Strum Awesomeposture rolled over, and sniffed the air. Ice Cream.
“BON BON?!”
She called out from the kitchen, “Yes dear?”
“I THOUGHT WE AGREED THAT WE WOULD NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!”
“Yes but... I’m on a secret mission to save Equestria with Applejack and Derpy. Again. And I need your help.”
Strum Awesomeposture groaned and stumbled out of bed. She walked down the hallway grumbling something about it was too early and I don’t want to be a secret hero I just wanna go have fun around Ponyville, teach some kids how to play some kind of intrument and go back to bed fourteen hours later.
“What was that?”
“nothing...”
Why... she didn’t want this. She was fine with Bon Bon being a spy and all, but she didn’t want to have to do this... this is why she never wanted to talk about ice cream again... it... did things to her. She didn’t want that life anymore.
Bon Bon flopped the ice cream pancakes down in front of Strum Awesomeposture once she sat down in the table. She deadpanned.
“Look, you know you have to eat them. Otherwise I’ll have to make more. Don’t let them thaw out...”
“For me?”
Strum Awesomeposture sighed... she had to didn’t she. She levitated her old over priced ice cream pancake eating spoon of wonder out of a drawer a few feet away from the table she was at. She brought it down and scooped up a small piece, took a little nibble and...
===
Applejack lept out of bed, galloped torwards the front door, and whipped it open, peeled the siding of her house off and grabbed her cape and rope off the hook. Embroidered on the side of the cape was two hooves kicking apples into the mighty ugly face of Black Snooty.
“Ah’m ready”
===
“WHAT?! NO! NOT COOL!”
Derpy groaned and got up from the ground she had met when Rainbow Dash decided to fly into her. “Look, Ah have to. It’s mah job.” She didn’t need this...
“So? Quit! I don’t care! You’re not leaving with Applejack to go on some secret mission!”
“Secret, right...” She muttered under her breathe. Definetely a secret mission now. Nopony would probably think of somepony saying something like that seriously at least... She raised her voice slightly for the first time. “Look, you don’t sign up for the PIA just to quit anytime you want. I just can’t, and I wouldn’t anyways. Applejack knows that too you know.”
Rainbow of course didn’t listen. “How did she even know about this in the first place?” Derpy wondered.
“APPLEJACK I’M COMING FOR YOU!”
She barreled off again. It wasn’t as if trying to stop her would do much... Derpy rolled one of her eyes.
===
“Now what in tarnation...” Applejack thought to herself after being knocked to the ground.
“Applejack! No! You can’t leave!”
She turned onto her stomach and stood up again. “Ah can’t stop now Dash. “But nooooooooo! Applejack, you don’t! But! No! Uh... bu bu but WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME HERE? What if you don’t come back?” She shouted as Applejack walked away.
“I have to do this.” She galloped towards Bon Bon’s house. Rainbow knew she had to let her... for now. “I wonder why she’s so keen on keeping me here...” she wondered.
===
“What in the hay? Ice cream tastes horrible in pancake form!”
“What? but it’s the most efficient way, you have to eat it this way...”
"Oh wait, this was never tested was this, she thought..." This could be bad.
“I want cupcakes!”
“Oh Celestia”
“NOW!”
She sat at the dining room table, looking up at Bon Bon. “Please?” She asked with her expression.
“I guess this way doesn’t channel pure Strum Awesomeposture ice cream eating powers very well does it...”
“So can I have ice cream cupcakes then? I mean what’s the difference? I bet they’ll taste better.” All she knew is that she wanted ice cream. And she’d only eat it inside of a cupcake.
“...Fine. I’m going to go grab some from sugarcube corner. You stay here. What with what ice cream does to you in incased in pancakes, cupcakes couldn’t hurt... Confound the Doctor and his ideas.” She muttered the last bit quietly, walked out and shut the door behind her with her teeth.
===
Applejack galloped past Bon Bon, continueing towards her house-
“Wait, Bon Bon? Why’re you leavin' yer house now? The meetin’ is here right?” “Because somepony at my house doesn’t take well to eating ice cream pancakes. She wants cupcakes now.”
“Why’d that be?”
“Because Doctor Whooves apparently thinks that even though pancakes are an efficient way to deliver energy through ice cream it doesn’t matter how they do so. So now Strume needs her ice cream through cupcakes and will take nothing else. If anything, I have to agree that it can’t make it much worse.”
“Well ah k, ah’ll be watchin’ your house then.”
“see you later”
Applejack continued towards her house. She wondered what they were supposed to do, anyways. It must be important if Bon Bon was getting Strum to eat ice cream again.
===
Ten minutes later, Derpy started to file past Dash’s harsh gaze from a bush. She finally got done with some business with somepony...
How long had she been there? “You know, I know you’re there Dash.”
