> My Roommate Aria
>  by Almighty Mudkip
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> A Slice of Life
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pizza man pulled up to the proper address, sighing as he did. "Welp, here we go..." Was it his first time on the job? Not exactly. He was no rookie but certainly not a long-time worker like his co-workers. But this was his first time to this particular address, within this quiet little housing district just a few miles away from Canterlot High... "322 Horseshoe Housing, room 13..." Yes, this fabled room has stirred quite a lot of odd stories from the other workers. They tell him that nobody's ever delivered there successfully before, due to the two people living there. He never really received a solid story, just odd tales that seem to differ from worker to worker. One claimed that a drug-cartel was being held there the moment he had arrived, another said that domestic violence had flared between the two living there. One even went as far as to claim that a terrorist organization was stationed there! Whatever the hell goes on behind those walls, he wanted no part in it. Just deliver the food and get the hell outta there, no asking questions and no getting involved... Hopefully.

Our brave hero stepped out of the car, three pizza pies and a box of breadsticks in tow. The building complex was just your everyday motel but with a pool at the center of the lot, it wasn't anything big but it could hold a few families without getting cramped. "Alright... You can do this." He stepped onto the pavement, not even a moment later he heard the distant screech of police sirens, which made him freeze in place. They were getting closer as well, the little man inside his head screamed at him to cut his losses and book it before he becomes a victim to whoever the hell lived in that house. To his surprise however, they raced passed the district and into the night... The delivery boy sighed. "Gotta be brave... You can do this."

That's when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder, he nearly dropped the food at the sudden contact. "Hehe, hey..." He gulped, too petrified to give an answer. "Hey! Turn a... 'hiccup' I said turn around!" Regardless of whether he wanted to or not, the man's assailant forced him to face... Her? "Wha... You don't look like the land-lord." He was faced with a pair of eyes, though they seemed rather... 'Out of it' at the moment. "Hrmm... Oh yeah, you're the... The pizza dude!" The woman was a bit taller than him, purple skin and long, purple hair cascading down her back. Quite the looker she was, though judging from the disheveled clothes and awful breath she was piss drunk, and wait why was she smiling all of a sudden? "Mhmhm, you're not a-'hic!'... N-not a bad lookin' one, either.~" The woman looked him over with hungry eyes, and his gut told him that she wasn't hungry for pizza right now. "You're pretty lucky, you know. If I wasn't so hammered right now I'd- 'hic!'... I'd actually pay for that pizza." 

"You... You don't have the money?" The guy asked, legs shaking with a forced smile. "S-sorry, but if that's the case than I can't give you the-" The girl grabbed him by his shirt collar and pulled him close, the pungency of her breath much stronger now. "D... D-don't hurt me!" He mumbled out, facing away and keeping his eyes shut like he was about to eat a knuckle-sandwich, which he may very well end up doing if this girl was an aggressive drunk.

But, much to his surprise and horror, the girl simply chuckled at his reaction. "You're so cute when you're scared..." She reached to her back pocket and took a swig from a tin flask, the heavy stuff he imagined. "Keep the pie, boy-scout." She roughly forced him onto the car door, pressing her sizable bust against his chest and making him drop the pizza boxes. "I'm drunk as hell and- 'hiccup!'... and really fucking horny, you'd have to be the biggest faggot on the planet to say no to me.~" The pizza guy remained silent much to the woman's approval, whether or not he was silently agreeing or just so scared-shitless that he couldn't get a word in was up to debate, but either way Aria did not care in the slightest. She opened the back door and shoved him inside, then she pounced her prey, looking down at him with bedroom eyes... "Name's Aria by the way... Be sure to call me that when I'm rocking your world."

"..... B-be gentle?" The man pleaded, Aria dove right in and began frenching, wrangling his tongue as a display of her dominance. She continued this for nearly a full minute before letting go with a gasp for air, tongue hanging out and dripping a bit with both of their saliva. "Jesus- 'cough!' Jesus Christ!" He was gasping as well, having never anyone kissed so intensely before. "Y-You're crazy!"

"Crazy, huh?" Aria chuckled, a spot of drool running down the smirk she wore. "S-so you think I'm-'hic!'... I'm crazy now?"

The boy's heart sank, his face growing a few shades paler than normal. "I-I..." Aria used her foot to hook the handle and close the car door, then she licked her lips and flew to his neck, suckling it with all the gentleness of a starved animal. "H-hey! What are you-!" He could feel her tongue and teeth tease his skin, he visibly shuttered as a foreign sensation crawled up his spine. "F-... Fuck~" His blush intensified at the involuntary moan, feeling a deep shame in the pit of his gut for making such a noise.

"Mmmm." Aria, however, hummed in delight at his response. Seeing it as a sign of approval, she decided to push things a little further. She snaked her hands down the boy's frame until she hit the all-too-familiar feeling of firm elastic around his waste. In a surprising feat of dexterity for someone under the influence she had her right hand working on getting his pants button undone, the other had already popped her own jeans open and was slowly pulling them down. After a good five seconds or so she managed to get his pants undone and pull her's off completely, revealing the damp garments that lie underneath. She let her victim's neck go with a wet smack of her lips and whispered in his ear... "Still think a little kissing is crazy?" She sat up, arching her back in a faux stretch to show off her chest and black panties. "Tru-'hic!' Trust me dude, you haven't seen me when I'm crazy." She grabbed the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head to reveal her bra, a matching black demi covering a sizable pair of C's just itching to be let loose. She threw the shirt over her shoulder and licked her lips, smiling devilishly at the boy underneath her. "You haven't seen anything yet... 'Hiccup!'"


(Elsewhere)


Anonymous began locking-up the bar, him being the fine owner of such an establishment. He's been working there for a good 2 years now and has enjoyed his job as a bartender, listening to the salty salt-licks that stop by to have a bit of fun... Well, most of them anyways. There's the occasional bar-fight or the tipsy patron that's sucked a few more necks of whisky than he can handle. But hey, that's the life of a bartender, and the pay isn't that bad either.

'vrrr!'

Anon's phone buzzed, taking it out he saw that he got a text from Aria. "The hell does she want?" He pulled out his phone and began putting in the password. "I swear to god if she got arrested again... Oh, for the love of-!" Anon wished he hadn't looked at the image she sent him. "Goddammit Aria!" He pocketed his phone and jumped in the car, debating on whether or not to beat some fucking sense into his roommate. "I swear to god, I'm gonna kill that whore one day..." He turned the ignition, the car roaring to life. "Fucking skank couldn't keep her legs closed if God himself ordered her to... Probably raided my leftover stock and trashed the house, too." Anon shook his head and pulled out of the lot, heading straight home to who the hell knows what... "Ugh, I just hope the cops don't get involved again, last thing I wanna wake-up to is a goddamn police siren at seven in the morning." After a forty-five minute drive Anon pulled into the hotel lot, keeping his eyes peeled for anything Aria related. He parked in his usual spot and stepped out of the car, noticing a Pizza car sitting in front of his building. Oddly though it wasn't bouncing, and there was no moaning to speak of. "Hmm, Aria doesn't usually take her victims inside..." He walked up and opened the car door, the head of who he assumed was the delivery boy popped out. "Bingo." 

The guy took a deep breath, relishing in the fresh night air like a fish in water. "Oh thank god!" He was sweating like a fat guy in a sauna and holy fuck did it smell like one in there. The oh-so-beautiful form of Aria snored on top of him, blacked-out and as bare as the day she was born. "Dude, you gotta get me outta here. This chick is fucking crazy!"

"Tell me about it." He walked to the other side and opened the other door, pulling out his roomie by her feet. From what he could see, Aria's overworn shoe of a vagina had been given plenty of attention tonight. The little whore still had drainage oozing out as a result of riding bareback, she always hated condoms for some reason. It's nothing short of a miracle how she hasn't been knocked-up yet, let alone infected with an STD. "Just hang tight, kid. I'll get this cum rag off of you in a second." 

"Please hurry." He pleaded. "She vomited on the car floor before she passed out and it smells really bad." Within a few moments, Anon had pulled Aria off of the guy, who quickly pulled his pants back up and scrambled out, gasping for fresh air. "T-Thank you so much, sir!"

"Yeah, don't mention it." Anon began gathering up her clothes, she'd throw a fit if she didn't get back her panties and bra, real expensive shit let me tell you. He tossed them onto his shoulder as he picked them up, noticing the horrid scent that they still gave off. "Oh and don't worry, this bitch's clean. But I'd go and get tested just to be safe."

"I'll keep that in mind..." He muttered, rubbing a spot on his neck sheepishly. "Um... S-she's not gonna pin kids on me, right?"

"Her? Have kids?" Anon shook his head. "That's not gonna happen, trust me. But I'll give her a good punch to her ovaries just to be safe." He glared down at her unconscious form and muttered under his breath. "I was planning on it either way... Fucking slut." Anon picked up the one pizza box that wasn't spilled all over the pavement and dragged, not carry, dragged his roommate by her foot into their building. "Oh and thanks for the food, or at least what's left of it." Before the guy could even ask for a tip he slammed the door behind him. He dropped Aria's foot, putting the box down and just looking over her naked form in disappointment. "I swear, I need to hire a nanny or something..." He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the bathroom, still talking to himself as he did. "Oh right, you'll probably just fuck the nanny like everything else that moves." He picked her up and laid her unconscious form in the bath tub. He grabbed the faucet labeled 'cold' and made sure the shower head was pointed right at her. "Rise and shine, beautiful!" 

'Creak-Shhhhh!'

"Ah... Ah! AHH FUCK THAT'S COLD!!!" Aria jumped and tried to scrambled out of the tub, slipping and falling back in while the freezing water pelted her. "Anon you fuck!" She eventually managed to crawl out and flop onto the bathroom floor, shivering and glaring at the man she shared the building with. "N-N-N-Not cool, asshole!"

"Actually it's very cool, skank." He pointed the shower head at her, soaking her further. "You want some more?"

"S-Stop it you jackass! Fuck!" She managed to turn the water off on her own, then began wringing out her wet hair. "Fucking gaylord... Why the hell am I naked anyway?" Anon just gave her an unimpressed look. "... Oh, right, I fucked someone." She unceremoniously started picking her nose. "Wonder who the lucky guy is... Wait, did we finally fuck or something?"

"No Aria, you assaulted another pizza guy in your drunken rampage." Anon answered. "Didn't use any rubbers, either. Surprise, surprise..."

Aria just rolled her eyes. "Save me the lecture, 'dad'. Right now I'm fucking hungry." 

How this whore never suffered from hangovers Anon will never know, but that was on a different note. "Well we got free pizza thanks to the Hungry-Hungry fucking Hippo between your legs." 

Aria flicked a booger at him. "Well then you should be thanking me! I work hard putting food on the table, just like you do."

"Getting drunk and pounding some rando isn't hard work, Aria." Anon picked off the booger and flicked it back at her, nailing her right on the cheek. "Buuut, I guess I can't argue against free pizza..." He pulled a towel off of the hanger and threw it at her. "Dry yourself off skank, I'll heat up the grub you worked so hard to get for us." He walked out of the bathroom, leaving Aria to dry off the cold water. "And put some damn pants on, your not a fucking welfare child!"

"Oh go crawl back up your momma's vagina you fucking baby!" Aria yelled back. "And don't think I didn't see the tent you were pitching you prick, you know you want a piece of this!" Anon remained silent, Aria smirked in triumph. "That's what I fucking thought, bloody prude..." Aria wrapped the towel around her hair, bundling it onto her head. "I swear, sometimes he's got the biggest fucking vagina..." She grabbed another towel and began drying off the rest of her body. "He'd probably give Dagi a run for her money if he keeps it up..." Dagi... Yeah, that name certainly brought back a lot of memories, both good and... Well, 'that' memory. "Sigh... She sure was pissed after our big fall from grace, that's for sure." She recalled, remembering her older sister and the words that were said... "Dagi... I hope you suffer for what you said to us."

"Dagi?" Anon's voice made her jump in surprise. She looked up and saw him in his pajamas, eating a slice of pizza. "Who's that? You go and shag more than salami or something?"

"None of your fucking business." She snapped in malice, or at least moreso than usual.

Anon raised his hands up in defense. "Christ, the hell did I say!?" 

Aria thought back on her words and sighed. "I'm... I'm sorry about that. That was uncalled for." The room was quiet, save for the tapping of water that fell from her body... Eventually she worked up the guts to speak. "Dagi... No, Adagio." She corrected herself. "She's... Well..." She was quite reluctant about explaining who this 'Adagio' person was, an unusual trait given it was Aria of all people doing the talking. "She's... Past stuff." She finished. "You know how I feel about 'past stuff'..."

"Past stuff, huh?" Anon raised a brow, chewing his food. He knew well that Aria had certain buttons that shouldn't be pressed, and her past is one of those buttons for some reason or another. "Guess that explains why you're so pissy... Sorry for poking old wounds, Roomie." He left once again. "I'll be watching TV."

"Whatever." She took a seat on the toilet, drying her legs off a bit aggressively. She had a scowl on her face as her anger started to show itself in a low boil. "I don't give two shits about her anyways... After what she said to me and Sonny she can rot in this god-forsaken gutter of a city for all I care." She started to feel that pit grow in her gut... She hated that fucking pit, she hated it so, so much. She wanted to take that pit and crush and smash and bludgeon it to a fine red mush... But, no matter how much anger and resentment she smothered it with, it didn't slow the wave of sadness creeping up on her. "That... That fucking cunt of a sister..." She tried with all her power to restrain the tears threatening to burst, but it was a losing battle. Seems that even the big, bad Aria Blaze has a soft core underneath that hard skin, and it showed how hurt it really was through the light tear-drops and pitiful sniffles she let out. "Goddammit..." Her face fell to the towel, letting it soak the tears and muffle her weeping. "I'm... I'm n-not all those things..." She muttered to herself. "I... I hate you Adagio... I hate you so fucking much." She continued her pitiful display until a familiar voice shouted for her.

"Hey Aria, could you hurry up!?" Anon shouted, causing Aria to jump and quickly dry her face in panic. "I gotta take a mean shi-..." He walked in on her drying her face, her eyes were still red and glossy as she forced a smile at him... Yeah, she was about as transparent as a sheet of glass, but he awarded her an 'A' for effort. "Crying again, huh?" Having failed her attempt at looking normal, she just huffed and turned away from him. "Still not gonna talk about it, I'm guessing?... You'll probably feel a lot better if you did, you know." No reply, she just hugged the towel and slouched. "..... Fine, if you're gonna be a baby about it..." He closed the door behind him, leaving her to sob in peace... A small part of her wishes he'd persisted. Even if it angered her it'd show that at least somebody cared abo-

'THUNK!'

Aria turned around in surprise. "What the hell are-"

"IT'S JOHN CENAAAAAA!!!" Anonymous had kicked the bathroom door open, wearing nothing but his underwear and a ski mask, holding a plastic John Cena wrestling toy above his head. "DUN DUH-DUN DAAAAH!!!" He began to relentlessly beat Aria with the large toy like a fucking maniac, all the while screaming the John Cena theme at the top of his lungs. Aria, eventually overpowering him, ran out of the bathroom and made a sharp turn to her room, slamming the door behind her... Anon just watched, lowering his toy and wondering if he did the right thing.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

'THUNK!'

Aria's door was kicked open, similarly to Anon's display with the bathroom door. She had on a purple bandana and an overly-large pair of shudder-shades, like those ones you get as prizes at a carnival. She also wore actual clothes for a change, black basketball shorts and a shiny, magenta tank with a bunch of gold-chain necklaces. In her left hand, a big bundle of slim-jims. Her right, a large plastic wrestling toy of the one, the only...

"Randy. Fucking. Savage." Anon shook his head. "So, the Macho-Man wants another helping of the Cena Smackdown!?"

"Ohh, the Macho-Man is hungry Cena, and ohh yeah he's hungry for payback for what you did to go him in ring!" Aria took the bundle of Slim-Jims and bit into all of them at once, ripping the heads of the plastic off, chewing, and spitting them on the floor. "You better watch yourself Cena, ohh you better watch yourself, 'cause the Macho-Man's gonna chew you up and spit you out ALL over the ring, baby!" She pointed the Slim-Jims at him. "I'm gonna snap you like a Slim-Jim, Cena! The only thing you ain't seein' tonight is how fast you're gonna hit the floor!" She threw all the Slim-Jims down on the floor in a blind fury, then let loose the warcry of legend. "OH YEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!! " With that, Aria raised the Macho-Man toy above her head and charged with the intent to kill, Anon followed suit... The night was filled with over-the-top yelling and the sounds of roughhousing, with the occasional shatter or smash of furniture. Aria had completely forgotten about her troubled past for the time being and simply enjoyed herself in this stupid act of play.





Early that morning, several noise complaints were issued to the land-owner regarding room 13, nearly all went ignored. Anonymous was up and about pouring himself some coffee, sporting quite a nasty shiner and some bruises on his chest and back, received from late last night during his match against Aria. As he poured, he was singing a song he heard from the internet without a care in the world. "~Pussy, pussy, pussy, can't you see. You bitches can't do it like me.~" He tapped his glass mug with his mixing spoon, making a sharp 'ting'. "Motherfucker's stay mad, like I killed their mom or somethin'. If you didn't really care you'd let it be." He mumbled through a good portion of the song, because he really couldn't remember all the lyrics and was a lazy piece of shit. Once he added his cream he mixed it all up he started singing the rest of what he remembered. "~I liiive in a constant state of feeear and misery! Dooo you miss me, anymore?~" He took a sip of his coffee before continuing. "~And I don't even notice when it huuurts anymore! Anymore! Anymore! Anymooore!~" Right on cue, Aria's door flew open. "Oh, good morning dahling!" He had on an extremely flamboyant and obnoxious tone, he recoiled at his own accuracy. "Holy fuck that was surprisingly gay."

"Fitting." She commented. "Been two years now and you still haven't hit the Aria Express." She gave her own fine ass a firm smack to reinforce her statement, Anon just rolled his eyes. "Trust me dude, you dunno what you're missing."

"Quite the contrary my friend." He assured her. "I'm missing The Clap, Syphilis, and god knows what other diseases crawling in that fucking cave." He took a good gulp of his magic wake-up elixir. "Besides, I've already seen your purple ass plenty of times. Those cheeks are ace I'll admit, but you're still a huge goddamn slut."

Aria shrugged, then smirked as something popped into her head. "Speaking of asses, Anon..."

'Smack!'

"Jesus!" He nearly dropped his mug when he jumped. "Aria for fuck's sake, I'm holding coffee!"

"Feel familiar, Anon?" She asked, to his confusion. "It should after the MACHO-MAN got through spanking it!" 

"Oh bite me, you just got fucking lucky." He just shook his head. "I'll beat your fine ass next time though, fucking feral..." Aria had been quiet for the moment, which was very odd. "What, got nothing to retort?" To his surprise, he felt a pair of arms quickly wrap around him. He prepared himself, thinking the Macho-Man had come back for seconds...

But, no sort of grapple played out, instead she just stayed there squeezing him lightly. "Anon... T-thanks for last night... Or... Whatever, I guess." She talked quieter as she went on, it was almost heart-melting how cute she was (don't tell her I said that). "It... It really... m-means a lot that you care or whatever... So..."

"(God, this is getting hard to hear...)" Looks like Anon made the right call busting out the wrestling toys last night. He shuffled around to face her and hugged back with his free arm. "Don't hurt yourself, Roomie. I know you're grateful." She remained quiet, which suited Anon just fine...

"..... You know, I could take care of the tent your pitching." With but one single sentence, Aria killed the mood faster than dirty-talk from Steven Hawking.

"Aria, kindly run face-first into a wall of dicks." Anon ended the hug and drank the rest of his coffee. "But I'll give brownie-points for trying, Sweetheart." He pat her head and opened the front door, car keys in hand. "You know the drill, don't bring your fuck-buddies in my room and don't fuck anyone I know."

She just rolled her eyes. "That was one time, Anon..." She shook her head. "Whatever 'dad', take your vagina and go tend the bar." She slumped on the couch and started watching TV.

"Love you too, Pumpkin." With that, he had stepped out of the housing complex and drove to the bar as he did every morning, ready to serve hard-working men a few drinks and play bartender-therapist. As for Aria, not even god himself knew what she had planned today, but it was probably something that could get her in a lot of trouble... Still, whatever mess she inevitably got herself into, she was a bit happier knowing that at least somebody cared about her.
> Life as a Bartender: Tia’s Troubles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon was wiping down the table, a quiet night at the bar tonight aside from the rain pouring outside. The three regulars, the Diamond Dog Gang, were playing cards in the far corner. He didn’t know if they really were a gang to be honest, though they did dress alike, wearing similar dark-red vests and gem-studded chokers. The tall one, Rover, was the leader of the three. He had a messy blue mohawk, black shades and some piercings on the nose and ears. Had the cheekiest fucking smile, too, like a weizel or a hyena. The big lug of a man, Fido, had a red buzz-cut and a black studded choker with fingerless gloves. He had a noticeable under-bite, his lower fangs sticking out just a tad to really bring out that feral look. Wouldn’t wanna meet him in a back-ally that’s for damn sure. The last one was the shortest of the three, Spot. He had black corn-rows going down the back of his head and a small scar on his cheek. He wasn’t the strongest of his mates and he didn’t seem like the smartest, probably the runt of the three Dogs if Anon had to guess. “Ey, Bartender!” Fido called out, his voice as deep and bellowing as you’d expect from such a burly guy. “Another round for us, yeah?” Anon obliged and carried a platter with three bottles. “Ahh, that’s the ticket.” He topped a few tens over his way, which he happily took. “Cheers, man.”

“Just shout when you three are ready for another round.” He went back to his counter, preparing three more drinks for the boys when they called him again... He noticed Skinny get up and fiddle with the old juke-box at the far corner. After a few moments, a song was selected with the scratch of a record from inside. “Good call there!” Anon shouted, earning a thumb from the biker who sat back down to play. “Yeah... Reminds me of my younger days.” He heard the door push open, a woman coming out wearing a thick beige rain-coat and hat. “Ah, evening miss.” She nodded toward him, sitting at the counter and setting her hat down.  “So, what can I get for ya?”

She brushed her damp, multi-colored hair out of her face, revealing pale lilac skin and beautiful purple eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to have any wine, would you? I could really go for a drink...” 

Anon couldn’t help but stare, completely gobsmacked by her radiant beauty. But he snapped himself back into reality and shook his head. “Afraid not, ma’am. I don’t sell the fancy stuff, nobody around here ever drinks it.” Instead of wine though, Anon poured her a glass of cider, Apple Family Brand. “Here, fanciest stuff I got, first one’s on me.”

“Oh, thank you.” She seemed rather down, the least Anon could do was be a gentlemen. “You’re too kind.”

“Bah, don’t mention it.” He got another shot-glass, pouring some cider for himself. He rested a shoulder on the counter and started some small-talk. “So, what brings a pretty thing like you to a rusty old washbin like this?”

She just rolled her eyes. “Ugh, believe me when I say that you don’t know the half of it.” She gulped the entire shot down, setting the glass down as Anon poured her another shot. “Magical Demons, Sirens, Alternate Dimensions... Then there was that whole debacle with Crystal Prep last month.” She shook her head. “I mean I’m a principal for goodness sake, I shouldn’t have to put-up with so much insanity!”

Anon nodded in sympathy “World’s a crazy place, that’s for sure... But hey, if ya want crazy I can give my Rommie a call.” She chuckled a little at that, imagining the common party animal as the bartender’s roommate. “Still though, sounds tough. Couldn’t imagine putting up with Magical demons and... All that other crazy stuff.”

The woman sipped her glass. “It’s... It’s something alright.” Soon enough she finished her second glass and Anon poured her another. “’Sigh...’ I never would’ve guess being a School Principle would bring about so many catastrophes... They never include these kinds of things in the job descriptions, do they?”

Anon just shrugged. “Could always be worse, ya know. A lot worse...” The woman nodded, quietly sipping from her glass. Anon just resorted to wiping down the counter as he once was, since conversation had come to a stand-still...

“Tell me...” The woman started. “Does your job happen to include demons and the such?”

“Hehe, only during Happy Hour, Sweetheart.” She giggled at his little joke, appreciating his efforts to lighten the mood. “But nah, never met no demons here before, at least none that I know of.” 

“Oh, lucky you...” Down goes another glass, Anon fills her another. “You know, I bet you’re curious, aren’t you?”

“What, about the demons?” He asked. “Well I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

“If you’d like, I could tell you the story Mr...” She paused, then realization caught up with her. “Oh, I’m sorry, I never got your name.”

“Anonymous, but just call me Anon.” He answered. “Everyone else does.”

“Celestia... But you can call me Tia if you prefer.” She introduced, her smile warm and glowing like the sun itself. “Now Anon, let me tell you how this insanity all started...” And tell him she did, spinning a yarn about six students that attend her school, and of a trouble-maker named Sunset. She didn’t go into details to keep their identities hidden, just a few vague hints at who they were. Apparently all this nonsense took place around two to two or three years ago roughly, a fight for some magic crown and a battle with an inter-dimensional horse or whatever... To be utterly honest Anon just decided to humor the woman regardless of whether he believed a single word or not. Seemed like she needed to vent to someone, and being a bartender he was kinda obligated to listen. Not that he minded listening to her tale mind you, but... “And then... Boosh! Crash! T-this... This great big demon thing just... A-and the... ’hiccup!’ The Crown of Magic or something... Then the four of them... Wait-“  She was on her tenth glass of cider by now, and the effects of the alcohol were starting to show.

“Erm... You mean six, right?” Anon corrected. “Also, you still seeing straight, Tia? You’re looking a little Tipsy.”

“Hwat? Pssh! Nawww, I’m totally f-URP!” Her cheeks puffed out as she caught her vomit before it could shoot from her mouth, swallowing it shortly after. “T-totally fiiine... Hehe...” She assured, swaying back and forth in her stool. “S-so... The six! Yeah, they fired this... This weird Skittles Beam and... ’hiccup!’ And everything was just peachy right after!... Yeah... Pretty sure that’s how it ended.”

“Uh-huh...” Anon nodded, cleaning a shot glass as she spoke. “You sure you’re okay, Tia?”

She just giggled at him like a school girl for no apparent reason. “Y-you so funny Mr. Nanny... A-and a-’hiccup!’ and... And a really good listener.” Her fingers started to walk across the bar counter, trying to be seductive and failing spectacularly. “You wanna maybe... Go back to my place for some fun?” She batted her eyes adorably, jumping at a stray hiccup.

Anon blushed, he could hear the three at the round-table cat-call him, pushing him on. “T-That’s a lovely offer, Miss-“

She got up and crawled over the counter-top with her arms, the Diamond Dogs were whooping something fierce. “C’mooon, pwetty pwease?” She gave him the puppy-dog eyes, arms raising her body up so that her face was dangerously close to his.

“C’mon man, you jus’ gonna leave a lady hanging like that!?” Rover commented, sporting a cheeky grin. The other two cheered him on as well.

“I... Uh...” Anon was sweating up a storm, what should he do!? Does he settle for a one-night stand with a hot principal or... Wait, was he seriously asking himself this? “Look, I’ll... Alright alright, enough!” He finally submitted to peer-pressure like a good punching-bag. “I’ll make sure you get home safe, alright? You’re too tanked to be heading home all by yourself anyway.”

Celestia slid off the counter, trying and failing to pick up her hat multiple times. Anon eventually got it for her. “Mhmhm, such a gentlemen.~” 

Suddenly, the Diamond Dog Gang packed their things and walked toward him. “Closing up early, eh?” Rover chuckled, patting Anon’s back. “Knock ‘em dead, buddy.” The other two followed behind, chuckling in a similar fashion as their leader.

Tia tugged Anon outside, the rain reduced to a light trickle. “We’ll take y-’hic!’ your car, Mr. Anny... Cuz... Cuz I don’t got one on me.”

He nodded, opening the passenger seat for her and taking her coat, throwing it in the back-seat floor to dry. Anon plopped down on the driver’s seat and took a glance at his new friend for the night. She was wearing a beige blazer with a purple blouse or shirt underneath, and a pair of purple pants with fancy block-heels. Yep, Anon’s scores himself quite a catch, though it seemed more like he was the catch judging from how Celestia was sizing him up like a hungry predator. When their eyes eventually met he just stared like a deer caught in the headlights, then looked away after a moment, exciting a giggle from Tia. “Alright get a grip, man. Just get her home safe and get h-MMPH!?”

Celestia tackled him out of the blue, wrapping her arms around his neck in a passionate, drunken French Kiss. He could feel Anon Jr. start to perk up, which Tia quickly noticed and started to grope with a trailing hand. After a few more moments she broke the kiss, gasping out for air. “’pant’ ‘pant’ I can’t wait anymore, baby... Momma’s hungry.~”

“T-Tia! Control yourself!” Anon was dragged to the back seat, chest mounted by Tia who was rocking her hips against him, biting her lip at the friction she was giving herself down there. “We literally just got in the car!”

“You’re so cute when you’re-’hic!’... W-when you’re flustered.” She pushed her breasts together with her arms, squishing them and making them fight against the fabric that contained them... Holy Fucking Hell, the set on this woman. “Mhmhm, you like...?” Tia giggled, giving her firm honkers a good squeeze with her hands. “They’re just aching to come out and play, you know.” She practically ripped off her blazer, tossing it to the side. She decided to keep her shirt on for the moment and pull it down from the side, leaving her shoulder exposed in an effort to tease the man she was straddling. “Sure you don’t wanna stay a night w-’hic!’ With little ol’ me?... Me and my girls would be awful lonely, you know.” Anon, taking a page from Aria’s book, knew damn well that he’d have to be a massive faggot to say no to a pair of gazongas like those... So, against his better judgement and much to Anon Jr’s approval, he accepted her offer through a wordless nod. “Oh, I just knew you would.” Tia grinded her nethers against the bulge in his pants. “I hope you got lots of energy, too, because thi-’hiccup!’... This first round’s just an appetizer.” She proceeded to French him once again, her hands traveling up his shirt to rub and caress his chest and stomach. He did the same to her, reaching behind and getting two handfuls of ass to squeeze. Soon, she’d had enough of the teasing and pulled her shirt over her head, revealing a white lacy bra underneath which was struggling to keep her sizable bust from busting out (kek).

Anon nearly fainted, staring like an idiot at the sight, mouth agape. “Sweet Baby Jesus...”

“Mhmhm, watch this...” Tia leaned down and pressed her chest against his, then began giving him a tight hug. “Any second... Almost-”

’snap’

The back of the bra snapped free, the plastic hook on the back breaking under the stress and setting the arms of the bra free. “Ahhh... Finally.” She arose, the bra falling free and displaying a sight more beautiful than all the treated gold and fine-cut jewels in the world... “Some breathing room...” After taking some time to relish the new freedom, she leaned down to give him a closer look. “I hope you’re-’hic!’... Ready for your appetizer, big-boy.” Anon had no words, he was too busy gazing at heaven’s lilac gates right now. “Goo-’hic!’... Good answer.”





Aria awoke up from her slumber, licking and snapping her lips to get that weird morning taste out of her mouth. “Fuck... What time is it?” She stretched and rolled around a bit more, savoring the warmth of her covers before throwing them off. She slowly sat up, scratching her back and noticing a distinct lack of a certain scent... Anon always made breakfast when he got up, it’s what motivated her to actually consider getting out of bed. So where was it? The enticing smell of fresh Pancakes? The heavenly aroma of Bacon? The sweet allure of French Toast?

.........

“Tch, fucking weak...” Deciding to take matters into her own hands, she forced herself up out of bed... To go and wake Anon up to make her food for today.

.........

What? You expect her to know how to cook? She’s a lazy piece of shit and she knows it. Besides, Anon wouldn’t trust her with a pan anyways... Or at least she assumed so, it sounded like something he’d say to her.

She unceremoniously kicked Anon’s door open, giving no fucks whatsoever about his privacy. “Wakey-Wakey, Fucko!” Aria received not a word in response. Seeing as Anon was being a stubborn prick this morning, she took a few steps back. “Last chance, get up or get fucked!” Still no response, Aria’s jimmies we’re officially rustled now. With a running start and a roaring war-cry she up and tackles the mass hiding under the covers, landing tits first with a body-slam. “C’mon, get-up you lazy bitch!” She demanded, giving the lump a few good punches. “You gonna make me some breakfast already or do I gotta kick your... Wait.” Upon closer inspection of the mass, it was not her green friend and borderline caretaker. No, it was simply a pillow tucked away under the sheets. “The fuck?” She sat up and scratched her head in confusion. “Did that fuck not make it home last night?” She hears the front door open up, right on que. “Guess that answers my question.” She walked to the living room, seeing Anon slumped on the couch, pale as a ghost and covered in red markings. “God, what the fuck happened to you?”

He struggled to sit-up, eventually settling to just fall to his side. “T-... Tia...”

Aria cocked her head. “Tia? The fuck is a ‘Tia’?” Anon lazily pushed his hand into his pocket, fishing out his phone. He tried handing it to her but he just dropped it on the floor instead, his arm doing the same. “T-Tia...” Next, he himself rolled off the couch and onto the floor.

Curious, Aria picked his phone off the ground and looked at his messages, finding two. 

‘Heya Nonny, last night was really fun <3’ Read the first message.

The second message came with a photo. When she opened it up, she was staring at two large, pinkish-white orbs with light-pink nipples. The right nipple had a cute little beauty-mark just outside the areola, bottom-right side. The left was being squeezed by the woman’s free hand, showing off how soft and plush the large mounds were. Aria just stood there, mouth agape and slightly aroused by the sight in her hand, with the message below reading. ‘Can’t wait for more, baby! I’ll see you at the bar sometime!’

She closed the phone, putting it down on the table. “Oh... My god.” She started to chuckle. “Oh my good golly god, Anon...” She dragged him back onto the couch, a loving smile on her face. “You cheeky little bastard, you finally did it!” She squeezes him with a big bear hug, exciting some pained grunts from him. “Oh, I’m so proud of you, Roomie! I didn’t think your first pussy would be from a hot piece of ass like that!”

“..... S-She... Wasn’t my first, Aria....” Anon corrected, his voice dry and raspy from dehydration. “But... She was an animal...” 

“A wild one, eh?” After taking a closer look at the red marks, she discovered that a lot of them were concealing love-bites... Lots and lots of Love-Bites..... Oh, and scratches as well, but unlike the love-bites they looked a lot more painful... “Well, she really put you through the wringer, that’s for damn sure...”

“Zzzzzzz...” 

“Hm?” She noticed Anon had fallen asleep on her shoulder. Smiling, she set him down gently and went to make a bowl of cereal for the day. “Some Cinammon Toast Crunch sounds pretty good right now... I’ll cut the guy a break, I guess.”
> Can’t Spell Slaughter Without Laughter!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a stormy night outside, rain was pouring down like a hurricane on it’s period. The satellite went dead due to the storm interference so no TV for the time being. Luckily though, Anon could catch-up in some reading while he waited for Aria to get back from wherever the hell she is, whoever the hell she’s riding, or whatever the hell she’s smoking. Though considering the storm chances were she wasn’t gonna come home because she doesn’t have a license, something that Anon’s been meaning to ask her about...

He checked his phone, 11:56 p.m. If that hot mess wasn’t back before 12 he was locking the doors and going to bed, a rule they were both very aware of to avoid any accidental lock-outs. “God, where the fuck is that whore?” He put the book down, marking down the page with an old shred of paper he used as a bookmark. “Haven’t even got a text from her yet, so she’s probably out getting shit-faced or something.” He shook his head. “I better go and lock-up.”

’vrrr!’

Just as he was getting up his phone buzzed. “Hm? Oh, perfect.” He fished it out of his pocket and grumbled. “I swear if that bitch wants me to drive out in that shitstorm...” To his surprise however, it wasn’t Aria texting him. It was an unregistered number that he’d never seen before.

‘Hiya, stranger!’

That was it, just a simple greeting. Anon cocked his head to the side with a raised brow.

‘I love, love, LOVE making people smile!’

Smile?... Okay, starting to get kinda weird... Really weird, actually.

‘It just makes my heart SWELL making people happy, ya know?😋’

Suddenly Anonymous wasn’t feeling comfortable with this stranger by any degree.

‘So what can I do for you to make you smile?😁😁😁’

Well, Anon was given a vague offer by a complete stranger in exchange for a smile... Yep, I think we all know the sensible thing to do in this particular scenario.

Anon pocketed his phone and ignored the texts entirely. “Weirdo...” Yeah, he’s read enough books and watched enough bad television to know that answering blindly to unknown numbers is gonna land him in some deep shit in the future. No telling who was possibly texting him, could’ve been a complete loon behind that screen! Or maybe just a pervert... Meh, let’s go with both.

After locking the door and brushing his teeth, he threw off his pants and shirt then crawled into bed, setting his phone on the nightstand to charge. “Sigh, hello sweetness.” He got nice and snug within the thick cover, if there’s anything he loved dearly in this world it was his bed. King-sized double bed with violet sheets, had a special mattress with memory foam under the sheets that molded with his body, couldn’t remember the brand for the life of him but he couldn’t find the reason to care. All he knew was his bed was big, plush and oh so soft. Hell, if it were possible he’d marry this divine instrument of the gods and-

’Vrrr!’... ‘Vrrr!’... ‘Vrrr!’

..... Seems that Anon’s daydreaming was cut short by his phone going bonkers. “Christ...” Seems that someone was calling him, he answered, too fucking tired and snug to care who was on the other side. “Whozit?... Wha?” Anon rambled with his mind half-asleep. He shook himself awake to at least try sounding coherent. “Aria? Izat you, Aria!?”

“’Giggle’ Nnope!”

..... All of a sudden, Anonymous wasn’t all that tired and sleep-drunk. “Who the hell...”

“Didja like what I sent you, Nonny?” It was obviously a girl’s voice, sounded fairly young as well. Maybe around her late teens or maybe early 20s?... Hmm, yeah that sounded right, though the latter was a big stre-... Wait a diddly-damn minute...

“N-... Nonny?”

“Yeah! That’s your name, right? Anonymous?” Okay, biiig red flag coming up. “Anyways, sorry I f my honkers aren’t all that big, but you can definitely tell I got a trunk full of junk, hehehe!”

Anon just stared at the ceiling, eyes the size of saucers as his face went pale. “I... W-what?”

The voice just laughed. “Aww, no need to be shy! I bet those pictures made you really happy, huh?”

“I-... What!?” He repeated, the caller hung-up. He just stared at his phone for a solid minute. “She knew my fucking name...” He looked at his texts, three new ones, more than likely the ‘pictures’ she’d sent. “How’d she even get my number!?” From what the stranger told him, he’s guessing she sent him some very explicit content. So he again, ignored her. Not because he wasn’t interested in free titty mind you, but because a random stranger that knows his name and number is a big warning sign for trouble that he wanted no part with. Anon Jr. would have to go to bed stiff because Anon Sr. was honestly too scared to even breath normally... Moving as quickly and quietly as he could, he got out of bed and opened up his closet. “Just gotta check...” Eventually he found what he was looking for, a pump-action shotgun. He checked the rounds, four shots inside. “Alright... Better safe than sorry.” He set it back in the closet, hiding it in the corner of the door frame so it wouldn’t be easy to spot. It didn’t completely put him at ease but at least he knew he had some proper home-security if bad suddenly jumps to worse. With that, he snuck back to his bed and closed his eyes, praying to god that he’d survive the night.

..............

’Vrrr!’

Anon’s eyes snapped open once again, he was somewhat tempted to text her back himself so she’d leave him the fuck alone but...

’Vrrr! Vrrr! Vrrr! Vrrr!’

Scratch that, he was chucking his phone out the window. He grabbed it and yanked it off the charger port, glancing through the texts on his lock screen.

‘Hey, you like what I sent? 😘 Huh? Huh?’

‘Hey! Hey!’

‘C’mooon, gimme a smile!’

‘Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?😚’

‘Pretty please with a cherry on top?🙏’

Anon was slightly more disturbed by the rate she was pumping these texts out, she was typing at the speed of a fucking bullet and they wouldn’t stop!

‘Come on, smile!😃’

‘Smile!😁’

‘Smile! Smile!😁😁😁’

‘Pleeeease?😥 I just wanna see you smile!😭😭😭’

Okay fuck slightly, he was very disturbed. He got up out of bed, opened the door, and chucked the device down the hall where it wouldn’t bother him. With that, he trudged back to bed. “Fucking hell...” He slipped back under the covers and sighed in frustration. “Get a grip Anon, you’ll be fine.” He told himself. “Just get some sleep, report the caller tomorrow...” He closed his eyes and eventually embraced sleep’s temptations, falling into a world where bills and responsibilities and crazy nutjobs didn’t exist... 

.....................

”Come...... Smile...”

.....................

”Fill my heart... sunshine, sunshine.....”

Anon shifted in bed, still on the threshold of that line between sleep and awareness. For just a brief moment did he open his eyes... Then he let the warmth of the comforter take him away after, disregarding it as nothing.....

”All I really need’s a smile, smile, smile...”

“Mh...” Once again, he was roused from slumber. Did he hear something?..... Nah, he probably didn’t. He mumbled some incomprehensible sleep-talk and fell back into blissful slumber.......

”From these happy friends of miiiine...”

Anon jumped out of his sheets with a short gasp... He looked around, the room was empty just how it was before. The rain was all but a light trickle, somewhat comforting in a way... “Ugh... Must’ve had a nightmare.” He rubbed his tired eyes. “Geez, I’m really letting her get to me.” He fell back into the sheets, letting the hypnotic sound of light rainfall take him back to dreamland.....

’creeeeaaak.....’

Anon’s eyes shot open, his head darted toward the door just in time to see it click shut... He took a hard swallow as a violent chill ran up his spine. He felt cold, a dreadful cold. It felt as if his bones were made of solid ice... “N-no... No, I’m just seeing things.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to get the sand out and to low-key convince himself that he was right about seeing things. “Y-yeah... Just seeing... ’yawn!’ Goddamn what time it it?” He noticed his phone sitting on the nightstand, picking it up he recoiled at the sudden brightness. “Fuck!... Christ.” His eyes adjusted eventually, and after skimming through a butt-load of texts from someone he read, “Three forty-nine A.M...” His head fell back into the pillow. “Dammit... I’m never gonna get any sleep at this rate.” He dropped his phone on the floor and shut his eyes. “You’re just seeing things, Anon... Nothing’s in the house.” He assured himself, or at least tried to... “There’s no crazy killer... There’s no sexual deviant...” .........Well now Anon was scared and starting to grow aroused. “Dammit Anon...” He started thinking about the pics that the chick had sent him...

.............

Anonymous then came to a sudden, frightening realization. “Wait a minute...” He looked back at the floor, seeing his phone still laying there. “I threw you out into the hall...” He picked it back up, just now registering the build-up of text messages. “Twenty-six unread messages...” All of them from an unregistered number. “Okay... Now I’m really scared.”

”Come on everybody smile, smile, smile...” 

A big chill shot through Anon’s spine, he visibly shuttered at the ominous singing. ”Oh fuck...” He wasn’t just hearing things, that was fucking real.

”Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine...” Slow... Melancholy... and VERY real singing. All I really need’s a smile, smile, smile...

Anon took a dry gulp. “W-Who’s there!?” ..... The next line was never delivered, only dead silence answered his call. “Show yourself!” He demanded, his voice cracking somewhat with fear. 

“........ ’Light giggling’...”

Nuh-uh, nope, fuck that, no way in bloody hell. Anon jumped out of bed and booked it to his closet, grabbing the pump-action from the corner just where he left it. “I’m not playing around!” He yelled out, checking the shells. “Either you come out, or I’ll find you and blow your brains out myself!” Still no response, just the deafening silence that rattled him to his core. Anon huffed, hardening himself. “Alright... Hard way it is.”

’Chk-chk!’

Garbed in nothing but his underwear, Anonymous peaked his head out the door and looked down both hallways. The left had the silhouette of a girl of some kind, the right was-WAAAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! “HEY!” He pointed down the left hallway, nothing but the wall... “Dammit.”

“Hahaha! ‘Snort!’” That came from his right, he saw a head peaking from the corner quickly pull away. “Come play with me, Nonnyyy!~”

Anon could feel his legs shake in fear. “Why tonight of all nights...” He slowly crept down the hall, his shotgun tight in his grip, a bit too tight that is... “God, I’d rather deal with Aria than some-“

”Hehehe!” There’s that fucking laugh again... “Hide and seeek, hide and seeek!~” The voice couldn’t be traced, it simply echoed all throughout the house. 

“Some... Ps-Psychopath.” He shuttered under his breath. 

“Bonjoir!”

“OH FUCK!” He felt something wrap him in a tight hold from behind. “Jesus Christ!”

“Got you, got you! Hahahaha!” He struggled against her with everything he had, all the while she just laughed and giggled like a hyena on speed. “Bear-hug!”

“Bear-hug!?” All of a sudden the girl was squeezing him with some serious muscle behind it! “J-!... J-Jesus... Christ!” He could barely get a word out, she was squeezing the fucking life outta him! Eventually she let him go, but not before pushing him down and running passed him. “Fuck!” He scrambled to his feet and chased her. “Is this some kind of goddamn game to you!?” He made it to the Living Room, not a person in sight. “Bloody... The hell did she go this time?”

“Nonnyyy!~” She called out. “Let’s play Tag this time!” Anon felt anger rise within him, he was being played with in this twisted game of cat and mouse. 

’Chk-chk!’

“...... Uhh.” Anon didn’t have his shotgun, and it wasn’t on the floor, either... Which could only mean one thing. “Ohh fuck.”

“Hehehe~... I’m it.”

He didn’t think, he didn’t rationalize. Anon just ran for cover, and fast.

’BANG!!!’

Anon leaped to his side as a knee-jerk reaction, his heart racing a mile a minute. “Jesus take the wheel!” He took cover on the side of the couch, holding his chest to get the pounding to slow. “Oh god, oh god, oh fucking god help me!” He quietly shouted. “Sweet baby Jesus I don’t wanna die... Not yet!” 

“Sheesh, could you be a little more quiet?” He froze stiff, looking to his side. A girl was sitting next to him, pink skin and long, straight dark-pink hair. She wore a baggy blue hoodie and beige cargo shorts, a pair of vans donned her feet. A rather boyish choice of clothes for a girl but fuck style, she was a psychopath on the hunt! Her pin-prick iris staring into his soul was light-blue, with the other covered by a veil of dark-pink locks. “If you're not quiet the psycho-chick might find you.” She booped his nose with the end of his shotgun. “Silly goose.” They shared a solid ten seconds of unbroken eye contact and utter silence. “You have really pretty eyes.” Anon screamed at octaves equal to that of a little girl and ran away. “Aww, come baaack!” She shouted in a pleading tone. “I just wanna make you smile!”





Anon has no idea how long he’s been hiding, maybe half an hour? Whatever, he didn’t care, all he knew was this hiding spot was fucking ace! Where was he hiding, you ask? Why, the last place a killer would ever look, the victim’s room! He hid in the closet where he kept his shotgun, still in the hands of that pink psycho sadly... Still, he was gonna be found eventually, and he needed a game plan for when that happened.

’SLAM!’

Like right fucking now! “Nooonnyyyyy! Come out, come out wherever you aaare!” Anon held his breath, scooting back further into the darkness. “You under here?..... Hmm, what about... Here!?..... Oh... Hmmm.......” The closet handle turned, Anon’s blatter was about to fail. “What about...”

“ANON! I’M BAAACK!” 

The door nob stopped, then slowly turned back. “Oh Jesus no!” He wordlessly mouthed. “Aria you fucking dumbass!”

“Oooh, a new play-mate!” The pink menace left the room, Anon was clenching his fist.

“Mother-!..... No!” He knew leaving his friend to die wasn’t what he’d do, even if she was a free-loader... But then the fucking psycho with the shotgun! Friend, Shotgun, Friend, Shotgun...

“Who the fuck are- Whoa, don’t point that thing at me!”

“Ugh... Goddammit morals!” Anon burst from the closet because fuck him and his own safety, he wasn’t letting Aria bite the dust yet! He high-tailed it to his-

’BANG!’

Anon’s heart had stopped for a solid three seconds, the bang went off just as he grabbed the handle to his room door. “No...” He slowly opened the door, all he saw was Aria’s body with that pink psychopath standing in his way, pointing the gun at him. “You...” He ran right through the halls, knocking her out of the way and yelling “Move!” At this point he didn’t care that she was armed, Aria’s condition was more important. “Aria!” He stood over her body, blood expanding outward in a small pool. “Jesus no...” He dropped to his knees, turning her over. There was a big red mark on what was left of her shirt, which had been torn by the blast and soaked with trailing blood. He nearly gagged at the sight. “No... NOOOO!!!” He was freely crying now, pounding the floor with his fists in a cocktail of wild emotions. “She was so young, goddammit! It should’ve been me!”

