> Just An Average Dude
>  by Diplo_D_Mattus
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 1 - Waking Up in Dreamland
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	

A white stallion, complete with a black mane and tail, with both bright green and bright blue highlights, lay flat on his back in a plush field of flowers outside of a small town he didn't recognize. The warm Equestrian sun was radiating on him.

"Ah crap..." he mumbled as he stirred; he felt off, and he was in pain as if he had taken quite a fall. "I didn't want to take a nap." He opened his deep blue eyes and sat up, getting a good look at his surroundings.

He was in a field of flowers, there seemed to be a town not too far off, and what appeared to be a palace in a tree. His jaw slowly dropped, he was at a loss for words; what kind of place was this?

"Hey there!" A friendly female voice spoke behind him. 

"Ahh!" the stallion yelped, jumping to his feet, or rather hind hooves... but then he wobbled and felt quite unsteady, falling flat on his face. "Oww... normally that works..." 

"Oh goodness... I didn't mean to scare you. You just seemed confused and lost," the voice continued, with a tone of concern.

The stallion looked behind him, seeing a lavender unicorn with wings. She had a purple mane and tail, with what appeared to be violet and magenta streaks in them, and pretty purple eyes. She looked friendly but more curious than such.

The stallion merely blinked, remaining still. He didn't know who she was, or even what she was for that matter. 

"Are... are you okay?" The winged unicorn continued, tilting her head. 

"Woah..." the stallion stammered. He rolled onto his back and scooted backward, rubbing his eyes in disbelief... surely he didn't just see the unicorn talk. 

The unicorn squinted at him, dumbfounded, taking a few steps towards him.

The stallion pulls his forehooves away from his eyes, and he stares at them, his pupils shrink. "What the... WHERE ARE MY HANDS?! I NEED THOSE!"

"Hands?" The unicorn queried, pausing and staring as the stallion glanced around. "Look, sir... Do you need help? You seem-"

The stallion interrupted her, looking back and forth between his hooves and her, "Yes, my hands. My hands are gone. So are my feet. I have a duster growing from my ass. Furthermore, I'm talking to a winged unicorn." 

"I'm an alicorn," she stated simply, she wasn't too pleased about the interruption.

"Alicorn. Whatever," he responded, equally simply, before chuckling nervously. "What kind of drugs did those government dudes give me?"

"I wouldn't know the answer to that. But I do know how to help you, you just need to let me..." the alicorn began, making sure the stallion was paying attention, "you need to let me in on what's going on." 

"Well if I knew the answer, I'd tell you, miss," he replied, shifting his position so he was sitting upright, "I don't even know why I'm talking to a winged un... Alicorn. This isn't normal for me, okay?" 

"Judging from the behavior you're exhibiting, I would think not," The alicorn replied, then she gestured towards herself, "I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"Oh, you're a princess now?" the stallion blinked, "There are no presidents here?" 

"Presidents? No," Twilight responded, slowly lowering her hoof.

"Senators?" the stallion asked.

"No," came the reply.

"Um... secretaries of state?" he asked.

"Nope," she responded patiently, setting her hoof on the ground and beginning to move it in a circular direction.

"Well if you're a princess... is there a queen?"

"There isn't unless you count Queen Chrysalis," Twilight responded.

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" the stallion exclaimed, throwing his forehooves up in the air and falling onto his back again. 

"Well to be fair, you don't make much sense either, mister..." Twilight huffed, waiting for a response. She was growing a little annoyed with this stallion as she walked up to his side and looked down at him.

"Diplo. I am Diplo. I work for Cheezburga Deluxe Extra Premium. Or CDEP for short. Would you like fries and a drink with that?" the stallion replied, laying one of his forehooves across his chest.

Twilight gazed at him with a confused expression as she moved away so he could get up. "What in Equestria is that?"

"It's a fast food chain! How do you not know about it?" Diplo replied, looking just as confused as he sat up and gazed at her.

"Frankly, I've never been there. Look, you're coming with me," Twilight sighed, approaching him once again. 

"Hell no, I ain't! I didn't come here to get arrested!" Diplo stated, he tried standing on his hind legs again, as a human would, but he fell back down. He then stood on his four hooves and tried running, to no avail as well. 

"Diplo, I'm not arresting you, I just want to-" Twilight started, pausing.

Diplo sat down on his rump and began scooting away from her on it as fast as he could. 

Twilight sighed and put one of her forehooves to her face, shaking her head slowly and closing her eyes. Her horn began glowing with a soft purple aura as she magically lifted Diplo off the ground. 

"Shit! Put me down!" Diplo tried to struggle in the aura, but it didn't work and Twilight wasn't having any more of his antics. 

Twilight frowned and stomped over to him, and she pointed a hoof at his nose. "I can't let somepony like you walk around Ponyville in the state you're in right now and with how you're behaving towards me. I'm taking you back to my library, and we are getting this sorted out. This is for your own good and for the good of everypony else. Understood?" 

"What the hell do you mean 'walk?' I can barely even stand up!" Diplo retorted. 

"Do you. Understand?" Twilight demanded, she looked about ready to smack the stallion.

"Alright, fine," Diplo murmured. He fell quiet for a minute. "After you finish your lecture can I leave?" He smiled hopefully.

"No." 

"Fuck." 

"Also, will you please refrain from using profanity when you're in my library? I understand that you're frustrated, and-" Twilight started. 

"You're not my mother," Diplo retorted. 

"But I AM a princess, so that DOES mean I have authority, so YOU have to listen," Twilight grunted, poking his forehead.

"Alright, alright... fair point," Diplo quietly said. 

Twilight dropped Diplo from her magic grip, and he landed with a soft thump on the ground and falls onto his back. Her horn glowed once again, and there was a bright flash, all of a sudden, they were in the library Twilight had mentioned before. 

"Woah!" Diplo gasped, looking around frantically, before feeling his body to make sure he was still intact. "WHAT just happened?!"

"We teleported," Twilight sighed, walking over to one bookshelf and beginning to look through it. 

"You horses already achieved that ability? Geez... what kind of trick-" Diplo started, but he was silenced by a sudden smack in the face from a suddenly angered Twilight. 

"Gah! Jesus! The hell was that for?!" Diplo cried, rubbing his cheek.

"You will NOT refer to us as horses!" Twilight snarled, glaring at him, "I assure you... that I am no prostitute!" 

"Well damn..." Diplo murmured, looking at the ground. "That actually kind of hurt." 

"Humph," Twilight huffed, turning back to her bookshelf, "You're not a very nice pony, you know that?" 

"You're just now figuring that out?" Diplo glanced up at her.

Twilight merely grunted, moving a few books to the side. "Apparently so. I just want to help you out. Is that okay with you, Diplo?" 

"Well, you are the one who dragged me here. Now CDEP is going to call me and wonder where I'm at, and I won't be able to answer because I'm here and it's YOUR fault!" Diplo grunted. 

Twilight huffed once again, glancing back at him, and starting to levitate books out. "Once I figure out what's happened and the solution to the problem, you're free to do as you please so long as it doesn't hurt anypony. Capiche?"

"Fine... fine..." Diplo murmured as he lay down on the ground, staring at her. 

"Good. We finally came to an understanding. That wasn't so bad, was it?" Twilight smiled, levitating a few more books out in her magic as she turned towards him.

"It only cost me a smack in the face and some of my dignity," Diplo muttered, staring dully. 

"What is with you?" Twilight grunted, setting the books on the ground and seating herself, "I have never seen a stallion so negative." 

"You know, I don't know, Princess! Maybe, just maybe, the aspect of waking up in a rainbow-filled land that is a hundred percent foreign to me ground my gears a little bit!" Diplo retorted, sitting up with a frown. "That and being dragged by the princess of this place-" 

"I'm only one of four," Twilight interrupted, levitating one of the books and opening it, gazing at him.

Diplo stared at her, mouth hung open in mid-sentence before he closed it. 

Twilight began flipping the pages in her book, looking down at it. 

"There's four princesses?" Diplo queried. 

"Mhm," Twilight responded. 

"AND NO KING OR QUEEN?!" Diplo shouted, putting his forehooves to his head. 

"Precisely. You're catching on," Twilight stated, looking back up at him. 

"What kind of place is this?!" Diplo asked, hooves still on his head. He wore what looked to be a dreadfully confused and rather shocked expression on his face. 

"This is Equestria, Diplo. Have you forgotten?" Twilight looked back at her book. 

"I've never been here before," Diplo raised one of his hooves up. "Question." 

Twilight sighed and looked up. "Yes?"

"You never answered my question." Diplo lowered his hoof to the ground. 

"I didn't?" Twilight responded, tilting her head. 

"I still don't know what kind of place this is," Diplo replied, wearing a poker face now. 

"Well..." Twilight smiled gently, "This is a place filled with the magic of friendship. Everypony here is protected by the princesses and her guards, and everypony here is happy."

"The magic of friendship?" Diplo put a hoof over his mouth and started snickering. "What kind of crack are you on?"

"Crack?" Twilight asked, her smile fading into a curious gaze. "I'm not sure I know what that is..." 

"You don't even know what it is?" Diplo continued snickering. 

"I don't... do you think you could find some?" Twilight set her book down and closed it. 

"Of course not!" Diplo started laughing. 

"And... why not?" Twilight asked. 

"Oh my God... BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL!" Diplo fell onto his back and continued laughing. 

"Oh... I see... I'm well-informed on the law here, Diplo. I don't think there are any concerning this 'crack' of yours," Twilight stated. She wasn't laughing, her horn glowed as she sat Diplo up with her magic. 

Diplo wiped one of his eyes with his hooves and stopped laughing, and sighed. 

"This isn't a laughing matter, Diplo," Twilight stated, levitating him closer to her with her magic, and setting him on the ground, "You don't even know how to walk, a mouth like yours could get you in trouble." 

"Well no shit," Diplo shrugged. 

Twilight then growled as her ears drooped. She raised a hoof to smack him, but decided against it and set it down. "You clearly don't know WHAT I'm talking about... do you?" 

Diplo just remained silent for a split moment, looking off to the side before responding. "I feel like the two of us just sitting here is basically me being interrogated." 

"Oh, Celestia..." Twilight mumbled, putting a hoof over her eyes and shaking her head. 

"The hell's the matter with you?" Diplo asked, smiling coyly. 

"I'm dealing with an idiot..." Twilight mumbled with a soft sigh.

"Well, I don't know what you want!" Diplo retorted.

"Answers!" Twilight replied, taking her hoof from her eyes.

"To what?!" Diplo demanded. 

"Ugh!" Twilight grunted, getting up and starting to pace around the room in frustration. She then let out a quick breath and walked back over to him, sitting down in front of him once again and closing her eyes and raising her hoof. "Okay... let's just... start over."

"Oh God, we're doing all this again?" Diplo grunted, laying down and putting his hooves over his head, "I don't want any!"

"No no... No..." Twilight sighed, opening her eyes and setting her hoof down, "I want to know what happened to you. You're clearly not from here. That should've been obvious to me from the start."

"Yes, it should have," Diplo responded, peeking out at her.

"Then start from the beginning, Diplo," Twilight instructed simply, gazing at him. Her horn then flashed, and before her floated a notepad and a feathered quill pen, along with a little jar of ink. "I want to know everything." 

"Uhh... well..." Diplo mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head with his hoof, he closed his left eye and looked up. "Alright, I guess. Beats trying to argue with you." 

Twilight levitated the pen into the ink and held it at the notepad, looking up at him. "Go on." \

"Well... it all started about four days ago..." Diplo began, opening his eye and setting his hoof down. "When I was in the middle of my job..." 

--To be continued--



> 2 - Just Doing a Job
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	"Four days ago, hmm?" Twilight queried, starting to write in her little notebook, staring at Diplo. 

"Yes, four days ago," Diplo repeated. 

This is a scene that took place four days before Diplo found himself in this magical land. It was all normal until Diplo discovered that some particular people weren't at CDEP for some damn cheeseburgers... or fries... or even drinks... miraculous. Perhaps they just wanted air to consume... perhaps they were plant people... or perhaps...

It was a usual day at the restaurant. The summer air was a steady seventy degrees Fahrenheit. The kitchen crew was rushing around to prepare orders. Diplo was stuck as the drive-thru cashier. He didn't mind, however; in fact, he loved the job. 

