps in another decade or two the cost would come down, but until then, Bluetooth and magnetic locks were the standard.

No sooner than he turned the knob than he heard a voice speak behind him: “Excuse me, but are you Sam Martinez?”  He turned to see a stunning blonde with short hair, soft brown eyes and a svelte body.

“Yes, I am,” he said, “but I usually don’t get visitors this late at night.  Kinda makes me suspicious, Cerise.”

Her eyes widened.  “You know who I am?”

He nodded.  “If I remember correctly, there are about 27,000 humans living in Equestria, with the majority of them living here in Canterlot, given that they’re diplomatic staff.  However, there are only sixty-one who are registered as Equestriani subjects, and of those, only five are women…and only two are single.  Now, given that the one single one is a lesbian and in a relationship with a mare, that leaves just you.”

Cerise took a step back; this was not how she imagined things were going to go.  “What?”

Sam smiled.  “Oh, did I forget to mention that the mare works for me?  Deep Search is one of my analysts, and she says that she and Kerri are just happy to be together.  I guess I’ll have to wait for the company picnic to confirm that, though.”

“Look, I….”

He tried to be patient with her; he didn’t know if her feelings were genuine (odd, given that they’d never met before), or if she was a pawn in one of Rarity’s aforementioned schemes.  “Look, Cerise…I’m flattered.  Really.  But I don’t know you, and I really take a dim view of being surprised at night.  It’s part of my job – I have to be careful.”

The look on Cerise’s face was clear that she hadn’t thought about any of this, and inwardly, Sam fumed.  How much grasp did Rarity have on this girl that she threw common sense out the window?  And did Celestia know about this?  He resolved to have a talk with her about it first chance he got.

Still, he had to let this girl down easily, because he had a feeling tomorrow was going to be a long day.  “Look, Cerise,” he began.

She paused, then leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.  “No, I get it.  I came on too strong.  So, let’s start again later, okay?  I’ll come by your office later this week and we can have lunch, if that works for you.”

“Um…sure,” he said, scratching his head.

“Okay.”  She waved and headed towards a car parked across the street.   “I’ll see you later then!”  She blew him a kiss, then turned back towards the car, a vintage 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse.  He watched her drive off, then turned back towards the door, figuring out how he was going to explain this to Celestia.  There’d be no way she wouldn’t know about this, right?
> How to Piss Off Your Sister, Step One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, Rainbow.  I know you’ve been busy since your return to active duty,” Celestia said.  The two were having lunch in the west gardens, and though it was a business lunch, the sisters royal were happy to spend time with one another.

Rainbow nodded.  “Yeah.  I need to appoint a new Air Force Chief of Staff to replace Spitfire.  My obvious choice would be Soarin’, but I obviously can’t do that, so I have to sift through the other qualified candidates.”  She then grinned.  “But since you’re pickin’ up the tab for lunch and all, I figured I could spare a few moments for my sister royal.”

“You’re too modest,” Celestia chuckled.

“Hey, you know me, Tia, Element of Loyalty, not Humility.  Anyways, I guess you called me up to talk about the report that came out of Nevada yesterday?”

The solar alicorn nodded.  “Apparently Flash gave it the green light, saying that he and his squadron were able to best the US Navy’s best in mock dogfights as if they were flying hot air balloons.  Scootaloo reported much the same, and I spoke with the Griffonican ambassador and he says their personnel out there also agree with that assessment.  It looks like SixAxis is finally good to go.”

“Just in time, too – our fighter fleet is stretched thinner than an all-you-can-eat card for parasprites.”  She took a drink of her cider, then added, “Fortunately, the US agreed to basing some of their units out here.  Right now, we have construction crews working overtime to build a new base for them in Sunhillow, and the US 16th Expeditionary Air Force is just getting settled in.  I’ve asked the US Embassy to arrange a meet and greet with you and Gen. Salazar.  As for the town, Sunhillow’s welcomed them, especially with the boost it’ll bring to that town’s economy.”

“Oh, when did you become an economist, Rainbow?”

The pegasus mare shrugged.  “Hey, sooner or later I gotta learn a few things, okay?  Trying to be at least twenty percent smarter for my unborn foal.  And speaking of which, we’re going to need some money moved from the treasury to the Defense budget – we’ve had to borrow from morale funds to offset the initial costs of the JHMSF, and so I want to make sure our troops are covered.”  Rainbow pulled a folder out of her backpack and hoofed it over.  “Document has cleared Blueblood’s office, so all I need is your signature.”

Celestia looked at it.  “Actually, you’ll need Luna’s – I’ve delegated this to her.  But no worries, I’ll have a courier run this over to her.”  The solar princess signaled for an attendant, and as the pony arrived, Celestia passed her the folder and said, “Please have Princess Luna sign this and get it back to us soonest.  In fact, we’d love for her to join us.”

The attendant looked at Princess Celestia as though she was more than a bit concerned.  “Ummmm…that isn’t going to exactly happen, your majesty.”  Both mares looked at the attendant and she suddenly very much wanted to crawl into the nearest crack and hoped Discord would unpetrify and find her before the princess did.

“Excuse me?” Celestia intoned, a fake smile coming onto her face.  Rainbow, having known her sister royal for decades, immediately decided that maybe having the document signed immediately wasn’t as necessary as she thought it had been ten seconds ago.

“She…um…called out again?”   The attendant suddenly realized, too late, that was likely the worst possible thing to say.

“Could you repeat that?”

The pony took it as a sign of her impending doom, but she complied with her sovereign nonetheless.  “I, uh, well…my fillyfriend works in Princess Luna’s office and said she hasn’t been in all week.”  Celestia gave the pony a glare, and the attendant immediately tried to cover herself with her forelegs, cowering on the ground as she attempted to do a credible imitation of Fluttershy in her initial youth.

Celestia looked at Rainbow, her sweet smile as plastic as could be.  “Rainbow, I hate to end lunch so early, but I have to go kill my sister.”  Nothing further to say, she summoned a teleport and a second later, Celestia’s secretary, Raven Quill, appeared before her.  “Raven, notify Director Martinez to join me in my office in ten minutes.”

Raven, long used to this, nodded.  “I’ll also signal the contingent of guar—”

“Won’t be necessary – we want to keep this low-key, so the director should suffice.”  She looked at both mares and added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to my sister’s staff and find out why she hasn’t reported to work all damn week.”  Before anypony could say anything, Celestia teleported away.

Raven looked at Rainbow.  “Mind if I join you for lunch?  Probably going to need it.”

Rainbow looked at the yellow puddle that contained a pony.  “Um…get somepony to clean that up, and then let them know that we’ll be having lunch on the public balcony.”





Sam Martinez was not having the best of days.  First there were the budget allocations that needed approving, then there was a meeting he had with the various sheriffs of major cities to figure out where REAL offices would be stationed.  After that was approving various department regulations as well as going over where they would build the new headquarters, seeing as the facility they were going to be assigned had been leveled last week in the battle against the changelings.

And now, after finally having sat down with Potato Chip for a quick business lunch to go over some trivial issues that had been shoved to the back burner until now, he was quickly interrupted by an attendant from the palace and a minute later, was walking the halls of the palace right next to Celestia, wondering just what the hell was going on.

“Cel, you know I was in a meeting, right?” he told his marefriend/girlfriend/boss.  Their relationship still hadn’t been made public, but due to DJ’s relations with what seemed to be two-thirds of all the movers and shakers in the country, it was commonly known that Sam and Celestia were on a first name basis.

“Whatever it was, I wouldn’t worry about it,” she assured him.  “I’m sure Potato Chip can take care of things in our absence.  Now, what do you know about Kuala Lumpur?”

He thought for a second.  “Well, it’s the capital of Malaysia, one of the few Muslim nations that are friendly to ponydom.  One of our largest embassies is located there, if I recall, and Malaysia’s actually gone so far as to tailor a part of their tourism campaign to get ponies to come.”  He idly recalled a report from the other day that said that it was actually one of the more popular destination spots for ponies who wanted a tropical paradise that wasn’t as slickly-packaged as Hawaii or Hoofalulu.  “Why?”

“We have to go home and pack.  We’ve got a few days there,” the alicorn said with a smile.

“Uh, why?”

“Because Luna hasn’t reported to work at all this week and according to her office, she called from Kuala Lumpur this morning.  Which means that she’s off playing jet-setting socialite and I need her back here to do her work!”

“Okay, so why do we need to pack?  We can just take the portal through the Embass—”





“—y?”  He suddenly found himself prone on the bed, with an all-too-familiar strawberry blonde leaning over him.

“I think I need a few days off,” she breathed before kissing him.  “I also think I need a day or two of being a jet-setting socialite screwing my boyfriend.”

“Cel, could we at least wait until we get to Kuala Lumpur?” he asked her.

She started removing her clothing.  “No,” she cooed.





A literal world away, two figures sat on a couch in a penthouse in the venerable Shangri-La hotel in Kuala Lumpur, the oversized quantum dot television broadcasting a panorama of lights towards the two females and beyond into the Malaysian midnight.  A decent-sized bag of popcorn was completed, as well as a few bottles of Coke.  And yet the two sat there, in matching pajamas, watching a classic of early 21st century filmmaking – the 2025 remake of Disney’s Bambi.

“I always hated this part about the movie,” Sterling said sadly, adjusting her glasses.  “I always knew I didn’t have a real mom, and Lori tried her best, don’t get me wrong, but we both knew that in the end she was just a stepmom.  And we watched in third grade and Becky Carlisle – yeah, she was a brat back then, too – told me that since I didn’t have a real mom, clearly someone took her out behind the shed and shot her.”  She frowned, thinking about the memory and the sorrow back then.  “Took me a long time to get over that.”

Luna put an arm around her daughter and brought her close.  “Well, you have me now, my little Starlight,” she said, kissing her daughter’s cheek.  “And you have nothing to fear from this Becky Carlisle – you are a princess of Equestria, and that is something she will never be.”

Sterling leaned closer to her mother.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, is there anything else you want to watch?” the lunar alicorn asked, wanting to spare her daughter any further pain.  And to some degree, that had been the order of the day in the week they were spending together, a mother and daughter getting to know one another.  Robin had opted to stay out, saying they needed the time alone together and he had been right.  By the third day, Luna felt that Sterling was starting to feel much more comfortable around her without worrying that she was going to go away.  It was mutual: Sterling had also gone a long way to assuaging Luna’s worries that she was an impending failure as a parent.

“Naaah, I think I’m just going to call it a night.  We still have to go see the Batu Caves before we leave tomorrow night?”

Luna nodded.  “Yes.  And we have plenty of time to depart to Vietnam, dear – we just teleport.”

Sterling yawned.  “Yeah, kinda forgot that.”  She got up and kissed her mother on the cheek.  “Love ya, mom.”

Luna felt the overswelling of emotions in her heart.  “I love you too, my little Starlight.”  As Sterling made her way back to her bedroom, Luna reached over and grabbed her phone, sending a text.  Everything’s going great, though I miss you.

Robin’s answer came a split-second later.  And I miss you both.  But I’ll see you two once you arrive in London, okay?

Luna smiled when she read his response.  Count on it.  Maybe then we can work on a sibling for Sterling?

She could practically hear his laughter as he responded back with, Maybe we should get married first?

Where are you?

Working at home right now, why?

A second later, there was a flash as Luna teleported out.  A second later, Sterling came out of her bedroom, wandering over to the minibar and reaching for a water.  “Hey, Mom, why don’t we…?”  She smelled a scent in the room that she hadn’t been expecting, that of wild honey and chocolate and she blushed.  Since the day she found out she was an alicorn, she’d read up on ponies and as much as was publicly available about alicorns.  The chocolate scent she knew – she had to admit, there were a few uncomfortable times when she’d radiated that scent herself.  But the wild honey?

Sterling immediately blocked the thought from her mind.  She’ll be back in the morning, I guess.  And I guess she and Dad do deserve some time together.  Still…ick.

She was just about to walk back to her room when there was a flash of golden light and the scent of flowers, followed by the flash turning into a scroll.  Curious, Sterling picked up the scroll and undid it.



Luna,
We have to talk.  This is non-negotiable.



The letter was unsigned and Sterling suddenly felt her stomach bottom out.





The following morning, breakfasts were occurring all over the city.  But only one could be classified as “pre-battle engagement briefing”.  Fortunately for Sterling and Luna, theirs was not it.

“Sterling, don’t worry about it,” Luna told her as they dined at a Sugarcube Corner restaurant, the first one in Malaysia.  At the moment, Sterling was eating “The Pinkie Pancake Special”, a large stack of pink pancakes, each with a different flavor, covered in two different types of whipped cream, chocolate, sprinkles, maraschino cherries and an edible ganache miniature of Pinkie Pie.  Luna opted for a spinach and mushroom omelet.

“But Mom, what if that was a threat?” Sterling asked.

“Oh, it was a threat all right,” Luna said in a disinterested tone.  “But it’s one I’m used to.”

“Mom, I’m being serious!” Sterling told her.  “What if something happened to you?”

“Well, if you were that worried, why didn’t you send me a text?”  The response to that was Sterling’s cheeks threatening to turn redder than the cherries, and Luna giggled.  “We’ll be fine.  I promise.  Now just eat your breakfast, and then we can catch a taxi to the Caves.”


Meanwhile, not far away, at the Traders Hotel Kuala Lumpur, in the hotel’s restaurant, a woman with strawberry blonde hair scarfed down a large seafood omelet, hashbrowns, a side of pancakes, several of the breakfast muffins, and was debating on grabbing Sam’s pancakes as well.

A waitress came by to refill his coffee.  “Eating for two?” she asked lightly.  When Sam looked at her, the waitress laughed and said, “I was just as bad in the first couple of months.  In any case, congratulations to the both of you.”

Sam diplomatically said nothing and watched as the woman walked off before saying, “Dear, you can come up for air now.”

Celestia looked embarrassed as she finally disengaged from her morningtime food massacre.   “Sorry,” she blushed.  “I kinda stress eat.  Bad habit, I know.”

He smiled.  “You know, that’s probably the first time you haven’t bothered to hide your bad side.”

“Of course not.  You’re my boyfriend, Sam, why would I?”

“Because a Princess of Equestria should be poised and perfect at all times?” he said with a grin.

“I see Rarity’s been talking again, hasn’t she?”

“Her latest scheme to annoy DJ is to try to fix me up with her secretary, Cerise, who she claims ‘has the grace and poise of an alicorn’.  I keep telling her I’m not interested, but she’s not listening.”

Celestia looked down at her perfectly toned stomach, hidden behind a Gucci t-shirt.  “You know, there is a way to solve that….”

He knew what she was implying in an instant.  “No.  I don’t need that heat and neither do you.”

She pouted.  “It’s not fair, you know.  Luna gets to have a kid with her fiancé, so why can’t we?”

“Well, for one, we’re not engaged.  Plus, it is way too early in the morning to be drinking, but you might make me reconsider that.”

“It’s okay, I’m kidding, actually.  Besides, I want a nice expensive wedding that will nearly bankrupt the country first before we consider children.”  The look in her eyes said she was half serious and Sam immediately reached for the breakfast cocktail menu as a result.  She then broke out the industrial grade pout.  “Are you saying you wouldn’t want to have children with me?”

Sam never looked away from his menu.  “Does a double Kahlua coffee pair well with steak and eggs?  I’m wondering.”

“Sam, I’m kidding, really.”

He set the menu down.  “Yes, and I know.  Besides, I can’t look at that industrial pout of yours for too long; my heart would just melt into a thousand pieces.”  She swooned as he said that and she idly wondered if they had time to head back to their hotel room.

He knew that look as well, so he asked, “Do you know what you’re going to say to Luna?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that.”  Her flirtatious smile went away and thus Cel became Celestia once more.  “Honestly, I don’t know.  I’m angry – she’s all but abdicating her duties and it’s unfair to all of us.  Did you know that she told me that if I forbade the marriage she was going to publicly announce her abdication?  I was considering talking to Robin about all this, but that’s hardly fair to him.”

“You need to.  She’s not only your right-hoof mare in running the country, she’s your sister as well.”

“Yes, and I remember the last time one of our arguments got out of hand,” the sun alicorn said sadly, remembering a time that she wished had never happened.  “In any case, she has to take this seriously.  I have yet to formally give my blessing to her and Robin as the ruler of Equestria, and I have yet to meet my niece.”

“And what do you think about that?  Twilight told me what she said.”

“I’m still wrapping my mind around it.  The Tantabus, given a life of its own?  What does that make little Luna?  She could either be the sweetest girl ever, or she could be a threat to Equestria on par with the Nightmare.”

He gave her an odd look.  “This is your niece you’re talking about, Cel.”

“And I’m the mare that exiled my sister for a thousand years.  I don’t like to think in those terms, but my ponies don’t deserve to suffer pain and misery just because I didn’t comprehend what a family member was capable of at their worst.”  She sighed.  “Do you know what I dream of most?”  She reached her hand out and he took it.  “In my most private moments I daydream that I could give this all up and you and I can just go settle somewhere on Human-Earth.  I can open a bookstore or a coffeeshop and we can just settle down and raise a family – something that I wonder would mean more than all my accomplishments as princess.”

He grinned. “Oh, I dunno – personally, I think I’d make for a hot prince consort.”

“And yet you keep tempting me, Sam,” she smiled.  “You keep that up and we’ll see how that works out, shall we?”

He would’ve said something, except that his phone went off.  “Yes, this is Director Martinez.  Oh, yes, hello, Inspector-General, so nice to speak to you!”  He talked on for a few minutes and then grinned.  “No, thank you for the assistance and I look forward to our meeting on Thursday.  Thank you.”  Celestia looked at him oddly and he said, “That was Inspector-General Ahmad bin Yusef of the Royal Malaysian Police.  I told him I was in town on vacation, but that we had two agents pretending to be human spending time here in Malaysia building an alibi before they conducted an investigation in Indonesia.  I gave him the descriptions and said he would keep an eye out for them and his office would give me a twice-daily briefing on where they were before they headed out.  According to one of his undercover agents, they’ll be heading to some place called the Batu Caves today.”

She gave him a wide smile, genuinely impressed.  “Sam, that’s brilliant!  I could just kiss you right now, you know that?”

“You do already.”

“Well, make a list, and we’ll do that instead, tonight,” she said with a grin, then signaled for the check.





One of the most beautiful places in all of Malaysia was the Batu Caves, a series of idyllic limestone caves adjacent to a flowing river.  A holy temple of Hinduism, it was also home to a diverse biosphere and some of the most gorgeous vistas in the kingdom.  Both religious pilgrims and sightseers came daily and the location always held a serene, revered atmosphere.

Today, three beings at the center of an entirely different religion were about to show up.

Today, that serene, revered atmosphere was about to head out the window.


“Wow, this place is beautiful!” Sterling said, having an appreciation.  “I’ve always had an interest in this sort of thing.”

“That’s to be expected,” Luna commented as they stood before a statue of Vishnu on a chariot being led by twelve horses.  “We are gods, dear.”

That short-circuited Sterling’s mind.  “What?”

“Well, in a matter of speaking: we are actually avatars, a representation of a natural power.  But we are revered as gods as much as my mother didn’t care for that, and as you’ll discover, ponies have a hard time distinguishing between a ruler and a theocrat.  Personally, I think the exposure to humanity has been good, because it’s brought vastly different beliefs to our world, including the concept of no belief at all.”

“I’m a goddess?”

Luna smiled.  “No, you’re my daughter and you are whatever you want to be, dear.  If you want to live as an alicorn?  Or as a human?  It’s your choice.”

Sterling looked at her mother worriedly.  “Does Dad know about this?”

“No, but I’m looking forward to telling him that he’s on the verge of immortality.”  Sterling’s eyes grew wide at that and Luna led her daughter to a nearby bench.  “There’s a condition that alicorns go through: when they meet their truest love, they soulbond and share the lifespan of each other.  We don’t age, we don’t grow old and we share our love forever…”  A sad look crossed the older alicorn’s face.  “…but those we love can be killed.”

“Mom?  Are you okay?”

“It’s a long story.  I’ll let your cousin tell you.  It’s her story to tell.”

Desperate to take her mind off the existential horror lite that her mother had inadvertently taken her on, Sterling pulled her pamphlet out of her pocket.  “Aw man, I got the Malay version.”  She started to look at it.

Luna pulled out her copy.  “I have an English one.”

“No, Mom, I….”  Sterling concentrated and her eyes flickered violet.  “Tapak kuil Hindu dan kuil, Batu Caves menarik ribuan penyembah dan pelancong, terutama semasa perayaan Hindu tahunan, Thaipusam.  Batu gamping yang terletak di utara Kuala Lumpur, Batu Caves mempunyai tiga gua utama yang memaparkan kuil dan kuil Hindu.  Daya tarikan utamanya adalah patung besar Tuhan Hindu di pintu masuk, selain 272 yang curam naik tangga untuk akhirnya melihat pemandangan langit pusat bandar yang menakjubkan.  Monyet bermain-main di sekitar gua-gua, dan ia adalah tempat yang popular untuk penggemar memanjat batu. Lukisan dan adegan Tugu Hindu juga dapat dilihat di Gua Ramayana.”

Luna looked at Sterling.  “You…can read that?”

“The site of a Hindu temple and shrine, the Batu Caves attract thousands of worshippers and tourists, especially during the annual Hindu festival, Thaipusam.  A limestone outcrop located just north of Kuala Lumpur, the Batu Caves has three main caves featuring temples and Hindu shrines.  Its main attraction is the large statue of the Hindu god at the entrance, besides a steep 272-step climb to finally view the stunning skyline of the city’s downtown.  Monkeys frolic around the caves, and it is a popular spot for rock climbing enthusiasts, and paintings and scenes of Hindu gods can also be seen in the Ramayana Cave.”  Sterling looked at her mother in shock, then dropped the pamphlet and started to shiver.  “What…what the hell was that?”

Luna put her arm around Sterling.  “You read that.  I didn’t know you knew Malaysian.”

“I don’t!  I mean, sure, I can speak English, Latin, Spanish, French and I’m working on German, but….”  Her eyes widened.  “I…was able to comprehend a language I’ve never read before.  One I hadn’t even seen before we got here!”

A huge grin appeared on Luna’s face.  “You’ve found your domain!”

“Domain?”

“Yes, the natural force that you are in charge of.  You’re the Alicorn of Language!”  Luna hugged her daughter close.   “I’m so proud of you!  Do you know what this means?”


“Yes – it means that you two are making a scene and I am not happy with you, Luna.”  Both looked up to see an angry strawberry-blonde woman standing there, her arms crossed.  Behind her, trying to look discreet and not at all succeeding, was a man in his twenties.

“Tia,” Luna whispered, and Sterling looked at the unsteady emotions in her mother’s eyes, and the calm fury in the other woman’s eyes.  She knew whatever was going on, it wasn’t going to be good at all.





Celestia bowed slightly to the temple priest, her hands posed in the traditional añjali mudrā gesture.  “My thanks for the use of your private space, pandita.  You honor us with your generosity.”

The head priest, an old ascetic with thick glasses and a reedy frame his attire barely seemed to hang on, returned the gesture.  “No thanks are necessary, Divinity; you honor me just with your presence.  I have prayed many times to my gods, but I never thought I would see three of another belief come to my door.  Please, make yourselves at home, and if you need anything, I will have one of my subordinates on standby.”  He then looked at the others.  “Namaste,” he said, before departing and shutting the door behind him.

Celestia waited for a few more seconds before starting, then changed back to her natural form.  “You had better explain yourself, Luna,” the solar alicorn demanded.

Luna did what she often did best – pick the worst hill to decide to die on.  Changing back to her own form, Luna looked her sister right in the eyes.  “Explain what?  I check with my staff for the most important documents and then delegate the rest!  It’s not as though the nation has come to a standstill, Tia!”

“You have a job to do, Luna!  We’re royals – we don’t have the luxury of concepts like telework!”

“And yet we have flamefaxes and we always used to get things done when we were off on foreign junkets long before anypony had ever heard of humanity.  Fancy that.”

“You know what I mean!  You have responsibilities back home!”

“I have responsibilities here!” Luna shouted, sweeping a wing in Sterling’s direction.  “She is my most important responsibility!”

At that moment, Celestia’s thought process was, You have responsibilities to the nation, not just the Tantabus!  As bad as that was, what she actually ended up voicing was, “What, and I thought you wanted the Tantabus gone after all that?”

Luna’s eyes took on a dangerous cast.  “What did you say?” she said in a quiet, enraged tone.

“Oh no she didn’t,” Sterling whispered to herself, and said, “I think I’ll go wait outside.  My sanity depends on that.”

“No, sweetheart, I’d rather you stay here.”  She gave her daughter a sympathetic look.  “In fact, if you would change, please?”

“Sure thing.”  Sterling’s eyes flickered violet as amethyst flame surrounded her, and a second later, she assumed her alicorn form.  “Better?”

Sam put his hands up.  “Ladies, before you two start slinging magical bolts at each other, I would like to remind you we are in a place sacred to humans; goddesses or not, doing something stupid is going to start an international incident with one of the very few friendly Muslim nations.  Lastly, as possibly the only mortal in the room, I’d really rather not die.”  Celestia just gave him a look, and he shut up.

“So, you haven’t told him yet, have you?” Luna asked cattily.

Celestia’s response was cool.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?  Do you think me that stupid, sister?  Especially after you’ve insulted my daughter?”  Luna was now angry.  “I note that you’re here without an REG escort, yet you’ve spent a lot of time with him, which is odd, given that he’s supposed to report to me?”  Luna walked over to him and said, “And I’m disappointed in you, Sam.  Does your family know?”

He shook his head.  “Luna, you’re a friend and my boss, but this is my choice.  I care about your sister greatly, and she does about me.”

“Yet you managed to get Cadance to keep confidence – she didn’t tell me; I figured it out myself – and you haven’t told your family, especially your sister, that you’re sleeping with her aunt?”

“Well, she’s not my aunt.”

“Sophistry, and you know it.”  She gave him a sad look.  “Honestly?  I don’t know if I should ask for your resignation.  The nepotism of your appointment was bad enough, but I approved it because we know you.”  She glanced briefly at Celestia, then turned back to him.  “Apparently, I was wrong.”

“Leave him alone, Luna.”

She reached over and patted him with her wing.  “I wouldn’t hurt him.  After all, I seem to be the only elder alicorn in the room that knows what family means.”  She looked at him.  “Take my daughter and head over to the restaurant across the street.  We’ll be there shortly.”

He looked over at Celestia and she gave him a kind look.  “Go ahead, we’ll be there shortly.”

“You know, I really don’t get paid enough for this,” he told them, in an attempt to try to make things lighter.

“You’re fucking your boss,” Luna said cattily.  “I think that’s enough benefits.”

Sam’s jaw tightened at the insult, but he chose not to say anything, except to the teen alicorn.  “You coming?”

“I’ll be out there shortly,” she told him in a saccharine-sweet tone.  She then walked up to Celestia and said, “I don’t know who you think you are and I don’t care.  I don’t appreciate you treating my mother like some lackey.”  She then walked over to her mother and kissed her on the cheek.  “Kick her ass, Mom.”

“Language,” Luna began to say, but then added, “but we’ll let this one slide.”

Giving her mother a whimsical smile, Sterling then transformed back to her human form before strolling out of the room.


Once they were alone, Celestia glared at Luna.  “Your…foal…has a mouth on her and I don’t appreciate that.”

“Oh, so now she’s my foal?  A second ago you were saying she was just a magical construct.  Tell me, did you think Robin’s sperm suddenly conferred personhood on her?”  Luna’s eyes narrowed.  “Or are you just pissed you got caught in the act with your boytoy?”

The older alicorn was unfazed.  “And I don’t appreciate you being a harridelle.”

Luna got in her sister’s face.  “I’ll just quote something someone once told me: ‘Harridelle.  It’s French, I think, means nag.  Sorry, the term you’re looking for is bitch – and yes, that’s me.’”  Hard lapis glared into stony lilac.  “Don’t you ever refer to my daughter – your niece – as a thing again, do I make myself clear?”

“Stand down, Luna!  I am your older sister and your princess!” Celestia thundered.

“I’m about one second from abdicating – so you’d best stand down,” Luna hissed.  “I don’t care what you have to say about me – I’m long used to it.  And I even backed off about your illicit relationship with Sam, even though common sense told me otherwise.  But I draw the line at my daughter…a line you should have the damnable common sense not to cross in the first place.”

“Back off!  I’m warning you!” Celestia ordered.

“MAKE ME!” Luna shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, shattering every window in the building and making the walls shake.





Sam looked at the girl, who was breezily chatting away in Malay.  “You know the local language?”

Sterling looked back at him.  “Um…not really,” she told him.  “I…just…Mom said I’m the Alicorn of Languages, whatever that means.”

“Languages?  Not Tongues?” Sam asked.

“Ew!  Do you know how bad that would sound?” Sterling asked.  “You may as well call me the Alicorn of Porn Stars with that kind of name!”  She shuddered and picked up her phone.  “Anyways, I gotta tell my friend Athena about this!”

“No, you don’t.”  Sam looked at her.  “We’ve been trying to keep your human identity a secret, Luna—”

“Sterling – my mother is Luna, but I go by my middle name for obvious reasons.”

“Well, that’s easier to say than Luna the Younger, which is what we’ve been calling you in the Equestriani press.”

She sighed, then put away her phone.  “I know, and it’s annoying, but it’s better than Junior, I guess.”  She then looked at him.  “So, what are you, my uncle or something?”

“No, just your aunt’s boyfriend,” Sam replied.  “I’m completely human.”  He offered his hand.  “Sam Martinez.  I’m the director of the Royal Equestriani Agency for Law.”

She took and shook.  “Luna Kirkland, but like I said, I go by Sterling.  Although I guess I have to start calling myself Princess Luna II, don’t I?”

“Only if you want to keep some semblance of normalcy.  And trust me, when you’re human – or at least spend most of your time as such – you’ll want that normalcy—”



“MAKE ME!”



The shout was loud, not ear-splitting, but they both knew Luna’s voice from afar.  The faint sound of shattering glass in the distance didn’t help matters, though.

“I guess I gotta go break up a fight,” Sterling said.

“No, you don’t.  This is between two alicorns who do this all the time, or so I’m told,” Sam told her.  “Leave it be.  Besides, I’ll need you here, because I promised to keep you safe and besides, I don’t speak Malay.”

A thought came over Sterling and a small ball of white formed in her hand.  She reached over and tapped Sam on the forehead and added, “Well, now you do.  Be right back!”  She teleported before he even knew she was gone.

“What the hell?”

At that point, the waitress came back.  “Do you know what you would like, sir?” she asked in Malay.

“Um…bring three beers and then a Coke.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you spoke Malay,” she told him in English.  “You do know that Malay and English are the official languages, right?  We’re required to know both.  But I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

“I am definitely not getting paid enough for this.”





Both alicorns had their horns lit in a Griffonican standoff.  “Don’t make me do this, Luna,” Celestia said, an angry look on her face, though her heart was breaking inside, a painful reminder of a thousand years ago.  “What has gotten into you, Luna?  You’ve never been like this.”

“What, have never been in love with the same man for nearly twenty years?  To find out that I missed out on the first decade of my child’s life?”  The look in Luna’s eyes was sad, yet she still held her combat spell at the ready.  “I remember the sister who told me she would’ve done anything to see me happy.  What happened to her?”  The night alicorn turned away.  “Are you truly that jealous of the relationships that Cadance and I have had that you’d throw yourself into the arms of the first male that paid attention to you?”

“Do you think me that much a lovesick filly?” Celestia asked, hurt.  “I turned him down at first – quite a few times.  I….”  The white mare opted not to mention her temporary infatuation with Mike, as that would’ve put more fuel on the fire.  Instead, she tried a different tack.  “You know what happened when I lost Argent Lance so long ago, Luna.  Do you think I would put myself at such risk again?”  She gave a fillyish smile.  “And then he came along.  Wouldn’t take no for an answer.  Said he’s had a thing for me since he was a teenager.  And then….”  She blushed.  “And then it happened, and I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”

“Then why would you begrudge me my desires?  I have Robin, and he is my special somepony, the one I was always destined for.  And it doesn’t matter to me how she was born, I love Sterling—”

“I thought her name was Luna, too?” Celestia asked and Luna’s heart nearly leapt out.  Was Celestia…accepting her?

“I said the same thing as well.  Apparently she prefers her middle name so we aren’t confused,” Luna said with a chuckle.  “But it doesn’t matter to me how she came about or what she’s made of.  She’s my child, and I would love her whether or not she was an alicorn or even a pony.”

“I see.”  Celestia banished her spell, then returned to her human form.  “I’m…sorry.  I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

Luna did the same.  “As did I, and I owe both of you an apology.  But are you sure?”

Celestia held up her hand.  “Look and see.”  Luna closed her eyes, and opened them again.  There, around Celestia’s wrist, was a red line of fate that stretched out the door.  It was thin, but they all were at the beginning.  Celestia applied the same spell and two long lines, thick as hawser, headed out the door.  But it was the third line, tied to them both, that shocked them: a massive cable, also headed out the door, burning with a vital energy and thick as a bridge suspension line.

Luna and Celestia looked at each other.  “Mother?” Luna asked.

And then the spell ended, and the lines were no longer visible.  And though the two cast the spell several times, neither saw it again.


At this point Sterling jumped through one of the broken windows and changed, standing in front of her mother.  “No!  I’m not going to let you hurt her!” she yelled at Celestia.

Luna went over and hugged Sterling.  “It’s okay, dear.  Your aunt and I just had an argument.”

Sterling changed back.  “You sure?”

Celestia looked at her niece, then at her sister.  “As sure as we’re probably going to have to repair all the damage we’ve just done,” she said with a weak smile.





The three alicorns quickly repaired the building they were in, much to the surprise of those who had been gathered to see the presence of three alicorns; Celestia quickly gave an improvised speech as to how they were interested in many of Earth’s other religions and that they felt looking at one in an allied nation would be the best way to start.  It was clearly absolute bullshit to anyone versed in politics, but the public didn’t know that and, unsurprisingly, they accepted that as well as the unannounced presence of foreign leaders.

To Luna and Celestia’s surprise, the priests of the temple requested the group attend a dinner prepared especially for them.  Since there was no way to back out of it, the two accepted and they were given special tours of the complex, including places that were only available to the holiest of holies – and as alicorns, they were certainly entitled, according to the ascetics.  The hours passed and the quartet were treated to a veritable banquet of Malay and Hindi foods, and entertainment, something they all truly appreciated.

Now, as night fell and they stood on the overlook, gazing at the crystal-clear night, the moon and its melodies in a stellar dance that gently rained down silvery shafts of light upon all it touched; even though she had nothing to do with this night, Luna kept it in mind for something to reproduce back on Alter-Earth.

But it was more than that: it also gave Luna a chance to apologize to Sam.  “I was out of line, Sam.  I’m sorry.”  The look on her face was both contrite and if the slight pout was anything, he knew where she got it from.

“It’s okay,” he told her.  “I know you really didn’t mean it – it was the anger talking and we’ve all blown steam at one time or another.  Besides, our relationship….”

“May I offer some advice?  Tell your family.  They deserve to know, even as awkward as it will be.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.  You know my sister’s going to spool like no tomorrow.”

Luna gave him a smile.  “DJ’s strong and you know it.  I’m sure she’ll adjust.  You and Tia might be in the doghouse for a while, but she’ll adjust.”

“Yeah, I know.  Big sis always tends to be overprotective.”

Luna laughed.  “They are, aren’t they?”


Up in the air, Celestia soared in the night sky.  “You’ll be fine, Sterling, I promise.”

“Easy for you to say!  How do you fly without everyone seeing your ladybits?” the younger alicorn asked, flapping her wings for all she was worth and trying not to turn a massive shade of red.

“Part etiquette and part biology,” Celestia explained.  “Nopony’s going to see anything unless you want them to.”

“NO THANKS!”

A second later, they were joined by Luna.  “Completely mortifying your niece, sister?”

The oldest alicorn grinned.  “I taught you how to fly, I can teach her how to fly, too.”

“If I don’t die of embarrassment first,” Sterling groaned.

“You’ll be fine, dear,” Celestia told her.  “Now let’s fly.”  Luna came alongside her and Celestia looked at her sister.  “You were right.  She is a treasure and you have my blessing as your sister.”

“Well, that’s a relief.”

“Now, you need to get Robin here so I can give my blessing as the princess, not to mention that you have yet to formally present your intended before the populace.”

“I have reservations on that,” Luna admitted.  “I want our lives to be as normal as possible.”

“Luna, we’re alicorns,” Celestia reminded her.  “We have never really known what normal is.”

“I suppose…but changing the topic a bit, you and Sam, huh?  Honestly never would’ve expected that one.” Luna told her.

“Could we talk about that later?  We have to contact the Embassy and schedule an official state meeting between us and King Iskandar.  It’s not going to do for us to be here in his country and not meet with the king.”  She looked at her sister.  “Sorry, but your vacation’s over, Luna.”

Luna sighed.  “I suppose so.”

A whimsical smile came across Celestia’s face.  “But…maybe I can do it alone.  The king has responsibilities like us…I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Luna’s face lit up.  “Really?”

“Of course.  You two should get to know each other as a mother and daughter.  Trust me,” Celestia replied, thinking of her own mother and the times they shared before Luna was born.  But then she remembered the Nightmare’s words and how it tainted those thoughts.  “Nothing is more important than the bond between mother and daughter,” she said sadly.

“Our own mother’s out there, sister.  We just saw proof.  All we have to do is find her.”

Celestia nodded.  “But that is for another day, Luna.  For now, let’s just spend it with family, okay?”

Flying closer, Luna nuzzled her sister.  “Yes, let’s.” 
> The Godkiller, Part One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

How the fuck did I get this old?

Frank Justus looked at himself in the mirror as he shaved and got ready for another day in the office.  He remembered back when he was just a 24-year-old rookie with a full mop of black hair and bright green eyes, ready to prove himself in the United States Secret Service.  Back then he had an ego to match his muscles, and he was sure that he was going to end up on the Presidential Protective Detail, be the biggest badass that ever stopped a bullet for the President of the United States.

At least, that had been his plan; the Director of the Secret Service had other plans.  And so Frank had spent a decade in the Financial Crimes Division, running all around the country, busting up counterfeit rings; and in one high-profile case that had made the news, busted an international crime syndicate that was responsible for everything from fake $100s to underage slave girls.  In fact, it had been one of the guys he arrested who had offered to give him “the sweetest little fruit of an Algerian girl, ripe for the plucking” at age three, only if he would let him go.

So Frank shot the bastard instead, cataloging the fucker as someone who had tried to draw a gun on him (fortunately, the man had actually tried to do so earlier, but the gun had jammed with a squib round).  And as for the “luscious” little three-year-old?  Frank had taken care of that – oh had he ever.

As he wiped off his face and walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom, he paused to look at the picture of his daughter, Bethany, having followed in his footsteps and was now a special agent with the Secret Service – and she’d been the one to actually make the PPD!  If he recalled right, she was part of the protective detail for the current Democratic presidential candidate, Bob Davies.

Frank grunted; Davies was a fucking idiot, but at least he was a meatsack that Beth could protect and do her job with dignity.  He only hoped that when McAllister stomped Davies in the final election, that she’d be moved to his detail.  A good man needed a good bodyguard, after all.

But as for Frank, no, he never did anything close to PPD.  Instead, he earned the reputation as the hardass who could break fucking any case, even if it meant he had to bend a rule now and then.  He wasn’t proud of it now, but he’d put some serious bastards behind bars thanks to those “creative interpretations” of the law.  That, in turn, had earned him the attention of the International Criminal Police Commission, better known by its nickname of INTERPOL.

He then spent a few years as the senior INTERPOL liaison to the United States, when the world changed – and one world became two.  Two years after, the ICPC divided itself into three different divisions, so that it would be better able to handle international – and now interplanetary – crimes: INTERPOL would remain (Human) Earth’s premier crime-fighting organization.  Alter-Earth (why couldn’t they call their planet something original, like Gaia?) would get an equivalent organization, the ISPO – the Interspecies Police Organization.  And straddling between them was the agency that helped coordinate the mess, the Bureau of Extradimensional Investigations – the BEI.

Frank had spent two more decades in the BEI, practically engraving his name on the agency.  It had been his involvement that had put away monsters like the Delford brothers; or the Yasai Sisters organization; or even the Italian mob.  But it had been one particular case that had earned him renown in the BEI: The Menagerie.

Even now, he still shuddered at that.  Coming on the heels of the Bucker murders (and to this day ponies were shocked to believe that a Canterlot noblepony was murdering humans due to hate), the Menagerie had been so much worse.  It involved several species from Alter-Earth, coming over to Human-Earth intending to do to the Delfords what they did to those ponies; when they realized the Delfords were dead, they started hunting humans in earnest.  In all, forty-seven humans around the world had been killed as a result.  Sure, a speck in the wind compared to humanity’s sizeable numbers, but tell that to the people whose loved ones had been lost.

But it turned out okay for me, Frank thought as he tied his tie.  He’d come into contact again with the stallion back from the Delford case – Shining Badge.  And this time the two forged a friendship that had lasted a lifetime.  After the case, hanging out, fishing, all that guy stuff.  Frank and Badge had become the best of friends, so much so that when he and his wife had a son unexpectedly…well, Badge Francis Justus just had to deal with his first name.

As for Frank himself, he’d been disconsolate when his best buddy passed away last year of that damnable thing called old age.  He still checked in on Chalk to see how she was doing from time to time, but it just wasn’t the same.

Fully dressed, he stepped out into the hallway and looked at a picture of him and Badge fishing on the Florida keys.  One old balding bastard and one stallion whose mane was practically as white as they came, holding up a huge bass and looking like they didn’t give a damn about the world.

Miss ya, old buddy, he thought to himself, softly placing his hand on the frame and remembering the good times.


He came downstairs just in time to see his gorgeous wife, Marie.  She always complained about getting older, but damn if he still didn’t think she was beautiful.  “Morning, Frank,” she said, kissing him.  “Breakfast is on the table.”

“More of that French shit?” he said, an old joke between them.  Marie was originally French, but her family had moved to Baltimore when she was eight, so she grew up American, even if she didn’t get her citizenship until five years ago.  They’d met when they were both in college at California University of Pennsylvania and hadn’t looked back.  Thankfully, Marie’s career as a graphic designer let her work from anywhere in the world.

“The French shit is keeping you alive, dear,” she laughed.  “Not like that American crap.”

“Hey, who doesn’t like good old steak, eggs and potatoes?” he asked as he sat down at the table to look at his plate, consisting of two breakfast burritos.  Another thing he loved about her: she was a hell of a cook – and had an impish sense of humor to boot.

“Better eat fast, lawman,” she told him.

“Why’s that?”

“I just have a feeling it’s going to be a hell of a day for you,” she told him, and that worried him.  His wife always seemed to have an uncanny sense of when things were going to go right or wrong, so much so that she very much heeded her warnings.