“I’m just watching to make sure Applejack doesn’t leave. Carry on”
“Whatever, she saw you too you know... anyways. Do whatever, but you can’t stop her.”
“That’s what YOU think, Derpy...” She pulled her binoculars away from her face and shrunk into the bush once again. I know what I’m doing, she thought...
===
“What took ya so long? An Bon Bon ain’t here yet by the way.”
“I went ahead and grabbed some muffins for this.”
“Ya didn’t”
“Well, you don’t know how bad it might get...”
“So Strum, have you got your ice cream yet?”
“She hasn't... she’s gotten kinda... really silent, to tell ya the truth for some reason. Ah’m not quite sure why, but well... ah’ll tell ya what Bon Bon told me...”
===
“How are you doing Pinkie?”
“GREAT! Actually I just got a new shipment of icing in new colors, seventy three to be exact, you have to be able to mix them easily to create odd colors you know and my room-“
“Ok ok ok, I don’t have too much time right now. Can I just have half a dozen cupcakes? I don’t care which ones. You pick.”
“Well I just LOVE these swirly ones with the balloons on top that ok with you huh huh?”
Bon Bon was amazed how fast she bounced across the room towards her. “Yes. fine. anything. Just hand me them...”
“Okie dokie lokie then!”
Taking the package and tucking it into her sadle bag, she said “Oh, and would you mind not mentioning this to anypony?”
After five minutes of the flurry of hoof movements and gestures Pinkie started, really putting effort into this promise apparently, Bon Bon walked off. There wasn’t any time for this.
“What in the hay... Why’s it raining? It seems like some weather pony’s been slacking off lately... hmm...”
===
“Ok, I’m back!” Bon Bon anounced, soaked.
“Well finally! We thought ya might’ve left us!”
“Well, that’s Pinkie Pie for you.”
“Very true, of course... I definitely know that, me spending most of my mornings with her before my mail route.”
“Strum hasn’t been mighty talkative ya know. She’s had kind of a blank stare for the past five minutes now. Doin’ nothin' but sitting at that table there. I don’t know WHAT must’ve been in those there pancakes...”
“So what’s up with Strum again?” Bon Bon asked.
“She’s been kinda... silent. She’s usually such a talkative and cheerful little pony ya know? Except in the mornin' oh course. Ya know, Ah mean you live with her.”
“Strange... some effect of the pancakes I guess. Pan shaped ice cream. OF COURSE it didn’t work. I can’t believe I ever tried it...” She thought for a second. “Anyways, Strum, here you go.” she said as she walked over to the dining room table Strum Awesomeposture was sitting at, pulled the package out of her saddle bag and started to open up the box the cupcakes were in.
“What color are they?” Strum Awesomeposture interjected. Her voice sounded slightly... different for some reason.
“What? Why does that matter?”
“They have to be-“
The phone rang. “Don’t you like this new phone we just got? I bought it with the money I saved up from selling the candy I make.”
“Your number has come up,” the caller said in an eery voice. Bon Bon sighed and hanged up... Just somepony trying to mess with her...
“-Rainbow colored.”
The color in Bon Bon’s face drained away, even visible outside of her fur.
Applejack whispered in her ear, “Ya know we have to don’t you?”
Derpy sat on the couch in the living room, silent. She didn’t know what to say. One of both her and Pinkie's best friends...
“Yes but... oh, poor Rainbow... I’ll go ask Pinkie for the cupcakes... why did I ever have to make those pancakes... I wish I could have stopped this earlier. But I can't once this starts...
This was exactly the kind of thing Strum Awesomeposture wanted to avoid.
===
“Hey there, silly Dash! Glad you woke up! I’m just finishing tightening your restraints too.”
Rainbow Dash’s voice cracked. “Uh... Pinkie... what are you doing? Where am I?”
“Oh, under sugarcube corner silly!”
“Wh- why?” She looked around and all she could see were stained stone walls around her... were those c-cutie marks on the wall th-there?
“Oh, just give me a second silly Dash... now where DID I put those shears...” Rainbow felt faint. “Uh... uhm.. Pinkie Pie?” She said as her voiced cracked. “Wh-what are you doing? Seriously...” What were those metal instruments hanging on the wall...
“I thought I left them right there... oh, here they are. Oh, just hold on for one second.” Pinkie said cheerfully.
*SNIP*
===
“MY TAIL! What the hay Pinkie?”
“Well Dash, I knew you wouldn’t let me cut it off if I asked you!” They were sitting down at a table in Sugarcube corner now and Rainbow Dash had just woken up. Well what did you think I would do? Chop you up into little bits, dance around with your intestines and keep your cutie mark or something? Silly Dashie. What have you been reading.”
“Uh.. no... I’m going to go find Applejack... Still, Pinkie, don’t DO that to ponies. And don’t use your pomegranite slicers next time...”
