> The Bone of My Sword
>  by neokiva
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Trace on!(updated)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I can't believe you're making me do this,” I complained, looking over the cosplay outfit and wig.

Before me, there was the hotel room that my friends and I were sharing. On that bed sat what could be described as a slutty version of Archer's armor from Fate/stay night, a pair of black pvc thigh ultra high carbon steel soled heeled boots, a pair of briefs almost small enough to be considered a thong, a pair of black fingerless gloves, and a crimson cape/metal belt hybrid similar to Archer's jacket. There were also a few other items to complete the illusion, including breast forms, crimson color contacts and a pure white waist length wig. 

“How am I even going to wear this?” I said, lifting up the briefs. “Last time I checked, I was a dude!” 

“Alex, chill, okay? That's what the gaff and stockings are for,” Jesse stated matter of factly. She was five feet and six inches in height, her hair was dirty blonde and her hair went down to the middle of her back, with a haute culture windswept style. She had complete heterochromia eyes, with an emerald green in her right eye and a garnet red in her left eye. As a tomboy, she always wore a pair of jeans, with a plain white tight tank top, with her plain bra showing through slightly. Her wearing girly clothes was such a rarity, that I can’t even recall a single moment of her in anything other than her jeans and tank outfits. She had been my friend since childhood, but because of my androgyny, she developed a habit for dressing me up like a girl, and I’ll admit it makes me feel pretty but that's a secret, so don’t tell anyone. 

I turned to see my other friends Jason and Tony struggling to contain their laughter. I had met both of them in freshmen year of high school; Jason was seven foot tall and lanky with a short mop of ginger hair, blue eyes and wore a pair of thin rimmed specs that reminded me of Shiroe from Log Horizon. Which incidentally was his cosplay for today. 

Tony was six foot six inches in height, had black short spiky hair, brown eyes and he had an average body, not too thin, not too fat. He came as Kirito from Sword Art Online. 

Only Jesse and I hadn't changed yet. 

“Come on Alex, you know I hate overly girly things, and you said you would wear this if I wore something ridiculously girly and I have! Look, I'm coming as Madoka from Madoka Puella Magica!” Jesse exclaimed, pointing to the frilly, pink monstrosity of lace and ribbons. Jesse then brought out every girl's secret weapon, the puppy dog pout. “You aren’t going to leave me hanging, are you?”

“Okay! Okay! I will do it if you just stop doing that face!” I exclaimed, trying to shield my eyes. Jesse grinned wide in victory and I groaned, collecting my cosplay and heading to the ensuite bathroom. Twenty minutes later, I exited, covering myself subconsciously. “Um. How do I look, is itnoticeable?” I asked my friends. After a few seconds, they looked at each other silently, communicating with each.

“Are you sure you’re a guy?” Jason asked with a smirk on his face, causing me to blush. I threw both my arms up under my chin, my hands curled into fists pointing outward and half folding over to shout at Jason,

“What!? How can you say that!?” I exclaimed. They all stared at me dumbfounded. I let my left arm fall a bit as I said “What's wrong?” I asked.

“Oh wow, er … . I never thought I'd see the angry anime girl pose in real life before today.” Tony said, uncomfortably shifting in his spot. I puffed out my cheeks, pouting and crossing my arms, and turning away causing my wig to trail the movement.

“Baka!” I shouted at Tony and stuck my tongue out at him.

Beside me I heard Jesse devolve in fits of laughter, “Oh? So that's where my girliness went! You absorbed it!” Jesse joked with large shit eating grin on her face, causing the rest of them to laugh.

“You guys are complete jerks!” I exclaimed, huffily taking my wallet and left the room, forgetting I was in my costume. When the guys caught up they apologised, and we went to the convention.

It was an anime convention being hosted in Michigan. As we got into the hall, I walked in and a few people stopped what they were doing and looked up. Some smiled and then returned to what they were doing, others wolf whistled at me causing me to blush in embarrassment, and I gave a nervous smile as I hurried ahead. As I did, the laughter from my friends faded as I pulled away. 

“That's a good costume, you must have real big cajones to walk around in that.” I stiffened up and slowly turned around to see a man draped in a black hooded cloak, reminding me of that merchant from Resident Evil 4 or the one in Dark Souls.

“However, it seems to be missing a couple of important pieces. Perhaps you may find them here?” he said, settling on a new level of creepy as he grinned, sweeping his arms over his wares. I cautiously walked over to him, and saw on his table items from many games and anime shows, like Dante’s rebellion sword, Alucard’s casull and jackal hand cannons, a mystic force morpher, to name a few. As I was perusing, my eyes fell upon a metal replica of Kanshou and Bakuya Archer's signature swords, as well as a ruby pendant set in a silver chain that Tohsaka Rin's father had given to her.

I quickly look at the smirking and suspicious merchant “How much for the twin swords and the pendant!?” I asked frantically, the merchants smirk turning into a full blown grin.

“For you my friend? For your courage for wearing that thing and firmly kicking gender stereotypes in the nads, fifty bucks.” I opened my wallet and practically threw my money in his face; like that meme says:

“Shut up and take my money!” I exclaimed as I gave the merchant my money, causing him to nearly hack up a lung as he was laughing his head off. 

I retrieved the twin swords and placed the pendant chain around my neck, as I looked at my wallet as it screamed from the large transaction.

I thought I heard him say something like, “Have fun young lady.” before everything went dark.

I woke up sometime later, finding myself in a forest of some kind, I went to stand up only to find my center of gravity off. I held onto a nearby tree to steady myself. I looked down at my body, I was taller, judging by how far down it looks to the floor than normal and those heels don’t help, but that was a negligible change overall. What had me concerned is, as I moved, I felt something pull on my chest. ‘Breast forms don't do that.’ I thought, worry filling my mind, so I looked myself over.  My skin was darker, my hips wider, my legs and my arms sleek and slender. I wondered where my stockings and gaff were, as I no longer felt discomfort downstairs, and saw that my legs had no stockings covering them. Carefully I pulled my briefs out to get a look, nothing! I put my hand down and started feeling around until a jolt of pleasure went down my spine, upon which I froze and withdrew my hand.

I nearly fell as my vision began to blur, I shook my head trying to clear it, the long white locks of my hair trailing behind me. I’m Archer, and I don't know whether to celebrate or lament the fact that I am a rule 63 version. I hope Jesse, James and Tony suffer the same fate as me and get sent here, if only so I can kick their asses.

“Okay, just stay calm Alex. You’ve only just been sent to a forest in god knows where, and you're no longer a dude.” I said to reassure myself. It didn't work, as I started breathing heavily and rapidly. I heard a twig snap, I turned rapidly to face the direction I heard the sound coming from. I froze as I saw a woman, she had lavender fur, horn and pony ears, her face looking almost human except for the pony muzzle, her eyes were amythest, and her mane and tail was navy with a two tone pink strips. She was wearing a hessian cloak tied with rope and a dress that came down to her knees and hock. She was holding a basket, just standing there in shock. I recovered faster and I felt something filling my hands as I got into a stance that seemed second nature.

“Wait!” She shouted, I remained in my attack-ready posture, but didn’t let down my guard.

“I mean thou no harm!” She exclaimed, I relaxed feeling my hands empty. English, she sounds like Princess Luna. but that coat color ... I could swear that I was looking at Twilight Sparkle.

Drawing on years of theatre practice, I asked “Give me thy name, unicorn.” I hoped that I had said that right.

The unicorn stood there for a second and looked to be thinking, “Mine name is Clover. What is thy name?” Clover asked. I looked down, for all I knew I was Archer now. Granted it would seem that I am a female variant, similar to how Illyasviel and Rin from Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya looked when they used the Archer class and I, for some strange reason, did not retain my male appearance … or equipment. If I ever get home I'm kicking Jesse's ass on principle. I can't give Clover my original name.

“Mine name is Archer, Lady Clover,” I replied. She tilted her head to the side, most likely to recall if she had ever encountered me before, which was unlikely seeing as I had just arrived here..

“Oh! My apologies for startling thee, Lady Archer. Thou art a Lady, yes? I inquire because I hath not seen thine countenance, nor thy kind before,” Clover responded

I sighed internally, I am now a Lady, great. “Fear not, I didst not take offence. Indeed we art a Lady, though I have no lands or title to my name. Might I inquire as to where we are? 'Tis a forest from what mine eyes perceive, but I must confess ignorance as to which forest I am in” I replied.

“Thou art in the Everfree Forest, Lady Archer,” Clover answered. 

“Would thou be so kind as to escort me to the nearest city? I asked.

“Of course, I can. I could even provide lodgings in my quarters.”

“Thank ye Lady Clover, that is very kind of you. However, I wonder if that be proper?” At Clover’s confused look, I elaborated while I felt my cheeks heat up. “Well thou art a fair young mare and I am quite sure thou art quick witted as well. However, we hath just met and thou art inviting me into thine bedchamber, surely 'twould be best to wait till we knew each other better?” I asked Clover, who joined me in blushing hotly, and sputtering as she finally got what I thought she meant.

“No, thou misunderstand, we did not extend my invitation with the intention of partaking in  carnal pleasures! Thou flatter me, that thou wouldst think me comely enough that thou should misunderstand my invitation to be what thou initially thought. 'tis true it would be most improper. My master wouldst have my hide if he thought I taken random mares to  bed. Wait, didst thou sayeth I am fair? Thou art attracted to mares!?”

Hopefully. I thought ruefully to myself. “Mayhaps thou art interested?” I asked with a smile, while the poor mare sputtered and blushed harder. 

“If thou desire to return to my city, followeth me as I collecteth herbs.” Clover said, changing the subject, her blush still adorning her cheeks. Which caused me to giggle as I followed her, she’ll be so much fun to tease.

As we walked collecting herbs, Clover spoke up, “So Lady Archer, what art thou, ‘tis clear thee art not a pony, despite looking very much like one?”

“I am a human, Lady Clover. I cometh from a land far away from here,” I responded. ‘Very far away.’ I thought to myself.

“Something is coming!” I exclaimed, crouching back into another combat ready stance. Clover, living up to her moniker, hid behind the rock I had just been sitting on. The sound of a bounding creature grew louder before a manticore jumped out of the brush!“ Clover, dost thou recognise this manticore?” I whispered.

Clover shook her head. Good, I don’t want to kill Luna’s friends. I thought as
I rushed at the beast and dodged a claw swipe from it, then jumped over a stab from its venomous stinger. Using my downward momentum I sliced through it’s stinger. The beast roared as I severed its tail, ichor bursting from the wound, covering me in it. I backflipped over its thrashing claws and landed on its back, straddling it as it tried to buck me off it. I reversed my grip on Kanshou and Bakuya stabbing it in the head, and with a dismounting sideflip with the blades still lodged into it’s skull, I violently twisted its head and broke its neck. Its corpse spun and flew over me due to the leverage creating centrifugal force as I crouched. 