He then picked up the newspaper to read: the Times, one of the very few news organizations left still printing a paper edition – and the only one in Europe still printing a paper edition in English.  He hadn’t even started scanning the front when the headline jumped out at him:


ONE OF US?
THE NEWEST PRINCESS OF PONIES FOUND!


The picture – seeming as though it was taken discreetly, showed a young girl, clearly unaware that a picture was being taken of her, leaning against a woman who was clearly important to her.  The caption read: LUNA KIRKLAND (L) AND UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN BELIEVED TO BE PRINCESS LUNA OF EQUESTRIA.  The article then went on to discuss the very public scene caused by Princesses Luna and Celestia of Equestria at some Hindu temple in Malaysia and present with them was Samuel Martinez, the Director of the Royal Equestriani Agency for Law, and a girl later identified a Luna Kirkland.

Frank thought it odd that the princesses would take a single guard – and that single guard would be the head of their national police force, but in hindsight that made sense: only one person wouldn’t make a scene, and why not take the top cop in their country?  Martinez, a human, had been hired above any qualified person in-country, which meant he had to be one hell of a cop, even if he looked a bit young for the job – had to be in his late twenties or early thirties, if Frank guessed by the picture.  But the girl…she stood out like a sore thumb.  And given the news Princess Luna had announced last week, every paparazzi on both worlds was searching high and low for confirmation of who Princess Luna’s lovechild (and how the hell did that happen?  Frank still didn’t get it) was.

And now, thanks to what looked like an ill-timed argument between the two royals, they had just handed Princess Luna II’s public identity to them on a golden plate lined with platinum.


And sure enough, as if the hamster in charge of reality decided to wait until Frank had read the headlines, his phone went off.  With a resigned sigh and an apologetic look to Marie, he answered the phone.  “Yeah, it’s Justus. What’s up?”

“Frank, it’s Mei Lin,” his secretary said.  “We need you in the office soonest.  The Secretary-General is on her way.”

Frank’s eyes lit up.  “Okay, on the way in.”  He hung up and pocketed his phone, then looked at his wife.  “Hon, I gotta go.  Panic situation.”

She smiled, wiped her mouth with a napkin and smiled.  “You go catch that bad guy, Frank.”

He groaned.  “If only it were that easy.”





Frank drove through the gates with a cursory nod to the uniformed guard and passed the giant letters that said what the place was: BXI.  He groaned as he saw that; his predecessor changed the initials from the BEI to the BXI after the Hollywood hit series: BXI: Agents of Two Worlds.  Nevermind the fact that the writers used BXI instead of BEI because they didn’t know better; Monroe changed it because he thought it put a “friendlier face” on the agency.

And now the fucker was in retirement hanging out on Bondi Beach in Sydney.  Frank wanted to use a teleporter just to go to his house and slap the man silly, but he had better things to do.  He parked his car, took one last look at the garish stainless-steel letters, then walked into the building.

He walked through the halls, giving cursory waves to both the uniformed officers and the agents who walked past.  It took him several months to get used to “Good morning, Director Justus,” but he finally did.  He never wanted or expected to be at the top, but as Marie had once old him, it wasn’t about what you needed, it was what others did – and they clearly needed Frank Justus to be Director of the BXI.

In fact, here they were in Lyon, France, the old headquarters of INTERPOL before it had been moved to Beijing and the ICPC to Geneva.  And naturally, the complex was being retooled because the BXI needed a whole bunch of different things than INTERPOL or ISPO.  So as he got into an elevator, said hi to a junior BXI agent from Uganda and a uniformed sergeant from the Bahamas, he finally made it to his desk.

Sitting there was his secretary, Mei Lin, an Indonesian Chinese, who held out a coffee for him.  “You’ve got the ADs waiting in your office, boss.”

“What about Mondo?”

“He’s on the way.  Apparently he was out of town and is hoofing it here as fast as he can.”

“Okay.  Get Conference Room B ready and have the IT guys on standby.  When’s the Secretary-General expected?”

“In about twenty minutes.  It’s probably going to be ugly, sir.”

“It always is around here, Mei, you know that,” he said with a grin.  He then opened the doors and looked at two men.  One of them was wearing a suit, while the other one was wearing the tactical uniform of the BXI.  “Okay, talk to me, folks.”

Ben Hallenbeck was the Assistant Director in charge of the Investigative Branch.  Built like a linebacker, the man actually played football at Notre Dame before he did a stint as an Air Force officer, in their Office of Special Investigations.  From there, he got out and joined the US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives as an agent before the ATF put him on permanent loan to INTERPOL, who then transferred him to the BXI.  Holding up a tablet, he said, “You seen this shit, boss?”

From his spot, Sam Rowan, the Assistant Director of the Uniformed Branch, laughed.  Where Hallenbeck had been built like a linebacker, Rowan was thin and wiry, the result of a few years in the Royal Canadian Army before he got out and joined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.  The RCMP heeded the call for a polymath, which Rowan was, and fired him out the door, straight to the BXI.  “Ben, that shit’s been all over the Goddamn news.  Only way the boss didn’t see it is if he was fucking dead, and, looking at him, I kinda doubt he is.”

“Wow, you two got your panties in a bunch.”  That was said by the third member of their contingent, the only female in the room.  Gardena Glasslens was the Assistant Director of the Forensics Branch.  A gryphoness, she was one of the first from Alter-Earth to join the BXI and had worked her way up the chain.  She stood out from the rest of them due to her species and gender and tried to act like one of the boys more than she needed to, which was probably why she had the best marksmanship scores out of the three of them.

“Okay, before the SG gets here and bites my head off, what the fuck’s going on?” Frank asked calmly as he took a seat behind his large desk.

“Double-fronted dildos,” Hallenbeck told him, switching his tablet’s screen and handing it to his boss.  “About an hour ago, we got a tip from the Argentine National Police.  Apparently some HDA Internet Tough Guys announced their intent to catch and rape Princess Luna the Younger, just so ‘ponies get the lesson about fucking with humankind.’”

“Wow, only an hour, huh?” Gardena said, polishing her claws on her blazer.  “The assholes on this world are starting to get lazy.  I remember when the HDA would’ve made that announcement ten minutes after.”

Rowan looked at her.  “Not helping, Gard.”

“Yeah, well maybe this will.”  She brought up her own tablet, then beamed the screen over to the large TV against the wall.  “Based on the info the PFA gave us, we did some Internet Tough Guy shit of our own.  We did the trace, and what we found, you guys are not going to like.”  She pressed a button and a screen came up, with a bunch of men standing behind one very terrified – and bound – girl.  The girl was still dressed in her school uniform, and had long blonde hair and bespectacled blue eyes.

“We at the HDA have had enough of the lies of the other world.”  The men all wore military-style fatigues from various countries, the only thing common to them was the Four Fists emblem of the HDA.  “And now we have a hybrid bitch that claims to be a Princess of the Horses.  How long until she claims to be Ruler of Humanity?  We in the Human Defense Alliance will never allow that.”

One of the men pulled the screaming teenager back to her feet, while the leader pulled a pistol and spoke.  “This is a message to Princess Luna II…or should I say Luna Kirkland.  We at the HDA are watching – and we will not be silent.”  The man then took his pistol and shoved it in the girl’s mouth.

“Someone stop that asshole!” Rowan shouted.

“TRACE THE GODDAMN THING AND GET WITH THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES!” Justus roared.

“Guys,” Gardena said sadly, “this is a recording.”

They watched as the man pulled the trigger.  There was a sickening crack and a spatter of red, and a teenage corpse fell to the ground, dead.  The man got close up to the camera.  “Luna Kirkland…you are next.”  The video then broke to static as it ended.

Still looking at the video, Gardena said, “New Zealand Police found the body this morning.  Her name….”  Gardena sighed.  “Her name was Sterling Kirkland.  Age sixteen, from Waihi Beach on the North Island.”

“That’s horrific.”

“It’s worse: we confirmed with the REG five minutes ago that ‘Sterling’ is Princess Luna II’s middle name and the one she uses in everyday life.”  Gardena looked at the rest of them.  “They know who she is, and they have no compunctions about killing little girls.”


“No, they don’t.”  The room fell silent and sprays of leaves swirled around the room, coalescing into a column before turning into a figure.  “I am not happy,” a voice said as the leaves split away, revealing a seven-tailed golden kitsune in a business suit.

The others looked in awe, while Frank just bowed.  “Madame Secretary.  Good day to you, your highness.”

Princess Misato of Inari, the Secretary-General of the International Criminal Police Commission, laughed.  “Spare me the shit, Frank,” she said in flawless English.  “I served in my nation’s army, and I’m low on the totem pole of the Imperial Family, so I work for a living.”

“Hey, I have to be polite, Misa, you know that,” he said.

Misato looked at the rest of them.  “I don’t need to tell you that a princess’ life is in danger.  Worse, she’s a little girl and her mother has the biggest chip on her withers in history – believe me, you do not want to get on Princess Luna’s bad side.”  She sat down in the chair next to Frank, pausing only to sweep away her tails.  “Now, while I know the charter of the BXI only allows you to make arrests within two miles of a gate and a quarter-mile of a portal, you’ll be working in tandem with INTERPOL for this one.  Sam, do you have your people ready to roll at a moment’s notice?”

“We can put bullets wherever the bullets need to be put, ma’am,” he told her.  “Hopefully this time they won’t be carrying AP rounds – almost didn’t make it the last time.”

“And we’re grateful you did,” she told him.  “Ben, I want your people on the ground in New Zealand and Seattle.  INTERPOL and local authorities are already on station and waiting for your folks.”

“I’ll head to New Zealand myself,” Hallenbeck told her.  “Gard, I’m going to need some of your folks with this.”

“Nothing doing – I’m going there personally.  I want to see the body myself, because there’s something about that shot that bugs me,” the gryphoness said.

The door opened and a blue earth stallion with a shock of green hair came in.  “Sorry I’m late; just got back from weekend in Milan with the wife.  Got briefed on the way and…oh, hello, Misa.  Still being a bitch?”

Misato laughed.  “Mondo, someday that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.”

“Maybe.”  Tierra Llana was odd for an earth pony.  For starters, he grew up in Jaquarpultapec, raised by jaguars and was not an Equestriani citizen despite being a pony.  Despite his “disability” as far as jaguar culture went, he worked his way up to the top of the Furezas Preventiva Nacional, that country’s national police force.  He was then assigned to ISPO and was recently selected as the Deputy Director of the BXI.  Somewhere along the line he’d picked up the nickname “Mondo” because he was “so fucking mondo” and when he found out what it meant, he reveled in it.

“Mondo, I want you to liaise with our counterparts at INTERPOL.  Get whatever you can and give them whatever they need.  You’ll be handling it all from the office.”

Misato looked at Frank.  “And what are you going to do?”

“Well, Madame Secretary, you and I are going to Seattle in order to talk to Robin Kirkland, of course.  And you’ll probably drink more than a few shots with him, because you flirt with human guys shamelessly despite the wedding brocade on your ear.”

“You know how to ruin my fun, Frank.  C’mon, let’s go,” she said.  “If we hurry, we can stop the REG before they cause an international incident bigger than the one in Singapore.”

“Again?”

“The REG director is a hothead and worse, a close friend of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, so she’s going to take this personally.  And worse?  Quick Draw already has a head start.”





By the time Frank and Misato arrived in the city of Mercer Island, the whole place had become a fortress.  Mercer Island Police and King County Sherriff’s Department officers were everywhere, and as they got closer to their destination, the Washington State Patrol was added.  As they entered the neighborhood, it was then bolstered by FBI, DSS and Secret Service personnel, and finally on the (barricaded) block, dozens of heavily-armed ponies in black suits – the telltale sign of the Royal Equestriani Guard – were everywhere, including the sky.

As Frank and Misato showed their badges and got ushered through to park in front of the Kirkland house, Misato groaned.  “They’re sandbagging the place.  Sandbagging it!  Overreaction much?”

“Misa, you don’t have kids, do you?”

“My husband and I have talked about it, but not yet, why?”

Frank looked at her as he got out of the driver’s seat.  “Misa, when you watch a poor girl die, one that is supposed to be the representation of your child…well, I’m surprised Princess Luna isn’t out here, trying to stockpile every nuclear weapon from the Naval Base down the road.”

 They managed to make it across the street when they felt the tingle of magic and passed through a razor-thin electric blue field.  “Detection field,” Misato replied.  “State of the art.”

“Thanks.  I’ll tell my folks you said that.”  A newcomer came walking up to them.  Like the others, she wore a dark suit, but she wasn’t armed – and given that, it meant she was likely the most lethal pony present.  She was a sky blue pegasus, with a white-and-gray bobbed mane and red eyes.  It was the scowl on her face, however, that made it clear who she was: Quick Draw, the head of the REG and Princess Cadance’s fillyhood friend.

“Director Draw,” Misato said.

“I would say you’re not wanted here and that we have everything under control – the US and Washington State governments have given us authority on this block and we’re going to use it.  But,” she sighed, “we’re talking about Princess Luna the Younger’s life here, and we take it seriously.  And, off the record, when Cadance spoke to me this morning?  I’m going to take it as Celestiadamned seriously as possible.”

“Oh, Frank, this is Quick Draw, Director of the REG.  Quick, this is Frank Justus, Director of the BXI.  We’re here to help, obviously,” Misato told her.

“Yeah.  We’re here to provide backup and firepower,” he told her.

Quick rolled her eyes.  “I don’t need firepower,” she said lightly.  “I am firepower.”

Now it was Frank’s turn to roll his eyes; not only was this mare taking things a little too personally, she also struck him as the kind of bodyguard that thought they were invincible and that was a dangerous thing to do in their line of work.  Truth be told, Frank couldn’t help but be reminded of himself early in his career.

Quick smiled.  “I can see you doubt me, Director Justus.  I don’t blame you; I know the type of person you’re thinking of all too much.  Just let me back my words up a bit.”  There was a flicker of blue at her side, and she pointed at a tree in the yard.  “right there, you’ll see a feather I just put through the center of a bole.

Frank walked over and took a look, and sure enough, a feather was sticking out of it.  Attempting to pull it out got him a finger cut.  “Ow!” he snarled, shaking his finger and the blood dripping from it.

“You see, that’s my special talent, Director.  I don’t need to carry a gun, because I can throw my feathers at bullet speeds and give them the ability to be as sharp as knives – and I grow the feather back within minutes.”  She laughed.  “If I were human, I’d probably qualify for that X-Men comic I see kids read now and then.”  She reached into her pocket and pulled out a stone, waving it over his hand, healing it.  “You’re not the only one who gets cut by my feathers,” she said with an embarrassed smile.  “My hoofspace’s cut all to Tartarus.”

“Yeah, thanks.  Anyway, is Mr. Kirkland here?”

“Lord Robin is in, and he’s not happy,” she replied.  “Apparently her highness Princess Luna has her daughter hidden in a secret location and won’t tell anyone, him included.  Needless to say, as a father, he’s a bit distraught.”

“Well, let’s go in and talk to him.”


The inside of the house was pandemonium.  Sitting on a couch and looking as unhappy as possible, was Robin Kirkland.  Seated next to him was a woman that looked very much like an older version of Luna Kirkland.

“Lord Robin?  Lady Zoe?” Quick announced.

“Quick, you don’t have to do that,” Robin told her.

“But my lord—”

“Do you do it with Cadance?” he asked.

“No, but I’ve known Cady for ages,” Quick admitted.

“Then please, don’t.”  Robin then looked at the newcomers with a kind of weary resignation.  “And which agencies are you from?”

Frank understood the pain of a man worried about his child; he’d worried about Bethany himself when she grew up and even now.  “Mr. Kirkland, I’m Frank Justus, Director of the Bureau of Extradimensional Investigations.  This is my boss, Princess Misato of Inari, the Secretary-General of the International Criminal Police Commission.”

She looked at him.  “Like you, I don’t care for the royal crap, so Misato’s fine.”

He offered her his hand first.  “I’m going to like you,” he said.  He then turned to Frank, offering his hand.  “The BXI?  I’ve heard of you guys.  Hopefully it’s not like the TV show makes it out to be.”

Frank shook.  “Sir, I can assure you we did not stop The Everlasting Silence with a sonic transducer rifle, whatever that is.  Hell, we use just regular old guns and I don’t even know if there’s anything called ‘The Everlasting Silence.’”

“Anyway, I’m Robin Kirkland, and this is my kid sister, Zoe.  She’s going to be taking over Kirkland Industries when Luna and I get married, because otherwise it’s going to be a hell of a conflict of interest.”

Zoe waved.  “Heya.  Anything you can do for my niece?”

“Yes, we’re actually here to brief you and ask a few questions.”

Robin led them to the table.  “You guys want anything to drink?”

Quick interceded.  “Lord R…Robin, let me take care of that.”  She signaled for one of her ponies.  “You have more important things to do right now.”

“Sure.  First, is there any way to get a hold of the family of the other Sterling Kirkland?  I want to offer them any help I can, both on my family’s behalf and on that of the Equestriani Crown.”

“Not even married yet and you have that authority?” Misato asked.

“Tia – Celestia, I mean – was here twenty minutes ago.  She said to just do whatever and let her know later so she can work on the details.  And before you ask, she doesn’t know where Luna or Sterling are, either.  Luna’s keeping tight-lipped about this.”

“We’ll see if we can get you that information,” Frank told him.  “Now, we know how the information got out, but we have to ask: do you know anyone who could have given them the information regarding your daughter’s public identity?  They know what she looked like, but no one knew she went by her middle name until we knew the identity of the other girl.”

“Yes, actually.  There was a girl who used to work for me: Jade MacArthur.  I say used to because she suddenly quit two weeks ago, just after Luna’s announcement of our engagement.”

Zoe continued.  “I asked around the office and we thought it was at first because she felt jilted; because Jade worked often with my brother, she thought she could…well, let’s just say my brother has somewhat of a reputation as a playboy despite being a family man.”

Robin side.  “Zoe….”

“Robin, it’s the word around the office.  I know that’s not you, but you were married twice and both fell apart.  You can’t blame people for coming up with rumors.”  She then continued.  “Then after Luna’s announcement and Jade’s subsequent departure, we went through her desk and found this.”  She handed Frank a pamphlet.

Frank looked at the words on the cover: HUMANITY NEEDS YOU – JOIN OUR CAUSE.  The image on the cover was that of a massive pony hoof coming down to crush a defenseless woman, stopped only by four people of different races, all holding up fists to stop the titanic appendage.

“For the record, we asked the Seattle Police Department to investigate and their investigation indicated it was just coincidental,” Quick commented.  “Of course, that was last week and this is now.”

Robin looked at them.  “I don’t think it was coincidental.  I don’t know how, but I don’t think it was coincidental.”  He looked at them.  “My fiancée is an immortal lunar goddess and princess.  I’ve had to adjust to the fact that I’m going to be a prince, and my daughter a princess.  That’s insane enough, and all Luna and I want for Sterling is to just have a normal life – she’s going to have it hard enough as is because of who she is.”  The look in his eyes was bleak.  “Find these assholes.  Because if you don’t….”

Frank looked at him.  “We’ve got this, don’t worry.”

Misato, however, knew that tone.  “Because what?”

“You know what Luna did a millennium ago – and that was when she wasn’t in control of her faculties.  Do you want to imagine what she will do when our child is in danger?”


The thunderous silence was broken by a call on Frank’s phone.  “This is Justus.”

“Boss, this is Ben.  I’m at our offices in Wellington and I think there’s something you need to know.”

Frank looked at Quick.  “How fast can you set up a volumetric?”

“I’ll get my guys right on it.”

“Don’t bother.”  Misato snapped her digits and a small device was on the floor.  “Seven-tailed kitsune for the win,” she said with a smile.

Frank got back on the phone.  “Is the volumetric set up over at the New Zealand Office, Ben?”

“Yeah.  Actually, good idea.  I’ll be in that room in a sec.”

“Okay, that will give us time to clear out unsanctioned personnel.”  He looked at Robin.  “Normally you would be bounced out, but I’m a father too, and I know how this goes.  So I’m not going to boot you.  But my question to you is this: do you want to know?”

“They’re threatening to kill my daughter, Mr. Justus,” Robin seethed and Frank could see an anger in the man’s face, a fury Frank was sure he had on his face a quarter century ago when a slimeball of a hoodlum offered to give him a three-year-old sex slave.

“Please, just call me Frank.”

“Then Robin will do for me,” the younger man replied.

A second later, a blue light flickered, and a hologram appeared in the room.  Volumetric displays were something that humanity, despite wanting to create, always had some issues with.  Ponies, however, seemed to excel at it, and Derptech was the number one company on both worlds for this kind of technology.  Holographic images of Hallenbeck and Glasslens appeared before them, indistinguishable from the real people save for the transparency and a thin blue beam emanating from the display.

“Okay, what’ve you got?” Frank asked the two ghostly images.

“We pulled the bullet out of the wall and did our analysis,” Hallenbeck told him.  “The bullet they used is meant to also send a message.  On first look, it’s just a normal hollow-point 9mm round.  It killed Ms. Kirkland instantly and did the job on a normal human like any bullet would.”

Quick caught the word “normal” and that set off alarms.  “And what does it do to magical beings?” she asked.

Grasslens spoke up.  “Caught that, didn’t you?  Yeah, well, what it does isn’t pretty.  We tried to use a magical analysis on it, but it gave the unicorn doing it feedback.  Actually ended up having to look at it through a spectrometer and electron microscope to find out what it is.”  The look on the gryphoness’ eyes grew stern.  “The bullet…is made with Preacher’s Iron.”

The magical beings in the room gasped, while Misato muttered, “Kaminokaze, watashitachi o sukui nasai.”

“What’s Preacher’s Iron?” Zoe asked, getting a bad feeling about the name.

“It’s an isotope of iron only found on Human-Earth that is banned by nearly all nations and is thus considered contraband by the ICPC and its agencies,” Frank explained.  “Fe-60 repels and nullifies magic practically instantly.  And no matter how magically strong a being is, if one is fired at it, it will do the same damage to it as a regular bullet of the same type will do to a non-magical being.”  Frank leaned against a chair and looked at Robin. “And that bullet will not only be able to kill your daughter…it’ll be able to kill your fiancée, Robin.”

Robin slumped back in his chair, unsure of what to say.

Frank turned back to Hallenbeck.  “Get a hold of Mondo and tell him to get the word to Sam: I want the gloves off now.”  He then turned to Misato.  “We need to get to the UN and talk to the Security Council about activating the Emergency Protocols.”

Misato looked at him.  “The Global Emergency Protocols, all for a child.”

“No.  The Global Emergency Protocols, because we now have godkillers on our hands.”





“I PROTEST!”  The non-permanent representative of Cuba argued before the nine permanent members of the United Nations Security Council: The US, the UK, France, China, Russia, India, Equestria, Inari, and Donkonia, as well as the twenty-two other non-permanent members of the council.  “I understand the threat we are discussing,” the representative replied.  “But must we shift from panic to panic every time something new happens?”

“WE WILL NOT PROTECT PONIES!” the representative from Iran, also a non-permanent member, shouted.

“ORDER!” Spike growled, hammering the gavel down.  As the Equestriani ambassador to the UN, he was now the Council president, as Equestria had it this year.  “I ask that the Ambassador from Cuba not be interrupted,” he told all in the room.

“My thanks,” he told Spike.  “Did the nations of Alter-Earth panic when the US announced the development of the quantum bomb?  Did the nations of Human-Earth panic when the news about Princess Luna having once been under the control of Nightmare Moon came out?  No!  We are stronger together and we do not need to fear every crisis that washes up on our metaphorical beaches!”

“Thank you, Ambassador Muñoz,” Spike said before turning to Misato.  “Madame Secretary, do you have anything to add?”

“This bullet will kill you,” she said to him.  “And you,” she added to her fellow kitsune.  “And you, and you and you.”  She pointed at all the magical creatures in the room.  “And it will do a number on humans and donkeys as well.  We’re not talking about regular weapons of war, honored councilors, we’re talking weapons that can kill gods.  Imagine the alicorns dead!  Or the Ō-kyubi himself!  Now imagine those weapons in the hands of the Changeling Empire, because if the HDA can get them, you can be sure that technology isn’t far from mass-production!”  She looked at them all.  “We know the HDA won’t bother with the portals, and they will never cross them.  That means they are on Earth, and there is a shrinking amount of time before a changeling sneaks in and steals one of those!  We need the Protocols activated so we can save us all!”

“I would ask the Council take the time to vote,” Spike said.  “Madame Secretary, if you would be so kind as to wait outside?”


Misato sat outside in the garden, looking at the bees flitting around, pollinating the various plants in the garden, she felt at peace for just a few moments.  It was the only way she could: after all, being a minor princess of the royal family, she would be forever only at seven tails, unless something happened to her uncle and his immediate family, though she wished it would never happen.  She partially envied the ponies’ royalty for not having to deal with tails or anything of the sort; they were just ruling royalty and minor royalty and even the minor royalty was given roles.  Not so for kitsune: even though she carried the title of Princess, she had no say in government – she couldn’t even enter the Imperial Palace except for official functions or if she was invited.

She thought sometimes about just giving up her life as it was and just settling here permanently on Human-Earth.  There were so many legends regarding kitsune in Japan, she had to wonder if kitsune had found their way to Earth.  After all, there were tales of the kitsune Kuzunoha and Tamamo-no-Mae here, and those correlated to the names of ancient bandit queens prior to the founding of the Inari Empire.  Maybe….

“Misa?”  She turned to see Spike show up.

“Hello, Spike.”  She patted the seat next to her and the large drake did so.

“How’s Robin?”

“Worried.  Luna is in deep hiding and not a soul will tell him where, not even her.  He understands, but…well, I’m not a mother.  I can understand, but not empathize.”

Spike nodded.  “Yeah, same,” he said scratching the back of his neck.  “The Council said no.  Even acknowledging my niece is in trouble, they still said no.”

“I was expecting that,” Misato told him.  “We’ll just have to leave it in Frank’s hands.”  She chuckled.  “He’s very creative, for a human.”

“I’m told when humans like him get creative, people tend to get hurt and things end up broken.”

“Better that than a grieving mother with the power to destroy both worlds,” she reminded him.

“Luna would never do that.  You know that.”

“I do.  But the world – both worlds, now – would never admit that they fear her power.  Celestia, they trust.  Cadance, too.  But Luna?  Only so far as the other alicorns can control her.  It’s a cruel thing to say…but it doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Yeah.  Misa?”

“Yes?”

“Find them.  Break them.  I’ve lost too much.  I won’t let Luna lose what she loves, too.”

Misato got on her tippaws and kissed her old friend on the cheek, feeling its warmth.  “Don’t worry.  That’s why I’m letting Frank handle this.”
> The Prisoner of Ruritania
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sterling looked out at the beautiful vista that lay underneath her balcony.  It was lush and green, greener even than Hawaii when her father had taken her and Athena last summer.  It was so green that her heart ached just to see it in the distance.  It was real, more real than she had ever known.

And all of it was hers, in a manner of speaking.

She forced herself to turn away, her hoofsteps clopping one after the other against the expensive Maretanian marble tiles, walking past the finely-crafted Zhuongganese tapestries and exquisitely-hewn Ponyvillian oak furniture, finally approaching the custom-made cloudbed imported straight from Cloudsdale.  She then changed into her human form, and collapsed against it, bored.

She lay there for a few minutes, looking at the salmon-colored ceiling, apparently made from the finest heartquartz taken from the Crystal Empire.


She was here, in the lap of luxury, with fineries that Becky Carlisle could only hope to dream of, and she was bored.  She walked over to the computer, and brought up her journal, practicing typing with her telekinesis.



Day Three.

I don’t know why I’m here.  Mom won’t tell me, and I haven’t seen Dad.  I don’t even know where here is.  None of the staff will tell me and they’re too busy speaking to me as “Your Highness”, “Princess Luna the Younger” or even “the Little Lady” when I’m not being addressed.  They all look at me with awe and wonder, a new alicorn, and none of them will acknowledge I’m human, too!  

I’m lonely, I only see Mom once a day and I’m afraid.  All I can do is look out the window, and I can’t even fly, even though Aunt Tia taught me how – the energy field around this place prevents it.  

I’m a prisoner and I don’t even know why.



There was a knock at the door, and Sterling got up and changed to her human form, opening the door to see a pony maid standing there, carrying a tray in her magic field.  “Good morning, Your Highness.  I’ve brought you some tea, as you’ve requested.”

“But I didn’t—”

“I, however, did.”  Sterling turned to see her mother, standing there in alicorn form, looking at her with a smile.  “Hello, my little Starlight,” Luna said, going over to embrace her child in her wings.  “How are you?”

“Mom, where are we?”

“I can’t tell you.”  Luna looked sad.  “But please, understand I wouldn’t do this unless I had to protect you, dearest.”  Luna turned to the maid.  “Thank you for all your troubles, Squeaky Clean.  I appreciate the extra effort.”

The mare curtseyed.  “Anything for my dearest princesses, Your Highness.”  The maid then saw herself out, leaving the two princesses alone.  Luna changed to her human form and sat down on the couch.

Luna took the tea and poured.  “Sterling, please understand that we are worried that your life is in danger.  I haven’t even told your father where we are, because your safety is paramount.”

“Mom!” Sterling shouted.  “That’s not fair to Dad!”

“I know, but you have to understand, Sterling, you are a Princess of Equestria and the Alicorn of Language.  You have responsibilities now, and your life is paramount.  We will teach you how to use a variety of magic, sweetheart, but until then we must protect you!”  Luna took a drink of her tea to calm herself down.  “You are my life, sweetheart.  I would be distraught if something happened to you, and so would your father.”

“I’m sure he’s worried now!  And why am I trapped in a single room?”

Luna nodded.  “I’ve been meaning to tell him anyway.  And I think there’s been a miscommunication.  You’ve been given the run of the hotel, dear.  You just aren’t allowed to leave the premises.”

“Why not?”

“Trust me, dearest Starlight, you don’t want to know.”  The look in Luna’s eyes were fragile, and the moment Sterling saw that, she turned away.  “The price is too high.”

Please, stay innocent for just a little while longer, Luna thought to herself.  She couldn’t know her sister had thought about those same words in regards to Cadance so long ago, a pair of mothers wanting what was best for their foals even as they grew up.  Please don’t ask.

“Please, Mom.”  Sterling took her mother’s hands.  “I want to know.”

“Please don’t ask this of me,” Luna told her daughter and tears formed in her eyes.  “I am already beset with regret. I don’t want the same for you.”

“I’ll be okay, Mom.  Trust me.”

Luna looked at her daughter with a mix of hurt and pride, then snapped her fingers.  A magiscreen appeared before the two, the recorded image being of hatred and threats and culminating in an eerily-familiar looking girl.  The words at the end: “Luna Kirkland…you are next.”  The video then broke to static as it ended, and Luna banished the screen.  By the time it was over, both were crying.

“Why?” Sterling asked her mother, and the look the younger alicorn gave the older would forever haunt Luna for the rest of her life, she knew.

“Because her name was Sterling Kirkland,” Luna explained.  “She was only sixteen, and lived in Waihi Beach, in New Zealand.”

Hearing that, Sterling’s eyes widened in shock and horror.  “I…I didn’t….”

Luna embraced her daughter.  “It isn’t your fault, Sterling.  It isn’t at all.  They are madmen and don’t deserve to be called human, much less civilized beings.”  Luna held her daughter as she cried, the elder alicorn weeping as well.  Sterling cried for the death of an innocent girl, while Luna cried for the death of an innocent girl, and the death of a girl’s innocence.

The two held each other until, exhausted, Sterling fell asleep in her mother’s arms.  Luna went over and carried her daughter to the cloud bed and set her down, gently kissing her on the forehead.  “This is a nightmare for you, dearest, but I am the warden of dreams, and you are made from dreams.  This will all be over, soon, and we will be together once more.”

Luna’s face contorted into a scowl as she walked over to the now-cold tea.  She picked hers up and, glaring at it with blazing red eyes, heated it in an instant.  She then summoned her phone from nowhere and quickdialed a number.

“Luna?” Cadance spoke on the other end.

“Tell your friend to find those bastards that did this to an innocent girl and are hurting my foal,” Luna said in a dangerous voice.  “Tell her to find them, Cadance….

“…or I will.”

The teacup in Luna’s other hand boiled, burned and then vaporized into component atoms.







Day Six.

I have looked around the hotel, and from what I can tell, aside from my room, it looks as if this place was built with humans in mind, or at least a bipedal race.  The hotel reminds me a lot of my father’s favorite movie, The Grand Budapest Hotel.  While it’s not the same as that movie, it has that same bygone era feel, the posh and elegance of a time long gone.

The ponies – and there are a lot of them – have adjusted to both my human and alicorn forms, though they treat me as if either fragile, or as if I think they are fragile – I’m not sure which one is worse.

There are a lot of guards here.  Mom told me that they’re directly from the Palace Protective Division, which explains the Ceremonial Barding.  But just in case, there’s a hostage rescue team on standby, and apparently some of the hotel staff here are also REG personnel undercover, not that I can tell the difference.

One thing’s for sure, they won’t tell me what this place is, or where it is.  They only tell me it’s “Ruritania”, which is kinda odd.  The only Ruritania I know is from a type of genre that, again, references bygone eras and such.  One mare told me that Ruritania means something else in Equestriani English, but she never said, and I haven’t seen her since – I hope she didn’t get in trouble because of me.

Maybe that’s just me – the Princess of Ruritania…or maybe the Prisoner of Ruritania, more likely.

I’m just bored and lonely and I haven’t talked to Athena in ages.  She must be worried about me, or worse.  I bet Becky Carlisle knows what I am now and wishes that poor other Sterling was really me, that bitch.

Mom said Dad went to go visit the other Sterling’s parents and offered any help he could.  I wish I could’ve gone as well, but Mom said that would only make things worse.



She sat by the pool, looking at its crystal-clear waters.  She’d already gone for a swim several times, so much so that Panic Button (that probably wasn’t her name, but it was how she acted), worried that she would catch the feather flu or worse the regular flu, nevermind that as an alicorn, Sterling knew she was hardier than the average pony or human.  But then Panic pointed out that as the child of a human and an alicorn, she was not a purebred and likely susceptible to both.

After that, she got out of the pool and decided to sun herself.  She got to wear the extra-risqué bikini she bought, because neither of her parents were here to scold her, nor were there any humans around to worry about.  But that also didn’t matter, because she didn’t have her friend Athena to share it with.  They had been as thick as thieves, two girls up against the villainy that was Becky Carlisle and her clique, and were practically sisters.

And now she was all alone in a cavernous hotel, with furry robots (that’s practically what they were) who rarely spoke to her, and rare visits from her mother.


“You know, I don’t recall clothing standards being that lax, even for the pool.”  Sterling turned to see a white alicorn standing there, looking at her with a glance somewhere between amused and parental.

Sterling sat up.  “I’ll change, Aunt Tia.”  She still wasn’t sure how she felt about her aunt.  When they’d first met, she hadn’t exactly been the warm, supporting figure her mother had described; in fact, she’d been practically an antagonist.  But later that night she’d tried to make up for it and while she wasn’t the female role model Sterling’s Aunt Zoe was, it was clear that Celestia was trying.

Celestia chuckled.  “It’s okay.  It’ll be our little secret.  Besides…”  There was a flash of light and Celestia was in her human form, wearing something even more revealing.  “…when you’ve got it, flaunt it.”  When Sterling dropped her jaw, Celestia laughed.  “We’re a species that doesn’t wear much clothing to begin with, Sterling, so I can hardly see how this is scandalous.”

The younger alicorn crossed her arms.  “Not helping,” she pouted.

“Relax, dear.  You’re an alicorn.  When you reach adulthood, you’ll be catching the eyes of everyone – and everypony – as you go.  Besides, I’ve been around long enough to know things are different with other species.  Did you know, for example, that it’s the custom of Minoans – the minotaurs – to dress in the national style, wherever they go?  So in places like Equestria and Griffonica, they don’t wear much clothing, while in places like Inari, Zhuanguo and Earth, clothing is the norm.”

“Really?”

She nodded.  “Yes.  The kitsunes wear clothing, as do the pandas.  There’s two whole worlds out there, Sterling, and we want you to live long enough to see them all – that’s why we’re doing this.  I know it hasn’t been easy for you.  Anyway, I came by to see what I can do to improve the situation for you.  There’s not much I can do right now, but I’ll do what I can to make it easy on you.”  Celestia then dived into the pool and said, “But for now, I just want take time to relax with my niece.”





Dinner that night was private between the two, with the other ponies curiously absent.  Sterling wondered if her aunt could conjure just about anything that existed within seconds, and she wasn’t surprised.  Still, there was an odd feeling the teen had before around her aunt that she hadn’t had prior, one that felt a bit unusual, though she couldn’t put her finger on it.  She thought that maybe she was sensing something else she hadn’t before, and maybe her alicorn powers were on the rise.

One Chinese dinner later, the two were seated in the hotel’s theater, watching movies and eating popcorn.  From the general silence, Celestia said, “You either really love this movie, or something’s bugging you.”

“I’m thinking,” Sterling admitted.  “Something I felt earlier…a presence.”

“Oh, so you feel The Force now?”

“The what?”

Celestia waved it off.  “I guess your generation really isn’t into Star Wars.  Anyway, did you want to talk now?  You can ask whatever; I’m not going to be offended.”

Sterling was silent for the longest time before she spoke.  “Do you hate me?” she asked plainly.

“Why would you think that?”

“I’m a prisoner here, and not even my mother will let me out.  I haven’t seen anyone other than ponies who won’t talk to me or who are pulled away if they do, and suddenly you come out of nowhere offering to make things easier for me, which is not going to happen,” she said sadly.  “And a girl is dead and that’s my fault, which probably gives you even more reasons to hate me.”  The look on Sterling’s face was of a broken girl, a child just on the boundary of womanhood and already slapped hard by life.

“No, I don’t.  I’ll admit, I could’ve dealt with it better—”

“You imprisoned my mother for a thousand years.  A thousand years!”

“There’s more to it than just that and I had the lives of countless innocent ponies to think of,” Celestia said in a sad voice.  “I have never forgiven myself for what happened that day and I don’t think I ever will.  And unfortunately, it’s put a distance between your mother and I and I let that bleed into my relationship with you.  Inexcusable, but I don’t hate you, Sterling.”

“But you hated the Tantabus.  And she’s me.”

“No.  You’re not the Tantabus, Sterling.  You’re part of it, but you’re not it.”  Celestia turned and looked into her niece’s eyes.  “The Tantabus was part of Luna and it was overeager to please its mistress, so much so that it….”  Celestia blushed and prevaricated with, “Well, I’m sure you know the next part.  But you are not the Tantabus.  It is part of you, but if anything, think of it is as the ovum that was fertilized.  It read your father’s genetic code, did what it had to do to create new life and became that.”  The sun alicorn reached out and touched her niece’s face.  “You get your looks from your father’s side of the family, at least in this form.”

“Yeah.  Aunt Zoe says I look so much like her that people have asked if I’m her kid.”  Sterling then turned back.  “Okay, so you don’t hate me, I guess.”

“No guessing.  You are my niece.  I could never hate you.”

“Okay.  Next question then: why do these people hate me?  I mean…I know what racism is, I’m not dumb.  My stepmother was Fillipina and one of the girls at school thought she was my maid, which pissed me off.  But…I didn’t ask to be a princess or an alicorn.  I didn’t even know what I really was until the day I first changed.  I don’t consider myself a ‘princess’,” she said, doing air quotes, “and my best friend is Chinese-American.  I don’t hate anyone – or I didn’t until I found out about these jerks.”

Celestia sighed.  “How to explain this?  I take it Luna explained that we are not goddesses, but we are Avatars, correct?”

“Yeah.  I’ve been reading up on Hinduism to get the idea, but it’s not really the same, is it?”

The sun alicorn shook her head.  “We can die, if enough force is used against us.  I almost died in Singapore, because a bullet with enough force took out my tiara, and could’ve hit my horn.  Horn damage is dangerous for our kind and while I’ll spare you the details, even alicorns are subject to that.  Unlike regular unicorns, we could grow our horns back, but even then, there’s still a chance we can die.”  Celestia looked at the screen, watching the beginning of the Death Star run.  “These new bullets – if that’s true – carry something within them that can kill us instantly.  Call it anti-magic, call it the leftover radiation of a supernova, I don’t know.

“But I know this much: would I go to this much trouble to protect somepony I hated?  Even with you being the daughter of my dearest sister and a dear friend of mine, would I do it?”  Celestia shook her head.  “I’ve lived thousands of years, Sterling, and so will you.  And one thing you’ll learn over those ages is that life is what can be best called ‘orderly chaos’.  Things will be both logical and insensate.  And people will both hate you and fear you for what you are, especially given that you are the daughter of the Alicorn that Fell.”

Sterling grimaced, then took a drink of her Coke before adding, “That doesn’t make sense at all.”

“Of course it doesn’t.  Just be glad you’ve never encountered Discord.  He lives for this stuff.”

“Um…okay.  Next question: where am I?  Am I in Equestria?”

“No.  You’re in Ruritania.”

“That’s a fictional country.”

“Yes, and no.”  The look on Celestia’s face was enigmatic as she gestured to the room around it.  “This is Ruritania.”

“The hotel?”

“It’s not a hotel.  It only looks like one to you.”

One beat.  Two.  Three.  Then….  “Huh?”

“I suppose the time has come to show you.  It will probably be part of your responsibilities as an alicorn anyway, so….”  Celestia changed into her true form, and then looked wistfully at the movie screen, muttering, “And we just had to leave during my favorite part, too….” before looking at her niece and nodding slightly.

Sterling took the hint and changed as well.  “Still not completely used to this,” she admitted.

Celestia laughed and put a wing around her niece.  “The universe will astound you, if you just let it!” she quoted.  “It’s a line from an old Equestrian poem, but it still rings true.  Anyway, are you ready?”  The younger alicorn nodded, and they flashed away in a bright flare of teleportation.





The two alicorns reappeared on what looked to be the moon, had the moon been made from a dull, sandy color.  There was starlight in the sky, but no actual sky, and in the distance, a green star flickered.  Sterling looked around, and saw, from nowhere, a delicate coral-hued, art nouveau-inspired hotel sat in a thin layer of atmosphere, a literal oasis on this dead world.  A few more seconds went by before Sterling realized that the hotel looked exactly like the fictional Grand Budapest hotel, save that it had no name on its grand façade.

“Where are we?”

“This world doesn’t have a name that we know of,” Celestia told her.  “It was one of the ones found during Project SANDALWOOD’s operations.  From what we can tell, this world once held life, but life has been gone for thousands of years…except for Ruritania.”  Celestia commented.  “A creature, captured and enslaved by the previous residents, forced to be used as a facility for their purposes.”

“You mean like the Farpoint creature?”  When Celestia looked at her niece oddly, Sterling added, “Always been more of a Trekkie than a Star Wars fan.”