“Dash, I know you want to stop Applejack from leaving.”
“Yeah?”
“Well.. the others think I chopped you into little bits to make cupcakes out of you.” “...Nice. Now the others think I’m dead.”
She started to fly off-
“WAIT! silly Dash, sometimes I wonder about you.”
“I have to tell the others that you’re not a raving lunatic- or at least a mean one. I mean. You know.”
“Dash, I told everypony that the only way to make Rainbow Colored cupcakes was to kill you because that way they wouldn’t know that you’re following them around!”
“Pinkie? You did that? Thank you,” she said as she hugged Pinkie Pie.
“Well of course! I didn’t want to get in the way of you and Applejack or anything! Being great at pranks helps too.” She let go.
“...Helps to scare the hay out of ponies you give haircuts to you mean.”
“Get over it Dash...”
“And you can definetely draw cutie marks very well...”
“Yeah, we store various things down there. Coinkidink I guess!”
“Anyways. Ok, fine. I’m off to find Applejack.” She walked out.
...Rainbow Dash stepped back into Sugarcube corner. “Ok, disguise time. Don’t want anypony recognising me."
“Ok, here we go! What does this do again exactly?”
“um... nothing... really... It just makes me diguises!” She pulled the lever.
Rainbow Dash glanced around. “You know, Pinkie... this basement is still really creeping me out.”
“Well why would it do that Dashie?”
“I dunno, maybe it’s because you looked as if you tried to kill me here? And you store the worst possible things in here?”
“What, cupcake making shears?”
“There aren’t exactly great memories of mine here either.”
“Brought upon by YOURSELF you know... just sayin’...”
“Anyways, can we get going with this?”
“Fine...”
They walked past another door (why Sugarcube Corner had such a large basement she didn’t know) “Hay, what’s in there?”
“...Nothing... you know,” she began as they walked into a new room, at table at one end with Dash’s disguise sitting on the table, “This whole thing over here is actually new... it was empty before.”
“So how am I supposed to put this on? And why does it have six legs and a purple polka dotted mane?”
“Because nopony would expect you to wear it!”
“But... it needs to be about twenty percent less cool.”
“What? Are you still a little loco in the cocoa?”
“Well, come on, this is just way to COOL for a disguise... obviously, if it’s THIS cool, I’m going to be the pony wearing it.”
“Well if you say so...” She banged on the wall next to her. “ANOTHER ONE! SAME THING, BUT THIS TIME A LITTLE LESS COOLER!”
“What was that?”
“Just me being me I guess...”
“Um... ok?”
Another disguise fell onto the table through a chute in the ceiling.
“This time it only has five legs! Ok, now I feel better.” Obviously it wouldn’t be as cool with less legs.
===
“So what do we do now exactly?” Derpy asked after some time.
They had all had came back to the house after Bon Bon had given Pinkie the orders to make the cupcakes. She was a trusted agent too after all...
Bon Bon spoke up. “We go on the search for the magic sparkly eggs.”
“What?”
“The magic sparkly eggs laid and hiden by the six legged purple polka dotted mane pony.”
“I see.” They all had too much of an empty feeling for... logic.
===
There was a purple polka dotted pony walking down the streets of ponyville, with one dangling limb. It was getting a few odd looks here and there. “Pinkie... you definetely made it so nopony would think it was me, didn’t you,” she muttered under her breath.
Eventually she arrived at Bon Bon’s house. She waited outside in a bush of course. She over heard talking...
===
“So where are these again?”
“In Krastos’s lair. Krastos likes to keep pets.”
“Ah see... but hasn’t this story kind of gotten kind of crazy?”
“What?”
“AH SAID ISN’T THIS KIND OH CRAZY”
“Well yes, but the plot line is absurd or at least will be in the near future.”
“SPEAK UP AH CAN’T EAR YA”
“AH SAID THAT YES IT IS BUT THEN AGAIN STRUM AWESOMEPOSTURE GETS THE POWER OF DISGUISES WHEN SHE EATS ICE CREAM!”
“NOW YA STARTED TO TALK LIKE ME FOR OH SEC THERE!”
“Stop! Even if your deaf why don’t you just sit closer together to talk! Just because you can’t hear each other all that well doesn’t mean I have to be deaf too!” Derpy shouted, looking at both of them. “Crazy author...” she muttered under her breathe.
“Are you sayin that Ah’m crazy?”
“Yes I said you were crazy! you and your little dog too!”
“Can we get back on track here? We have to go to Krastos’s lair to get the sparkly eggs laid by the three legged-“
“-six legged” Derpy corrected.
“-six legged purple polka dotted maned pony.”
“What’s its name? It’s gotta have a name.”
“Its name is Twixie.”
“Strum?” Bon Bon asked.
“MWUAHA MWUAHAHAHA MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“She’s feeling better then. Now she’s talking. I knew how badly she didn’t want to do this."