He felt something hard press against the back of his head. “What’s the matter? Feeling left out, Nonny?” She sounded so calm and collected, despite having murdered an innocent life in cold blood. This sort of apathy deeply sickened him, and frightened him even moreso. “Wouldn’t be a party without the guest of honor, you know.”

Anon just sniffled and whimpered out. “Why?...” He asked in a shaky, broken voice. “Why are you doing this?... Why are you tormenting me like this!?”

She just giggled. “Wanna know why, Nonny?...” She was so close, he could feel her breath against his neck. “Cause...” She leaned in reeeal close, and whispered... “You just got pranked, bro.”

...............

“No...” Anon shook his head. “No... Don’t you fucking do this to me.” 

“’Snort’... Pffhahahaha!” Aria’s supposed corpse had burst into a hysterical laughter, surprising Anon enough to make him fall back. “Oh my god, that was fucking priceless! Baaahahahaha!”

The pink girl crouched down beside him, smiling warmly. “Aria set you up Nonny, and boy did we scare you silly!”

“You... T-this was.....”

The pink girl nodded. “Just a prank!” She pressed the shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger, a very loud bang shook the house but only smoke came out, no pellets. “Smoke-Slugs, good acting, and loooots of watered-down ketchup! I had to cut-up Aria’s shirt but it was totally worth it!” 

Anon just stared down, a broken look on his face..... “Heh... Hehe...” Anon slowly grew into a laugh of his own, genuine relief replaced his fear. “Aaahahahaha! Oh my fucking god, Aria!” Which was then overtaken by boiling, bloodthirsty anger. “I’m just sooo happy I could just...“ He leaped at her and started strangling her, a violent twitch in his eye. “Fucking kill you, Aria!”

Despite having her neck wrung-out, she kept her smile plastered on her face. In fact she actually started to blush a little. “Ghk! Ack! H-harder, baby!...”

Anon lost it, he was so sick and fed-up that he was just done. With a frustrated groan he shoved her to the floor and marched off. “Fucking bitch!” He yelled. “You’re un-fucking-believable!” He slammed the door to his room shut.

“’Cough, cough! H-hey! I wasn’t finished!” She choked out. “Come on Roomie, choke me some more! I’ll suck you off if you do!~”

“I’m not cooking for you the entire fucking week!” He shouted, making Aria genuinely gasp in shock. 

“No, wait, wait! I’m sorry!” She pleaded. “Come on buddy, don’t let me starve!”

“Fuck off!” He screamed. “I thought you fucking died you cunt!”

“Come oooon!” Aria wined. “Don’t do this to me, dude! I can’t go for a week on crackers and water!”

In the background, the psycho smiled warmly, her hair springing into a poofy, unkempt form. “Looks like my work here is done.” With a satisfied nod she turned and walked out the door, singing a little tune to herself. “My name is Pinkie Pie, and I am here to say~” As she sang, the desperate pleading of Aria could be heard in the background. “I’m gonna make you smile and I will brighten up your daaay.~” Our pink little psychopath skipped down the road, singing her little song without a care just as the sun had began to peak from the violet sky. As for Aria?... Well, after enough ass-kissing and pleading she eventually got Anon to cave and forgive her.





Anon returned from the kitchen, two plates of food in hand. He set his down on the nightstand next to his easy chair while Aria got up and claimed hers. “Thank you very much, favorite Roomie! I just couldn’t make it a day without your home-cooked meals.~” One could practically smell the shit in her breath from this level of ass-kissing. “Did I ever tell you how fucking wet your cooking gets me?~” 

“Pushing it, Blaze.” He warned, showing how little patience he had at the moment. “Just eat your damn food already.” 

Aria looked a bit saddened, Anon had noticed this but simply assumed it was just her and her old ways. She always used guilt tactics and the like to get what she wanted, and 9 times outta 10 it worked spectacularly... “’siiigh’... Alright, alright.” Like right now for instance. “Look I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” She looked back at him. “Just eat up, alright? But don’t push your fucking luck after what you pulled.”

Aria’s expression brightened. “You’re such a push-over...” She flopped onto the couch, setting the plate on her stomach for easy reach. “I’m dead serious about the wet thing though, I’d suck dick for this kind of food.”

Anon just shook his head. “Why do I fucking spoil you...”

Aria, with a mouth-full of mashed potatoes, yelled out. “Ause ew ‘ove mee!” She shoveled another spoon of potatoes into her mouth, humming in response to the taste.

Anon rolled his eyes and turned on the TV. “So who was the pink chick anyway?” 

Aria looked at him, spoon in mouth. After a few good swallows she answered. “You mean Pinkie?” Aria looked toward the ceiling. “She’s... Hmm.” Aria contemplated for whatever reason, to such a simple question as well. “Pinkie is... A friend, I guess.”

Anon looked a little confused. “You say that as if you don’t even know.” He pointed out. “You two got a history or something?”

She looked down at her food, poking at a slice of ham. “Well...” After some internal debate, she shrugged. “Meh, don’t worry about it.” She finally answered. “Pinkie’s cool, I guess... For a Rainboom, anyway.”

“Rainboom?” Anon cocked his head, but decided not to prod further. He had no business questioning their relationship anyways, nor did he have the attention span to actually care. “You know what, I don’t wanna know...” He just enjoyed his food, watching bad television with Aria to pass the time until he had to call it a night. Yep, just another regular evening with his favorite bum of a roommate...
> Sexual Encounters (of the Third Kind)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a hot day today, perfect weather to go out and do something with friends or family. Sadly though, it wasn’t such perfect weather for what Aria was doing, and that was her cardio run. She jogged down the street in a green pair of short shorts and a plain white tank, her hair tied into a pony tail so it’d stay out of her way. Yes she wasn’t looking her best today, but jogging about half a mile in expensive clothes was a big ‘fuck that shit’ in her book. 

Aria rounded the corner and stopped to take a break, sweating up a flood under the hot sun hanging high above. “’pant’ ‘pant’ Fucking hell...” She wipes her forehead, flicking the slimy sweat off her wrist shortly after. “I gotta... Lay-off the junk food.” She continued to feel sweat drip down her forehead. “And buy a damn headband, too...” Aria needed shade and she needed it now, otherwise she was dying of heat-stroke. “Ninety in-’cough’ in Sep-fucking-tember...” Aria wined, wondering why she hasn’t bothered turning for home yet. “I need a fucking drink...” She looked around, that cafe across the street looked nice and cool but she didn’t see a crossing light anywhere to get to it. Aria wasn’t about to jaywalk either, she may be trash but even she has standards, and going to jail for jaywalking of all things is a serious blow to her pride. So what of her side of the street? Did she have any sources of shade to cool off in?... Sadly, no. Her side of the street was mostly a housing complex, with a few back-alleys. She could possibly go in one of the alley ways to cool off but then she’d be mugged and/or raped by somebody, and she wasn’t feeling all warm and tingly enough to wanna do that... Hmm, what to do, what to do...

“Thirst-ee?”

“Huh!? What!?” Aria jumped, as there was suddenly a girl beside her... A very weird girl. “Whoa, geez.” Aria held her chest in an effort to get her heart to slow. “Fuck, you scared the piss outta me.”

The girl was... Well, one would call her ‘odd’ at first glance. She wore this black blazer with a very long dress, which was a weird shade of maroon or something. Pale white skin with black, short spiky hair tied in pig tails. This chick’s choice of fashion couldn’t decide if it wanted to be elegant or formal or what... Oh, but probably the weirdest thing on her were these reddish-violet shades she had on... No, wait... Were they goggles? “Thirst-ee?” The girl repeated, breaking Aria out of her stare. “I havewat er...” Oookay, even weirder then her fashion statement was her English... The way she said it, it sounded kinda like she didn’t even know what she was saying herself. It was like she was given the words and just read them out from a script or something with no context.

Still though, despite this girl being odd she did have a bottle of water, which Aria quickly took. “Uh, yeah, thanks or-...” However, upon close examination of the bottle, the water kinda didn’t seem like water. “What the hell?...” It moved like water, sloshed like water, but something was off about how it looked. Seemed kinda... Thick? Was that the right word?... It kinda reminded Aria of her own vaginal fluids, gross as that may sound it was still a solid comparison.

She looked back at the girl, who stood there with a small smile. “Drink, yes?” The girl asked, pushing Aria on. 

“Uhh... Where exactly did you get this water?” Aria asked.

“..... Where?” The girl just sorta... Stood there, motionless. Imagine, if you will, that the human mind had an off switch. It doesn’t completely cease function to the human body, but the mind pretty much stops working entirely. This was that girl, this was what the blank expression she had on said, and it really, really creeped Aria out... After around half a minute she finally spoke. “Fridge.” She responded in a deadpan, almost robotic tone. “Yes. Takefrom fridge.” 

“Sooo... Fridge.” She swished the bottle around, watching the peculiar liquid splash around inside. “Yeah... Uh, I think I’ll-“ Aria suddenly felt something wriggle into her butt-crack. “Jesus!” Holy shit, was something in her pants!? She turned her head, expecting to find some pervert or a kid sticking a worm in her ass. But nobody was there, it was just her and the girl. “What the h-AH!” Then this ‘thing’ had touched her vagina and began to pet across the slit, Aria shuttered in response and dropped the bottle. “Ohoho!~ Oh fff-!...” Aria tried to keep her moaning as quiet as she could, a losing battle given this thing felt at least three times better then her own fingers for some reason. “W-w-wait! What are yOOOOOGH!” This thing had finally reached her clit, making her experience a pleasure that mankind could only dream of. “Gh... Ugh.....” She would be shamelessly howl in pleasure had her brain not turned into a toaster, she was just so overwhelmed with constant orgasm and endless pleasure that Aria.exe had stopped working. While Aria was drooling with toaster-brain syndrome the girl dragged her into a nearby alley, taking her all the way to the back, far from the prying ears of other people. Building up enough strength to momentarily endure the pleasure, Aria took notice to a thin, pinkish-red tube poking out from the girl’s dress and leading to... Oh dear lord. “W-wha... WhAhh!~” Aria tried, failing to speak as the electricity surging through her wiped her ability to think within seconds. “Ah... B-bahh.....” She felt a tugging at her clit, which would’ve multiplied her pleasure by five-fold had the human body not had a limit to how much pleasure it could experience at once.

“Hmm... Fighter.” The pleasure on her clit was dialed back by a very big margin, feeling like a light suckling at best. “Human... Talk withlust?... Rare.” The odd speech pattern was what brought Aria back from heaven, her brain slowly rebooting itself and processing everything that’s happening. 

Aria regained the ability to think and recalled the pleasure she just experienced... Was it pleasure? Aria seemed to have trouble recalling that, strangely... WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!!! She remembered the thing on her clit, and ohhh Jesus it’s still there! “What the hell~... are... Gh! Are y-OUUU!?!” Aria creamed herself then and there, this time being able to comprehend that she’d creamed herself. “Ahh! Oh! Oh, Jesus have mercy!” The sucking wouldn’t stop even after her orgasm had died, driving her sensitive skin to torturous levels of pleasure. “Please, I’m begging you to stop!” Oddly enough, the suckling had ceased altogether. “Eh-... Huh?”

“Calm... Listen...” The girl spoke, removing the goggles and revealing her eyes... Well, come to find out those goggles she had on didn’t have any lenses. No, those garnet gems were actually the girl’s real eyes... Holy fuck was Aria scared, whatever this girl was she wasn’t human. Those soulless pools of deep red were not something that humans, or even equiss-born species, could ever possess. But it didn’t end there, as slimy, creeping tentacles started to pour out from under the dress. They writhed and squirmed and squelched almost disgustingly. No, not almost, it was utterly stomach-turning just watching them move about blindly like a mass of worms. “I am...” The girl’s voice had changed, sounding much more Changeling-esque but with a sort of vibrating distortion to it. “In human-tongue... Elco...” Before Aria could scream bloody murder a thicker tentacle shot to her mouth and muffled her cries. It tasted vile, unbearably bitter, and the slimy texture nearly made her throw-up. “No tears...” Elco commanded. “No death... No pain...” Was this fucking nightmare trying to reassure her!? “Calm, yes.” Aria bit down on the tentacle in her mouth, showing Elco just how ‘calm’ she was. The thing retracted the tentacle with a light yelp, which slithered back under the dress. It made these odd clicking noises with its throat as a sort of warning, Aria gave her own form of ‘back the fuck off’ through a threatening glare. “Human... Mad?” Elco asked, immediately being awarded ‘Dumbest Question of the Fucking Century’.

Aria just glared at Elco, she was still utterly frightened but she was also full of moxie and anger. “Human fucking pissed-off!” She mocked in the creature’s poor English, reaching back and grabbing the tentacle in her ass crack. She pulled as hard as she could, a grave mistake as pulling on it only amplified the victim’s pleasure. Aria nearly came at the sudden burst of pleasure, losing all of her strength in the process. “Sh-Shit!~... Fuck.” Another jerk, this time from Elco. “Ah! Don’t fucking d-... Do that!”

“... Why?” Before Aria could even attempt to argue the pleasure came crashing back in her nub. She was left to grit her teeth as her pussy leaked with approval, powerless to fight back. “Feel good, yes?”

“T-!... T-Take it offff!~” She begged, curling up into a quivering ball of pleasure. It was the only form of defense she could manage to fight back against this feeling. “It feels... T-take it off of meee!”

“..... No.” With one final tug from Elco, Aria grunted and started to silently cum in her shorts yet again. The girlish grunts she made and the way she shook would’ve been down-right adorable (please don’t tell her I said that) had she not been the victim of an interstellar Japanese stereotype. “Break Human... Hard way.” The tentacles started to creep closer to Aria’s shaking form. “Break... Withlove.”

Aria’s pupils shrank to the size of pin-pricks as she writhed in agonizing pleasure, she realized real quick that not only was she out-right fucked in both senses, but she never had a chance to start with. “(Oh sweet merciful god... I’m gonna be plowed like a goddamn chink!)” Aria took a hard swallow and looked away, then made a mental promise that if she somehow got herself outta this mess, she’d dedicate her life to punching weirdos who offer people water...

Or something like that.


////////


(Alright fuckers, that thing above is the border separating weird jap porn from story... Yes, this is where the actual sex starts. I know, shocker, but trust me it gets kinkier. For those few brave fucks that read despite not liking the fap, there’s another bolded barrier up ahead that goes back to the story. If you wanna skip the fap be my guest, just know that you’re skipping a sizable chunk of story.)

The tentacles first went for her limbs, spreading them apart to keep her restrained and vulnerable. Try as she might, all resistance she put up was useless due to the tentacle in her pants. “No fight...” Aria had felt as though countless tiny tongues were teasing her clit along with the suction, which she reacted to with a long and loud moan. “Give in.” Elco proposed. “Feel good.”

Aria was a fighter to the bitter end, it seemed. She grit her teeth and violently jerked against the tentacles. “Fff-!... Fuck you!” She spat, stifling a moan. If she was going down she was going down kicking and screaming. “I’m gonna k-kill you, you-!...” The suckling had somehow intensified even further, her clit was on fire and it felt so fucking good. “Don’t!... Fuckiiingh!~” Eventually, she just couldn’t take it anymore. She stopped struggling and braced herself, curling up like a dying bug as the orgasm reared back. “I’m-!... Ghk!” Aria then trust forward, her hole snapping and clamping onto the nonexistent dick inside her. “Gah! Oh! Oh god have mercyyy!!!” Unlike last time, the teasing didn’t stop at her request. Aria thrashed harder and wilder, screaming and shaking and dripping and oh sweet Mother Teresa she was seeing fucking stars now. After nearly a full minute of thrashing and screaming obscenities at god himself her orgasm eventually petered-out, Aria was a soaked and shuttering mess. “J-... J-Jesus Christ!... M-m-mercy...” The tentacles around her legs had let go, choosing to strip Aria of her pants. “Not again!... N-no!...” She was too tired to try kicking back, her voice still shuttering from the throbbing orgasm she just endured. Her pussy was eventually revealed to the world in all its slimy glory, coated with her cum and the weird liquid of the tentacle clamped to the area where her agitated nub would be. “Please stop...” Aria begged, feeling the tentacle suckle and tickle her fun-button, trying to milk out another orgasm. “P-please!... I can’t... N-not ag-Ahn!” Aria felt a sharp prick to her clit, almost like a bee sting but... It felt... It felt really good. “Oh... Ohh.~” Out of bat-shit bloody fucking nowhere, her vagina was suddenly a furnace burning with lust. “Oh my god, Ohhh my god what are you doing to meeee!” Aria’s pussy had started to visibly blush, the lips slightly inflating with blood like a growing erection. “Stop iiiit!~ I can’t... I can’t fucking take it!”

Elco smiled, removing the mouthed-tentacle from Aria’s clit. “Tamed...” As it withdrew, a stinger of some kind followed with it, which had injected Aria’s clit with some kind of alien chemical while it was delivering pleasure. Speaking of which, the once normal love-bud was engorged to a point that wasn’t even natural. Whether it was due to the relentless teasing or a side-effect of the injection was up to debate, but either way it looked really uncomfortable the way it throbbed and twitched in the open air. The flesh looked to stand at about three inches at the very least, and had a noticeable vein running up the side, glowing an eerie blue and pulsing occasionally. “Feel good...” Elco said. “Give in... Feel good.”

“’pant’ ‘pant’ Yes... Please.” At this point there was no going back for poor Aria. The chemicals had heightened the sensitivity of her genitals to the point that the smallest breeze left heavenly tingles in her womb. Dirty ‘what-ifs’ started to flood her mind, thoughts of what it felt like to be touched, to be teased and rubbed and licked... Then her mind wandered to the alien, and all those tentacles it had... She had to have it, her agitated cunt wanted it, demanded it! She looked up at Elco with watery eyes and moaned out, “P-... Please...” Aria’s clit was throbbing so hard it felt like it was about to pop, and her vagina was drooling with anticipation. It wanted to swallow something bad, it needed to milk out hot seed to sate the heat in her belly, it needed thick cum shot deep inside to put-out the flames in her baby-bag... The more she thought about these urges the wetter and hornier she got, it was almost painful at this point! “I need iiiiit!” She was dropped to the ground by the tentacles, a panting, soaking wet bitch in heat. The only thing on her mind right now was fucking something, anything, right here and now. “’pant’ ‘pant’ Dick... C-... Cum!...” The words alone made Aria’s pussy clench and squeeze restlessly. “Want... Need...” Elco stood over Aria in an emotionless stare, its tentacles writhing under the dress and refraining from violating any part of her... Aria looked at Elco with tears in her eyes. “Please... Please!” Aria was nearly the point of crying, the emptiness inside was just so torturous! Elco turned to leave, ignoring her plead and moving deeper into the alley. “N-no... No...” She didn’t like this... Not one bit. “I... I won’t be denied.” Aria threw away reasoning and felt rage bubbling deep inside, her blood was boiling hot, hot enough to cook a fucking lobster with. “I’m done playing nice...” She slowly got on all-fours and set her sights on the alien, still seemingly oblivious to the deranged animal behind it. Aria was faaaar past the point of caring, alien or not she was getting what she wanted-no, what she needed, and god as her witness she wasn’t leaving until she made Elco her bitch. ”GRRRAH! FUCK ME GODDAMMIT!!!” With a leap forward Aria was off like a bullet, not even bothering to run on two legs alone. The alien could only turn half-way to see what had screamed bloody rage before being tackled. It cried out some kind of curse in its native tongue out of surprise, what the hell had just-!? “Make me feel good...” Dazed and confused, it shook the stars out of its vision and stared into two pin-prick eyes. For the very first time on-screen Elco showed intense emotion, and that emotion was utter terror. “Make me feel good!” Her nails dug into the tender flesh of its arms, her eye twitched violently as she roared out at the top of her lungs. 

“Make me feel good, goddammiiiit!!!”

..........

Remember kiddies, an unbearably horny Aria is not a fun Aria, because it could mean the difference between life and death. Play with fire, you get violently raped. Sooo, getting back to the story (if you’d even call it that at this point), poor Elco’s about to learn why you should never play with fire...

Aria tore the dress to shreds with ease and dug her blushed pussy and inflated clit into the mass of tentacles, panting harder as they began to caress pull. ”Aaaahhhn!~” Aria grinded and humped in delight, squeezing a titty through her tank. “Yes, daddy! Give it to meee!~” Aria ripped open the blazer in her horny stupor to reveal a translucent, pink skin that showed many strange organs inside. “Ooooh, you’re all sorts of strange, aren’t you!?” The skin around it’s face had brightened to a similar pink, showing that I could change skin pigmentation at will... Or perhaps it was literally a full-body blush? Meh, either way Aria didn’t care, she was more concerned about if the freak could squirt hot love deep into her hungry pussy. Digging through the tentacles below, she noticed one that wasn’t like the rest. It was notably bumpier with an engorged tip, which had a hole at the end leaking with sticky fluid. Probably a safe bet that this was a genitalia of some kind... Aria grinned, as she thought of a good way to test whether it was the real deal or not.


~~~


The strange creature known as Elco was not expecting an outcome such as this. Normally the humans tend to beg for release when injected with the venom. But this peculiar human, a female of all things which were much gentler than the males from experience, has forced herself onto it like some... Some lower-leveled being of intelligence! Like a ‘bloody animal’ as the humans tend to put it. Yes, such an interesting vocabulary they have... Elco seemed to have spaced out momentarily. Regaining its train of thought, it began to think of a way to subdue this neurotic ‘thing’ before it could injure Elco’s frail body. “(Hmm... Theoretically, I could force the human off but that would risk damaging my vital organs.)” Elco’s race was not exactly evolved for battle, the organs could be seen through the soft tissue and can very easily be damaged by the human’s digits... Wait, what’s this strange feeling within it’s... “(Ah, I see. The human female wants to attempt reproduction due to the mind-altering effects of the venom.)” Elco just had to remain calm, the human had no idea how it even worked and will probably never-... “(WHAT IS IT DOING WITH IT’S FEEDING HOLE!?!)”


~~~


The weird alien screamed with it’s weird language, which evolved into a weird cross between a moan and a scream of bloody murder once Aria’s tongue began its assault on the tip. The tube was about as thick as a garden hose not counting the inflated tip, and about as long as the other tentacles. Should fit nice and snug in her ‘other’ mouth once she sucked out this thing’s first orgasm.... Though, not after a bit of payback, first.

Aria licked all around the inflated head with the tip of her tongue, teasing Elco with light tickles of pleasure while occasionally sucking on the tip to collect the pooling pre. She stared straight into those red gems as she did, too. She enjoyed watching it squirm, her eyes practically screamed it in broadway lights! The lower tentacles had began squeezing and pulling her ass closer, some slipping into her folds and stroking her clit. It amused her how desperate it was getting, in fact she decided to reward it for its behavior with a neat little trick. She opened her mouth nice and wide, stuck the alien thing inside and took it in as deep into her throat as she could. The reaction was immediate, Elco gawked at the feat and then gurgled in what she assumed was utter pleasure. The alien shlong being translucent, she noticed a bright, glowing line of pink crawl its way from the root and up the base. This fucker had glowing spooge, actual glowing spooge! Kinda made Aria hornier watching it climb up the base, inching closer and closer to her lips... Shit, she needed to breath! She spit out the pink tentacle and coughed for sweet air, the glowing line starting to sink back down. Elco looked rather pained... “(Hmph, doesn’t feel very fucking good, does it?)” Aria threw her tank off and snapped the bra off with the speed of an expert. For a teenage body she had some rather impressive C’s. Big and soft purple flesh with quarter-sized areola in a darker shade. Her nipples were small and fierce just how the boys (and girls) liked it, and believe me they couldn’t get enough.

Now to make this prick suffer for the torturous pleasure she endured. Aria started with the most obvious move, stuffing it between her breasts. The Alien cum started climbing up the base again as she rubbed her tits together, the tip poking out between the mounds and spurting lots of pre for her to lick up. Elco was lost in bliss, its mind about as useful and functioning as a torn condom. The weird noises it made were oddly arousing to Aria, which helped press her on. The alien goo had reached the tip, she could see it right at the entrance of the penis. It seemed to slowly gather into a sizable wad within the head, which inflated it further by a few inches. The hole at the tip started to twitch and gape adorably, signaling impending release... Aria wasn’t quite ready to hang it up yet, from the growing grin on her face she had other plans in mind.

Aria released it from her squishy prison of love, the dick falling and slapping onto her leg with the glowing cum resting uncomfortably at the tip. The dick twitched and writhed but nothing would come out, denied yet again of release! Aria giggled, licking her lips. She loved making the boys work for it like this, building it all up for a big and sticky surprise after they get nice and edged up. She gently took the alien’s weird member and guided it up to her breast. She carefully rubbed the tip against the soft flesh, her nipple occasionally brushing against it for a sudden jolt of stimulation. The dick was throbbing quite a bit, right at the doorstep of heaven. Next she brought it to her belly, slim and fat-free without looking too much like a bulimic. She rubbed it up and down in slow and careful motions. The pre was lubing her tummy up nicely, making it easier to tease the ever-loving shit out of the alien. She traveled lower to her pubic mound, her womb tingling more intensely the closer she brought it to her wetness. But, against her wishes and desires, she dragged the cock back up her coated tummy and to her breasts. “(Alright, now it can cum...)” She brought it up to her mouth and observed the damage, seems that more cum gathered up while she was prepping it, just what she wanted. With the tip swelled and ready to burst, Aria nestled it between her titties and kissed the tip. Then, rather than go for a tongue-lashing or some throat-fucking, she gave the dick a biiiig hug..... No, I’m not kidding. Aria wrapped her arms around it and herself and squeezed it with her breasts and thighs in a full-body rubbing treatment, bonus cuteness for nuzzling the tip with her cheek. The adorable (and oddly out-of-character) action combined with the full-body treatment made the alien erupt right on her cheek, splashing her with hot alien spunk in an almost painfully powerful first spurt. ”Ahh!~” The few following spurts were almost as powerful, sneezing hot goo on her chin and neck. “Mmm, it’s so hot.~” Aria humped and rubbed herself all over the member even while the jizz was flowing. Cum spurted out in hot ropes with the added stimulation, coating her face and tits in hot syrupy love. She was feeling sooo dirty right now, and she fucking loved it. “Mmmyeah, squirt on me daddy!~” She begged, stroking the base as she squished and rubbed it with her body. “Cover this sexy cookie in hot milk.~” For further stimulus she used her mouth to relentlessly lick and suckle the head, keeping the orgasm hot and painfully powerful for as long as possible. She swallowed about a cheekfull of jizz, regretfully so as not even her lust-blinded senses could nullify the bitterness of the cum. Still though, she pressed on like a good little slut. She was determined to milk this bitch until its weird dick-thing was shooting dust for months. Eventually the spurts has devolved into pitiful leaking, and shortly thereafter into dry twitches. Elco was on a whole different plane of consciousness, the red gems had taken on a darker shade of red, almost as if they were drained of life itself. Satisfied with her performance and Elco’s delivery, Aria began spreading the cum around on her tits and belly, giving her skin a soft glow that made the expression ‘glowing with love’ much more literal. As an added bonus, the act of spreading cum all over herself made her feel a lot hornier (if that was even possible at this point). She began to suckle on the tip like a baby bottle just because she felt so affectionate, feeling herself grow a lot more needy between her legs. But she’d wait a bit of course so that the alien could recover, she was content on sucking until she felt ready...


~~~


Welp, as the humans tend to say... 

Holy. Fuck.

Elco hadn’t been dominated like that in... Well, ever! Elco’s lived a good 500 some years but never in those years has it orgasmed for so long! It had to have drained every semenal gland it had while this... This merciless animal milked it for what felt like eons! Well on the plus side the human seems to have become a lot more docile, gently suckling on the tube like a nursing infant. Perhaps it would even fall into a blissful slumber similarly to one! Yes, that was what Elco had hoped, because as soon as feeling returned to its tentacles it was never-... “(Ohhh fecal matter, I really don’t like the look the human is making.)”

Elco watched the human cautiously, she had a look of mischief in her eyes as she suckled. Her hand drifted between her legs and she started to hum, it could guess that the human was stroking her injected bud. Elco didn’t really study much of human anatomy so it wasn’t exactly sure why it rubbed it so lustfully, but it could make an educated guess that it was likely related to the aid of reproduction. The human slowly stood up and straddled the alien, still gently playing with the weird nub and grinning with the tube in her mouth. She leaned back a bit and revealed a slit below the nub, spreading it open revealed light-pink flesh and an especially small, toothless hole at the bottom. It seemed to drool with a clear fluid and clench every so often, the soft moans coming from the human signaling obvious arousal. She moved closer to Elco’s face, giving it a good look of what awaited very soon... “(Ancestors help me... Please...)”

The Human was very warm down there, Elco could feel the heat radiate from the slick hole like an open flame and it felt just as hot as one. The nub above was still being gently stroked and squeezed, exciting cute moans and hums from her. Looking deeper into the hole revealed more pink, though this flesh was notably bumpier and waaay more wet than the outer. The human stuck a few fingers inside to demonstrate how soft and tight she was. The walls molded with her digits quite easily, making soft and sticky noises as she moved them around. The human’s suckling seemed to intensify with the intrusion, with some added gulps to tease the tip. But Elco didn’t seem to notice, it was too entranced by this hole...


~~~


Elco never averted its gaze from the vagina, even when Aria abandoned her clit to give its tube a soft hand-job. The alien was tainted, tainted with lust like virgin eyes discovering the world of pornography. She had this poor fool wrapped around her dirty, dirty fingers...

A very faint red glow started to form around Aria’s eyes. This was the sinister red glow of siren magic, though a weakened form of it. She may be a human now but it seems that the spirit of a siren still sleeps deep within her, and no amount of magic can completely rip that out of her...

Aria felt the urge to suck out more of its cum, this time though she wanted more than just a hot glaze. She crept closer to it, her pussy inches from its face. Her fingers slowly slid out of her, making slimy, sticky noises as it gripped the digits in an attempt to keep them inside. She guided the fingers up her belly, sliding over her breast and to her mouth, where she lovingly sucked on them in place of the tube. She guided the alien cock lower, softly nuzzling it into her breasts and trailing it down her belly. The tip rested just at her clit, which twitched similarly to it. She noticed the cum building up at the tip, looking a tad bigger than last time. “(Oh yeah, that’ll fill me up nicely...)” She spread her pussy nice and wide, lining up the tip with her hungry little hole of love. “(Mmm, the freak’s probably gonna burst as soon as I shove it in...)” Aria failed to notice the bloated head begin to expand. “(But... I do wanna make this last a tad longer, though I’m not sure how much more abuse this freak can tAAAKE!?!...)” Aria was caught off-guard, Elco just couldn’t hold it long enough for her to stick it in her pussy. The anticipation was just too much for it. Aria gasped out, Elco’s cock had sneezed out a thick rope of cum right onto her clitty. The sudden hotness being enough to force a little orgasm from her. “Sh-shit!” Then a few similar ropes hit her open pussy hole...

Aria’s eyes went wide as a jolt of warmth shook her. No more stalling. No more holding back. The animal was reawakened and hungry for blood (or cum in this case).

She shoved the head in without even a second of reconsideration, forcing it deep inside her blazing cunt (kekity kek kek). The feeling of cum pouring into her deepest parts made her clit throb wildly. “Cum!... C-c-... Cumminngggh!!!” Her pussy squeezed and milked and Jesus Butt-Fucking Christ it felt so wonderful! Aria was being filled like a proper bitch, the alien was once again being forced to cum its body-weight in reproductive fluid, screams of sheer pleasure all around. Aria collapsed, still being bred by the alien. She hugged it tight, pressing her breasts into its face and squeezing its cock for dear life as her belly started to bulge a little. Elco was so fucking blitzed that it ascended this plain of reality and witnessed god himself looking down at him, welcoming it to paradise with arms spread wide as it slowly started to rise from the ground...

Elco’s race never believed in a life after death, but after witnessing god himself with the golden gates behind him... God had spoke to him, in an ancient, deep voice bellowing with generations upon generations of wisdom. He said... 

”I never thought... That in my long, long eternity...”

God had paused...

”I’m not going to lie... You came so hard that you literally ejaculated your heart out...”

Another pause..... A halo formed above Elco’s head and wings grew from its back.