“I suppose,” Celestia mused, making a mental note to research what the younger alicorn was talking about later.  “Ruritania told us that eventually the star went nova, cooking everything on the world and it barely survived.  It then spent a miserable few million years by itself healing both physically and mentally, when we arrived.  At first, Ruritania was terrified of us; thought we were going to enslave it again.”  Then a bright smile came over the alicorn’s face as she said, “And then Pinkie reached out to it, assured it that we were here for friendly purposes and spent three months getting to know it.  By the time we realized this world wasn’t of any use to us, Ruritania insisted on coming with us, telling us that it wanted friends and a life and knew it would be safe with ponies.”

“I still don’t get this talking to you bit.  How does it talk to you?”

“With a voice, Your Highness.”  Sterling turned to see Squeaky Clean standing outside the atmospheric bubble Celestia created for them.

“You’re Ruritania?” Sterling asked, but the mare shook her head.

“I am a part of Ruritania, the part that likes being Squeaky Clean, just as there’s a part that likes being Soapy Suds the dishwasher, and one that likes being Aqua Sentry the pool lifeguard and all that.  I suppose you could equate us to neurons in a hive mind, but we have our own independent thoughts and actions.”  Squeaky sat and smiled.  “And we love ponies – some so much that parts of us have broken off and become true ponies in their own right.”

“So you’re like changelings?”

“No, milady.  Nothing so harsh.  All you need to do is think of me as me and the others as themselves, and we are Ruritania, as is the hotel and everything.”

“Thank you, Squeaky,” Celestia said, and the mare curtseyed before vanishing.  “As I was saying, Ruritania came to live with us in Equestria, and it spends most of its time being the grounds and staff of the Mt. Canterhoof Resort.  But when you were in danger, Luna asked Ruritania to take you somewhere safe, and even though it didn’t want to return here, it felt a duty to protect its princess – you.”


“But we couldn’t tell you, because we weren’t sure you were ready for that, given that you’ve had a hard time adjusting to all this.”  Sterling turned to see her mother approaching in alicorn form, followed by an unusual looking white mare.  “And I never took into account that Ruritania has the mindset of an adult and really doesn’t remember how to be a foal, much less a teenager.  And that was my fault, dear.  I hope you can forgive me.”

Sterling went up and hugged her mother.  “You did all this for me, Mom.  How could I be mad?”

“Still, I should’ve thought about it.  And so I thought you might want somepony your age to talk to.  This is your cousin, Dawn.  Shining Dawn, this is your cousin Sterling.”

Dawn offered a hoof to bump.  “Hi,” she said, somewhat shyly.

Sterling returned the bump.  “Hi yourself,” Sterling said.

“Well, let’s get back to the theater, because I want to watch the rest of A New Hope,” Celestia said.  “Plus, it’ll give time for the girls to get used to each other.”

“Sure, but…why A New Hope?  Why not start with the prequels?”

“No.”

Luna frowned.  “What’s wrong with the prequel trilogy?  I liked them.”

Celestia facewinged.  “Sister, I love you dearly…but please don’t be stupid in front of the girls.”







Day Fifteen.

If Dawn calls Squeaky Clean “maidbot” one more time, I swear she’s going to blow a fuse, even though she knows Dawnie’s just joking.  Plus, it helps that my cousin is a prankster – she said she learned a few tricks from our aunts Rainbow and Pinkie, and if I wake up to have my hair turned green one more time, I’m going to scream!

But it’s more than just that.  The fact that she’s half-changeling and she was afraid at first that I wouldn’t like her…I guess I know how she feels.  And the fact that she’s spent all this time in a human form just for my sake when I told her she didn’t have to.  Plus, she tells me that until I appeared, the only ones she’d had a chance to be around on a regular basis around our age are the twins and from what I get, they’re a handful, a hooful and half over each!

Plus, I’ve been able to talk to her about a bunch of things, too.  Like how I’m afraid I’m going to be a screwup as a princess, and how I don’t know how to handle all this.  She just hugs me (she does that a lot; I guess that’s part of the changeling in her) and tells me everything’s going to be okay in the end.

Lastly, I’ve been getting to know Ruritania a lot better, now that it’s opening up to me.  Besides Squeaky Clean, there’s Porridge, the head chef; Speedy Service, the bellhop; and Brass Keys, the hotel manager; as well as several more.  Based on the conversation I’ve been having with it, Ruritania says that it’s considering making a human neuronode, but that it would need more practice with other humans, first.  I’ll have to make some plans to get some friends out here and such.



“Girls!  Girls!”  An excitable royal-red pegasus mare wearing the burgundy uniform of the Mt. Canterhoof Resort rushed up with towels.  “Your mothers are here.”

Both teens turned to see Princess Luna and Knight Commander Twilight Sparkle approaching.  “Hello, girls,” Twilight said.  “How are things going?”

“Oh, it’s going great!” the pegasus chirped.

“I think she means us, Speedy,” Dawn told her.

“Oh.  Sorry, still getting used to that part of my subroutine.”

“You’re doing fine, Speedy,” Sterling said, hugging the pony closer to her briefly.  “So, Mom, Aunt Twilight, what’s up?”

“We just got out of a meeting with the ISPO and REG,” Luna commented.  “Based on the current investigation, you should be able to come out of heavy security.  We’ve already let Ruritania know and in about a half-hour, it’ll be making the teleport back to its normal spot.”

“Yup, looks like vacation time’s over for you two,” Twilight added, which was quickly punctuated by a disappointed groan from both teens.

“But we were just having fun,” Dawn mourned.

“You didn’t tell them the rest, did you?” Luna said to Speedy.

“I don’t have that authorization level, Princess.  That would have to be at least the assistant manager, if not Brass Keys or the main mind,” Speedy told her.

“Okay, then we’ll tell them.”  A smile came over Luna’s face.  “When Ruritania came over here, it left something behind…fissile.”

Dawn looked at her aunt oddly, but Sterling figured it out in an instant.  “Ruritania budded?  It had a baby?”

Twilight nodded.  “Yes.  House Shetland has bought some land in Bohemia, a few dozen hectares in a secluded valley just outside of Prague.  If what Ruritania told us is correct, little Sylvania will grow up in about five years, and we’ll teach it how to be a resort of its own.  That way the species will have a chance to grow again and make new friends.”

Dawn and Sterling both squeed and hugged Speedy.  “That’s great!”

“Well, maybe great for the main mind, but I’m my own neuronode!” the pegasus gasped.

“But first, we’ll have dinner and say goodbye to the staff,” Luna told them, and the girls gasped.  Seeing their heartbroken faces, the lunar alicorn added, “It’s only for now.  Sterling, from now on, your first duty as the linguistic alicorn will be to oversee the two resorts.  The managers will report to you and you’ll swing by both often to see how it goes, okay?”

Sterling nodded.  “Absolutely!”    
> The Godkiller, Part Two
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thank you for taking the time to meet with us, Superintendent Tunoi,” Ben Hallenbeck said.  At the moment, he and one of his division officers were in the National Headquarters of the Kenya Police in the office of the Superintendent of the Criminal Investigations Department.

“No, the pleasure’s all mine, Director Hallenbeck.  Though I must admit, I have never met an individual as striking as your partner here.”

Captain Iron Girdle shifted in her seat.  A minotaurette from Minos, she was wearing the traditional armor of the Minoan Royal Hoplites, the nation’s police force.  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should, given that I have never seen such an impressive specimen of a minotaur before.”

“Minotaurette,” Girdle corrected.

Superintendent Tunoi looked at Girdle oddly.  “You’re female?”


“I told you that you should’ve worn a more westernized suit, Girdie,” Hallenbeck told his partner as they walked down the hall a couple of minutes later.

“I was trying to set an example for my country!  How can anyone assume that I’m a bull?”

“Accidents happen,” he told her.

“You’d sleep with me, right?  Humans and minotaurs have the same plumbing, you know.”

“One, that’s fraternizing, Girdie.  Two, my fiancée will kill me if I answer that question.”

“Easy, Ben, it’s just a hypothetical.”  She groaned.  “He didn’t even look at my tits.”

“Are you that hard up for a date?”

“Ask your fiancée the pegasus and then get back to me,” she sighed.

“Would you leave Sunny out of this?”

“C’mon, what has Sunrunner got that I don’t?”

“She doesn’t work for me, for starters.”

“Maybe I can put in a transfer for the Uniformed Division?  That should take care of that.”

Hallenbeck ignored his partner and instead looked at the KP inspector assigned to escort them to the jail.  “What can you tell us about the suspect, Inspector?”

“Real cool customer,” the inspector told him.  “Czech woman, thirty-four, name of Karolína Poborská.  She was armed when we arrested her and wouldn’t answer why she was in country.  That’s bad enough, but what she was carrying?  Even our military doesn’t have it.”  He turned to a sergeant that was with them.  “Sergeant?”

The man handed over a small bag.  Hallenbeck opened it and pulled out some items, handing some to Girdle.

“Is this what I think it is?” she said, holding up a large coin.

Hallenbeck nodded, pointing out the four fists reaching towards the sky.  “HDA challenge coin.”  He then looked at the gun.  “Russian PL-14R1.  State-of-the-art weapon not available to civilians, if I remember.”

“They came with HEAP rounds, sir,” the sergeant noted.  “Unknown make.  We haven’t done a metallurgy test on them yet.”

The inspector looked at him.  “Get that up to the lab and have a preliminary report sent to the BXI.”  The sergeant nodded and departed, while the inspector continued on.  “We have Ms. Poborská in solitary confinement right now because she attempted to kill her court-appointed barrister.”  They approached the room and the inspector said, “Now, for safety’s sake, you must turn in your guns here.  You may use the electrolasers we have there,” he said, pointing to the charger.

“Electrolasers?” Girdle asked.

Hallenbeck put his pistol into the lockbox and withdrew an electrolaser pistol.  “Improved type of stun device.  Fires a laser, then lets an electrical charge go down the path.  Works in the same manner as a taser, but can be used multiple times.”

Girdle shrugged.  “Usually we just slam the prisoner against the wall a few times until they talk or they lose a tooth.”

“Well, we don’t do that here in Nairobi,” the inspector said, placing his hand on the biometric plate, letting it read his handprint; a second later, an iron door slid open.  “I’ll be out here waiting for your signal.”

Hallenbeck holstered the electrolaser.  “Let’s get this done, Girdie.”

She looked at the weapon, then put it back, flexing her muscles and cracking her knuckles.  “Sure.”

“Good cop, bad cop?”

The minotaurette sighed.  “Again?  Really?”


The two entered the room, and the door immediately closed behind them.  Seated at the table, her hands in handcuffs and shackled to the floor, was Karolína Poborská.  At first, she didn’t look like much: stringy brown hair and sunken hazel eyes accompanied by a beanpole of a body, but the moment he looked closer, Hallenbeck knew she was trained.  He looked at Girdle, and seeing the tensing of her jaw and the ruffing of her nostrils, she was thinking the same thing.

“Aw, how sveet.  You’ve brought me a nice beef dinner,” the woman, giving them a look that bordered on demonic.  “I personally like my steaks raw.”

In response, Girdle reached into a pocket in her skirt and pulled out her badge.  “We’re from the BXI, Ms. Poborská.”

“I know vhere you are from, animal.  And I’m frankly surprised a cow like you can talk.”

Girdle ignored her.  “Now, cooperate with us and we’ll go easy on you.  Otherwise, I understand that Kamiti Prison is a bad place to go to.”

“I vill survive.  I vill break anyone who tries to touch me,” Poborská said calmly.  “But I bet you vish to be touched.  I bet you vish to be fucked by a human, don’t you?  Because human penises are longer than minotaur ones.”  The woman gave a wolfish smile.  “I bet you vish this man to bend you over the table and give it to you hard.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Hallenbeck said.  “You’re not impressing anyone with this attitude of yours, Poborská.  You can tell a psychiatrist later about why your daddy touched you in the bad place; I don’t give a fuck.”  He leaned over the table and glowered at her.  “You were here for something, and I want to know why.”

“Ah, the famed American ‘good cop/bad cop’ routine!”  She gave a strangely cheerful smile.  “I’ve alvays been interested in how it vorks.  Let me guess: you’re the bad cop,” she said to Hallenbeck, and then to Girdle, “you’re the horny cow that wore armor because you’re so vet that it’ll leak through normal clothing, right?”  An awkward silence filled the room, and Poborská leaned back as far as she could.  “Vhy don’t you just tell him you want him to fuck you like the animal you are?  Or are you still pretending to be a voman like me?”

Girdle broke her role.  “You disgust me.”

“And oddly, you do not disgust me.  It is hard to be disgusted at farm animals,” the woman said, dismissing Girdle with a wave, then looked at Hallenbeck.  “Next time, you should learn about minotaurettes and their heat cycles.  Tvice a year, they become desperate to become impregnated and look to any bull around.  But since the discovery that humans have…”  She put her hands together and then pulled them apart to get the point across, “…well, those that don’t vish to get pregnant whore themselves out to any man they can.”

Girdle leaned forward.  “You threatened to kill a little girl.  You assholes actually did kill a little girl.”

“Not I.  I’ll have you know I vas against that!  Ve should only put down animals like you and like that new princess who claims to be human.  That other girl – she was a true human and she did nothing wrong!  I find no joy in that and I hope you find the čurák that did that to her.”  The look in her eyes was oddly sincere.

“Then you can help us by putting them away.”

“Maybe I tell you and you only,” Poborská told Hallenbeck.  “I doubt your fucktoy would understand.”

“Then start by telling us why you were here.”

“Hrm…what’s the American term?  ‘No vay, Jose’?  Yes, I believe that’s it.”  She gave him a smile.  “My business here has nothing to do vith that operation.  You can ask me all you vant, but I vill tell you nothing.  I vill offer you the information on the organization’s plans for assassinating Princess Luna II, because I think that vill do us more harm than good.”  Poboský pouted.  “She may be a mongrel, but she is a child and killing children is almost alvays a mistake.”

“Then tell us that!” Girdle insisted.

Poborská sighed.  “Officer, do yourself a favor and vhen you get out of here, find a secluded corner and just rut her until she’s satisfied.  Otherwise you aren’t going to get any vork done, I promise you.”  She looked at him.  “I used to know a man, Antonín.  He had a girlfriend, a beautiful girl who loved him more than she could say and dreamed of being his bride.  Then a minotaur cow came to the local university, claiming to vant to study history.  Oh, she studied history alright – the history of how often she could get him to come inside her.  Well, when Antonín’s girlfriend found them in bed, she was shocked.  Took his gun and….”  She paused in silence, then said, “No matter.  Cows like her are alvays whores, and if you vant someone who is only good in bed, you can’t do better than a minotaur.  But if you want real company – intelligent, human company – I suggest you keep your pants zipped, officer.”

Girdle sighed.  “Now can we move to the ‘bad cop’ part?” she asked as a fly started buzzing around the room.

Hallenbeck pulled up a chair.  “Well, you wanted to learn good cop/bad cop, right?  Well, at the BXI, we have a unique spin.  We call it good cop, bad cop…” he then snapped his finger and a tan creature appeared on the table, glaring at the woman with rainbow hued eyes.  She stared at the being’s eyes until they glazed over and took on a pale yellow cast to them.

“…oh, and the third part of that is changeling cop, am I right, Constable Curryleaf?”

The flutter turned and looked back at him.  “I’m a flutter, not a changeling, but I can understand how the confusion can be made, Director Hallenbeck.”

“No offense taken, I hope.”

“None taken at all – we’re part of the same genus as them, so there is some similarity,” the flutter said with a smile before turning back to the woman.  “Now, you know this isn’t legal, right?”

“We’re not worried about legalities; she just confessed to a murder.  But we are worried about Princess Luna II’s life a little more than that.”

“Yeah, Mom would not be happy if the daughter of one of her friends bit the bucket.”  He glared at her a little more, as if psychically turning gears in her head.  “Almost got it…there.”  He backed away.  “You can ask her anything you want; right now she thinks we’re fellow HDA members.  Don’t forget to shout ‘death to animals’ and stuff like that now and then for effect.  Director, you’d best take the lead on this one.”

Hallenbeck nodded.  “What were you doing here?”

“Obtaining a supply of metal from our supplier here,” the woman said in a dazed voice.  Oddly enough, there was no trace of her Czech accent.  “One of the sales managers of Kenyan National Steel Supply is a sympathizer; his brother-in-law ran off to Europe with a mare and left his wife, our man’s sister, behind.  Says he wants to get back at those kickstands.  Can’t say I blame him.”

“Anyone else notice her accent’s changed?” Curryleaf pointed out.  “Now she sounds British, if I had to take a guess.”

“Poboský,” the man asked, “what do you do for the Alliance?”

“Go-between and spy.  I studied acting in London, wanted to be an actress once.  Then I found out my Antonín was going to leave me for some slaughter fodder.  He was a sergeant in the Czech army, so I killed them both, took his equipment and then went looking for an old friend of mine who joined the Alliance.  She taught me everything I know.”  A sad look came over her face as she added, “Martina was killed by French police when she was trying to bomb the birdo embassy in Paris.”

Curryleaf looked at them, then changed his appearance to look like a human man.  “Why were you arranging for a metal supply?  What was so special about the metal here in Kenya?”

“Scientists in our arsenal facility in Canada did some research and believed that a meteor hit Kenya millions of years ago, and that the meteor was carrying exotic metals.  I don’t know the full story, but it was important enough for those assholes in New Zealand to showboat about it and kill an innocent girl!”

“And what do you know about that?”

“Our local and national councils were against that – told the international convention that killing a child, even a mongrel, was a mistake.  But those jerks down in New Zealand said a message had to be sent and they found a girl who looked like a reasonable substitute.  We were voted down.”  The look in Poborská’s eyes was sad.  “She could have been an asset for us, with the right training.  Now we have more people that hate us because they do not understand the cause.”

“I see,” Curryleaf replied.  “What else can you tell us about the Canadian facility?”

“I don’t know much else about it,” she replied.  “I suppose it’s under the command of some Canadian council – I know it’s in Canada, but that’s all I know.”

“Okay, let’s wrap this up and get the info back to HQ,” Hallenbeck said.

“Okay, give me just a second.”  Curryleaf glared into Poborská’s eyes for a few seconds.  “There.”

“What’d you do?”

“Set a couple of subliminal triggers in her head.  The first one will give her nightmares anytime anyone talks about anything bovine related.  The second one will trigger after her inevitable release from prison.  That’s the important one.”

“And what’s that?”

“The one that will tell her it’s okay not to hate someone,” Curryleaf replied.  “The fact that her boyfriend would’ve cheated on her regardless of the species and that she made a mistake – a huge one, but nothing that she can’t recover from.”  The flutter then looked at Hallenbeck.  “Director, I recommend the prosecution push for a lighter sentence for her.  She killed innocents, but it was a crime of passion.”

“And we don’t know what she’s done since then, but if she’s willing to work with us then I’ll see what I can do,” Hallenbeck replied.  “For now, you’ll want to make yourself scarce.”

“The words to snap her out of her mind whammy are….”  Curryleaf whispered something in Girdle’s ear.

“Thanks,” she replied.  “Now vamoose and amscray.  We got work to do.”

“Roger that,” Curryleaf laughed, turning into a small fly once more and hiding himself in the folds of Girdle’s pelt.

“Okay, we’re clear to go,” Girdle replied.  “Wintergreen Bibio Headphones.”

The golden glow vanished from Poborská’s eyes.  She now looked at Girdle and a sudden look of fear came onto her face.  “No…. I….”

“May I?” Girdle asked her boss.

“Be my guest,” he replied.

“You’re going to remember my face,” Girdle said as she got close and personal with Poborská, who began to shrink back in her chair at the minotaurette’s approach.  “You’re going to remember my face and every time you think of the happy couple you killed.  Yes, your boyfriend did you wrong, and I understand that.  But did the other minotaurette know about it?  We don’t have the same abilities as ponies do – we can’t hypnotize you with pheromones when we’re attracted.  We just know what we want.”

“But I….”

“You have a long way towards redemption, Karolína.  I suggest you think about it, because your life may depend on it someday: like minotaurs, we minotaurettes have horns.  Not as big, or long, but we do have them.  We also have the same strength level, too – enough to flatten a bus with a punch.”  She got right within an inch of the young woman.  “If she had known you were there, you might not be alive.”

Poborská suddenly wailed in horror, falling backwards in her seat and only held in place by the chains.  She tried desperately to cover herself and pull away from the nightmare before her, but all she could do was yank at the chains fruitlessly.

“C’mon,” Girdle said sadly.  “We’re done here.”





The following day, Frank and his troops held a major meeting at the Canterlot Palace complex.  In one of the various major conference rooms, said meeting was about to start.  The room contained several of the bigshots of Equestria, as well as several other lesser-but-not-less-important VIPs.  From his own people, Frank had brought along Hallenbeck, Glasslens and Girdle.  Curryleaf, as he was on loan from the Dream Valley Constabulary, was already present as well.

The meeting had gone smoothly, with introductions all around and the chat had gone smoothly.

Then a page at the door called out, “Please rise for Her Majesty, Princess Celestia; Her Highness, Princess Luna; His Grace, Lord Robert Kirkland; and Her Excellency, Queen Imago.”  Four royals came in, and for the first time in a while, Frank felt completely overwhelmed.  As they took their seats, he noted that Princess Celestia looked completely at ease; Robin was a bit tense but that was to be expected; and Queen Imago looked almost giddy with excitement, as if she’d never participated in high-level government activities before.  Only Princess Luna brooded with such a gloom that it almost felt as if the light in the room – including that coming from the windows – had darkened to the point of a cloudy day.

“You’ll have to excuse me,” Celestia began.  “I’ve asked Queen Imago to sit in with us.  Her flutters were of invaluable use, and we have been quickly integrating the Dream Valley Protectorate into Equestria’s regular forces.  Additionally, we—”

“Where are those bastards?” Luna hissed.

Celestia looked at her sister.  “Luna, please.”

“No – they caused harm to my child.  I don’t want excuses, I want them found!” the night alicorn thundered.

“Hon, let me handle this,” Robin said.

“NO!” Luna thundered.  “I will not let my child suffer one more moment!  Find these reprobates, all of you, or else I will – and I will not be merciful!”  With that, the night alicorn stormed out of the room.

Robin looked at Celestia.  “Tia, I gotta….”

“I know,” she said sadly.  “We’ll take care of this.”  He nodded and then went after his fiancée.  The ruler of Equestria then looked at those assembled.  “I am sorry.  This hasn’t been easy for her, not by any stretch of the imagination.”

“We quite understand,” Imago added.  “Director Justus, would you be so kind as to brief us on your latest findings?”

“Yes.  We interrogated an HDA member by the name of Karolína Poborská, and she informed us that the message was not agreed on by all members of the leadership.  While I’m not sure that will cause a schism in the group, it certainly meant that she was more than willing to give up the information we needed.  We have been informed there’s a factory somewhere in Canada taking on steel supplies from Kenya, a nation that doesn’t normally export their steel products.  Additionally, one of the factories present, The National Steel Company of Kenya, has an alleged HDA sympathizer leading the firm.”  Frank briefly looked at the notes on his tablet, then back to Princess Celestia.  “Unfortunately, by the time we were able to put this together, the ship carrying the steel had already departed port.  Right now we’re trying to track with satellites, but we’re going to need a bit more assistance.”

“Why so?” Celestia asked.

“They’re using GPS jamming and active camo sheeting.  While the latter is commonplace in some militaries, it’s the former that’s worrisome: That’s some high-level stuff, experimental gear that only the US and a couple of other nations have.  For it to be in private hands, well…I don’t think I need to explain the concern there.”

“Any information you can tell us?”

“Yes.  We believe that the ship is headed towards Fremantle, at least according to their manifest.  From there, they will likely transfer the cargo to a ship bound for Vancouver.  If we can get an agent aboard that ship, then we should be able to find out where their base is.”  Frank sighed.  “With your permission, Your Excellency, I would like to borrow a couple more of your constables for this operation.”

“No,” she told him.  “I will do this myself.”

The room went silent as they stared at Queen Imago.  Celestia, long used to outrageous situations in her meetings, merely smiled and said, “We will take a ten-minute break.  Queen Imago, Directors Justus and Draw, please come with me.”





“I’m going to do this, Tia.  I can’t afford to risk any more of my children,” Imago said to the others once they had moved to a smaller conference room.

“Maggie, how should I say this?” Celestia said.  “It’s an ill-thought-out plan.  I don’t even participate in operations anymore unless there is no alternative, because we are long past the days where royals are expected to lead from the front.  We are more important in a rear echelon situation.  Frankly, Pip would be better suited for this, because he is trained as military personnel, which you are not.”

“Imago, if I may?” Quick Draw spoke up.  She already had a headache building on, based on the rubbing of her temples.  “Forgive me, but…you are not trained.  You are eager, but without training—”

“—you are a bullet sponge,” Frank interrupted.  “Oh, I see your kind all the time, Your Excellency.  You want to get into the fight, but you can barely spell the word.  Let me tell you something: my daughter Bethany is in the Secret Service, and she’s not much older than you.  She’s trained and I’m worried about her being in horrible situations.  Because when push comes to shove, training is all well and nice, but it’s experience that carries you through the day…and you have neither.

Imago fluttered her wings uncomfortably.

“Frank, where are you going with this?” Quick whispered in his ear.  Frank, of course, ignored her.

“From everything I know about you, Queen Imago, you are coddled and put on a shelf most of the time.”  Both Celestia and Imago looked at him with surprise, and he knew he had their attention.  “You are a queen, but you’re a biological one – really, you’re just the mayor of Dream Valley, which is legally a protectorate nation, but in practice a tiny hamlet.  You have no training except that of motherhood and local politics, and while I’m sure you being here is both the result of Curryleaf’s contributions and Princess Celestia attempting to give you more authority since she trusts you, but…you are twenty-five, if I recall.  You are barely out of your foalhood, metaphorically speaking, and you don’t have the training or the skills to run with the big dogs.  And that will get you very, very dead.”

Imago looked as though she’d been slapped.

“Now, you’re saying to yourself, ‘I’m sure he didn’t mean those words.’  Fuck yes, I did.  I’m an old man, Imago, and I’ve buried too many people I know because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up getting the very wrong bullet into their very wrong craniums.  I’ve seen more dead lawkeepers than you probably have people in your life.  And excuse me if I’d rather not add one wannabe royal-slash-overtitled mayor to the list.  You’re good at running your small town, and you may be good at whatever Celestia puts you in charge of someday.  But you don’t have what it takes to wear a badge, and with your attitude, you probably never will.”





As they left the small meeting room, headed towards the conference room, Quick glared at him.  “Frank, has anypony ever told you that you’re a plothole before?  Because if not, let me be the first.  You reduced a queen to tears, Frank!  Tears!”

“Better tears than bleeding bullet holes,” the man replied.  “Better an angry flutter queen than a state funeral.  Trust me, we’ve had a few of those, too – minor royals working as police in their nations, get moved up to INTERPOL or the BXI, then end up dead during an operation.  I don’t need to add to that list.”

“And I agree.”  Celestia teleported right before the two.  “While I do think you could’ve handled it better, Director Justus, I certainly agree with your opinion: Imago really is not cut from the same cloth as her biological mother, so she’s neither a fighter nor a schemer; likewise, her adoptive parents were farmers, so she had no training for statecraft, either.  I am trying to groom her for the day she decides to take on more duties, but I do not think she will ever be prepared for martial responsibilities.”

“And that’s where I disagree on giving her the kid glove treatment, Your Majesty,” Frank replied.  “She needed to hear it the hard way.  Coddling her would’ve left the tiny bit of ‘Maybe I can do it, I just need to prove myself!’ in her mind.  This way, she knows the truth and you can steer her towards whatever responsibilities you have intended for her.”

“Well, we shall disagree, Director, but as the results are the same, we end up with where we are now.”  With that, Celestia headed off towards the conference room to continue the official portion of the meeting and the two others immediately followed.





“So, what hell did you guys cause?” Mondo asked the others as they walked through the portal, returning to Earth.  Rowan was there with him as well, the two going over budget issues prior to Frank’s return.

“Long story short?  Prevented a royal funeral in the making and yet another major crisis for Equestria,” Hallenbeck explained.  He then went over all that had occurred during the day, from Luna’s quick entry and exit into the meeting to Imago’s ‘I wanna be a lawpony!’ shtick, to the meeting afterwards and all the dry stuff that had occurred.  When he was done, the younger man finished up with, “And Queen Imago says she’ll be sending us two flutters to work with us full-time, so I think the message got across.”

Mondo facehoofed.  “I swear, Equestriani are strange,” the pony said.  “Now, had it been my country?  El Imperator would’ve just roared them into submission.  But…heh, ponies, what can you do, right?”

“But you’re a pony,” Rowan pointed out.

“Only because I was born that way, my friend.  Within me beats the same heart as my parents or my sister – all proud jaguars!”  He raised a hoof and said, “But enough of that.  What else did I miss?”

“Sam, you’ll have to deploy your forces around the seaport at Fremantle, and we’re going to have to move fast, if we’re going to get our forces aboard that ship,” Frank told him.  “I briefed Misato on the situation, and she’s meeting with the Australian government, so we should have clearance to move beyond our statutory operating area shortly.”

“I can do that and have a team ready to go tomorrow.  I guess you want us to ‘botch’ the job?”

Frank nodded.  “Just enough to get our guys on board.”  He gestured towards the portal, and as if on cue, two flutters and a stallion walked through the portal.

“Well, Curryleaf, welcome back,” Rowan said.  “Heard you’re sticking around this time.”

“Yup,” he nodded.  “Going to need to find an apartment around here, as well as learn some French.”

“Who’s the fresh meat?” Mondo asked.

The other flutter spoke up first.  “Names Red Clover,” he said.  “I’ll be working with the Uniformed Division.  I’ve got a lot of training in working in the bulky forms, so if you need an elephant to be a battering ram or a minotaur to outmuscle somepony with an attitude, I’m your flutter.”

“Good to hear, and you?”

The stallion, a pegasus, looked at him.  He had a tawny coat, brown mane and piercing green eyes.  “Name’s Valiant,” he said in an unusually deep voice.  “I’m trained as a scout with silent flight and extended hovering; my special talent, however, is high-speed strikes from above.  Additionally, my previous posting was with the Lunar Guard company of the Palace Guard, so I’m authorized on the transformative armor.”  With that, he reached into his coat pocket and tapped something; there was a silver flash and suddenly a jet-black bat pony stood in front of them.

“What the hell is that?” Rowan asked.

“Long story,” Valiant replied as he deactivated the armor, “but batponies, even though they don’t really exist, have had a long association with Princess Luna.  The story goes that one group of guards decided to have the batpony armor created for Princess Luna’s guard for one Nightmare Night, and since then, the Lunar Guards have worn the armor.  Even after the REG restructured and the Solar, Lunar and Romance Guards were downgraded to companies under the Palace Guard battalion, Lunar Guardsponies are authorized use even after our tour is up.  I thought it might come in handy here, if for no other reason than the fearsome appearance.”

“Sounds like we’ll have to have fatigues fitted to accommodate the armor, Agent Valiant.”

“I’d appreciate it if you would, Director Rowan,” Valiant said.  “I think it will be of use.”

“Okay, everyone, call it a night and we’ll meet back here in the morning.”  Turning to the new trio, Frank said, “If you’ll come with me, I’ll have my secretary arrange hotel rooms for you for the night.”

As Frank and the new guys departed, Rowan asked, “So how was it really, you two?”

“Like a gangbang without the lube, Sam,” Hallenbeck replied.  “They are really worried about Princess Luna slipping the leash.  Personally, I don’t think she will, but she’s got all this personal baggage in her history, and that ain’t helping one Goddamn bit.”

“Yeah, know the feeling.  This has become a worldwide manhunt.  And now they’re saying these assholes are hanging around my neck of the woods?  We don’t put up with that shit in Canada.  We’ve got to end this.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you.  But for right now, I just want to get home and talk to my fiancée about the wedding plans.  Sunny’s trying to be accommodating, but she’s afraid her family is going to have hangups over my family and meat eating.”

Rowan laughed.  “Well, that’s your problem, buddy boy. Shoulda stayed single, like me.”

With that, Girdle went up to him and said, “Dinner, tonight.  Breakfast in the morning.  Sounds like a plan?”

Rowan grinned.  “Girdie, sounds like it.  Any suggestions?”

“I’m horny.  Give me suggestions and in five minutes we’ll be in your office.  But in the interests of decorum, let’s get to my apartment.  It’s only five minutes away by walking.”

“Well, seems like I have plans for tonight,” Rowan replied.  “See you in the morning, Ben.”

Hallenbeck just rolled his eyes and said, “Don’t know what’s worse: mares with their all-powerful pheromones, or minotaurettes with their constant need to do it.  Don’t think I want to find out, though.”  He retrieved his phone from his coat pocket and started dialing Sunrunner’s phone; maybe they could use a night out for a change.
> Wild Wood, Part One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quiet.

That was all she could hear.

Just quiet everywhere.

Well, not exactly quiet. Outside a catbird sang its feline-esque cry. Occasionally a car from one of the other houses drove past, the driver headed off for parts unknown or returning from same. And she could barely make out the laughter of children playing outside.

That was the quiet.

She couldn’t hear anymore, not the way she used to be able to. She couldn’t smell the apple pies that Sandra, the New Zealand ambassador’s wife, loved to make and who occasionally filled the sky with fruity scents as she plied her trade. She couldn’t feel the embracing layer of warmth, hugging her like a second skin.

She couldn’t hear her songs.

That was the part that hurt the most. They were gone. Two of the things that had marked her life so much: heartsong and lifesong, both now gone. Sure, there had been days in the past where they had been silenced; she silenced them herself to create her three children. But they always came back in the end. But now they were never coming back.

She would forever be songless.


The human woman climbed out of bed, naked, and that was a problem as well. It had been her attempt to cheer herself up last night by making love to her husband, and normally that would have done it. But even that brought new complications – something called a condom. In the past, they could just go, two rising in ecstasy, filling her and spending himself, until both lay together as a sweaty, loving mess. But now, given that she could get pregnant at nearly any time because she was now the same species as her husband, they had to take precautions.

It was the first time since she’d been with Paul that she hadn’t enjoyed it. She didn’t tell him, of course – that would have been unfair to him. But now something was missing.

Just like a lot of things in her life now.

She looked at her naked body, a body that just weeks ago wouldn’t have been nude by pony standards. A body that she’d seen before, but now she was going to see much more from now on. Her hair, now longer than her mane had ever been, was the same colors as when she had been a pony, and it followed to her eyebrows and pubic hair; from what Paul had told her, she now had naturally what models and porn stars would pay a fortune to have expertly dyed. She laughed at that; she never completely understood why or how. As for her eyes, they were still the same golden amber she’d had throughout her life, and strangely enough, it was an uncommon but still plausible human eye shade. And after her physical checkup, Erica (who would be her doctor from now on), told her that based on everything present, Lyra Phillips was no longer a sixty-two-year-old unicorn mare but a twenty-seven-year-old human woman.

And that news was the worst of all.

Lyra Phillips, once Lyra Heartstrings, was a champion of humanity, even before humans were known to ponykind. When they were nothing but legends, Lyra had been sure to be the expert in all things humanity even though she was derided as deluded, demented or worse. When Rarity’s daughter Sandalwood had vanished, Lyra had offered her expertise, even though ponies on the search teams had laughed. That had turned into finding DJ, befriending her and turning her into part-kid sister, part-mentee as Lyra had spent the next two decades giving her young friend all the advice and camaraderie that she could. Sometimes, Lyra suspected, that DJ cared more about her than she did Rarity…and she didn’t think she would be wrong.

Lyra Heartstrings-Phillips was a champion of humanity in every way. From the good to the bad, she knew they existed, proved it and had been ponykind’s most ardent envoy to humanity…

…but she never wanted to be one.





She got dressed. Thankfully she had clothing from the week she’d been stuck in human form by accident (back then when she regained her pony form she almost swore off turning back human again due to the period she’d had as a human), and they still fit. So after a quick shower, she threw on bra, panties, DC United jersey and some jeans and walked downstairs.

Halfway down the stairs, she heard voices. It bothered her that she could remember being able to hear voices from the moment she opened her door. At least they were laughing; she didn’t remember much about the first week being home, but she did remember Harper and Serenade’s tearstruck faces. She also recalled now being taller than her brother by about a foot, which was also surprising.

There’s a lot I’m going to have to get used to, Lyra thought to herself.

As she reached the base of the stairs, she looked into the living room to see Serenade and Wing Wishes breezily chatting as if the two mares had known one another forever. Seeing the latter reminded her she hadn’t been back in the office since her return to Earth two weeks ago.

Serenade was the first to react. “Lyra! You’re up!”

As if being able to read her thoughts, Wing spoke. “I’m not here on business, Lyra. This is a strictly personal call.”

Saying nothing, Lyra walked over and plopped into the aged chair that she’d bought while looking through antique shops in West Virginia. She’d liked the chair as it matched the furniture that she and Paul had bought, and after having had it reupholstered it almost seemed as it was a new purchase. “So, what’s up?”

Serenade looked at her sister-in-law. “I was just telling Wing here that I’m almost done recording my newest album and that they’ll need me back in Nashville for that, so I’ll be heading back tomorrow.”

Wing smiled. “And I came over to invite her to a mare’s day out. A bunch of us from the Embassy are planning to get together and do some sightseeing, then later hit some of the bars in the district.”

“I see,” Lyra said cautiously. She didn’t know if she was invited any longer, given that she was no longer a mare, per se.

A smile formed on Wing’s face. “I know what you’re thinking, Lyra. It’s a figure of speech, and we wouldn’t want to do it without you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” Lyra lied. “It’s just I….”

Serenade looked at her. “Are you sure?”

The woman nodded. “No, you go have some fun. I need to go shopping if I’m going to be ready for work on Monday. Need to buy some work clothing.”

“You don’t have to, you know,” Wing told her. “Cadance gave us specific orders that if you need to take the rest of the year off to adjust, then we should deal with it. We’ve already spoken to the State Department and Secretary Lewis sends his regards.”

“I know, but…I’ve been back two weeks and things have been standing still. Didn’t the Uzbekistani ambassador arrive already?”

“Yes, and he’s been demanding to meet with you. I’ve met with him twice and that’s apparently not good enough. I was going to meet with him at noon on Monday, but since you’ll be back that should work.”

“Sounds good to me,” Lyra replied.

“You positive? Between you and me, Ambassador Karamatov is a jerk, but his country is trying to reach out to us, so I guess we should. Just…be careful, Lyra, okay? You’re still recovering and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine, Wing, I promise.”





The rest of the day went okay. Serenade and Wing went off to their ladies’ day, while Lyra got into their minivan and practiced driving around a bit and readjusting to her changed proportions before heading off to the mall to go pick up some new clothing. That in itself proved to be a challenge, as she now had to find working attire that would match with her hair color. Looking at it in a mirror, she briefly considered cutting it, but then, she thought she looked cute with it – her hair was now halfway down her back and reminded her a lot of the tail she used to have.

“You know, I don’t get you freaks.” Lyra turned to see a man arguing with a college-age girl. The woman had electric-blue hair and if it wasn’t for the fact that Lyra could see her roots, she would’ve thought the woman to be an amniomorphed pony.

“I’m sorry, is there a problem?” Lyra asked, trying to see if she could mediate – it was her job, after all.

“Oh great, another one of you fucking beasty babes or whatever you call yourselves,” the man said in a thick, guttural accented voice. Getting a better look at him, he looked like one of those assholes who thought he automatically was entitled to his way, and now that he lived here in the US, he was going to demand that whatever it was like in the old country be the same here. Given his attitude, he must’ve been some sort of bigwig back there and was a relative nothing here.

“So, you girls put out for ponies or whatever? Or do you lick each other when there’s no one else?”

“Excuse me?” the girl commented, a look of shock on her face.

“Tell you what: I’ll give you a hundred to satisfy me. At least that way you’ll know what sleeping with a human is like,” he sneered.

Lyra had to intervene; this poor girl didn’t deserve this shit. “Hey, you want to show some class, mister? Leave the girl alone.”

“Oh, do you want money, too? It’s been a while since I’ve been with two women, but I’m sure I’ve still enough stamina for the both of you,” he chuckled.

“Only thing you need to move is your fat worthless ass out of here,” Lyra told him, “or else I’ll call mall security.”

“You don’t have the right to tell me to do anything, whore,” he spat.

“You don’t have the right to call me a whore, you fucking jerk.” Lyra started looking around with the intent to flag down a store clerk. “Best get walking before I let them know what a wonderful piece of guttertrash you are.”

The man glared at her. “In my country a woman would show a man respect!”

“Well, we’re not in your country,” she told him, “and besides, I have yet to see a man here.” Meanwhile, the other girl had taken a cue from Lyra and went over to talk to a store clerk. The man, knowing he had been stymied, spat at her and walked off.

Meanwhile, the other girl came up to her. “Thanks!” she gushed, blushing. “He just came up and started accosting me!”

Lyra smiled. “Don’t worry, there are guys like that all the time on both worlds; thankfully, there are just as many nice ones, too. What’d you do to set him off?”

“I was just talking to one of the cashiers about me needing new business attire for my job interview at one of the embassies and he told me that women like me with my hair color who go to embassies are there one reason and one reason only – and that because I have ‘pony’ hair, I must be there to sleep with the ambassador!”

“Well, not that it’s my business, but why do you have pony-toned hair?”

“My parents just adopted a pony last week. Sweet little earth colt; we got him from the orphanage in Canterlot. Since we wanted him to feel at home, we all dyed our hair to make him feel like he belongs. It’s even why I applied for a position at the Equestriani Embassy, because that way I’ll be able to get whatever information I can so Mom and Dad can make little Tucker feel at home.”

Lyra sighed as her heart melted. I always knew humanity was good. “When’s your appointment?”

“Tomorrow at 1:30, why?”

“Just tell the secretary that you’ll meet with the Ambassador at that time. I’ll arrange it for you. If they ask, you can tell them Lyra said it was okay.”

The girl started laughing. “Really? That’s my name! Lyra Green.” She offered her hand.

Lyra took and shook. “Lyra Phillips. Don’t worry about HR; I’ll talk to them for you.”

“I guess you’re the head of HR? I mean, I don’t want any special treatment or anything, Ms. Phillips….”

“It’s okay, really. Your family adopted a pony, and you clearly adore him; I’m sure the Ambassador very much would appreciate that.”

“I guess. So, what’s she like? I didn’t get much info, but I hear she’s one of the first ponies to come to our Earth.”

Lyra nodded. “Trust me, seeing a pony getting a loving family? She’s going to absolutely adore you to pieces for that.”





“Mom!” Lyra bent down and her children ran into her arms. They recognized her, which she was afraid they wouldn’t.

Coming up to her, Paul smiled. “I told you they would know who you are, hon.”

She began to choke up. “I know, but I’ve lost so much,” she said softly. “I didn’t want to lose the most important parts of my life.”

Colby looked at his mother and wiped her eyes. “Mom, Dad said you’re not gonna be a pony anymore. Really?”

His twin sister, Orchid, looked at him. “Mommy’s always a pony! We’re ponies too!”