"Hello! Good evening!" he cheerily spoke over the headset. A white van had pulled up to one of the drive-thru speakers. Silence met his greeting. 

Thinking his headset had messed up, Diplo pressed a button twice and spoke again. "What can I get for you today?" he asked this time, seeing if they would respond... but they didn't. Instead, they pulled around behind a waiting vehicle, much to Diplo's confused curiosity. Perhaps the kitchen crew had gotten an order wrong at some point and the occupants of the van were coming back to right it. So the concerned Diplo waited until they had arrived at his window. 

He opened the window with a raised eyebrow, a question ready at his lips, but before any words could escape from his mouth, the woman driving the van, dressed in a fine purple suit, reached a black envelope through the window. 

Diplo was hopelessly confused as he took it. "I... thank you, ma'am?" he stammered, looking at the envelope and then at her, "What's this for?"

The woman merely nodded to him, before driving off, leaving a bewildered Diplo with an unmarked card in his hand. 

Any rational person would've simply thrown the envelope away, to avoid having been blackmailed. But this was Diplo, and he was working a thankless job. What did he have to lose? He looked around for a moment before tearing the envelope open and pulling out the contents... it was an invitational card. It was made of a fine, silky paper, a deep purple with gold filaments around the sides. All it had was a phone number in the bottom half... and the US Seal in the top half. He closed the card and slipped it into his pocket, but his curiosity had been piqued.

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"So wait..." Twilight had interrupted his story, looking up at him, pausing her writing, "You're telling me that you accepted an unmarked letter of some kind from somepony you didn't even know and who didn't even address you?"

"Well yeah," Diplo replied with a nod,"For all I know, they're just doing a job too, and I thought they needed me for something important! Would've been a change from my shitty job anyways... can I finish my story?"

"That was horribly foolish, Diplo. If you simply kept your muzzle out of it, you wouldn't have ended up in Equestria and this whole situation could've been avoided!" Twilight exclaimed, throwing her notebook down.

"Yeah, yeah, save the ridicule for later," Diplo mumbled, rubbing the back of his head and looking off to the side.

Twilight sighed and picked her notebook up again, dipping the pen in ink and returning it to the paper. "Go on."

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When Diplo's shift had ended, he drove home and headed up to his room. He then sat at his desk and took the envelope out of his pocket. This odd letter had become of utmost importance to him, simply because he didn't know anything about it. He opened the letter again and simply stared at it for a moment. 

"This doesn't make any sense," he muttered, taking off his restaurant visor and setting it on the desk next to him. He then put his elbows on his desk and rested his head in his hands, massaging his temples. He then looked at the number listed and decided to call it. Perhaps whoever answered would have an explanation.

He then sat up and whipped out his cellphone from his pocket, dialing the number and putting it up to his ear, resting his head on his other hand. 

The number's owner picked up surprisingly quickly. "I'm surprised you actually called, Mr. Mattus," the voice said. It sounded female. 

"Alright, this just got super awkward and I haven't even said hello yet," Diplo stated, looking nervously around his room. 

"It's expected," the voice replied, "We have to ensure discretion here, so we take care to gather as much information as we can before inviting anyone." 

"That's cool and all, but you see... I don't know what's going on, but you seem to. What am I being 'invited' to? Who even ARE you? Can I PLEASE have some insight?" Diplo asked, putting his hand over his eyes.

"You may," the voice replied, "We work for the government."

"Well, no shit. I gathered from the fact that this card had the freakin' US Seal on it," Diplo replied, raising an eyebrow though he kept his eyes covered. 

"That it does. I was the woman who gave you the card through the window. I did not stop to speak to you simply because it would've attracted attention," the voice continued.

"You driving off was equally curious," Diplo said, "I work at a fast food place... you should know this. If any customer... well... 'customer' drives off suddenly, it's usually because we didn't do something right so we have to-"

The voice interrupted him. "I'm well aware of how a fast food restaurant works. Spare me the details. You were just doing your job, acting natural. That's what I wanted to see and hear... that's why you were invited to our meeting." 

"Woah, there's a meeting now? Hold on, I didn't sign up for suits and ties and sitting around for hours on end listening to some idiot ramble," Diplo replied, removing his hand from his eyes and laying it on his desk.

"It's far more interesting than that, Mr. Mattus," the voice replied, "You won't have to dress up; we are not making that a requirement. I do think you'll find what we have to show you to be quite fascinating." 

"The only thing that's fascinating is how creeped out I am right now," Diplo replied. He then banged his fist on his desk. "I never get creeped out!" 

The voice merely lets out a soft chuckle. "It's not the worst reaction we've gotten, so it's perfectly alright. You may refer to me as Senator Ruth if it comforts you to have a name." 

"It does... a little bit..." Diplo murmured, resting his head in his hand again and clenching his hair.

"Excellent," came the reply, "So I take it you'll be ready for us in the morning?"

"Wait, the morning? But I still-" Diplo started, sitting up.

"Excellent. We'll be at your house at 7 AM sharp," Ruth stated.

"Let me fin-" Diplo started again, but Ruth hung up on him. Diplo stared at his wall and dropped his phone onto his desk. "What the hell did I get myself into...?" he mumbled. 

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"You got yourself into quite a bit of trouble, I'm assuming?" Twilight interrupted his story again, reading through what she had written down. "So far, all this seems like is that you were ignorant to possible risks and now you're facing the consequences of your actions."

Diplo looked at her dully. "Right, I know I was stupid. You don't have to remind me."

"I'm not calling you stupid," Twilight said with a soft frown, tapping her notepad with the feathered part of her pen, "I'm just giving my analysis of your situation as you're describing it."

Diplo merely grunted, his ears drooping. "Anyways..."

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The next morning, Diplo awoke to find himself riding in the back of a brightly lit, windowless van. It wasn't unlike a prison van, there was a small windowed portion in front of him that gave a view to the front seats. The doors to the back of the van were shut and most likely locked. He sat up abruptly and looked around, startled. 

"Well, this definitely isn't my bed..." He mumbled as he took in his surroundings. There wasn't much to the van. It was clearly moving; he could feel the bumps of the road beneath him. Looking around, he saw that there were other people in there with him. Some of them were still slumped over, sleeping soundly. Others were waking up as well, blinking dumbly in the light. All of them were dressed in special white uniforms, full-bodied and lacking in pockets. Each had a number on the chest; Diplo's number was 18. Suddenly he felt quite violated... they had undressed and changed him without his consent. Looking down, he realized that he was harnessed to the seat; he also realized that this harness was locked; he couldn't get up. 

"The fuck?" another one of the people mumbled, Diplo turned his attention and focused it on the one who had spoken. It was an older,  chubbier gentleman across from him. He had a bald head and a brown beard that came about halfway down his chest. He was squinting at Diplo with piercing, green eyes. 

Diplo merely raised an eyebrow, moving his arms and folding them across his chest. 

"Of all the people I expect to see here..." the man grunted, "A young-un is the last one I'd expect to see in this position." 

"Is... that so?" Diplo queried. 

"YES!" he shouted suddenly, waking the other passengers, who sat up quietly and looked at the bearded man with judging stares. The man then started laughing. 

Diplo merely stared at the man with a befuddled expression. 

"Welcome aboard the government express!" the man laughed, slapping his thigh, "Choo choo, brother!" 

"This is a van, you fat idiot," one of the other men, replied gruffly. He was a scrawny fellow, with a small mustache, pale skin and fuzzy black hair. 

"Nobody asked you, you mini chicken nugget-looking fool," the bearded man retorted.

"Hey, whatchu say, lumberjackass?!" Chicken Nugget demanded, turning in his seat and glaring over at the bearded man. 

"Quick change of subject before things get nasty... I actually don't know why I'm here," Diplo stated quietly. 

"Well ya got the envelope, didn't ya?" the bearded man asked.

Diplo nodded. 

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" Chicken Nugget shouted, only to be ignored.

"And ya called the lady, didn't ya?" The man smiled. 

Diplo nodded again. 

"Gaaahhh!" Chicken Nugget groaned, turning away and laying his head against the wall. 

"So why are you asking why you're here?" the man chuckled, shaking his head, "you're here because you took an interest and the government willed it." 

"Then why are YOU here?" Diplo squinted at the man, "you don't seem all too happy to be here... none of you do actually." 

The man grunted and laid back, looking at Diplo. "It's a switch-up from the norm. I'm a fat idiot that looks like Santa; I don't have much a thrilling life. To have the government reach out to me via mail without a message is something new for a change. Heh, I can say you look surprised to be here too." 

"Well, I definitely wasn't expecting a road trip..." Diplo muttered, folding his hands in his lap. "Where are we even going?"

"Why are you asking me?" the man retorted, "Do you really think I'm Santa and I know this shit?" 

"No, but I might start calling you that now," Diplo scoffed. 

"Fair enough," the man (whom shall presumably be known as "Santa" from here on out) pondered. 

Diplo looked at the other passengers, who had sat in silence and listened to their conversation. He could tell they didn't really feel like speaking at all. He saw it best to leave them alone. The van jerked slightly, an indication it had stopped. 

Diplo looked towards the back of the van, the shut doors, in expectation. 

Sure enough, a moment later, they were opened, the bright morning sun emanated from the outdoors and into the van. The view indicated that they were at an airport; runways could be seen, with their markers. Even a plane or two could be sighted if one strained their eyes enough. Two well-dressed but tough-looking men stood at each door of the van, at attention. 

"Good morning, gentleman," a familiar female voice rang out. The same woman Diplo saw the day before walked around the van and stood at the open doors, hands behind her back. She was dressed in a scarlet suit, with a black tie, and she wore a pair of sunglasses over her sharp gray eyes. Her jet black hair was tied up in a bun, and her small lips wore scarlet lipstick to match her suit.

"Senator Ruth..." Diplo mumbled, gazing at her and instinctively clenching his fist. She carried a cold air about her that he hadn't realized before. "And I thought I'd never meet any senator so long as I lived." 

"Long faces and no responses?" Ruth smiled gently at the men.

"Well, Ruth, m'lady," Santa spoke up, "You essentially kidnapped us without warning. I ain't gonna be a very jolly Santa, and these men ain't gonna be very jolly elves." 

The rest of the passengers stared at her quietly. Diplo began wondering if they were all mute. 

"I do apologize," Ruth nodded, "But discretion is of utmost importance. What we selected you for is something that we don't want the public knowing about until it turns out successful." 

"Hey, that seems a little suspicious there, ya fancy government chick. I came on the promise we were gettin' paid a good bit for this shit," one of the other passengers spoke up. 

The others nodded, replying with their own little agreements. 

"You will be, quite handsomely too," Ruth stated. Diplo almost admired her patience. "All we need is your cooperation." With that, she removed one of her hands from behind her back, holding up what appeared to be a remote. Behind her, a black military jet slowly rolled to a stop on the runway, a door on the side opening. A ramp extends down from the door and settles gently on the ground. Ruth then pressed a button on the remote, the noises of several clicks could be heard, the harnesses binding the men to their seats came unlocked and drew back, allowing them to get up. 

Everyone in the vehicle, including Santa, stared at her inquisitively. None of them dared to get up and attempt running; it was too easy. 

"Everyone come along now... single-file," Ruth instructed. 

Diplo stood up with the rest of the men. He stretched, feeling his back pop. It did feel good to stand up after being in an uncomfortable sleeping position, followed by sitting for what seemed like a long ride. 

The men grumbled softly among themselves, conversations Diplo couldn't make out as they got into a single-file line. Diplo followed suit, getting in the back, and grabbing his left wrist nervously with his right hand. The men slowly proceeded to walk out of the van and up the ramp onto the plane, Ruth watching them carefully. Diplo noticed they went rigid when they stepped out of the van and walked more quickly. He saw why as he stepped out; several armed men in body armor and official US colors stood outside the van. Each had assault rifles at the ready. These were men of the army, decked out like they were going to war, and Diplo found himself feeling like a prisoner of such. He could feel the eyes of each of the armed men on him. He shivered as he walked up the ramp to the plane, Ruth followed behind him, standing straight with her hands behind her back and her chin up, along with several of the armed men. They walked into the plane and off to the right, into a small passenger chamber, also windowless, of course, and brightly lit, like the van.