”Paradise awaits, you magnificent bastard... You’ve earned it...”


~~~


As Aria was being filled like a Thanksgiving Turkey, a lump of some kind pushed itself into her, bumping her splattered cervix. Considering what she had stuffed up her cooter it’d be normal to be alarmed by this. But no, she didn’t care. She was so high on euphoria that she just couldn’t fucking give a rat’s ass. The feeling of a bloated womb and a softening dick-thing in her pussy was enough to assure her she was probably fine. “(So warm...)” Her eyes grew heavy, she cuttled into the... Whatever she was fucking and purred. Who was she even fucking anyhow?... Fuck it, Aria stopped caring and nuzzled into her metaphorical (and quite literal) kill. “(Mmm, so full...)” She decided to let sleep take over, all her worries and concerns didn’t exist now assuming they even existed prior. She was content to just spoon while her heart thumped rhythmically in her ears to a soothing and steady beat. She started thinking of things she loved in this world due to the euphoria; sex, junk food, bad television... “(Anon...)” Her heart fluttered, she couldn’t possibly get any more comfortable. Sleep quickly took her mind away, the cock in her vagina keeping her filled even as the life left its owner.


////////


(Alright, for those of you who skipped the pr0n just know that Aria had her way with poor Elco and fucking killed him with Sun-Snu. Hope you sick bastards busted a fat nut cause I sure as hell did writing this dribble, multiple times as a matter of factly. Rip our boi Elco, busted a nut so fucking fat it took its heart with it, literally.)

Aria could feel a spiky... Thing being dragged up her cheek. Disturbed from slumber, she awoke to the full-moon gazing overhead. “Ugh, did I go out drinking?...” A stray kitty was licking her cheek, and a chill ran up her spine as she realized she was utterly freezing her tits off. “F-F-Fuck my asshole!” Curling up for warmth she noticed that she was completely naked, her crotch and vagina coated with some kind of pink, glowing shit. “Good god, what the hell is...” She hesitantly pushed down on her stomach, feeling the ooze empty out of her pussy with the slowness of honey. “Jesus...” She watches the ooze pool onto the concrete, a tad disgusted with herself for once in her bloody life... Then she noticed the weird bulge on her belly, and no it definitely wasn’t a muffin-top. She tried pushing it out of her cunt, it wasn’t painfully big but it definitely fought against her. After enough pushing though it plopped out with a sick splat, bringing with it more pink slime. “Oh, good lord...” She didn’t dare look, she just used her foot to kick whatever the hell fell out of her vagina as far away from her as possible. “Maybe... Maybe I shouldn’t try to remember what happened... Like, ever.” Out of curiosity and completely against her better judgement, she scooped some of the goop onto her finger and gave it a little lick. It tasted... Familiar... Oh, and bitter, definitely bitter. Aria spit out the disgusting substance and flicked it off her finger. “Never doing that again...” She gazed at the liquid for a few more moments, despite its unknown and more than likely disgusting origins she couldn’t deny that the soft glow looked very entrancing. Kinda reminded her of Woodstock way back when... Yeah, good memories those were, despite her, being in them... Then, after gazing at the goop for a few uninterrupted moments, she hatched a brilliant idea. “Aria, you are a fucking genius...” Looking around, she found an old water bottle and-... Wait, water bottle? “Huh... Have I seen this thing before?” Looking at the liquid inside it definitely didn’t seem like water, like at all. Opening the cap gave off a pungent aroma, definitely smelled funny but it was a good funny, almost an erotic kinda funny... “Meh, whatever.” She dumped it all out onto the alley floor, using the empty bottle to scoop up as much weird glowing goop as she could stuff. “You’re gonna look so fucking kick-ass when I’m done with you.” As Aria gazed at the goop she couldn’t help feeling as if she were forgetting something... She shook her head, tossing the feeling aside. “Ignorance is bliss, Aria. Let’s keep it that way.” With a full bottle of goop (yes a full fucking bottle, there was a lot of it) and a short search for her clothes, Aria made a trip to Pinkie’s house for a late-night favor and a place to crash. A couch and some covers would definitely do more good than a back-alley floor.


The Following Morning


“Good morning people of Canterlot City, this is Ms. Hard Press with the morning news!” Anon sat in his easy-chair, a cup of coffee in his hand and wearing nothing but a bathrobe and his boxers. It was a lazy day today, and so it called for a lazy wardrobe to go with it. “Our top story, a local apartment complex was met with disaster late last night.” Anon raised a brow, taking a sip of his coffee. “To the horror of anyone residing within the Hatchetfeild Apartments, a pack of wild dogs had somehow broke into the houses and started sexually assaulting anything that they could!” Anon choked on his coffee, sputtering and coughing as he was caught off-guard by the bizarre news.

“Jesus Christ!” Had he heard all that right!? A bunch of strays going in and raping innocent people!?

“Yes, you heard me right folks. Currently standing at the entrance of the complex, I’ve confirmed at the very least 12 victims, both pets and people alike!” Well that answered his question. “The dogs are still at large as we speak. For the time being we suggest you lock your windows and brace your doors, because man’s best friend isn’t as friendly as we once believed. This is Ms. Hard Press, wishing you a lovely morning and a wonderful day. Now, onto Mr. Fahrenheit with the weather.

At that exact moment Aria kicked the door open, carrying a pink box in her arms with a little stick-on bow. “Hey Roomie, I’m back from being a fucking bitch!”

“How tragic.” Anon commented, setting his drink down. “So what’s with the box?”

“Oh, just a little something-something from me to you.” Aria set the box down in front of him. “Go ahead, open it!”

Anon just stared at it..... “What did you do?”

“C’mon, just open it you ungrateful sack of crap!” Aria was way too giddy for this to be a good gift, yet he couldn’t sense any sort of treachery in her words... Whatever, Anon would just have to take the gift and hope it-... Holy crap. “Sooo?”

“Aria... I-I was expecting a skunk or a dried piece of dog shit.” Anon admitted. “But this!” He pulled out a lava lamp, it had a titanium base with purple liquid inside, which housed light pink blobs of ‘lava’. Take a guess where the pink came from. “Aria, I never thought I’d say this but I could kiss you right now!” Ohhh if only he knew the story behind it... “I just can’t thank you enough, Aria! It’s fucking perfect!”

Aria raised her nose high and and stood proud as a fucking peacock. “Glad you like it, roomie. Me and Pinkie made it ourselves after I found this weird shit in my vajay-jay.” 
Well, so much for keeping it a secret.

“I’ll pretend you never said that last part.” Anon informed, overcome with joy at his present. “Still though, something like this being hand-made is incredible!”

Aria shrugged. “Well I learned a thing or two about making these babies from an old amigo way back when. Met him at Woodstock, actually.”

Anon turned, giving her an astonished look. “Woodstock!? That was almost forty years ago!” 

The look on Aria’s face said that she just now realized what she’d told him and regretted it. “Uhh... Y-yeah! I...” Anon just looked at her with awaiting eyes. “M-my dad!” She quickly answered. “I meant my dad went to Woodstock! Yeah, it’s... Where he met the friend and then dad taught me.”

“Oh... Okay.” He seemed satisfied with her answer. “You know my folks met at Woodstock, believe it or not. 

“Oh... Maybe my dad met them.” They both heard her belly rumble in hunger. “Hey, you wanna make me some breakfast? I haven’t eaten since I left yesterday.”

“Alright, whadaya want?” Anon asked. “Just name it and I’ll make it, the least I could do for your generosity.”

Aria smiled. “Anything, huh?...” Aria thought long and hard on what to ask for, if Aria knew what it was then chances were Anon could make it, not only that but he’d make it good. “Hmm... Make me a breakfast fit for a queen.” She answered, and with that Anon immediately got to work, setting the lamp back in the box for safe keeping. Aria took his spot on the chair and sat the coffee mug down, taking the lamp out and admiring her craftsmanship (with Pinkie’s help of course, since she had the materials lying around for some reason). It really was a marvel, probably the only good thing to come from such a flashy period of time aside from all the fucking drugs. The colors and soft glow were really quite enchanting, even when the lamp wasn’t plugged in. Though what really caught her attention was the titanium base, as she discovered a small detail she hadn’t noticed until now. Engraved in small letters, with cursive font, were the words ‘Anon&Aria’ with BFF’s at the bottom. She blushed furiously and tried rubbing it off, only to discover it was engraved into the metal. “Dammit, Pinkie!” Try and try as she may, the words never budged. Not like they will anytime soon though, like I said, it was engraved into the metal... With a frustrated huff, she forfeited the fruitless act. Wouldn’t wanna accidentally break it trying to buff it off or whatever... “Hmm... Guess it’s not that bad or... Whatever...” She’d never admit it, but the message did somewhat... Kinda... Sorta... Make her happy...

.......

She gave it one last desperate attempt at buffing it out. She couldn’t let Anon see this atrocity, never ever. “C’mon you fucking... Ugh! Damn you, Pinkie!”

“Aria quit trying to buff it out, I already saw it!”

Aria’s eyes widened. “I-It was Pinkie’s idea, I swear!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Roomie!” Aria’s head fell to her lap, covering herself with her arms so she could hide from the world. “How do you want your eggs!?”

.......

“Scrambled...” Aria answered, grateful that Anon’s at least mature enough not to mock her.

Anon came in shortly after, holding a plate. “Here’s your food, eggs and pancakes with some bacon.”

“That was fucking fast.” Aria mumbled, peaking out from her little fortress of solitude. “But you’re a fucking god at cooking so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Damn right I am.” He set it down and took to the couch, reading the paper with the TV muted. Aria looked at her food and-Oh my fucking god, he didn’t! “Eat up, cunt. Gonna get cold.” 

The eggs and bacon sat to the side, nothing out of the ordinary there. But the pancakes were shaped into hearts, and inbetween the stacks was a slip of paper. Taking it out, she flipped it open and read ‘Love you, Skank.’ with a little doodle of a dick at the bottom... Aria just sighed and shook her head, picking up her fork and taking a bit of Pancake off. She let it settle in the syrup a bit, then brought it to her mouth and let some spit drip onto it. “Hey Jackass.” When Anon looked over his paper Aria flicked the food at him, hitting him in the cheek. “Love you, baby.~”

Anon took the piece off and popped it into his mouth, Aria blushed and nearly dropped her fork. “Love you too, sweetheart.” He straightened his paper and went back to reading, Aria was very quiet aside from the occasional scrap of fork on plate. “Hmm... Hey, my food taste kinda off to you, Aria?” Anon asked. 

Aria skook her head, a light blush on her face. “N-no, it tastes fine.” 

Anon simply shrudded, flipping to the next page. “Hm... Must be me.” 

.......

(Elsewhere)

Deep within the reaches of space was a Dyson Sphere, a collosal machine that wraps around a sun and harnesses its power. Orbiting this marvel of mechanical brilliance was a large solar system of artificial, planet-sized habitats holding countless different species from across the universe! Within this system is a very large fleet of solar vessels overseeing this solar system, commanded by a large mother-ship. A ship had docked into one of the medium-sized vessels, a sizable carrier ship about the size of Mars. The ship’s hatch fell with a loud hiss, two guards covered in thick-plated armor holding highly-advanced blasters scuttled off the ship with familiar, pink tentacles. Behind them was a scientist with deep, red gems for eyes and semi-translucent pink skin. It was speaking to a holo-projector, which showed another of its kind. “Delivery of Operative #20658-S has been completed, status of Operative... Deceased.” The scientist spoke in it’s odd language.

“Very well, I want a full report as soon as possible.” The projected figure typed something off-screen. “Which planet was he assigned?” The figure asked.

“The planet Earth of all places, he was found under one of the native humans with his heart missing.” The figure seemed a bit shocked. “I deduce a failed recovery of the specimen which led to his death, his heart was never located, more than likely eaten.” The Scientist reported. “Transporting Operative to the knowledge-extraction chamber for analysis of his final moments, I shall report back as soon as possible.”

The holo-projection nodded. “Be sure that you do, I want to find out what happened myself to be honest.”

The projector flickered off, the scientist turning to the brutes. “You two, escort the body to lab-F8 for an autopsy. I need to report to my supervisor to complete my report... I urge you to be careful with the body, it’s not exactly, erm... Fresh.”

They nodded in sync and guided a floating table behind them, covered by a sheet stained with purple fluid. “Being forced to reproduce with such a disgusting species... What an unfortunate demise.”

The guard beside him nodded. “The poor guy was a rookie too, if I recall.” He added. “To be quite honest I’m a bit reluctant on seeing how these ‘humans’ reproduce, if it can kill a guy like that...”

The first guard nodded. “As am I... It must be a horrific sight to behold.” The guards carried on with their duties, and soon after extraction and observation of the memories Earth was quickly Black-Listed from their network of study entirely. The threat of a possible Alien Invasion was single-handedly thwarted by Aria and her cooter. Now where’d I put that fucking kazoo...

.......

Got it! Now then... ’ahem!’

’Equestrian National Anthem plays on a cheap kazoo by yours truly...’
> Life as a Bartender: Meeting Maud
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thunder roared outside the bar one stormy evening, shaking the hanging glass just behind Anon. It was a reeeal shit-storm out there, probably one of the worst storms Canterlot City's had. We're talking black-outs, falling trees, rain blowing at every fucking angle in a relatively downward shower of dick-shrinking levels of cold; the whole fucking package. Anonymous has already seen at least three umbrellas flying passed the window, he was honestly considering bunking down in the bar for the night. Speaking of which, the bar was, as you would assume, utterly dead due to the severity of the storm. Nobody wanted to go out in that hell, no drunkard alive is stupid enough to go out and get fucking drenched! Why Anonymous was out wasn't due to being dumber than an alcoholic, he just had to keep the bar up in case there were those kind of people... Well, that and he had to make sure his shot-glasses and all that shit didn't get destroyed, that shit's fucking expensive to replace.

Anon was rubbing down the counter, keeping his eyes locked on the clock. He wanted to go home soon before the weather somehow got worse. He knew that driving was gonna be utter hell but it beats sleeping in one of the booths... Hopefully. "C'mon, just hit 9 already..." He grumbled, watching the hands tick. As soon as that hand hit 9 he was off like a bullet, jacket on and keys in hand. The wind slapped him so hard in the fucking face he thought he'd spin, and the rain was just as relentless if not moreso. He quickly locked up and ran for the car, cranking the heater to max as soon as the ignition kicked. "Holy balls!" He cried in relief, feeling his wet skin heat up. "Okay, just gotta drive home." He told himself. "No biggie... Yeah..." Anon drove out of the parking lot and set his wipers to max speed, he'd need it if he was gonna have any hope of not crashing into something out here. "Ugh... I should've just bunked in the damn booth."





Anon was about halfway back to his house, maybe. He couldn't fucking tell due to god taking a mean piss all over the damn city. He passed a few cars in this storm surprisingly, seems that he wasn't completely alone out-FUCKING CHRIST!

’HONK!’ ‘HOOONK!’

“FUCK!” A bloody tanker truck ran by, splashing his car with muddy water. "YOU FUCKING PRICK!" The wipers couldn't scrape it off, he couldn't fucking see anything! “Really!?” He made sure he had his seat belt on in c-

'CRASH!!!'

"SHIT!" Anon felt weightless. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" He braced himself, he had no idea where he was gonna land and decided tha-

'SMASH!!! CRASH!!!'

....................

"Ohh... Oh my fuck..." Anon felt hurt in a lot of places, his left arm especially... No... No wait, he couldn't feel his left arm..... His left?... Yeah, yeah it was his-..... "Ohhh my god." There was definitely something odd, because unless it was the concussion playing tricks on him he could definitely see an arm sitting outside the window. "Ohhhhh my good god..." Panic-mode activated, rational_thought.exe terminated. Anon unbuckled and fell, not considering that his car was upside-down right now. He then crawled out into the rain and... That wasn't his arm. In fact he just now noticed his lefty was still attached but dislocated around the shoulder. This arm belonged to a girl, laying outside in the rain with a sizable cut going up her belly and a bump on her head. "Jesus, I fucking hit her..." He checked her neck for a pulse, feeling a weak thumping against his fingers. "Oh holy fuck, she’s alive!?" Anon did his best to drag her to the totaled car, he used the open car hood as a improvised tent to shield her from the rain. Next came treatment of the cut, which he'd have to do himself considering that he had no goddamn idea where his phone flew off to. He ripped his shirt up using his good arm and his mouth, then took off the girl's shirt. "Sorry about this, kid." He wrapped it around her torso and bandaged up the wound the best he could, tying a weak knot to keep it from falling off.

The girl groaned a little and her eyes cracked open. "I... Who..."

"No time, kid." Anon stated. "Your sweater's covered in blood and my arm's... In really bad shape." She seemed rather distant, probably confused to all hell. "Just stay awake, okay? I’m not sure if you have cranial trauma or not." Anon had noticed the rain lighten, maybe they could go and find help if the rain calmed down a bit mo-

"Where's Boulder?"

"Uh... Boulder?" Anon asked.

"My rock." The girl informed in dead monotone. "His name is Boulder..."

Anon wasn't gonna ask, he saw a small stone outside where he found the girl and grabbed it. "Is this-"

"Boulder." The girl grabbed the rock from him and held it in her chest. "Thank you, stranger..."

..... Not gonna ask. "Okay... So, does it hurt anywhere?"

"Yes." She answered. "My stomach is in a lot of pain and the rain water in my cut is making it burn very badly..." ... She certainly didn't seem like she was in agonizing pain, but whatever. "Are you hurt, Mister?" 

"Dislocated my arm, probably earned a concussion, too." He explained. “It doesn’t hurt though... Which kinda scares me.”

"Oh... I see." The girl looked down. "So can I have my sweater back?"

"Huh?... Oh! Oh, right." Anon did his best to wring it out using his mouth and arm, little help but it's not as soaked as it was. "Apologies, I had to dress your cut."

"Yes, I understand... But it's still cold."

Anon took back the sweater. "Then wearing that won't help, the thing’s soaked." He crawled out from under the space and stood up, his arm hanging limp. "Can you stand?"

The girl nodded, crawling out and standing next to him. Anon tried jerking the crushed passenger door open but- "Allow me." The girl grabbed the door with her right hand and, with a loud creak of resistance, the door slowly peeled open like a can top. Anon stood astonished, mouth agape. "Would you like me to crawl inside?" Anon nodded, still in shock at the girl's herculean strength. "... Will you be accompanying me in your car?" Anon nodded again, walking over to the back seat doors. Seems they're in even worse condition than the-

'SMASH!!!'

Aaand the crumbled door was sent sailing passed Anonymous, the girl's foot handing from the entrance. "Since you're short an arm, I figured I'd open yours as well."

Anon gulped. "No wonder she survived..."

"What was that?"

"I said you're too kind!" He quickly lied, crawling inside the wreckage. The seats were both still up somehow, probably saved his ass from being crushed under the weight of the car. From what he could see from between the seats the front was a mess. Dashboard was destroyed, cup-holders weren’t cup-holders anymore, and the steering wheel hung from the base with a deflated air bag... Well, it’d have to do for his guest. The back seats weren’t exactly luxurious either, so at least she wasn’t the only one in discomfort. "So, uh... Yeah, lovely weather?" 

"....... Please don't joke about the weather." The girl asked. "There isn't anything funny about nearly dying to a flying Subaru."

Anon couldn't help but chuckle, if the image in his head didn't spark something than her deadpan tone certainly did. "S-sorry, you're right."

"Quite... I hope that you'll get us to a hospital soon?"

"Still working on that..." He informed. "For now though, we need to wait the storm out."

"Yes, we do. We're both in no condition to walk so long as it's rampaging like this." Anon nodded, taking off his jacket. "Um... Mister?" The girl addressed. "I'm still very cold... In a bra..."

"Right... let me..." He looked around, nothing that wasn't soaked could be found. "Shit... Sorry but everything's completely wet."

The girl remained quiet for a bit, then she crawled between the gap of the seats and laid beside him. "You're... Still quite dry." She said with a blush. "You don't mind, do you?"

Of all the times in the world, why'd he have to pop a stiffy now!?... Fuck it, this was about survival. "Alright, just mind the arm."

"And the erection?" She noticed, looking down at his pants.

"Uh, yeah..." Loading up shameblush.exe. "Sorry, I can't control it."

"..... It looks rather uncomfortable." She commented. "I'll try not to arouse you further, apologies in advance." She snuggled into him and spooned with him, playing the role of big spoon to spare Anon the shame of his dick poking her. "Yes... This is much better." She softly breathed down his neck, pushing her bra against his back in her embrace. "I hope I'm not making it worse for you..."

"I'm... Putting up with it." He told her, cursing himself for being attracted to chicks. "I hope you don't mind."

The girl was quiet for a few moments before speaking up. "It’s fine... It can’t be controlled." Was that emotion in her voice?... Or maybe that was the concussion messing with him. "My name's Maud..."

"Anonymous... But call me Anon." He informed, growing a bit more calm with this situation. "Sorry for hitting you with my car by the way, I promise it wasn't intentional."

"... I'll take your word for it.” She deadpanned. “You don’t seem like the type to attempt vehicular manslaughter intentionally.”

“Yeah... Not one of my many hobbies.” The two were quiet, the sound of rainfall prominent from the missing car door. “Sooo... What exactly were you doing out in a thunderstorm?” He asked, trying to stir up a conversation.

“I could ask you the same question, Anon.” Maud retorted, dryly. “But if you really wanna know, I’m a geologist in training.” She informed him, her words still utterly dead of enthusiasm. “I really like rocks... So I study them a lot.” She seemed to be showing some sort of excitement as she talked, despite her deceptively uninterested tone... Or at least Anon was fairly certain it was excitement, it was honestly hard to tell with her. “They’re just so interesting to me, the way they’re made through the rock cycle and the different forms they can take as a result. You really wouldn’t think they were so full of variety but-...” She had caught herself in the midst of talking, growing quiet and a bit embarrassed. “... Apologies if I got a bit excited, I’m very passionate about my study.” ..... Well, he could sorta sense a bit of excitement in her voice when she talked about rocks... Kinda... “I know you’re probably uninterested, but I just really like rocks...” 

Yeah, he could tell. That was probably the most emotion she’s shown in one sitting so far, and it was because of rocks... “Uh, no worries, you’re fine.” He assured, to which Maud stared blankly. “..... So... You didn’t really answer my question.”

Maud blinked once. “Oh... I must’ve got off track.” She dryly stated. “Well, I was out studying the rock formations in the area when the rain started to fall. I was walking home as you smashed into me.”

“Oh... Uh, right.” He adjusted his position in her embrace, still completely numb in his left arm thank god. “Well, I was driving home from my bar when a tanker splashed mud and rainwater on my windshield. Couldn’t see anything, so I just hoped and prayed I didn’t drive off a cliff or something... Really grateful I’m still alive, to be honest.”

“As am I.” Maud added. “It was nothing short of a miracle that I didn’t die a horribly gruesome and bloody death...”

Rather dark... But still, Anon nodded in agreement. “You’re certainly lucky that I was alive to dress your wound, too. You could’ve bled out had I been killed in the accident.”

“... Well, I wouldn’t say that I'm not still at risk.” Maud rubbed her bandaged stomach, the blood had slightly soaked through and stained her hand. “I may very well die from blood loss if I don’t seek help soon.”

Anon sighed. “Right... Guess we should get moving. I don’t think this storm’s gonna get any better tonight.” He really didn’t wanna walk out in that storm, but if they didn’t start moving she was probably gonna die. So, he crawled back outside with his thick jacket and motioned her to follow, letting her share the coat to keep dry. “I don’t think the hospital’s that far, maybe a mile or three away.” He was lying through his goddamn teeth, he had no clue how far they were from Canterlot City. “You gonna be okay?”

“... I’m sturdy.” She told him. “I’ll hold on for as long as it takes.”

“Don’t push yourself, alright?” He wrapped his good arm over her shoulder. “If you feel dizzy just warn me, I don’t wanna force anymore blood out.”

After a moment of silence from Maud, she blinked once and looked ahead. “You should be more concerned with yourself...” 

Anon shook his head. “I'm not the one bleeding out, Maud. Your well-being is more important to me... Besides, it’s my fault that we’re in this mess, I owe you big time.”

Maud was fairly quiet for around half a minute maybe. She blinked once and... Smiled a little. “You’re... You’re very considerate.” Anon could feel the warmth in her words, even if they were still dryer than sandpaper. “I’ll try to take my time with walking.” So, the two started their walk in the relentless downpour. Maud’s small little smile never fell, even with the bleeding and the haunting thought that they were probably gonna die out here.





The two have been walking for probably two hours now, or at least it felt like two hours... Still no signs of civilization ahead, the both of them were very tired and very cold. But they couldn’t rest, not yet. Not while they were still so far away from civilization. The rain was still pouring down as strong as ever, the occasional clap of thunder snapping them awake when they drifted off. Anon was holding out the best he could. Maud, despite only wearing a bra and makeshift bandages, barely even shivered in this freezing weather. Perhaps she’d gone numb from blood loss? Or maybe she was just tough like that... Either way, they both prayed that they would find a doctor soon. “Maud... You doing alright?” Anon panted. “You’re gettin’ kinda... Pale.”

Maud didn’t respond, or even acknowledge that he even spoke. Guess she was really concentrating on staying-Shit they’re falling!

’Thump!’

Maud passed out, dragging Anon with her. Thank Christ he couldn’t feel his arm right now because he’s fairly certain he landed on it. “M-Maud... You gotta get up, Maud!” She didn’t respond. Checking her pulse revealed that she was still alive, if barely. “Alright... Just gotta-” Anon forced himself and Maud back up, carrying her with her arm over his neck and his good arm holding her waist for balance. “Okay Anon, you can do this.” He forced himself up and the two of them trudged on, one fairing better than the other... 

...

...

...

The road stretched on for what felt like miles, which... Would make sense since this was a road... Anyways, still not a single passing car thus far. Anon’s legs burned so fucking bad right now. How long has he been walking?... No, no time to think. He had to focus so that he could keep walking and gritting the pain... Anon did a quick breath check, Maud was still breathing. “Hang in there Maud... Just... gh! Hang in there...” Anon noticed a small building in the distant darkness, no lights though... Fuck it, it was better than the rain. He trudged to it, seeing that it was an old gas station. He hunkered down under the old, rusty roof of the pumps and set Maud down so he could finally rest. “Okay... Okay.” He panted out. “Supplies... Medical... F-food...”

’low growling...’

Anon's head fell. “Ugh... Fuck my life.” He turned, seeing a-Sweet Jesus that’s a bear! “Ohhh fucking fuck.” Wait!... Wait, it’s not a brown bear... Yeah, looked like a black bear. Not as pissy as the brown species! Hopefully..... Fuck it was getting closer. The 500 pound force of nature took a cautious sniff of the two, Anon being just an inch away from peeing himself... The bear stood on its back legs and roared. “Fuck!” Anon took Maud’s comatose body and quickly fucked off, but tripped over a pump hose. “Ah, fucking-!” Jesus the bear was standing over him! “Fuck off!” He threw caution to the wind and punched the bear in the snout, it recoiled... Sweet Merciful god he just punched a goddamn bear! Why!? Why did he punch a goddamn-!...

Wait..... He wasn’t being mauled?

The bear grunted in pain, holding its snout. Then it took off into the woods nearby... "Ohh... Jesus." Anon peed himself, both out of relief and the realization that he punched a fucking bear and lived... “Heh... Hehehe...” His eyes rolled to the back of his head, promptly passing out over-top of Maud due to fatigue and shock...

Well... At least they weren’t completely fucked, right?





Aria was in bliss, fast asleep in her nice, soft bed and drooling like a spoiled pig. She even snored like one as well!... (don’t tell her I said that) This wasn’t particularly uncommon in the Anon household, Aria being a spoiled pig was nothing new. What was new, however, was the loud slam of the front door that disturbed her slumber. “’snort!’ Huh!? Wha?” Aria’s bedroom door was thrown open. “Whoa! Where’s the fire!?” 

“Aria!”

“Pinkie!?”

Pinkie grabbed her by the wrist and took her to her closet. “No time! Dress! Gotta go!” 

“Pinkie for fuck’s SAAAKE!?” Aria was swallowed by a whirlwind of pink, upon being released she was fully clothed, hair done and everything. “Whoa, you work fAST!” Taken out the front door mid-sentence, she was thrown into the passenger seat of Pinkie’s car, quite literally I should add. “Ow, fuck!” She straightened herself, Pinkie buckled her up and turned the car on. “Pinkie fucking cool it!” Aria demanded. “Like fucking Christ, girl! I haven’t even ate yet!”

“No time, no time!” Pinkie pulled out of the parking lot and slammed the gas, going a modest ONE-HUNDRED AND FUCKING TWENTY MILES PER HOUR!?!? “Gotta get there! Gotta get there!”

“PINKIE THIS IS A SCHOOL ZONE!”

’shrill screaming!’ ‘Thud-bump!’

“OH MY GOD!” Aria looked back, whoever they fucking ran over was long gone by now. “Pinkie I think you ran down that quiet chick!”

“Fluttershy, and I’ll visit her in the hospital after!” Pinkie heard sirens, and no it wasn’t the ambulance. “Darn it, we got Cherry-Toppers!” Pinkie’s side mirror was shot off, likely by the cops following behind. “Aria, you wanna be a bud and shoot some cops for me?”

Oh, excellent fucking question. Does the fucking hostage wanna shoot some cops in a high-speed chase? No she fucking does-!... Hmm... Well, that did sound like fun. Plus if they were arrested Aria was like 80% sure she’d receive all the blame for this shit and not Pinkie... “You know what, fuck it. Keep the wheel steady and lemme get to work.” Pinkie saluted, tongue hanging out the side of her mouth in a goofy grin. Aria pulled out a make-up carry on from her pocket and set it aside. “Hey, you got contacts?” Aria asked, pulling her shirt over her head to take it off. “I need to change my eye color.” She stopped at her forehead, letting the shirt veil over her hair to keep it hidden. Clever tactic for keeping her identity hidden, but she still looked kinda stupid.

Getting back on topic, Pinkie nodded her head vigorously at Aria's question regarding contacts. “Yeah, I got yellow, blue and red.” She answered, drifting into a small bazaar. More screams of horror made themselves known as Pinkie sped through the small gathering. “They’re in my purse, front pocket.”

Aria applied heavy amounts of blush and mascara to darken her eyes and lighten her skin color. Then she finished it off with making her left eye red and the other yellow. With her hair hidden and her face laced with make-up, she was an entirely different person now! “Perrrfecto...” She acquired a bad Spanish accent to fit with it. “You got a gun, amiga?” Pinkie hit the glove box and out popped a glock, a surprisingly large number of magazine rounds with it. “Sweet.” Why Pinkie had more than 7 rounds Aria would never know, all she cared about was causing some mayhem!

Pinkie made another sudden turn, bashing into a melon cart. "Nothing personal, just had to hit it!" Pinkie shouted at the cart guy. "It's a rule of high-speed chases!"

..... Disregarding Pinkie as being a mental, Aria stuck her head out the window and shot at the cops. She hit one of the cop's wheels to flatten it and make the car crash into the others as a result, she cackled loudly. “AHAHAHAAAA! TRAGA PLOMO, PENDEJOS!!! She yelled in her new persona, the bad accent still prominent. ”DAS RIGHT PUTAS! YOU FUCK WITH PÁJARO CANTOR, YOU FUCKING DIE!!!”

“Pájaro cantor?” Pinkie asked. 

“Meh, it’s an old persona I had way back.” Aria explained. “Actually brings back a lot of memories...” A bullet flew passed the window, Aria got back into character. ”OH! YOU FUCKIN’ WANT SOME O’ THIS, TOO!?!” Aria unloaded another clip, one could hear a loud crash in the background along with the screams of innocent bystanders. ”VETE AL DIABLO, MOTHERFUCKER!!!”

“Wow, you’re really good with a glock!” Pinkie complimented, swerving to dodge an oncoming cop car. Aria nearly bit the dust, just grazing the car that flew passed them. “Geez! They really don’t like us!”

Aria crawled back in, recovering from nearly getting plastered onto a windshield. “Yeah, they definitely don’t...” Bullets fly through the back window, both duck to avoid getting killed. “You got anything bigger to throw at ‘em!? I need more firepower!” Pinkie motioned to the back seat, a small medieval-style cannon rested back there, pull cord model it looked like. “Ah, perfecto...” Aria grabbed it, checking the ammo. There was a confetti bomb inside, harmless mostly unless you were face-first with the barrel... Yeah, fuck harmless. Aria shoved a few glock magazines into the barrel with the bomb, might make things more destructive. “Keep steady, I only got one shot and I don’t even know if this’ll actually work!” Aria held the cannon in her arm and sat in the car window facing the cops, a wicked smile on her face. ”GOT SOME FIREWORKS FOR YOU, AMIGOS!!!” Aria pulled the chord, a big ball of fire shot out, exploding in burning shreds of confetti rather than blowing her arm off with a misfire! Cars crashed and burned, more screams of horror. She just kept laughing...

You know, aside from the rude awakening, Aria had to admit this morning turned out to be fucking awesome! Though she did wonder why Pinkie dragged her out for this spree of wanton destruction... Whatever, she’d ask later. Right now she had to get the cops off their tail as violently as possible.





Anon woke up alone, inside of a weird building... “Huh?... What the hell...” Thinking back he remembered the storm, and the car crash, and... “Maud?”

“Yes?” Anon jumped and yelped in surprise. “Over here.” Anon could see Maud sitting in a corner with a can of food. “You’ve been out cold for a while, luckily though I was able to drag us in and start a fire.” Her bandages were different, probably a new set that she made since they looked so new. “You’ve noticed the bandages?... Well, the good news is I found a med-kit in the back of the store.” She lifted her bandage, the gash was... Eugh. “The bad news is it’s still heavily infected and hurts like a mother.” Eeyup, her tone was bone-dry as usual. But at least he was starting to get used to it...

That wound though, he wouldn’t forget that anytime soon. Never has he seen something so purplish-red and bloated... “Well, that pus has to be drained out, assuming it has any.” 

“It more than likely does.” Maud deadpanned. “You don’t need a doctorate to tell that it’s filled with pus.” 

...Was that an attempt at humor or was she... Anon shook the thought out of his mind. “Right... Well, might as well get it over with.”

........

“You want me to do it, don’t you.” Anon asked, to which Maud nodded.

“I can’t stand gross medical stuff, sadly.” She informed him. “To be quite honest I’m inches away from taking a piece of shrapnel and stabbing my eyes out because I can’t stand looking at it...”

....... Ooookay than, that escalated pretty fucking quick.

“I’d appreciate if you could drain it as quickly as possible so I don’t... Well, blind myself.” Maud continued, utterly stoic.

“Right... Right.” Anon wasn’t all too keen on draining it himself, but... Well, Maud was really strong, and he doesn’t wanna piss her off in any way, shape, or form. “You said you found a med-kit?” He asked, she nodded and gave him the old first-aid kit. He opened it up, the tools were rusted and dirty, some looked close to falling apart entirely. “Fuck...” He really, really, reeeeally didn’t wanna do it... But he’d have to use his hands to open the wound. “Maud... I’m not gonna lie to you. I have to throw on some gloves and open it up the old fashioned way.” He slipped on an old pair of rubber gloves, a lot cleaner than rust. “Also, this is gonna hurt like all hell in a hand-grenade.” Maud nodded and grabbed a piece of wood, putting it in her mouth. “‘I’h eagy.” She informed the best she could, bracing herself for unimaginable pain.

Anon nodded and and took a deep breath, thankful that he had no lunch to spill when this shit was... God, he didn’t wanna even think about it. “On my mark.” He warned. “One, two-“ He skipped three to catch her off guard, forcing the wound open. Maud couldn’t hold her stone-face and broke it with a look of utter pain. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” He knew that it was better that she didn’t see it coming, and hopefully she knew that as well and wouldn’t pay him back with a cold vengeance.

”It hurts... It hurts so so bad, Anon...” Her voice was room-leveled, but her tone screamed a pain that only the devil himself could inflict. ”Please... For the love of Mother Earth...”

“Gonna get worse, kid!” Anon squeezes the wound, Maud shrieked in unbearable pain. She bit down so hard in the wood that she just chomped clear through it! “Jesus!” She squeezed his numb hand it for dear life as a substitute. If he could feel through it he’d probably be-

’crunch!’

..... In a great deal of pain. On the plus side though, the wound was draining quite nicely! Anon didn’t dare look at the progress but the wound was shrinking but by bit under his hand. The screaming persisted though, sounded utterly agonizing... Ugh, poor thing. Anon took a break from draining the wound and pulled out a metal flask. He popped the top and gave it to Maud. “Drink.” She took it and chugged, coughing and sputtering. “Slow down, Maud! That’s strong stuff!” But she kept at it regardless, fighting the burning in her throat. If it’d relieve the pain at any margin she’d drink it dry. “Maud, enough!” He took the flask from her, she was groaning in pain but at least she wasn’t screaming now... That’d probably change pretty fucking quick though, cause he had just a bit more to drain out. “You’re doing fine, okay? Just hold on a bit longer.” Before she could respond he started squeezing again, the groaning had grown louder but weren’t outright screams of bloody murder. “Christ...” Anon’s gloves were utterly filthy, covered in blood and pus and all sorts of icky gunk. “Fuck... Just a bit more...” The wound had deflated quite a bit, thankfully. It wasn’t anything pretty but at least it looked better than before. “Alright... You’re done, Maud.” He wiped off the gunk and did some light disinfecting with some rubbing alcohol. It burned, but compared to what she went through this was a blessing. Maud had tears running down her face, openly crying and emotional for once. “Shhh, shhh, you’re okay Maud.” He comforted her as he wrapped the wound. “It’s over now, I’m not gonna hurt you...” She was shaking like a beat dog, and had every right to do so. Poor thing was just a kid and had to endure World War Doctor levels of field surgery by an ametuer who had no fucking clue what he was doing. Hell, he probably scarred her for bloody life trying to fucking treat her like this... But it had to be done, lord only knows what would happen if that infection persisted, and he wasn’t gonna risk waiting until they found help. “Alright, I’m almost done here. Just gotta tie the knot... There!” A few test tugs and she was ready to go... Well, she wouldn’t be walking for a bit but at least she was still alive. “I’m gonna find some food for us, okay? Just rest up and let the alcohol out of your system while I’m gone.”

Maud wiped some snot from her nose and whimpered. “Th-... Thank you...” Ugh... That face. Now he felt even worse about what he had to do...

He looked around a bit and found some preservatives like canned food, probably wasn’t good either way but it’s better than nothing. Maud needs to eat so she can recover the missing blood or something like that... He was pretty sure that’s how it worked at least. He warmed the stuff up with a small fire and did his best to make it easier to swallow. “You still okay, Maud? You drank a lot of alcohol.”

“I’m... Dizzy.” She answered. “At least it... Doesn’t hurt as much.” Anon nodded and sat her up to spoon feed her, assuming she was either too intoxicated or not strong enough to eat by herself.

“You did good, Maud. Not many people can take that much pain.” He praised, feeding her some old spaghettio’s from one of the racks. “Luckily though if we need to disinfect it again it won’t be so bad. I got most of the shit out.” Maud just nodded, seeming rather distant. “... You okay?”

“Y-... Yeah.” She answered, feeling kinda warm... And fuzzy... “Hey... Um... Could I...” She had to focus her mind, the alcohol combined with the shortage of blood was a hell of a combo. “Could I... Um...”

Anon cocked his head. “What’s wrong?” 

“I... I just... Feel so weird right now.” She held her head. “I feel so dizzy for... S-some reason or...”  

Anon presses his forehead against hers, she felt a weird warmth run up her spine... It made her shiver a bit. “Well you’re not fevered... Though you’re a bit shaken.” He told her, holding her cheek to check her eyes. “Hmm... Might be the alcohol in your blood if I had to guess.” Maud felt light as a feather right now, just staring into his eyes... No... Wait, maybe a bit too... “They do seem kinda unfocused... You feeling tipsy?”

“... Y-yeah... I...” She felt... Really tipsy. “Ooh... I don’t...urp!” Maud puked a bit, coughing up a little bile from the alcohol. “Cough cough! Oh god... S-Sorr-BURP! Ugh...” 

“Aah... Fuck.” She may have puked a bit on his face by accident. “Well... At least you aren’t coughing up blood.” He wiped his face of the puke and cleaned her mouth a bit with his sleeve, which triggered a small blush to form from her. She was starting to feel light-headed again... He laid her down gently so she wouldn’t get nauseous again. “I’m gonna go find something warm for you, alright? I think we should wait a bit for you to recover before we head out.”

“Um... Yeah.” She couldn’t help but smile from Anon’s caring tone. “Sorry for... Puking.” Anon chuckled and got up, leaving her to her thoughts... She couldn’t get that feeling out of her mind for whatever reason. “What was that...” She wondered out loud. “I’ve never... Felt like that before.”

“Felt like what?” Anon asked, returning from wherever he went. “Do you feel ill?”

“I... I think?” She honestly had no clue what she was feeling. “I think it’s just the alcohol again...”

Anon nodded. “Alright, if you need anything just ask me, okay?” He sat her upright and wrapped her in a blanket, it was old and dusty but definitely warm. “That feel better?”

She nodded, smiling a little. “Thank you, Anon.” She still felt wet though, her bra was soaked all the way through the pad. “..... Um... Anon?” He looked at her, her blush intensified. “Could you help me unhook my bra? It’s... Kinda destroyed right now.”

“Certainly.” He moved behind her and raised the blanket up, the strap was... Well, it was hanging on, he’ll say that much. “You weren’t kidding, looks like it could fall apart at any moment.”

“Is it that bad?“

’snap.’

“Shit.” Anon cursed. “Well... The hook thing fell off the strap.” He informed her. “So much for repairing it...”

Maud started thinking some... Very inappropriate things when Anon told her that. She forced them out of her mind of course, but why was she thinking them in the first place?... Perhaps alcohol really does make people frisky. “Are there any in the store I could wear?”

Anon shook his head. “No, sadly. I could maybe find a hoodie you could wear.”

“Do you... Have my sweater?” She asked. “I’d rather not wear something so old.”

Anon nodded and went back behind the counter. “Um... It’s still a bit wet and... Bloody.” He informed her. “I don’t think it’d be a good idea to wear this until it’s sanitized, your wound could get even worse...”

Anon did make a good point, she does not wanna go through that again... “I suppose I could just use the blanket for now...”

Anon nodded. “My thoughts exactly.” He knelt down and took her shoes off, soaked all the way to the sole. “That does remind me, I gotta check your feet for frostbite if you don’t mind.”

“G-go ahead.” She could feel her heart racing again. “Better safe than sorry.”

Anon got both shoes off and pulled the socks off. “Hmm... Doesn’t look too bad.” He pinched her toes. “Can you feel that?” She nodded, watching him run his fingers through the stiffened flesh. “Lots of cartilage around the ball and heel...”

“T-That’s normal.” She informed him. “I do a lot of physical activity with my studies.”

He nodded and continued with the other foot. “Everything looks normal... No darkened skin, no bloating... Guess you got off lucky.” He took her socks and shoes to the counter to dry. “Um... I don’t mean to offend or anything but... You might wanna take your pants off so I can dry them.”

........

“Um... I...” Maud’s heart was racing. “Well...”

“If it’s too much I can-“

“No!... Um, I mean...” She swallowed, breathing slower to calm herself down. “Do you have anything I could wear until they dry?”

Anon nodded. “There’s some cheap pajamas they had on sale, I could snag some.”

Maud nodded. “Please do.” He walked off, while Maud unbuttoned her pants under the blanket. “Sigh... I can’t believe I agreed to this.” She pulled them off and piled it in front of her. “It just feels so...”

“Got the PJ’s.” Anon called out, making Maud jump in surprise. “I couldn’t find any underwear though, so you’ll have to live with wet panties for a bit.

“..... Right.” Maud could feel the blood rushing to her face, she’d never had a boy near her while she was barely decent like this. “Uh, could I have them, please?”

“Yeah, just gotta get this tag off.” After a moment or so, Anon tossed her the pajamas. Just a simple square patterned pair, red with black squares.

She slipped them over her feet and pulled them up, a good fit despite being so old. “Thanks, Anon... This feels a lot better.” He nodded and opened a can of sausages for himself. “I must admit, you're quite the survivalist."

“I make due where I can." He downplayed, eating a sausage. "Mm, not bad... So how's your cut doing? Any pain? Aching?” He asked, to which Maud shook her head. “Alright, warm up by the fire and rest. We’ll start walking when the sun gets a bit higher.” He popped another one in his mouth.

“When do you think that will be?” She asked, Anon held up three fingers in response. “Three hours... Isn’t that a bit long?”

“Don’t worry about it, Maud. Just rest up and enjoy the break while you can.” Anon took off his shirt, revealing his dark green skin, housing a few cuts around the left collar bone and mid-chest. His left arm shoulder was... A bit lower than it should be, but everything else looked fine. “God, that’s gonna be a bitch to snap back in place.” He shook his head. “Alright Anon, just like in high school...”

Maud couldn’t help but stare... Not at the injury he had, but at his exposed stomach. It wasn’t anything muscular or toned but it was still oddly-... “(Wait, what the hell...)” She forced herself to look in a different direction. “(God, I’m acting so weird... Stupid beer or whatever...)”

’SNAP!’

Maud jumped in surprise and darted her head back, seeing Anon’s shoulder back in place along with a look of absolute pain on his face. ”AAAAUH!!! FUCKING GOD!!!” He clenched his left fist on instinct, big mistake. “OH GOD FUCK! OW!” Definitely broken, absolutely fucking broken! “God fucking-!... AUGH!” He was starting to regret having Maud crush his knuckles in her death grip.

“Are you alright!?” Maud asked, breaking her stoicism. “Gosh, that sounded so...”

Anon nodded. “Played Football in high school, I’ve been through worse.” He laid there, panting and holding his hand. “Fucking stings... Dammit.”

"Oh..." She pitied him, looking down in contempt.

.........

“You don’t... Have any cuts or bruises on your legs, do you?” She asked, blushed slightly with a forced blandness in her tone. “I’d hate for you to get them infected...”

Why was she forcing her tone like that?... No, ask later. “Right, just lemme... Ugh, fuck.” He carefully worked his shoulder joints with some arm circles, still hurts but... Yeah, that was gonna be sore later, but at least he could move his arm again. “Alright...” He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off, Maud tried not to stare. “Hmm... Looks good to me, just a few bruises and... Yeah, no cuts that I can feel.” He pulled them back up as quickly as he dropped them. “Good call Maud, better safe than sorry.”

.......

She was just staring off to the left, facing away from him. “... Maud?”

She came back to the world at the mention of her name. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” Her eyes drifted lower to his legs, seeing them covered. “So... What now?” She asked in... Was that emotion in her voice?

“We... We rest... Get our strength back for a long walk.” He answered, somewhat surprised by her tone. “I’ll pack supplies later, maybe find a map somewhere while I’m at it...”

Maud nodded, staring down at the fire. “You’re... Quite hardy, Anon.” She complimented. “You got us here while I was out cold, fixed me up, fed me...” She showed quite a lot of emotion in her words... It was almost magical, really. Like she was another person entirely, just in Maud’s skin. “Honestly... I don’t think I could ever repay you for your kindness. You’ve known me for less than a day yet you’ve done so much for me.”

Anon smiled, letting out a satisfied huff. “Let’s just call us even, since I did hit you with my car and got us into this mess.”

Maud looked down, contemplating on his words... “No...” She looked at him, her eyes burning with passion. “I’m in your dept, now... You’ve done enough to earn my forgiveness and more!” Her voice was full of gratitude, no longer the dry monotone it once was. “So... I wanna repay you, Anon. I don’t know how I can, but...”

“You really don’t have to-“

“But I want to!” She interrupted. “I’ll repay your kindness somehow... I won’t be satisfied until I do, either!” Anon sat silent, shell shocked at this new Maud. “I... Wasn’t unconscious, you know... I was just in so much pain that I couldn’t move a finger.” She admitted, feeling shame from ignoring Anon’s warning about pushing herself. “You walked for nearly an hour through that storm, carrying me on your back... You fought a bear over the station so I could be warm!” She was starting to get really emotional now, passion flaring through her voice and tears trailing down her face. “I just... I... I’ve been nothing but a burden, yet you’ve done so much.”

Anon moved closer and hugged her, she jumped a bit with a cute little gasp. “You don’t owe me anything, Maud.” He firmly stated. “I did this for both of us, not just you...”

Maud rested her head, his embrace felt so... Protective. “..... You didn’t have to carry me for an hour... Or risk your life protecting me from a bear.” She argued, still.

“Protecting us from a bear.” He corrected. “And I did all that because I wanted both of us to be safe.”

She simply sat there, resting on his shoulder... She felt so warm, warm on the inside and outside... It felt so nice, so comforting. “... Why?” She asked him in a breathless voice. “Why do all that for me?”

“Because I care about you.” He answered, which made her heart flutter with that weird feeling... Was she still drunk? “I couldn’t sleep at night knowing I left someone for dead out in the rain. Besides, I’m the one who got you into all this. The least I could do is help you out of it.”

“....... I... I know that I don’t really open up to people...” She started. “I'm always so cold and stone-faced... You’re probably the first to see me like..." She was just too embarrassed to finish her sentence. "L-like... Well..."

“Open?” Anon asked. “Trust me Maud, I've noticed... But why is that?”

“....... I didn’t really... Have a fun childhood.” She admitted, snuggling into his chest out of embarrassment. “I grew up on a Rock Farm, and all we did was... Well, farm rocks.”

He cocked his head in confusion. “How... How does that even work?” He asked. “I mean no offense, but I didn’t even know that was a real profession.”

“It is... My family has a history dealing with rocks.” She explained further. “Kids didn’t come by to play because it was a rock farm, in fact the kids at school made fun of me for it... It’s kinda why I’m so vocally dead most of the time.”

"Because you're scared..." Maud nodded a bit, looking downward. “You poor thing... I’d probably go insane from farming rocks alone, if it’s what I’m imagining it was like.” He shook his head in pity. “A damn shame, really. Your voice is so much nicer when it isn’t monotone.”

She felt heat spread through her body at his compliment. “You... You think so?” She asked.