“Ponies!” Ovie parroted, still too young to completely understand what was going on.

“Sorry, Lyra, I tried to explain, but I don’t think they quite got the gist.” Paul’s parents David and Joan approached, looking at her with surprise. “I didn’t think it was true, but….” Joan went over and hugged her daughter-in-law. “I’m sorry for what happened.”

“I’ll manage,” she lied. “It’s going to take some adjusting to, but I’ll manage.”

David, meanwhile, elbowed his son. “So, what’d the doctor say?”

“Lyra’s biologically twenty-seven now,” Paul replied with a bit of embarrassment for his wife’s sake. “The doctors aren’t completely sure, but she regressed about three decades in age.”

The older man looked perplexed. “How is that even possible?”

“Not sure, but magic, I presume. There’s already been a major case with a mare around Lyra’s age – Sunshine Glimmer or something, didn’t completely catch the name – who it occurred to recently as well.”

“I see.” David shrugged; the only answer he could give. “All the better for you, then – first you land yourself a hot older woman, and now this sweet young thing. My son, the stud.”

Paul rolled his eyes. “Dad….”

“Oh hush, David,” Joan chided him. “Keep your mouth shut for Lyra’s sake!” She then turned back to Lyra. “Dear, if there’s anything you need, you know you only have to ask.”

“Thanks, Joan,” Lyra said, softly. “Right now, I’m just adjusting to everything and losing my songs.”

“Losing your songs?”

“With unicorns…and I suspect to some degree with the other subspecies,” Lyra explained, “we have our heartsong and our lifesong, a sort of musical ‘hum’ that we can hear if we really focus. The heartsong tends from what makes us our tribe; I could always feel the song in my horn. And our lifesong…that comes from our cutie marks. And now, I can’t feel either. I feel so empty….” She looked at her family and there were tears in her eyes. “I feel…I feel fake.”

Joan hugged her once more. “No, you’re not. You’re a beautiful young woman, Lyra.”

“I don’t want to be a woman! I’m a mare! I was born a pony, and now it’s all gone!” Lyra broke down in tears, and instinctively her three children went and hugged her legs while Paul looked on helplessly.

Slipping into rabbi mode, David said, “There…is an inner connection between music and the spirit, and when language aspires to the transcendent and the soul longs to break free of the bounds of the earth, it becomes song. Bennett once said music is a language which the soul alone understands but cannot translate. Richter referred to it as the poetry of air. Tolstoy called it the shorthand of emotion and Goeth said it is one of the foremost means to work upon man with the effect of marvel. Words may be the language of the mind, but music....” He chuckled. “Music, my dear, is the language of the soul.”

Lyra looked at her father-in-law with uncertainty, wondering if that had been intended just for her.

“Well, it was that or my sermon on soccer. I thought the former one would be better.”


Dinner that night went okay. The family had a cookout, and Lyra tried a steak for the first time, feeling guilty that it tasted so wonderful but assured that it was USDA Certified Nonsapient. Still, she felt more than a bit guilty; after all, she knew the minotaur cow that was Minos’ ambassador to the US; and the steak just served to remind her why AE cattle refused to travel to Human-Earth despite there being no prohibition. She knew it was a long-term issue she was going to have to work on, both for herself as a woman now and for her fellow Equstriani citizens, but right now it was just a mess.

After dinner was movie time, featuring one she’d been meaning to watch for the longest time: Fantasia Unbound, the 2033 sequel to the first two Disney films. This time they tapped into most of the music of both realities, and it was during the “Dance of the Worlds” sequence, where a soft, elegant melody played on strings while a menagerie of goofy-looking animals pretended to be the planets and satellites of the human realm, where Lyra broke again. Her kids didn’t notice, too wrapped up in the scene of a whale representing the Sun shouting at a hyper, coffee-addicted Mercury (portrayed by a rambunctious kid cheetah), but the adults did.

Paul pulled her close and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“That…that’s my song. Dance of the Alicorns,” she said in a near-whisper. “I wrote it after I first met Bonnie, because she meant so much to me that I felt she was my very own alicorn. I…I didn’t authorize this!” 

“You sure?”

She nodded. “My agent must have. But I didn’t tell Songsheet that he could use this song!” A low whimper came from the woman, and Paul brought her closer as she silently wept into his shirt. “Now I’ve lost that, too.”

“You didn’t lose it,” he whispered back. “It’s yours. Nothing’s ever going to change that.”

“That was then,” she said mournfully. “I wrote it when I still had her, before we had ever met. And now I’ve lost her to hatred and the song to a corporation. And I’ve even lost myself. What else will I lose?”





She sat on the chair by the window, bathed in moonlight, the soft silvery rays reflecting off her pale skin. Tonight had been another useless night and she was starting to worry that Paul was suspecting something. After all, while they had always been a very active couple, tonight she’d gone until she’d wiped him out and then begged for more. He fell asleep and she felt unsatisfied. And now she was frustrated.

Before, she’d always felt like bliss whenever they made love, like they were literally meant to be together. She’d once read a bizarre interview where a unicorn mare had described sex with men in some ersatz IKEAesque way which implied that she thought it was just like it was meant to be. And Lyra, back then, could hardly fault the point, even if she thought the presentation was stupid. And if she had to admit to her own strange metaphors, there was the time she dreamed she was a plush doll, with a hole made just for him.

But now she had a hole that was meant for any man, not just her husband’s.

It reminded her how hollow she was now, especially, when her father-in-law unintentionally reminded her of that. Oh, sure, she knew he didn’t mean that; he was family and as a man of the cloth, he could never be so callous. But his words reminded her of the hatred her parents had given her because she chased her heart and not the cashflow, turning down the hoof of a noblestallion just to move to Ponyville and be with Bon-Bon. Years later, Harper had told her that they’d never meant that, though to this day she wasn’t sure if he’d lied just for her sake. Still, that had dredged up so much, and now she was feeling every bit of how much stronger stronger the emotions within the human body than within her pony one.

She wanted to turn back time and have Sunset volunteer to do the horn crash.
And yet, she knew if she could actually do that, she would still volunteer, because lives were in the balance.

She was a recipient of the Eclipse Medal and a royal heroine, so much so that Luna had confided that a few nobleponies recommended she be advanced to palatine, a rare title in the Equestriani heraldry which lay just under the aegis of the royal family. And that was already on top of her expansive list of accomplishments and accolades, something she could never have imagined the day before Rarity’s newborn foal had been taken from Equestria.

When she was first made a viscountess, she had been over the moon, because of the change in fortunes it meant for her and Bonnie. Now, she didn’t think herself worthy of it, because she was a fake.

A shell.

Big ol’ Goddamn nothingburger, as DJ liked to say.

She slipped on her panties, then some shorts and a t-shirt and went downstairs. One of them deserved to get some sleep, and it might as well be the real human.

She went into the basement, where she kept her musical instruments and Paul his model collection. She made such a racket that she’d set a stasis spell on the glass case where all the models were, and it bothered her that when the spell wore off, she was going to have to have somepony else take care of it, a simple casting she could’ve once dealt with.

She picked up one of her guitars, a Fender American Professional Stratocaster, Paul Weller Edition that had been a gift from the Spanish ambassador from five years ago, Fernando Luiz Fuehorbe. He’d hit on her mercilessly, much to Paul’s irritation, but had admitted it was all in good fun and had in a sort of penance had gifted her with the then most-expensive model of electric guitar at the time.

It made her wonder: had she been human at the time, would he have given up? Fernando had been single for a reason, and his chief of staff had confided that he’d bedded (or at least tried to) every single woman who worked for the Spanish Embassy at the time and a few married ones. She loved her husband too much to consider that and she had never been attracted to Fernando. But there was always that nagging doubt. Her relationship with Paul started because of her infidelity, never mind that she didn’t know that Bon-Bon had signed the divorce papers that weekend so long ago. She hadn’t been faithful, and though she had since, there was always that nagging doubt.

Would Fernando have whittled down her resistance until she gave in?

And so she played.

“Day by day, your world fades away
Waiting to feel all the dreams that say
Golden rain will bring you riches
All the good things you deserve now”

She stopped on a sour note and tears struck the body of the guitar. She threw the guitar down, not knowing what the answer would be, and she hated herself for it. Was she only with Paul because of the way he made her feel as a mare? Was that all to their two decades together and thirteen years of marriage? Was that it?

Would he leave her because she no longer had a tail and horn or green fur?

Would she grow disenchanted with him and have a meaningless affair just because she wanted to feel the illusion of being alive and meaning something?

She didn’t know the answer. She didn’t have a clue.

And finally, as Paul came down at six in the morning to see her in the shape she was in, she realized she didn’t have any sleep, either.





“C’mon, Ambassador! Time to rise and shine, get up and see the world!” She woke up from the gentle gesture and realized she’d fallen asleep in the car during the trip. The lights of the underground parking lot stabbed at her eyes and she felt sick. But here she was at the Equestriani Embassy complex, the location that took up the majority of the block surrounded by I, J, 17th and 18th streets in the Northwestern Quarter of Washington DC. Her office, in fact, overlooked Farragut Square, and she often liked to go down to the park and jam on her guitar or lyre with some of the buskers, just to further pony-human relations. She couldn’t do that anymore.

“Thanks, Thaddeus,” she groaned, reminding herself of another thing she’d lost. During her convalescence, her driver Terry had a heart attack; though he survived, the doctor insisted on immediate retirement. Wing had made sure he received a full retirement package, the kind that would set him up for life. Plus, he came to see her while she was laid up, telling her she was the best boss he’d ever had and that she needed to take care of herself more than ever. She promised to come visit him once he settled down in Phoenix, and while she wanted to, she didn’t know if she would have the time.

Still, he hadn’t left her abandoned; Terry had trained his nephew Thaddeus for the particulars of the job, and Thaddeus did them to the letter, acting like a mini-Terry. Still, it wasn’t the same. She would have to adjust…like so many other things in her life.

She struggled to bend over and pick up the papers before she realized she probably had her seatbelt on before remembering that limousines do not have seatbelts, at least not in the rear cabin. Am I that wiped?

“C’mon, Ambassador, doncha worry about that!” he told her in that bassy voice of his as he adjusted his turtleshell glasses. “I’ll get this stuff up to your office in a jiffy,” he insisted, signaling to one of the various REA personnel that provided security at the Embassy to give him a hand. “You just get to your office and save the world, okay?”

Despite everything, she laughed. “Okay, okay, I’m getting going,” she said, grabbing her briefcase, and walking towards the elevator, feeling like a girl on her first day at school. “I’ll see you guys up there.”

“Don’t worry, your grace, we’ll take care of this,” the REA sergeant told her, and she smiled. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad, after all.


As she got to the main lobby, she was greeted by a great number of the Embassy staff, who had come to give her a standing ovation. Signs reading OUR FAVORITE MARE! and BEST UNICORN EVER! were held high, as the presence of a couple dozen ponies and humans made her blush.

Wing approached her, giving her a hug. “Welcome back, Ambassador,” she said warmly.

“Thanks,” she said, then looking at all her staff, feeling more than a little choked up by the attention. “Thank you all. I know I look a little…well, a lot different now, but you’ve seen me like this before and I’m still the same mare—” Liar! “—that I’ve always been. And you know I’ll always be here for you all just as you all have been for me. Thank you all, seriously.” She could feel tears in her eyes, and for a change, they were happy ones. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“You know, I’ve heard ‘thanks’ usually works.” She turned and was given a bouquet of roses from REA Maj. Genevieve Groundstrike, the Embassy’s military liaison as well as the commander of the detachment in charge of protecting the Embassy. As an Equestriani gryphoness who chose to serve in the army vice the air force, she and Lyra got along well and she was considered “one of the mares” in the building. Her friendship with Genni also stemmed from the fact that her boyfriend was a human attorney working for the Center of Public Integrity, a governmental non-profit that was leasing the one building on the block that the Embassy owned but did not use.

“Hi, Genni. How goes?”

“Missed ya, Lyra!” the major said with a hug. “Wow, you’ve grown a little.”

Lyra laughed. “Can’t be helped. How’s Craig?”

“You just missed him. He was in here a few minutes ago to pester Cloudswirl to ask the Guild again about the final development for non-pony genderstones.”

“And?”

“Well, given how screwed-up gryphon DNA is? Quadriploid vice human diploid? They told us that gryphon genderstones might have to be modified to keep me in human form for the full fifteen months of pregnancy. It also means that we’re far more likely to have boys instead of girls.”

“Sorry to hear that.” She knew that Genni wanted chicks as well as cubs, but the strange nature of gryphons was that they laid eggs for female young, but gave live birth to male young. Most species thought that was incredibly odd, but then again, the majority of species on Alter-Earth reproduced by live birth, with few by egg…and none by the gryphons’ method, save themselves.

“Anyway, Lyra, if you have a moment, we need to talk.”

“Sure, I have no idea what’s on my schedule right now,” Lyra said, as she waved again to the staff that had showed up and walked towards the elevators. “Wing?”

“I took all the hard stuff today, save for the two appointments you insisted on. I figured you’d want to catch back up with work since you’ve been out for a bit.”

“Thanks.” The trio talked about their weekends, and Lyra felt a bit of jealousy; from Genni’s conversation, she and Craig were really looking forward to tying the knot, and he was looking to take the bar exam in Equestria, so that when she had to be reassigned back to another REA command, they could get married and live there with no issues. As for Wing, she was still depressed that she didn’t have a coltfriend and was wondering if she should chase human males, given that she promised her mother she would have a nice colt and filly for her to spoil.

As much as Lyra tried to keep it from her face, each of the words she’d heard was just another knife wound. Genni might end up human for fifteen months, but unless something drastically went wrong, she would end up going back to who she was. Wing, assuming she even hooked up with a guy, would only have to worry about a genderstone if she wanted children. Both of them would never understand what Lyra was going through and each of their words were like burning little needles, each unintentionally placed for maximum pain.

Finally, they arrived at her office, waving hi to Lyra’s secretary, who stared at her boss with utter shock, before going in. “You guys didn’t tell Kurt, did you?”

“Lyra, he just got over his divorce and his boss went from attractive older pony to younger centerfold human. Trust me, we didn’t want to clean up the drool,” Wing said as she gestured to the coffee table where Lyra usually met with foreign dignitaries.

As they sat down, Genni looked at Wing. “You want to be the one to tell her you screwed up or should I?”

Wing sighed. “Yeah, thanks for having my back there, Gen. Anything else you’d like to poke me in the flank for?”

Lyra looked at the two as they bickered. “Okay girls, what are you two not telling me?”

“Lyra, after your incident and all that happened…Celestia declared war, and the NATO nations are now at war with the Changeling Empire. If you hadn’t noticed, I’m in ACUs instead of my Class As, and I’m also carrying a pistol.” Lyra looked at the gryphoness, confirming that. A second later, she realized that the REA sergeant who had been in the garage was also in full battle attire and carrying a rifle, not just Class As and a pistol as per normal procedure.

“There’s more to it, though,” Genni continued. “In light of what happened in Singapore several months ago, Celestia doesn’t want anything like that to happen again. So…per her orders, we’ve doubled the guard here at the Embassy, and have stationed an additional detachment over at Myers-Henderson and we now have an REG detachment as well, assigned to protect you, Paul and the kids, as well as a DSS liaison.”

“So, we’re getting security?”

“Round the clock,” Genni told her. “The Department of State is in talks to change your neighborhood into a gated community, but in the meanwhile, you’ll have a guardhouse set up by the front gate to your house.”

“No.” Lyra’s answer was firm.

“Lyra, I have two at my place as well,” Wing told her. “Wish they were stallions, but I do have two of them.”

“No. I want my children to have a normal life. I want to have a normal li—”

“I’m sorry, your grace, but you don’t get a choice,” Genni said in a stern tone. “You nearly died saving the city. You are the first being in well, ever, as far as we know, who has changed species involuntarily and cannot change back. And I need not talk about your beyond impressive resume of, well, everything. If you wanted normal, you lost that chance a long time ago.”

“I don’t like your tone, Major,” Lyra hissed, hurt at her friend’s insensitivity.

“Are you two done acting like stallions in a ‘who’s more dudebrony than thou’ contest?” Wing snapped. “Seriously! Genni, think about it from Lyra’s perspective: she just recovered from what happened to her and now this is being foisted on her. And Lyra, we don’t have a choice – this was Celestia’s order, so don’t get on Genni’s case for something she’s required to do. Do you think she would just do that to you?”

At her admonishment, both sighed. “Sorry,” both blurted at the same time.

Genni was the first to speak afterwards. “I know this is hard for you, Lyra, and I’m sorry. But ponies I know were killed in the battle in Canterlot. You were nearly killed in Canterlot! I’m a soldier, and this is my job – keeping our fellow Equestriani safe. How can I do that if I can’t even keep my ambassador safe?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Lyra threw up her hands in frustration. “Sorry, I…look, I need to call Paul and let him know.”

Wing rose from her chair. “That’s a good enough reason as any for us to step out and get back to work.”

Genni rose as well. “Yeah, I need to review the security protocols with DSS and our head REG agent.” She then turned back to Lyra as the latter rose. “I’ll ask Agent Turquoise Beam to come by later and brief you on your new security team.”

The human woman nodded. “And Genni….”

The gryphoness waved it off. “We were both wrong. It happens.” Both of them then left, leaving Lyra and her own feelings alone in the spacious office that she’d occupied for so long. An office filled with reminders of happier times and precious moments, like the piano on the far side, which was a gift from the Zebrababwean ambassador; or the coffee table, which had been a gift from Cadance herself. Pictures of places around Equestria, which had been chosen by Bon-Bon. A golden lyre which had been a gift from Twilight. And so many other things.

All for a mare that no longer existed.
All inherited by a woman without a true past.

She forced the thoughts away from her mind and went over to her desk…which was decidedly too short for her now. The gorgeous crystalwood desk, hewn by artisans in Empire City, was made for a pony, for something she no longer was. Her Aeron chair, a masterpiece of human furniture technology, was not one of the human A, B, or C sizes, but instead M, made for a mare, and allowing the user to sit both bipedally and traditionally; as a result, it had a tail slot included as well.

She grabbed her phone and dialed her secretary. “Kurt.”

“Yes, honeybuns?”

She sighed; she was really going to have to talk to him about professionalism; yes, they used to joke in the past, but that was that now…the past. “I…this is a pony-sized desk now. I’m going to need a new one.”

“Ah, about that – the Ministry says a new one is on order, but won’t arrive until next week.”

“Okay. Can you get a human desk from storage and have that and an Aeron A sent up in the meanwhile?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get your tush covered, cutie.”

She hung up and sighed. It’s too early in the morning for this shit, seriously.





Hours later, the coffee table was covered in paperwork Lyra studiosly looked over while ignoring the team of ponies stronghoofing her old desk out of the room. A second group brought in a typical plastic desk from downstairs that would serve as her temporary bureau until the new one arrived from Equestria; it was ugly as hell but it would do the job.

The phone on the coffee table chimed and Lyra hit the glowing button. “What’s up, Kurt?”

“Your 12 o’ clock is here, Ambassador. Also, the Chinese place called and said they’re running late today and won’t be here until a little after 1.”

She laughed; Asian Blossom had some of the best Chinese food in town – but far be it for them to deliver on time. “That’s fine. Can you have the Uzbekistani ambassador meet me in the side conference room? My office is a little tied up at the moment.”

“Will do.” He then hung up, leaving Lyra to pick up the paperwork, stacking it neatly before walking over to the closet and grabbing her blazer, barely hanging above the floor. She was going to have to have the closet remodeled for human size, now that she was much taller. Then there was the matter of all her clothing in there that would need to be donated, the various articles of attire that all seemed to lie there with a silent taunt: YOU’RE NO PONY.

She turned away, practically ripping the coat off the hanger and stormed out of her office to confused stares.


She walked down the hall, slipping on her coat before she ran into Kurt, who was looking at her oddly again. She would really have to have a talk with him about the change in situation; the gaze he had on his face reminded her of the time that she and Paul watched some old movie, a frat comedy that had a dream sequence where a girl walked forward with a “come hither” and completely undressed before kissing the actor. Seeing the look on her husband’s face made her mildly jealous, but she had been a mare back then. Now? It utterly unnerved her.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said softly, though her eyes held a cool gaze.

“Uh, Lyra?” he asked, confused.

“I am not an object. I wasn’t one when I was a mare and I’m not one now. Get that straight.” She didn’t say anything further and walked past him, forcing an even look on her face. She would have used the meditation that Cadance had taught her when she was a filly, but there wasn’t time. She took one last breath, and then strolled into the room, confident, in control and ready to d—


“YOU!”


Lyra looked at the person who had shouted. It was the fat, rude man from earlier. He was seated on the other side of the table, with several other people, and all of them had the same glare in their eyes – that same one that Kurt had. That she was nothing more than an object. That infuriated her all the more.

“I said I wanted to speak to the Ambassador,” the man spoke, “not her designated whore. And if she is too afraid to show her little animal face, tell her Rustam Karamatov does not deal with things that are little more than pets.”

“I am the Ambassador of Equestria, Lyra Heartstrings-Phillips, Viscountess Morgan,” Lyra spoke, trying to keep her calm. “And I presume you’re the Uzbekistani ambassador?”

The man laughed. “You? You’re the horse ambassador? They can’t even manage to get one of their own kind? This is more pathetic than I expected. I will depart and tell my government we have no time to play with Candyland countries.” He looked at his people. “Come, let us go do something worthier of our time, like go drinking.” The others in the room, all men, laughed.

The rest of her staff walked in, just as the others were getting ready to leave. “Well, you are welcome to leave, if you want to prove just how worthless of a diplomat you are,” Lyra responded cattily, much to her staffers’ surprise.

“I told you, in my country women respect men,” Karamatov snarled.

“And I told you: I have yet to see a man here,” she replied, her eyes narrowing, feeling an ember burning within her.

He pointed at her. “You talk like that again and I will show you how a man treats an impudent—” His eyes widened and he started to back off. A split second later, so did his staff.

So did hers. “Ambassador?” a mare squeaked as her staff started to back away.

The reason for it was Lyra. Her face was contorted in a mask of anger and her eyes bled golden power. “YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN,” she intoned, her tone bordering on the Royal Canterlot Voice, “BUT ALL YOU ARE IS A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. YOUR COUNTRY REQUESTED AID FROM US BUT INSTEAD OF TREATING US LIKE EQUALS, YOU SLANDER US LIKE BEASTS. YET IT IS YOU THAT ACT NO BETTER!”

Hearing the commotion, Wing rushed into the room. “LYRA!”

But the woman was too far gone to hear. She slammed her fist on the table, shattering half of it. “GET OUT OF MY BUILDING!” the former unicorn roared, and the other diplomats didn’t waste time, running out of the room as if their lives depended on it. The moment they did, Lyra started to shiver.

Wing rushed up to her. “Lyra?”

The woman screamed.

The room filled with incredible power.


A second later, every window on the fifth floor of Building A of the Royal Equestriani Embassy, Washington exploded outward, thrown out by blaze of solar-hued force.
> How to Piss Off Your Sister, Step Two
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robin’s footsteps echoed down the hall as he departed the newly-built portal room. A secured area within the palace, it contained a master portal through which anyone could go to any of the portals on Human-Earth. And right now, Robin was returning from an uncomfortable two days back in Seattle, having had to deal with more paperwork concerning his impending retirement from the CEO and chairman position at Kirkland Industries in favor of his sister, Zoe. Investors were not taking it well, and he’d had to console them…leaving his fiancée to stew in her own juices for the past two days.

As he tugged off his tie, harried hoofsteps came from behind him; he turned to see his royal assistant, a seemingly perpetually-frazzled earth mare by the name of Buzybee, running to catch up to him, leaving a paper trail of documents scattering behind her like leaves in an autumn wind. “Lord Robin! Lord Robin!” she called out, her silver-rimmed eyeglasses barely holding onto her muzzle for dear life.

“Bee, are you okay?” he asked, watching as she practically plopped on the ground, her black and white mane a mess while her honey-yellow coat looked as though it hadn’t been combed in days. Granted, she always looked like she was one step away from a meltdown, but Raven had assured him that there was none better when it came to working with humans than Bee.

“I’ve been practically chasing you all over both Earths, sir!” she moaned. “But if it wasn’t your secretaries at your business, or the security guards at your home, then it was personnel at the consulate!” She gasped and tried to take deep breaths, attempting to calm herself down. “I think I’ve logged enough flight hours on Pegasus Pride Airlines to get a free first-class ticket to Hoofalulu!”

Robin looked at her oddly. “Don’t you have portal authorization, Bee?”

She was about to say something, then her jaw fell agape before she facehoofed. “All that money on my credit card. The expense account manager’s going to kill me….”

He waved it off. “Just give me the documents and I’ll authorize them. Now what’s got you in such a panic that you had to follow me instead of calling?”

Buzybee said nothing, instead handing a scroll to Robin. The man took the scroll, opened it and read.

A second later, Buzybee watched as the future prince-to-be raced down the hall at top speed. She sighed, set her glasses back on her muzzle once more and began the chase – her job was never done.





In her office, Luna sat in conversation with her niece – although conversation was a relative term.

“I said no, and I mean no!” Luna growled, trying to keep calm. It wasn’t Cadance’s fault. Well, not entirely.

“Luna, be reasonable, okay?” the younger alicorn stated. “At least you have a chance to ease your daughter into public life! Remember what they’re saying about my son! ‘Cadance Adopts Abomination’! That is a horrifying thing to say about a newborn!”

“At least your son doesn’t have an assassin hunting after him!” Luna countered. “And with that in mind, I have no idea why you agreed to be Celestia’s delivery filly!”

“That’s not fair! I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I didn’t think it was a good idea—”

“NOPONY ASKED ME!” Luna roared, tears in her eyes. “Nopony asked me or Robin! It’s our daughter we’re talking about! I will not have her thrown to the timberwolves just because Tia wants her to be publicized! Furthermore, it is not fair of her to make you be her hatchetmare!”

Cadance took a breath. “I’m not doing this for Celestia’s sake! I’m doing this because I want Sterling to have a better adjustment to being announced as a princess than I did! You weren’t here for everything I had to go through! Just ask Tia, or any of my friends! They saw the Tartarus I went through, and I don’t want that to happen to your daughter!”

“Cadance, I—”

“I know you’re worried. We all are. I’m worried about her too – and I have other worries to be concerned with. Wing just told me that Lyra intends to go into work tomorrow, and from what she told me, they’re worried about her mental state.”

“Mental state?”

“She’s permanently changed species – if that doesn’t do anything to one’s mindset, I don’t know what does. And as long as I’ve known that filly, she’s always been happy-go-lucky…but this is the kind of thing that rips that kind of Tirek-may-care attitude right out of a soul.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s with her family, and she has friends there.”

“I know, but I’ve been a de facto big sister to her, Twily, Vi and Octavia – I worry a lot about them. And that goes for Sterling and Dawn as well.”

Luna rubbed her head; she could feel a migraine coming on. “I guess I have to talk to my sister again, don’t I?”

At that point, Robin opened the door to Luna’s office and he looked as though he was out of breath. “We probably need a second portal room so I don’t have to sprint the length of the palace,” he gasped.

“Looks like you two need some time together to discuss this,” Cadance commented, rising from her seat. “Besides, I need to check in on my son. He’s already a hoofful, and I’m sure he has his foalsitters at wit’s end at this point.” Nodding briefly to Robin, she then left the room.


Robin walked up to his fiancée, who at this moment sat at the coffee table, looking utterly disconsolate. “I’m back,” he said softly.

She nodded, taking a drink from a now-cold cup of tea before sighing. “I’m an immortal goddess who’s lived thousands of years. I control the night itself, and aid my ponies in dreams. I am second-to-rule of a vast empire, sprawling over most of the continent, and we are this world’s preeminent power.” She then looked at him, and there were tears in her eyes. “Then why do I feel so helpless?”

“Luna, I…I’m not sure what to say.”

She chuckled as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “A millennium-plus ago, I could have just hunted down the varlets themselves and none would have gainsayed otherwise; in fact, they would have stated that it was my holy right to do so. But now, there’s investigations, interrogations, discussions with allies. And that’s even before the arrests and trial. And all the while, our daughter is still in danger at all times.” She shook her head. “There’s no fairness in this world, is there? All there is are just hollow speeches about how justice will be done and how a young girl should not be made a target,” the night alicorn hissed. “And meanwhile, our daughter has to live like a pariah rather than the princess that she is!”

“Except Sterling doesn’t even want that,” Robin reminded her as he approached. “She’s not comfortable with the role yet. For that matter, neither am I. Give her time. ”

“All the time in the world for both of you, you know that,” she said, nuzzling him the moment he got next to her. “I love you both, and I want the best for both of you. It’s just hard, having to rely on others to prosecute this.”

“That’s the way it’s been for the longest time on Earth,” Robin pointed out. “Hell, as I understand it, that’s how it’s been here in Equestria, how your sister set it up.”

“I know, and I agree as a princess,” she said, sighing. “But as a mother….”

He took her head in his hands and kissed her. “As a mother, there is none better, Luna. You love our daughter and she knows that. And we know you would do anything to keep her safe, including the hardest thing of all – trusting others to do so.”

She chuckled. “And you say you’re not prince material.”

“Hey, I was head of a transnational corporation for fifteen years. Had to learn a few things.” A thought then came to him. “So where is Sterling?”

“In Ponyville – Dawn wanted to show her around. Apparently those two have grown very close. It’s going to be a shame to separate them when school starts up in the fall.”

“I might have an idea on that,” he confessed. “We’ll have to talk to Twilight about it, but given her concerns, I think I can convince her.”

“Oh? Twilight’s quite the negotiator, you know. We’ve had her deal with some countries before and she had them eating out of her hoof by the time it was all over.”

“Trust me, I have everything under control. If I can deal with the CEO of the Orpora Group, I can deal with Twilight.” He grinned. “And, unlike Dieter Luden, she’s not likely to be intentionally insulting.”

“Well, then, I trust you.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Now, in the meanwhile, I need to look at this report. There’s some concerns about gang infighting in some of the major cities involving a Communist group.”

He looked at her oddly. “A Communist group?”

She nodded, levitating a sizeable report. “One of the REAL agents wrote up an analysis the whole thing. It’s fascinating reading, and by that I mean trite and dull. Maybe I should have some people who survived through the lifetime of the fall of the Soviet Union come tour those cities?”

“I don’t know how that would help. Anyone that age was a baby or a toddler at oldest when the USSR fell. As it is, I only know about it through history books.” He looked again at the report in Luna’s magic field. “Given that Equestria is shifting to a war footing, I hope this is all just overblown. Trust me, internal unrest is something you really don’t need right now.”

“That won’t happen. After the War of the Elements, ponydom has gotten internal unrest out of its collective system, thankfully.”





At the same time as that meeting was going on, a second was taking place in a secluded villa in the town of Horseshoe Mountain. It was an open secret that the mansion there belonged to the Crown, but nopony gave a thought to it. At least not until the day that a full security contingent appeared out of nowhere, cordoning off that section of the town for an impromptu visit from Princess Celestia.

“Was this really necessary, Celestia?” Fluttershy asked as she arrived in the room where she was meeting her Sister Royal. “I could see closing the immediate streets close to the mansion, but a no-flight zone? In a pegasus-majority town?”

“I know, and I’ve discussed that with Quick Draw,” Celestia told her. “But she’s adamant about protection given the Preacher’s Iron bullets the HDA apparently now have. In any case, we’re not here to talk about that.”

“Yes, I gathered that. My secretary briefed me on it this morning. The question is, why me?”

“Because I trust you, Fluttershy.”

The butter-yellow mare gave the alicorn a disbelieving stare. “No, I think you’re confusing me with my Element, Celestia. Now would you tell me the real reason?”

The older mare just shook her head and chuckled. “Sometimes I still think of you as when we first met.”

“I know, but I grew up – even though I’m now the same physical age as my daughter. But Kindness isn’t just platitudes and sobriquets. Sometimes it’s telling people the hard truth. Tough love, to use the human phrase.”

“I see.” Celestia took a sip of her tea before continuing. “Luna is bound and determined to shield Sterling and Robin from their royal lives, but with their information now public, we cannot afford that anymore. I know why she’s doing it – if I had threats made against Twilight or Cadance at that age I would have done the same – but we didn’t have the factors in play that we do now.”

“Such as?”

In response, Celestia conjured a magiscreen. An image flickered on it, and Fluttershy gasped. “The British National Crime Agency arrested the man in Cardiff that made this. He said he had to pay a lot of money to find a girl that looked like Sterling that was willing to do this on-screen for pay, and even then, he had to use digital enhancement to make sure it completely looked like her.” The alicorn banished the image away. “At least this girl is alive. We can’t say that about the one in New Zealand.”

A flicker of anger appeared in Fluttershy’s eyes. “But Sterling’s just a filly!”

“Yes. But you know Luna won’t see it that way.”

“You might be surprised,” Fluttershy told her. “Luna’s far more cosmopolitan than you give her credit for. I know she had a hard time adjusting when we all first met, but that was nearly a half-century ago! Times have changed and so have we. Please don’t be offended when I say this, but I think Luna’s far more comfortable in modern society now than you are.”

“I know, and I’m not offended. And you’re not the first to tell me that. Twilight and Rarity have made the same observations.”

“Then you should realize this might be Luna’s way of saying that the reason she doesn’t want them involved in this is because she may not want this life either. Maybe she’s telling you that when she wants to keep Robin and Sterling separate from royal duties, it’s because she wants to be as well? Have you ever seen her in Ponyville?”

Celestia looked at Fluttershy oddly. “No, I haven’t.”

“Since the first Nightmare Night, to the citizens of Ponyville, Luna is just…well, Luna. She’s not seen as a princess or even an alicorn, but rather just as yet another mare in town, barely different from the rest.” A weary smile came onto the pegasus’ face. “If you ask me, I think she’s rather enamored about the whole democratic process, mainly because if we were one, she wouldn’t have to be on a perpetual pedestal. Plus, her husband and daughter come from the most significant democracy on Human-Earth. Here, we have what? Donkonia and Polara, as well as their breakaway state Sibearia, none of which are particularly good examples of the concept, as I understand it.”

“Yes, I am aware that democracy didn’t plant itself as well here as it did on Human-Earth. I must admit, that’s rather ironic.”

“You’re changing the subject. Have you really talked to her about this?”

“No, I have not,” the white mare admitted. “I don’t want to lose her again, Fluttershy. A thousand years was too long, and I have suffered as much as she has. And now, the filly that I always thought would never have a normal life is yearning for one – and I don’t know what to do.”

Fluttershy smiled. “Perhaps you should take a page from Rainbow’s notebook: when you don’t know what to do, make it up. We all understand that this is a delicate situation. But as you said, Sterling’s information is now public, whether Luna wants that or not. And you’re suggesting that the best way to regain control of the situation is to change the narrative. So talk it over with her and Robin. Let her know this is what is best for Sterling, not because you think it is, but because the situation has dictated it. I’m sure she’ll be reasonable about it if you bring it up under those circumstances.”

“I will. Thank you, Fluttershy.”

“You’re welcome. Now let’s leave this place, so I can go tear Quick Draw a new one. She’s gotten out of hoof and somepony has to talk to her about it.”

“Be nice – she’s only doing her job.”

“That’s the thing about being the Knight of Kindness. I have to be kind. I don’t have to be gentle.”





Several more days of business and urgency went by in a flash. The news of what happened to Lyra eventually became public, and Cadance immediately departed for Washington to help, taking a worried DJ along. Given that both Celestia and Luna needed to leave town “on Crown duties”, that left Blueblood in line to be acting regent…but to Celestia’s surprise, he turned it down, stating that he had a prior engagement: the need to check on a charity foundation in Australia that he and Champagne had set up for impoverished children there. Based on that, the Sun Alicorn couldn’t say no and to everypony’s surprise, had Queen Imago sit in as acting regent while everyone was gone.

As Celestia mused on her decision, she could see the newspaper headlines now: CELESTIA GONE MAD? HANDS KEYS TO GOVERNMENT TO CHANGELING QUEEN! Of course, that wasn’t even remotely fair to Imago; the young flutter queen had done more in her short time appearing to the public than most of the minor royals still within Canterlot. Yet, she knew the reason for that was jealousy. That, and fear. Hopefully that would pass in time. Like so many of the royals junior to her, Celestia would just have to—

“Ow!” She looked down and saw that her finger was bleeding.

Sam looked up from outside. “You okay, hon?” he called out.

“Yeah, just cut myself on a knife.” She held her finger up, and sure enough, the cut had vanished. “Fine now, though.”

Sam opened the door to the backyard, walking over to get the items ready to be barbecued. “Hope so. Secret ingredients typically do not count alicorn blood amongst them.”

She grinned. “Don’t worry, I was careful.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Your mind was occupied, and even you can’t focus on multiple things at once. You’re an alicorn – not a computer.”

“Guilty as charged. Would you believe me if I told you I was distracted because I was thinking of you and got hot under the collar?”

“If I did, would we be making dinner for everyone here?”

“And I can’t thank you enough for suggesting we do it here at your place in Hawaii,” she said, briefly leaning her head on his shoulder. “Good thinking that Canterlot wouldn’t be neutral ground.”

“Well, for one, you bought me this house when you hired me,” Sam reminded her, “so we might as well get some use out of it. Besides, better to do this in a more relaxing setting, and what better a setting than central Oahu?”


A second later, there was a knock at the door. Sam looked at her and said, “I’ll get it.” He walked over, opened the door and there was Robin, Luna and Sterling, all looking relaxed and in casual attire. “Hey, glad you could make it.”

The three went in and Luna looked around. “Nice place, Sam.”

“Thanks. I’ll be burning burgers and stuff in the backyard.” He turned to Sterling. “Want to help?”

“Depends on whether this is your subtle way of saying ‘let the adults talk’ or not,” she responded drily.

Sam laughed. “She reminds me way too much of my sister when she was a teenager,” he admitted.

“Probably not a good thing,” Celestia interjected. “C’mon, let’s go talk at the table. Sterling, be a dear and help him out, would you?”

Getting the hint, Sterling nodded and said, “Good, I can learn how to grill. Dad never lets me near the grill.”


As the two departed, Celestia led them toward the kitchen. “I’m surprised it doesn’t need much of a mare’s touch,” she admitted. “Maybe DJ or a previous girlfriend helped him. Really don’t know.”

“Tia, cut the crap and just get to your point,” Luna said, grabbing a chair.

Celestia, meanwhile, went over to the fridge. “Care for anything?”

“Tia….”

“Luna, you’re not the only one who pines for a normal life you know,” Celestia said, continuing to look through the fridge. She finally withdrew carrying three beer bottles. “Here, try the Psychedelic IPA. Local make.”

“Oh, I’ve had them before,” Robin said, gratefully taking the bottle. “I actually was part of a program giving the founders of Volcanic Breweries advice. Glad to see they’re doing well.”

Celestia nodded, snapping her fingers and making the bottlecaps vanish. “So, let’s be clear, everyone. After Luna’s tirade and with Director Justus throwing a very ugly reality into Maggie’s face, I wasn’t in the best of moods. I appreciate you coming to the rescue, Robin.”

“Tia, we’re family. We’re a very dysfunctional family at times, but we are family,” he said with a smile.

“That we are,” Celestia replied. “But that is supposed to be Luna’s duty.” She then turned to her sister. “And honestly, I’m disappointed in your behavior, Luna. I understand why, but you could have handled it better.”

“Don’t bother explaining again,” Luna replied testily. “You’re going to tell me how I screwed up and stormed out of an important meeting, but you have no idea what it’s like to be a mo—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Celestia warned her.

“And I will repeat it until you get it through your thick skull!” Luna told her. “I know you raised me when you were but an adolescent and I am appreciative, sister! I barely remember our mother as is! And no doubt you have been a better mother for Cady than any of Helios’ secondary wives could have been.” The Night Alicorn grumbled. “Why do we allow that barbaric practice to continue in Saddle Arabia?”

“Because it was the way they had set up their lands after their retreat from the Empire,” Celestia explained with a tone of talking to somepony who should’ve known all this already. “And the population balance of the lands back then was far worse than it is now – one stallion for nine mares back then, as opposed to one to six. It became ingrained in their culture to the point that mere couples in Saddle Arabia are seen as either a foreign concept or selfishness if they are local. You know all this, and you’re changing the subject.”

“It is something we should attend to,” Luna said. “Thankfully those on the Bitalian peninsula have been disabused of that horrid notion, even if it is commonplace on the rest of Saddle Arabia.”

“Because Bitalia was its own refuge colony for decades before the Bitalian and Saddle Arabian thrones united,” Celestia reminded her. “Luna, are you going to sit there criticizing cultures or are we going to talk about your immature departure from a meeting about Sterling’s safety?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Luna told her. “The world is far different from when I was just a filly. Far different from when Sombra demanded my hoof in marriage when I wasn’t even ten. Far different than I recall just before our…schism. And even if it wasn’t different….” Luna sighed. “My daughter was raised as a human and all she knows is human ways.”

“Yes, and a human girl was ki—”

“I KNOW!” Luna roared, and when Celestia looked up, she saw Luna’s face as one of sorrow and shame. “When Robin and I went to go meet with the parents of that other Sterling? My heart just shattered. Sterly – that was what her nickname was – was only a couple of years older than my little Starlight and yet that life was robbed, because of my own child! How could I say to those parents her child would never be able to bless them with grandchildren because she needed to be used as a proxy for my daughter? What could I say to those parents? George – the father’s name – he said there was nothing to forgive, because we weren’t at fault. He understood what I couldn’t explain. But Sterly’s mother? I could see it in Martha’s eyes – she hated me. She hated me because my Sterling lived and hers did not.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Tell that to Martha Kirkland, whose daughter wanted to be a doctor and who will never heal others because she herself could not be healed.” Luna’s eyes were Caribique pools of pain. “Tell that to the monsters who wanted to kill a child so much they grabbed an innocent girl for the crime of just sharing looks and a name with the real target!”

Celestia wrapped her wings about her sister. “I’m afraid for her, too, Lu. I worry about her as well.” Both sisters cried, letting their pain out. “Did you know she thinks I hate her because of the Tantibus?”

A tear-stained alicorn looked up to another. “What?”

“She thinks I hate her because of what happened in Malaysia. I told her that I didn’t – and I don’t – but I think she’s afraid of me still. Plus, our own personal problems have crept into my relationship with her…she’s angry at me for sealing you in the moon for a thousand years.” Celestia looked at the floor. “I have never forgiven myself for that.”

“You did what you had to in order to save our ponies, Tia,” Luna assured her. “I will talk to her about that.”

The larger alicorn nodded. “Which is the other thing I want to talk to you about, and Robin needs to be a part of this: I think it’s time we formally introduced your betrothed and daughter to our ponies.”

“What? No! No, sister, that’s a bad idea!” Luna looked at her sister. “We want her to have a normal life – you cannot have a normal life if you’re a princess!”

“Funny, I’m pretty sure Cadance would tell you that even as a princess, she had a normal life.”