"Sit down in your assigned seats. Each seat has a number on it... Your seat will have the same number that's on your uniform... pure and simple," Ruth stated coldly, sounding almost robotic as she gazed at them. She paused at the entrance to the chamber as the rest of the men filed in. The men that were standing outside of the van stood next to Ruth to ensure that nobody attempted an escape. Diplo assumed they were her bodyguards. 

The men obey quietly, shuffling around in the chamber and finding their seats. Diplo's seat was against the wall, he sat down and remained still, facing forward. He didn't recall a time when he felt so scared and confused. A soft beep could be heard as straps, similar to the ones in the van, came out of the seats and harnessed everyone so they couldn't get up.

"Hey, Ruth," Santa grunted. 

Ruth raised an eyebrow, looking at him. "Yes?"

"Where we headed? You ain't told any of us that," Santa replied, looking back at her to the best of his ability. 

Diplo turned as well, he was curious, but the other men faced forward. 

"A facility near the White House," Ruth stated, returning his gaze calmly. 

"What kinda facility? What for?" Santa queried, "Details, ma'am. I need em." 

"A special project I've been running," Ruth smiled. 

Something about her smile comforted Diplo, and he turned back around and relaxed. 

"Go on," Santa grunted. Turning his head around was difficult for him. 

"Interdimensional Travel. We're attempting to explore realities... that aren't our own. There's a theory circulating among our top scientists that our reality isn't the only one. It's believed to be that there exist some that haven't been discovered yet. So over the past few months, these scientists of ours have been working hard... they've been finding, theorizing, building, learning... exploring. They're doing their jobs... and they've successfully created what they believe is a functional portal," Ruth explained, beginning to walk up and down the center aisle of the chamber slowly. 

The men, including Diplo, watch her quietly, listening. The quiet roar of the plane's engine could be heard outside; they had lifted off and were on their way. 

Ruth looked around as she walked, making sure all eyes were on her before continuing. "Where you come in is simple... we need people to test these portals for us. That's the task we have for all of you. The numbers on your uniforms... are your subject numbers. For instance..." With that, she walked over to Santa and laid her hand gently on his shoulder. 

Santa looked up at her with a confused expression.

"This gentleman right here would be referred to as subject 27," Ruth said, removing her hand from Santa's shoulder and continuing to march up and down the aisle, "Mice don't make suitable test subjects for a big project like this. Sure they're living beings and can experience a world... but they can't tell stories and all the little bastards will do is scamper off, never to be found again. That is... if they don't get fried by the energy a portal could generate." 

Diplo shuddered at how calmly she was explaining this. He began to wonder what in the world... or out of the world... he was in for. 

"I'll get this out of the way in case any of you are curious... we don't know if you'll be coming back," Ruth stated, "We can only expect the worst and hope for the best. We hope that each subject will come back safely with a story to tell... but should they never return... condolences will be sent to any immediate family or friends."

"Now that's a whole other level of fucked up," Chicken Nugget grunted, looking back at Ruth, "You gotta make sure we at least survive the shit if we can expect pay for it!" 

"Should you listen to us and survive the tests and whatever reality you end up in... you will be paid quite a sum," ruth replied, calmly gazing at him. 

"Well, how much?" Chicken Nugget asked quickly.

"A stable ten million dollars at least," Ruth replied, equally quickly. 

"Well damn..." Chicken Nugget muttered, facing forward again. 

"Do with this information what you will. We'll be at our destination before you know it," Ruth said, turning and walking out of the chamber, hands behind her back. Her bodyguards follow her, one of them shuts the door behind them. 

Diplo looked at the floor of the plane, listening to the men begin to talk among themselves about what they had just learned. 

The conversation was short-lived, however, as a sweet smell filled the air. Diplo noticed that it made him quite drowsy, he looked around and noticed that the other men were nodding off as well, looking equally confused. They were being gassed to sleep. This realization hit Diplo as he passed out. 

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"So they didn't use any kind of spell to put you to sleep... but a gas? I'm so confused..." Twilight said, looking up at Diplo with a befuddled expression, pausing her writing. She may as well have written an entire encyclopedia with how many pages she had scrawled on.

"Well... no... because where I come from, magic doesn't exist," Diplo replied simply, looking at her, "Neither do talking Alicorns... or weird monarchies with four princesses and no queen or king... This place is all literally the stuff of fairy tales."

Twilight frowned, lowering her notebook. "Well... so far this all seems very anti-climactic... except for the part about the portal... and why in the world are you calling one of these subjects Chicken Nugget? Don't you all have actual names?" 

"Well the name just stuck, okay? And I like chicken nuggets... they're delicious..." Diplo muttered, looking off to the side. 

Twilight sighed and shook her head, raising her notebook again. "Please... go on."

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When Diplo woke up, he was in a room this time... a small, plain room. The first thing he noticed is that he was on a soft mattress with a thick, gray blanket, laying on his back and looking up at a bright light. He sat up and took in his surroundings. This had a window near the ceiling, evidently where people could watch him. It also had white walls, a door that led to a small, plain bathroom. There was a nightstand on each side of the bed, and a magnetically locked, stainless steel door that led to the outside. 

"Good morning, subject 18," A male voice greeted him, startling him. 

Diplo looked up at the window and saw that a younger man in a white lab coat with a slight tan, with spiky brown hair and brown eyes, was looking down at him. 

"Good morning?" Diplo asked, "I slept through the night?" 

"Precisely," the man replied, "the effects of the harmless gas you were given last 16 hours." 

"Well, that's good to know..." Diplo muttered. 

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. Alfred Hedgeh," he stated, smiling softly as his name appeared holographically in the window. 

"Alfred... Hedgeh...?" Diplo snickered. 

"Yes, Alfred Hedgeh," Alfred replied with a nod. 

"Alright, Dr. Alfred Hedgehog, what's your plan for today?" Diplo smiled. 

"Ghh... Not Hedgehog... Hedgeh..." Alfred grunted, frowning and crossing his arms.

"Sorry, bud. You're talking to someone with a sense of humor and your name reminds me of a show I watched as a kid," Diplo chuckled, crossing his arms as well and gazing up at Alfred.

"Right... I suppose whatever suits you is fine with me, so long as-" Alfred began

"Plus you LOOK like a hedgehog!" Diplo shouted, pointing at Alfred. 

Alfred sighed and put his hand over his eyes. "So long as you're willing to LISTEN... we should be just fine. Don't get hedgehog stuck in your head... I'm going to have you thinking about much more shortly..." 

"Oh, you amuse me..." Diplo chuckled, walking around in a small circle before spreading his arms out and facing Alfred. "...HOW?"

Alfred smiled and walked away from the window. Then one of the locked doors opened in Diplo's cell, and Alfred steps into it, followed by a suited, burly bodyguard. Alfred walks over to Diplo, slipping one hand into his lab coat pocket. His nametag glinted in the light of the cell. 

"Well... as a member of the fast food industry, I think you should really find it quite simple to understand," Alfred said, laying his other hand gently on Diplo's shoulder.

Diplo merely stared at Alfred, not daring to attempt fighting him. Sure he could kick Alfred's ass, but the possible repercussions of such actions seemed too much. 

Alfred removed his hand from Diplo's shoulder, then his other hand from his pocket, he clasped them together. "I'm just doing a job, subject 18... but in order for this job to be a success... I'm going to need your cooperation. Teamwork, if you will." He then unclasped his hands and turned around, wrapping an arm around Diplo's shoulders, grabbing his left shoulder and extending his right hand in front of him. "The difference here, however, is that we're not working together to fill bellies with cheap, chemical-laced meat. We're working together on a much, much larger scale. We're talking about entire possible worlds here, subject 18, universes!" 

"Yeah, what's so interesting about that?" Diplo asked shortly, looking over at Alfred. He wasn't too terribly fond of Dr. Hedgehog being all buddy-buddy with him. 

"What's interesting is that no other country has looked into such possibilities. The USA is the first!" Alfred smiled. 

"Look... I don't understand the half of what you're saying," Diplo replied, gently pushing Alfred's hand off his shoulder and stepping back with a confused expression, "I work at CDEP, dude. You want me to answer questions about how I feel customer service is conducted? Yeah, I can answer em. Do you want to know how to make our products? I can probably answer that too. Management? Sure, I can share my opinions. But all this talk about other dimensions is the stuff of fairy tales and... and children's series!" 

Alfred raised a hand to his chin and scratched it gently, deep in thought, like a logician contemplating the point of a bread sandwich. 

Diplo held his hands up in the air, raising his eyebrows. "It just makes no sense, man. I'm glad you're all excited about it, and I wanna share your excitement too. The difference between you and I, though, is that I'm no science major, so I don't find this that... 'fascinating.'" 

"Then look at it like this," Alfred said, removing his hand from his chin and pointing a finger at Diplo, "Suppose that... your manager walked up to you right now and said 'hey... I'm going to give you access to management powers, as well as the manager's power in other stores like your own...' What would be your thought process?"

Diplo chuckled and let his hands drop to his sides. "It's about damn time I got a promotion. That would be my reaction," he smiled.

"But you would take such an opportunity, wouldn't you?" Alfred asked.

"Any idiot would," Diplo replied, folding his arms across his chest, "Basically that means a bunch of people are at my mercy and I'm making a shitload of money."

"Precisely, subject 18," Alfred smiled, tapping Diplo's shoulder. 

"Don't touch me..." Diplo grunted, brushing his shoulder off. 

"Now here, instead of managers, it's our government, and instead of control over a few stores and their employees... it's potentially other countries wanting to get a piece of the action," Alfred said with a smile, stepping back and cracking his knuckles, "This is real power. That's what you're toying with here. Does that make sense?"

Now it most certainly did. Diplo found himself staring off into space, thinking about such a possibility. He remembered having fantasies of the like as a younger child, but the thought never occurred to him that this could happen at his age. 

"So what say you?" Alfred smiled, pressing his thumbs together, "Are you willing to cooperate?"

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"I hope you realize that you really sound like a villain here," Twilight glared at Diplo, pausing her writing.

"Well I did tell you I wasn't really a nice guy," Diplo said, folding his hooves across his chest and frowning, "What part of that went over your head?"

"This just means I'll have to get you out of the mindset that neither I nor any of the other princesses would allow you to 'collect data' on Equestria. Nor will I allow your friends to take over our land!" Twilight exclaimed, pointing her quill at Diplo. 

"Hold up, my FRIENDS?!" Diplo growled, baring his teeth slightly and leaning forward, staring Twilight dead in the eye, "Those nutty-but-not-tasty-like-nuts scientists are NOT... my friends! I don't even WANT to take over this stupid place! Even if I did... I don't even know HOW to go about doing so!"

Diplo's sudden outburst caught Twilight off guard, and she lowered her quill back to her notebook, looking taken aback. 

Diplo pointed a hoof at her nose. "So before YOU go and start throwing around crazy accusations like you're some sort of no-shit-Sherlock, maybe you should LISTEN to ME while I TELL YOU HOW THINGS WENT!" he exclaimed, stamping his forehooves on the ground, "I didn't come here to be yelled at, I didn't come here to be ridiculed, hell I didn't even come here because I wanted to!" After that, Diplo stopped yelling and calmed down for a minute. 

"Are you done?" Twilight asked with a soft sigh, looking at him. 

"Yeah, yeah..." Diplo replied, nodding his head from side to side, then looking at the ground, "Part of this is experience is my fault anyway. I should've been a little nicer to you. It ain't even your fault that I'm here... I've just... had a frustrating few days is all."

"I understand, Diplo," Twilight stated, starting to write again, "It doesn't give you an excuse to act so belligerent towards me."

"Right... right..." Diplo muttered, dragging a hoof across his face and setting it on the ground. 

"Are you almost finished, at least?" Twilight asked, tapping her quill against her notebook, "I would like for it to still be daytime by the time your story ends."

"Yeah, I'm almost finished..." Diplo nodded, looking up and opening his mouth. 

"Do make it quick. I want to at least teach you how to WALK here," Twilight grunted, raising her notebook and quill again. 

"What about run?" Diplo asked, perking up.

"Later, when I can trust that you WON'T attempt to run from ME," Twilight stated, "You can't run if you can't even walk..."

"Yeah... fair enough," Diplo nodded, looking off to the side. 