“Your old voice isn’t horrible, but I think this is much better.” He told her. “It just has so much more life to it, you know?... Plus it’s a lot cuter than Robot-Maud.”

Maud shivered, feeling butterflies rise in her chest. Being pampered like this made her feel so... So happy!

... And warm.....

“You’re really sweet, Anon...” She nuzzled him a bit, feeling her smile grow. “You’re gonna spoil me rotten if you keep this up.” He chuckled, petting her a bit. She purred at his touch, her heart growing fuzzy and warm as he stroked her hair. "Giggle! That tickles!"

God she was so precious... She just looked so much happier now that she's opened up. It really put Anon at peace when she laughed and smiled without any restraint. "So cute..." He whispered to himself.

"...Y-You..." Maud was looking up at him, her gray face a tinge red. "You think I'm..."

"Uh... You heard that?" Well now it was Anon's turn to blush. "Sorry, I was just... Thinking out loud." Maud continued to stare up at him, he looked off to the side. "S-sorry if that was weird, I couldn't help myself..."

.......

"S-say it again..."

"Hm?" Anon looked back down at her. "Did you say something?"

"C-... Could you... Say that I'm...  Y-... You know..." Maud felt so embarrassed asking him that, she just couldn't show her face to him out of fear... "S-sorry... I just..."

Anon sighed and started petting her again. "So precious..." He didn't really see any harm in it, so why not? "You're very cute, Maud." He scratched her a bit, pampering her more. "Especially when you open up like this."

Maud felt another wave of warmth wash over her. It expanded outward from her heart, quickly running through her body from her head to her... "Ah~" When it reached her waist, she felt a light tingling... Her hand started to go further south as sinful thoughts flooded her mind. “(His fingers...)”

"You okay, Maud?" Anon asked. "I didn't pull anything, did I?"

She snapped back into reality, pulling her hand away. Did she really just-... Oh god. "N-no... I'm fine." She lied, squeezing her legs together unconsciously. "I just... L-like being petted, I guess..." Really?... That’s your excuse?

Anon nodded, going back to petting and scratching her head. "Just tell me if I do anything wrong, alright?"

Maud nodded, wrestling with the fuzziness between her legs. She knew she had to tell him to stop if she wanted the feeling to go away... Yet she remained ever silent, fighting with her conscious. “(Mmm... I... I need to stop him... Ahh~...)” She really shouldn't be doing this and knew damn well how wrong it was, yet here she was... "A-Anon..." He looked down at her. "C-could you..." Her inner voice demanded she say it, it screamed at her to say it! "Um..." SAY IT, MAUD! SAY IT! "K-Kiss me!" WAIT NOT THAT! MAUD, NO!

"Y-you..." Anon stared down at her, visibly confused. "You... Want me t-" Maud jumped up and hugged his neck, she couldn't take it anymore. "Maud!?"

...

...

...

...

...

(To be Continued...)
> The Filthiest of Filler Chapters
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was an average day at the Bar, one Friday afternoon. Business was rather plentiful with the Patriots taking on the Eagles, a good chance to monopolize the hell outta this event of Brady winning another Super Bowl... Well, not that Anon really cared about who won, or even about Football in general. He did, however, care about how much people drank their bloody brains out to celebrate. 

"Yo, another round over here!" A patron of a large group requested, more money to line his pockets...

"Same here, dude! We're going dry!"

"Us, too!"

"Easy, easy!" Anon poured the first platter. "One at a time, I'm the only one working here!" Busy as a bee, he was. But it'd all be worth it once he got that shiny new flat-screen for his living room... Hell, if this kept going he'd be able to buy his own bloody house!... Well, he probably shouldn't go that far. He's getting loaded but not that loaded, because half of all this would go into restocking the alcohol consumed here. Not to mention inevitable property damage when the more, let's call them 'dedicated' fans, get a little too tipsy...

Speaking of dedicated fans, here comes one right now! "Ey, bar-man! Where's mah drink!?" He slurred. "It's not a party until I'm seein' sideways!"

"No can do, Curly. You wanna get tanked you do it at home." Anon stated, which seemed to infuriate the man.

"Why I have half a mind to!-" The drunkard swung his hand in anger, a bit too hard for his legs it seemed. He spun around and fell onto the counter in his drunken rampage. "S-... Stop... Spininggg..." And just like that, he slowly fell asleep. Anon awkwardly pushed him off the counter, the man was out cold. A small group of guys came by and dragged him away giving Anon apologetic looks. He just shook his head and resumed filling more glasses. "It ain't even half-time yet and they're dropping like flies..."

"Um, excuse me!" Anon looked to his left, a girl standing there. "Um, so like, there's this weird guy or whatever going around and, like, being a total creep." 

Anon paused... He hadn’t seen the girl before and he was very keen on remembering faces. Looked pretty young, too... A bit too young for his tastes. "Um, how old are you, first of all." He asked.

The girl opened her mouth to speak but the question had suddenly registered in her brain. "Um... I'm like, twenty-three?"

Anon just shook his head, she couldn’t even fool herself let alone him. "Christ Almighty, it's not even half-time yet..." He stepped out of the safe-haven of his counter and whistled, three heads poked out of the crowd. "Alright, what'd he look like, kid?" The three men approached from the crowd, the Diamond Dog gang, Anon's most reliable form of unpaid security.

"He was, like... I think as tall as you are. He had on this weird brown hat-thing and pink shades or something. They had a price sticker on one of the lenses." Okay, pretty descriptive so far. "Oh, and he had this big bag with him... Um..." The girl suddenly blushed a bit. "H-he asked for... He asked me for something, like, really offensive and crude."

"Oi, we gettin' those types already!?" Rover asked in surprise. "It ain't even half-time yet!"

Anon just sighed. "First one to bring him here gets the good stuff, on me." The three goons brightened at the offer and quickly started to scout out the person. "And you." Anon addressed the girl. "I'm gonna level with you, I'm gonna have a lot more minors try sneaking in later so-."

"So you're letting me go?" She interrupted with a hopeful tone.

"Look, just don't go making a fool of yourself. If you get in trouble I'm not-" The girl hugged him suddenly, then bolted off to who knows where. "Hey, hey! I’m not-!" She'd already slipped into the crowd. "Ugh, damn kids..." Anon poured more glasses, more people came by and paid. "Oh well, she ain't mine..."

Anon resumed cleaning glasses and serving patrons. After around the 15 minute mark there was a sudden commotion in the crowd, and out came Fido holding an... Odd man by his shirt collar. "Where's my bottle, Anon?" He asked in a gruff tone.

"Whoa, man. Just take it easy!" The mystery man said in a forced, raspy voice. "I don't want any trouble!"

Brown hat, pink glasses with the stamp, weird bag... Yeah, this is probably the guy. "Set him down, Fido. I'll take care of it from here." Anon reached under the counter and took out a bottle, the 'good stuff' that he promised. The thug and his fellow goonies retreated back to their table to share their prize. "So, I hear you're going around asking women for things."

"Now look man, I don't discriminate, alright?" He pleaded, confusing Anon. "I mean it ain't too much trouble, alright?" He leaned onto the counter. "So um..." He looked off to the side briefly. "You selling any pussy?"

....... "What?" Anon was quite flabbergasted. "I... You want what?"

"Y-you know, just... Just an average dude lookin' for some pussy." He said it so casually, like it was an actual product he served here. 

Anon just... He had no words. "Uh... N-no, we... We don't serve vagina here."

"Ah, I see. Well good day to you, sir." The man just walked off, two other guys following behind trying to suppress laughter.

Anon just went back to filling glasses. "I should probably have the Diamonds on watch for that guy..." He told himself, looking over at the gang. "Hmm... Hey Rover!"





Anon's afternoon thus far has been oddly quiet, a bit too quiet... The game was on right now, so most eyes were glued to the hanging TV in the corner. He liked to refer to this as his own little half-time break now that drinks weren't being ordered left and right. So far there have been no signs of that weirdo from a little while ago. Perhaps he left to go ruin someone else's business?

'Aaaaaah!'

That high-pitched scream liked to argue otherwise... "Creep!" A girl screamed, following a herd of her friends running out of the bathroom.

"Oh, bloody..." Anon stepped out of the bartender's space and took a broom with him "I'll handle it, folks!"

"Step aside!" The two guys from before? What the fuck are they doing here? "Sorry sir, we'll handle this." The first guy said, taking his broom from him. The second member followed behind, holding a camera and... Those were dead rats he was holding.

"Okay, what in the name of god is going on!?" Anon demanded to know, seething with confused rage. “Why the hell do you have dead rodents in my establishment!?”

"It's okay sir, no need to panic." A third member of this gang appeared from the crowd, giving off a homosexual vibe for some reason... He honestly didn’t know why, either. Perhaps it was the glasses? "We're just here to beat-up the gay retard for you."

“R-Retard!?” The third member ran off, leaving Anon in even more confusion. "I... WHY?!"

"For views." There was a bloody fourth member!? "Anything for views..." The big-boned man shook his hand and walked into the bathroom, holding a big box containing various tin cans.

......

"WHAT?!?" That's all poor Anon could say. His brain died somewhere between meeting the third and watching the fourth walk away. With the little sense he had left, Anon grabbed... Wait, fuck they took the broom. Anon looked around for anything he could use as a blunt object.

The bathroom door burst open and-... Okay what in the literal fuck. "HAMBURGUR PWEEEASE!!!" So, for some reason that was beyond Anon's comprehension, a mental defective in nothing but a pink onesie somehow got ito the women's bathroom. He was hunched down on his hands and feet like a feral, screaming his head off and disturbing the peace of the bar. He ran at Anon, then just collapsed in front of him in what one would describe as an epileptic fit, moaning and making other questionable sounds as he thrashed about.

"Watch out stranger!" A man with a weird fucking accent warned, stepping out of the bathroom. "He's attempting the reproduce on de floor!" What the damn diddly fuck was he wearing!?... Wait, that's the fucko that had the gay glasses! "Begone you filthy animole!" He started to beat the pink guy with the stolen broom provided by accomplice number two.

"NYAAAH! AUUUUGHNNYEEESS!" The loon just moaned, humping the air and speaking some fucking weeb language that Anon didn’t understand. “Nyaaaah! Ore wa ochinchin ga daisuki nandayo!” 

“Quit being a fucking faggot!” The fat one stepped out and started pelting pink-fuck with dead rats and what looked like globs of spaghettio's. “Autistic fucking cunt!” The second member, the broom-thief with the long hair hair, was just laughing his ass off as the pink one was screaming like a fucking maniac.

If Anon had to ever describe to a therapist what he felt that day, it wouldn't be possible. No words could describe the strife he's feeling right now... After running out of things to throw at him, the fat one and the cunt wearing the green and red costume-thing dragged him into the bathroom. ”NAAAH! GIBE DA PUSI PLZ! GIBE ME DA PUSI B0SS!” Door slammed shut, various screams of pleasure/pain/some-other-third-fucking-description could be heard throughout the bar. Shortly after, the screams were drowned out by repeated flushing from inside. Complete and utter silence by literally everybody in the bar.

..........

"And the Patriots lose, ladies and gentlemen!" Now all eyes were back on the screen. “What a shocking turn of events, the Eagles have taken the 2018 SuperBowl!” The diamond Dogs stepped in and gave Anon a drink. He decided to partake and sat down with them, taking a swig of the bottle he provided them earlier. "Brady, the well known member of the Patriots, has dropped so many balls that he's making this game look like a Butterfingers commercial!"

"Hey, aren't we sponsoring Butterfingers, Volley?"

"I don't know Pacer, but if we are than Brady's got a running joke coming at him, let me tell you!"

”RRAAAAHH!!!” The pink guy ran passed the crowd, his head soaked in toilet water and shit-paper. He stopped briefly and turned to face Anon, noticing the bottle. “... You dealin’ shots, mang?”

“Don’t let that Failed Abortion get away!” His fellow odd-balls followed close behind, chasing him out the door with toilet-paper rolls.

The cunt clad in green, a.k.a. the faggot with the gay glasses, gave said cleaning tool back to him before leaving. “Tank yee mine green comerade for helping defend de omneverse.” He gently booped Anon’s nose and scampered our the door... 

Anon just didn't care anymore.


(Later that evening)


Aria was watching some brain-numbing TV while she waited for Anon to get home, having nothing better to do with her time since she had no responsibilities like everybody else. “In other news, Football superstar Brady Legends utterly dropped the ball during today’s SuperBowl, and fans far and wide are in an utter uproar!”

She rolled her eyes and turned it off. “God, this is getting annoying.” She grumbled. “I fucking get it already, world! Brady fucked up!” She huffed and turned to her phone for some entertainment that wasn’t centered on the SuperBowl’s Super-Flop of the bloody century. “Wonder what’s on YouTube.” She noticed that one of her bigger subs had posted. “Frank posted?” She wondered out-loud. “This outta be good...” She tapped the note and pulled up the video, ‘The Best Way to Celebrate the Super Bowl’, 2.1 million views.

Anon’s face was part of the thumbnail...





Anon was driving home, utterly exhausted from today’s events. He never did find that guy in the pink suit or his friends after the game officially ended, and a good portion of him didn’t wanna press more into the matter. So, he decided to bury the issue and move on with his life. He already had one problem living under his roof, and at least this problem wasn’t a spastic loon...

’vrrr! ‘vrrr!’

Speaking of that little problem... Anon took out his phone and answered. “Aria if you got arrested I swear to Christ-“

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” She yelled. “YOU MET THE FRANCIS OF THE FILTH!”

“Th-... The what?” He asked, feeling confused for the umpteenth time today.

“Filthy Frank!? Internet sensation and the funniest fuck of all time!?!?” She sounded quite offended. “Dude, like, what the literal fuck! You seriously have no idea!?”

“Aria, I’m utterly fucking done with today. So to put it bluntly for you, no and I don’t care.” He found his apartment complex and turned into the lot. “I’m pulling in, gonna hang up now.” He beeped her off, parking the car and taking his keys. “Christ almighty...” He sighed to himself. “I can finally relax a bit.”

“There he is!” Anon turned to face the-... Mob of people? “That’s the guy that was with Pink Guy!” Pink Guy?... Ohhhh fuck, not this shit again. “Get him!” Ohhhhh fuck, not this shit! The mob joyfully ran at him, he fucked-off toward his house and scrambled for the keys. 

“Don’t let him get away!” One Filthy fan screamed. “That jacket’s gotta be worth a fortune if Pink Guy and Dubbbz touched it!”

“I want his shirt!” Another screamed.

“Run faster! He’s almost there!” The door was opened by Aria, who signaled him to fucking book it before they caught up. “No, he’s gonna get away!”

Anon ran inside, Aria slammed the door and braced it with a chair as she began to set all the locks. “Jesus Christ!” Anon gasped out. “The hell... ’gasp’ The hell is wrong with them!?”

“Filthy Frank’s pretty famous, dude.” Aria reminded him. “Didn’t think the fans were this crazy, though.”

Anon, having recovered his breath, stood up and dusted his clothes off. “ Ugh, it’s one problem after another today...” Whatever, at least he was safe now. He doubted that he’d hear the last of those lunatics but for now he could rest easy... Hopefully. “So, I’m guessing you're hungry?”

“You know it, dude.” She replied. “Went out and partied all day for the Super Bowl, and your favorite roomie’s out of juice.”

Anon shook his head. “You and me both, Blaze.” He got to work making some nuggies for Aria to munch on, nothing fancy or complicated to make. He barely had any energy himself and just wanted to sleep today away as soon as he could. “Eat up, roomie.” 

“Sweet.” Aria took the plate and began stuffing her face. “You wan’ shome?”

“I’ll pass, I’m just gonna head to bed.” He waved her off and trudged to his room. “Ugh, Filthy Frank...” He grumbled. “I hope I never have to hear that name again.” He opened the door to his room, and there it was. The love of his life, the sunshine of his day... “Hello, my sweet.” His bed has never looked more beautiful than in this very moment in time. “Ohhh, what I wouldn’t give to marry you, sweet fabric bliss.” His door suddenly clicked shut, turning around he noticed a girl. “What the...” She smiled at him with brace-lined teeth, an admittedly adorable display but in the sense of a peppy teen (he’s not into minors, mind you). She had light-blue skin with dark-orange twintails laying over her shoulders and was wearing a plain gray jacket with some similarly-colored sweat-pants. She looked fairly young, probably still a teen if he had to guess (and again, not into minors). “Um... Who the hell are you and why are you in my house?”

“Hmm... No reashon!” She had a bit of a lisp to her ‘s’s it seemed. “Well... There ish one reashon, I shupposhe...” The girl moved at speeds similar to a Velociraptor, closing the gap between them and taking a long, big...

’Sniiiiffff!’

Oookay than, getting kinda weird... ”Mmm!” The girl shuttered, her legs locking up a bit. “You have hish shent...” Eeyup, can’t get any weirder than that. “I’m Franku’sh biggesht fan, Shummer Shtorm.” She introduced with a breathless tone, failing to sound attractive. “Papa Franku’sh my idol, and I love everything about him~!” The fuck? Was she drooling on him!? “Th-thish ish kinda forward, but... Can I lick hish shent off of you?”

“Excuse me!?” Taken aback, Anon fell backwards onto the bed. “Ohh Hell no! Don’t you dare lay a hand on me, kid!”

“B-but it’ll be quick! Pleashe...” Now she was on the bed. “J-jusht a... Jusht a tashte...”

The door clicked open. “Hey asshole, I-... What the literal hell!” Aria comes to save the day! “I thought I told you to piss-off, stubborn brat!”

“Eep!” The kid jumped off the bed and ran for the window, quickly jumping out. “Crapcrapcrapcra-!” 

’Thump!’

..... Yeah, Anon’s room was on the second floor. “I’m... I’m okay!..... Ow...”

Aria shook her head and closed the window. “I swear, if I catch that bitch in this house again...” 

Anon just shook his head. “I’m not even gonna ask how many break-ins she’s made.” He grumbled under his breath. “Is your room open? Might consider bunking with you for the night so I don’t get fucking ambushed.”

Aria just shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first guy I’ve slept with, so I really don’t care.” Disregarding the innuendo, Anon stripped to his underwear, took his pillow and followed Aria to her room. “Oh and don’t worry, Aria’s not romping any guys tonight.”

“Glad I didn’t have to ask.” Aria opened her door, and the scent fucking slapped him in the face. Imagine, if you would, the perfume-rich scent of a girl’s room. The neatly folded sheets, occasional stuffed animal and overall pleasant look in general...

This was the farthest thing from being Aria’s room.

Her room was a mess; littered with clothes, cans, bags of chips, the occasional carton of ice-cream. Like Jesus Christ, she was messier than most men were! The scent mentioned from before was rich with the musk of sex as you’d expect, though he did note the light hint of weed mixed with it. Her bed, lord almighty her bed had the worst of it. Aria never made her bed, she always thought it was a waste of energy making it because she’d just fuck it up later. There were stains all over the sheets, a lot of them Anon feared may be from bodily fluids. The pillows weren’t stained nearly as bad but had noticeable bite-marks around the edges... 

For just a brief second, Anon considered getting raped over sleeping in here.

“Welp, make yourself at home man.” Aria guided him in, he never once took his eyes off that sad display of a bed... He almost felt like he was betraying his own over this one. He felt as if he was a married man being forced to fuck a whore. “Yeah, would’ve cleaned a little bit if I knew you were gonna bunk... Well, probably.”

Anon just sighed... “If I find a condom in the bed I’m going back to mind.” He warned, to which Aria snickered. “The hell’s so funny?”

“Anon, you should know by now that I don’t use those things.” She reminded, much to Anon’s ever-increasing disappointment in her. “C’mon you pussy, I promise those sheets won’t bite!”

“I’ve seen snakes that look less threatening than that bed.” A fighter ‘til the end, he was.

Aria shrugged. “Can’t be helped, I guess.” She pushed him toward it. “Only one way a baby bird’ll leave the nest, Anon!”

“Aria don’t you fucking-!” She gave one more extra-hard push. “ARIA YOU CUNT!” His face hit sheets, but Aria wasn’t finished. She jumped right in and started wrangling him to submission. “I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!”

“I’m!... Doing this because I... love you!... Stubborn little...” Aria’s surprising strength allowed her to succeed in containing him within the sheets. He still struggled but he was stuck under her, a futile effort but one he preformed anyway. “Phew! Haven’t had to do that in a while... Mamma Bird’s out of shape.”

“Aria this is arguably worse than getting raped!” Anon complained. “Hell, I’d probably feel less dirty getting raped than being in this prison!”

“God you’re such a prude.” She grumbled. “You gotta learn how to lighten up, man. I mean the bed isn’t bad once you get comfy.”

....... Well, he couldn’t really deny that it’s a lot comfier than it looks. Plus he hasn’t caught the Clap yet...

“That’s what I thought.” Aria let him go, grabbing a portion of the sheets and joining him. “Sleep tight, roomie!”

He huffed and just decided to go with it instead of argue further. Despite what he said before he couldn’t argue against the extra security with her around... Wait, why didn’t he just invite her to his room?

.....

Meh, whatever. He didn’t feel like bothering her more than he already has. I mean she didn’t have to let him stay by her side, and she sure as hell didn’t have to try convincing him to stay and help him avoid a situation he didn’t want any... Part of...

.....

“(Wow... I can’t believe that Aria of all people was the mature one here.)” He thought to himself, reflecting on his behavior. “(Kinda feel like a dick now...)” Aria mumbled some sleep-jargon and rolled over, her arms moving to hold onto him. “(Christ, she’s already out-cold...)” Instead of moving her off, he decided to let it slide this one time. He felt like he owed it to her at the very least. “(At least she’s pretty warm...)” Eventually he too felt the embrace of sleep overtake him. His last thoughts were about how he’d make it up to her tomorrow... Probably with food or something... Yeah, that’d work.





Morning came by relatively slow. Anon’s clock screeched but he wasn’t in the room... No, he was someplace that turned out to be much more comfortable, where the morning delayed even further for him. He awoke by himself for once, something he only did during holidays. Aria was still holding onto him in her sleep, mumbling and drooling... He really didn’t care, oddly enough. But why didn’t he?... Whatever. “Mh... What time is it?” No clocks within his line of sight... But that’d mean he’d have to get-up and go look for one... Against his better judgement, he decided to give that idea a big ‘fuck no’ and instead snuggled deeper into the sheets. “Aria said I needed to... Lighten...” He fell back asleep, deciding to miss an entire day of work and take it easy for once in his life. It’s not like the bar will just fall into utter hell with him missing one day...


(2nd Author’s Note)


This is a tribute to the Papa-Franku, my 2nd place idol right behind Danny Devido (my eternal Lord and Savior).

Idubzzz, as far as I’m aware, is not into men despite what the story (and the fan base to an extent) depicts. Go sub to him and the other assholes, they post cool stuff.

Stay Filthy, amigos.
> Life as a Bartender: Feeling Pinkie’s Keen (Part 2 of Maud Pie)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“’munch’ ‘chew’ Sho... ’gulp’ So lemme get this straight.” Aria spoke, eating a corndog that Pinkie picked up for her from a gas station. “You woke my ass up at... I’m thinkin’ maybe 7 a.m., fucking blitzed the cops like a psychopath, and ran your friend over because... ’chomp’ ‘munch’ ‘Caushe your bluhy ‘oe hwihched.” It was clear that she was pretty pissed, not furious mind you but definitely pissed. “Uo ‘ow I-... ’gulp’ You know I have half a mind to punch you in the fucking throat for getting me up that early, not to mention pissing off the fucking cops.”

“Yeah, really sorry Blazie. But I promise, it’s really important if it’s my Pinkie Sense!” Pinkie pleaded. “My left toe twitched, forth one from the biggest! It means that something bad’s about to happen to a friend of mine’s friend!... I think.”

“..... Oddly specific.” Aria took another bite. “A bit too shpeshific if ya ashk me...” She continued with a mouth full of corndog. She chewed her food for a bit and gulped it down before speaking further. “So how’s that relate to me?”

“A friend’s friend!” Pinkie elaborated. “Don’t you get it!? Nonny’s in trouble! You know that he’s a magnet for trouble!” Aria really couldn’t argue that since it was kinda true... “So we gotta save him before he dies or something!”

“..... Dies...” Aria shook her head. “Fucking Schizo...” She tossed the rest of the corndog out the window and grumbled. “Well at least you were kind enough to get me some food, I guess...” She gave Pinkie a stern look. “But you still owe me, big time.”

Pinkie giggled. “Don’t worry grumpy pants, I’ll make it up to you later.” She assured.

“You better, Pinkie.” She warned. “Fucking... grumbling...”

“... You want some road-head?” Pinkie asked.

Aria’s brain stopped working for a few seconds. “W-Wait, what?”

“What?” Pinkie wore a confused look on her face. “Sorry, you say something?”

“I...” Aria must’ve been hearing things? “N-no, I didn’t.” Yeah, that had to be it. Pinkie probably wasn’t the kind of person to do that...

.....

Aria took a quick glance at Pinkie, she was staring at the road as any driver would... She glanced away, feeling a bit uncomfortable. “(I swear, this bitch’s got some loose screws or something...)”

“Oh! Twitchy-twitch! Twitchy-twitch!” Pinkie slammed the breaks, Aria comically face-planted the dash-board. The Pinkie-Pie branded air-bag triggered and a spring-loaded pie slapped her in the fucking face. “C’mon, we’re here!”

”Pinkie...” Aria repressed her anger, wiping her face and getting out of the car. “One of these days... Hmm...” She took a little lick of the cream. “Bubblegum?” 

“Aria, stop eating my pie and come out here!”

Aria rolled her eyes and mumbled to herself. “Never thought I’d hear a chick say that before...” She flicked the cream off her arm and threw the door shut, taking a moment to look over her surroundings... Eeyup, empty road as far as the eye could see. “Pinkie it’s the middle of fucking nowhere.” She could see Pinkie glancing over the road railing, one section was... Completely torn off? “Oh... Well that’s unusual.” Aria walked over, gazing over the railing. “Christ, the fuck happened here?” Down within the unpaved grass was the ruins of a car, or what was left of it at least..... Hold on... “Oh fuck, that’s Anon’s car!” Aria jumped the rail and ran down to the wreckage. “HANG IN THERE DUDE, MAMA’S COMING!” Pinkie followed behind, worry plastered on her face. Aria frantically investigated the wreckage, moving aside hunks of car parts in an effort to locate her friend. “Anon!... Anon!?.....” She called out, receiving not even a single sound resembling him. “Oh god, I can’t find him anywhere!”

Pinkie pondered to herself, holding her chin as she looked over the wreckage. “But... I don’t get it.” She wondered. “My Pinkie Sense has never been late before...”

“He’s not in the car!” Aria called out. “He... He isn’t anywhere!” Aria was in full panic mode now. “Oh god, he can’t be dead! He can’t be!” Aria held her face, tears threatening to flow. “He’s... He’s the one person that’s ever...”

“Hey, hey! Aria!” Pinkie, being broken out of her trance by the waves of sorrow, quickly took to Aria’s side to relieve her of those sad feelings. “Shhh, it’s gonna be okay! Really!”

“He’s dead, Pinkie! My bestest friend in the entire world is dead!” Aria yelled, trails of make-up running down her cheeks. “No more bail-outs... N-no more beating each other with wrestler toys and pretending to be the wrestlers.” Pinkie couldn’t stand the sight. She hated seeing people being so sad like this, especially from her friends... “T-the only person who’s ever cared about me... G-gone...”

“But Aria-”

“I can’t survive without his cooking, Pinkie!” She ranted on, interrupting and ignoring her. “I’m gonna starve without his food, I can’t go back to gas-station nachos after nearly three years of home cooked meals!”

“Aria, please-!”

“I can’t even keep a job in this Celestia-forsaken town after the incident a few years ago! I’m the most well-known fucking face in the county jail!” Complete hysteria now, quite a pitiful display I may add. “If he’s gone I’m gonna have to... Oh Celestia, I don’t wanna go back to sucking dick for food! It’s just not the same as doing it because I want to!”

With a frustrated huff, Pinkie grabbed Aria’s shoulders and-

’Slap! Slap!’

She locked eyes with her, face as stern as stone. “Get. A. Grip.” Pinkie punctuated her words for emphasis. “You’re not gonna starve, and you’re not gonna live out in the streets spit-shining weenies for cash.” She assured, no, out-right told her that it wouldn’t come to that. “Anon isn’t dead, Blazey... I know I can be a little screw-loose sometimes, but you just have to trust me. My Pinkie Sense has never lied to me before and it’s never been late either!”

Aria’s sad orphan face was still present, but she wiped the tears away and hardened herself. “Okay... I trust you, as crazy as that sounds.” A few deep breaths and Aria was okay. She was a big girl, and big girls didn’t throw tantrums like that... “S-so now what?”

Pinkie pointed at the wreckage. Somehow, from bloody who knows where, swave detective music started to play. “There isn’t any blood or body parts, or a body for that matter.” Pinkie, suddenly dawning a detective cap and toy-pipe, peeked into the car frame. “Windshield is shattered, but no Anon-sized hole through the glass. The seats aren’t crushed, either...” She crawled back out, standing up. Aria looked absolutely lost. “Mmhm, just as I thought. He didn’t fly out the window and he wasn’t crushed... But since he isn’t here...”

“..... He must’ve went for help?” Aria finished. “But which way did he go?” Aria saw Pinkie dialing a number, she swiped it from her. “Are you nuts, Sherlock!?”

“Hey! I was gonna call the... Uh...” The music paused, it just dawned on her that they’re wanted criminals... “Ehehe! Woopsie-Daisy!”

Aria shook her head, resume music with Aria stealing her hat and pipe. “Yeah, last thing we need is more cops...” Aria gave the phone back, taking a few moments to think while blowing bubbles out of the bright-green plastic pipe. “Now, how do we find him...” She looked at the ground, still soft and muddy from last night’s storm... “I got it!”

Pinkie cocked her head. “Got what?” She asked, somehow losing all her detective knowledge.

Aria investigated the area surrounding the car. “Hmm..... Ah, bingo!” Pinkie caught up, finding Aria with a trail of footprints... Though, there was two pairs of prints oddly enough. “With that shitstorm from last night the ground’s a fucking swamp of mud. We follow the tracks and it’ll lead us right to him!”

Pinkie’s eyes brightened. “Oh wow! You’re so clever!” Pinkie complimented. “You’ve definitely earned that road-head!”

Aria held her nose high, proud as a bloody peacock. “Well, I don’t mean to brag, bu-“ Suave music scratches to a halt. “Wait, what?”

Pinkie just smiled. “I said you were clever, silly!” She repeated. “You got cotton-candy in your ears?”

Aria just looked at her weird. “Uh... Right.” She walked back to the car with Pinkie following behind. “Well, we know the general direction he went so it should be easy to find him. Probably still on the road since there isn’t a town for a good ten-miles that way.”

“Righto!” Pinkie cheered. “Let’s go find him, dear Watson!” Pinkie went ahead and got in the passenger seat. “C’mon! He might be slowly dying and/or in excruciating pain!” 

“Pinkie, I don’t-! Why the fuck...” She suddenly noticed how ridiculous she must’ve looked smoking a child’s version of a pipe and threw it over her shoulder. The hat was pretty cool though, so she kept it on. “As I was saying, I don’t have a license.” Aria bluntly informed. “Like, I’m legally not allowed to drive.”

“Come on, there aren’t any cops!” Pinkie invited. “Besides, we’re already wanted for wanton destruction, evading law-enforcement, disturbing the peace, attempted vehicular-manslaughter, and who knows how many charges of reckless driving! Getting pulled-over is kinda light compared to the stuff we’ve done today!”

Aria just rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever...” Again, she couldn’t really argue with Pinkie due to making obsurd but reasonable points. Luckily Aria did know how to drive, though legally she wasn’t allowed to drive for various criminal incidents. Plus, as she said before, her reputation is still kinda... Well, in some cities she’s labeled as a terrorist. “Alright; stick-shift, blinker...”

’ziiip!’

“Huh?” Pinkie was unzipping her pants. “The fuck are you do- ’Gasp!?’” ...Eeyup, that was definitely a finger in her pants, and an energetic one too. “Aahn! P-Pinkie, wai-Oh fuck, right there~!”

Pinkie gazed at Aria, a playful look in her eyes. “I said I’d make it up to you, didn’t I?”

....... Complete honesty here, Aria was a bit reluctant on getting hand from Schizo. Don’t get her wrong, she wasn’t reluctant on getting fingered or anything, it’s just... Well, it was Pinkie doing it, which kinda made it weird for some reason... But then again, free finger-bang, and she was definitely feeling overdue for a good orgasm now that the juices are starting to flow... “Alright, fuck it.” Aria pulled her pants to her ankles, moving her panties aside for her pink friend. The purple lips were already dripping and blushed from the arousal. “Just don’t go crazy while I’m turning, okay?”

Pinkie licked her lips and stuck a finger in to test the waters. Aria unconsciously squeezed the digit and whimpered. “Oooh, your pie’s nice and hot!” 

Fucking food puns... “J-... Just... Mmm, fuck...” Yeah, she was loooong overdue. “Yeah, right there...” Aria pressed on the gas, trying to focus on the road while getting serviced. Somewhat difficult to pull-off when she had a finger moving around in her hot-box, but this wasn’t her first time playing behind the wheel and probably wouldn’t be the last if the look on her face said anything. “Mhmhmhmm~! R-Remind me to... A-Ahh!” First lick down below, Aria bit her tongue to keep from moaning. “P-Pinkieee~... If I weren’t drivING!...” Aria made a mental note to pay her back for this. “Yeah, k... Keep licking... Yesss~...” Aria’s left hand rested on her friend’s ass, squeezing and groping it in time with her licking. “Yeah, don’t stop... P-...Please!~”

”Mmm~“ Pinkie hummed, licking her lips rather loudly with a wet slurp. “Juicy!” The borderline exaduration (it’s hard to tell with Pinkie) was really killing Aria here. “Who would’ve thought a grumpy sour-pus would have such a sweet little treat between her knees!”

Aria just... Ugh, she fucking hated Pinkie sometimes. “P-Pinkie, just... Shut-up.” She whimpered, growing aggravated with her childish mind. 

Pinkie looked up, seeing her blush and force a frown... God, she was so adorable (Don’t tell her I said that). Pinkie couldn’t help a little giggle escape her lips. “You’re so cute, Ari-MMPH!”

Aria shoved her head into her crotch. “Just shut-up and fucking eat me!” She ordered once more, anger clear as day in her voice. “Fucking... I’m not cute...” Pinkie just kept staring up at her, she couldn’t see it but she fucking knew that pink menace was grinning at her... And Aria couldn’t fucking stand it. “I’m not cute!”

“Yes you aaaare~!” Pinkie argued in a sing-song tone. “In fact, I think you’re super cute!”

”Shut-up!” Aria yelled. “God fucking-... Is your fucking toe wiggling yet? I wanna go save my fucking friend and go back to sleep.”

“Nnnope!” Pinkie answered. “Also, you’re face is really red.”

A vein could be seen on Aria’s temple. ”Pinkie Pie, I will drive us off of a bloody cliff so help me god.” Aria warned, gritting her teeth. ”Start licking, stop talking, and you won’t fucking d-iiiieeee~” Pinkie sucked on the hard little nub between Aria’s legs, making her moan in a feminine tone that you’d expect from Anon (get shit on you green bitch). “P-Pinkie!... Gonna f-fucking kill youuu for that!” The pink fiend gave the purple clit a brutal tongue-bath. Aria trembled and whimpered, her legs locking-up and shaking. “P-... Pinkie~!” Aria was about to shoot her goo on Pinkie’s face, or maybe in her mouth if she was into that kind of kink... Either way though, the goo’s gonna shoot, and it’ll feel really fucking good when it does. “Gonna... Gh!”

Pinkie stopped sucking, choosing instead to roughly finger Aria and rub the engorged bulb with her thumb. ”Gimme some love, baby.” Pinkie said in a surprisingly sexy tone, her assault on Aria’s cunt never letting up. ”I’ll drink it aaall up for you.” God, that voice was so sexy... And her damn fingers!

“Fff-... fuuuck!” Aria spread her legs out wider and slouched a bit, bracing herself for the oncoming relief. “Ohhh, Pinkie! Don’t stop!”

“Oooh, you’re dripping all the way down to your tushie!” Tushie?... Why’d she say ‘tushie’ of all things? Wait, the hell was Aria so concerned abo-Ohhhh sweet bloody hell in a hand basket! “There we go, now it’s nice and-... Hm?” Aria visibly shook and gritted her teeth, while she was distracted by Pinkie’s weird choice of words the pink little devil licked her asshole of juices. The reaction showed to be quite effective. “Whoa... Is your pooper really that sensitive?” Pinkie received her answer in the form of Aria’s hole contracting wildly around her finger. “... Did you just cum?”

Aria was using every ounce of willpower not to close her eyes and scream. “I-!... Ohooohhh god!” The finger in her cunt was pulled out and shoved into her asshole instead, said cunt writhed and twitched in delight. “P-pink... It’s...” Pinkie wasn’t paying any attention, being more interested in playing with Aria’s ass rather than paying attention to the throbbing pussy in front of her. “Cum!... Cum!...” She suddenly thrusted upward.

’squirt! squirt!’

”FUCK!” Aria shot out her warm love just as Pinkie had requested, splashing the pink cheek with a few short, weak streams of ejaculate. Pinkie gasped at the sudden warmth dripping down her cheek, then locked lips with the hole and started licking up the spurts of cum. “Gah! P-Pinkieee!~” Her walls squeezed and sucked from the powerful tongue-finger combo, releasing more goo for Pinkie to lap up. “F-... Fuck! Ah!” Pinkie moved her fingers inside of the twitching hole, Aria nearly lost control of the car. “D-don’t!... Stop!...” Her pussy was lovingly milking the invading tongue. Her little clit hopping in time with the squeezing was a tantalizing sight...

With Aria’s streams of love devolving into dribbles, Pinkie’s tongue drifted north to the throbbing bud just above her nose. She gently licked it, making Aria gasp and thrust a little. “Teehee! You’re so adorable, Aria!” She couldn’t help herself, after watching Aria’s pussy try to milk her tongue and that adorable little clit she just had to tease her more! “I could just lick your cute little kitty until it shines, ya know?” Aria’s legs wouldn’t stop shaking, Pinkie licked and licked to her heart’s content while Aria moaned and lightly humped into her. “You’re such a cute little thing, you enjoying this as much as I am?...” 

“I’m...” Aria’s asshole was beginning to twitch again, Pinkie could feel it coil around her fingers like a vice. “I-I’m!...” Pinkie latched onto the clit and bit down, curling her finger deep in the sensitive anus.

’Tires Screeching!’

Aria slammed the gas, surprising Pinkie with the sudden shift of force. ”DON’T FUCKING CALL ME CUTE, GODDAMMIIIIT!!!” Pinkie was splashed by more juices, Aria was cumming very hard and... Tugging Pinkie’s hair very hard as well.

.....

You know, between the sudden burst of anger and the car moving at dangerously fast speeds, a thought had occurred to Pinkie... She wondered briefly, just briefly, if she’d maaaybe taken the ‘cute’ thing a smudge too far.

“Um, Aria-”

”RRAAAAAHH!!!”

..... Yeeeeah, maybe Pinkie pushed it a bit.





Previously, on Anon’s downward spiral into insanity...

"K-Kiss me!" Maud suddenly blurted out, face flushed in a light blush. 

Anon... Was not expecting that. "Y-you..." Had he heard that right? She wanted to kiss him!? No, that couldn't be the case. There must've been something wrong here... "You... Want me t-" Maud suddenly jumped up, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hanging embrace. "Maud!?" Her eyes were so spaced and glossy, they'd probably have hearts in the pupils had the laws of cartoon physics applied in the real world! "W-wait just a minute!" He tried backing away, but completely forgot that he was sitting down and instead fell backwards, taking his assailant with him. Anon lied on his back, Maud looming over him with-oh god her blanket fell!

"Anon~..." Maud stared down at her friend, her heart beating loudly against her ear drums in the rhythmic beat of infatuation. "I feel so... S-so..." She lowered herself ever closer, her hot breath gracing his green nose. "I..." 

"Th-think about this, Maud!" Anon tried, hoping to somehow snap her out of whatever... this was. "I'm not the most attractive guy in the world, a-and I'm not even sure of how old you are compared to me!" He tried, and believe me he tried his damn hardest not to look at the exposed breasts just inches away from his chest. But with each passing second Maud only came closer...

As did the breasts.

"I've never felt like this..." She monologued, lost in her own passion. "You're so nice... A-and I..." The longing stare slowly started to fade... "I..." She halted, just inches away from his lips. "Oh... Oh my god." She then gasped, sitting up and covering herself. "Oh my god I'm so, so sorry!" She was very red in the face, especially when she felt something poke her thigh as she sat up. "Ah! O-oh my, is that your...” Yes it was, and feeling it made her heart thump even harder. “Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed! I can’t apologize enough for this!" She quickly backed away, hoping that she didn’t completely destroy their close friendship because of her stupid-

“Hey, hey!” Anon sat up, his face was still quite blushed as well. “Maud, you’re okay! I’m not mad about-“ Anon’s expression went from supportive mother-figure to ‘Oh shit’ reeeal fucking quick... But why? ”HIT THE DECK!” He out-right tackled her, making her gasp in sur-

’SMASH!!!’

The world had slowed to a crawl. Maud was staring up at the ceiling, what looked like a car slowly flew overhead at a dangerously close distance. Anon was holding her close in his protective embrace... He...

He saved her...

Maud had never wanted him as badly as she did now, in this moment in time. His body-heat was so soothing, and his touch sparked a fire in her... Yes, she could see it now. The sparks flying behind Anon, the passion-!

’CRASH!!!’

.....

Maud couldn’t hear anything, the world was completely deaf to her right now. The only thing emanating was the ringing in her ear and the painful throbbing in the back of her head. She opened her eyes and saw Anon over her, he looked worried as he yelled in hysteria... Or at least, she assumed that’s what he was doing... What the hell happened?

”......... aud..... Ma.....” Oh, seems that her hearing was slowly returning. ”Maud!... Maud!... okay!?” Anon yelled, waving a hand in front of her to probably test if she was still alive... “Maud!? Are you alright!?... Can you hear!?”

“Y-yeah... Kinda.” Various overworked muscles and healing wounds screamed in pain, but she didn’t really notice as much as she should have. When you’ve had a heavily-infected wound forced open to drain, you can live with a bit of body trauma. “What... What happened?”

He shook his head to get the dizziness out, seems that he was still a bit shell-shocked as well. “I-I dunno why, but some lunatic ran their bloody car into the building!” He informed hysterically. “Are you hurt? Is anything bleeding or broken?”

His worried gaze made her heart flutter, she couldn’t stop the smile forming even if she wanted to. “Y-yeah... I’m okay, Anon.” She was lying through her bloody teeth. She was actually in immense pain right now but she didn’t want Anon to worry. “What about you?”

He grunted a bit as he sat back up, but smiled to reassure her. “I’ll live... Trust me.” He helped her up off her back, they couldn’t walk just yet due to the condition of their legs so baby-steps were a good start. “So what kind of asshole smashed their car into a bloody gas station?” Maud graduated baby-steps and got up, gritting the pain that she was burdened with, and forcibly opened the sorry excuse for a car door. Two people came tumbling out, two very familiar people... “Oh my fucking god.” One was a purple girl with twin-tails, the other was a pink girl with dark-pink curls who was being strangled by the purple one in a fit of rage... Yeah, doesn’t take a genius to put two-and-two together. Anon knew exactly who they were. “You purple fucking cunt!” Anon yelled, catching the attention of the purple girl. “I can’t have one day without you trying to fucking kill me!”

The strangler let go of the pink girl, her face brightening with the joy of a lost child finding their parents at Walmart. “Roomie!” She ran and took him to the floor with a good tackle. “Holy fuck buddy, you had me so worried!” Yes indeed, twas’ Aria Blaze in the flesh...

With no pants.

Anon, noticing this quite quickly, shoved her away in disgust. “Where the hell are your pants you fucking bimbo!?” 

“Who cares!?” She pounced again and wrapped him in a big hug, feeling no resentment for the slur. “Now you can feed me again and bail me out of jail and scold me and shit!”

“Oh my god why are you so fucking sticky!?” Anon asked in panic, trying to push her away. “Bloody Christ you smell like a fucking Fish-Monger! Get off of me!” Anon tried and tried but her hold stood firm. “Dammit Aria, let me go! I don’t know where the hell you’ve been you fucking skank!”

Anon’s harsh words were like a mother’s lullaby to her, soothing her troubles rather than driving her away. "Sigh... I missed you so much, dude."

“Anon?” Maud caught both of their attention, covering her chest... Her expression was utterly blank, borderline ice-cold even. “Who is this?... Also, why does she not have any pants?” She asked in her returning stoicism. 

Anon sighed and just decided let Aria hang, despite the obvious signs of her slutty escapades. “Maud, this is my roommate-slash-skank, Aria Blaze.” He introduced, his beloved roommate either ignoring his insult or accepting it as fact. “Aria, this is Maud, the girl that-“

“Sis!?” A pink blur blitzed the stoic girl. “Oh my good golly goodness, I had no idea you were out here!”

“Pinkie?” Seems that the deadpan was here to stay. “I’m quite surprised to see you out here as well.” 

“Wow, you sound so frazzled!” Pinkie noticed, somehow seeing through the stoicism. “Also you’re... Shirtless.”

Utterly serene, Maud just looked downward a bit. “I have a good explanation for that, sis.” She informed her energetic other-half. “In fact, you’re laying on top of it...”

Looking down, Pinkie now noticed the bandaged wound and gasped loudly. “Oh no, you’re hurt!” Pinkie pulled out her phone. “I gotta call the-“ She hesitated. “No, we... But Maud!... Grrr!” In a fit of confusion she threw it out the window. “Darn it to heck!” She yelled out. 

Anon’s jaw dropped. “W-Why would you do that!?” He demanded to know. “We could’ve called an ambulance! We needed to call an ambulance!”

Aria hissed with a sharp intake of breath, guilt was spread all over her face. “Yeah... Um, about that...”

...

Why was Anon not surprised?...

“Alright, what did you fucking do.” He asked, similarly to a parental figure when confronting their whore child. 

“Hey don’t look at me, it was the psycho’s fucking idea to get the cops after us!” Aria accused, pointing at Pinkie.

“And I take full responsibility on that claim!"

.....

Well, color Anon shocked for once. But either way, he shook his head in disappointment. “I fucking swear...” He mumbled, getting to his-... Wait, fuck. “Ow, dammit!” His leg received a sudden jolt of pain upon trying to use it. “Motherfucker!”

“Anon!” Maud pushed her sister aside and practically ran Aria down trying to get to him. “Are you okay? Where’s it hurt?” She frantically looked over his leg like his own mother would, the dry tone all but vanishing. “Oh no, I think your ankle’s sprained!”

“Ow, bitch!” Aria groaned, sitting back up. “You didn’t have to run me down, fucking cunt!”

There was a still silence between the two for a good five seconds... Then Maud turned her head, giving her a look that could freeze blood near-instantly. “How hypocritical.” The notch on her dry tone has reached absolute-zero on the temperature scale, and everybody in the room could feel it. “Have you forgotten that you and my sister are the two that nearly ran us down?” 

“Uh... I...“ Aria was shot down faster than a North Korean test missile. “K-kinda?... I mean-“

“So, if you ask me, the last thing you of all people should be complaining about is ‘me running you down’. Now if you’ll excuse me I must help my dear friend with his ankle.” Maud hoisted him up in a fireman’s carry, he grunted in surprise from being lifted so easily... Kinda made him feel small. “I suggest you find your pants and see if the car can still run, and before you say anything crude about where my shirt is it’s stained in my own bloody bodily-fluids.” Maud took Anon to the back of the store, displaying her impressive strength as an example of her dominance...

“Christ, what’s up with her?” Aria asked, to which Pinkie shrugged. “God... I mean, no offense Pinkie but she’s just... Wow.”

“Yeah... That was kinda uncalled-for.” Even Pinkie couldn’t defend her sister after that kind of behavior. “But she kinda has a point.” Of course that wouldn’t stop her from trying, right? “We did almost turn them into asphalt flap-jacks with a stolen car.”

“Yeah, bu-wait, what?” Aria asked. “That wasn’t your car?”

Pinkie answers with a cheerful. “Nnope!”

“... Well who’s is it?”

Pinkie just shrugged. “I car-jacked some guy I didn’t know, so your guess is as good as mine.”

Aria just... She just doesn’t know this chick anymore. “Okay than, let’s pretend I never asked.” Pinkie nodded, carefree as usual. Probably a safe move to just stop asking questions before she learns something she shouldn’t. “So where were we... Oh right, Maud.” Aria cleared her throat. “Going back to your sister being a bitch, I think it has another reason behind it aside from us almost turning them into paste.”

Pinkie tilted her head. “What makes you say that?”

Aria pondered that. “Hmm... Call it a Siren’s intuition.” She answered in an uncharacteristic seriousness. “Emotions play like keys on a piano to a Siren, and they all ring in a distinct tone of their own...” She monologued. “If you ask me, the song your sister’s playing sounds more poisonous than angry.”

Pinkie still looked confused. “Poisonous?”

Aria nodded. “Your sister’s tone is mute but her words give her away. She’s spiteful of me...”

Pinkie looked even more confused. “But why would she have a bone to pick with you?”

“That’s what I’m wondering...” Aria stood still as stone, pondering to herself... But it didn’t take long for her to lose interest entirely. “Well, whatever it is, it’s not really my problem.” With a quick turn Aria walked passed Pinkie, grabbing her by the back of her shirt and literally dragging her along by her heels. “Let’s go, Pinks.”

“Oh, uh... Where are we going?”

Aria just shrugged. “Probably someplace not dead and depressing so I can properly return the favor... If you’re picking-up what I’m laying down?” Pinkie seemed to blush at this, feeling a familiar tingle between her legs. “Yeah, no good deed goes unpunished, amigo... I think I’m gonna enjoy seeing you squirm.” Aria chuckled to herself, which somewhat unnerved the captured prey in her grasp...

In a good way, that is. “Even after all my hard work?” Her sorrows were about a believable as a porn pop-up ads. “You’re a meanie, Aria!” The supposed meanie kicked down a loose chunk of wall, opening up the bright outside world. “W-where are you gonna punish me?” The purple meanie stayed silent, guiding Pinkie outside. “You gonna take me outside and-“

“Shuddup already.” Aria pushed her to the ground. “That big mouth of yours has caused enough trouble as it is.” Aria knelt down and jerked Pinkie’s skirt to her feet, then spread her legs apart. The pink panties were drenched, unsurprisingly. “Hmm...” Aria gave the little camel-toe a test touch, dragging her finger along the wet fabric much to Pinkie’s shuddering joy. The covered lips moved lightly, and the area between them started to darken. Yeah, the little slut was just oozing with arousal. “Fuck, you're just a horny little faucet, huh?” She pushed the fabric aside to get a good look, her puffy pink lips were twitching lightly, trying to lure Aria to stimulate them and the tight little hole in between. “Mmm, so much girl-goo...” She was dripping down to her asshole, which twitched in-time with her pussy. “You want me to touch you?” Pinkie nodded, biting her lip and shivering silently. Aria’s smile grew. “Where?...” Pinkie whimpered, looking away. “Go on, tell me...”

Pinkie remained silent, her hands slowly going to her crotch and spreading open her lips. A lewd, sticky sound was heard as they were spread open. “H-... Here...” The little hole drooled with arousal, Pinkie’s blush was pepper-red. “Please...”

Aria took the soaked fabric off and, after a moment of consideration, brought the damp crotch-section to her mouth... There was no licking or sucking of the soiled panties, just a silent Aria gazing down at a horny Pinkie waiting for those sexy sounds. "... You know, it'd be such a waste to spoil my appetite." Her hand bolted forward, striking Pinkie's mouth while her jaw was left hanging. She gagged in surprise, tasting her own juices as the panties were stuffed into her mouth. “Try not to cum too soon, slut. I wanna savor this hot little slice of pie as much as I can.”