“No, you told me you had specifically made her a princess, so she had known no other life other than your ward, Tia! But Sterling is different! Until she reached adolescence, she had no reason to believe she was anything other than a normal human girl!”

“A normal human girl who comes from an extremely wealthy family, thus making her the closest thing to a princess that a republic like the United States has. She has always been a princess, Luna! You’re just letting your feelings get ahead of you.”

“And why shouldn’t I? I don’t want her to be hated and reviled like I was!” Luna was frantic. “LIKE I STILL AM!”

“You’re not hated, Luna. Where did you get that idea—”

“It’s obvious! They have never loved me as much as they do you and Cadance! Twilight and the others get more respect than I do! And the only place I have ever felt at home here in Equestria is Ponyville – they at least treat me as Luna, if not as Princess Luna!” She turned away. “I don’t want that pain for Sterling or Robin. I don’t want them to see that our ponies revile and hate me.” She reached out with her magic for a tissue. “And I don’t want my family to be hated as well.”

“Luna, we’re not in Equestria right now.”

“You know what I mean! And who’s changing the subject now?”

“Fine. But I assure you, Luna, I won’t let that happen to Robin or Sterling, I promise.” Celestia looked forlorn while her sister. “They are my family as well. I would never let them, or you, come to harm.”

Robin finally spoke up. “Ladies, if I may? For one, Celestia, as Sterling’s parents, I think Luna and I have final decision in what is best for our daughter. I’m not saying that as the ruler of Equestria you don’t have that call, but I think it would be prudent to consult other royal families and see what the standard is. May I suggest contacting King Enrique?” At that, the two alicorns looked at him with embarrassment; it was an old thing between the three that had never gone away over the years. “No, I’m serious. I’ve spoken to him a number of times over the years – including telling him the story of how we met, Luna – and he actually found that amusing. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind giving advice. Besides, the real Skye and Cynthia are old enough that they might be able to offer advice as well.”

“You would bring that up, wouldn’t you?” Celestia groaned.

“Yes, I would. The other thing you both need to realize is that Sterling and I don’t work on the same timeframe as you do. You two are used to playing long chess games – games longer than most mortals live. People out there have short lifespans and short memories. A century from now, there won’t be anyone or anypony or any-insert-species-adjective-here who will remember Nightmare Moon and her impact on Luna. And I guarantee they won’t remember that we handled Sterling’s entry into public life badly. We just have to do this right.”

Robin turned to look at Luna. “I know you’re trying to protect us, Luna, and I love you for that. But I’m an adult and Sterling is growing up. And neither of us want her to grow up in a bubble; that’s how princesses – and I mean that in the pejorative sense – come about. We want our daughter to be a moral and fair member of society, and that is what society will expect of us and her. From what I get, this family already has two family members at each other’s throats; do we need to do this again?”

The reminder of DJ and Rarity got the point across; both alicorns looked at each other with chagrin. “I just want the best for all of you, Luna, you know that,” Celestia told her.

“And I love you for that, sister. But I want the best for my husband-to-be and my daughter, and maybe that’s because I missed out on so much of their lives. Surely you can appreciate that, right?”


“Good, because I’m going to do this.” The three adults turned to look at Sterling standing there with Sam behind her.

“The food’s, ah, ready,” he said sheepishly. Walking over to the kitchen to set them down, he chimed in with, “Look, maybe none of this is my business, but as someone who got a front-row seat to the whole hell that my sister’s life has been, I have to say that this girl here—” he said, gesturing to Sterling, “—deserves better than that, than to be treated like a royal pawn. Maybe you three don’t think of it that way, but I’m sure my parents didn’t think of the greater ramifications of a custody battle between them and Rarity and Silversteel.” He leaned forward on the counter and said, “Look, as a cop, I’ve seen my fair share of domestic incidents. And this one isn’t anywhere near what I’ve seen before, sure. But I’ve seen more than enough scared little kids in the course of my career, kids that were scared out of their wits because Mommy and Daddy gave so much of a care about their children in the abstract they didn’t realize what it was doing in the concrete.” He then looked at her.

She looked back at him. “Do I have to?”

“No, but trust me, as someone who’s been there: better to get it off your chest than to let it fester. That’s not good for anyone, kid.”

“Okay. Please don’t hate me,” the teen alicorn pled. “Mom, Dad, I appreciate and love that you’re looking out for me. You too, Aunt Celestia. But…isn’t this my life? Shouldn’t I be old enough to make some decisions? I know I’m just a teenager, but…I’m an alicorn. I’m not a normal teenager by any stretch of the imagination. Dad, you taught me that I should be more than just my name and our family money. And though I haven’t spent much time with Mom, I get the feeling that I understand the importance of being a princess – especially with the heavy burden she’s had to bear. That goes for Aunt Celestia as well, and I expect Cadance, too.

“I want you to think the best of me and be proud of me. But I don’t want to hide. I don’t want Dawn to be the only contact I have with the outside world – I haven’t spoken to my friend Athena in a couple of weeks now and she’s probably worried about me. And I bet that someone like Becky Carlisle is just itching to talk about me behind my back – not letting that happen. I want to be normal, but I can’t, not anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be as normal as I would like to be.

“So, before I’m grounded for the better half of infinity for saying this, please stop acting like Goddamn toddlers and let me be me? I don’t care if I’m Princess Luna II, Sterling Kirkland or the Alicorn of Languages, for fuck’s sake! But I just want to be me.”

The three adults were silent for the longest time before a whimsical grin came over Celestia’s face. “Well, clearly I’m not drunk enough today,” she commented. “What is it with teenage alicorns being impudent?”

“I guess because of that teenager part,” Luna told her, then looked at Sterling. “Well said, Starlight. We will look into what we can to make this easier for you. And I’m sorry you felt that we weren’t doing our best to do that.”

“I’ll call Enrique’s office and see if we can arrange something informal for a chat rather than a state visit. Fortunately, he’s not one to stand on ceremony,” Robin admitted. “His functionaries might treat me a little different than your office since I’m not officially a prince yet.”

“Good, glad to see this is all settled,” Sterling commented. “Anything else before we eat?”

Robin and Luna looked at each other, giving each other loving smiles until they turned to their daughter. “Yes,” they said in unison. “You’re grounded.”
> The Heart of a Panda
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Horns sounded throughout the air, a cacophony of brass that echoed throughout the Palace of Jade and Bamboo – the home of the Zhuanganese Imperial Family. Celebrations rang out throughout the whole of the capital of Si-Chuanlu, and certainly the very seat of power was no different.

“Make way, make way! The August General in Red comes through!” a page sang out in musical, tonal Zhuanganese.

Pandas scurried to and fro, laying down a fine jade carpet for the general and her retinue to walk through. And sure enough they did: all of them in battle-scarred, dented armor, walking through the palace, all known for their brilliant scarlet capes, practically fluttering in an invisible wind as they walked by. Onlookers gazed at the proud procession with surprise and awe, a spectacle to behold.

It was an opulent display: the military procession passing by indoor koi ponds and columns made of still-living bamboo shafts holding up the massive mountainous structure of jade that was the palace. The magic of the pandas was everywhere and on display in force, and yet the hardy warriors still walked on, giving none of it more than a glance, if even that.

Finally, the group came to a stop before a massive marble slab leading to the throne room, which housed the Throne of Earth, the mightiest symbol in all the land. Let the alicorns have their control of the celestial bodies, the eight-tailed emperor of Inari his touch of magic. When it came to petrithurgy and petrimancy, none stood greater than the pandas and above them all was the Emperor himself, long may his reign last.

Coming to a stop before the door, the guards there bowed in the presence of the August General in Red. “Welcome back, my lady,” the sergeant stated. “We have heard of your victories against the tiger brigands in the North.”

From what little could be seen outside the General’s helmet, came the small white flash of what must have been a grin. “Senlin Cike thought himself to be above His Imperial Majesty’s laws,” she said in calm tones. “I merely corrected his attitude.”

“No doubt it was a harsh lesson, my lady?”

She laughed. “If you dare venture to whichever one of the Nine Hells his soul is in to ask him, I’m sure he might agree,” she told him. “I have come to report to His Imperial Majesty, as well as His Imperial Highness, the Prince. The doors are sealed. Are they in session?”

“Yes,” the panda replied, “but they have given us word to allow you in at any time, my General.” He turned and snapped his digits to call for a soldier. “Let the Court Announcer know to tell the Emperor and the Prince that the August General in Red has returned victorious, and that we will open the door in five minutes.”

The soldier looked at the sergeant, then the general and her retinue, then saluted and scampered off toward the side entrance.

“My apologies, General. Even I must follow the dictates of the Throne. I trust it won’t be long.”

The General nodded. “I quite understand, Sergeant. You do your title and your family proud.”

The aged panda stood as erect as he could. “I live to serve, General.”

After a few moments more, the seamless slab split in two as if it had always been that way, and a retinue of pandas came out and bowed before her. “Please, right this way, Your Imp—” He stopped when one of her retinue glared at him and reached for his sword. “I mean, vaunted August General in Red.” He tried not to faint and instead gestured in the direction before heading out before them to lead the way, though that was merely a formality…or at least to get away with his life still intact.

The General looked at her subordinate. “That wasn’t necessary, Firefox.”

“He insulted you – I will not stand for such impudence before your presence,” the panda replied.

“It was no insult. Though I am the August General in Red, I am other things as well, Brother,” she reminded him.

He laughed. “Still, you are my sister and I told Father I would stay by your side to protect you,” he told her. “Whether as the August General in Red…or as Her Imperial Highness the Princess.” She could practically hear him grin. “Though, we both know you prefer your military title, anyway.”

“Fair enough, Captain, fair enough,” she replied lightly.

The military retinue walked through the massive throne room, which was cavernous and often doubled as a massive conference room when the Throne was not occupied. Out of the corner of their eyes, the General and Firefox noted the members of the court lined up along the walls, all sitting there with ostensibly bored looks on their faces even though the two of them knew each and every one of them was plotting and scheming.

“I wonder if the courts of Yebisu or Canterlot have these issues with their nobility?” Firefox noted.

“All courts have them. It’s just that we deal with ours, while the ponies and kitsune let theirs fester. Perhaps we should be more like Griffonica. At least they are wise enough to require a meritocracy – all nobles must have served in the army before presenting themselves to the court.”

“Sounds like wisdom to me,” Firefox admitted. “Ah, here we are.”

Finally, they came to a stop before the Throne of Earth, a massive jutting spar of unpolished jade sticking out of the earth like titanic green fang. Seated on the throne was his august imperial majesty, Emperor Hong Xiongmao. Seated at his right paw was his successor, Crown Prince Haoxue Xiongmao. Seated around and behind them were several trusted advisors and assistants, one of which both the general and her captain knew very well.

As the group bowed deeply before the Emperor, the August General in Red stood ramrod straight, delivering a crisply-rendered salute. “Sire!” she barked. “We have faced against Senlin Cike! That foul tiger thought to test our supremacy, but we put an end to his crimes!”

Hong nodded. “I have heard they were in possession of demon weapons.”

“Yes, the so-called ‘gonnes’ that come from the demon world,” the general began. “But he was still no match for our weapons, our arts and our magic! And now he and his so-called Righteous and Harmonious Claws burn in all of the Nine Hells.”

“And what of you?” Hong asked.

The general tilted her head. “Sire?”

The aged emperor looked down at them, a smile on his face. “I would see the faces of my champions.”

“Yes, sire.” The general nodded, and as one, the soldiers removed their helmets, revealing panda faces.

All but one – the August General herself.

As she removed her helmet, she revealed the face of a unicorn mare, her coat a soft shade of thistle-purple. Gentle burgundy eyes looked at him, framed by a mane of eggplant-purple, with a single shock of violet-blue, pulled into twin niújiǎotóu buns.

Hong looked at the mare with fatherly concern. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, blushing. “I am fine. I challenged him myself and dealt the fatal blow. Our villages are safe, and we have destroyed the gonnes so that they will never threaten the populace again.”

“I am glad to hear that.” He then turned to look at Firefox, looking at the fiery-hued panda. “And you?”

“I am fine, sire. It was just a minor wound and I had it taken care of. At least I lived. The archer who shot me? Not so much her.”

“And the rest of you?” Hong inquired, and the rest was responses of success, health and gratitude.

“Then on behalf of my pandas, words cannot express enough thanks for your deeds. Now go and relax for now; we will have a banquet in your honor tonight.” He then called out, “Court is now done for the evening; I would like the time to spend with my family.” At the emperor’s order, the dozens of nobles quietly ushered out of the cavernous throne room. A second later, most of the August General’s soldiers departed as well, heading off to see their families or other pursuits, leaving the emperor alone with Firefox, the General and several others.

“Lily!” Behind Hong, a thin, reedy panda with thick glasses rushed up to her. This was Crown Prince Haoxue Xiongmao, the heir to the Throne of Earth and the husband of the August General in Red. He wrapped thin forearms around her, a worried look on his face. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve worried!”

The August General relaxed, and in that sigh she ceased being one of the Legendary Five Generals of Zhuanguo and became Twilight Lily, the wife of Haoxue and Imperial Princess. “I am fine, husband,” she replied. “You know I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” he said, smiling as he adjusted his glasses. “But still, I worry about you, my love.” He then turned to Firefox. “And how’d you do?”

“Hey, there’s a reason I’m the second strongest of the Warriors in Red!” Firefox crowed. “Only one stronger than me is Sister.”

“Then I have taught both of you well,” a new voice said as a pegasus approached slowly, the rigors of age having started to kick in.

“Hello, Father,” both siblings said to their father, Chandler. His world had much changed from the day he had arrived from Equestria with a crippled, distant wife. Hubei Blossom had died in birth, leaving Chandler to raise their daughter – a non-pegasus – alone. Thankfully, he’d made friends with the then-Crown Prince, who arranged for Chandler to find a magic tutor for his daughter and a better job as a government functionary instead of a candlemaker. The latter had paid off handsomely, as Chandler had become one of the most trusted bureaucrats, becoming renowned for his fairness and honesty. In time, when Hong ascended the Throne of Earth, Chandler became his friend’s personal mandarin, in time becoming one of the most powerful officials in all of the Empire. He was also much beloved when he also adopted the son of a disgraced regional governor, and under his care, Firefox had become a panda amongst pandas and one of the most powerful warriors in the Emperor’s Army.

But it was his daughter, Twilight Lily, who had truly excelled. Overcoming the “handicap” of being a unicorn mare in a land where ponies were second-class citizens, she had thrown herself into the martial and magical arts, working her way up the ranks and performing feats of justice and chivalry that astonished even the most ardent anti-pony pandas in the realm. In time, she became the youngest of the Legendary Five Generals of the land, the first female to be appointed as the August General in Red in centuries. Even then, she proved to be every bit the equal to the August Generals of Black, White, Green and Yellow and then some.

During that time, she’d earned the heart of Haoxue, both for her bravery and her grace. He shocked all but his father when he announced his intent to marry her, and though there were vociferous protests from the nobility – why would the prince take a pony as a wife when their daughters were available? – but a stern proclamation from the Emperor put the complaints to a halt.

They had been married for nearly a decade and a half, and in their hearts, there was none better suited for a life together. To Haoxue, his beloved Lily was a panda at heart…just pony shaped. She was just as ailuropodine as he, and in his opinion, none could gainsay otherwise.

“We should leave the young lovebirds be,” Hong said, chuckling. “Come, my friends. We have a feast to plan!”


As the others departed, Haoxue and Lily kissed. “I have missed you, my love,” Lily said, blushing. “All I could think about when I was out in the field was you.”

“And I you,” he said. He then sighed. “Especially since Molihua Cha has been acting up again.”

She rolled her eyes. “She’s certainly willing to perpetually try, I’ll give her that. Why doesn’t she understand that you have no interest in a concubine?”

“Lily, I don’t think you understand: she’s not pushing to be my concubine this time. She’s started to spread rumors amongst the court that our marriage should be invalidated.”

That caught the unicorn’s attention. “Why?”

“We have been married for fourteen years, my love. And yet we do not have issue.” He looked at her intently. “She is petitioning the court to have our marriage invalidated…because only a panda – a true panda – can bear an heir to the Throne of Earth. And though the populace loves and respects you…you are not a panda, at least not in body.”

“I should put her to the sword for that insult,” Lily seethed.

“You know you wouldn’t. You are the August General in Red, a military hero without compare. And she is naught more than a courtesan who wishes to be more than just the daughter of one of my father’s other mandarins. There is no comparison.”

“Of course not. We know who the better she-panda is,” Lily said with a grin. “Now, I do believe I need to change out of my armor, and into something more suitable for tonight. And I would desire to spend time with my beloved husband.”

“I’ll see what I can do about that,” he said with an equal grin.





Later that night, there was an Imperial Feast like none other. Acrobats and dancers galore entertained the crowd, and hundreds of dishes were assembled from the four corners of the Empire. Dozens of attendees showed up to fete the Warriors in Red, both the general, her captains and the various surviving soldiers of the fight against the Righteous and Harmonious Claws, and those that were single were plied with plenty of eligible pandas willing to woo them.

As for her part, Lily sat and enjoyed her time with her family, laughing as her brother tried to put the moves on an eligible young she-panda. At her side, Haoxue chatted with her and shared his adventures in the educational and administrative realms while she was off fighting the villains. She listened, rapt; while her husband wasn’t the warrior she was, he was nonetheless every bit the scholar and a panda that had very much held her attention with his charm and grace. It was no wonder as to why she loved him.

She was blessed, certainly. The preeminent warrior of the land, a princess of the realm and a loved daughter, sister and wife. She remembered her father’s stories about her mother and the conflicted life she’d led; her father’s words about Hubei Blossom had been bittersweet, and though Lily herself wasn’t sure if they ever really loved each other, Lily knew that her mother had loved her enough to give her life before she lost her own. Many of the unicorn’s accomplishments she felt were in her mother’s name, since she could not do it herself.

She politely demurred and stepped away for a second, headed for the little she-panda’s room. Like it or not, she had a mare’s body and as much as she loved plum flower wine, it passed through her fairly quick.


“So, the little mare thinks this is all just for her,” a honeyed voice sang out, and Lily swore under her breath. “The feast is to celebrate panda accomplishments and panda victories. You’re just along for the ride.”

Lily’s right hoof went to where she held her sword normally, but she grunted as she realized she was in her royal attire and thus not armed. “Come on out, Molihua. It’s blatantly obvious you’re there.”

Out from the shadows came a she-panda, fetching and lovely. She wore a beautiful dress similar to that of Lily’s, and she smelled as fragrant as the jasmines in her name. This was Molihua Cha, the she-panda that had been scheming against her relationship with Haoxue since they were practically cubs.

“Your request is my command, my princess,” Molihua responded in a tone that was both a taunt and barely-disguised hatred. “Although, your command is only that because your husband took pity on you. Or perhaps he has…unnatural tastes, hmmm?”

“Watch your tongue or I will remove it,” Lily warned. “I may not be armed now, but that is quickly remedied.”

“Ah, yes, the unicorn ability to summon,” Molihua commented lightly, covering her muzzle – and taunting smile – with a fan. “An ability we pandas do not have. Explains why a supposed she-panda would have that skill, does it not?”

“Continue to push your luck and you will not be missed from this world.”

“Ah, but wouldn’t that look bad? The mighty August General in Red, slaying an innocent she-panda, one who happens also to be the betrothed of the August General in Green.”

“You lie. Prince Longxi is an ascetic of the Siau-Lim. He is celibate as per the order’s dictates.”

“Ah, but he is a prince, the younger brother of His Imperial Majesty, and as such he is allowed certain…freedoms from the order’s restrictures. And one of those is the ability to take a bride.” She leaned against a nearby bamboo spire, flashing a smile both knew wasn’t sincere. “Prince Longxi…quite the charmer, don’t you think? He has this…interesting view that only pandas should rule in this land. Not that we don’t value other species, mind. But that this is a panda realm, built paw by paw by pandakind, and that interlopers to the land should know their place.”

“You are testing my patience, courtesan. Speak plainly,” Lily demanded.

“You should be careful, your highness. There are many that say the reason our good Crown Prince has not had issue is because of the witch that has a spell over this palace. That Canterlot has its eyes on our lands, and that the Mare of Ivory intends to take Zhuanguo as her own thronelands.” The look in Molihua’s eyes was that of hatred. “And they say it is because of you, Princess.” But then she backed off and said, “But as far as I know, you’ve never been to Equestria and the only pony you know is your father, correct?”

Lily fumed. “You would dare?”

“Oh, not me, Princess. Surely, I am a loyal vassal of the Empire. But not everypanda is. There are pandas and she-pandas out there with their own agenda, and I cannot speak for or control everypanda’s agenda. You may wish to be careful, your highness. You might just have a target painted on your back.” Nothing more to say, she walked off, letting a thin ribbon of pine-green trail behind her sash, proof that she was now part of the household of the August General in Green.

Lily forced herself to calm down, then quickly used the facilities before she rushed back to be with Haoxue. There was something about Molihua’s words that worried her, and that made it double if the August General in Green was involved. She’d always known Prince Longxi to be an honorable panda and a venerated warrior, but he had never been happy that he would never be Emperor.


To her relief, she arrived with nothing being amiss. Her husband continued to drink plumflower wine as if nothing was wrong, and she could see her father and Emperor Hong chatting away like the old friends they were. Her eyes scanned the crowd searching for anything out of the ordinary, and she could see nothing. Her warriors were enjoying themselves, the various members of the court were doing what they always did and even some of the foreign delegates were enjoying themselves…despite eating the odd foods of their land and being unused to more palatable fare, as Zhuanganese food was, of course.

But it was when she set her eyes on Cooperation, the Equestriani ambassador, that she saw the concern in the dark gray pegasus’ golden eyes. He looked at her sadly, as if he knew something she didn’t. It made her wonder: could Molihua have been telling the truth? No way in the Nine Hells did Lily believe that, but it was entirely possible that the whore of a she-panda could have been correct without knowing – stranger things had occurred before.

She was just about to approach him when a voice called out, “PANDAS AND SHE-PANDAS! THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED!” The glass ceiling above shattered and a dozen shadowy shapes leapt down, flashes of silver with them. From their entry point, angle of attack and swords at the ready, it was clear what they were: assassins, hellbent on taking the lives of the Imperial family.

They never got close. Guards on duty immediately drew bows, and in unison, shot the assassins before they could even land. A few managed to land on the ground, but were dealt heavy blows by wuxing practitioners calling forth panda magic and crushing the foes where they lay. The dinner descended into pandemonium as the attendees scattered while the soldiers closed in on the few survivors. For her part, Lily summoned her sword and quickly transmuted her formalwear into her armor, jumping in front of both her father-in-law and her husband to shield them.

Fortunately, that wasn’t necessary; the August General in White, an aged and distinguished panda named Tieshi stood before the enemy, his massive battleaxe at the ready. “I know there is one of you alive,” he bellowed. “Who are you and why would you dare attack the Emperor of All?”

One of them, his face so caked with blood that he could only look at them with his good eye, glared at Lily, though he spoke to Tieshi. “I am Lie Shanqu, formerly of the Kanchun Braves. And I am here to deliver a message.”

“The Braves? But you’re one of the most decorated armies in the West!” Tieshi looked to the August General in Black, Xunsu Liu. “Do you know about this?”

Xunsu stroked his beard and looked at his counterpart. “Yes. I kicked him out of the Army five years ago for various crimes. I should have killed him, but I was lenient.” He looked down at the wounded panda with contempt. “I see now that was an error on my part.”

“There is no error,” Lie spat. “I am here to deliver a message. The people of the land are horrified that the Palace of Jade and Bamboo has been taken over by foreigners.” He looked at Prince Haoxue, rage in his good eye. “This…cub is being led around by that witch!” He pointed at Lily. “She has poisoned the Throne of Earth, do you not see?”

“Silence!” Emperor Hong snarled, stepping forward. “Princess Twilight Lily is a panda amongst pandas – she cannot help what she was born as! And I dare say that she is more panda than you!”

“My Emperor, you have been deceived!” Lie insisted. “She is the first step in the Mare of the Sun’s takeover of our lands! It is not enough for Equestria to have most of their continent – no, now they consort with the demon world and grow more powerful each day! But we must protect the people! And I will protect the people!” He reached into his tunic and pulled out a gun. “Demons must die with weapons from the demon world!”

“A gonne!” Teishi warned, swinging his great axe down to split the assailant. And while he did, killing Lie instantly, it was still too late. The pistol barked, the round spent…

…and Emperor Hong fell to the ground, blood spurting from his chest. A courtier screamed in horror and the room began to clear once more as Lily called for a doctor and ordered her soldiers from their meals to search the palace – and all of Si-Chuanlu – for any signs of other assassins. The other generals ordered their troops to do the same.





“It wasn’t your fault, Lily.” Chandler looked at his heartbroken daughter, having never seen her so dejected before.

“Is she going to be alright, Father?” Firefox asked.

“I don’t know, son. I really don’t know anything right now.”

The trio waited outside the personal chambers of the Emperor, where the finest surgeons and wuxing medics worked feverishly to save his life. It had been an hour since the attack and several conspirators had already been arrested, much to the horror of the nobility. Worst of all, one of the conspirators turned out to be one of the captains of the Warriors in Yellow; Lantian, the August General in Yellow, personally apologized to Lily and was heartbroken himself, as the captain in question had been like a son to him, Liantian had admitted.

“Why me? Because I love Haoxue? Because he loves me?” Lily asked as she looked up at her father and adopted brother, gazing upon both with eyes rimmed red from tears. “Because I am not really a panda—”

“Don’t say that, Sister,” Firefox pled. “You are more panda than anypanda out there. It doesn’t matter what you and Father were born as. You are Zhuanganese, and that is enough for me – enough for the realm!”

“He’s right. I am a pegasus, and Equish is my first language, as I was born Equestriani. But you, Lily. You eat, sleep and breathe Zhuanguo within you. You have never left this nation and you have never had interest in Equestria. You are panda through and through, my daughter. And you are the one married to Haoxue.”

The ricepaper door slid open and a haggard Haoxue came out, looking at his family. “Father survived,” he began. “But he is not out of danger yet. The doctors say that the small stone the gonne fired pierced his heart, and that will take time to heal. If he ever does.”

“And what if he doesn’t?” Firefox asked worriedly.

“Then Haoxue will become Emperor,” Lily told him. “And as Empress, I would have to give up my position as the August General in Red. You, Brother, would take my place.”


“I don’t think so.” The group turned to see Prince Longxi standing before them. A massively-muscled panda, he was the August General in Green for a reason. At the moment, he wore the robes of his status as a member of the Siau-Lim order, though he also wore his enchanted gauntlets, which increased his strength a dozenfold.

“Hello, Uncle,” Haoxue spoke. “What do you mean?”

“Haoxue, you are a scholar, my nephew. Think. What do you know about the Edicts of Emperor Tianming Xiongmao?”

“That’s easy. When Emperor Tianming unified the warring states to create our modern nation after the defeat of Discord by the alicorns, he….” Haoxue trailed off, a shocked look coming to his face.

“Haoxue? Husband?” Lily became concerned.

As if time had started once more, Haoxue said, “And to ascend the Throne of Earth, as to not give cause for rebellion, the Crown Prince must have already had issue.”

“Then you see the problem. But there is a simple solution: divorce your wife and take another.” He turned to look at Lily with a sad face. “I am sorry that you have to hear this, but it is the truth. But you love him and he loves you – surely you would stay by his side as his concubine, would you not?”

Lily fought the urge to scream. Now she knew the full of Molihua’s plans. “If I were to do that, I would have to give up my position as the August General in Red. I would lose all responsibility and duty. I would lose my honor.”

“A small price to pay for love, don’t you think?”

“No.” They looked to see Haoxue standing there, balling his paws. “No – there will be no divorce. Lily is my true love and my wife and I will not leave her for the sake of political expediency. She is as Zhuanganese as you or I – she has the right to be my bride and your Empress when that day comes!”

“Be reasonable! It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with law, Nephew!” Longxi told him. “And it is not as though you have to completely give her up! Just put her in her proper place and—”

“I am in my proper place!” Lily seethed, “and don’t you dare suggest otherwise!”

“And I would have thought that you were a proper she-panda,” Longxi said. “You leave me no choice. It will be my intent to wed my betrothed, Molihua Cha in one week’s time. While we may not have issue before the Emperor passes away, the Heavens forbid, at least we will be assured that there will be a next generation!”

“You go too far, Uncle.”

“And you don’t go far enough.” Nothing more to say, Longxi stormed off, readying to make wedding plans.

“So that’s it – we are undone,” Haoxue said, his voice dull.

“No, husband – give me up! Take a new bride. I will stay by your side,” Lily pled. He looked at her and knew what she was asking. The price was immeasurably high and yet still she offered.

“But won’t that harm you?”

“Yes. But I will not have my homeland fall apart because of me,” she said softly.

“And I would not insult my wife so,” Haoxue insisted. “I would not do that to somepanda I love more than Heaven and Earth.”


It was then that a new figure approached. “Perhaps then I may be of assistance, your imperial highnesses.” The group turned to see Cooperation, the Equestriani ambassador present.

“I do not think that is a good idea, Ambassador,” Haoxue stated. “I know you mean us no ill, but part of this problem is the unfounded accusation that Equestria is attempting to conquer the Empire through Lily.”

Cooperation laughed. “Yes, I’ve heard. And quite frankly, that’s preposterous. Prince Haoxue, your land is a bountiful and plentiful land, with beauty and treasures as far as the eye can see…but it is not much of a modern one. The Zhuanganese national character is inward-looking and insular, not as cosmopolitan as Equestria is. You shun humanity and Human-Earth – what you quite colorfully call ‘the demons’ and ‘the Demon World’, but I tell you this: had you been familiar with handguns, you might have put a stop to this before it happened.”

“We are familiar with gonnes, Ambassador,” Firefox said stiffly. “Might I remind you that it was our nation that invented firepowder?”

“Yes, but you don’t have the modern equipment for firepower that we have. And I’m not here to insult you or anything of the like; you have already been dealt serious blows and it is not in me to insult people who I am here to make friends with,” the stallion noted. “What I am here to tell you, is that I know why this is happening: because you two have married, but you are not capable of having issue because you two are different species. But what if it was possible?”

“Are you trying to tell me the demons—”

“The humans,” Cooperation corrected.

“Aren’t those words one and the same? Are they not culturally demons to you, dark parts of your mythology and stories?”

“Yes, but times and stories change. Nopony thinks of humans as demons anymore, unless you give them reasons to. And given that quite a few humans helped to save Canterlot during the battle a few weeks back, I daresay the average pony is more likely to consider a human a savior now instead of a balefire creature. But I’m not discussing humans right now, Princess Lily, I am discussing your problem with your husband. And perhaps Equestria can help with that.”

Lily looked at him warily. Would owing a favor to Canterlot bring about what so many pandas feared, even if irrationally? Would she become the unwitting catalyst for a Canterlot takeover?

“I can understand the hesitancy, your highnesses, I really do. Whoever has planted those stories in the populace’s minds must be formidable. And no doubt they already have concerns as the alicorns control the celestial bodies and the major aspects of the world itself. Or perhaps it’s the fact that the alicorns were omnipresent during the Windigo global crisis so long ago. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is the stability of your nation and the happiness of you two as a couple.”

“What is it you’re talking about, Ambassador?” Haoxue asked.

“A decade back or so, we created a modification to the pony shapeshifting spell, so that a mare could have a child with a human. Since then, there have been several more human foals born to pony mothers. At the request of Griffonica and Draconia, we have started work on non-pony equivalents. So far, it’s only for non-human mothers to give birth to human-hybrid children, but we have been theorizing about other versions. Perhaps a panda-hybrid foaled by a pony mother?”

Both looked at Cooperation with surprise. “What?” they asked with shock.

“I’m quite serious. I’m not completely up to the details, but Sandalwood, the daughter of Lady Rarity, the Knight of Generosity, is one such pony. She is married to a human stallion and as I understand it, they have two children, both human colts. One of our ambassadors, Lady Lyra Heartstrings, is also married to a human stallion and has two human fillies and a human colt with him. There are others, but again, I am not up completely on the details.”

“But to do so would mean—” Haoxue looked at Lily. “We could finally have a cub!”

“Please, tell us what we need to do!” Lily pled.

“It’s no problem at all – that’s why Equestria is here: to help our allies and friends in need. Let me just get word to the Mage Guild’s research division. I’m sure that I can get Archmagus Sparkle to—”

“Archmagus Sparkle? As in, Twilight Sparkle?” Chandler suddenly spat.

“Yes. Grand Duchess Twilight Sparkle, Archmagus of the Mage Guild and Knight Commander of Magic,” Cooperation clarified. “I take it you know her?”

“I’m…familiar with her,” Chandler replied, though he was clearly shaken by her name.

“Father?” Firefox inquired, noting his father’s sudden distress.

“I’m fine, son. Let us worry about your sister’s concerns at the moment. Please, Ambassador, contact the Guild and let them know we are interested. As for me, I think I will need to lie down a bit. Son, please escort me to the Emperor’s quarters; I wish to discuss this with him and keep him appraised. Daughter, please have you and your husband join us when you have the chance. We have something to discuss.”

“We will, Father,” Lily replied, wondering what her father was referring to.





“Are you sure you wish to do this?” an ailing Hong said from his bed.

Chandler nodded grimly. “I do. For the sake of my children, as well as the sake of the truth. You trusted me when I told you the truth; they should have the same chance as well.”

“The truth?” Firefox asked. “Father, what are you talking about?”

Chandler hung his head in shame. “My name was not always Chandler, and I was not a Canterlot-born noble. For that matter, your mother was not Hubei Blossom, a local-born pony who briefly lived in Equestria. The truth is…my birth name is Paraffin Wax, and your mother’s was Tiger Lily. And the true reason we left Equestria…is because we were exiled. We…we were terrorists, Lily. We went by the names of Candlewick and Revanche, and we were members of an organization known as the Weather Underground.”

Lily looked at her father with surprise, then smiled. “Father, I know your sense of humor can be odd at times, but even this one is a bit much.”

Firefox nodded. “I agree with Sister. This is rather silly, Father.”

Looking up from his bed, Hong said, “Except…he is telling the truth. I had thought it once to be a joke, but I had resources in Equestria confirm it for me. As hard as it may be for you to believe, our gentle pegasus here was once a battle-hardened stallion who had battled against his home country’s own forces.”

Lily, Firefox and Haoxue looked at Chandler with shock. “It was a long time ago, and I am not the stallion I was back then,” he explained. “But haven’t you ever wondered why your name is Twilight Lily, my daughter?”

“I had never thought of that,” she confessed. “But I thought you loved my mother!”

“I…did, briefly,” Chandler explained. “But then I was assigned to a mission: to take down Canterlot’s defenses. And I did it by seducing a young mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle. I hadn’t counted on falling in love with her, though – that had been my downfall…the downfall of the whole organization, really. Because while your mother was in a relationship with me, she was also chasing another stallion. And that led her into a battle where she was horribly unprepared.

“I was lucky. Twilight spared me, on condition that I never return. But your mother…Tiger fought against a far more powerful foe and lost – badly. She nearly lost her life, and was weakened and crippled for life. With nowhere else to run, I chose the place we could best hide, which was here. But by then, we had no other choice. Your mother was too weakened to survive another long journey, and she had become pregnant. Ultimately, we stayed together, though because of what had happened, our love was gone.”

Chandler was silent for a moment. “I regret everything that happened, but I don’t for a bit regret having you, Lily. I will tell you the same words I did when I first held you in my hooves: that I wanted to give you a name of honor and justice. You bear the name of the one I should have made happy, and the one who wanted you to surpass her. You were my reminder to be the best father I can be, and I couldn’t be happier to be that for both you and your brother. You became a mare that made me proud, Lily. I just wish I could have done the same for you.” He turned away, unable to face his children any longer.

Lily went up to her father. “Father…I didn’t know who you were back then, and so it matters not to me; the Emperor, your friend has trusted and befriended you, so I know all is fine. Furthermore, I have only known love and wisdom from you. You are not this…Candlewick, whoever he was. You are Chandler, the wise and just mandarin and I couldn’t be prouder to be your daughter.”

“Well,” Firefox added, “Sister’s right in that I have never known you to be anything other than upright and sterling, Father. I completely agree with her that you cannot be held for who you were, not by us. And we won’t.”

Hong coughed. “See? Did I not tell you all will be well?”

“Well, yes, you did,” Chandler added, “but we are not out of the Everfree yet, to use a phrase from my old homeland.” He looked at Lily. “I have spoken with Hong, and I’m afraid he has news for you both.”

“It is painful for me to say this,” the Emperor said as he looked at his son and daughter-in-law, “for I love you both. But I can give you no official support in this. As much as he is my most valuable mandarin, Equestria still may look upon Chandler as they did in the past. Furthermore, if the information gets out that we were to be gaining assistance from Equestria, given the lies and slander that have been passed, there will be chaos. Another attempt at assassination will be the least of our concerns.” He shook his head. “I cannot support you.” Both lovers looked down at the ground.

“However,” Chandler interjected, “that doesn’t mean we cannot proceed to Equestria.”

“We?” Lily asked.

“Yes. I am a mandarin of Zhuanguo, but that means that I must live my life with honor and fairness. And now that you know the truth, I cannot do my duties further without seeking forgiveness from the Equestrian Crown and from Lady Sparkle herself. I am honorbound.”

“But Father, what if they imprison you? Or exile you again? Or a combination of both?” Firefox asked.

“Then that is my fate. But I cannot be your father – the father either of you expect – and live a lie any further. I am a mandarin and I must live a life beyond reproach. Just as you have worked hard for where you are, so must I.”

“Then how are we to do this?”

“I will order the August General in Red to pursue potential conspirators in the far west,” Hong replied. “At the same time, I will send my trusted mandarin to speak with the governor of the western lands so that he may find out how we can track further unrest.”

“And after that, I will take a few weeks of vacation,” Chandler added. “Since my employer has been suggesting that for the longest time.”

“Then it is settled. We shall leave at the end of the week,” Lily stated. She turned to her brother. “Let the troops know. Promise them to silence, as well, as you will have to lead them all this time while I am gone.”

“For their general?” Firefox replied. “They would cut their tongues out. Though I don’t think we need to go that far.”





The days went by faster than they wanted. Finally, the day came when husband and wife would be separated and this time who knew for how long. It would break their hearts, but it had to be done. In the pale moonlight, the two lovers kissed, tears in their eyes. Neither wanted to be apart, but there was no longer a choice.

“Come back to me, my love,” Haoxue said, holding her close.

“Nothing in the Nine Hells will stop me. Even if Molihua and your uncle were to send the whole of the armies against me, I would fight with all my power to come back to you,” she said, leaning into his embrace.

“I know you will. For you have the heart of a panda, my love, and nothing will stop my beloved wife.”

They kissed once more and made love for the last time before they would part, knowing this would be the last time they would do so fruitlessly. The next time would bring an issue.

Lily knew she had to.





A week later, they stood on the sand dunes of the Great Western Desert outside of the western city of Xiyu. The host of the Warriors in Red stood in salute of their brave general, who was undertaking a mission far beyond that of anything they had ever known. Standing with them, was Firefox, dressed in his resplendent armor as the Captain of Captains of the Warriors in Red. He would hold command until she returned.

Standing there, dressed in plain, homespun clothing, was both Lily and Chandler. They would walk over the dunes, out of the national frontier and into Sthana, a land perpetually at war between the jackal and markhor nomadic tribes. It was essentially a no panda’s land, and the most untamed of regions until one reached the desert nations on the other side. It was their hope that they would end up in Gamali, the land of the camels; or better still, Saddle Arabia, the ancient exclave of Equestria. Either one would get them there, but in Saddle Arabia, perhaps they could find support from networks long unused.

Perhaps Chandler could contact his sister, and see what White Sail – or Spinnaker or whatever she was calling herself now – was doing. Or perhaps not. She was always the more revolutionary of the two, and while he had given up his ways, it wouldn’t surprise him if she hadn’t. From what little intelligence he had gleaned over the years from the Emperor’s spies, the Weatherponies had morphed over the years into a specist organization known as the Purehooves, and it was rumored they were led by a mare.

He turned to his daughter, who had replaced her normal ruby-hilted jian rapier with a more commonplace dao saber, to keep up appearances as a mere sellsword. She handed the other to her father. “For protection.”

He held up a wing, and on his wingtip was a flame. “There is a reason I was a candlemaker, Daughter,” he reminded her. “As well as a combat flyer. Still, I will take the sword.”

Firefox looked at his family. “Please, take care. I fear that without you, the Empire will be on its knees.”

Lily looked at her younger brother. “Brother, have faith. Father and I will return – and when we do, I will have this ‘genetic amniomorphic’ spell memorized. After that, the biggest concern you will have is how to be an uncle.”

“I look forward to that,” he laughed. He then barked, “WARRIORS IN RED, SALUTE!”

A host of a thousand fighters held their swords up in salute as the two ponies walked over the side of the sand dune, headed off towards an uncertain future.
> There are No Strings on Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cerise sat in a seat by the window in a building at Mountainside AFB’s Northern Annex. This part of the base served the non-military aircraft owned by the Crown, and at the moment, a Honda HAE-2010 knifed through the air, making its final approach to Runway 2.

“Crown 16 should be wheels down in five minutes,” noted an airpony serving as an escort for Cerise. That annoyed her slightly, but she couldn’t blame the servicepony; a week or two ago, her government credentials were more than enough to get her onbase by herself. But in the wake of the burgeoning war, anypony who wasn’t already vetted had to have an escort. Cerise’s records were being looked over by analysts at CODE as a technicality, but until then she had to have an escort while on the premises.

After a few minutes, the aircraft finally came to a stop, the white business jet with its solid purple stripe and golden piping taxiing towards the jetway near this gate. Crown 16, recently arrived from Empire Royal Naval Air Station, would be debarking its passengers soon, and Cerise had to be ready.

“Well, if there’s nothing else, Miss Cerise, I will be departing now,” the airpony replied.

“You will?”

She nodded. “Yes. Lady Sunset already has credentials, so she should be able to escort you the rest of the way. As I understand it, you’re here for her anyway, are you not?” Cerise nodded. “Then have a great day!”

Cerise said nothing as the airpony walked off. Instead, she sat and brought up her phone, starting up her car’s defoggers. It had been raining off and on due to the lack of weather control, and the last thing she wanted was foggy windows.

Finally, the doors to the jetway opened and several military and civilian ponies stepped into the waiting area, amongst them a tired-looking unicorn with an amber coat and brilliant ruby-and-gold in her mane.

“Heya, ‘Lady Sunset’,” Cerise joked.

“I hope you brought your car,” Sunset said, ignoring her friend’s jibe. “I’m too tired to teleport us, my luggage and all the paperwork I brought back. Oh, also, I got you the iceberry wine you wanted, but it’s in my bag.” She yawned.

“You okay, Suns?” Cerise asked as she gestured towards the baggage carousel.