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The next day, Diplo found himself grouped up with the other subjects, in a rather large and impressive laboratory. They had been ordered to head there by their respective scientists. Computers and monitors hung about the walls, with the US seal on each one, indicating that they hadn't been started yet. Stainless steel desks were spread about the room, each one had a large computer system hooked up on it, a few of the scientists were already typing away. In the center of the room stood an ominous-looking arch. It was sleek in design and had several wires coming out of the top and the sides, some of which went into the ground, and could be seen trailing to two of the desks. They looked to be primary controls. Each of those desks had a heavy glass shield of sorts around them as if they were expecting an explosion. A small monitor stood next to the portal, fixed into the floor of the room, with a small keypad and what looked to be an armored laptop set up on it. The men stared around the room, not quite sure what to make of all of it. Diplo felt like one of those mice that Ruth had mentioned two days before. 

"Good morning, gentlemen!" Ruth's voice startled half the men as she walked through the heavy steel doors that led into the lab, with her two bodyguards. She sounded awfully cheery about sending these men to their potential deaths. 

Behind her, a bunch of scientists, including Alfred, flood in behind her. The other scientists looked a little older, and half of them wore glasses. Alfred approached Ruth. 

Ruth looked over at him, folding her arms and raising her eyebrow. "Is something the matter, Alfred Hedge..." she looked at his nametag, "...hog. Care to explain?"

"HE LOOKS LIKE ONE!" Diplo yelled from the crowd, causing the other men to turn and stare at him like he was a lunatic.

Alfred grunted and stared at Ruth dully. "I want him to go first. That's what's wrong." 

Ruth chuckled softly. "Has he been giving you a hard time?"

"Quite... he keeps comparing me to a little spiny mammal," Alfred sighed, looking over at Diplo, "But going along with it was the only thing I could do to get him to cooperate. I even altered my nametag for him." 

"Nice to see you'd go to such lengths to ensure our subjects stay willing to cooperate. That's good on you, Alfred. Perhaps we can change it back once we're through with this," Ruth smiled. 

"That would be lovely, thank you," Alfred nodded, turning and walking towards the large portal frame, his hands behind his back.

Ruth smiled and turned towards the men. "Subject 18! Please come forward," she called out. 

The men immediately separated and pushed Diplo forward. None of them were too eager to go through this experiment. 

Diplo let out a small grunt and looked back at them. "Gee, thanks, guys." 

"You're welcome!" Chicken Nugget said simply, "don't die!"

Diplo shook his head and walked over to Senator Ruth. "Yes... ma'am?" he inquired, looking up at her dully. 

Ruth smiled gently at him, folding her hands in front of her. "Upon request, you're going to be our first subject today." 

"I was right there and heard everything," Diplo stated, pointing back at the group of men. 

"I know you were, I was just making sure you were paying attention, Subject 18," Ruth replied, "Now come." With that, she began walking towards the portal as Alfred started typing on the monitor next to it. 

Diplo quietly followed behind, more irritated than afraid. 

Alfred finished typing on the monitor and tapped a few times on the keypad, he then pressed a blue button above the keypad, and a soft whirring sound filled the air. The portal began to spark and light up a bright blue on the inside of the frame. The whirring increased in pitch until there was a bright flash, accompanied by a noise that sounded not unlike a crack of thunder. Everyone shielded their eyes until the bright light fade, and there the portal stood. The inside of the frame was lit up with a bright blue, and it looked quite watery, but it was transparent. A soft but eerie howling noise was coming from it. Alfred's hair was waving as if there were massive amounts of energy coming from the portal, and he took a few steps back and folded his hands behind his back, nodding to the senator. 

"Well, Subject 18," Ruth smiled, "Don't hesitate. We would like to see if this works." 

"Well if I come back looking like a thick, radioactive, sentient pancake without the syrup, I'll know who to thank," Diplo grunted as he lowered his head and walked forward, feeling the pressure of several pairs of eyes watching him. 

Diplo stepped up to the metal platform leading up to the portal. He felt it then, the portal seemed to be emitting an energy that made his skin tingle, and that rippled gently across his hair. He heard an eerie howling coming from it as if a strong wind resided within its blue watery depths, but he could feel no such wind. He didn't get to feel the situation for long, though, Alfred stepped behind him and pressed a hand against his back, shoving him through. There was an incredibly bright flash, causing the other subjects and a few of the scientists to shield their eyes. The flash was followed by a loud, pulsing crack of thunder, which made the walls of the room and the monitors and desks shake. 

Ruth stared quietly ahead, however, holding a hand above her eyes and squinting. 

The subjects slowly uncover their eyes as the brightness faded, and gawk at what they saw.

Diplo was gone. 

Senator Ruth slowly lowered her hand and folded her hands behind her back. 

Chicken Nugget farted. 

A heavy, awed silence hung about the room for a while, while the portal still stood, active, waiting for its next participant. 

Ruth smiled softly as she turned to face the other subjects. "Alright, who's next?"

Diplo found himself in what appeared to be a white abyss, nothing around him, under him, or above him. He could almost feel the fabrics of reality tearing around him, he also realized he was moving... quite quickly too. He began to panic and tried to yell, but no noise of his could be heard. Suddenly all went black, around him, then there was another bright flash, and he found himself hurtling towards the ground in a colorful land unfamiliar to him. He didn't get to see too much of this colorful place before he collided with the ground, skidded a few feet, and passed out. 

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"And THAT'S... how I got here!" Diplo declared, throwing his forehooves out to the side with a small grin, "And when I woke my ass up, you found me, naked and alone."

"I see, Diplo," Twilight declared, setting her pen on the ground and beginning to look through her multiple pages of notes, "So to sum it up, you took a letter during your job, called someone, they kidnapped you, then they used you as a test subject to shove into an alternate reality against your will, correct?"

"Precisely," Diplo smiled, setting his hooves down and nodding. 

"How exactly do you plan to get back?" Twilight queried, looking up at him with a curious expression. 

Diplo merely shrugged. "Hell if I know. I haven't seen a portal appear out of thin air yet, so I don't really have a way of knowing. I have no way to contact anyone either. I can't do a rain dance to summon my fellow people, as nice as that would be."

"I'm positive it would be nice to head back home, Diplo. But from what you're saying, it seems that you're stuck here." Twilight nodded, teleporting her notebook and pen away, and standing up.

"Absolutely!" Diplo nodded eagerly, eyes widening slightly, "How did you know?"

"With no way to get home, you're going to need shelter and food until you figure out how to get there?" Twilight continued, walking over to him. 

"You don't say?" Diplo gasped, putting his forehooves to his head. 

Twilight sighed, glaring at him dully as her ears drooped slightly. "I'm being serious, Diplo. You're going to have to get used to Equestria if you can expect to return home at all if in one piece."

"I know, I know..."Diplo muttered, looking off to the side, before perking his ears up and smiling, "Are you gonna teach me magic? Maybe I could be a mage! I've always wondered how they stuck rabbits in their hats without suffocating the thing."

"Diplo, you are an earth pony..." Twilight muttered, shaking her head and closing her eyes. Even though she could tell that Diplo was being purposely vague and talking about magic's stereotypes, she had to smile, "even if I wanted to, I couldn't teach you the magic I use."

"Aww... so I can't make things float with my face?" Diplo murmured, his ears drooping as he frowned softly, sticking out his lower lip. 

"No, Diplo, you can't make things float with your face," Twilight replied. 

"Aww poo..." Diplo muttered, before perking back up, "Welp! I'm not going anywhere... what do you suggest, princess?"

Twilight smiled and walked around him, sitting next to him and patting his back. "I suggest right now that we get you up on your hooves and learning to walk."

Diplo looked at her with a confused expression. "Well then... you got friendly."

Twilight ignored him as her horn glowed, and she lifted him up onto his hooves. 

"I suppose I could teach you through a song to start you off," Twilight smiled softly, before breaking out into a song, "You put one hoof... in front of the other-"

"Okay, that's gonna stop right there, princess," Diplo grunted, pointing at her with one of his hooves, "I'm not strutting any of my butt duster listening to that!"

Twilight let out a small giggle, putting her hoof over her eyes. "You're not an auditory learner?"

"I don't know what that means, but nah, not really," Diplo replied, setting his hoof down with a straight face. 

"Ah, I see... perhaps you'd like the visual tutorial?" Twilight asked him. She stood up again. She then proceeded to walk around in a circle in front of him. "It's easy, Diplo. Front right forward, back left forward, front left forward, back right forward." 

Diplo watched her quietly, before perking his ears up. "Ah! So just like a baby crawling!" 

He then began trying to imitate her. He put his two forehooves in front of him and fell onto his belly with a grunt. 

Twilight smiled at him. "I don't think that's how babies crawl. You'll get it, just keep trying." she paused her walking and looked back at him.

Diplo grunted and stood back up shakily. He really did feel like a baby of some kind, learning how to walk in a new world. 

"Aw, come on, Diplo. You'll never get it if you act like that," Twilight smiled. She was almost amused now; she wasn't sure if she had seen a full-grown stallion struggling to learn how to walk. The way Diplo was attempting it made him look like a retarded monkey. Twilight continued to walk around in a circle, showing him again.

Diplo grew flustered and continued attempting to imitate her, slowly. Step by step he was getting it, but hooves were different from human feet and he didn't know how to operate four of them. Hell, he had trouble operating two at times. 

Twilight began to hum, closing her eyes as she continued to strut around in her little circle. She was actually feeling rather grand after getting Diplo to attempt to walk, especially after the mental bore he put her through. She didn't notice him go strangely quiet. "Like I said, Diplo... it's not so hard, not at all." She opened her eyes. "I promise that..." 

Diplo was gone. 

Twilight blinked, her confident grin starting to look more stupid and nervous as her eyes widened. She stopped short. "Diplo...?" She quickly darted her gaze towards the door to the library, turning to face it. 

It was wide open. 

Twilight flopped onto her butt, staring at it with a nervous grin. "O-oh Celestia..." she stammered, "What have I gotten myself into...?"

Well shit.

--To be continued--

> 3 - Baby Steps
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twilight snapped out of her shocked phase and quickly stood up and galloped out the door, slamming it shut behind her with her magic and looking around wildly. 

Diplo was nowhere to be seen on the path leading to her tree castle.

She began to panic, fearing he had wandered into town. If that were the case... oh the disaster that was sure to follow. She galloped all the way down her path and onto the street connecting her front yard to town. The street was flooded with ponies, all going about their usual business. "Oh, Celestia..." she muttered, darting her eyes around, scanning the crowd for Diplo, "Why did he have to look so generic?! This is going to take... a minute." With that, she spread her wings and flew up above the crowds, getting a birds-eye view of everypony in the street. Surely Diplo hadn't gone far... 

He hadn't. As she was looking for him, he was strutting down the same street, head held high and a confident grin on his face. "What do you think, princess?" he muttered to himself as he looked at all the other colorful ponies. Some returned his gaze, curiously. "I figured it out!" 

He accidentally bumped into a small stand of flowers, it quivered at his knock. 

"Hey! Watch it!" A nervous female voice came from behind the stand, causing Diplo to look over at the source. It was a small mare with a tan coat and a scarlet mane and tail, with magenta mixed in. She had a rose on her flank. 

"Oh... my bad, miss. I didn't see your flowers there," Diplo said, backing up a bit. 

The mare harrumphed and walked around her stand, starting to reorganize her dislocated flowers. 

Diplo blinked and watched her for a moment, before shrugging and continuing his confident strut. 

Twilight reached the stand a moment later, landing and pausing to catch her breath. She then looked over at the mare behind the stand and smiled. "Ah! Roseluck! Have you seen a white stallion with a black mane and tail... w-with blue and green highlights?" 

Roseluck nodded to her. "He bumped into my stand not too long ago. He went that way." She pointed in the direction that Diplo had wandered. 

"Oh, thank you!" Twilight breathed, spreading her wings and taking off again, flying in the direction. "So that's how I find him... just follow the trail of destruction and I'll reach him eventually!" As she flew, she saw a mare picking up a bundle of sticks that had been knocked over, a few of the other ponies were helping her. Then she saw Diplo wandering down the street, looking around like he was lost in a daydream. She let out a grunt and flew down, landing behind him and stamping up next to him. "Diplo!" she shouted. 

Diplo jumped into the air and landed on his hooves, turning his head to face her. "O-oh! Hey, Twilight! I'm walking!" 

"You need to come back to my tree, Diplo! I can't let you walk out here alone yet!" Twilight demanded, frowning.

