> One and a Million > by Azelze The Mephistocorn > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Little bundle of - OH MY GOSH!! (fully edited) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night was still young in Ponyville, the sun having only been down for an hour or two. Most of the town's residents were closing up shop and head home to enjoy a relaxing evening after a hard day's work. Others were just leaving their homes and heading to work to begin the night shift. A few foals were out with their parents, holding their hands and talking about the many wonders that only foals could understand like ‘the tooth pony’ or ‘the boogiemane’. All in all, the entire town was happy and peaceful. It was the perfect hiding place. While everypony was enjoying their evening, they were completely oblivious to a cloaked figure sneaking around, ducking behind stands and into alleyways. Good, that made her mission so much easier. It was a shame really. She would've really liked to stay here, surrounded by so many loving and caring ponies. She'd never go hungry again! She noticed a young couple walking past her hiding spot. Maybe she could just…. ‘Keep it together! You must complete this mission!’ She thought. She shook her head and looked down at the blanket-covered basket in her arms. Yes, her mission was top priority. The most important thing right now was getting this little bundle to a safe place. Nothing else mattered. Feeding could wait. She snuck through the town, sticking to the shadows to avoid being seen by any street rats that happened to be hanging around. Not that she couldn't handle them, mind you. She just had much more important things to deal with at the moment. She made her way to the edge of Ponyville, away from the large crowds and to the more homey part of town. The ponies there tend to be more peaceful than the ones deeper in town. Perfect for what she had planned. Her horn emitted a green glow, not to feed, but to detect any surrounding emotions. She needed to find a home with a large amount of love if she wanted her plan to work. Exiting another alley, she came upon a cozy looking two story cottage. It didn't didn't look like much at first glance, but she knew better. The amount of love in the house caused the glow of her horn intensify, nearly exposing her. She really did love this town. Dispelling her horn, she made her way over to the cottage, being careful not to be seen. She couldn't mess up, not now. Not when she was so close. She looked around to make sure nopony was watching before looking through the window of the cottage. There, sleeping (and drooling) on the couch, was a very well endowed white unicorn mare with a long scarlet mane and tail. She wore a baby blue tank top and matching short shorts. On the back of her hand, there was a cutie mark of a group of ponies holding hands. What really caught her attention though, was the amount of love radiating off of her. The sheer quantity of it was enough to make her mouth water. She was perfect. Quickly making her way to the door, she reached her hand out to knock on the door, when a small moan reached her ears. She looked at the basket and noticed the blanket was moving. The sight made her realize just what exactly she was doing. The thought brought tears to her eyes. No, she reminded herself. This was not the time to get soft. She needed to do this, no matter how much it hurt. It was for the best. She hugged the basket closer and cooed to it's contents. “Shhhh. It's okay. Everything's going to be alright,” She whispered, placing the basket on the ground. She reached into her cloak and took out a note (hey that rhymes!). After carefully placing it in the basket, she knocked on the door twice before turning to leave. Before crossing the street into another alley, she took one last look at the basket. “Mommy loves you; never forget that.” And with that, she left, disappearing like a ghost in the night. “....Not now girls…. “ Unity muttered as she cuddled into the couch cushion, her sweet (small) mind off in dreamland. “....sex later….cookie now….” KNOCK KNOCK “PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN!!” She yelled, bolting into a sitting position. She looked around and saw that she was still in her cottage and not in her bedroom with her herd wrestling while she watched, eating a plate of cookies. The realisation shook her to her very core, causing tears to well up in her eyes. “My cookie…” She sobbed. KNOCK KNOCK “Huh?” She looked at the door and raised an eyebrow. She got off the couch and walked to towards it, wondering who would visit her during her daily nap. Were the girls home? She looked at the clock and saw it was 18:05. Much too early for any of them to be off work. Well, whoever it was, they were gonna get one tartarus of an earful for waking her from such a pleasant dream. ‘There better be cookies behind this door.’ She opened the door to scream at whoever was on the other side, but frowned again she saw that nopony was there. She blinked in confusion before looking around. Nope, nopony there. But then what was that knocking she heard? She shrugged it off, thinking she was hearing things. She was about to close the door and catch up on her napping when a small moan stopped her in her tracks. She blinked and turned around. Now, she may not be the smartest unicorn (or pony for that matter) but even she knew something was wrong here. She heard the noise again and looked down. There, covered by a blanket, was a basket. Small, squeaky noises could be heard from it. A smile began to crawl on her face as she began to bounce in excitement. “Oh my gosh, could it be?” She picked up the blanket and listened. “It is! A squeaking basket!” She squealed with joy, intensifying her bouncing. “Oh, I've always wanted one! Come on squeaking basket, let's go inside,” She said as she brought it inside and closed the door with her magic. She ran up the stairs to her bedroom and sat herself on the bed, placing the basket on her lap. She then noticed a note sticking out of the side. This just kept getting better and better! She grasped the note in a pink aura and read it aloud. “Please take care of my little Waspy.” She gasped in joy. “OhmygoshohmygoshohmygoshOHMYGOSH!! The squeaky basket has a name!” She picked it up and hugged it. “Hi there Waspy! My name's Scarlett Unity but you can just call me Unity and we're gonna be best friends forever!” She placed the basket on her bed. She giggled when she saw the blanket beginning to wrinkle itself. “So, why are you under a blanket Waspy? Are you cold?” The basket did not respond. It only made more adorable noises that made her giggle. Squeaking baskets are so weird. “Well, don't worry about that Waspy; it's plenty warm in here. So, I'll just take off this blanket and….” She peeled away blanket with her magic and neatly shoved in the drawer. No use letting a nice free blanket go to waste. She smiled, satisfied with her awesome blanket shoving skills, before turning her attention back to Waspy, and saw...a foal? She blinked in confusion before rubbing her eyes, positive that she was just feeling the effects of the salad she had for breakfast. She knew she shouldn't have let Stainless Steel cook. She opened her eyes again and, sure enough, there it was. A foal laying in her squeaking basket….or at least she thought it was a foal. It wasn't wearing a diaper so she knew it was a colt, but it definitely didn't look like any colt she'd ever seen. Instead of fur, his body was covered in shiny greyish-black chitin, and his legs and arms were riddled with holes. He had pupiless red eyes and a curved horn on his forehead. He had small but sharp-looking claws and a pair of transparent wings sprouting from his back. He had no mane, just a long fin-like structure running along his head, and his tail was very webby, like a spider's web. All in all, he looked like some weird, icky, mutant insect-alicorn hybrid. And she loved him. “Oh my Faust, you are so adorable!” She squealed, lifting the strange foal with her magic and placing him in her arms. “You’re even better than a squeaky basket! Yes you are. Yes you are~” She cooed as she tickled his belly, making him giggle. His body was surprisingly soft and smooth to the touch. His voice was a little raspy but still adorable all the same. “I can't wait to introduce you to my herd. I bet they'll love -” “Unity, we're home!” Three voices called in unison, making Unity gasp in joy. “They’re here! Come on Waspy, let's go meet your other mommies.” The chitinous colt gurgled in agreement as he was lifted in the air by a bright pink aura. Unity smiled and made her way downstairs while levitating Waspy behind her. She was extremely giddy. She couldn't believe she was actually going to be a mother. Now, if only she had a plate of warm cookies, then all her dreams will have come true! “Yo Unity, where are you?” One of the voices called. “Coming!” She called as she made her way downstairs. When she walked into the living room, she was greeted by the sight of two mares simultaneously kissing another mare. Each mare was just as well endowed as her. “Hey! No starting without me!” She said, quickly hiding Waspy behind her back and out of sight from the three mares who had separated, and were now looking at her with seductive expressions. The first mare was a white pegasus with a long blonde mane. She was wearing a white lab coat with a black vest and a blue skirt underneath. She completed this look by wearing a pair of specks. Her cutie mark was a beaker pouring purple