I hope, I don’t have to fight too many times, I have to conserve my prana. Wait, What!? How the fuck did I do that? It felt like muscle memory or as if I knew how, but that’s impossible! Thinking again I sigh. Then again, this is coming from a girl who was once a boy who is now in Equestria with as much skin showing as an exotic dancer would. Fuck my life! I don’t know if I can last longer than two days without a master. However, if I am a counter guardian version of Archer, I will not have to worry. Perhaps I can learn to use this world’s magic.

A high pitched scream sounded behind me, I sighed and turned around.

“Clover, thou can come out now. ‘Tis safe,” I said as I made my way over to the shivering mare. As I drew close she backed away, eyes wide and pupils shrunken. Dammit! Way to go Alex! Er, I mean Archer, you just traumatised the poor mare.

“Clover, thou doth not need to be afraid, I shall not harm thee.” I tried to comfort her, crouching down. 

“What art thou? There is no way a mare couldst have so much power!” Clover whimpered.

“I am a human as I said, but I am also a spirit. I know not what kind yet, and only two answers are possible, either we art a heroic spirit, in which case I have two days at best to find a suitable master, or else I fade away. The other is more of a hassle for me as it presents a dilemma, as a counter guardian I wilt beeth extremely powerful and immortal, and if I am unlucky; a mindless, heartless, killing machine.” I explained, probably putting the mare off even more.

“What is a counter guardian?” she asked timidly.

“A counter guardian is a protector of balance, an agent of the counter force, which is the collective will of the people to safeguard against extinction. Normally is only an indirect guide and empowers individual people to solve an issue that threatens the species, these take the form of heroes. 

If indirect methods fail, then the counter force sends in a counter guardian. A counter guardian is a mindless tool with but one purpose, eradicate the threat. It can be small, to a single individual or it can be an entire continent or an island. But its response is always appropriate to the threat. If I am lucky and this place’s counter force is Harmony, then I may endeth up an agent of Harmony,” I continued and sighed.

“Why doth thou desire to return with me unto my city?” Clover asked, clearly worried for her princesses, which I thought was really sweet of her.

“A place to live, a place to die. It doesn’t particularly matter.” I responded before asking a question “Will thou abandon me here to whatever fate awaits me now that you art aware of my power and my might, Clover?”

“I do not know, thou couldst be like the Windigos.” Clover replied confused.

“Compare me not to those mindless, malicious spirits!” I exclaimed, “The counter force is a force for the greater good. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one,” I continued, “Let me not hear thee say that again Clover, it reminds me of what I couldst becometh.” I finished with a resigned sigh. My choices are to become a mindless guardian or die. What kind of choice is that? I lamented internally.

I heard sobbing, I sighed and put my head in my right hand.

“Thou art verily a tragic being Archer. Born to die soon, or born to slaughter, and neither way art thou free.” Clover said, tears streaming down her face. She tensed up as I pulled her into a hug, holding her in my arms.

“Ahem.” Came a clearing of a distinctly feminine throat. I turned to see the two young sisters Celestia and Luna, Oh fuck me sideways! A more masculine clearing of the voice issued, groaning, I turned to see Starswirl the bearded looking at me with an appraising gleam in his eye and an amused smirk on his face. Well double fuck! I am so boned.
 







> A Silver Entrance Part one(updated)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I found myself surrounded by Celestia, Luna, and Starswirl the Bearded. Luna wore a surprising single shoulder-strap yellow dress, with a pleated miniskirt. Celestia wore what could only be described as a mix between a cream toga and a dress, sandals and wearing more gold bling than palutena, and held a long golden staff with a sun motif for the staff head. Starswirl wore his signature star and moon robes and wizard hat. I gulped, “It's not what it looks like!” I quickly said falling back on the anime main protagonist line. 

“Oh and what doth thee thinketh it looks like?” Luna asked with a smirk on her lips.
Danger! Danger! Luna is genre savvy! I waved my hands about spluttering. 

“I wasn't doing anything untoward!” I said as I distanced myself from Clover. I wasn’t looking where I was going and I trod on something that caused me to fall forward, though Luna tried to catch me and we both ended up taking a tumble. Luna and I blushed as I got up and I presented my hand to help her up. 

“Pardon me for knocking thee down,” I apologised to Luna as our eyes met. I felt my heartbeat racing before the moment was overshadowed by an intense feeling of impending doom. I looked around first at Starswirl and then at Celestia. She was giving off, I don’t know, how I would describe it other than a killing intent, despite her smiling face. I backed away trying to hide my discomfort by searching for what made me trip up. Picking it up, it was a small figurine of a silver and black gokaiger power ranger. 

A voice echoed in my mind “To all that discover this hidden treasure, know that I am Gai Ikari, The Silver Scourge, captain of the Gokai Galleon and leader of the Gokaigers. If you wish to call upon me and my crew, simply insert this key into any lock. But woe betide those who wish harm upon me, or those under my protection, for they will be consumed by the Black Fog.”

I stopped for a minute. Huh, strange, now where on earth am I gonna put this thing? It’s not like I have a bag of infinite holding. A screen popped up and the figure disappeared into it.  … I’ll shut up now. I stood up and found Luna leaning over me.

“Art thee hurt? I thinketh I hath not asked thee what thy nameth is? And what befell thy coat it looks liketh it was shaved off?” Luna asked, a twinkle in her eye. Okay, just what is that mare planning?

“We art not hurt, thanketh thee for thy concern, mine own nameth is Archer. As for what hath happened to mine own coat? I never hadst one as I am not a pony, what is thy nameth?”

“What!? Thee aren't a pony!” Everypony exclaimed Goodbye eardrums, you will be sorely missed. I shook my head to get the ringing out of my ears. 

Celestia looked like she was about to tear my head off, and Luna and Starswirl looked like I should be worried what they are planning with those glints in their eyes. Fuck. My. Life!

I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and beat a hasty retreat or I would have if I wasn’t encased in a silvery glow of Luna’s magic. Clover and Celestia watched me leave as I was carried off by Luna. I bet this is how Lancer felt when Berserker carried him around. I grumbled. Whatever god or goddesses are out there please don’t let me be used as a flail. I don’t know what I expected but hearing a disembodied woman laughing was not one of them.





“Damn that old dog!” The silver clad pirate groaned as he rolled his first mate’s body off of him, “The bastard could’ve warned me if he was gonna send us back like that!”

His First Mate groaned as she pulled herself up, rubbing her head, “damn, that was sudden … what was that?”

“A gigantic Time Force reference,” The Pirate growled as the box-like object began to vibrate on his waist, he pulled it out of his silver long coat, the word: ARCHER glowed in red over the front.

“Hey, I think I’m being called right now.” The Pirate said, “do you mind watching the ship until I get back?”

“Already? That was fast...” The First Mate muttered, rubbing her mane, “fine, but I want to hear about what went down, alright?”

The Pirate nodded as a portal snapped open next to the pair, “got it. If things go well, I’ll be back soon.”

With that, he leaped into the portal.





Luna and Starswirl had carried me back to the castle of the two sisters, and now I was in Starswirl’s lab. Had I not been tied to a slab in the center of the room, I probably would be fangirling right about now! As it was, I was uncomfortable and I was hoping that this didn’t end up as a vivisection. I tried to bust out of the bindings restraining me, but they were holding firm. 

“i wouldst giveth up if I were thee, those bindings can holdeth me and mine own sister’s strength, so a mortal shouldn't beest a problem.” Luna explained and I raised a questioning eyebrow “We doth not liketh having our teeth pulled, and our sister wouldst not stop scratching at her pox, when she hadst the chicken pox.” Luna explained further, a blush of embarrassment on her face. 

“What art thee going to doth to me!?” I exclaimed as I squirmed. 

“We art just doing tests.” Luna replied cheerfully.

“That hadst better not includeth vivisection!” I shouted, Luna looked at me agast. 

“We wouldst nev'r doth a thing liketh that!” Luna shouted at me, unbeknownst to Luna, Starswirl stepped in with a scalpel, my eyes widened. 

“Luna couldst thee waiteth outside?” Luna looked confused for a moment and shrugged as she left. “This shall hurt a lot,” Starswirl said as he brought the scalpel down to pierce my skin, the moment it touched my skin I winced but I felt nothing, I looked up and saw Starswirl scratching his head as his scalpel looked like it got into a fight with a wall and lost. 

“I shouldst useth the magic cutting scalpel.” Starswirl muttered as he left the room fuck that! I thought as I willed my inventory open, and picked up the figure pressing it to open it, to reveal a key. I went to work inserting it into my locks and trying opening the padlock. No luck opening the padlock, but the key glowed.

What is that key made of, Uranium 234!?   

“Dynamic entry!” A mysterious voice cried as a giant plume of earth erupted from the center of the room, causing the entire castle to shake. A pair of gleaming yellow eyes appeared in the plume of dust, “oh dear,” the voice said, “it seems you’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” 

“Can you get me out of this slab? There’s a wannabe Hannibal Lector here and the sooner I’m out of this rape rack, the better!”

“Geez, and here I thought you were actually into this kind of kinky stuff ...” The voice muttered as the dust cleared, revealing a silver figure wearing a helmet with a yellow visor in the shape of eyes.  

“No! I am not into BDSM thank you very much! Now would you kindly get me out of this thing!?” I shouted at the stranger.  

“Hai, hai, hime-sama.” The figure sighed as he sauntered over and grabbed the shackles around my legs, the metal groaning before snapping in half.

“Anata wa aho ka?” 

“Are you gonna be tsundere this whole time, or do you want me to get the other two? I can just leave if you prefer.” The figure said, standing up and crossing his arms. 

“Hmmph! Yes! Just, hurry it up!” I demanded pouting It’s not like I need your help or anything, baka! I just don’t want to destroy the castle.

“The tsun is strong with this one...” The figure muttered, grabbing the shackles around her wrists and snapping them off in a similar fashion as the ones on her legs, “Anything else, hime-sama? Perhaps a back rub from the nearest tentacle monster?” 

Korosu … watashi wa korosu sono otoko!

Starswirl burst in to see my rescuer helping me up from the rape rack. The old coot went to slash at me, but I call out, “Touei kaishi.” My magic circuits spring to life as I trace Kanshou and Bakuya. Kanshou is a black sword with red hexagon cells engraved on it, its blade curved short sword and Bakuya a white short sword with wave engraved in its curved blade, The twin yin and yang swords. I parried his scalpel stunning him. 

“Oi, ossan.” Starswirl glanced over to see a white gloved fist racing toward his gut, unable to react in time, he was sent flying into the opposite wall, collapsing unconscious in his own body-shaped crater, “didn’t anyone teach you how to treat a lady? You get their number before trying to stick things into them. Dinner is optional for both parties.”