"Look at all these people, Twilight!" Diplo smiled, looking around. That smile faded just as quickly. "It's crowded here."

"You're messing with other ponies' days, Diplo!" Twilight cried, reaching her hoof out and grabbing his mane, forcing him to turn his head towards her, "Pay attention! If you want to go back home, you shouldn't get arrested here!" 

"Hey, lay off your royal grabbiness," Diplo grunted, ducking his head and reaching his hoof up, smacking Twilight's hoof from his mane, "I just want to explore!"

"And you will get to explore, I just need to be WITH you until you understand enough about Equestria, let alone Ponyville! Okay?" Twilight responded, using her magic to stop his walking as she faced him. 

Diplo looked off to the side and huffed gently. "Fine, fine... But only because you're a face I can recognize and everybody else looks like an asshole." 

Twilight didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. She raised an eyebrow curiously, but then closed her eyes and shook her head. "They're just trying to go about their regular business, Diplo. Just... please remain out of their way for the time being... alright? Is that too hard for you to manage?" 

"Well, I guess not. Will they remain out of my way and my personal bubble?" Diplo queried, raising an eyebrow, "I don't like people in my bubble. Makes me feel all weird and invaded... like next, they'll want to get me naked or something." 

"Diplo, you are naked," Twilight sighed, looking at him tiredly and releasing him from her magic. 

"I'm naked?" Diplo looked down at himself, then between his forelegs. "HOLY SHIT I'M NAKED! Who took my clothes?!" He then grunted, his ears drooping as he squinted, looking around suspiciously. "Somebody's gonna get their ass kicked if I see them with my clothes. I paid good money for that damn t-shirt and pants. A whole ten bucks! And they better not be stained!"

"Diplo!" Twilight snapped, "Nopony took your clothes! Everypony here is naked, including me!" 

"Well damn, where are your boobs then?" Diplo asked, looking at her up and down.

"Boobs?" Twilight muttered, tilting her head slightly. 

"You know... those big, bulbous things babies suck on to get milk out of. They're also squishy and make good pillows from what I've heard," Diplo said with a smile. 

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, raising her right forehoof with a bewildered expression on her face.

"Complete with nipples. No assembly required, treat with care and tenderness," Diplo finished, stamping his hoof and nodding with a grin, tilting his head up into the air.

"Gah... Diplo!" Twilight smacked her hoof over her eyes and bared her teeth slightly, dragging her hoof down her face. "I'll teach you about a mare's anatomy in... time... but first we NEED to get you back to my tree!" 

"Hey Twilight," Diplo said. 

She sighed. "What is it... Diplo?"

"A couple of these other ponies are looking at us funny," Diplo said, looking around. 

"I can only imagine why Diplo..." Twilight muttered. 

"Do you think they're attracted to me?" Diplo asked. 

"Well, it's a little hard to not be at least curious about you. You're clearly not a normal pony, Diplo..." Twilight sighed, looking at him with an almost pained expression, then looking at the ground and closing her eyes. 

"I wasn't a normal human either, Twilight," Diplo smiled, "hey, let's continue walking!" With that, he turned and started walking again. "If you want to be with me when I'm walking my happy fuzzy ass around town, then you might as well tag along so you can!" 

"Hmm?" Twilight opened her eyes and looked up, to see Diplo walking away from her. She then jumped to her hooves and trotted towards him. "H-Hey! Diplo!" 

"Helloooooo," He sang, looking back at her. 

She held a hoof out in front of him when she got close enough, stopping him. 

"Hey, what's this all about?" Diplo asked her. 

"Diplo... can you just listen for a moment more?" Twilight asked with a soft sigh. 

"Sure, but only for a moment," he replied, "I wanna keep going!" 

"Filly steps, Diplo... filly steps..." Twilight muttered, "I'm going to be teaching you one little thing at a time so you don't get too overwhelmed."

"Filly steps... filly steps... yeah, filly steps... the hell's a filly?" Diplo asked, looking at her confusedly, "The only Philly I'm familiar with is Philadelphia but I doubt that exists here." 

"A filly is a baby pony, Diplo," Twilight explained, lowering her hoof and setting it on the ground. 

"So that's Ponese for baby steps, gotcha," Diplo stated, starting to walk again. 

Twilight walked up next to him. "Yes, whatever you prefer to call it, just so long as it doesn't hurt anypony and we can go about taking this tour in peace." 

"Sure thing, your royal sparkler," Diplo smiled, slowing down and allowing her to catch up. 

"Sparkler...?" Twilight tilted her head to the side with a confused expression on her face. 

"Yeah... because you go all red and limp after I piss you off," Diplo chuckled. 

Twilight simply let out a soft hiss through her teeth, rolling her eyes. She didn't really have a comeback for that. All in all, she was really just glad she had at least gotten Diplo to contain himself enough to listen to her and remain close to her. 

"So Twilight... anywhere you're taking me in particular?" Diplo asked.

"The town square. I would like to show it to you, Diplo. Maybe then we can go from there. There's a place where you can get a map and everything, I'll show you the layout of Ponyville," Twilight stated, "That's a good place to start teaching you about life here." 

"Sure, sure," Diplo huffed, looking off to the side. He didn't like walking much now. It had gotten boring, "Then can you teach me how to run?" 

"Well if you're a good boy, I might," Twilight stuck her tongue out at him teasingly. 

Diplo felt his face get a little hot as he looked over at her, then he looked away again and merely grunted. 

"Ah, I see how it is. You're one of THOSE kinds of ponies," Twilight smiled. 

"Eh? What do you mean by that?" Diplo asked her, facing forward. 

"You're willing to put in the effort here now... just so you can go on your happy way later, right?" Twilight smiled. 

"Well, that's kind of my goal, actually... I don't belong here," Diplo replied coolly. 

"Don't you wanna make friends?" Twilight asked him. 

"Technically uh... nah," Diplo smiled, continuing to face forward. 

Twilight was shocked. She'd never met somepony who didn't have a desire to make friends before. "D-Diplo! How do you mean? How could you not want to be anypony's friend?"

"It's basic, princess," Diplo pointed out, looking at her, "A... I'm not a friendly guy. And B! I don't like people that much... I do much better on my own." 

"Clearly," Twilight raised her eyebrows, indicating sarcasm. 

"What's that look for, Twilight?" Diplo paused

Twilight paused as well and smiled snarkily. "In the moments we've been chatting, I can see that you are a very friendly guy. I just had to put a little effort in to get to know you was all. Nyeh." She stuck her tongue out at him again. 

Diplo felt himself blush and turned away again. She wasn't completely wrong. 

She then paused, they were in the town's center. "Here we are, Diplo, the town square. Everypony conducts business here. Look!" She pointed to an orange-furred mare talking to a filly with a large, hot pink bow in her mane. They ran an apple stand, selling apple-based goods. "There's Applejack, teaching Applebloom how to run her stand!" 

Diplo blinked. "Who?"

Twilight smiled. "She's one of my friends, an honest pony too." 

"Where are the maps?" Diplo queried, looking at Twilight with a confused expression. This talk about her friends didn't interest him in the least. 

Twilight's face fell. She thought for sure that talk of her friend would interest him. But she was discovering that Diplo was actually a lot like her... stubborn and to the point. She then smiled. "Well, there's a stallion here that gives maps to newcomers. Let's go visit him. His stand is right over there. " With that, she pointed at a stallion, sitting behind his stand. He ran what appeared to be a little gift shop, with local souvenirs. 

Diplo smiled softly and walks with Twilight over to the stand. When they got there, Twilight explained to the stallion what was going on, and he nodded, holding out a map to them.

Twilight took it into her magical aura and levitated in front of her and Diplo. "Alright, Diplo... so here's the entirety of Ponyville, it's not a very big down as you can see." 

"It looks like an eggplant," Diplo said, staring at the map. 

"You're... not wrong," Twilight stated, "but this is the place we call home. I live here, you've seen my library... it would be right here." She pointed her hoof at the location of her treehouse on the map. "And that mare, Applejack... her farm is stationed here." She then moved her hoof up and to the left, towards what appeared to be, not surprisingly, an orchard. "It is all quite simple, Diplo," she stated.

"I see, cool," Diplo replied, studying the map with her, "then by that logic, we are here." He then pointed his hoof at the middle of the map, the center of the eggplant.

"Mhm, you are correct, Diplo," Twilight smiled gently, "See, you're getting it! It is honestly fortunate you landed outside of Ponyville... Other towns like Manehattan and Canterlot you would've gotten hopelessly lost in, and most likely killed by the creatures that live around there." 

"Really? Damn... for a place that looks like a literal Candyland... that's kind of screwed up," Diplo replied, tilting his head to look at her and setting his hoof back on the ground.

"Unfortunately," Twilight sighed, her ears drooping as she closes her eyes and lowers her head slightly, "Equestria does have its fair share of evil events. The Queen Chrysalis I mentioned happens to be just one of the evildoers. It is difficult to be a princess of this land... sometimes I even wonder how Celestia manages." 

"It's just like being a manager at a restaurant, I imagine," Diplo stated, sitting down on his hindquarters and straightening himself, he gazes at her, straight-faced and serious now. "You have your workers... and the customers. Your workers perform the tasks that make the place successful. The customers are the ones that support it all and give you ratings based on how you do... Just replace the workers with whatever friends you have, and the customers with everyone else." 

Twilight opens her eyes and looks up at him, giving him a weak smile, "It is far more complex than that, unfortunately." 

"Oh right, I forgot. You guys have the jacked-up monarchy thingie going for you," Diplo replied, rubbing the back of his neck and looking off to the side, "Nevermind, that was dumb." 

"Dumb? Not in the least, Diplo, you tried. Here. Let's get you back to my place... I bet you are feeling a little hungry," Twilight responded, her horn starting to glow, "I can let you have some of the food I have at my place." 

With a flash, the two appear back at her library, where Twilight walks into her kitchen to get the food she had mentioned, as promised. Diplo follows her, curious. Twilight's kitchen was small but rather modern-looking for the time period they seemed to be in, at least to Diplo. There were various gadgets Diplo hadn't seen before... the pantry was quite large, but the table seemed to only be built for a few, four to be exact. It gave the indication that Twilight led a rather quiet and introverted lifestyle.

"Woah, food? What exactly do you hor... ponies EAT? Do you have any ham?" Diplo queried, his ears perked and eyes hopeful. 

"Ham?" Twilight responded, having opened up her pantry with her magic, she looks back at him and frowns. "Of course not. We do not eat meat." 

"Oh, vegans, huh?" Diplo responded, his ears drooping as he gazed at her dully, flopping down on his hindquarters once again. "Greeeeaaat..." 

"Not in the least," Twilight replied, turning back to her pantry, "A pony's digestive system cannot process meat... it makes us sick, Diplo... you still need to get used to your body, but you would get very sick if you tried to eat meat. With your equine taste buds, it would taste disgusting to you. Likewise, hay is much more appealing." She then steps back from the pantry, levitating a bowl of various fruits out of it, with a small sigh. "I forgot that I had Spike reorganize my pantry this morning... my cookies are gone, of course." 

"Woah, wait... Spike? Who's that? Your boyfriend?" Diplo asked, waving his forehooves in front of him and shaking his head rapidly, "I... I'm not trying to get involved with all of THAT, but I really should get outta here if that's-" 

"Boyfriend? No, not at all..." Twilight responded, setting the fruit on the table and moving the chairs out from it, "He's my assistant. In fact... he should be here anytime now. Hmph, he's never late to supper, that little dragon will eat enough to feed two full-grown stallions if you let him." 

"Sounds like my kind of guy," Diplo smiled, getting up and walking over to one of the chairs, staring at it curiously before clumsily climbing up onto it, laying across it on his stomach and kicking his hind hooves behind him, seemingly stuck. "Crap..." 

Twilight got up into the other chair with ease, watching him. "You know, this is quite amusing," she smiled, folding her forehooves on the table.

Diplo ignored her, moving back a little bit, before scooting his rear up onto the chair and finally managing to sit up, shaking his head to readjust his mane, some of which had fallen over his face, blinding him, he blinks his eyes and rubs one of them with his hoof. "Geez, everything here is so difficult... can't even sit properly without looking like some sort of circus." 

"Baby steps, Diplo, baby steps," Twilight reminded him with an almost smug grin, she levitated an apple and a bunch of grapes over to herself, setting them down on the table in front of her. "I'm curious, Diplo... You did figure out how to open my door, but do you know how to pick something up?" 