fluid into another beaker. The second mare was a brown earth pony with a long black mane. She was incredibly tall and well built. She wore a leather shirt and gloves and a pair of blue genes. Her cutie mark were two metal swords crossed over a shield. The third mare was a hot pink unicorn. Her raspberry mane was styled in a ponytail. She wore a dark-red belly shirt and a black skirt. Her wrists adorned many gold bracelets while diamond earrings hung in her ears. Her cutie mark were three garnets. “Oh, don't worry babe, we didn't forget about you,” Said Stainless Steel. She walked towards Unity to give her a kiss, only to have her move out of reach. “That can wait. I have a surprise for everypony!” “What is it Sweetheart?” Garnet asked as she smoothed out her skirt. “It's not another ‘free lovin’ coupon, is it?” Asked Bunsen Burner. “Because Stainless always steals mine.” “I see what you did there,” Giggled Garnet, causing Bunsen to cock her head in confusion. “Did where?” “No! Something even better!” Unity stated . “Do you all remember how we talked about having foals?” “No,” They deadpanned. “Well too bad, cause look what I found!” She levitated Waspy out from behind her back and into plain view. The mares were filled with so much happiness at the sight of him, they almost looked horrified. “Oh my Faust!” “What is that thing?!” “What on Equis?!” Yep, so much happiness. “Stainless, quick, get the flyswatter!” “You will do no such thing!” She brought Waspy closer and hugged him tight. “How could you want to hurt our son?!” Everypony froze and stared at her in horror and disbelief. Bunsen Burner was the first to snap out of it. “O-Our s-son?” “Yep! At first I thought he was a squeaky basket, and you know how much I like squeaky baskets, and then I was so excited and -” “Woah woah woah! Hold up! I'm still reeling from the whole ‘he's our son’ thing,” Stainless said. “Where did you even find him?” “The same place I find all my favorite things; in a squeaky basket in front of our door.” “You stole a foal?!” “What? No! He was given to us….I think.” She levitated the note over to Garnet, who was in the middle of a wide eyed staring contest with Waspy. “See? I have a piece of paper to prove it.” “Waspy?” She read. “So someone just left him outside our house? Just like that?” Stainless asked. “Yeah, isn't that great?!” All three mares facepalmed as Unity nuzzled Waspy. “I'm finally a momma!” “So what is he anyway?” Garnet asked. They all paused before turning to Bunsen Burner, who blushed at all the attention. “H-How should I know?!” “You're the one wearing a lab coat,” Stainless pointed out. “I'm a scientist, not a doctor!” “Do we even know how to raise a foal?” Garnet asked. “We'll buy a book on it tomorrow. Now hold your colt bitch!” Not giving her a chance to respond, Unity magically shoved the colt into Garnet's arms. The purple eyes met red ones as they stared at each other, neither really sure what they were looking at. Waspy blinked twice before reaching towards her, clasping and unclasping his claws. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she offered him her finger, squeaking when she felt the tips of his claws prick her skin. He stared at the finger in wonder before placing in it his mouth. He looked at her as he nibbled on her finger, the happiness in his eyes clear as day. “Aaaww!” She cooed. “Look, he likes me!” “Huh, I guess the little fella is kinda cute,” Stainless said as she played with the fin on his head, making him giggle. Bunsen grasped the colt's leg. “An undiscovered species of pony; how fascinating,” She said as she inspected the holed limb. “Just think of all things we could learn. I could win a Nobel Prize for this.” “Great, then you can hold him.” “Wait wha -” She instinctively took hold of the colt as she Garnet placed him in her arms. She looked at him, then at her lovers, who just smiled at her. She looked back Waspy and found him staring at her with wide eyes. She sent him a nervous smile and folded her wings around him. He turned his attention to the feathery appendage and grabbed it. He began to mess around with the feathers, giggling all the while. Bunsen's smile changed from one of nervousness into one of welling happiness as she watched the colt make his own fun. Eventually, the sight became too much for her, and she could no longer help herself. “Ooooh, you are so cute!” She nuzzled the giggling colt. “Who's a cute little bug-pony thing? You are! Yes you are!” “My turn!” Stainless exclaimed as she, much to Bunsen's bemusement, took the colt from the pegasus. “Hi there little Waspy! I'm your other momma and I'm gonna teach you everything I know! Hay, you might even end up being as good a blacksmith as me one day.” “Hey, quit hogging him Stainless!” Garnet exclaimed as she reached for the colt, only for the earth pony to move him out of her reach. “I wasn't done holding him yet!” Bunsen complained. As Unity watched her wives fight over Waspy, a smile spread across her face. She had never seen them this happy since their wedding day. True that was only five months ago and none of them were were even thinking about having a foal just yet but you know what? When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life and go eat some cookies. Speaking of which, she could really go for a cookie right about now. > First morning of parenthood (fully edited) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Celestia’s sun rose into the sky, bringing warmth and light to all of Equestria. Despite this, the town of Ponyville didn't stir. It was Saturday, so most of the town’s residents didn't have to go to work. Most of them, especially the colts and fillies, stayed in bed. Taking the weekend as an opportunity that the week hardly provided, many chose to sleep in on the peaceful morning. Well, almost everyone. In a wooden cottage at the edge of ponyville, the cuddle time of four mares was interrupted as they were generously awoken by the loud cries of their newest addition to the family. At first, they tried to ignore it, but the little tyke was determined to wake his new parents, pinching his mothers’ faces and screaming his chitinous little head off. Perhaps letting him sleep in their bed was not the best idea. “I'm up. I'm up already,” Unity muttered, pushing the colt's claws off her face. She opened her eyes and saw Waspy staring at her with tearful eyes and a miserable expression on his face. She picked up the sniveling colt and placed him on her lap, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she spoke to him. “What’s wrong my little Buzzing Bee? Something bugging ya?” She asked, chuckling at her own joke. Waspy did not find it amusing at all, and did not hesitate to show it. He released another wale, making her flinch. Talk about a tough crowd. She stroked her chin as she tried to figure out what was wrong with her little bundle of chitin, going through all the info she knew about foals. Still being new to the whole ‘mother thing’, there wasn't much to go through. All she really knew about young foals was that, when they're sad, they cry, when they're hungry, they cry, when they make a poop, they giggle then cry. Checking the sheets, she let out a relieved sigh when she noticed a distinct lack of ‘lemonade’ stains and ‘mud pies’. But if Waspy didn't make a boomboom, then what was bothering him? She stared down at the still crying colt in thought before suddenly snapping her fingers. She had an idea….and a headache. “Don't worry Waspy, I know just what you need,” She said. She picked him up and placed him next to a still sleeping Garnet before laying her head back on her pillow. She sighed and snuggled closer to Bunsen, closing her eyes and entering a wonderful dreamland filled with candy, rainbows and naked wives. “AAAHH!!!” ….or not. The three mares shot up. Unity activated her magic while Stainless reached for the claymore she hid under their bed. They turned to the direction of the sound, readying themselves for any danger that had entered their home. “Get him off! Get him off! Get him off! Get him off! GET HIM OFF!!!” ….Only to sweatdrop at the sight of Garnet trying to pry Waspy’s mouth off her horn. “Aaw look, he's teething,” Unity cooed . “No he's not! He's biting! Now make him stop!” “I'm guessing the little guy's hungry,” Stainless deadpanned as she tried to pry him off her wife, a task easier said than done. Whether it be his claws or his mouth, the little tyke had one tartarus of a grip. “Do we even know what he eats?” Bunsen asked as she put on her glasses. “You're the scientist, you figure it out!” “M-Me?!” “Yeah. In fact,” Stainless let out a grunt as she finally got Waspy to let go before handing him to Bunsen. “You can start right now.” “Why do I have to do it?!” “Because I'd just give him sugar, Garnet’s too busy tending to her horn and Stainless can't make ice,” Unity pointed out as she rubbed the crying pink unicorn’s horn. “Yeah…what she said.” “...fine.” Grumbling to herself, she took Waspy in her arms and left for the kitchen, all the while muttering how she was not changing him. “All right, so what do I feed you?” She inquired as she searched the fridge for something to feed her chitinous little foal. Behind her, said foal was sitting in a chair and playing with a spoon. “Hmmm. How about some spinach?