===
Rainbow jumped back in her bush as four ponies walked out of Bon Bon’s house. She walked around the back of the bush and began to talk to them. “For Applejack...”
“I am here to tell you-“
“-THAT THING OVER THERE HAS FIVE LEGS WHY CAN’T IT HAVE SIX THEN WE COULD GET THIS STORY OVER WITH-“
“Because obviously then it wouldn’t be polka dotted. That’s a plotline for you.”
“What? I’m trying to do this you know. you’re not making it easy Ms. let’s just get this over with.”
“Nothing, nothing.”
“Anyways, I’m the six legged ponies with a purple mane and something else-“
“-polka dots” Bon Bon chimed in-
“’s sister. I’m that thing’s sister.” She hoped it would work... this was Pinkie’s plan... ”And I have information about where you can find it’s eggs."
“Oh you mean Twixie?” Derpy asked.
“It’s name is Twixie?”
“Well DUH SOMEPONY’S ah little slow. Ah mean ya lived with her for eighteen years.“
“What was this all about?” Rainbow thought. “Can I just go with you? Please?” She asked, shuffling her feet nervously.
“I guess so, I mean it wouldn’t hurt...” Bon Bon started. “What do you think Strum?”
“...glergh”
Applejack stopped her. “You know, she’s been kind of out of it for a while... even after eating the cupcakes. Maybe she’s allergic to Rainbows? Nah... Typewriters, I should have thought more before I said that… that was a horrible idea...”
“So we can go now?”
“I guess.”
===
“So what is this we’re riding?”
“A giant snow mobile.”
“Snow mobile?”
“Well, don’t blame me, I didn’t make this up.”
“I say we ride it off the edge of that cliff.”
“...Why exactly are you suddenly insane? I mean even for something with five legs and a polka dotted mane.”
“Well, do you really want to do this?”
“Nope.”
“Then let’s do it!”
Bon Bon turned the steering wheel with her hooves sharply to the right and over the cliff. They plummeted...
They all sighed... Now they wouldn’t have to worry about any of this anymore.
===
“Well how was I supposed to know we’d fall in a vat of glue?!”
You wouldn’t. Our luck ah guess.
“BWAHAHAHAHA! I have trapped you silly ponies!”
“Oh shut up.” said the purple one.
“What?”
“This is human to glue syrup. Not pony to glue syrup.”
“Well so!”
“What do you even look like anyways? Come on Applejack, characterize him for us.”
Applejack sighed... ok, fine, ah will. He’s gray all over. all the same shade. Mighty boring. With purple eyes. There ya go.
The syrup was... strange. It felt like it didn’t belong on them. It tried to attach and begin the transformation process but ended up just rolling off. It was like sitting in something that was trying to get away from you in all directions... making it bounce back towards you again. They shifted around in it for awhile, letting it run over their hooves.
“So now we’re sitting in a tub of syrup?”
“mmhmm”
“Should we get out?”
“NEVER!” A nasal voice shrieked.
“I guess so.”
They walked down the handy set of stairs marked “EXIT” to their left and examined their surroundings. It looked more or less like a bulk food store. With strange objects up on the shelves in place of apples and hay... "Ok, so the eggs should be under aisle...” Bon Bon started...
“What? they aren’t marked.”
Well why would they be marked?
“For ease of finding things of course. Oh, maybe it’s in some kind of code.”
Ah see what ya mean, they must have written reverse morse code in tiny print on the top of these aisles...
“Maybe we should look in the pet department.” Derpy chimed in, nodding to her left, towards the leftern most aisle of the stone warehouse.
“That makes sense.” They trotted off down the aisles towards the pet department.
===
“Nice work.”
“What?”
“You let the ponies get away!” He spun around in his chair facing his henchmen for the first time. Sitting in his dark office... Well it wasn’t what he looked like. It was the way he was sitting. He was sitting like a human. “Well... at least that the test revealed what we wanted it to. Strum Awesomeposture was, in fact, replaced by a robot properly. You see, the only ponies that would get transformed into glue would be me and Strum Awesomeposture, at this time. After the gates were open to let humans into Equestria, back in the eighties. We are part of a very long and annoying habit of sitting like this, after Megan first came here. It gives us just enough human to be affected by the syrup. She was given this key from some idiot to let a gate to Equestria open. She didn’t even share it either. Greedy little kid if you ask me.”
“What happened to her?” This was the first time he had every been told this. He was proud of himself for keeping this job for so long though. Longer than the others at least.
“She aged very quickly. Compared to us, at least. They are on a very different system of time where she came from. She almost deserved it in my opinion.”
“Always like your optimism sir!”
“I’m glad!”
“So where is Strum Awesomeposture now?”
A wild grin stretched across Krastos’s face. “With Pinkie Pie. My most trusted agent.”