I groaned at the guy before Luna burst in distracting me, “Not going to vivisect me you said, then this whoreson tried to vivisect me!” I shouted at Luna and pointed at the crater, Luna winced and her ears fell to the side of her head a look of sorrow came over her face.

“We apologise, we didn't knoweth Arch'r,” Luna said quietly.

The silver figure, seemed to cross the room in an eyeblink, stage whispering into Luna’s ear, “Ooooh, you done messed up now, Moonbutt!” He snickered.

Luna looked agast “Moonbutt! How dare thee, we wert just apologi- What is that rumbling?” The crater had disappeared leaving a haggard Starswirl the bearded.

“It’s just a minor setback, nay matter. ,” He said while waddling over to his alchemy workshop.

“Sa seru ka!” The silver figure cried, slamming his palm into the ground, “Gokai Thanatos Grasp!” At his command, a series of clawed hands made of black crystal erupted from the ground, seizing Starswirl by each limb, those that didn’t restrain a limb found purchase wherever they could.  

“Starswirl! What art thee doing!? And what art thee creature, thee look liketh Archer?” 

“That,” the figure began as he was enveloped in a bright silver light, “is a question with a very long answer. And you would likely go mad from hearing it.” The light faded, revealing a grinning human man with brown hair, he was dressed in a simple shirt and pants with shin-high combat boots and a silver long coat, a pair of silver-rimmed welding goggles rested around his neck, and I could see a large bronze metal shackle on one of his wrists.

“Yare yare daze, just keep it short. Give us the cliffsnotes version,”I said interrupting what was most likely a long monologue.

“Introductions first,” The human said, “you’re the one who called me here, lady.”

I sighed, “My name is Archer. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” I said before performing a half bow.

“Huh, a Fate character. Rule 63 by the rack.” He muttered, looking me up and down before turning so he was facing us both, “My name is Gai Ikari, and I’m just a simple pirate. Also one of the biggest scoundrels you’ll ever meet. Yoroshiku na.” He bowed his head slightly.

Luna was trying to pronounce the word “Yo.rosheeku, what does that mean?” Luna asked blinking and looking perplexed.

I sigh, “It means ‘pleased to meet you’.”

Luna’s mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape as she understood.

“And wherefore didst thee boweth?” she asked. 

This is going to take a while … .

“It is a custom of my people, the Japanese, it’s a sign of respect, a formality. The lower the bow, the more respectful it is. If you end up on the floor it’s a sign of complete submission. Most people only do the slightly formal greeting bow we just did. Or slightly lower to apologise,” I explained for Luna.

“Our species is what’s known as ‘human,’” Gai continued, “suffice it to say we’re from someplace very, very far away.”

“Yes Clover told us while we discussed what she had seen, Archer performed a rather brutal kill on a manticore with no aid save for her own agility. It has left poor Clover in quite a state, since she has not seen violence before and was unprepared to witness such brutality.”

“I’m hardly surprised, as she is now, she could likely make the entirety of your guard look like bumbling fools.” Gai said, “Personally, I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side if I were you.”

“Hey don’t go making me look like a blood lusting psychopath! I have morals at least. Protect the weak, fix injustices and only kill those who step foot on the field of battle or are evil,” I responded with a pout.

“Wish I shared your optimism, but you know what they say: if you want to see someone’s true character, give them power.” Gai replied, shooting me a dry look, “Just how long have you been here, kouhai?”

I groaned “I have only been here a few hours at least, then I meet Clover, fought a bloody manticore and then get dragged off by Luna to go play ‘Doctor,’ Senpai.” I responded.

Gai chuckled a bit, “Why are you complaining? That’s just a day in the life of people like us. Talk to me when you’ve had someone stab you in the stomach, for real this time.”

“And pray tell what are we? Seeing as you seem to have more information than I do!” I pouted and crossed my arms huffily.

Gai chuckled. “That is something that we’ll have to discuss in private, not sure Moonbutt would be able to handle what I have to say.” 

His eyes widened, “Oh, better not leave Starswirl in there too long, he’s probably half dead by now.” With a snap of his fingers, the arms of black crystal retracted, unceremoniously dropping the old unicorn to the floor, “And how are we feeling?” Gai asked the groaning unicorn, an evil grin on his face, “having your physical strength and magic sucked away probably doesn’t feel too good, huh?” 

Luna stamped her right hoof indignantly at that, “What do you mean, We wouldn’t understand!?” 

While we were distracted, Starswirl crawled over to a bottle he had dropped when he was apprehended, he removed the cork and guzzled the contents. His body fluctuated and distorted as his mass and scale increased knocking over the table sending various liquids over his body and filling the room with smoke.

I coughed “Hey did somebody fart in here!?” I asked before I heard ruble tumble to the floor. “He’s grown big hasn’t he?” 

“How did you guess?”Gai replied all too cheerfully, before the snapping of fingers met my ears, “I suggest you get in the portal, kouhai!” He said, slinging a struggling Luna over his shoulder and hopping through a large blue wormhole that appeared in the center of the room.





Flashback to Alex’s childhood.

“Now Alex if a monster grows big, don’t follow the crazy man through the glowing portal. It only leads to trouble,” Alex’s mother said in a serious tone.

“Okay okaasan!”

End of flashback





That was oddly specific … . I thought to myself before following the crazy man into the portal. 

I landed somewhere in the middle of the Everfree forest, “Well that was anti-climatic.” I muttered, the ground shook and a giant Discord roared. “Give me all your virgins!” 

“Okay, if Clover accidentally summons a demon with a wolfmother t-shirt on I am so done with this world!”

“Oh, it is so much better than that!” Gai said, a wide, evil, shit-eating grin on his face as he dropped Luna on the ground unceremoniously, her dress flapping up to reveal her nethers to the world, Gai looked down and whistled, “damn … too bad I personally know her great niece ...” he muttered, looking back at the giant and spreading his arms wide, “You got me a present!?”

I caught what was up Luna’s dress and blood slid down my nose. “Fuck! Er senpai be a dawg and get me some tissue.”

Gai snapped his fingers, a small portal opened above my head, dropping a box of tissues on it.

I took the proffered tissues and twisted one up and stuffed it up my nose, “Are you okay Archer? Did we hurt you?”

“Hang on why did you stop talking in the royal canterlot voice?”I asked

Luna huffed, “I am not going to keep using it if I have to talk all the time! Do you know how hard it is to keep that pretentious speech up all day!?”

“Ha! I knew Moonbutt didn’t have a stick up her plot in this time period!” Gai crowed before pointing to the giant Discord, “look alive, kouhai! This is what a normal day should look like for you!” He said, as a thin trail of blood slid down from his nostril. 

“To answer you question Luna I am fine, it’s just something that happens to Japanese people during ... certain circumstances.” I explained, eyeing Gai begging him not to explain it.

“It means she was aroused. Didn’t know she swung that way. Oh well!” He said cheerfully, wiping away the blood with a handkerchief.

“Gai!” I shouted at him, while Luna blushed furiously as I swatted at him 

“Sa, dou suru?” Gai asked, fending off my attacks expertly, “There’s a crazy monster rampaging through your world. So, what will you do, hero?” 

I ground my teeth as I summoned a matte black bow formed in my left hand and I searched through my inner world for something that would cause some damage, I held out my hand and summoned a spiral blade into my hand, it’s drill blade had intricate blue and gold decorating it. I notched it European style, over fist and pulled back and recited “I am the bone of my sword!” The sword morphed into a long glowing arrow as I drew it back. I aimed at Discord, the newest monstrosity ahead of me and said “Caladbolg!” and letting the arrow fly towards my target three kilometers away, Discord tried to teleport to dodge the shot getting ripped up by Caladbolg and spit back out into real space. 
His body was full of cuts and gashes as he panted. He roared in response and ran towards us.

“Touei (Trace), kaishi (on)” Od flooded my magic circuits
“Hyoui keiken kyoukan shuryou (Ending resonance of possession experience) 
Koutei kanryou (Processes completed, roll out). Zen touei taiki (All projections stand by bullet, clear)” Many swords projected above me aimed straight ahead
“Teishi kaitou (Ceasing decompression, freeze out). Zen touei renzoku sousha (All projections successive fire sword barrel open)!” All the floating blades rapidly flew towards discord replacements rapidly replacing the ones fired. The projectiles impaled discord's body as he kept rushing at us.

“Geez, I know girls take a long time to get ready, but this is ridiculous!” Gai said, standing in front of me, removing the large bronze shackle on his wrist, “besides, I want a swing at him too!” He pulled out a black, box-like object and another silver figurine. Gai inserted the figurine into the box and crossed his arms in an ‘X’ over his chest, “Gokai Change!”

Gokaiger! A voice rang out as Gai was enveloped in a silvery light. When it faded, he was standing in his silver suit and holding a golden trident. 

“The pirate clad in shining silver! Gokai Silver!” He cried out as an explosion erupted behind him, engulfing the two of us. I dodged the explosion, due to having experienced his explosive change before, taking Luna with me.

“And one more for the big boy!” Gai said as he pressed the button above his suit’s belt buckle, causing more and more figurines to spill out of the revolving plate, each of them glowing bright gold and coalescing into an anchor shaped key, “Gokai Chaaaaaange!” He cried, inserting the gold anchor key into the box.

Gokai Silver! Gold mode! The voice rang out as a giant gold anchor appeared above Gai, dropping down onto his shoulders and transforming into a chest plate, spaulders and thigh guards, the three prongs on his trident turned so that it looked like a bladed anchor, and the upper part of his helmet dropped down to become a visor.

“Gokai Silver! Gold Mode! Let’s make this showy!” He cried, jumping off the ground and hurtling into Discord, shoulder charging him in the face and causing him to stagger backwards as blood erupted from his nose with a thunderous *crack*.   

“I am the bone of my sword,
Steel is my body and fire is my blood,
I have created over a thousand blades,
Unknown to death, nor known to life,
Have withstood pain to create many weapons,
And yet these hands will never hold anything,
So as I pray, Unlimited Blade Works” Prana swirled around me in a vortex of power.

Just as Discord reached us a circle of flames spread out from me in all directions engulfing everyone in bright light. When I opened my eyes I was greeted by a hill of swords, blades stabbed into the barren red earth as smog and cogs filled the horizon. 

“Every weapon here is a copy of the original, a world of unlimited blades.” I said and raised my hand the swords all began to raise up before pointing toward discord, they flew at discord many blades of many shapes and sizes piercing the behemoth repeatedly and without stopping. At best all I’m doing was holding him back 

“Can’t you summon your zords!?” I shouted.

“Kinda left them behind when you called me! Wasn’t expecting to play Attack on Titan Simulator 2016!” He replied, floating in the air on what looked like a cushion of wind, “But, I got this, just keep him off Luna!” He called as he dove under a swipe from Discord, slashing a long, red line up his chest in retaliation.