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at the colt. He stared back at her, blinked, then placed the spoon in his mouth, causing her to sigh. “Yeah, I don't care much for spinach either.” She turned back to the fridge and searched for something else. “Hmm. Well, there's some leftover haymash in here. I suppose that's as good as anything else for now. Just let me heat this up for ya.” She took the haymash and placed it in the microwave before sitting down with her son, picking him up and placing him on her lap as she waited for the food to heat up. ‘Son...Huh.’ She never thought she'd ever be able to say that. It wasn't like they had a stallion to give them one - they were about as straight as a circle - and even if they did, they probably would've had a filly, as was the way of the oddly gender-imbalanced land of Equestria. Suffice it to say, having a colt was pretty rare. This made Bunsen worry about how Waspy would fareir in a world of mares. No doubt, once he came of age, he'd have to run for his life during heat season from lusty, breed-hungry mares. That is, if he could even breed with ponies. “Just what are you Waspy? Besides the ticket to my next Nobel Prize of course.” She grasped his little arm, inspecting the odd appendage. “And just what are these holes for?” He didn't responded - not that she expected him to anyway. He just stared at her before grabbing a handful of her hair and placeing it in his mouth, buzzing happily as he nibbled on it. She found her thoughts interrupted by the obnoxious DING of the microwave telling her that the food was ready. Sighing, the pegasus yanked her hair out of Waspy’s mouth before getting up and retrieving the food. “Here ya go little guy. Yummy haymash,” She said, placing the dish on the table. Picking up the spoon Waspy had been playing with, she scooped up some of the food before blowing on it and bringing it to his mouth. “Now say ‘ah’ for momma.” Knowing that he was finally about to get some food, he obediently opened his mouth, buzzing with joy when the mash touched his tongue. Bunsen couldn't help but ‘aaw’ at the sight of him munching happily on his meal. Foals were so cute when they eat. “Blagh!” ...until they did that. “Eww,” She whined as she wiped the food off her face. For a foal with no pupils, he had surprisingly good aim. She scooped up another portion and presented it to Waspy, only for him to turn his head and moan in displeasure. “Come on Waspy. You have to eat all your haymash if you want to grow big and strong. Now open wide.” Despite her encouragement, he still refused to eat, causing her to sigh. “I swear you're almost as stubborn as Stainless,” She muttered. His eyes widened at the mention of his other mother's name, though she hardly noticed as she was still trying (in vain) to get him to eat. “Oh come on, it's not that bad,” She said as she placed the food in her mouth. “See? It's tasty.” She moved her hand away to scoop up another portion. With her attention on the food, she didn't notice a green flash, or that Waspy suddenly getting much heavier. “Now say...ah…” When she turned her attention back to the red eyed colt, her own eyes widened at what she saw. No longer was it Waspy she was feeding. Sitting on her lap instead, was a butt naked Stainless Steel. Bunsen blinked at the sight before removing her glasses and using her wing to wipe the lens. Once that was done, she put them back on and, sure enough, Stainless was still there, staring at her with a smile on her face. Being the intelligent mare she was, Bunsen did the only thing appropriate for this situation. She screamed. “AAAAAHHHH!!!!” Yeah, like that. The sound of hoofsteps echoed through the house as Unity ran into the room. “Bunsen, what's wrong?! I heard a scream and-” She cut herself off at what she saw. Bunsen was sitting in a chair with a shocked expression on her face and a flank naked Stainless in her lap. It took her a minute to take it all in, but when she did, she sent them the meanest (though it came out more adorable than mean) glare she could muster. “How could you??” She yelled. “What? U-Unity, I-” “How many times do I have to tell you? No being kinky without me!” “W-What?!” Stuttered Bunsen, not quite sure how to handle the situation. “T-That's not Stainless!” Unity gasped at her wife's statement. “And you’re doing roleplay too?! You know how much I love that game! I'll go get my jumper cables!” She turned and tried to run back to her room, only for her vision to go black when she crashed into something…incredibly soft? Two somethings actually. Somethings that smelled like caramel and burning metal. She liked these things! ‘So soft…’ Suddenly, she felt something grab her shoulders and gently push her away from the soft somethings. She was about to complain when she looked up and came face to face with a smirking Stainless Steel standing beside a very confused Garnet. “A little early, isn't it?” She teased. “Stainless! We were just talking to you! Right Bunsen?” The earth mare raised an eyebrow. Wondering how much sugar the unicorn had eaten this time, she looked past Unity and saw herself sitting on a horrified Bunsen’s lap, as naked as the day she was born. Huh. “Hi there gorgeous.” “Am I still dreaming?” Garnet asked , looking back and forth between the earth mares. She wasn't sure how to feel about this. On one hand, having two of the same wife (despite her already having three wives) was her, along with every stallion’s, wettest fantasy come true. On the other hand, now she had two Stainless Steels to deal with. Either way, she was gonna need some therapy and a boatload of alcohol. “So am I having that dream where I'm naked around town except this time I can see myself?” “N-No! It's-” “Hey, where's Waspy?” Asked Garnet. “T-That's what I'm trying to-” She never even got halfway through her sentence when a green aura passed over the naked Stainless’ body. As the aura passed, ‘her’ body began to morph and shift, until before them sat little Waspy, buzzing and giggling at the shocked expressions on his mothers’ faces. “W-W-What just h-happened?” Garnet stuttered. “Did he just….?” Stainless trailed off, pointing a shaky hand at Waspy. “I tried to tell you!” “Cool!” Unity exclaimed as she levitated the colt into her arms. “You're just full of surprises, aren't ya Waspy? Oh, what else can you do?!” The insect-like colt giggled even more at his mother's actions. His joy was cut short however, when a low grumbling sound echoed through the room, causing him to whimper as he held his stomach. “Aaw, are you still hungry?” Stainless cooed before suddenly glaring at Bunsen. “Why didn't you feed him Bunsen?!” “Oh, I'm so sorry. I guess I just got distracted, what with my foal turning into my wife and all!” Before the girls could argue, Garnet noticed something and chose to speak up. Didn't seem like anyone else was gonna notice anyway. “Uh, girls.” “What?!” She didn't respond, and simply pointed at Waspy. Confused, they followed her hand to the sight of Waspy, whose eyes were glowing green. Even stranger was the fact that Unity’s eyes were emitting the same glow, though she didn't seem to mind. Hey, she hardly even seemed to notice! She just stood there, giggling at the intense stare Waspy was sending her. “Um, Unity?” The unicorn turned her attention away from the colt. They couldn't help but jump slightly as she stared at them with those glowing green eyes. “Yeah?” “Are you….feeling okay?” Garnet asked . “Yeah. Why?” “Well, you're -” Before she could continue to point out the obvious, a belch loud enough to be classified as a roar filled the room. They stood there in shock, staring at Waspy, whose eyes had returned to their natural red. Stainless, being the first to get over the shock, decided to speak up. “Attaboy Waspy!” She cheered before releasing a belch of her own, sending the colt into a giggling fit. “I think I'm gonna be sick…” Garnet muttered , turning her own sickly shade of green. Bunsen sighed at her wife's antics as she took Waspy from the giggling unicorn. “I think he just….fed himself.” “Either that, or he some really bad gas,” Quipped Bunsen. “Maybe we should take him to a doctor though….or an entomologist.” “Why? We've got everything under control,” Scoffed Stainless, paling at the mention of that cursed place. She wasn't fooling anyone though. They all knew the real reason she didn't want to go was because she was terrified of hospitals. They weren't exactly sure why, something to do with needles and scalpels. It didn't matter though. The earth mare was way too prideful to admit she was scared anyway. “Under control?! It's not even 7:00 yet and we've already been horrified twice!” Already knowing what was to come, Garnet quickly levitated Waspy out of the scientist’s grasp and into her own. She sighed as the two mares started to go at it again (and not in the fun way) before turning her attention to Waspy, who was watching his mothers argue with an amused smile on his face. It was then that she noticed something about him, something that shouldn't be there. “Um...girls?” “Hey, if we can handle Unity, we can handle this!” “Girls?” “Stainless, I know you're scared of hospitals but-” “Girls.” “Ha! Scared? Of hospitals? Bitch ple-” “GIRLS!!” “What?!” They cried in unison. All attention was immediately on her. Even Unity, who was digging into a bowl of popcorn as she watched her wives argue. Garnet, glad to have stopped the fracas before it got out of hand (those two had such odd ways of showing affection), decided to point out something that, in retrospect, probably should've been obvious. “Waspy has fangs.” “....” “....” “....” Nopony said a word. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of Unity’s popcorn bowl hitting the floor. Their bodies went stiff while their eyes became pinpricks. After taking a few deep breaths, Stainless finally spoke up. “I'm still not going to a hospital.” “Oh come on!” > Bunsen's Notes (Part 1) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bunsen's notes: Year 2085, 10 March. After our little fiasco that morning, we decided to compromise. We agreed that while Unity and I went to the doctor with Waspy, Stainless and Garnet would go to the store and acquire all the necessary tools for raising a foal such as toys, diapers, baby clothes and beer (the latter being for us of course). At first I thought I was giving Stainless the short end of the stick - shopping with Garnet is not a fun experience - but it wasn't until Unity and I left the house did I realise that I was wrong. Oh so horribly wrong. The first problem was (rather dramatically) pointed out by Garnet before we left. With Waspy still in his birthday suit and us not having any diapers around, we had to….improvise. I never liked those flower curtains anyway. With that problem out of the way, I thought we were in the clear. I know, I know, not my most solid theory. I really shouldn't have expected anything less than this plan going tits up (I should thank Stainless for teaching me that phrase), but even the smartest of ponies are allowed to fall prey to some wishful thinking from time to time, right? Anyway, as you can imagine, walking around town with an insectoid foal wearing a curtain as a diaper is enough to earn odd looks as it is. Throw in the fact that he can shapeshift and you've got yourself a walking circus act. As it turns out, Waspy was not shy about using his special talent. In fact, I think he enjoyed showing it off. Every time he saw somepony new (which was EVERYPONY), he would change into that particular pony in a second. Do you have any idea how weird it is to suddenly hold a complete stranger in your arms, one wearing flower curtain diapers no less?! I can never look Granny Smith in the eyes ever again! And that was only yesterday. Unity and I went back to the doctor today to get the results. We (mostly me) mentally prepared ourselves for anything. After all, we don't even know what Waspy is so anything could be fair game. I'm just hoping for a (relatively) normal, healthy colt. However, nothing could have prepared us enough for the results we got…. As a scientist, Bunsen Burner had a great deal of practice when it came to keeping a cool head. Whether it was solving a ridiculously difficult equation, a failed experiment or even said experiment growing teeth and eating her boss (best Casual Friday ever!), Bunsen made sure to keep herself on the level and not let the situation get to her. Or at least, that's what she'd like to think. At the moment, Bunsen felt more awkward than she had in her entire life. The waiting room was filled with parents, all of which were sending them odd looks. Most of the other parents made it a point to put as much distance as possible between Waspy - who now wore an adorable light green shirt and blue pants - and their own foals while the few that didn't do so were clearly uncomfortable. Unity either didn't notice or paid them no mind. She just continued playing with Waspy like nothing was wrong. “Who's my little bugaboo~~? You are, yes you are~~,” Said Unity as she nuzzled her horn against his, earning a giggle from the chitinous colt. Bunsen found herself envying her. She would kill for the ability to be that oblivious. How she can ignore all the strange looks and not-so-hidden whispers was beyond her. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't her fault their foal looked a little weird, and since when was there such a thing as a perfect baby anyway? Her baby was adorable the way he was, dammi- “Bunsen!” “Huh?” She snapped out of her mental rant and looked at Unity, only to find her standing and staring down at her with an expression of confusion. “Doctor Health Care called us up,” She said, pointing at the doorway where a white male unicorn with a black mane was staring at them expectedly. “Oh uh, right. Sorry.” She stood up and walked into Health Care’s office, ignoring the murmurs of the other parents. Once they were inside, Health Care used his magic to shut the door before sitting at his desk. “Good day ladies...and...other.” Bunsen was sure that if Waspy knew what he was saying, he'd gurgle a hearty ‘fuck you’ in response. “I'll just get right to the point here; I got the results in this morning and you'll be happy to hear that as far as we can tell, your foal is perfectly healthy.” Bunsen sighed in relief while Unity let out an unnecessarily loud cheer. Waspy stared at her for a second before mimicking her. It was so adorable that the scientist nearly got diabetes. “Yes it's great and all, but there are a few things I would like to discuss with you.” “Like what?” Asked Unity. “Well for starters,” He pulled out a file and began reading through it. “It seems that all of his transformations are only temporary - lasting nearly three minutes at best - and while such a skill is remarkable, it isn't perfect. It seems each new form contains a....variation….from it's original. For example,” He flipped the page over. “Before we started the tests, he tried to take the form of my assistant - a red unicorn with a short orange mane. Once the flash had cleared we were standing before a red unicorn stallion with an orange mane.” “Hooray! Nice work, Waspy!” Unity cheered as she pulled the colt into a hug. “My assistant is a mare, Miss Unity.” “Close e-fucking-nough!” The adorable smile on her face as she said that was a little disturbing to the occupants in the room, excluding the insect-like colt who was having the time of his life chewing on the hem of his shirt, an odd yet adorable habit he'd picked up seemingly out of nowhere. Bunsen briefly wondered if he should've been named ‘Mothy’ instead. “Yes, quite,” Health Care sighed. “We believe that it might just be because he's still just a foal and that his...talent…will get better as he matures, but there's no way to know for sure.” Bunsen scoffed. “I could've told you that,” She muttered, earning an elbow to the side from her wife. “Then there's the matter of his feeding habit,” he continued. “Based on what you told me and from the tests I ran, it seems he feeds primarily on positive emotions. They don't seem to affect the pony he feeds on, but that could change over time.” Bunsen turned to Unity, who was keeping Waspy occupied. That would explain why he always reaches for Unity when he's hungry. The colt no doubt saw her as a walking lunch box with nipples. “Anything else?” “Just one more thing actually,” Her suspicion rose as he started to look bit...uncomfortable. “You see he...well his...oh buck it all, I'll just say it. He has no anus!” ....what? “Really?!” Unity levitated Waspy to eye level and turned him around. She then removed his pants and diaper and began inspection his rear with far too much enthusiasm. “No way! He's right, Bunsen! It's like an blank canvas back here!” she said with a smile that didn't match the situation at all. “Where's your butthole, baby?” “Is that all?” She asked, wanting to go home as soon as possible. She could practically feel the ponies in the waiting listening through the door and considering everything that was said since she walked through said door, she had no doubt that there'd be a hell of a lot of gossip tearing through Ponyville before the day was done. “Pretty much. Although.…” Bunsen's wings twitched nervously. Although? She didn't like ‘although’. Almost nothing good came from ‘although’. “If it's not too much trouble, I would like to put Waspy under observation. I feel that the more we know about his capabilities, the easier it will be to deal with them.” Bunsen’s nervousness melted away and in its place came the what every male - pony or otherwise - had came to fear since the invention of marriage. The wrath of a mother. “Oh hell no! Healthy Care flinched back at the outburst. “But surely you could-” “Look, buddy,” She slammed her hands on his desk. Unity took a moment to stop inspecting Waspy’s rear to watch the show. “I don't care if you are a doctor, nopony, and I mean nopony, is going to watch my colt’s every move and treat him like some science experiment,” “Yay, Bunsen!” Unity cheered. “except for me!” “....yay?” Healthy Care stared at the pegasus with wide, nervous eyes, not entirely sure how to respond. “Um….of course. The...uh...The parent’s needs always come first I suppose,” he sputtered as he uncomfortably adjusted his collar. The nervousness in his voice (and no doubt his pants) was palpable to the highest degree. “How nice of you to say,” she said as she picked up the file from his desk, giving it a quick read through before shutting it and placing it under her arm. “Because I think I'm going to need all the information in this file. You understand I'm sure.” “Well actually-” “Great!” With that, she turned and walked out the door, paying little mind to the group of mares avoid eye contact with her. “Come on, Unity, we're going home.” “Okay, honey. Come on, buttless, time to go home.” With that being said, Unity followed her pissed off wife, only pausing at the doorway to wave at Health Care before shutting the door, leaving a shocked and confused doctor behind. Personally I think it went rather well. We found it odd at first that our colt has holes everywhere but the one place it should be, but after some thinking, (and Stainless stopped laughing) we agreed it was a blessing in disguise. After all, it's all the joys