===
“Mmk then,” Derpy started. She was peering into a large cage hanging from the ceiling. “well here are the shutterflies over here... they are kind of creepy aren’t they...”
Bon Bon peered over her shoulder. “What the... anyways,” she stepped back to where she was earlier. “ok, remember! Purple polka dotted mane! Six legs!”
“We would forget?” said the purple polka dotted one.
“Well maybe you wouldn’t, but you’re the thing’s sister.”
“But that doesn’t mean... oh whatever.”
So where exactly would this six legged pony be since you seem to know it?
“I dunno, but I would think they’d be organized in some sort of way... I think purple polka dots usually follow wings doesn’t it?”
Ah think... hmm...
They wondered on for a little longer through the aisle oohing and what the-ing. By now Strum was more or less being dragged by Bon Bon. Derpy then had the great idea to stick her hoof in a light socket. “I electricuted myself!”
Suddenly there was a call from the opposite end of the long aisle, about eighty feet away.
“I’m a good guy!”
“Isn’t that the same pony who tried to turn us into glue earlier?”
“Well... kind of,” he replied, hesitant, slowly walking towards them. “I used the wrong kind of syrup to make sure that you wouldn’t be turned into glue. I’m not like my dad, I don’t like to turn ponies into glue.”
What’re you talkin’ bout Krastos?
“What? You think I’m Krastos? I’m just his henchmen I mean son.”
*Gasp*
“Are not!” Bon Bon shouted in response.
“Are too!”
“Are not!”
“Are too!”
“Are not!”
“Are too!”
“Are not!”
“Look! I think Applejack has been saying too many things directly through plot lately.”
Has not!
“Has too!”
“Fine...“ Applejack’s ears pulled back and she apologized, “Sorry, guess ah got carried away... Ah’ll go ahead and try usin’ more dialogue...”
“Great! ok, now if you will just follow me around the corner of this aisle here I can get you out of here... Don’t worry, we also have some puppies and candy in the vehicle we will be driving in...”
They all sighed in relief. “But what about the magic sparkly eggs?”
“Eh... I guess we could could buy some before we leave... the register’s right over here…”
Rainbow Dash grabbed a package of the eggs off the shelf next to her.
And how exactly did you know where those were? “Uh... Ah’m mighty sorry... Habit ya know...” she added when Derpy shot her a glance.
“Because otherwise the ‘author’ of this would have to be more creative with how we found these.”
“Ah see. Well let’s get goin’ then!”
===
“Ok, you got the eggs? Good... Now we can get going..." They stepped through a hallway and into the open air. They could now see that they were standing on a structure built out from the side of a massive canyon. In front of them lay a pegasus drawn limosuine.
They started walking towards it. Strum Awesomeposture was actually walking again. The purple polka dotted pony casually slipped behind her. As they neared the limousine the not Rainbow Dash suddenly shoved her as hard as she could into it.
Strum Awesomeposture never had a chance to sit down. She plummeted into the bottomed pit.
“What? What are you looking at me like that for? She was a robot you know. Kind of obvious.”
===
“Twitchy tip of third eyelash! Twitchy tip of third eyelash! You know what this means...”
“Actually no,” Strum Awesomeposture responded in her place behind the door.
“Oh fine, I’ll let you out. The others might need you anyways.” She grabbed a key out of another dimension and unlocked the door.
“Finally! And what does it mean again?”
“It means obviously that Rainbow Dash pushed a robot off the edge of a cliff inside of a canyon, to save her friends but really somepony specifically, and that she was wearing a disguise at the time.”
“Obviously.”
“And now you have to go find them and help them with your mastery of disguises.”
“...No.”
“What? Why not?”
She thought for a second. “Well, now I guess I could do it. What could it hurt.”
“Years of never wanting anything to do with any of this again and now you’d like to?”
“Yeah. Pretty much. I mean that ice cream wasn’t bad.”
“Now we just need to get you there...”
“Two disguises coming up, eh?” she said. Now she was ready, her indecisiveness skills primed.
===
“So you knew about this then?” Bon Bon asked.
“Well yeah.”
“And you didn’t say anything...?”
“Well did you see any handy cliffs around before then?”
“Ok, I can see the logic in that. But how exactly are we going to get home now?” Behind her Derpy was peering over the edge and looking at their giant snow mobile.
“How far did we even go to get here?” She eventually camed up and asked them.
“Well ah don’t know about y’all, but ah’m certainly not counting the paragraphs.”
“No not that... anyways, I guess we can always look through Krastos’s layer for something. Do you have your muffins Derpy?”
“Nope! That syrup was nasty...”
“Your apples?” She was optimistic at times.
“Ah’m dead certain ah don’t!”
“And of course Twixie won’t have anything.”
“Hay!”
“Well ya never know... Ah guess...“
“Either way, I guess we’ll be fine. Let’s get going then."