“Archer, where are we!?” Luna asked, confusion evident as she looked around, “Did you destroy the world?”

I had to chuckle at that.

“No, Luna I did not destroy the world. This is a reality marble I am projecting my own imagined terra on the world where I have full control over it. Think of it like a dream in the real world and it is temporary, it won’t be long till the real world rejects it and we are sent back.”

“Less exposition, more protecting Moonbutt! Gokai Rising Phoenix!” Gai cried, as he was engulfed in flames and rushed Discord, dodging a swipe and charging into his long neck, erupting into a brilliant conflagration that looked as though Celestia had struck him with the sun.

Discord roared as his flesh was seared and punctured, the red glow in his eyes growing brighter.

He lashed out with a laser beam from his eyes aimed at me and Luna.

I lift my hand with my palm open “Rho Aias!” A lavender seven layer shield dome covered us, as the beam hit it destroying one of the layers causing me to wince, Dammit guess I really do need a master. I complained internally.

“This isn’t getting us anywhere… Luna!” Gai called, knocking aside Discord’s talons aside with his spear, “do we need Starswirl alive?”

“He is nothing but a raving beast at the moment, who knows what will happen if he regains his senses and starts actually attacking intelligently, we don’t want to have our teacher die, but he is little more than a rabid beast of chaos and he is a threat to our subjects.” Luna’s face was set in a grim determined fashion “kill him before this containment spell ends!” Luna exclaimed.

Gai nodded slowly before looking at me, “kouhai, I want you to watch carefully. You talked about killing your enemies so easily on the field of battle however, I want you to see what taking someone’s future actually does.”

I set my stance and watched as I kept Rho Aias up, “I am watching.”

Gai nodded again before turning to face the beast that was once Starswirl, “don’t hate me for this, but it must be done.” He thrust his spear into the ground, bringing his hands up as if he were holding a flute, “Gokaiger forbidden killing technique, Gokai Black Fog.” He said solemnly as he placed his hands over the mouthpiece of his helmet and exhaled forcefully.

A plume of thick, black smoke erupted from the other end of his hands, the roiling black cloud racing towards Discord as he swiped at it, attempting to bat away the impending cloud of death.

It didn’t work.

The cloud pounced on it’s prey, surrounding it on all sides as it bunched up around him, constricting his movements, he tried to move, but found his strength failing him. He reached out for his magic, surely that could save him!

He couldn’t feel any of it.

All the power that his form had granted him, gone in an instant, it was then that the cold fangs of fear became evident in his eyes, he opened his mouth to roar in defiance, only to have the black cloud leap into his mouth and down his throat, heedless to his coughing and wheezing to get it out of his lungs.

Suddenly, he felt a great weight as the substance settled in his lungs, growing and solidifying into a dark mass that began to reach towards his heart.

He began to panic even while his body began to shrink, slowly returning to his original form.

Starswirl began to clutch at his chest, his robes in loose tatters around him, “W-what hast thou done to me!?” He choked out, even as more of the haze entered through his throat.

“I robbed you of your future,” Gai said calmly as he detransformed, “you have my deepest apologies for what had to be done, but I have but one request: don’t hate me for this.”

Starswirl’s eyes widened as he grit his teeth, clawing at this chest, his nails leaving deep furrows in his skin as he groaned in pain before looking at Gai one last time, his eyes filled with deep hatred and loathing before he collapsed, a small shard of black crystal peeking out from a puncture in his neck.

“They always give me that same look before they go,” Gai said, turning to me, a tired expression on his face, “do you understand now, kouhai? What it means to truly kill? Not only do we steal our victim’s future, we also steal the future of those closest to them, and their hatred will stain you forever.” He looked to Luna, “I’m sorry for your loss.”  

Luna jumped at me looking for some comfort, I held her tightly, What the fuck, I know I said it easily before, and I knew it was all talk, but why can’t I feel anything, why can’t I shed a tear of remorse, what the fuck am I!? I should be curled up in a ball after what I just saw. Yet I am calm, ‘Beast of Alaya’ am I actually both a counter guardian and a heroic spirit? That’s impossible! Heroic spirits are divine and counter guardians are mindless killing machines. Is that my fate? To need a master, but when the chips are down I have to become an unfeeling monster!? 

I looked up to Gai, “I can’t feel anything,” I stated simply. Luna ceased her grieving to look up at me, appearing concerned.

“It hits you later, it always does.” He said simply, pulling a flask out of his coat and downing some of its contents, he offered it to me, “I always find that a bit of this makes it easier to bear.”  

I took the proffered drink and downed it … sake, “Ah, a taste of home. I shan’t have more, I can’t be held responsible for Drunk Archer.” 

“Fair enough.” Gai said, taking the flask back and taking another swig before picking up the bronze shackle from the ground and snapping it back onto his wrist. 

I sighed. “Luna, do you hate me?” I asked quietly. 

“No, what happened had to happen. Celestia will not be happy, and Clover will no doubt hate you, if only because you took her master’s life.” 

The world around us cracked and then shattered as the world rejected it’s existence. 

“I can live with that, Luna. I asked you to give the kill order, the blame lies with me. If you, or Clover, or Celestia need to hate someone, let it be me. Archer had nothing to do with this, she is only responsible for guarding you. I’m the one who took his life.” Gai said, his tone neutral.

I brought my hand up I could see through it, No! Not now, not after all I just survived!

“Archer! What is happening to you!?” Luna exclaimed as motes of gold dust started leaving me.

I looked away ashamed, “I am dying, Luna. I used too much Od in this fight and now I’ll just fade away as if I didn’t exist.”

“No! I will not lose another friend! There must be something I can do!” Luna exclaimed.

“She needs a master,” Gai said, looking at me, “I’m right, aren’t I? You can’t replace your power without one.”

“What Gai said is true, Luna,” I responded.

“Then I’ll be your master! How do I do it?” Luna asked desperately 

I lifted off the gem from around my neck and hand it to Luna, 

“Repeat after me.”

“Silver and iron to the origin. Gem and the archduke of contracts to the cornerstone. The ancestor is my great master Schweinorg.”

“Silver and iron to the origin. Gem and the archduke of contracts to the cornerstone. The ancestor is my great master Schweinorg,” Luna repeated.

“The alighted wind becomes a wall. The gates in the four directions close, coming from the crown, the three-forked road that leads to the kingdom circulate.”

“The alighted wind becomes a wall. The gates in the four directions close, coming from the crown, the three-forked road that leads to the kingdom circulate,” repeated Luna.

“Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). 
Repeat every five times.
Simply, shatter once filled.”

“Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). Shut (fill). 
Repeat every five times.
Simply, shatter once filled,” Luna repeated.

A magic circle surrounded us and bathed us in crimson red, “Luna you must shed your blood on this circle, however, not a lot is needed.Trace on,” I said as I projected a nameless dagger and handed it to Luna, who proceeded to cut her hand and dropped her blood on the circle, causing the circle’s light to grow intense.

“Now say this Luna and hold out the pendant I gave you,” I told her.

“――――I announce. 
Your self is under me, my fate(doom) is in your sword. 
In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail, if you abide by this feeling, this reason, then answer.
Here is my oath. I am the one who becomes all the good of the world of the dead, I am the one who lays out all the evil of the world of the dead.
You, seven heavens clad in three words of power, arrive from the ring of deterrence, O keeper of the balance ―――! ”

“――――I announce. 
Your self is under me, my fate(doom) is in your sword. 
In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail, if you abide by this feeling, this reason, then answer.
Here is my oath. I am the one who becomes all the good of the world of the dead, I am the one who lays out all the evil of the world of the dead.
You, seven heavens clad in three words of power, arrive from the ring of deterrence, O keeper of the balance ―――! ” Luna repeated wincing as she felt her magic pulled into the circle.

“I accept your oath and you as my master, Luna.” Luna clutched her left hand as command symbols burnt into it.

I immediately felt the effects of the oath as I became solid and Luna’s magic filled me.

“Now that you two are done marrying yourselves,” Gai said dryly, tearing his spear from the ground and tossing it into the air, where it converted itself into a gun, which he tucked into his coat, “it’s time we went back to the castle, your sister’s probably having a royal freak out, Luna.” A portal snapped open in front of him.

Luna and I blushed I picked Luna up bridal style and carried her through the portal.





Celestia was pacing around the throne room, ponies were watching worried what had happened, Where is Luna and what was that noise! Celestia thought to herself as she panicked, A blue swirling portal opened up as soon as I entered the room the guards tensed, Luna was still holding onto me, still blushing, Celestia charged at us and shoulder bashed me out of the way straight into a nearby wall, while glomping her sister.  

I crawled back out of my new custom made crater. There is only so much a human, divine spirit or not, can take!

“Calm down, kouhai. After all, Sunbutt still knows nothing, we still have to face the music,” Gai said, pulling me out of my crater.

And the award for killing buzzes and not letting people blissfully forget things goes to Gai! *Sarcastic internal cheering*

“‘Tia, not in front of the peasantry!” Luna complained as Celestia covered her face in kisses.

I felt a trickle from my nose, Again!? What is this, a bad harem comedy!?

Gai handed her another tissue, using his handkerchief to clean his nose again, “Praise Michael!” He muttered softly.

I responded under my breath, “Titty All Day Everyday!” 

He nodded, shooting me a thumbs up, “Titty All Day Everyday!”

“Ahem.” Celestia looked at us, glaring. 

“Oh shit son, we screwed!” I stage whispered to Gai.

“Nah, ‘tis only a wild Sunbutt!” He stage whispered back, “we can simply lure her away with bananas and cake!”

“I canst hear thou!” Celestia exclaimed unimpressed by the conversation taking place.

“You were meant to. Now then, we shall simply take our leave as I have many secrets to share with Archer.” Gai said nonchalantly, taking my shoulders and leading me towards the exit.

“Guards!” Celestia ordered, the numerous soldiers around the room levelling their spears at the both of us.

“Archer?” Gai said. 

“Let’s cheese it!” I said as we both took off “Wait is that the Benny Hill theme playing in the background?” 

Gai held up the black box object from earlier, grinning madly, “yep.”


> Silver Entrance Part 2:Truth Stranger than Fanfiction
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

WARNING: CONTAINS BONDAGE

Gai grabbed my hand, yanking me forcefully down towards the entrance of the throne room, Celestia’s guards at our heels.

“Halt! Halt in the name of the Solar Diarch!” The one at the head of the group commanded.

“Nope, don’t wanna,” Gai replied nonchalantly as the guards by the door began to tighten their formation.

“Wow, these guys actually think they have a chance in hell of stopping me,” Gai remarked as his free hand began to crackle with electricity, “Gokai Mjolnir!” he cried, smashing his fist into the ground and throwing up a plume of dust as the floor shattered.