Pinkie’s only form of answer was the shuddering moan she let out feeling Aria start to rub her slit. The Pink Party Pon-I mean Human has been quite the little slut, hasn’t she? Almost kinda off-character... Well, Pinkie’s been rather frisky since the chase with the cops. No idea why though. Perhaps she was a closet adrenaline junkie? Or maybe she had an undiscovered fetish for badly-executed, self-aware sexual plot devices?

.....

Nahhh, it was probs Aria’s fault for being a shirtless, Mexican-stereotyped lunatic. Stupid sexy Siren/Mexican-stereotype loon, being all hot and injuring hundreds in her persona’s hunger for wanton destruction and mayhem... 

So yeah, Pinkie being a slut. Why don’t we go back to that instead of watch me berate myself for not being as good as FlutterPriest a good writer?... Yeah, I think we should. Let's go back to fapping to fictional humans.

Aria has a saying regarding pie, Chicken Pot Pie to be specific. When you get the pie nice and hot, the best way to serve it is to set it in a bowl and mix it aaall up, crust and the works. Needless to say, this is indeed the best way to enjoy Chicken Pot Pie, and if you think otherwise I will find you and firmly slap you in the testicles (or the boobs for you degenerate ladies out there). 'But Mudkip!' you may start in confusion. 'Why are you talking about Chicken Pot Pie during smexy times?' Well the answer to that is simple, Aria's going to enjoy some pie! Sure it may be an innuendo for pie but the process is all the same, minus the fork of course.

Pinkie was very much enjoying having her pie properly prepared, as any girl would. It started off with teasing strokes up and down the slit, which evolved into giving her clit some needed attention to really get her worked-up. Her love-button was still being gently rubbed and stroked, her muffled moans begging Aria to keep going. "Tch, little slut." Aria grabbed one of her tits and began to squeeze it through the shirt. “You love this, don't you?" Pinkie choked out an affirmation, swallowing some juices from the panties in her mouth. The taste made her sooo fucking horny, she'd completely forgotten that they were from her own pink walls. "Yeah ya do, horny bitch." Aria's hand forced her shirt up, showing off her bra and the pink breasts they covered. The bra was unneeded and promptly pulled down, Pinkie squeaked out in surprise and bit down on her shirt collar. “So big...” Aria abandoned the pussy and gave both a good squeeze. “Nice and soft, too... I bet it’d feel really nice if a guy shoved their dick in there.” Pinkie shook her head, she was just a thread's width away from busting and she couldn't take it anymore! "So you're about to cum, huh?" Pinkie nodded vigorously. "Well than... That's too bad." Aria took hold of her wrists, locking them together above her head. "I never even got to taste it..." Pinkie's orgasm was slowly approaching, yet no stimulus was being given to her aching pussy. "What's wrong, bitch? Aren’t you gonna cum?" Pinkie tried moving her hands but she was too weak, her orgasm was dying down fast and... Aria fucking knew it, too. That smug fucking look said she knew. 

"(That sexy freaking tease!)" Pinkie screamed in her head. “(Whyyy!? I wanna cum sooo bad!)” Pinkie gasped out as Aria suddenly locked lips with her, groping her breast and ass-cheek as she did. After a few seconds Aria withdrew, dragging the saliva-coated panties out with her and throwing them aside. “’cough! cough!’ Please!” Pinkie begged. “I-I wanna cum... I can’t take it.”

Aria stares down for what felt like forever, then she smiled. "You wanna cum? Pinkie nodded. “You want me to touch you?” She nodded again, Aria leaning down. “You want me to..." Aria licked her neck, Pinkie shuddered at the warmth of her tongue... Sweet Baby Jesus she’s never wanted somebody so badly before! “lick your pretty little pie?” 

Pinkie was close to crying at this point, all this teasing was just so agonizing! “P-please...” She whimpered out. “It’s so hot... I wanna cum so bad.”

“You do?” Aria let go of her hands and shuffled back, laying on her belly with her face in front of Pinkie’s agitated cunt. “I guess you’ve had enough for one session.” Aria spread those puffy lips open and gave her a good, long lick. Pinkie let out a shuddering moan, squeezing her tits and raising her ass up a bit. “You like that?”

“More!” Pinkie begged, lost in bliss. “Please, give me more!”

“You want more?” Aria locked lips with her lower lips and started cleaning her walls of juices. Her pink friend (with benefits) was making all kinds of noises, her hands wandering mindlessly for something to grab as the long-awaited orgasm was being licked out of her.

“Ariaaa!” The assailant retracted her tongue and started sucking her clit, Pinkie’s eyes shot-out. “O-o-ohhh yes!” She wasn't a squirter like Aria was, sadly. But her orgasm was still fairly wet with her hole convulsing as wildly as it did, not to mention sexy as all bloody hell. Aria stuck her tongue in the hole again and continued licking, driving Pinkie's hips and the octaves of her squeals higher and higher into the air with the continued stimulation. “Mmmph! Yes! Yes!” She enjoyed the taste very much, along with the moans and the cute little tugs as Pinkie's pie squeezed down onto the wriggling tongue in delight. After half a minute of this onslaught Pinkie's legs gave-out, her plump cheeks hitting the dirt with shutters. Her face was that of a stoner's, she was so fucking out of her noggin right now you'd think she just hit the hottest fucking joint ever created...

Aria smiled, licking the stray juices off her lips. "Now..." She sat up and rested her back on the old building wall, holding her head back in her hands. "I think we're even." Pinkie didn't respond, closer inspection revealed she'd fallen asleep in the high of her orgasm. "Hmm... Maybe I overdid it." Shrugging, she settled for looking up at the blue skies... Sex was a good way for her to clear her head, empty the mind and all that. Kinda like how alcoholics combat bad life choices by drinking the day away... Yet, despite taking Pinkie down orgasm-avenue she still couldn't get Maud out of her head. "Hmm... What would she even be jealous of?" She asked the sky. "I mean, I'm not exactly the most decent human being on the planet... Certainly not anyone to get jealous over.” She sighed, visibly stumped. “Whatever, I guess...”

.......

Aria’s ear twitched, she looked to the side.

”...oh...... An.....”

“Hm?” Curious, she pressed her ear to the cold wall... Then realized this did nothing to help her since stone was hard to hear through. She instead redressed Pinkie (yes, even the saliva-covered undies) and decided to sneak back into the building. Using her ears, she located a decent snooping post behind a weathered wall with enough cracks to allow noise to go through... A pang if guilt rant through her, though. “(Man, I really shouldn’t be doing this kind of thing...)” Her eyes shifted to the side. “(Then again I’ve done worse in the past... No Blaze, that’s the old you!)” She shook her head, getting up to leave in disgust with her-

”You want me to what!?”

“(Anon...)” Aria stopped, crouched back down to the cracks, and listened into the conversation with a sly little grin. “(Sounds like that faggot’s about to get his dick wet.)” She suppressed a chuckle, though her smile was on full display. “(Yeah, some voyuerism sounds pretty hot about now, especially with Schitzo out of commission.)” Her pants were already undone, hand teasing the purple flesh inside. “(I bet that faggot’s moans are about as gay as-)”

“I said you should kick that so-called ‘roommate’ of yours to the curb!”

...

...

...

(To Be Continued)
> Sugar n’ Spice and Alcoholism
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon pulled into the driveway and parked his car, sighing in fullfillment. Yes, a long day of work and taking care of chores deserves some R&R... “Alright ladies, this is the place.” At his signal, two scantly clad prostitutes exit from either back seat. One was a dark-purple, chubby sort of whore. Lavishing lips, shoulder-length black hair and all-natural bedroom eyes; complete with a crop-top to show off her ample bust and a pitiful excuse for short-shorts for her thighs. The other was quite skinny, almost unhealthily so. She had light-pink skin and long blonde hair, wearing a red dress and heels to show off her legs and ass. With the two whores fumbled out a heavily intoxicated Aria, who flopped onto the ground trying to get out of the car. “Has your, erm... ‘Client’ paid up-front?”

“Mmmhmm, Sugar’s got her green handsome.” The thiccer of the two replied in a sassy tone. “Wha’ ‘bout ‘chu, Spice? She treat you right?”

The other prostitute, ‘Spice’ as dubbed by Sugar, flashed a fat wad of cash from her purse. “I got my payday too, Sugar. Don’t you worry.”

Anon forced a smile and turned off the ignition. “Right, right... Just make sure you lovely ladies stays in her room, okay? I’ve got work tomorrow.” They both nodded and overlooked their shit-faced client, Anon got beside of the two and knelt down to pick Aria off the ground. “You two go on ahead, I got her.”

Spice smiled. “Such a gentlemen.”

’Smack!’

“Jesus!" Anon jumped, having had his ass slapped by the bigger of the two whores. “Th-that’s not-!”

Sugar towered over him, smiling. “You suuure you don’t want some Sugar before bed, baby?”

Another hand on his precious boy-butt, this time the skinnier one. “Maybe a lil’ Spice to go with it?” Oooh bloody hell, these bitches knew what they were doing. “How ‘bout it, sweetheart? Might even give ya this one for free if you’re a good boy.~”

“Nuh... N-NO!” Aria had awoken from her little booze nap. “Anon’s hic... He’s my bitch!” With that, she claimed ownership of him via vomiting on his shoes... Well, it wasn’t really ‘claiming ownership’ as much as it was just the alcohol in her system, but it gave the impression of such. “Eehehe... I’mma sorr- hic, S-sorry roo... Room...” She made an effort to climb up his body to try reaching him. “You’re a... Y-you’re a good bea’hic!’... B-bean...” She seemed to confuse herself with her own metaphor. “Bean... Pffhaaahahaaa! Anon’s... He’s not a bean, silly Blazey!” She lost her grip and promptly fell back into the dirt. “Hehe... Didn’t huuurt!”

Anon shook his head, kneeling down and picking her up in a shoulder carry. “A very lovely offer Sugar n’ Spice, but I think you’ll have your hands full with this one.”

“I’m Anon’s BUUURP!... A-Anon’s...”

“Liability, Aria.” Anon finished for his blitzed roommate.

“Y-yeah! I’m... I’m his Li... Lia... L-Library.” Close enough, Aria... “H-hey Nonny. C-can I... hic! Can I lick your weenie, Nonnyyy? I wanna li-hic! L-Lick your weenie tonight...”

As Aria rambled on the two looked at him more with sympathy than lust. “Can you two kindly go unlock the door for me while I carry her in? Room thirteen, please.” They went ahead, mumbling something about a single-father or something of the like... Well, from what Anon could assume they were implying, this life of his wasn’t that far off from being a single-father.

“Roomieee...” Aria called. “Y-you wanna sleep with me ‘n the... Th-hic! s-sexy whores?...” Anon just pretended not to hear. “Anooon!... I know hic! you can... You can hear me!” That he could, Aria. But he still refused to answer. “C’mooon! Lemme-hic! L-Lemme eat your meat, Roomieee!” Aria weakly pounded on his back like the spoiled, shitfaced child she was. “I’ll l-let you suck on Spice’s weenie if ya-hic!” Wait what? “Was it... Spice that had the surgery? Or was it...” After a few seconds she completely forgot what she was going on about, leaving Anon to wonder what those ‘girls’ were hiding... Or maybe Aria was just being drunk and spewing shit like a normal drunkard. “H-hey Roomie... I’m feelin’... K-kinda hot right now.~” 

“(Oh my god Aria will you just shut-up for one minute...)”

Aria continued rambling, unable to receive Anon’s telepathic message. “Y-you wanna fuck my-hic!... M-my mouth, Nonnyyy?... I’ll eat all your baby-batter for you.~” Aria’s attempt to seduce Anon were about as effective as trying to light a matchstick on the fucking moon. “Don’t you wanna hic! gimme all that pent-up stress, Roomie? I bet it’d feel really... R-really... Urp!” Aria puked again, just grazing Anon’s back but still hitting his heels to his discomfort. “S-sorry Roomie...”

After what felt like hours (which was really like half a minute) of Aria rambling on, he reached his doorstep with the prostitutes helping him in. “Thanks girls, I’ll take it from here.” They both smiled at him in return... A bit off-putting, admittedly. But he wasn’t all that concerned, they seemed trustworthy. “Alright Roomie, let’s put you to bed. I’m guessing the girls will be in as well.”

“Girls?... Waaaiiit...” Aria then gasped loudly in surprise. “You got me whores, didn’t youuu!”

Anon just nodded, deciding to roll with it. “They’ll keep you company while I’m sleeping.”

“Myeah... That’s.....” Aria slowly went limp in his carry. “Zzzzz... Zzzzz...”

Anon just sighed. “Guess I’m taking the prostitutes home, too...” He dropped Aria onto the bed and covered her up the best he felt like doing, she looked comfy enough so...

“Puttin’ her to bed, handsome?” Spice had entered the room, with Sugar chilling outside the door frame. “Shame, she paid for a full night’s worth of fun.”

Anon shook his head. “Yep, damn shame... I don’t suppose you do refunds?”

“Mm-Mmh, Sugar n’ Spice don’ give back green, string-bean.” Sugar replied, then she smiled in a way that... Made Anon a little uncomfortable. “A damn shame, in’t it?”

Anon felt his shoulders being held. “Sure is, Sugar... And this poor man’s gotta put-up with such a trouble-maker, too.” Why was he being pushed forward toward this... V-very well-endowed woman? “Y’know sweetie, me and Sugar got to thinking...” Oh dear lord he couldn’t stop staring. “And we think you’re in need of some relaxation...” Dammit Anon why are you staring!? “So, seeing as your ‘Roommate’ paid for our services... Wouldn’t it be a shame if all that money just went to waste?”

Sugar licked her lips... Sweet Jesus, those luscious lips. “Know what I think he needs?” Spice had her arms around him now, guiding him forward still with her breasts in his back. “I think he just needs a lil’ stress-relief.” Sugar Plum let the left strap of her top slip down, giving him a playful wink. “Don’cha think?”

Anon would normally protest, but he’s... A little distracted right now. “I-I... Um...” 

Sugar giggled, holding the back of her head with her hands to really make her chest-

’pop!’

The button on the V of her top completely popped off, flying off and hitting the wall behind Anon. “Mmm, much better...” He was able to see some cleavage now, and lord almighty it was glorious... Wait, no! Bad Anon! You don’t bang whores! Don’t give into these temptress’ bodies no matter how much they turn you on!

.....

Dammit Anon, stop moving toward the sexy whore! Also stop getting turned on, you’re no chubby-chaser!

“I hope you don’t mind, String-Bean.” Sugar lifted her top, exposing a lacy black bra trying to contain the sizable mounds underneath. “I jus’ wanna get a lil’ more comfortable.” Anon was only a foot away, shame-boner at full mast. Sugar seemed to notice it as well and push her breasts together much to his inner desires. “So you like ‘em big, huh?”

“Looks like he does.~” He felt a hand grab at his crotch. “Ready to find out what girl’s are made of, handsome?” 

A part of Anon said no. Another, more shameful and dirty part of him wanted to grab those honkers and that ass and just... “(Jesus H. Christ... Do I actually have a kink for big women?)” Anon was suddenly pushed forward, out of Aria’s room and into the waiting arms of Sugar Plum. He sunk right into those plush breasts like they were made of memory foam, and bloody hell were they warm... “(Wow... I actually have a Chubby Fetish.)” What’s the Scouter readings on the amount of fucks given? “(Huh... Okay than.)” Eeyup, zero... What, you were expecting a meme? Well too bad, you’re getting porn. Chubby porn!

“Ooh!” The plump prostitute jumped, feeling two hands grope her cheeks. “Surprised me, baby!” Surprise her it did, but it definitely wasn’t an unwelcome one. In fact, she very much liked this new enthusiasm! “Mm! Yeah, you want some Sugar, baby?” She happily returned the favor, grabbing his ass and grinding her crotch against him. “Drop those pants String-Bean and Sugar Plum’ll make your evening a whooole lot more wet.” Anon mindlessly agreed. Pride and self-respect were tied-up and locked in a basement deep within his brain right now, the only thing going through his head right now were this woman’s delicious curves. The two lovely ladies guided him to his room, sitting him on the bed with his pants left behind. “Now you just sit back and let Sugar take care of you, baby.” She pulled his underwear down and threw them to the side, sizing up his dick with hunger in her eyes. Spice kneeled beside her friend, looking at his goods with the same expression. “Gimme a hand, Spice.” She complied, unhooking the bra holding back Sugar’s beautiful breasts. She sighed at the newly acquired freedom, holding them up for Anon to see. “You like my titties, baby?” They had to be D’s at the very least, no way in bloody hell they could be any size smaller. “This sexy Sugar-Cookie needs a creamy filling...” She dropped her breasts and kissed Anon’s tip, then engulfed him in the warmth of her mouth.

“F-fuck...” Christ, it’s been way too long since he’s gotten good head. “That’s... S-So good!”

“Yeah baby, work him good.” Spice had also removed her dress and bra, though her breasts were tiny compared to Sugars. Cute and perky, but still B’s at best. “Mmm, love seeing you act like a slut.” She leaned in from behind, giving Sugar a reach-around for her tits and slipped her other hand down her tight shorts. This seemed to make her suck harder much to Anon’s joy. “So wet, too... Dirty little slut.” Anon was nearing the edge, so he gave her a few taps to signal it. “Here it comes.” Spice pushed her head down with a sadistic little smile, making her deepthroat him. Without even a second to spare he spasmed and shot hot strings of cum down her throat. “There we go... Drink it all up you dirty bitch.” Sugar’s eyes rolled up to her skull sucking him off, milking out all his cum with her constant swallowing.

“Gah!... Ah... Hoh god.” He was pretty drained but certainly not done. “Sugar... I gotta fuck those tits.” He panted out, rubbing his servicer’s shoulders to ease her to the idea. “You have no idea how bad I wanna glaze those beautiful breasts.”

Sugar smiled, sucking the last of his cum from his dick with a wet pop as she let him go. “Well...“

“Yeah, not so fast Sugar.” Spice slipper in between the two, grabbing his dick for herself. “You’ve had your fun, now I want mine.” She slithered her way up and over his body, pushing him down onto the bed. “Mmmhmhmhm, you ready for some Spice in your life?” She didn’t wait for an answer, diving right in for a deep kiss... It was a very passionate one, her eyes staring into his as she-

’Twack!’

.....

Anon was out like a fucking light, a firm blow to the side of the head sending him into a dreamless abyss. Spice giggled to herself and kissed his forehead. “Sleep right, handsome.~” 

“Hey, I wasn’t done wit him yet!” Sugar replied in... A very, very deep and masculine tone... Like, Flutterbutt on Poison Joke levels of deep. “Stupid-ass bitch, ruinin’ my fun. Couldn’t even get a piece o’ his ass before we konked him.” It was a good thing Anon was out cold, otherwise he’d scream in bloody horror upon the realization that he was sucked off and almost anally-pounded by a trap.

Man, if only Aria could see him now...

Anyways, back to the bitches! “Ugh, look Sugar you can fuck my ass later, alright? Now get your fat-ass in gear.” Spice ordered, devoid of all the lust she previously had. Her voice was still feminine though so at least Anon wasn’t fucked-over twice.

“Whatever... Where do we start?”

“You start with the idiot’s TV and work your way down, I’ll handle the light stuff.” Welp, guess I spoke too soon. Poor Anon was getting robbed, by a bitch and her trap underling no less! Oh the humanity! Will Aria somehow overcome her comatose and save her favorite roommate from such an ill fate? Will she make fun of him after discovering his ill fate? Will I, the author, fail my Sociology class for this semester of college!?

.....

’SLAM!’

“What!?” The two whores jumped. “Shit man, was that the door!?” Spice asked in a hushed tone. “Fuck, I thought this was a two-roomed apartment!”

“Quiet...” Sugar signed her to stay behind, cracking the door open. He/she peaked her head out and- “What the-!”

”RAAAH!” 

Sugar screamed, ducking it’s head back inside to avoid something that sounded like glass judging from the loud shatter. “Another crazy bitch!?” Yes, it’s Aria! Here to save-... Did she say ‘another’?

“Luuu-!Hic! Luuunaaaa!” The door was kicked open, a familiar drunk stumbling inside. “Sissy’s hic! Back from her daaate!” Eeyup, twas the ever-graceful, ever-dignified Celestia; straight from the second chapter!... With no pants. “And I got DUMPED agaaain! Whooo!” This school principle was fucking hammered like a nail in case I wasn’t clear enough with the slurred dialogue, bottle of scotch in her hand and bare panties on display for all to see. “Huh?... W-wait a...” Her eyes were unfocused with one squinting a lot more than the other, though they eventually made-out the three people in the room. “Who the fuhk are you?” She slurred at Spice, taking a swig from her bottle before adding. “What are ya doin’ in-’hic!’ in mah house!?”

Spice just looked toward Sugar, who had the same look of confusion she wore. “Uh... We’re-“ Celestia chucked the bottle at Spice in a sudden fit of drunken fury. She completely missed her intended target and instead hit the wooden headboard, but regardless it got her message accross. “Jesus!” The glass shattered on impact and alcohol went flying in every direction, luckily there weren’t any injuries but there were shards all over the bed now.

“Fuckin’ DON’T INNERUPT ME!... hic! You BITCH!” Celly swayed toward them sporting a sour look... Maybe. It was honestly hard to tell with how fucking blitzed she was. “Y-you think you’re hot shit!? Huh!?” She almost tripped on herself with her yelling. “I’ll-! Buuurp! I’ll fuckin’... Fuckin’ bash ya brains n’ make a-hic! Make a soup-can outta... Sumthin’ an...” Celestia seems to have confused herself in her own drunken ranting. “Take ya on da pain train an... ’drunken, incoherent mumbling’...” The two whores, being far more sober and coordinated, decided to double-team the drunkard to try to overwealm her. Celly, being far less sober and coordinated, just fucking swung her arms at them like a proper drunk.

Spice was on her ass pretty quick given how light she was. Sugar however, being a much bigger fish, took the hit like a champ. “Dat all ya got, bitch?”

“Wha... W-wait.” Sugar’s voice seemed to momentarily stop Celestia, who was not expecting her voice to be so... Unfeminine. “I... I-I coulda swore you’s was a chick.” Aaand Celly gets punched in the face... Yeah, even with all the alcohol in her blood she could feel that. “Ow... ’hic!’ That didn’t feel very good.” She wobbled a bit from the sudden shock, but quickly recovered from punch-drunk back to regular drunk. “Ya fuckin’ FREAK!” Celly decided to return the favor, giving the cross-dresser a good taste of her own medicine. Sugar could tank a flailing arm, but could she tank a good punch square in the jaw?...

No, no she could not. She went down with a loud thud, holding her face in pain. 

“Yeah! That’ll-’hic!’ fuckin’ teach ya some... Biology or somethin’...”

“You BITCH!” Spice came at Celestia with the broken bottle, getting a good scrape on her cheek. “Ya like tha-!?guh!” The drunk punched her in the face as well, then grappled her and lifted her up up over her head. “W-wait, have mercy! I just had some ribs removed a few months agooohohoo!”

’thud!’

Fucking threw her thottie-ass across the room like she was nothing. She hit the wall with a crack and landed on the floor, writhing in pain from the trauma inflicted to her frail figure. “Gh! M-my perfect body...” She wasn’t getting back up this time that’s for damn sure. “Y-You... You Brute!”

“Fuckin’ STAY DOWN!” Celestia went back to Sugar after having taught that other bitch her fucking place in the food chain. “Gonna fuckin’... FUHK that stupid face!” Celestia picked up the bottle now, and she had Sugar backed into a corner... This was not looking good. “Fuckin’... Beat your fat Burp! Ya fat ass like a...” Celestia reared her hand back, ready to dye Sugar’s face red. “Like a BITCH!” Completely missed her target. The broken bottle-neck flew out of her hand and shattered against the nearby wall instead. “Fuckin’... Eh?” For a brief moment Celestia registered that the bottle wasn’t in her hand, Sugar used this window of time to sucker-punch her and fucking book it, grabbing her recovering partner in crime as she went out. “Ey! I wasn’t done wit!... Eh, was I doin’ again?” She got back up and stumbled around a bit to get her head around where she was. “Wait... This ain’t my house.” Indeed it was not, meaning she beat up those people for no reason... Well, not like she would care either way. “Where’z we at, Cel... Celery?” She snorted at her own grammical mistake. “Pffh! Celery... Mah... M-my name’s Celestia!... Uh... Wait, where am I again?” She noticed her hand... “Hey! S-someone stole my Scotch!” Her eye (the other wasn’t even open) drifted to the sleeping, half-naked Anon. 

.......

Ahem, a quick look into Celestia’s mind if you will.





Within Celly’s poor, intoxicated brain was a pink room flooded with alcohol up to one’s knees. Within this room lived five little Celestias, each having their own unique color pallet and personality.

”Whooo! Th-this is sooo much fuUUURP!” The little Yellow Celly, the one having a fucking ball, held two bottles in the air as she let loose a fucking whale-call of a burp. ”I just love, love, LOVE getting TANKED like this!”

In the corner was a Blue Celestia, her make-up running as she hugged a bottle of her own. “W-We know it’s bad... But we just keep coming baaack!” She wailed in pity of herself, referring to the heavy alcoholism this mind is plagued with at the moment. “We have a problem and we need help!” A Green Celestia, completely knocked out, just floated on by in the alcohol like a log. “D-Disgust... Not you too.”

“Shaddap!” A Red Celestia yelled, sitting on a tied-up, Purple Celestia. “Or I’ll-hic! I’ll tie YOU up n’... Fuckin’... RAH!” She chucked the bottle, hitting the wall above the Blue variant who continued to weep pathetically. “Ey! Joy!” She called out, fishing another bottle from the waters below. “I think it’s your turn ta... Ta do the-’hic!’ The orb thing!”

”Whaaa? Nawwwww!” Joy slurred, waving off the Red Celly. ”I tink is... S-Saddy’s turn!”

The Red Celestia looked at ‘Saddy’, the blue one in case you didn’t know. “..... Eh, do it anyway.” Red Celestia ordered. 

With a dumb shrug Joy stumbled to the big pad at the front and hopped up, putting her ass into the round orb socket. “’Snort’, this actually works...” The room lit up in a bright yellow, Joy’s bare ass pumping... Whatever emotion this was into big Celly’s brain. “I still ca-hic! Can’t believe the author’s never seen Inside OUUUT!” The machine shook somewhat, Joy bit her lip. “Th-Th-Thaaaat’sss niiiiiice... Mmm...”

Red Celly just took another swig, shaking her head. “Christ, this place just gets worse and worse every day...” She mumbled to herself, looking down at the thick liquid flooding the floor in disgust with herself and this brain... She got up off of the purple one and trudged over to Saddy. “C’mere, Sad-Sack.” She sat her up any just started making-out with her, Saddness continued weeping but accepted the loving gesture, even returning the force to her normally hot-headed friend.

The purple Celly, Fear as you may have guessed at this point, spat out the worn-out gag. “Oh god, we’re such a mess...” She whimpered to herself. “Luna’s gonna be so cross with us when she sees what Anger did in that disaster of a date...” Yes, it was a complete fucking disaster. But that’s what alcohol does best, along with ruining families and killing brain cells.





Celestia stood there with a dumb look on her face, still trying to piece together what she was doing here... Dirty thoughts started to cloud her mind as she stared at Anon’s penis, mainly vague memories of their last night together when they first met along with other memories from her College years... Yeah, those were good times.

.....

Celestia, feeling that all-too-familiar need between her legs, stumbled over to Anon’s sleeping form and laid down beside him. “Eehehe, wakey-wakeyyy.” She kuu’d, her hand moving toward his junk. “Momma’s feeling frisky, Anooon.”

He just groaned, turning over to cuddle Celly. ”Mmh... No Aria, put it back...” Celestia tried breaking free but... Well, he proved to be too powerful for her intoxicated body to overpower. Plus, his bed was pretty soft... And that sleeping face... Her eyes grew heavier with each moment, the warmth of his embrace enveloping her and...

.......

“Zzzzz... Zzzzz...” Celestia was soon lulled to sleep with him, hugging him back in an adorable display ignoring the cut on her cheek dripping with blood. The rest of the night was quiet, with nothing but light snores and the muffled noises of two whores sneaking out of the complex.

(Later that Morning...)

Anonymous woke up to one of the worst headaches he’d ever had the displeasure to have. His room smelled heavily of booze and another rather pungent scent... Kinda felt like he was being breathed on. “Ugh... What the hell?” His voice was very raspy and exhausted. He opened his eyes to meet a very familiar, hair-draped sleeping face. “C-...Celly?” He moved some of the hair aside. Yep, ‘twas the esteemed principle herself, and judging from that serious case of halitosis she must’ve been drinking very heavily last night. “Fuck... Where’s m-” He rolled over to- “Ah, fuck!” A sharp pain suddenly shot through his back. “Ow! Goddamn, am I laying on glass?” He felt behind him. “Ow!” He touched something rather sharp, much to his shock. There’s no way, no bloody way he was sleeping on something so dangerous. He quickly sat up and... “Oh god.” Yep, he was sleeping on glass. “What the hell happened?” He noticed a cool breeze run over his balls, looking down he quickly noticed that- “Fuck where are my pants!?”

“Mnh... Too earlyyy.” Anon was suddenly yanked back down into the sheets. Celestia was apparently a major cuddle-bug this morning and grabbed out for him in her sleep. “Jus... Just five more minutes, Lulu.” Sheer, agonizing pain ran up Anon’s arm. The glass had pooled into his sleeping imprint when he sat up and sonova bitch did it sting! The only reason he wasn’t screaming right now was... Well, he was screaming, but a face full of tits did well to muffle his cries of pain.

...

Great, now he’s got a boner to make things worse. Couldn’t fucking hide it either because his pants were someplace other than his lower torso. “(Ugh, what did I do in a previous life to deserve this...)” He tried squirming his way out of her embrace, but she was quite strong. Either that or Anon was simply a pussy... He liked to think the former. “(Well, a face full of breasts isn’t all that bad I guess, and the pain’s kinda starting to fade... Could always be worse.)”

Very true Anonymous, and the click of his door reaffirmed him on that. “’Yawn!’ Hey Anon, the T.V.’s-...” Yes, his situation was about to get much, much worse. “Uhh...” Of course, her eyes drifted to his dick. “Huh, So that’s what it looks like...” Was she disgusted? Fuck no, this was Aria we were talking about! She’s seen man-meat of all shapes and sizes so offense was the last thing in her mind. Rather, she was genuinely curious of Anon’s ‘stats’ so to speak. His length, width, curvature, so on so forth. “Hmm...” She stared at it carefully, watching it twitch in arousal... “Gonna be honest here, I kinda expected you to be smaller.” Oh now that’s just plain rude. “Lemme just...” She took a peak at his balls for some weird reason. “That’s weird.” She spread his ass cheeks apart, making him grunt in alarm. “I think there’s something wrong with you, dude.” She informed, somewhat alarming him but for a different reason other than him being out-right molested. “Like, I dunno if I’m just missing something or...” Wait what the fuck is she talking about? “So... Kinda personal question here. I’m not your doctor, farthest thing from it as a matter of fact so feel free not to answer, but... Where the hell is your vagina at?”

.........

Why did he actually think she was being serious. “Mmph!?” Stranger danger!

“S-Sorry, just making sure that wasn’t your vaginaaahahaha!!!” Anon gave her a good kick. “Ow! F-fucking stooop!” Repeatedly. “Gah! Ow! Okay, okay! I’ll stop being a bitch!” The pain did a piss-poor job at suppressing her laughter, but it was worth a shot. “Hehe... Oh god, you’re a fucking riot dude.” She now noticed the mess keeping her poor roommate in a submissive hold. “So who’s the chick?”

“Mmphmmhmphmm.”

“... Oh right, the titty prison.” Aria plum forgot about that somehow. “Hmm... Hey, feel free to say no, buuut... You mind if I take advantage of this rare opportunity?”

“Mmphmh?” 

“Cool, thanks Roomie.” Aria pulled her phone out of her pocket and pointed it at his... Uh oh. “Hold still!”

“MMPH!?”

’chk!’

The flash went off before he could even think to struggle. “Aww, how precious.” She kuu’d, looking over the photo. “This’ll definitely come in handy later.” She put her phone away with a shit-eating grin.

“Mmphmphmmh...”

Aria's smile never even twitched. “Yeah, I know I am.” She pinched his cheek, ass cheek that is, teasingly. "But you know you love me anyways." Then, she turned. "Enjoy Titty-City my dude, I'm gonna go find a good dick to suck and go get shit-faced." She turned her head briefly. "Unless you have any objections?" Anon just remained silent, knowing that Aria had him by the balls here. "Good, pick me up at eight?"

"..... Mhm." He answered pathetically, refusing to look at her completely. "Mmph! Mffmph!" He suddenly called out.

"What? Can't you see I wanna drown myself in booze and sex?" She groaned out like a spoiled teenage daughter.

"Mmffp, mmphmfmmphmfmmph." Anon stated as a matter of factly. "Mfmmph, mm... Mm, phmmfmffmmphm."

"... Meh, guess that's reasonable." She agreed, to what she agreed to exactly was lost within the fluffy crevice of the Celestial Valley. Even I, your Lord of Bacon and Happiness: Mudkip, could not understand what Anon had said. "Also, did you say grass or glass?"

"Mmph." He answered, to which Aria turned to help with genuine worry. "Mmphmfmmff."

"Jesus dude, you shoulda said something!" She did her best to try and pry the... Very familiar-looking girl off of him. "Hey, uh... You never really answered my question earlier.” She informed. “So who’s the chick?”

"Mhhphmfmm Phmfmmhmphm." He answered. "Mm? Mmphmmfm?"

"W-wait, that's 'Celestia?'" She seemed to become a bit panicked. "Um... Well, yes I do know her, but..." She seemed a little reluctant to spill it. "I'll say this much dude, and... Please, just go with it for me." Anon raised a brow. "As long as she's around, promise me you won't call me by my real name... It's a long story, and it'd be best if you were left in the dark about it."

"Mm... Mmfmmph?" He guessed, still patiently waiting on Aria to help set him free. "Mmphmfmmfmphhmmfmmph... Mmph?"

"Just trust me dude, I wasn't always a..." She paused. "Well, I guess even now I'm not really a decent human being... Look, just know that I've made a lot of enemies in the past, and... I'm not quite sure if Canterlot is ready to forgive us-Me... Forgive me for what I..."

.............

"Do you really think that, Miss Aria?" The former siren jumped out of her bloody skin. She'd completely neglected to keep a close eye on Celestia, who was wide awake and looking right at her through a mess of multicolored hair.

"P-P-Principle!" Within a span of three seconds Aria was reduced to the state of a frightened little pup, up-right leaping away and crawling backwards like a soon-to-be victim of a serial killer. "Shit, please don't hurt me! I-I didn't-" Celestia merely giggled, throwing her off into confusion. "Wh-what's so funny!?" 

"Aria dear, it's quite alright." She assured. "I'm not going to hurt you or anything like that." She let go of Anonymous and sat up... Though she quickly covered her crotch due to not having anything on but her ruined panties. "F-forgive me for dressing so crudely, I'm not quite sure how I really... Well, ended up here." She explained. "Or why I'm dressed so scantily... In Anonymous’ bedroom." Que his embarrassed blush, followed by him covering his flagpole with the sheets. “Perhaps... It’s as I feared, Anonymous?”

“Um...” He was hesitant with answering. “Honestly I don’t remember you being here either, so...”

“Than why are your pants missing?” She asked. “Also, why are mine missing?”

... He decided to save himself the trouble and/or ridicule of telling them what actually happened last night. “You know what, maybe we did get a little too tipsy last night.” He lied. “My memories might’ve just been from a booze nap or something.” They seemed to buy this quite easily much to his relief.

"Ahem, anyways Miss Aria..." She continued, trying to look as professional as she could despite her lvl 8 bed-head, reeking stench of alcohol and lack of pants. "I'm not really a woman to hold grudges." Liar liar, breaks-into-Anon's-house-in-a-fit-of-drunken-rage-due-to-a-sour-date-and-beats-up-two-prostitutes... A word that rhymes with 'liar'. "As long as you and..." She looked around a bit. "Um... Pardon me, but where’s-"

"They're not here..." Aria interrupted her in a dampened tone. "It's just me and Anon here."

Anon quickly leaned in and whispered. ”Walking on thin ice, Celly. Aria doesn’t like talking about past stuff.”

Surprise overtook her. “What? Oh, I’m very sorry Miss-“

“It’s fine. Just... don’t bring it up.” Despite her reassurance, there was still an unmistakably heavy weight in the room.

.....

“S-so...” Celestia started. “I see that you’ve been... Doing well.” 

“Yeah... Uh, right back at ya, Cameltoe.” Well it was good to see that Aria was at least trying to lighten the mood a little with some jokes. “So, speaking of that...”

“Yes, very unprofessional.” She admitted. “But I deal with a lot of stress with the school being threatened by magical forces every year... I-It’s just hard, okay?”

“So you got your work cut-out for ya, huh?” Aria smirked a bit, looking around. “Well I guess a girl needs a break every once in a while... Bloody mess in here, though.” She lazily kicked a shard of glass in front of her. 

“Yes, I suppose it is... Apologies for that, by the way.”

Aria just shrugged. “I’ve done worse, trust me.” She turned to Anonymous. “Oh, by the way, our TV’s gone.”

“Wait, what!?” He was off like a fucking bullet. “Jesus Christ, the window’s fucking-!... Oh god our fridge!” Aria closed the door, then turned her head to face Celestia. “Now that he’s gone...” Aria approached and-

”Gkh!” Went straight for Celestia’s throat with the swiftness and accuracy of a snake-strike. “M-Miss Ari-ack!” Celestia couldn’t pry her hand off, she was soon pinned to the bed with a shard of glass being held dangerously close to her face.

“I wanna make this perfectly clear Celestia.” Aria was suddenly much, much scarier now. “I have thousands, and I mean thousands of years of experience dealing with you humans. Throughout my long imprisonment in this miserable human world I have earned eight separate belts of mastery from eight separate masters of martial arts. I’m a master of Aikido, Judo, Tai-Chi, Karate, Boxing; hell I was even knighted by the fucking King of England in the eighteen-hundreds.” It was almost like Aria was gloating at this point. “In short, I could fucking break you Celestia. Without even trying I could make you my fucking bitch, just like I did to those dirty fucking Americans at Vietnam after I fucking smoked them out like they fucking did to-...” Aria seemed to have relived a minor PTSD flashback, but luckily she snapped herself out of it before she... Yeah. “A-anyways, my point is I am the last person you wanna piss off, got it?” Very confused and frightened, the teacher just nodded. Aria stared her down hard, reading her very carefully... “I want ya to do something for me, Celestia... Think you can do that?” She blindly nodded. “I want you... To answer a question.” More nodding, with the shard getting closer and closer to her cheek. “Tell me Celestia...” It inched ever closer, Celestia could feel her blatter about to slip. “..... Does the carpet match the drapes?”

...

...

...

“Wh... What?” That was all she could answer with. “I... Th-the... Drapes?” She noticed Aria’s face start to soften.

“’Snort’ Pffhaahahaha!” Then just burst into fucking laughter, confusing Celestia, and to a degree frightening her, even further. “O-Oh, oh my god your face! I can’t believe y-you actually believed that crap-Aaahahaha!” Celestia... Laughed a bit, though it was more like an awkward chuckle if anything. In truth she’d never been more frightened in her entire life, especially after seeing that side of this former enemy. “I-I’m sorry Celly, I’m just kidding! Really! I don’t even fucking know what Aikido is!” Aria paused briefly. “Though I wasn’t really lying about that whole Vietnam fiasco, I still have flashbacks from all the trauma... Oh, and I did in fact get knighted by King Whats-His-Face a few hundred years back... Buuut those are stories for another day.” Aria helped Celestia to her feet, who was still completely overwhelmed by... Well, everything! “No hard feeling though, we're cool.“ 

"I-I... I'm glad to hear that." As... Chaotic as she's become, she was honestly happy to see her grow into a new, less evil Aria. It was a small step, but still a step in the right direc-

’smack!’

“M-My word!” Celestia's hands quickly went to cover her tender ass, having it unexpectedly smacked by her new friend. "Miss Aria!"

“Aria baby, just Aria." She corrected. "And just so you know..." Celestia gasped when she felt a hand squeeze her plump cheek, face blushing even brighter than it already was. “You can make me your bitch anytime you like...”

The flustered principal shivered at her whispers. “I-I... Don’t swing that way, Miss Aria. I’m straight!”

“So is Spaghetti...” Celestia felt the lightest touch graze over her... Oh my. “Until you get it wet.”

“WELL!” Celestia exclaimed, standing at full attention. “W-would you just look at the time! Things to be, places to do, so sorry Miss Aria!” She was fucking outta there, Speedy Gonzales style. “Goodbye Anonymous, sorry to leave so suddenly!”

“Oh god, they took my DVD player!” Sorry but nobody cares, Anon.

“Take care, such and such!” Celestia was out the door without even a glance of concern, she turned the corner and-

“Hiya Principal Celestia!”

“Mother of Faust!” She was given quite a scare, but luckily it was just Pinkie Pie, a familiar face with a big bright smile!.

... And no pants.

“Gasp!? Oh my good golly gosh Miss Celestia, I have the same pair of undies at home!” 

.....

“Um... Y-yes.” She was just kinda lost at this point. “So... Where are your pants?”

Pinkie cocked her head, looked down and then asked. “Where are yours?”

.....

“Good day to you, Pinkie.” Celestia had walked passed her, forcing a smile so transparent you’d think she worked Customer Service. 

Pinkie, being the happy-go-lucky Cinnamon-Bun she was, simply shrugged off her Principal’s unusual behavior. “And people call me silly!” She entered the Anonymous residence, opening the door to join in on the insanity that cursed Anon’s life.

.....

Eeyup, just another normal day for the Anonymous Residence, a normal, pantless day just like any other.
> Prank Wars: Aria’s a Fucking Cunt
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

’Chrrk!... Chrr-rrrk!’

The screen flashed to life, the static fuzz fading and being replaced with a close-up of some girl’s chest within a tight, noodle-strapped top. The room was lit with green night-vision settings, top quality as well since it even revealed the bumps on the top that were likely her nipples.

The first few seconds were deaf, just the soundless bouncing of tits as the girl presumably fiddled with the camera. ”He-...P-...kie, hold it still!” The audio was fixed after some more adjusting and bouncing breasts in the camera screen. “Yes it’s hooked in... Press this?” A red light bleeped at the top right-hand side next to a battery gauge, the word REC faded on and off next to the battery. ”Wait, the light just flickered... What are you-... My nipples?” After a few seconds of silence the clothed breasts were replaced by a girl’s face, glowing green due to the night-vision with darker shades around her cheeks. “Hehe, guess it’s kinda cold in here... Nobody asked you, Pinkie!” She had her hair down and wore a fuzzy snow-hat for whatever reason, those kinds with the flaps on the sides to keep your ears warm. Cute in a way, but even with the change of wardrobe it wasn’t very hard to tell just who this girl was, at this point we should all know by now. “Heh, ‘sup losers. Thi-... The hell are you laughing at, Pinkie?” Aria paused, likely listening to this ‘Pinkie’ fellow behind the camera. “What do I look like, a whore?” She questioned, pausing once again... Aria rolled her eyes before setting her attention back to the camera, likely ignoring her friend. “So yeah, name’s Blaze, got my camera-skank Pinkie with me, too. Say hi, Pinkie!” The camera briefly turned around, showing Pinkie with her tongue out giving a cute little wink. Camera flips back to Aria, smug as fucking usual. “So right now, my Roommate’s dead asleep.” She began. “It’s one fifty-three and he has to get up at five in the morning. So he’s tryna get a goodnight’s sleep and we’re gonna go wake his ass up.” Aria looks back into the hallway briefly, then cues Pinkie to follow close behind.

’Chrrrk!’

The camera fuzzes out briefly, the camera steadying itself to observe the scene about to play out. Aria could be seen with a large, cylinder-shaped object within a sizable bedroom. She mouthed out something to Pinkie, the camera screen nodded, and Aria resumed her slow and steady placement of the object. She checked inside, fiddling with something within the barrel of the object before giving a thumbs up and messing with a mounted camera on the wall. Pinkie turns the camera to herself and whispers. ”Her roomie’s gonna be sooo mad!” She giggles adorably before turning the camera back, Aria having finished with the wall-camera. She signals Pinkie to stand back, holding a remote in her hand. She then whispers to the camera, ”Love you Nonny-Bear~.” and blows a kiss at the camera. A quick turn and the click of a-

’BANGING OF STAGE FIREWORKS!!!’

The entire room lights up as the barrel screeched with loud banging and high-pitched whistles, sparks flying out of the mouth of the device. The man in bed is flipping utter shit, Aria’s holding her gut in muted laughter due to the screeching of fire-works. This continued for a solid five seconds before they eventually gave-out with one last pop, several dogs barking as background noise along with yelling from unfortunate neighbors.

“AAAAHAHAHA! OH! OH MY GOD-AAHAHAHA! THAT WAS FUCKING FANTASTIC!” Aria couldn’t stop crying, collapsing on the floor and curling up in hysterical laughter. “G-God help me it fucking huuurts! I can’t-hahaha! I can’t fucking breath-aaahahahahaa!”

The man just... Tumbled out of the sheets. He looked as if he were hit by a flash-bang, which wouldn’t be far from the case considering what he just endured. “Ohhh... Oh my god...” He slowly crawled his way out the door, Aria still cackling like a hyena on speed.

Pinkie helped Aria up and they both followed their victim, who was still crawling pathetically down the hallway in his underwear with no fucking clue where he was. “H-Hey! Anon!” Aria giggled out, he slowly turned his head. “H-hey... I love you, Roomie.” She broke into giggles once again, Anon just collapsed on the floor then and there. “O-Oh geez. C’mon Pinkie, h-he’s... He’s has enough.” They both approach and Aria helps him up, the camera zooming in on his blitzed face. “No hard feelings, right?”

It took him a few seconds but he eventually righted his vision with a short head-shake. ”You... Can go straight to hell, Aria.” Anon bellowed, still trying to get his bearings. “It’s too fucking late for this shit... Too fucking late for this.”

“That’s what makes it funny, though!” Aria argued, still giggling. “Okay, grumpy. Let’s put you to bed.”

’Chrrrk!’

The camera fuzzed out once again, revealing an entirely new scene. It shows a car of decent size through some kind of foliage, likely a large bush. “Sh! Shh! Quiet!”

’Slam!’

“Oh, here he comes, here he comes, here he comes!” Aria whispered in the background. Anon could be seen trudging out the door of the house, unlocking the car door and slamming it shut.

’..... Vrooom! Bing... Bing...’

’BANGING OF STAGE FIREWORKS!!!’

Anon’s car fucking lit up like American skies on the 4th of July, with his silhouette scrambling to try and get out of the car. Aria’s cackling could be heard yet again, though it was somewhat blocked-out by the loud banging in the distance. The fire-works eventually gave-out, Aria jumping from the bush and running to the car followed by her faithful camera-woman. “Anooon! You still alive, dude!?” Aria shouted, slowing down at the car. Once Pinkie caught up they both walked to the driver’s seat, door wide open with Anon a few feet away from it face-down in the lawn.

.....

“PFFH-HAAAAHAHAHA! AAAAHA-“

’Chrrr-k’

The screen went black, then opened to an ‘end tape’ menu with a play-back option. “And that’s why Anon’s here, Doc.” Aria stated, sitting in an otolaryngologist‘s office with a very agitated Anonymous, watching the DVD of his misfortune. “Oh and thanks for letting me use the DVD player, you know to-’snort!’... S-show you what happened.” Her giggling wasn’t very convincing of her true reasoning for this.

The doctor just stared... “I... See.” He really had nothing else to say, having witnessed such... Stupidity with his own eyes. “Well then, it’s no wonder why Anonymous’s hearing has failed him. ” He looked through his papers briefly. “He is a very lucky man though, the deafness is only temporary... Yes, his hearing should come back anywhere between a week and a month, given no further damage is done.” He then looked at her. “I... Assume you will be his hearing aid for the time?” Aria nodded, still giggling a bit from watching the video. “Very well, very well...” He cleared his throat and gave Anon a sympathetic glance before continuing. “Please inform Mr. Anonymous that his hearing will return, and let him know that he may go perminantly deaf in his twilight years due to the damage.”

“No problem, doc!” She took Anon’s hand and guided him out, shocking the good doctor with her unaffected demeanor. In the waiting area one could see Pinkie playing with children’s toys provided for relief of boredom, though she looked quite sad. “Anon’s good, Pinks! He’s gonna be deaf for a few weeks though!”

Then she immediately perked up at the news, smiling big and bright. “Oh, thank goodness!” She got up and joined the two, following them outside. “Too bad Nonny can’t drive though, since he’s temporarily deaf.”

Aria just shrugged. “Welp, we did this to him, so it’s only fair that we help him along.” She bumped Anon’s side. “AIN’T THAT RIGHT, BUDDY!?!?”

“WHAT!?” He shouted at an equal volume.

“Yeah, totally fiiine...” They all got in Anon’s car, Pinkie taking the wheel and Aria calling shotgun. “You don’t mind driving for him, right?” 

“Like you said Blazy, it’s our fault that he’s deaf!” She answered. “I’d be happy to make-up for it however I can!” Pinkie slams the gas, alarming Anonymous. “Now let’s go have some fun!”

“WHAT’S HAPPENING!?” He shouts. “PINKIE!?!?” Aria looks back at him from the front seat, smiling in that mischievous way that he hated so... He doesn’t need ears to know that he was in for utter hell until he regains his hearing.

If he regains it, since he still has no idea if he ever will...

.....

“GODDAMN YOU, ARIA!”
> Life as a Bartender: Maud Pie and the Legend of Blockbuster
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

When we last saw Anonymous, he was carried away by Maud so she could help heal his injured leg and establish her roll as the superior female toward her 'rival' Aria. Well, after finding some sturdy tape and a few rags (along with an old hoodie for Maud’s... Chest) she began patching up his leg of cuts and bruises likely caused by broken window glass and blunt trauma from the car that nearly smashed him. The make-shift bandages were crude, but sturdy enough to hold in the case of another accident. “Ugh, I can’t believe that girl...” Maud was... Mad, to put it lightly. “Who in their right mind thinks it’s a good idea to smash their car into a building, honestly!” For good reason as well, sadly.

Anon just nodded along with her, leaning against the wall so he could relax while Maud bandaged his leg. “Just trust me Maud, she’s done worse than this.”

“Anon, she nearly killed us!” She exclaimed, her grip on his leg tightening. “Not to mention she nearly killed my sister as a bonus!”

“H-hey, easy on the-!”

“Then she has the nerve to hug you, right after her attempt at vehicular manslaughter!” She continued, ignoring Anon and gripping even harder. “She didn’t even apologize right away, she just wanted you back because she wanted to be fed! Does that woman have any sense of right or wrong in that brain of hers!?” 

“M-Maud, please!” Anon begged, pounding his fist on the floor in pain. “For the love of Fred the Fish, my leg Maud!”

“That girl... She just makes me so!... So!..... Sigh...” Her grip on his leg had diminished considerably, as did her spite toward Aria. “I’m... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be so sour toward your roommate.” Maud’s voice had softened, almost to the point of a whisper. “I-I just... She’s just so... Reckless!“

“Yeah, I... I feel ya, Maud.” Anon grunted a bit, but smiled through it. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wrung out her neck for doing something stupid.” He chuckled at the memories, like a parent thinking back on their own child’s innocent mistakes. “Aria’s a handful sometimes, I’ll say that much... But she has a good heart in her.”

“A good heart... You really think so?” Maud looked downward, thinking on his words. “How long have you two... Well, lived together?” She asked.

“A few years now, I think.” Anon answered. “Yeah, around three or four.”

“Th-that long!?” She exclaimed out in shock. “And you say that running you over with a car isn’t even the worst she’s done to you!?”

Anon just shrugged it off as if it were an honest mistake. “I mean, she once broke into a preschool drunk off her ass with a super-soaker.” Maud just looked at him as if he were- “A super-soaker MADE to look like an M16, I should add.” Oh... Never mind, now she understands. “Yeah, the Board of Education was not happy with her.”

Maud just shook her head. “Those poor kids...”

“Mmhm, and that was only a few months ago.” Anon added. 

Maud’s mouth hung a bit, she was just speechless. “I-I... I just...”

“You get used to it, trust me.”