“No, I’m not. Flight from here to Empire City, little over an hour, no problem, right? Helicopter from RNAS Empire City to the border with Yakyakistan, ten more minutes.” Her eyes then drooped as she then grunted, “And because the yaks seem to think being ‘modern’ equates to technology we had when I was a filly, a ten-hour train ride from the border to Middle.”

“Middle?”

Sunset yawned again. “Yeah, like Singapore and its capital, Yakyakistan and its capital share the same name. But like how Singapore City is nicknamed ‘Central’, the Yakistani tend to call theirs ‘Middle’. Anyway, so ten-hour ride on trains that were old during Princess Luna’s return, with zero suspension and then to add insult to injury I couldn’t cast a counterspell, because we were on the same train as a camel delegation from Gamali and the Gamalaqi delegate finds magic an affront, go figure.”

Sunset then went on a long, detailed explanation on the disaster that was her attendance at a meeting between Equestria and several other nations regarding the concerns about the war. Finally, she added, “You know, I recall when Prince Rutherford passed away and everyone thought his son was going to embrace the future, because Rathburne was only nineteen when he ascended the throne. But to Rathburne, those Celestiadamn trains are the future, and modern transport is just too freaky for him. It doesn’t help that Hanan, the Gamalaqi delegate, seems to think that Equestriani have sold our souls because we’re integrating human technology. I have to wonder if that camel is really a yak in disguise.”

Sunset’s bag rolled out and Cerise grabbed it, plucking it off the conveyor belt. “Hey, you’re exhausted, okay? I got this.”

“Thanks. What would I do without you?”

Cerise grinned. “Either exhaustedly teleport into Celestia’s bathtub or drink a whole bottle of iceberry wine, which gives you gas.”

That woke up Sunset. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that again!”

“No, you said you wouldn’t. I never said anything of that sort,” Cerise commented. “Besides, Hot Pepper thought it was cute.”

“Yes, stallion who I thought was hot thought me farting up a storm was cute. There’s clearly a reason why we’re not dating, you realize.”

“Because you can’t fart on command?”

“Because any stallion who thinks like that? Six months later my face is going to be on the side of a milk carton – on both worlds!” the unicorn gasped.

Cerise laughed again. “C’mon, Stinky. Buy you lunch at Burger Princess to make up for it?”

“I’m ordering the most expensive thing on the menu just for that,” Sunset mock-pouted.





Several minutes later, the two were at Burger Princess, munching on lunch. Sunset, as insisted, bought the Triple Royale Hayburger with Cheese, a large oat milkshake and hayfries. Cerise, to her somewhat disappointment, had to stick with the human menu, eating a black-bean burger, sweet potato fries and an apple soda.

“Thanks. I don’t think I could stomach another day of Yakyakistani food. I’m sure it might be good, but the cook they assigned us at the pony guest yurts seemed to think that spices were a panacea against actually having cooking skills. I am never going to look at bhatmaas the same again.” She sighed. “So now that I have enough hay and grease in me to feel normal again, what did I miss?”

“My love life going down the tubes,” Cerise sighed. She talked about her intent to chase Sam Martinez and how so far it had gone nowhere. Sunset, who lived next door to Sam’s sister, listened to her friend intently. Sunset’s own social life was complicated, so she truly felt for her friend. “I even tried contacting him at his office yesterday to take him out to lunch, but he’s practically in conferences with Princess Celestia on a regular basis. Kinda freaky.”

“How so? He’s starting up a new agency. I’m sure there’s got to be a billion questions that the princesses ask him. Hell, I recall being over at DJ’s place the last time he was there. He looked worn out but happy, like a pony who just got her cutie mark.” Sunset took a drink from her shake and said, “Look, just give it time. These things settle down eventually. You told me that you were constantly busy the first few months you went to work for Rarity, correct?”

“Yes, but her grace looks out for me.” A fillyish smile came over the woman. “Sometimes I think she treats me like I’m a surrogate daughter, because she’s lost four fillies and otherwise all she has is her son.”

“I’m not going to justify that with an answer, Cerise. I’ve heard DJ’s side of the story and while she can be a little…out there at times, she’s a pretty stand-up person, pun not intended. Granted, all I know of Rarity’s side of the story is what I’ve read, but DJ’s a pretty nice woman.”

“She’s not a woman, she’s a mare,” Cerise grunted. “And she’s a traitor. She abandoned her own family, Suns!”

Sunset was diplomatic and chose not to point out that Cerise essentially did the same thing; Sunset vaguely recalled meeting her friend’s brother once when he was here on vacation for a few days. Aside from that, the young woman chose not to talk about her family at all. Instead, she offered, “Well, she was raised by humans, so it’s only natural that she has a human mindset. And if you ever had a chance to meet her in-pony, you’ll see. She’s not ‘betraying’ anyone – as I understand it, she gets along great with her extended family here and her brother, Elusive.”

“Yes, so she ostracizes her grace. Tell me how that is fair,” Cerise huffed.

“Cerise…let me point out something: you’re not Rarity’s daughter. And whether or not DJ and her mother make up, that’s not for you or I or anypony to say save for them. Besides, I didn’t come here to argue, okay? I need to unwind and then figure out what I’m going to write for my report to Prince Blueblood and Princess Champagne.”

“Is that before or after the three-way?”

Sunset facehoofed. “Not you too, okay? I get enough crap from Blue Savannah about that shit, nevermind the fact that it’s not true. Chammie and I grew up together and Blue treats me like I’m family to her. He’s never been anything less than a gentlestallion, really.”

“Really? Because supposedly Magic Mist supposedly saw you and Blueblood having sex in Princess Champagne’s office a few days ago. She opened the door a crack, saw it and closed the door – but she told just about everypony.”

“And when did this supposed thing happen?”

“Last week, just the day before your investiture.”

“Then you should know that’s a lie.” The unicorn’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “I was so busy being fitted for my dress for the investiture and other things for my station that I didn’t have time to sleep period, much less with my fillyhood best friend’s husband. Besides, I would never do that to Chammie – I owe her so much for giving me a chance to redeem myself after I screwed my life up so badly, and I would never stab a friend in the back.”

“Maybe you don’t remember? You have been complaining about memory loss and other things because of what happened to you.”

The look on Sunset’s face was suddenly one of horror. “Don’t say that, Cerise! I would never!”

“I know, I know. I’m just playing Discord’s advocate here. If anything, I’m sure her highness will ask about it, won’t she?”





“Wow, Sunset, you look like a wreck,” Starlit Skies told her as she came into the office the next morning. “Sleep okay?”

“No, still catching up from the trip,” Sunset lied. In truth, she’d stressed about Cerise’s words the whole night and lost sleep as a result.

“Oh, and there she is, Little Miss Do Me Harder!” Sunset saw an earth mare with a blue coat, short wheat-tan mane and gray eyes. Said gray eyes looked at Sunset with contempt. “So, how does it feel to get your job by lifting your tail for the prince? Temptress!”

“I don’t know what you’ve told anypony here, Blue Savannah,” Sunset warned, “but I won’t have you spreading lies about me.”

“Lies, hah! Everypony here knows what you did before Princess Champagne took pity on you! You were a mare of the night and the only reason you’re young again is because one of your clients used your body for a magic experiment instead of just using your love tunnel! And how did you pay your so-called friend back? By bucking her hus—”

“I DID NO SUCH THING!” Sunset shouted, drawing the attention of several other office workers.

Magic Mist looked at Sunset. “Don’t lie! I know what I saw! You were—”


At this point the door to Princess Champagne’s office opened and the princess looked at them all. “What’s all the commotion out here? Ah, Sunset! Glad you’re back! We need to talk.” She then saw the others there. “In fact, all of you come in.”

The group walked into the room and Champagne closed the door behind them. “I’ve been hearing a lot of rumors of late I don’t like,” the princess announced. “Rumors that I don’t care for in the least. I think they should be cleared up. Blue?”

At that sound, they turned to see Prince Blueblood standing there, a dour look on his face. “Ladies, let it be clear: I am not having sexual intercourse with Miss Shimmer here. I know what Miss Mist claims to have seen, but there is a valid explanation.”

Champagne went up to Sunset and looked at her with concern in her eyes. “You going to be okay, Sunny?”

“What happened?” Sunset asked worriedly, feeling the stares around the room. “I just remember that day being so dizzy and—”

“You sat down on the couch and had a magical seizure,” Blueblood explained. “While Champagne went out of the room to go fetch a doctor, I tried to siphon the magic from you. Unfortunately, you were having a bad one, the kind that could have killed you, so I had to hold you down while I was trying to help. And I will admit, I was probably not standing in the most, ahem, ‘ideal’ of locations when I was trying to draw the overload out.” He looked at the other mares. “In hindsight, I can see how…inappropriate…that would look, but my concern was not on my image – it was on helping Sunset.”

Savannah and Mist’s faces remained impassive, while Starlit and several others looked at the shaking mare, as Champagne wrapped her forelegs around her in a comforting hug.

“I love my wife,” Blueblood said. “I would never do what anypony has suggested and I find it personally offensive that it would be suggested. Furthermore, Miss Shimmer has been through a lot and she is my wife’s closest friend. As far as I am concerned, they are like family.” He turned to Sunset. “Sunset, I am sorry that you had to be exposed to this, and that what you suffered that day has only been made worse.”

“It’s okay,” Sunset sobbed.

“Sunny, just go home and take the day off. Blue and I don’t need that report right now, okay? You take care of yourself, got it?” Champagne gingerly raised her friend’s face so they looked each other in the eyes. “You’ve suffered enough. We can worry about it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Sunset replied, still shaken by what had just happened.

Champagne looked at Starlit. “Miss Skies, would you see her home? I’d rather she get there safely.”

“Without fail, your highness.” Starlit escorted Sunset out of the room.

“Now as for the rest of you nags,” Champagne snarled, “the only reason I’m not firing you is because hiring replacements would take too long. But let’s get it clear: you say one more word about her and I will find a reason to make your lives a living Tartarus, do I make myself clear?” The other mares panicked at the princess’ words, knowing she was more than capable of that threat. “Now get out of my office. I have work to do.”

The other mares scattered out of the office and Blueblood waited for a second before casting a silencing spell on the door. “I thought you had this room magically sealed when the circuit was complete.”

“I did.”

“Seems like it didn’t work, dear wife.” He looked at her. “And I told you that slipping your disguise was going to have repercussions someday. I’m just glad this didn’t undo all our plans.”

“I didn’t see you complaining when you were spending yourself on me,” Champagne retorted. “And if you think I’m happy about what just happened, I think things are about to get a whole lot worse.”

That caught Blueblood’s interest. “Oh?”

“Yes. While I looked her in the eye, I did a magic spell to check to see if she was breaking down, because at this point I’ve stopped supplying her with magic and so she should be falling apart. But…there’s something in there, building.”

“Building?”

“Yes – a heartsong and lifesong,” Champagne explained. “She might actually be alive now. And if she is, she might start to realize who and what she really is. We need to destroy that doppelganger and soon.”





The pounding in Sunset’s head wouldn’t stop. It then took her a few seconds more to realize it was her front door, and not her head. “I’ll be there in a second!” she called out, groggily getting out of bed. She stumbled for a bit, then walked over to the front and opened it.

“Oh wow, you look like shit,” said the other voice. “I was going to have you come over and help me hang some pictures,” DJ commented, “but you don’t look so hot.”

“I….” Sunset looked at the humanized pony worriedly. “I just…I’ve been having a bad day, okay?”

“Bad day as in sick, or bad day as in…?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Well, c’mon, let’s go to my place.”

“DJ, I’m in no shape to hang any pictures right now.”

“I know. But you look like a few dozen miles of bad road, my husband is out of town with his unit tonight, and Cinnamon took the boys down to Ponyville because they’ve never been to Sweet Apple Acres before. You look like you need a pint of Cherry Garcia and some shitty chickflicks and I have a few on digital that I keep around just in case.”

“Cherry what? And what’s a chickflick?”

“Yeah, you sound like you desperately need some commiseration time. Look, we can watch that new meaningless movie that just showed up on Netflix. Let’s go get you a pint.” Before Sunset could argue, DJ grabbed her forehoof and started to drag.





A couple of hours later the pair were seated on the couch, pints of Cherry Garcia nearly spent and the credits rolling. Sunset, watching the TV, said, “So let me get this straight: Chantuse was afraid of Chris proposing, because she wanted him to propose, so instead she ran off with Benjamin to the Bahamas for meaningless sex. And then Chris had a fling with Alice, who is a lesbian but wanted to try having sex with a man just for the experience.”

“So far, yes, you’re right.”

“And meanwhile, Chantuse was with Benjamin, she suddenly realized that she wanted to love Chris, so she just left the Bahamas and goes to Chris’ place while Alice is sleeping over still and she insists that Chris marry her while Alice is still asleep with Chris in his bed?”

“Yup.”

“Alice confesses that she’s a lesbian and just had sex for the experience but she doesn’t love Chris, so Chris accepts Chanteuse’s proposal – the very same one she was afraid of him making but now because she made it it’s all better?”

“Got it in one.”

Sunset shook her head. “You humans are confusing. Your social lives would probably give Princess Cadance a migraine.” She scooped another bite of Cherry Garcia into her mouth. “Good ice cream, though.”

“Feel better?”

“Yeah, a little, thanks.”

DJ grinned. “Ben & Jerry’s works like magic. So, want to talk about what’s going on?”

Sunset nodded and began, explaining everything that had occurred to her over the past few days, from the apparent seizure she couldn’t remember and the trip, to the salacious rumors and her uncomfortably breaking down in front of everypony in her office. “And then just before you came over, I got a flamefax from Princess Celestia’s office. Apparently Raven Quill wants me to meet with her tomorrow. Probably about that report that I have yet to do.”

“So, fudge it. I did it all the time,” DJ commented.

Sunset was silent for the longest time until she suddenly asked, “DJ…do you ever feel like you don’t belong?”

“Do you really have to ask that question?” the humanized pony commented. “I’m the queen of ‘feeling like you don’t belong’!”

“I’m being serious. I mean…I feel fake. Like I’m not a real pony. Kind of like a puppet on strings, if that makes any sense. Maybe it’s because after what happened to me at the academy, I’ve never really had much confidence in myself.”

“You sound like my cousin. Cinnamon Star tends to be afraid of her shadow. Hard to believe she’s the daughter of Fluttershy, who’s anything but.”

“Maybe. But sometimes I don’t feel real. And earlier today, when I looked Chammie in the eyes? Normally I just get this feeling of being safe around her. She’s one of my best friends, so I should. But today, I…I got the feeling as if I was looking in a mirror, but I was the reflection.” She took another bite and explained. “One of the interesting things about our friendship is that Chammie and I have similar facial and body structure, even though our colors are way different. But today, it almost felt as though I was looking at Sunset Shimmer, only she was Sunset and I was just the reflection in the mirror.”

“I know how that feels.”

Sunset looked at her. “You do?”

DJ nodded. “I grew up the only one of my kind amongst humans, so that’s the standards I grew up with. And while I love Mike for not caring about my looks, I cared about them. For years I hated myself because I didn’t look human like Erica – I didn’t have a human body and I never would. Took me a long time to get over that, and then when Twi gave me the genderstone? It happened all over again.” DJ took the final bite from her pint and set it on the coffee table before continuing. “That night, when I first changed into a human woman? I…it was me. It wasn’t just me as a different species, but me – the idealized version I always wanted to be.

“Mike and I made love that night – several times – but he won’t talk about the fact that I cried later that day, because there I was: that ideal, perfect form, someone who could be the perfect human wife for him…and it wasn’t going to last. I hated myself all over again, and it took a few weeks before I was willing to try to use that damn stone once more. Of course, by then it had been damaged and we didn’t realize it, but…let’s just say that I had a weekend to learn about the shoe being on the other foot.

“So yeah, I get that you don’t feel real. There’s a reason for that; it’s called impostor syndrome. Basically, you’re trying to talk yourself out of something, because you’re afraid you’ll fail or that you didn’t do it correctly, so you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had to deal with that for a number of years and I’m glad that Erica stood by me all that time. So yes, I know exactly how this is. But you know what? When we were all trapped in that facility and the chips counted…you stood up. You and I fought to stop the changelings. You knew exactly what to do.”

“But that didn’t feel like me!” Sunset explained. “It was like a…a switch was thrown inside my head! I could have just easily hid in a corner and begged for somepony to save me!”

“But you didn’t. Maybe it was a fluke or maybe you’re just one of those mares that performs under pressure. The point is, you are who you say you are,” DJ told her. “You just have to believe in yourself, Sunset. Trust me, it took a long time for me to get to that point, and even sometimes I regress, but that’s all a part of being human.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Being human?”

“You know what I mean.”





Sunset yawned and got up from her bed once more. She’d stayed at DJ’s place until the early hours and they’d watched more of those “chick flicks”, which Sunset now understood to mean “meaningless romance films”. They’d even watched one called Harper’s Ferry, which DJ had thought about a town in West Virginia but had instead been a “mare flick”, a chick flick with ponies in it instead of humans; the film was about a stallion named Travelling Harper who wanted to start a ferry business instead of going into an orchestra. His parents had objected but the river pilot he hired, an earth mare named Ferrywaters, stood by his side and by the end of the film they were (obviously) a couple and Harper performed his music for the ferry riders while still keeping a now-successful boat business.

Over the night they’d switched from ice cream to drinks and there had been a lot of laughter and emotional healing, the former because the movie was so cheesy and the latter because Sunset needed the company of a good friend.

Sunset was glad that she had a friend like DJ; the (technically) younger mare was turning out to be as close to her as Cerise or Champagne…and given that Sunset had very few friends, that worked out for her.

She’d also received a few flamefaxes over the night: the first was from Champagne, explaining that she had talked to a few other delegates and that was enough to piece together a report, so she was to take the rest of the week off and hopefully seek medical attention. Sunset felt disquieted by that; if one of her best friends was worried about her health, what did that say? The other was a joint apology letter from Blue Savannah and Magic Mist, the kind of letter that was clear that they’d been coerced into writing and that neither really meant a word of it. Somehow, she had a feeling Champagne was behind that, too.

But the third was from Raven Quill, who set a prompt appointment for tomorrow at 11:30, sharp. Sunset still had no idea what the meeting was about, but given that it was with Princess Celestia’s personal secretary, it probably was very important – maybe it was about the trip? Sunset thought about it and decided she needed to get ready; now that she was minor nobility she had to look her best while going to the palace.

She walked over to her dresser to see what sundress would be best to wear. Nothing too fancy but better than everyday attire. Maybe that blue dress she bought last year? It was the first piece of clothing she bought when she started to work for Champagne’s office, so it was important to her.

She opened the drawer in question…and pulled out a letter. The letter was addressed to her, though she didn’t recall it – and it was in her own hornwriting.



Sunset,

I don’t know which one you are after me. I just know that I’m writing this because I’m not insane and I know I can’t be. But don’t listen to Chammie, no matter how dear she is to you. She is not our friend. She is us and she is the enemy. I know that sounds weird, but she is Sunset and we are Sunset and now you are Sunset too – but you might not be for much longer.

As I write this, I’m sick and dying and I don’t know why. The doctors say that it’s a side effect of whatever that “scientist” did to us…but despite what I remember, there is no Dr. Bad Brains in prison right now. He doesn’t exist. I’m not sure I really exist. I just know that I am me, Chammie is me too and if you’re reading this…I am no longer me but you are now me.

Find somepony who can help you, somepony you trust. Stay away from those who you don’t understand and find a way to get your soul back – or maybe get a soul; I’m not clear on the details and I feel like I’m falling apart.

Tell Thom I loved him and that I so wanted to be his mare – but I know I won’t live past writing this letter.
- S.



The letter had blood on the bottom of it, and Sunset instinctively let it go, afraid. After a few seconds, she looked at it on the ground, picking it up and looking at it as if were a live thing.

Dr. Bad Brains? Who is that? The stallion who did this to me is Prof. Powershunt – and I know he’s in jail; Chammie regularly gives me updates for my safety. And she is me? And who is Thom? I don’t know any humans other than DJ’s husband, her kids and her brother!

But the script was clearly Sunset’s own hornwriting, despite it sounding like the work of a madmare. Sunset thought about bringing this to Champagne’s attention; maybe this was a long-game stunt that Blue Savannah and Magic Mist were pulling on her.

But don’t listen to Chammie, no matter how dear she is to you, the letter sounded out.

She put the letter on top of her desk and decided that she needed to talk to somepony she trusted. Maybe not Champagne, but not because Sunset didn’t trust her. More like because she didn’t want her friend to think that she didn’t trust her. Somehow it made sense in Sunset’s mind.

She summoned her phone.

“Hey, Cerise, this is Sunset. You mind meeting me for lunch today? I have something I need advice for from a friend.”
> The Picture, Part One
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“But it’s true, your grace,” Officious said to DJ.

“Look…just…it’s too early in the morning for this shit,” DJ replied. “I’m working on a side project and I don’t have time for this.”

“Oh, but you must!” the adjutant insisted. “Why, do you know what happened the last time this occurred?”

“No, but you’re going to tell me whether I like it or not,” came the drawled response.

Either impervious or oblivious to sarcasm, the stuffy pegasus continued. “It was during the time of Princess Gemstone. She was concerned that there was not enough concern being given to the jaguar incursion and so she refused to sit in for one – she felt she needed to be leading her troops. And when that happened, Prince Caliber refused to sit in as well, and as a result – to this day we have a blank spot in the archives where their official picture is!”

“Oh, the horror,” DJ groaned. “But didn’t they have other pictures painted of them? I swear I thought I saw one in the museum last time I went.”

“Yes, well….” Officious adjusted his lapels. “They did pose for other pictures in their due time. But the first picture is just that – there is never another opportunity to regain what is lost! It is special and thus you must plan for that cherished moment!”

DJ looked up from her keyboard again. “Wait, are we talking about an official photo, or metaphors for virginity?”

Officious looked at her as though his eyes were about to bulge out of their sockets. “I, uh….”

“Look, tell you what: I’m sure I have a macaroni picture of the family somewhere that one of my sons made for class. Maybe we can use that?”

“Macaroni…picture?”

“Or maybe a crayon sketch my daughter did.”

“Crayon…sketch.”

“Or possibly an acrylic oil on canvas that I did during my blue period while watching Bob Ross.”

Officious blinked. “Wait…you don’t have a daughter, do you?”

DJ rolled her eyes. “Wow, you’re so quick. Ninja-like skills there, I see.”

Officious sighed. “Your grace….”

“No. I can also say that in other languages, too, if you want to hear those.”

He sighed and started to depart.

“Oh, don’t go away mad, Officious…” she stated.

“Really?”

“Yeah – just go away.” 





“DJ,” Twilight began.

“I don’t want to do it, okay? It’s kinda creepy. Just the thought of an ‘OFFICIAL PORTRAIT’—” This part she said in a faux-echoing voice while moving her arms to emphasize a large picture, “—makes me wonder if I should break out Soviet Union iconography and shit. They used to do it, there too.”

Twilight sighed. When her niece had ideas in her head, there was no stopping her.

“Just think. People will have to parade past my picture, double-file, goose-stepping on a red carpet while I stand there in the picture looking like Stalin. Or maybe Yeltsin. Whatever.” She frowned. “Trust me, I look hideous in olive green and red.”

“DJ, you’re being ridiculous.”

DJ continued nonstop. “Hell, I don’t even know the lyrics of the Soviet anthem. I’m sure there’s references to communism, borscht and Olympic doping in there somewhere, but really, Twi, that’s about it.”

Twilight facehoofed. “Are you done?” she asked a minute later.

“Look, I just…I think it’s a bad idea.”

“Yes, it probably is, but we’ll manage. Why are you so dead set against this?”

“Because clearly you are unfamiliar with the ways of human children.”

The unicorn looked at her oddly. “I don’t understand.”

“Good – that’s usually the first sign of wisdom.”

“DJ….”

The humanized pony huffed. “Fine. You ever try to get a kid to sit still for school photos? It just doesn’t happen. Somewhere in our DNA are genetic instructions not to sit still. Ever. It’s probably in the weird-shaped mitochondria, not the normal ones. It just. Does. Not. Happen.”

Twilight just gave the air a Why me? look and continued to listen.

“And so, keeping in mind that you either have to resort to tranquilizers, illicit drugs or taxidermy to keep children still for photos, imagine this happening in a painting. Where you have to sit for much longer. I’d probably get apologies and acceptance from Rarity before my boys sit still for a picture.”

“DJ, you know that’s not likely to happen.”

“And so my point is made.”

“DJ, you need to do one with your family. I can sympathize, really: I thought sitting for a painting was a waste of time myself. At several points I wanted to see if I could develop a spell to speed up time just to make the pain end. But this is for more than just taking up residence in the gallery at the Royal Museum or the one at the palace.”

“Wait – there’s two?”

“Yes, didn’t Officious tell you?”

“No, I tuned him out the moment he started saying about what an honor it is and making unintended sexual references or at least comments that I could easily twist into some.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Twilight sighed. “Look…I know you don’t like the idea. But doesn’t the precarious situation that Luna is going through right now mean anything to you?”

“I fail to see how she and Robin are tied into this.”

“Easy. Tia’s been trying to get them to sit down for their official portrait as well, but in their case, many painters refuse to do it. They…it’s like many of them are saying that neither Robin nor Sterling belong in this family, and Luna has not been taking it well. I was hoping that if you were to do yours, it would at least show them that humans do deserve to be a part of this family.”

“What about Spike?”

Twilight frowned. “They took forever to do his. He was scheduled to do his originally when he was twenty-five but for, quote unquote, ‘reasons’, painters were busy for five years. It actually took Celestia commissioning the royal portraitist from Griffonica to do Spike’s that anypony paid attention…and then they complained forever about the insult to their livelihoods and standing. Not once did they care about how my brother felt.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t. This all happened long ago, so it’s water under the bridge now. But it’s happening again. And I would hope that you would care about what goes on in the family enough to do so. I know you try to stay clear of royal happenstance, but this really isn’t a time when you can, DJ. Not if you care about Luna.”

“You really hit below the belt, don’t you?”

“I do what I have to do, you know that.”

“Fine. But we do this my way and quite frankly I don’t care what the portraitists think. If they don’t like what I come up with, then I shall have to quote them wise words, passed down from time immortal since the dawn of human wisdom.”

Twilight wondered what DJ meant. Then she cocked a brow; chances were, DJ was being sarcastic. As usual. “And that is?”

DJ smiled. “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need.”

“Wow, who said that?”

“Mick Jagger. Besides, it was either quoting a song or saying ‘eat a dick’. The former seemed slightly politer.” 





The next day, a phone rang in a large house in Milton, Georgia. A lanky teenager picked up the phone. “Byrd residence.”

“Hello, Jack, this is DJ Martinez. How are things?”

Jack Byrd struggled to remember the name, before recalling the name. “Oh, hi, Ms. Martinez. Things are doing great here. How about you?”

“Can’t complain. Is your mom home?”

“Yeah, sure. She’s in her studio right now.”

“Oh, that’s right you guys recently moved, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, Mom needed a bigger place for her studio. Give me a sec, gotta take the phone out to her.” Jack stepped out of the house and walked across the backyard to an adjacent building on the land.

As he walked in, he found a pony at work on a large screen, futzing away with a picture on Photoshop. “Hey, Mom? I have DJ Martinez on line for you.”

Sepia Byrd grinned. “Thanks, Jack.” She took the phone from him and said, “Heya, Dee. You could’ve just called on the cell.”

“I tried but didn’t get an answer.”

Pia facehoofed. “That’s my fault – I keep forgetting the local cell tower’s on the fritz. Gotta call the phone company about that, but I keep forgetting, since we have an old landline we keep for emergencies. Anyway, what’s up?”

“You still doing photography, Pia?”

The unicorn grinned. “You say that like you don’t know I’m one of the most in-demand photographers in the country. In fact I’m working on touchups for a shoot I did for the cover of Breaktacular’s annual print edition.” She tapped a few buttons before adding, “Originally, it was supposed to be a montage of several top-selling artists, starting with Heavy Hittah.”

“Oh? How’d that go?”

A frown came over Pia’s muzzle. “Apparently because we mares put out pheromones that make men attracted when we’re attracted, clearly it means that the only reason I was hired for the photoshoot for a star rapper was because I wanted to have sex with him while pretending to take pictures. Nevermind that my husband is the publisher for the website and magazine that Neanderthal was lucky enough to be on the cover of, clearly I was supposed to strip down and get in, ahem, ‘pony style’.”

There was silence over the line for a second before DJ spoke again. “Did you kick him in the balls?”

“Didn’t have to. One of the other guys I was taking a picture of – Jonathan Maria, the lead singer for Rocks the Pants, came in and saw him leaning over me. Guy pulled him away and said if he did that shit again, he was going to kick his ass.” Though DJ couldn’t see it, she could hear the smile on her friend’s face. “Totally nice guy. Also helps that his band’s good too.”

“So what happened?”

“Well, a little later Richard came by and saw I was flustered. I explained what happened and Jonathan backed me up, and now, Richard tossed the issue and is doing a special issue on nice guys in rock – and asked Jonathan and his band to curate the issue.” She laughed. “So nice guys do win in the end. Anyway, why’d you call?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

“Sure, all ears. What’s up?”

“Well, I have to do my royal portraiture with me and my family, and for some reason, they somehow think that kids are going to sit still for those things.”

Pia laughed. “Oh, don’t remind me. I’m still recovering from when we had Melissa do hers at the beginning of the school year back in October. I swear, I love my daughter, but at that point I was hoping my horn would grow back so I could cast a stasis spell on her to get her to stop moving like a doped-up cheetah!”

“Well, I was figuring that the rules say ‘portrait’ and technically not ‘painting’, I was hoping if you were—”

“Say no more. I’m always free for a friend. Besides, now that the photoshoots got changed, I’ve got all the time in the world. Where do you need me to be?”

“Would you mind coming to Canterlot? I can get you a pass for the portal.”

“Oh, no, not at all. Besides, it’ll give me a chance to bring the kids by to see my family’s graves in Dodge Junction. They’ve never seen them before, so I thought they might appreciate finding out where I came from.”

“Well, just let me know when you can, and I’ll arrange everything.”

“Sure. Give me a couple of days to arrange everything and I’ll send you an email with the details.”

“Sounds good. Thanks, Pia. I really appreciate it.”

“Hey, what are friends for, right? Besides, it’ll give me a chance to shine my spotlight in a place it hasn’t been before.”

“Talk to you later, then. Bye!”

Pia hung up the call, then dialed another number in. “Hey, Gladys. You up for a trip to Canterlot?” 





Meanwhile, back in Canterlot, DJ had no sooner hung up the phone than someone knocked on her door. Someday I will actually get some writing done around this madhouse, the humanized pony rued as she opened the door.

“Hello, DJ,” Elusive said, waving. “May I come in?”

“Hi, Luse,” she said, making her way so her younger brother could come in. “What brings you here?’

“The latest crisis between you and Mother, of course,” he said weakly.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Probably. Mother found out that you’re scheduled to do your official portraiture soon and because she thinks that you’ll do something ‘off the wall’ and ‘beyond the pale’, she spent a substantial amount of money to hire Body Color to paint your family’s portrait.”

“I thought the family that was having the portrait done were allowed to choose?”

“That’s just the point – she doesn’t think you could deal with the responsibility, so she went and did it for you,” Elusive explained. “That would be bad enough, but I’m afraid I’m not done yet.”

“But wait there’s more,” DJ said in a dull agreement. “May as well tell me what I get with the bamboo steamer that’s absolutely free.” When he looked at her oddly, she explained, “Human joke. Go ahead.”

“We…that is, Butter and I…had made the mistake of hiring Color to do our official portrait after we wed.” Elusive sighed. “How do I say this politely?”

“When am I ever polite, Luse?”

“Point. Well, I suppose there’s no way to sugarcoat it: he’s a specist and tribalist. Sadly, I did not find out about this until the picture was nearly complete, but he’d harangued Butter for being a ‘mudsquatter’ who was only with me for my family’s name and riches. When I found out I was incensed, but Mother insisted that she would take care of the matter. We ended up using his portrait, though she forced him to waive the commission price. Truthfully, we probably should’ve pulled his royal warrant as well, but he does have a family to take care of and I would not want them to suffer for their boor of a father and husband.”

“Okay, so if this guy is a grade-A asshat, why did she hire him? I thought she loved my kids. No idea how she feels about Mike, but as I get it, she loves the boys.”

“I suspect the intent is not directed towards them or even Mike,” Elusive said, and it was what he didn’t say that made it all clear.

DJ facepalmed and muttered several choice words in Spanish. “Do something about your mother,” DJ told him, “or else I’m going to.”

“All things considered maybe you should talk to her, DJ.”

“Luse, I didn’t say I’d talk to her, I said I’d do something. Said something, by the way, will probably involve a noose, a pinebox and criminal statutes.”

“So you want me to talk to her?” he asked thickly.

She smiled and clapped, a gleeful expression on her face. “I’m so glad I have an understanding little brother!”

“Why me?” he groaned. 





“Why me?” she groaned.

“Mother, if you would just listen to what DJ—”

“No. I will not have that…that…human…make a mockery of such an important occasion!” Rarity cried as she lay on her fainting couch. “Does she not realize the importance of this? Of how it will make us all look?”

“Mother…you choosing Body Color as the official portraitist might not have been a good idea.”

“Oh, posh. I know the, ahem, ‘gentlestallion’ may have made some mistakes in the past, but we are pony! We are meant to be forgiving and understanding, you know that? Isn’t that the crux of our species and society?”

“Yes, but—”

“Oh, but nothing, my dearest darling son. I am your mother and I know what is best in this circumstance. And even though that…human…doesn’t know what is best for her, I must look out for my grandfoals. I won’t let them suffer because their mother is a boorish, obstinate harridelle!” She patted him on the cheek. “As a father, you will understand this someday, son. I would expect the same from you if it ever came to it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to work.”

Elusive groaned. 





A couple of days later, DJ sat waiting by the portal at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. “Thanks for arranging this, Cadance,” she said to the alicorn.

Cadance nodded. “It’s quite alright. I remember how my first official portrait was, and I can understand the trepidation. Still, it’s an important part of royal life, so we must bear it.” She sighed. “I remember the time before my first official portrait; it was a dark and stormy time, filled with bandits and manticores….”

“I detect a bit of sarcasm there,” DJ said with a grin.

Cadance chuckled. “Honestly, DJ, nopony likes them. In this day and age, I’m not even sure why we do them, and I’m sure the rulers of Human-Earth probably feel the same way. I know I’ve got to sit for one with my son as soon as he’s of age and I am not looking forward to that. Hell, I’m sure that Twi isn’t looking forward to sitting for one with Dawn, either, but it’s something that royalty and nobility has to do.”

“Couldn’t, you know, Celestia change that law?”

“I’m sure she could,” Cadance agreed, “but some things are even beyond the royalty, if that makes sense.”

DJ folded her arms and grunted. “Well, I don’t like it.”

The portal then activated, pulsating to life. A few seconds later, a humanized unicorn came walking out of it, holding the hand of a younger girl. Behind her was a teenage boy and an older man. Behind them was a group of REG personnel carrying several cases behind them. Bringing up the rear was a boisterous gryphoness, barking orders and having fun doing it.

DJ went over and hugged her friend. “Heya, Pia, how goes?”

“Oh, you know how it is as the only other member of the humanized pony club, right?”

DJ giggled. “Founding member and club president – membership has its perks, right?”

Pia laughed all the more. “Well, you sure convinced me!”

The two bounced around like old friends and for Cadance, it was rather disconcerting seeing DJ acting…well, like a normal person rather than the taciturn near-curmudgeon she was usually known to be. Part of her wanted to go hunt down DJ’s husband to find out if what she was watching was real or if she was just losing her mind.

“Oh, this is normal, your highness,” Gladys said, as if answering Cadance’s thoughts. “When they get together they act like long-lost sisters or something. It’s kinda odd, I know, but hey, Pia’s my friend, so what can you do, right?”

Richard watched as his wife goofed off with her friend like a pair of giddy teenagers. “Honestly, it’s good to see her unwind now and then. From what I know, same for DJ as well.”

“You have no idea,” Cadance said flatly.

Done with her brief moment of jocularity, DJ turned to Gladys. “Hey, Gladys, how’s the wing?”

The gryphoness moved it gingerly. “I’m taking it day by day, you know? I mean, I’m glad that they were able to catch the tumor in time, but….” She shrugged her wings. “Thanks for asking, though.”

DJ then went over and hugged Richard. “And Richard! Looking good as always! Wife running you ragged?”

He laughed. “As always, she’s a handful. But I doubt you’re treating Mike any less so.”

“Guilty as charged.” She then went over to look at Jack. “Man, you are growing up, kid! Find a girlfriend your style?”

Jack blushed and scratched his head. “Not really, Mrs. M, but thanks for asking.”

DJ laughed breezily and went over to hug Melissa. “And you’re growing so big, you know that? Cute as a button, though.” DJ sighed. “Makes me wish I had a girl.”

“No you don’t, Dee,” Pia told her with mock-sobriety.

“No, seriously!”

Cadance continued to look at DJ with complete confusion. This was not the mare she – or she suspected, anypony – in the family knew. This was an entirely different mare, and if it weren’t for the fact that the alarms were silent, the alicorn would have suspected that it was a really bad changeling impostor.

Meanwhile, DJ was about to say something, when her phone went off. She spent several moments on it back in what Cadance charitably called “DJ Mode” before she apologized, explaining she had “Rarity problems” before heading off in a huff.

Cadance watched as DJ stormed off. “Well, as you’ll all be staying in the castle, please, let me show you all to your rooms and then give you the tour until DJ gets back.” The romance alicorn sighed, wondering when that was going to be. 





“And that’s what I saw!” Cadance told Luna less than an hour later. “If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I swear, I would have imagined the whole thing!”

“I know,” Luna said sadly. “And I know that she’s only like that around Sepia Tone. I think it’s because they understand each other better than any two ponies in either reality.”

“How so?” Cadance asked, and when the night alicorn explained, Cadance turned away in sorrow. “I hadn’t heard about that,” she said.

“It was during a period you were throwing yourself into your work,” Luna told her. “Besides, even we cannot keep up on all of our subjects; and as I understand it, Pia is a dual-national, so it would hardly be likely for us to keep abreast on the injuries of Equine-Americans. In any case, she has recovered wonderfully and is proving to be a vital asset for us.”

“Asset?” Cadance inquired.

Luna nodded. “She serves so, indirectly. First, by being an example of ponies excelling in our work over there. Despite the years that our two species have been exposed to one another, there are still some that do not trust ponies. They think we have ‘motives’ and plans. And of course, there are specists there, just as we have them amongst our own kind. But it is the second point which I feel is more important.”

“And that is?”

“She makes DJ smile. And from what I understand, oftentimes that is not a common-enough occurrence for our taciturn young mare.” Luna thought about it for a second. “Maybe I should arrange an informal dinner for tomorrow night. That way we could get them together. DJ obviously invited her friend over for the official portrait, so perhaps by letting them unwind in a more comfortable setting, we can find out exactly what’s going on. Because otherwise, we’re going to see inevitable conflict between her and Rarity.”

“Cosmos forbid that happens – again,” Cadance sighed. 





“What?” Rarity’s shriek was enough to make Cerise wince. “That…that….” The mare sat down, furious and unable to say another word. “Even at the end of the day, she vexes me!”

“I’m sorry, Rarity,” Cerise said with sympathy. “I know she’s always been a problem for you.”

The unicorn sighed. “Were all humans as marelike as you, my dear Cerise, perhaps our two civilizations would be even closer. As it is, I am proud that I at least have you by my side. Now, what were you able to dig up about this…photographer…she hired?”

“Apparently Mrs. Sepia Byrd is a renowned photographer in her field and is an old friend of Sandalwood’s.” Cerise continued to read off her tablet. “She’s been hired a couple of times by Princess Celestia to take official photos during her visits to North America. She is thirty-three, born in Dodge Junction—”

“Dodge Junction? So she’s a pony?”

“I don’t think so, your grace. There’s also a Dodge Junction in Kansas, so she is likely human. Two children, a boy and a girl; married to Richard Byrd, who is publisher and CEO for the Atlanta Online News Group, who own several influential local news websites, from Atlanta’s A-Frame to, locally, The Ponyville Clarion.”

Rarity sighed. “And for a moment, I had thought that I would have somepony I could reason with. No doubt this ‘Sepia Byrd’ is some bubble-headed silly human woman.”

“I have a picture of the family; best thing we could find during a quick Hooftap search.” Cerise handed over her tablet, which showed a picture of the Byrd family, with a human woman holding a newborn, while a proud father stood behind them both. To the side, a young boy smiled for the camera, complete with toothy gap.

Looking at the picture, Rarity couldn’t help but wonder if the thieves that had taken Sandalwood from her had made any pictures like this. Proud parents, knowing they had stolen something that wasn’t rightfully theirs. The family looked adorable and happy, and it made Rarity ache all the more for what she had lost – worse, what was being denied her because of her brainwashed daughter.

“Arrange a meeting for me with Mrs. Byrd, if you please,” Rarity said. “Friend or not, I’m sure I can convince her to see things my way. I will not stand for my grandsons’ official portrait to be ruined by their mother’s own whims, and whatever qualities this Mrs. Byrd may or may not have, I am quite sure that as a mother, even she can understand propriety and decorum.” 





That night, DJ had her friends over for dinner. Given that Pia had adopted much the same eating habits that DJ had, it was a chance for the humanized pony to flex her cooking skills. And after a night of some of her family’s tried-and-true enchiladas, the group now sat in front of a demolished table’s worth of Mexican food while Jack offered to watch over the younger ones so the adults could talk.

“Oh, I’m gonna get soooo fat,” Gladys groaned. “You really have to give me this recipe, DJ. I swear Gilgamesh is going to love them.”

“Gilgamesh?” DJ looked coyly at the gryphoness. “I don’t think you’ve mentioned him.”

Pia laughed. “He’s a new gryphon nurse that started working for Eris a few months ago,” the humanized unicorn explained. “She fixed them up on a date and they’re now busy practicing making eggs on a regular basis.” Gladys blushed good-naturedly at her friend’s jibe, and the rest of them laughed.

“So, now that I’ve dented your food bill,” Pia told her, “want to tell me what this whole thing is about?” DJ went over and rehashed the whole thing, with Pia occasionally nodding or tapping something onto her cellphone for notes. DJ then went on to talk about how important the whole thing supposedly was, and even though she didn’t want to do it she was going to both for her family’s sake for Luna’s as well.

“Yeah, I’ve heard. Is it true that Luna had a love child with a human?” Pia asked. “I mean, I don’t mean to pry into your family business much less royal affairs, but….”

“I’ll let her discuss it,” DJ said. “I got a call from her office an hour ago and given that you are all staying at the palace for the duration of this ordeal, she offered to host an informal dinner for us all. You can talk to her then and get her opinion. Who knows? She might just want to hire you as well.”

“That would be great,” Pia admitted. “Given that I’ve worked with Princess Celestia, I’m hoping that she’s as personable.”