Diplo simply sat there and stared at her, looking slightly bewildered before speaking up. "Alright, princess, I know I'm new here but there's no need to make me your jester..." 

Twilight smiled. "If you drop an apple, I will try not to laugh... I cannot promise that, though." With that, she levitated the apple she held in her magic up to her, taking a bite out of it and chewing it, watching him. 

Diplo let out a small sigh, leaning forward as his ears drooped slightly, he reaches his hooves out and takes an apple from the bowl of fruit, lifting it towards him, gazing at it. He then opens his mouth and takes a bite out of it, closing one eye and shaking his head, chewing it as well. 

"See? It's not so hard, Diplo," Twilight grinned, going to take another bite. 

The two were suddenly interrupted by Spike, who had just arrived back at the library. 

"Twiliiiiiight! Where are you?" his voice calls out. 

Diplo's ears perk up and he faces the entrance to the kitchen. "Mmph? Is that the Spike you mentioned earlier?" he queried, his mouth full. 

"In the kitchen, Spike!" Twilight responded, putting her apple down. 

Spike showed up soon after; the short, green and purple dragon tilts his head curiously when he saw what was going on. He had a small, wrapped-up scroll under his arm. "Huh? Who's that, Twilight?" He then sneers. "You finally got a date?"

"Of... Of course not!" Twilight snapped, glancing at Diplo, then back at Spike, "He... he's new here, Spike. His name is Diplo." 

Diplo smiled and set his apple down... then he rubbed his chin with one hoof. "You know, I kinda like this lil' guy's thinking."

Twilight let out a small sigh. "Spike, meet Diplo, and Diplo, this is Spike, my assistant."

Spike scooted back one of the other chairs, and climbed up into it, placing the scroll on the table. He had to stand, being a little too short to reach otherwise. "So you're new to Ponyville, huh?" Spike asked Diplo, gazing at him, "I thought Twi finally found a stallionfriend at first." He then chuckles, "I was about ready to ask you guys to kiss."

"I'm about as new as they get," Diplo replied, folding his hooves on the table and grinning at him, "But I don't see why that couldn't be arranged." 

"Because we're not here for that," Twilight snapped, a soft blush having come to her face. This was a blush of embarrassment for Spike's manners. "You don't need to be so rude, Spike. He's our guest, have you forgotten your manners?"

"Hey, where I come from and where I work, I'm a little used to it, so don't you worry," Diplo said, facing Twilight. He then motioned over to Spike with a hoof. "This lil' dude's kind of cool though." 

"Yeah, see, Twi? He thinks I'm cool!" Spike beamed, tilting his head upward a little bit. 

Twilight simply let out a sigh, lowering her head as her ears drooped, she was hoping to change the subject before it got out of hand. "Spike... what is that scroll you brought to the table?" 

"Oh! A letter from the princess!" he replied, picking up the scroll and holding it out to her, "It came while I was walking home from Rarity's. Here ya go!" 

Twilight levitated the letter, undoing the fine ribbon with her magic and levitating it towards her face... she unrolls it with her magic. "This is probably a response to the letter I sent her a few days back, about my new magic book order," Twilight stated, beginning to read.

Diplo quietly got down from his chair and crept around Twilight's seat, curious. He then stood up on his hind legs, placing his forehooves on the back of Twilight's chair, gazing at the letter as well. This turned out to be fruitless... he could not understand the scribbles on the fine parchment, but he gathered some idea of what was going on, based on Twilight's facial expressions. 

"Oh no..." She murmured, her facial expression having gone from curious... to a frown... then to pure worry as her ears fell flat.

"What is it Twi?" Spike queried. He had gotten down from his chair as well and was now trying to see the letter, standing on tiptoe, but still being too short. 

"No no no... Not now... this is too inconvenient of a time!" She breathed, quickly closing the scroll, and galloping upstairs with it in her magic.  

"Hey! Twilight!" Diplo called after her, trying to follow suit, but falling flat on his face; he still had no idea how to gallop. "Well crap," he muttered, "I can't read and I can't run either. The hell's her problem?" 

Spike gazed toward the stairs, taking a few steps forward, before pausing and looking back at Diplo, shrugging. "Maybe she'll tell us. She usually doesn't keep anything from me, at least. You? I'm not so sure." 

"Odd," Diplo replied, starting to walk toward the stairs to head up to her room, "We didn't even get to have dessert." 

"Uhhh... Dip?" Spike meandered after him, "You... probably shouldn't bother her right now." 

"It's the only way either of us will find anything out," Diplo replied, pausing at the foot of the spiraling staircase and looking back at him. "I still don't know enough about this place to be left in the dark... for all I know it's something detrimental to my health." 

Spike moved his head from side to side, looking up at the ceiling as if he were pondering for a moment, before crossing his arms. "Mm... fair point."

Twilight reappeared, walking down the stairs before either of them had a chance to head up there, she was writing furiously on a similar piece of parchment. Diplo and Spike both step back to allow her to walk through. Even Diplo remained quiet now; he could feel something serious was going down. Her face was a mix of worry and frustration, and her ears were flat. 

"Uhhh... Twilight?" Spike finally spoke up, "Wanna... tell us what's going on?" 

"Prince Blueblood is about to make a trip through here," She snapped, rather quickly, "And of course... I have to be the one to deal with this, WHILE we have somepony COMPLETELY new here." 

"Blueblood? Like the noble?" Diplo asked, sitting down on the ground and tilting his head, gazing at Twilight. 

"He's a prince... Cadance's cousin and Celestia's very distant nephew," she retorted, throwing her quill to the ground and making a ribbon appear... she hastily tied the scroll closed and moved it over to Spike. "Send this, please," she stated quickly. 

"Y... You got it, Twi," Spike replied, obeying immediately and taking the letter. He drew in a breath and sent it away with his magical green fire. 

"You look upset," Diplo said, "Did someone fart in your cheerios?"

"This is NOT a time to be joking around, Diplo!" Twilight snapped, glaring at him and seating herself on the ground in front of him. Her tone surprised him slightly. "Look... This prince is nopony to be taken lightly, okay? I'm going to have to teach you how to bow down..." she started.

"Hold up, bow down?" Diplo interrupted, shaking his head and raising his hoof. "Hold on, hell no! I'm not bowing to anybody, especially not some whackjob that happens to hold the title of 'prince.' I don't even know this guy! Why does he need to be bowed to?"

Spike took a few baby steps back, watching the two, hoping a fight wouldn't happen, but being eager for one at the same time; he secretly enjoyed arguments. 

"Diplo! Just... ugh..." Twilight put a hoof over her eyes, lowering her head, "I was afraid this would happen... look... you could get us BOTH in BIG trouble if we don't! It's a way of showing respect here! It's the only way I won't have to deal with a mess like I did the LAST time we saw him..." 

"Well he sounds like an ass and the ass is nothing worth praising," Diplo stated simply, gazing at her with the straightest face he could manage, "It's filled with hot air and it jiggles." 

"Diplo, please..." Twilight muttered, her voice cracked... She was dealing with some of the worst strokes of luck today and it was putting her on the verge of tears, she kept her hoof over her eyes. "I really... really need you to listen... Oh Celestia, this day's been awful..." 

"Hey, chill out," Diplo replied, his stony expression softening slightly "I'll listen. I'm just not thrilled about bowing down to a guy that probably doesn't even deserve it." 

Twilight looked up at him, a dim hope filling her face as she set her hoof on the ground, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly... perhaps not all was lost, after all. "Alright, Diplo... look, you're going to have to trust me because this will benefit all of us. I just sent a letter to Celestia informing her of what was going on here... informing her about you." 

"Oh boy, she's gonna have a fun time reading that, I bet," Diplo replied, pursing his lips and looking off to the side.

"Let's not talk about that... the hope here is that she'll convince Blueblood to change his course and go somewhere else... as it stands, I really don't want either of us to have to deal with him right now," Twilight replied, her expression relaxing to a soft, serious frown, she then points a hoof at Diplo. "But either way it goes... I will need to teach you to bow... thank Celestia it's so simple. Not even YOU could mess it up." 

"You should know me well enough by now to know I'll mess it up in some way," Diplo smiled softly, standing up, "Alright, so what do I do? 

Twilight stands as well, extending her right forehoof forward, and setting it on the ground, she then crouches down, folding her other forehoof under her, and closing her eyes. "Simply this, Diplo," She responded after a moment, holding the position. 

"That position looks stupid. You have to throw your butt up into the air for this prince? Is he gay or something?" Diplo asked, tilting his head, slightly amused. 

"Just do it, please," Twilight responded, maintaining the position and gazing at him. 

"Alright, alright... but this will be the only time I do it... Because it feels like it costs a lot of dignity," Diplo replied, imitating her position. He quickly found that she was correct; it was super easy, so much so that he did it right on the first try this time. "How long would I have to maintain this position?" he asked after a moment. 

"Until he passes, which hopefully won't take long," Twilight responded, straightening herself, "I'm glad to see you at least decided to cooperate." She let out a small sigh of relief.

"Hey, uhh... this is kind of starting to hurt. Can I stop now?" Diplo asked her, looking up at her.

"Of course," She responded, giving him a slightly forced grin, "You did well for your first time." 

Diplo immediately straightened himself, shaking himself off. "I've never done something so humiliating in my life..." he muttered, cracking his neck and closing his eyes. 

"You'll get used to it with time," Twilight responded, looking over at Spike.

Spike had gotten himself some popcorn and was happily munching it, sitting on the floor and watching the two. "Mmrrph?" he muffled, one claw grasping some popcorn and his mouth full of the stuff, as he made eye contact with Twilight. 

Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes as her ears remained flat. "Spike... can you please get our guest a pillow and blanket? He will be staying here in one of our guest rooms until he can get a home of his own." 

"Mmhmmph!" Spike nodded, quickly picking up his bucket of popcorn and running up the stairs with it. 

"Giving me a place to sleep too?" Diplo asked her, gazing at her curiously, "You're awfully generous to a guy that's done nothing but cause trouble." 

"You are a challenge to deal with, I will admit," Twilight replied, turning to follow Spike up the stairs. "Follow me, Diplo. I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. According to the princess, Blueblood will be here tomorrow... I want you to get plenty of rest until then."

Diplo proceeded to follow her quietly up the stairs, he was gazing at her curiously. "Say, why are you so concerned about how much I sleep, princess? I've run on two to three hours' worth of such without much of a problem," he stated, tilting his head, a curious squint appearing on his face. 

"I'm afraid that won't do at all, Diplo," Twilight replied, glancing back at him as the two reached the top of the stairs. 

They began to walk down one of the few hallways in her tree palace. The halls were rather richly decorated with fine embroidery, and a few banners sporting Twilight's cutie mark hung about the walls, the ceilings were littered with decorative, sparkling stars. It was almost magical, the two sets of hooves made soft thumps on the floor beneath them, which was made of a polished stone Diplo didn't recognize. Large windows lined the walls, displaying quite the view of the small town of Ponyville, it was quite well-lit in spite of it having just turned nighttime. 

Diplo walked in silence, as he looked around, a few thoughts were running through his mind, as he frowned softly and looked out the windows. First, why did it get dark so quickly? Where he came from, the shift from day to night lasted about an hour at the shortest; here it seemed to only have lasted a few minutes. Did time really go that fast? Second, why was this princess so worried about him? It made him feel awkward because he wasn't used to anyone outside of work being so concerned about him. Third, he began wondering if anyone back at home had noticed he went missing, but he dismissed the thought shortly, being interrupted by Twilight. 

"Awfully quiet... are you tired?" She asked him, looking back at him as she approached a door off to their right.

"A little, yeah... hey, you didn't answer my question," he replied, shifting his gaze over to her, perking one ear up in curiosity. 

Twilight paused by the door, turning to face him and frowning softly, "I didn't?" 

"No... I asked why you were so worried about how much I slept. It's... odd to me," Diplo said, blinking once. 

"Don't be silly," Twilight smiled, "You need sleep to be healthy. Plus, haven't you had a long day? After all, you were torn from your home, forced to come here and learn new tricks, almost against your will." 

Diplo pursed his lips and nodded, averting his gaze from her. "Fair point... I was just curious is all." 