The five legged pony responded. “I dunno. Maybe he fell over trying to get that thing back. Or maybe he went back to find that Krastos guy.”
“Wait,” Bon Bon started. “I think you might want to get that leg checked out.”
“What leg?”
“The one hanging off the side of your body! You're limping! It seems like all of the blood drained out and you broke some bones, it looks empty almost...”
“That’s nothing! I live for limping! Er, danger!”
===
“What?!”
“I’m sorry sir... so sorry...”
“You know that doesn’t mean anything to me,” he responded, not visible from behind his chair.
===
“Aren’t you glad our fake id’s could afford these?”
“Well it just wouldn’t be the same without them.” She pushed her dark shades onto her face.
They were arriving by van. It had a picture of a reel of film on the side.
“You kept the tickets right Pinkie?”
“Of course!” She pulled them out of some strange dimension. “Here, put them in your saddlebags so Krastos doesn’t wonder about them.”
“It’s strange that I’ve never even noticed that theater before...” She thought for a second.
“Really? Oh and also, make sure you save the glasses, you wouldn’t want to have to buy more...”
“Gummy sure is a good driver. Won’t we be there soon?”
“Actually... yes. But there’s one thing about that...”
“...Pinkie?” she asked nervously.
“Just hold on. Tightly. GUMMY STEP ON IT! WE DON’T WANT TO LAND IN THE SYRUP!”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
===
“Mmk then... let’s try this aisle...” She walked by a stand displaying some pushpins. They were on sale.
“What exactly are we looking for again?” Rainbow I MEAN THE PURPLE POLKA DOTTED MANE ONE asked Bon Bon. I can’t let you know that. That was close.
“Well a way to get out of here of course.”
“We can’t just fly?”
“Well I don’t see you suddenly sprouting wings and carrying us out of here.”
“I guess not... Hay do you hear voices?”
===
“See aren’t you glad we had our dark shades on when that happened?”
“So we couldn’t see as well?”
“No, silly, because we looked cool when it happened.”
“You told Gummy... to drive us... off... the side of a cliff. Although, I have to admit, I WAS wondering why there was so much padding in that van.”
“Get over it... and you better be happy that he drove over that syrup.” She gestured behind her.
“What’s so bad about the syrup?”
“You don’t see ‘Human to glue syrup‘ in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS on the side of it?”
“Why would that affect me?”
“Well... get back inside the destroyed van and I’ll tell you.”
===
“So gummy is where?”
“Long gone by now. If I know him he’ll be back in my room above Sugarcube Corner right now, trolling the internet. But that’s not important.” She paused. “I happen to be Krastos’s top agent, or so he thinks, and I know all about something important to us that happened back in the eighties...”
===
They all listened for a bit.
Rainbow Dash wait no argh this supense is killing me THE FIVE LEGGED ONE SAID, ”Well, I guess not then. It sounded like it though for a bit... although who knows whats in this place."
“Wait... STRUM?!”
“Her shades there are pretty fancy. Where’d she get 'em?”
Bon Bon ran up and hugged Strum Awesomeposture. “Where have you been?”
“What? Oh right, Pinkie Pie trapped me in her basement and forced me to make disguises for ponies. I remember being a little mad at first, you know, kidnapping... But she did give me some useful information.” She explaned what happened back in the 80’s. She would have explained about Pinkie but she knew that somepony might hear. “But where did you think I’d be? Did you think I’d do something crazy like running off with Fluttershy into the sunset to start a butterfly milking farm?”
“No... but anyways, so if Krastos or his employe hadn’t’ve been an idiot...?”
“I’d be glue.”
“Oh right. And I got a bunch of movie tickets and cool dark shades for everypony. Oh and you’re wearing one of my disguises!”
“Um... no... this isn’t a disguise...” She started.
“It isn’t? I made one exactly like that..." She went up to the not Rainbow Dash, put her hooves on her shoulders, and looked straight into her eyes. “Well... ok then.”
“So now what?”
“I dunno.”
===
“So what am I supposed to do exactly, sir?” He was new.
Krastos began talking from behind his chair. “Well, the first thing is that you should know that you will, eventually, be desposed of by me. You might end up falling through the floor at some random time, whatever. Usually it will be a worse way to go. But, for now, just go and press the button for a trapdoor in the second half of aisle seventy two.” He paused for a second to think. "I think the one with a chute leading to the room with the moving walls would do?”
“Ok! I’ll be right back.” He walked over to his right and searched for the button. He pushed it happily. It wasn’t like anypony would get hurt right?
“Oh, and let Pinkamena in. I need to speak with her. You can go back to your room now.”
===
“AH! Where are we?” Not Rainbow Dash shouted.