of parenting without the disgust of diaper changing. Who could say no to that? Bunsen's notes: year 2085, 12 March. Today we decided to introduce Waspy to other foals. While Stainless and Garnet were out, Unity called over some friends who also happened to be mothers. I stayed behind to study his reaction watch my baby make friends. It was...well, interesting. Bunsen sat in her favorite armchair, a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. On the loveseat sat Unity, who was feeding Waspy while singing to him. “Oh where, oh where could your butthole be. Oh where, oh where could it be~” A relentless knocking on the door brought her song to a pause. Turning her head in the direction of the sound, a smile spread across her face as she levitated Waspy onto Bunsen's lap, causing said pegasus to yelp and nearly spill her coffee. “HereholdWaspyI’llberightbackbye!” Bunsen blinked owlishly as Unity all but sonic boomed her way to the door. There was a moment of silence before she sighed. Placing her mug and book aside, she picked up her chitinous little colt and brought him to eye level. “If you ever choose to start a herd, make sure your mares are sane first.” Three mares waited outside the cottage, their foals tucked comfortably in their arms. An electric blue unicorn mare with a short white mane and sporting a pair of sunglasses knocked on the door while a dark grey earth mare with a long black mane conversed with a sea green earth mare with a curly navy blue mane. “So do you think it's a filly or a colt?” Asked the green mare. “I hope it's a colt. Celestia knows we could use more of those,” The grey mare replied. “I’ll say. You know, I went to the club with Bubblegum last week to pick up some stallions and apparently, we weren't the only ones. The place was practically filled with mares!” “Well what did you expect?” The blue mare scoffed. “I mean, have you seen this town? Even the construction workers are made up of more mares than stallions.” “I heard it's even worse in Manehattan,” The grey mare added. “Rumor is, there's so many abandoned fillies that they have to build a new orphanage just to keep them all.” “Oh those poor things,” Said the green mare, her eyes watering at the thought of all those motherless fillies. The very thought of abandoning one's foal made her tighten her hold on Lyra, causing the foal to squirm uncomfortably in her grasp. “Well then, here's hoping that Unity got a colt to give our fillies a good ruttin’,” “Boombox!!” The green mare exclaimed, not so much abashed at statement itself, but rather, the fact that she just out right threw it out there. “What? That's the reason we're here isn't it? To scope out a possible mate for our little girls.” Boombox stated nonchalantly, as if she was commenting on the weather. “Nice to see your priorities are in order,” the grey mare deadpanned, not the least bit surprised by her friend’s boldness. After all, that was Boombox for you - as subtle as a flying kick. “Oh don't give me that look, Viola. You're hoping he'll rut Octavia just as much as I'm prayin’ he'll get it on with Vinyl. Same goes for you, Harp strings!” Boombox turned to the green mare, who immediately turned away from her gaze and whistled innocently. Viola rolled her eyes as she adjusted her grip on Octavia. “Of course I am, you dunce. It's just the way you say it makes us sound like crazy old mares.” “Speaking of crazy mares,” Harp Strings intervened, not wanting to go through this argument again. Honestly, if she hadn't known them for as long as she had, she would never have guessed they were best friends since they were three. “I don't think they heard you knock, Boombox.” “Hey, yeah. What's taking them so long anyway?” Boombox shifted her Vinyl into a one armed grip while she raised her fist to knock on the door. Her knuckles were just inches away from kissing solid oak when the door was suddenly (and violently) yanked open, revealing a very pissed off Unity. Fortunately for the electric blue mare, the door had to be pulled opened from the inside, but the sound of solid oak slamming against the inside wall, combined with the absolutely nightmare inducing glare Unity was sending them was enough to scare the ever loving crap out of her nonetheless. She didn't even get a word in edgewise before the scarlet maned unicorn started screaming. “I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU UGLY BITCHES TO BEAT IT!!! WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE US ALONE AND GO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE WHERE SOMEPONY ACTUALLY GIVES A FLYING TIT-SHIT??!!!” The unicorn’s words echoed through the air like the roar of an enraged dragon. The three mares, neigh, the entire town was sent into cold, soul crushing silence. Even birthing mothers and newborn foals were shocked into silence as they listened to the unicorn’s words echo in the wind. Legend has it that her words reached all the way to Canterlot, bringing the princess of their very sun to a pause as she muttered a quick ‘Oh my…’ Unity panted in anger, her nostrils flaring fiercely. She opened her mouth again, ready to tear them ten new ones when…. “Oh!” She exclaimed, her expression changing from nightmare fuel to the kind of mild surprise someone experienced when receiving a surprise gift. Her expression then shifted to an awkward yet adorable smile that did absolutely nothing for their upset nerves. “Sorry, girls. I thought you were our grandmas,” She giggled, twirling a strand of her scarlet mane. If the entire world wasn't too busy changing into some clean pants, such a sight would've classified as ‘adorable’. “Well, what are you waiting for? Come in already. I made cookies,” She giggled, moving aside to let them in. After giving their brains a moment to reboot (and mentally agreeing to never piss off Unity), the three mothers walked in with wary hoofsteps and nervous smiles. Unity, oblivious to the emotional scarring she just caused, closed the door and skipped after them, humming in excitement. She couldn't wait to introduce them to Waspy. It took a while to get them to calm down and even longer to convince them that Waspy was (hopefully) harmless. At the risk of being chastised by Garnet if she ever reads this, I have to admit that being on the other side of that reaction was kind of nice. It certainly made my day seeing their reactions to the buzzing little foal. Did you know that Harp Strings can jump from one end of a room to another in a single bound? Funniest shit I've ever seen. It took three plates of Unity’s world famous chocolate chip cookies to calm them down (selfish bitches didn't share even one) before we could finally commence the experiment playtime. “And you're sure he's harmless?” Harp Strings asked as she stared down at Waspy, who wasn’t shy about staring back. “For the love of Nightmare Moon, yes he is completely harmless!” Bunsen replied. “But….he has fangs…” “Yeah well so do bat-ponies, and you still swoon over them! That’s right, I know about your ‘special’ book collection. Everypony does!” Bunsen liked to think she was smart. After all, she was one of the few pegasi in a profession that was usually excelled by unicorns. So yeah, she was sure she had a big brain in her skull. Right now however, she was using that big brain to figure out a legal way to kill a certain trio of mares who just wouldn't take ‘yes’ for an answer. At the moment, they were all standing around a homemade wooden playpen - made by Stainless Steel who was too stubborn to spend bits on a genuine one - though there wasn't much playing being done. In fact, the only one really doing anything in there, even if it was just sitting near a pile of toys while staring at them obliviously with a pacifier in his mouth, was Waspy. “Look, I get it, you're worried for your foals, I would be too if I were in your shoes, but Waspy wouldn't hurt a fly,” Bunsen explained, wanting desperately to pull out her mane, anything to distract her from how much she wanted to kill these bitches, but she decided to settle to pinching the bridge of her nose instead. “Yeah! In fact they're quite attracted to him,” Unity added, trying to help in her own special way. “Just give him a chance, please. I promise he'll be good.” The trio of mothers sent each other looks, partially asking each other for help, but mostly because they didn't want to look into Unity`s ridiculously large and shiny puppy-dog eyes. “Pwease~?” “Alright already! We`ll do it, alright?! Just stop it with the eyes already, You're freaking us all out!” Yelled Boombox, and failing to look away from those gigantic eyes. “Seriously, those things are bigger than your head!” “Yay, I always get what I want!” Unity cheered, bouncing on the spot with joy. She grabbed the blue unicorn`s arm and pulled her closer to the playpen. Boombox stared down at Waspy, who stared back, curiosity filling his bright pupiless red eyes. Boombox glanced at Vinyl, who was more interested in the toy xylophone they placed in there than anything else. She then looked at Unity who - ah dammit! “I said I`d do it! Stop looking at me like that!” She exclaimed before looking back at Waspy. With a sigh of defeat, she slowly placed Vinyl into the playpen. A heavy silence hanged in the air as they waited to see Waspy`s reaction to a new face on his turf. At first, neither foals moved. They just stared up at their parents. After a while, though, Vinyl turned to Waspy and vice versa. The mares watched on with bated breath as Vinyl began to crawl her way over to Waspy. He tilted his head