“Luna’s great, trust me. I love my aunt dearly and she adores me, even though we’ve been at loggerheads from time to time.”

“You? Butting heads with someone?” Pia drolled. “I can’t believe that.”

DJ sucked down the rest of her beer. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, ha ha. Should’ve gone into comedy, Pia.”

“I love my day job too much, sorry.” She grinned and then added, “Anything else I should know?”

“Yeah. Only that I’m doing this photoshoot because it bucks the trend and it hasn’t been done before. So call me a rulebreaker, but I figured it was time that the family got some modernization in the house.”

“Maybe we can do both at once,” Gladys commented. “Remember that project I told you about that’s going on over at Georgia Tech?”

“The Rembrandt Project?” Pia asked and Gladys nodded. When DJ gave her an unusual look, Pia explained. “There’s a student at Georgia Tech that recently built a robot that’s designed to take photos and paint perfect oil-painting recreations. Some kid built it as part of a robotic experiment, but something like that could really come in handy. You could get your picture taken and have both of them done!”

DJ grinned. “That’s a great idea! I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Dee,” Pia said with a laugh.

Gladys looked at the clock. “Well, I don’t know about you, but since we don’t have to get started on this project for a few more days, it’ll give me a chance to fly back home and see my folks. I’m sure they’ll want to know how I’m doing.”

“Where’s home?” Mike, who had been mostly quiet during the evening, asked.

“Seaddle. Equestrian-born and raised, that’s me, though my parents were Griffonican. In any case, I’ll probably go there for a few days, then come back and look into getting ahold of the kid with the Rembrandt bot. That work for you, Pia?”

Pia nodded. “It’ll let me take a day trip out with the family to Dodge Junction. Then, we’ll be able to set things up, we can talk about exactly how you want it and then do lighting tests in the location and the like. Do you know where we’re going to do the shoot?”

“There’s a parlor in the west wing of the palace that’s been traditionally used for these things,” DJ told her. “I figure it looks more elegant than our place here, so I’m not about to buck tradition in that regard. Luna and Twi would have my head if I did that.”

“Well, sooner or later you’re going to have to listen to reason, hon,” Mike told her.

“Yeah, well, reason is not my forte. I’m a writer, remember? I’m a fabulist and that’s just how shit works!” she said with a giggle. “But yeah, let me talk to Luna tomorrow and we’ll see what we can do. I’m sure she’ll want someone she trusts do take care of this picture, and I trust you, so I can put in a good word.”

“Well, I’d very much appreciate that, DJ. But yeah, it’s getting late and we probably should be heading back.”

“I’ll call for a duty REG vehicle,” DJ told them. “It’ll make for an easier time for you to get back onto the compound.”

“I thought the palace grounds were open, though,” Richard asked her.

“Not during the nighttime,” Mike told them. “Security’s gotten tighter since the invasion and though things are starting to get back to normal around here, well, this just might be the new normal. Maybe it’s just the influence of human thought patterns, but after a second fight against changelings, they’re starting to take security more seriously than I’ve ever seen it.” 





Twenty minutes later, the grateful family stepped out of the SUV, giving a thankful wave to the REG driver on duty before waved off and headed back to the motor pool. 

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think I’m going to take a walk around the grounds,” Pia announced. “I hear they’re beautiful at night, and I never had the chance to see them when I lived here.” She paused. “Well, when I lived here in Equestria. I never actually lived in Canterlot, per se.”

“You know what? That sounds like a great idea,” Richard told her, putting his arm around his wife’s shoulders. In turn, she gently wrapped her tail around his leg.

“I know that look,” Jack said with a grin. “C’mon, Melissa – let’s give them some time alone, okay?”

“I don’t wanna go to bed!” the young girl whined.

“We won’t. We’ll see what’s on TV, okay? But let’s leave Mom and Dad to take their walk and you and I can watch cartoons or something.” Agreeing to her brother’s bribe, the two went off towards the nearest entrance, leaving their parents to head towards the grounds.

“It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” Pia said, walking slowly and enjoying the cloying scent of the flowers sprayed throughout the garden. “Luna creates these starscapes every night and I’ve missed so much of it.”

Richard looked into the sky. “Still hard to believe that stars don’t work quite the same way that they do back home. Are they really the same thing?”

“I don’t know. We never really covered that in school, admittedly,” Pia told him. “And given that a lot of what the kids are learning at school is so different than what I knew, I really don’t know what to say. I grew up amongst this, though.”

“And it’s made you oh, so lovely,” he told her, scooping her up in his arms and bringing her up to eye level so he could gaze into his wife’s loving eyes.

“You’re a flatterer, Richard.”

“You’re worth flattering, Pia.”


“Ahem.”

The two lovers turned to see a palace page standing there, looking extremely skittish. “Uh…Mr. and Mrs. Byrd?”

“That…would be us,” Pia told him. “Can I help you?”

The young stallion awkwardly shuffled his forelegs before sitting down and reaching into a satchel on his side. “Yes, I have two documents for you, if you will.” He handed them over to them.

“Thank you,” she said to him, looking at the two envelopes. One was a traditional scroll, bound by a midnight-blue silken ribbon, while the other was more modern stationery, sealed in the back with eminence-purple wax.

“Thank you,” he said. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” Without anything further to say, he tore off away from the two.

“Skittish kind of guy,” Richard noted.

“Well, he did catch us in an…interesting moment,” Pia said with a smirk. She then opened the scroll. “Well, this is interesting.”

“What’s that?”

“We’ve been requested to join her highness Princess Luna for dinner tomorrow night. Nothing formal, just a get together. I wonder if DJ knows about this?” she said, referring to the formal invite in her hoofspace.

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” he said with a shrug. “And the other?”

Pia opened that as well and the smile on her face turned into a frown. “And here’s where the headaches begin. Remember what she told us about her biological mother?”

“Rarity, the Knight Elemental of Generosity?”

“The one and the same,” Pia told him. “We’ve been summoned to meet with her for breakfast.”
> Motherly Concerns
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

At her home in Canterlot, Duchess Twilight Sparkle, Knight Commander of Magic, was suffering the most problematic of issues, known to many beings since time immemorial: an unruly teenager.

“Mom, why can’t I?” Shining Dawn asked, her pepsis wings buzzing in irritation.

“Sweetheart, I just don’t think it’s a good idea, okay?  I know you want to go to school, and I want you to.  I want you to have the best education possible.”

“And not just because I’m the daughter of Twilight Sparkle?” Dawn said blandly.

Twilight giggled. “Well, there is certainly that. But more importantly, I want you to have the opportunities you didn’t have when you were with Chrysalis’ brood. I want you to have every advantage possible so that you’ll be a credit to ponydom and yourself.”  Twilight went over and hugged the younger pony.  “Just remember: I’m being a mom, and it’s all still new to me.”

Dawn snuggled in her mother’s embrace, feeling the maternal love both metaphorically and literally.  “You’re doing great, really.”

“I’ll take your word for it.  Now, go ahead and get going – if you’re going to stay with Sterling tonight, you don’t want to be late, okay?”

Dawn reached over and nuzzled her mother.  “Okay. See you tomorrow, Mom.”





Snuggled in her bed, DJ dozed gently.  Her sons were off in Ponyville, with Cinnamon having offered to show them around Sweet Apple Acres.  Her husband was currently out training in the field and wouldn’t be back for the rest of the week.  Sepia had to head back to Human-Earth for a minor emergency, but would be back in a couple of days.  Sunset was out of town visiting her parents out in Oatmaha or wherever she was from. And DJ’s latest draft of her newest novel was surprisingly running ahead of schedule, so she could afford to take a few days of downtime.

All in all, she felt that she’d earned some deserved shut-eye.


So leave it to Luna to ruin it.


“I need advice.”

DJ yawned, knowing in an instant who it was.  “Luna,” she said, barely able to keep her eyes open, “it’s three in the morning!”

“I thought you would be awake – don’t you usually work late hours?” the lunar alicorn apologized. “Besides, it’s the only time of night when I can move around freely without having to drag along an extensive retinue.”

The humanized pony rubbed her eyes.  “Only when I’m working against a deadline – and I got my draft to my editor two days ago, so I’m good,” she explained.  The two looked at each other awkwardly before DJ sighed and climbed out of bed.  “Well, looks like seepy times is shot, so…let me go abuse the Keurig.”  

“You don’t have to do that,” Luna insisted.

“Yes I do. You’re a coffee fiend and I probably don’t want to fall asleep right in front of you.”  As she threw on a bedrobe, she walked towards the kitchen, her aunt in tow.  “Please tell me you aren’t here for some friendship problem – I don’t do that.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “You don’t?”

“Well, my advice would start Sesame Street-style: Brought to you by the letters F and U.”  As DJ entered the kitchen, she tapped the touch screen, letting the machine warm up, then turned back to Luna and added, “So what brings you here?”

“I need advice,” Luna said, teleporting them both back to DJ’s living room.

“You stated that. You have yet to say why,” DJ commented, plopping onto the sofa.

“Well, you’re a mother and—”

“Okay, I can see where this is going.  Because I’m a mother and I also had the fun of being a very unique teenage girl, which is why you’re asking me, and not, say, just about anyone else?”

Luna’s gave a ghost of a smile.  “And you say you’re not awake right now.”

“Yes, that happens when I get strange visitors at three in the morning.”  The coffeemaker chimed and DJ got up to go serve the coffee, but a flash of Luna’s horn took care of that issue.

“That must be pretty handy,” DJ commented as a coffee cup appeared in front of her.

“Quite a bit,” Luna admitted.  “I just upgraded the one in my office last week from a Keurig Signature 4000 to a Derptech Derpy Hooves Barista Edition.”

“There’s a name I hear a lot,” DJ grumbled.  “Mostly it’s paired with ‘it’s your fault she’s not alive.’”

“That’s most assuredly a lie,” Luna assured her.  “She did everything she could to try to save you and you should feel no guilt about that at all.  You were a foal – you couldn’t have done anything, anyway.”  A melancholy smile came onto her face.  “She and your sisters were amazing ponies, DJ.  I hope you get to learn more about them someday.”

“Yeah,” DJ commented, not sure of how to respond to that.  A few more minutes went by before she found her voice again.  “Well, I think that’s my quota of personal guilt for the day.  So can we get to your issue?”

Luna nodded.  “I want to talk to you about Sterling – my own daughter.  She’s….” Luna sighed.  “Well, I’m sure you’ve heard about what happened in Malaysia, I presume.”

“Kind of hard not to when I have the New York Times calling me for a quote.  I told them I didn’t know what happened, mainly because I don’t know what happened.”

Luna solved that by going over her recent vacation with her daughter and how she ended up getting into a very public spat with Celestia in the southeast Asian nation.  She did, however, leave out the revelation of Celestia and Sam’s own relationship.  DJ sat and listened and finally said, “Well, sounds like you and Tia made a mess of things.”

“Perhaps, but we managed to fix things, thankfully.  Besides, it allowed us a chance for Sterling and Tia to get closer, which is the important thing.  But now, I think I have an entirely new problem: now that Sterling’s existence has been made public, my sister wishes for Sterling to take up the family business, as it were – and that’s something that neither Robin nor I want.  We just want her to be a normal girl, as much as she wants, for as long as she wants.”

“But she’s not normal, is she?”

“She is to me.” Luna took a drink from her cup, which floated in a magic field just before her lips.  “But I understand what you mean.  No.  She’s an alicorn, just like I am.  In fact, she’s the Alicorn of Language.  But she’s also just as human.”  The alicorn paused.  “And before you make another comment, I’m not going to get into a debate regarding your religious beliefs or now they seem to dovetail with how Sterling exists. That’s not the point of why I’m here.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” DJ defended.

Cyan eyes reflected relief at that remark.  “The point I’m here for is, what do I do now?  I know how to work with a government.  I know how to operate military.  I know magic of many styles and eldritch power is at my hooftips.” She took another drink of her coffee and admitted, “But when it comes to being a mother, I am completely lost. And the demands of my – our – station in life isn’t making it any easier, I’m afraid.”

“Would that demand be an image problem caused by the whole thing in Malaysia?” DJ guessed, though she already suspected that was an answer.

“Earlier today, my sister suggested that I sit down for an interview with a reporter, one that wasn’t Featherweight,” Luna told her.  “Actually, she wanted my whole family – Sterling and Robin included – to do it together and discuss our lives, with a particular focus on them as incoming royals and the three of us as a small group within the greater sphere of the Royal Family in general.  Worst of all, she wants me to have them publicly introduced to our ponies as their newest princess.”

“I take it you don’t like that idea,” the humanized pony noted.

“You would be correct. I told Tia as much and…well, we got into another one of our typical squabbles.  She thinks I’m being overly sensitive, while I argued that she’s throwing my family to the wolves.  In turn, she argued that it’s me that doesn’t understand what family is like, given that she raised both me and Cadance.  And while I’m grateful for that…my sister was only a maternal figure.  She’s not a mother.”

“Cadance would argue otherwise, as far as I understand.”

“You’re correct in that, true.  But I’m trying to protect my daughter.  My own child. She’s just a filly and she’s had to deal with death threats and porn ever since she became public!”  The look in Luna’s eyes was one of pain.  “And then there’s that girl in New Zealand who was murdered because she had the same name and was superficially similar in appearance to my own daughter.  A family lost their precious child because people hate my daughter!”


DJ was silent for the longest time before she said, “I had porn made about me, as well.  My parents just kept it well hidden, but when I was eighteen I went to a party at college one of the guys had a decade-old Blu-Ray labeled Daisy Jo Rides the Baloney Pony.  I guess someone there was trying to make me uncomfortable on purpose by showing some really bad porn vid with a midget with a lot of make up getting it on with what I guess are typical male porn actors, short on brains and long on other things.”

Luna looked at her niece for a few minutes.  “And you weren’t offended?”

“Luna, if there’s one thing my parents instilled in me, it’s that people like exotic things, and there’s nothing more exotic than being the first of your kind.  So I was already prepared for that sort of situation. As for the party, I watched a bit of it and by the time of the ‘quote’ heaviest scenes, I was laughing my ass off so hard at the whole thing more than one guy clearly was more uncomfortable than I was.  Needless to say, the next time I went to a party there, that video did not make a return engagement.”

“Yes, but you were eighteen.  She’s much younger.”

“And kids are more worldly now than I was at that age,” DJ reminded her.  “And since I’m on the subject of first-of-one’s-kind, let’s be honest: with the world now knowing about Sterling, she’s pretty much the oldest known hybrid, older than my son.  And obviously it can get ugly; I don’t need to clarify what you already know.”

“I don’t care about that,” Luna scoffed.  “I do care about my family and them being thrown into a public eye they aren’t ready for.  But is Celestia right?  Am I being overly sensitive?  As much as I am loathe to admit it, Celestia is right that I am a princess and it is my duty.  I am no mere housewife sitting at home worrying about this.  I am a ruler and government official – and Robin is doing his best to try to step into those shoes as well.”  She sighed.  “But I don’t want that for Sterling.  I want her to make her own choices.  But is that the right thing to do?”

DJ just sat there, waiting for Luna to get to the point.

“Cadance…from day one Tia pushed her to her role as a princess.  I don’t know the particulars, but with maybe a few spots here and there, that is all she’s ever known.  But Sterling…up until a few moments ago, she was just a normal girl.”

“I don’t think the daughter of a superwealthy CEO – essentially modern American royalty – could be called normal,” DJ reminded her.

“I suppose not. But even still, there’s a difference between being a metaphorical princess and being a literal one.  At worst, Sterling has been the former.  But she didn’t really know she was the latter until now.  And I don’t want her to have to live a life forced to be Princess Luna the Younger.” The night alicorn conjured a second cup. “I have whole herds of lawyers and advisors ready to give me a dozen different answers.  But they can’t tell me what I want – what I need.  And that is the opinion of a mother and somepony – no, someone – who has walked the path I know that Sterling must. The only human I know that fits that bill.”

Despite her tiredness, DJ blushed.  “I’m flattered you think so highly of me.”

“I tend to think highly of those who have my trust and respect.”

DJ took another sip of her coffee; trying to wrap her brain around what to say next. “Okay.  I can only give you my life experiences and how they played out. Sterling has it easier, given that she’s completely human, insofar as both shape and looks go.  Not that it matters at this point, but she’ll clearly have a different outlook than I did and different experiences as well.  But I’ll be happy to give you my perspective. And for that, we’ll start with what I think is the most important part.”

“Laugh at bad debaucherous images?” Luna said uneasily.

“That will come in time.  No, the most important thing…is for you to be a mother.  Even if you don’t know a damn thing about how to be a human mother or a pony mother or even just a mother…a child needs a mentor to guide them through life.  I wouldn’t be the woman I am if it wasn’t for my parents.  If someone else had found me, I might be just some half-dead curiosity in a zoo in Topeka or something.  Or worse, pieces in a jar in formaldehyde in a research lab somewhere.” Luna blanched at that and DJ gave a grim smile.  “Obviously I’m not saying that’s what will happen to Sterling.  But she’s being hunted and persecuted and fetishized for being different.  Gays, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Muslims, even white people in some parts of the world…no one is perfect.  Humanity is a mess.  We’re always trying to improve ourselves, but we fuck up.  And you know what?  That’s life. I note ponies, for all their arrogance and superiority, aren’t any better.”

Luna bristled at her species’ criticism, all the more so, given that it was from one of her own kind even though DJ often claimed to be something else.  “DJ, ponies have never claimed to be perfect….”

“I didn’t say perfect, Luna – I said arrogant and superior.  Ponies, despite their better nature at harmony and unity, have always been that from within.  They look down at other species, and it’s only been relatively recently that they’ve learned to see other species as equals.  Sure, there have been outliers like Princess Gemstone and the kitsune, but as much as ponies try to portray themselves as the hippie species, it took the arrival of my own kind to really bring out the ugliness in them.  But I’m not trying to beat up on ponies right now.” She leaned forward, then fixed her eyes right on her aunt’s.  “The point I’m trying to make is that even in a perfect world, the life of a teenager is fraught with peril.  And while I’m a couple of decades removed from my puberty zone, you’re even farther than that.  Neither of us can completely understand what our children will go through.  All we can do is just offer them our guidance and experience through our eyes.

“There’s also the fact that Sterling has grown up human.  Therefore, like me, she’s gotten a human perspective of things, and whether you or your fiancé or Tia or the family or anyone or anypony else has designs on that, that won’t change.  Rarity would love me to think like a pony, but I can’t.  I never grew up as one.  I might have the brain of a pony, but I have the mind of a human. And when Sterling is in her alicorn form, that’s going to be the same way.  She is always going to be more strongwilled and emotional than others here. She’s always going to have the same virtues and vices that any human does.”

“DJ, I don’t mean to be rude, but you’re talking in circles.  You’re repeating the same things over again.”

“Welcome to human teenagerhood,” DJ then said with a sleepy grin.  “That’s essentially the crux of it.  We spend a decade or so walking around in metaphorical circles while thinking we know everything and more often than not, we don’t listen to a single person, not even ourselves.  We repeatedly do Sisyphean things while the easier – and oftentimes, correct, path – is probably preferred.  I know I was a handful for my parents, and I’d like to say I was one of the more well-behaved amongst my generation.  Sam, as I recall, was a bit headstrong during his teenage years and used to get into arguments with our parents often.”  

“I…can’t see that of your brother.”

“Yeah, adulthood’s mellowed him out, but he still has an independent streak and will occasionally do things he probably shouldn’t.  But hey, he’s my kid brother – I gotta love him, warts and all.”  She chuckled at the memories, then gave her aunt a smile.  “Luna, you’re doing fine.  I know you came here thinking I’d be able to impart some grand advice, but the truth is, there isn’t any.  You just have to let her have room to spread her wings, literally and metaphorically, while being there if she needs you.  And she will need you, whether she says she does or not.”

“I see.”  Luna was quiet for a few more moments before she asked, “Then what should I do about my sister’s requests?  I want to protect my family.  I know Robin’s had some experience in the public eye, but the Equestrian media, especially the royal watchers, are a pack of hydras and they’ll tear them apart the first chance they get.”

“No they won’t. I’ve seen how the media here treats the Royal Family and the only royals that arguably get it easier than you are the Thai and Japanese dynasties.  But if you want my honest opinion?  You should do it.”  When Luna looked at her oddly, DJ admitted, “My parents have admitted that part of the reasons we had the difficulties we did is because we didn’t engage the press like we should have.  They wanted to protect me from the media circus, since they were both minor celebrities, so it’s understandable.  But like I said, people have an interest in the exotic, and the more you withhold the exotic from them, the more they’re going to want it.  In retrospect, putting me before the media circus probably would have just made me boring as hell in the end and would have saved us a lot of pain.”

“No.  I won’t let those jackals at my family.”

“Luna, I’m not saying that at all; you know I wouldn’t.  But you have to do whatever it takes to both protect your family, do your duties as a princess and guide Sterling through the labyrinth of life, right? That means doing things in ways that are unorthodox.  People are expecting to hound you and your family to give them the interview, right? Why not give someone else an interview instead – someone who isn’t assigned to watch the henhouse like a starving fox and so will be more inclined to treat you like people instead of like the story of a lifetime?”

“That sounds a bit deceitful,” Luna said with distaste.

“As if you don’t do that already in the political sphere,” DJ countered.  “The thing is that this is an arena far more important: that of a mother and a wife.  Yes, your duties as a princess are never going to go away, but then again never is that of your family.  You have to prioritize what is the most important to you in the end.  And why am I telling you all of this?  This is shit you should already know!”

Luna gave a wan smile. “Sometimes it’s best to rehear something you already know from a different perspective.” 

“Yeah.  Now if I can just get you to back off on that whole family pic thing.”

“If I have to suffer, DJ, you have to suffer.  It’s a family thing.”

“Pia’d be likely to agree with you,” DJ laughed.  “Seriously, though, if you decide to do it, I know the perfect person.  Cole St. Germain.  She’s an American reporter in Japan and her duties are to cover the US bases there as well as things that are pertinent to US interests in Japan. Which obviously has nothing to do with the status of the Equestriani Royal Family, right?  Plus, she’s a friend of mine, so she’ll treat you fairly.” At that, the sun started to peek over the horizon and she yawned.  “Okay, we spent the whole night talking, and I need to really get some shuteye.  I need to be on a conference call with my agent this afternoon and it’s not going to be fun if I’m falling asleep on him.”

“Okay, I get the hint. Thank you for everything.”

“Isn’t that what family’s for?  I mean besides annoying the hell out of and occasionally borrowing money from?”





“Ugh!”  Flopping onto her bed in her bedroom, Princess Luna the Younger, more commonly known as Sterling, currently held court, and said court apparently involved losing at her favorite videogame for the fourth time in a row.  She glared at the other person in the room, currently with a wide smile on her face and her hands wrapped around the controller.

“Remind me why I taught you how to play Destiny: Another Galaxy?” she groaned.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Sterling.”  Setting down the controller to pick up her Coke, Shining Dawn just grinned.  She was currently in her human form; while Sterling didn’t mind her being in her more natural form, there was just something about her royal cousin that made Dawn want to stay as a human while around her. “Not my fault you don’t have skills. You just need to git gud.”

The result of that statement was Sterling lobbing a royal pillow upside her cousin’s head. “‘Git gud’?  What is this, the 2010s?  Have you been watching old movies on Netflix again?”

Dawn giggled. “Blame my mom,” she replied.  “She said if I’m going to spend a lot of time in human form, I should respect their customs and language enough to know as much about them as I can.  Problem is, well, you know how my mom can be.”

“Yeah, I have to admit, Aunt Twilight’s smart, but she’s a little out of step with the times,” Sterling admitted, recalling the first time she met the Knight Commander of Magic.  A simple comment by Sterling had turned into an epic two-hour discussion on the Washington State education system and Sterling had been lucky to get away with little more than glazed eyes.

“Well, she’s the only mom I’ve ever known, so I’m stuck with her,” Dawn said with a grin.

“I thought that—”

“Nope.  Not even remotely.  Chrysalis may be half my genes, but she sure wasn’t a mother. Maybe it’s wrong of me to say it, but I’m glad she’s gone.  Now, if we can just find a way to stop the Changeling Empire for good, things will be worth it.  My bigger problem is trying to get my mom to figure out where she’s going to send me to school.”

“Still having that problem?”

“Yeah.  I mean, it’s not as though I have to start from scratch; I was born with enough knowledge to get me to where I look thereabouts, agewise.  And I’d like to think that I act my assumed age.  But mom wants me to be a pony and so do I – and because I’m the scion of the royal family, that means that I have to attend a good school.  It’s just that Mom doesn’t know if she wants me to attend the Academy or one of the other elite schools.  Really, I don’t care which one I do, I just want to be able to have fun while doing it, you know?”

“I hear that. Dad’s wondering if he needs to pull me from my school because everyone knows that I’m a princess now and he’s afraid that I’m going to either let it go to my head, or that I’ll be in-danger or something like that.  I don’t want to leave the school, but if we’re living here full-time in Equestria, I may not have a choice.  It’d suck, too, because then I’d miss Athena.”

“Have you talked with your parents yet?  I mean, I’d be happy to be there for you if you want.”

“Really?”

Dawn smiled. “We’re cousins, right?  I read somewhere that cousins are like sisters or something. So they should always back each other like sisters should.”

Sterling looked at Dawn with a confused look.  “Dawnie…that’s sweet, but that’s sooooo dorky.”





By the time Luna got back to her personal chambers, she noted that the door to the auxiliary office by the bedroom was open – the one that Robin was using while things were transitioning from him stepping away from his company and into the world of royalty. Walking in, she noticed that he was already hard at work, a half-eaten donut on a plate right next to a large orange juice and a half-consumed espresso cup.  Busybee was already there, but she looked as frazzled as always, so Luna took pains not to disturb the harried secretary.

Changing to her human form, she went over and wrapped her arms around him.  “Early start or burning the midnight oil?” she asked.

“The former; I just got up half an hour ago,” he told her, turning to kiss her.  “Not all of us are moon-slinging night alicorns, you know.”

“Oh, I don’t know; I think you’d make an excellent alicorn,” she told him.  “Then again, there’s never been an alicorn stallion, so….” She gave him a smile.

“So how’d your talk with DJ go?”

“You knew about that?”

“She texted me about a minute ago to let me know to tell you that next time you’re taking her out to lunch or dinner if you’re going to monopolize her time like that.” Luna chuckled and Robin just shook his head.  “So, want to tell me what it was all about?”

Luna went into a brief explanation of what she’d went over with DJ, and her concerns and fears. Robin in turn looked at her and drank his coffee, giving her his utmost attention.  Busybee, realizing the couple needed some time alone, decided to go do something less stressful, like going to get breakfast for the both of them and herself as well; though Luna had stated it wasn’t necessary, the secretary pony insisted that she had to take care of her rulers and bosses.

Finally, as Luna finished her whole thing, Robin asked, “I think you’re worrying a little too much about it, hon.  I know you’re trying to make up for lost time, but you really don’t have to. Sterling absolutely loves you and I know you love her.  In the short time you’ve been with us, you’ve shown that you’re more than capable of being a mother and you’ll be just as great a wife, I know it.”  He gave her an awkward half-smile and added, “If anything, I’m the one who has to work at being the fish out of water.  After all, Equestria hasn’t had a non-pony ruler in how long?”

She shook her head. “Don’t worry about that.  I’m certainly not and I don’t think Tia is either,” she assured him.  “If anything, I think the main concern is focusing on our wedding – we really haven’t done much planning in that direction – and preparing for your and Sterling’s official debut as members of the royal family.”

“We also have to talk about what we’re going to do about Sterling.  She’s happy at the school she’s going to, but I know if she continues to go there, it might cause some scandal amongst the nobleponies,” Robin stated.  “They’ll ask why she’s going to a human school instead of one of the elite schools of Equestria.”

“I know.  I’ve given it some thought as well, and I really think we should go with that plan of yours,” Luna commented.  “Our daughter deserves a wonderful education, but she also deserves to be a normal girl.  And I think what you’ve suggested would be a wonderful idea.”

“Well, then we should do it,” he stated.  “You want to call her, or should I?” 





About an hour later, Twilight arrived at Luna’s quarters.  “Not that I really had any plans,” she told them as she sat down at the table, “but I’m curious as to why we’re having breakfast together.”

“Because we don’t do that enough?” Luna said in a light tone.

“Luna, seriously.”

“You’re getting far too sober in your old age, Twilight,” the alicorn teased.

“I suppose, though I don’t mind spending time with family.  But knowing you, you have an ulterior motive you just haven’t stated yet. So I’m interested in hearing what it is.”

Robin then went over his suggestion as well as what he and Luna had discussed.  The two of them pled their case to the unicorn and as she sat there, listening to the idea, the studious face of Twilight Sparkle went from fascinated to a wide smile.

“I have to admit,” she said a few minutes later, “I had never thought of that before.  Now that I think about it, I feel kind of silly that I hadn’t.  I’ve been so focused on my own needs, I didn’t even consider that I might be holding back Dawn.”

“You’re a mother, Twi,” Luna told her.  “It’s only natural that you’re acting that way.  For that matter, I’ve had my own fears and doubts about it as well. Thankfully I had a talk with someone recently that straightened me out.”

“DJ?” Twilight asked.

“That obvious?”

Twilight giggled. “She has a certain way of doing that to all of us, I note,” the scholar stated.  “But…you’re right and I like that idea.  How would we go about it, though?”

“That’s easy,” Robin told her.  “I have a meeting later with Zoe in Seattle later this week, so adding to my schedule isn’t going to be much of a problem.”

“Well, count me in!” Twilight said enthusiastically.  


A couple of minutes later, Sterling and Dawn walked in, laughing and giggling and carrying on like two typical teenagers.  Had it not been for the setting, it would have been impossible to tell that one was half-human and the other wasn’t even that.  They both seemed carefree and without the weight of the world on their shoulders, the adults realized, and maybe that was how it should have been.

As they sat down at the breakfast table, it was then that they noticed their parents were there. “Um…hi, Mom, Dad, Aunt Twilight,” Sterling began.  “Did…we…ah…miss something?”

“I told you we were probably too loud last night,” Dawn whispered.

“They can hear you,” Sterling said out of the corner of her mouth.

Luna looked at the two of them and smiled.  “Don’t worry, neither of you are in trouble.  It’s just that we’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to a couple of problems.  Sterling, dear, the first one is that we know you don’t want to leave your school. It’s just that there are a ton of security concerns and we don’t know if they’ll be adequate enough to protect you.”

“Likewise,” Twilight said to her daughter, “I’ve been fussing quite a bit about finding a school for you.  Optimally, I’d considered teaching you myself, but I don’t have the same amount of time that I did when I taught your cousin Cinnamon.  My schedule is much more demanding nowadays and especially with Equestria in the middle of a war, my attention has to be focused on that. That being said, I don’t want you to feel that I’m neglecting you, so it’s been difficult for me to come up with a solution.”

“Fortunately for the both of you,” Robin stated, “we think we have: Dawn, have you considered going to a human school?”

Dawn looked at the three adults and shook her head.  “I hadn’t even really considered going to a pony school.  School in general is going to be a new experience for me.”

Twilight smiled. “Well, we thought that it would be an entirely new way to solve your education problems without having to worry about upsetting nobleponies.  And with you going there as well as Sterling, the school would definitely have to bump up their security, which would solve that concern.  And besides, you two are so close, I’d really hate to have you miss out on a friendship that will last a lifetime.  So, later in the week, we’ll be travelling to Seattle so that we can talk to the school administration about admitting you, Dawn.  But you’ll have to be at your best, and you’ll probably have to spend most of your time in human form.  Not that you seem to mind that.”

“Mom, I’m a pony,” Dawn told her.  “Even though I look like this, I’m always going to be a pony.  And I don’t think I can say how lucky I am that I have an understanding mom like you.”  Twilight blushed at the compliment and Sterling snickered.

“And as for you, Sterling, you’re going to have to keep an eye on Dawn,” Robin told her. “She’s entirely new to the stuff that you’ve been around your entire life, so you’ll have to be her guide in getting used to it.”

“No sweat, Dad. It’ll be like when Athena first arrived at the school.  Besides, Dawn’s family – I’m not going to let her down.”
> The Godkiller, Part Three
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a sunny day, seagulls filled the skies, flying through like squadrons of hunters in search of their fishy prey in the seas below.  A slight distance away, on nearby beaches, sunbathers and beachcombers enjoyed the beautiful day, a strangely warm afternoon despite it being the middle of winter in the Southern Hemisphere.  Lastly, as a ship pulled away from its quay, it sounded its foghorn, a deep, booming sound that seemed to echo through the canyons of cargo crates, profiles of ships at steam and at berth announcing its presence as it departed towards locations unknown to the majority of those who watched it steam away.

Still, loud as hell and annoying as fuck, Ben Hallenbeck thought to himself as he sat in the central office of the Port of Fremantle, looking at all the ships in the harbor.  He knew it was necessary; a Navy guy he once knew told him that ships tested their foghorns while in port as part of maintenance as after all, you didn’t want it to break while underway.  Regardless, it wasn’t anything that sounded like something he wanted to deal with up close and personal.  If a ship needed a foghorn, that meant that fog obscured the vision around it and probably the radar, and no one, whether at sea, in the air or on land, enjoyed the uncomfortable prospect of groping blindly, hoping they would survive the experience.

It was an uncomfortable metaphor for how he’d spent the past couple of days.  Acting on a tip from the Mexican Federal Police, he and a small legion of BXI agents were here, scouring various ships for connections to the Human Defense Alliance and the potential metamaterials they had onboard as cargo, items that could seriously undermine the peace between the two worlds. At the moment, most of them had been cleared, but there remained two left: a supercargoship that due to its size had to be berthed at the southern Victoria Quay; and the most likely suspect, a smaller droneship at the Northern Quay.  Both had potential links to the HDA: the supercargoship, a massive vessel named the FP Oceanside, was previously owned by a shipping company whose CEO had been arrested in Scotland for ties to the HDA.  Though the Oceanside was now owned by an Italian shipping cartel, the crew was the same and so the chances of HDA sympathizers being amongst the crew was still high.

The bigger concern was the droneship, a relatively smaller vessel by the name of Axion Alberta 07.  Droneships were starting to become all the rage due to their near-skeletal number of crew and the fact that their AI systems ran almost entirely off GPS-guided routes.  But that also meant that the smaller crew was less likely to be checked aside from their qualifications and could easily hide HDA sympathizers, which would be harder to do on a fully-crewed vessel.  Moreover, the report from Mexico strongly indicated that the Axion, as well as the Oceanside and two other ships in port, were the ones most likely to have the deadly cargo within its hull.

“Hey, Ben?” Hallenbeck turned to see a zebra approaching.  Wearing a suit, she carried a tablet and a smile.  Jina was one of their first recruits from Alter-Earth and she lived up to her name – Zebrababwean Swahili for “investigator”.  Diligent and thorough, she was able to sniff out clues and leads in places that had stumped the most advanced of AI and the most experienced analysts.  She was one of Hallenbeck’s top detectives and if the day ever came where he had to vacate his position, he wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she became his successor.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“We just cleared the Feng Autumn Wind and the XK Lu Bu III,” she said, brushing her mane out of her eyes.  “Furthermore, I have two of our folks on the Oceanside right now and I have a feeling they’re not going to find anything.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I expected,” he told her.  “Okay, the moment you get all-clears on those, have your guys get ready to march on the Axion.  I think that’s where our action’s going to be.”  He then turned to the other non-human in the room.  “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“As much as I wouldn’t care to, I’m not so blind that I’d think human criminals are completely harmless.  Of course, that’s just my biases speaking,” a voice spoke in an American – or rather, Equestriani – accent.  The speaker in question was a dark-blue pegasus mare wearing the uniform of the Australian Federal Police.  “But regardless of what you told me, I still feel uncomfortable using these many resources against the target in question, Director Hallenbeck.  Don’t you feel it’s all a bit much?”

“You lived in the US for a number of years, Superintendent Wolf.  You tell me.”

“Just because that was normal there does not mean we do this sort of thing in Australia,” Whitewolf said as she ran a hoof though her white mane.  “Yes, I am used to military tactics, as I was part of the 37th Combined Cohort that got exiled to Missouri, and I hated that.”

“I’d heard about that,” Jina told her.  The story had only become public in the past few years and it had caused a stain on the reputation of both the Equestriani and US governments.  “I can’t imagine how that must have been for you.”

“We survived – we had to,” Wolf replied in the tone of someone remembering injuries long healed over. “My husband are grateful for the life we have now, but admittedly, after what happened, we couldn’t stay in America. Thankfully, Australia offered us a new home, so we took it.  Sharp Point decided to get completely out of armed service and is now a teacher at one of the schools here; good thing too, as that means he’s home for our foals.  But I was born and bred to be a scout, and though the ARA said I wasn’t fit for service, the AFP took me under their wing.”

“And you worked your way up the ranks, I see,” Hallenbeck noted.

“Criminals never expect to be captured from above,” she said with a grin and a flutter of her wings.  “In any case, I suggest we focus on the situation on-hoof, Director.  A thousand heavily armed officers from the BXI is not going to look good, especially since I only have a couple dozen of my own folks out there, backed up with a dozen more from the WAP.”

“Are they up to snuff?”

“The Western Australian Police?  Probably not – this is a little above their paygrade.  Oh, I’m sure they’ll do their job and they’ll do it to the best of their abilities, but like I said, this is really going to be above and beyond what they expect.”

“Yeah, well, we need to do this, or else we’re going to have some serious problems on our hands, hooves and collective appendages,” Hallenbeck told her.  “So we’d best be sure we have our own folks in position.” He tapped his headset.  “Hey, Sam, you out there?”

Sam Rowan’s voice came over the line instantly: “Yes, and we are ready to roll.  I’ve got a force of nearly a thousand of my uniforms out here, ready for the show.”

“Okay, we’ve got five minutes until that droneship is ready to take off.  We need to make sure that it we get aboard in time.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this all under control. Besides, I have a date with Girdie tonight and I want to make sure that I’m back for that.”

“She might not be around for that,” Hallenbeck told him. “Remember, she’s out in Amsterdam right now checking into an HDA financier lead.”

“Oh, as good as you say she is, Ben?  She’ll probably have that done, then pick up a sweet little thing for tonigh—”

“Look, I really don’t think we should be tying up the lines like this,” Hallenbeck told his partner, and Rowan laughed.

It was then that another voice came over the line: Australian.  “BXI One, BXI Two, this is WAP Three.  We’ve spotted Tangos Alpha and Bravo.  They just drove onto the pier and should be getting out of their car soon.”

“Well, looks like it’s showtime,” Hallenbeck commented.  “All units, be ready to move on my signal.” 





His eyes looking at the pier, a man leaned against the gunwale of the Axion, smoking a cigarette.  With tanned skin, a shaved head and cold grayish-blue eyes, he was a mountain of muscles, his physique seemingly held in place by his black tanktop and cargo pants. Though to a casual observer he seemed like just one of the skeleton crew that was assigned to the droneship, a more careful inspector would have noted the gun he had clipped to the back of his belt and the XM8A2 that he kept just out of sight from prying eyes.

“Hey, Faireachdainn!”  The man turned to see another person walking up to him.  This man was just as well built, with unruly red hair and a matching beard; unlike the first, he had no qualms about carrying his weapon openly in public.  

The first nodded his head in a sort of greeting.  “Hey, Modine, what’s up?”

Modine slung his weapon over his shoulder.  “You know, your name’s a fucking tonguetwister.  Why couldn’t you be a Smith or a Jones or Alvarez or something?”

The man gave a slight shrug.  “Blame my parents from being from the old country, I guess.  They didn’t want to Anglicize the name.  Anyway, you can just call me Ian.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.  Fuckin’ much easier to say.”  Modine gave the other man a grin.  “Besides, you could have some gay-ass kickstand name like Sparkling Rainbows or some shit.”

“Yeah, fuck that noise.”  His cigarette spent, Faireachdainn flicked it off the ship and into the harbor water below. “If it wasn’t for the fact that those fucking wastes of space deserve it, I’d almost feel sorry for their stallions. What kind of self-respecting guy goes by a name like Toffee Crisp or whatever?”

“Yeah, no shit.  Anyway, we’re getting ready to take off, so get ready.  We heard a rumor that the police are moving in on us.  And get this shit: they’re even using the BXI.”

“What the fuck?  I thought the BXI was supposed to stop cross-dimensional threats or something,” Faireachdainn grunted.  “They should be giving us a medal for planning to put those fucking things in their place, not arresting good men and women for protecting their homes!”

“Yeah, fucked up world we live in.  But until they wake up and see the threat that the kickstands, birdos and all the others from that other world present, it’s up to us to protect our home. HDA ‘till I die, man.”

“Yeah, I hear that.  But yeah, I’ll be ready.”

“Good.  At least I know I can count on you.  Now I gotta go check on Takeda.  That Japanese bastard’s a damn good shooter, but when he reads those comic books of his he starts getting really weird ideas.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  He was just telling Rodriguez and Juntong that even though he’d happily put a bullet between the eyes of a kickstand, he wondered what it’d be like to put something else between something else, if you get what I mean.”

Faireachdainn shook his head.  “Yeah, well, that’s how you end up with those half-breed freaks.  Tell him if he’s that hard up, I’ll pay for a girl for him once we hit Vancouver.”

“Hell, I might just chip in as well.  Anyway, gotta go.  Keep an eye out.”  With that, Modine walked off, leaving the other man to his duty.  He would protect the ship from those who would threaten the world, because he was a soldier of Earth – the only Earth, not that “Human-Earth” crap.  And the sooner those talking animals knew that, the better.


It was at that point that a stately black Holden Commodore pulled up just before the gangplank platform.  The driver of the car got out, looked around and then proceeded to open the back door, allowing an older man to step out.  Reedy and with long, lanky white hair that went down to his collar, he wore a simple gray suit with a black tie.  To the average person, he might have looked like a typical Australian businessman in his late fifties, with a grand smile on his face and an eye towards the future; however, those who knew him well enough knew better than that. The old man gave the driver a nod and amicable clap on the shoulder, then walked towards the ship while the chauffeur proceeded to retrieve luggage from the car’s trunk.  

Modine met the man at the bottom of the deck.  “Now this is a surprise; we weren’t told that someone of your stature would be here. Are you here to see us off?”

“Not exactly; I’m going with you,” the man said in a mellow and jovial Australian accent.  “Can’t trust you Yanks to muck up things on something this important.”

“I’m Canadian, sir.”

“As if anyone can tell the bloody difference.  Yanks, Canucks – yer all the same, boyo,” he said with a chuckle.  Anyway, let Capt. Bingham know I’m coming aboard and we’ll get going soon enough.”

“About that, sir: Capt. Bingham was arrested a few days ago by the AFP.”

“Oh?”

Modine nodded. “WAP motherfuckers were waiting for us at a bar.  I almost got caught myself, but I got lucky and got my ass saved by one of our newest guys. Anyway, with Bingham behind bars now, his chief mate, Bonner is taking over.”

The stranger ruminated on the name for a second.  “Not familiar with him.”