“Do we really have to harm them? I kinda pity them, I feel like I am kicking a puppy,  the princesses expect so much of them when they, themselves, are so much more capable.” I asked 

“Please, if they couldn’t handle us serving their flanks to them on a silver platter, then they’ve got no business being in this profession.” Gai said as he grabbed me bridal style and leaped over a guard, using the top of his head as a stepping stone.

“Whoa, b-baka, what are you doing!? I can jump just fine!” I exclaimed

“Don’t tell me you’re not enjoying this just a little, hime-sama,” Gai teased, grinning.

“Perhaps if Luna took your place, I might like it!” I complained. 

“So cold hime-sama, you remind me of my little sister back home!” Gai said, a look of mock despair on his face. 

“Is your sister a pony or a human or somewhere in between?” I asked genuinely curious.

“I was referring -whoops! To my sister back on earth, I called her ‘Ice Queen’ for a reason,” Gai said, ducking through a series of spear swings as more guards appeared.

“Perhaps you can warm her cold heart with a warm island song!” I respond snickering.

“Heh, not likely. How are you with heights?”

“Please, I wouldn’t be much of an archer or a sniper if- Ahh! What are you doing, Baka!?” I screamed as I was suddenly hurled into the air at near terminal velocity, unable to gain control of my flight, Gai fighting his way through a group of guards below me, snapping spears and slamming his fists into muzzles. I would have fallen, if I hadn’t started floating in mid air, well this is new. I felt a tug on my belt and saw a silvery wire attached to a weight wrapped around my belt. I followed the line to see Gai holding the other end.

“Nice weather for flying a kite, eh kouhai?” He remarked as he planted another kick into a guard’s chest plate.

“Oh you motherfucker, you did not just turn me into a kite!” I growled at the smirking pirate, the royal guards froze in awe and confusion.

“What? You mooks never seen a wingless, flying girl before? Pay attention!” Gai said as he proceeded to bitch slap his way through the stunned guards.

I sat down in mid air, grumbling something about a certain silver pirate, things which shouldn’t be repeated in polite company.

“Ooooh, you should really get into a fight with Navi, you’ll pick up some new vocabulary that way!” Gai said in a patronizing tone.

“As if I’d waste precious thought processes on insulting a pirate.”

“You just did though ...” Gai muttered.

“So are we actually going to do something productive or are we just going to be bitch slapping the hired help?” I asked changing the subject.

“Tired of kite-flying? So impatient, kouhai!” Gai said smugly, yanking the wire and pulling me down as fast as I had gone up, landing bridal style again.

“Well when you’re the kite, it’s not really fun. And do you mind putting me down? I don’t want Luna getting the wrong idea.” I deadpanned.

“Boo, fine,” Gai said, setting me down in the middle of the crowd of guards, “gentlemen, it’s been fun.” 

“Now let’s do some flipping!” I exclaimed as I repeatedly did backflips away from the guards.

“I think I’ll use my apprentice’s special suit this time!” Gai said as he pulled out the box-like object and a purple figurine, “Gokai Change!”

Deka Zero!

In a flash of purple light, Gai was standing in a violet suit, a purple breastplate with multiple vents emitting super hot, hissing steam. Similarly colored braces and shin guards were on his arms and legs, a large, black zero on his torso. His helmet was designed so that it looked like upswept bat wings were on either side, flashing red lights in either side. His helmet had a bronze police badge sitting on the crown of his head, a black visor underneath.

“Echoing light and darkness, judgement has come! SPD’s hell bat! Deka Zero!” The sirens on both sides of his head flashed twice, a police siren emitting from them. With a flick of his wrists, a set of curved claws unfolded from his bracers, “let’s make this showy!”  

Gai charged into the crowd of guards, floating on a cushion of steam, slashing with his claws, neatly severing swords and spears alike. 

“If we end up having to defend equestria because you disarmed all the guards, I am not going to be happy.” I said, 

“It’s either that or I start severing heads! Besides magic is a thing here, so I’m sure repairs won’t be much of a problem.”

“You ever here of a retreat before Gai?” I asked crossing my arms

“You’re the one who said ‘let’s do some flipping’!” Gai retorted, flipping a guard like a pancake.

“Yes, flipping away! You know, a backflipping retreat? I wish I had my phone with me I could show you.”

“Fine!” Gai groused as he snapped his fingers and a portal opened up under us, Gai detransformed and waved at the stunned guards, “well gentlecolts, it’s been a real slice!” He said, pointing to their neatly cut weapons, “do try and repair them quickly, my kouhai really doesn’t want to do your jobs for you.” 

To punctuate Gai’s words row of swords stabbed into the ground blocking the guards’ route. “That should hold them a while, while they play ‘the sword in the stone’” I said, smirking at the guards who were now nervously pulling at their collars.

“I would say you’re running out of sharp, pointy objects, but you have swords for days, don’t you?” Gai deadpanned as we fell through the portal.

“Try eons!” I exclaimed, all too cheerfully tilting my head to the side and letting out a little giggle.

“Kowaii desu ne ...” Gai mumbled as we landed in Starswirl’s lab.

“I am known as the Blacksmith heroine after all!” I replied.

“Right, help me look through here. I have a theory, but I need some evidence to back it up.” Gai said, sifting through the deceased wizard’s belongings.

I looked over the room analysing everything in my sight,  I spotted a book lodged under some rubble and went to pick it up, lifting the ruined stone off it, I picked the book up and dusted the cover with my right hand. The book looked like Starswirl’s diary.

“What do you have there?” Gai asked, taking the book and speed reading through it’s contents, stopping at a certain page.

“It’s Starswirl’s Diary, I remember it from the show, it contains the spell that Twilight must complete to become an alicorn, barring other methods. If I’m here I wouldn’t be surprised if Seihai-kun is here too.” I explained giving a shrug.

“Well, I guess we know why the spell was incomplete now … and the reason why things played out this way.” Gai muttered, turning a few more pages.

“Except that also means discord isn’t dead, well that’s just great I am not looking forward to that asshole returning.”

“Not necessarily, people like us are pretty big butterflies, if you catch my meaning.”

“Yes, because minor reality warping and continental destruction is on my to-do list.” I responded sarcastically.

“What I mean is that our influence has already altered this world’s future. For all we know, Starswirl could’ve become Discord or King Sombra, and we just removed him from the timeline.” Gai said, his face grim.

“Well I gathered I would have some kind of effect but I honestly doubted it’d be as big as you say it is. Although deicide is kinda big.” I said as I paced, “Hmmm I wonder if I’ll end up as Twilight’s ancestor or any of the mane six?”

Gai remained silent, staring intently at the contents of Starswirl’s journal.

“I know for a fact Starswirl was meddling with time travel in the og timeline.”

“That’s not it, you don’t want to know why he was so dead set on vivisecting you?”

“Consider my curiosity piqued Gai, so spill what’s so horrible about that book, is it the pony necronomicon or something?” I asked him.

Gai rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I only wish this was that harmless, but for you to fully grasp the implications of this, you need to know what exactly we are.”

He looked up at me, “what do you remember right before you awoke in this world?”

“A reject from Resident Evil’s gallery of creepy merchants sold me Kanshou and Bakuya and the pendant that belonged to Tohsaka Rin, the master of the character I was cosplaying as, and now Luna holds it. I then blacked out and found myself in this body, the wrong gender.” I explained. 

“Seems pretty standard, was there anyone with you at the time aside from the Merchant?” Gai asked, rubbing his chin.

“A couple of friends came with me, one cosplayed as Shiroe, the Villain in Glasses, another cosplayed as Kirito(I just know he’s gonna get a harem of ponies if he ends up in Equestria) and my childhood friend who came as Madoka” I smirked, “if she became Madoka I feel sorry for anyone who is her enemy. Friggin overly cute magical girl with god like power.” 

“Well, if they weren’t with you when you bought your stuff, it’s not likely you’ll see them anytime soon. Sorry,” Gai said, pulling out his gun/trident, “this is what I ‘bought’, the Gokai Spear.”

“Meh they were far behind me, I’ll probably find them eventually. But we have bigger problems on our hands than being misplaced.”

“What are the odds ...” Gai muttered, “what you said was half-right, we’re what’s known as ‘Displaced’, short for ‘Dimensionally Misplaced’. The Merchant you met was a Displacer, a void dweller who rips beings from their world and transplants them in another one.”

“When you say void do you mean like Artorias the void walker or do you mean the stuff from the cthulhu mythos?”

“I mean the space between dimensions in the multiverse. Welcome to the club, kouhai. You get all the power you could ever dream of, at the cost of never going home again, as well as whatever else you got gypped for when you made a deal with the Merchant.” Gai said, a sad smile on his face.

“Heh I think he got gypped then I only gave him fifty bucks.”

“You got lucky, mine didn’t take something as trivial as money. He took my ability to cook food that tastes good.”

“Oh well, at least others can cook for you.” I tried to sound conciliatory. 

Gai shot me a deadpan look, “don’t patronize me, kouhai. Point is, there’s no guarantee your friends got Displaced as well, or if they’re even in the same world as you. But the one constant is that the old you, is dead. You can never go home. They won’t let you.”

“To be honest my home wasn’t all that great, and being an orphan I don’t particularly have family to return to, the thing about my friends is sad, but ultimately a fact of life, I hope one day we can meet again. But right now I am living the brony dream, if only a few thousand years too early.” 

“Heh, there’s that optimism again, I guess it’s not bad, especially now. Anyways, I should probably explain about one of the few abilities all Displaced have in common: tokens.” Gai said, slipping into college professor mode, “do you still have that key you used to summon me here?”

I open my inventory and retrieve the token, and held it up to show Gai, “You mean this?” I asked.

“Yep, that there’s my token. Displaced contain huge amounts of dimensional energy, part of the reason why multiverse travel is relatively harmless to us, a token is an object that’s filled with a small piece of that energy that the Displaced infuses into it.” He snapped his fingers and a portal to the void appeared.

“Hmmn, Trace on!” I called out projecting my bow, “Let me see if I got this right!” I said concentrating on my bow reinforcing it with a strange energy I found within myself.

“I am Archer. Servant of Princess Luna and Hero of Justice, for all the downtrodden and those without hope, grasp my bow, draw the string and let fly your call for help. I’ll defend you. However if you, who call upon me, have malicious intent, then know that I will slay you!” I finished speaking and bent down and threw my bow up, it scattered and disappeared into the void I could feel it divide into countless copies. 

“Probably should’ve added some safeguards against the Displaced with malicious intent, there are bad ones out there you know, and now any one of them can summon you.” Gai said as the portal snapped shut, “I have one word of advice for you as your senpai: if you run into a Displaced calling himself Basco ta Jolokia, do yourself a favor and run. Take Luna with you and run as far and as fast as you can before calling me.”

“And who is that?” I asked.