in curiosity as she got closer….and then crawled right passed him. “Well that was…..anticlimactic,” Bunsen said, placing her notepad back in her pocket as she watched Vinyl crawl over to the pile of toys. She reached in and pulled out a rattle and began to use it as a makeshift mallet for her xylophone. Unity smiled as Boombox sighed in relief. ”See? I told you he’s harmless. Now put Octavia and Lyra there so we can get on with this chapter.” Harp Strings sent her a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking abou-” "Wait a minute!” Unity yelled. She began counting all the occupants in the room. She then counted all the fingers on her left hand, her face scrunching up as she tried to make the connection. Viola opened her mouth, no doubt to ask the question on everypony’s minds, only to be stopped by a shake of Bunsen’s head. She knew well enough that when Unity made that face, it was better to just sit back and enjoy the show. Sometimes she, Stainless and occasionally Garnet would make bets about what the unicorn was thinking about, though, when it came to guessing what was running through Unity’s head, there was almost never a clear winner. A few seconds passed, during which the remaining foals were placed into the playpen. Octavia seemed to be more interested in the toys than Waspy and Lyra seemed almost too interested in him. Or more specifically, his claws. She took his hands in her own, letting out a bubbly giggle as she began to play with his claws. Harp Strings’ heart practically gushed at the sight of her daughter so happy, and with a colt no less. “Aaaw! Look, she likes him!” “Either that or she has a hand fetish,” Viola quipped, earning a glare from the sea green earth mare. “Like mother like daughter I always say,” Bunsen added, causing Harp Strings to scarlet and look away with a huff in an attempt to hide her blush. Bunsen and Viola exchanged a quick high five before turning their attention to Unity, who had now added her right thumb into the equation. “Okay, it was cute at first, but now I’m starting to get worried,” Viola said, watching as Unity began to recount her fingers. ‘It’s a good thing she’s pretty.’ Viola thought. Boombox turned to Bunsen who just watched on in amusement. “Should we, I don't know, do something?” She asked. Bunsen just shook her head, her eyes never leaving the rare sight of her wife’s thought process. “Wait for it.” Boombox looked at Unity, then back at Bunsen. “Wait for wha-” “I got it!” Unity yelled, cutting off Boombox and scaring them for the second time that day. she turned to the three wide-eyed mares and one amused looking pegasus, counting them one last time before doing the same with her fingers. “There are five of us.” “Nothing gets past you, huh, honey,” Bunsen quipped. “No I mean there should be more,” She turned to Viola. “Where’s Hoodina?” Bunsen raised an eyebrow. “Who-dina, now?” “Yes, Hoodina. Thank you for confirming that, sweetie,” replied the bubbly made, earning a facepalm from the scientist. “She's one of my old college friends.” “And by ‘college friend’ she means ‘one night stands’,” Quipped Viola. “Oh Viola,” Unity giggled sweetly to the dark grey mare. “I'm sure that's obvious. So!” She turned her attention to Boombox. “Is she coming or not?” “Oh, she’ll be here later. She said she wanted to make a ‘spectacular late entrance’ or something,” Boombox scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “You know how she is. Everything always has to be ‘spectacular’ with her.” “And by ‘spectacular’ you mean….?” Bunsen asked suspiciously. Living with three crazy wives had taught her to watch out for certain words. “Oh you know, fireworks, explosives -- Her sentence was “BANG!!” before suddenly, more than half the room was filled with white smoke. While Vinyl and Waspy didn't react too badly to the sudden noise (their time with their mothers making them used to such things at this point), Octavia and Lyra immediately burst into tears, the latter tightly clinging to Waspy’s claws like they were her new favorite toy. “....random smoke bombs,” Boombox managed to say between coughs. As the mares tried to cough the smoke from their lungs, a figure emerged from the smoke, its body beneath a dark pink cloak. “Behold, mere mortals,” It’s voice boomed.” For the great and powerful Hoodina has arrived!” With that announcement, the figure all but threw the cloak off, revealing a light blue unicorn mare. She wore a dark purple leotard that clung to her body in all the right places, showing her curves, a fair amount of cleavage and her long smooth legs. Her mane was a sea of dark silver, only interrupted by a single pink streak, and stopped just above her similarly colored tail, both curling at the ends. “Hoodina!” Unity yelled excitingly as she literally jumped at the mare, who managed just in time to avoid becoming well acquainted with the floor. “You made it! And here I thought I'd have to visit you with the emergency friendship rope and best friend duct tape.” “It's good to see you too, Unity,” The magician wheezed as the white unicorn crushed her in a full body hug. “The great Hoodina has so much to talk to you about….as soon as her lungs stop collapsing.” “That’s enough of that, Unity,” Bunsen said as she yanked her wife off of the magician, causing the unicorn to fall to the ground with a ‘thud’. “How many times have I told you, friendship is magic, not suffocation.” Unity tilted her head to the right and placed her finger on her cheek in an adorable manner. “There's a difference?” Bunsen just sighed as she put her down and gave her a light pat on the head, causing her to giggle like a school filly. “Only you would ask that.” Viola watched in amusement as the magician tried to get air back into her lungs, taking large gulps of air that made her look like a fish out of water. ”You okay there, Dina?” “The great…Hoodina...will never….take breathing…..for granted….ever again,” The unicorn coughed. Boombox smirked mischievously at the magician. “Aww, does somepony need another hug to make them feel better?” Unity perked up at the question, only to be shot down by the disapproving glare Bunsen sent her way. Hoodina glared at the electric blue unicorn. “Screw...you….” She heaved before standing up and turning her attention to the only pegasus in the room. “Ah, you must be Bunsen Burner. Unity has told me so much about you.” “Did she now?” Bunsen raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at her wife, who whistled ‘innocently’. “Well, she hasn't told me anything about you until recently.” Hoodina decided to ignore that statement (she'll let that bomb defuse itself, thank you) and began to give the pegasus a quick once over. Bunsen, noticing the magician eyeing her up and down (and being none too shy about it), suddenly felt a little self conscious under her gaze. Once Hoodina was finished, she placed her hand on her chin and raised an eyebrow. “Funny, you don't look how Unity described you at all.” She knew she would probably be going to regret it, oh how she knew, but she had to ask. “....how so?” “Well for one, you don't look like a pony who laughs maniacally while conducting evil experiments on her wives.” “WHAT?!” “Oh but she does!” Unity butted in. “One night, she used this evil gel on me that made me feel like a quitter!” “That was lube, Unity!” “EVIL!!” “Um, sorry to interrupt this….heart warming reunion,” Harp String deadpanned. “But where's Trixie?” “Ah ha!” Hoodina exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at the earth made. “Foolish Harp Strings! Trixie is right here!” The others mares glanced at each other with raised eyebrows before diverting those eyebrows to the unicorn before them. “Where?” Asked Unity, smiling despite her confusion. “Here!” The unicorn insisted, making no gesture of where the foal could possibly be. “I don't see her,” Said Viola. “Well then you're obviously in need of some glasses because she's right here.” “.....” “.....” “Hoodina?” Viola asked. “Yes?” “You forgot Trixie didn't you?” “Of course not!” “Oh really?” The grey mare folded her under her bosom as she sent the unicorn a deadpanned glare. “Then show her to me.” “Gladly,” Hoodina huffed, mimicking her posture. “And when Hoodina proves how wrong you are, she will laugh at the expression on your face like so: Ha ha!” “Well then, let's see her.” “Very well,” said Hoodina as she removed her magician’s hat she reached inside. She muttered a few curses as she rummaged through it, her expression changing with every one until she finally found what she was looking for. Exclaiming a victorious ‘Ah ha!’, she pulled a small, round object out of her hat. It was pitch black and shined in the light of the sun beaming through the window, giving it a striking resemblance to a black pearl. While it didn't look like much to Bunsen, the mere sight of it caused the other mares’ expressions to flip from deadpanned suspension to outright terror. “But first she must attend to another matter completely unrelated to this one. Be right back.” Viola, her eyes wide and her expression grim, was quick to object. “No don't- “ With a quick toss and a ‘poof’, what was once a little black pearl was now a cloud of white smoke. While not bad enough to cause any damage to anyone's lungs, it was still enough to draw out a few irritated coughs and a lot of irritated swears from a certain grey earth mare. “That bitch!” She cursed between coughs. “Why does it...smell….like fart?!” Bunsen coughed, her wings working overtime to clear out the smoke. She was starting to