Maud felt like he... Understood his situation more.

.....

She felt that this was definitely some kind of Stockholm Syndrome, it had to be. “Um... This may be a dumb question, but has your roommate been arrested before?”

“Pffhahahahaha!” Anon had burst into laughter. Yeah, definitely a dumb question. “H-has Aria been arrested-Aaahahaha! O-Oh... Oh my god.” This reaction somewhat scared Maud. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t laugh.” He calmed himself down before speaking. “Yes Maud, I can assure you she’s been to the Pokey before. She’s the most well-known face at the county jail.”

Maud honestly couldn’t believe her ears, he was... He was just saying it so casually! His reaction was like if she asked if fish knew how to swim! “M-more than once?”

“Oh my god, I couldn’t tell you how many times!” He exclaimed. “The girl’s just a magnet for trouble I tell ya, take your eye off her for one minute and she’s getting arrested for who-knows-what!”

Maud gulped. “H-Has... Has she ever k-... Killed?”

That was a question that seemed to make him stare in wonder... Perhaps he had no record of her doing that kind of thing? “Well... Knowing Aria, I’m fairly certain she’s had to do that before.” Oh my god... “But she’s never been arrested for anything as serious as homocide; usually just public intoxication, some form of vandalism or destruction of public-slash-private property, indecent exposure... The list goes on, but she’s never done anything that could land her anything more than a year in prison.”

“..... A-and... You claim that she has a good heart.”

“Well she doesn’t do this stuff out of hatred or anything, she’s just plain stupid sometimes.” He explained. “Dumb decisions don’t make you a bad person, it just shows that you’re reckless.”

She couldn't believe the shit he was spewing at her right now. “You’re going to tell me that showing up at a preschool, intoxicated with a squirt-gun designed to look like an assault-rifle, was just an honest mistake.”

Anon just chuckled. “I know, I’m crazy aren’t I?” He should’ve realized sooner that she wouldn’t really understand. “Aria’s not a bad girl, Maud. She’s stupid sometimes but she’s not mean or anything like that... I mean, she’s friends with your sister.”

Maud’s eyes widened. “Pinkie!?” She exclaimed. “Those two... She’s actually friends with Pinkie?”

Anon nodded. “From what I’ve seen they tend to get along well.” He added as a matter of factly.

Maud couldn’t believe him, there was no way Pinkie could befriend someone like...

.....

“... If Pinkie really is her friend,” Maud started. “then I guess that’s enough proof for me.” Maud had finished wrapping his leg. It was a rough job but it would work for now. “But I’m still worried...”

“Join the club, man.” He spoke in sympathy. “One of these days that girl’s gonna be the end of me, I realized that long ago.” He sat up and rested a hand on her shoulder. “But, if I can survive a car crash and dragging us to safety in a thunderstorm, then I won't be croaking for a good while.”

Maud felt a bit better from his assuring words, but she was still concerned with Anon’s safety nonetheless. “J-Just promise me you’ll be okay... I don’t think I could stand it if she killed you.” It took a moment for her to realize what she just said. “I-I mean-“

Anon pulled her in for a hug, completely derailing her. “I promise, Aria won’t be killing me anytime soon.” Maud’s face lit up like a Christmas Tree. “Is that better?”

“... Y-yeah.” She murmered. “C-could you, um... Pet me?” She felt Anon’s fingers running through her hair, easing her mind further away from Aria with each stroke. Anon leaned back against the wall again, taking Maud with him so they could both relax. “You’re such a good person, Anon.” Maud purred. “I feel so safe when I’m being held...”

“I could imagine.” He mumbled. “Must be a nice change after almost being killed.”

“Mhmm... I’m glad that you don’t find it weird.” Maud spoke. “Y-you know... The petting.”

“It’s fine, I don’t think it’s weird.” He assured. “In fact, it’s pretty comforting seeing you act so cute.”

“C-cute?” A wave of warmth washed over her. “You think I’m cute?”

“I said it before, didn’t I?” Maud buried her face in his chest in an effort to hide her blush. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”

The room was fairly quiet, save for the occasional creak of a rusty pipe or bird chirp. It was just Anon and Maud now, together...

Alone.....

.......

“A-Anon?” Maud peeked up from his chest. “I... Um...”

“What’s wrong?”

Maud was quiet for a few moments, until she eventually asked. “C-could you... Let me go for a moment?” He did as told, though somewhat curious about this request. “S-sorry, I just need to use the bathroom.”

Ah, that makes sense. “Go right ahead, I’ll be here.” She nodded and walked off, leaving Anon to himself. “Yeah... Cute girl, she is.” He mumbled to himself. “Still can’t believe she’s related to Pinkie though...” He stared at the ceiling, comparing those two in his mind. Poofy pink curls alongside straight bluish-grey locks, an unbreakable smile against a mouth that barely ever cracked a grin. “Hmm... Like yin and yang, I guess.”

“A-Anonymous?” Anon looked at Mauuuuu...

.....

“Um... D-Do you like it?” Maud was standing in nothing but her panties and stomach bandages. “I thought that... S-since... You were such a good friend... and I... ’mumble mumble’...

Anon was... Bloody hell, he was not expecting something so forward! “M-Maud...”

She walked toward him and laid down beside him as she once was, pressing her breasts into his side. “Y-you’ve... Seen them before.” She took his hand. “Have you... Felt them yet?” 

“Maud, I-“ He couldn’t fight her strength, it wasn’t anything forceful it was just that Anon was... A part of him wanted to touch them. “Th-this isn’t right, I’m your sister’s friend!” He argued, trying to keep his demons from turning this friendship into something much more sexual.

.......

“Aria...” Maud started. “You know what she’s doing right now?” Did... Did he really wanna know right now? “I saw those two... Aria was dragging Pinkie outside with a look on her face.” Oh my good god Aria.

“Oh... Oh my god.” Anon’s hand was guided her breast, the nipple poking at his palm. “M-Maud!”

“Anon.~” She visibly shivered, arching her back at his touch. “I feel so hot, Anon...”

“Maud, you need to stop!” Anon ordered, making her gasp in surprise. “Maud... I respect how you feel about me, but I’m too old for you.” She looked like a kicked puppy, it was almost too much for him to endure. “You... Have to understand that I respect you, Maud. I honestly don’t want this to stop, but-“

“Than don’t.” She interrupted. “I don’t care how old you are... I don’t care what you think of me.” Maud suddenly became much more aggressive. “J-Just... Let me do this for you!” She jumped up and kissed him, feeling the bulge in his pants rub against her crotch. “Mmm! Mmm...~” Anon was in complete, total shock. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to think! All of this was just happening so fast that he couldn’t keep up! “’Aah!’ I feel it, Anon...~” She panted out, grinding herself against him. “Y-you want it... Don’t you?”

“M-Maud, you can’t!”

“Don’t worry... I’m saving myself.” She rubbed her panties on him teasingly. “Unless... You want to be my first?”

Anon just couldn’t respond to something like that, a brutal struggle against honor and lust battling in his mind left him without an answer.

“Mmm, you’re so hard though...” Maud couldn’t get the thought of riding Anon out of her head. “Maybe... Just an inch or two?” She slithered down to his crotch, undoing his pants and sliding them off. “Or four...” The underwear was peeled off, releasing Anon Jr. from his prison. “Oh...” She stared in admiration, having never seen one this close before. “It’s so slick already...” She started stroking him, getting her hand slick with pre. “So hot, too...” She watched it twitch with every stroke, it was kinda cute in a way... “I... I hope I’m doing-“ The dick throbbed and a white, sticky fluid spurted out. ”Gasp!?” With each twitch more cum drooled out, coating her hand. “Oh gosh... I-If... That were inside me...” She felt a heat build in her crotch. “I..." As it was deflating in her hand, she knelt down and licked the tip.

“M-Maud!” Anon choked. “Don’t!”

She sucked on the head, pushing her hair back so it wouldn’t get in the way. “Mmm... Mmm...” The bitter taste sent jolts up her spine. “Mmhmm.~” Soon his dick was erect once more, just what she wanted. She let go of his cock and panted. “Anon.~” She climbed up him, hugging his neck and staring at him with glossy eyes. “I... I want it.”

“Maud, please!” He begged. “We can’t-“

“I don’t care!” She yelled. “Just... Let me do this for you... Please.” Oh god, those eyes! “I-I want you... To be my first.” She pleaded. “You’ve done so much for me... Let me return the favor.”

“Maud...” He sighed, having decided to give-in. He just couldn’t find it in him to break her little heart... “If... If that’s what you really...” He trailed off suddenly. "... No."

"Uh-... No?" She recoiled at the sudden change of answer. 

"I think you're making a huge mistake, Maud." Anon explained. "I like you, honest. You're very nice and... Very attractive, but I don't think it's okay for you to give yourself to me like this. I mean, we literally just met a few days ago and now..."

She was... Silent for a good while, her head down and expression hidden behind her bangs.

.....

“Well... You know what I think?” She asked... Then raised her head, revealing pure anger behind tear-soaked eyes. “I think you should kick that so-called ‘roommate’ to the curb!” She yelled, surprising Anon with this sudden change of topic. “Why is she even with you in the first place!? You two aren’t together, and you probably won’t ever be if you can’t grow a pair and fuck a girl literally asking for it!” Jesus Christ, Maud! Where the hell is this coming from!? “She’s probably not even interested in you. I bet the only thing you are to her is a free roof to live under, because it’s plain as fucking day that she’s just mooching off of your generosity like a stupid little leech. I mean come on, she nearly ran us both down today! Then the first thing out of her mouth is ‘food, food, food’, not even a single apology!” She was just fucking unloading on him, telling him off with all the fury she has. “I don’t know how she befriended and seduced Pinkie, or how she got her claws around you, but you need to cut her out of your life! She’s not a good person, she’s not even a decent human being! She’s just a problem that you refuse to let go of!” Maud had finished her rant, panting out in exhaustion. “That’s... That’s what I think...”

The room was silent, dead silent...

The silence seemed to snap her out of her rage and... Make her realize what she just said. “I... Wait...” Anon roughly stood up, pulling his pants up with a look of fury in his eyes. Cold, silent fury that could've easily snuffed Maud's own. “Anon, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-!” He up and left, not even a passing glance. “D-don’t... Don’t leave me...” Maud was alone now, naked and abandoned like a lost puppy... ”A-Anon...” She began to cry, curling up into a sad little ball...

She felt so cold, ice-cold...

Frozen...

.....





Anon walked out of the room, spotting Aria in the corner with a look of complete shock. “Uh, I just got here, I swear!” Anon simply ignored her and continued on, walking out through the huge hole made by the car and out into the open road. “Jesus Christ...” Aria mumbled. “He didn’t even tell me to go fuck myself...” She noticed the distinct sound of crying coming from behind the wall. “Guess the big guy really does care about me...” Aria then considered that maybe Maud was kinda right... She did mooch off of him a lot.

.....

Okay, maybe more than 'a lot'... Aria did really owe him a great deal for putting up with her.

'Distant crying...'

“Christ..." She shook her head, pitying the sad-sack despite the... Bomb she just dropped. So, with a heavy sigh she decided. "Never thought it'd come to this, but... Guess it’s up to me to save the day.” Yeah, Aria didn't believe her own mouth either. But, she did have a few thousand years worth of experience under her belt. Surely she could use all that experience to repair Anon and Maud's friendship!

.....

Maybe...

Probably...

.......

Well, it was worth a shot, at least. She did owe Anon the favor anyways since she nearly killed him.

"Alright Blaze, game face..." With a firm nod she got up and walked into the room, spotting the sad sack herself crying her heart out. “(Okay, now how do I approach the chick that hates me...)” Maud peeked our from her protective ball form, noticing Aria. “(Crap, gotta think fast!)” Not a single good idea to save herself the awkwardness, already going down-hill. “Uh... Heyyy.” Finger-guns.exe. “What’s... Up?”

Oh my god...

“If... ’sniffle’ If you must know...” Maud wipes her nose on her arm. “I lost the only best-friend I’ve ever had... B-because of my stupid!... S-stupid mouth!” Then she went back to crying... Beautiful.

“(Ugh, goddammit Anon...)” Aria sat down next to her, she scooted away.

“Don’t touch me!” She snapped. “Not with those filthy hands that defiled my sister!”

“Oh... So you saw that.” Alrighty, definitely hitting hot water now. “Uh... Yeah.”

.....

“Well for the record, she hit on me first.” Goddammit Aria, why!? “Err... Well...”

“You almost sound prideful...” And we’re back to Monotone Maud, perfect... Well at least the crying’s stopped, silver linings and all that. “Do you take pride in seducing my sister?... Hm?”

Was... Was that suppose to be sass? “Um... Nooo...?” Aria sounded as if she didn't even know. “I mean, Pinkie’s pretty... Cute, I guess.”

Maud raised a brow, still peeking from her little ball. “So there was no meaning behind it?”

“Well... I mean, it’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, but I...” Maud just laying there and silently judging didn’t help build her confidence. “Um... Pinkie’s... Not my type, I guess?”

Maud remained silent for a few moments, still staring at her. “... So how long were you back there?”

“Oh... Um, maybe around fifteen minutes? I kinda kept Pinkie ‘On Edge’ if ya know wha-“

“Behind the wall.” Maud corrected. “How long were you behind the wall.”

“..... Ohh, that’s what you meant.”

Duh.

“Yeah, I was there... For the roast.” Aria answered. “Gotta say though, I’m kinda mad at you for saying those things about me.”

“Yet you fuck my sister behind my back.” Maud growled. 

“Which is why I’ll let the insults slide this time... Cause I did indeed tongue-punch your sister’s pie.”

Maud just stared... “Never say that to me again.”

... Well, there was a bit of emotion in her tone that time. “Fair enough.” The two shared a lengthy moment of pause, Maud’s silence being one of distain while Aria was just trying to avoid saying something stupid. “Sooo...” Aria awkwardly began. “Why do you think of me like that?”

Maud simply stared. “..... I’ve been asking that question myself.” She answered. “I guess I’m simply jealous?”

“Yeah, I got that much.” Aria mumbled, referring to the earlier episode Maud had. “But why the hell are you even jealous? I mean I’m not exactly ‘woman of the year’ material.”

“I’m not envious of you, Aria.” She sneered with a venomous tone. “I’m... Envious of your standings with Anonymous.” She answered. “That’s what I’m jealous of, the bond you two share.”

Aria cocked her head. “Bond?... The hell are you talking about?”

“Anon told me that you do horrible things very often, and how you’re quote-on-quote, ‘stupid’ 

Aria looked fairly surprised. “He called me that!?” Maud nodded, a bit surprised by Aria’s reaction. “Christ, that’s just awful!” She shook her head. “I mean, my god, he used ‘stupid’ of all things? He usually calls me whore or skank or bimbo... God I’m almost offended!” Aaand Maud’s face fell flat. “Outta kick him square in his fucking pussy for that sorry excuse of an insult... Prissy cunt.”

.......

“The way your mind works is truly a marvel, Aria.”

Aria smiled. “Uh, thanks, I guess?” Yeah, looks like Aria’s really living up to that ‘stupid’ title despite her objections. “You aren’t that bad yourself, Maud.”

“... Thanks.”

.....

Maud had finally decided to come out of her little ball form and sit up. “Anonymous.” She started. “Why does he like you so much, despite all the things you do?”

Aria shrugged. “Hard to say, honestly.”

Now that definitely raised a brow for Maud. “You... Really don’t know?”

“Hmm... Nnope, not a clue.” She answered, much to Maud’s amazement. “Well... Hmm.....” She took a few more moments to think.

............

“Yeah, I got nothing.”

..... “Um... Okay?” To be honest she felt kinda shocked, no, almost offended really! How could she have never considered what made those two so close to each other!?

“... Well, I guess there’s one reason.” Aria admitted. “Kinda stupid to be honest, but... I dunno, I always thought that maybe he kinda liked that part about me, maybe... S-sorta...” Aria blushed, suddenly developing a rarely-seen sheepishness. “It’s stupid, I know. Probably not even the case, either...”

Maud simply stared, as she’s been doing for around 70% of this entire meet. But this time, she looked at Aria in a... Different light.

.....

Then she smiled. “Maybe... I was wrong about what I said about you.”

“What, about the mooching thing and me being a whore?“ Aria guessed. “Cause I can guarantee that you're right on all accounts, I mean I really am a complete slut for-“

Maud quickly slapped her hand over Aria's running mouth. “Please.” She begged. “Stop digging a deeper hole for yourself.”

Aria gave her a thumb in affirmation.

Maud let her go, reluctantly  giving her the ability to speak. “What I was referring to, by the way, was what I said about... Y-you not caring about Anonymous.”

“Oh... Uhh...” Awkwaaard... ”Y-yeah, that’s... Pretty wrong.”

Maud nodded in agreement. “It was petty of me to say all those things... Even if most are actually true.”

Aria shrugged, sporting a friendly smirk. “We all fuck up, dude. Just gotta try not to do it again.” A friendly pat on the back followed suit. “And believe me, I know that more than anybody else here.”

“Yes... The fact it’s you telling me this lesson is quite painful.” 

Aria chuckled. “Sounds poetic to me, Sugar-tits.” She then stood up. “Tell you what, why don’t you get those bad-girls under some thread while I go drag Anon out of his vagina, hm?” Maud brightened at this... Probably.

Again, kinda hard to see emotion under all that ice, but there was a slight change in her facial features.

“You would really... Even after what I said?” Holy fuck her voice was cracking. “I’m... I’m touched by your generosity, Aria.”

“Y-yeah, it’s nothing...” Aria wasn’t the best at handling gratitude, but she couldn’t deny that it felt pretty good to get Maud feeling better. “Just don’t screw it up again, alright? Anon doesn’t give second chances.” Maud nodded, a small smile forming as her gratitude swelled.

Then she suddenly latched to Aria in a very tight hug.

“Gh! J-Jesus...” Eeyup, Maud was strong... Very strong. “Gonna... Rip me in... H-half!” Not even the tits pressing against Aria’s own could make this pain worth it... 

Well, maybe a little... Seeing those Double-D’s squished together was defin-

’crack.’

Nope, neeever mind! This really fucking hurt! “M-Maud!... Crushing!...”

“Oh! S-sorry!” She let Aria go, who went crashing into the floor in pain. “I’ll... Go get my sweater.” Aria was still groaning on the floor, holding her ribs in pain. “Sorry...”

“Jesus Christ...” She managed to recover, thankfully. “H-how much iron do you pump!?”

“R-Rock farm...” Aria looked confused. “It’s where I was raised most of my life... The work really helps build muscle.”

“Oh... R-right.” Aria took a few cautious steps back. “Um... You don’t turn green, do you?” Maud just stared with a raised brow. “Just making sure.” Silence followed... “Sooo... Nice tits?”

.....

“Thanks?” Guess we’re back to Aria having less than zero skills with having pleasant small-talk. “N-nice... Butt?”

... This works, too.

“Thanks... S-so, yeah, I’ll let you go and find your clothes.” Aria then awkwardly left the room, exiting through the hole she made with the car. “(Alrighty, one chick down.)” She spotted Anon by the rusty gas pumps. “(One to go.)” She walked up to Anon and leaned against the support beam holding the rest of the station roof up. “You ready to stop being a bitch yet?” Eeyup, Aria wasn’t afraid of being herself when it was Anon she was talking to. No sugar-coated words or understanding tone, he was getting the genuine Aria in all her glory. “C’mon man, I just got done talking to your girlfriend. We can sit down like adults or I can drag your ass over and make you listen to her.”

“Aria I am in no mood to talk to either of you.” He growled. “Maud said a lot of awful things targeting both of us.”

“Mostly me though.” Aria reminded. “Like, she fucking bashed me harder than an Irishman being called a Redcoat.”

Anon opened his mouth, but paused briefly. “..... Okay one, I’m surprised you could make such a cultured simile.”

Aria smiled her smug little grin. “I know more than just sex, thank you.”

”Surprise, surprise...” Aria hit him for that, but it wasn’t anything harder than a playful punch. “Two, that’s exactly what I’m so pissed off at.” 

“What, you mean the shit she said about me?” Aria guessed. “Not to burst your bubble or anything, but most of what she said was kinda true.”

Anon just shook his head. “She said that you only care about my generosity, and on top of that she said you don’t even care about me as a whole!” He borderline yelled. “She made you out to be this awful, manipulating sociopath, Aria... That’s what really pissed me off.” 

Aria just... Stared. “Wow... I... I assumed you were angry about that, but...” Despite knowing full well why he was angry, she was still quite astonished hearing him say it. “Christ, I had no idea you cared that much about me.”

Anon nodded, still keeping his eyes out toward the open road. “You’re my friend, Aria. You do a lot of dumb shit but you’ll always be my friend.” He continued. “And Maud... She just needs to accept that she won’t be as close to me as you are.”

Aria smirked. “So you were listening in, huh?”

“It’s hard to ignore a crying girl...” He explained. “Besides, someone’s gotta keep an eye on you.”

“Aww, I’m so touched.” Aria teased. “Lemme give you a kiss.”

“Touch me and yo-HEY!” She stuck her tongue out, trying to lick him like a dog would. “Aria fucking stop! I don’t want syphilis!”

“Too late, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy!” She faux kuu’d, pressing her body into him to see him blush. “C’mooon, I just want a widdle kiss!~”

’Ahem!’

They both paused, seeing Maud fully clothed in her regular attire, still somewhat stained with blood. “I... Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Maud I promise this isn’t what it looks like.” Anon promised. 

’Liiick!’

He visibly shivered, having his cheek licked by his roommate in front of god and everybody. “Goddammit, quit it Aria!” She blew a raspberry at him and then jumped on his back, linking her arms together around his neck. “Aria you fucking child!”

“Say it, pussy! Say you love your Roomie!”

“Gh! Ack! M-Maud I am so sorry you have to-“ He choked a bit from Aria’s hold. “S-see this!...” Anon lost his balance altogether and fell backwards, Aria just giggled at his frustration. “Aria I’m gonna fucking gut you in your sleep!”

“Gut me with your cock, daddy.~” She teased, sticking her tongue in his ear. Anon felt dirty just hearing that come out of her mouth. “Let Maud watch, too. That’d be pretty-Ghk!” Earning her a back-hand punch in the face. “Oww, bitch!” 

“Do that again and you’re eating burnt popcorn for a month.” And just like that Aria let him go, she knew when to draw the line. “Finally...” He stood up, Aria sitting up behind him. “Sorry about that, she likes to make an ass of herself in front of important people.”

“I’m such a bad girl.~”

“One more word out of you and I’m not feeding you at all!” He snapped.

.....

“Anyways,” He continued. “I’m... Sorry for leaving you like that.”

“No, I’m sorry for saying all that nasty stuff.” Maud objected. “I was in the heat of the moment, and... Said some things that I shouldn’t have.” She looked downward, eyes closed. “To the both of you... I’m deeply sorry.”

Anon smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, Maud...”

“Yeah, apology accepted or something...” Aria mumbled from the floor. “I wasn’t really all that mad though, I’ve been called worse... Say Anon, could you make some food soon? All I’ve eaten today is a gas-station corn dog and Pinkie’s pussy.” Anon glared down at her. “... What!? She offered!”

“I’m not mad about the corn-dog, you fucking skank!” He corrected.

“Wasn't talking about the corn-dog, ass!” Now Anon was the one in shock. “Yeah, I had that same fucking look when she started fingering me.”

“... Is that why you smashed the car into the building?” Maud asked.

Aria paused briefly... “Um... Sure, let’s go with that.”

.....

“So yeah... Hey Maud, you still wanna fuck Anon?” Instant blush for poor Maud Pie. “I mean, if you’re gonna tag ‘n bag you might as well do it now.”

Anon just rubbed his brow. “I swear to Christ, Blaze.”

“I-I... Don’t mind, Anon.” Maud spoke, blushing even harder. “If it’s... Y-you.”

.....

“Anonymous you better fucking tap.” Aria warned, her hand pointing at him from the unseen ground. “God as my fucking witness, I won’t hesitate to hold you down and make you tear that hymen!”

Anon gave her a fucking look of shock and disgust. “Jesus H. Christ!”

“Don’t give me that you fucking faggot!” She barked back. “I’m not gonna lay here and watch you pass down a virgin!”

“Aria that’s enough.” Maud jumped in, ending the bickering. “If Anon doesn’t think I’m good enough... I’ll just have to accept that.”

“Not good enough!?” Anon exclaimed. “Maud, that’s not the case at all!” 

“Then why didn’t you want me!?” She asked, demanding an answer. “I’m cute, a-and... Sexy, aren’t I!?”

“Maud, I’m thirty.”

.....

“What!?” Aria exclaimed in shock. “Holy fuck, I thought you were in your early twenties or something!”

“Ugh, I wish...” Anon looked downward, mourning over his youth. “That being said, how old are you, Maud?”

.....

“I’m... N-Nineteen.” She mumbled, causing Aria’s eyes to widen in alarm. “B-but I don’t care about age!”

Anon shook his head. “Maud... Just listen to me, okay?”

“This outta be good.” Aria commented from the floor.

Anon gave her a look of scorn before continuing. “You’re a beautiful woman at the prime of her life, Maud. Still so young and full of life!” He then sighed. “But me?... I’m just an old bartender waiting for his 40th birthday to come and go.” He held Maud’s cheek, brushing some hair out of her face. “Maud, the reason I rejected you isn’t because you aren’t good enough...”

“I get it.” Maud sighed and finished for him. “It’s because... ’sniffle’ Y-you’re too old...” Uh-oh, here we go...

He nodded, pulling her in for a hug. “Wasting your life away with an old dog like me isn’t what I want for you.” He stroked her head to try putting her at ease. “If I were ten years younger than... I’d be happy to be your first.”

Maud whimpered in his chest for a bit, completely limp... Then she quickly hugged him back, her crying becoming more prominent. Anon nudged Aria to go away, a hint which she quickly took. “A-Anooon...” She wailed in his chest. “I-I love you... I love you so muuuch!”

“Shhh.” He hushed, letting the poor girl cry it out. “It’s okay, Maud... I’m here.”

“I don’t want you to go, Anon.” She begged through her tears. “P-Please... I love you so so much...”

It just tore Anon’s heart out seeing her cry, he never wanted to have to end it like this... But, I suppose not every story gets a happily-ever-after. “I’m here, Maud... I won’t leave you yet.”

“Please... D-don’t go...” She whimpered. “P-Please...” Anon walked her back to the building and sat her down, him laying beside her. “A-Anon...”

He kept her close, petting her while she hid in his chest. “If only I were younger...” He mumbled to himself. “Poor thing...”

“D-... D-Do you... ’sniffle’ Hate me?” She asked, her eyes red and blushed from the crying.

“Of course I don’t.” He answered. “I could never hate you, Maud...”

She looked up at him adorably. “R-really?”

He nodded with a smile. “Really.”

She had calmed herself significantly, only the occasional sniff and controlled whimper. “... A-Anon.” Maud looked up at him again from the safety of his shirt. “I... I love you, Anon.”

He nodded, stroking her head. “Yes, I’m quite aware.”

.....

“Do you... Love me?” She asked.

“I...” He saw her eyes, those glistening orbs that searched for hope from a single word... He couldn’t beat them. “Yes... I love you very much, Maud.”

Those eyes shimmered with a new light in them. “Y-you... You love me?” Anon nodded, still petting the back of her head. “A-Anon...~” She looked so happy... It really put his heart at ease seeing that twinkle in her eyes. “I’ll never forget the time we spent together...”

“Neither will I, Maud.” Anon, being so bold, kissed her forehead. “I’m glad I was able to meet you.”

“M-Me too...”

The two simply laid there together, Anon holding poor Maud in his warm embrace and keeping her happy with head-rubs.

“It’s... It’s so hard.” Maud mumbled. “I don’t ever wanna let you go.”

“I know, Maud.” Anon kuu’d.

“I... I want you.” Her hug tightened a smudge. “B-but I...”

Anon simply sighed, scratching her head a bit. “You’re a beautiful girl, Maud...” Anon told her. “But we can’t do that.”

Maud said nothing in response, choosing to hide herself in his chest and enjoy what little time she had left... She just had to accept it, she had to move on...

.....

But at least she wasn’t alone this time...





Aria looked fucking everywhere, yet found not hide or tail of Pinkie. “Christ... Where the hell is that Pink Schizophrenic?” Aria groaned, picking her nose without a care. “Dammit, I need a good fuck and I needed it yesterday! Bloody... grumble...” Aria quickly gave up and dropped her pants. “Christ, gotta do it myself I guess...” She looked around a bit. “Hmm... What will I stick up my cooter today...” Well it definitely wasn’t broken glass... She did see a good-sized dog toy on one of the shelves. “Hm, kinky enough.” Until she grabbed it, that is.

’squeeeak!’

.....

Now she had the image of being pounded by a squeaky-toy stuck in her head. “Ugh, no...” And the toy flies right over her shoulder. “What else we got.” She saw old cans, key-chains, ugly trucker hats, expired candy, porn mags, more trucker hats... She gazed back at the porn magazines, still in the plastic and practically untouched by the elements. “Fuck, they got porn here?” She went ahead and grabbed all the porn she could hold, so around 12 or so different issues. “Wonder why this place fucking died, anyway...” It’s not like she saw a sign anywhere on the building, it’s a real curiosity why this old building still has all this merchandise in it. “Hmm... Pretty weird.” She started to turn, but her foot bumped something

'clack!'

"What the-" Holy fuck that was a human skeleton. “Bloody taint!” She dropped the smut in surprise, still staring at the remains. “Ohh... Sweet Jesus on the Cross...” She looked over the bones, left untouched and still in uniform from the blue vest and-...

.....

The fucker had a Blockbuster badge on his uniform and a glock in his bony hand, sizable hole in the skull as well.

“This shithole sells movies?” She looked around, noticing that there were indeed many shelves lined up along the walls with countless rentable movies, all practically untouched... “How the fuck did I miss all these movies?”

.....

“Oh right, this was a Blockbuster.” She concluded. “Yeah, no wonder the employee pulled the trigger. Still pretty fucked up though." A moment of pause... "Wait, I thought this was a-“ She looked back, all the expired candy and trucker hats... Were replaced by old dvd shelves.

.....

She looked down at her feet, seeing that all the porno mags were actually rentable movies, mostly romantic comedies. “Uhh... Okay, I’m officially creeped out.” She took a peek outside through the hole in the wall, the gas pumps had all somehow vanished entirely. The roof was still there, but... Holy fuck was that creepy. “I... I need to find Pinkie...” 

“Find who?”

Aria fucking shrieked at a pitch almost high enough to break glass, her panties feeling a tad warmer than they should be.

“Whoa, Aria! Where’s the fire!?” A familiar pink face grabbed her and-...

“Pinkie!? Oh, you scared the tits off of me!” Aria realized she had water dripping down her leg. “Oh... Um...”

.....

“C-can you let me go so I can change my panties?”

Now Pinkie noticed the line running down her leg. “Oh wow, you sure do frighten easily!” She then noticed the skeleton. “Who’s that?”

“No idea, but... He’s pretty dead.” Aria answered. “Also, did you know this place was a Blockbuster Store?”

“What? No way!” Pinkie fucking brushed her off. “This is a gas station, silly! Those don’t even sell movies!” Aria just stared, completely astonished... Then she noticed Pinkie looking around the store. “Whoooa... How’d I not see all these movies!?”

“Not only that, but the gas pumps are gone!” Aria pointed outside, and they were indeed gone.

“WHOOOA!” Pinkie was awestruck. “Where’d the gas pumps go!?”

“I know!” Aria agreed. “They just fucking disappeared!”

.....

“What’s a Blockbuster Store, anyway?” Pinkie asked. Aria opened her mouth, but... Holy fuck, she didn’t know either. “I feel like I know... But...”

Silence... The loud creak of a rusty pipe could be heard in the background.

“Pinkie... This is an evil place.” Aria spoke with light shutters in her voice. “We have to find a way back, and soon.”

“Hm? Oh, don’t worry, I already figured that out!”

“Y-... You did?”

Pinkie nodded, guiding her outside... Fuck she’s so used to seeing those gas pumps, and not seeing them was really putting her on edge. “Tadaaa!” Low and behold, there was a brand new, Ivory Black Mercedes Benz. “You like?”

Aria’s jaw was left hanging. “... W-Where did you get this!?”

“Oh don’t you worry your pretty lil head, Aria!” She assured, patting Aria’s head. “Let’s go take Anon and Maud to the hospital!” Aria opened her mouth but Pinkie had vanished, leaving behind a dust cloud in her shape...

So, Aria decided not to ask questions... For her sanity’s sake.

.....

She stared back at the building, above the roof in broken neon lights was ‘Blockbuster’ with yellow drapes that had what she made out to be ‘Grand Opening’ written in oozing ink...

It was almost as if it was written in blood.


/////


After a short fifteen minutes Pinkie came out of the store, dragging along Anon and Maud Pie. “You’re crazy, Pinkie. I know damn well that this is a gas station.”

“Well if it’s a gas station then where are all the pumps?” Pinkie asked oh so maturely, imitating the mocking tone of a child.

Both Anon and Maud looked back, now noticing the complete absence of gas pumps. “Holy-!...”

“Wh-Where are the pumps!?” Maud asked in shock.

“I know, right!? It’s so freaky!” Pinkie cheered. “Anyways, I found this brand new Mercedes, so we can take you to the hospital now!”

.....

“Don’t ask questions, let’s move, move, move!” Pinkie hurried then into the car, Maud still staring at that ominous, evil building... She got in the car, riding shotgun, and took one final look at-...

..........

Gone...

It was fucking gone...

“Aria?” Pinkie got her attention, showing her a face of complete panic. “What’s wrong?”

“WHERE DID THE BUILDING GO!?!?”

They all turned and... Eeyup, there was nothing but woodland as far as the eye could see. “Holy MOLEY!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Blockbusters just-... It’s gone!”

Maud clung to Anonymous, feeling extremely uncomfortable. Anon, holding her close, decided to speak up on her behalf. “We... Should go.” He suggested. “Now.”

And with the slam of the gas petal, they were off like a bullet, never to return...

Ever...





The car ride was mostly quiet, a sort of unbroken quiet you only see after experiencing something extremely disturbing and traumatic.

.....

“Sooo, how about some tunes!” Pinkie turned in the radio.

”-ate afternoon, tragedy struck again as a county-side home was robbed of their car! This being the second case of Grand Theft Auto today, following another case early this mor-“

’SMASH!’

.....

“Whoops! R-radio’s busted!” Pinkie sang, having literally punched the car radio in a feat of surprising strength. “Aw well, today’s music sucks anyways! Only the classics in this car!”

....... Riiight...

The sun had started to set in the distance, making the once vast-blue sky a beautiful amber orange. Breathtaking, really... This also marks today as the second day out here in... These cursed lands. But at least it was finally over thanks to whatever the hell Pinkie did to get this new car.

Maud was still snug as a bug in Anon’s arm, she looked just as relieved as he was that this hell was finally over. The last few days have certainly been... Eventful, to say the least. “I see you two have gotten along!” Pinkie noted. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you so loose, sis!”

“Yes... I’m rather comfortable around my new friend.” Maud looked up at him, seeing he was still staring out at the sunset. “He’s... A really good friend.”

Pinkie nodded firmly. “Aaand How! Isn’t that right, Blazy?”

“Wha? Oh yeah, Anon’s a real riot.” Aria looked back at them and, seeing Anon was busy in La-La-Land, caaarefully slipped a finger into his jacket... And pulled out his wallet. “Hey Schizo, let’s grab some grub, my treat.”

Maud was... Almost appalled by this act of theft! But, she remembered that it was Aria, so this was probably something normal for those two... 

Or at least she hoped it was.

“Let’s see... Wanna swing by Dominos or something and eat? We got about fifty in here.” Maud nodded, as did Pinkie. Anon, having realized that Aria was a broke mother-fucker and was missing his wallet, nodded as well. “Some food does sound pretty good right about now.” Then he snatched his wallet back. “Thank you very much.”

“Dammit, couldn’t grab his card.” Aria mumbled. “Hmm... Hey Pinks, did you know that Anon’s thirty.”

“He is!?” Pinkie asked in surprise. “Wowie, you’re a lot older than you look!”

Anon nodded. “Mmhm, Anonymous is an old dog.” He sighed, basking in the memories of his youth. “Yeah... Those were the days.”

Aria snorted, trying to suppress a laugh. “I think grandpa’s remembering the good ol’ days.”

“Bite me, whore.” Anon snapped. “I’m not sixty yet.”

“Still old enough to be my daddy!” Aria teased. “In more ways than one.”

“Oooh, so saucy, Aria.” Pinkie purred, quietly unbuttoning her pants. ”Kinka makes me a bit nervous having you up front, ya know?~” Pinkie winked at her, starting to feel a little damp in the drawers.

“Pinkie don’t even think about it.” Maud (yes, Maud of all people) spoke up against Pinkie’s naughty escapades. “Not while we’re still in the car.”

“Aww, you’re no fun!” Pinkie wined. 

“Meh, save it for the Dominos Toilets, Pinkie.” Aria ordered. “We can have some privacy there, hopefully.”

“I don’t mind an audience.~”

The two dirty girls giggled at Pinkie’s innuendo. Both back-seat passengers sighed, feeling disgust with their colleagues.

...

Maud snuggled into Anon’s arm, cute as a bug in a rug, and sighed out. “Roommates.”

Anon stroked her hair with a chuckle. “Tell me about it.” The car was silent for a good few minutes, the only sound being the faint scratching from Anon’s fingers... “Um... Does anybody know what a Blockbusters is?” Anon asked. “For some reason I... Don’t really know.”

...

“But...” Aria continued. “You kinda feel like you know it?” She asked.

“Yeah... That’s exactly how I-“

”BLOCKBUSTER WILL NOT BE MENTIONED WITHIN THIS CAR!!!” Pinkie practically screamed, scaring every passenger inside. ”ANYONE WHO MENTIONS IT AGAIN CAN WALK HOME, ARE WE CLEAR!?!?”

.....

“Crystal.” Everyone answered in sync, leaving the rest of the car ride with an ominous silence...
> Aria’s Still a Mess (After-Events to the Maud Arc)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A car pulls up to the Anonymous residence, a red corvette blaring muffled music behind sealed windows. The back door opens and out flops Aria, reeking of bad decisions and currently ‘seeing-triple’ levels of shit-faced. "Auugh... H-hello floor... I'm... Hurp-!" Aria’s stomach tried making an emergency evacuation of its passengers, but she wasn’t having it. She swallowed the bitter vomit back down and gasped out. "Gah!... 'pant'... Oh god, my brain’s swimming so hard right now..."

"Hey, you sure you don't need help, Aria!?" A guys voice asked, trying to overpower the loud rap music. "You don't look so good, just sayin'!"

"I'm fiiiiine!" She shakily got to her knees, then began crawling to the door to prove her point. "J-just gotta... Ohh, so dizzy..." She grabbed onto a nearby bike rack for leverage. "Go on home Emblem!... Pretty sure I'll be fine!" After a moment, the car door slammed shut and the expensive car sped away. Now Aria was alone with her helpful bike rack, crickets and other insects playing the melody of the night along with passing cars for additional background noise. “Okay girl... J-just...” Aria steadied herself, waiting for the world to stop spinning. “Ooooh... Bloody Christ." So far no progress, in fact it seems like it’s getting progressively worse the longer she stands. "Oh god... Ohhh, that's the last time I cross-fade before getting home." With the steadiness of a one-legged kangaroo, Aria stumbled her way (hopefully) toward her door. Her vision wasn't in the best condition right now but she could make out a '13' on the door... Yeah, she was pretty sure that ‘hotel number 133131’ didn’t actually exist... Or was it 3313311?

.....

Her vision wasn’t getting any better with the spinning numbers so she just decided to try her luck. “Fuhk, where’s my... M-my key.” She checked her pockets the best she could manage, nothing in those. Next she unbuttoned her pants, dropped them then and there. “M-maybe I... I put it in here?” Then, in front of god and everybody, she stuck her hand down her heavily-stained panties. "O-Oooh~!” She jumped in shock, her legs shivering a bit as she struggled to keep herself from collapsing. “Fucking c-cold.” Her face and tongue contorted as she dug around, not in pleasure but in ‘where the hell are you, you little bastard’ or something of the like. “Come on... Stupid thing.” She bend down a bit to get a few more inches in her ‘secret pocket’. “Ugh, fucking d-dammit.” She pulled her hand out and flicked the sticky liquid off her fingers. “C’mon Aria, think..." She head-butted the do- “AH!”

’Thunk!’

“... Ow.” Turns out the door was never locked in the first place, or completely closed for that matter. Smooth, Aria. “Fucking...” For her stupidity she was awarded with a nice crack to her face, courdesy of the floor. “Ah... K-kinda felt that." Which means that's gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning, a very nice bonus to the... Oh yeah, sirens don't get hung-over...

.....

But then again, she did drink a lot of alcohol... Like, a lot, even by her own standards. Hell, if not for that siren liver or magic or whatever she'd probably be dead right now.

“... Why am I still on the floor?" She slowly rose to her knees once again, noticing her vision was at least somewhat more stable. Maybe that conk on the head was just what she needed. "Alright... Alright, Aria." She pushed off of her hands, trying very hard to keep her balance so she could maybe stand up-right. "Steady, girl... Don't move too much..." Once she found her equilibrium she moved onto one knee, so far so-Wait, FUCK!

'Thump!'

"... Oww." She definitely felt it that time. “Agh... Stupid...” She settled for the safer route and just laid there like a sick dog. She just wasn’t sober enough to go on two legs. Her brain felt like it was swimming in her head right now and the smallest move made all that water swish and... Ohh, she felt sea-sick just thinking about it. "Ughhh... Aaaanoooon!" She moaned out in frustration. "Come help meee!"

.......

Not even a reprimanding insult? "Anooon!" After several moments of silence she gave up. "Where is that jack-off..." She rolled her head to the side to get a look at her surroundings. The floor was littered with empty take-out bags and beer bottles, which was very unusual considering Anon likes his house clean.

.......

“Wait...” Slowly, but surely, her memory was coming back to her.

“.......”

Anytime now...

“..... Oh yeaaah!” There we go. “Yeah, yeah... Anon’s still at the hospital.” Gold fucking star, Blaze. Anonymous has been held in legal custody by the closest hospital since he was delivered there a few weeks ago. Aria couldn’t remember the details of his injuries but she was fairly certain she remembered the number ‘3’ being involved with his foot and something about his shin and shoulder-joint... Well, whatever it was, it apparently made him unfit to work. So Aria’s been surviving on her own ever since... Emphasis on ‘Surviving’, I should mention. 

So yeah, probably explains why the house was a total wreck...

And the smell... Ugh...

Aria slowly crawled her way toward the couch, which had her blanket and pillows laid out. The items were stained with everything from alcohol to body fluids, so much so that the scents were powerful enough to be distinguishable from each other. Right now her room was dubbed a 'red-zone' which basically meant it was too trashed to be considered habitable. Thus, she moved into the living room maybe... Two days ago? Right now the living room was a 'yellow-zone', infected but still livable for the time being. The kitchen was showing symptoms of going yellow but for now it was a 'green-zone'. Pretty self-explanatory what green was, right? Same goes for the bathroom minus the shower, that was strictly quarantined after what happened four or five days ago...

As of now, the only pure green-zone was Anon's room, which strictly serves as a last-resort bunker if Anonymous' recovery takes that long (and because Anon would skin her alive if she fucking destroyed his room). After that, she may need to phone in Pinkie for temporary refuge...

So, you fine fillies and gents may be wondering to yourselves, 'What the hell happened!?', right? Well if you may refer to the title of the chapter, Anon had sustained many injuries along with Maud pie during that little 'Blockbuster Fiasco' a few weeks ago. So many, in fact, that it was nothing short of a miracle that the two had survived even a day outside of the wreck. With Anonymous unable to watch the trouble-maker he was given no choice but to... Trust that she could live on her own for a while. He armed her with his wallet and a serious, very thorough explanation of all the things she was not allowed to do but would probably do anyway, then sent her off with what little confidence he had toward her. 

Yeah, needless to say she wasn’t too confident herself. She was surviving, if you’d call it that. Still breathing, not mortally wounded or ill, somewhat sound roof over her head... She hoped and prayed Anon would make a full recovery soon, she was so miserable without his care and she didn't wanna resort to... Moving in with Pinkie until he recovers.

.....

The girl was fun, don't get her wrong! It's just that Pinkie was extremely random and undeniably bipolar. Car theft, cop chases, random bursts of arousal... Aria could only take so much at a time, you know? Hell, she half-expected that her sister's stoicism was a defense mechanism! Either that or the pink gremlin stole all her other half's emotions in the womb... 

The sad part was Aria honestly wouldn't doubt either as true considering the pink maniac she was referring to... Kinda made her feel sorry for Maud, having to deal with such an irresponsible girl on a daily basis... Not like she could relate though, Aria wasn’t a burden on anybody, as far as she knew...

.......

.......

.......

So yeah... Pinkie is a last-last-resort if need be. With that thoroughly established let’s continue with the misery of our favorite siren, hm?

Aria slipped off her shirt and-... Oh yeah, her pants were outside... Anyway! She undid her twin-tails and crawled into the sheets, the warmth of the crusty covers putting her in a much needed veil of warmth. “Mmm~... Sooo nice...” She felt as calm and content as a nursing mother, shivering lightly as a tingling warmth ran up her spine... The scent, as horrid and rancid as it was, had lulled her mind into a state of tranquility. Smelled almost exactly like her room did, being only a tad more powerful than normal... The smell just... It made her feel protected, she felt truly at home here. It made her body feel light, warm, loved... And the slightest bit horny.

Yes, even in this pit of despair Aria could still find enjoyment in playing with the human body. She started playing with herself, fondling her breast while her fingers traced her clit. “Mm~... Just a... A quick one.” She reached under her pillow, deep within the crack of the couch cushions to pull out a slim, grey vibrating dildo. She threw off the covers (they were soiled enough and she knew it) and pulled her panties down. Her purple pussy was dripping and twitching a bit, nothing soaking but still a nice start. “Take my mind off...” She licked her lips and sucked on the toy, gagging it while she worked her fingers on her nub. ”Nnngh~!” She made sure to get it nice and coated for where it was gonna go, living it up with her tongue and throat while she pulled and rubbed her clit to get herself worked up. After maybe a minute she pulled it out, then spread her legs out to get more room to stick it inside. She dragged the plastic dick over her lips, caking it in another layer of lube. Then, she lined it up with her butthole...

Yep, it was all thanks to Pinkie that Aria discovered how fun her ass was. She never played with it back then, she knew humans often did it but the prospect of sticking something in there never interested her. Poop comes out of there after all, and Aria wasn’t a big fan of Scat. But ever since that car ride with Pinkie... She’s been pretty addicted.

She pressed the tip into her asshole, feeling the usual resistance. “Gh!... Fuckin’ tight.” She twisted and squirmed the tip enough to get it in, splitting pain shooting throughout her body and making her toes curl. “Mmh... Fucking stings.” She slowly pushed deeper, the pain fading somewhat and being replaced with an odd feeling of satisfaction... She could never really describe the feeling. It wasn’t exactly ‘pleasure’ since the butthole didn’t really have any pleasurable nerves in it, but it was strange enough for her to want more of it. “Ah... Mm~, fuck.” She got it as deep as it would go and then some, nearly taking the entire toy into her asshole. She turned the dial on the bottom of the device and- “Ah-Aaah~!” The toy rumbled to life, causing Aria to thrust her hips a bit from the sudden weird feeling. “God, yes~!” Her pussy was gaping slightly and visibly writhing for something to milk. “Y-yes... Haaah, yesss~!” Juices were leaking madly, she squeezed her titties without remorse as her stink was tickled by her beloved toy. “So good!... Fff-Fuhk~!” She hadn’t laid a finger on her pussy the entire ordeal, and it was driving her bloody crazy. Her hole squeezed and dripped against the empty space, clit fully erect and desperate for attention... But no, Aria would restrain. She wanted to cum from this alone, the anticipation made her feel so hot and desperate. “Aah~! Fuck me, fuck me please~!” She weakly humped the air, pinching and teasing her breasts as she tried to make herself cum. “Yeah, yeah, mmm fuck me, fuck me baby~!” She was dripping down to her asshole now, and her nipples were so fucking hard. God how she loved the human body sometimes~... “Ah~! Oh fuck me! Fuck me, daddy~!” Her hands jumped straight for the dildo, weakly thrusting it to further stimulate herself. “Nngh, yesss~!” Her toes curled with the new feeling and- “Gh-!...” Oooh, that’s a fucking sweet spot she just hit. ”Gaah, FUCK!” She clenched her teeth and left eye, the other eye rolling up into her head. She hit that spot over and over, a bit of drool escaping from her clenched teeth. “Please~! Don’t stop, don’t stop~!” Her stomach flexed against her, legs folded back and spread as far as they could physically go. “R-right there~!” She moaned, squeezing her breast. “Touch me more, daddy! Pinch and squeeze my tits~!” Pinch and squeeze her tits she certainly did, the soft flesh molding between her fingers with the hard nipple rubbing against her palm. “O-Oh fuck... Oh fuck~!” A familiar building tingle made her quiver. “Yes... Y-yes... Yes~!” She could feel the room spinning more and more, and not just from the booze in her blood. She held the arm-rest behind her and prepared herself. “F-fuck... Fuck!" She imagined a dick thrusting in and out of her, which really got her going. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ffff-... ‘Squeak~!’” She imagined the cock relentlessly fucking her, then slowing down to a crawl. Her vibrator slowed in sync, grinding against that sensitive little spot that she loved. “C-... Cum inside me.” She whimpered, completely immersed in her fantasy. “Please... I want it so bad~!” She imagined the cock in her pussy twitching briefly, then splashing her cervix with hot cum. She instinctively clenched and fooled herself into thinking she was being impregnated, imagining the embracing warmth flood her pussy and... “I-I’m... NNGH!” With a sudden thrust of her hips her little pussy shot a thin stream of juices straight into the air, soaking herself and the couch in her hot fluid. “Ack-!... ’G-GASP!’” After that, a wave of electricity centered at her pussy surged outward throughout her body, causing her to violently shudder and squirm adorably as she rode out an especially hard orgasm. ”Ohohooo my god!” Her pussy was convulsing madly with occasional squirts, restlessly milking the empty air for the semen Aria pictured in her head. The image of her cum-splattered cervix and creamed womb made the orgasm so much more intense. ”Ahh~! Ah! Ohh fuck I’m cumming s-so hard... NNNGH~!” She held onto the couch for dear bloody life, her asshole being pushed to its limits by the toy lodged inside...

The shaking ended eventually, though metaphorical electricity still rocked her hips and pussy into occasional spasms. When she regained her mind from the clutches of orgasm she discovered the vibrator was dead. She hadn't even noticed due to her numbed senses... Not that she really cared anyhow, her mind was still on cloud-nine. “Ah... Ahh~... Mmm..." The vibrator slowly slipped out on its own, rolling off the couch and clacking onto the floor. Aria rubbed her pussy to make the descent back to Earth slow and soft. "Fuck... That was so... Mm! So fucking good.” She didn’t know what it was with her asshole that made it so sensitive but she didn’t really care. If anything she was ashamed of herself for never trying this in the first place! Her orgasms were just sooo much hotter and harder when her butt was involved! But... There were also drawbacks.

Aria had finally fallen from her moment of heaven, and after a good few moments laying idle she started to notice changes... Ugh, she could smell it already, that rancid scent of her cunt in the air. “God it fucking reeks...” Anal was fucking fantastic, but the messes they produced weren't. Anal makes her cum hard, which makes her squirt hard, and vaginal juices do not smell like roses. Starting to get the big picture?... Yeah, and it didn’t help that she hit herself with it as well, now she’d have to shower in... the...