“Someone who will only appear after he’s found a surefire strategy to kill you, then he’ll absorb your energy and grow stronger. He’s already done it five times.” Gai growled, ungodly rage in his eyes.

“Well I guess I know who Black Fog is, for now,” I said. 

“Exactly, now on to Mister Hannibal Lecter pony ...” Gai muttered, turning to the book again, “it seems he somehow found out about the Displaced and wanted to artificially become one in order to achieve immortality.” He said, handing the book to me. 

Inside were the ravings of a stallion who had gone well and truly mad, ranting on and on about “these beings of immense power who lord themselves over us as they watch our struggles from on high.” And, “I will become their equal in order to rip them from their thrones, to make the world safe for my students again.”

“Well if he thinks the Displaced are some sort of lords, he is well and truly small minded. I mean, look at me! I may be immortal, able to make reality my bitch to an extent, and able to do things he could only dream of, but that doesn’t make me a goddess, though I can’t blame him for thinking so,” I replied flipping my hair and laughing haughtily. I froze “Oh my goddess, did I get a bit of Tohsaka Rin as part of the deal or something!?” 

“The operative word here is, yet. You haven’t decided to become a goddess, yet. After all, what doesn’t kill you just makes you stranger.” Gai said, watching me, “I had a friend once. We were Displaced together, you see. And one day he developed a God complex and stabbed me in the back.” Gai took the book from me, tearing out the pages pertaining to the Displaced, “there has been enough death due to our influence, I won’t allow any more.” And with that, he tossed the book aside, flames roaring to life in his free hand and burned the torn pages in the flames.

“Well if the guards didn’t know where we were before, they do now.”

“It does sound like there’s a few platoons on their way here, doesn’t it?” Gai said casually.

I groaned, “Can’t we get a break? I really want to go and find a place to make my super secret villain lair so I can hide from ‘Tia, no doubt after me for defiling her sister or some such nonsense,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Please, a life of conflict comes with the territory of being a Displaced.” He raised his gun, “cutlass mode,” he said, the voice command causing the barrel of the gun to extend, a blade of blue energy in the shape of a cutlass blade appearing. 

I heard a shifting of rubble as I turned my head and my eyes fell on a horrified Clover’s face, “Something tell’s me Clover doesn’t understand sarcasm,” I deadpanned as I pointed my index finger at the wall.

“Oh, this isn’t gonna be fun ...” Gai muttered as Clover’s shocked expression turned into one of rage.

“Why …” Clover said, deathly quiet, “What grievance didst thou have with my master that you killed him!?”

“We had no choice, he was a threat to ponies everywhere! He was insane,” I declared, And Gai just destroyed the evidence. Fuck my life!

“Insane! How dare thou call my master a mad stallion!” Clover cried out, her horn flaring as she blasted a beam of violet light at us.

I dodged her beam and got behind the mare and whacked her on the back of the neck knocking her out. “Well that could have gone better, I hope you have a horn inhibitor or something in that fancy belt of yours.”

“Sorry, no such luck. And I don’t think outright severing her horn would win us any points either.” Gai said, picking up the unconscious mare.

“Damn, do think you can find one on the guards? Maybe if I see one, I could reproduce it?”

“I doubt it, the stallions coming don’t seem to be the kind that take prisoners, we’re probably going to be dealing with the proper military at this rate.”

“Do you know any memory erasing spells, and we can leave her here and plant evidence to trick her into thinking she hit her head?”

“Nah, I’ll just take her with us, getting away won’t be too hard,” he snapped his fingers, opening another portal, “especially when I can do that.”

“That isn’t what I am worried about. I am more worried that the first friend I made here thinks I am an evil mustache twirling villain.” I grimaced.

“You don’t have a mustache, and she won’t blame you for a thing. Not if I play my cards right.” Gai said, an evil grin on his face.

I sighed in exasperation, “I hope ponies invent aspirin soon ‘cause I can just tell this place is going to keep giving me headaches.”

“Oh, don’t be such a baby, you’re not the one ‘kidnapping’ a fully grown mare.”





Clover groaned as she awoke, her eyes cracking open slowly as she took in her surroundings. 

She was in a cave somewhere, she realized as her eyes adjusted to the darker lighting, she tried to move, only to find her arms restrained by clawed arms fashioned from black crystal, two of them restraining each of her limbs, one of them holding her tail, and another holding her head firmly in place. She could feel a cold energy emanating from them.

“Wakey, wakey, poppet.” A sinister voice said from behind her, “it’s time to play.”

“Who goes there!” Clover cried, trying to turn her head, only to find it impossible to do so.

“Oh, thee doth not recall? Allow me to refresh thine memory, poppet.” The voice’s owner said as he stepped out from behind her.

Clover’s eyes widened in recognition, it was that other human! The one she saw in the lab along with Archer!

“You bastard!” she snarled, reaching for her magic, only to find none of it within her grasp.

The human chuckled, “apologies, poppet. But thee shalt find thine magic is quite useless whilst in my grasp. Tell me, what do you think thine master’s words were when he took his final breath?”

Clover strained against her bonds, gritting her teeth at the foul demon who dared even mention her master.

“Shall I tell thee?” He asked in a mocking tone, “they were pleas of mercy, I made him cry and beg for reprieve before I finally ended his suffering. The fool thou calleth ‘Archer’ couldst only watch as I tortured him endlessly, cowering behind her shield to protect Luna from my wrath.”

Tears streamed down Clover’s face as she heard the savage glee in her captor’s voice.

“Why…? What is the reason for this madness? My master was nothing but kind, only working for the betterment of Equestria!” She cried, her eyes filled with impotent rage.

“Why…?” The human said, as if truly shocked she would ask such a foolish question, “I did slay thine master to satisfy mine own boredom, poppet!” He drew close, whispering into her ear, “his screams of agony were delicious, as will yours, poppet.”

He drew back, a mad, sadistic smile slicing its way across his face, “but they shall not be simple screams of agony, oh no, I shall drag thou to the deepest pits of Tartarus and then to the heights of Heaven, repeating the process over and over until thou art nothing more than my slave, poppet.” 

“No!” Clover cried as the human drew a dagger and used it to slowly cut open her blouse and bodice all in one fell swoop, her skirt falling soon after until she was completely bare.

“Ah, I had heard tales of thine beauty, but to see it with mine own eyes...” The human breathed, “I am glad to be the first to pluck such a delicate flower.”

Clover looked at him with a defiant glare, “you may take mine virtue, callus beast, but thou shalt never hath me!”

The sound of whistling wind was the only warning Clover got before blinding pain lanced through her side, “did I say thou couldst speak, slave?” The human said calmly tapping the riding crop he had just struck her with, “thine will is no longer yours, poppet.”

He bought the crop to her chin, using it to force her to meet his gaze, “thou art mine plaything, I shalt toy and play with thou until I see fit to consign thou to the rubbish heap!”

“This countenance,” he traced the end of the crop around her face, “these breasts,” the dug the crop into her nipple, drawing forth an involuntary moan from the lavender mare, “and finally...” he said, the relish clear in his voice as he traced a burning line with the end of the crop down her belly, ending right above her most private area.

“This hole is also mine!” He cried triumphantly, rubbing the end of the crop into Clover’s snatch, sending a wave of involuntary pleasure up her spine, “Oh? What’s this? For all thine prattle and defiance, this part of thou seems to be the most honest!” He withdrew the crop from her loins, bringing the now glistening end up to her muzzle, her scent permeating the air, “See?”    

“Halt! Vile fiend, we hath finally found thee! Thine reign of terror ends here!” I called pointing Kanshou at Gai and then twisting and spinning Kanshou and Bakuya in a flourish, showing an impressive feat of skill, while internally cringing at the ham.

“Oh? If it isn’t the cowardly archer who could only watch as I tortured this slave’s former master!” Gai said, turning around and tossing the riding crop aside, “hast thou come to seek an end to your life as well?”

“As If thou couldst best me! Fiend, hath I not been protecting Luna from thy foul magics I couldst hath ended thine tyranny before Starswirl's untimely death!”

“Is that so?” Gai said, drawing his Gokai Spear in cutlass mode, “if that be sooth, then cometh at me and prove thine worth!” 

I readied Kanshou and Bakuya, launching myself at Gai the dust kicking up from my leap. I brought Kanshou and Bakuya down on him, 

“Ossoi! Gokai Mjolnir!” Gai cried as he parried my blades, slamming his fist into my stomach , sending me flying out of the cave.

Glad I reinforced my body at the last second before I took his hit, I used the momentum and flipped to face him landing on my feet, Gai charged outside to continue attacking me, I threw Kanshou and Bakuya and Traced another pair and threw them at him as well finally I traced another pair of the twin swords and then crossed them behind my back, they grew in length and size straightening as the back edges grew crystal like spikes as several lances of blue light streaked out of the cave, striking the blades out of the air as I slashed down with Kanshou and Bakuya overedge. Slicing down his sides.

“Sorry to disappoint, kouhai.” Gai said, electricity crackling around him as I noticed the blades were being held back by magnetic force, “but you’re gonna need to try harder than that.” 

I released my swords letting them fade and aimed my index fingers at him and shouted “Gandr,” red balls of dark energy built up at the tips and hit him in the chest knocking him back.

“Omoshire….” He muttered, raising his left arm and revealing the bronze shackle I had seen earlier, “guess I better start taking you a bit more seriously, huh?” With a twist, the shackle fell off his wrist, landing on the ground with a heavy thunking noise. 

I crouched tracing Kanshou and Bakuya again “I am the bone of my sword!” I started the chant od flooded my magic circuits, 

“Mou ossoi!” He cried as he suddenly appeared in front of me, driving his free fist into my face.

I dodged out of the way continuing my chant “Steel is my body and fire is my blood.”

“Gokai Revenant!” He cried, a field of dark energy expanding around him and reaching me, holding me in place. I shouted “Rho Aias! I have created over a thousand blades,”

“Ossoi, ossoi, ossoi!” Gai said as he flash stepped in, slashing through the barrier and landing a clean cut on my stomach.

I grinned, and slashed at Gai “Not know to life, nor known to death, Have withstood pain to create many weapons!” 

Gai’s blade became a blur as he slashed at me faster than my eyes could track.

I parried each strike before taking a kick to the stomach sending me back into the cave, I recovered my footing though I faltered. 

“Ah, I believed thou wouldst at least entertain me, if even for a short while little archer,” Gai said, strutting back into the cave and snapping the shackle back onto his wrist, “perhaps I shall make thou mine concubine as well?”

I stood up revealing the gash in my chest healed, filled with interlinked swords, “ And yet these hands will never hold anything, and so as I pray, Unlimited blade works, Fire burst out around me taking myself, Clover and Gai into my world. I chuckled “I think you remember the rules of this place,” I asked as blades rose into the sky.