realise why Unity never had many friends over. They didn't have to wait for her to return for very long. The effects of her first entrance were only just beginning to wear off when the third smoke bomb went off, covering the room in another layer of smoke and sending the mares into another coughing fit. “OH COME ON!” Bunsen yelled. Thankfully it didn't take too long for the smoke to clear, though it did lead to some stubbed hoofs as they tried to find a window. Once the smoke was cleared, a very smug looking Hoodina could be seen, only now she was holding a….oh for Celestia's sake. “You've got to be shitting me,” said Bunsen as she took in the appearance of what was definitely Hoodina’s daughter. In all honesty, it didn't surprise her that the filly was a literal physical chibi of her mother - such a thing was quite normal in pony foals. No, what surprised her was how far it went. Judging by the facepalms and sighs she was hearing, she wasn't the only one who thought so. “What the hell she wearing?” Boombox spoke into her hand. “What? What's wrong with it?” Hoodina asked as she nuzzled her cheek against her daughter’s. “Hoodina thinks it looks a adorable.” “It's certainly….cute?” Harp Strings politely added. “Yeah, cute like a red-eyed bull fly,” Boombox quipped, earning a stern glare from Unity. “You leave Waspy out of this!” “I don't mean him you dolt!” “Look, I'm not gonna lie, the tiny magician’s hat is adorable,” Bunsen said, “The little stars on her pacifier? Cute as fuck. The tiny wand? That's pushing a bit, though I think the real question on everypony’s mind is where the hell you got a tiny showpony’s outfit! And are those tiny dress horseshoes?” “Well Hoodina thinks it looks classy,” Hoodina huffed. “I can't believe Iron Will let you do this,” Viola sighed. “Is she even wearing a diaper under that?” “Don't talk as if my brother knows anything about proper fashion. That old bull walks around half-naked most of the time,” Hoodina said as she made her way to the playpen. “Even by minotaur standards that bull is dumb as - HOLY SHIT ON A MOOSE!!” “Huh, that's a new one,” Bunsen quipped. Hoodina, for her part, was doing much better in the reaction department than most mares when it came to meeting Waspy. However, while she wasn't jumping out of the nearest window and calling the guards, she wasn't exactly the epitome of calm either. She stood stock still like a deer in front runaway carriage, seemingly stuck in a wide eyed staring contest with the colt. It was only when Waspy turned his attention to Lyra -- who was still ‘experimenting with his claws -- that she was able to come up with a decent reaction. “What the heck is that thing?!” Well, as decent as showboating mares go anyway. “Suprise! Meet the newest member of our family!” Unity cheered, beaming at the familiar expression of horrified joy on the magician’s face. “Would you believe that I found him in a squeaky basket on our front lawn? Just like my horoscope said I would!” Once again, more arguing ensured, and while I'd just love to tell you about it, I don't think there's enough ink from Ponyville to Canterlot to put that headache on paper, so I'm just gonna skip ahead here. Besides, I'm sure you'd much rather read about what happened with Waspy anyway. When conducting an experiment, whether it be social or scientific, one should always be prepared for any….complication that may occur. That was one of the first things Bunsen learned as a scientist. Plan Bs should be made, precautions set and lawyers hired in advance should things unexpectedly (and they usually did) go tits up. That way you can at least manage the aftermath of whatever catastrophe you've created, even if only slightly. And if things went according to plan and no know one gets hurt….well, there's always tomorrow. Point is; at the the end of the day, at least you could say you were prepared for what happened next. So what was one to do when nothing happened? Vinyl and Octavia remained joyfully oblivious to the rest of the world as they dug through the pile of toys while Lyra had abandoned Waspy’s hand in favor of her bottle which she drank from with leisure. Waspy, who had yet to initiate any sort of interaction with any of the fillies, sat at the center of it all, seemingly more interested in the going ons of the strange mares staring down at him than that of those around him. He stared up at them with an expression of wonder that only a foal could pull off, tilting his head to side as if to say “Am I supposed to do something here?”. Sure he'd buzz his wings every minute or so to show that he was still alive but other than that he was no more the life of the party than an old stallion in a frat house. They had hoped that with the inclusion of Trixie, things would liven up a bit. However, the snazzily dressed filly was far too busy waving her wand around and tapping it against various objects to see what would happen to pay any attention to the confused colt. “Look, Bunsen, he's just like you on our wedding night,” Unity excitedly pointed out. Bunsen ignored the raised eyebrows sent her way. She'd love to see how they'd respond to their lover walking into the room with a can of whipped cream and a rubber chicken. “Not exactly a social butterfly is he?” Hoodina deadpanned. “Maybe he's just shy,” Harp Strings said, her uncertain expression not helping solidify her theory. “Maybe he's gay,” Boombox suggested, earning an eye-roll from from Viola. “Don't be ridiculous, Boombox. You can't be born gay….I think.” There was a moment of silence before she turned to Bunsen, who merely shrugged in response. “Oh! I have an idea!” Unity said. “I'll just do the same thing with him that I did to get Stainless and Bunsen to get along!” Bunsen raised an eyebrow at what her wife was suggesting. “I thought the guards confiscated your buttplug collection.” “Not that silly,” Unity giggled. “And I still say that was abuse of authority!” “You threatened to shove them in that homeless pony’s eye sockets,” Bunsen deadpanned. “He insulted my honor!” “All he said was that he prefered blueberry over chocolate chip.” “Exactly!” Unity yelled. She then turned to turned to the other mares, who were now standing as far away from her as possible. “But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this.” A metallic humming sound was heard as a bright pink aura enveloped her horn. Waspy, who had abandoned his interest in the older mares in favor of chewing on his shirt again, paused as he felt the familiar tingle of unicorn magic embrace him. As if driven by instinct, he turned his attention to Unity. This piqued Bunsen’s interest. This wasn't the first time Unity had used magic on him, as her hands were usually too busy grabbing cookies and groping breasts to pick him up. It never bothered him before. In fact he seemed to prefer her magic over physical contact as the gentle tickle of magic against chitin often sent him into a giggling fit, an adorable fact that Unity took advantage of profusely. But now there was no giggling nor an adorable smile of any kind. He only stared at his mother with unblinking eyes before he suddenly began to flutter his wings, producing a high pitched buzzing sound that matched the magical hum almost perfectly. “Um...what's he doing?” Harp Strings nervously asked as she instinctively shifted closer to her daughter. “I'm...not sure actually,” Bunsen replied curiously. Reaching into her coat pocket, she pulled out her notepad and pencil and wrote down her observation. Unity either didn't notice Waspy’s odd reaction or chose to ignore it as she gently lifted the colt and slowly moved him closer to the nearest filly, who happened to be Trixie. The tiny magician didn't notice the incoming colt, seemingly too engrossed beating a poor teddy bear with her wand in hopes that something would happen. ‘Just like Stainless when the microwave is on the fritz,’ Bunsen thought. Turning the buzzing colt so that he was facing Trixie, Unity gently placed him down next to her and waited for the magic to begin. With the hum of magic gone, Waspy’s wings slowed to a halt. He blinked and looked at the filly next to him, still furiously whacking at the defenseless teddy bear. He watched with as interest as a foal could muster, but otherwise remained still, earning a frustrated sigh from with onlooking mares. “Well that was a bust,” Boombox deadpanned. “Got any more bright ideas?” “Hmmm….” Unity stared into the playpen in thought before suddenly smiling. “Just one.” With another flash of her horn, she lifted the colt again and nudged him against Trixie. It wasn't much, just a brief brush of chitin against fur, but it seemed to be enough to draw the filly’s attention away from the brutally punished stuffed animal. I'd like to point out that this next part is more speculation than anything and that the only reason I'm adding in here is because I trust Unity when she says that if I don't, she will. I'm not really sure if any of this - anything at all- was really going through Trixie head at the time, but Hoodina swears it to be true (and Discord forbid I argue with a mother about what goes through her foal's head) so I just took what I had and rolled with it. Trixie paused as something cold brushed against her back. It was brief, barely lasting a second, but it was enough to steal her attention away from the boring fluffy....thing in front of her. She eyed the useless lump of…..stuff one last time, giving it one last spiteful ‘whack’ before turning her chubby little body away from the offending toy, and toward what