“IN THE SQUEEZING ROOM!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“What? Oh, let’s just leave. This is nuts. I think the exit is over there.” The room was all shiny and made of steel, completely empty, except with a door to their right with a large sign over it saying “EXIT” in large letters.
They began walking through the door, and as they did so heard an argument going on over the intercom.
===
“So where are we now?”
“No idea. But look, there’s some cool stickers.” Strum Awesomeposture said. They appeared to be standing in a craft store, and had just walked out of the mare’s bathroom.
“Wait, Strum,” Bon Bon started saying, “Why did I ask you to come do this with us again?”
“I’m not really sure. But it’s fun doing this isn’t it?” She looked around.
Derpy made them stop for a second. “Do you think these muffin stickers would be any substitute for the real thing? Nah, I doubt it... never mind..."
“Well ah guess that now’s the time to start figurin’ are way outta here again...”
===
“Look! I didn’t mean to let that happen! I forgot to lock the exit door. Is it that much of a problem?”
“Yes, it is Pinkamena. We shouldn’t have let them get away. Now, I might have to show myself to them. Maybe... yes. I have the answer to all of this.”
“What?” She began to sweat.
“I will get Strum Awesomeposture to join us. She never wanted to go on this trip to save Equestria from me anyways, you said...”
"Join the glue side, Lyra..." He stepped out into the craft store, or whatever it was, through a hole in the wall that they somehow never noticed before.
"Quit speakin' in bold. It's gettin' on mah nerves. And this here is coming from a pony who used to speak straight through plot all the time. AND GET HER NAME RIGHT!"
"Fine, fine, fair enough I guess... but I wanted to be all cool and such..."
"I know cool. And you weren't." Said the not Rainbow Dash.
"Whatever whatever whatever..." He paused, trying to think of a way to say this that wouldn't start any trivial arguments with these ponies. He was evil after all. He didn't have the time... There wasn't one.
"Lyra... I am your father."
*COLLECTIVE GASP*
"NAME! Why do you keep calling me that?"
"Wait one second here... mister hooves ever you are."
"Hooves ever you are? Very clever..." Bon Bon started.
"Look, I didn't make it up ok? Anyways, who the hay are you and why do you matter to our quest to... get out of this shopping mall? Similely ah guess, because ah have no idea what exactly this place is exactly..." She paused for a second as if she was going to say more, but never did. The others shifted their weight on their hooves.
"I am Krastos."
*COLLECTIVE GASP*
"The bold still wasn't worth it."
"I know," he sighed, hanging his head. He looked up again. Strum Awesomeposture glared at him.
She sighed. "Well, there's a parasprite for you." She glanced away lazily, rolled her eyes, and looked back at him. "Can we just get this over with?"
"You know, girls," They all whipped around as fast as they could. Pinkie Pie was walking towards them.
*COLLECTIVE-
Bon Bon stopped the author. "Please, enough of that. I think you've already had your fun."
"ANYWAYS, sillies, back to me. The author wants the reader to now pay attention to Pinkie Pie right now so whatever it is is taking a logical route and talking through me to get the message across."
She almost stopped to sit down beside Krastos, but didn't. She hesitated. She kept going.
"But-
"-bold..."
"-right. Anyways. What? I don't understand... how..."
"Well, these ponies are cool too you know. I like them. I'll stick with them."
"Right!" Derpy started talking. "Pinkie may not be Rainbow Dash, but she's still very loyal to her friends, and-"
"Wait, what? Derpy, and all of you, was I actually doing that great of a job fooling you into thinking I was your actual friend? Wow, I feel nice knowing that I can pull that off. I feel great actually! But, now I'm your friend. Because I'm totally badflank and can get you to all be my friends after I deceived you for this long and was actually Krastos's best bud."
"But... movie night..." Krastos whimpered. "Never fear! Wait, fear! Because I will destroy you somehow in a way that the author is either too uncreative or a parasprite to tell you all!"
Derpy muttered under her breathe. "Second one I bet..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing..." She reassured Krastos, who by the way the author will finally tell you is pitch black with a pitch black mane with a badflank cape.
"STOP STEALING MY SPOTLIGHT YOU PONIES!" The not Rainbow Dash ripped off her disguise-
Strum Awesomeposture interjected. "Knew it." She said lazily.
Quit interrupting! Anyways-
"STOP THAT APPLEJACK! It's getting on my nerves." Bon Bon shouted at Applejack. "What? don't look at me! It wasn't me this time around! Honest!"
"Okie Dokie LOKIE..." a suspicious Pinkie said. She was now their real friend, so she could be even more insecure around them now.
Strum stopped them. "Look, I don't know who the hay that was, but I'm going to use my more than two chapter memory and tell you that if we drove off a cliff to end this madness, I don't think we're going to want to keep doing this for too much longer. Let's just get this over wi-"
"-Okie dokie LOKIE..."
"Wait, we drove off a cliff?"