"I do have a question for you, though, Diplo," Twilight said, her smile fading slightly, "If your story is true... do you think anyone from where you're from will show up to take you back home?"

Diplo looked back at her, raising his hoof and opening his mouth to speak, but slowly lowering it and looking off to the side again. He had no answer to that, he recalled Senator Ruth's words about it being possible they might not return. "I... I honestly don't know," he said, setting his hoof on the ground and looking back at her, "I was never given a clear answer..." 

"I see. Well, we can only hope, right?" Twilight did her best to give him a reassuring smile, but she was troubled. His answers and story had begun to bother her. Had humans really advanced enough to open gateways into their world? What was their intent? Why send someone like Diplo? Her train of thoughts, she worried, would keep her up for a while. 

These thoughts didn't seem to cross Diplo's mind because he opened the door to the room they were standing outside of, walking into it, and looking back at her. "Goodnight, Twilight. Thanks... for letting me stay here," He stated quietly, a little awkwardly, not meeting her gaze and closing the door behind him. 

Twilight simply nodded, her smile fading as quickly as she had put it on; her horn started glowing and she teleports herself to her room, marching over to the small desk she had in it, using her magic to open her windows and allow in the pleasant evening breeze. She flopped herself down on her chair, making her notebook appear in front of her and starting to review the notes she had taken that day, a soft frown on her face. Spike lay asleep in his little bed behind him, the empty popcorn bucket beside it, all was quiet as Twilight settled herself in for a long night.
> 4 - Tensions Rising
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, how are our subjects doing?" Senator Ruth's sharp voice interrupted the silence of the portal lab as her heels clicked against the reinforced steel floor. She was approaching Dr. Alfred, whom she had appointed the head of this project. The subjects, each and every one of them from before, were in fact, gone. They had all gone through the portal, it had been two days on earth since the experiment had taken place. 

Alfred turned in his chair to look back at her, his nametag had been changed back to "Dr. Hedgeh"; he had done so immediately after the subjects had gone through. He had grown tired of being called "Hedgehog," in spite of his appearance resembling one. "It has now been two days," he quietly stated, "But I'm beginning to notice something strange..." 

Senator Ruth placed one hand on her hip, tilting it and frowning softly, her fine black suit and red lipstick making her look a little intimidating, she reached a hand up and adjusted her glasses, gazing at him. "Of course... what have you noticed?" she queried. 

Alfred turned back around in his chair, facing his computer monitors once again, exiting out the strings of code and super-complicated math he had pulled up. He pulled up a different window, with colored blips on it, each blip corresponded with an assigned number. "You're well aware that we chipped our subjects while they were unconscious. These minuscule chips, located under the skin at the base of the neck and right next to the cerebellar cortex, monitor our subjects' vital signs. They do nothing else. It was expected that the events of being thrust through this portal would kill our subjects, that's why we picked them up from places such as the street and various convenience restaurants. We figured that-"

"Get to the point, please, Alfred," Ruth interrupted, crossing her arms under her breasts. "It is impressive that you have managed to make technology that even when thrust into a potential different dimension, can still collect data and be recorded back here on earth. But none of what you've said has answered my question... please give me the details on what's so strange about all this." 

"Right, well..." Alfred began, scratching the back of his head, and leaning it to the side slightly and turning in his seat to face her, "We can do more with this technology... I just honestly didn't even know if it would work, so I did not want to spend millions developing something that wouldn't work properly, heh... I had ideas to develop a chip that had a built-in camera that could examine the new worlds through the subjects' eyes and-"

"Please get out of the chair, Alfred," Ruth interrupted once again, this time with a small sigh. She had begun to feel he was stalling. 

"Ye... yes, of course," Alfred stammered lightly, abruptly getting up out of his seat, folding his hands behind his back and stepping back. 

Ruth sat down in the chair and turned to examine the monitors, leaning forward lightly and adjusting her glasses as her piercing gray eyes scanned the computer screen in front of her. After a moment, she looks back at Alfred. "Now then... please tell me what's going on here," she requested. 

"Ah, well..." Alfred began, leaning down and pointing at the first blip, which was red, next to a number, the number 1. "Subject one. He's dead." He then began going down the list, through the numbers and blips. "Subject two... dead. Subject three... dead... We sent each of these subjects to different coordinates, Senator." 

"I see. What about this one?" Ruth queried, pointing at a blinking, green blip, next to the number "18". She looked back at Alfred, waiting for an answer. 

"That's what I found odd..." Alfred's voice had grown quieter, "Three subjects survived... subjects 18, 27, and 30." 

"The fast-food worker, lumberjack, and blacksmith?" Ruth queried, keeping her steady gaze on Alfred. 

"Yes, yes, and yes..." Alfred nodded, leaning forward and clutching the mouse, hovering the cursor over subjects 27 and 30. Both of them had yellow blips, which were blinking a little quickly. "Something is wrong with these two. They are not in good health; perhaps a foreign illness, or perhaps injuries." he clicks on subject 27, bringing up another window, showing the large, bearded man's picture, and various information about him, even down to his blood type. "Clyde Stevens," Alfred began, "He was the one we deemed subject 27. Wherever he ended up has caused misfortune to befall him, I'm afraid. This database is recording cuts and bruises, and possible infection. He is also emotionally distressed. Perhaps a prisoner?"

"Impressive... but what about subject 18? He seems to be in perfect health," Ruth replied calmly, a gentle squint appearing on her face as she turned to face the computer screens once again. 

"Ah... yes..." Alfred replied, clicking on subject 18, bringing up Diplo's profile, "That would be because he is in perfect health. He is, in fact, sleeping... sleeping peacefully. That's what I found strange." 

Ruth blinked. "And his x-y-z coordinates?" she asked.

"Well... considering these are worlds that are not our own... we could not give them x-y-z coordinates. We dubbed them different names. 'D-A-O', in fact. Delta, Alpha, Omega..." Alfred replied, taking a step back and folding his hands behind his back, rubbing the back of one of them with the other to calm him down a little bit.

"We may have to pay this world a visit..." Ruth replied quietly. 

"Perhaps... we don't know if he simply got lucky and found a way to survive wherever he is..." Alfred replied slowly, getting a little nervous from Ruth's sudden, quiet tone. "It would be too risky, Madam Senator. We don't know anything about the place he's in... just that he's alive and well. We'd need time for further research." he finished.

"It's not that," Ruth stated, leaning forward, laying her chin in her hands, squinting "It is something much more... Subject 18 is in a land that's treated him well, that did not kill or injure him right off the bat... perhaps it is the fortune of this alien world having such mercy on him. There are no miracles... there must be a logical explanation. Perhaps he begged for his life... Perhaps they hailed him as some higher being. As for how things stand right now... where are you, Subject 18? Who have you found that's treated you with such kindness as to keep you alive and in good health? Are there powerful beings where you reside now? Are we able to get in and experience the same beautiful world you must be seeing? Or perhaps is it not beautiful, but rather sinister and you simply do not fear it? Are you hailed as a king, or are you enslaved as a peasant? Would they allow us in for a better future for America? We're long due for a better place." 

Alfred stood behind her quietly, listening to her and studying the blip as well, for some reason, Ruth's voice shook him to his very core. It sounded cold and sinister, unlike it had many times before. 

Ruth turned her head, looking back at him with her sharp glare. "These are the questions you need to be asking, Alfred. Not myself; I'm a senator, not a scientist. I'm a figure of authority, not a figure of scientific knowledge and research. I will need a week to prepare, but I will be heading in there, to his assigned coordinates. You have a week to try to learn more about the world he's encountered and perceives now." 

"Erm... Madam Senator," Alfred stuttered lightly, raising a finger, "If... If I may." 

"Go on," She stated, standing up, turning to face him the rest of the way. 

"Ahem... In... In the efforts to learn more... pa... part of that requires figuring out how time works there... it could be different, heh... in the time since this experiment... we simply do not know whether it's been only an hour there, or two days like it has been here... I'd give it a month! Just to be safe..." Alfred stammered, looking to retake his authority as a scientist. He didn't like Ruth's tone here, and he certainly didn't like disappointing her; it could mean he'd lose his job. 

"You make a fair point," Ruth smiled gently at him, "Now you're using your noggin. Very well! One month. I will expect you've gained substantial knowledge about this foreign land." Her smile fades, "Watch subject 18 closely. If he ends up being the last of our subjects alive... we'll definitely know the land he's in has potential... lots of it." With that, she briskly walked out of the room, leaving Alfred with his computer monitors and the silence once again. 

"One month is all I need," Alfred muttered to himself, pulling up a web browser, with his email inbox... he began to type out an email to his colleagues, to inform them of the new events. Diplo's green light started blinking a little faster; he was waking up. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diplo opened his eyes to see Twilight staring down at him, he squinted as the bright morning sun shone through the window, before putting a hoof over his eyes, and sighing. "Let me guess, even watching me sleep is entertaining to you? That's kind of sad..." he mumbled. 

"No, Diplo," Twilight stated, "I had come in to check up on you, and to wake you up for breakfast." 

"Woah, I get breakfast here?" Diplo asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, blinking them drowsily and staring at her, his mane a mess, "I've always been one to skip morning mealtime. I eat at best twice a day." 

Twilight let out a small sigh, her ears flattening a little bit. "You're a mess... you'll really end up hurting yourself if you don't take care of yourself," she stated simply, "First the fact you get little sleep and now you're not even feeding yourself properly." 

"You worry too much, princess," Diplo replied, leaning down and falling out of the bed onto his chest, front hooves splayed out in two different directions, his back end leaning up against it, "Oof..."

Twilight gazes down at him, straight-faced. "It is my duty to worry about the citizens of this town. So far, I do consider you one of them, even if you are so unorthodox. Besides, you do remember the prince is supposed to show up today, yes?" 

"Oh trust me... I'm aware," Diplo responded, moving his back end to the right, so it flopped onto the ground next to him, he then stands up and straightens himself, he then closes his eyes, leaning down to stretch himself out, "I'm just not thrilled about it." 

"The only thing I'm hoping is you won't do anything you'll regret. Head downstairs, Diplo. There should be some toast with butter on the table for you, provided Spike hasn't eaten it all. I have to head to the town center to inform the citizens. I shouldn't be gone long," Twilight informed him, sighing gently, her ears lowering further as she looked at him, "Diplo... I really need you to behave and be cooperative at least until Blueblood is gone... okay? I don't like him either, really... I truly wish he had some discipline and manners... But we've not much of a choice in how we treat him... because he is Royalty by blood and by law." 

"I hear you, princess, don't worry about me. Seriously... I'm not even used to it honestly," Diplo replied, one ear lowering as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, averting his gaze for a moment, before gazing back at her with a serious frown, "I'll cooperate. But understand I don't believe in giving respect to anyone that doesn't deserve it, and this Blueblood sounds exactly like the kind of guy that deserves the opposite of it, prince or no." 

"I respect your beliefs, Diplo..." Twilight said, giving him a soft, slightly relieved smile, "Hearing that you'll cooperate has given me a good feeling about this day. I must go inform everypony else so they have time to prepare... he should be arriving around lunchtime." 

"Gotcha," Diplo replied with a nod, his frown softening, "Also... you really didn't have to do it... but thanks for the food." 

"Anytime," Twilight replied, as her horn glowed... she disappears with a flash before Diplo's eyes.

Diplo wasted no further time, he headed downstairs to the kitchen, where there was a plate of toast waiting for him at the table, as promised. There were three slices of it; it would be more than enough for him. Spike was standing at the sink, doing the breakfast dishes, as he had been instructed by Twilight to do so. 

"Good morning, Diplo," Spike said cheerily upon seeing him, turning his gaze from the sink to eye him. 

"Mornin'," Diplo replied modestly, seating himself with much greater ease than he had before, pulling the plate towards himself and beginning to munch on the toast, eying the small reptile, "Got stuck doing the dishes, hm?" 

"Oh, this is a regular thing," Spike replied, turning back to the sink. He was standing on a small stepstool, washing them with a sponge, "Twi already has a lot on her plate, and you were a fine addition to it, basically. At least that's what she told me. She keeps me busy throughout the day, either way." 

"I don't get it," Diplo replied simply, taking another bite of toast, listening to him.

"She talked to me before she left," Spike stated, "You're new here, and she's never dealt with a complete outsider before. Other things... she told me not to mention. I... I know you don't like to be left in the dark." 