“This again? Thou must obtain some new parlor tricks, little archer.” Gai said as he pulled out a green figure and the black box, “Gokai Change!”

SHUUUUUUUURIKENGER!!!!

After a flash of green light, Gai stood in a green suit with a gold breastplate, as star-shaped visor on his helmet.

“Oh trust me I do have new tricks, Trace on!” I projected a copy of his suit onto myself, I walked over to a trident that was stabbed into the ground. “So boya, art thou ready to face yourself?” 

“Thou may have copied mine armor, but thou doth not know it’s secrets.” Gai said smugly.

I made a buzzer noise “Wrong boya unlimited blade works lets me copy and store any melee weapon it’s history and it’s uses meaning I have their secrets and your moves.”

“‘Tis a fortune that I am not using mine own moves then, chou ninpo! Bunshin no Jutsu!” Gai said as he folded his hands into a handsign, numerous copies of him appearing all over the landscape. 

A hail of blades rained on his clones, “forgetting something?” I asked sweetly as I twirled his trident in my hands.

Suddenly, the Gai in front of me erupted into a cloud of smoke, revealing a straw dummy with a piece of paper over it’s head with the kanji for ‘too bad!’ written on it.

“Chou ninpo! Kage no mai!” Gai’s voice cried as numerous shadows appeared around me, each of them laying into me with a flurry of kicks and sword slashes.

Using past experience I predict his moves and dodge them, though it is difficult with this many, some hits land, “Gokai shooting star Mark tsu!” I shout as I place Gai’s token into the spear And multiple copies of the spear appear around me in a ring and fire outwards hitting every clone and I throw the main spear at Gai, who erupted from the ground behind me, barely managing to block the final spear with his blade.

“‘Tis not very kind of thou to turn one’s own weapon against them, little archer.” He teased.

“It can’t be helped, the moment I see a weapon I automatically record it. The only exceptions are guns and more modern mobile weapons.

“Well then… Gokai Change!” 

TIIIIIIIIIME RANGER!!!

A flash of red light and now Gai stood in a red and black suit with a scarlet arrow as a visor.

“DV Defender!” He cried, pulling the gun out of his belt and firing several scarlet laser bolts at me.

I tried deflecting them with Kanshou and Bakuya hoping their anti magic resistance would aid me against the blasts, two blasts were stopped but at the cost of the swords breaking.

“Oh, did I break thine toys? My deepest apologies little archer.” Gai said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

I smirked as I retraced Kanshou and Bakuya, “That’s okay I can just make more!”

“Enough of this, I have played with thou long enough! Gokai Gaia Hand!” At his command, several arms made of stone grabbing at my limbs, attempting to restrain my movement.

I sent blades through the hands, destroying them “Rho Aias!” I put up one last defense.

“Ossoi, kouhai.” Gai said, suddenly behind me as his elbow slammed into the back of my head, sending me hurtling several yards.

“I am getting real tired of this shit!”

“Now, now, such language is quite unbecoming of a lady, especially one who shall soon become my concubine along with this other delicate flower.” Gai said as he detransformed and caressed Clover’s cheek, drawing a shudder from her.

“I’d sooner kill myself than let you touch me!”

“Oh? But thou art immortal, are you not? As long as your ‘master’ lives, so shall thou. Do not worry, she’s next.”

I took up a red gem and muttered a few words under my breath for theatrics sake and I crush it causing a portal to open up behind Gai, causing him to stagger backwards towards the portal as winds began to whip up and he flailed helplessly.

“What is this!?” He roared, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?”

“I seal thee now down to the depths of Tartarus (or Celestia’s closet)” I muttered, “there thou shalt forever lay! Luna gave me that in order to trap you when you let thine guard down!”

“ONORE! I SHALL RETURN, MARK MY WORDS FOR I SHALL RETURN, ARRRCHEEERR!!!” Gai roared, a look of livid fury on his face as he was slowly dragged bodily into the portal, the gateway snapping shut behind him.





“So let me see if I got this straight, you pretend to kidnap Clover and pretend to be an evil villain and I come and save her, is that about right? I suppose it might work, it never works in the anime series, then again, nobody's dumb enough to fall for this! If this works I’ll kiss Luna right in front of Celestia, a deep kiss, with lots of slurping noises.” I declared.

“I’m holding you to that.” Gai deadpanned. 

“However if you do succeed you’ll have my gratitude, so appreciate it!” I added cheerfully, kuso! Why did I have to get infected by the original tsundere! This cannot be doing my image any good! 

“Oh ye of little faith,” Gai chuckled, “when I’m done, she’ll think I’m the devil incarnate! That being said, there are a few things I need to teach you for your part in this little stage play.” 

“And what is my part, then.”

Gai clapped his hands together, “why, you’re the exorcist that purges the horrible devil from this world of course!” He said all too cheerily.

“Oh goody I get to be the Hercule Satan of this little escapade I have no doubt it will be as cringeworthy as it is in that show.” I responded sarcastically. 

“Please, the only one we have to convince is the unconscious - and admittedly hot - mare over there, piece of cake.” 

“Her full name and title is Clover the Clever, not Clover the Stupid” I retorted.

“Exactly why this will be as realistic as possible,” Gai said, holding up a riding crop.

“Really?” I deadpanned 

“Really,” Gai replied, “although I’m probably gonna feel really dirty after this...”

“You better not have a bridle in that void of yours” I eyed Gai suspiciously.

“Actually, I stole this crop from the guard barracks. Among… other things...” Gai said, shuddering slightly.

“You know what? I don't even want to know, why that was there in the first place, let's just carry on.” I responded, clearly unnerved about finding out about the kinks of the royal guard.

“Probably a good idea. Now, the first step to creating a working portal is...”





Gusts of wind erupted from Celestia’s closet, forcing the door open and startling Celestia and Luna, right before a silver-coated human came tumbling out, one of Celestia’s spare bodices clinging to his face.

“Ugh, that is the last time I play the sealed villain role!” He pulled the bodice off his face, marvelling at the cup size, “holy crap, they’re huge!”

“Ahem.” 

“Shit...” 

Gai looked behind him, still clutching the bodice, at the two alicorns glaring intensely at him, clad only in their nightgowns. 

“What a time to not have a camera...” He muttered before the two sisters fell upon him. 





The reality marble faded as I fell to my knees That bastard never said it would escalates so much, I ran out of abilities far too early, well at least ubw is good for learning new skills attached to weapons, otherwise we wouldn’t have pulled that off. Note to self, as I seem to be able to use other magic due to the Tohsaka Rin part of me, I can at least supplement my main skills. I just hope Celestia or more likely Luna don’t mind teaching me magic.

I got to my feet and made to limp over to Clover, Goddesses I feel numb all over. Why couldn’t I get the immunity to aches and pains?

“Clover art thou unharmed?” I asked as I limped over to her.

“Archer! Thank ye for saving me, I was afraid of what he might doeth to me hast thou came but a minute later!” Clover dove into my chest before yelping in pain.

“What is wrong thy chest ‘tis so hard, liketh metal!” Clover asked, concern coloring her voice.

I smiled “This is why Clover, I removed the suit, letting it fade, Clover gasped at the wound on my chest right down to my stomach, “My body is made out of swords it seems.” I chuckled and coughed, the swords moved with my breath at once looking like metal muscles and swords. “Though I’ll still need proper healing. If only I could see Avalon, then perhaps I could heal myself properly instead of the blade works protecting me like this.”

“Why wouldst thou wish to see The scabbard of Celestia’s mother!” Clover asked confused, 
I looked at her, “What didst thou just say? Celestia’s mother had Excalibur!?”

Clover nodded, “Then surely you should know of it’s other name then, the sword of promised victory and it’s sheath the holy land of Avalon. Land of the fairies?” Another nod confirmed it.

“My old body. I had Avalon imbedded inside my body, to save my life, but it was removed and returned to its true owner. Artoria Pendragon after a war between magi.” I explained

“But, what would cause a war between mages.” Clover asked, scared of the answer I snorted “The Holy Grail, an impossible artifact that will grant the winner of the war a single wish using the heroic spirits of the defeated masters to fuel it. Both servants and masters have a wish which is granted. In Artoria’s case she wanted a do-over on her life to reset it so she could correct her past mistakes.”

“Wait thou knowst Celestia’s mother!?” Clover exclaimed My mind slipped a gear and I recoiled. 

“Wait Artoria is Celestia’s mother!? Oh my goddesses this is going to so awkward.”

“Why?” Clover asked innocently.

“Because as a mortal human I dated Artoria, during that war.”

“WHAT!?” Clover exclaimed, deafening me in the process, She really needs to stop doing that, my poor sensitive ears can’t take it!

“Come on Clover let’s get back to the castle before Luna starts to worry that I’ve left her or Celestia goes nuts trying to hunt for us.” I said picking her up bridal style and grunting under the weight. “Perhaps having a few less cakes Clover, Celestia is bad enough!” 

Clover’s face went so red I swear her coat color changed to crimson red.





After taking Clover to the infirmary and getting some quick dirty healing for myself I strolled around the castle, the royal guards shaking in their tin cans as I walked past them, tch Seems like word got around fast. I thought ruefully. I heard an explosion and darted off to where I found a suncrest on the doors, without ceremony I opened them to come upon a comical scene, Gai covered in lumps and bruises with Celestia and Luna standing over him in their nightgowns, a spare bodice clutched firmly in his grasp, hmph, now is as good a time as any.

I walked over to Luna wrapped my left arm around her waist and leant her back. As I kissed Luna, her pupils shrunk and a blush covered her face as a moan of pleasure escaped her throat, Luna’s mouth opened and I slipped my tongue inside caressing her’s as she returned the favor, we kept at it, making slurping noises as we swallowed each other’s excess saliva

“Sweet Celestia, I wish I had recorded that,” Gai groaned, pulling himself up into a sitting position, “I assume our plan worked and now Clover despises me?” 

As the slurping noises finished and a red faced Luna was returned to her hooves, I responded “Yes it worked.” 

“WHAT IN TARTARUS ART THOU DOING TO MINE SISTER!?” Celestia thundered, her mane igniting and smacking Gai into a wall as she stormed towards me.

“Why me…?” Gai groaned as he slowly pulled himself out of the wall.

“I kissed her, obviously. Didst thou not just see it? Thou wert close to it.” I responded in a deadpan, sarcastic tone.

“I can explain,” Gai said moaning as a white light from his palm was pressed against his bruises, healing them instantly.

“Then please enlighten us,” Celestia said testily, barely contained wrath in her voice.

“The short version Sunbutt,” this caused Celestia to inhale sharply, “is that we were attempting to salvage Archer’s friendship with Clover. She incorrectly associated her with Starswirl’s death when I am the one who did the deed.”

“To that end,” he continued, pacing around the room, “I posed as a villain who foalnapped Clover and held her captive. Archer,” he pointed at me, “came in to ‘rescue’ her and in doing so, sealed the malevolent being in Tartarus, or in other words, your private chambers.”