Enough of this already! Let me finish here. I was just going to tell all of you the rest of that sentence, but I'm just going to start it over. Here we go. I'll even put it in another paragraph for you.
The not Rainbow Dash ripped of her disguise and was suddenly Rainbow Dash!
*COLLECTIVE GASP* And this time it wasn't in bold, it was underlined, so no complaints.
"Time for a SONIC RAINBOOM!" She began flying as fast as she could towards the ceiling, which then disappeared, because it was actually a fake ceiling and was just a hallucination brought upon by the glue they put in these stickers-
"I knew there was something weird about this craft store... It just couldn't be normal being in this lair..." Applejack mumbled.
"Hay!"
(and by the way I think I've figured out a technique that might work for these ponies, I just COMPLETELY IGNORE them and they eventually stop it and don't try to start conversations with me)
"Hay!" This time it came from Bon Bon.
(I think it's working! Anyways.) and whizzed off into the sky, almost straight up. She needed to get high enough(even if you would think that she already was, considering that she almost constantly sees brightly colored equines) so that she could make a successful attempt.
Once she reached a decent altitude, she suddenly sped down as fast as she could. Oh and the sun was setting. She flapped as hard as she could, eventually speeding down, straight towards the bottom of the canyon-
-until she suddenly extended her wings all the way out and flew back out towards the other wall of the canyon, almost looking as if she bounced off of the canon floor.
Rainbow Dash then flew back to the room that her friends were in-
"I see that you're still alive and well then! We all thought that you were cut up into tiny pieces!"
and caught the attention of Krastos, who then sprouted temporary wings, even though he didn't know that they were temporary. He flew out of the room, following her, knowing that at the end of the rainbow there would be a pot of gold.
He raced after her, his wings evaporated, and he fell. To his death.
She then raced towards the one pony she needed to see. Applejack.
She swooped her up in her arms and they flew off romantically into the sunset.
===
Back at Krastos's lair there was still some conversation going on in the wait for some kind of PIA vehicle to come and pick the leftover ponies up. At least they still had some of the eggs that they needed.
"Well he's almost always trolling the internet at this time. What else would an alligator be doing around now?" Pinkie Pie asked Twilight.
"Well... Pinkie... I've heard some things through my letters with Celestia..."
"...Yes?"
"Well... your pet alligator Gummy is actually in a serious relationship with Princess Celestia. Celestia's been telling me about this lately... he thought he would have some free time where you weren't there so he could be with her for longer... they aren't very open yet..."
"WHAT?! How come he didn't tell me?" She asked, or more shouted, nervously.
"He was worried. And, he doesn't have the best communication methods. He's an alligator."
"But he can still talk to me about things like that!" She saw the look on Twilight's face. "So to speak," she added. "But anyways, I guess I should get over it, at least they're enjoying themselves..."
===
Gummy blinked seductively.
He had just walked into Celestia's room. "So how are ya doing my little alligator?" His scales were just so... shiny. Along with those eyes. Those perfect robotic eyes, such a beautiful mixture of purple's could just let you stare into them forever...
She was lying back on her red velvet cushion in her room, by the fire. She invited Gums to come closer with one of her hooves.
He waddled closer. Celestia admired the way he moved across the room towards her. "I bought some nice balloons for you, and popcorn for me. I got eight inch diameter latex ones, your favorite! Come here Gums..." He waddled as fast as he could and lept into her legs. They cuddled together, warm by the fire. Gummy blinked in joy.
"Come on... try some of these balloons..." He sighed. There was no changing her mind. He waddled across the cushion to where the bowl of balloons was sitting. He grabbed one in his mouth and...
*pop*
He waddle ran up to Celestia and began to speak out in a deep, booming voice. "You know," he began, "They say that an alligator's teeth begin to grow in when they find their soul mate."
"OH GUMS! Come here!"
Gummy leaped up towards Celestia and embraced her in a hug.
'Best. Night. Ever.' He thought.
===
"Ahehe. Ah'm good at this fanfic writin' aren't Ah. Ah think ah'm getting better at it too." Applejack spun around in her chair. Twilight was just leaving after picking up some books that she forgot at the Apple family's house earlier. "Ah know that you started writing more of this story Twilight! But, really, even though it was a little odd... Ah liked it a lot! Ah decided to keep it!"
"Really? That's great!" She chuckled to herself under her breathe. She was just trolling earlier, although she guessed it might make the story a little more interesting...
===
"YES! Twixie Twixie Twixie. So fun to say. I'm just so glad I could work it in." The Great and Powerful Blogger was crouched over the keyboard at his computer. Cereal was standing behind him, watching him in amusement. "I had to cut back a tiny bit, but I did it didn't I..."
"You've finally cracked haven't you. And Appledash is more fun to say anyways."
And that was the last of Cereal Velocity. Expect to hear from him no more.