.....

The shower... Which was a Red Zone... “Fuck...” Yeah, this was pretty poorly planned, she wouldn’t lie. Oh well, could always be worse. She could’ve accidentally made a Mud-Monkey pulling out that...

.....

“Uh-oh.” Aria couldn't clench her asshole... She gulped. “Please, no...” She hesitantly leaned up and- “Aww! Fucking Christ!” Spoke too soon... “Mother-... Ugh, it's fucking everywhere!” Yep, Aria made a Sloppy-Joe right on the center couch cushion, and boy was it runny. The anal must’ve turned the brownie into hot-fudge if ya catch what I’m throwing... Yeah, it’s fine, I wouldn’t wanna catch that hint either. “Fucking-... Fuck.” She rolled off the couch, crawling away from the mess as fast as her half-drunken body would allow. She was making good time until her butthole started to itch.

.......

“Whyyy!” She pathetically groaned, halfway toward the kitchen with an itch she couldn’t scratch. “Goddammit, why does this crap happen at the worst times!?” She eventually lost the strength in her limbs and collapsed; the alcohol, unbearable itch, and exhaustion of her orgasms doing her body in. She weakly reached for the blanket that was thrown onto the floor earlier and just covered herself, the warmth of her blanket providing some comfort from the cold and the crushing realization of just how dependent she was of her roommate. But, that comforting warmth couldn’t scratch that itch between her cheeks... She felt that there was some kind of symbolism to this, like some kind of sick irony or sappy poetry-thing or something at play...

.....

You know, Aria never really noticed before, but hitting rock-bottom half-sober really stung...

Was this what she was reduced to?... The once mighty Siren, one of the only few left of her kind, reduced to a... A drunkard? An indecent, zero-standards whore of a once mighty and proud race?

.....

“D-Dagi...” Aria felt the tears start to trickle. “You were right about me...” She heard her voice echo in her head.

’The both of you are so incompetent!’

’Useless! Immature! Peanut-Brained Monkeys!’

Aria visibly flinched at the voice. “N-no...” She felt an overwealming cold freeze her to the very bone, the room literally oozing and melting away into a thick, black tar. “Not again...” She clenched her eyes shut, but no matter how tightly she closed that image still haunted her. The sight of the ooze gathering into a thick clot and... Changing, molding into...

“N-no...” Aria was utterly paralyzed. “No... No, no, no, no, NO!” She wanted to run but found nowhere to go, she wanted to escape but saw no place to hide. The tar had finished molding itself, forming a humanoid shape with glowing white eyes...

This... This thing was mostly bland, no hair or defining features or anything like that. Yet Aria knew it all too well... “Your hopeless...” This demon that whispered these degrading things from everywhere and nowhere... It was her self-doubt. “You’re nothing but a burden...” It was... A nightmare. “You wallow in your restless lust and bodily waste... You’re just an ugly little pig with a bad temper...”

“Shut-up!” Aria demanded, her voice weak and frail. 

“Shameless failure...”

“I said SHUT-UP!” 

“You’re undeserving of our blood...” The voice started to change, from a foreign whisper to... Her voice... “You deserve to be a human...” That voice... It just made Aria’s blood boil simply hearing it aloud. “You don’t deserve to be a Siren after that pathetic display...”

“Sh-Shut-up...” Aria was openly crying now in a mix of blind fury and self pity, with the figure walking closer and closer to her helpless form, hushed whispers tormenting her to tears all the while. “Stop... T-talking!” She angrly sobbed, until... She felt something inside her finally snap. “You..." Her voice was growing powerful. "You..." Her anger peaked, and with clenched teeth she finally screamed. "YOU AREN’T ANY BETTER THAN ME, ADAGIO!” The figure halted... “I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I JUST DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT EQUESTRIA!!!”

.........

“I... I don’t need you anymore, Adagio." Aria bellowed. "I’m done dealing with your bullshit, both of you!” Aria felt herself grow, becoming stronger and stronger as her anger boiled. “I’m fucking done being bossed around by a bitch-faced Barbie-doll reject, and I’m fucking DONE with Taco-Brain and her annoying fucking... E-everything!” Aria slowly stood up and faced this demon, eyes clenched shut in absolute fury! “If you’re so high and fucking mighty Adagio, why don’t you and the Ditz go find Pony-Land by your GODDAMN SELVES!? BECAUSE I’M DONE WITH THIS WHOLE FUCKING MESS OF A-... Of a...” 

.......

These words... She remembers these words. “Wait...” Aria opened her eyes, now noticing a drastic change in scenery... She was in a back-alley, wearing an ugly green hoodie. What stood in front of her was Adagio, wearing a similar hoodie with an expression of utter... Shock. "I-I..."

’clatter-clatter...’

Ruby-red shards fell from her eldest sister’s hand. Aria instantly recognized them, that unmistakable blood-red hue, the light scent of the ocean...

The light presence of negative emotions from the gentle glow...

This was the night again, that fateful night when... 

“If... If that’s how you really feel...” Adagio turned to leave, revealing a frightened Sonata who was hiding behind her big sister. “We’re leaving Sonata... This traitor has made her decision perfectly clear.” The poor thing... She looked so hurt, like she’d just burst into tears if you even looked at her the wrong way. ”Now!” She jumped with a light squeak, and... Hesitantly turned with a slumped head...

But not before saying one last thing.

“Y-You’re... You’re the worst, Aria.” Then she followed Adagio out of the alley.

“I... N-no...” Aria reached out, but as soon as contact was made with her light-blue sister the entire scene vanished into dust. “D-don’t...” Now she was alone, once again. “Please... I’m sorry.” 

“Those were really your words, huh?” A voice whispered, the black figure stepping out from behind her. Aria remained silent, looking down at her hands... The figure placed a hand on her shoulder, it’s black skin revealed to be... Purple. “Why did you say such things?... Do you not care about your own blood?”

.....

“I...” Aria began to tear up. “I never-... I didn’t mean all those things.” Aria whimpered, wiping her eyes of the tears. “She just... She just kept saying those nasty things, and I just...”

“You were done...” The demon finished. “All hope was lost that night... Your ability to feed off of negative energy was destroyed, as were your Siren powers of hypnosis and seduction.” It continued, stepping forward to reveal it’s true face... Was none other than Aria herself. “Once whole, we are now separated by magical influence...”

“... Why the hell do you always tell me this?” Aria asked in annoyance. “Why the hell do you torment me? Why the hell do you even exist!?” There was a tense silence... “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

......

“Aria...” The being spoke. “You know very well why I continue to torment you.” She reminded, an evil glint in her eyes... “I’m what’s left of your former self... I’m the tiny, tiny hint of Siren spirit that lays trapped in a filthy, disgusting human form that you call your ‘new’ self.” The shadowy veil fell over the Aria, molding and shaping her into something much, much more frightening... She towered over the human, taking the glorious form of a true Siren seductress. “I enjoy seeing you suffer... I enjoy seeing everyone suffer!” She exclaimed. “I am a Siren after all, the negativity of others is what fuels me, what fuels us!... And you enjoy it just as much as I...” Aria said nothing, ignoring the intimidating Siren completely. “Hmph... As stubborn a Siren as ever, even when you’ve fallen so despicably low.” Aria continued to ignore, choosing to instead stare at the black abyss that made up the floor. “You know, there’s always more than one way to skin a pony...” Siren Aria started again. “I bet if you really looked hard enough, we might be able to find a way back-“

“I already said it before you stupid cunt.” Interrupted, and taken aback by the insult, the Siren simply stared... “I don’t care about that place anymore.”

“LIES!” The Siren hissed. “You lie to yourself, you’re always lying to yourself! We both know you miss your home dearly!”

“It’s not fucking worth it anymore...” Aria grumbled. “And neither are you.” She stood up, facing this demon head-on. “And you know what?... I’m glad you’re fucking gone.”

“LIES, LIES, LIES!”

“I don’t fucking need you, or Adagio, or Equestria in my life... Not anymore!” The Siren, once mighty and proud, now knelt down powerless to the former Siren. “All I need are my friends to feel complete... And my favorite roommate to make this warped hell of Equestria enjoyable.”

The Siren had literally shrunk in power, now barely reaching Aria’s chest in height. “You... C-can’t avoid me forever, Aria...” The weakened Siren threatened. “One day... When the world is new, and everyone you love is dead in a withered grave... Heheheee...” The Siren laughed breathlessly... “I... I wonder what... He would think...” Aria flinched, glaring at the Siren. “He will find out... One day, he will find-“

”WAKE UP!”

A vicious light flooded the void, the Siren screeched in pain as she was ripped from the nightmare and pulled into the darkness below, her voice fading as she fell deeper and deeper into the abyss...





’Smack! Smack!’

“OW, FUCK!” Aria screamed. “God-... Oww!” Her cheeks felt pained, tingling against her jaw in red, uncomfortable-

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE!?!”

Oh, Anon was finally back... Or maybe the Land-Lady, honestly they both sounded so similar sometimes. But whoever it was, how fucking rude of them to slap her awake.

“ARIA YOU LITERALLY SHIT ALL OVER MY GODDAMN COUCH!!!”

Hmm... Yep, definitely Anon. His anger had a bit less kick compared to the Land-Lady's, but-... Wait, why was he in a wheelchair?

.....

"(Oh yeah, the hospital thing...)" Aria sat up, still half-asleep and without anything covering her but the panties clinging pathetically to her left ankle. "Hey Roomie..." Aria jerked her head left, a loud pop causing her face to contort briefly. "Gah... One sec." Jerk to the right, another pop from her neck. "There we go..." She sniffled briefly, then plugged her left nostril while blowing air out the other, a snot-rocket flying out at high speeds and splatter on the floor. "So whatcha bitching about today, mother-dearest?" Aria sassed, cleaning out her ear lazily.

Anonymous was, for a lack of better words, unimpressed with her behavior. But, a small part of him saw this attitude coming, as sad as that may sound. “I expected a burning goddamn building in all honesty, but this...!?" He motioned behind her, toward the couch covered in stains with flies buzzing all around it. "This is a fucking new level of low, even for you.” He nagged on, Aria already losing her already short attention-span. “Jesus in bloody hell, I would’ve preferred you burned the damn house down! Now I gotta get a new bloody car AND a couch!”

“Hah! You haven’t seen the bathroom yet, have you?” Aria couldn’t have chosen a worse sentence to say in that moment in time. "You want bad, go check that mess out. I've been burying my shit in the backyard ever since that spawn of filth was created!"

Anon just... He just shook his head, slumping into the seat of the wheelchair.

.....

“Sooo... Who’s gonna clean up?” Aria asked, her Roommate responded with one of the most intense ‘ask me that again and I’ll bash your goddamn brains out’ glares she’d ever seen. “So uh... Me?”

"... Yes, you." The fucking resolve of a Buddhist Monk, fillies and gents. He turned his chair around, and rolled out the door. “I’m going to stay at my parents house to recover fully, and when I get back..." Finger at the Couch, shit-stained and heavily defiled by cunt-water. "That couch, along with every fucking mess you’ve made these past two weeks; better be cleaned, burned, or thrown-out before I get back.” He glanced back at her briefly. “Or else you’ll be living outside, on a leash, from now on.” Jesus Christ, Anon was furious, even Aria was starting to straighten up from feeling its intensity! “Are. We. Clear?”

Aria nodded, standing at attention like a good soldier, even going as far as to give a proper salute. 

“Hm...” He wheeled himself out, where he waved down an unfamiliar car, likely his parent’s car. “Spotless, Aria!” He yelled one last time. “Don’t let me down, or you can kiss your bed goodbye!” With the help of his folks they drove away, and Aria was alone once again...

.......

“Sigh... Better get the gas keg.” She looked toward the bathroom with a shudder. “Got a lot of burning to do...” She looked down at the floor briefly... More than briefly... "One day..." She whispered, lost in thought. But shortly after she shook her head. "But not today." With a firm nod she found her shirt and tied it over her mouth and nose like a bandana. "Alright Blaze, no more complaining. You're thousands of years old... So it's time to act like it and take some responsibility for once." Pep-talk complete, she made her way to the closet to prepare for all-out germ genocide. She will purge the filth with oxyclean and gasoline, and it will be awesome...


(Author's Notes 2: Electric Boogaloo)


Welp, alls well that ends well! Aria’s still the same disaster we all know and love and a little bit of her past was revealed! Will she legitimately clean the house and commit mass Germ-Armageddon? Honestly it's a coin-flip's chance, but either way Anon would come to forgive because he's the universe's biggest pussy. Hugs and kisses all around, a pan of Chick Nuggies for her hard work, and a new rule that strictly states Aria is to never be left alone in the house for any longer than a week.

I’d call that a good chapter, yeah?... Yeah...
> A Time when Anon was Actually Cool
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aria was bored...

.......

Like, really bored...

.......

You’re probably wondering why she’s so bored, right?... Well, to start with it’s been pissing rain all week. Nothing big like a storm, but it was still wet enough to make going out and having fun a pain in the ass. She also lost the remote to the TV and couldn’t be bothered to turn it on using the ancient methods of using the buttons, so all she could do was just slouch on Anon’s recliner and stare at a black screen all day

.......

So yeah, there’s a few good reasons.

.......

.......

.......

.......

.......

“Booored...” Aria was legit close to putting a fucking bullet in her skull right now. “Bloody booored!” She absolutely loathed being stuck with nothing to do. She was a free bird! Being caged up like this was driving her bloody mad!... Or at least into mild irritation. But regardless, she was seriously getting more pissed off with each passing minute. “Ugh... So friggin’ boooored... Nothiiiing to dooo!” She sang out in misery, doubling as a weak attempt at getting herself pumped-up. “Wanna get uuuup! Wanna go ooout! Maybe suck some diiick!...” Then her little elegy fell flat like a slashed tire. “Christ, I’m not even in the mood to get my cunt pounded...” Now that’s saying something! “Just one of those days, I guess...” Her breathless quote was followed shortly after by the low rumble of thunder outside. “Siiigh... One of those days.”

.....

.....

.....

“Tch, my fine ass it is!” Aria planted her hands on the arms of the chair and pushed off to her feet in one swift vault. “Boredom can kiss those bootylicious cheeks while it’s at it! Aria doesn’t give-up so easily!” So, with a new fire flaring in her belly, she deciding to wander the house for something to do before she fucking killed herself. “Now, gotta be something to do in this damn house...” Luckily though, it didn’t take very long for a light-bulb to flicker above her head. “Hmm... Wonder if that faggot’s got something in his room to mess with.” So, completely ignoring his privacy while he was at work, Aria barged into Anon’s room and announced. ”Honey, I’m hooome~!” ...Of course, silence answered her back. Not like she fucking cared, anyway. “Miss me, honey?” The empty bed answered again with it’s unbroken, soulless silence. “Giggle~! I missed you too, Shnookums!” Aria suddenly paused and... Felt weird. “Oh... I... ’gargled burp!’” Her throat suddenly became inflamed as she regurgitated some kind of liquid, then broke into a nasty coughing fit while holding her throat. “Fu-cough! hack! Oh god I-’cough! cough!’ I think I coughed up acid!” She pounded her chest a few times and wiped the water from her eyes, throat still burning like a lit cigarette was in her goddamn trachea. “Fucking-’Cough! Hack’! Fucking burns!” The inflammation in her throat had slowly went cold given a few good minutes of suffering. The coughing had also died along with it much to her relief. “Jesus... The hell just-“ She glanced at her arm where she covered-up her coughing, noticing specks of... Is that blood!? “Oh... Holy fuck.” Well... If one thing was certain, she was never talking like that again.

.....

Great, now she lost her train of thought. “(Fuck, what was I... Oh yeah, Anon’s stuff!)” First and foremost, she jumped into Anon’s bed face first. The plushness of his sheets, the way his mattress molded to her body, the lack of crustiness and a god-awful stench... Aria couldn’t help but feel envious at this level of comfort, jealous even! “God his bed’s so much better than mine.” She wallowed in the clean sheets for a bit without a care, then ripped a loud, unfeminine fart with an immature snort of laughter shortly after. “A little present for being a selfish fuck... Dunno why you get the comfy bed.” Aria flipped over and stared up at the ceiling, watching the little string from his ceiling fan. “Hm... Maybe I should wash my sheets more.” The pangs of boredom we’re starting to surface, she had to act fast! “Gotta be something... Hm?” Aria noticed a book sitting on his nightstand directly left of the bed, next to it was a picture of Anon with... “Is that a fucking cowboy?” She rolled over to get a closer look. Lo and behold, Aria’s eyes weren’t fucking with her. “Huh... It is a cowboy.” Weird... But she quickly grew bored and snagged the book rather than ponder the picture’s existence. “Wonder what he reads.” The cover had a weird, grey humanoid with what looked like a panther next to it. “Legend of... Drizzt?” She set the book back and laid back down with half-lidded eyes. “Fucking nerd.” She resorted to staring back up at the ceiling until another bright idea eventually surfaced. “Hm... Wonder if I could try cooking.” Well, as good an idea as any, right?... Yeah, probably. So with her mind made-up, Aria rolled off the bed and-... Noticed another string hanging from the ceiling.

.....

She stared up at it like a kitten stalking foxtail weed, eyes filled with curiosity and temptation. It was left of the ceiling fan, dangling on a weird piece of frame that seemed separate from the rest of the ceiling...

She had to pull it, every single fiber of her being begged her to pull the string.

She reached up as high as her body would allow, standing on the balls of her feet just to get that extra height in. “Ngh! Nnngh!... Dammit.” Seems she was still too short to reach it... From the floor, at least. “Maybe...” She stood up on the bed and reached over for it. “Easy now...” The bed’s plush material made finding her center of balance a bit difficult, but that certainly wouldn’t stop her! “Almost... Got it!” A sudden shift of balance and she was suddenly on one of the world’s thinnest tight-ropes. The string in her grasp gave in under the added weight and the panel it was attached to flipped open, knocking her off of what little balance she was relying on.  “Shit, shit, SHI-!”

’Slam!’

.....

“Ow...” Landed tits-first on the floor, pain running through her body like a bad sunburn. Luckily though she managed to turn her head during the fall and avoid breaking any-

’creeeak...’

“Wha-“

’fwip-THUNK!’

“OWW!” A piece of... Something flipped open and smacked her in the side of the head. “Fucking WHORE!... Augh!” She held her ear in pain, feeling a bump just above her temple and a monster of a migraine surge through her brain. “Ahh... Fucking god in... Ugh!” Once the pain started to weaken to bearable levels she slowly turned to her side, noticing a latter leading up to a rectangular hole in the ceiling.

“Oh... Cool.” In a mere instant Aria’s pain was all but forgotten, as if she’d never been struck by a fold-up latter to begin with. “Didn’t know he had a crawl-space...” She stood up without struggle, until the sudden shift made her brain fucking throb against her skull. “Ahh!... Oww...” She held her temple to try and get it to stop screaming at her, not much help sadly. “Had to crack my damn head open just to open it.” Aria went to the bathroom to scavenge some pain killers, quickly popping two and drinking it down with some healthy, delicious sink water. “Gah... Ugh, fuck my head.” She took a seat on the toilet and just relaxed, letting the pill work some magic. “Well... At least I’m not bored now.” Yeah, even with the injury and crappy sink water taste dampening her mood she couldn’t help but feel a bit of excitement welling up from within... Or maybe that was just the pain killers in her blood. Either way though, at least she wasn’t bored anymore! Plus she might find something juicy in that little crawlspace that Anon’s been hiding from her... Aria couldn’t help but smile a little at the thought.

The headache eventually died off, with that out of the way Aria found a flashlight and walked back into his room. “Time to invade...” She clicked the flashlight on... Only for it to flicker and die in her hand. “Cheap fucking...” She gave it a few good hits with her open palm and the light was repaired by her punishment. “That’s better...” Aria originally had a cool one-liner but the flashlight’s failure to deliver had killed the moment... Oh well, not like she really cared. Aria climbed the latter and poked her head in, darkness and dust as far as she could see. “A little light to ‘brighten’ things up.” She chuckled at her own pun and... “Did I really just crack a pun.” She felt disgusted with herself. “Need to wash that filth outta my mouth later... Being in the house is really starting to get to me.” She surveyed the interior from her little entry way, using her trusty flash-... Fuck it went out again. “Piece of shit.” She knocked it against the floorboard a few times and got it to flicker back on. “Probably the batteries...” And it died again. “Fuck.” She looked directly into the nozzle to check the bulb itself. “Stupid... Ah, bright!” Only for it to inexplicably turn back on and fuck-up Aria’s eyes. “Fucking taint!” She waited for the specks to fade from her vision before resuming her search. “Stupid dollar-store brand... Now where’s that stupid switch.” After a solid ten seconds she located the light switch at the left closest corner of the room. “Bingo.” With just one easy flip the cheap flash-light was instantly obsolete. “Cool... Now, what to poke at first.” 

The room was covered in a thick veil of dust, various things draped over with tan sheets to protect them from the elements... “Well, that certainly won’t do.” She stepped up to the closest covered object and grabbed the cover. “Aaand behind door number one?” A firm pull and a thick cloud of dust later, we have a very retro TV set, wooden cupboard and... A PlayStation 2? “Hmm...” Aria nodded slowly, visibly intrigued. “Not bad, not bad...” Moving onto the adjacent-facing object, vaguely shaped like a couch. “Definitely...” Big surprise, it was a couch. A lightly stained, rugged, and battered couch. “... Meh, could be better.” Object number three, next to the couch at the farthest corner! Shape was... Odd, to say the least. “Door number three?” Underneath the sheet and dust was, to her surprise, a drum set. Basic jet-black tubs with tan skins, wooden sticks laying on one of the smaller drums... There were other curious objects still covered but... She felt more drawn to this for some reason.

.....

“Wait...” She looked over the set, behind the big drum where the drummer seat was. Laying on the seat was a faded photo and a VHS tape. “Looks interesting enough.” Aria picked up the photo, blowing off the dust... It was a picture of a very young Anonymous, with lucious, flowing black hair brimming with teenage youth and bad decisions. “Is... No way.” Aria could hardly believe what she was seeing. “No fucking way that’s Anon.” It was, and at the prime of his youth. “Where the hell did all that hair go?” Aria noticed the young girl next to the trouble-maker of the past. She was a raspberry colored little fire-cracker with wild, frazzled locks of pink and lilac. She wore a checkered bandana on her neck with cyan lightning-bold ear piercings. Lime-green eyes stared back at Aria, full of irresponsibility and wild abandon much like her assumed boy-toy. Her brace-lined smile almost made Aria feel sick just looking at it... 

.....

Wait... Why?

’Distant door-slam!’

“Fuck!” Anon was home, and here she was going through his shit! “Um... Uh...” Aria didn’t think, she just fidgeted in place trying to get the gears in her brain to stop meshing against each other. “Um... Fuck, uhh...”

”The hell... Why’s my crawlspace open?”

Okay, Aria turned her brain off. Without even a second of reconsideration she stuffed the items up her shirt and-

“Aria?” She froze briefly, facing Anon. “Aria what the fuck are you-...” Aria stood there with a smile as fake and transparent as Caitlyn Jenner’s tits, simile made even funnier on account of the new rectangular shape Aria’s tits have taken the shape of. “Um...” The photo slipped from her shirt and softly drifted down to the floor.

“... Hi?”

.....

“Sooo... How’s your day been?” Aria asked awkwardly. 

Her roommate was... Visibly confused. “Yeahhh... So, why’s my shit under your shirt?” Aria’s eyes suddenly screamed ‘how the fuck did he notice that quick’, until she looked down and noticed her totally-convincing Minecraft Titties... Yeah, she didn’t look very impressed, either.

“... I was bored?” ... Well she wasn’t exactly lying. “Sooo...” She reached down and picked-up the photograph, holding it up for him to see. “Who’s the chick?” She asked, pointing at the girl in the photo. Then her finger moved to young Anon. “Also, what the hell happened to this guy?”

“He grew up, got his life together, and found a real profession.” Anon answered with a soul-stinging bitterness. “And the girl...?” He walked up and held out his hand. “If I may...?” Aria gave him the photo without question...

Which he then promptly tore in half, to Aria’s surprise. “Oh... Uh-” 

“That girl... That back-stabbing, ungrateful little whore...” He paused... Then shook his head. “She’s... Someone I’d like to forget.” He just left down the latter. “Don’t break any of my shit... But while you’re up here, do me a favor.” He requested, descending the latter. “Take that tape and get rid of it, don’t care how you do it.”

“But-“ He was already down the latter, the slam of a door shaking the room. “... Okay than.” Aria looked down at her breasts, pulling the tape out from the neck of her shirt. There was a worn-down sticker on the front with ‘for Che-...’ written in faded blue ink... “What the hell’s got him so moody today... Hm?” She noticed a piece of torn paper on the floor next to her feet, the half of the photo with that girl... This ‘Che’ person, with that damn smile that made her sick to her stomach. She looked so happy, so care-free!

And yet... She felt so disgusted by it...

.........

So why couldn’t she look away? Why did this smile; this disgusting, rage-inducing grin, attract her eyes so effortlessly?... “(Unless...)” She reached down and picked the paper up, her finger tips heated from the touch alone... “(It is...)” Yes, she could smell it now, almost taste it from the scent... 

Pure, naturally formed emotion. More specifically, hatred.

“N-no...” She couldn’t look away, her inner-Siren was stirred and fighting for that emotion. “I gotta... F-fight...”

Whenever great amounts of emotion are stirred by someone or something, it sometimes leaves behind a sort of residue that sticks to the item or person in question. Very few creatures can sense it naturally, of the few that can are Sirens and (to a smaller extent) Changlings.

Aria, being a naturally born Siren, could indeed sense this residue. She couldn’t absorb it though, not since her Siren-Heart was destroyed, but she could definitely feel it. It drove her soul into a frenzy and made her feel starved, sick from hunger... “Oh... G-god.” It made her feel so fucking sick to her stomach. “I can’t...” Her peripheral vision was becoming green and veined from this sick, twisted feeling. “N-... No!”

She needed it... She had to have it...

“(NO!!!)” Aria out-right punched herself and...! She just breathed to herself for a moment. Slowly, steadily... Calmly...

.......

She looked back at the paper, the green around her vision had faded and her urge was dead as stone. “No...” She crumbled the photograph in her fist, throwing it aside and pulling the video tape out from her shirt. “I’m not like that anymore... I’m not a monster...” Then she started feeling it again, there was emotion in the tape! “No!” She took the tape in both hands and-... Almost broke it over her knee.

“(The feeling in this...)” It was similar, very similar... But it wasn’t hatred. “(What is...)” The photo felt cold and and oppressive, but the tape... It felt watered down, almost luke-warm. The feeling ran through her finger-tips and surged throughout her veins, climbing its way up to her brain and back down to her heart, filling it with something similar to a black, hollow lump that grew and grew and grew and-

’clack!’

Aria physically recoiled from the raw intensity, dropping the tape and nearly collapsing on the spot as she held her chest for dear bloody life. “Oh god... S-so much...” Her body was trying to absorb the energy but had no place to store it. Her red gem, her Siren Heart made physical, had been destroyed years ago... Since the energy had nowhere to go, it grew unstable and pulsed outward throughout her body. “F-fuck!” Her veins, her skin, her very soul; she could feel it all being swamped by the intense wave of emotion being expelled from deep within her heart. “Gh-!... F-... Fuck it-!... It hurts!” The room had quickly become blanketed by a purple deluge of fog. Aria was curled into a ball, wracked with pain and an unbearable feeling of emptiness in her soul.

.......

Tears fell, pathetic whimpers being repressed with little success. Aria was hurt, bad... But it was over.

The raw emotion had slowly drained out of her. All that remained of the leftover emotion was a hollow pit in her gut and memories of that stabbing pain in her heart. “Oh... ’Cough!’” A dry cough was blocked with her arm, specs of blood dotted her spit... God she hated her body’s abilities sometimes. “Ughh... Oh, Jesus.” She now noticed the fog through her tear-laced eyes. “That’s... A lot of emotion.” She shakily stood up and fanned the fog away the best her weakened body could manage. “No wonder it felt like I was being stabbed... Anon’s got some fucking issues if all that was his business.” She likely assumed love was involved, in her personal experience that ugly little word alone usually brought out all sorts of feelings in people... Plus, an old video tape with a scratched out name on the front, teeming with emotional turmoil no less, was about as dead a give-away as any.

.....

“Well, can’t crack an egg without a little effort, I guess.” She took the tape and descended the latter, feeling her strength returning as fresh, magic-free air filled her lungs. Anon wasn’t in his room at the moment, buuut something told her that he wouldn’t miss the tape if it suddenly went missing. Out the door Aria went, her day becoming-

’LOUD CRACK OF THUNDER!!!’

.....

Oookay, maybe she’d crack this egg open tomorrow... Away from the storm... Yeah, sounded like a solid plan. It was getting kinda late anyway.

.....

Aria noticed that it storms a lot out here in Canterlot. Especially during the worst of times... “Meh, probably just coincidence.” With that, she took the tape into her room and set it on the floor beside her bed, then sat down on the mattress and reached under the bed. “Time for some real magic, hehe...” Aria pulled out a bottle of what one would assume to be some form of alcohol, likely a brand with a bit more kick to it than your more common types. “Bottoms up!” She tilted her head back and fucking chugged, a solid five seconds uninterrupted before the burning in her throat made her cough and hack. When the burning eventually calmed, she looked... Really, really out of it. “Ughh...” She shook her head of the dizziness, pupils tinted red and of different sized. “Frien-... F-friendship is-Buuurp!”

’Thunk!’

She fell backwards onto her bed, out like a NyQuil overdose... Yeah, she’ll be sleeping for a good while.





“You torture yourself, Blaze...” One Aria, currently overlooking a tiny, insignificant Aria, informed with a deep menace. “You torture us... You’re practically dangling a piece of flesh over a starved predator!”

“Yeah, one of the worst migrains I’ve ever felt made that pretty clear...” The tiny Aria sassed. “So what’s with being so big anyway? Compensating for your lack of actual power?”

”Quiet!” The Siren growled, teeth blaring and wet with saliva. “That man... That Anonymous had all that anger, all that delicious resentment packed into one tiny little object...” The siren’s salivation grew as the memories drew her into a frenzy. “'Grrr...' It takes everything in me just to endure the emptiness."

"Guess that's why you're so grumpy tonight, isn't it?" The mighty siren's eye twitched... "Makes you wonder though, what in Equestria caused such a cluster of emotion to stick?"

"Will you stop talking about the emotional run-off!?" Siren Aria yelled in annoyance. "Every mention of it is like a wave of pain and suffering to me!”

“You say that about everything though.” Tiny Aria sassed yet again. “So, any idea why there was so much of it?”

Siren Aria just looked at her half-lidded. “Do I look like an ugly little Changling to you?” Tiny Aria chose not to answer... Sadly. “We don’t feed on emotion directly like those inferior, two-faced insects do... We cause those emotions to bloom, and devour the delicious residue it leaves behind.”

“All the more reason to wonder how it formed if you ask me.” Aria argued. “I mean, a build-up that strong isn’t something you’d just go out and find on the street, right? You at least have to be a little curious.”

“... A tad, maybe.” The Siren admitted. “But I really don’t care enough to want to find out, I only desire to feed.”

“Yeah, too bad you can’t.” Tiny Aria mocked. “You aren’t even powerful enough to overthrow me.”

“One day I will be, Aria.” The Siren bellowed. “When that day comes, I’m going to do everything, and I mean everything, to completely destroy everything and everyone you hold dear to your tiny human heart.”

Aria wasn’t even phased, she just shrugged it off like it was nothing and lounged back. “Siren can dream, I guess.”

The Siren in question looked at her with a deep malice. “A hate you, Aria... With every fiber of my ancient, all-powerful being.” Then she took to the black, murky skies. Legs galloping and tail swaying as if the sky was an ominous, black ocean. Tiny Aria was left to the ground to ponder her friend’s emotional issues, and what she might find hidden away in that dusty old VHS tape...

Maybe, just maybe, on the off-chance that she wouldn’t screw it up... Aria wondered if she could help Anon relieve himself of this emotional baggage.

.....

“Guess we’ll see what happens after I watch the tape.”

“EXCUSE ME!?!” A familiar voice roared, before-

’CRASH!!!’

HOLY FUCK!

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!” The ground rumbled deep as the Not-so-Mighty Siren spirit dive-bombed and practically crashed into the ground directly behind Aria. “I REFUSE TO BE TORTURED YET AGAIN BY YOUR RASH DECISIONS!!!”

Aria’s hearing deafened as a high-pitched ringing screamed deep in her drums. “WHAT!?” She yelled in her momentary shock. “THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM NOW!?”

The Siren took a hoof and comedically konked Aria’s temple, causing her head to literally flip open like a tackle-box. “I said, dearest imperfection of myself...” She started again, speaking into the tiny Aria’s open head. “I will not be the unwilling subject of your emotional self-torture and torment.”

.....

“Um, in English?” Aria asked, completely lost by the bombardment of complex vocabulary. 

“Do not watch that confounded tape, you brainless little monkey.” She re-worded in an annoyed tone. “I don’t like being tormented by you reminding us of our own starvation. It’s already bad enough that I’m forced to watch the pathetic downward spiral of a filthy, alcohol-addicted nymphomaniac.”

“Well, now you’re gonna be forced to watch someone else’s downward-spiral into... Whatever you just said.” Aria stayed as a matter of factly, much to the Siren Spirit’s displeasure. “Nothing you can do about it, either.”

The Siren had never looked more miserably dead inside. “... Grand.” She dryly rang, before taking off again and mumbling death-threats under her breath.

Aria just looked on into the darkness, waiting for her body to wake-up from the alcohol-induced slumber... She wondered briefly what it was like, to not have a demon inside... She often imagined it as blissful silence, yet other times she imagined an intense loneliness or a loss of purpose upon losing what once made you... Well, ‘you’.

.....

She wondered, maybe, if all creatures had a demon in them... Maybe she was just insane... Maybe...

.....

Light pierced through the darkness above, the speeding blur of a Siren falling from grace and down into the void below briefly caught her eye. “Guess it’s time...” She looked up at the light, painfully bright and blinding, until she couldn’t feel her body anymore and... Found herself staring at her ceiling through the crack of her eye-lids.

.....

She felt like complete and utter shit right now, probably looked the part too. “Ugh... God.” She looked at her clock, it read 4:16...

In the damn morning. 

“Mother-... Ugh.” She wiped the crust from her eyes and stretched, popping a few joints and getting the gears running. “Well...” She lazily sat up, pulling her hair out of her face and brushing it back behind her ears. “Better go and... I dunno, find a fuckin’ VHS Player or something.” She saw the embodiment of shit starring back at her in her mirror. “Oh... Maybe a shower wouldn’t hurt.”





Anon’s alarm clock rang, disturbing him from his slumber. Clock read exactly 5 A.M. “Mnh, god...” A good stretch, a bit of itching here and there... After a few more rounds of this two-phased routine he rolled himself out of bed, putting on the robe hanging from beside his door. “Pretty sure today’s Wednesday... Yeah, probably...” He mumbled to himself, eyes closed as he semi-blindly made his way to the kitchen... Kinda weird though, the scent of the coffee pot usually hits him while he’s making coffee but he wasn’t making it yet...

.....

He went ahead and entered the kitchen, hands roaming for his good mug. “Where is...”

“Hey Anon.”

“Huh?...” He recognized the voice quite easily. “Oh, hey Aria.” He eventually found the coffee pot and... Wait, it’s already on... Alright then, no complaints there.

.....

Anon’s eyes snapped open with the sound-effect of shattering glass. “Wait, what the-“ He turned, seeing Aria setting-up a VHS player in their living room. “A-... Aria?”

“That’s my name, amigo.” She responded. 

“How... Long have you been awake?” Anon asked, a bit of concern in his voice.

“Woke up at 4 this morning, went out and borrowed a VHS Player.”

“... Borrowed?”

“Yep!” 

“Sweet Henry the Eighth!” Anon jumped at the unexpected voice behind him. Turning around, Pinkie Pie stood in teddy-bear pajamas and an adorable sleeping cap. “Oh god... Nearly gave me a heart-attack, Pinkie.” She moved past him, VHS Tape in hand. “I’m hoping that the Player belongs to you, Pinkie.”

“No, Maud owns it but she lent it to us!” Alright, fair enough... At least he wouldn’t need to worry about cops in the near future. “Well, just... Don’t break anything, alright? Also don’t let the land-lady see you or we’ll all have hell to pay.” He poured a mug of coffee to perk himself up. “You two watching old movies, I’m guessing?”

“Nah, just an old tape Aria found!” Pinkie answered in glee. 

“Right, right...” Anon sipped from his coffee, the warmth pouring down his throat pumping life back into him. “Mm, good stuff.”

“All set, Pinkie!” The pink loon rushed over, leaving behind a dust-cloud where she once stood. “Tape please.” She pushed it in, the machine eating the small box followed by the light sounds of internal mechanisms shifting in place to play the video.

The TV screen went blue momentarily, then pitch black... A red dot flashed on the top right-hand corner of the screen with REC beside it. “This... This thing... Ugh.” Anon’s ears caught that voice, which was oddly... Familiar. The screen showed a man wearing a ripped-up, black Tee and tan cargo shorts. Very long, wild, and greasy black hair. He walked to a stool, dragging along a... Very familiar Acoustic Guitar.

.........

“Oh god no.” Anon quickly set his mug down and- “Shit!” Slipped and fell, face first into the floor. “Fuck, Aria!” He yelled. “Turn it off! Fucking shut it off you fucking whore!” He scrambled up, noticing the looks of confusion on their faces. 

”Cheeeerileeeeee!!!” Then their eyes caught the Television set, and the god-awful drunken strumming of a Guitar. ”You tore my heeeeaaart in threeee!... You fuckin cheeeeaaated meee!” They just... Stared. ”I hope you fuckin’ geeeeet the claaaap!... Fuckin’ others behiiiind my baaack!” TV Anon wobbled a bit, taking a swig from a tin flask before falling backwards. The loud smash of an acoustic guitar went with him. ”O-Ow... Fuckin’... Fuck you, bitch!” The camera began to wobble, then the screen was thrown in every direction as the camera fell from wherever it was sitting, hitting the floor with a cracked screen. ”Where’s... Ugh, need a fucking joint or somethin’... Fuck.” Anon just stumbled out, accidentally kicking the camera and forcing it to shut-off. Dead silence followed as the screen turned blue again.

........

”PHFFF-AAAAAHAHAHAAA!!!” Cue Aria busting a fucking gut on the floor. “AAAAHAHAHAHA ’snort!’ AAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!” this was quite possibly the loudest she’d ever laughed in her entire life. “Oh-Ohhh my god I’m gonna peeeee! AAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!”

Anon just stood there in shame with a blushed face... Like when you get pants’d in public by the school bully or an older brother, minus the crying. “I told you to burn that goddamn tape...”

Aria either couldn’t hear him over her own laughing or just couldn’t respond, she was too busy banging the floor with her fist trying to get her laughter to stop. Pinkie was laughing almost as heavily, grabbing the couch desperately for support, but Aria’s laughing just overpowered hers by sheer volume and power. “Ohohooo god it fucking huuurts! AAAHAHAHA!”

Anon just marched over and gave her a good kick in the side, didn’t stop her laughing but he kinda felt better after... He ejected the tape and just shook his head. “Should’ve fucking burned you myself.” He had noticed the laughter had quieted down dramatically...

“Yoink!”

“Wha-HEY!” But it was too late, the tape was now back in Aria’s hands.

“No fucking way am I letting this die!” Then she ran for it, Anon quickly giving chase while Pinkie followed behind to spectate.  

“ARIA YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD IF ANYONE ELSE SEES THAT! YOU HEAR ME!?” Yep... Just another day in the Anonymous residence.

“Pinkie help! He’s gaining on me!”
> To Catch A Predator
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Canterlot City, capital of Equestria and unrivaled by its neighboring communities in peacefulness and prosperity. Yet at the same time, it was a city that attracted the strangest of the strange. Yes, a very bipolar description, I’m quite aware. But it’s fitting for such a bizarre city that has to deal with magical artifacts, portals to alternate dimensions, Pinkie Pie, and the weird tourists that seem to have a collective fetish for all these outlandish things... Granted though you can find all kinds of weirdos in Canterlot, magical whats-its or not. Just like in every other major city!

And speaking of...

“Oh. My. Gosh! Like, those boots are totes you!” I welcome you to the lovely streets of this fine city, and the people that make it their home. “Where did you get those? I literally haven’t seen those, like, anywhere!”

“(Dumb broad...)” 

“Thankies! Like, they were seriously only forty dollars! The cashier told me blah blah blah blah blah, like, blah blah blah-“

Of course, we’re not focusing our attention on the unnamed teen. “(So noisy...)” No, our attention goes to the shadowed man leaning in a lone alley. “(Givin’ me a damn migraine...)” Not much could be seen, aside from the outline of his coat and pants. But you didn’t need eyes to feel the ugly, bitter aura of hatred emanating from him. The shadow-veiled man pulled out a lighter from his coat pocket, and with it a pack of cigarettes. “(Makes me wonder how they’re in highschool.)” He sparked a flame and took a long puff, feeling the warmth flood his chest and calm his irritation as he breathed out a stream of smoke. “(Not even worth my attention...)” The gentle glow of his lit cig brightened up some of his face, revealing his steel-grey skin and tired, icy-blue eyes. “(None of ‘em are...)”

Those eyes... They didn’t see people. They didn’t see sympathy or remorse for anyone or anything, only their value as an object for potential benefit. In short, these were the eyes of a Sociopath, a disturbed individual with about as much empathy as a shark.

The man waited and waited within his little pocket of darkness, eyes shifting from girl to girl. “(No... No and no... Ugh, definitely not...)” Then his eyes locked onto a girl that grabbed his attention. A twenty-something with chocolate brown, wavy hair just grazing her shoulders and a light cracker-brown skin tone. He didn’t even notice what she was wearing nor did he bother to care, only her ample proportions and deliciously sweet body color attracted those cold, merciless eyes... He judged their distance with decent accuracy, looked like a fifteen foot space separating them. He flicked the cigarette onto the floor and snuffed it with a black boot tip. “Guess this’ll do.” He played the five-second rule with this, letting her lead on for a bit... Then, after the short span of time ran out in his head, he started walking...

’Honk! Hoooonk!’

The man visibly jumped as a corvet sped past him, slowing down at the girl. “Fuck...” The window had rolled down, after a half-minute of chatter she got in the car and sped off. The man just shook his head... “Whatever.” He turned and started walking the opposite direction, his brown coat tail fluttering in a sideways breeze. “Plenty of fish left...”





It had been several hours since we last saw this creepy, ill-tempered man. As of right now he sat on a stoop with a bottle of whiskey in hand, looking down at the ground in depressed, half-drunk contemplation. “No luck today... Just like yesterday.” He took a sip from his bottle, head feeling lighter as his gut grew warm with the alcohol. “Maybe I’m just too damn picky...” He just groaned in annoyance, readjusting his sitting position a bit. “Next woman I see... I’m goin’ for it.” He promised himself under the stupor of alcohol. “Yeah... And maybe I’ll get my turbo-mansion and seventy-two virgins.” He briefly chuckled. “Not a damn woman in this dump stupid enough to go out at this hour.” As he was getting ready to take a swig, he noticed a shadow briefly pass his feet. “What the...” He looked across the street, spying a... Wait... “Can’t be.” As if god himself had heard his drunken prayers, a girl had appeared to be walking by her lonesome out in the distance.

.....

He briefly considered that he was drunkenly imagining her there, looking at the bottle label curiously. “This’s gotta be a trick.” He looked back at her, where she had stopped at the crosswalk and was looking around for oncoming cars. She crossed, heading in the man’s direction with her eyes glued to her phone. “Or maybe I’m just lucky...” She passed by without so much as a hint of notice. She had purple pig-tails with green streaks and a light purple skin tone, old blue hoodie and sweat pants. “(Well... She’s pretty hot in the face, I’ll give her that.)” He looked down at the bottle briefly. “(And I did say I’d go for the next chick I saw.)” He let her pass by without any hint of care, waited five seconds as before and got up. “(Now or never.)” He tailed her for almost ten minutes, ten straight minutes and not a second did she look up from that phone. “(God, she’s way too careless...)” He couldn’t help but smile a little. “(It’s almost like she wants to be raped.)” She turned a sharp corner into a back alley, the man stopped dead in disbelief. “She just... Went in?” He stood there for a few more moments before continuing on. “Guess she’s dumber than she looks.” He followed her deeper and deeper into the alley, the girl’s eyes never leaving the screen in her palm. “(How on earth can you be this clueless?)” He gained on her, slowly closing the gap between them. “(Whatever, it’s now or never!)” Like a ferocious tiger, he leaped forward and grabbed her by the back of the neck! Within seconds she was pinned to the wall. “One peep and you’ll be bleeding.” He threatened, immediately reaching out and groping her breast outside her clothes. The girl whimpered softly, likely paralyzed in fear of something of the like. He didn’t really care so long as she kept that mouth shut. “Mm, nice and soft.” He forced his hand up her hoodie and pushed her bra up, the soft flesh and nipples getting him nice and hard. “Let’s get this over with.” He grabbed her sweats and dropped them, then his own. “Ready or not...” He moved the panties aside and pushed his cock in, the man sighing as the warmth of a vagina electrified him more than any alcohol ever could. “Fucking...” He started thrusting madly. “Fucking TIGHT!” She was grabbing at his cock with an unusually strong force, but the man never noticed. He was fucking lost in his own pleasure. “Yeah... Mm! Fucking-... Nngh!” He grabbed her hair and yanked hard, the poor girl squeaking in pain and balling up her fists. “That’s right, fucking take it!” He started humping faster now, feeling his cock start to swell and twitch. “Gonna fucking cream that pussy...” The pussy in question suddenly tightened. “F-fuck!” And that was all she wrote...

’Spurt! Spuurt!’

He ball’d her deep, letting his cum rocket out into her unprotected hole. After several seconds of silent stiffness he relaxed and out-right dropped her, letting her roughly flop onto the pavement with twitching pussy lips. “Ahhh... Fucking needed that.” He lit a cigarette and grabbed his whiskey, making his way out with an uncaring expression on his face. “Dumb brat...”

.......

For several seconds, the girl simply laid there while her pussy slowly drained. Looking at her face she had on one of the dumbest ‘fucked silly’ looks since Shadman’s art hit The Incredibles.

Yeah, there’s really no hiding the girl’s obvious identity anymore. Aria, our brave and courageous protagonist, had just been violently raped... And by god did she love it.

(An alternate ending inspired by a hentai I read, since I’m a sick fuck and all that.)

(Ahem!... Starting again from the alley...)

The man steadily approached the oblivious girl, almost in disbelief. “(This is just too easy...)” He had to suppress a chuckle. “(She really has no idea... It’s almost too good to-)” That’s when the girl turned and-... had a smile that could make complete sociopaths skip a beat.

.....

Like right now, for example! “What the-“ He never got the chance to finish.

’RIIIP!’

“EHH!?!?” The girl had grabbed him and violently ripped open his shirt. “H-HEY!” He was immediately punched in the throat and pushed onto the ground, his screams devolved into nothing but panicked gasps and coughs. The girl had then started to quickly strip right in front of him, effectively scaring the ever-living shit outta him and giving him a fear-boner. He tried crawling away but was easily tackled and wrangled into submission. “St-’cough!’ Stop it!” He demanded in hysteria. “I’ll scream! I’ll fucking scream!”

“And what if you do...?” The girl, or Aria because we all fucking know at this point, had removed her hoodie and lifted her bra. “Bet the cops would love this scene. The grungy old man and the hot, naked chick.” And at that point the man realized just how truly, metaphorically, and likely literally fucked he was about to be... That’s when Aria smiled again, in that oh-so wicked way. “It’s pretty adorable, you know...” She monologued, pinching a nipple to get herself worked-up. “You horny little rapists are all the same, so tough and heartless... Then when the girl suddenly has all the power, you just...” She simply left it at that, letting the fear building up within him do all the talking. “Here’s what’s gonna happen.” She stood up, but kept her foot planted on his chest. She pulled her pants and panties down to reveal her purple gash, a tad stickier than what it should be. “I’m gonna fuck you, plain and simple.”

He just shook his head. “No... Y-you stay the fuck back!” He tried crawling away from her but again, he was wrestled into submission almost as easily as the first.

Though this time, Aria was done playing games. “...Guess I wasn’t clear enough for you.” The man could feel his heart shrink at the sudden calmness in her words. ”Here’s!” She grabbed him by the throat, choking him with a frightening display of power. “...what’s gonna happen.” She finished, this time with more menace in her voice. “I’m going to fuck you...” She paused for the briefest of moments... Before smiling. “No, actually, lemme take that back...” She reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled out-

’Chk!’

A gun... “No...” A 9mm handgun; dirt-cheap but reliable in close-quarters, on in this case point-blank. “Oh god... N-no, please-!” Aria was quick to shush him with the bad end of her handgun being forced down his throat.

“I’m not going to fuck you...” She said with all the softness of a pillow stuffed with barb wire... That is also on fire. “I’m going... To rape you.”

The color had visibly left his eyes... Ohhh cruel irony. I truly, honestly love you at times like these.

.....

Anywho!