“Former US Merchant Marine officer; was kicked out because of his ties to the New Black Panther party,” Modine explained.  “Obviously the man knows how to run a ship, and at least he’s not a minotaur or something like that.”

“Well, darkie or not, I’m sure he knows his stuff.  Besides, like you said, at least the bloody bastard’s human: I’d say we were in real trouble if we had to have an oxie running one of our ships.”  He chuckled darkly, adding, “We had one of them, we’d probably be sacrificed to some bloody sea god in the middle of the voyage or some such.”

“No argument there. Anyway, let’s get you aboard, then Capt. Bonner can talk to you about what the plans are.  We need to move soon, because after the whole incident with Bingham, we’re being watched.”

“Oh, I figured that’d be the case,” the man grinned.  “But don’t you worry: my mates are taking care of that little problem right about….”  He pushed his sleeves back, in order to take a look at his watch, “…now.”





On the ground, nestled between two cargo containers, Rowan watched carefully.  This was worse than the time back when he’d first been assigned to the RCMP; it had been a case he’d briefly worked on just before he’d been assigned to the BXI.  That case had involved a gang of slavers capturing cute First Nations women and selling them to “unknown sources” in the Middle East; sometimes the slavers roughed up a few of the girls in order to “soften” them up for shipping.  He’d hated that; as much as he wanted to go in guns blazing like he was McCloud, he had to sit there and gather evidence. This was much the same.

He didn’t like this, either.

“Man, I fucking hate this shit.”  The voice next to him belonged to his deputy.  Bobbi Morrison had been a Texas Ranger and before that, a Marine.  Like Rowan, she was the type that definitely preferred action over waiting, and this sitting around certainly didn’t suit her, either.  “This shit reminds me of a case I worked on back in Texas before I got moved to the BXI,” she told him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.  Bunch of Tongs trying to hustle into Austin. Local cops were stumped, so they called us in.  You know the old saying – one riot, one Ranger, right?  Plus, I was one of the first female Rangers, so I had shit to prove. Anyway, I went in to deal with them and….”  She shook her head.  “Let’s just say there’s some shit even us with a badge shouldn’t see.”

“You put them down?”

“Enough so that I probably would be behind bars right now if it wasn’t for the fact that they were also dealing with some stupid shit with organized gangs from Polara.  That’s how the BXI got involved and how Director Justus pulled me in – apparently he’s seen some shit, too.”


“All units, this is WAP Two.  We have the car pulling up in front of the ship.  A couple of suspects are getting out of the car, and we’re attempting to identify them right now.”

“Roger that,” Rowan commented.  “Ben, anything we should expect?”

“Don’t know yet. I’ve already contacted HQ and Gard’s computer nerds are looking into it.  It’s going to take a few seconds to go through the databases.”

“Do we have that kind of time?” Morrison hissed.  “We have no idea what these fuckers are up to and we’re gonna sit here with our collective thumbs up our asses?”

A new voice came over the line.  “All, this is FP Six.  We’ve got a bit of a problem headed our way – there’s an armed convoy headed towards the harbor, an—”  The line immediately was cut off by the sound of gunfire.

“Okay, sounds like our hands got forced,” Rowan commented as he hopped to his feet.  “I’m going to take some of our folks and stop that ship from departing.  Bobbi, you see what you can do about those reinforcements.  I don’t know if they’re a diversion or if they’re trying to meet up with the ship, but either way, that’s not going to be a good thing if they do.”

“Yup, I’m on it,” she said as she raced towards the gunfire.

Rowan tapped his headset to start a new conversation.  “Ben, we’re making our move now.  Make sure that the Harbor Patrol is on the way, or it’s going to be messy.”  Finally, he turned to one of the ponies next to him.  “Valiant, get on the roof.  If we need to do some strafing runs, better to have you upstairs now.”

“You got it, boss.” The pegasus tapped a spot on his fatigues, activating the barding underneath that activated the magic spell that made him look like a batpony.  It really didn’t do much for him offensively or defensively, but the psychological warfare did come in handy in a situation such as this.


As the law enforcement agents began their push, a new voice came over the line: Gardena Glasslens, the Forensics Asst. Director.  “Hey, guys, you’d better put the collar on this one: he’s a big fish.  MI6 just IDed him as Arlo McCrindle.”

“That and five bucks’ll get you a horchata in Nuevo Laredo, Gard,” Morrison shouted over her line.  “Care to tell us folks in the audience who the fuck he is?”

“Former head of the Bold Rocks, which was an Australian white supremacist group. Apparently he’s seen the light and has decided to switch his hatred to those of us from Alter-Earth instead: he’s now the head of Australian & New Zealand operations for the HDA.”

From above, Valiant chimed in.  “Great, so instead of picking on various shades of brown skin tones, he’s picking on various shades of fur instead.  How enlightened of him.”

“Look, we can argue about how progressive our perp’s bigotry is after we put cuffs on him,” Rowan called over the line, putting an end to the banter.  “For now, we have a job to do, so let’s get going!”





Several Toyota Hilux trucks, converted into technicals, stormed the front gates.  From the gun emplacements wielded onto the back beds of the vehicles, bullets roared, tearing apart security guards and materiel alike.  A dozen people, wearing ragtag, unmatching camouflage fatigues, stormed onto the harbor grounds, opening fire on anyone that didn’t match the same improvised look as them.

Within minutes, the Port of Fremantle turned into a hellstorm of fire and ammunition as the invading forces were hellbent on destroying the infrastructure present in order to ensure the successful escape of the Axion.  Nevermind that from a personal standpoint it was economically suicidal to destroy one of the largest shipping ports in the world as well as the main shipping nexus between Australia and several Alter-Earth nations, but that was hardly on the mind of the HDA terrorists present.  To them, this place was already a lost cause, a symbol of the subjugation of their nation – and a possible steppingstone in the conquest of humanity by the species from the other world.  To them, they were the first line of defense for mankind, and until the day finally came that the men and women of Earth finally rose up as one to destroy the invaders from beyond, it was up to the HDA to be the bulwark.


Seeing the smoke and explosions in the distance, a strangely proud smile came onto the face of Arlo McCrindle.  “Looks like the lads and lasses made their appearance right on time,” he said with a gleam in his eye.  Taking his bag from the chauffeur, he instructed, “Now get going – you need to be safe, so you can raise your sons to protect this world from the monsters that want it.”  The driver, saying nothing more, got into the car and sped off towards the conflict; the car had been specifically chosen so it would be safe from the carnage.

“Now then,” he told the others, “shall we get onboard?  I’ve always wanted to visit Canada.”

“HALT! POLICE!” a voice roared behind them as out from a nearby group of cargo containers boiled out a dozen or so heavily-armed BXI and AFP officers, charging towards them.

“Ah well, we do have company it seems,” McCrindle commented, brushing his fingers against his coat as if his impending arrest was of no concern.  “I suppose we should give them the due they’re worth, don’t you think?” And with the same lackadaisical attitude that he had displayed a second ago, reached into his coat pocket, pulled out a Micro-Uzi and opened fire, tearing apart the approaching officers in a hailfire of bullets.  

Modine immediately reacted, rushing back to the gangplank and shouted, “Okay, heavy toys up! Make way to get underway – cut the lines if you have to!”  As he rushed onto ship, he looked at Faireachdainn.  “Make sure Mr. McCrindle gets on the ship safely.  I’m going to make sure the big guns are ready – if the cops are here, you can bet the Harbor Patrol’s going to be hitting us soon.”

Faireachdainn looked at his boss and nodded curtly.  “You got it.”  With that, he immediately brought up the rifle and started firing on the police, loosing rounds with precise aim and taking down lives with wanton glee.


The Western Australia Police Harbour Patrol moved in, their boats state of the art patrol craft and designed to deal with a number of things from boats in distress to drug smugglers.  Though they weren’t military grade, the police constables aboard them were equipped with assault rifles, as they had to be prepared for the worst. Knowing their duty, the proud police officers aboard both vessels moved towards the starboard side of the Axion, ready to prevent her launch, and if necessary, board her.

This turned out to be a horrific mistake, as the two boats approached, two QW-1B Vanguard II shoulder-launched missiles lashed out from the droneships and hit the two boards directly, turning them both into flaming infernos.  A shriek of pain was briefly heard from one of them as the two burning wrecks took on water and began to sink to the bottom of Fremantle Harbour.

Aboard the Axion, the lines that kept the ship moored to the ship, thick and taut ropes made of Kevlar, suddenly fell to the sea, cut by the crew onboard.  Normally they would be brought aboard so they could be reused, but given the emergency, there was no time to retract them without getting caught in the firefight.  The majority of the crew was tied up in the firefight anyway.

From his location, Faireachdainn rained down gunfire, sparing none of the police that were coming his way.  They challenged him and threatened the safety of the ship and its precious cargo and he was sworn to do his duty.  

A round suddenly grazed past his ear, the loud buzzing of it burning through the air as it passed.  He looked at who did it and saw a man, wearing BXI fatigues.  He looked like the kind of guy that wouldn’t be stopped for anything until he caught his quarry.

Faireachdainn and the police officer made eye contact.  A second later, Faireachdainn pulled the trigger, squeezing a single shot off.  The round burned through the air and slammed into the officer’s neck, leaving a sizeable hole in an explosion of blood.  Without even giving it a second thought, the gunsel pulled out the weapon’s magazine, tossed it over the side, and then slammed in a new one just as McCrindle came onboard.

“Damn good shooting, lad,” he said with a grin.  “Haven’t seen a shot like that since my days in the ARA.”

“Thank you, sir,” Faireachdainn replied without looking at him. “You go ahead on into the skin of the ship.  I got your back.”

“Damn good sight to see a Yank who knows his stuff for a change.” Nothing more to add, McCrindle rushed into the skin of the Axion.  A second later, the whole of the ship bucked as the droneship began to pull away from its berth, the great gas turbines aboard the vessel doing their duty as the thrusters pushed the ship towards the open water.  Soon after the ship’s screws began to turn and the ship moved to flank speed immediately, running over a few pleasure boats in the process.  WAP helicopters gave chase, only to be taken down by another pair of Vanguard IIs.  Within a few minutes, the Port of Fremantle was a burning wreck and the number of dead on both sides, as well as the innocents caught in the crossfire, numbered in the dozens as the Axion soon headed to open seas. 





From his position in the central office, Hallenbeck nearly lost it. Through the horror of his binoculars, he’d seen Rowan get shot in the neck, as well as several other officers he’d known gone down.

“Command, this is Morrison!” he heard her shout over the line.  “Field One is down, I repeat, Field One is down.  They’re going to fucking get away!”

He looked at Wolf.  “Is the RAN on standby?”

“The Canberra and Newcastle are awaiting orders.  They can’t do anything until the ADO clears them to work with us,” Wolf explained. “We’re trying to get permission, but until someone over at the Russells gives them the go ahead, they can’t do anything unless they’re fired on.”

“What about our ace in the hole?”

“The RENS Derpy Hooves and USS Nathan James are both moving at flank speed,” Jina told him.  “I just got off the horn with their commanders, but until the Axion reaches open waters, there’s not a whole lot they can do.”  

Hallenbeck threw his headphones down on the ground. “Goddammit!”  He kicked a nearby trashcan, disgusted by his failure and all the death around him.  He then stomped out of the room.

Jina watched him leave.  “All units, this is Command Two,” she spoke.  “Wrap up arrests and start taking care of the wounded.  Bobbi, you need to take command of the field units for now.  Command Two, out.”  Pulling out her headset, she looked at her fellow Alter-Earth native.  “To use a human phrase?  This sucks, Superintendent Wolf.”

“That’s funny,” the pegasus said softly.  “I would have used much stronger words.”





Hours later, the Axion moved up the coast. The vessel was running all the stolen military gear it had available on it: electronic countermeasures, military cloaking technology, and disposable radar duplicators.  In the distance, through binoculars, Faireachdainn could see the two gray ships still on the horizon, headed in the same direction as they were.  He couldn’t tell if it was the Aussies, or someone else.  As much as they were prepared to push off against cops, warships were an entirely different level of problematic.

“Don’t worry, boyo.”  He turned to see McCrindle walking towards him.  “We have a surprise for them in case they get a little close.”

“Oh?”

“I’d tell you about it….”  McCrindle’s eyes narrowed, “but I don’t know you.  And no offense, but I don’t trust any wet-behind-the-ears lad, whether he’s loyal to the cause or not.  After all, how do I know you’re not some copper that got planted with us?”

“I can vouch for him, sir,” Modine told them.  “Yeah, he’s new, but he checks out.  Plus, he’s the one that saved my ass when the AFP tried to nail me in the same raid they caught Capt. Bingham in.”

“Oh?  And you’re sure he’s safe?”

“I had him checked out, sir.  He’s legit.  Plus, he’s got a pretty good reason to fight the bastards, like the rest of us.” Modine looked at Faireachdainn. “Go ahead and tell them what you told me.”

“Yeah.  Look, when we first met them, I was like everyone else: I thought it was cool – aliens, real life and they were friendly and all.  And I grew up thinking that.  Especially since I’m from the same general part of the world that the Alien Girl – Martinez, or whatever her name is – comes from.  And then after First Contact and all that, I was okay with it. I even dealt with it when my older brother Benji started dating some mare, some kickstand by the name of Plenty Muffin.

“But then she got him killed.  She told us that wasn’t true, that he was caught up in the Menagerie murders and that the murderers nearly bumped her off as well.  But I could see the look in her eyes that she was lying to us. I didn’t have proof, but what I did have was a friend who was a cop.  He wasn’t happy about Benji getting killed either, so he went looking into it. And lo and behold, Plenty Muffin’s older brother?  He was one of the murderers.  She knew that – and she was protecting his ass.”  Faireachdainn trembled with anger.  “That fucking kickstand let my brother die – the supposed human she was in love with – so her fuckstick of a brother could get away with it.

“That’s when me and Pablo woke up to the truth.  That’s when I left my job at the construction company and joined a local resistance cell.  It was them that pointed me here to Australia to help out, and to be honest, I just happened to run into Modine here while walking around, or else I’d probably still be looking for you guys.”  He laughed. “It’s not like I was in the military or anything, so I don’t have those kinds of skills.  All I got is some hunting background from my old man and some stuff Pablo taught me.”

“And this Pablo is?” McCrindle asked Modine.

“Deputy Pablo Vasquez, Faquier County Sheriff’s Office,” Modine said. “Like I said, he checks out.  He’s on our list of friendlies.  Not influential, but a solid guy.  And he’s apparently known Ian here for years.”

“Ah, I see.”  McCrindle offered his hand.  “Well, then, welcome to the right side of history.”

“Thanks, sir.  It’ll be an honor to kick those fuckers back through their magic gate.”  He looked towards the horizon.  “That is, if we can get away with our precious treasure.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Modine told him.  “Is it okay to tell him, sir?”  When McCrindle shrugged indifferently, Modine took that as a sign to continue.  “Well, thanks to some wealthy and influential backers, those ships we have coming after us are going to have a little bit of a problem.  With some good men, we managed to buy ourselves some, let’s say, ‘museum pieces’ and they’ll be on our side.”

“Museum pieces?”

McCrindle laughed.  “A few old Adelaide-class frigates that used to belong to the Greek Navy, as well as a few American Spruances.  Nothing state of the art, but enough so, with enough dedicated men and women on those ships that they’ll still give anyone opposing us a run for their money.  Once we meet up with them, we’ll have smooth sailing towards Canada.”

Faireachdainn whistled in appreciation.  “I knew we had some stuff on our side, but warships?”

“That’s the thing, my friend,” Modine told him.  “When you have justice on your side – as well as the right people – you tend to get things done.  It’s a tough job we’re doing now, but once we have all those animals off our planet and Earth is human once more, we’ll be remembered in the history books. Just you watch.”

“Well, we got a meeting in a few with Capt. Bonner.  He’s going to give us a briefing on how we’re going to meet up with the Thunderlord and the Talons of the Eagle.  We need to be prepared, and so do they.”

“I’m going to stay out here for a bit more.  First time at sea, and while I’m not seasick or anything, I’m just….” Faireachdainn let it go.

“Yeah, I gotcha.  My first time was like that as well.  Now I know why Sailors are they way they are.  Just remember: when the sun goes down, no smoking allowed outside. Apparently, strange as it is, I got told you can see a lit cigarette for up to miles out here.”

“No shit?”

“Yup.  Probably bullshit, but then again, this came from one of our guys who used to be in the Dutch navy, so he might just be telling the truth.  Either way, just be careful.”

“Yeah, got it.” 





In the headquarters building of the Western Australia Police, Frank Justus wiped a hand across his face.  “Fifteen of our folks dead, along with twenty-six WAP officers, four AFP officers, the two crews of the Harbor Patrol ships and twenty-one civvies that got caught in the crossfire.  The news media around the world is going to fucking eat us alive, folks.  Think our reputation from that shitty TV show is going to save us?”

Leaning against the back of a chair, Hallenbeck looked dejected. “They had far more firepower than we expected, bossman,” he told them.  “We came ready to deal with some heavily armed goons.  We weren’t expecting them to pack enough firepower to take on the Australian Army.”

From where she sat, Morrison looked as though she was going to murder someone.  “And they killed Sam!  How the fuck am I supposed to explain this to Girdie?”

“You don’t,” Justus told her.

“Fuck that – they took out one of our own!  I say we start fucking headhunting,” she hissed.

“No,” he told her firmly.  “We’re cops, not vigilantes.”


“Besides,” a familiar voice said, “I’m not as dead as people would like to think.”  To the shock of several of them, Rowan walked in, looking completely unharmed.

Morrison’s jaw dropped.  “How…?”

To answer that, he reached into a blouse pocket and pulled out a strangely colored bullet.  “This is a magic bullet,” he said with a grin on his face.  “No, seriously.  It’s one of Gard’s inventions.  You shoot someone with it and it makes a massive blast of fake blood and an area-of-effect glamory spell that makes it appear as though someone took a fatal wound, and a small airburst spell so that it seems like they got hit.  But as for the bullet itself?  It vanishes the moment it makes contact.”

“Which means that—”

Justus turned to Rowman.  “This had better fucking work, Sam.  We lost a lot of good men and women on this and the moment the Aussies hear about this, they’re going to assume we threw away their people so we could get one of ours onboard in deep cover.”

“Deep cover?”

Hallenbeck nodded.  “Yeah. We got lucky that one of their own turned on them in return for being put in the Witness Protection Program. Guy by the name of Ian Faireachdainn. Used to run with the Glory Hounds, a DC-based HDA affiliate, wanted revenge for his older brother getting killed during the Menagerie murders by his brother’s girlfriend’s own older brother. But apparently we found out that the girlfriend in question, a earth mare named Plenty Muffin, couldn’t take the fact that her brother killed her boyfriend and committed suicide herself. Faireachdainn found the note and after that, turned himself in.  We’ve been working in conjunction with the FBI and NSA to work to build a solid background for our insert for the last couple of weeks.”

“Look, I don’t care how good our insert is, they’re going to know,” Morrison told them.  “Shapeshifters are common knowledge, and all they have to do is a bloodtest to find out that our guy in there isn’t Faireachdainn!”

Rowan smiled.  “Fortunately for us, changeling – or should I say, flutter – blood is capable of imitating its source material up to forty-eight hours outside of the body. Given the paranoia of the average HDA member, they’ll have long checked it before then.” 





Faireachdainn rubbed his arm.  “Seriously?  I fucking hate needles.”

“Better a needle than a bullet in the head,” the nurse said dispassionately; at the moment, she was inserting the vial containing his sample of blood and placing it in a handheld device.  “You know the rules.  With rug carpets and those fucking freak ponies able to shapeshift, we have to make sure that everyone is human, right?”  The machine in her hand chirped and the screen flashed.  “Fortunately for you, that’s not going to be a problem.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”  She then looked at him very differently than she had a second ago.  “By the way, my name’s Banu.  Banu Jizan.”

“Iranian?”

“Swedish, actually.  My parents emigrated just before I was born.”  She ran a finger across his chest.  “Irish, right?  You don’t sound it.”

“American, actually – my ancestors just never Anglicized our surname.”

“I see.”  She wrote something down and handed it to him.  “Here’s my cabin number.  I get off in an hour.  And I could use some entertainment.”

“Oh?”

“Would you rather spend the night in open berthing, or in an air-conditioned cabin alongside a hot girl like me?”

“Fair enough,” he said, giving her an appreciative look.  “See you then.”


As he walked out of the room, another guy looked at him.  “Lucky bastard,” he grunted.  “I’ve been trying to get in her pants for weeks.  And she don’t play easy.”

“Oh?”

“Bloody Banu?  The other man grinned.  “Yeah. She’s a stone-cold bitch if you rub her the wrong way and certainly doesn’t live up to her name.”  When he got an uncomprehending look, the man added, “It’s Persian for ladylike.  Trust me, nothing ladylike about that woman.  You know she actually shot someone two weeks ago?” When Faireachdainn looked at him with surprise, the man waved it off.  “Eh, don’t get the wrong idea.  Apparently it was a furcoat in disguise – they might be able to shapeshift to look like us, but the blood doesn’t lie.”

“Yeah,” “Faireachdainn” commented, glad that he’d volunteered for this deep cover assignment.  If any other BXI officer that could shapeshift had done so, they might be lying dead right now.  He noted, though, that he’d have to report the missing agent as soon as he could – ISPO reported one of their kitsune officers missing, and chances are, he just found out what happened.

“Well, you’d better get to the mess decks and eat your fill,” the other guy commented.  “You’re gonna need your strength.  I’ve heard Banu is a handful in bed.”

“Yeah, better go do that then,” he said waving towards the other man and walking towards where he recalled the mess decks were.  He might as well eat anyway; he was going to need to keep his strength up, but for a different reason aside from sex.

As he wandered the passageways of the Axion, Constable Curryleaf sighed.  Of all the research he had to do for this undercover assignment, human mating practices wasn’t one he’d been expecting at all.

The things I do for the job, he groaned inwardly.  Hopefully he could find something to teach him quickly – real quickly.
> The Picture, Part Two
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I really don’t like this,” Sepia Byrd said aloud.

“Look, Pia, we agreed to this,” Gladys Gammon, her best friend, replied.

“No, I agreed to it, Gladys.  You didn’t have to come.”

“Well, Richard is taking your kids out to look around and someone had to come with you before you eviscerated what’s her name.”

“Rarity.”

“Yeah, whatever. Look, I might have been raised Equestriani, but I was never a Royal watcher.  Hell, I can barely name the ruling princesses, much less any of the rest of the major members of the Royal Family,” the gryphoness laughed.  “And don’t get me started on having to remember the names of the cadet branches, either.”

“We had to know that in school,” Sepia noted.

“I never said I was a good student,” was Gladys’ response.


At the moment, the two were standing in front of Candelabra’s, a new restaurant that had just opened up.  When the cabbie had dropped them off there, they had been informed that it was one of the poshest new places in town, so exclusive that unless you were a mover and a shaker, you could consider yourself blessed just to breathe same air that floated around the building.

As the cabbie headed off, both Sepia and Gladys rolled their eyes.  Both of them had agreed long ago that they had no idea what it was with the native nation that held nobility in such high regard.  After all, both had lived on Earth, and specifically the US, long enough to know that there were some notions that they held in high regard in the past that they didn’t do so much any longer.

“You sure you want to do this?” Gladys asked again.

Sepia pursed her lips. “DJ’s my friend.  I already feel bad about going behind her back and meeting with her biological mother, even we were requested to.  Besides, I generally get an idea what this is going to be about. Her grace is probably going to try to flatter and impress me, then try to get me to get on her side as to why I should insist that DJ go back to acting like a pony.”

Gladys laughed. “She’s clearly asking the wrong person, then.”

Sepia chuckled as well.  “No kidding.”

The two went into the restaurant, and both were instantly reminded of Nicolette’s Rooftop, the poshest restaurant in the Atlanta area.  They both went there after a successful business venture, and if it wasn’t for the pony orientation of things, as well as the fact that it was on the ground floor, they would have instantly thought themselves to be back that bastion of Southern fine dining.

A pony approached them.  “Ah, welcome, welcome, welcome to Candelabra’s!  I am your maître d’, Apertif!”  Walking over to the main podium, he grabbed a couple of menus. “Don’t worry, we serve all species here. Now, would you prefer a window or central table?”

Sepia smiled. “Actually, we’re here to meet someone…er, somepony,” she stated, verbally tripping over her typical use of human terminology.  “We have a breakfast appointment with Her Grace, the Knight of Generosity?”

Apertif blinked. “Lady Rarity?  But she’s….”  He blinked. “You…wouldn’t happen to be Mr. and Mrs. Byrd, would you?”

“Well, half-bird,” Gladys joked, “but no, neither of them.”

“I am Mrs. Byrd,” Sepia replied, “And as to Mr. Byrd, that would be my husband, but he was unable to make it, so I brought my business partner with me instead.”

“But…you’re a pony! Isn’t Byrd a human name?”

“Ah, that.”  At that, Sepia suddenly had a really bad feeling about how this was going to go down.  “Yes.  I changed my name to human customs when I married my husband.”

“Ah.  That makes sense; her grace told me that you were human, so my sincerest apologies,” Apertif said.  “Now, if you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to the table.”

“Thanks,” the two replied, falling in line behind him.  Both Gladys and Sepia gave each other a look; they were thinking the same thing.

The trio walked to the far side of the restaurant, and then down a hallway.  “The private dining rooms here are for those who wish not to be disturbed,” Apertif explained.  “Usually businessponies, nobility and royalty and celebrities tend to use these rooms. Needless to say, it was an honor when Duchess Lipizzan requested to use one of our rooms for a private business meeting between herself and some humans.  No offense meant, of course; I’m quite sure that her grace is as unaware of that as we were.”

“None taken,” Sepia told him as they came to a stop before a door.  Opening the door, he stated, “Well, if you’ll go right on in, her grace is waiting for you.”

Thanking him for his time, both Sepia and Gladys went in, both wondering what they were getting themselves into. 





The smile on Rarity’s face became forced the moment she’d realized that Sepia Byrd, despite the earlier picture, was not a human woman, but instead a mare; moreso, based on her gait, it was clear that she’d humanized herself to the point that her movements and mannerisms were very much like…that mare.

“So, dear,” Rarity commented, lifting a cup of chamomile tea to her muzzle, “I must quite confess that I had thought you to be a human woman, and not a mare.”

“I may as well be, your grace,” the mare stated, then giving a recollection of her accident, the fact that she’d died nearly twice due to the destruction of her horn, and the fact that because of her nerve damage, she was forced to live upright like a human for the remainder of her days.  Seeing the look of surprise and sympathy on the older mare’s face, Sepia finished with, “I know I’ve had to give up a lot.  I can’t even remember what it’s like to cast a spell anymore, and I can’t even do the things that earth ponies do.  But overall I’m happy and I can deal with what my life is like now. In fact, I’d argue that due to my son and my daughter, my life is even better than when I had magic.”

“I…see.”  Rarity wasn’t sure what to say about that.  For one, Sepia seemed to be very much like she whose name should not be uttered.  But at the same time, there was a clear notion coming from this poor injured unicorn that she understood that even though her life was very much different than that of the average mare or even unicorn, she still tried to be as pony as she could be, given her circumstances.  That gave Rarity hope; it meant that there was a chance that reason and common sense would win the day.  She was sure that all she had to do would be to explain the situation, and like a decent hardworking mare, Mrs. Byrd would clearly understand.

“So, your grace,” Gladys stated, slicing off a piece of gooey, rich breadstuff known as a Dutch baby – clearly yet another one of those dishes that had been brought from the human world and converted to pony tastes.  “I know both myself and Pia are curious as to why you wished to meet with us.  Well, technically you wanted to meet with Pia and Richard, but he’s out and about with the family and as Pia’s business partner, it makes more sense for me to be here anyway.”

“Quite right,” Rarity stated.  She hoped the gryphoness wasn’t as rough as many of the ones she’d encountered over the years.  From what she’d been able to tell, ironically, those that lived in the human world tended to be much more genteel and refined than their counterparts from Griffonica.  It was one of those great ironies of life; that living in another world made them far more suited to being in this one, but if there was one thing that Rarity had been familiar with over the years, it was that life rarely did what you wanted it to do.

Rarity took another sip of her tea, then looked at them both.  “I am a plainspoken mare,” she began.  “Over the years, I used to use, somewhat, er, flowery and persuasive verbiage when it was unnecessary, and I do not wish for good gentlemares and stallions to ever feel that I am flattering them when it is not their wont.  So I have worked on that over the years and I feel that even though my duties require me to speak publicly and the like, I have, as my dearest Sister Royal Rainbow has stated, ‘used ten-bit words when ten-bit words were necessary and used hundred-bit words when those were more suited.’

“Thus, I shall come right out with my intent: I wish for you to withdraw from the request of commission for the family portrait for…”  She paused; even now, she didn’t want to use that name.  “…well, I’m sure you know what I’m referring to,” she demurred instead. “I will be more than happy to pay you for the loss in income and reputation, as well as recompense you for any wasted materials in the process and travel costs.”

Sepia looked at her with an unreadable face; Rarity wasn’t sure how to react to that, as that could bode for either good or ill.  “And may I ask why?” the younger mare asked.

“Quite simple: I had arranged for another artisan more suited to producing artwork of this particular type.  He has a warrant for this sort of thing and the majority of his income derives from this sort of work, even though yours does not.  Furthermore, I had chosen him because I feel he is the most suited to working with my grandsons, my, ahem, wayward daughter and her husband.”  

Sepia reached over and picked up her coffee cup in her hoofspace, swirling the liquid around in it instead of drinking it, looking at it as if focusing on what her next words would be.  Rarity felt emboldened by that; it meant that the mare was clearly considering her proposal, and that would be beneficial to both sides.  

After all, Rarity was Generosity herself; she could afford the largesse, especially when it came with making sure that everypony prospered in this situation, and that, ultimately, was what she wanted.

Sepia looked at her again.  “You do realize that I’m a famous portraitist back on Earth.  Likewise, Gladys is as well.  One of the most well-received creations of mine is the picture set that I did of Her Majesty Princess Celestia for a Vanity Fair article a few years back. Likewise, Gladys herself has done work for several Human-Earth and Alter-Earth dignitaries.  So I fail to see how this new individual would be more qualified than either of us, your grace.”

Hearing that, Rarity wondered if she needed to bolster the argument further, and then decided to take a tactic more akin to where Twilight usually operated: logic.  “The fact is, while I understand that you are both highly skilled in your fields, and I do not wish you think that I consider that anything less than impressive.  I have spoken with Celestia before about the portraitures, and she spoke very highly of you…though, I will admit, she failed to inform me that you were a mare and not a human, per se, though that is neither here nor there. But the fact is, these official portraits are meant to be paintings, not photographs.  As superior as your photographic skills may be, Mrs. Byrd and Miss Gammon, the truth is that neither of you are painters and thus do not have the qualification that long-standing traditions of the court require.

“I will be frank: the stallion I hired for the job?  I am no fan of his.  He insulted my son and daughter-in-law and has shown himself to be somewhat of a tribalist.  I love my family, despite what others have said and I will defend them to the utmost. And yet, even with….”  She took a breath and steeled herself.  “Even with the way Sandalwood continues to behave herself in public, I cannot hold her husband or my grandsons at fault for being with such an intolerable mare as she is.  I want the best for them and the best portrait artist out there, as much as it irritates me, is Body Color.  He would do the work justice, and furthermore, given his reprehensible behavior, he would know how to handle Sandalwood and her salacious ways.  Rest assured, however, I will caution him to treat both Sandalwood’s husband and my grandfoals with the respect they are due, or he and I will have further words.

“As a mare who has been through difficulties of her own, surely you can understand that, correct? Sometimes we must do unsavory things and associate with those we do not wish to in order to accomplish our goals. Believe me, after what Body Color did to Apple Butter, I was determined not to work with him again.  But now, I must admit that as distasteful as it is, he is the best option.  And that is why I am asking you to step aside.  Not because I do not feel you are unqualified; in truth, if these were photographs, you and Miss Gammon would be by far and away the most qualified of anyone here in Equestria.  But rather, because duty and tradition, combined with my wayward daughter’s particular attitudes, force my hoof.”  Rarity gave the mare a kind, motherly smile.  “I’m sure you will do the right thing.”

Rarity got to her hooves to depart.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another meeting that I need to be present at. Thank you for listening to my concerns and I await your reply.”  Nothing more to say, she teleported from the room, much to the surprise of the waitstaff present within.

From that point, Sepia spoke to Gladys about things germane to their business back in Atlanta; her friend immediately understood the mare’s caution and proceeded to talk about the plans they were making with Eris for a girls’ weekend vacation sometime next month over in Knoxville.  The waiters and waitresses listened with half interest, but soon went back to their duties.

The two finished up their meal and departed, walking back towards the palace complex.  As they did, Sepia finally spoke what was on her mind: “Now I can see why DJ hates that mare’s guts.”

“You got that feeling, too?” Gladys observed.  “She struck me as though she was trying to issue an edict without having to actually give us one.  I don’t know if that’s because she can’t give us orders, or because she’s too wrapped up in her image, but seriously!  I thought this was DJ’s choice, not hers.”

“It is, from what I understand,” Sepia commented.  “Furthermore, that bitch apparently seems to think I’d turn on a friend in an instant. DJ is a friend of mine, and I owe her big time – I would have had a much harder time adjusting to a life without magic if it wasn’t for her.  Even more important, she understands what it’s like to not have magic.  She lived an entire life without it, and so will I.” The look in Sepia’s eyes was fierce. “So if Rarity thinks that I’m going to back off just because she wants to bulldoze over my friend?  I don’t fucking think so.”

Gladys laughed, a cawing sound that filled the air.  “That makes two of us, Pia.” 





Shortly after the two returned to the palace, Sepia immediately made her way to DJ’s house, while Gladys decided to head back through the portal so that she could talk to those running the Rembrandt Project.  The humanized unicorn made it to her friend’s house just in time for something else.

Sepia bowed deeply. “It is an honor, Your Highness,” she said to Princess Luna, who was currently seated on DJ’s sofa, drinking a coffee.

Luna looked at DJ. “At least somepony appreciates me,” she said lightly.

“Luna, my dear aunt, I love you, but go get bent,” DJ said, holding her donut just before her mouth. Seeing the horrified look on Sepia’s face, she then laughed.  “Trust me, Luna’s used to me.”

“But DJ—”

Luna smiled.  “I know she doesn’t mean it.  And I am quite aware that my niece is far, ahem, ‘earthier’ than the average earth pony, to put it mildly.  So you do not have to feel scandalized for her sake.” Seeing the photographer relax, the alicorn then asked, “Since I have you here, I can discuss what I had planned to do before we had to cancel our dinner.”

“My apologies on that, Princess.  I had to head back home for a minor emergency.”

Luna dismissively waved a wing.  “Quite understandable.  Sometimes not everything is under our control, even for alicorns.  But the thing I wanted to ask you is the same thing that DJ has: will you do my family’s portrait?”

Sepia blinked; this had not been what she was expecting.  “Your highness?”

“I realize this may be a difficult proposition for you, but DJ trusts you immensely and you two are friends.  As you know, my fiancé is human, and our daughter is half-human, half-alicorn. Scandals aside, I think that an individual who understands humanity – somepony like myself or DJ, who is intimately tied as well – would be able to find the best way to provide a royal portrait.” She gave Sepia a smile. “Furthermore, DJ told me about this Rembrandt robot, and it sounds like you would be able to do dual duty at once, taking both the photo and letting the robot create the painted equivalent. To me, that’s very fascinating and I know my daughter would be interested as well.”

“It is, I assure you,” Sepia told her.  “When Gladys and I found out about it, we were completely wowed.  It made a perfect oil painting recreation of an Ansel Adams in hours.  And Nelson Kazura, the project lead, says he’s still working on the details. Truthfully, it’s probably one of the most fascinating projects I’ve seen over at Georgia Tech, and I usually go over there to give lectures now and then for the past few years.”

“So you’ll do it?”

Sepia nodded. “I’d be delighted to, Princess.” She then paused and sighed.  “So long as I don’t get any other ‘official’ interference.”

Both DJ and Luna looked at her at the same time.  “Official interference?” they parroted.

Sepia then went and explained her breakfast with Rarity as well as the mare’s response. From the look of concern on Luna’s face as well as the anger on that of DJ, Sepia wondered how much of a minefield she was going to be stepping in just by simply backing up her friend.  

When she was done, she noted that DJ gave Luna a disturbingly sweet look.  “I’m going to kick her ass into the next dimension, okay?” she cooed in an equally saccharine tone.

Luna sighed. “DJ, no.  Problematic or not, she is your mother.”

“Gene donor.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to acknowledge it.”  DJ took another drink of her coffee.  “Look, I get that I have pony relatives and, despite how I personally feel, genetically I am a pony myself.  But that bitch doesn’t want me as a relative, she wants Sandalwood. And even though she’s claimed that I am dead to her, she’s trying to take me over, so to speak, via my sons.  It should go without saying that I’m not going to let her do that.  I’m not sure that I even want a relationship of any kind with her at this point, not the way she is now, and maybe not even if – and that’s a very big if – she changes.”

“Well, we in the family will continue to do what we need to do, DJ, though I want you to understand that privately, both Twilight and I agree with you.  We cannot decide everything on our own, at least not as far as familial situations go, but again, Twilight and I completely agree with you and if there’s a so-called ‘side’ to be on, we are on yours.  Sweetie, I’m sure, agrees as well, though she may be even in less of a position to admit it.”

“I don’t have any fur in this game, admittedly,” Sepia told the two.  “I’m an orphan, so I don’t know how my parents would have reacted to my current condition, though I think they would have supported me.  And Richard’s parents have been a blessing to us. But I remember what it was like when I was having problems with Jack.  Sure, he loves me now, but it was touch and go for more than a while.  And I’m not saying that just as the mother of a teenage boy who used to be a problematic child.  I’m saying that as a pony, as a mare.  So I get how DJ feels about all this.

“Moreover, Dee, I’ll tell the same thing that I told Gladys – and for the record, she agrees with me and I’m sure Richard would as well: I owe you.  I would have been miserable without my magic or walking as ponies do if you hadn’t taken the time to show me that there was another way to live life.  It hasn’t been easy for me – and it was even harder for you – but I owe you big time, and I don’t back out on my debts.  Even more so, you’re my friend.  I don’t leave friends hanging and I never will.”

She then turned to Luna.  “Princess, I would be honored to do your portrait.  And I will be honored to do DJ’s.  Even if that causes strife between me and Rarity, even if she tries to blackball us or ruin us financially within Equestria, I will endure.  Because isn’t that the point of our existence after all? Friendship is magic and all that?” 





In a studio in Manehattan, a pinto-colored unicorn jotted colors across a large canvas, paint flying everywhere.  Though the unicorn was normally piebald, at the moment, he was also doused in several other colors as well, looking more like a living rainbow than an artist creating his latest masterpiece.  The paint splotches and streaks, he didn’t mind, truth be told, but to his particular irritation, he was also balding, his curly black mane settling around his head like a wreath.  Even though he’d tried magic and even wigs, his beautiful mane was just not going to come back.

Body Paint sighed; It was probably his mother’s fault, he reasoned.  Damn that harridelle – may her soul rot in Tartarus forever!

Frame Overo had been a mudpony and the result of a dalliance between his father and some streetwalking strumpet.  He had been lucky to be born a unicorn, but even still, he was an illegitimate child, the son of a noble who felt like sticking somewhere he shouldn’t have.  As a result, he was taken care of by his father and mostly saved from the fate of being the child of some would-be mare of the night; as it was, it was clear that he didn’t give a damn about her, because she had been a two-timing harridelle who had kept him from being born to a real family – a unicorn mother, like his elegant and refined stepmother, Dynamic Light.  It had been Light that had nurtured his talent in artistry and gave him the connections to become what he was now.  To him, it had been she that had been a real mother to him and he could only wish that he had been foaled from her instead of that damn mudpony’s.

Then came the day that that damnable harridelle had died, from disease, no less – only natural, given that she was a poxy rodent.  However, even this didn’t when his mother died, he still couldn’t get the respect of being a minor noblepony – it was his damned mudpony blood in him, trumpeted all throughout the school he attended.  He hated that, and even though his family never held it against him, he still always felt inadequate due to his cursed heritage.  He couldn’t get away from it, and finally when he had a chance, he apprenticed himself to Citron Tone, the finest unicorn painter in the land, and in time, he had been content and could almost forget that he was a half-breed.  

So when his father, stepmother and two half-siblings passed away in a freak airship accident, leaving him as Baronet Ogaden, he thought he could finally put away the past and live life as he was meant to.  He missed his family, but now he had a name, wealth and his reputation as one of the most in-demand portraiture artists in all of Equestria  

But then that…damnable nag, Rarity, the so-called ‘Knight of Generosity’ ruined and humiliated him.  And for what? Because her son had been stupid enough to marry a mudpony and one that was a rural hick, to boot?  Or was it because she herself had been saddled with two mudponies of her own as daughters, having married one?  Or maybe it was because she was one of those rare unicorns born in a mudpony town, having picked up mudpony ways and even though she had everything that he should have had, in truth she was little more than a mudpony herself?

When she forced him to give up his commission, part of him hated her for that.  How dare she sully his name!  But on the other hand, part of him chafed at that.  He was sure that had he been a pureblood, he would have had the opportunity to shine.  Perhaps, given that they were about the same age, there might have been a time when he could have talked her into leaving that thug mudpony husband of hers and to be with him.  She certainly seemed stupid and vapid enough that she would have likely thought him to be a trueblood.

And now after all these years, she had come to him, with a request: she wanted a painting of her mudpony daughter.  But worse, she wanted it of that freak of nature…and of her human husband and half-breed kids.  Body suppressed a shudder; it wouldn’t do to ruin one of his works because he didn’t have proper self-control.  But the thought sickened him regardless: what kind of self-respecting pony – even a mudpony – would sleep with one of those monsters, much less have kids with them? Was that mare that damaged in the head? At least having sex with a timberwolf would have been more natural!  He shook his head, still disbelieving the whole thing; why on earth would somepony of Rarity’s stature even want them painted?  Didn’t she realize that would bring her to ruin?

Then again, she’s little better than one herself, so I shouldn’t be surprised, Body thought to himself.

Walking away from his canvas, he moved over to a small table, upon which was a bottle of cider. While he hated mudponies, he had to admit, they knew how to make their alcohol.  Picking up the bottle, he drank straight from it, nearly draining it in one go. Some ponies might have accused him of loving cider a little too much, but he was never drunk in public – as a unicorn, even a half-breed, that wouldn’t do.  He would taste his favorite liquids in the privacy of his own home and when he was creating masterpieces.

But that wasn’t the point.  The point was that he now had a chance to get revenge.  Revenge on every mudpony out there that had sullied him.  Revenge on that nag Rarity and what she had done to him because she loved her mudponies.  Revenge against humans for soiling Equestria just by stepping on its land.

And the best part about it?  He was getting paid to do this.