He stopped his pacing, “any questions?”

“Thou hast yet to answer mine inquiry, human.” Celestia drew closer, “why didst Archer commit such a lecherous act against mine sister’s virtue!?”

“Easily explained, lady Archer did not believe our deception would successfully shift Clover’s ire onto my shoulders, therefore we made a wager: if the plan succeeds, she would kiss your sister as deeply as a lover would, all in your presence.” Gai said, remaining calm as the now stunned solar diarch stood before him. 

“I trust you won’t breathe a word of our deception to anypony, doing so will only bring about the worst case scenario.” Gai said, his gaze piercing into the souls of everyone in the room.

I know I am going to pay for this, but… 

“Luna you are certainly a beautiful mare, I can see that Artoria’s daughter has inherited her good looks. And might I add a few other things I noticed.” I complimented Luna and licked my lips and then all tartarus broke loose.

“WHAT!? HOW DIDST THOU KNOW OUR MOTHER!?” Celestia screeched. 

“Lessee here time works differently in other worlds, at least in theory, but I was a mortal a long time ago and summoned your mother during the fifth holy grail war. We worked together and eventually we fell in love, but it wasn’t meant to be. We parted, never to see each other again, but it seems she got her wish in the end. And started a new life that didn’t contain her previous mistakes.”

“Wait but how did you even find out about her being our mother?” Luna asked, curiosity winning over confusion.

“Well, Clover told me when I lamented that I no longer had Avalon implanted in my body to heal me.” 

“WHAT!? Mother put Avalon inside your body.”

“Sunbutt, if you don’t stop yelling, I’ll show you exactly why I’m called the Silver Scourge!” Gai groaned, covering his ears, drawing a glare from the solar diarch.

“Oh no that was my adoptive father, he was Artoria’s master before I was, he used it to saved me from a great conflagration caused by the fourth holy grail war. What was left was a child that was empty, broken. Didn’t even know how to feel. But had extraordinary regeneration. Eventually I was dragged into the fifth war and by sheer coincidence accidently summoned her. I returned Avalon when we discovered it was inside me. Heh, she even called me her scabbard.” I explained wistfully. 

“It was sad that she had to leave once the war was over. An unspecified time passed afterwards and I became a counter guardian, a being whose sole purpose was to kill threats to the survival of my species, whether or not they knew they caused it or not, I had no control, no freedom, no emotion and all I could do is watch as I became a weapon slaughtered thousands of people. ”I finished sitting on Celestia’s bed. Luna knocked me off my feet in a tackle hug, and I could hear her whimpering sobs. 

Another set of tears falling caught my attention. Seeing Celestia cry was odd, Not once in the show save for when she had to banish Luna and when Luna returned did she cry.

“Well, this has gotten suitably awkward. Nice to see you, quite literally, kiss and make up.” Gai said, standing awkwardly with his arms crossed on the other side of the room.

“What do I have to do to send you home kaizoku no boya?” I asked Gai,

“Home?” two princesses asked in confusion.

“Suffice it to say, I’m from someplace even further than Archer.” He said, “but first...” He pulled a small, white, featureless figure from his coat and held it out to me, “can you put a sample of your DNA on this, kouhai?”

“If I must.” I sigh, cutting my finger with a small unnamed dagger and rubbed it on the figure.

“Care to explain what that was for, Gai?”

“It’ll be easier just to show you,” Gai said as he closed his eyes, the figure shining like a miniature sun, when the light faded, he was holding a miniature figure of me, “what I’ve essentially done is turn some of your essence into a Ranger Key. One I can use to manifest your own powers. Thanks for the donation.”

“Get ready to grow some tits and lose your dick then.”

“Nah, Ranger Keys take gender into account. Sorry, but no rule 63 for me!” He said cheerfully, tucking the key into his coat.

I put my hands on my hips “Turnabout is fair play, that portal spell and the items I copied don’t count.” I declared

“Wait copied items?” Luna asked tilting her head.

“Oh, I can copy and project any close range melee or defensive armament and reproduce it and the skills attached to them based on the history of the weapon. Through the law of contagion.”

“Basically, she made a copy of my Gokai Spear and Gokai Silver’s suit,” Gai explained, pulling the aforementioned spear and unfolding it to it’s full length.  

I projected a copy of the same spear. “Only problem is they take Od to maintain as the world constantly fights the existence of items created like I just did, they also tend to be temporary.”

“You’ve literally got a whole world of blades to choose from, and now you have my Sentai Suit, why are you complaining again kouhai?”

“Because you saw how lacking it is and it reduces my tactical options, anyone would want to get any edge they can. On that note, Luna can you teach me magic from this world?” I asked, startling the mare in question. 

“Oh um I guess,” Luna replied a finger stroking her lips, I grinned wide 

“Thinking about our kiss, Master?”  Luna blushed crimson as she stuttered trying to deny my accusation.

“If you’re so worried about armaments, then take this.” Gai said, pulling a scarlet flintlock out of his coat, tossing it to me.

“I was actually interested in the music box, but that works too.” I said taking the gun

“They can be fired continuously at one second intervals and don’t need to be reloaded, you can also insert my token into it to let loose a more powerful shot, about as strong as a tank’s main cannon by pressing the button under the barrel.”

“Good cause flintlocks are a pain in the ass to reload.”

“There’s also little to no shot deviation, so you won’t miss unless you’re a horrible shot.” Gai said, shrugging.

“Pft I can hit two people with one arrow from four kilometers away and see that far in perfect clarity.” I said puffing out my chest.

“Good, then you can teach your master how to shoot,” Gai said, tossing another flintlock to Celestia and Luna along with two blank keys, “I highly recommend you learn sooner rather than later Luna, you are your servant’s greatest weakness, after all.” 

“Why are you giving us these ranger keys? I think you called them that, but again why?” Luna asked.

“Several reasons: one, if you die, so does Archer. Two: those keys are copies of my token, you can’t transform with them, but you can summon me by inserting them into any lock. And finally, you’ll be able to use the tank shot with those. You’ll find them more effective than magic and swords in most cases.” Gai explained.

“Hang on, can you pass me another blank key and show me your morpher, I want to try something it maybe awesome it make fail spectacularly, but it’s worth a try.” I asked

Gai handed the two items over, “what do you have planned?”

“Something crazy, that it’ll make Doc proud.” I said as I began to analyse the morpher it’s every component, it’s smallest attribute, “I am the bone of my sword, Trace on!” I created an projection of the morpher and I gave Gai his back, I used the remaining blood on my finger to morph the key into another Archer key.

“Now you might want to step back you guys, this could be explosive!” I said cheerfully. 

I insert the new key into the traced Cellular and cross my arms, “Trace Change!” I shout, thrusting the Cellular up and out in front of me. 

“GOOOOOOKAIGER!” a male voice shouted in my head “What the fuck!?” I said as I was surrounded by a red X as I felt a suit wrap around my body, “Gokai Archer!” I shouted against my will. Posing, an explosion of red appeared behind me. 

When I came to I was wearing a gokaiger suit, I walked over to a full length mirror in a corner of the room, my helmet visor was a silver silhouette of Kanshou and Bakuya crossed over each other, bordered by white, the rest of the helmet was red with black hexagons on it, the main body was similar to Gai’s, however the jacket was black and under the jacket was red with a skull and crossbones executed in white the belt was silver instead of gold, “HA! in your face logic, and rules!”  

Celestia grumbled something about “Rules are there for a reason.”

Gai scratched his chin, walking around me, “Huh, not bad. I wouldn’t be surprised if the suit granted you your own signature weapon as part of its equipment.”

“By the way does that japanese guy always screech ‘Gokaiger’ in your head?”

Gai nodded, “yep, don’t know how to get him to stop, but it really helps set the mood, doesn’t it?”

“I suppose, but I can also see it getting old really quickly.” I said holding my chin thoughtfully I wonder what my signature weapon would be,  

I attempted to call my weapon and was surprised to find it was a short bow made of out Kanshou and Bakuya, the swords themselves retained their bladed edge so it’d be useful and the lack of a string makes it useful as a dual bladed sword. “Hang on there’s a rotor and hinge between the two swords, I twisted the two swords almost making me jump out of my skin as another two kanshou and bakuya emerged to form a large shuriken, twisting it back the extra blades withdrew and I tried folding the bow, and a pole shot out of the handles as the blade lengthened into a scythe. 

“Okay rule of cool is in effect fillies and gentlecolts!” I squeed.

Gai whistled, “damn girl, you’re gonna make a pirate jealous!”

“Well you got a piece of my essence, doesn’t that mean you can use these anyway?” I asked

“Nope, that form is completely unique to you, hope you enjoy your new arsenal.”

“I wonder if I get a mecha? Oooh that’d be so awesome!”

“Doubt it, the Gokai Galleon is the Gokaiger’s main mecha, and that’s my ship. I do have the GoZyu Drill, but that’s my personal mecha, sorry kouhai.” Gai said, patting me on the head.

I swatted at his hand while I ducked away, “Ah stop it!” I whined.

“Ara, doshta no, hime-sama?” Gai teased, laughing like a maniac.

“Baka! Don’t you have a crew to be harassing?” 

“I’ve only got a First Mate and a few passengers, I’d hardly call that a crew.” Gai said, shrugging.

“So how do I send you back before Clover walks through that door and spills her guts like her life is on the line?”

“Just hold up my token and say my name and: ‘our contract is complete’. That’ll open a gateway back home.”

I hold out my own token and give it to Gai, “Use this to call me if you need back up, and to surprise the other rangers,” 

“Somehow, I feel as though you’ll be the one calling for my help, kouhai. As far as people like us go, you’re still a rookie.” Gai said.

“Just accept the gesture, baka.” I said shoving the token into his hand, “Gai, our contract is complete. I am sure you have a few comely wenches waiting fer yer scurvy ass.”

Gai chuckled as a portal opened next to us, “I wish! Not many brothels where I’m from, what with the alien occupation going on.” He leaned in to stage whisper into my ear, “but between you and me… I hear the area around the wings are a very sensitive spot for winged ponies, might wanna try it out sometime.”

“Thanks for the tip, now get going.” I whispered back.

“Ja na!” Gai said, waving as he dove into the portal. 

“Dewa mata ne!” I responded.




Gokaiger verse

“Ahhh, skare ta...” Gai sighed as he collapsed into his usual chair aboard the Gokai Galleon, tossing Archer’s key into the small chest next to him and propping the token against his armrest.

“So? What happened?” Asked his First Mate, taking a seat on the couch to his right.

“It’s a really long story...” Gai moaned, “and I need a nap.”

“Oi! Don’t fall asleep now! CAPTAIN!!!”

And with that, Gai Ikari fell into a deep slumber.