she hoped would be a much better form of entertainment. There was a weird…..thing in front of her now. It was different from the other boring thing. It's body was dark and covered in round, funny looking….holey things and there was weird sound coming from something on its back that was moving too fast for her to get a clear picture of. She couldn't for the life of her tell what it was or why it thought it was a good idea to bother her, but it was a lot more interesting to look at than the waste of space sitting behind her so she just went with it. She turned to her previous entertainment. It was still sitting there, unmoving, unblinking and boring. She then turned to the funny looking thing. It was also just sitting there, but at least it had the common courtesy to blink every once in awhile. It also made funny sounds which to two-year old filly, was a huge step up from that other thing. She pointed her favorite toy at it, hoping that if it could make funny sounds, it could do other stuff too. It blinked and looked at her toy. It wasn't much, but it was more than that other thing could do so she was okay with it. She moved her toy again, this time to the side and its head followed. Good, that meant it could follow instructions. She pointed her toy upwards and as expected, it followed. It pointed it towards where her mommy was standing and again, got the same reaction. This pleased her. It pleased her a lot. Like a goddess smiting her foes, she pointed her toy skyward once more before bringing down on her new toy, eager to see what it would do next. The two large balls that she guessed were eyes widened when the tip of her toy touched its horn. Then everything went green. Bunsen couldn't and wouldn't stop the smile from taking over her lips as she watched her son…..well she wouldn't call it playing with Trixie since he still wasn't really doing anything, but he was smiling so she guessed it was close enough. Still, despite the warm feeling of maternal joy building in her heart at watching her son having a good time (the fact that it was with a filly didn't hurt either), she couldn't help but feel that something was…..amiss. As if somepony was leaning over her shoulder, whispering deviously into her ear that she was forgetting something, something crucial, and it was about to bite her in the ass in the most comical of ways. She'd dealt with such feelings before, usually when Unity was in heat, but the red headed unicorn was right next to her, gushing over her son alongside Hoodina. At first she shrugged it off, faulting it to her maternal instincts flaring up due to her son being around so many potential mates, but the feeling persisted. She scanned the room, her keen pegasus eyes searching for anything that could possibly trigger such a nuisance. Everything seemed fine. The mother were gushing over the foals, trying to get their attention. Unity was losing her shit as Waspy’s glowing green eyes widened as the tip of Trixie’s wand touched his hor- wait, what?! ‘Oh shi-’ There was a flash of green, earning a surprised yelp from their guests (not to mention a loud “Yay!” from a certain redheaded unicorn) as they jumped back in fright. The flash was brief, barely lasting two seconds before fading, but like the heads of a hydra, as one problem fell, two more took its place, the first being the group of wide eyed mares staring into the playpen, shock, confusion and disbelief displayed in their expressions like paint on a canvas. Of course, Bunsen couldn't exactly fault them for this. If anything, she wanted to reward each of them with a thanks-for-screaming-bloody-murder-pat on the back. Say what you want, but she'd take paralyzed guests over damaged eardrums any day of the week. Besides, they were certainly doing better then she did the morning she discovered Waspy’s….special talent. Speaking of which, the second act of what could only be described as a Broadway shitshow sat in the playpen, staring blankly at them from the spot her colt had been. Only now the bright red in his eyes were replaced with an out of place grayish violet. It may have been a minute, it may have been more. Bunsen wasn't sure, she was too busy listing affordable countries to flee to (she heard griffonia was nice this time of year) to really keep track of time. All she knew was at some point, the silence was broken a green unicorn shakingly pointing into the playpen at the azure unicorn that definitely did not belong there. “Ho...Hoodina?” Harp Strings asked hesitantly, the shock in her tone as clear as it was on her face. ‘Hoodina’ turned to the sea green unicorn. ‘She’ cocked ‘her’ head to the right almost expectedly, as if she really was Hoodina. Bunsen didn't know whether to be worried or impressed. Unity, on the other hand, knew exactly how she felt. “Yay, Waspy!” She cheered, drawing the shapeshifter’s attention. “Mommy is so proud of you; you actually included clothes this time!” And just like that, a small crack emerged in the tension that filled the room. It was small, but it was enough to snap their guests out of paralysis. Their expression, however, remained unchanged as they tried to process the massive clusterfuck before them. “She...How...but...huh?” Boombox stuttered, her eyes shifting rapidly between the real Hoodina and the imposter. Viola stood next to her, her mouth opening and closing several times in a vain attempt at response. Harp String still had a shaky hand pointed at the magician formally known as Waspy and the real Hoodina looked three seconds away from fainting on the spot. And if that wasn't enough to ruin her afternoon, Bunsen noticed that the adult mares weren't the only ones trying to make head or tails of a confusion situation. Vinyl and Octavia stared at the scene with wide eyes of their own, not entirely sure of what was going on but at least knowing that something wasn't right. Lyra seemed frozen for a moment, but then a wet ‘pfffffft!’ echoed from her diaper and everything in her world was right again. She went back to sucking on her bottle, seemingly oblivious to the scene practically right in front of her. And then there was Trixie…. “Waaaaa…..” Bunsen wasn't sure if that was a baby version of “what the everloving fuck?!” or if she was simply just gurgling now that her jaw was low enough for her Pacifier to fall out, not that she noticed. She stared at the pony resembling her mother, then to her actual mother, who was still trying to fight off a heart attack. The filly smiled excitedly at her mother and pointed her wand at Waspy. There were no words, but the message was clear; “Look, mommy, I made a you!”. Hoodina took a deep breath and smiled nervously. “Y-Yes, Trixie, he did a...thing.” As soon as her daughter’s eyes switched back to the impostor, Hoodina turned to Bunsen so fast that the pegasus was surprised her head didn't fall off. “What the fuck did he just do?!” She whispered, though to Bunsen’s ears, it sound more like a barely restrained shriek. Trixie ignored her mother's panic attack as she stared up at the ‘mare' in front of her. Waspy returned her stare, smiling down at her with an innocent expression that looked completely out of place. Trixie then stared down at her wand, her smile growing wider and her wide violet eyes screaming “I GOT DA POWA!” “Aaaw look, her ego is showing,” Unity coed, seemingly the only one unaffected by the unexpected turn of events. Under normal circumstances, Hoodina would've denied such a statement, but at the time, her attention was more focused on Trixie as she waved her toy wand in the air before tapping against Waspy’s leg. As if on cue (and it probably was), a flash of green dominated their vision only to fade a second later, only now a different mare sat in the playpen. “Holy crap!” Boombox panicked as she stared at the splitting image of herself inside the playpen. There was a sigh, followed by a dull ‘thud’. Turning, they found Hoodina unconscious on the floor in a state of what was until later called ‘Accidental Mind-Fuck’. Trixie either didn't notice or didn't care that her mother was laying on the floor like roadkill. She was losing her giggling shit over her newest trick. This was how the rest of the afternoon was spent; with Trixie nudging her wand against the body of a shapeshifter and giggling herself to tears as he changed into a new pony. While everyone else tended to rouse Hoodina, Unity sighed happily as she watched her son make his first ever friend and with a filly to boot! “That's my boy,” She whispered. It took a while to get Hoodina up and running again and even longer after she fainted the second time, but eventually everypony calmed down enough for us to explain ourselves and convince them not to call the local guard. All in all, everything went rather smoothly. Nopony sued, Trixie enjoyed the hell out of herself and Waspy made a friend. Heck, even the other fillies got into it after a while and we even have a second playdate scheduled next (which I will not attending). The only thing that bugs me (excuse the pun) was Waspy’s reaction to Unity’s magic. She's used her magic on him plenty of times (the lazy lunatic) and it never bothered him before. So why did he choose to react now? Was it because there were new faces present? Was it the new environment? There are so many possible answers that I'm excited just writing them down! I'll need to wait till tomorrow, however, to find out. Garnet finally managed to put him to sleep and to be honest, all this excitement has left me a bit drained. For now, this is Bunsen Burner, signing out.