"It's cool. It's not anything too serious, I imagine," Diplo gave him a soft grin, finishing his toast. The grin slipped from his face like hot butter. "This Blueblood guy, though... is he really that bad?" 

Spike let out a small sigh, pausing his work to walk over to the table. He takes Diplo's plate in his claws, looking up at him. "Kind of, yeah... Rarity used to have a love interest in him... that quickly changed during the gala." 

"Gala?" Diplo queried, frowning and tilting his head to the side, "And who's Rarity?" 

"Right, I forgot you're still... erm... uninformed," Spike muttered, "It's a grand event we hold once a year, like a huge party. I'd explain more, but we don't have the time... basically, the story is Rarity met him, and he was only nice to himself. Rarity's another one of Twilight's friends." 

"Oh, cool. So basically another teen drama club. Nothing I'm not familiar with already," Diplo replied, letting out a small sigh, "So basically he's an arrogant airhead?"

"Yep," Spike replied, returning to his work on the dishes, "Nopony likes him... The reason Twilight is out right now informing everypony, is so they can go out to his route to be ready to bow to royalty."

"Wait, she said he wasn't going to get here until around noon..." Diplo said, gazing at Spike. He then turned his gaze to the table, frowning at his hooves, before looking back at Spike. "How long did I sleep?" 

"Till about 11," Spike replied, smiling gently at Diplo, "You were tired, according to Twilight." 

"Eleven? Ack!" Diplo cried, putting his hooves to his head in a sudden panic, "I forgot! I don't have an alarm with me here!" 

Spike chuckles. "Don't worry about it. You don't necessarily need one right now, and Twilight didn't mind." 

"But this only means we have around an hour to get out there, right? I won't have enough time to orient myself... I can't stand crowds..." Diplo muttered, messing up his mane with his hooves, closing his eyes and laying his head on the table.

"So you're shy?" Spike asked, finishing up his dishes and drying his claws off with a towel, turning his head to face Diplo. 

"Not that... I've never been particularly fond of others." Diplo mumbled into his hooves. 

"Oh, you'll be fine, you big sissy," Spike laughed, "It's not so bad. Everypony's going to do the same thing." 

Diplo looked up at Spike, a dull frown on his face. "Yeah, the unenlightened masses. They just don't want to get in trouble." 

Spike blinked, tilting his head, confused at Diplo's verbal imagery. 

Before he had the chance to ask about it, Twilight appeared back in her large living room with a flash, and she turns her head toward the kitchen. "Spike!" She called, "Have you finished the dishes?" 

"Oh, Yeah, Twilight!" He called back, climbing down from his step stool and running out of the kitchen, into the family room. 

Diplo followed him out to the family room, looking at Twilight. "I didn't know I slept as late as I did, princess," he said, the slightly annoyed frown still on his face.

Spike climbed up onto Twilight's back as she looked over at Diplo. "Honestly, it did give me the time to finish a few crucial things before Blueblood's arrival," she replied to him, giving him a soft smile, "It was for the better. We should head out there now... to the end of the pathway leading up to my tree castle. We only need to stand out there; there's already a huge crowd outside." 

"Oh joy," Diplo muttered, his ears falling flat. 

"Don't be sour," Twilight sighed, her horn glowing as she teleported the three of them outside, on the pathway, she began to walk towards the end of it. 

Diplo followed along quietly, not saying a word. Granted, he wanted to say many a negative thing, but he mainly kept them to himself. After all, Twilight did let him sleep in, a treat not often granted to him. Looking ahead, he saw the many pastel-colored ponies lined up along each side of the well-trodden streets. They were all talking and chatting amongst themselves as the three approached them. He spoke up after a moment. "So... how will we know when the jackwad is near?" 

"Horns will announce his arrival," Twilight said, mingling herself with the crowd, and pausing there, looking at Diplo, "So when you hear them, that's when you bow. Just stay next to me, okay?" 

"Fair enough," Diplo muttered. He didn't want to be in this situation at all, the heat and closeness of the other ponies had already begun to bother him. He shut his eyes, trying not to think about it all. That only made it worse, since the noise seemed to be amplified when he closed his eyes. He snapped them open again, looking up, he saw fillies playing in the street, ponies occasionally crossing as well, to get to their friends on the other side. 

Twilight seemed to notice his evident discomfort and opened her mouth to say something about it, but closing it and facing the street as the sound of regal bugles filled the air.  Immediately as they sounded, the crowd of ponies fell silent and started bowing respectfully, along with Twilight. The fillies rushed to get out of the street, and the other ponies finished crossing, making way. Diplo could see Blueblood's carriage making its way towards them. It was richly decorated with fine wood, gold, and jewels. Four strong-looking stallions pulled the carriage, decked out in regal-looking decorative armor, two soldiers marched in front, their armor looked less decorative, making it evident that they were the escort. Four more soldiers marched behind them, and Blueblood lay back in his carriage, looking rather bored, his chin was tilted upward, so he was looking down on everypony as they bowed before him. 

Diplo was filled with an immediate hatred upon seeing the pure white, golden-maned stallion. But he closed his eyes and bowed as well, his ears lowered. 

Even Spike was quiet; he had gotten off of Twilight's back to kneel before this prince. 

Things seemed to be going well until Blueblood opened his mouth. "Can't this go any faster? It'll be ages before we're out of this commoner's village," he groaned. 

"My lord!" One of the guards replied, "There's somepony in the road!" 

Diplo opened his eyes, looking up a bit, to see a foal running around in the street, chasing a butterfly. The foal looked too young to really understand the situation going on around him. His immediate reaction was to nudge twilight to get her attention. 

Twilight looked up at him, whispering. "Not now, Diplo, what is it?"

Diplo, with a frown, motioned towards the street. 

Blueblood lazily sat up in his carriage, looking down at the foal. "Oh, bother... if it's not one thing, it's another thing. Escort the commoner back into the crowd and let's keep moving, then," he stated, annoyed, "We haven't got all day." 

"But my lord!" the second guard retorted, "We should find the lad's parents! We can't just shove him back into the crowd! He's only a child!" 

"Do something," Diplo hissed to Twilight, beginning to have a bad feeling about this situation, "before HE does." 

"I trust the guards here," Twilight whispered back, frowning at him, "They're the princess's own... they won't let anything happen to the foal. Please... you'll call attention to yourself." She closed her eyes once again and continued bowing, remaining calm on the outside... but on the inside, she was beginning to panic. The situation was neither looking nor sounding good. She had been told to not interfere, but was wondering if she should.

Diplo didn't have this same trust, but he decided to listen to her, facing the situation once again. His heart started to race as he continued to watch. 

Blueblood sneered at the guards. "Haven't you learned to take orders? The baby can find his mommy and daddy later." 

By now, the foal had sat down in the middle of the road, staring at the butterfly, which had landed peacefully on it, he was smiling at it.

"My liege," the first guard stated, "It is our duty to make sure no harm comes to any citizen of Equestria, no matter how young or old. As a guard, I say we simply find the parents, and we can be on our way. Please, be reasonable." 

"Don't act as if you're in any position over ME!" Blueblood retorted, glaring angrily at the guard, "Fine! If you want something done, I guess I have to do it myself!"

Diplo felt a freezing chill run up his spine as he watched Blueblood hop down from his carriage, looking at the ground, slightly disgusted, before approaching the foal. He'd had enough now... Twilight had told him to stay put, but his instincts were telling him to do otherwise. He slowly, quietly edged away from Twilight and Spike, making his way through the crowd, some of them looked at him, but moved out of his way, thinking he was the foal's parent. 

The butterfly flew away as the haughty, foul-natured prince approached, looking down at the foal. Blueblood cleared his throat. "Ahem..." 

The foal looked up at Blueblood, eyes wide and innocent, he blinked at him, evidently clueless. 

"Out of the way, kid," Blueblood demanded, "You stand in the path of a royal procession." 

"Your Highness!" One of the guards spoke sharply, in protest, "You are being unreasonable!" 

Blueblood looked back at him and fixed him with a glare. "I ought to have you fired! Stay your tongue!" 

His sharp tone seemed to scare the little foal, for the kid's eyes welled up with tears, he lets out a small whimper, his little ears drooping as he shrunk away from Blueblood. 

Diplo managed to get through the crowd, now at the edge of the street, about 30 feet away from the scene. He was able to see it clearly now. 

Blueblood's horn glows as he shoves the foal, a little violently as of his frustration, with his magic, harrumphing. 

The foal lets out a small, surprised cry as he careens towards the crowd, right at Diplo. 

Diplo's eye twitches and he instinctively stood on his hind legs slightly, letting the foal collide with his softer underbelly, falling onto his back with the foal, grunting, he wraps his forehooves around the foal protectively, the crowd letting out a quiet gasp. 

The foal shook in his hooves, tears quietly flowing down his cheeks, Diplo gently stroked the kid's chocolate brown mane, although not his own, he gently set the foal on the ground, rolling onto his stomach and standing up, looking down at him. "You okay, little guy?" he asked the foal softly. 

The foal looked up for a moment at Diplo, before scampering off into the crowd, which had begun to murmur and whisper worriedly among themselves. 

"Silence!" blueblood barked, turning back towards the carriage, "You citizens truly are pathetic. Have you no class? Letting your kids scamper around in the streets like animals... humph..." 

Diplo seized his chance; Blueblood had pissed him off now, he began marching towards him while he had his back turned, a fiercely angry glare in his eyes. 

The crowd of ponies fell silent once again, seeing what was unfolding, not wanting to make the situation worse. 

This also meant Twilight could hear the hoofsteps on the street, she opened her eyes slightly, looking over to her right, where Diplo was previously standing, only to find him gone. Her panic levels spiked as she quickly turned her gaze towards the street, gasping as she saw him approaching Blueblood in an evident rage; her pupils shrunk. "Diplo, you idiot!" she hisses quickly, starting to push her way through the crowd. 

One of the guards also noticed him and barked out. "Blueblood, get back in the carriage!" 

Blueblood turned around, letting his gaze fall on Diplo, tilting his chin upward, "Oh, don't worry yourselves, I'm sure it's just the kid's father coming to apologize for the inconvenience." 

Diplo didn't say a word, but kept his angered gaze on Blueblood, as he drew closer. 

Blueblood didn't move, but smiled lightly, "Finally, a stallion with some common sense, amongst the fools." 

Diplo lowered his head to the ground, baring his teeth in a quiet snarl. To him, Blueblood's voice sounded like a combination of fingernails on a chalkboard and a constantly beeping smoke alarm. 

Twilight managed to jump out into the street just as Diplo was a few inches away from Blueblood. "Diplo, STOP!" she screamed. 

To her surprise, and Blueblood's, he did, but he didn't move from the spot. 

Blueblood looked over at the flustered, panic-stricken Twilight as she raced over to them. "Oh, it's you again, princess," He said, "It's about time you showed up. You really do a horrible job of keeping your citizens in check." 

"Blueblood, please..." she breathed, pausing a few feet away, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm her nerves, "I'm... trying my best. He's new and a complete outsider... I was trying to teach him-"

Diplo remained glaring at the ground, shaking, moving his front right hoof back, he was ready to lay into the unicorn with all his might, he felt his muscles tensing, it was making him almost sick.

"Don't worry," he said, in a mocking tone, interrupting her, "I know to expect little from you as it is. If this is your 'best,' it's the worst amount of best I've ever seen. You are a poor excuse for a princess." 

That finally set Diplo off, he moved back a little bit, bending his right hoof as he looked up at Blueblood, growling before letting out an angered yell, swinging his hoof around with all his strength, "HYYYYYYYAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" 

THUD

His hoof collided with Blueblood's jaw with an audible, powerful crack, making him yelp and sending him skittering across the ground towards the guards, both of whom catch him so he didn't careen into the carriage. The entire crowd of ponies, including Twilight, let out a loud gasp, jaws agape in pure shock. 

Blueblood raised a shaking hoof to his swelling jaw, touching it lightly and wincing as he quivered in the guards' grips; he was petrified with fear, as he stared at Diplo. 

Diplo glared back, a slight grin forming on his face as he slowly set his hoof back on the ground... some of his mane falls over one of his eyes, giving him a more sinister appearance as he let out a quiet chuckle. The fur on his hoof had become slightly stained with his blood. "Damn... THAT felt good." 


--To Be Continued--