The big, bad rapist was now openly sniveling, gun slowly being pulled out of his mouth. Aria scooted her crotch up and planted it square in his face. The normally alluring sight of a damp pussy was almost utterly terrifying in this man’s icy-blue eyes... “French me.” Aria ordered, which he wordlessly obeyed, gently licking the lips and getting Aria to shiver. “Yeah... Mmm, fuck.” She spread her pussy open, making him unwillingly eat her horny little hole. Aria pinched her nipple and arched her back as ekectricity ran up her spine. “Fuck... G-good head... Ngh, c’mon.” She rubbed her aching pussy against him, playing with her breast with a stupid look on her face. “The clit... G-get it!” Shortly after this demand, she felt a rush of pleasure burst outward from her pussy, causing her to gasp. “M-more!” She demanded, rubbing her pussy against him in a horny stupor. “More! Oh god don’t fucking stop!” She was quickly feeling that familiar build-up between her legs. “Mouth!... Open it!” She moaned out. “F-Fucking OPEN IT!” He obeyed, just as Aria began to furiously massage her clit. “It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s... C-cumming!” A short squirt of her lady-cum hit his throat. Aria gritted her teeth hard and violently twitched before practically screaming. “GAHH!!! FUCK!” She violently stamped her foot at the body-melting orgasm, perhaps a little too close to her victim’s head... Thankfully, she never injured him in her blind orgasmic rampage. Only sullied his mouth with her girl-goo while the orgasm trickled down. “Mmm~! Ohhh fuck yes... Mmm...” 

“P-please... Let me go now.” He begged weakly, almost whimpering. “Please...” 

Aria looked at him and just laughed. “After the tongue you just gave me!?” She moved back, unbuttoning his jeans. “I’m gonna rape you so fucking hard after that little treat!” She got his cock out, a good seven inches of raw, unprotected man-meat... “Yeah, this is definitely getting raped...” She positioned herself briefly, the man looking away and crying like a kid being forced to get his flu shot. “Ngh... Gotta get the tip...” Aria plopped down, cock stuffed up her pussy and her mind going blank for a split second. “Ahhh... F-fuck, that’s good.” She leaned down and licked him, milking that cock with gentle humps. The exchange of flesh was mostly silent and uneventful, most of the moaning coming from Aria while the man repressed his own... That is, until the guy’s cock started to twitch. “P-pull it out... I’m...”

Aria simply smiled. “I don’t think so.” She wrapped her legs around his waist and reinforced herself with a big hug. Panic had overwealmed the man as he helplessly struggled. “What’s wrong?... Afraid of babies or something?” He gritted his teeth almost to the point of cracking, using every single fiber of his being not to give her the satisfaction of cumming inside her. “It’s so precious when you nasty men try holding it in.~” Aria’s pussy was twitching and pulling his cock... It was almost fucking torture, but he had to endure! “Yeah, keep building it up for me...” Aria purred. “Get that dick milk nice and thick...” Aria licked up his neck, breaking his concentration and bursting the metaphorical dam.

“NO!!!” In one sudden, violent thrust from his part he attempted to buck her off of him... But sadly, Aria’s legs held tight around his waste. All he had accomplished was parking his cock right against her cervix, splashing it with hot, thick ropes of cum. “N-no... Dammit!”

Aria shivered and held him as tight as she could, making sure he couldn’t attempt to push her off a second time. “Ooooohhh... Ohhh fuck yes.” Each wave of boiling heat was like pure extacy to her, quickly pushing her into her final orgasm of the night. “F-fuck... Oh god!...” Her own girl-goo mixed with his and slowly started to trickle down the man’s softening cock... “So hot!” After a few moments of rest she slowly pulled out of him, pussy draining out onto his limp dick. “Fuck... So much baby-batter.” She got off of him and redressed herself. She then took his booze and chugged it with ease. “Speaking of, how about you throw some pants on before some kid sees.” Then she walked off, enjoying her stolen drink with her distant words of satisfaction. ”Mm... Love getting fucking impregnated~.”

Was the man worried?... Perhaps, frightened? Angry, even!?

.....

It was... Hard to tell. His eyes were fixated at the night sky, projecting no emotion while tears slowly trickled down... To this very day, the man has never wrongly touched another woman since.
> Happy Burthmas Christ: A Very Late Christmas Special
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh, Christmas Eve in Canterlot City... A holiday celebrating the unconfirmed birthday of a Jew who was mercilessly beaten, tortured for days, and crucified for the sake of religion. A time of year when people max out credit cards, Jim Carrey’s ‘The Grinch’ earns a few thousand more bucks, and people care for domesticated pine trees in their own living rooms for a month. It’s as if all of Equestria starts acting like our heavily-medicated grandfathers. Truly a magical time of year until January hits we start hating each other again.

’Door slam!’

“Room-’hic!’ R-Roomieee~!” Yes, marketing and historical murder aside, it was quite a holly-jolly time of year! For some though, they could probably do with a bit less holly-jolly... “That Sprite Cran’hic!’ Cran... Cranberry’s fuckin’ awesome!”

...For their own good.

“Thirst... Thirstiest tiiime~!... Somethin’ somethin’... ’Burp!’ Hehe, I think someone spiked it~.” Wonder what gave her that idea. 

“On Jesus Christ’s birthday!” Anon scolded from the far end of the room, next to the door to his room. “Do you ever fucking think before you act?” 

“Psh, nahhh. Who the hell...” Aria noticed his current apparel. “Uh...” He was all bundled up with a Christmas Sweater and... “Please tell me I’m dreaming.” He stood half-lidded, wearing fake deer-antlers and a glowing red nose. The big burly sweater he had on was the real kicker though, right down to the festive red and green color scheme. What really took the cake was the big Gingerbread man stitched smack in the center with ‘Mommy’s lil gumdrop’ in white cursive. “Oh...” Two seconds of silence... “Oh my gh-HAAAHAHAHA!” Aria began laughing in her drunken state, stumbling about with a pointed finger and promptly falling against the wall. “Y-you look like the one reindeer Santa couldn’t lov-aaahahaha!”

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up!” Anon snapped. “Just get it outta your-“

’Stumble-thump!’

Aria’s intoxication combined with the laughter weakening her legs was enough to finally bring the whore crashing down. “Too much! Oh my god this is too muuuch! Aaahahaha! ” 

Alright, Anon’s had enough at this point. “Keep laughing and you won’t get any of my mother’s home-made-” 

“Snicker-doodles!?” Aria seemed to sober up real quick. “Woah now, let’s... N-not get too hasty!” Not completely, mind you. She clearly had trouble standing with the giggles that she let slip, but at the very least she made an effort. “Guess that explains...’Snicker’ The outfit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He huffed and took a seat on the couch, next to the tree. “Four years now and you still find these so damn hilarious...”

“Because your mother somehow makes every Christmas Sweater more laughable than the last.” Aria slowly got herself back to her feet. “I mean, the antlers? You-’hic!’ Y-you expect me not to laugh at those?” She stumbled over to him, sitting down on the couch next to him. “Oh, and that nose.” She gave it a playful honk, pissing him off further. “Not gonna sugar-coat it, your mom’s fucking brilliant.”

“Apparently they were both on-sale, and I had to wear it during the family dinner.” Anon grumbled, gaining some chuckles from Aria. “You got any scotch? I wanna forget my mother for a bit.”

“Wanna Sprite Cranberry?” She pulled the can out from her coat pocket. “Got some acid and throw-up in it but it’s still cold.”

“... Keep it.” He mumbled in utter disappointment, reaching around under the tree. “Reminds me though, dad got me something for the trip.” He pulled out a large bottle of what one would assume to be alcohol, and it had a big red ribbon on the cork.

“Your dad got you that?” Aria asked. “Could’ve at least got you a card with your piss-cheap booze.”

“He made it himself, Aria.” He informed her. “Calls it his Penguin Brew.”

“Oh... Penguin Brew?” Aria asked in a curious tone. “Sounds like a pussy’s drink.”

“Far from it, Aria.” He corrected. “My old man’s brew is extremely potent, and this is our family’s signature booze.” He held the bottle up. “The process takes years to complete, as it requires repeatedly freezing and defrosting the stuff to evaporate the water while keeping the alcohol pure and unexposed to the outside.” 

Aria could only stare. “Sounds... Cool?” Mainly in confusion because she didn’t fucking understand half the shit he was saying.

“... Alright, let’s try something else.” He gave her the bottle. “Drink it.”

“...Kay.” Without so much as a sign of hesitation Aria popped it open and chugged. “...Ng-’choke!’” Aria felt that shit hit her stomach like a gut-punch from Rocky himself, and all of sudden her senses... Holy shit, that Acid-laced Cranberry was the pussy-drink now. “Ho... Hoooly balls.” 

“Ol’ pops calls it ‘Tactical Nuclear Penguin’.” Anon explained, causing Aria to look at him in wide-eyed shock. “Some of the strongest shit on the face of this planet, strong enough to kill.” He reached down again and pulled out a box, the snicker-doodles Anon had spoke of along with a Christmas Card from dear mommy. “Merry Christmas, Aria.”

She just... Couldn’t believe it. “No... No don’t fuckin’ do this.” She begged, almost teary-eyed. “I don deserve dis.” And clearly very, very drunk.

“You really don’t.” He agreed. “But what the hell, it’s Christmas... Plus, you’re the only person I’ve met so far that could chug that and not pass out on the spot.”

She looked down at the bottle, then back up to him. “I... G-Goddammit, you...” The teary-eyes said it all, not even a diamond ring could compare to this. “You’re so fucking...’Sniff!’ You’re just...” Her smile was so real, so big and genuine and angry and... “You... Y-you brought this on yourself you idiot!” Aria leaped at him and hugged him tight with a blush, giving him a big, wet kiss...

On the lips...

Anon was quite unprepared for something like this, so much so that the shock had left him wide-eyed and unable to move, all the while Aria hungrily lapped at his lips in her drunken affections.

Aria, though hammered like a nail, amazingly had enough control in herself to stop it there. She pulled away with a saliva string stuck to her tongue, giggling with a drunken grin. “Your lips taste like Snicker-Doodles~.”

“I... Did you just...” He mumbled, still trying to register what had happened.

“Warned ya, idiot~.” She giggled obnoxiously, nuzzling in his chest with her face facing away. “Play with my heart like that and Blazey’s gonna be one naughty girl.” When she looked up again, her lips were red wi-

’Smooooch!’

“Literally...” Well, not only were her lips glossed with thick red lipstick, but now Anon’s own shared a similar fate. “You ready for the rest?”

The second kiss was the slap to the face that brought him back. “Wait, when did you put that stuff on!?” Like a snake in the grass, the girl struck him yet again. Her lips met with his cheek this time and left behind a red lip-print. “H-hey! Don’t-!”

She wrapped him up tight, making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. “I was planning on giving you a girly key-chain for Christmas...” She kissed his other ckeek, giving it a similar lip mark. “But then I saw the mistletoe stitched onto your dumb horn, Rudolph.” The look in her eyes... It wasn’t lust or kindness anymore. It was the look of mischief. The playful eyes a Kanker Sister overlooking a hog-tied, gift-and-bow-wrapped Ed-boy. “Twenty-five kisses.” She snickered with a short pause, simply to build tension. “And one mushy Christmas Card for your friends and family to laugh at.”

“No... Oh god, please, no!” Anon begged for mercy. “This is sexual assault, Aria! I won’t hesitate to call the cops!”

“What, you afraid of a lil love?” She teased, before pinning him down by his neck in frighteningly brutal strength. “Hold still, Gumdrop.” She popped out her lip-stick and began marking his forehead. “Hmm... Little curve...... r... i... a!” She snickered at her handiwork. “Perfect.” After that, she glossed her lips again to keep the marks nice and thick. “Twenty-two more kissies, hugga-butt!” She announced, savoring the fear in his face as she slowly got closer. “Pucker-up~!” 

“Don’t you fucking-... Aria, stop!” He wasn’t ready for this, he was absolutely the farthest thing from ready. “I’m gonna kill you! I’ll fucking-!”

“Shaddup.” His threat was silenced by yet another affectionate kiss. Struggle as he might, he was no match for Aria’s drunken strength. Not even a Christmas Miracle would stop this...

That night, lots of love was given. Forcefully so, admittedly. But even worse still, was the Christmas Card Aria promised. A picture of the both of them together, a memory that will be forever preserved. They were laying together in a two-man selfie, Aria’s lips nice and red, firmly planted on Anon’s cheek as it was taken.

Poor Anonymous, god help him, was utterly laced with kiss marks. He had the most spiteful pout on his face, with the words ‘I love Aria’ sloppily written on his forehead in red gloss.

But... Despite all the lip gloss and humiliation, a small part of him really enjoyed seeing his roommate happy. He was never getting her alcohol for Christmas ever again but yeah, pretty nice making her happy!

Good luck explaining the card to your folks Anon, you’re gonna need it.
> Jeepers Creepers
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aria snored softly in her mess of sheets, sprawled out and laying on her belly with her face buried under her pillow and bed-head. Her blanket covered most of her torso but some limbs poked out of the warm embrace, notably her left leg whiched twitched every hour or so. It wasn’t long until she started to shift about more and more, grumbling as she fanally awoke. “Mnh... Fuck.” She stretched with a trembling body...

’crack!’

“Gah... Oh god.” Until something popped loudly, causing her whole body to seize before relaxing. “Fucking needed that...” Her eye peaked out from her hair, half-open and still drowsy. It’s gaze fixated toward the little skull-clock on her night stand, read 12:34. “Mnh... Might as well get-up.” She kicked off the blanket, revealing that she was wearing nothing but white socks. She rolled over and scratched at her belly before sitting up. “Ngh...!” 

’crack!’

She jerked her head to the side and popped her neck, then the other...

’crack...’

Slightly softer, but the job was done. Next she spread her legs and... ”Gh-... Ahh...” Slowly and shakily started to pull something. “Mm~... Fuck.” The wet, sticky sounds and Aria’s blushing face told us exactly what was going on... After half a second of this erotic noise a nice little ‘pop’ followed, then Aria dangled the pitiful sight of a heavily used pink dildo by the ends of her fingers half a foot away from her face. “New I forgot something last night.” She simply dropped it onto the floor with a wet splat. “Gotta fucking pee... Probably clean myself while I’m at it.” Didn’t even bother grabbing any clothes, just walked out of her room vagina slightly agape and tits bouncing free with each half-lifted step.

“Finally awake, sleeping beauty?”

“Eat a dick, Anon.” She retorted in slight irritation. A happy Aria was a clean Aria, and this Aria wasn’t clean just yet. “Fuckin’... Cock-jockey.” She walked straight to the bathroom and sat her ass down on the toilet, didn’t bother checking if the seat was raised but luckily it wasn’t. Porcelain was still cold as fucking ice but at least she didn’t fall in so Anon could laugh at her. “Alright...” She relaxed herself and pushed, sighing as she emptied the night’s build-up with her eyes rolled back in relief. “Mmm... Soo much better.” Suddenly, her eyes realigned themselves, on full-alert no less.

.....

It was faint, but her ears picked up a... Tapping sound. It sounded kinda like... Like finger-tips moving along a hard surface. ”The hell...?” She looked around, seeing only the familiar bathroom walls and shower curtain. “Hm...” Maybe the shower faucet was leaking?... She’d have to tell Anon about that, who’d file a damage report to the landlady who’d probably blame him or Aria and make them call and have to pay the plumbers to fix...

.....

Anon like to vent to her sometimes about how little the landlady actually cares about their problems... If ya asked Aria, she’d tell you those two just need to get a fucking room and yell it out... Then end up throwing punches, which would lead to really, reeealy rough and intense sex... Well, that’s how Aria imagined it’d go, at least. But then again, Aria’s the very last person you’d go to for advice relating to... Well, whatever their hateful relationship is. Hell, she’s generally the last person you go to for sound advice as a whole!

She continued to pee for another few seconds before wiping, leaving the pot unflushed. Didn't want scalding water to hit her skin after all... Though it was more due to the fact she was lazy and tired. She checked if a towel was at hand, then opened the curtain and turned the faucet. The hiss of water against her ears put her sourness down like a crippled racehorse. “Mmm, hello sexy.” Quick check of temperature with her open palm and she stepped inside, as soon as the water hit her she was in another world entirely. “Aaaahhh..... Fuck yes...” The water broiled her skin, muscles relaxing with each passing second under the hot water. Her legs gave out and she plopped her fine, plump ass down onto the shower floor with a light splash. “Mm~... Turn me Violet, Mr. Shower-Head.” Masturbation felt good, sex felt amazing, but a stream of hot water down the back of her head?... Fan-Motherfucking-Tastic. Her mind simply stopped when the water hit, no worries or concerns, no urges or needs; none of those awful things haunted her when she was boiling herself like a fucking lobster dinner... Christ, she’d make sweet fucking love to the shower if it were physically possible! 

’Splash!’

“What the...” Aria briefly considered opening her eyes. “.....” Yeeeaah, that thought was a still-born, if I may be so bold. Yes sir, dead before it even came to consideration! Such is the way of life...

.......

Wait, what was I-... Oh yeah! Anywho, Aria wasn’t in the mood for concern right now. Shower-time was relaxation-time and relaxation meant not giving two fucks! Besides, it was probably just one of the shower poof... Washing things that fell from the hook...

Wait, the hell was touching her feet?... Felt like... Oooh, that shudder up her spine signaled her that it wasn’t a shower poof... Whatever the fuck they were called. “(What the hell is touching my-... M-my.....)” Aria opened her eyes and... Her normal purple hue started to drain from her face... “S-... S-...” 





Anonymous was sitting at home one lovely morning, enjoying his much-deserved day off.  He was low on stock as of today and decided to close up early so he could order some more this afternoon. Even slept in for once! Woke up at 8 am rather then the usual 6. Needless to say, he was feeling good... Great, even! Even made some tea to sip on as he watched the mind-numbing television.

”SPIDERRRRR!!!!!”

Anonymous jumped in alarm, eyes wide and dazed.

.......

’light crack...’

A huge thunderbolt-shaped crack split his glass right down the middle, tea slowly draining from the crack and onto his crotch. A disgruntled scowl grew over his face like bad achne. “Too damn early for this bullshit...” Then he heard the bathroom door slam open. “Aria!?“

”SPIDER!!!” Aria screamed and out-right tackled Anon off his chair, soaking fucking wet and trembling like all hell had broke looks in his bathroom. She had him wrapped in a dual arm and leg lock, grip tighter than a virgin’s sphincter.  “S-s-spider... B-b-b-big...!” 

“Aria, for Christ’s sake!” He tried breaking free of her hold but it was for nought, she had him in a fucking vice. “It’s a fucking spider, Aria! A fucking spider!” He yelled in anger. “Stop being a damn baby and just kill it!”

“NO!” She parked her face straight into his shoulder, refusing to look at him. “I’m NOT going back in there!”

Anon just huffed... This wasn’t like his roomie, Aria wasn’t usually this big of a fucking pussy toward what was probably just a common house spider. “If you’re gonna go pissing your pants like a fucking toddler then let me go and I’ll fucking stomp it.”

“Anon, it fucking HISSED AT ME!” God, this bitch was impossib-... Wait, what did she say? “It’s big, Anon! Really, really big! You can’t fucking stomp it in one go!”

“Then I’ll get the fucking broom and-” Aria interrupted his solution by shrieking into his ear. “WHAT IS IT NOW!?” 

“THE DOOR!” She yelled in fear. “IT’S CRAWLING OUT THE DOOR!!!”

“ARIA WHAT IN-!” Then he fucking saw it. “OH MY GOOD GOD!!!” She wasn’t lying, that bastard was BIG. Bark-brown in color with forest-green streaks, stalky and thin legs, the torso and spinneret together looked about as big as a size-11 boot. Yeah, he definitely recognized the species. Science classes around the planet praised this species as the biggest spider currently alive. “THAT’S A FUCKING EVERFREE BARK SPIDER!!!” He struggled and scrambled about but was still restrained in Aria’s vice-grip. “Aria let me go already!” She couldn’t hear anymore, she wasn’t there. Fear likely petrified her and instincts only told her to hold onto something for dear life. “Ugh, goddammit!” So, since he wasn’t walking anytime soon, Anon had to resort to inching away like a caterpillar while Aria was busy pissing herself in fear... God, he could only hope she wasn’t actually pissing on him right now.

.....

“It’s... C-closer!” Goddammit, he could feel warmth spreading from his thigh. “S-s-save me... It’s gonna lay eggs in my skin...” Now she was practically choking Anon. 

“Stop psyching yourself out...!” Anon could feel his arms start to numb from her vice. “You’re gonna... Crush me!”

’HISSS!!!’

The last thing Anon saw was the spider in the air, Aria still latched to his back. 

’SHRIEEEK!!!’

Anon had never ever heard Aria legitimately scream before, she wasn’t a girl you could scare so easily... But holy... Holy hell.

Anon actually felt a push, almost a burst from the raw volume! The bitch had some fucking lungs!

’Ba-dump!’

Oddly enough, looking back revealed that the spider was sent hurdling into the wall opposite of them. Wasn’t dead, just stunned and very startled. “Dunno what that was but I don’t care!” He quickly inched his way to the bedroom hallway, entering Aria’s room since it the door was still ajar. Couldn’t open and doors since Aria was literally crying and clinging to him in fear. “C’mon...!” He made it in the door way and slammed it with his feet.

’Thump!’

The door banged, a muffled hiss coming from behind it. “Jesus... Why on my off-day?” He didn’t need this shit, he didn’t need Aria trying to crush him or pissing on his leg, and he didn’t fucking need a giant bloodthirsty spider in his house! “Let go, Aria.”

“It... Touched me.” 

Not this bullshit. “Aria it’s not in here, let me go!”

“H-Hold... Hold me, Anon.” Did that seriously just leave her lips? “Please... Please.” 

“I can’t feel my arms, Aria.”

“Did it bite you!?”

“Because you CUT OFF CIRCULATION!” Anon snapped, Aria jumping off of him. “...Finally.” The blood slowly rushed back through his arms, slowly regaining the feeling and ability to move them. He laid there for a bit to recover and... Think?

.....

Aria sat at the corner of the room, naked and curled up in a ball while she pathetically sniveled. Anon stared half-lidded, internally punching himself. “Aria, I’m... I’m sorry.” He knelt down beside her, wrapping her in an embrace. “You’re okay, alright? It can’t get you in-“ She embraced him back, trembling in fear. “...here.”

“I... I hate bugs.” She looked up at him with tear-soaked eyes. “I’ve never been s-so scared... In all my life!” God... Anon felt so stupid.

No matter what shit she starts or what kind of trouble she gets into... Aria’s still human.

Sometimes Anon forgets that. “You’re okay, Aria.” He held her head, letting her hide in his shirt. She needed the comfort. “You’re gonna be okay... I promise.”

“Don’t... D-don’t let go.”

“I won’t.” He assured softly, hugging her tight. “Just try and calm down, okay?”

He could feel Aria tighten her grip... Then slowly release. “I’ll... Try.” That’s all he asks for, sweet innocent Aria. 

’Bang!’

“Shi-ACK!!” Aria squeezed him tight. “A-... Aria...!” Was he turning blue...? Odd, she wasn’t even touching his neck. Was she actually constraining that much blood from-

’Snap!’

...Anon’s mouth hung ajar, but no sound came forth. Tears started to water, indescribable pain surging forth from his right arm. It was bending in a way that it wasn’t meant to, like a twig crushed under a shoe. 

Aria only released moments after the sick snap, staring in horror at what she just did. “Oh god.”

Luckily his color was coming back, but that arm was... It wasn’t okay, let’s say that much. The life had left Anon’s eyes moments after and he fell into her breasts, startling her. “A-Anon!?” She pushed him off, the poor guy was out cold. “Oh fuck what have I done.” 

’Rake! Raaake!’

That... That thing was scratching the door. ”Low hiss...” Aria crushed Anon in her embrace yet again, will she ever learn how frail humans are?

’Crackle’

Guess not. “Sh-shit!” She kept telling herself to let him go, she was hurting him! Yet her body disobeyed, trembling in fear and holding him for dear life.

”Why do you shiver like a hatchling...”

She could hear it, she could feel it’s presence.

”You, a fearless siren of immeasurable grit and centuries of knowledge, helpless at the sight of a lowly insect...”

“Sh-shut...” 

”You’re a disgrace... I cannot believe you cower at such a pathetic-“ Aria felt a shiver run down her back, a soft yet sharp tacking at her temples forcing her to look up. ”BY OUR BLOOD IT’S HIDEOUS!!!” And it was dangling right over her, mandibles twitching and eight lifeless eyes staring her down. ”KILL! SMASH IT!! STOMP IT TO A PASTE!!! SMASH IT SMASH IT SMASH IT!!!”

Aria just... Collapsed. Her blood ran cold, her vision was blurring, any remaining amount of urine was being drained. “S...Sp...ider...” She lay there like a corpse, a black ring slowly enclosing her vision. She was blacking out, she was so stricken by fear that she was trying to mentally shut herself away. She couldn’t even hear her inner Siren anymore, she couldn’t hear anything!

But she could still see. She watched those grass-thin legs coming into view, it was looming over her...

But it skittered past her and out of her view. “(Why...?)” She was vulnerable, practically an easy kill. So why didn’t it... “(Anon.)” She moved her head just enough to see the spider crawling up his frame. “(No...)” But just like with Aria, it only stayed for a moment before crawling over him uncaringly. She watched it skitter up the wall and squeeze itself into the loose air-duct panel.

.....

She... She was okay. “.....Heh... Hehehe...” She couldn’t help but laugh. “This is... It’s a nightmare.” She crawled to Anonymous, still shaking in fear and the natural cold against her naked skin. “There’s no such thing as... Giant spiders.” The poor girl was losing it. “N-no... No such thing.” It was really the only means of comfort she could mentally acquire. “Please... Wake up.” She collapsed over Anon’s unconscious form. “Wake me up, Anon. Slap me awake, already.” This was just... Sad. “Wake me up... P-please.” Now the tears were forming, still refusing to face the harsh reality. ”I’m begging you... I wanna wake-up now.” She held him close, hoping and praying that one of them would wake up soon. She sobbed and sobbed in silence, the passing minutes and the protective embrace working to slowly pacify the poor girl. Her heart had slowed, her breathing calmed and controlled. She was still scared out of her wits and cursed with a heavy feeling of vulnerability...

But Anonymous was here.

He was here, still alive and close to her. That’s what gave her clarity... He was always here, giving her the comfort and protection she never asked for, let alone deserved.

Why, though? “(...Why does he give so much for a screw-up like me?)” Aria blushed a bit. “(Does he... Really just care that much?)” The idea was complete dog-shit in her mind. Be it human or Equestrian, everybody had a limit for being unconditionally kind... Why doesn’t Anonymous just fucking kick her already? She’s been literally nothing but trouble for him!

.....

.....

.....

Aria blushed... “A-...Anon?” No response... “Anon... C-can I be... Real, with you?” The hoped and prayed that he couldn’t hear her right now. She was begging even Starswirl that he wouldn’t hear. “I-... I-I...” She gripped his shirt in her fist. “I-love-you-Anon-okay!?” She nearly ripped his shirt open. “NO! N-no I mean I... I-I just really, really, really... Like you.” Aria was physically wanting to punch her own heart out right now, in the most literal form. She couldn’t stop blushing and she just hated it so much! “You just... You do so much for me, even when I turn around and call you names or make fun of you.” Tears were running again, but these were not fear-tears... These were the bitter-sweet tears of a Tsundere. “O-or get arrested for shit... Or get drunk in public, probably naked... Usually naked.” She took a hard swallow, sucking down her pride. “You just put up with so much shit from me and I just... I don’t know why you care so much for a failure like me.” Saying it aloud felt like a nail hammered into her heart. “I just... Make everything worse.” That’s when she felt it, something by far worse than any breed of spider.

She felt a hand, holding her back supportingly. “You’re not a failure.”

She wanted to fucking die. “And... You don’t make everything worse.”

A fatal heart-attack, thunderbolt striking her dead, fucking flash-cancer leading to an agonizing death! She would take anything, anything but this!

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything... I wasn’t expecting you to just open-up like this.”

“You... Y-you jerk.” She just curled into a ball and sulked in shame and embarrassment. “Why are you so fucking nice.”

“Is it a crime to care for my friend?” Anon answered with his own question. “...Well?”

Aria just grew sour and resentful. “It should be... Fucking hate you.” 

“Yeah, I love you too, Ar-“

”NOO! SHADDUP!!” She snapped, face a deep magenta. “Don’t fucking-!” 

’Hisss!’

Aria, being the scared little arachnophobic she was, quickly leaped to Anon’s side and hugged him tight. “I’m-sorry-I’m-sorry-I’m-sorry!” Yep. Back to shaking like a leaf. “I-I love you, Roomie! I love you, I promise! Please please kill that spawn of Satan before it gets through the vents again!”

“Again!?” The vent cover fell to the floor with a clang, eight red glowing dots staring at them from the darkness of the duct. “Is was in here!?” He could feel her grip tighten around his waist. “Aria, no! Just cal-“

’SCREEEAAAAAAM!!!!!’

It felt as if Anon’s head was trying to pop like a zit, the raw power behind that scream was... Holy fuck, it was so powerful! “ARIA, FUCKING CHRIST!” He couldn’t fucking hear anything now. “WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK WAS THAT!?!” Anon saw the spider, trembling badly. It fell out of the vent and hit the floor, legs curling up and... 

.....

“ARIA DID YOU FUCKING KILL THAT THING!?” Anon asked, still pretty deaf. “I THINK THE SCREAM ECHOED IN THE VENTS OR SOME SHIT AND KILLED IT!” He looked to see that Aria had passed out behind him, deathly pale. He propped her up with his good arm and checked her neck for a pulse. “HOLY CRAP, SHE HAS SOME LUNGS...” Though weak, there was a pulse, and as a bonus a dead fucking spider!

.....

Buuut he still had an arm that was hopefully only dislocated, was deaf by all accounts, and had been urinated on at least once today. Now he had to go to the hospital and take care of the spider’s carcass... But, maybe not everything was in vain. He did get to know Aria a little better through this experience.

He learned that the girl has a fear of spiders, could potentially crush him, and has lungs made of adamantium... But most importantly, he learned that she cared for him just as much as he did for her.

Maybe even a bit more than he did... But she’d never admit it.
> Something to Think About
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a typical work day, customers were few and Anonymous was watching some TV from one of his bar booths to kill some time. “Ugh... Might just close up early today.” He checked his phone, 11:40 and a Tuesday. “Wasting electricity at this rate.”

The door bell chimed, Anon looked over and noticed an... Unfamiliar face. “Oh, just a sec, sweetheart.” He got up and fixed his clothes, moving back behind the bar table. The woman took a seat at a stool nearby. “What can I get ya?”

“Fire Bomb, dry.” Oh... Well, the ovaries on this chick! “You have any cinnamon or lemon?” 

“Uh... You sure about a fire bomb, Miss?” She looked up at him, her deep purple eyes staring him down like the bad end of a gun. “Okay, sorry!” He raised his hands defensively. “Just asking...” Despite her leering eyes, she definitely had a pretty face. Soft, bright orange skin with poofy curls of a darker shade. “From out of town?” Anon asked, deciding to stir some conversation.

“I travel a lot.” A simple answer to a simple question.

Anon hummed as he got to work on her drink. “Not much of a talker, huh?” Her silence answered him quite clearly. “Somethin’ on your mind?”

“...A few things, I suppose.” Once Anon handed her the shot glass, she paused before swinging it up and gulping it down. “Ah... Nh.” She shook her head and sputtered, her throat burned bad and her stomach was a lead weight. “Been a good while...”

Anon raised a brow. “You alright, Miss?”

“Yeah... Didn’t expect yours to pack such a punch.” She coughed and hacked like an old war veteran, until she cleared her throat and breathed out. “I was saying... It’s been a while since I had a drink this good.”

Anon shook his head at her. “Flatter me up all you like, sister. You aren’t getting any free drinks.” 

She just giggled, might’ve been the cocktail smacking her brain. That’s what Anon assumed. “... Ishould...” She looked a bit sad, suddenly. “I should apologize, for my earlier behavior.”

“No harm done, Miss.” Yeah, wouldn’t be the first time he’s dealt with moody customers. A little alcohol tends to make that-

“Adagio...”

“Pardon?” He asked.

“Call me Adagio, if you would.” She gave him a smile.

“Oh...” It was a fine name, almost mature in a sense... Yet, for some odd reason, he couldn’t shake this weird vibe from it. “Just call me Anon, everyone else does.”

“Charmed.” She tapped the table. “Another, if you would?”

”Another?” Damn, she had some guts. “Second person I’ve met that could even stomach this.” 

“Only second?” She asked. “He must’ve been quite the drinker.”

Anon chuckled. “She’s one helluva drinker, I can assure you.” Adagio’s smile faded. “She isn’t allowed here anymore, though. Not after what she did to my booth.” He gave her the cocktail, and just like the last it was gone in a second with some coughs and chest pounding. “Lord, Adagio!”

“Don’t-’COUGH!’ ‘Cough-hack!’ I-I’m... Fine.” She calmed down, though Anon was still quite cautious about giving her a third. “...Anon.” She began, eyeing the floor. “Do you have a family?”

“Well sure, everybody does.” 

She paused... “What’s your family like?”

A bit odd for a question, but... “Well, pretty big I guess.” He answered. “Grew up in Apploosa, Momma had six kids so every day was complete chaos, me being second oldest.”

Adagio looked at him like he had carrots growing out his ears. “Six... My word, how did you put up with that?”

He just shrugged. “We were all rough n’ tumble, always pounding on each other. Even the sisters weren’t afraid to knock some teeth out.” Adagio could only look on, head tilted in confusion. “We never hated each other, mind you. We were just really rough kids.”

.....

“Have you... Ever said something awful to them?” She asked. “Something that really hurt them?”

He noticed her tone, and pondered for a bit... “We would say some horrible things, sometimes.” He recalled, feeling his heart turn green with disgust. “‘I hate you’, ‘Go jump off a bridge’, ‘I hope you die’...” It only grew heavier and heavier. “.....’I wish you were never born’ was a nasty one.” He rested himself on the counter, elbows propping him up as he looked Adagio in the eyes. “But, no matter how much we drove each other crazy, we were still family. We loved each other no matter what we said or how badly we beat ourselves up.” Her eyes seemed to soften, depression washing over her like a wave. “You gonna be okay, Adagio?”

She simply shook her head. “No... I don’t think I’ve been ‘okay’ in years.”

.......

Anon... Smiled. “It’s funny.” He spoke. “Had another girl tell me that a few years back.” He sighed, taking her shot glasses and washing them out. “She told me a story a lot like yours, Adagio. Told me this drunken tale of how she was sick of her family, sick of wanting to go home for some reason.”

Adagio’s face fell...

“Even said she hated her sisters.”

Her eyes were glistening, fists clenched tight. 

“So I smacked her across the face.” She looked up at him, almost offended. “And I told her, plain and firm, to never ever say that again.” Anon’s voice had a clear authority behind it, as did his eyes. “I told her with a raging anger, that if she ever said anything like that again, I’d kick her sorry ass so hard she’d be tasting shoe polish.”

Adagio was quite silent the entire speech, clearly so full of questions yet unable to... Overpower this sudden anger.

“Dunno If I ever got through to her, to be entirely honest... I like to think I left something for her to think about.”

Adagio just looked down at the table, not a peep out of her mouth... But from her silence, a small smile grew, and with it her voice returned. “I think you may have, Anon.”

He couldn’t help but smile.

“...Anon.” He looked up, Adagio standing and leaning over the table quite close to him. “Thank you.”

“For... What, exactly?”

Her hand met his cheek, and like some cheesy 90’s flick she gave him a soft, surprise kiss. His eyes widened, her eyes stared back with warmth simply oozing out of them. The intimacy was almost electrifying, as if she were exploring his body with her lips and eyes alone...

He felt, alarmingly, an unease at his core. It wasn’t a particular feeling but his body was reacting as if he were being molested, with cold shudders and a haunting pit deep in his gut. With separation, Anon was awash by a wave of fatigue and inertia. “What...” He clenched his chest, as if to preserve and protect something within. “That was...”

“Interesting.” Adagio finished for him, with a moment of pause to follow. “.....You’re awfully pale, Anon.” She noted. “Was I... Perhaps your first?”

“First... N-no, of course not!” He objected in an offended tone. “I just... It surprised me.”

She smiled. “You’re adorable, Anonymous.” She gave him some cash, paying for her drinks and then some. “Do me a favor...” She continued, turning and walking to the door. “Please, take good care of Aria for me.”

“Aria... H-how did...”

“I dare say I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but... Aria is very sensitive, despite her brashness and short temper.” She turned her head just a slight, and gave him a cold stare that could make Michael Myers flinch. “If you happen to hurt her, dear Anonymous... I will find you.” He could feel his very heart being weighed down at the ever-growing air of malice surrounding her. “Need I tell you what will happen when I find you?”

He shook his head, lips sealed and teeth clenched shut. He dare not say a single word out of fear. 

She smiled, eyes half-lidded and seemingly satisfied with his answer. “Glad we understand each other.” She opened the door, the little bell chiming to break the tension. “I may drop back in from time to time, you’re pleasant enough company.” She gave him a wink and blew a kiss at him. “Ciao.”

The door closed with the bell once again, and all poor Anonymous could do was-

’Thump!’

Fall face-first into the counter, completely exhausted. “I’m... Closing up early today.” He had jitters in his voice, as lifeless as it already was. He propped himself back up with his arm, the other grabbing at his heart for dear life. “Closing... Oh Jesus, my heart...”

(Sometime later)

Aria had returned home, completely wiped from an evening of fun at the night club, took a little detour for some cheap acid she’d hit later tomorrow. Nothing says fun like a good trip, amirite?

She opened the door, kicked her shoes off and... Found Anon, dead asleep on his easy chair.

.....

She smiled, tip-toeing to the kitchen and grabbing a dry-erase marker from the table... “No.” She put it back. “You’re better than that, Aria.”

Yes, it simply wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to go higher, farther! She wanted to make something from such a rare opportunity! “Now... Where to start.” She held her chin in thought, lightly stroking it as the gears in her head clanked... Before gasping, as a nasty little plan came to fruition. 





Anon had sat in silent slumber, plagued by a strange dream... It wasn’t like the usual familiar-yet-outlandish dreams we all experienced under the veil of the night, rather it played out like a series of visions.

They were random at best, but they all had two things in common. They were from the perspective of someone that he felt wasn’t him, and in every one of them Aria Blaze was present.

In one scene, it showed Aria among what looked like the regalities of 1800 British aristocrats. In another, she was in medieval Rome, leading an army of men in conquest of new land. The images left as soon as they came, and flooded Anon’s mind nonstop. She was a soldier, she was a diplomat, she was an enforcer, she was a spy, she was a high-ranking leader; all from separate time periods ranging from decades to as far as centuries!

Why? Why was she in all these places, with the blue skinned girl being with her every other image? Why was he even seeing all this nonsense? What did it all mean?

’Hiisssss...’

All the images, all the craziness, all this information had finally ceased. Only to be replaced by what looked like alligators...

Wait, alligators?





“’Snort!’ Huh!? Wha!?!... Uh...” Anon stared up at the ceiling, gobsmacked and slowly trying to register the weird shit he witnessed.

Wait... Why couldn’t he remember? All that was in that head was alligators for some-

’Hiiisssssss...’

Anon’s eyes widened, he looked at the door just slightly ajar, the trail of what looked like slime leading to the kitchen. “What in god’s name...” He got up and tip-toed inside, witnessing the fucking full-grown alligator smack in the middle of the kitchen floor!

He had no words, not a peep, as the sight of this murder-log petrified him for a solid ten seconds. “A...a-a.... A-ARIA!?” The alligator swished it’s tail, knocking over a chair. It started to slowly crawl its way toward him with a low hiss. His response, much like anyone else’s, would be to scream like a little girl and book it to his room. ”ARIA HELP! DEATH JAWS!!!”

“Ugh, JESUS IN HELL!” Aria’s door opened, Anon ran right past her squealing for God’s mercy and through his bedroom door, slamming it shut behind him. “...’snort!’” Her lips were puckered, trying to hold in her laughter. “H-hey... Anon?” She called from outside his bedroom door. “Why’d you scream so pathetically?”

“BECAUSE THERE’S A GODDAMN ALLIGATOR IN THE KITCHEN!!!” He screamed back. “For the love of God, call animal control!”

“Alligator...?” She wondered in faux surprise. “Ohhhhh, that Alligator!”

“Excuse me!?” He sounded pissed now, per usual. “YOU KNEW!!?”

“Yeah, he’s a pet. One of my friends wanted me to pet-sit.”

“Who in their right mind domesticated a LIVE ALLIGATOR!?!?” One second... Two seconds... “Is it Pinkie’s?”

“Yep.”

“Jesus Christ...” You could heat the brow-pinching in his voice alone. “Why the hell does she own that thing!?” 

“I dunno, girl’s crazy?” Aria felt a tug on her leg, the toothless maw of the pet working to get her attention. “Oh, hi Gummy.” It just blinked, tongue sticking out of one side of it’s mouth. “...You hungry?” It just stared at her with slobber running down its tongue, though it did swish it’s thick tail a little. “Guessing that’s a yes.” She pat her thigh to signal him and walked to the kitchen, Gummy slowly trudging behind. “I think Pinkie said you like eating gummy worms, buuut... Let’s try some of that meat in the fridge.” 

’Excited(?) hiss...’

Anon spent five hours in his room before he was dragged out by Aria to make food, Gummy tried biting him. Just another day at the Anonymous residence!

As for Adagio...? Well, that’s a story for another day.
> A Sticky Situation: Ocean Blues
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


’Terms of Contract’

You are to locate the human female provided within the data file provided of Planet Earth’s inhabitance

Failure to eliminate the target is not an option. By signing this contract you will be obligated to come back with the human’s heart...

Or we will take yours.


GMA

Below the translucent blue screen was a blank signature line. “Hunter Gloet.” A voice spoke, breaking the tension with it’s synthetic, obviously robotic tone. “You have stared at your form for exactly five minutes, forty-nine seconds, three-point-eight-“

“Byte... Sir.” A surprisingly feminine tone interrupted. “Forgive my lack of professionalism in saying this, but... Did you install a new humor subroutine?”

.....

“Hunter Gloet. You know better than I that such things are unnecessary for an AI like myself.” This ‘Byte’ character replied, a simple android standing behind a caged booth. “My programming only allows the deployment of contracts provided by the Galactic Mercenary Association.”

The silence resumed... “You can’t be serious...” But was short-lived at Gloet’s offended tone. “Are you aware what a human is? They’re shaved simians stuck from some Crauxus’ blowhole of a galaxy, with nothing to note of aside from their years of planetary conflict... With each other.” This feminine figure, covered head to toe in skin-tight armor plates, seemed to buzz lowly like some pissed-off hornet. “Were I a much-less forgiving Huntress I would have ripped out your wires and eaten them... So please, enlighten me on why am I tasked to kill a lowly human of all things?”

“Forgive me, Hunter. Information of this human’s bounty is minimal. I was only informed that it was able to kill a handler from the Mo’h Visha Institute one-point-eight cycles ago.”

The buzzing seemed to die down. “Hmph... For a Troglodyte such as a human, I suppose that would be deemed an impressive feat. But for it to be worth my head is asinine.” The armored hunter walked off with the flick of her wrist. “Give it to some no-named mercenary, a mission like that isn’t worth my time.”

“But Gloet...! Oh, curse my programmers.” The android looked down a bit in disappointment. Truth be told this has been his nineteenth attempt with either a death-threat, laughing, or both... “Is there no hunter willing to take this job?”

“Oh, oh! Is this where I go?” Byte’s synthetic eyes met a new face, with no records or identity to his memory. Bubble-Gum pink skin with a stupid grin. “Hi! I’m, like, looking for a cool job and something to kill.” Clearly an amateur, reckless, and had no idea what she was doing...

Byte couldn’t have asked for a better candidate. “Then you seek me, Byte. I handle the mercenary work.”

“Oh-em-Awesome! Lemme go bag a Star Eater!” This alien would best be described as a bad Majin Buu gender-flip. She had no real armor to speak of, aside from some hot-pink sections of her body that looked harder than her natural rose-pink skin. Maybe natural armor?... But then again it only really covered her necessary parts, and her hair was a similar shade. “C’mon Bolt! I wanna kill something!” She looked on with pleading hazel irises. “Pleeease~?”

“I... Would like to think that a Cosmic Leviathan-class serpent is only for veterans, or a large militia.” Byte objected, for her own safety. “Speaking of such, what are your credentials and level of experience.”

She scratched at her head with the nozzle of her handgun... Perhaps ‘stupid’ would be another thing to mark on his list of her character seeing how close her finger is to the trigger. “I dunno, I guess zero?” Hit the nail right on the head. “But I can handle whatever you throw at me, honest!”

Byte handed her the contract. “Then you should be able to handle this easy mission, to get your feet wet and such.”

“Hmm... That’s cool, that’s cool. But, like, what’s a heart?” 

.....

“Just get the mission done, Miss...” 

“Goo.” She answered. “Gumma-Goo’s my full name, but you can call me whatev’s.” She thoughtlessly signed the contract and scurried off with a cute war-cry.

.....

“She didn’t even let me give her the proper coordinates...”





With Gumma’s boundless energy, she had no problem running all the way back to the massive ship docking site. But where was her ship?

Well, that’s the funny thing, my friends. She is her own ship. “Now, Earth was around the Northern side of the universe... Right?” She looked up to a large star chart displaying the Universe from a projector of the ceiling. “Looks like a sling and a half from my home planet, actually!” She turned toward the large window, veiled by an oxygen bubble. She took a pitcher’s stance, wound up her arm, and...

’Vooh-splat!’

Thrust her hand, where her arm stretched to incredible lengths and smacked the edge of the window like a bug on a windshield.

’Vooh-smack!’

She did the same with her other arm on the adjacent side, at this point I think we all know where this is going... “Here...” She took a few steps back, smushing her feet firmly into the floor to keep the sticky firm. “Weee...!” She smiled, then jumped. “GOOOOOOOOOOOO.......” She was star-bound now, sling-shotting her way straight to Planet Earth by taking advantage of the endless momentum provided by the void of space.





“Day three-hundred, still no signs of the planet Earth...” It’s been fifteen minutes. “The ultra-cool, extra-awesome Gumma-Goo flew through the cosmos like... A gorgeous pink comet that every guy loved and junk.” Still lost in her own little world, too... “Her first mission, and she’s gonna bag a totally vicious human that killed it’s handler-person... Wait, do humans, like, always have handlers?” She pondered briefly, before shrugging it off. “Humans must be weird or-SPACE ROCK!” She flung her foot at it, latching on and using her own momentum to fling the asteroid forward while she went backwards. “BLAST-OFF!!!” The rock came straight for her, and she barreled right over it and was launched at even greater speeds! “YES! I’M A BEAUTIFUL PINK BULLET!!!” Her face changed pretty quick to that of ‘fuck’ as she noticed the many other asteroids coming into view, along with the bright yellow planet they circled. “Saturn’s ring!... Man, I’m making awesome time with this.” With quick thinking, reaction time, and god-like Space Parkour; she used her gum powers and stretchy body to navigate the asteroid belt with relative ease. Perhaps her race was simply suited for slinging themselves across space like a flying monkey on crack... All kinds of weird shit out there, amirite? 

Our spunky lil go-getter had just passed Mars when her eyes had laid sight on our humble little planet. “Wooow... It’s so pretty compared to the planets in my Solar System! ’Gasp!’ They even have their own lil moon!” Which she passed at dangerous speeds, feeling herself getting warmer and warmer. “Ooh, an atmosphere, too!” She was a literal ball of fire right now and kept smiling regardless. “Why do so many hunters call this place a dump anyway? It looks so pretty from Space... Oh-em-Gosh! I should have a base on their moon installed when I get paid!” She burst through the clouds, hurdling toward a deep, deep blue. “Gummy-Goo, you beautiful genius! This is gonna be the best-!”

’SPLASH!!!’

.......

Gumma-Goo felt a feeling similar to the void of space, but... Not quite as cold. It was a pretty nice feeling.

A deep, loud bellow had broken her from her thoughts, as a huuuuge, gigantic, down-right enormous creature had floated overhead. Her eyes widened, mouth hanging open, allowing sea water to fill her mouth at the majesty of such a giant.

Until... Fear had paralyzed her at the same presence of said giant. It was like a first-time Subnautica player seeing their first Leviathan... Then she looked down, watching in horror as one of them was floating right toward her from an abyss of black.

Que the mindless flailing of someone who has no concept of swimming.

’Bump...’

The creature had not opened it’s mouth and swallowed her whole, it just rose to breach and happened to take her with it. Nonetheless, Gumma screamed in muffled gurgles until she had no more air in her. Then it was just her mouth agape and her being confused.

As the whale had breached to blast water from it’s blowhole, Gumma followed in turn with spilling out all the water from her stomach. “’Uuurgh! Cough cough! Haah... AAAAHHHHHHH!!!” Thus, resumes the screaming, until she was submerged yet again.

.....

The sun had begun to set in the horizon, poor Gummy sticking to the Whale like a barnacle. She’d learned very quick what water was, and that she had trouble moving in it without the assistance of this leviathan she was riding. However, she did learn that this beastie wasn’t mean per say, it just made horrifying groans. She named it Zoltan for these spine-chilling noises...

She’d been pondering on a method of escaping this strange fluid, it was similar to that of water but it had a strange feel... Tasted weird, too. She noticed that Zoltan had a weird tail and small wings on his sides that helped him move through this gunk, so... No, she wasn’t brave enough to leave Zoltan. She couldn’t float like he could and that bottomless pit below scared the pink right outta her.

Still, she couldn’t stay on his back forever. She was a hunter now. Is a little pit of endless darkness really gonna scare her?

.....

She couldn’t even deny it in her own head, that pit was just way too scary...

Wait, wasn’t that Zoltan in the distance?

.......

She didn’t even look down, she just started flailing again in an effort to get back to her savior. Try as she might though, his speed was far past her own. “(No, please! Zoltan DON’T LEAVE ME!)” She quickly tired herself out and slowly sank.

.....

Very slowly sank...

.....

.....

.....

“(Huh... This isn’t so bad, actually.)” She pondered a bit, then a little light-bulb clicked in her head. “(Maybe if I do what Zoltan did...)” So, she started doing her best impression of a Whale swimming. The only real result was noticing how water seemed to fight against her arms. Instead, she tried pushing it under her. “(I think... I’m getting the hang of it now.)” Over time, she naturally adjusted herself to a cute doggy paddle, ever so slowly reaching the surface and puking our all that water in her body. “Ugh! Bleh!... It tastes even worse coming out.” She turned her head a few times, seeing nothing but ocean at every turn. “Aww... I have a lot of floating to do.” She pouted. “Dumb robot, not giving me any directions...”

(Elsewhere)

“Our top story today, an unidentified meteor broke though the atmosphere and impacted somewhere around the center of the Pacific Ocean today! Casualties are at zero but that may change at after further investigation.”

“Meteor?” Anon repeated, somewhat alarmed. But after a bit of consideration he brushed it off. “Meh, probably just hogwash...” Feeling hungry, he got up to browse the fridge. “Hm... Gotta get food tomorrow.” He closed the fridge and got out his phone. “HEY, YOU FINE WITH PIZZA!?”

“IMMA HUGE FUCKING SLUT FOR PIZZA!” Replied Aria from her room. “GET BREADSTICKS, TOO!”

“COOL!” He found their number and waited, checking his wallet for paper cash. “Meteor... What a fucking laugh.”

(To be Continued...)